WEBVTT 00:00:01.710 --> 00:00:07.117 OK, both. OK. So this is Boris Solis interviewing Lauren Christopher on 00:00:07.150 --> 00:00:12.656 May 26th, 6 at 6:20 for the Creative Push project. All right, so if you 00:00:12.689 --> 00:00:17.616 could take us back to the conception. Oh well, um, my husband and I got 00:00:17.649 --> 00:00:25.137 married in May of 2010, um, and just from the get-go I uh stopped birth 00:00:25.170 --> 00:00:28.576 control because it was that thing like you, you know, you're on it for so 00:00:28.609 --> 00:00:32.656 many years and you don't know how long it's gonna take. So I stopped it 00:00:32.689 --> 00:00:36.777 when we got married and I figured we'll just have fun, not stress and just 00:00:36.810 --> 00:00:44.256 go for it. And so I June July 2 months, 2 months and I um I ended up 00:00:44.289 --> 00:00:48.847 getting pregnant like the first week of August. So it was way quicker than 00:00:48.880 --> 00:00:54.176 I really had anticipated, um, which was fine because, you know, then in 00:00:54.209 --> 00:00:57.976 hindsight, the way school worked and my job that I currently had it all 00:00:58.009 --> 00:01:02.417 just fell all fell into place at the right time. So, um, so I got pregnant 00:01:02.450 --> 00:01:05.656 naturally, you know, and then during that time I did have friends that 00:01:05.689 --> 00:01:10.837 were having a hard time, so it was really a big concern of mine. Um, but 00:01:10.870 --> 00:01:15.477 the pregnancy came a bit of a surprise, like I said, cause I thought I'd 00:01:15.510 --> 00:01:20.436 take longer, but it was so fun. Pregnancy was so fun. I just, I loved 00:01:20.469 --> 00:01:24.635 being pregnant and, you know, knock on wood, it was an uneventful 00:01:24.668 --> 00:01:29.596 pregnancy. Just, I felt like every time I go to the doctor, it would just 00:01:29.629 --> 00:01:33.555 be the same like the same questions and the same answers and nothing went 00:01:33.588 --> 00:01:38.096 off the charts and I was very comfortable with that. So, Also, just a 00:01:38.129 --> 00:01:43.176 little backstory, my mom had natural births with all 4 of us. There's 4 of 00:01:43.209 --> 00:01:47.055 us and she actually birthed my brother, who's older than me at home. So 00:01:47.088 --> 00:01:51.245 that's kind of always been my experience of birth stories as my mom. 00:01:51.278 --> 00:01:55.587 Natural birthing, natural, and when I say natural, unmedicated, of course 00:01:55.620 --> 00:01:59.665 , um, and so she was totally unmedicated and that's really, and then so 00:01:59.698 --> 00:02:05.956 then my older sister, um. Has my, the oldest grandchild who's a niece, and 00:02:05.989 --> 00:02:10.636 then the second oldest who's my nephew, and she again, she not unmedicated. 00:02:10.669 --> 00:02:14.036 She had both of hers first unmedicated and I was there for the whole time 00:02:14.069 --> 00:02:18.036 with my niece and it was To say the least, probably one of the hardest 00:02:18.069 --> 00:02:23.005 things I've seen anyone go through, but it was so. Uh, triumphant, and I 00:02:23.038 --> 00:02:28.166 was like, that is amazing. And so then her second came and he came within 00:02:28.199 --> 00:02:31.446 a couple hours. I think she like had him in like 20 minutes. And so I was 00:02:31.479 --> 00:02:34.805 like, OK, we could do this, and I was pregnant when he was born. So I was 00:02:34.838 --> 00:02:39.085 like, I'm gonna try the unmedicated route. And so that was my birth plan. 00:02:39.118 --> 00:02:43.047 My birth plan was to just labor at home as long as I could, go to the 00:02:43.080 --> 00:02:48.376 hospital when I had to. Leave her there as long as I could and just go, go 00:02:48.409 --> 00:02:54.376 for it. Um, but about 2.5 weeks prior to her due date, uh, my water broke 00:02:54.409 --> 00:03:00.055 . I had gone to lunch with a friend and um we got, I got in the car to go 00:03:00.088 --> 00:03:04.177 and I, you know, the the the same thing like did I pee my pants scenario 00:03:04.210 --> 00:03:07.106 and I'm sitting there and every time I'm like breathing or talking it's 00:03:07.139 --> 00:03:11.177 gushing and I call my husband and I was actually on my way for one of my 00:03:11.210 --> 00:03:14.416 weekly appointments and he's like, well just still go to the doctor and 00:03:14.449 --> 00:03:18.686 I'll meet you there. So I go to the doctor and I had to tie. A t-shirt 00:03:18.719 --> 00:03:22.487 around my waist and I go in and I just look at the nurses and I I think my 00:03:22.520 --> 00:03:25.047 water broke and she was like, yes, your water broke, you need to go to the 00:03:25.080 --> 00:03:29.126 hospital. So I went directly across the street to the hospital and it was 00:03:29.159 --> 00:03:34.927 just a mess, um, as they always say, but it's not Hollywood water breaking. 00:03:34.960 --> 00:03:37.406 I mean, it's just the funniest thing the way they portray water breaking 00:03:37.439 --> 00:03:40.446 in Hollywood, you know, the screeching to the hospital, the contractions 00:03:40.479 --> 00:03:44.916 right away. It's so, I mean, it's just a lot of liquid, but nothing else. 00:03:44.949 --> 00:03:48.495 So we just hung out in triage for a long time while they cleaned 00:03:48.528 --> 00:03:51.816 everything up and got me checked in, um, and again in my head I was like, 00:03:51.849 --> 00:03:57.396 OK, I'll labor. I walked, I made them put a, um, I don't know exactly what 00:03:57.429 --> 00:04:00.376 they call it, but they just put like an entry port into my hand. So in 00:04:00.409 --> 00:04:03.335 case I need to have medication, they have to make sure they get that IV in 00:04:03.368 --> 00:04:07.457 me. So I just had them put that entry port so I could get up and walk and 00:04:07.490 --> 00:04:14.406 move, um, and that was, I want to say like 2 p.m. Is when I was checked 00:04:14.439 --> 00:04:21.255 into triage and. Um, I just, I moved, I walked and I was maybe it was 00:04:21.288 --> 00:04:25.426 maybe 2 centimeters. I mean, I was, it was, it was a joke of a dilation. I 00:04:25.459 --> 00:04:28.844 mean, it was not my body was like besides the water breaking, it was like 00:04:28.877 --> 00:04:33.015 not going to give this baby up. So we walked and walked and I birthed and 00:04:33.048 --> 00:04:37.615 not birth I'm sorry, I labored and labored. Um I had a ball, I stood, I 00:04:37.648 --> 00:04:44.786 puked, I showered. I pooped. I did everything. And finally, at, I want to 00:04:44.819 --> 00:04:49.507 say about 4 a.m., so about 14 hours into this. After puking many times, I 00:04:49.540 --> 00:04:53.546 just looked up at my husband and I was like, that's it. I'm not, I can't, 00:04:53.579 --> 00:04:57.717 I can't prove anything more. I'm done. I need to sleep because I was 00:04:57.750 --> 00:05:03.106 always, I was still. 00:05:03.139 --> 00:05:11.139 I was um I was, uh, I lost my train of thought, so I was. 00:05:11.619 --> 00:05:17.697 14 hours into this, I was exhausted and I just needed a break. I was tired 00:05:17.730 --> 00:05:22.187 and oh and I was only about 6 maybe 7 centimeters and I still had to push 00:05:22.220 --> 00:05:27.187 . I was so I looked at my husband and I said that's it, do it. So they 00:05:27.220 --> 00:05:31.586 scheduled the anesthesiologist and he came in and he gave it to me and oh 00:05:31.619 --> 00:05:37.086 my gosh, from about 4 a.m. to 8 a.m. I pause. 00:05:37.119 --> 00:05:43.697 Until she her question was answered. 00:05:43.730 --> 00:05:47.395 The good older sister, she got the Miss Manners award at school today 00:05:47.428 --> 00:05:55.428 because she's the rule follower. Thank you, Laney. You guys need a hush. 00:05:55.850 --> 00:06:02.765 So from like 4 a.m. 34 a.m. till about 7 a.m. I just got the best sleep. 00:06:02.798 --> 00:06:06.447 Oh my gosh, I just slept. And there's a picture of me sleeping on the bed 00:06:06.480 --> 00:06:11.567 with my husband on the ball at my feet, and I just remember being in 00:06:11.600 --> 00:06:14.567 complete bliss. I was so relaxed and I woke up and they're like, OK, 00:06:14.600 --> 00:06:19.606 you're 10 centimeters. And I'm like, thank the Lord. Why would a women do 00:06:19.639 --> 00:06:24.515 this any other way? So then I was like, my sister was in the room and I'm 00:06:24.548 --> 00:06:29.395 like, you're crazy, but this is great. So 10 centimeters doctor came in, 00:06:29.428 --> 00:06:34.387 um, pushed, I felt like forever, but I think it ended up being like Maybe 00:06:34.420 --> 00:06:40.467 45 minutes I pushed, um, and, and she came out and really healthy. I, I, I 00:06:40.500 --> 00:06:42.856 think I tore a little bit. They didn't have to cut, I tore a little bit, 00:06:42.889 --> 00:06:48.036 um. And I just remember when she came out, I still could feel so much. I 00:06:48.069 --> 00:06:52.356 was really surprised and afterwards the doctor. I'm just going to check 00:06:52.389 --> 00:07:00.389 over here. 00:07:00.389 --> 00:07:04.176 OK, can you guys go to the other group now? 00:07:04.209 --> 00:07:11.507 over there. OK, good. Let's go to the other room. 00:07:11.540 --> 00:07:14.596 Um, I just remember this sense of relief. Oh my gosh, when she came out 00:07:14.629 --> 00:07:18.726 and it was like I told the doctor, I'm like, I seriously felt a lot of her 00:07:18.759 --> 00:07:22.606 coming out and she said, that's normal. The, the people think anesthesia 00:07:22.639 --> 00:07:27.075 just like numbs you completely. She goes, No, you can still feel that head 00:07:27.108 --> 00:07:30.967 and the fire and everything. And I was I was very thankful because that 00:07:31.000 --> 00:07:33.846 was the only thing in my head I was kind of feeling like I was going to 00:07:33.879 --> 00:07:37.717 miss out on. 00:07:37.750 --> 00:07:42.086 Right here 00:07:42.119 --> 00:07:48.726 Lanie, can you please turn those off? That's too loud. 00:07:48.759 --> 00:07:55.447 Can you take Elsie's away? 00:07:55.480 --> 00:07:57.757 Just put those away for the rest of the night, we'll play with them 00:07:57.790 --> 00:08:03.805 tomorrow. 00:08:03.838 --> 00:08:07.805 Does your husband make furniture or did we had somebody make this for us 00:08:07.838 --> 00:08:11.726 um from Texas, yeah, out of an old house, you know, people in Texas, they 00:08:11.759 --> 00:08:15.007 have access to this beautiful barn wood. So a lot of people make 00:08:15.040 --> 00:08:20.776 businesses out of it, which is fantastic. So we paid someone to make it. 00:08:20.809 --> 00:08:28.705 Um, So if there's if that is that background too much? OK. OK. 00:08:28.738 --> 00:08:33.907 Laney, can you please turn those off? OK, look, OK, come here, honey, come 00:08:33.940 --> 00:08:39.667 here. Thank you. Can you please go upstairs to Daddy's room and tell him 00:08:39.700 --> 00:08:47.700 that you guys are ready to go to the store? Have Elsie go with you. I 00:08:48.629 --> 00:08:55.167 Go tell Daddy you're ready to go to the store. 00:08:55.200 --> 00:09:00.287 She's she's like a truck. That's totally how I walk. My mom will be like, 00:09:00.320 --> 00:09:02.807 I could hear you coming down the grocery. Like I knew which grocery store 00:09:02.840 --> 00:09:07.167 aisle you were in before. She's a truck. She's anything she does, she's 00:09:07.200 --> 00:09:15.200 freaks. It's so funny. Um, so I, course last where I was, but um. So 00:09:15.308 --> 00:09:18.196 you're talking about the fact that you could feel it, right? And I was 00:09:18.229 --> 00:09:23.275 very proud of that and happy for that. So she, uh she came out and um and 00:09:23.308 --> 00:09:26.476 it was like I looked up, I remember looking at my doctor and just being 00:09:26.509 --> 00:09:31.557 like, oh my God, you get to do this every day. This is fantastic. This is 00:09:31.590 --> 00:09:34.797 a miracle. This is crazy. And I was just in, you know, of course you feel 00:09:34.830 --> 00:09:37.395 nothing after that and she's sewing me up and cleaning me out and 00:09:37.428 --> 00:09:41.736 everything's going on down there and I'm just In heaven and you know, the 00:09:41.769 --> 00:09:45.135 baby is healthy, which is huge, and my husband's so happy and my mom was 00:09:45.168 --> 00:09:49.667 there. I'm pretty sure both my sisters were there, my dad might have been 00:09:49.700 --> 00:09:53.907 there, you know, it kind of all blurred because it was like at that moment 00:09:53.940 --> 00:09:57.557 it was just chase and I. 00:09:57.590 --> 00:10:02.287 So, um, 00:10:02.320 --> 00:10:04.467 Yeah. 00:10:04.500 --> 00:10:09.346 I said that it was time to go to the store, but he didn't even wake up. Oh 00:10:09.379 --> 00:10:13.787 really? Oh he sleeping? OK, all right, well then, can you go in the room, 00:10:13.820 --> 00:10:17.145 go in the living room and put on a show and don't play with those 00:10:17.178 --> 00:10:22.226 walkie-talkies. But mom, yeah, I'm watching the news. OK, go, go turn the 00:10:22.259 --> 00:10:25.255 news on. 00:10:25.288 --> 00:10:28.177 OK, can you sit on the couch nice and quiet, and Elsie, you could go call 00:10:28.210 --> 00:10:32.265 her. Just be nice and quiet, please. 00:10:32.298 --> 00:10:35.907 No, I think she's pretending because every night, you know, some kids 00:10:35.940 --> 00:10:38.186 don't want you to stay up after them. They think they're going to miss out 00:10:38.219 --> 00:10:40.907 on things. She doesn't want me to go to bed. When she goes to bed, she 00:10:40.940 --> 00:10:44.547 wants me to stay up and watch the news. So she so she knows I'm still 00:10:44.580 --> 00:10:48.467 awake when she sleeps. So I always tell her, oh, go watch the news for 10 00:10:48.500 --> 00:10:53.255 minutes and you go to sleep. So thanks for pretending to watch the news. 00:10:53.288 --> 00:10:58.775 She's so funny. Can I actually backtrack with you? OK, so if you can talk 00:10:58.808 --> 00:11:03.657 about the being pregnant part, you know it felt like when you found out 00:11:03.690 --> 00:11:06.015 you were pregnant and it was this really early and it was a little 00:11:06.048 --> 00:11:10.537 unexpected, and then did you find out the sex and was there anything about 00:11:10.570 --> 00:11:14.255 being pregnant that was a surprise or any of that stuff? Yeah, you have a 00:11:14.288 --> 00:11:17.177 , OK. 00:11:17.210 --> 00:11:20.775 So besides being of course surprised it happened so early and it being a 00:11:20.808 --> 00:11:25.586 non-eventful pregnancy. Um, we did find out the gender and we went in for 00:11:25.619 --> 00:11:29.846 the, you know, the anatomy, the 20 week scan, and the radiologist says, OK 00:11:29.879 --> 00:11:33.106 , do you want to find the sex out and, you know, I'm like, yeah, and my 00:11:33.139 --> 00:11:37.525 husband, he's like, Wait, you don't have to figure out, like you don't 00:11:37.558 --> 00:11:40.645 have to for the health of the baby and I was like, no, and he goes, no, 00:11:40.678 --> 00:11:44.525 then don't find out. And I was like, no, no, I'm not prepared for that. I 00:11:44.558 --> 00:11:48.927 need to know the sex of the baby. So, so we found out and he goes, well 00:11:48.960 --> 00:11:51.686 then promise me on the next one we're not gonna find out. And I was like, 00:11:51.719 --> 00:11:56.316 OK, deal. Fair enough because I hadn't really prepared myself to not find 00:11:56.349 --> 00:11:58.427 out. 00:11:58.460 --> 00:12:02.375 So I, uh, so we found out it was a girl and you know, did the whole 00:12:02.408 --> 00:12:07.557 traditional, you know, the, you know, the, the, the post on Facebook told 00:12:07.590 --> 00:12:12.505 everybody all the gifts started coming in and um And in Tucson, yes, I 00:12:12.538 --> 00:12:16.706 have a huge support system. I mean, I just have, uh, my mom and my sister 00:12:16.739 --> 00:12:19.625 who had had two babies, and then my youngest sister is actually a NICU 00:12:19.658 --> 00:12:25.025 nurse, and she, so she's, you know, she sees it all, well, the worst of it 00:12:25.058 --> 00:12:29.346 , you should say, but so comfortable with babies and so I have um just a 00:12:29.379 --> 00:12:33.226 huge support system there. And so through my whole pregnancy, you know, 00:12:33.259 --> 00:12:35.505 everyone treats you like you're kind of handicapped and that's kind of fun 00:12:35.538 --> 00:12:39.515 , people coming over and Checking on me all the time and I was still 00:12:39.548 --> 00:12:44.236 working, no, no, I was not working. I was in school. So I was in school, 00:12:44.269 --> 00:12:52.135 um, and my professors were all, you know, super. Careful and cautious. 00:12:52.168 --> 00:12:54.807 They were being very cautious about, you know, making sure that I was 00:12:54.840 --> 00:12:58.407 comfortable. So through my whole pregnancy, I just had a lot of 00:12:58.440 --> 00:13:05.106 information and I'm definitely not one to, I don't Google things. 