My life experience with dyslexia.
I was not diagnosed until I was 40 and
was not aware that I was different than my
peers, uh, through my early childhood education,
uh, with the exception of in first grade. I did get pulled out during reading
and went to what they called the slow reading class.
I felt a lot of anxiety with reading aloud in
class. And when we had to go around and,
and rotate with each paragraph,
I would count ahead and figure out which paragraph was going to
be mine and I would read it over and over with the intent of,
of trying to memorize it so that I felt
less pressure when it was my turn. But then of course, I'm missing out on
listening and comprehending what my peers are reading before it
gets to me.
My diagnosis of dys dyslexia actually helped
me understand, uh,
my experience as much as in general in
life. I don't like labels. Um,
it helped me understand a piece of who I
am and how to support and accommodate
that part of me to allow me to find
success, understanding my experience.
I am mostly referring to, uh,
when I was sitting in class in elementary and seeing my
peers reading without effort and me knowing
the effort that I had to put forth to feel comfortable to read out loud.
Um, and then
because I was putting so much effort into
reading my one little, uh, paragraph that
I would be losing comprehension on what my peers were reading.
And then also when I'm reading aloud,
I'm not exactly comprehending anything as well. So my,
uh,
quizzes over that material would not be scored well because
of what, um,
all the effort I was putting forth was to avoid embarrassment in
class.
And I didn't understand how they could just effortly read and
pause and know how to pronounce all of the words.
The experience of dyslexia
is one that is hard to explain to
neurotypical individuals. Um,
when I try to explain to people that things
on a piece of paper
may look differently to me, um,
even a,
a number or a letter or a sentence might even smell
to me like it might have a specific smell. Um, and so like that happens with,
um, my dyslexia to numbers. Um,
and there's also like a lot of feelings that come around those things. Um,
and so I have specific feelings towards, um,
numbers and specifically. Um,
and so it's very hard to explain when I learn through seeing
colors, shapes, smells, it's very different. Um,
it's very tactile and it's,
and it involves all of my senses in order to be able to process
through my learning disability. Um,
and so it can be quite overwhelming at times. Um,
it's, it's been a,
it's been a difficult process to try to get people to
understand. Um,
but I think that there are so many other things that contribute to
that, that learning disability that's, that's not, um,
just as is in paper.
And so like thinking about it in terms of um, the,
the social stigmas that come with it, um,
and trying to explain all of those different pieces together.
Used to think I was so stupid. I used to cry in the inside, uh,
my classroom saying, oh, I wish I wasn't this stupid.
I wish I wasn't this stupid. I know I'm smart, but I just wish I wasn't stupid.
Seventh grade year I had a teacher throw pencils at me.
I had books thrown at me just because I was stupid. And my parents like,
that's it. We're getting, we're getting tested. So I finally got tested,
got flying colors with dyslexia, dyspraxia, speech and writing.
But when, when I first got my diagnosis, I was crying in the hallway saying,
I thought I was so stupid. 'cause I end up like in the resource classes,
I didn't think I was gonna ever do well again.
And I just brought down into tears while like,
all these kids are laughing at me for having it.
Actually I've learned I had it in first grade because my mom had it and she saw
that I like wasn't really reading or I would confuse letters.
And I actually looked at a picture from preschool and I was confusing letters,
like obviously on like a piece of paper. And I was like,
so it's obvious that I did have it,
but my first grade teacher didn't believe my mom,
but I did got tested and I had it. And then I relearned how to read
my first grade year. And then from like then on,
from like first to like sixth grade,
I did like tutoring like three times a week after school using like the
Susan Barton method.
I think like I confuse letters a lot and I say words wrong a lot and I spell
words wrong majority of the time,
like writing papers is usually kind of difficult sometimes.
Or like reading stuff on exams, that's always not,
that's always kind of difficult.
I have to like read it twice to make sure I'm like fully understanding what it's
saying and like,
not confusing a word with like another word my mom like was like,
you have dyslexia. And she like told my first grade teacher.
And then my teacher at the time was like, no, she does it like,
it's like too early. Like you can't like say that now. But then like,
I also got tested then,
and then like I got tested like later in like eighth grade again too.
And I like still, it's like consistent
For me.
I got diagnosed with dyslexia my junior year of high school and
after I got diagnosed I started using um,
like the Apple voiceover technology on like my computer.
And it would read the test to me and my test scores went from being like D's
and F's to A's and B's and I was like in shock. I was like,
there's no way that like all my life I've been like capable of like
answering like all the questions on the test,
but just like couldn't really like process what was on it.
But like now that's being read to me. I can.
So I'd say the biggest thing is like the struggle at first when I was young
for my, my parents honestly,
like it started where like my parents didn't really like
know that I had it,
so we would try to like read things together and I just couldn't read at all.
So it like, it got frustrating for me and for them 'cause they were like,
he has problems. Like we don't know what to do. So like we went through all the
tutoring, like special classes and eventually,
like one of the teachers says that like she told my mother that she wasn't sure
if I'd ever get it it, so my mom took that as we should get him tested,
see if there's anything wrong. And we found out I had dyslexia.
I just went on life through a school called, um,
it's a weird name actually. It's called the Skank School. And uh,
they are one of the number one dyslexic teaching schools in the country.
And they, um, use a form of teaching called Orton-Gillingham.
And it's pretty much just using both sides of the brain to read.
And they teach you through tons of different like,
skills that they use from all the Latin roots that they
make you learn and everything so you like can remember the patterns of words.
And that's pretty much just how I learned. And I just,
I didn't start like learning how to read until almost the first year I
learned how to read there,
but nowhere else could teach me and it was so beneficial.
But I still struggle with it all the time. So like,
names is really hard for me and like certain words that I just have a
trouble spelling. I started attending this school in fourth grade,
so it was fourth grade to sixth grade. And they, um,
just really hammered it into you. It was kind of, it was a lot actually,
but I mean, without it, I don't think I'd be able to do what I do now.
After I went to that school I was fine. Like it was crazy.
Like the amount of information and knowledge that they gave to me and the skills
to use I use every day. Like there's certain,
I don't even know I'm consciously using them most of the time it's pretty
interesting, like how they just change your brain.
But um, from what it's changed is like now I can read,
I can read any level book, but um, I obviously have my struggles,
but for the most part I'm confident I can read
everything. And I've successfully gone through college so far,
so everything's been much better than if I hadn't gone to that school.
My daily life I see myself, um,
avoiding a lot of paperwork type things, um,
especially multiple page. Uh, i,
it feels overwhelming. So I put it to the side.
I'm gonna go back to that, um, on paper or emails as well.
I don't use assistive technology frequently on emails and I
probably should, uh,
utilize it more in academics. Um,
I utilize text to speech quite a bit.
Um, also speech to text when taking notes,
um,
when taking notes outside of class. When I'm taking notes in class,
I do prefer to hand write them, um,
despite getting lost a bit.
But I do hand write my notes in class
when I have digital textbooks.
I will use my MacBook to read the text
book to me because I'm able to better comprehend the text
if I'm listening to it versus if I'm reading
it. And when I own the digital text and have the,
um, the text in front of me, I can follow along,
which helps, uh, increase my, uh,
retention of the material when I'm reading the text
without the computer reading it to me.
I sometimes get hung up on words to where I'm so focused
with decoding a word that I miss the grouping
of words and the comprehension of it.
Yeah, no, I, I used to deny my dyslexia.
Um, it was something that I,
I thought maybe I'd just grow out of it eventually. Um,
but that's just because I grew up in a very conservative Christian home where
my parents believed that, um,
either I was just dumb because I was female, because there's a,
there's a sense of, also on top of my dyslexia,
there's also gender inequity. And so in, in the religion that I grew up in,
I grew up in a very conservative community where, um,
females were meant to be married, children and they went about being wives
and homemakers and things like that.
And so then having a disability on top of it just proved to them that this was
my pathway in life and I was supposed to do that sort of thing. Um,
my parents didn't really, didn't test me, refused to test me, actually.
Um, they, we were,
I was homeschooled my whole life and so I didn't learn of my disability, um,
and have the accommodations that I needed until I was well into my twenties
trying to struggle through getting through school. Um,
and so like there's a lot of baggage that comes with it.
And it wasn't until after a few years
after my,
my diagnosis that I actually started to claim
dyslexia as my own. Um,
I remember not wanting to make excuses for myself.
And so when somebody were to like say a phone number really fast to me
or say something that I needed to type or write down, uh,
I would just like pretend like I didn't hear it or something and be like,
can you say it again to me? Um,
or I would just like ask somebody else to figure it out or I would just like
not do it. And so nowadays though, I I,
I like call out my dyslexia and I let people know if I'm gonna ask them to say
something such as a,
a phone number or if they're gonna give me information that I need to
transcribe, I'll tell them I'm dyslexic.
And I would like for you to say it very slowly and I may repeat it back to you.
Um, and I just wanna norm normalize that. So
I work at a pharmacy,
so my dyslexia could really show up when I'm like typing people's names in.
I always flip flop the words on accident.
Like even like the directions I'm so bad at them.
I would take myself the entire way around before I even find a place.
I think that's really it. I mean, my parents,
I also talk really fast or have like a kind of a speech impediment or,
and my writing skills aren't really great,
but they're like great enough where I can like write, well,
I just can't write like handwriting wise. Well, if that makes sense.
