WEBVTT 00:00:00.509 --> 00:00:08.509 This is Boris Solis interviewing Keelan Mainie on August 15th at 4 220. 00:00:09.108 --> 00:00:15.245 OK, so, so, um, can you maybe take us back to the time around the time of 00:00:15.278 --> 00:00:19.227 the conception of the pregnancy and like is there anything memorable to 00:00:19.260 --> 00:00:23.875 kind of situate us? was it like during summer or it was the end of the 00:00:23.908 --> 00:00:29.137 summer. I think it was my husband's birthday, so we make a joke. She's the 00:00:29.170 --> 00:00:35.097 birthday baby. Um, and it was kind of a surprise when I found out that I 00:00:35.130 --> 00:00:42.146 was pregnant, like did not expect it at all. And um we were moving um in 00:00:42.179 --> 00:00:47.976 from a townhouse to a house and I was very exhausted for some reason. And 00:00:48.009 --> 00:00:51.815 uh I let the boys carry all the furniture. Usually I help carry heavy 00:00:51.848 --> 00:00:55.146 stuff. I was like, you know, I'm gonna let you guys do that. And then, um 00:00:55.179 --> 00:00:59.097 , I went to work one day and felt very nauseous and sick. And I went to 00:00:59.130 --> 00:01:03.457 the doctor and he thought, oh, you just have a sinus infection. And I was 00:01:03.490 --> 00:01:07.367 about to go to Mexico City and I was like, you know, I should probably 00:01:07.400 --> 00:01:12.447 take a pregnancy test just in case. I went home, took a pregnancy test. My 00:01:12.480 --> 00:01:16.447 husband was talking to his sister-in-law on the phone and I was like, it 00:01:16.480 --> 00:01:21.805 was like yes, and I was like, oh, that's never said yes before. And so, 00:01:21.838 --> 00:01:25.286 and my husband at the time was like, he was like kind of like, I don't 00:01:25.319 --> 00:01:28.951 know, you know, having Kids, it's like it's kind of nice not having kids 00:01:28.984 --> 00:01:32.522 because we were married for 5 years, but then I was like, oh no, I'm gonna 00:01:32.555 --> 00:01:38.081 have to go tell him. So I went and I told him and like he was ecstatic and 00:01:38.114 --> 00:01:42.081 he was like to my sister's like, I gotta go. Like he didn't want to tell 00:01:42.114 --> 00:01:46.522 her yet. And so he was, it was, it was, it was a great experience, but it 00:01:46.555 --> 00:01:50.986 definitely was a surprise and we said we wanted a child in the Like the 00:01:51.019 --> 00:01:55.227 1st 5 years, and I was like, is that we will have a child in the 1st 5 00:01:55.260 --> 00:02:01.016 years or we will start to have a child after 5 years? And um it turned out 00:02:01.049 --> 00:02:08.427 that she was born 2.5 weeks after our 5th anniversary. So it was 5 years. 00:02:08.460 --> 00:02:13.505 So good timing though. So I love this. It was, it was just birthday sex, I 00:02:13.538 --> 00:02:20.186 think so, yeah. That's the way it went. 00:02:20.219 --> 00:02:23.755 You know, it's funny because a lot of women know exactly when the 00:02:23.788 --> 00:02:28.217 conception was. They totally do too. Yeah, yeah, it definitely was around 00:02:28.250 --> 00:02:33.217 that time. So if it wasn't on, it was like that week or something, yeah. 00:02:33.250 --> 00:02:36.975 So and then also I found a lot of women take their pregnancy test right 00:02:37.008 --> 00:02:42.416 before they go on a trip. We've had a lot of that and even I was that way. 00:02:42.449 --> 00:02:47.327 So what was your feeling like emotionally when you knew I'm pregnant? 00:02:47.360 --> 00:02:53.286 Well, I felt so sick, like nauseous, sick, and then, um, I was really 00:02:53.319 --> 00:02:59.156 excited. Um, I'm adopted, so this was like, wow, I'm gonna have my own kid. 00:02:59.189 --> 00:03:05.207 This is great. So, um, so I was really excited and um I was, I kind of 00:03:05.240 --> 00:03:12.797 like was unsure, but excited and um it was like a mixed emotions as with 00:03:12.830 --> 00:03:16.275 most major things in your life that it was like I was really happy and 00:03:16.308 --> 00:03:21.636 excited, but then I was like kind of sad and so um I was sad because like 00:03:21.669 --> 00:03:25.906 I'm estranged from my adopted family and so then I was like, oh wow, this 00:03:25.939 --> 00:03:29.707 is like on me. Even though I had my husband's family, they like adopted me 00:03:29.740 --> 00:03:33.346 and all that, but it was still like there was that kind of part of me of 00:03:33.379 --> 00:03:38.186 like, OK, I'm kind of on my own as a mom, like I don't have anyone to 00:03:38.219 --> 00:03:42.547 refer to. I mean, I could kind of have my husband's mom, but not too much. 00:03:42.580 --> 00:03:49.255 So. So yeah, so, um, but mostly I was excited. Have this being and get to 00:03:49.288 --> 00:03:53.936 name them and then see what they're gonna turn out to be. It's like I'll 00:03:53.969 --> 00:03:56.827 do a better job. 00:03:56.860 --> 00:04:02.427 I hope I do a better job. So yeah, so it must have been hard not to have a 00:04:02.460 --> 00:04:05.025 support network then. Did you have a lot of friends that were having 00:04:05.058 --> 00:04:11.577 babies? No, I was the only one out of all my friends. I was the first one 00:04:11.610 --> 00:04:17.086 out of all my friends, and I might still. I have one of my girlfriends has 00:04:17.119 --> 00:04:23.697 a 5 year old now, but I have a lot of friends that um are gay. So and um 00:04:23.730 --> 00:04:31.217 my best friend um probably will never have children. Um she has there's 00:04:31.250 --> 00:04:35.166 some