WEBVTT 00:00:00.159 --> 00:00:07.016 This is Boris Solis interviewing Ramona Tuticini on June 21, 2016 at 2:45 00:00:07.049 --> 00:00:11.286 p.m. for the Creative Push project. OK, so if you can take us back to the 00:00:11.319 --> 00:00:14.597 conception of the first birth, what were the circumstances? Was it planned 00:00:14.630 --> 00:00:19.087 ? Are you excited? Um, well, me and my boyfriend, we were very young. We 00:00:19.120 --> 00:00:23.846 were 18 and uh I remember. 00:00:23.879 --> 00:00:31.576 To that point you were excited. OK. Uh, I was 18 and um we really Wanted 00:00:31.609 --> 00:00:37.176 to be together. I know that wasn't a very good choice, but uh we had a 00:00:37.209 --> 00:00:45.209 baby and then um. We have another one, but my first pregnancy, I had to 00:00:46.770 --> 00:00:54.097 get certain care and it was only through my tribe at first and um we would 00:00:54.130 --> 00:01:02.130 go down to the doctor in uh Phoenix for a while and then um Wasn't really 00:01:02.719 --> 00:01:07.406 anything strange or anything different with her birth. She was pretty 00:01:07.439 --> 00:01:15.245 normal. Uh, my health was pretty normal. Um, she was a big kid though and 00:01:15.278 --> 00:01:22.516 uh she is 7 and she's really tall now. 00:01:22.549 --> 00:01:29.385 Excuse me. Did you know what to expect? Did you have like family support? 00:01:29.418 --> 00:01:34.486 Um, when I did. 00:01:34.519 --> 00:01:38.986 Get pregnant with her, she. 00:01:39.019 --> 00:01:47.019 See, I did get help. Um, from my family, a lot of help. His mom took care 00:01:47.719 --> 00:01:55.719 of me most of um of my pregnancy, and my mom, she Really? 00:01:56.338 --> 00:02:01.016 Slowly came around to the idea of me being pregnant. Um, she also had kids 00:02:01.049 --> 00:02:07.766 as a young teenager too, um. But 00:02:07.799 --> 00:02:11.596 My daughter's was pretty normal. My son's is really the one that has a lot 00:02:11.629 --> 00:02:19.136 more stories around it. I had him a couple. Years later, um, I did want my 00:02:19.169 --> 00:02:26.536 my uh next child and my next child after him. I want him 5 years apart. So. 00:02:26.569 --> 00:02:32.755 I've been really lucky to have them one month apart too. So, uh, his 00:02:32.788 --> 00:02:40.788 birthday is next month and um he Was really a unique, um. 00:02:42.528 --> 00:02:47.835 Pregnancy because at first we my relationship did have a lot of ups and 00:02:47.868 --> 00:02:55.868 downs emotionally, I was not that well and um I literally had relationship 00:02:57.219 --> 00:03:02.505 problems, so I didn't get to go see the doctor until I was literally at 00:03:02.538 --> 00:03:07.707 least 5 months pregnant. So it was a long time. Um, he really wasn't 00:03:07.740 --> 00:03:13.225 focused on what we were trying to do as a family. Um, I've had some 00:03:13.258 --> 00:03:21.258 miscarriages um in between too. When I was younger and uh from the age of 00:03:21.419 --> 00:03:28.547 14. I had um Uh, what's it called, an abortion because we accidentally got 00:03:28.580 --> 00:03:34.126 pregnant and um, He was. 00:03:34.159 --> 00:03:41.066 It was kind of hard because as a child I was abused sexually by family 00:03:41.099 --> 00:03:49.099 members of my stepdad's side. And um So it, the abortion and the 00:03:50.050 --> 00:03:56.136 miscarriages, um, I still do think my children are on the other side if 00:03:56.169 --> 00:04:02.786 anyone's spiritual. I think they are. You know, just like my kids now, and 00:04:02.819 --> 00:04:09.066 I feel spiritually that they do come around still and uh but those births 00:04:09.099 --> 00:04:15.025 I still hold on to. They live on the other side. They are human, I mean 00:04:15.058 --> 00:04:19.346 not human, but something I don't know what yet, but I do know that my 00:04:19.379 --> 00:04:27.379 children are still there. So. That's the 3 that I really cherish. Um, my 00:04:27.629 --> 00:04:30.717 son, though, I did get diabetes. 