So in daily life, um, with dyslexia
it's kind of difficult on like, anywhere from like reading street signs to like
even reading like signs.
So for academics it's really difficult in class, um,
when there's like PowerPoints in class 'cause I can't really like process like
what's on the slide,
but as long as the teacher like kind of reads it out or summarizes it,
then I'm okay.
But it's still kind of tough because I feel like I'm missing like information
that everyone else just like reading and processing. But I'm not,
It's definitely part of my daily life for sure.
Whenever it's come to texting or writing anything, it's definitely part of it.
Every day I would say I notice it and like words that I use,
I confuse words easily or I kind of say things in a weird
way, but other, that's my day-to-day.
And academics when it comes to writing papers,
making sure that it makes sense,
like the sentence in a paper and it flows,
that's something I had to work on.
And then like reading stuff takes me maybe a little bit longer,
which is like kind of annoying, but like, not awful,
but reading takes longer in school and like writing for sure.
I'm trying to think if there's anything else.
I don't think there's anything else.
Maybe just like mis like saying words and confusing words in like classes and
stuff.
It would be every day 24 7.
So I think the big thing with my dyslexia,
'cause I know most people, some people have different, like,
I don't know how to explain that. It'd be different severities of dyslexia.
For me, I, when I was tested,
I have su like very severe daily thing would be like
asking like how to spell a certain word, how to pronounce names,
and like making sure that when I'm writing something I'm being very cognitive
of spelling because I don't wanna spell something wrong and then somebody read
it and not be able to understand it.
And so being day by day with dyslexia is just for
me being very cognizant of trying not to make mistakes and making sure
that I realize that yeah,
I have dyslexia and I also have these skills that I can use to help me through
it. I'm very, I'm much slower than the average person in reading,
so, and writing. So when it comes to like taking notes in class,
I take a little longer. I try to like speed it up, but I don't like,
I always feel like kind of rushed.
So I feel like in academics I always feel rushed and I feel like
I just sometimes won't have enough time to get something down that a professor
says, or like,
I need to read a certain section within an hour timeframe and it's gonna
take me longer.
And so that kind of like brings a little bit of anxiety to me when I'm in my
academic settings.
But I would say the schools that I've gone to,
I have accommodations that they give me and it really helps out because it
allows me to like be able to take a breath and kind of be like, okay,
well they know that I'm gonna take longer so I can use this time that
they've given me to just completely get everything done and make sure that
academically I'm not falling behind everybody else.
Cope is an interesting word. Um,
and I feel like I've navigated the world without knowing
of my dyslexia for so long that I don't,
I didn't really see it as coping.
It was just navigating life.
Having the,
the diagnosis and the understanding
makes,
allows me to show myself grace in my challenges.
Um,
because I do know there's a reason that
I'm not retaining or recalling or comprehending
in the
Way that neurotypical people do.
I think I've, I'm done with the coping. Um,
I just realized this is me and I'm okay with it. Um, and,
and most days I'm actually better than okay with it. Um,
I look at the things that, um,
make me unique because of my dyslexia.
I may not process the thing, um, everything the same way as everybody.
And I think that it has caused me to become more creative in spaces
and look for ways to do things in different, in, in different lights.
Um, and I, I used to think that that was like an impediment. Like I,
I should be doing things the same way as the rest of the people in society. Um,
but, uh, and I,
and it used to be really hurtful to be made fun of and just not, um,
uh, not be able to do things the same way as everyone else.
I, I just own up to it. And I, um, and I definitely see the,
the tracks that I, that,
that have caused my dyslexia to make me think in a creative way,
to find solutions that work for me and also others.
I just don't think about it. I just say, I am smart. I proved myself. I'm smart,
so I just don't need to think about it.
So I found pretty creative ways to cope with it. Um,
I've started like using like audible to like read books and I've
used Kurzwell, um,
to like process like my textbooks and I could like read along to them and I'll
finish like a chapter from probably like 15 or 20 minutes.
And it's really nice 'cause like I remember it and I don't have to like go back
and like reread it.
I think, I don't know, I just use it as like a positive thing.
And I think my mom has always encouraged me and has always like used it
as a positive tool too. And so I just,
I just like work around it. I just work harder, I guess.
I don't think of it as a bad thing. I think of it as like a good thing.
So if it does get brought up or if someone notices something,
I'll like bring it up and I'll just be like, oh,
it's definitely just my dyslexia.
Or I'll make it kind of like a little not,
I don't actually make it that much of a joke about it,
but like I'll like kind of laugh it off if I make a mistake.
I would say I cope pretty well. I just,
if I do have problems and like I mess up and my friends look at me like,
what's wrong with you? Like, I'm always like, I just let 'em know.
I'm just like, oh, I'm just super dyslexic. Like I struggle with it every day.
And most of the time I don't really have to do that because I also have my ADHD,
so I'm very always present in the moment and like ready for anything.
So that helps out a lot, which is interesting. And it just,
I feel like I cope pretty well with it.
I feel like the reason I can describe things so well,
like through my dyslexia to my friends is 'cause of my mother.
Like she spent hours researching about it and understanding like
how to help me and how to like understand how my brain works.
So I feel like the knowledge that she has read and like
talked to me about really helps me to be able to describe it in a way that
people understand. So like, it's not like, oh, I read backwards.
It's not anything like that for me,
but for me it's kind of the sounds
of the words and letters that go together is really hard for me.
So when I'm reading something or I'm trying to spell something,
the sounds aren't processing like a normal brain would process them.
That's how I can explain it to people is like my brain.
I can't like get the word to make sense with
letters, be it just 'cause of the sound.
I know at times I can feel overwhelmed when
I am expected to
just be able to do things in the way that others do.
I say just asked.
I feel like there's times where people were
use the word just like, it's easy,
you should just do it. Stop procrastinating,
stop whatever. And it is,
when someone uses the word just,
it's like they are illustrating that their life
makes this task easy
and that they cannot understand your experience. And
I have felt at times where,
and that's where I get the feeling, you know,
the person using the word just is kind of is
discounting and feeling that I am
making excuses and that I'm just trying to use this label, um,
to maybe hinder them or, um,
to make myself different. And it's, it's not such,
it's my everyday life.
Identifying with dyslexia at first was isolating. Um, it, you know,
I don't think anyone wants to think that something's wrong with them.
We all think of it as a negative. We're not thinking about the, um,
some of, some of the more positive attributes of going through, um,
with dyslexia because it's not,
it's not something that is a positive outcome for many people.
We don't think about it that way. Um,
and so it was something that when I first got my diagnosis and I,
I felt like I knew it. I knew that this was the problem with me. However,
in when you're in school and you don't have a formal diagnosis,
you cannot get services. And this is a huge issue because if you are,
uh,
low income and you cannot afford a 500 to a thousand dollars doctor's
bill to get diagnosed for being dyslexic,
you're running up a huge bill yourself in classes because you have to
retake classes because you can't process through the classes and then you end up
dropping outta school like I did, not knowing what my problem was.
Sometimes it can make me feel stupid.
There's times where I will get really frustrated with myself not getting something
right away. But after I get it a couple of times, like, I got this,
I I'm in college, how can I not be smart? How can I not do this? I'm fine.
I just need extra time. Not usually work until like,
I get ship myself even more to the point where I'm like, okay,
I'm just gonna quit this for now.
It makes me feel,
it makes me feel like different, but like in a good way.
I've never looked at it in a negative way,
but I know that it makes like learning and like reading a little different,
but I don't think of it as like in a bad way. So I guess it just makes me feel,
um, unique. I mean, growing up in school, I guess,
like there was only a few set of people that also had dyslexia and then like
we were separated from everyone else.
But it wasn't in my mind a bad thing.
It makes me feel like really like I,
because like a shame that I have it. 'cause I feel like I'm like,
it makes me feel different than like all of like my friends who like don't have
dyslexia 'cause like they don't have like the hard time that I have in class.
Yeah. So I always like,
thought I was like dumb because I wasn't like remembering or like understanding
like what we were reading in class. And like when we would read out loud,
I would always like go to the bathroom so I didn't have to read. Um,
and I think like the teachers started to like catch onto that.
And so they like started like letting me like skip,
like just say skip when I would read so I wouldn't have to read,
which was really nice of them. Um,
and then for tests they like noticed that like I consistently wasn't doing
well even though I was like answering questions in class and like getting them
right, but I would get the same questions wrong on the test.
And so they started giving me like little short five question quizzes with all
the information from like,
the test and they would like read it to me and I'd get it all right.
A multitude of feelings.
I feel like sometimes it makes me feel like I almost have a step up. Like,
'cause all my life,
the doctors and people I've worked with who know I have dyslexia,
they'll tell me that it's actually a really powerful tool that you can use.
'cause the creativity side of your brain is elevated versus the learning side of
your brain.
So at sometimes it can be like a major power and at other times I just feel
kind of like in my dump, but obviously I'm not.
But it just,
sometimes it just makes you feel like you're not good enough to be able to
compete with other people like that, like in an academic setting. So I feel like
it gives me like a sense of, oh, you're weaker than other people academically.
But I've also found that I'm very creative and I'm very
adept with other things. So dyslexia,
giving you a step up in my head is I am much more creative
than the average person when it comes to just
the way you can work around things.
So my brain works around problems much differently than others.