issue where she doesn't know if she can, but then alongside that she 00:04:35.199 --> 00:04:40.007 doesn't know if she wants to either. So, um, and she didn't get married 00:04:40.040 --> 00:04:45.336 until maybe like. Maybe 8 years ago. So, yeah, so I was the first one. I 00:04:45.369 --> 00:04:48.555 was the first one out of my friends to get married and I was the first one 00:04:48.588 --> 00:04:56.346 to have a baby. And when I had Alice, I was um 35 years old. 00:04:56.379 --> 00:05:01.455 So which is really, so my network of friends are all very independent and 00:05:01.488 --> 00:05:07.515 , you know, I don't know, just not the type to get married and hunker down 00:05:07.548 --> 00:05:13.075 and have a family kind of situation. So I find that it's harder to make 00:05:13.108 --> 00:05:16.437 the decision to decide if you want a child or not want a child when 00:05:16.470 --> 00:05:20.796 there's when you're at risk of maybe not being able to have one. But when 00:05:20.829 --> 00:05:26.226 you're capable, it's like. Yeah, and I didn't know like because I I'm 00:05:26.259 --> 00:05:29.645 adopted and I didn't know my family history, but I assumed I would be able 00:05:29.678 --> 00:05:33.296 to because I figured I was probably like some kind of accident and that's 00:05:33.329 --> 00:05:39.377 probably why I'm adopted. So, um, so I was like, well, I probably could if 00:05:39.410 --> 00:05:44.726 I really wanted to. So yeah, but obviously I could, so that was never an 00:05:44.759 --> 00:05:48.812 issue, thank God. Did you make the conscious effort to like Get off birth 00:05:48.845 --> 00:05:53.450 control around the time. So, um, well, we're Catholic. My husband's like 00:05:53.483 --> 00:05:58.651 Mr. Catholic and you know, um, so we use natural family planning and so 00:05:58.684 --> 00:06:02.731 when we got married, our friends were laughing at us like, that's not 00:06:02.764 --> 00:06:06.491 gonna work because I took the pill for a long time and I had all the side 00:06:06.524 --> 00:06:11.572 effects. And then I tried the Depo-Provera shot and the first time it was 00:06:11.605 --> 00:06:17.356 great. Second time. I was like 3 months chaotic mess. And then my husband 00:06:17.389 --> 00:06:20.717 at the time, like we were dating, but he was like, why don't you just go 00:06:20.750 --> 00:06:23.395 off of it and we'll try this natural family planning and we'll just see 00:06:23.428 --> 00:06:28.606 what happens. And it worked, it worked for 5 years. So, and like really, I 00:06:28.639 --> 00:06:34.476 think I was getting lazy and tracking my My ovulation cycle. So I really 00:06:34.509 --> 00:06:39.995 think that that's how it all happens. But for the most part, like if you 00:06:40.028 --> 00:06:44.137 do it, it, it completely works. So it works to get pregnant and it works 00:06:44.170 --> 00:06:47.437 not to get pregnant. So have you been doing that for the last 10 years too 00:06:47.470 --> 00:06:53.236 ? Um, yeah, pretty much, yeah, we just follow that. Yeah, it's amazing. 00:06:53.269 --> 00:06:57.765 Del Provera put me into menopause in my 20. 00:06:57.798 --> 00:07:04.757 Yeah, it was bizarre. Yeah, it's horrible. How did you get out? I had to 00:07:04.790 --> 00:07:08.606 get off of it and I had to take estrogen. I'm not kidding. I was like my 00:07:08.639 --> 00:07:13.555 vagina was a menopausal vagina. Like it was bizarre. Chemicals it's like 00:07:13.588 --> 00:07:17.995 really scary, and they just don't know. 00:07:18.028 --> 00:07:22.467 Yeah, no, I yeah, I heard students taking depot and I'm like. I don't say 00:07:22.500 --> 00:07:28.127 anything, but I'm like, it's like the word I'm like, oh. 00:07:28.160 --> 00:07:34.145 OK, so let's see. How was the physical symptoms of pregnancy? I was sick 00:07:34.178 --> 00:07:42.178 all the time, like sick, throwing up, sick. Um, I, I was teaching and I 00:07:42.379 --> 00:07:45.346 told my students, I'm like, if you see me running outside, don't follow me 00:07:45.379 --> 00:07:50.786 because I will throw up on you. So it was, I was constantly nauseous. Um, 00:07:50.819 --> 00:07:54.067 I felt like a completely different person because I'm usually a pretty 00:07:54.100 --> 00:08:00.046 healthy person, but I any smell. Like everything had a smell and every 00:08:00.079 --> 00:08:04.166 smell was absolutely obnoxious. And especially because like when I first 00:08:04.199 --> 00:08:09.156 got pregnant, our trip, we went to Mexico City, so it was like the city of 00:08:09.189 --> 00:08:13.895 bad smells. And so it was just, it was just like one way of not puking 00:08:13.928 --> 00:08:19.536 after another the whole time. And um like constant headaches and, but you 00:08:19.569 --> 00:08:21.555 know, someone told me it was like, well, if you're sick all the time, 00:08:21.588 --> 00:08:25.666 you'll have a healthy baby. So I'm like, OK. But there were times when I 00:08:25.699 --> 00:08:30.187 was throwing up so much that I was becoming dehydrated and then they were 00:08:30.220 --> 00:08:32.417 like, well, if you can't keep anything down, you're gonna have to go to 00:08:32.450 --> 00:08:38.856 the hospital. And the doctor did give me some anti-nausea medicine finally 00:08:38.889 --> 00:08:43.856 that um kind of curbed at least the throwing up part. I still felt 00:08:43.889 --> 00:08:51.417 nauseous, but I wasn't throwing up and I lost like 30 or 40 pounds um in 00:08:51.450 --> 00:08:56.826 my 1st 6 months of pregnancy. So, and then after 6 months, the nausea went 00:08:56.859 --> 00:09:03.645 away and then I was able to eat. And you know, do all those things for um 00:09:03.678 --> 00:09:11.297 for the next 3 months. And then my last month, I became nauseous again. 