00:13:05.139 --> 00:13:10.717 Excuse me, that's much too loud. You need to hush. 00:13:10.750 --> 00:13:13.076 Can we pause for a second? I'm going to go to ask my husband if he can get 00:13:13.109 --> 00:13:15.427 up now. 00:13:15.460 --> 00:13:19.417 OK, we're going. OK. So I was talking about just my enormous support 00:13:19.450 --> 00:13:25.476 system. I just had everybody. Oh, and I was also saying that I am. I don't 00:13:25.509 --> 00:13:31.875 Google things because it just, it kept me up late at night and it and it 00:13:31.908 --> 00:13:35.395 didn't matter how much research I was doing, I learned my lesson very 00:13:35.428 --> 00:13:38.316 quickly that I could definitely find whatever answer I was not wanting to 00:13:38.349 --> 00:13:42.076 find, but I would find it. So I really stopped Googling things at the very 00:13:42.109 --> 00:13:48.986 beginning and just kind of letting things. Run its course, um. And then, 00:13:49.019 --> 00:13:52.667 so through the through the whole pregnancy, I just, I like to just say 00:13:52.700 --> 00:13:56.106 that I was more naive than anything and just kind of let my body do its 00:13:56.139 --> 00:14:02.907 thing. And with being aware of what the baby was doing and, you know, and 00:14:02.940 --> 00:14:07.586 I trusted my doctor so much. I mean she was just fantastic and I knew that 00:14:07.619 --> 00:14:10.625 she couldn't possibly, there was a chance she could possibly not be there 00:14:10.658 --> 00:14:14.576 for the birth. I was a little scared about that, uh, and she said that's 00:14:14.609 --> 00:14:18.895 normal that, you know, a lot of her clients will or patients would ask 00:14:18.928 --> 00:14:23.255 that she be there and she can't be there for all of them. Um, but luckily 00:14:23.288 --> 00:14:27.375 she was on call when my baby came, so I was so, so relieved. So she was 00:14:27.408 --> 00:14:30.395 there for that one and she actually was there, of course, for my second 00:14:30.428 --> 00:14:35.076 delivery as well. So she just we formed a really good bond um together and 00:14:35.109 --> 00:14:40.096 I just trusted her through the whole thing and my sisters and my mom and A 00:14:40.129 --> 00:14:43.775 lot of women in my life, I just trusted them all and I trusted my body the 00:14:43.808 --> 00:14:50.606 most. I just took good care of it and Um, and as long as, uh, the, the 00:14:50.639 --> 00:14:54.086 doctor that actually delivered myself and all my siblings and my brother 00:14:54.119 --> 00:15:01.287 at home for my mom, he was was very well known in Tucson and uh I was able 00:15:01.320 --> 00:15:04.486 to come back in contact with him when I was pregnant and so he said 00:15:04.519 --> 00:15:08.125 something to me that he had actually told my mom, and he was like, you 00:15:08.158 --> 00:15:10.967 know, do you feel good when you do that? And I said, yeah. And he goes, 00:15:11.000 --> 00:15:14.086 well then the baby probably feels good. So if you don't feel good, then 00:15:14.119 --> 00:15:17.047 the baby probably doesn't feel good. So, you know, think about it like 00:15:17.080 --> 00:15:19.967 that, and that was, you know, that was really smart because I think I was 00:15:20.000 --> 00:15:23.816 worried about like a hot bath or a jacuzzi or something and He was like, 00:15:23.849 --> 00:15:27.297 if you feel good, the baby feels good and so it was really, it was really 00:15:27.330 --> 00:15:32.976 a fun pregnancy. It was really fun. I loved being pregnant and I loved. 00:15:33.009 --> 00:15:37.775 Having the baby, the birth, being in the hospital and feeling that that 00:15:37.808 --> 00:15:43.525 that um no pain afterwards, just feeling so empowered. And like your body 00:15:43.558 --> 00:15:47.616 had just completed something that's so, so science fiction to me. It's 00:15:47.649 --> 00:15:52.736 just nothing can nothing can. Replace that, um, you know, and then of 00:15:52.769 --> 00:15:57.775 course after. It all comes down. I mean, you know, you come down, you 00:15:57.808 --> 00:16:00.907 realize you have this infant now and you're not sleeping and they're 00:16:00.940 --> 00:16:05.287 sucking on your boob all day and you're, you know, you're just never clean 00:16:05.320 --> 00:16:09.217 and so some of the reality sets in a few weeks after and I definitely got 00:16:09.250 --> 00:16:17.250 a little of the baby blues after and felt like I was alone. And I was 00:16:17.428 --> 00:16:21.836 thinking this baby was way easier inside of me. If I could just put her 00:16:21.869 --> 00:16:27.057 back inside me. I was really happy then. And I, and I, it's so much work 00:16:27.090 --> 00:16:30.856 when she's out here, uh, and I remember thinking that and nights were hard 00:16:30.889 --> 00:16:35.336 and just my whole breastfeeding was challenging, just trying to figure out 00:16:35.369 --> 00:16:39.895 how to hold her, when she wanted to eat, what my boobs felt like. So it 00:16:39.928 --> 00:16:44.375 was, it was definitely a, you know, whirlwind and in, in hindsight, I look 00:16:44.408 --> 00:16:49.375 back at what I was experiencing after my first born and I'm like 99% of 00:16:49.408 --> 00:16:53.797 women feel that way. The first born, all of my friends that had babies 00:16:53.830 --> 00:16:57.717 after me after they're first born, though they, even some of the women 00:16:57.750 --> 00:17:03.356 that I trusted the most to have it together. Just sleep deprivation will 00:17:03.389 --> 00:17:07.065 kill you. I mean, it just makes your brain mush and hormones. So I just 00:17:07.098 --> 00:17:11.756 see these women after they're first born and I'm like, I was not alone, 00:17:11.789 --> 00:17:17.585 and I tell them you're not alone. This is all normal. So I, um, so I'm, I 00:17:17.618 --> 00:17:20.986 , you know, again, in hindsight I think those, do we need to wait for that 00:17:21.019 --> 00:17:25.774 to pass a phone? It is. Yeah, I'll wait for that to pass. That's really 00:17:25.807 --> 00:17:28.865 good. I really love what you're saying. I think that's really great stuff. 00:17:28.898 --> 00:17:33.466 Yeah. I kind of went from like really high birthing to my postpartum, but 00:17:33.499 --> 00:17:38.024 I know it's good. Also, can you, um, was there anything about the like did 00:17:38.057 --> 00:17:41.565 you gain a lot of weight when you were pregnant? Did you have a lot of uh 00:17:41.598 --> 00:17:44.535 Any of the negative stuff that you remember or was there positive stuff 00:17:44.568 --> 00:17:47.627 that you were like, you know, my hair is so luscious and you know what I 00:17:47.660 --> 00:17:50.285 mean? Was there anything about that physical experience that was 00:17:50.318 --> 00:17:54.347 interesting? For me it was like a disconnect between me as I knew myself 00:17:54.380 --> 00:18:01.545 and then like me as a vessel human, right? Yes, that in itself is just the 00:18:01.578 --> 00:18:05.706 craziest thing to me. No, I felt, I felt like a very different person, but 00:18:05.739 --> 00:18:10.026 not in a negative way, just in this like super power way like this human 00:18:10.059 --> 00:18:15.676 was growing inside me and I did not gain a lot of weight. Um, I, I didn't 00:18:15.709 --> 00:18:19.156 , I mean, it's not that I felt like glowing and luscious. I definitely 00:18:19.189 --> 00:18:25.936 felt. I definitely felt plump but not fat, and I don't, I, you know, I 00:18:25.969 --> 00:18:30.666 think it was an it was an excessive amount of weight, um. But I just 00:18:30.699 --> 00:18:35.785 remember feeling like a totally different woman. I mean, I was like, I'm 00:18:35.818 --> 00:18:39.426 never gonna be that same person I was before I got pregnant. My body will 00:18:39.459 --> 00:18:45.266 never be that way again. Not physically, not emotionally, everything. So I 00:18:45.299 --> 00:18:51.186 just really, um, again, to the whole pregnancy thing, I just feel like it 00:18:51.219 --> 00:18:55.647 was it it was, I mean, I had to be so cliche, but it felt like it was just 00:18:55.680 --> 00:19:00.647 so magical. Because it was a smooth and and again seeing a lot of my 00:19:00.680 --> 00:19:06.246 friends have babies and some of them have really hard pregnancies, um, I 00:19:06.279 --> 00:19:12.526 feel like that I had a really easy, uneventful, and I felt good pregnancy 00:19:12.559 --> 00:19:18.127 and the first one, you know, I always did get pregnant a second time and 00:19:18.160 --> 00:19:22.196 it's crazy how different. In my, my sisters and I always talk about this, 00:19:22.229 --> 00:19:27.186 it's crazy how different every woman's pregnancy to birth story is even 00:19:27.219 --> 00:19:31.166 from child to child. Like 00:19:31.199 --> 00:19:34.127 trying to predict when a woman goes into labor when that baby is gonna 00:19:34.160 --> 00:19:39.016 come is pointless because it's like unless it's a scheduled C-section. You 00:19:39.049 --> 00:19:44.026 , I, I mean, I labored for almost 18 hours. My sister labored for like 3.5 00:19:44.059 --> 00:19:48.196 hours. And so I need to make it to the hospital in time to see him born, 00:19:48.229 --> 00:19:53.565 so. and that's so, and then her first though was like almost 18 hours. So 00:19:53.598 --> 00:19:57.805 every woman's pregnancy from child to child is so different and that 00:19:57.838 --> 00:20:02.127 amazes me that I think your body is just doing exactly what needs to be 00:20:02.160 --> 00:20:07.627 done for that specific human. It's just, it's just really nuts. So, yeah, 00:20:07.660 --> 00:20:11.266 so I didn't, I just kind of felt my body was not gonna be the same and it 00:20:11.299 --> 00:20:16.266 was a vessel. It was built to do this, to grow this baby, um, and then it 00:20:16.299 --> 00:20:22.805 was built to nourish the baby. I mean, Being a sole breastfed baby. It is 00:20:22.838 --> 00:20:27.835 a lot of work. I mean, to be the only person that can nurture this baby 00:20:27.868 --> 00:20:34.035 and soothe the baby is a lot, especially when you're postpartum and you're 00:20:34.068 --> 00:20:37.266 and you're um 00:20:37.299 --> 00:20:41.186 Uh, exhausted. It's a lot and pumping, of course, is great because you can 00:20:41.219 --> 00:20:45.785 , you can put some milk for, for people to help, but again, a struggle is 00:20:45.818 --> 00:20:49.825 , do I pump now and then my baby's gonna eat in 20 minutes and I'm not 00:20:49.858 --> 00:20:57.285 gonna have enough. Do I pump now and you know, and then use it next, or do 00:20:57.318 --> 00:21:01.526 I freeze it or what do I do with it? And so it's, it's um the hardest 00:21:01.559 --> 00:21:07.127 mental game, breastfeeding. And um it it only became harder with my second 00:21:07.160 --> 00:21:11.397 pregnancy, but with my first just because again it was my first time. Uh, 00:21:11.430 --> 00:21:15.397 it was like a full-time job and and then that whole feeling like you're 00:21:15.430 --> 00:21:17.996 the only one that can soothe that infant in the first few weeks of its 00:21:18.029 --> 00:21:21.996 life, and everybody's like, oh, is she's sad, and then give it back to you 00:21:22.029 --> 00:21:26.847 and you're like, really, I just want to just sit here. But that was, you 00:21:26.880 --> 00:21:30.305 know, that was really demanding, but um, but I loved breastfeeding, loved 00:21:30.338 --> 00:21:34.186 breastfeeding. I just, you know, after the challenges, it was just so much 00:21:34.219 --> 00:21:38.535 fun, especially when she grows up and she starts looking at you and 00:21:38.568 --> 00:21:42.107 grabbing your face and holding you and, uh, you know, and then you have 00:21:42.140 --> 00:21:44.666 that bond in the middle of the night when you finally do catch up on sleep 00:21:44.699 --> 00:21:48.305 , when you have that bond in the middle of the night when they get up and 00:21:48.338 --> 00:21:51.825 they're crying and all you have to do is just go in there and hold them 00:21:51.858 --> 00:21:57.686 and breastfeed them and they're done again. 00:21:57.719 --> 00:22:01.795 Here's my husband. That's cheese. Hi, nice to meet you. We love your home 00:22:01.828 --> 00:22:04.916 and all your 00:22:04.949 --> 00:22:09.496 dead animals. They're gorgeous fests. They really are. Yeah, they were 00:22:09.529 --> 00:22:11.516 tasty. 00:22:11.549 --> 00:22:17.656 a lot of meat. Um, so you're going to go to the store? OK, thank you. I 00:22:17.689 --> 00:22:21.217 found one of the things that was like jarring to me was like you're saying 00:22:21.250 --> 00:22:25.976 this, like how you were like solely responsible, even though they had the 00:22:26.009 --> 00:22:30.035 support network, you know, and there were times where I was like. I felt 00:22:30.068 --> 00:22:32.756 like I had to ask permission to go to the bathroom. Like, could you hold 00:22:32.789 --> 00:22:34.756 my child when I go to the bathroom? Can you hold my child while I take a 00:22:34.789 --> 00:22:37.315 shower and like the whole time you can hear them crying, you know, and 00:22:37.348 --> 00:22:41.996 that like that pressure of like being the one, I can totally relate to 00:22:42.029 --> 00:22:47.726 that. Yes, you know, prior to me having kids, I was. My sister and I 00:22:47.759 --> 00:22:51.127 always joke, we were the best mom before we had kids. People always said, 00:22:51.160 --> 00:22:54.045 you're going to be a great mom. I nannied, I babysat. I, you know, I 00:22:54.078 --> 00:22:58.766 nannied in Paris. I nannied in Hawaii. I mean, I nannied and babysat my 00:22:58.799 --> 00:23:02.367 whole life, and people always like, you're going to make the best mom. And 00:23:02.400 --> 00:23:04.486 you know, of course, I look at these moms that I'm nannying for and 00:23:04.519 --> 00:23:07.766 they're asking me to come over and sit with their child so they can sleep 00:23:07.799 --> 00:23:13.006 and I'm like thinking, wow, you guys are like what, what this is really a 00:23:13.039 --> 00:23:18.835 hard job. Why do you have to sleep? I would kick myself now if I could 00:23:18.868 --> 00:23:21.656 have that kind of person to come into my house at that time and hold my 00:23:21.689 --> 00:23:25.315 baby when all I wanted to do was sleep because when you have that baby and 00:23:25.348 --> 00:23:28.315 you're the person that gets the crying baby when he's sad or she's sad and 00:23:28.348 --> 00:23:31.236 you're the baby that's ultimately responsible and you're the one that has 00:23:31.269 --> 00:23:35.597 to get up at 2 a.m. at 4 a.m. in the evening you're like, OK, what 00:23:35.630 --> 00:23:38.436 schedule do I do tonight so I have a good evening and you're trying to 00:23:38.469 --> 00:23:44.107 play out your whole night. It's exhausting. It's exhausting and You know, 00:23:44.140 --> 00:23:50.906 and I think all of my friends that experience that same, mostly with the 00:23:50.939 --> 00:23:54.627 first child, because by the second you're exhausted, it's not a new thing. 00:23:54.660 --> 00:23:59.246 By the 2nd baby or two babies, you're exhausted and So you're kind of 00:23:59.279 --> 00:24:02.166 already ahead of the game, but um with all those first time moms, I look 00:24:02.199 --> 00:24:07.045 at them and I'm like, I know what 9 and 10 p.m. look like. I mean, it's 00:24:07.078 --> 00:24:10.607 not fun because you're looking at the rest of the night, staring it in the 00:24:10.640 --> 00:24:14.406 face, and you know that your whole sports system has physically left. Your 00:24:14.439 --> 00:24:18.016 husband more than likely, like in my case, had to go to work, so I'm not 00:24:18.049 --> 00:24:21.446 and my husband is in a very dangerous line of work, and I'm not gonna get 00:24:21.479 --> 00:24:26.486 him up and send him off to work tired where he It has to be working with 00:24:26.519 --> 00:24:30.717 high voltage electricity. I'm just. So I'm in the living room with the 00:24:30.750 --> 00:24:34.555 baby and he's sleeping and um and so it was it was it was definitely a 00:24:34.588 --> 00:24:38.795 battle the first few months. But um, but fast forward, you know, 3 months 00:24:38.828 --> 00:24:43.156 or so when they get the hang of breastfeeding and I got comfortable with 00:24:43.189 --> 00:24:46.795 the baby sleeping in the other room. They were out of our room and I was 00:24:46.828 --> 00:24:49.637 comfortable going in there and feeding her and coming out, you know, then 00:24:49.670 --> 00:24:54.597 breastfeeding and nurturing just snowballed into the, the funnest, 00:24:54.630 --> 00:24:59.186 craziest experience just. That connection and knowing how your body 00:24:59.219 --> 00:25:04.226 produces the exact formula that's needed for the baby and their their 00:25:04.259 --> 00:25:09.367 nutrition at that time. Um, it is just so cool. Uh, you know, and to see 00:25:09.400 --> 00:25:11.406 my breast milk in the refrigerator and the freezer and all the different 00:25:11.439 --> 00:25:16.016 layers of fats, and it was just all fun, fun for me, um, the, the 00:25:16.049 --> 00:25:20.446 breastfeeding, and then, um, and then, you know, that baby starts eating 00:25:20.479 --> 00:25:24.647 solids and that was kind of a relief because then now you're not the sole 00:25:24.680 --> 00:25:28.526 provider for the nutrition. And I'm thinking, thank goodness, you know, 00:25:28.559 --> 00:25:32.206 now I can be like, here, Jase, you take her and feed her dinner. Let me 00:25:32.239 --> 00:25:36.065 take a shower and I always call it a full shower now. And the full shower 00:25:36.098 --> 00:25:40.416 means I'm gonna shave and wash my hair. So I always will give him a, I 00:25:40.449 --> 00:25:43.226 would give him a baby and be like, I'm, I still say it to this day. I'm 00:25:43.259 --> 00:25:46.256 gonna give you this child because I'm gonna take a full shower. And that 00:25:46.289 --> 00:25:51.656 that was a a a fun release to have, um, but I always, I did pump. I pumped 00:25:51.689 --> 00:25:56.686 and I always had a few bottles. Um, my parents from The first overnight, 00:25:56.719 --> 00:26:00.406 my oldest had, she was 3 weeks old, and my parents always asked that they 00:26:00.439 --> 00:26:02.926 could have them at the earliest time we were comfortable because the baby 00:26:02.959 --> 00:26:06.847 then could be very used to their house. And I always really felt it was 00:26:06.880 --> 00:26:10.516 good for the baby to be comforted by someone other than me. Um, so my 00:26:10.549 --> 00:26:14.766 babies always from the first month of their life spent the night at mostly 00:26:14.799 --> 00:26:19.857 my parents' house. Um, when we were in Tucson, but my sisters took the 00:26:19.890 --> 00:26:24.055 babies once in a while, and, um, and so they got a different feel for 00:26:24.088 --> 00:26:28.696 different comfort zones and, um, so I always had a bottle for someone in 00:26:28.729 --> 00:26:31.416 those first few months when it was really challenging. I could really take 00:26:31.449 --> 00:26:39.449 a break. Yeah. Can you um kind of like fast forward to the gap between the 00:26:39.729 --> 00:26:43.137 , you know, solid food phase and then the being pregnant again phase? Oh 00:26:43.170 --> 00:26:46.555 my gosh. Well, here's a funny story. I don't know if you've ever heard of 00:26:46.588 --> 00:26:50.877 the Catholic Catholic contraceptive, but they say breastfeeding was 00:26:50.910 --> 00:26:56.276 apparently a Catholic contraceptive. No, it's not. It's on your pen. Um, 00:26:56.309 --> 00:26:59.117 