This is Boris Solis interviewing Ramona Tuticini on June 21, 2016 at 2:45
p.m. for the Creative Push project. OK, so if you can take us back to the
conception of the first birth, what were the circumstances? Was it planned
? Are you excited? Um, well, me and my boyfriend, we were very young. We
were 18 and uh I remember.
To that point you were excited. OK. Uh, I was 18 and um we really Wanted
to be together. I know that wasn't a very good choice, but uh we had a
baby and then um. We have another one, but my first pregnancy, I had to
get certain care and it was only through my tribe at first and um we would
go down to the doctor in uh Phoenix for a while and then um Wasn't really
anything strange or anything different with her birth. She was pretty
normal. Uh, my health was pretty normal. Um, she was a big kid though and
uh she is 7 and she's really tall now.
Excuse me. Did you know what to expect? Did you have like family support?
Um, when I did.
Get pregnant with her, she.
See, I did get help. Um, from my family, a lot of help. His mom took care
of me most of um of my pregnancy, and my mom, she Really?
Slowly came around to the idea of me being pregnant. Um, she also had kids
as a young teenager too, um. But
My daughter's was pretty normal. My son's is really the one that has a lot
more stories around it. I had him a couple. Years later, um, I did want my
my uh next child and my next child after him. I want him 5 years apart. So.
I've been really lucky to have them one month apart too. So, uh, his
birthday is next month and um he Was really a unique, um.
Pregnancy because at first we my relationship did have a lot of ups and
downs emotionally, I was not that well and um I literally had relationship
problems, so I didn't get to go see the doctor until I was literally at
least 5 months pregnant. So it was a long time. Um, he really wasn't
focused on what we were trying to do as a family. Um, I've had some
miscarriages um in between too. When I was younger and uh from the age of
14. I had um Uh, what's it called, an abortion because we accidentally got
pregnant and um, He was.
It was kind of hard because as a child I was abused sexually by family
members of my stepdad's side. And um So it, the abortion and the
miscarriages, um, I still do think my children are on the other side if
anyone's spiritual. I think they are. You know, just like my kids now, and
I feel spiritually that they do come around still and uh but those births
I still hold on to. They live on the other side. They are human, I mean
not human, but something I don't know what yet, but I do know that my
children are still there. So. That's the 3 that I really cherish. Um, my
son, though, I did get diabetes.
When we almost hitting that borderline of diabetes. Uh, so that was really
surprising, um, and that was around When I was like 6 months pregnant with
him, the second birth, my son. Do you think that was all like stress? I
think it was more stress too, and um.
Not having my partner there and uh.
Let's see what else.
So were you doing it on your own at this point? I was basically doing it
on my own. I was literally trying to stay healthy, but um he, we only had
one ride. We only And uh but it, it was good because later on, we did find
out that, you know, he was kind of cheating on me and um It Made us
stronger in the end though, because he did realize after his son was born
, he he told me right away after he came out that he was sorry he, you
know, he, he did not know how much trouble he put me through and that he
understands now and There's a lot of things when we go somewhere where
they've been and I'm still having some emotional stress towards that, but
uh
Both pregnancies have been a blessing. They've both been blessings, so
that's why I am glad I still have children because there was a point where
I was told with the abortion I would not be able to have kids. So I
literally had to pray for my kids. Well, were you when you were 18 and you
got pregnant, were you thinking that you couldn't get pregnant? Well, At
that point, like it was more of me and my boyfriend just wanting to hang
on to each other. He was my first love and being hurt so many times and
letting, you know, just this man. Hold me, you know, caress me and really
love me for me instead of just all this abuse that I had in my life. Like
I felt loved for the first time and, and That's kind of where we were like
, oh, OK, um, if we because our parents had told us one time, his mom, if
you were 18, it would have been at least OK. So How old were you? Uh, I
was 14 when I first had my abortion, and then I was 18. With the with the
same man. So we've been together ever since we were in middle school. Yeah
, we met actually over there across the street, um. In the old casino So
this whole reservation right here is like a lot of history between me and
him.
Um, so we're still together, still married.
It took a lot out of me to find balance between my family and having my
own stuff and then having him together with me, um, a lot of apologizing,
a lot of, I regret doing this, and a lot of reassuring happened. And Um,
yeah, we got married and had a reception here and uh Kahii was the the boy
was maybe 5 months old.