00:09:11.330 --> 00:09:15.467 But by the time she was fully developed, so you know, I was like huge and 00:09:15.500 --> 00:09:19.826 all that stuff, so obviously it was going to be fine, but yeah, just from 00:09:19.859 --> 00:09:24.145 the pressure and all that, I think that pressure on my stomach was not a 00:09:24.178 --> 00:09:28.787 good thing. So was she? Yeah, she sat pretty high. Yeah, and she would 00:09:28.820 --> 00:09:33.706 move around all the time, especially when I was still like driving the car 00:09:33.739 --> 00:09:41.417 or laying down and that was her time of like movement. So yeah. Um, so how 00:09:41.450 --> 00:09:46.037 much weight did you ultimately gain? I think I get, well, I think I gained 00:09:46.070 --> 00:09:52.547 20 pounds. Like, I mean, I lost like 30 or so and then I, so I gained like 00:09:52.580 --> 00:09:56.515 50 pounds, but really in the end on the weight that I had initially 00:09:56.548 --> 00:10:00.917 started out with, I gained 20 pounds. So so you must have walked out of 00:10:00.950 --> 00:10:05.005 the hospital without those 20 pounds. Yeah, I lost 20 pounds, so I was 00:10:05.038 --> 00:10:10.895 pretty close to the weight, yeah. Yeah, and then breastfeeding kind of, I 00:10:10.928 --> 00:10:15.297 kept the weight down too, so that was kind of nice. But I've never been a 00:10:15.330 --> 00:10:20.375 skinny person, so like I was like a stick or anything, but I went, I did 00:10:20.408 --> 00:10:25.746 kind of bounce back pretty quickly to, to my other weight, which was nice. 00:10:25.779 --> 00:10:31.927 So, OK, so let's see, um, I guess we can get into the labor part. Do you 00:10:31.960 --> 00:10:36.807 remember 00:10:36.840 --> 00:10:41.217 how that started, I guess I should say. So, uh, well, my, um, I have a 00:10:41.250 --> 00:10:45.446 nephew that was born 6 months before Alice, and I have a very good friend 00:10:45.479 --> 00:10:49.645 that, um, had a child 6 months before Alice. So they had their babies a 00:10:49.678 --> 00:10:53.515 week apart from each other, and my friend had hers naturally. It was the 00:10:53.548 --> 00:10:58.116 2nd child. And my sister-in-law had hers in a hospital with an epidural. 00:10:58.149 --> 00:11:02.787 And so my first friend had it in the birthing center in a tub and she was 00:11:02.820 --> 00:11:07.996 terribly uncomfortable, screaming at the top of her lungs. Um, the baby 00:11:08.029 --> 00:11:12.196 was fine and in the end, she, you know, after she delivered, she was very 00:11:12.229 --> 00:11:16.596 relaxed and just like took a nap after she had the baby and everything. um 00:11:16.629 --> 00:11:22.157 , but then I went and then after that, her husband was like, wow, that's 00:11:22.190 --> 00:11:27.686 not nearly as bad as the first time. And I was like, the first. 00:11:27.719 --> 00:11:32.956 So, and then my thing is, the fear of that is that if anything medically 00:11:32.989 --> 00:11:36.816 goes wrong and you're in a birthing center, like they still have to take 00:11:36.849 --> 00:11:41.177 you to the hos you or the child to the hospital, and that's time, that's 00:11:41.210 --> 00:11:45.736 time that the baby could need or you, you need more, more importantly, the 00:11:45.769 --> 00:11:50.366 baby could need that, you know, if there's resuscitation or something. And 00:11:50.399 --> 00:11:55.686 so being uh a person who does not know my family history, I was like, I 00:11:55.719 --> 00:11:59.976 don't want to take that risk. So then my sister-in-law gave birth and she 00:12:00.009 --> 00:12:04.645 had an epidural and she had the whole entire family in and her husband 00:12:04.678 --> 00:12:10.005 videotaped the whole thing. I sat on the side and watched. I didn't watch 00:12:10.038 --> 00:12:13.616 from the center because I thought I might throw up, but I watched from the 00:12:13.649 --> 00:12:17.936 side and um. And so that kind of was like, well, I think I'm gonna go 00:12:17.969 --> 00:12:22.255 epidural route because just because I don't know my family history, I 00:12:22.288 --> 00:12:27.297 think I should be in hospital. I, you know, just in case I, I, I have a 00:12:27.330 --> 00:12:32.537 friend whose sister-in-law um had to have an emergency C-section at the 00:12:32.570 --> 00:12:36.486 very last minute and did not have an epidural and she could literally feel 00:12:36.519 --> 00:12:41.836 them cutting her open. In the C-section because she had not been numb yet. 00:12:41.869 --> 00:12:47.427 So I was like, didn't want that to happen either. So, yeah, so I voted 00:12:47.460 --> 00:12:54.956 for epidural. So that was the plan. Yeah, and so, yeah, I guess that's it. 00:12:54.989 --> 00:13:00.236 So all of you had been then um you know going to the doctor for checkups 00:13:00.269 --> 00:13:03.996 and stuff and everything was copacetic. Yeah, so I went to the doctor, had 00:13:04.029 --> 00:13:08.696 all the tests. Everything was great. The doctor, I did not like my doctor. 