So I can use that in a way that I can apply it to
my technology, I can apply it to the workspace,
I can apply it to a lot of aspects of my life.
So I feel like sometimes it really just
makes you feel like, oh, I'm, I'm empowered by this.
Like I feel like I can do more.
And other times obviously you're gonna feel like you can't because you are
disability. It is a disability, so it makes things hard.
But that doesn't mean that it's not good in a way
Living with un undiagnosed dyslexia for
so long,
I had to find ways to
accommodate myself. And
I have found things that work for me over time.
I didn't know why I needed them or what, but I've,
I've for many years, um,
preferred audio books over paper books
and it made sense when I received my diagnosis
of dyslexia. Um,
but I also believe that
proceeding through life without the diagnosis,
I saw things as a puzzle that needed to be solved.
Having dyslexia, I see
life situations as puzzles that need to
be solved because
words on paper were puzzling at
times and I would need to find
ways to solve what I was reading.
And so I do feel like I've learned to
kind of read between the lines and be a bit intuitive
at times. Um,
and I see that as an asset
to having dyslexia because
it's not always just black and white and that there's
a lot more with dyslexia. I will say.
I think a lot of people have a preconceived
idea of what it is and what
someone diagnosed with dyslexia is capable of. And
I have had at a collegiate level, um,
a professor reached out to the
accommodations office, um,
and let them know that he did not feel that I was capable
of maintaining, um,
the pace of his accelerated class, his eight week class.
And, um,
It was clear that he didn't understand, um,
that my li limitations would not affect that class. So,
um, it was an accounting class and I,
that is something that comes very easy to me.
So I just said challenge accepted and,
um, made sure to, to excel. I've,
I had no trouble, um,
maintaining, but I I, I hoped that
without backing down and he seeing that I
maintained a high "A" throughout the entire
eight week class, that it would
strike him to
open his mind to, um,
the thought that we are capable and, you know,
our limitations are just in certain areas
and not that we're not capable at all
At this point in my life. I, I see it as a positive, um,
because I refuse to think of things in the negative. My diagnosis,
my dyslexia just allows me to do things differently and more
creatively. Um, and hopefully expand other people's mindset. Um,
I think, but there was a time as, as a child, I don't know if it was,
you know, growing up the way I did or, um,
You know,
I think also there's an issue where we think of, um,
an individual's intelligence and their disabilities and we
conflate these issues.
And just because I have this disability doesn't mean that I'm not intelligent.
And it doesn't mean that I can't ca carry a conversation.
It doesn't mean that I can't go to school.
It doesn't mean that I can't do the jobs. Um, and I think that those are,
those are things that we don't really educate about and we conflate
disability with, with intelligence. And this is a problem.
I I have a very high intelligence iq. Um,
it's just when it comes to processing, uh,
information or receiving that information,
I have to do it in a very specific way.
Yes. Uh,
there is times where I kind of took advantage of me having dyslexia where I'll
tell teachers like, oh, I need extra time. 'cause like,
I just needed to learn better.
I need to take this test longer when in reality I just didn't do it at the time.
And if I just got that extra time, I'll be fine.
And usually work with a ton of teachers, like, oh yeah, you have dyslexia,
that's fine,
you can take as much time as you need and I'll get like an extra three to four
days, get all of that. But then there's also these times where like, time tests,
it did not give enough time where it's like, shoot, I had dyslexia.
I I can't do this. Like what you just said, you didn't could do it last time,
but you need extra time to actually do it. Like, well, yeah, I,
I need it now 'cause I actually need it. And they're like, oh,
well I I we can't do that. I'm like, dang,
I shouldn't have take taken advantage of it.
So I think it's more of like a,
like a negative sometimes or like a hindrance in school
when like you're trying to write a paper and it maybe is taking you extra,
like longer than like someone else in the class or when you're
reading something and it's taking you longer than someone else in a positive
way.
Like if I say a word wrong or if I use a word
incorrectly or I absolutely got a word wrong and it
wasn't because of my dyslexia,
I guess I could blame it on my dyslexia and get away with it.
I think that's a positive. And then
I guess like I can get extra time on exams and stuff
because of it, which is a little bit of a a plus.
I don't ever really think about it as much unless it's like something
negative that it's like brought out.
So I never usually think of it as like a positive thing,
but I don't think of it as like a negative thing necessarily.
I just think of it as something else
like that. Like I have to just like work through, not necessarily negative,
Consider dyslexia
an asset because it helps me like really think outside the box.
Like I'll find really creative ways to like memorize information.
And then dyslexia is definitely a hindrance. Um,
in terms of like if I read something like I'm not gonna remember it,
but if like I can read it out loud or like have like the technology read it to
me, then I'm able to like understand it and like process it with dyslexia,
there's some words that are like, like a hard vocabulary word,
um,
where I can like define it into like a whole bunch of like smaller words that
are like a lot easier for me to like process. So that's what I do,
like when I read like textbooks and then I could just easily like remember it
and read over it,
like without having to like get stuck at that hard word and be like,
what does this mean again,
I feel like you can always find the positive, which is nice.
Like with dyslexia,
I found positives in that I'm not like everyone,
my brain works way differently than the person sitting next to me.
So I have that opportunity to bring in my
like,
unique point of view where somebody who doesn't have dyslexia has their point of
view and it's completely always gonna be different. So, I don't know,
it's hard to explain how it's a positive other than the fact that
your point of view is different.
The struggles that you've been through are different than anyone and it
just helps you out a lot in the real world. I feel like it'd also be a hindrance
when you are sitting in class taking notes. Like,
when I'm taking notes in class, I feel like with having my dyslexia,
I feel like I'm so slow.
Like I feel like I'm not gonna be able to get notes down and then I have to
figure out ways to get around that.
Like sometimes there's words that come up or people's names that come up that I
can't say and I just don't know how to say.
And then somebody will look at me like I'm crazy when I try to pronounce it.
And that's when I feel like it's a hindrance.
But most of the time since I've been taught how to deal with it and I have
tools, most of the time it's positive.
So it really is nice to have that like teaching.
I feel like the ways I've applied my dyslexia in a positive way
to the real world per se, is in my work.
Like when I'm working,
I am able to use the skills of how I accommodate things in
my just personal life with my dyslexia to
accommodate for a process and work that we can make it faster or we can make it
more precise.
I just feel like applying dyslexia to the real world has a lot of benefit.
And some people may not even realize that dyslexia,
like isn't just reading backwards,
it's also being able to have a whole different way of thinking around
certain problems so you can really apply it to this real world problems,
business problems, almost every problem you have. So it's a really good tool
For me and for in my life, um,
whether it be as
a woman or a spouse or in multiple
um, situations, I have felt,
I have been felt to be made small. And
dyslexia is another way to,
um, for society to look,
um, down upon or,
or make someone feel like, um, they are not enough.
And so, um,
in this phase of my life, I,
I refuse to acquiesce to the,
um, thoughts and beliefs of others because
they are so small minded that
they don't want to accept anything except their known experience.
And we don't have to have the same life
experience for you to understand and
that others deserve respect, um,
and space to share their experience.
I think yours is very beautiful. Your, your statement is, uh,
of,
of disability and reclamation and independence and
um, it also has solidarity in it. Um, yeah,
I I think it's very beautiful and it's very uplifting and I was just thinking
how much I would love to share this with more people because it,
it hit me in a way that, um,
made me proud of I think the accomplishments
I've done. Um, and also like to,
to be a part of a community of people and um,
and how and how far that community has has gotten to this point,
um, in claiming its, uh, I get
Its rights, the community's rights, um,
and also not only the rights of the community,
but also the, the solidarity of the community.
And I think that statements like that go,
can go hand in hand in the classroom. Especially like,
right, right now there's this big movement that we see with, um,
statements around, um,
like tribal land and uh,
also identifying individuals who, uh, people of color, um,
and the labors that they gave to our countries. Um,
and I think that there should be solidarity statements with, um,
people living with disabilities. When I think about your statement,
I think all,
all of all of my life kind of wraps up into that statement.
Um, and I feel like there's so many more people that just need to hear that,
um, be,
and if we could put that in like in a,
in a way into the syllabi, if we were to, if we were to change,
like these are the things that you could possibly get to, um,
a language that is inclusive in that,
in those, in those like brief little paragraphs. Change it a little bit.
I think that more people would be open and willing to seek out those services
for themselves. 'cause so many people struggle just because they want
To be
Normative. I'm not a person who will look intelligent.
I'm could be naive,
I could be a type of person who's not the greatest smartest at some
areas,
but you're not stupid for being how dyslexia or being where
you're at. You're not stupid. You just need time to work it out.
And that's what I needed. And if you just give yourself time,
give yourself the energy, give yourself the ability to do it and succeed,
give yourself the environment you will succeed.
You will do better than most average people. You just gotta
be okay with yourself, if that makes sense. Like you gotta inspire others,
lift up the people up and just be okay and have faith that you'll be fine.
Like the only reason why I'm actually here is 'cause God I have really big
religion and um, I'm a Christian.
So God has really helped me through that and changed that perspective on that.
Without him, I don't think I would be here.
I think it's definitely like more of an asset and I'm able to think
about, I feel like I think about things differently and I view the world or like
situations maybe a little bit differently,
which I think is more positive than negative.
And since I have had to overcome something not, or like not overcome,
but like work through something like this,
I can be more patient with other people and they maybe don't understand
something and more not like condescending to somebody.