and I knew it wasn't, but it's a joke, you know, that when you're 00:26:59.150 --> 00:27:02.236 breastfeeding, you can't get pregnant, you can, because I got pregnant 00:27:02.269 --> 00:27:07.035 when my daughter was 11 months old. And so on her 12th on her year 00:27:07.068 --> 00:27:11.555 birthday, um, I made just shredded beef tacos for her birthday, one of my 00:27:11.588 --> 00:27:17.295 favorite meals. And I ate it and I just remember feeling the feeling of 00:27:17.328 --> 00:27:21.706 the nauseous, like definitely and nobody else was sick. And I'm like, I 00:27:21.739 --> 00:27:25.305 know exactly what this is and sure enough, I was 3 weeks away from 00:27:25.338 --> 00:27:29.906 graduating with my master's and my daughter just turned 1. I was just 00:27:29.939 --> 00:27:33.887 about to wean her. I was just about to have this kind of like freedom of a 00:27:33.920 --> 00:27:38.535 summer. And I knew it. I mean, I was just like, I'm, I'm definitely 00:27:38.568 --> 00:27:43.256 pregnant. So, um, she was, again, she was only 11 months old when I got 00:27:43.289 --> 00:27:47.815 pregnant cause I started feeling nauseous at 12 months at her, at her year 00:27:47.848 --> 00:27:51.377 birthday and I called my doctor and I said, I cannot even give you an 00:27:51.410 --> 00:27:56.535 estimate of how pregnant I am because I have not had my period. Now, all I 00:27:56.568 --> 00:27:59.617 know is that I started feeling like this at about 4 to 6 weeks with my 00:27:59.650 --> 00:28:03.055 first pregnancy. So I can maybe guess that I'm about 4 to 6 weeks. And she 00:28:03.088 --> 00:28:05.176 goes, well, let's give it a couple weeks and you can come in for your 00:28:05.209 --> 00:28:11.196 first ultrasound. So I went through my finals and my graduation ceremony 00:28:11.229 --> 00:28:15.666 and everything, and I knew I was pregnant and I was exhausted as I was 00:28:15.699 --> 00:28:18.847 with my first pregnancy, you know, just your body is just multiplying 00:28:18.880 --> 00:28:23.006 these cells at a drastic number. So I was tired, chasing after my one year 00:28:23.039 --> 00:28:27.785 old. And so this whole another wave of exhaustion comes and after I'd 00:28:27.818 --> 00:28:33.107 finally caught up from birth exhaustion, and I went to my first 00:28:33.140 --> 00:28:39.906 appointment and as my husband jokes in the room, what if it's twins? And 00:28:39.939 --> 00:28:43.815 I'm like, I would probably punch you. The the nurse practitioner comes in 00:28:43.848 --> 00:28:48.575 who I adore. She, um she's just an older woman and I really loved her and 00:28:48.608 --> 00:28:51.496 you know, you see the nurse practitioner pretty much always more than the 00:28:51.529 --> 00:28:57.347 doctor. So I really loved her. She feels my belly. And she goes for a 00:28:57.380 --> 00:29:03.805 belly ultrasound and. So she goes across my belly and she goes, huh, 00:29:03.838 --> 00:29:11.397 there's twins. And I just cried. I cried so hard. I just, I froze, I cried 00:29:11.430 --> 00:29:14.686 and I said, Why didn't you do an internal? And she goes, Well, when you 00:29:14.719 --> 00:29:18.607 said you were about 4 to 6 weeks and now we're thinking you're 8 weeks, 00:29:18.640 --> 00:29:24.196 she was like, she was like, your uterus felt way too high to be 4 to 6 or 00:29:24.229 --> 00:29:27.446 6 to 8 weeks. She's like, I either felt that you were further along or 00:29:27.479 --> 00:29:30.686 this was the case. And so she's like, and sure enough, this was the case. 00:29:30.719 --> 00:29:35.686 So you are right, you are 6 to 8 weeks, 8 weeks closer, but you're 8 weeks 00:29:35.719 --> 00:29:40.137 with twins, so everything's much bigger. And I just, I cried so hard and 00:29:40.170 --> 00:29:42.976 Chase was there and he was like smiling from ear to ear. He thought it was 00:29:43.009 --> 00:29:49.236 the coolest thing in the world. And my mom had my um, my one year old. She 00:29:49.269 --> 00:29:53.706 watched her so we could go to this appointment. Um, so I get in the car 00:29:53.739 --> 00:29:57.676 and the first person I call is, uh, my little sister, the NICU nurse, and 00:29:57.709 --> 00:30:01.186 , uh, and I told her and she totally thought I was joking. She was like, 00:30:01.219 --> 00:30:04.867 no way, you're totally joking. And I just start crying so hard. She's like 00:30:04.900 --> 00:30:10.367 , you're not joking. No, I'm not joking. And I get home and I just hold 00:30:10.400 --> 00:30:15.446 the ultrasound up to my mom. And my mom is very medical, she's a nurse. 00:30:15.479 --> 00:30:18.726 She's seen many ultrasounds. It didn't even occur to her. I don't even 00:30:18.759 --> 00:30:23.785 think it was so far off our radar. It didn't even occur to her and A twin 00:30:23.818 --> 00:30:27.467 ultrasound at the beginning is very similar to one except you see two of 00:30:27.500 --> 00:30:31.967 those little dots. But if you're not, you're not versed in the ultrasound 00:30:32.000 --> 00:30:34.706 world, it could just look like more saggma in your uterus, you know, it 00:30:34.739 --> 00:30:38.315 could just be anything. But if you like tell them what it is, that you're 00:30:38.348 --> 00:30:41.186 like, no, that's definitely two embryos. So I just hold it up to my mom 00:30:41.219 --> 00:30:46.746 and she's like, oh, that's great, good. I'm like, no, 2, Mom, 2, and I 00:30:46.779 --> 00:30:50.065 just start crying and my mom starts crying because she knows exactly what 00:30:50.098 --> 00:30:56.926 I'm in store for. And so she's crying, I'm crying. Chase is smiling and I 00:30:56.959 --> 00:31:01.045 just, I think I cried, honestly, I probably cried for at least a day, if 00:31:01.078 --> 00:31:04.387 not 2 days on and off. I cried. It didn't help, of course, that I'm 00:31:04.420 --> 00:31:09.217 hormonal, um, and every time I kind of told somebody I cried again. And 00:31:09.250 --> 00:31:14.607 then with a little bit of research and uh talking to some family members, 00:31:14.640 --> 00:31:21.835 we discovered that my great grandmother had I think I could, this could be 00:31:21.868 --> 00:31:26.127 wrong, but in the early 1900s, I think she ultimately she had three sets 00:31:26.160 --> 00:31:32.266 of twins. In her, she had a total of 17 children, but I think she had 3 00:31:32.299 --> 00:31:35.696 sets of twins now in the early 1900s, of course, they don't, twins don't 00:31:35.729 --> 00:31:40.506 survive. I mean, there's a very risky thing. So I'm pretty sure, OK, 00:31:40.539 --> 00:31:44.065 actually now I think about it, maybe two sets, but neither set survived. 00:31:44.098 --> 00:31:47.976 One didn't pass birth and one didn't pass like the winter. But she had, 00:31:48.009 --> 00:31:52.746 she had at least 2 sets of twins in a family of 17 children. Um, so my, so 00:31:52.779 --> 00:31:55.545 that was my great grandmother and my grandfather's side, on my dad's side 00:31:55.578 --> 00:32:01.627 , paternal. So When I do a lot of, again, I guess I did some research on 00:32:01.660 --> 00:32:06.426 this, but not like, not, not blogs on Google. I was doing some scientific 00:32:06.459 --> 00:32:12.535 research about the, the, the genetic pass down of twins and so it, it went 00:32:12.568 --> 00:32:16.946 from my great grandmother to my grandfather to my dad, of course. So my 00:32:16.979 --> 00:32:21.535 dad passed the twin genetic to all of his daughters. So clearly the man, 00:32:21.568 --> 00:32:24.377 so they couldn't, I, we couldn't have been twins, my siblings, because the 00:32:24.410 --> 00:32:28.055 man can't determine if you're gonna have twins because they just release a 00:32:28.088 --> 00:32:33.176 million sperm. So it's the woman on how many eggs she releases. And so he 00:32:33.209 --> 00:32:37.055 passed the twin genetic to my sisters and I, and so I had the twin genetic 00:32:37.088 --> 00:32:40.736 in my genes and so I released 2 eggs, and it just happened to be that 00:32:40.769 --> 00:32:45.065 month I released 2 eggs while I'm breastfeeding and so they, they were 00:32:45.098 --> 00:32:48.217 fraternal twins and they knew that from the beginning they could see 2 00:32:48.250 --> 00:32:54.946 sacks and everything. Um, and that pregnancy was, like I said, so 00:32:54.979 --> 00:33:00.226 different from the first. I mean, double everything, double exhaustion, 00:33:00.259 --> 00:33:06.266 double hormones, double, um, double calories. I mean, I had to eat so much 00:33:06.299 --> 00:33:11.256 and I wasn't even done I hadn't weaned my first. So for the first two 00:33:11.289 --> 00:33:16.176 months, I'm, I'm growing the twins. I'm also weaning my, my, my 1 year old. 00:33:16.209 --> 00:33:18.897 So she's, I mean, she's clearly eating a lot of solids, so she's not 00:33:18.930 --> 00:33:23.736 getting no complete nutrition, but I'm still producing milk. And so I was 00:33:23.769 --> 00:33:29.986 consuming. Peanut butter, avocados, milkshakes. I mean, I was eating the 00:33:30.019 --> 00:33:33.506 heaviest fat food for the first few months, just trying to get myself to 00:33:33.539 --> 00:33:37.785 gain so many calories and um I actually ended up losing some weight, which 00:33:37.818 --> 00:33:42.867 was a little concerning. Um, at the beginning, but, um, but the doctor 00:33:42.900 --> 00:33:47.637 just asked that I increase and a lot of my fats and so I did, and 00:33:47.670 --> 00:33:51.656 everybody was just bringing me all kinds of fatty foods and it was fun 00:33:51.689 --> 00:33:54.217 cause, you know, that's kind of the fun part about being pregnant, they 00:33:54.250 --> 00:33:56.656 say then you can eat whatever you want, which I did not do in my first 00:33:56.689 --> 00:34:00.377 because I was afraid of gaining too much weight. So I still ate healthy 00:34:00.410 --> 00:34:03.656 with my first, but this one it was like, no, you have to consume a lot of 00:34:03.689 --> 00:34:10.245 calories. So I continue to um 00:34:10.278 --> 00:34:16.046 Just continue to go to the now twins is high risk. From the get-go. Um, so 00:34:16.079 --> 00:34:20.046 high-risk pregnancies, they treat differently than a normal pregnancy. You 00:34:20.079 --> 00:34:23.396 have to go to the doctor pretty much twice as much. Um, and, but on the 00:34:23.429 --> 00:34:27.247 plus side, you get an ultrasound with twins every time because it's easier 00:34:27.280 --> 00:34:29.925 to find the heartbeats. So every time I went to the doctor, I got an 00:34:29.958 --> 00:34:35.235 ultrasound, so that was fun. Um, and then also, my husband was really 00:34:35.268 --> 00:34:38.555 proud to remind me that we were not gonna find the sex out of the baby, 00:34:38.588 --> 00:34:44.276 that I had promised him from the first. And I argued that for a few days. 00:34:44.309 --> 00:34:49.066 I said, what about one? Just one, come on, there's 2 in there. And he was 00:34:49.099 --> 00:34:53.425 like, no, no. And after we argued it pretty much to the point where we 00:34:53.458 --> 00:35:00.595 could find out. Um, about, you know, 20 weeks, 19 weeks, uh, he won, 00:35:00.628 --> 00:35:04.506 naturally, and then it just became kind of a back burner thing, like it 00:35:04.539 --> 00:35:09.146 wasn't even a concern in my head because my focus was on just growing 00:35:09.179 --> 00:35:15.836 these babies. Well, still attending to my 1 year old and so I, um, so it 00:35:15.869 --> 00:35:19.956 was, it really, it was like a fun kind of discussion for a few months and 00:35:19.989 --> 00:35:23.517 then, then it was like just null and void. I just forgot about it really, 00:35:23.550 --> 00:35:28.916 that I didn't know what was growing. Um, and so he, so we did not find the 00:35:28.949 --> 00:35:32.836 sex out um of those babies, but we did go to an ultrasound pretty much 00:35:32.869 --> 00:35:36.675 every other week at the beginning. I had to go about every other week. 00:35:36.708 --> 00:35:41.566 Sometimes she let me go 3 weeks. And then again through that pregnancy, 00:35:41.599 --> 00:35:46.626 knock on wood, I was, you know, my body was really healthy, um, the babies 00:35:46.659 --> 00:35:53.316 were really healthy. And I, I felt much bigger. I felt much bigger. And 00:35:53.349 --> 00:35:57.396 now I've always heard that on your second pregnancies and, and afters, 00:35:57.429 --> 00:36:01.195 your body just knows what to do, so it expands much faster and that was so 00:36:01.228 --> 00:36:04.717 true. I mean, I just, my body just like opened up. And I don't know if it 00:36:04.750 --> 00:36:11.195 knew it had 2 in there, but at one point in July, so I was maybe like 1415 00:36:11.228 --> 00:36:15.925 weeks pregnant. I think there there's a chemical released into your body 00:36:15.958 --> 00:36:19.486 that opens your hips or your pelvic and gets it ready to hold the babies 00:36:19.519 --> 00:36:25.046 or baby, and mine just maybe went too much or something, but it pinched 00:36:25.079 --> 00:36:29.206 nerves in my lower back and I was out. I was out, I fell to the ground. 00:36:29.239 --> 00:36:33.405 Thank goodness my husband was home that day. I was not, not even numb. It 00:36:33.438 --> 00:36:37.497 was more pain than I'd ever experienced even in my first, in that first 00:36:37.530 --> 00:36:43.146 breathing labor. Um. I was, I couldn't move, like I couldn't pivot. I mean 00:36:43.179 --> 00:36:46.467 it was my it was my central back, so I couldn't pivot shoulders, my head, 00:36:46.500 --> 00:36:50.115 I couldn't, I was on the ground. I somehow over the course of the next 12 00:36:50.148 --> 00:36:53.345 hours, was able to get myself worked up onto the couch. My husband had to 00:36:53.378 --> 00:36:57.287 help me inch by inch. They came and took my daughter. Because she was 00:36:57.320 --> 00:37:00.845 really being kind of traumatized seeing me in pain. So someone came and 00:37:00.878 --> 00:37:04.247 took her, but over the next 12 hours, my husband helped me in my way to 00:37:04.280 --> 00:37:10.776 the couch and on the couch. And the next day, Um, I laid on the couch. We 00:37:10.809 --> 00:37:14.856 tried a few things. My mom had some friends that were that are into like 00:37:14.889 --> 00:37:18.057 energies and oils, and they came and like their energy work and their oil 00:37:18.090 --> 00:37:23.017 work on my back, um, you know, and you can only take Tylenol when you're 00:37:23.050 --> 00:37:27.126 pregnant. So, you know, I took my Tylenol and that's it. And then that 00:37:27.159 --> 00:37:32.655 night in my husband's line of work, he uh got called out to work on down 00:37:32.688 --> 00:37:36.807 power power lines because it was a monsoon. He got called out, so I am at 00:37:36.840 --> 00:37:40.686 my house by myself, and he got called out and I, um, have you ever seen 00:37:40.719 --> 00:37:44.405 the movie Misery? And you know that woman's pulling herself across the 00:37:44.438 --> 00:37:47.267 floor. That was me. In the middle of the night I had to go to the bathroom. 00:37:47.300 --> 00:37:50.727 I, in hindsight, I should have just gone on the ground, but I had to pull 00:37:50.760 --> 00:37:53.686 myself into the bathroom and I went to the bathroom. I almost fainted from 00:37:53.719 --> 00:37:57.086 pain, got myself back into the living room. My husband came home the next 00:37:57.119 --> 00:37:59.646 morning and I was on the floor, and he was like, that's it, you're going 00:37:59.679 --> 00:38:03.557 to the hospital. So we had to call 911 and the ambulance and the fire 00:38:03.590 --> 00:38:06.717 truck came and put me in an ambulance and we went to the ER and I had 00:38:06.750 --> 00:38:10.327 actually end up, I called my doctor and I had to end up getting a shot of 00:38:10.360 --> 00:38:14.577 morphine. And morphine is just, you know, muscle relaxer. So I was relaxed 00:38:14.610 --> 00:38:18.296 , you know, most of my pain was because I was tense. I was relaxed, but I 00:38:18.329 --> 00:38:22.816 still had very isolated nerve pain. So again, when my body opened up, I 00:38:22.849 --> 00:38:26.256 think a nerve pinched, and I have yet to really figure out exactly what 00:38:26.289 --> 00:38:30.405 happened, but All I know is it was painful. The morphine relaxed me, and 00:38:30.438 --> 00:38:33.646 then over the course of the next 2 weeks, I went 3 times a week to 00:38:33.679 --> 00:38:37.126 acupuncture, and I found someone that knew the trigger points, of course, 00:38:37.159 --> 00:38:41.845 of labor and being pregnant. So she worked on um like these cross lines. 00:38:41.878 --> 00:38:44.925 So she didn't put anything in my midsection. She put them on my wrist and 00:38:44.958 --> 00:38:49.606 my ankles that were all kind of crossing my midlines. And um within a week 00:38:49.639 --> 00:38:52.405 , it was much better and the following week I was even able to drive 00:38:52.438 --> 00:38:57.736 myself. Um, but that was, that was horrible. I mean, it was traumatizing 00:38:57.769 --> 00:39:01.936 for Laney to see me hurt my oldest, and it was, it was just really, um, 00:39:01.969 --> 00:39:08.497 and that, that kind of started a pattern of Um, a pattern of events 00:39:08.530 --> 00:39:13.445 through this pregnancy that really did disable me. I mean, just, just put 00:39:13.478 --> 00:39:17.655 , just put a wall up to me being able to do anything. So it was from that 00:39:17.688 --> 00:39:22.135 , then it was then it was my belly. I mean, then it was just like trying 00:39:22.168 --> 00:39:27.885 to cram all these organs. Up here and then the two babies down there is 00:39:27.918 --> 00:39:32.046 just, I mean these women that have more than 2 babies that have triplets 00:39:32.079 --> 00:39:36.845 and 4 are just, I mean, it's just amazing what where everything goes and 00:39:36.878 --> 00:39:41.845 you feel it. I mean you feel things everywhere. And so I um so I was just 00:39:41.878 --> 00:39:47.365 uncomfortable forever. I was uncomfortable forever and so again, not 00:39:47.398 --> 00:39:52.126 finding out the sex of the baby was not a huge thing because I just was so 00:39:52.159 --> 00:39:57.006 uncomfortable and And that was, and, you know, and then but trying to stay 00:39:57.039 --> 00:40:01.566 positive for my daughter and still trying to have play dates with her and 00:40:01.599 --> 00:40:06.046 keep up with her and stay positive for my husband and everything. I mean 00:40:06.079 --> 00:40:09.526 it was it was a lot to handle and then as the summer grew and we went into 00:40:09.559 --> 00:40:14.727 the fall. It just became more and more obvious that I was not, it was, it 00:40:14.760 --> 00:40:18.287 was gonna be very challenging for me. My due date was the end of December. 