This is Boris Solis interviewing Keelan Mainie on August 15th at 4 220.
OK, so, so, um, can you maybe take us back to the time around the time of
the conception of the pregnancy and like is there anything memorable to
kind of situate us? was it like during summer or it was the end of the
summer. I think it was my husband's birthday, so we make a joke. She's the
birthday baby. Um, and it was kind of a surprise when I found out that I
was pregnant, like did not expect it at all. And um we were moving um in
from a townhouse to a house and I was very exhausted for some reason. And
uh I let the boys carry all the furniture. Usually I help carry heavy
stuff. I was like, you know, I'm gonna let you guys do that. And then, um
, I went to work one day and felt very nauseous and sick. And I went to
the doctor and he thought, oh, you just have a sinus infection. And I was
about to go to Mexico City and I was like, you know, I should probably
take a pregnancy test just in case. I went home, took a pregnancy test. My
husband was talking to his sister-in-law on the phone and I was like, it
was like yes, and I was like, oh, that's never said yes before. And so,
and my husband at the time was like, he was like kind of like, I don't
know, you know, having Kids, it's like it's kind of nice not having kids
because we were married for 5 years, but then I was like, oh no, I'm gonna
have to go tell him. So I went and I told him and like he was ecstatic and
he was like to my sister's like, I gotta go. Like he didn't want to tell
her yet. And so he was, it was, it was, it was a great experience, but it
definitely was a surprise and we said we wanted a child in the Like the
1st 5 years, and I was like, is that we will have a child in the 1st 5
years or we will start to have a child after 5 years? And um it turned out
that she was born 2.5 weeks after our 5th anniversary. So it was 5 years.
So good timing though. So I love this. It was, it was just birthday sex, I
think so, yeah. That's the way it went.
You know, it's funny because a lot of women know exactly when the
conception was. They totally do too. Yeah, yeah, it definitely was around
that time. So if it wasn't on, it was like that week or something, yeah.
So and then also I found a lot of women take their pregnancy test right
before they go on a trip. We've had a lot of that and even I was that way.
So what was your feeling like emotionally when you knew I'm pregnant?
Well, I felt so sick, like nauseous, sick, and then, um, I was really
excited. Um, I'm adopted, so this was like, wow, I'm gonna have my own kid.
This is great. So, um, so I was really excited and um I was, I kind of
like was unsure, but excited and um it was like a mixed emotions as with
most major things in your life that it was like I was really happy and
excited, but then I was like kind of sad and so um I was sad because like
I'm estranged from my adopted family and so then I was like, oh wow, this
is like on me. Even though I had my husband's family, they like adopted me
and all that, but it was still like there was that kind of part of me of
like, OK, I'm kind of on my own as a mom, like I don't have anyone to
refer to. I mean, I could kind of have my husband's mom, but not too much.
So. So yeah, so, um, but mostly I was excited. Have this being and get to
name them and then see what they're gonna turn out to be. It's like I'll
do a better job.
I hope I do a better job. So yeah, so it must have been hard not to have a
support network then. Did you have a lot of friends that were having
babies? No, I was the only one out of all my friends. I was the first one
out of all my friends, and I might still. I have one of my girlfriends has
a 5 year old now, but I have a lot of friends that um are gay. So and um
my best friend um probably will never have children. Um she has there's
some issue where she doesn't know if she can, but then alongside that she
doesn't know if she wants to either. So, um, and she didn't get married
until maybe like. Maybe 8 years ago. So, yeah, so I was the first one. I
was the first one out of my friends to get married and I was the first one
to have a baby. And when I had Alice, I was um 35 years old.
So which is really, so my network of friends are all very independent and
, you know, I don't know, just not the type to get married and hunker down
and have a family kind of situation. So I find that it's harder to make
the decision to decide if you want a child or not want a child when
there's when you're at risk of maybe not being able to have one. But when
you're capable, it's like. Yeah, and I didn't know like because I I'm
adopted and I didn't know my family history, but I assumed I would be able
to because I figured I was probably like some kind of accident and that's
probably why I'm adopted. So, um, so I was like, well, I probably could if
I really wanted to. So yeah, but obviously I could, so that was never an
issue, thank God. Did you make the conscious effort to like Get off birth
control around the time. So, um, well, we're Catholic. My husband's like
Mr. Catholic and you know, um, so we use natural family planning and so
when we got married, our friends were laughing at us like, that's not
gonna work because I took the pill for a long time and I had all the side
effects. And then I tried the Depo-Provera shot and the first time it was
great. Second time. I was like 3 months chaotic mess. And then my husband
at the time, like we were dating, but he was like, why don't you just go
off of it and we'll try this natural family planning and we'll just see
what happens. And it worked, it worked for 5 years. So, and like really, I
think I was getting lazy and tracking my My ovulation cycle. So I really
think that that's how it all happens. But for the most part, like if you
do it, it, it completely works. So it works to get pregnant and it works
not to get pregnant. So have you been doing that for the last 10 years too
? Um, yeah, pretty much, yeah, we just follow that. Yeah, it's amazing.