00:04:30.750 --> 00:04:37.395 When we almost hitting that borderline of diabetes. Uh, so that was really 00:04:37.428 --> 00:04:42.805 surprising, um, and that was around When I was like 6 months pregnant with 00:04:42.838 --> 00:04:49.166 him, the second birth, my son. Do you think that was all like stress? I 00:04:49.199 --> 00:04:53.776 think it was more stress too, and um. 00:04:53.809 --> 00:04:59.356 Not having my partner there and uh. 00:04:59.389 --> 00:05:02.805 Let's see what else. 00:05:02.838 --> 00:05:05.947 So were you doing it on your own at this point? I was basically doing it 00:05:05.980 --> 00:05:12.226 on my own. I was literally trying to stay healthy, but um he, we only had 00:05:12.259 --> 00:05:20.137 one ride. We only And uh but it, it was good because later on, we did find 00:05:20.170 --> 00:05:27.836 out that, you know, he was kind of cheating on me and um It Made us 00:05:27.869 --> 00:05:32.507 stronger in the end though, because he did realize after his son was born 00:05:32.540 --> 00:05:39.036 , he he told me right away after he came out that he was sorry he, you 00:05:39.069 --> 00:05:44.156 know, he, he did not know how much trouble he put me through and that he 00:05:44.189 --> 00:05:50.846 understands now and There's a lot of things when we go somewhere where 00:05:50.879 --> 00:05:57.447 they've been and I'm still having some emotional stress towards that, but 00:05:57.480 --> 00:06:00.356 uh 00:06:00.389 --> 00:06:04.676 Both pregnancies have been a blessing. They've both been blessings, so 00:06:04.709 --> 00:06:09.995 that's why I am glad I still have children because there was a point where 00:06:10.028 --> 00:06:14.676 I was told with the abortion I would not be able to have kids. So I 00:06:14.709 --> 00:06:20.796 literally had to pray for my kids. Well, were you when you were 18 and you 00:06:20.829 --> 00:06:25.317 got pregnant, were you thinking that you couldn't get pregnant? Well, At 00:06:25.350 --> 00:06:29.346 that point, like it was more of me and my boyfriend just wanting to hang 00:06:29.379 --> 00:06:35.276 on to each other. He was my first love and being hurt so many times and 00:06:35.309 --> 00:06:42.387 letting, you know, just this man. Hold me, you know, caress me and really 00:06:42.420 --> 00:06:46.986 love me for me instead of just all this abuse that I had in my life. Like 00:06:47.019 --> 00:06:54.836 I felt loved for the first time and, and That's kind of where we were like 00:06:54.869 --> 00:07:01.586 , oh, OK, um, if we because our parents had told us one time, his mom, if 00:07:01.619 --> 00:07:08.245 you were 18, it would have been at least OK. So How old were you? Uh, I 00:07:08.278 --> 00:07:15.046 was 14 when I first had my abortion, and then I was 18. With the with the 00:07:15.079 --> 00:07:18.967 same man. So we've been together ever since we were in middle school. Yeah 00:07:19.000 --> 00:07:26.846 , we met actually over there across the street, um. In the old casino So 00:07:26.879 --> 00:07:31.046 this whole reservation right here is like a lot of history between me and 00:07:31.079 --> 00:07:33.697 him. 00:07:33.730 --> 00:07:37.366 Um, so we're still together, still married. 