I think it's helps me think out of the box and view the world differently
because um, I have to go through this.
And it also makes me more resilient later on when facing other challenges.
There's multiple other things that I've had to overcome.
And I think personally for me,
this happening at like a younger age and being put into something that's
different than everybody else and like starting to have to like,
use different techniques to learn and read,
I think has made other problems in my life.
Like not unbearable as in like I can find a solution and
I can work out different ways to get through something other than just being
like frustrated.
I guess that like,
having like dyslexia isn't like the bad thing that everyone thinks it is
having like a disability.
Like you can find ways to like work around that.
Like a normal like person without disabilities like would never even think of.
If I were to make my own statement like that, it would really be,
I'm not a waste of time. I'm not the extra time needed.
I feel like I am
another point of view and that
I can bring more to the table than one may think.
I feel like I have to say I feel like I am
an asset to the world. I feel like I am not a waste of space.
I'm not just the one who takes longer to do things.
I'm not just the one who spells things wrong all the time.
I'm just,
I feel like I can use it in a confident way that I'll be able to
add to society,
I guess and make change and I want to make change and
I feel like I shouldn't be counted out just because I may take extra time and I
may not be able to say something correctly.
So I feel like that would be my statement.
Yeah, I think seeking assistance because of my disability,
um, has led me to understand, um,
interdependency a little bit better.
I don't think that we can all, um,
come to or should we all come to the same answers or need to
in life. And I think that by working together and cooperatively,
um, we have that interdependency and we can, um,
function much better in the world because we're gonna see each other as as human
beings. And so instead of looking at my disability as a a deficit,
um,
I can look at all of the skill sets and the things that I can give in
return. And so I think being somebody that wants to um,
give, give back and also help, um,
I can do that in different ways. Um,
and by seeking help I am not any less of a person
just, um, from asking for that help.
I think I get really frustrated technology. So sometimes it could work.
Like I use Siri,
I would like copy and paste like a text in the notes and like use Siri to read
it to me.
But I just don't think robotic sounds help me.
I think I need more of like a person actually read to make it like a robotic.
I'm just gonna focus on every single thing they're saying,
like how they're saying it, not exactly what they're saying.
I get so lost at it where the point where it's like, oh no, I'm lost.
I guess like using like the assistive technology to like read textbooks.
Like it helps me to like be like more engaged in class and like be able to
answer like the teacher's questions.
'cause I actually like know and like remember like what we're going over,
which is really nice. And I don't feel like
at that time in class like I'm anything like,
like I learn different or like do anything different than like any of my
classmates.
'cause I understood like all the information.
I would say the way I view the world through using assistive technology now
is,
it's interesting 'cause I don't use that many things that are assistive other
than in my academics.
'cause most of the time in the workplace they don't really have things like
that. It would be nice if they did,
but obviously autocorrect is a lifesaver
and um, that,
that certain type of technology that actually makes me feel like I won't fall
behind in certain things. Like if I'm in a workplace.
So like that's one.
But also the technology that I've used so far, like,
um,
reading Ally was one of them when I was young and it would highlight
all the words as it reads to you.
So you felt like you could keep up with everything and you could always change
the pace and you always felt like,
oh I can practice this to get faster.
Because as you kept going you realize you're getting better and better at
reading and um, you just keep going.
And I feel like it makes you feel what makes me feel like I can
just use all these things to continue on and get better.
And that's, that's really empowering actually.
Like having that feeling of I miss something,
but I have these tools that makes it so I really didn't miss something so I can
just keep going and be successful and I really want to be successful.
'cause to me,
my parents have put so much into me and my dyslexia and helping me to
bring me to this just where I am,
to where I can successfully do things and be a part of
something bigger than just oh,
high school and I just wanna make them proud.
And I feel like that's a,
that's a big driver of why I still use all of these things that they come out
with. And it just helps so much
In life. I have utilized, um,
assistive technology in the way of audio books,
whether it's textbooks or personal reading.
And using that technology has allowed me to,
to really consume the information that I am interested in
with without feeling overwhelmed with the
size of the book, counting pages, the, you know, the chapters, the thickness.
I feel better about myself from what I've learned
by using the technology because that's information I would've not have
received if I were only able to access the
books in physical, uh, paper format. So
I feel that that is, um,
allows me to, to be more independent in what I'm,
I'm learning and the information that that I
consume.
Yes and no.
I think I was always independent 'cause I didn't really want to be dependent.
I didn't really want to people to know I had dyslexia.
I kept it hidden all the time. So I don't think so. No,
I think it has definitely affected my independence.
'cause when I didn't wanna use it,
this is definitely only like situational but like, or personal.
But when I didn't wanna use it,
I would say my mom was definitely more on me and more looking at what I was
doing, how I was doing in school and everything. 'cause it was like,
you need to be using it. Like why are you using it? But
through that I've learned to be more independent in
multiple ways and like, especially in school where it's like I need,
I'm gonna ask questions more.
I'm going to like email people when I need to like ahead of time for like extra
time or like accommodations or,
I think it's made me more independent in that way,
especially in school by knowing that the accommodations are
there and like being able to use them.
So sometimes when I'm in like public places,
I won't use like the assistive technology on like my textbooks or
even like reading articles on like my phone.
Like if I don't have my AirPods with me,
I won't use it because I'm like embarrassed because you can like hear like
the computer like talking and then like people will look at me,
which I don't really like, it's kind of embarrassing.
But as long as I have like an AirPod in,
then I'm usually fine for like listening to like whatever article I'm reading.
Yeah, I guess 'cause like people don't really know what it is.
Like they think it's like someone's like music on or like some podcast
like people can hear and I don't really wanna like sit there and like explain
like, oh yeah, like this is like how I read. 'cause they would be like, oh,
why you have to read like that? I'd have to explain. I have like dyslexia.
This is how it like, helps me process information. I'm like,
it's not any of their business to know that. So
Absolutely.
So sometimes I'll be writing a letter per se
or I'll be writing notes down and I won't know how to spell a word.
And instead of, um, having to oh,
ask somebody how do you spell this?
I can just type in part of the word onto my computer. 'cause I have a,
um, what's it called? Almost like a dictionary thing.
And you just type in like parts of words and it comes up with suggestions and it
spells it right.
And then you can just look and write it down and it's spelled correctly.
So I don't have to ask somebody.
I don't feel like I have to use a crutch to get to a certain spot.
So I do feel like I can be independent on my own with the,
with all the tools that I use for dyslexia.
My individual identity, um,
I feel is so much more than just my diagnosis.
And while dyslexia is a part of me,
it's just, it's something that I've always
experienced. However, it's just a part of me, like my height,
like my hair color. I,
I, I don't exactly
identify with it as, as who I am.
However it does,
knowing that part of me allows
me to show myself, uh,
grace and kindness in my frustrated moments when
I'm trying to get through information and it's just not
sticking the way I had hoped in that moment.
So, um,
it allows me to remind myself that it's okay if I need to reread it
because I know that I do better listening to it
anyway. And I was just not using what's available.
Uh, so
it's not part of my identity, but it, it, it
is a reminder at times when I need the reminder that it's okay
in society and especially in today's
world where so much, uh, of life is public,
whether it's on social media or, um,
you know, many different, uh, platforms of visibility.
We don't see uncut life and we sometimes compare
ourselves and our experiences to those of others.
And we don't think about,
they probably have challenges that they're not talking about.
Many people aren't vulnerable with their life challenges.
And so when we are vulnerable with
ourselves, like I am struggling with this, um,
we can sometimes be hard on ourselves frustrated with, um,
our challenges.
But having the diagnosis of dyslexia allows me to go,
okay, this is my why. This is,
this is the root of this challenge in this moment.
And this is just a challenging moment because I'm not utilizing my tools,
um, that I know that I need. Um, and it's okay to need them.
Um,
in academics I get double time for my testing
because I need it. And there are times that
for whatever reason, I sit down and,
and tell myself,
I'm going to start this exam and I'm gonna see if I can finish it in
this in half the time because that's what my classmates,
that's what my peers are doing.
And so I start off an exam trying to hold myself to the
standard of my classmates that do not have
a dyslexia diagnosis. And I,
I realize like I'm not being fair to myself.
I'm putting myself at a disadvantage because
I have my diagnosis for a reason. That's my why.
That's why I get double time
and
I show myself that grace and I collect myself and
I go, okay, like I can do this.
It's okay that I take my extra time because I do
sometimes need to read a question two or three times and even out
loud to make sure I fully understand it before answering.
And, um,
I'm thankful for the accommodations to be able to do that.
I don't think that it,
it's harmed my individuality or individualness by seeking resources.
Um,
but also I don't think that I'm a person that,
uh, really looks at individuality in that, in that same light.
Um, I, I want to see
us as a, as a collective. Um,
and I think that my disabilities allow me to
lean in to society
more so than individuals who might not have disabilities.
Um,
I can relate to people through different stories and through life experiences
that others might not be able to. Um,
and so I see it as an asset that bring,
I can bring people together in cooperative ways.
I think using, not using technology has been help more helpful.
I think it's a bigger,
like you don't need an expensive technology to conquer dyslexia.
I think that,
'cause I wasn't really fortunate enough to have a ton of money with my family.