Del Provera put me into menopause in my 20.
Yeah, it was bizarre. Yeah, it's horrible. How did you get out? I had to
get off of it and I had to take estrogen. I'm not kidding. I was like my
vagina was a menopausal vagina. Like it was bizarre. Chemicals it's like
really scary, and they just don't know.
Yeah, no, I yeah, I heard students taking depot and I'm like. I don't say
anything, but I'm like, it's like the word I'm like, oh.
OK, so let's see. How was the physical symptoms of pregnancy? I was sick
all the time, like sick, throwing up, sick. Um, I, I was teaching and I
told my students, I'm like, if you see me running outside, don't follow me
because I will throw up on you. So it was, I was constantly nauseous. Um,
I felt like a completely different person because I'm usually a pretty
healthy person, but I any smell. Like everything had a smell and every
smell was absolutely obnoxious. And especially because like when I first
got pregnant, our trip, we went to Mexico City, so it was like the city of
bad smells. And so it was just, it was just like one way of not puking
after another the whole time. And um like constant headaches and, but you
know, someone told me it was like, well, if you're sick all the time,
you'll have a healthy baby. So I'm like, OK. But there were times when I
was throwing up so much that I was becoming dehydrated and then they were
like, well, if you can't keep anything down, you're gonna have to go to
the hospital. And the doctor did give me some anti-nausea medicine finally
that um kind of curbed at least the throwing up part. I still felt
nauseous, but I wasn't throwing up and I lost like 30 or 40 pounds um in
my 1st 6 months of pregnancy. So, and then after 6 months, the nausea went
away and then I was able to eat. And you know, do all those things for um
for the next 3 months. And then my last month, I became nauseous again.
But by the time she was fully developed, so you know, I was like huge and
all that stuff, so obviously it was going to be fine, but yeah, just from
the pressure and all that, I think that pressure on my stomach was not a
good thing. So was she? Yeah, she sat pretty high. Yeah, and she would
move around all the time, especially when I was still like driving the car
or laying down and that was her time of like movement. So yeah. Um, so how
much weight did you ultimately gain? I think I get, well, I think I gained
20 pounds. Like, I mean, I lost like 30 or so and then I, so I gained like
50 pounds, but really in the end on the weight that I had initially
started out with, I gained 20 pounds. So so you must have walked out of
the hospital without those 20 pounds. Yeah, I lost 20 pounds, so I was
pretty close to the weight, yeah. Yeah, and then breastfeeding kind of, I
kept the weight down too, so that was kind of nice. But I've never been a
skinny person, so like I was like a stick or anything, but I went, I did
kind of bounce back pretty quickly to, to my other weight, which was nice.
So, OK, so let's see, um, I guess we can get into the labor part. Do you
remember
how that started, I guess I should say. So, uh, well, my, um, I have a
nephew that was born 6 months before Alice, and I have a very good friend
that, um, had a child 6 months before Alice. So they had their babies a
week apart from each other, and my friend had hers naturally. It was the
2nd child. And my sister-in-law had hers in a hospital with an epidural.
And so my first friend had it in the birthing center in a tub and she was
terribly uncomfortable, screaming at the top of her lungs. Um, the baby
was fine and in the end, she, you know, after she delivered, she was very
relaxed and just like took a nap after she had the baby and everything. um
, but then I went and then after that, her husband was like, wow, that's
not nearly as bad as the first time. And I was like, the first.