00:07:37.399 --> 00:07:43.156 It took a lot out of me to find balance between my family and having my 00:07:43.189 --> 00:07:48.656 own stuff and then having him together with me, um, a lot of apologizing, 00:07:48.689 --> 00:07:56.689 a lot of, I regret doing this, and a lot of reassuring happened. And Um, 00:07:57.829 --> 00:08:05.305 yeah, we got married and had a reception here and uh Kahii was the the boy 00:08:05.338 --> 00:08:10.046 was maybe 5 months old. 00:08:10.079 --> 00:08:14.526 Do you have you been able to trust him again like emotionally? I think I 00:08:14.559 --> 00:08:22.559 have, um, not a lot, but I think I have came around to, I trust you to 00:08:22.920 --> 00:08:27.127 have a phone because at first it was a lot of trouble to have a phone in 00:08:27.160 --> 00:08:32.765 our relationship, especially a smartphone because that's what he had and 00:08:32.798 --> 00:08:38.547 thank goodness I was technology. You know, just knowledgeable about 00:08:38.580 --> 00:08:42.496 technology because uh that was the way I found out. It was, it was a lot 00:08:42.529 --> 00:08:49.875 of being so crazy. I lost a really good job across the street from it. Um 00:08:49.908 --> 00:08:56.206 yeah, so when I lost everything I've literally lost everything and then I 00:08:56.239 --> 00:09:04.239 got bad into um. Just Just being home all the time and just and then 00:09:04.279 --> 00:09:09.167 getting pregnant, I thought that would help heal from the first one, which 00:09:09.200 --> 00:09:13.606 it did because it gave me a new, you know, but there was always that 00:09:13.639 --> 00:09:19.287 frightening um feeling that this could be taken away from me. Like this 00:09:19.320 --> 00:09:24.686 baby could literally stop and I could just it could just fall out and I 00:09:24.719 --> 00:09:31.986 was like losing the the carriage was my It was my biggest fear ever having 00:09:32.019 --> 00:09:38.476 a baby, and he talks about wanting to have another one, but my, I'm afraid 00:09:38.509 --> 00:09:44.177 with um Just how my body's been and and what it's been put through, I'm 00:09:44.210 --> 00:09:47.765 afraid that I might lose another one and I might have to have that long 00:09:47.798 --> 00:09:54.726 distance relationship. Again, so yeah. Yeah, you've really been through a 00:09:54.759 --> 00:09:59.797 lot and you guys, it's just so in awe the fact that you're together and 00:09:59.830 --> 00:10:05.496 like you said, stronger as a result, but you know to. Certainly not to let 00:10:05.529 --> 00:10:12.927 him off the hook, but um. The youthfulness of it too probably played into 00:10:12.960 --> 00:10:16.366 some of those bad decisions. And now do you feel like you're in a 00:10:16.399 --> 00:10:20.885 different place, since you're more mature? Yes, yes. The things that I've 00:10:20.918 --> 00:10:26.686 done before we got married, though, I think really made me a stronger 00:10:26.719 --> 00:10:34.645 person though, because um we were just 18, we couldn't do nothing, um, 00:10:34.678 --> 00:10:42.307 literally. I used to do. Let him go to strip clubs and let him get dances 00:10:42.340 --> 00:10:48.385 and just literally stand to the side cause I felt like um. This man is 00:10:48.418 --> 00:10:51.787 going to be with me for the rest of my life. He's never gonna venture out 00:10:51.820 --> 00:10:58.866 like this. Um, let's do this while you're, you're young and we're not 00:10:58.899 --> 00:11:05.167 married yet. Let it get him out of his system. He I don't know how I let 00:11:05.200 --> 00:11:08.446 him think that he could just, you know, go out and do it on his own. I 00:11:08.479 --> 00:11:13.686 told him I never wanted that, but now it's really paid off because he 00:11:13.719 --> 00:11:17.566 doesn't have a desire to do those things. He doesn't have that desire to 00:11:17.599 --> 00:11:22.486 go be pleased like that. He just He's seen how far we can go, how much 00:11:22.519 --> 00:11:29.866 money you can spend, how much it sends you down into a downhill. So I, I 00:11:29.899 --> 00:11:35.226 have good and bad reasons with that of why I made that decision, but now 00:11:35.259 --> 00:11:43.259 I'm happy I did because uh He's amazing now, he. 00:11:43.288 --> 00:11:48.496 He helps me and