00:40:18.320 --> 00:40:22.646 And of course they say twins pretty much mature by 37, 38 weeks because 00:40:22.679 --> 00:40:24.767 they know they've got to get out of there soon. They're running out of 00:40:24.800 --> 00:40:28.727 space. So they say that they they pretty much they they in the last few 00:40:28.760 --> 00:40:32.807 weeks they'll grow faster, their lungs will develop faster. So I had a 00:40:32.840 --> 00:40:36.486 feeling that I was gonna go towards the, you know, I would, I would 00:40:36.519 --> 00:40:42.017 hopefully carry towards the end of November beginning of December. Um, So 00:40:42.050 --> 00:40:46.856 I, I pushed through the best I could, uh, through the summer and then the 00:40:46.889 --> 00:40:53.916 fall came. And I developed this horrible allergy cough. Like, I don't know 00:40:53.949 --> 00:40:57.276 , and I, again, you can't take anything. So it was like it was a cold and 00:40:57.309 --> 00:41:01.477 then it turned into more than a cold and this horrible chronic cough. And 00:41:01.510 --> 00:41:06.236 it was like a cough that happened any time I kind of like took a kind of 00:41:06.269 --> 00:41:10.026 deep breath or laughed a little, it would just domino into this chronic 00:41:10.059 --> 00:41:14.646 coughing spell. And so through September and October, I just was in this 00:41:14.679 --> 00:41:18.925 horrible coughing spell, and I also was then required to start doing um 00:41:18.958 --> 00:41:23.646 NSTs, non-stress tests. A lot of high-risk pregnancies you have to do 00:41:23.679 --> 00:41:26.606 non-stress tests just to make sure the babies aren't stressed in their 00:41:26.639 --> 00:41:31.077 environment. And so they were requiring me to do 2 non-stress tests a week 00:41:31.110 --> 00:41:35.916 plus a regular doctor's visits. So I started those in September. And I'd 00:41:35.949 --> 00:41:41.436 have to go check myself into triage, and they would find the twins, two 00:41:41.469 --> 00:41:43.756 different heartbeats, and I'd had they'd have to sit there and for 20 00:41:43.789 --> 00:41:46.956 minutes they'd have to stay non-stressed. They have their heartbeats would 00:41:46.989 --> 00:41:52.236 have to not dip or go high or anything. So to find two twins and hope they 00:41:52.269 --> 00:41:57.736 don't move. For 20 minutes was a long process. I mean, sometimes I was in 00:41:57.769 --> 00:42:00.267 and out there in a half an hour, but sometimes it'd be like an hour. Now 00:42:00.300 --> 00:42:04.385 the coughing thing that I'm talking about was moving them all over the 00:42:04.418 --> 00:42:09.186 place. I mean the pressure that I was coughing onto my cervix and then the 00:42:09.219 --> 00:42:15.695 twins going up and down. I mean it was, it was just again a domino effect 00:42:15.728 --> 00:42:19.517 event after event started happening and then October came. And I was 00:42:19.550 --> 00:42:23.717 getting very uncomfortable and coughing still and still trying to walk and 00:42:23.750 --> 00:42:26.916 do things with my daughter. And um I went to bed one night and I was 00:42:26.949 --> 00:42:31.997 getting Braxton Hicks and they were just strong and I was in the shower 00:42:32.030 --> 00:42:36.396 and I was like, this is just too much for me. So I woke my husband up at 00:42:36.429 --> 00:42:39.717 about midnight and I was like, maybe even close to 11. I said, I'm going 00:42:39.750 --> 00:42:44.436 to check myself in. I need to go just get checked. And so I didn't want to 00:42:44.469 --> 00:42:48.497 freak anybody out my family because I like I said in In the beginning, I 00:42:48.530 --> 00:42:52.155 have a huge support system. So had I called one sister, they would call 00:42:52.188 --> 00:42:54.845 the other, they would call the mom, and before you know it, I'm gonna have 00:42:54.878 --> 00:42:58.695 6 individuals at the hospital with me. And I am so thankful for that. I am 00:42:58.728 --> 00:43:02.017 , but I didn't want to make people get out of bed at midnight for 00:43:02.050 --> 00:43:07.267 something that was probably just because I was Going to Braxton Hicks, so 00:43:07.300 --> 00:43:12.845 I go check myself into triage and um. Sure enough, I'm dilated, which is 00:43:12.878 --> 00:43:16.967 fine. I mean, I'm dilated. I think I was like 2 centimeters or something. 00:43:17.000 --> 00:43:21.166 But she said, you're, you're contracting, so we want to hydrate you and 00:43:21.199 --> 00:43:23.606 just monitor you overnight. Well, at least, you know, that's what the 00:43:23.639 --> 00:43:28.686 nurse said the doctor said. So they pumped me like full of 3 bags of IVs. 00:43:28.719 --> 00:43:32.166 Um, I was the only woman in there, which was fantastic. So the nurse was 00:43:32.199 --> 00:43:37.646 great, um, pumping me full of fluids and so then of course I do decide to 00:43:37.679 --> 00:43:42.405 call my family and like I said, everyone starts calling me. I told 00:43:42.438 --> 00:43:47.236 everyone I will be fine. I'm just gonna get hydrated. The doctor did ask. 00:43:47.269 --> 00:43:53.747 OK, so this was, I was 30. 31 weeks when this happened. So the doctor said 00:43:53.780 --> 00:44:00.425 , I'd like you to get the steroid shot for their lungs. Um, just in case, 00:44:00.458 --> 00:44:03.586 and then that way if they do come early, their lungs are gonna be a little 00:44:03.619 --> 00:44:08.077 , a little stronger. And again, that was 31 weeks and so I had to get the 00:44:08.110 --> 00:44:12.586 steroid shot before I left. Oh, and the doctor said you're on bed rest. So 00:44:12.619 --> 00:44:20.236 go home and lay down and don't get up again. And so I reluctantly told my 00:44:20.269 --> 00:44:23.037 mom and my sisters that the doctor put me on bed rest because I knew they 00:44:23.070 --> 00:44:27.557 would make me stick to it and I got the steroid shot and then the next day 00:44:27.590 --> 00:44:31.635 was Halloween and I went back for my second steroid shot, went home, went 00:44:31.668 --> 00:44:37.635 to bed, laid on the couch, and I tried a few times to do things like drive 00:44:37.668 --> 00:44:42.195 to the store to get coffee and I got yelled at so much by my mom and my 00:44:42.228 --> 00:44:47.037 sisters. They were like, nope, bed rests means no driving. So now I have 00:44:47.070 --> 00:44:51.436 my 1 year old and 3 appointments a week to the doctor and I'm not allowed 00:44:51.469 --> 00:44:56.115 to drive or pick up my 1 year old. And that was the 31 weeks. So for the 00:44:56.148 --> 00:45:02.115 next 5 weeks, I'm on bed rest and going to 3 appointments a week, everyone 00:45:02.148 --> 00:45:05.836 in my family is just rallying to like take my daughter once or twice a 00:45:05.869 --> 00:45:09.557 week, come pick me up and drive me to the doctor. And again, the 00:45:09.590 --> 00:45:12.997 non-stress tests are very unpredictable as to the time. I can be there 00:45:13.030 --> 00:45:17.115 half an hour, I could be there 2 hours. And so, Uh, so it was, it was a 00:45:17.148 --> 00:45:21.115 definitely a village effort to take care of me for 5 weeks and still 00:45:21.148 --> 00:45:25.675 continuing to pump me full of calories. So, so that was, it was 00:45:25.708 --> 00:45:31.356 challenging. Bed rest is hard. It's hard. But once I realized the risks, 00:45:31.389 --> 00:45:36.256 again having a sister that cares for preemies, once I understood the risks. 00:45:36.289 --> 00:45:40.416 And also knowing what I knew from my first when I had experienced how 00:45:40.449 --> 00:45:44.217 much work she is when she comes out versus being in my belly. I, when 00:45:44.250 --> 00:45:47.537 you're on bed rest, you have time to think about all this. I was like, no 00:45:47.570 --> 00:45:51.615 , it's not worth it. It's way easier to keep these babies in my belly than 00:45:51.648 --> 00:45:55.896 out for everybody. And the last thing I wanted was to go to the hospital 00:45:55.929 --> 00:46:02.126 and go home without my babies. It would just be. a nightmare. 00:46:02.159 --> 00:46:08.885 So I really stuck to bed rest, um by Thanksgiving. I was pretty much in 00:46:08.918 --> 00:46:13.566 tears half the day cause I was so uncomfortable. My poor family was really 00:46:13.599 --> 00:46:16.646 rallied together to help me get comfortable. They were making me beds 00:46:16.679 --> 00:46:20.747 around the house that I could lay on, trying in different positions, and I 00:46:20.780 --> 00:46:25.756 just, I just remember looking. At my brother-in-law and he was like, I'll 00:46:25.789 --> 00:46:29.066 do anything to make you happy. And I was like, there's nothing, nobody, 00:46:29.099 --> 00:46:33.436 nobody can do this. I'm just, I'm so big I sitting up, I can't breathe, 00:46:33.469 --> 00:46:37.756 laying down, I can't breathe, laying on my side, my, my sides go numb. I 00:46:37.789 --> 00:46:44.566 mean it was just, it was very uncomfortable and so. Um, so, Thanksgiving 00:46:44.599 --> 00:46:51.155 that year was on 26, 25, 24, 23, 4, 22nd, I think, November 22nd on 00:46:51.188 --> 00:46:56.727 Thursday. And my birthday is May 26th. My husband is February 26th, and my 00:46:56.760 --> 00:47:01.365 daughter came April 26th. That Monday, on that Monday was going to be the 00:47:01.398 --> 00:47:05.767 26th. It was gonna be the Monday my doctor came home, came off vacation, 00:47:05.800 --> 00:47:10.247 and it was gonna be the Monday that I reached 36 weeks, and that was my 00:47:10.280 --> 00:47:15.445 goal, was 36 weeks. So, I was like, this is it on Thanksgiving. I'm like, 00:47:15.478 --> 00:47:20.365 the babies are coming next Monday. They have to come. So I willed them and 00:47:20.398 --> 00:47:24.885 willed them and thought, and Monday I was signed up to go to another NST 00:47:24.918 --> 00:47:30.646 and my um sister, my younger sister was the one in charge of taking me, 00:47:30.679 --> 00:47:34.006 and she was rooting for me to have the babies also that day. So she goes, 00:47:34.039 --> 00:47:37.206 we're gonna go get a pedicure, and I'm not dropping you off at the door. 00:47:37.239 --> 00:47:40.686 I'm parking back here and you're walking. So she parks in the back of the 00:47:40.719 --> 00:47:45.287 parking lot. We walk in. I get a pedicure. I'm telling the guy, I'm like, 00:47:45.320 --> 00:47:49.327 get these babies going, get something moving. He's pushing my legs and 00:47:49.360 --> 00:47:52.566 he's doing things, you know, who knows? But sure enough I'm sitting there 00:47:52.599 --> 00:47:57.586 and I'm looking at the clock and I'm feeling different. And so my sister 00:47:57.619 --> 00:48:01.037 is like, you are like definitely concentrating and I'm like, I know 00:48:01.070 --> 00:48:07.736 because I'm like willing them out of me. So I go to, we go to my NST. Uh, 00:48:07.769 --> 00:48:11.445 now Monday, after a holiday is a very popular day for people to schedule 00:48:11.478 --> 00:48:15.416 inductions and C-sections because they usually want to do the holidays and 00:48:15.449 --> 00:48:19.537 then come and have the babies. So I go into a waiting room full of people. 00:48:19.570 --> 00:48:24.695 Now being in NST you're pushed back, which is fine because there's women 00:48:24.728 --> 00:48:27.936 there that need to be seen. So I'm getting pushed back and I'm OK with 00:48:27.969 --> 00:48:30.537 that, and I know all the nurses now because I've been going for 3 months 00:48:30.570 --> 00:48:34.416 to twice a week, and my sister's pretty much always going with me. And so 00:48:34.449 --> 00:48:38.095 I'm just, I'm kind of waiting patiently, but I'm focusing and my sister's 00:48:38.128 --> 00:48:40.686 like, I'm not having it. We're we're getting you in there. She goes back 00:48:40.719 --> 00:48:44.336 to the triage room. She goes to one of the nurses, we know, and she goes, 00:48:44.369 --> 00:48:47.736 things are happening, things are happening. She goes, get her in here. So 00:48:47.769 --> 00:48:51.615 we go in there and the nurse checks and she's like, You're 6 centimeters. 00:48:51.648 --> 00:48:58.037 You're ready. And I was like, thank God. So, you know, so I'm just so 00:48:58.070 --> 00:49:02.195 happy we make all the phone calls. You know, I've got Laney for her 00:49:02.228 --> 00:49:05.925 overnight scheduled, so she gets shipped off, my husband comes, everybody 00:49:05.958 --> 00:49:10.486 comes. They get me all wrapped up now with twins, you automatically 00:49:10.519 --> 00:49:17.537 deliver in an OR because the risk of a C-section. Um, and. with my first 00:49:17.570 --> 00:49:21.175 pregnancy, I shared my dad, my sisters, everybody was in the room. I think 00:49:21.208 --> 00:49:24.977 we might have broke the count, the head count rule a little bit, um, but 00:49:25.010 --> 00:49:28.537 we kind of just acted like, I don't know, we did, everybody was just kind 00:49:28.570 --> 00:49:33.345 of coming and going and The nurse was really nice about it, um, but with 00:49:33.378 --> 00:49:37.827 this one, I was, uh, you know, I was a bit, I was happy. I was happy that 00:49:37.860 --> 00:49:40.787 it was just going to be Chase and I because there was no question about it. 00:49:40.820 --> 00:49:43.827 Nobody else could go with us in the OR. There wasn't room for anyone else. 00:49:43.860 --> 00:49:48.267 So everyone joined me in the pre-operating room, I guess you'd call it, 00:49:48.300 --> 00:49:51.557 which was really the delivery room. Everyone joined me in there and, you 00:49:51.590 --> 00:49:55.885 know, everyone was happy and I was so happy. And again, Um, I wasn't even 00:49:55.918 --> 00:49:59.646 gonna try to go unmedicated clearly cause this was possibly going to be a 00:49:59.679 --> 00:50:03.727 C-section, which I was not really wanting. I really, really didn't want to 00:50:03.760 --> 00:50:07.827 also have one vaginally in the second flip and do a C-section. And I've 00:50:07.860 --> 00:50:11.747 had that talk with my doctor numerous times. Now, my doctor, who was on 00:50:11.780 --> 00:50:16.405 call for my first pregnancy, she came in for this pregnancy because we've 00:50:16.438 --> 00:50:21.296 formed this relationship. And it was twins. She herself is a twin, so she 00:50:21.329 --> 00:50:23.497 always said she's always rooting for the second baby because she was the 00:50:23.530 --> 00:50:28.856 2nd baby. So she's always ready to get all of them out healthy and so she 00:50:28.889 --> 00:50:32.217 wanted to, you know, and we had had that talk so many times, how I just 00:50:32.250 --> 00:50:37.956 wanted them vaginally. As as much as I did, and she said her response to 00:50:37.989 --> 00:50:41.155 me all the time was my job, they're healthy babies, healthy mama, and I 00:50:41.188 --> 00:50:45.557 will do my best. So we're, we're getting all scrubbed up for the OR room 00:50:45.590 --> 00:50:49.595 and the doctor comes and she's having a good time and I, and again, I'm, 00:50:49.628 --> 00:50:54.956 I'm getting prepped for my um anesthesia and am I saying that right? What 00:50:54.989 --> 00:50:59.595 is it? epidural. Yes, I went on that word. So I'm getting prepped for the 00:50:59.628 --> 00:51:05.066 epidural and um I'm feeling really good and the contractions are coming 00:51:05.099 --> 00:51:10.365 and. Uh, my siblings and my mom, they're all in there and then Chase gets 00:51:10.398 --> 00:51:15.767 all suited up for OR and they go through that long list of questions, you 00:51:15.800 --> 00:51:18.436 know, before you have your baby. Oh my gosh, when the nurse comes in there 00:51:18.469 --> 00:51:23.166 on the computer, felt like forever and the epidural hadn't really kicked 00:51:23.199 --> 00:51:26.037 in, so I'm, you know, I'm I'm contracting and concentrating at the same 00:51:26.070 --> 00:51:28.686 time and still feeling good. But by the time they get through those 00:51:28.719 --> 00:51:32.405 questions. They check and they're like, you're ready to go, you're 9 00:51:32.438 --> 00:51:36.885 centimeters. Let's go to the OR. And I was like, this is amazing. This is 00:51:36.918 --> 00:51:42.345 the best birth. So we wheeled into the OR and I think I was in the OR for 00:51:42.378 --> 00:51:47.787 like a total of 20 minutes. So they wheeled me in and I just, everyone's 00:51:47.820 --> 00:51:51.307 ready, you know, they have two sets of baby nurses, they have two mama 00:51:51.340 --> 00:51:56.227 nurses, they have my doctor, my husband. I'm all there and uh it's a 00:51:56.260 --> 00:52:02.385 hideous room. I mean, it's ugly, but it's so fun and um and so I, they get 00:52:02.418 --> 00:52:06.396 me all suited up and I'm ready to push and so I push and I think I, I 00:52:06.429 --> 00:52:12.026 think I was with the girl, so like the girl, I had a girl cause I didn't 00:52:12.059 --> 00:52:17.666 know that yet. So I think with the girl, she was first, I pushed maybe. 00:52:17.699 --> 00:52:22.086 I want to say maybe 20, no, no, 20 minutes. I was in there. 