We were on the poor end. So not being able to use technology,
they kind of hinder something. Since I just learned how not to use it,
I learned to or ways around it to be okay so I don't have to spend a bunch of my
parents' money.
I think by using the accommodations, no,
it has made me, it's made me more independent.
Yes. But for my individual identity,
I think it just,
it's made me personally more comfortable with like,
getting accommodations. Like maybe I'm,
I'm more willing to go out of the way and get it,
even if it seems like a hassle because I know like
it could be important or like beneficial
I guess in terms of individuality, um,
I've been able to kind of like help, like my other classmates,
like I understand like
what we like read in the textbooks were like,
I wouldn't have been able to like do that before I,
they would've been the ones like teaching me what we did in the textbook or read
because I've kind of come to terms with like having dyslexia.
Like now that I've found like having dyslexia,
like I'm still capable of like getting good test scores and like understanding
and like reading. So that's been really nice and like kind of freeing.
I would say my individuality
would be, gosh, that's hard for me. That's hard to like
think about. 'cause my individuality,
I'm a very just tech savvy person.
I love technology and I feel like being able to use
all the assisted technologies,
I would myself say that just a computer,
just word documents in certain settings is assistive
technology because it allows me to,
instead of having to write something on paper,
it allows me to type it out and I'm proficient at typing and if I spell
something wrong, it'll just correct it. And um,
I feel like it makes it easier for me to express myself.
I feel like that's a way that I've become,
been able to use it individuality wise because I've been able to express myself
better. And for my identity,
I would say it's affected
not very heavily.
I just feel like for my identity I just identify myself as Trevor and that like,
yeah, I have dyslexia,
but I also am not drawn back by it all the time so
I can just get through it.
I would say there are times that I am
frustrated that, uh,
that I do better with having my text read to me.
Honestly, mostly because it's an inconvenience.
I would love to be able to just sit down, open up a,
a book and read it quickly with the comprehension
digital book format that's read to me.
I've gotta open up my laptop, I have to keep it charged.
I need headphones if I'm going to be in public, there's so many more steps.
Uh,
I would much prefer to be able to toss a textbook in my bag
and, and pick it up and read it in short portions,
but I'm not able to do that and retain the information
because I need to sit down in a more
intentional manner to read
When looking for assistance. Because of my, my disability,
it was hard at first to ask. Um,
and I was really nervous about, um,
first going to SAILS and uh,
when I first started taking classes and my professors getting that email
from sales department saying that this person has a disability and these are the
things that they're asking for, um, and com in, in accommodations. Um,
and I was really nervous about being kind of called out for
that. Um,
I found that by talking to my professors,
um, and having that conversation really early,
it was a lot easier to accept the help that I needed.
Yeah,
at first it was really nerve wracking to think that the professors are gonna
think that I'm gonna be asking every five minutes for an accommodation or,
you know, what they were going to think about me. Um,
but ultimately I haven't had a,
a bad experience by being open and honest about it.
I never had a will to a will to read. I hated reading.
So I think having some, uh, someone read to me for like,
if I was in class and like they had said, oh, read this book for a book report.
I just went to Google typed in a thing and have it read to me on like a YouTube
video or like, if it wasn't read through a YouTube video, I would get like this,
like a special like audio book.
And having someone read it to me that way was so much better than me having to
sit there for hours reading one page and the second page and third page.
It's just really hard for me to sit down and actually focus on a ton of words.
'cause all I see is a ton, a ton of words. I don't really see a story.
I think sometimes. Yes, when like it's always,
I feel like whenever school gets a lot,
that's when I start to get kind of really frustrated because like
sometimes I'll be doing something. It's not necessarily hard,
but it just takes me so long to get it done that I get really frustrated and
upset. Ki not like upset, but like, I'm just like,
this is so like annoying. That's taking me so much longer to like,
do this task when I know it's easy.
I would say it's like had an effect on like my emotions because
before I even like found out I had dyslexia, um,
I would have like a hard time like expressing like what I was like thinking and
like feeling, especially like in class.
Like I really like kept it to myself.
Like my parents weren't gonna find out my like friends weren't gonna find out,
teachers weren't gonna find out.
'cause I like basically thought I was like a freak 'cause I like didn't
understand like what we were being taught.
I would say it's made me like a lot stronger and like,
it's just been like easier to like trust myself and not having to like second
guess like what I'm reading
Emotionally.
It makes you feel like you can get things done using this assistive technology.
Like you don't feel hindered,
which is really nice because then you can feel like, oh,
I'm like everyone else now. So,
but on my psyche I wouldn't see,
think there's anything that it's done. It may have,
it may make me feel a little more confident. I would say.
Like I do feel confident being able to use the tools that I have,
so it makes me feel much more confident that I can get things done.
It makes me wanna learn more actually.
I feel like using certain technologies and being
able to get through like problems I have,
like that doesn't take too much time to get through.
I feel like it makes me want to invent things.
It makes me want to like
just continue on with the things that I'm learning and use them in ways that
can help not only me, but other people and just be able to be creative
When I,
when I think of a Venn diagram of myself and the intersections that have created
me as a human being, um, just my disability is,
is definitely front and center when I talk about myself,
um, because it ha it, i,
I have to adapt to how I see the world through those lenses. Um,
and so it's very important to me.
I think as I mentioned before,
I think growing up in a,
in a religious cult and the ways that my parents had raised me, um,
and how they seen gender, um,
and identified with that and how they assumed that
how gender works and how females quote unquote
should interact in the world. And then my disability,
I think that it, um, it played into my psyche.
It played into who I was. It made me feel like I,
I was less of a person until one day. Um,
I just decided, you know, like, f**k you, I'm gonna do it anyways. Um,
so when,
when I left the community and I disassociated myself with
those labels, um, uh, that,
that my society and my community had put on me, um, I,
I felt more free to like self-identify reclamation and self claiming
is, is a powerful like, psychological tool. Um,
that really helps.
I didn't really identify with dyslexia. I didn't want to,
I used every opportunity, every opportunity not to use anything. I,
people were like, oh, do you need help with this? Like, nope, I'm fine.
I got it.
So I would wanna relate more to like what used to like my peers and my teachers.
I just wanna be normal. I didn't want to have anything like this.
And I think me as a Christian too,
God really showed me a path of it's fine to ask for help.
It's okay. You don't have to be this strong independent woman all the time.
You could be dependent sometimes through with like, uh, associative technology.
It really helped in a way it helped me to actually use the program that are
given to me instead of just like not using them and wanting to cope with it
because I don't like asking for help.
I think asking for help is the stupidest thing to me. It's not, but it is to me.
And uh, the God really showed me it's okay to ask for help.
It's okay to use the technologies that are given to you in this world.
Like we're in 2023,
you're gonna gonna have technologies using to your advantage.
So I think that's really helped me grow as a person.
I would say as like an individual.
I mean I feel like it's mostly a part of like every different kind of
identity I have because it's like,
it's like in most things I feel like, like reading, writing, talking,
speaking. But so I feel like it is and everything. So
When I first started using, um, assistive like technology in high school,
at first I felt like really embarrassed about using it.
But as soon as I started like understanding what was on the test,
I didn't feel like ashamed of using it. I felt like really proud of using it.
I was able to test with like all the other kids in the same room,
like using the assisted technology on my computer and they would like let me
wear like earbuds to like listen to it.
And it was like really like nice 'cause I felt like normal,
like I was testing with like my friends,
My identity through my family would be huge because it's really changed
the way I think of disabilities in a whole being able to have that support
from my family has made it so I don't feel like,
like I can't do something religiously. And, um, my faith,
I would say that helps a lot with my, um,
emotional part with disabilities.
Like not thinking that it's always gonna bring me down
because through my faith I've found that you're always loved and
you're always accepted.
So I feel like my emotional state has been solidified
in the sense of how I perceive disabilities,
Power dynamics with my professors,
whether or not they're gonna think I'm smart enough or if I,
if they're gonna think that I'm gonna be asking for too many accommodations in
their class or whatever. Like I, you know, that's,
that was always a fear of the professors just looking at me differently.
The power dynamics within a workplace are also very difficult. Um,
so myself,
I know that I transpose numbers and words and things like this all the time.
I have to have special assistants. Um,
so I use like Grammarly and things like that to help me with my emails because
I am somebody that thinks really quick and I have great ideas and I have
creativity and I wanna put 'em into place. Um, but I,
when I, when I write it doesn't make any sense
because, because I'm thinking too quickly also along with my disability.
And so I need to use these assistant opportunities through my emails and you
know, word check and, and spell and um, take the time that I need to.
And sometimes, uh, when I first started, um, in my professional career,
um, I didn't, uh,
take a lot of my disability into account in my day-to-day life as a,
as a professional. And, um, I didn't use,
uh, resources that I should have. Um, such as uh, you know,
Grammarly and check and,
and these different checking things in your emails or reports and things like
that. Or asking somebody to proofread what I wrote these sorts of things.
And so I remember my, um,
my supervisors getting pretty upset at me because my emails look like a
mess. Um,
but I just wanted to be normal so much and I just seen people cranking out
emails like crazy and I just thought, oh, I'm supposed to do that too, right?
Um, and so like I found my,
I had to address that with them because they wouldn't have known that I had a
disability unless I talked to them too. Um,
and so it's just taken me more time knowing that I can
use these resources and I'm not cheating. That's something else that I think uh,
we have internalized is by using resources.