supports me and on so much things. So literally going 00:11:48.529 --> 00:11:56.047 through bad for so long and then just working it out and making sure um 00:11:56.080 --> 00:12:01.005 you guys are always communicate. Communication I think is like key role. I 00:12:01.038 --> 00:12:05.907 mean they don't lie key key role it would be probably communication and 00:12:05.940 --> 00:12:11.106 and just supporting each other because I support him and now we have like 00:12:11.139 --> 00:12:14.467 so many businesses like I said, we have the fry bread business we do on 00:12:14.500 --> 00:12:20.005 the weekends, so I've really come like a really big um. Kind of like a 00:12:20.038 --> 00:12:26.446 light in his room. So I sell fry bread. He's able to, you know, get 00:12:26.479 --> 00:12:32.125 benefits from that. I'm able to contribute a lot more and I don't feel so 00:12:32.158 --> 00:12:36.246 depressed like I used to be where I felt like I just had to stay home and 00:12:36.279 --> 00:12:43.167 then getting this job. So I literally can say I have so much faith that I 00:12:43.200 --> 00:12:48.917 think I could really show someone who else has faith that as long as you 00:12:48.950 --> 00:12:55.836 keep going. And even if you want kids, you can have it. Yeah, that's great. 00:12:55.869 --> 00:12:59.885 Um, did you, what was life, uh, at home with the kids? I mean, were you 00:12:59.918 --> 00:13:05.856 nursing? Were they, did they have any issues? Um, my first daughter, she 00:13:05.889 --> 00:13:10.456 was able to be, uh, 00:13:10.489 --> 00:13:14.895 Breastfed from 00:13:14.928 --> 00:13:21.456 Most of her first year, she was really really good at breastfeeding. She 00:13:21.489 --> 00:13:27.275 would never ever latch on to me. I just had always a problem with that, um. 00:13:27.308 --> 00:13:31.186 I didn't really like doing that. I'd rather have it, you know, suctioned 00:13:31.219 --> 00:13:38.226 out and then bottle fed, um, but the concern with that was teeth and and 00:13:38.259 --> 00:13:42.427 stuff like that. Would, would it grow right? Would they, you know, from a 00:13:42.460 --> 00:13:50.460 natural nipple, from a birthing bottle, so it I chose to do half and half 00:13:50.548 --> 00:13:56.917 , um, with my son though. I really had difficulty with him latching on 00:13:56.950 --> 00:14:04.427 with um with him drinking it, uh. When he did drink it, he would get 00:14:04.460 --> 00:14:11.797 frustrated because it wouldn't flow. Um, I tried and tried the first day 00:14:11.830 --> 00:14:17.717 he came out. I tried to pump and pump and pump, and it was so hard. I 00:14:17.750 --> 00:14:22.057 don't know why it was, but it was like that. And it was really weird 00:14:22.090 --> 00:14:28.246 because I had a tooth problem and I did not know that going into labor. So 00:14:28.279 --> 00:14:33.326 when they put the oxygen tank on me with the with my second one, I got 00:14:33.359 --> 00:14:41.086 really, really bad headache, like migraine headache. And so after I had my 00:14:41.119 --> 00:14:47.047 baby, I still felt that way. I felt like the epidural too on my second one 00:14:47.080 --> 00:14:55.080 messed my um My backup. Yes, because of the epidural, um. I have no idea. 00:14:57.849 --> 00:15:02.496 The anesthesiologist, I remember just leaning over round it. My first one 00:15:02.529 --> 00:15:10.529 went perfect. I knew what to do and I had to do a blood patch. 