So, and then my thing is, the fear of that is that if anything medically
goes wrong and you're in a birthing center, like they still have to take
you to the hos you or the child to the hospital, and that's time, that's
time that the baby could need or you, you need more, more importantly, the
baby could need that, you know, if there's resuscitation or something. And
so being uh a person who does not know my family history, I was like, I
don't want to take that risk. So then my sister-in-law gave birth and she
had an epidural and she had the whole entire family in and her husband
videotaped the whole thing. I sat on the side and watched. I didn't watch
from the center because I thought I might throw up, but I watched from the
side and um. And so that kind of was like, well, I think I'm gonna go
epidural route because just because I don't know my family history, I
think I should be in hospital. I, you know, just in case I, I, I have a
friend whose sister-in-law um had to have an emergency C-section at the
very last minute and did not have an epidural and she could literally feel
them cutting her open. In the C-section because she had not been numb yet.
So I was like, didn't want that to happen either. So, yeah, so I voted
for epidural. So that was the plan. Yeah, and so, yeah, I guess that's it.
So all of you had been then um you know going to the doctor for checkups
and stuff and everything was copacetic. Yeah, so I went to the doctor, had
all the tests. Everything was great. The doctor, I did not like my doctor.
He was not a nice person. I mean, I had a very healthy child, which was
nice. But like I had the stomach flu somewhere in there and like I
literally could not keep anything down. And he was just like, he basically
was like, you just got to suck it up. I'm not gonna help, you know, he
wasn't gonna help me, he wasn't gonna do anything. And then I went outside
and we were getting in the car and I started throwing up again and my
husband went back and the doctor and he's like, listen. She's throwing up
again. Isn't there anything we can do? And then he, he ended up doing
something. I can't remember what it was, but he ended up doing something,
so at least it would subside me throwing up so much so I could just like
get through the whatever I had, the little bug. But it was just, and then
in the delivery, he wasn't there the whole time until um until it was time
to catch. Like the nurses were the ones who did everything and then he
kind of just came in at the last second. And then that was it. So you know
we've had some other women who were 35 when they can see you, and they
said their doctor. Slum was a geriatric pregnancy. Really? So there wasn't
any age things where they were like, Oh, you're a higher risk for anything.
You know what? No, I think maybe I was like 34. I was like right before,
yeah, I was right before the risk because my sister-in-law was in the risk
area. She was, she might have been 37 at the time. So, um, yeah, um. So
she, and she did have the gestational diabetes with her, and it was her
second child. So, um, but I didn't really have any of those issues. Yeah,
which is nice except for throwing up.
So, um, OK, so can you take us back to like around what what time of year
was it then you were. So it was uh in May, and so, um, I try not to get
through this part without crying, but um. My brother-in-law died a week
before my daughter was. Which is my sister-in-law had her son 6 months
before and it was her husband that died. And so, um, he found out he had
pancreatic cancer, uh 3 days after his son was born, so. So it was, um, it
was difficult to say the least emotionally, like the whole family was um.
Just a mess like um. So I felt a lot of pressure.
Yes, thanks. So, um, it was hard. It was hard for everyone to go to a
funeral, you know, and his funeral, I think was on the day that we thought
Alice was due. And so, um, it turned out that she was gonna be late and um.
She ended up to be born um the oldest son's, um, his oldest son's
birthday, which was really crazy and even him, even the oldest son Sam, he
was like in the hospital room that day going, could you like wait till
tomorrow? because he wanted his own birthday. And I was like, sorry, honey
, it's just, but now I mean now they, they're older so and and he's always
kind of taken her under his wing. So it's kind of sweet that he's done
that for her. Um, so that part was really hard because it was, it's my
husband's whole family and so. And they've always been like very together
and um when that happened, it put an instant like splinter through the
whole entire family like. Is one of my husband's sisters just completely
separated from the family. Like I don't exactly know how it all happened.
My, my brother-in-law,
um, had twins on the way. They were doing 6 more months and that actually
it kind of ended the marriage because he was at the funeral going, I don't
want to be in this marriage anymore. And so yeah, so that was. Emotionally
really difficult. So, um, because like his whole family was there and then
my family wasn't there and you know, yeah, it was, it was tough. And like
even though my husband's mother is a very sweet person, she's not. She's
not a very outspoken person. She's very quiet and reserved and so it, it
just, um. My oldest, my sister-in-law was kind of more of that role for me
because she was like, you know, I just had a baby. So here she is, her
husband had just passed away and then she was the one being like kind of
more of that role model for me, which is very sweet, um, but uh. Yeah,
very tough at the same time, to say the least. So did I answer your
question, or does it come back every birthday? I mean, do you have that
flow of emotion? You know, I don't just when I have to talk about it. It's
just, it's just such a hard thing and like. For the most part, if I talk
about with my husband's family, I won't cry because I just don't feel like
I have that freedom to. But if I'm out on my own, then I will. So then
it's like, so I'm not really quite sure what that's about, but um. So yeah
, to answer your question. So were you very close with him, the
brother-in-law? My brother-in-law, you know, actually we were not that
close. Um, he was, uh, He was the second husband of my sister-in-law. Um,
he was the father of both of her children. Um, but she had been married to
, um, My other sister-in-law, her younger sister's, um, husband's brother.