3 rounds of 00:52:22.119 --> 00:52:26.686 contraction, so maybe 6 or 8 minutes. I pushed and the girl came out and I 00:52:26.719 --> 00:52:29.756 was like, what is it? What is it? And they're like, it's a girl. Now in my 00:52:29.789 --> 00:52:33.885 gut I felt like I was having a girl and a boy. Statistically, that's like 00:52:33.918 --> 00:52:39.405 the the most likely to happen with fraternal twins. Uh, so they held up 00:52:39.438 --> 00:52:44.756 and they're like, a girl, the last thing I wanted was all girls. So I 00:52:44.789 --> 00:52:47.836 panicked right then they're like, it's a girl and I'm like, that's it. 00:52:47.869 --> 00:52:52.396 There's 2 girls in there. I know it. I'm screwed. There's 2 girls. They 00:52:52.429 --> 00:52:56.356 take her off and I, and I hear them saying the Apgar score, which is 00:52:56.389 --> 00:53:00.155 always fun to hear, uh, that I'm actually hearing it too between my 00:53:00.188 --> 00:53:04.356 contractions. Um, and so she's all registering grade, you know, I see her 00:53:04.389 --> 00:53:07.827 looking at him, I'm watching her while I'm about to go through another 00:53:07.860 --> 00:53:11.477 contraction. And when I look down, I have two amazing nurses, and their 00:53:11.510 --> 00:53:16.037 hands are just all up on my spare space in my belly. They're just pushing 00:53:16.070 --> 00:53:20.276 down so this baby does not turn. And I feel my doctor's hand literally in 00:53:20.309 --> 00:53:24.977 my vagina holding the next baby's head. And I was like, just get the next 00:53:25.010 --> 00:53:29.655 baby out of my vagina. She's like, well then, focus. So I'm ready to 00:53:29.688 --> 00:53:32.856 contract and I push and she's like, it's not quite, you gotta do this 00:53:32.889 --> 00:53:36.736 again. So I had to wait and then the next round of contractions I push and 00:53:36.769 --> 00:53:40.736 , and he comes out, it was a boy, and they forget to tell us right away 00:53:40.769 --> 00:53:45.126 because I'm just ecstatic that he came out. And he didn't flip. And so 00:53:45.159 --> 00:53:47.997 they took him away and then I get I was like, wait, wait, what is it? And 00:53:48.030 --> 00:53:51.986 my husband goes over there and he had um a lower Apgar score. His color 00:53:52.019 --> 00:53:56.316 was a little, it was a little um bluer, but nothing they were concerned 00:53:56.349 --> 00:53:58.796 about. It was probably because he was second in line and he had a little 00:53:58.829 --> 00:54:03.307 bit longer in there. Um, so they were, so they were kind of washing him 00:54:03.340 --> 00:54:08.155 and up and cleaning him off. But, um, but my husband went over and was 00:54:08.188 --> 00:54:11.756 like, it's a boy. And so it was so exciting because It's exactly what we 00:54:11.789 --> 00:54:16.675 wanted and everybody was waiting and out in the, you know, out in the 00:54:16.708 --> 00:54:22.195 waiting room and so she, um, I didn't tear or anything. I they came out, I 00:54:22.228 --> 00:54:25.276 guess, I don't know if they came out fast because I would think if they 00:54:25.309 --> 00:54:28.595 came out fast, you would tear, but maybe if my body was just used from the 00:54:28.628 --> 00:54:34.436 first pregnancy. Um, they were, let's see, the little girl Elsie came out 00:54:34.469 --> 00:54:41.506 first. She was. 5 pounds, 11 ounces, and then Wade came out second and he 00:54:41.539 --> 00:54:46.106 was 6 pounds 1 ounce. So, I mean, single babies weigh about 6 pounds and 00:54:46.139 --> 00:54:50.546 so they were, they were pretty good size, but, um, and Wade, he's all he's 00:54:50.579 --> 00:54:55.227 the boy, he's uh he's bigger, he's broader, he's a bigger head. So I think 00:54:55.260 --> 00:54:59.146 she just really, she's, she was much more petite. So I think she really 00:54:59.179 --> 00:55:02.626 just kind of opened everything up and then he was, had he come first, I 00:55:02.659 --> 00:55:05.756 probably would have torn. But I think she just really opened things up and 00:55:05.789 --> 00:55:11.477 he was just coming out quickly. But they, um, you know, afterwards while 00:55:11.510 --> 00:55:14.477 she's cleaning me up and checking me out and making sure afterbirth comes 00:55:14.510 --> 00:55:18.925 out and everything. I see him working on the twins. Now, the hospital I 00:55:18.958 --> 00:55:22.756 delivered at, um, they're not equipped for preemies. Um, they're actually 00:55:22.789 --> 00:55:26.037 , they were actually just starting to work on getting younger than like 00:55:26.070 --> 00:55:30.086 thirty-sixers, which is what my twins were. They actually, I don't think 00:55:30.119 --> 00:55:34.365 would have even taken them had I been 35 weeks. They may have, but for 00:55:34.398 --> 00:55:39.267 sure 34 weeks I would have been shipped to another hospital. So, I think 00:55:39.300 --> 00:55:43.635 they were being extra cautious, especially because my sister is an ICU 00:55:43.668 --> 00:55:46.666 nurse at a, I don't know if you call the level 4 hospital one that does 00:55:46.699 --> 00:55:50.986 work with super preemies or what they call micro preemies. So she was 00:55:51.019 --> 00:55:53.706 telling me that she feels like they were being extra precautious because 00:55:53.739 --> 00:55:57.385 they're trying to earn credentials to be a hospital that can support 00:55:57.418 --> 00:56:02.106 younger preemies. So she said they were doing things that at her hospital 00:56:02.139 --> 00:56:06.135 , they would be like, oh, that's nothing, but they're, they're being very 00:56:06.168 --> 00:56:10.827 um diligent and which is fine by me. I mean, I'm like, you take all the 00:56:10.860 --> 00:56:15.146 time you need. I was really anxious to get them on my chest, and that was 00:56:15.179 --> 00:56:18.787 one kind of sad thing post labor that was really hard for me because I 00:56:18.820 --> 00:56:25.945 didn't get them right on my chest. Um, you know, I got them both for I 00:56:25.978 --> 00:56:29.747 under a minute in my face for a minute so I could like just kiss them and 00:56:29.780 --> 00:56:34.135 smell him and talk to him, um, but then they whisk, they whisked them away 00:56:34.168 --> 00:56:36.876 um into their little bassinets and I could see them, but it was just a 00:56:36.909 --> 00:56:41.827 bummer and they weren't on my chest. And so I was, I was really just proud 00:56:41.860 --> 00:56:47.227 that they were there and healthy, so I wasn't, and I'm not one to to to 00:56:47.260 --> 00:56:53.095 question. I guess, uh, you know, authority or doctors and so unless I 00:56:53.128 --> 00:56:57.385 really feel like I'm being. Um, neglected or anything or if I'm really 00:56:57.418 --> 00:56:59.827 concerned, but I wasn't concerned. They were being taken care of. I just 00:56:59.860 --> 00:57:04.227 really wanted them on my chest. So I didn't ask and I don't know um how 00:57:04.260 --> 00:57:09.046 long time passed, but I think maybe about 1015 minutes passed. And then 00:57:09.079 --> 00:57:11.655 they were like, OK, well, they want to take him to the nursery they call 00:57:11.688 --> 00:57:15.166 it because it's, it's not again it's not a level 4, it's not an NICU. They 00:57:15.199 --> 00:57:18.635 want to take him to the nursery and check them out. And I kind of was 00:57:18.668 --> 00:57:23.836 confused, but I, I didn't ask. So they took him to the nursery and I, but 00:57:23.869 --> 00:57:27.155 I was like, can my husband go? And they're like, of course. So he went to 00:57:27.188 --> 00:57:31.166 the nursery. And I was wheeling down the hall and my sisters, I saw my 00:57:31.199 --> 00:57:34.405 sisters and my mom, and they're like, what, what is that? I'm like, you 00:57:34.438 --> 00:57:36.845 guys haven't heard and I felt like this was like 20 minutes after the 00:57:36.878 --> 00:57:39.967 babies were born. They're like, no. So I got to share the news with 00:57:40.000 --> 00:57:43.686 everybody um that it was a boy and a girl and they were ecstatic and 00:57:43.719 --> 00:57:47.717 they're like, Well, where are they? And I told them and then. Now my 00:57:47.750 --> 00:57:52.316 sisters and my mom are ones to question. I mean, they're ones to be like, 00:57:52.349 --> 00:57:58.287 give me the facts. Why is why? So they, so my mom's like, well, what's 00:57:58.320 --> 00:58:02.126 going on? Cass, go find out what's going on. So she sent my sister to go 00:58:02.159 --> 00:58:06.006 ask the other nurses. So funny enough, one of the other nurses working 00:58:06.039 --> 00:58:10.405 there is per diem at my sister's hospital. So she was, she kind of had the 00:58:10.438 --> 00:58:12.606 end, so she was talking to the other nurse and the nurse said, you know 00:58:12.639 --> 00:58:16.287 what, they just are being very cautious. Um, they're just gonna listen to 00:58:16.320 --> 00:58:20.217 them and make sure that check their blood levels and My sister's like, 00:58:20.250 --> 00:58:23.896 they're 36 weeks, they're so healthy. And the the other nurse is like, I 00:58:23.929 --> 00:58:28.517 know, but they just gotta follow this and so the Elsie had a little bit of 00:58:28.550 --> 00:58:32.905 a low blood sugar, so they, um, so they brought her to me first so I could 00:58:32.938 --> 00:58:36.256 feed her. So I finally was able to get a baby on the boobs. So that was 00:58:36.289 --> 00:58:41.287 great. So I got her on the boob right away and started feeding her. Um, to 00:58:41.320 --> 00:58:47.046 get her blood count up, I mean her blood sugar. And did she take right 00:58:47.079 --> 00:58:51.445 away? She did. Yeah. I was so lucky in that, even in my first, you know, 00:58:51.478 --> 00:58:56.526 like when I was the lactation specialist came in with the first baby, um, 00:58:56.559 --> 00:58:59.486 even though I was saying in the first how awkward it is to sit and 00:58:59.519 --> 00:59:04.845 everything, I never got bloody nipples. I never got scabbing, you know, I 00:59:04.878 --> 00:59:10.166 did get mastitis with the first. Mastitis is when you get the clogged uh 00:59:10.199 --> 00:59:14.405 milk duct and then you, it's an infection and it killed women early on. I 00:59:14.438 --> 00:59:17.967 mean, this thing, it's, it's um, it, it's a rapid growing infection. But 00:59:18.000 --> 00:59:20.807 now, of course, and nowadays you just, you could catch it with if you 00:59:20.840 --> 00:59:24.287 catch it within the first few days, you get an antibiotic which is safe to 00:59:24.320 --> 00:59:28.006 take while you're breastfeeding. So I did get mastitis with the first, um 00:59:28.039 --> 00:59:33.247 , and I, um, got on it and being again from a family of many nurses, they 00:59:33.280 --> 00:59:35.566 knew what was going on, so I just had to call my doctor and they, and I 00:59:35.599 --> 00:59:40.227 got on an antibiotic. Um, and with the twins again, Elsie just latched 00:59:40.260 --> 00:59:46.655 very easily, um, and ate. And then The most difficult part though was 00:59:46.688 --> 00:59:50.537 managing too. I mean, in my head I'm like I have 2 boobs, I have 2 babies. 00:59:50.570 --> 00:59:55.405 This is natural. No, it's not natural. It's so uncomfortable. They knew 00:59:55.438 --> 00:59:58.977 what to do, you know, they're suckling, they're, they're getting it, but 00:59:59.010 --> 01:00:05.057 it was just, it was the first night was hard trying to, and then in my 01:00:05.090 --> 01:00:08.586 head they're also telling me how her blood sugar is low. She didn't wake 01:00:08.619 --> 01:00:12.227 up to eat all night the first night, and I remember being like this is not 01:00:12.260 --> 01:00:16.885 normal that she needs to eat. And I was rattling her and shaking her and 01:00:16.918 --> 01:00:21.486 trying to feed her and she just never got up to eat and I asked the nurse 01:00:21.519 --> 01:00:25.885 and she said, you know, she's she's just went through a huge traumatic 01:00:25.918 --> 01:00:29.606 event like she's tired, but her, you know, we'll we'll see if she's in a 01:00:29.639 --> 01:00:33.287 little bit and I was concerned about that, but that, so that kept me up 01:00:33.320 --> 01:00:40.006 all night. That was just the beginning of many sleepless nights. So I 01:00:40.039 --> 01:00:42.606 didn't sleep that night and the twins, you know, my husband was in the 01:00:42.639 --> 01:00:46.606 room with me, um, the babies were with me, so they got out of the nursery. 01:00:46.639 --> 01:00:51.767 So both babies got to come with me into the room and um they were, they 01:00:51.800 --> 01:00:56.115 were on and off the boob. They were being held by my sisters and my dad 01:00:56.148 --> 01:01:03.526 and my mom and everybody that was there. But She, uh, they, the, the first 01:01:03.559 --> 01:01:10.506 night, my husband. Uh, I would say slept. Like a champ on the couch when I 01:01:10.539 --> 01:01:12.865 was trying to like figure out what to do with these two babies, I think I 01:01:12.898 --> 01:01:16.066 had one in my arm and one between my legs and the nurse would come in and 01:01:16.099 --> 01:01:20.416 be like, you know, you have to have these babies. Bassinets, and I was 01:01:20.449 --> 01:01:26.057 like, No, I'll put them in. I'm not going to sleep yet. No, I just kept 01:01:26.090 --> 01:01:30.336 one in my arm and one between my legs and I didn't sleep and they're just 01:01:30.369 --> 01:01:36.256 sitting there, um, and kind of one at one point, um, the little boy 01:01:36.289 --> 01:01:40.416 weighed. I was like, why isn't he moving? He's very still. And I was 01:01:40.449 --> 01:01:42.936 panicked as I undressed him and everything, and then he started like 01:01:42.969 --> 01:01:47.175 grunting. And then he pooped and I was like, thank goodness, like this is 01:01:47.208 --> 01:01:51.416 one of the things I can check off to get out of here sooner. So I, so that 01:01:51.449 --> 01:01:57.655 was, so the first night was, was hard. I was up all night. Excuse me, the 01:01:57.688 --> 01:02:02.256 2nd day came and um they actually did tell me that I was probably going to 01:02:02.289 --> 01:02:05.456 stay two nights with the twins being a little bit that they were early and 01:02:05.489 --> 01:02:09.695 twins and high risk. So, so I was like, OK, well I want Laney to meet the 01:02:09.728 --> 01:02:14.017 baby. So Laney got to come the next day and I just burst into tears 01:02:14.050 --> 01:02:18.856 because now she's my big girl. She was my baby and now she's this 19 01:02:18.889 --> 01:02:23.546 months, so it's 19 months between the two of them. And now she's my big 01:02:23.579 --> 01:02:27.416 girl and I was just crying because it just wasn't her and I. We had this 01:02:27.449 --> 01:02:31.865 awesome like we just had this awesome routine together from the morning 01:02:31.898 --> 01:02:36.467 when she got up to lunch to nap to our outings and I was like, that's all 01:02:36.500 --> 01:02:40.146 done now. That was our time and now we have to share it with these two 01:02:40.179 --> 01:02:45.827 little humans. So I was emotional, to say the least and um Balai was 01:02:45.860 --> 01:02:50.467 really cute with them and Everything was really going well and they pooped 01:02:50.500 --> 01:02:55.856 and they were eating and um, you know, and I was moving around and I had 01:02:55.889 --> 01:03:00.307 done all my things on the checklist. So the second night, my husband, I, I 01:03:00.340 --> 01:03:03.626 really felt bad leaving our daughter two nights in a row. So I was like, 01:03:03.659 --> 01:03:07.706 how will you go sleep with Laney at the house? So one of us is with her 01:03:07.739 --> 01:03:10.706 and my mom said she would sleep with me at the hospital. So my mom slept 01:03:10.739 --> 01:03:13.885 with me at the hospital and she was, you know, a little bit more. 01:03:13.918 --> 01:03:17.646 Attentive, I should say then my husband, so she was, she was taking one 01:03:17.679 --> 01:03:21.126 baby and sitting with the baby in the chair or sleeping slash sleeping in 01:03:21.159 --> 01:03:23.727 the chair and the nurse was a little uneasy about that, but I'm like leave 01:03:23.760 --> 01:03:27.046 them alone, they're sleeping. So they were sleeping and I would have a 01:03:27.079 --> 01:03:29.936 baby and the whole the whole night was the same. I mean, I wasn't really 01:03:29.969 --> 01:03:33.606 sleeping very much because I was worried about them eating, uh, but then 01:03:33.639 --> 01:03:40.267 the next day came and. The hospital said they had to pass a car seat test. 01:03:40.300 --> 01:03:44.675 And my sister again coming from kind of a higher level hospital was like 01:03:44.708 --> 01:03:49.537 , well, yeah, we do that, but I'm really small babies like. So babies that 01:03:49.570 --> 01:03:55.845 are born before 37 weeks sometimes forget in their head they haven't quite 01:03:55.878 --> 01:04:00.057 formed the connection to breathe, continue to breathe while they're either 01:04:00.090 --> 01:04:06.796 eating or be sleeping. So younger babies sometimes, again, they'll go into 01:04:06.829 --> 01:04:09.595 these apnea spells where they forget to breathe because they're in such a 01:04:09.628 --> 01:04:12.356 deep sleep, or they'll forget to breathe because they're eating and 01:04:12.389 --> 01:04:16.986 they'll forget to stop and breathe. So that was a valid concern of the 01:04:17.019 --> 01:04:20.345 nurses, and they said, well, in the car seat that apnea will, you know, 01:04:20.378 --> 01:04:23.827 they'll sink and get into this position and the, the heart rate will drop. 01:04:23.860 --> 01:04:27.066 So they had to pass a car seat test and they said they just had to sit in 01:04:27.099 --> 01:04:31.986 the car seat for for an hour. It's crazy. It was the craziest thing in an 01:04:32.019 --> 01:04:36.467 hour. They had to sit in their car seats, hooked up to a heart monitor, uh 01:04:36.500 --> 01:04:41.517 , pulse ox to make sure that their heartbeats didn't drop or they whatever. 