00:15:10.658 --> 00:15:12.667 Because 00:15:12.700 --> 00:15:17.467 I just don't know why. There was just a bad shock that went down my right 00:15:17.500 --> 00:15:25.346 leg and it literally went flying up and um he said that he had to do 00:15:25.379 --> 00:15:31.395 another one, but he and I had to do French 00:15:31.428 --> 00:15:36.787 French Trus or something like that transfusions. Yeah. I had to do that. 00:15:36.820 --> 00:15:42.927 They did that and then they went ahead and numbed me again. So it was 00:15:42.960 --> 00:15:49.217 really hard because now when I try to um bend over, lift up stuff, it is 00:15:49.250 --> 00:15:57.250 so much harder than what it was. So epidural for my next one, I'm not sure 00:15:58.479 --> 00:16:06.037 and that's the another concern is is the epidurals and um I just don't. I 00:16:06.070 --> 00:16:10.616 don't think so. Did you have them both vaginally? 00:16:10.649 --> 00:16:15.755 Yeah. Was your partner there? Uh, my partner was there for both of them, 00:16:15.788 --> 00:16:21.467 so I did get to have him there for both of them. Did you know the sexes? I 00:16:21.500 --> 00:16:28.096 But yes, the second one, I was more um at the end of my pregnancy, that's 00:16:28.129 --> 00:16:33.015 when Jordan came back to me. My husband's name is Jordan, so he came back 00:16:33.048 --> 00:16:41.048 to me, um, and we kind of got to have a normal baby event, so I'm I'm not 00:16:43.369 --> 00:16:48.616 sure what they would call it. No, um, 00:16:48.649 --> 00:16:52.537 kind of like just the stuff that you get to do like the measuring the 00:16:52.570 --> 00:16:56.895 belly and stuff like that, the, the leading up to the pregnancy and having 00:16:56.928 --> 00:17:02.417 having the baby is, is what we kind of got to finish at the end when I was 00:17:02.450 --> 00:17:08.377 big and and it was more and more exciting when you could find out the sex 00:17:08.410 --> 00:17:15.426 and so. That's more fun. It's it in that type of relationship, the stuff 00:17:15.459 --> 00:17:23.459 that's like that is more fun when you're Doing that. 00:17:23.719 --> 00:17:28.887 Yes. You know, birth experience of your son. That's pretty much it. That's 00:17:28.920 --> 00:17:34.045 all that happened really. Is it? OK. So it's just all these difficulties 00:17:34.078 --> 00:17:40.127 that have led up to those problems. That's why I include them because I've 00:17:40.160 --> 00:17:46.916 had way too much stress in my life. So did you, um, was when he, you guys 00:17:46.949 --> 00:17:50.276 were able to find out the sex together? Were you both wanting a boy? Were 00:17:50.309 --> 00:17:55.075 you excited about? I think we did. We wanted, we wanted a boy. We wanted 00:17:55.108 --> 00:18:02.176 uh I just wanted him to be a role model for somebody. Um, and I think our 00:18:02.209 --> 00:18:06.416 son really helped him pull that through because now he does, he works his 00:18:06.449 --> 00:18:11.496 butt off just doing side jobs and side jobs. So we have like, like I said 00:18:11.529 --> 00:18:16.565 , we have like 4 different businesses, so, uh, landscaping, fry bread here 00:18:16.598 --> 00:18:22.746 , um, he has his maintenance job, so. Literally, it's a lot of work. So 00:18:22.779 --> 00:18:26.107 when you look back at this, I mean, it's amazing how long you guys have 00:18:26.140 --> 00:18:30.785 known each other. You've really grown up together. When you look back on 00:18:30.818 --> 00:18:35.916 this, what do you think? I mean, do you reflect on that experience? 00:18:35.949 --> 00:18:43.776 I do. I really do, um, I have pictures of him and. When we're having hard 00:18:43.809 --> 00:18:48.055 times, I really like to look back at the picture he gave me when we first 00:18:48.088 --> 00:18:53.785 met because it was just like there was nothing wrong. I just missed you 00:18:53.818 --> 00:18:59.295 and it takes you back and it kind of makes you really remember and miss 00:18:59.328 --> 00:19:04.617 that time because you're in such a hard time. And so yeah, that was, that 00:19:04.650 --> 00:19:09.085 was one of just the things that pulled me through was reminding myself who 00:19:09.118 --> 00:19:17.118 he was, who he really, really