WEBVTT 00:00:00.259 --> 00:00:04.596 I had only been in America for about 1 year or less, actually about 9 00:00:04.629 --> 00:00:11.306 months, and I was actually contemplating returning. But um I found out. I 00:00:11.339 --> 00:00:15.585 was pregnant. I had lived in Iceland for 9 years because I was married, so 00:00:15.618 --> 00:00:21.567 I had a life there, um, and then things changed. I noticed that my art was 00:00:21.600 --> 00:00:26.317 suffering when I was in Iceland because of the extreme isolation. I never 00:00:26.350 --> 00:00:31.206 really met anybody for 9 years, and I think that it was affecting the 00:00:31.239 --> 00:00:37.487 marriage that I had there and my art slowly started to In a way, vanish, 00:00:37.520 --> 00:00:43.195 so there's a lot of synchronicity. Um, meeting my future husband. Who was 00:00:43.228 --> 00:00:49.116 a local Arizonan. His art was so impressive and he kind of rejuvenated me 00:00:49.149 --> 00:00:54.396 . I thought maybe I should just do an experiment and visit him and see 00:00:54.429 --> 00:00:59.036 what would come of it. um, it was difficult because, you know, Not meeting 00:00:59.069 --> 00:01:03.635 beforehand. But of course I was pregnant about 9 months, 9 months later 00:01:03.668 --> 00:01:08.406 after visiting him, so we did get along in the most essential ways. I 00:01:08.439 --> 00:01:11.447 wasn't upset when I found out I was pregnant. I was a little shocked. He 00:01:11.480 --> 00:01:15.286 was shocked likewise. It's interesting because I think people have an 00:01:15.319 --> 00:01:20.367 innate knowledge of wanting to reproduce. I had it less than my future 00:01:20.400 --> 00:01:26.337 husband. And so he really, he wanted to have a child. 00:01:26.370 --> 00:01:31.296 Even if it was on a borderline subconscious level. This was not my first 00:01:31.329 --> 00:01:36.846 birth, so I did expect my body to react a certain way when being pregnant. 00:01:36.879 --> 00:01:42.456 It didn't turn out that way, and that surprised me. I never had the The 00:01:42.489 --> 00:01:47.126 time really to take any classes to prepare me for the birth. Um, what I 00:01:47.159 --> 00:01:50.816 did is read, I did read some books about it because I was really 00:01:50.849 --> 00:01:55.206 determined to have not only a vaginal birth, but one that didn't involve 00:01:55.239 --> 00:02:00.486 any epidural because with my previous birth in a foreign country, I didn't 00:02:00.519 --> 00:02:04.566 have any medication, which I was actually very proud of, so I thought 00:02:04.599 --> 00:02:07.967 maybe I could do this again. When I first started to feel my body was 00:02:08.000 --> 00:02:13.786 preparing to give birth, I believe it was about 3 in the morning. And I 00:02:13.819 --> 00:02:17.797 had gone to the bathroom. And I noticed some blood. I just felt, OK, well 00:02:17.830 --> 00:02:21.686 , it's time. I'm not really experiencing any major contractions, but my my 00:02:21.719 --> 00:02:25.876 due date is right around the corner. So I, I tried to be calm. I didn't 00:02:25.909 --> 00:02:29.036 want to become too nervous with this situation. It's his first experience 00:02:29.069 --> 00:02:34.166 as a father, so he was very excited. He drove me to the hospital and we 00:02:34.199 --> 00:02:38.487 were very tired because we went to bed quite late. I was actually painting 00:02:38.520 --> 00:02:42.286 that night. I still had paint on my body. It was really fascinating, 00:02:42.319 --> 00:02:45.686 interesting when I was giving birth and I, you see paint, oil paint on 00:02:45.719 --> 00:02:51.816 your leg, on your thigh. It was very surreal. You can't exactly give birth 00:02:51.849 --> 00:02:56.696 the way you want here in Phoenix. Uh, when I was in a foreign country, I 00:02:56.729 --> 00:03:00.495 proceeded, I could say more natural. That could be because of the 00:03:00.528 --> 00:03:02.297 environment. The environment was different and I do believe the 00:03:02.330 --> 00:03:07.217 environment does affect your mindset. My previous birth, it was in a very 00:03:07.250 --> 00:03:14.096 dim, small room, very comfortable, very few people, just midwife keeping 00:03:14.129 --> 00:03:20.707 an eye on you. Whereas here in Arizona it wasn't as comfortable. I didn't 00:03:20.740 --> 00:03:23.666 have that home environment. I didn't know it was going to be different, 00:03:23.699 --> 00:03:29.036 but it was here. So what I did is surround myself with the females because 00:03:29.069 --> 00:03:33.505 the females are in tune with that. I actually requested that my 00:03:33.538 --> 00:03:37.745 mother-in-law show up and be there. She had 4 children. I knew she would 00:03:37.778 --> 00:03:44.487 know exactly what that was like, so. Since it was his first child, he was. 00:03:44.520 --> 00:03:48.725 Like a deer in headlights, he thought being the eldest in the family and 00:03:48.758 --> 00:03:53.267 seeing his siblings arrive at the house and seeing his mother pregnant 00:03:53.300 --> 00:03:56.446 that he would know how to react. It turned out he did not know how to 00:03:56.479 --> 00:04:01.517 react, and he was very useless at that time. I almost felt sorry for him 00:04:01.550 --> 00:04:06.725 as I was giving birth, so I had to tell him to leave and allow me to be 00:04:06.758 --> 00:04:12.335 with the women. And it did help. I really have my mind set on helping my 00:04:12.368 --> 00:04:18.387 son without an epidural, so I endured for hours. I had reached 8 00:04:18.420 --> 00:04:22.976 centimeters. I needed 2 more centimeters. My body was beginning to tense 00:04:23.009 --> 00:04:27.856 up. It was actually interfering in the birth. I felt vulnerable to the 00:04:27.889 --> 00:04:32.205 processes of the body. Cause it wasn't listening to me, you know, you're 00:04:32.238 --> 00:04:36.276 telling it what to do, it's not listening, so you're flirting with that 00:04:36.309 --> 00:04:41.447 powerlessness. You know, even though you're trying to focus, make things 00:04:41.480 --> 00:04:46.046 go as you, as you intended. So I did take the epidural after all, but I am 00:04:46.079 --> 00:04:49.877 still proud of those, those 8 centimeters. My husband was there at the 00:04:49.910 --> 00:04:55.257 birth. I requested, please do not look at the child come out. I didn't 00:04:55.290 --> 00:05:00.116 want him to see that because it's beautiful, yes, but there's also, it's 00:05:00.149 --> 00:05:06.476 very brutal to see the body morph and change like that. He really wanted 00:05:06.509 --> 00:05:10.596 to see it anyway and he didn't tell me, and he watched the whole. The 00:05:10.629 --> 00:05:14.515 whole process. At first when he saw the head, he thought, Oh, that's 00:05:14.548 --> 00:05:17.676 nothing. The head is so small. Oh, I don't know what all the fuss is about 00:05:17.709 --> 00:05:21.586 , but then all of a sudden he saw the rest of the head emerge and he 00:05:21.619 --> 00:05:26.676 almost jumped back. He was so shocked at the size of the child's head 00:05:26.709 --> 00:05:30.916 emerging out of the female body. It was, it's amazing and he's very, he 00:05:30.949 --> 00:05:34.676 was actually quite fascinated by it, and it's something he you know, 00:05:34.709 --> 00:05:38.108 remembers to this day.