00:13:08.729 --> 00:13:12.895 He was not a nice person. I mean, I had a very healthy child, which was 00:13:12.928 --> 00:13:17.255 nice. But like I had the stomach flu somewhere in there and like I 00:13:17.288 --> 00:13:21.177 literally could not keep anything down. And he was just like, he basically 00:13:21.210 --> 00:13:24.616 was like, you just got to suck it up. I'm not gonna help, you know, he 00:13:24.649 --> 00:13:28.366 wasn't gonna help me, he wasn't gonna do anything. And then I went outside 00:13:28.399 --> 00:13:31.255 and we were getting in the car and I started throwing up again and my 00:13:31.288 --> 00:13:35.576 husband went back and the doctor and he's like, listen. She's throwing up 00:13:35.609 --> 00:13:41.057 again. Isn't there anything we can do? And then he, he ended up doing 00:13:41.090 --> 00:13:43.967 something. I can't remember what it was, but he ended up doing something, 00:13:44.000 --> 00:13:47.976 so at least it would subside me throwing up so much so I could just like 00:13:48.009 --> 00:13:52.657 get through the whatever I had, the little bug. But it was just, and then 00:13:52.690 --> 00:13:57.255 in the delivery, he wasn't there the whole time until um until it was time 00:13:57.288 --> 00:14:00.496 to catch. Like the nurses were the ones who did everything and then he 00:14:00.529 --> 00:14:04.696 kind of just came in at the last second. And then that was it. So you know 00:14:04.729 --> 00:14:09.736 we've had some other women who were 35 when they can see you, and they 00:14:09.769 --> 00:14:15.037 said their doctor. Slum was a geriatric pregnancy. Really? So there wasn't 00:14:15.070 --> 00:14:18.755 any age things where they were like, Oh, you're a higher risk for anything. 00:14:18.788 --> 00:14:24.677 You know what? No, I think maybe I was like 34. I was like right before, 00:14:24.710 --> 00:14:27.436 yeah, I was right before the risk because my sister-in-law was in the risk 00:14:27.469 --> 00:14:34.456 area. She was, she might have been 37 at the time. So, um, yeah, um. So 00:14:34.489 --> 00:14:38.936 she, and she did have the gestational diabetes with her, and it was her 00:14:38.969 --> 00:14:44.047 second child. So, um, but I didn't really have any of those issues. Yeah, 00:14:44.080 --> 00:14:48.316 which is nice except for throwing up. 00:14:48.349 --> 00:14:52.446 So, um, OK, so can you take us back to like around what what time of year 00:14:52.479 --> 00:14:58.775 was it then you were. So it was uh in May, and so, um, I try not to get 00:14:58.808 --> 00:15:03.356 through this part without crying, but um. My brother-in-law died a week 00:15:03.389 --> 00:15:11.106 before my daughter was. Which is my sister-in-law had her son 6 months 00:15:11.139 --> 00:15:16.826 before and it was her husband that died. And so, um, he found out he had 00:15:16.859 --> 00:15:24.496 pancreatic cancer, uh 3 days after his son was born, so. So it was, um, it 00:15:24.529 --> 00:15:32.037 was difficult to say the least emotionally, like the whole family was um. 00:15:32.070 --> 00:15:40.070 Just a mess like um. So I felt a lot of pressure. 00:15:42.950 --> 00:15:49.755 Yes, thanks. So, um, it was hard. It was hard for everyone to go to a 00:15:49.788 --> 00:15:54.196 funeral, you know, and his funeral, I think was on the day that we thought 00:15:54.229 --> 00:16:01.667 Alice was due. And so, um, it turned out that she was gonna be late and um. 00:16:01.700 --> 00:16:07.616 She ended up to be born um the oldest son's, um, his oldest son's 00:16:07.649 --> 00:16:14.736 birthday, which was really crazy and even him, even the oldest son Sam, he 00:16:14.769 --> 00:16:18.726 was like in the hospital room that day going, could you like wait till 00:16:18.759 --> 00:16:23.596 tomorrow? because he wanted his own birthday. And I was like, sorry, honey 00:16:23.629 --> 00:16:28.917 , it's just, but now I mean now they, they're older so and and he's always 00:16:28.950 --> 00:16:33.476 kind of taken her under his wing. So it's kind of sweet that he's done 00:16:33.509 --> 00:16:40.755 that for her. Um, so that part was really hard because it was, it's my 00:16:40.788 --> 00:16:46.557 husband's whole family and so. And they've always been like very together 00:16:46.590 --> 00:16:52.557 and um when that happened, it put an instant like splinter through the 00:16:52.590 --> 00:16:59.816 whole entire family like. Is one of my husband's sisters just completely 00:16:59.849 --> 00:17:06.055 separated from the family. Like I don't exactly know how it all happened. 00:17:06.088 --> 00:17:08.956 My, my brother-in-law, 00:17:08.989 --> 00:17:14.256 um, had twins on the way. They were doing 6 more months and that actually 00:17:14.289 --> 00:17:18.176 it kind of ended the marriage because he was at the funeral going, I don't 00:17:18.209 --> 00:17:25.276 want to be in this marriage anymore. And so yeah, so that was. Emotionally 00:17:25.309 --> 00:17:31.217 really difficult. So, um, because like his whole family was there and then 00:17:31.250 --> 00:17:37.266 my family wasn't there and you know, yeah, it was, it was tough. And like 00:17:37.299 --> 00:17:44.666 even though my husband's mother is a very sweet person, she's not. She's 00:17:44.699 --> 00:17:50.706 not a very outspoken person. She's very quiet and reserved and so it, it 00:17:50.739 --> 00:17:57.107 just, um. My oldest, my sister-in-law was kind of more of that role for me 00:17:57.140 --> 00:18:00.446 because she was like, you know, I just had a baby. So here she is, her 00:18:00.479 --> 00:18:04.805 husband had just passed away and then she was the one being like kind of 00:18:04.838 --> 00:18:10.555 more of that role model for me, which is very sweet, um, but uh. Yeah, 00:18:10.588 --> 00:18:14.236 very tough at the