was, so. Yeah, we can be. Yeah, OK, actually 00:19:17.400 --> 00:19:21.565 , do you have any questions? I just have one question. I was curious, um, 00:19:21.598 --> 00:19:26.406 earlier you were talking about when you first became pregnant at 18 and a 00:19:26.439 --> 00:19:31.276 lot of your initial care was you had to drive like through your tribe, you 00:19:31.309 --> 00:19:34.045 had to drive to the valley. So what was that? What was that like? Like 00:19:34.078 --> 00:19:39.496 what was, what did that kind of care entail? Uh, that really just was um 00:19:39.529 --> 00:19:46.815 prenatal. Uh, ultrasounds, making sure my health was OK, and that's um. 00:19:46.848 --> 00:19:54.848 Cuz I did the same routine with my son and uh. I found out down there when 00:19:55.009 --> 00:20:00.446 I was 5 months pregnant that I did almost hit where I was I needed to 00:20:00.479 --> 00:20:06.035 control what I was eating, um, sugar intakes and stuff like that. 00:20:06.068 --> 00:20:11.555 Interesting. So what was your mom's? Do you have siblings? What was your 00:20:11.588 --> 00:20:16.285 family history of birth? I mean, did your mom also go to Phoenix? Or how 00:20:16.318 --> 00:20:21.717 did you make? Um, I'm not really sure how she did it. I do know because 00:20:21.750 --> 00:20:27.367 she grew up in kind of like a foster home care system, and I did too for 00:20:27.400 --> 00:20:30.656 the period of like 00:20:30.689 --> 00:20:37.295 Till I was maybe 2 or 3 and I finally got out of there, but um for me, I 00:20:37.328 --> 00:20:42.335 didn't consider it a foster home. It was just more like my grandparents, 00:20:42.368 --> 00:20:46.575 you know, and uh they took really good care of me and then my mom got her 00:20:46.608 --> 00:20:54.335 on her own, and then she had kids later with her her um husband and um but 00:20:54.368 --> 00:21:02.368 yeah. She's have, she has uh. Two boys and a girl. So girl boy girl boy, 00:21:02.838 --> 00:21:09.506 and that's crazy because I had the same thing was girl boy girl boy. So it 00:21:09.539 --> 00:21:14.785 was interesting cause I really liked paying attention to those um details 00:21:14.818 --> 00:21:20.196 like about kids where they look like. Or the baby who who looks like who, 00:21:20.229 --> 00:21:24.535 and I always feel like the boys look more like their moms and then the 00:21:24.568 --> 00:21:30.976 second kid looks more like or the second boy looks more like the dad. So 00:21:31.009 --> 00:21:36.137 it's it's really cool when you start because I took um children's 00:21:36.170 --> 00:21:40.295 education development or something like that in high school. So they 00:21:40.328 --> 00:21:47.097 talked about this different um. Pods where the child will end up, how they 00:21:47.130 --> 00:21:51.617 look and stuff like that. So that was a really nice like uh experiment to 00:21:51.650 --> 00:21:58.246 go through. So. Yeah, absolutely. So when you miscarried, were you very 00:21:58.279 --> 00:22:04.726 far along? Um, I was literally maybe weeks along, but it was really 00:22:04.759 --> 00:22:08.607 interesting because on my last one, 00:22:08.640 --> 00:22:16.446 it was more recent. Uh, it was before my daughter, before my first one, 00:22:16.479 --> 00:22:24.075 and um I would think I've maybe been 17. 00:22:24.108 --> 00:22:26.506 And 00:22:26.539 --> 00:22:32.946 I couldn't, it was like it. I stopped being pregnant. I found out in 00:22:32.979 --> 00:22:38.305 Winslow and I 00:22:38.338 --> 00:22:44.166 Didn't miscarry. It stayed in me until. 