01:04:41.550 --> 01:04:45.236 And I remember packing up the room and my mom was there and everybody had 01:04:45.269 --> 01:04:49.776 been, I'd been discharged. And my mom was going back and forth checking 01:04:49.809 --> 01:04:52.646 and I think I went in and took a picture of them and everything seemed 01:04:52.679 --> 01:04:57.017 fine. And then my mom came back and she was like, Elsie failed the car 01:04:57.050 --> 01:05:00.497 seat test, and I was like, what does that mean? She goes, she has to stay 01:05:00.530 --> 01:05:06.706 here. And I lost it. I lost it. Seriously started crying right then and I 01:05:06.739 --> 01:05:14.739 don't think I finished crying for 72 hours. And I um. And then they, so 01:05:15.039 --> 01:05:21.445 they said since one of them failed, they'll keep the other one. Which In 01:05:21.478 --> 01:05:24.686 hindsight it was better than to have an infant at home and an infant in 01:05:24.719 --> 01:05:28.967 the nursery, and I'll get to that point in a second, but I looked at my 01:05:29.000 --> 01:05:33.796 doctor and I said, un discharge me. What do you need me to tell you? That 01:05:33.829 --> 01:05:37.195 I didn't poop, that I still can't feel my toes? What do I need to tell you 01:05:37.228 --> 01:05:40.836 ? Keep me in this hospital. And she was like, I can't. Insurance will not 01:05:40.869 --> 01:05:44.706 let you. You've already been discharged. You have to leave. And so the 01:05:44.739 --> 01:05:50.425 nurses were fantastic. They let me stay till the last minute that I could 01:05:50.458 --> 01:05:55.807 at that hospital. I think it was like 10 p.m. And I was so sad leaving the 01:05:55.840 --> 01:05:59.845 hospital, and I was exhausted. I was sad and I was just like, how am I 01:05:59.878 --> 01:06:03.727 gonna go home and sleep and leave these babies in the hospital? It's my 01:06:03.760 --> 01:06:07.876 job to take them home. And I went into that nursery and I just cried and I 01:06:07.909 --> 01:06:11.236 cried and I'm like pumping and pumping and that's not helpful to try to 01:06:11.269 --> 01:06:16.945 pump or feed babies while you're crying. So nothing's coming out of me. 01:06:16.978 --> 01:06:22.356 And, and as I'm feeding Wade, he slips into an apnea spell. So they're 01:06:22.389 --> 01:06:30.389 like 5 days, he has to be here for 5 days. And I'm like OK. So I'm, I 01:06:31.530 --> 01:06:34.655 don't want to leave. I'm pretty much staying in this rocking chair they've 01:06:34.688 --> 01:06:38.767 put me in, and then my husband's like, you got to go home. And the nurses 01:06:38.800 --> 01:06:43.287 are like, to think about us as like really highly qualified babysitters 01:06:43.320 --> 01:06:50.727 and go home and sleep. And I was like, no, I'm not gonna sleep at all and 01:06:50.760 --> 01:06:53.967 and Chase is like, well, it's something that's gonna help me sleep. And I 01:06:54.000 --> 01:06:57.486 was like, uh, I need Laney. I need my oldest. I need her to come to bed 01:06:57.519 --> 01:06:59.856 with me. 01:06:59.889 --> 01:07:05.526 So I went and got me Chick fil A. 10 o'clock at night or something. And I 01:07:05.559 --> 01:07:09.115 went home and he moved lady into my bedroom and her and I slept together 01:07:09.148 --> 01:07:14.986 that night. Um, and I did sleep, but um, it was hard. It was hard. And I 01:07:15.019 --> 01:07:18.267 was up, of course, at 6 o'clock and we couldn't check in, go check on the 01:07:18.300 --> 01:07:25.365 babies till 7. So The next morning I go to the hospital. And this is all 01:07:25.398 --> 01:07:32.217 new to me. I have no idea like. The system That goes down on what it means 01:07:32.250 --> 01:07:37.296 for babies to be in the nursery. So I'm trying to learn. And I don't know 01:07:37.329 --> 01:07:42.456 if it's because my sister. They knew my sister was a Nikki nurse and my 01:07:42.489 --> 01:07:46.776 mom was a nurse, but um I think maybe they thought that I knew more than I 01:07:46.809 --> 01:07:53.296 did. So I didn't feel like I was getting. Answers And I wasn't asking 01:07:53.329 --> 01:07:59.497 questions in my defense, but I don't feel like they should have just 01:07:59.530 --> 01:08:04.046 expected me to know some of the things. And so I've some of the nurses, I 01:08:04.079 --> 01:08:08.546 , and I was probably hormonal. And sensitive, but I felt like some of the 01:08:08.579 --> 01:08:11.727 nurses were being um. 01:08:11.760 --> 01:08:18.336 A little bit cold and I was like, I don't want to experience this. So I, I 01:08:18.369 --> 01:08:26.369 did tell um. There was a director that I knew. I had worked with her son 01:08:26.369 --> 01:08:30.937 in my past career. So I I called her and I said, you know, I just don't 01:08:30.970 --> 01:08:36.816 feel comfortable. Some of these nurses are not making me feel welcomed or. 01:08:36.849 --> 01:08:41.384 Um, Oh, what am I trying, they're not making me feel adequate, like 01:08:41.417 --> 01:08:46.156 they're just not giving me the tools I think I need. And so the next time 01:08:46.189 --> 01:08:50.116 I came, so she's like, OK, and this is after a whole day being there. 01:08:50.149 --> 01:08:54.226 She's like, OK, you need to go eat lunch. You need to go home, take a 01:08:54.259 --> 01:08:57.555 shower, and then you come back this evening. So when I came back that 01:08:57.588 --> 01:09:01.936 evening, the twins were set up in their own room. And I had the most 01:09:01.969 --> 01:09:04.606 wonderful nurse. 01:09:04.639 --> 01:09:10.467 And so she sat with me, got me a rocking chair and a seat cushion and. Um 01:09:10.500 --> 01:09:14.756 , and it was this, OK, it's the born November 26th, so this is November 01:09:14.789 --> 01:09:19.857 twenty-ninth-ish. So it's close to Christmas. And so they're decorating 01:09:19.890 --> 01:09:24.616 for Christmas and I love the Christmas season, and I love Christmas music. 01:09:24.649 --> 01:09:28.095 So she was like, how will we turn on some Christmas music and so we turn 01:09:28.128 --> 01:09:32.897 on Christmas music and we just sang to the twins and I fed them on and off 01:09:32.930 --> 01:09:36.746 and. And I also came to the realization that night that I was gonna have 01:09:36.779 --> 01:09:42.026 to start giving him formula, which is a really hard thing for me. Then it 01:09:42.059 --> 01:09:45.545 was then to accept that I was going to have to give him a formula. But 01:09:45.578 --> 01:09:51.825 this nurse made it so logical that this is like adequate. This is babies 01:09:51.858 --> 01:09:56.146 need this nutrition, and it's not your fault. You can't make it right now 01:09:56.179 --> 01:10:02.156 or make enough for the both of them, but Um, but you need, you need to get 01:10:02.189 --> 01:10:05.366 caught up on your health and your body needs to get ready to start 01:10:05.399 --> 01:10:08.925 producing this milk. So I had to accept at that time that they were going 01:10:08.958 --> 01:10:14.126 to start getting formula. And that was probably a hard thing for me. And 01:10:14.159 --> 01:10:17.326 I'll get to it later, but that was probably a hard thing for me for months. 01:10:17.359 --> 01:10:21.987 But let me tell you this, the moment I passed that hurdle, it was like. 01:10:22.020 --> 01:10:25.147 Formula is formula. It's fine. I'm doing as much as I can breastfeeding 01:10:25.180 --> 01:10:31.546 was the was the moment I was like. Free of a lot of chains that I had put 01:10:31.579 --> 01:10:36.226 on myself when it came to breastfeeding and formula with the twins. 01:10:36.259 --> 01:10:42.175 But the so. So they were in the nursery, that that was like the 1st 24 01:10:42.208 --> 01:10:47.406 hours after I had to leave them. I was a mess. Um. And then when I would 01:10:47.439 --> 01:10:52.456 be at home. My husband posted this picture of me. And we had done this 01:10:52.489 --> 01:10:56.336 room edition in my house. It was all under construction and it was we were 01:10:56.369 --> 01:10:59.095 in a we're in a hurry to get it done before the twins came, so we had more 01:10:59.128 --> 01:11:04.006 space. And it was very dusty and so I knew the twins were coming home. So 01:11:04.039 --> 01:11:08.446 I was like in this crazy manic mood to like clean the whole house. So my 01:11:08.479 --> 01:11:11.805 husband has this picture of me. I still have my hospital bracelets on and 01:11:11.838 --> 01:11:16.246 I'm in a tank top and I'm outside the window washing it and I look like a 01:11:16.279 --> 01:11:20.336 ghost. And he puts it on Facebook, you know, and he's sweet. I mean, his 01:11:20.369 --> 01:11:24.175 intentions were great, but he was like, this woman just birthed two babies 01:11:24.208 --> 01:11:27.536 and she's a badass cleaning the windows. And I look at the picture and I 01:11:27.569 --> 01:11:35.357 see a depressed, sad, malnourished, tired woman. And it's just, I mean, 01:11:35.390 --> 01:11:39.156 it's sad because I was like just trying to keep myself so busy. And I bet 01:11:39.189 --> 01:11:43.036 you if my mom was there or my sisters, they would have been like. They 01:11:43.069 --> 01:11:47.626 would have snapped me around and shoved me in my room, but. I mean, I was 01:11:47.659 --> 01:11:51.345 just trying to keep myself so busy getting myself to the point where I 01:11:51.378 --> 01:11:53.746 could. 01:11:53.779 --> 01:11:57.175 Realize what the next few days were gonna, again, I didn't know what, I 01:11:57.208 --> 01:11:59.027 didn't know what the next few days were gonna offer. I didn't know how to 01:11:59.060 --> 01:12:01.506 get to the hospital, how to come home and be with my daughter, how to get 01:12:01.539 --> 01:12:04.385 to the hospital, come home and be with my daughter, how to sleep, how to 01:12:04.418 --> 01:12:12.226 eat. My husband's vacation time ran out. So for the 1st 3 or 4 days that 01:12:12.259 --> 01:12:16.385 he was home, we kind of got a good system. I would get up at 7 a.m. I 01:12:16.418 --> 01:12:19.067 would be go to the hospital first. I would stay at the hospital through 01:12:19.100 --> 01:12:23.857 lunch till about 4 cause my daughter usually went down for a nap at 2, so. 01:12:23.890 --> 01:12:26.937 Chase would do the morning activities with Laney, put her down for a nap 01:12:26.970 --> 01:12:31.607 around 1 or 2. I would come home at 4 just in time for her to get up from 01:12:31.640 --> 01:12:35.126 a nap. We would be there together and then he would go back to the 01:12:35.159 --> 01:12:39.765 hospital for the evening until 8. And then they actually, they actually, 01:12:39.798 --> 01:12:43.166 um, I'm sorry, 7, because at 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. they kick you out for an 01:12:43.199 --> 01:12:47.286 hour so they can do a nurse changeover. So he would go back for the, for 01:12:47.319 --> 01:12:51.857 the later part of the night and then he would stay as late as he wanted. 01:12:51.890 --> 01:12:56.456 Um, and in the course of the next 3 days that they both were there, that 01:12:56.489 --> 01:13:00.175 really was, you know, a good system working for us. And I was pumping when 01:13:00.208 --> 01:13:03.265 I was home and whatever I pumped, they would bring and they would feed him 01:13:03.298 --> 01:13:06.857 my breast milk first and then just for the rest of the feedings, um, 01:13:06.890 --> 01:13:13.687 formula. And now, Again, going to why they were in the nursery. 01:13:13.720 --> 01:13:17.406 My sister was telling me that in her hospital, they would have already 01:13:17.439 --> 01:13:23.166 been home, like they were there purely to be monitored, um. Because they 01:13:23.199 --> 01:13:27.046 would just had the pulse ox on and the heart monitors on. They just wanna 01:13:27.079 --> 01:13:30.107 make sure they didn't sleep apnea spell that they couldn't get out of. 01:13:30.140 --> 01:13:33.107 They never did that. They went into a couple apnea spells, but they always 01:13:33.140 --> 01:13:37.147 shook out of them. And again, my sister said that's because that's what 01:13:37.180 --> 01:13:40.406 they do at 36, 37 weeks. They go into a deep sleep, they stop sleeping, 01:13:40.439 --> 01:13:44.675 but they get, they shake out of them. But you want to be safe than sorry. 01:13:44.708 --> 01:13:49.095 And I kept telling myself that, better be safe than sorry. They're with 01:13:49.128 --> 01:13:54.067 caring people and we've got this down. So they, the rule is after each 01:13:54.100 --> 01:13:58.906 apnea spell they have to stay 5 days. And my sister's out of her hospital. 01:13:58.939 --> 01:14:01.836 It's only 2 days. But here they're just trying to earn these credentials 01:14:01.869 --> 01:14:07.345 , so it's 5 days. So remember Wade had slipped into that apnea spell while 01:14:07.378 --> 01:14:12.376 I fed him. So he was there for 5 days. Elsie. Didn't go into a full apnea 01:14:12.409 --> 01:14:17.006 spell, um. In that car seat, it was just, she just kind of failed it, so 01:14:17.039 --> 01:14:23.036 she was 3 days. So after 3 days, Elsie got to come home and so she came 01:14:23.069 --> 01:14:27.206 home first, but then Wade went into another apnea spell, and so they added 01:14:27.239 --> 01:14:32.906 5 more days on. And I was like, and then Chase had to go back to work. So 01:14:32.939 --> 01:14:35.906 having an infant at home and then having the internet at the hospital for 01:14:35.939 --> 01:14:38.696 3 days because there was 2 days over there they overlapped for having him 01:14:38.729 --> 01:14:43.135 at the hospital separate for 3 days was a nightmare. It was a nightmare. 01:14:43.168 --> 01:14:47.416 We tried to keep up the same, but I was like, I, it just doesn't make 01:14:47.449 --> 01:14:52.656 sense for me to not to not, I don't know. Nothing made sense to me, to be 01:14:52.689 --> 01:14:58.616 honest. I don't know. There was no real answer of what we could do. So I 01:14:58.649 --> 01:15:01.656 stayed at home. I mean, we did the routine for a day or two, and then 01:15:01.689 --> 01:15:04.376 finally I was like, that's it. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of this. I don't 01:15:04.409 --> 01:15:09.656 want to go to the hospital anymore. I want him home. So my sister actually 01:15:09.689 --> 01:15:13.765 went with my husband. To go pick up Wade when he was discharged because I 01:15:13.798 --> 01:15:16.647 just couldn't stand it anymore. I was like, I'm done. I'm sick at the 01:15:16.680 --> 01:15:20.515 hospital. I just don't, my baby's here. 01:15:20.548 --> 01:15:26.277 Um, oh, and another kind of fun story is every Thanksgiving weekend. We go 01:15:26.310 --> 01:15:28.607 Christmas tree hunting. My whole family does. We go up to the White 01:15:28.640 --> 01:15:31.036 Mountains and we cut a Christmas tree down. Now, clearly I couldn't go 01:15:31.069 --> 01:15:35.076 because I was on bed rest and I was like ready to explode. So everybody 01:15:35.109 --> 01:15:39.885 went in, they got me a Christmas tree. Well, the week after Thanksgiving 01:15:39.918 --> 01:15:43.206 was the week they were in the nursery. It was crazy. Everyone was kind of 01:15:43.239 --> 01:15:48.487 crazy helping us with Laney. So the night that both babies came home, uh, 01:15:48.520 --> 01:15:53.567 or that Wade came home, my dad and my brother had already um gotten the 01:15:53.600 --> 01:15:57.626 plan to bring my Christmas tree over. So that night, they, everyone came 01:15:57.659 --> 01:16:01.265 over, the babies were there and they brought the Christmas tree and they 01:16:01.298 --> 01:16:03.906 put the Christmas tree up and they put the lights on and everybody was 01:16:03.939 --> 01:16:07.626 home and that was fantastic. I mean that was just like completeness. I 01:16:07.659 --> 01:16:11.946 have some awesome pictures from that night, just all of us together. I 01:16:11.979 --> 01:16:18.055 look like Death walking around the house, but I was just so happy 01:16:18.088 --> 01:16:23.277 everybody was home. And then that's when. All the real work started. I 01:16:23.310 --> 01:16:29.067 mean, just having two infants at home. Um, and a one year old was, uh, to 01:16:29.100 --> 01:16:34.187 say the least, probably the biggest challenge anybody could be under. And 01:16:34.220 --> 01:16:37.226 somebody once was like, do you think it was, do you think it's going to be 01:16:37.259 --> 01:16:40.147 harder or easier that you already have one? And in my head, being an 01:16:40.180 --> 01:16:43.956 optimist that I am easier because I know what to expect. You know, I've 01:16:43.989 --> 01:16:47.107 already been through it. I know I've been through that beginning first mom 01:16:47.140 --> 01:16:52.135 stuff. No, the hardest job about having My twins, was my 1 year old, and I 01:16:52.168 --> 01:16:57.326 say that to everybody because she was at a sponge age. She wanted to learn 01:16:57.359 --> 01:17:00.496 everything. She needed my attention. She knew me, she needed Chase's 01:17:00.529 --> 01:17:04.576 attention. So after about 2 or 3 months of the twins being home and me 01:17:04.609 --> 01:17:07.476 figuring out that, 01:17:07.509 --> 01:17:11.515 It was like a light bulb went off and I was like, these twins just need 01:17:11.548 --> 01:17:15.357 nourishment. They just need to be held and loved. Yes, by me and Chase, 01:17:15.390 --> 01:17:22.046 mostly, but really, if they could just be held lovingly and fed. Then, you 01:17:22.079 --> 01:17:27.765 know, they're gonna do just fine. So I just, everybody in my village was 01:17:27.798 --> 01:17:32.246 just a huge help. Everyone took night shifts. I was too exhausted to 01:17:32.279 --> 01:17:34.946 figure out any kind of sleeping schedule, you know, I'd read about these 01:17:34.979 --> 01:17:39.967 moms that came up with these wonderful sleeping schedules where their two 01:17:40.000 --> 01:17:43.567 month old twins were sleeping through the night and I'm like, I don't have 01:17:43.600 --> 01:17:49.256 the energy to do that. I'm just, you know, I'm just going to wing it. And 01:17:49.289 --> 01:17:54.756 , and that's my personality too. I'm not a planner by any means. I'm a I'm 01:17:54.789 --> 01:17:59.456 a definitely go to day to day person. So none of the none of the books 01:17:59.489 --> 01:18:04.446 with their suggestions was at all my personality. And so I just was like, 01:18:04.479 --> 01:18:06.876 we're just gonna wing this. We're gonna have swings, we're gonna have 01:18:06.909 --> 01:18:10.326 poppies, we're gonna have anything we have and we're going to have family 01:18:10.359 --> 01:18:15.166 and people just took twins. People would come over. I had A wonderful 01:18:15.199 --> 01:18:21.925 woman in my life who I nandied for and it was like. Let me give you money 01:18:21.958 --> 01:18:25.607 for a babysitter. Let me give you money so you can have someone that you 01:18:25.640 --> 01:18:31.027 were to meet. So she gave me some money. And she said, just put this in an 01:18:31.060 --> 01:18:34.635 envelope and find a babysitter. And so there was this one babysitter I 01:18:34.668 --> 01:18:38.357 kind of used with Laney, but I never needed a babysitter because I just, 01:18:38.390 --> 01:18:41.746 we just hung out all the time. And and I have an