same time, to say the least. So did I answer your 00:18:14.269 --> 00:18:18.756 question, or does it come back every birthday? I mean, do you have that 00:18:18.789 --> 00:18:22.877 flow of emotion? You know, I don't just when I have to talk about it. It's 00:18:22.910 --> 00:18:27.397 just, it's just such a hard thing and like. For the most part, if I talk 00:18:27.430 --> 00:18:32.516 about with my husband's family, I won't cry because I just don't feel like 00:18:32.549 --> 00:18:37.736 I have that freedom to. But if I'm out on my own, then I will. So then 00:18:37.769 --> 00:18:42.877 it's like, so I'm not really quite sure what that's about, but um. So yeah 00:18:42.910 --> 00:18:47.795 , to answer your question. So were you very close with him, the 00:18:47.828 --> 00:18:51.717 brother-in-law? My brother-in-law, you know, actually we were not that 00:18:51.750 --> 00:18:59.367 close. Um, he was, uh, He was the second husband of my sister-in-law. Um, 00:18:59.400 --> 00:19:06.045 he was the father of both of her children. Um, but she had been married to 00:19:06.078 --> 00:19:13.847 , um, My other sister-in-law, her younger sister's, um, husband's brother. 00:19:13.880 --> 00:19:17.956 Which is very strange, um, and so she had married him at a very young age 00:19:17.989 --> 00:19:23.325 , and then, uh, they got divorced because it just they were young and it 00:19:23.358 --> 00:19:29.325 just didn't work out. And then she met, um, you know, Dave and um they 00:19:29.358 --> 00:19:34.006 started dating, but because it was so soon after her divorce, you know, 00:19:34.039 --> 00:19:37.367 she, I don't know if she worked everything out, but there was a time in 00:19:37.400 --> 00:19:40.967 the relationship where they had separated. And then they came back 00:19:41.000 --> 00:19:44.835 together and then when they came back together a year or two later, they 00:19:44.868 --> 00:19:51.746 got married and for some reason. This sister-in-law who's married to the 00:19:51.779 --> 00:19:58.607 brother, um, she, she didn't like him. She, she took that time that they 00:19:58.640 --> 00:20:03.805 took apart very personally and she decided that she hated him. And so she 00:20:03.838 --> 00:20:09.085 kind of wedged him away a lot. And so all of this happened before I 00:20:09.118 --> 00:20:13.565 started dating my husband. And so when I came on the scene, I think they 00:20:13.598 --> 00:20:18.186 got married maybe the Weekend my husband and I started like my husband and 00:20:18.219 --> 00:20:20.795 I went on a date and then he was like, Oh yeah, my sister-in-law is 00:20:20.828 --> 00:20:23.746 getting married or my sister's getting married this weekend. I'm going to 00:20:23.779 --> 00:20:29.706 the wedding. So, um, so I think that I was like kind of there on the cusp 00:20:29.739 --> 00:20:34.347 of it, but by the time I came in the family, he was kind of always if he 00:20:34.380 --> 00:20:37.335 came over, he would sit in the corner, you know, he didn't really 00:20:37.368 --> 00:20:40.736 communicate with a lot even though he had known my husband and they had 00:20:40.769 --> 00:20:44.387 like gone on trips together, he would talk to him but he never. 00:20:44.420 --> 00:20:49.127 Necessarily like one of way to speak to me, but the thing that's painful 00:20:49.160 --> 00:20:54.696 to me is just the fact that the family's separated, you know, and they 00:20:54.729 --> 00:21:00.607 miss him. He's, you know, he was a very nice man and um so that's, I think 00:21:00.640 --> 00:21:03.887 that's the difficult thing. So even though I didn't know him personally, 00:21:03.920 --> 00:21:08.335 it's more about um the effect that it had on my sister-in-law and the two 00:21:08.368 --> 00:21:13.276 kids. Yeah. And then, you know, my child, knowing that, you know, her 00:21:13.309 --> 00:21:16.996 cousins that she's very close to, they don't have a father and then my 00:21:17.029 --> 00:21:22.706 husband steps in and I even call my sister-in-law my sister wife. 00:21:22.739 --> 00:21:26.717 Because my husband, whenever there's an issue or, you know, he'll go over 00:21:26.750 --> 00:21:30.717 there, he'll take, he's the one who um takes care of them or does whatever 00:21:30.750 --> 00:21:37.456 , or I will. So, so we're over there a lot and we're close, yeah. 00:21:37.489 --> 00:21:41.706 Yeah. Oh, OK. 00:21:41.739 --> 00:21:47.916 Oh yeah, yeah, she's great. She's a fantastic, amazing person and has, 00:21:47.949 --> 00:21:54.825 uh, no, no, no, no, no, she had both of hers, yeah, yeah. OK, so it's May. 00:21:54.858 --> 00:22:00.006 It's May, and then what? So, OK, well, actually what we wanted to do, 00:22:00.039 --> 00:22:03.246 this is what we wanted to do. It was our 5th wedding anniversary. I was 00:22:03.279 --> 00:22:09.117 pregnant. And we wanted to have a, a, um, wedding anniversary party and 00:22:09.150 --> 00:22:14.436 have Elvis renew our vows in her backyard with me barefoot and pregnant. 