Which is very strange, um, and so she had married him at a very young age
, and then, uh, they got divorced because it just they were young and it
just didn't work out. And then she met, um, you know, Dave and um they
started dating, but because it was so soon after her divorce, you know,
she, I don't know if she worked everything out, but there was a time in
the relationship where they had separated. And then they came back
together and then when they came back together a year or two later, they
got married and for some reason. This sister-in-law who's married to the
brother, um, she, she didn't like him. She, she took that time that they
took apart very personally and she decided that she hated him. And so she
kind of wedged him away a lot. And so all of this happened before I
started dating my husband. And so when I came on the scene, I think they
got married maybe the Weekend my husband and I started like my husband and
I went on a date and then he was like, Oh yeah, my sister-in-law is
getting married or my sister's getting married this weekend. I'm going to
the wedding. So, um, so I think that I was like kind of there on the cusp
of it, but by the time I came in the family, he was kind of always if he
came over, he would sit in the corner, you know, he didn't really
communicate with a lot even though he had known my husband and they had
like gone on trips together, he would talk to him but he never.
Necessarily like one of way to speak to me, but the thing that's painful
to me is just the fact that the family's separated, you know, and they
miss him. He's, you know, he was a very nice man and um so that's, I think
that's the difficult thing. So even though I didn't know him personally,
it's more about um the effect that it had on my sister-in-law and the two
kids. Yeah. And then, you know, my child, knowing that, you know, her
cousins that she's very close to, they don't have a father and then my
husband steps in and I even call my sister-in-law my sister wife.
Because my husband, whenever there's an issue or, you know, he'll go over
there, he'll take, he's the one who um takes care of them or does whatever
, or I will. So, so we're over there a lot and we're close, yeah.
Yeah. Oh, OK.
Oh yeah, yeah, she's great. She's a fantastic, amazing person and has,
uh, no, no, no, no, no, she had both of hers, yeah, yeah. OK, so it's May.
It's May, and then what? So, OK, well, actually what we wanted to do,
this is what we wanted to do. It was our 5th wedding anniversary. I was
pregnant. And we wanted to have a, a, um, wedding anniversary party and
have Elvis renew our vows in her backyard with me barefoot and pregnant.
We thought that that would be very funny, but because my brother-in-law
passed. to do that. So, um, so anyway, so yeah, so we didn't get to do
that, but it was May and um the funeral happened and then it was kind of
like a waiting game. So I didn't go back to work after my brother-in-law
died. I just took off work, didn't go back to work until Alice was born.
So I, um, I was supposed to give birth. We went to the doctor and he was
like, well, we'll give it some more time. We gave it more time and then.
They finally called us and said, well, OK, come in the hospital and we'll
have to induce you. And so I was induced and um it took about 48 hours of
being induced, um, lots of walks and um. So finally, they said, well, we
should probably start you on your epidural because um because you're gonna
, you're gonna go into labor soon. You're, you might have some pain and
it's gonna be sudden and so let's start you on that. So he started me on
that. And then the doctor came in to check and he, he, he, he checked and
left and he said, well, you're not really dilated. And then the nurse came
in to check and she asked me, she goes, did you ever have any kind of
cryogenic surgery on your cervix? And I said, Yeah, why? And she goes, Oh
, that's what's going on. And she went and got the doctor, and then the
doctor, I guess because I had this surgery, he had to go in and I had scar
tissue on my, he had to go in and break the scar tissue open and then so I
could become dilated. So I had put all this information in my file when I
, of course, went to see him. So I was really surprised that I had to say
this again or mention it or I never thought of it. So, um, so anyway, so
he did that and he said, well, it's a good thing you had an epidural
because that would have been extremely painful and I don't even know if I
could have done it without one. So, but then after that, then I
immediately. Became dilated and so you for two days were on Pitocin and
not only because of the scar tissue. Yeah. So when you were on the Pitocin
though, you weren't having cramps or anything. They had me walking laps
around the hospital and. Yeah. OK, so then you became dilated like
immediately. So, um, and then in somewhere in that, I was able to take a
nap. So I took a little nap because I could kind of relax. I don't know
why. And then I woke up and then they I think they, they were checking me
and I woke up and then I was almost there, but then I became very nauseous.