We we're cheating the system to get things done. Um, I don't think,
and that's not true, but it's something that we internalize a lot of.
There are some teachers in this world that
don't particularly believe you when you say have dyslexia,
I don't really believe you're like special needs.
Put that in parentheses. 'cause I don't really think people are special needs.
I think you need needs but it doesn't make you special needs like in a negative
way. You No, and I think some, there are some teachers who just don't get it.
So I think more kids with dyslexia suffer in silence than they do in
more setting up for yourself.
I think because kids like us have to stand up for themselves in order to get
what they need. 'cause if they don't get what they need, you're never,
they're never gonna be okay.
They're never gonna learn the way that they need to.
They're just gonna be more behind and more behind and fail more classes. For me,
most of my childhood I did suffer in silence.
I wouldn't tell my parents if I'm struggling.
I was so nervous bringing home my report card,
having A-D-H-D, I was so nervous I didn't want to have help. I,
I suffered in silence most of my childhood. I didn't speak up for myself,
I just let it happen. I just failed because I didn't wanna say anything.
I used to get in the car, I used to cry and my parents were like,
why are you failing your classes? You are not doing your work or not studying,
you're not doing this. It's like, I don't study 'cause I get bored. And I,
that's a really dumb phrase to use 'cause like just study you it your thing.
But for me, studying was really hard.
Some people I think can see dyslexia negatively and in that
situation they try to create a power difference,
which is really weird. I think they try to like use it as something,
but in actuality they're just insecure.
But I just think it's really interesting when that happens in like a power
structure and like in a power structure with like teachers and professors.
I think that there can be one if like professor doesn't wanna give you like an
accommodation, that's a pretty bad situation.
And but then like if they can find a reason to justify why you shouldn't be
given this accommodation,
then like it can cause turn into like a thing which is this them using their
power to like say no, which can be really frustrating. Yes.
It's like usually I don't really associate with that anymore,
but I know that like there are some people who like,
if they find out that you are dyslexic,
they definitely might look at you differently and to like combat that,
I more so will just be like, oh, I'm dyslexic.
And then like I maybe I'll explain it and usually
the person like doesn't really say anything negative again.
But I think that there's still is sometimes a bias, uh, behind it that like,
since they do know and something might happen,
they might then think differently of me.
There's like a bias that they can't like ignore really that like maybe
like they think that I'm like less than because of it,
but not like, to a crazy extent if I make a mistake on a word,
it's more so not because I'm like, it's not as,
it's like there's like a moment where it's like a thing
if that makes sense and not like,
not a negative way, but like, I think like in their,
like they don't realize by through their biases that it kind of is.
Yeah. So I work in, um, retail
and I don't wanna like let them know that I have dyslexia because a lot of like
my job is like reading and like checking people out like on registers.
Um,
and I don't wanna like be seen like as any different than any other like of my
coworkers.
I would say it's a lot easier like using assistive technology in school,
but like using it like in a minimum wage job where I have to like read off of
like a computer screen is a lot harder. Um,
I can't really use it during that.
Sometimes you feel like you can't do something and somebody is above
you because of that.
So the power dynamics there like kind of play in and they
make you like think that, oh, I'm not good enough or stuff like that.
But through the way I view it, I don't feel like that,
but I feel like somebody else could very well.
I feel like with assistive technology, the workplace is actually a good example.
Um,
they don't have much assistive technology for dyslexics in the
workplace because either they just haven't researched it
and found any way to implement it. But, um,
I do use some assistive technology in there.
I use like computers for certain tasks that may be done on a piece of paper
and I may use, um, let's see,
things to help me keep track of tasks day to day.
And so I feel like in some social structures,
especially like work home and, um, school,
school is a huge one.
I use the most assisted technology in school,
so I feel like that's how it all entangles itself.
But I feel like my dyslexia,
the way I navigate everything with it is
pretty much
the same along all except it's way more in school.
So like between my work and um,
maybe even like,
just any type of social structures that I go through throughout the day,
most of 'em are pretty much the same. But when it comes to school,
that's when I use more assistive technology.
I use more of my helps that make it easier for me to navigate with
my dyslexia.
I would say having dyslexia
is not a significant life event
per se because I've never experienced life without it.
I don't know any different.
I will say receiving my diagnosis was
impactful because it allowed me
the space to understand this
aspect of how I receive information
and
gave me more direction in
accommodating for,
I had figured ways to help myself
along, along my journey. However,
having that diagnosis gave me something to
know for certain
and figure out more ways to,
to accommodate myself to be successful
in my endeavors. The ability to be able to access
Resources and assistant technologies has changed my life
immensely. I'm the first in my,
in my family to graduate high school. I didn't,
I I would never imagine that I'd be in a PhD program at this point in my life.
And that's because I accepted
my disability and I was willing to seek services and I've been willing
to work with others in this process. It,
it is the thing that is keeping me in school and
the possibility of like my future.
If I didn't have these and I and I wasn't able to access resources,
if I never went through the process of being diagnosed,
I highly doubt that I would be in the same position.
I would've been so frustrated and I would've never returned back to school if,
if I would never have been able to give, been given that opportunity.
Yes and no. I think
when I started using technology and started getting the resource I need was the
time where shoot, I have it. There's no way around it. I have it.
And I think that really took a toll on me. That made me cry most nights.
I cried myself asleep. I prayed to God saying, why would you make me like this?
Why would you make me like this? And I didn't, it didn't come to me that like,
oh you have, you don't have something wrong with you. You have dyslexia,
it's normal. And I thought to myself, oh, I'm just like this stupid girl.
But if you look at genetics, your parents had it. You,
your siblings have it, so you're gonna have it either way.
There's no around that, there's no escaping that.
And I think looking at it from that point of view,
looking at from that perspective just brought more
hope to me that someday I'll be able to be okay with
using technology. But I think the times I really needed it,
but the times that I really told myself well made it that I have it.
So I think when God brought that to me,
I think that helped me more to cope and to understand why I have it,
to understand how I have it. And I went to a lot of research about it,
so I had to tell myself it's okay to have it. It's okay.
I think that just helped me cope in a way.
So that helped me admit to myself using technology that I have it,
if that makes sense. Like it was like more of a life event.
Learning how to like redo and like get the accommodations I think in the moment
was like, it's definitely like an event but not like an event. Like,
oh this is like crazy. It's more so like, okay, this is what,
like a new thing that you need to do or a new thing you need to ask for
or a new thing that you can get. Like accommodation.
When I was diagnosed and I learned about it, that's like an event for me.
Like in my life I I it's like a core memory for me for sure.
And then like going through tutoring and stuff,
maybe at first was like a significant event, but then it's like routine.
You get used to it.
You get used to like asking for specific accommodations and for help.
But when I first started to actually ask for the accommodations,
that was probably like, like a turning point I would say.
And like my academics earlier, I was like,
I mostly wouldn't try to get any extra help because I thought it was just kind
of like, it's a lot of hard work to get it.
Like once I actually started to do it, it wasn't,
it was like a turning point in my academics.
'cause I have never done good in school really.
Like I did like me like mediocre until like,
until college really is when I, I got my first real straight a's ever.
So, and that's when I also started using accommodations.
So I think once I consistently like started to use everything that I could get,
um, I know there I also maybe was working a little bit harder for school,
but I improved in school. So it was like a turning point
For me. It was like a significant life event,
like using assistive technology for the first time. Um,
it changed like me basically being able to like read and remember
what I was reading. Like it was amazing.
Like not having to like reread the same thing eight or 10 times
or having to like copy down like each and like every word on the page
to try and like hopefully understand it.
I feel like when I was younger it was more of a,
it had more significance because it opened up more of the
academics for me because I was thrown into
getting my dyslexia helped and get going to a school for it at a young age.
Whereas some people may not even deal with it until they're in high school. So,
um, I feel like since I was in that school,
they had already had many of the tools because they were always using
them and innovating in them and I was exposed to them so early.
But I feel like they really helped me to just be competent
and like make sure that I,
once I'm out of the school and I move on,
that I have the tools that I can use to be successful and make sure that I
don't get stuck.
Some of those tools are some that I don't even cognitively know that I'm using
anymore. I just use them. So one would be Orton-Gillingham,
Orton-Gillingham is the way that they teach dyslexics at the skank school that I
went to. And I don't cognitively know that I'm using it,
but I know I use it every day. So
to make sure that I don't get stuck,
I'm constantly using those tools that they have taught me that have just been
pretty much ingrained in me. It's like a heartbeat.
I don't think about my heart beating. It just happens. It really helps me.
And I, I would say I'm pretty lucky in the sense of that.
And it would bring me a lot of joy if everybody could have
that because then it'd make it so people who like me who have dyslexia will have
those tools and they won't have to think about using them.
They'll just be there. So I feel like,
I feel like it just helps me because if I do get stuck,
I just revert to using the tools and so my brain doesn't even
think about it and I just get through it.
As a teenager, when I
started my journey through university, I
felt overwhelmed and ultimately did not finish.
Um,
and paused my education for
a few decades.
After receiving my diagnosis at 40, I
resumed my college and university experience.
And through that I was able to use technology today
that would not have been available to 20 years ago.
And with the assistive technology,
I believe I am much more successful as a student.
And what I'm learning
because of my diagnosis and the supports that I am
able to use,
I think that about myself has changed just my traject
trajectory and my confidence in what
I am able to achieve.