00:22:14.469 --> 00:22:18.516 We thought that that would be very funny, but because my brother-in-law 00:22:18.549 --> 00:22:24.897 passed. to do that. So, um, so anyway, so yeah, so we didn't get to do 00:22:24.930 --> 00:22:30.535 that, but it was May and um the funeral happened and then it was kind of 00:22:30.568 --> 00:22:34.906 like a waiting game. So I didn't go back to work after my brother-in-law 00:22:34.939 --> 00:22:40.467 died. I just took off work, didn't go back to work until Alice was born. 00:22:40.500 --> 00:22:45.736 So I, um, I was supposed to give birth. We went to the doctor and he was 00:22:45.769 --> 00:22:50.426 like, well, we'll give it some more time. We gave it more time and then. 00:22:50.459 --> 00:22:53.986 They finally called us and said, well, OK, come in the hospital and we'll 00:22:54.019 --> 00:23:01.706 have to induce you. And so I was induced and um it took about 48 hours of 00:23:01.739 --> 00:23:08.897 being induced, um, lots of walks and um. So finally, they said, well, we 00:23:08.930 --> 00:23:13.996 should probably start you on your epidural because um because you're gonna 00:23:14.029 --> 00:23:19.097 , you're gonna go into labor soon. You're, you might have some pain and 00:23:19.130 --> 00:23:22.575 it's gonna be sudden and so let's start you on that. So he started me on 00:23:22.608 --> 00:23:28.736 that. And then the doctor came in to check and he, he, he, he checked and 00:23:28.769 --> 00:23:32.026 left and he said, well, you're not really dilated. And then the nurse came 00:23:32.059 --> 00:23:36.107 in to check and she asked me, she goes, did you ever have any kind of 00:23:36.140 --> 00:23:41.357 cryogenic surgery on your cervix? And I said, Yeah, why? And she goes, Oh 00:23:41.390 --> 00:23:46.147 , that's what's going on. And she went and got the doctor, and then the 00:23:46.180 --> 00:23:50.666 doctor, I guess because I had this surgery, he had to go in and I had scar 00:23:50.699 --> 00:23:56.785 tissue on my, he had to go in and break the scar tissue open and then so I 00:23:56.818 --> 00:24:04.756 could become dilated. So I had put all this information in my file when I 00:24:04.789 --> 00:24:10.196 , of course, went to see him. So I was really surprised that I had to say 00:24:10.229 --> 00:24:15.717 this again or mention it or I never thought of it. So, um, so anyway, so 00:24:15.750 --> 00:24:18.075 he did that and he said, well, it's a good thing you had an epidural 00:24:18.108 --> 00:24:20.756 because that would have been extremely painful and I don't even know if I 00:24:20.789 --> 00:24:25.035 could have done it without one. So, but then after that, then I 00:24:25.068 --> 00:24:32.406 immediately. Became dilated and so you for two days were on Pitocin and 00:24:32.439 --> 00:24:38.006 not only because of the scar tissue. Yeah. So when you were on the Pitocin 00:24:38.039 --> 00:24:42.656 though, you weren't having cramps or anything. They had me walking laps 00:24:42.689 --> 00:24:49.137 around the hospital and. Yeah. OK, so then you became dilated like 00:24:49.170 --> 00:24:53.545 immediately. So, um, and then in somewhere in that, I was able to take a 00:24:53.578 --> 00:24:57.656 nap. So I took a little nap because I could kind of relax. I don't know 00:24:57.689 --> 00:25:02.666 why. And then I woke up and then they I think they, they were checking me 00:25:02.699 --> 00:25:08.476 and I woke up and then I was almost there, but then I became very nauseous. 00:25:08.509 --> 00:25:15.696 So I um started throwing up. So I was, so then I was fully dilated and 00:25:15.729 --> 00:25:21.857 then they had me push and I just, all I can remember is pushing and taking 00:25:21.890 --> 00:25:28.256 a break, throwing up, pushing, taking a break, throwing up, and then, um, 00:25:28.289 --> 00:25:30.976 which my husband doesn't, he was in the room. I made him be in the room, 00:25:31.009 --> 00:25:32.857 he didn't want to be in the room because he was worried he was gonna pass 00:25:32.890 --> 00:25:37.847 out, but um. But he doesn't remember me throwing up at all. And I was like 00:25:37.880 --> 00:25:43.496 , really, you don't remember like the green bile and the I remember that. 00:25:43.529 --> 00:25:47.696 So, um, but she, I think they had to do an episiotomy because she had a 00:25:47.729 --> 00:25:53.097 very large head like my husband and Um, so, but she came out normal. She 00:25:53.130 --> 00:25:58.055 was fine. They took her to, you know, check her and then she came right 00:25:58.088 --> 00:26:03.946 back and, I mean, besides that, it was like pretty quick. Like the pushing 00:26:03.979 --> 00:26:08.256 was like, I don't know, half an hour tops. So yeah, it was pretty fast 00:26:08.289 --> 00:26:12.956 after that. Yeah. We spent 2 days working. 00:26:12.989 --> 00:26:19.535 You at least deserve that. So what about the eating in those two days? 00:26:19.568 --> 00:26:24.137 Yeah, so I could eat for the most part, yeah, with the Potosam and stuff. 00:26:24.170 --> 00:26:29.936 So I mean, I think I was a vegetarian before I was pregnant and when I in 00:26:29.969 --> 00:26:34.736 all that sickness, I started having dreams about corned beef sandwiches. 