So I um started throwing up. So I was, so then I was fully dilated and
then they had me push and I just, all I can remember is pushing and taking
a break, throwing up, pushing, taking a break, throwing up, and then, um,
which my husband doesn't, he was in the room. I made him be in the room,
he didn't want to be in the room because he was worried he was gonna pass
out, but um. But he doesn't remember me throwing up at all. And I was like
, really, you don't remember like the green bile and the I remember that.
So, um, but she, I think they had to do an episiotomy because she had a
very large head like my husband and Um, so, but she came out normal. She
was fine. They took her to, you know, check her and then she came right
back and, I mean, besides that, it was like pretty quick. Like the pushing
was like, I don't know, half an hour tops. So yeah, it was pretty fast
after that. Yeah. We spent 2 days working.
You at least deserve that. So what about the eating in those two days?
Yeah, so I could eat for the most part, yeah, with the Potosam and stuff.
So I mean, I think I was a vegetarian before I was pregnant and when I in
all that sickness, I started having dreams about corned beef sandwiches.
So I ate 11 day and I felt so much better. And so. I wasn't a vegetarian
anymore. So I remember eating a hamburger before giving birth like in the
cafeteria at the hospital, but I think that's what I threw up. Yeah, so
you, so you've gone back to being a vegetarian, um, no, I haven't actually
, yeah, no, my, I, my daughter always jokes that I'm the one, like she's
the one who broke me up being a vegetarian. Probably better off being a
vegetarian again, but oh.
Um, OK, so, well, what was it like when they?
Yeah, it was, I mean, it was amazing like she was like, she looked just
like my husband. That was the first thing. Like I was so excited to see
this child that might look like me and then she gets handed to me and I
was like, oh, she looks just like you, which I mean my husband's adorable
, so I was like, oh, OK, great, she's a good looking baby. But um, but I
was really excited. It was, it was great to see someone like of my own
flesh and blood because I'd never known that in my life. And I, I mean,
but I was also concerned because I was like, oh, I don't really know what
I'm doing as a mother here. Like there's, I've never changed a diaper.
I've never given a bottle. I've never breastfed. Like, I don't know these
things. So I was, I was concerned too, um, but yeah, but. I, I, I guess it
was like kind of mixed feelings as with any, I don't know, a lot of times
like when I'm happy, there's always this element of worry or something, so
there was kind of that mixed feeling. So had you planned on breast
breastfeeding or I wasn't sure and then I I kind of thought, well, maybe I
would do a little both. So, um, so I did start to do breastfeeding because
I knew that that was probably best for her immune system. Um, but her
nurse was not very nice about it, and um, she was kind of like militant.
Like if she doesn't do it right now, she's never going to do it. So there
was all this pressure and there's problems with like latching and those
kind of things and, um, but I just kept on trying and it finally worked
out, but not with You know, any help to the nurse that we had some really
fantastic nice nurses, but then we had some nurses that weren't so nice
and so that was one of them. I called her the breastfeeding us.
She was so, uh, so yeah, um, and then she was really, she's like, well,
we're not giving her formula because if she has formula, she'll never
breastfeed. And so, but I think we ended up giving her some formula at
some point in the hospital and it was fine. She took both, so, um, she
took both until, um, when she was like 2 weeks, my husband accidentally
dropped her on her head. Yeah, and we had to rush her to the hospital and
she was fine. She just, she fractured her a hairline fracture in her skull
somewhere where babies, it typically happens to children if they fall. And
um, so they kept her overnight for observation and they gave us some
formula to give her because she wanted to nurse most of the time, but I
was like, it was the middle of the night. I was like, I'll just give her
some formula. She never would take another bottle ever again. Bottle of
milk formula, milk, nothing. Like she went from breast to sippy cup, like
never would take a bottle ever again after that. And I don't really know
exactly why, but that's just the way it was. So how old was she at that
point? She was 2 weeks old. So at 2 weeks old, she went back on the breast.