Do you have you been able to trust him again like emotionally? I think I
have, um, not a lot, but I think I have came around to, I trust you to
have a phone because at first it was a lot of trouble to have a phone in
our relationship, especially a smartphone because that's what he had and
thank goodness I was technology. You know, just knowledgeable about
technology because uh that was the way I found out. It was, it was a lot
of being so crazy. I lost a really good job across the street from it. Um
yeah, so when I lost everything I've literally lost everything and then I
got bad into um. Just Just being home all the time and just and then
getting pregnant, I thought that would help heal from the first one, which
it did because it gave me a new, you know, but there was always that
frightening um feeling that this could be taken away from me. Like this
baby could literally stop and I could just it could just fall out and I
was like losing the the carriage was my It was my biggest fear ever having
a baby, and he talks about wanting to have another one, but my, I'm afraid
with um Just how my body's been and and what it's been put through, I'm
afraid that I might lose another one and I might have to have that long
distance relationship. Again, so yeah. Yeah, you've really been through a
lot and you guys, it's just so in awe the fact that you're together and
like you said, stronger as a result, but you know to. Certainly not to let
him off the hook, but um. The youthfulness of it too probably played into
some of those bad decisions. And now do you feel like you're in a
different place, since you're more mature? Yes, yes. The things that I've
done before we got married, though, I think really made me a stronger
person though, because um we were just 18, we couldn't do nothing, um,
literally. I used to do. Let him go to strip clubs and let him get dances
and just literally stand to the side cause I felt like um. This man is
going to be with me for the rest of my life. He's never gonna venture out
like this. Um, let's do this while you're, you're young and we're not
married yet. Let it get him out of his system. He I don't know how I let
him think that he could just, you know, go out and do it on his own. I
told him I never wanted that, but now it's really paid off because he
doesn't have a desire to do those things. He doesn't have that desire to
go be pleased like that. He just He's seen how far we can go, how much
money you can spend, how much it sends you down into a downhill. So I, I
have good and bad reasons with that of why I made that decision, but now
I'm happy I did because uh He's amazing now, he.
He helps me and supports me and on so much things. So literally going
through bad for so long and then just working it out and making sure um
you guys are always communicate. Communication I think is like key role. I
mean they don't lie key key role it would be probably communication and
and just supporting each other because I support him and now we have like
so many businesses like I said, we have the fry bread business we do on
the weekends, so I've really come like a really big um. Kind of like a
light in his room. So I sell fry bread. He's able to, you know, get
benefits from that. I'm able to contribute a lot more and I don't feel so
depressed like I used to be where I felt like I just had to stay home and
then getting this job. So I literally can say I have so much faith that I
think I could really show someone who else has faith that as long as you
keep going. And even if you want kids, you can have it. Yeah, that's great.
Um, did you, what was life, uh, at home with the kids? I mean, were you
nursing? Were they, did they have any issues? Um, my first daughter, she
was able to be, uh,
Breastfed from
Most of her first year, she was really really good at breastfeeding. She
would never ever latch on to me. I just had always a problem with that, um.
I didn't really like doing that. I'd rather have it, you know, suctioned
out and then bottle fed, um, but the concern with that was teeth and and
stuff like that. Would, would it grow right? Would they, you know, from a
natural nipple, from a birthing bottle, so it I chose to do half and half
, um, with my son though. I really had difficulty with him latching on
with um with him drinking it, uh. When he did drink it, he would get
frustrated because it wouldn't flow. Um, I tried and tried the first day
he came out. I tried to pump and pump and pump, and it was so hard. I
don't know why it was, but it was like that. And it was really weird
because I had a tooth problem and I did not know that going into labor. So
when they put the oxygen tank on me with the with my second one, I got
really, really bad headache, like migraine headache. And so after I had my
baby, I still felt that way. I felt like the epidural too on my second one
messed my um My backup. Yes, because of the epidural, um. I have no idea.
The anesthesiologist, I remember just leaning over round it. My first one
went perfect. I knew what to do and I had to do a blood patch.
Because
I just don't know why. There was just a bad shock that went down my right
leg and it literally went flying up and um he said that he had to do
another one, but he and I had to do French
French Trus or something like that transfusions. Yeah. I had to do that.
They did that and then they went ahead and numbed me again. So it was
really hard because now when I try to um bend over, lift up stuff, it is
so much harder than what it was. So epidural for my next one, I'm not sure
and that's the another concern is is the epidurals and um I just don't. I
don't think so. Did you have them both vaginally?
Yeah. Was your partner there? Uh, my partner was there for both of them,
so I did get to have him there for both of them. Did you know the sexes? I
But yes, the second one, I was more um at the end of my pregnancy, that's
when Jordan came back to me. My husband's name is Jordan, so he came back
to me, um, and we kind of got to have a normal baby event, so I'm I'm not
sure what they would call it. No, um,
kind of like just the stuff that you get to do like the measuring the
belly and stuff like that, the, the leading up to the pregnancy and having
having the baby is, is what we kind of got to finish at the end when I was
big and and it was more and more exciting when you could find out the sex
and so. That's more fun. It's it in that type of relationship, the stuff
that's like that is more fun when you're Doing that.
Yes. You know, birth experience of your son. That's pretty much it. That's
all that happened really. Is it? OK. So it's just all these difficulties
that have led up to those problems. That's why I include them because I've
had way too much stress in my life. So did you, um, was when he, you guys
were able to find out the sex together? Were you both wanting a boy? Were
you excited about? I think we did. We wanted, we wanted a boy. We wanted
uh I just wanted him to be a role model for somebody. Um, and I think our
son really helped him pull that through because now he does, he works his
butt off just doing side jobs and side jobs. So we have like, like I said
, we have like 4 different businesses, so, uh, landscaping, fry bread here
, um, he has his maintenance job, so. Literally, it's a lot of work. So
when you look back at this, I mean, it's amazing how long you guys have
known each other. You've really grown up together. When you look back on
this, what do you think? I mean, do you reflect on that experience?