00:26:34.769 --> 00:26:41.217 So I ate 11 day and I felt so much better. And so. I wasn't a vegetarian 00:26:41.250 --> 00:26:45.805 anymore. So I remember eating a hamburger before giving birth like in the 00:26:45.838 --> 00:26:52.416 cafeteria at the hospital, but I think that's what I threw up. Yeah, so 00:26:52.449 --> 00:26:56.246 you, so you've gone back to being a vegetarian, um, no, I haven't actually 00:26:56.279 --> 00:27:00.976 , yeah, no, my, I, my daughter always jokes that I'm the one, like she's 00:27:01.009 --> 00:27:04.706 the one who broke me up being a vegetarian. Probably better off being a 00:27:04.739 --> 00:27:08.597 vegetarian again, but oh. 00:27:08.630 --> 00:27:14.446 Um, OK, so, well, what was it like when they? 00:27:14.479 --> 00:27:19.406 Yeah, it was, I mean, it was amazing like she was like, she looked just 00:27:19.439 --> 00:27:23.526 like my husband. That was the first thing. Like I was so excited to see 00:27:23.559 --> 00:27:27.867 this child that might look like me and then she gets handed to me and I 00:27:27.900 --> 00:27:31.805 was like, oh, she looks just like you, which I mean my husband's adorable 00:27:31.838 --> 00:27:36.006 , so I was like, oh, OK, great, she's a good looking baby. But um, but I 00:27:36.039 --> 00:27:39.967 was really excited. It was, it was great to see someone like of my own 00:27:40.000 --> 00:27:44.127 flesh and blood because I'd never known that in my life. And I, I mean, 00:27:44.160 --> 00:27:47.526 but I was also concerned because I was like, oh, I don't really know what 00:27:47.559 --> 00:27:52.045 I'm doing as a mother here. Like there's, I've never changed a diaper. 00:27:52.078 --> 00:27:55.647 I've never given a bottle. I've never breastfed. Like, I don't know these 00:27:55.680 --> 00:28:03.680 things. So I was, I was concerned too, um, but yeah, but. I, I, I guess it 00:28:03.799 --> 00:28:07.436 was like kind of mixed feelings as with any, I don't know, a lot of times 00:28:07.469 --> 00:28:11.686 like when I'm happy, there's always this element of worry or something, so 00:28:11.719 --> 00:28:16.035 there was kind of that mixed feeling. So had you planned on breast 00:28:16.068 --> 00:28:21.426 breastfeeding or I wasn't sure and then I I kind of thought, well, maybe I 00:28:21.459 --> 00:28:26.266 would do a little both. So, um, so I did start to do breastfeeding because 00:28:26.299 --> 00:28:30.867 I knew that that was probably best for her immune system. Um, but her 00:28:30.900 --> 00:28:36.585 nurse was not very nice about it, and um, she was kind of like militant. 00:28:36.618 --> 00:28:41.065 Like if she doesn't do it right now, she's never going to do it. So there 00:28:41.098 --> 00:28:44.785 was all this pressure and there's problems with like latching and those 00:28:44.818 --> 00:28:50.426 kind of things and, um, but I just kept on trying and it finally worked 00:28:50.459 --> 00:28:55.555 out, but not with You know, any help to the nurse that we had some really 00:28:55.588 --> 00:28:59.986 fantastic nice nurses, but then we had some nurses that weren't so nice 00:29:00.019 --> 00:29:07.617 and so that was one of them. I called her the breastfeeding us. 00:29:07.650 --> 00:29:12.377 She was so, uh, so yeah, um, and then she was really, she's like, well, 00:29:12.410 --> 00:29:15.285 we're not giving her formula because if she has formula, she'll never 00:29:15.318 --> 00:29:20.176 breastfeed. And so, but I think we ended up giving her some formula at 00:29:20.209 --> 00:29:25.696 some point in the hospital and it was fine. She took both, so, um, she 00:29:25.729 --> 00:29:30.976 took both until, um, when she was like 2 weeks, my husband accidentally 00:29:31.009 --> 00:29:36.647 dropped her on her head. Yeah, and we had to rush her to the hospital and 00:29:36.680 --> 00:29:41.867 she was fine. She just, she fractured her a hairline fracture in her skull 00:29:41.900 --> 00:29:46.206 somewhere where babies, it typically happens to children if they fall. And 00:29:46.239 --> 00:29:50.085 um, so they kept her overnight for observation and they gave us some 00:29:50.118 --> 00:29:53.006 formula to give her because she wanted to nurse most of the time, but I 00:29:53.039 --> 00:29:55.847 was like, it was the middle of the night. I was like, I'll just give her 00:29:55.880 --> 00:30:02.656 some formula. She never would take another bottle ever again. Bottle of 00:30:02.689 --> 00:30:10.377 milk formula, milk, nothing. Like she went from breast to sippy cup, like 00:30:10.410 --> 00:30:14.535 never would take a bottle ever again after that. And I don't really know 00:30:14.568 --> 00:30:18.016 exactly why, but that's just the way it was. So how old was she at that 00:30:18.049 --> 00:30:22.347 point? She was 2 weeks old. So at 2 weeks old, she went back on the breast. 00:30:22.380 --> 00:30:25.696 Yeah, like we were kind of intermittent like bottle breast, bottle breast 00:30:25.729 --> 00:30:30.456 , but then after that, after that incident, she never returned from a 00:30:30.489 --> 00:30:36.387 bottle. Unless it was breast milk, and sometimes, sometimes she would. So 00:30:36.420 --> 00:30:40.706 how was breastfeeding for you? Um, it, for the most part, it was fine, um 00:30:40.739 --> 00:30:46.545 , but there was this time at night from like 6 to 10. That she would get 00:30:46.578 --> 00:30:51.717 kind of colicky and she would cry and then she wouldn't latch on, and she 00:30:51.750 --> 00:30:55.756 would go through these phases of wanting to breastfeed but not and 00:30:55.789 --> 00:31:00.867 screaming and this and that. So it was always every night like 4 hours and 00:31:00.900 --> 00:31:05.446 it didn't matter like I tried eating different things. I tried different 00:31:05.479 --> 00:31:09.746 soothing techniques. I tried every and it just, it was just something she 00:31:09.779 --> 00:31:14.585 just had to outgrow eventually, I guess, but. Yeah, there was, I don't 00:31:14.618 --> 00:31:19.825 know, 56 months of that kind of. 00:31:19.858 --> 00:31:25.986 Yeah, but she was a colicky. Like she would get gas a lot and I would try 00:31:26.019 --> 00:31:30.726 to like not do this or not do that, not eat this, not eat that. And it, it 00:31:30.759 --> 00:31:35.607 never really seemed to make too much of a difference. And