Because when I didn't know
why I was challenged, um,
I believed what others were saying that
I wasn't college material
or I now know that that was not true and that it
was just
I had dyslexia and needed to
understand that better so that I could follow through and achieve
my goals.
I don't think I'd be getting my PhD right now if I didn't have assistant
technology.
I don't think that I would be thinking about my future as profe as a
professor, as a researcher if I didn't have, um,
the this sort of access. Um,
I mean when I think about my life before being
diagnosed and before getting, um, accessibility,
a accommodations, I would've had a very different life. I would've been working,
um, like part-time jobs I've been working in,
um, maybe fast food. I would've never tried to, um,
attempt to getting into a managerial position
or an executive director position. Um, because I,
I needed the diagnosis to be able to verify within myself.
Um, and I needed that to be able to seek the help that I, that I needed. Um,
and so yeah, it,
it changed my whole life and I think a lot of people may fear the
diagnosis. Um,
I I think for a little bit I went into a little bit of a spiral when I was first
diagnosed. I, it was like, it was obvious my, my learning disability,
it was so obvious, but at the same time, when you get a diagnosis, you,
you start looking at yourself a little bit differently, um,
and you start questioning things. Um, but ultimately,
um, having access to these resources at the university, um, at my workplace,
um, it,
it has caused me to be able to do the things that I I'm currently doing in my
life.
I believe one day I'm gonna be something really big. Uh,
it could be a Supreme Court justice or just simply a really big lawyer.
And I think one day there's gonna be a biography about me.
And I think this is probably one that like an Einstein kind of moment where it's
like, you had this long book about you and it's gonna mention dyslexia,
it's gonna mention all these problems saying, oh,
she has this and that and that.
And I think it could be a really cool inspiration for like other kids who have
it or like other little girls who have it to the point where they don't have to
feel so self-conscious, so stupid about it. I know when I was younger,
when I looked at Einstein's biography, I was like, I, my gosh, I'm,
I'm kind of just like him in a way. I'm, I'm okay.
I'm wanna be as smart as I'm one day.
So I think going through it that way and having a really cool backstory
could help people like me and be like, oh yeah, if this girl could do it,
I could do it.
It's like something that kind of in my mind is like the first
kind of thing that was like, kind of like,
not like significantly different, but like I was told more so that like, oh,
this is different and it's a part of my everyday life in the past future or like
present. So I would say it's,
it would definitely in my biography in all areas 'cause it's
something that I am gonna have forever basically.
So I don't think it's ever gonna go away. And it,
it's not something that I would not be,
Um, like secretive about either.
My like high school guidance counselor was like really worried about like me
going to college and like finding like the right degree. Um,
and when I shared with her that I wanted to like pursue fashion in college,
she was like really glad because she's like, okay,
like that degree like won't really require like a lot of reading or writing say
like a nursing major, like a journalism major.
Like they knew that like I wouldn't be able to do that.
But it kind of made me want to like
really get into like get a lot better at like writing and
like reading and like understanding what I was reading.
And so in high school, um,
I started like studying a lot every night and it worked.
I got into ASU um,
and now like I'm on the honor roll with a 3.5 GPA, which is amazing.
With dyslexia, it's had a huge impact. It, it actually,
it's almost like a personality trait kind of,
which is funny because it's disability and you're like,
oh that should be a hindrance. But no, it's something unique about you.
I feel like dyslexia is something that you can look at in a great light.
You can use it as a,
I'm dyslexic and I've done a lot of things that most people who aren't even
dyslexic haven't even done. And so it's something I take pride in actually.
So like if I were to like write a biography about myself presently or from my
past, I definitely would use my dyslexia in it and talk about it.
And if I were to talk about the technologies that I've used,
the assistive technologies, I can always use them.
And they're just great things to mention,
even that maybe somebody who's not dyslexic can use,
they can use it and it'll benefit them.
So it's not just about your dyslexia,
it's about what experiences you bring from your dyslexia.
So I feel like it's like just a power
My sarcasm tells me to say I don't exactly jump at the opportunity to join
book clubs. Um,
I of course sarcastically because I do uh,
audio books and enjoy them very much.
But I think just understanding myself better, I,
I don't feel as intimidated.
'cause even if I feel like I don't quite fit in,
I allow myself
that bit of understanding to know that well, I'm dyslexic.
I might've missed that part of the understanding. And that's okay.
And I'm here and I'm doing life just the same because I don't
want
any excuses because I'm capable of achieving.
I still struggle in spaces with my dyslexia
where people call themselves writers, you know,
it's, um, being a researcher ha going into a PhD program,
having done my master's, I I hear people saying, you know, I,
I just need to write or I'm going to like take the day and I'm gonna write.
Or they, they enjoy the act of writing.
It is still a little bit of a like, trigger for me. Um,
'cause it's like, yes, I enjoy research, I enjoy, um,
you know, being within community in these spaces in academia. Um,
but at the same time I feel like the language that we use in order to qualify
what is research is really limiting. And it's hard, um,
to consider to like,
think about that traditional sense of research and what people see it as,
um, and put myself in that space. Um,
and so I think that that's one of the reasons why I do community research.
I know spaces like this are very limited to people like me and also other,
um, disenfranchised communities. And so I,
I want the,
the benefits and the assets and the chances I've gotten in my
life to come here and do this, uh,
to um, ripple out to others. Um,
and so I wanna be able to create spaces like that for others.
I've had professors who have made space for me,
um, and hopefully one day I'll be able to do that same thing,
For example,
you have to prove you are smart in order for people to include in things.
And I think I was really excluded in most of my life because I was seen as a
dumb girl.
And I think when I finally got into like another school district and showed
myself I was smart, that's when I was more included.
I could always help with like doing all these group projects,
doing all these things.
I had to do everything for other people and I just didn't do anything for
myself. 'cause I wanted to help other people be like, oh yeah, I'm now useful.
I'm okay now. And when I was excluded,
it felt like nobody liked me 'cause I was had dyslexia and no one really
understood me. And that really hurt me in a way. 'cause I'm like, I, I'm smart,
I can help you. Like, oh no, we don't want you, you, you're gonna be excluded,
you're fine. You're gonna be sit to the side.
We'll just do it for you 'cause you don't know how to do it.
You are not okay enough to do it. You your, you're too stupid.
So I think when I actually showed what I could do,
that's when people more included me in, if I have
An exam and I
Get extra time on it, I'll like, or if, if I get like accommodation,
maybe I won't like go somewhere publicly I guess and use that
just because like, I don't know. Also it helps the focus but also like,
I don't know people,
I think people care way more about me than they actually do already.
So I think that would just draw more attention to myself.
And so I just don't like that as much. I think that's why.
So I would maybe not go more public place reading aloud I've gotten a lot better
at, 'cause I've noticed that everybody will make a mistake when they're reading
aloud usually.
So that's one thing I've gotten less stressed about.
'cause everyone makes that mistake no matter what. But one thing,
it can get embarrassing if you use completely wrong words.
That's something I try to like just, it's kind of funny,
but like I'll be more hesitant maybe to read aloud or
things. I think more so things like that. Actually, I don't think anyone,
anyone would,
has gone like out forth and excluded me or more included me in anything
because of it more so I think it's me. Like if I know
something about like an exam or like I am getting an accommodation for an exam,
I might like exclude myself.
So that way it's less of like maybe questions or I have to
explain something maybe more. And I'm like not in the mood to do that,
so I'm just gonna like exclude myself maybe.
So that way it's easier for myself and maybe like for other people if
that hap if like, if I do have an accommodation or
So I would say in the classroom, um,
I've had to like make it clear to teachers that I do have dyslexia and
I've had to like kind of help them like navigate that.
Like what I need and like don't need.
Absolutely.
So I would feel like I exclude myself from like language
stuff.
'cause English is almost the language barrier for a dyslexic.
I feel like I almost, sometimes I'd say to my mom, I'm like,
English isn't my first language. I don't even know what my first language is.
So, um, it's, it's funny because
I exclude myself from like,
when I was in high school and I was doing Spanish class,
I would never felt like I could really be there.
I never felt like it was really available to me with my skills of learning.
And um,
another group that I don't really feel like I'd be,
I'd include myself in would be like, um, writers.
Like even though many, there are many dyslexics who are writers,
I just feel like I'm just not a part of that group in groups.
That's a, I would say in like a group setting when it comes to maybe, um,
academics. I may be seen as like,
I don't have good enough skills to be in a particular group.
So people may not want me in their group because I may drag down someone or I
may make things slower and make things a slower process.
But that's the only spot I really feel like I hinder anything.
My personal beliefs.
I think that being diagnosed with DYS dyslexia has
allowed me to look at the world
in a different light because I never thought of
myself as different, but I struggled and I noticed things,
but I still believed myself to be neurotypical for 40
years after having my diagnosis,
I look at the world and go, okay, that person is kind of quirky.
They may have a diagnosis that they don't know about.
I can see things and understand that
they're not annoying, they're not, they're just who they are.
Whatever their behaviors are,
whatever their challenges are.
We all have different challenges,
different life experiences and
none are better or worse. They're just our life.
And it's pretty cool to expose
yourself to um, others.