enormous amount of family 01:18:41.779 --> 01:18:44.756 that would take Laney. So I had this one babysitter and I was like, well, 01:18:44.789 --> 01:18:49.357 I'll give her a call. She ended up being a godsend. I mean, she ended up 01:18:49.390 --> 01:18:55.515 being just 100% reliable, dependable, completely confident with the twins 01:18:55.548 --> 01:19:01.717 , took charge. So she just, she just came and I remember being like, can 01:19:01.750 --> 01:19:04.675 you just come and stay the night at my house and do something with one of 01:19:04.708 --> 01:19:09.635 these twins. So that started a routine of her coming at least once a week 01:19:09.668 --> 01:19:12.357 , she would come and she would be in the living room with one twin and I'd 01:19:12.390 --> 01:19:15.317 be in the bedroom with another twin. And so that way I only had to get up 01:19:15.350 --> 01:19:18.836 with one. And again, I was still had that barrier with formula, but I was 01:19:18.869 --> 01:19:22.175 there, so she still did whatever I pumped she would use, but I was in the 01:19:22.208 --> 01:19:25.876 bedroom feeding, breastfeeding one twin, and she would be using formula in 01:19:25.909 --> 01:19:29.536 the living room with the other twin. And then I only had to wake up with 01:19:29.569 --> 01:19:34.756 one. So she would come once a week and that was a huge relief. And then 01:19:34.789 --> 01:19:37.446 everyone in my family pitched in, you know, one, maybe another night a 01:19:37.479 --> 01:19:41.756 week, somebody would come or um one time I remember my brother and his 01:19:41.789 --> 01:19:45.357 then girlfriend took the twins, both of them for one night. That was 01:19:45.390 --> 01:19:51.607 pretty amazing. Um, and they just, I, I, I mean it was just a whirlwind 01:19:51.640 --> 01:19:56.925 the next few months and I was just trying to figure out how to make 01:19:56.958 --> 01:20:01.256 everything work, the breastfeeding, the bottle feeding. The plane with my 01:20:01.289 --> 01:20:06.817 daughter and I had many, many breakdowns, many breakdowns. Now with my 01:20:06.850 --> 01:20:11.666 first baby, I feel like I got the baby blues postpartum. I did always see 01:20:11.699 --> 01:20:15.345 a light at the end of the tunnel. With the twins, there was never a light 01:20:15.378 --> 01:20:18.906 at the end of the tunnel. There was never a light. I just continued to get 01:20:18.939 --> 01:20:25.496 more and more in this deep hole. And Me saying how I felt like they just 01:20:25.529 --> 01:20:28.366 needed to be loved by other people kind of got to an extreme at one point 01:20:28.399 --> 01:20:32.027 where I was like, I don't even want anything to do with them, and that's 01:20:32.060 --> 01:20:37.246 what was a huge red flag for me. And um, and knowing that depression runs 01:20:37.279 --> 01:20:43.425 in my family. Um, finally, my mom, being in the mental health field, was 01:20:43.458 --> 01:20:47.467 like, you're gonna go talk to somebody. So they arranged all the childcare 01:20:47.500 --> 01:20:52.187 so I could go see a freaking doctor. It was like it was like seriously a 01:20:52.220 --> 01:20:56.467 group effort anytime I needed I needed a couple of hours away. And that in 01:20:56.500 --> 01:21:01.107 itself, I'm not a person to put burden on anybody. So that in itself was 01:21:01.140 --> 01:21:04.305 so hard for me to ask for help because I don't want to put anything on 01:21:04.338 --> 01:21:06.595 anybody. 01:21:06.628 --> 01:21:12.246 But um to make a group effort to take care of my little tribe, so I could 01:21:12.279 --> 01:21:14.756 get to the doctor was huge and talking to the doctor and I just remember 01:21:14.789 --> 01:21:20.656 crying for an hour. And she just was like you. You're postpartum and this 01:21:20.689 --> 01:21:25.265 is fine. Like she goes, this is totally normal, you're good. I just cried 01:21:25.298 --> 01:21:27.937 . I don't even think I told her anything. She's like, you don't need to 01:21:27.970 --> 01:21:34.015 say anything. I see it and you. And so she, um, so I got on anti um 01:21:34.048 --> 01:21:38.555 depression or anti-anxiety, I don't know what it was. 01:21:38.588 --> 01:21:40.796 Yeah, yeah, that's how out of it it was. I don't know what it was. I was 01:21:40.829 --> 01:21:44.116 like, just give me beds. She said, This is not going to make it easier by 01:21:44.149 --> 01:21:46.845 any means. You're not going to sleep more. She said, this will just take 01:21:46.878 --> 01:21:49.876 the edge off of everything. Just take the edge off this dress. It'll just 01:21:49.909 --> 01:21:56.265 , you'll see a light, she said. It took a long time. I would say 34 weeks 01:21:56.298 --> 01:22:04.298 for it to really. Um, for me, for me to see it. Other people saw it first. 01:22:04.819 --> 01:22:09.817 My husband saw it Um, saw me kind of have a lighter feeling about things. 01:22:09.850 --> 01:22:14.656 My family saw it, saw me like kind of letting go a little bit more. Um, 01:22:14.689 --> 01:22:20.135 but it took me easily 434 weeks to start feeling a little better. Um, and 01:22:20.168 --> 01:22:23.817 by that time, you know that the twins were about almost 3 months when I 01:22:23.850 --> 01:22:29.897 did finally go see a doctor, um, because I just was just surviving for 3 01:22:29.930 --> 01:22:33.696 months. And, and sometimes it was hard to ask people to come out because I 01:22:33.729 --> 01:22:36.976 didn't want them to see what a shit show it was, because then they'd be 01:22:37.009 --> 01:22:39.376 like, this is too much for you, you have to change it, but I didn't know 01:22:39.409 --> 01:22:43.406 how to change it, so I didn't want someone to tell me to change it. So it 01:22:43.439 --> 01:22:48.126 was, it was a cycle. It was nasty and I was, my husband and I just spent a 01:22:48.159 --> 01:22:53.756 lot of nights crying. So 3 months, probably, and then 4 months, I was on 01:22:53.789 --> 01:22:56.656 the medication. So by the time the twins were 4 or 5 months, things were 01:22:56.689 --> 01:23:02.687 kind of becoming a system in our house, um. I had the same nanny. She was 01:23:02.720 --> 01:23:05.326 coming. She was in nursing school and the nursing school was right down 01:23:05.359 --> 01:23:07.805 the road. So she came to my house every day that she wasn't in nursing 01:23:07.838 --> 01:23:10.326 school. And I was like, I don't care what you got. And the lady that that 01:23:10.359 --> 01:23:15.086 I nanny for gave me more money because she's wonderful. So she's like, 01:23:15.119 --> 01:23:20.366 just get the nanny as much as you can. So she was wonderful. So she would 01:23:20.399 --> 01:23:23.527 either take my daughter, which again, I told you was the hardest part 01:23:23.560 --> 01:23:29.996 about twins, was my one year old, because she just was so wanting me. But 01:23:30.029 --> 01:23:34.397 she also, I mean, she's, you've better. She loves she loves anybody. She's 01:23:34.430 --> 01:23:39.796 very easily loved. Um, and so the nanny would also take her on outings and 01:23:39.829 --> 01:23:42.425 just leave me at home with the twins, and that was a huge break to have 01:23:42.458 --> 01:23:46.786 her gone. And I could just not speak the whole day because when you have a 01:23:46.819 --> 01:23:50.765 1.5 year old who's learning their ABC's and their 12, 3s, they ask 01:23:50.798 --> 01:23:55.737 questions. I have to speak all day. But when she's not there and it's just 01:23:55.770 --> 01:24:00.897 these blobs, these infants, you don't have to speak. You just can just veg 01:24:00.930 --> 01:24:07.546 on the bed, literally just be in your bed all day. Um, Sandy Hook happened 01:24:07.579 --> 01:24:12.147 during that time, and that was horrible. I was in my room, I remember, and 01:24:12.180 --> 01:24:15.706 I had my Nanny had the babysitter and I was just in the bed in Sandy, and 01:24:15.739 --> 01:24:19.826 I just remember looking at the TV in complete shock with these two infants 01:24:19.859 --> 01:24:24.687 that I at that point did not like and I'm watching Sandy Hook happen and 01:24:24.720 --> 01:24:30.217 that was a huge turning point for me when I was like. I need to I need to 01:24:30.250 --> 01:24:34.626 shake it off. I need to be happy. This needs to be a different perspective. 01:24:34.659 --> 01:24:38.027 So that was a huge event that happened that helped me push me into 01:24:38.060 --> 01:24:44.107 talking to somebody. Um, again, thinking that we were the best moms before 01:24:44.140 --> 01:24:48.196 we had kids is so true when it came to these twins because I did 01:24:48.229 --> 01:24:53.196 everything I said I wasn't gonna do. From the formula bottle feeding to 01:24:53.229 --> 01:24:59.095 sleeping and holding the kids to sleeping in the swing to I, I did 01:24:59.128 --> 01:25:03.595 everything I said I wasn't going to do, co-sleeping, Boppy sleeping. 01:25:03.628 --> 01:25:07.595 Anything that involved them sleeping was the best idea invention ever. So 01:25:07.628 --> 01:25:11.196 at one point, you saw my couch in there, we have a sectional. Or not, yeah 01:25:11.229 --> 01:25:16.196 , satisfactional? I think it is, right? Whatever. It's big and comfy. And 01:25:16.229 --> 01:25:20.496 so my husband, we would put my 2 or 1.5 year old asleep. We would get 01:25:20.529 --> 01:25:24.586 settled in the couch. I would breastfeed one baby, get that baby settled 01:25:24.619 --> 01:25:28.476 and swaddled, put a binky, give him the sleeping baby. He would get 01:25:28.509 --> 01:25:31.656 settled in on the couch and hold that baby sleeping. I'd get the second 01:25:31.689 --> 01:25:35.476 baby swaddled, fed. I would hold that second baby and we would sleep on 01:25:35.509 --> 01:25:39.317 the couch. And then whenever one of the babies got up, we would swap and I 01:25:39.350 --> 01:25:42.595 would feed that baby. And if they both got up, he would just make a bottle 01:25:42.628 --> 01:25:45.956 and feed his baby. Oh, I had to feed the other baby. We did that for 01:25:45.989 --> 01:25:50.567 almost 2 months. And then somebody was like, you gotta break that habit, 01:25:50.600 --> 01:25:55.086 and I wanted to kick that person, but it's true, we had to. So it was time 01:25:55.119 --> 01:26:02.067 for something different. So, um, So we did anything swing was a popular 01:26:02.100 --> 01:26:06.885 one for Wade. He loved the swing until um he was able to roll and then he 01:26:06.918 --> 01:26:13.536 just got, he's so heavy. He's a heavy kid. So the swing, I think worked 01:26:13.569 --> 01:26:16.656 for a few weeks and Elsie just liked being held, so I just cuddled with 01:26:16.689 --> 01:26:21.416 Elsie and he slept in the swing. Um, and I would, and after we slept on 01:26:21.449 --> 01:26:24.826 the couch, my husband and I, so for the first few months, I was trying to 01:26:24.859 --> 01:26:28.217 be in the bedroom and I was trying to do it normal, you know, I was trying 01:26:28.250 --> 01:26:32.076 to like Be there with my twins. They were going to be in the bassinet. I 01:26:32.109 --> 01:26:34.635 would be in the bed. I would get up, feed them, put them back in their 01:26:34.668 --> 01:26:38.956 bassinet. No, that was a nightmare. I was keeping my husband up again, he 01:26:38.989 --> 01:26:42.277 has his line of work, it didn't, so we moved, I moved out to the living 01:26:42.310 --> 01:26:44.916 room by myself. That was a little bit more relaxing. But then when I 01:26:44.949 --> 01:26:47.675 couldn't handle that, that's when we both moved out to the living room and 01:26:47.708 --> 01:26:52.515 we both at least got chunks of sleep when we were both on the couch. Um, 01:26:52.548 --> 01:26:56.357 but then when we had to change it up again, uh, I said, OK, we, we need to 01:26:56.390 --> 01:27:01.666 do something. That's gonna be more permanent, so we got the boppies. And 01:27:01.699 --> 01:27:05.826 we put pillowcases on them and I wedged them in um the the pack and play 01:27:05.859 --> 01:27:09.467 next to my bed and swaddled them tight and I shoved them in that bobby so 01:27:09.500 --> 01:27:13.546 they were kind of like in this hole and that was the key. That was it for 01:27:13.579 --> 01:27:18.746 like easily for another 3 to 4 months. That was how it worked and You know 01:27:18.779 --> 01:27:21.487 , and again with my. 01:27:21.520 --> 01:27:25.446 My medication under control, my emotions under control, my barrier down 01:27:25.479 --> 01:27:30.845 with formula. Um, I was getting some, some sleep, and when I mean some 01:27:30.878 --> 01:27:36.206 sleep, I mean as as a mom of, you know, an infant, you know that. I would 01:27:36.239 --> 01:27:39.805 be like, oh gosh, you know, I slept for 3 hours straight. I slept from 01:27:39.838 --> 01:27:46.286 like 9 to midnight, 9 to 1. I'm great today. You know, and, so that would 01:27:46.319 --> 01:27:50.046 be, that would be for months. That was how, you know, 4 hours was 01:27:50.079 --> 01:27:55.095 fantastic and I'm OK with 3 hours here and 2 hours in the morning. Um, my 01:27:55.128 --> 01:27:59.777 husband, on the other hand, he needs consecutive hours. So he, during the 01:27:59.810 --> 01:28:04.246 week would not partake in nightly activities. When we did move to the room 01:28:04.279 --> 01:28:09.126 , he slept in the living room. Because he needed he needed his consecutive 01:28:09.159 --> 01:28:13.805 sleep. And we, and we had it under control in the room. You know, I would 01:28:13.838 --> 01:28:17.166 at least 3 hours at the beginning and then it moved to 4 hours and it was 01:28:17.199 --> 01:28:21.527 like 2 hours in the morning. And some mornings Laney got picked up even 01:28:21.560 --> 01:28:24.286 before she was awake. Someone would come pick her up and take her, so I 01:28:24.319 --> 01:28:27.366 wouldn't even have to leave my room in the morning. And sometimes our best 01:28:27.399 --> 01:28:33.826 sleep would be from 6 to 9 a.m. And we, and I would just not leave my room. 01:28:33.859 --> 01:28:39.187 Um, so it, it became easier, no, it didn't become easier. It wasn't 01:28:39.220 --> 01:28:45.147 easier. not it just became, it just became normal, more and more normal. 01:28:45.180 --> 01:28:49.626 Uh I remember one time when I run into other mom twins, when I run into 01:28:49.659 --> 01:28:53.385 other moms when I had infants and they tell me their stories, you know, in 01:28:53.418 --> 01:28:56.696 my, you know, I, I sympathize and then in my head I'm like, you don't even 01:28:56.729 --> 01:29:00.937 know. But when I run into a twin mom and they tell me stories, I'm like, 01:29:00.970 --> 01:29:04.536 thank you, you, if especially if they had twins that were older. I'm like 01:29:04.569 --> 01:29:08.656 , there's, there's a light, there's an end to this. And when they tell me 01:29:08.689 --> 01:29:14.717 positive things, I cling to it. This one time, uh, a twin mom. I said 01:29:14.750 --> 01:29:18.237 something like they were only a few months old and I said something like, 01:29:18.270 --> 01:29:21.595 it's only got to get easier from here. And she's like, oh no, it doesn't. 01:29:21.628 --> 01:29:26.515 Uh, that put me straight into a downward. I was crying that whole night. I 01:29:26.548 --> 01:29:31.675 was like, she has twins, and she said, it doesn't get better. That was the 01:29:31.708 --> 01:29:34.675 only twin mom though, that I, I don't know, you know, they come in all 01:29:34.708 --> 01:29:38.925 walks so. I don't know what she was, you know, what, what happened maybe 01:29:38.958 --> 01:29:42.567 in her life, but every other twin mom said yes, it gets easier. You get to 01:29:42.600 --> 01:29:46.286 understand them and so sure enough after that first, you know, the year, 01:29:46.319 --> 01:29:54.319 it was a mess. It was a mess. And then after a year, Uh, we did not have 01:29:55.088 --> 01:29:59.737 our master bedroom done in our house, so I was like, I can't sleep in the 01:29:59.770 --> 01:30:05.126 room anymore with these twins because they see me, they hear me. We, I, OK 01:30:05.159 --> 01:30:09.765 , so, so formula breastfeeding pretty much for the 1st 5 months, but it 01:30:09.798 --> 01:30:16.805 was a lot of work. And so my mom is a dairy goat farmer, so we have access 01:30:16.838 --> 01:30:22.095 to raw, um. And she could pasteurize it, but we, she does milk tests. She 01:30:22.128 --> 01:30:26.175 knows her goats, so we have access to raw goat milk. It's very healthy and 01:30:26.208 --> 01:30:30.576 clean and so they say raw goat's milk is complete, the components of 01:30:30.609 --> 01:30:35.616 breast milk. It's closest to breast milk. So I was determined to get to 01:30:35.649 --> 01:30:40.336 like 6 months breastfeeding and then formula feeding as well, but I think 01:30:40.369 --> 01:30:43.296 I got to 5 months and I was like, OK, I'm ready to start introducing 01:30:43.329 --> 01:30:47.336 goat's milk. So we started, my mom pasteurized it for the first few rounds 01:30:47.369 --> 01:30:50.576 just to be safe, and their, you know, their guts took it. It was fantastic. 