Yeah, like we were kind of intermittent like bottle breast, bottle breast
, but then after that, after that incident, she never returned from a
bottle. Unless it was breast milk, and sometimes, sometimes she would. So
how was breastfeeding for you? Um, it, for the most part, it was fine, um
, but there was this time at night from like 6 to 10. That she would get
kind of colicky and she would cry and then she wouldn't latch on, and she
would go through these phases of wanting to breastfeed but not and
screaming and this and that. So it was always every night like 4 hours and
it didn't matter like I tried eating different things. I tried different
soothing techniques. I tried every and it just, it was just something she
just had to outgrow eventually, I guess, but. Yeah, there was, I don't
know, 56 months of that kind of.
Yeah, but she was a colicky. Like she would get gas a lot and I would try
to like not do this or not do that, not eat this, not eat that. And it, it
never really seemed to make too much of a difference. And then the doctors
were like, well, you know, their digestive system, they just have to,
sometimes they just have to figure themselves out, you're like. Yikes, so
Um, we would, I think we, I don't know if we would give her a little gas
tablets or something maybe. It's so long ago, but maybe we tried to do
that or, yeah. It seems like we just, it kind of worked itself out
eventually, but always had to be held, always had to be moving, like
constant motion. And I think because during my pregnancy, I worked and I
was in constant motion almost all the time. So Except for when I was
asleep and then she was in constant motion. So I think she always needed
that. So we had like the swing thing. My, my best friend's mother gave me
the swing. She's like, you're gonna want this. And I was like, really? She
, and she, if she wasn't in our arms, she was in that swing. She could
never lay her on a blanket on the ground and just have her wiggle. She
would Immediately erupt into screams, yeah. So always, and I think I must
have been that way too as a baby. I hear a story, I heard stories from my
great aunt that used to say, oh, you were in your crib just screaming and
I would go in and I would get you and I'd be your hero So we actually
named Alice after that aunt, so it's and her full name is Elizarin, so
she's named after the color alizarin Crimson, but then, um, her short name
because I grew up with a different weird name, um, we decided to nickname
her after my aunt Alice, who in turn I did find my biological parents and
had a relationship with my father and his mother was named Alice, which is
crazy. So it was, it turned out that it was a family name and we just had
no idea that was a family name. Do you have siblings? Uh, I have, uh, I
have an adopted brother and then I have, um, a half brother that's um 6
months older than me and I But obviously a different one. And then I have
um uh two, a half sister who passed away, um, who's uh a year or two
younger than me and then a half brother too. My mother had twins a couple
of years after I was born. So, and my dad was married and Uh, he, his wife
was pregnant. Obviously, marriage was not going well, cheated on my mother
, or cheated on his wife with my mother and got my mother pregnant.
Was she a young mother? Uh, she was 27 and so it was 1971 in Cincinnati,
Ohio, where women. Did not get pregnant unless you're a woman of a certain
type and so she was a nurse and so that was not going to be acceptable to
where she lives. So she um she was from Kentucky and she ended up going up
to somewhere in Cincinnati and worked at a Catholic social service um
adoption place where she would help deliver the babies and then she had me
and then she went after she had me she went back home. So So she
mysteriously disappeared for a year. Yeah.
Uh, so, but, um, since then, you know, with your husband's family, you've
had other role models in terms of mothering and things like that, yeah. Um
, ah, it's really interesting. You had a really rough time actually, but
you're such a good attitude about it. Yeah, it's, I mean, yeah, I have had
kind of a rough life. And, you know, people sometimes ask me questions
about my life and like, especially like the whole thing of, oh, you found
your parents and what was that like? And then I tell them the whole story
and then they're like, uh. And I'm like, sorry. Did you want me to make up
the ending? Because I could have made a really good ending for you, but,
um, it turned out that my mother, um, she was happy that I found her, but
my half sister died 6 months before I found her. So I think my mother, and
I don't know her, but I have a feeling she has issues with depression. Um
, so my half brother told my mother that she was not allowed to see me and
I was not allowed to come to the house. So, um, yeah, so I'm so we don't
really have a relationship, but she did, oh, there's there.
Yeah. Put a pause on that
Um, OK, so we've been asking women because we're categorizing these
stories into themes to um see if they can, well, asking if you could
possibly think of a word or a phrasing of words that kind of describes
your experience or encapsulates it for us somehow. It's a really tough
question. I think discovery, like I kind of figured out who I was through
this whole process. So, you know, with like weird family life and all that
stuff that it really helped me solidify like who I am and how I am. So
it's really nice. All right, I think that's a good ending. OK. Is there
anything else you wanna add? No, no, no, that's good.