Some people like to stay in their comfort zone and um,
stick with what they know. And I have found myself,
um,
I relate really well with people of
neurodiversity that is different than my own because we
all accept each other
and our differences where sometimes people just
want everybody to fit the mold of normal
and it's okay to not be norm.
And I really appreciate that
aspect of life. And to be honest,
it was my daughter's diagnosis,
dys dyslexia diagnosis that led me to
question my own,
which is why I was not diagnosed till 40.
And
it was really helpful to see her experiencing
dyslexia. I was able to show her grace
that I struggled to show myself
until later. So, um, it was,
it was my, my journey through parenting her
that kind of stretched me to grow in this way that I needed to
grow. And I feel like I'm a better person because of it.
My experiences for the future and and currently is I,
I I tend to question why we do things the way they that we do 'em
and why we've always had to do it and in the future what that means.
Um, I see many professors, some of 'em are kind of grumpy about,
oh well we give so many accommodations to these kids these days are,
when I was in my doctoral program, we, you know,
I was in the shower and I was uh, you know, having a panic attack, you know,
most days like, these, these kids get it so easy or whatever. Um, yeah,
I wanna change that perspective. Um, and that's kind of my philosophy is,
um,
I don't think a person's thesis or assignment, um,
and even in a classroom should have to look the same as everyone else. Um,
you know, if uh, if I have a student that, um,
like sometimes I have students who feel very comfortable writing essays and
that's great. However, I want to be able to make sure that they have this,
that individuals who feel more comfortable explaining themselves verbally
or through maybe a piece of art or however they
want to express, that's what I wanna do.
And I think that that's kind of my philosophy moving
forward in, in, in how I teach and how um,
others present their knowledge to the rest of the world.
I think my parents influenced my beliefs.
They influenced the person I became.
They influence how I use dyslexia, how what,
how to get away with certain things that an average person can't.
And I think when I was younger I thought my dyslexia wouldn't let me
do the things I wanted to do in life.
I didn't think I was gonna be going to law.
I didn't think I was gonna be in college 'cause of my, uh,
because of my disabilities. So I think
it just helped me grow as a person, helped me have a solid foundation,
me as a person and learn how to use it so therefore I can actually get into
law school.
I can get all these places by saying I just like to have a cool story. Pick me.
I think that's where it could be
Used, the positive
Or that could be used as your standards or values.
Um, my outlook has definitely helped me 'cause it's definitely I feel like more
positive,
which has helped me be more open to using anything that I would
need or any accommodations or anything, which has been really helpful.
My parents have always been really supportive of supportive of me,
especially in school. And like if I,
maybe I'm not doing great in the class or like reading something,
they're more supportive and not like negative towards me about it.
And they're just are like, well, you just learn differently and like,
that's okay. So I think that's really been helpful too.
And just being more open about using like all the accommodations I
can.
I think just growing up being talked to positively has helped me
look at things positively now.
Yeah, so I've definitely been a lot more like accepting of like, okay,
like I have dyslexia. Like I've kind of like gotten over like,
I guess the stigma of like having that diagnosis. Like now I'm like, okay,
I have it, it's my life. I can like work with it. It's okay.
And using like assistive technology has been really helpful. Um,
'cause I don't feel like there's any hindrance,
like with me having dyslexia anymore,
I'm a man. So I would say that being a man and having dyslexia
for my definition of it makes me feel like, oh,
I have a little bit of a hindrance almost. Because when I think of a man,
I think of someone who's competent,
who's able to get things done and at some points I can't get things done and I
have struggles with it. So I feel like in my definition of being a man,
dyslexia is kind of a hindrance,
but with the assistive technology it almost eliminates that.
So it's really nice to have that.
And I feel like in activities I do most of them,
I don't really have any problems with my dyslexia. For my personal beliefs,
I feel like dyslexia hasn't had too much of a
influence on it because most of that has been friends and family and
certain life experiences.
But I do feel like going through having dyslexia and dealing with it has
an influence on me, uh, has a big influence on my, um, ego in a sense.
And my strength I feel like is a big one for my personal,
like I would describe myself as a strong person to be able to get through these
struggles I've had with dyslexia and use these technologies that have helped me.
So I feel like ego is an interesting one,
but I feel like that's a way that I would explain it.
Like it gives you an ego when you can get through something and prove someone
wrong in a sense. Yeah, I may be disabled, but don't count me out.
I'm not done. I got things that I want to do and I'm gonna do 'em.
So it may take longer, it may be harder for me,
but I can still show you that I'm gonna do it.
I definitely rely heavily on text,
uh, to speech and speech to text
in academia.
I don't know that I could abandon it. Um,
there are some other accommodations I've been given that
allow for audio recording and note taking and such.
And I, I felt like it was a little too
complex. Um,
and I do very well with just the having the
text read to me and often following along or
when taking notes myself,
I will read from the text and have it typed for me so
that way I'm not trying to bounce back and forth and
write and get lost in the words.
I learned that, uh,
undergrad was way different than graduate school. Um,
and so in undergrad,
like I would ask for accommodations such as more time on my test.
We don't really do tests in graduate school. Um, I would ask for, um,
you know, being able to record, um,
like conversations or something so I could play them back, things like that.
It works in undergrad, in in graduate school. Um,
the accommodations that are set, these,
this list of things that they can give you or possibly, you know,
possibly accommodate for. Um, I feel like it, it,
it doesn't connect with the reality of graduate school and
the expectations on the individual, um,
and how learning happens in that space because it's more of an individual
learning process in graduate school.
You're not trying to learn like a formula in undergrad and um, go through it.
And so I think that the accommodations, the list,
our traditional list doesn't work in graduate school. Instead,
I went directly to my professors and just said, this is my situation.
Like can you give me an extra semester to work on this?
Or this is, you know, this is, um, this is,
this is where my brain just stops right now.
Like I'm taking five classes and I'm trying to get through all this
reading and I just can't right now and I just need to be human and I I need you
to recognize that we are human together and I need more time on this.
Um,
and I think building that trust in that relationship was far more important
than having a piece of paper, um,
that said this individual needs these accommodations. My,
my, I think we're also treated differently in graduate school than we are in
undergrad. We're treated like children that need to be like taught in undergrad
while in graduate school.
I think as long as you have those special relationships with your professors,
they're, they're going to understand they've been there before. Um,
whether or not they, uh, did it with disability or not,
I decided to abandon it because I want to
show people who are not as fortunate enough to have technology that you can
succeed without technologies. Like when I was younger, as I said,
I was really poor and we didn't have a lot of money for technologies.
And I think when I really stepped out side of that and showed people that it's
okay not to have technology, there's a ways around it. Yeah,
it's not as efficient, you can't get as far,
but if I could show people I can get as far,
then it would really help people show perspective that you don't need certain
things to be successful. Yes,
they could really help you but you don't need them. Like,
so investing into those is not always an option for people.
It's not always an option for kids who are in low, a lower income.
People like in in lower income schools support where they can't.
So I think when I abandoned it,
it really helped me teach other people how to use certain tools to your
advantage. Not just technology.
Like if I abandoned it,
it's just extra time to go and maybe get it or
send emails con like contact people or like pick something up.
So in that sense,
I feel like I mostly would abandon something just because it's the effort it is
to get the accommodation is maybe just like a little bit too much more and I
just am like, is it really worth it? At that point
When I'm at work I kind of decide to like abandon assistive technologies.
They're not exactly like quiet or like,
like people notice like when a computer is like reading the screen to you
and I don't want them to like treat me like any different than they would like
knowing I had or didn't have dyslexia. Yeah.
So I've accepted it like in school and like in classrooms. Um,
and I usually have to like explain to my teachers like, Hey, like I'm listening.
Like I know, like I have earbuds in,
but I'm still like listening to like what you're saying, I'm just like reading,
like making sure I didn't miss any information on the PowerPoint and just went
over.
One that I don't use anymore is the, um, reading ally type stuff.
So, uh,
eBooks and things like that I don't really enjoy now because now
I enjoy having it there to where I can highlight things myself or I can always
look back to it and know exactly what page it's on.
And I feel like that's one of the assisted technologies that I don't really,
that I don't use, that I abandoned.
I feel like I use tools that I was taught from my
schooling and um,
now that they're helping me even more so I don't, I do enjoy eBooks,
like the audio books, but when it comes to if I'm gonna follow an audiobook,
I don't wanna follow it on a screen, I wanna follow it on the book next to me.
So I feel like that would be one of the ones that I've kind of distanced myself
from.
But for the most part I use a pretty decent amount of my
assistive technologies in, in my school setting. As I kept using it,
I started to find myself not like find myself
getting better at doing the task without it.
So it kind of like a training,
it like trained me to where I can do it without having to have the
highlighted text and I was able to follow it with just my,
my brain and I feel like it helps a lot and I feel like that's
actually almost what you'd want assisted technology to help someone do is to
make it so that yeah,
it may train them to where they can do it without having to use it.
So for me it was more of a, I abandoned it because I felt confident in myself,
not because I didn't need it, like I can use it whenever it's a great tool,
but I feel like it's awesome that I was able to get out of it.
I would say just because of the way I learn in a way,
because I'm a tangible person, I like to be hands-on with things.
And sometimes when it comes to some of the, um, assistive technologies,
you can't be hands-on,
it's just on a screen or it's just verbal.
And so when it's hands-on,
I feel like with the way that I learn with my dyslexia,
it just helps so much more.