01:30:50.609 --> 01:30:55.175 And so we went from formula to goat's milk and breast milk. And then by 01:30:55.208 --> 01:30:59.576 about 8 months, I would say I pretty much stopped breastfeeding. It was 01:30:59.609 --> 01:31:05.857 just so much work. And I remember, it was really funny. I remember being 01:31:05.890 --> 01:31:09.265 at my house and friends would always come visit me and I'd be 01:31:09.298 --> 01:31:11.786 breastfeeding twins, you know, I'd be set up on the couch and I'd be 01:31:11.819 --> 01:31:16.095 breastfeeding twins and Anybody that came to visit me at my house. There 01:31:16.128 --> 01:31:18.897 was always a time they had to leave. Clearly no one could stay at my house 01:31:18.930 --> 01:31:24.135 the whole time. Everyone that left, always, I could always feel it in them. 01:31:24.168 --> 01:31:27.595 They didn't, but they felt nervous leaving me like they were like, this 01:31:27.628 --> 01:31:31.826 this woman gonna be OK, but I've got to leave this craziness and get back 01:31:31.859 --> 01:31:35.336 to my life. But everybody was always cautious when they left me because 01:31:35.369 --> 01:31:39.147 they were worried about me, everybody. Especially if I had two twins on my 01:31:39.180 --> 01:31:41.796 boob, and they'd be like, can I get you water? Here's grapes, here's a 01:31:41.829 --> 01:31:46.546 remote control. What can I do for you? I'm like, nothing. Just go back to 01:31:46.579 --> 01:31:52.226 your normal life and leave me here. But it was, it was like it was just a 01:31:52.259 --> 01:31:56.675 roller coaster for the first year and finally getting them on goat's milk 01:31:56.708 --> 01:32:02.476 was a huge relief because again, not being. Not having that, that formula 01:32:02.509 --> 01:32:05.706 stigma, which I was over, but not having that over my head and then 01:32:05.739 --> 01:32:08.866 knowing I wasn't solely responsible and we started the rice and then we 01:32:08.899 --> 01:32:12.626 did everything by about 6 months, we were, I was introducing food very 01:32:12.659 --> 01:32:18.437 fast because I was ready, I was ready for it to be not me. Um, that all 01:32:18.470 --> 01:32:23.437 moved very quickly. But by, by a year, they were, again, I was in the room 01:32:23.470 --> 01:32:26.796 with them still cause our room wasn't done. They, and I was like, that's, 01:32:26.829 --> 01:32:30.036 I can't be with them anymore. They hear me. They want their bottle, they 01:32:30.069 --> 01:32:36.456 want me. So my husband and I slept on the couch for the next 3 months 01:32:36.489 --> 01:32:39.946 because our room wasn't done yet, so we just lived on the couch. And the 01:32:39.979 --> 01:32:43.187 twins got the bedroom and finally our master bedroom got done and we all 01:32:43.220 --> 01:32:47.187 got our space and the twins had their cribs and it, and you know, by, by a 01:32:47.220 --> 01:32:52.305 year and a half, we, we just all got a really good system down. Now 01:32:52.338 --> 01:32:55.467 systems change all the time. I mean that was one thing I definitely 01:32:55.500 --> 01:32:58.586 learned the moment you think you get your kid in their system, they're 01:32:58.619 --> 01:33:02.626 like, psych, we're gonna take a sharp left here and throw a curveball at 01:33:02.659 --> 01:33:08.675 you. So I, we were, I mean, I was ready for this, the systems to change. I 01:33:08.708 --> 01:33:13.397 was more adaptable and I think that all had to do with medication and more 01:33:13.430 --> 01:33:18.237 sleep because those 1st 3 months when I was not sleeping and I was very 01:33:18.270 --> 01:33:23.796 postpartum, it was, it was scary. I don't think I was ever in any, any 01:33:23.829 --> 01:33:27.956 position to harm anybody, for sure. Uh, I think I would have recognized 01:33:27.989 --> 01:33:33.175 that and my family would have, but I was, it was sad. I just cried a lot, 01:33:33.208 --> 01:33:38.626 a lot, a lot, and It just felt really responsible as we were saying, you 01:33:38.659 --> 01:33:42.076 know, you're the ultimate caregiver. It's not like you can just be like, 01:33:42.109 --> 01:33:46.726 OK, now, now to the next person, you're the person. You're the, the mom 01:33:46.759 --> 01:33:52.265 and so it was a lot to handle in those 1st 3 months, but it did get easier. 01:33:52.298 --> 01:33:57.826 It did, and Lady was always the hardest, you know, even up till now, you 01:33:57.859 --> 01:34:03.987 know, they're 315 and she's 53 is a weird number. And I've always heard 01:34:04.020 --> 01:34:06.826 mom say that 3 kids is the hardest. Like if you're gonna have 3, you might 01:34:06.859 --> 01:34:12.586 as well have 4. But I'm not willing to chance having twins. I'm just not. 01:34:12.619 --> 01:34:16.385 It was that traumatic. I just, I can't, I can't do that to my family, that 01:34:16.418 --> 01:34:21.866 my 3 kids, my husband, myself. It's just I don't want to put myself in the 01:34:21.899 --> 01:34:26.666 possibility of having twins again. So I, so we're not going to have any 01:34:26.699 --> 01:34:32.506 more, but 3 I've heard is the hard number. And I, I know for a fact 01:34:32.539 --> 01:34:36.836 because if one of my kids is gone, it doesn't matter which one. They're 01:34:36.869 --> 01:34:42.076 now at the point in their ages where they all just, uh, they form these 01:34:42.109 --> 01:34:45.836 alliances in odd numbers. And so if one's gone, they don't have that. 01:34:45.869 --> 01:34:48.237 They're either playing independently, which is fantastic, or they're 01:34:48.270 --> 01:34:53.446 together. And it's still, they're still playing cooperatively and so 01:34:53.479 --> 01:34:57.687 Always it was always her. She was always the hardest. She's the easiest 01:34:57.720 --> 01:35:00.687 child. She's the biggest rule follower. She's the most cautious. I never 01:35:00.720 --> 01:35:04.046 had to cover outlets covers. I never had to be worried about toilets. 01:35:04.079 --> 01:35:09.046 She's the, she's the most cautious child, but just the third, that just 01:35:09.079 --> 01:35:13.527 her being at that age, she was the hardest of the twins for the 1st 2 01:35:13.560 --> 01:35:18.647 years. But once the twins started walking, every milestone was fantastic. 01:35:18.680 --> 01:35:20.726 When I didn't have to carry them all over the place, when they could 01:35:20.759 --> 01:35:25.086 crawl and meet me places, when they could walk, when they could ask me 01:35:25.119 --> 01:35:29.086 questions and tell me what they wanted. Every milestone was a just another 01:35:29.119 --> 01:35:34.737 huge weight off my back. And every year now, I mean, those milestones came 01:35:34.770 --> 01:35:39.817 really fast when they were small. But now every year I feel a little bit 01:35:39.850 --> 01:35:47.496 more freedom. And so moving up here. Uh, this year. Before my oldest 01:35:47.529 --> 01:35:52.425 reaches kindergarten. And they're 3.5. I now am confident that they're not 01:35:52.458 --> 01:35:56.866 going to walk onto the main road. I know they're not going to eat berries 01:35:56.899 --> 01:35:59.786 off the back tree. I, I mean, they're probably gonna do some stupid things 01:35:59.819 --> 01:36:04.876 and get hurt, but I'm not concerned. About their safety, you know, they 01:36:04.909 --> 01:36:07.515 can run around the house and I can go 20 minutes without seeing them and 01:36:07.548 --> 01:36:12.006 not feel like they're in harm. And, and there's a checks and balance 01:36:12.039 --> 01:36:15.916 system. With the three of them. So there's always one of them that's 01:36:15.949 --> 01:36:18.717 willing to come tell me what's going on, especially if they're the one 01:36:18.750 --> 01:36:23.317 that's being ostracized by the other two. But it every year, every 01:36:23.350 --> 01:36:29.515 milestone, it just becomes way more of a unit around the house and it 01:36:29.548 --> 01:36:35.496 makes me more and more confident of not having any more because just not 01:36:35.529 --> 01:36:41.970 willing to go back to that first year. Once we've gotten all this, so. 01:36:42.289 --> 01:36:44.289 That's intense, man. Yeah. My second story is a lot more intense than my 01:36:48.128 --> 01:36:53.095 first. I just, that's why also I think maybe in between them had I maybe 01:36:53.128 --> 01:36:56.336 you interviewed me about my first pregnancy, maybe I would have had more 01:36:56.369 --> 01:36:59.616 to say about it. But when you have, when you go through a pregnancy in a 01:36:59.649 --> 01:37:03.737 labor like the twins in first month. And I look at that one and I'm like 01:37:03.770 --> 01:37:07.726 that was a walk in the park. I'll take one child. I always tell my friends 01:37:07.759 --> 01:37:11.256 and my sister, when you, when you're pregnant with your first and you have 01:37:11.289 --> 01:37:15.906 your first. Don't feel guilty about not getting off the couch the 1st 3 01:37:15.939 --> 01:37:19.226 months because when you with your next, you have no choice. You have to be 01:37:19.259 --> 01:37:22.845 busy with that child when you have a toddler. So when you have that first 01:37:22.878 --> 01:37:29.656 born, you can be a vegetable, no questions asked. So soak it up. OK, so 01:37:29.689 --> 01:37:34.456 towards the end, we usually ask um the mothers, if you could summarize 01:37:34.489 --> 01:37:37.616 your experience, even if you just want to focus on the twins' birth or 01:37:37.649 --> 01:37:43.456 births, um, with like a word or a phrasing of words because we separate 01:37:43.489 --> 01:37:46.135 these stories into themes and the themes can be anything. It could be 01:37:46.168 --> 01:37:52.937 connection or sensory stuff like the physical experience of it or faith or 01:37:52.970 --> 01:37:58.246 whatever. So you can kind of think that's a huge question to ask. I just, 01:37:58.279 --> 01:38:01.336 I really feel like. 01:38:01.369 --> 01:38:06.305 Um, the postpartum is a huge part. 01:38:06.338 --> 01:38:12.126 And Uh, if I discovered a lot about myself. And I don't know if my 01:38:12.159 --> 01:38:18.006 hormones changed or what after kids. Um, I stopped antidepressants after a 01:38:18.039 --> 01:38:21.217 year and a half years of being on them, but just recently within the past 01:38:21.250 --> 01:38:26.385 year of my life, just the move leaving my system in Tucson, even though I 01:38:26.418 --> 01:38:30.366 we're super close still and I'm, you know, my kids are older, uh, it kind 01:38:30.399 --> 01:38:35.765 of, it it it put me back in the category for anti-anxiety. And so I am 01:38:35.798 --> 01:38:39.406 open to it now and not that I wasn't open to it before, my mom's very 01:38:39.439 --> 01:38:44.246 pro-counseling, pro. Medication, um, but I just, I recognized it. The red 01:38:44.279 --> 01:38:48.805 flags were really very obvious for me. So maybe just, you know, emotional 01:38:48.838 --> 01:38:55.626 or, uh, yeah, emotional. And postpartum is is is really where I put a lot 01:38:55.659 --> 01:39:03.659 of my. Myself when it comes to deliveries and pregnancies. Totally. 01:39:04.329 --> 01:39:07.336 Can I ask you one more question? What did it feel like having two babies 01:39:07.369 --> 01:39:11.897 moving inside your belly? It's crazy. It's crazy. It's the weirdest 01:39:11.930 --> 01:39:14.777 feeling. I mean, you're constantly, you know, when you have one baby, do 01:39:14.810 --> 01:39:19.336 you have kids? OK. When you have one baby, you feel you're like, Oh, a 01:39:19.369 --> 01:39:24.515 hand, a foot. When you have two babies, it's like, Oh, finally a break. OK 01:39:24.548 --> 01:39:28.897 , no, just kidding, not a break. Always, there's always pressure somewhere 01:39:28.930 --> 01:39:34.976 and it's, I think there's 2 craniums in there and 24 legs and 4 arms and 01:39:35.009 --> 01:39:39.987 all, you know, I love IVF and I actually have a very dear friend. Um, who 01:39:40.020 --> 01:39:42.817 went through the IVF process and I think she would be, did you already do 01:39:42.850 --> 01:39:46.976 your interviews in Phoenix? We, we have, 01:39:47.009 --> 01:39:49.296 it's an ongoing she would probably be a really cool story for you because 01:39:49.329 --> 01:39:54.696 she actually has had some very, very, very sad previous stories to where 01:39:54.729 --> 01:39:58.055 she found out when she couldn't have a baby and why she couldn't grow a 01:39:58.088 --> 01:40:01.456 healthy baby. So she went through an IVF and an egg donation process this 01:40:01.489 --> 01:40:05.777 past year. And so she has a 3 month old from this process. She has the 01:40:05.810 --> 01:40:13.635 coolest story ever, um. And I forgot where I was going with that. But 01:40:13.668 --> 01:40:17.196 yeah, um, about carrying too. I, yeah, just having the two, the two bodies 01:40:17.229 --> 01:40:20.635 in there and the two everything is just, did you have like really bad acid 01:40:20.668 --> 01:40:25.717 reflux because all of that, oh man, Spit. I mean, anything, anything made 01:40:25.750 --> 01:40:29.515 me have acid reflux. I was like, anybody that suffers with this regularly 01:40:29.548 --> 01:40:32.305 , I don't know why you just don't get your esophagus ripped out. This is 01:40:32.338 --> 01:40:36.845 horrible. It's the worst. I'd sleep sitting up, not because I was 01:40:36.878 --> 01:40:40.086 uncomfortable, but because I just all the acid was coming up. It was 01:40:40.119 --> 01:40:44.906 horrible. Um, oh, I was saying because naturally the twins grew, right? 2 01:40:44.939 --> 01:40:49.987 eggs versus IVF women that, you know, get 3 or 4 eggs put in them and so 01:40:50.020 --> 01:40:54.015 they, so they they know that there's that chance, but to honestly be just 01:40:54.048 --> 01:40:58.345 like sideswiped by the fact that you're having twins and you didn't think 01:40:58.378 --> 01:41:05.116 it was a possibility. It was just a a whole new perspective for me. So 01:41:05.149 --> 01:41:09.536 it's and now, you know, then, of course, my sisters. We're wanting to 01:41:09.569 --> 01:41:14.817 still have kids and they then discovered that they have this genetic trace 01:41:14.850 --> 01:41:20.336 of twins. And since then my older sisters had a 3rd child, not twins, and 01:41:20.369 --> 01:41:24.175 then my youngest sister is pregnant with her 2nd, and she doesn't have 01:41:24.208 --> 01:41:28.416 twins, and I think she'll be done, and my oldest is done with her 3. So 01:41:28.449 --> 01:41:32.897 they didn't have twins, but I, I, I, anytime I hear of a woman that's 01:41:32.930 --> 01:41:36.336 pregnant with twins, I just, I open up that story. I opened up that story 01:41:36.369 --> 01:41:42.286 . I said it's It's not, not pretty. I did join a multiples group, which I 01:41:42.319 --> 01:41:45.567 always feel like is my biggest advice to moms that have multiples is get 01:41:45.600 --> 01:41:49.805 part of a multiples group because like I said before, when you talk to 01:41:49.838 --> 01:41:55.656 moms as as we called seats. When you talk to moms of singletons, you kind 01:41:55.689 --> 01:42:01.015 of are like, OK, that's, that would be fun. I would rather that. But when 01:42:01.048 --> 01:42:04.656 you talk to moms of twins, you just they they just know and they relate 01:42:04.689 --> 01:42:09.817 and it's pretty crazy world. Yeah, I can imagine when singletons are 01:42:09.850 --> 01:42:16.256 complaining, it's like, that's charming's cute. That's really cute, yeah. 01:42:16.289 --> 01:42:19.696 Yeah, it's, it's, you know what, I went to a breastfeeding class with the 01:42:19.729 --> 01:42:24.246 twins actually, um, to, to kind of get a feeling for how to feed them both. 01:42:24.279 --> 01:42:28.765 And I was like, um. What do you, what you know, when people look at 01:42:28.798 --> 01:42:33.796 someone like they're not real or they're like. Uh, no, they're fictional. 01:42:33.829 --> 01:42:36.317 I felt like that was me in this breastfeeding group. I felt like women 01:42:36.350 --> 01:42:40.675 were looking at me being like, we don't have it that bad. I'm like, thanks. 01:42:40.708 --> 01:42:46.416 You want to take one? Gladly, yeah, I only felt like if a mom of triplets 01:42:46.449 --> 01:42:49.866 walked in, would I feel put in my place. 01:42:49.899 --> 01:42:55.496 Yeah, how would that breastfeeding work? Not. You don't. I did see a a a 01:42:55.529 --> 01:42:59.976 picture once of a mom feeding twins and then she had a bottle, like she 01:43:00.009 --> 01:43:02.256 was feeding them and had them propped up and then had a bottle in the 01:43:02.289 --> 01:43:08.116 third. Yeah, I mean, you do what you gotta do and you'll survive and 01:43:08.149 --> 01:43:10.437 everyone always asks me, I don't know how you do it, and I always tell 01:43:10.470 --> 01:43:15.635 them, you would do it when you have no choice, you do it and you complete 01:43:15.668 --> 01:43:20.726 your day and then you get up and seriously 4 a.m. would hit. 40 a.m. was 01:43:20.759 --> 01:43:24.756 the time that I'd give myself to drink coffee. If I was up anytime after 4 01:43:24.789 --> 01:43:28.916 , I'd brew coffee. And if it became that time, it was a new day for me. I 01:43:28.949 --> 01:43:32.076 was like, it's a new day, this is a new routine, the sun is up, the rest 01:43:32.109 --> 01:43:34.515 of the world is up, which is a huge relief because in the middle of the 01:43:34.548 --> 01:43:39.476 night you feel like you're so alone. So the rest of the world was up and I 01:43:39.509 --> 01:43:43.576 , I, my dear college roommate, her mom is straight from Mexico, very 01:43:43.609 --> 01:43:49.027 Mexican. She told me, honey, drink a beer every day. Drink a beer. It 01:43:49.060 --> 01:43:53.226 doesn't matter if it's 9 a.m. or 20 p.m. Drink a beer every day. So that 01:43:53.259 --> 01:43:56.586 got me through some months. I would be like my coffee, and then 9 a.m. 01:43:56.619 --> 01:44:00.506 would roll around. I'd be like, I've been up for 8 hours. And then 01:44:00.539 --> 01:44:04.376 seriously I drink a beer, I'd relax my milk would just gush. It would be 01:44:04.409 --> 01:44:08.616 fantastic. So, and, and my doctor that I had told you about that said if 01:44:08.649 --> 01:44:11.976 it feels good to you, you know, he, he said, you know, drinking and 01:44:12.009 --> 01:44:15.336 breastfeeding is like drinking and driving. If you, if you're too drunk to 01:44:15.369 --> 01:44:19.055 drive, you're probably too drunk to breastfeed. So it's in your system, 01:44:19.088 --> 01:44:22.015 it's in your bloodstream. So if you feel like you've had too much, sleep 01:44:22.048 --> 01:44:25.217 it off and then the next day you can breastfeed because it gets out of 01:44:25.250 --> 01:44:28.726 your blood, it gets out of your milk stream. So if you're, you know, and I 01:44:28.759 --> 01:44:31.487 didn't have the energy to drink any more than one beer, to be honest. And 01:44:31.520 --> 01:44:36.687 so I was like one beer I was ready to just relax. But it was, it was a 01:44:36.720 --> 01:44:40.976 challenge every day. It was just a new adventure. 01:44:41.009 --> 01:44:46.237 That's a good ending. I like that. I, um, my neighbor told me that 01:44:46.270 --> 01:44:52.996 Guinness helped your personal, and I had never drank beer and then I drank 01:44:53.029 --> 01:44:55.128 a Guinness.