00:22:44.199 --> 00:22:50.367 A few months later it came out because I was wondering, you know, how, how 00:22:50.400 --> 00:22:54.486 small was it and that actually is the child I buried up here, the one I 00:22:54.519 --> 00:23:00.647 got to keep because my first two, the first one got taken by the abortion 00:23:00.680 --> 00:23:07.726 people. Um, so I really didn't get no closure with that one. the second 00:23:07.759 --> 00:23:15.597 one. Um, my mother, she was kind of, uh, she was really traditional where 00:23:15.630 --> 00:23:22.357 they would bury the fetus underneath a young tree. So that's where that 00:23:22.390 --> 00:23:27.196 one happened, but I like to tell my kids, you know, I want you to know 00:23:27.229 --> 00:23:33.637 that I think of, you know, you guys all being here. Uh, so That's just how 00:23:33.670 --> 00:23:39.815 I kind of cope with with the lost ones. Yeah, you have to find some way to 00:23:39.848 --> 00:23:43.936 cope with it, because if you don't, they're like on a, you're, they're 00:23:43.969 --> 00:23:48.585 always on your mind, you're always feeling like you lost. Something and 00:23:48.618 --> 00:23:52.545 then I'm next, you know, I'm making more kids to to replace them and I 00:23:52.578 --> 00:23:57.426 don't want to do that. I'm happy where I am. I understand about having 00:23:57.459 --> 00:24:04.276 kids now and it takes a lot of work. It literally does, and I, I wish. I 00:24:04.309 --> 00:24:08.397 really wish I would have waited. As special as my kids are, I wish I would 00:24:08.430 --> 00:24:15.117 have waited to give myself a future, to educate myself, to to not have to 00:24:15.150 --> 00:24:21.276 take care of my kids while I'm Trying to go to school and and I mean it 00:24:21.309 --> 00:24:25.597 was literally hard. It's been, it's been still hard because I have to go 00:24:25.630 --> 00:24:31.085 through school. And I have to find babysitters and it's just it's not like 00:24:31.118 --> 00:24:36.486 a college person should be where it's no children until you get to that 00:24:36.519 --> 00:24:40.535 appropriate age. Now my daughter, I share everything about my past with 00:24:40.568 --> 00:24:46.127 her. I try not to keep it from her. I try not to tell her that it's bad, 00:24:46.160 --> 00:24:51.325 so she understands that waiting and waiting for that right person is is 00:24:51.358 --> 00:24:58.266 the best thing for her and That's uh she's old enough to let me tell her 00:24:58.299 --> 00:25:05.226 things and she's really, she's really a good kid. Yeah, I, I teach at ASU 00:25:05.259 --> 00:25:09.746 and um I just talked to our dean recently about having a better support 00:25:09.779 --> 00:25:15.147 network for the moms that are going going to school, you know, and how 00:25:15.180 --> 00:25:19.545 they need to be acknowledged. It's much, it's, it's a whole added layer of 00:25:19.578 --> 00:25:23.825 challenge that the standard student doesn't experience, you know, and 00:25:23.858 --> 00:25:28.305 there's there's a very limited support network for those people, you know. 00:25:28.338 --> 00:25:34.496 Yeah, so when it's really the time is really the biggest problem I have 00:25:34.529 --> 00:25:39.736 is time. What I mean, how am I going to be able to work this and then go 00:25:39.769 --> 00:25:43.956 to school. So I literally have to take off work from this, stop being paid 00:25:43.989 --> 00:25:51.989 , and then go over there. So it's hard. It is. Um, well, thank you for 00:25:53.368 --> 00:25:59.406 sharing with us. I know it's not a really pretty story, but it's it's a 00:25:59.439 --> 00:26:06.335 difficulty pregnancy, and I think most of the problems came from all that 00:26:06.368 --> 00:26:09.256 craziness. So if there's ladies going through craziness and they're 00:26:09.289 --> 00:26:13.055 wondering why is my children like this, you know, it might have been a 00:26:13.088 --> 00:26:16.575 little bit of that. Yes, stress has a lot to do with how your body 00:26:16.608 --> 00:26:22.130 functions. Well, it sounds like you're in a really good place now.