I do. I really do, um, I have pictures of him and. When we're having hard
times, I really like to look back at the picture he gave me when we first
met because it was just like there was nothing wrong. I just missed you
and it takes you back and it kind of makes you really remember and miss
that time because you're in such a hard time. And so yeah, that was, that
was one of just the things that pulled me through was reminding myself who
he was, who he really, really was, so. Yeah, we can be. Yeah, OK, actually
, do you have any questions? I just have one question. I was curious, um,
earlier you were talking about when you first became pregnant at 18 and a
lot of your initial care was you had to drive like through your tribe, you
had to drive to the valley. So what was that? What was that like? Like
what was, what did that kind of care entail? Uh, that really just was um
prenatal. Uh, ultrasounds, making sure my health was OK, and that's um.
Cuz I did the same routine with my son and uh. I found out down there when
I was 5 months pregnant that I did almost hit where I was I needed to
control what I was eating, um, sugar intakes and stuff like that.
Interesting. So what was your mom's? Do you have siblings? What was your
family history of birth? I mean, did your mom also go to Phoenix? Or how
did you make? Um, I'm not really sure how she did it. I do know because
she grew up in kind of like a foster home care system, and I did too for
the period of like
Till I was maybe 2 or 3 and I finally got out of there, but um for me, I
didn't consider it a foster home. It was just more like my grandparents,
you know, and uh they took really good care of me and then my mom got her
on her own, and then she had kids later with her her um husband and um but
yeah. She's have, she has uh. Two boys and a girl. So girl boy girl boy,
and that's crazy because I had the same thing was girl boy girl boy. So it
was interesting cause I really liked paying attention to those um details
like about kids where they look like. Or the baby who who looks like who,
and I always feel like the boys look more like their moms and then the
second kid looks more like or the second boy looks more like the dad. So
it's it's really cool when you start because I took um children's
education development or something like that in high school. So they
talked about this different um. Pods where the child will end up, how they
look and stuff like that. So that was a really nice like uh experiment to
go through. So. Yeah, absolutely. So when you miscarried, were you very
far along? Um, I was literally maybe weeks along, but it was really
interesting because on my last one,
it was more recent. Uh, it was before my daughter, before my first one,
and um I would think I've maybe been 17.
And
I couldn't, it was like it. I stopped being pregnant. I found out in
Winslow and I
Didn't miscarry. It stayed in me until.
A few months later it came out because I was wondering, you know, how, how
small was it and that actually is the child I buried up here, the one I
got to keep because my first two, the first one got taken by the abortion
people. Um, so I really didn't get no closure with that one. the second
one. Um, my mother, she was kind of, uh, she was really traditional where
they would bury the fetus underneath a young tree. So that's where that
one happened, but I like to tell my kids, you know, I want you to know
that I think of, you know, you guys all being here. Uh, so That's just how
I kind of cope with with the lost ones. Yeah, you have to find some way to
cope with it, because if you don't, they're like on a, you're, they're
always on your mind, you're always feeling like you lost. Something and
then I'm next, you know, I'm making more kids to to replace them and I
don't want to do that. I'm happy where I am. I understand about having
kids now and it takes a lot of work. It literally does, and I, I wish. I
really wish I would have waited. As special as my kids are, I wish I would
have waited to give myself a future, to educate myself, to to not have to
take care of my kids while I'm Trying to go to school and and I mean it
was literally hard. It's been, it's been still hard because I have to go
through school. And I have to find babysitters and it's just it's not like
a college person should be where it's no children until you get to that
appropriate age. Now my daughter, I share everything about my past with
her. I try not to keep it from her. I try not to tell her that it's bad,
so she understands that waiting and waiting for that right person is is
the best thing for her and That's uh she's old enough to let me tell her
things and she's really, she's really a good kid. Yeah, I, I teach at ASU
and um I just talked to our dean recently about having a better support
network for the moms that are going going to school, you know, and how
they need to be acknowledged. It's much, it's, it's a whole added layer of
challenge that the standard student doesn't experience, you know, and
there's there's a very limited support network for those people, you know.
Yeah, so when it's really the time is really the biggest problem I have
is time. What I mean, how am I going to be able to work this and then go
to school. So I literally have to take off work from this, stop being paid
, and then go over there. So it's hard. It is. Um, well, thank you for
sharing with us. I know it's not a really pretty story, but it's it's a
difficulty pregnancy, and I think most of the problems came from all that
craziness. So if there's ladies going through craziness and they're
wondering why is my children like this, you know, it might have been a
little bit of that. Yes, stress has a lot to do with how your body
functions. Well, it sounds like you're in a really good place now.