then the doctors 00:31:35.640 --> 00:31:39.325 were like, well, you know, their digestive system, they just have to, 00:31:39.358 --> 00:31:44.476 sometimes they just have to figure themselves out, you're like. Yikes, so 00:31:44.509 --> 00:31:48.555 Um, we would, I think we, I don't know if we would give her a little gas 00:31:48.588 --> 00:31:53.107 tablets or something maybe. It's so long ago, but maybe we tried to do 00:31:53.140 --> 00:31:57.637 that or, yeah. It seems like we just, it kind of worked itself out 00:31:57.670 --> 00:32:03.436 eventually, but always had to be held, always had to be moving, like 00:32:03.469 --> 00:32:08.637 constant motion. And I think because during my pregnancy, I worked and I 00:32:08.670 --> 00:32:12.781 was in constant motion almost all the time. So Except for when I was 00:32:12.814 --> 00:32:16.190 asleep and then she was in constant motion. So I think she always needed 00:32:16.223 --> 00:32:21.311 that. So we had like the swing thing. My, my best friend's mother gave me 00:32:21.344 --> 00:32:25.151 the swing. She's like, you're gonna want this. And I was like, really? She 00:32:25.184 --> 00:32:29.670 , and she, if she wasn't in our arms, she was in that swing. She could 00:32:29.703 --> 00:32:34.831 never lay her on a blanket on the ground and just have her wiggle. She 00:32:34.864 --> 00:32:40.916 would Immediately erupt into screams, yeah. So always, and I think I must 00:32:40.949 --> 00:32:45.637 have been that way too as a baby. I hear a story, I heard stories from my 00:32:45.670 --> 00:32:48.996 great aunt that used to say, oh, you were in your crib just screaming and 00:32:49.029 --> 00:32:55.967 I would go in and I would get you and I'd be your hero So we actually 00:32:56.000 --> 00:33:01.926 named Alice after that aunt, so it's and her full name is Elizarin, so 00:33:01.959 --> 00:33:06.637 she's named after the color alizarin Crimson, but then, um, her short name 00:33:06.670 --> 00:33:10.285 because I grew up with a different weird name, um, we decided to nickname 00:33:10.318 --> 00:33:16.847 her after my aunt Alice, who in turn I did find my biological parents and 00:33:16.880 --> 00:33:21.526 had a relationship with my father and his mother was named Alice, which is 00:33:21.559 --> 00:33:26.506 crazy. So it was, it turned out that it was a family name and we just had 00:33:26.539 --> 00:33:31.897 no idea that was a family name. Do you have siblings? Uh, I have, uh, I 00:33:31.930 --> 00:33:36.217 have an adopted brother and then I have, um, a half brother that's um 6 00:33:36.250 --> 00:33:42.535 months older than me and I But obviously a different one. And then I have 00:33:42.568 --> 00:33:49.656 um uh two, a half sister who passed away, um, who's uh a year or two 00:33:49.689 --> 00:33:53.736 younger than me and then a half brother too. My mother had twins a couple 00:33:53.769 --> 00:34:01.367 of years after I was born. So, and my dad was married and Uh, he, his wife 00:34:01.400 --> 00:34:04.926 was pregnant. Obviously, marriage was not going well, cheated on my mother 00:34:04.959 --> 00:34:12.664 , or cheated on his wife with my mother and got my mother pregnant. 00:34:12.697 --> 00:34:20.697 Was she a young mother? Uh, she was 27 and so it was 1971 in Cincinnati, 00:34:20.898 --> 00:34:26.675 Ohio, where women. Did not get pregnant unless you're a woman of a certain 00:34:26.708 --> 00:34:32.256 type and so she was a nurse and so that was not going to be acceptable to 00:34:32.289 --> 00:34:38.095 where she lives. So she um she was from Kentucky and she ended up going up 00:34:38.128 --> 00:34:43.416 to somewhere in Cincinnati and worked at a Catholic social service um 00:34:43.449 --> 00:34:47.936 adoption place where she would help deliver the babies and then she had me 00:34:47.969 --> 00:34:52.675 and then she went after she had me she went back home. So So she 00:34:52.708 --> 00:34:58.115 mysteriously disappeared for a year. Yeah. 00:34:58.148 --> 00:35:04.037 Uh, so, but, um, since then, you know, with your husband's family, you've 00:35:04.070 --> 00:35:10.827 had other role models in terms of mothering and things like that, yeah. Um 00:35:10.860 --> 00:35:17.057 , ah, it's really interesting. You had a really rough time actually, but 00:35:17.090 --> 00:35:22.135 you're such a good attitude about it. Yeah, it's, I mean, yeah, I have had 00:35:22.168 --> 00:35:26.376 kind of a rough life. And, you know, people sometimes ask me questions 00:35:26.409 --> 00:35:30.336 about my life and like, especially like the whole thing of, oh, you found 00:35:30.369 --> 00:35:33.695 your parents and what was that like? And then I tell them the whole story 00:35:33.728 --> 00:35:39.135 and then they're like, uh. And I'm like, sorry. Did you want me to make up 00:35:39.168 --> 00:35:43.135 the ending? Because I could have made a really good ending for you, but, 00:35:43.168 --> 00:35:48.986 um, it turned out that my mother, um, she was happy that I found her, but 00:35:49.019 --> 00:35:55.905 my half sister died 6 months before I found her. So I think my mother, and 00:35:55.938 --> 00:35:59.967 I don't know her, but I have a feeling she has issues with depression. Um 00:36:00.000 --> 00:36:07.706 , so my half brother told my mother that she was not allowed to see me and 00:36:07.739 --> 00:36:15.267 I was not allowed to come to the house. So, um, yeah, so I'm so we don't 00:36:15.300 --> 00:36:20.376 really have a relationship, but she did, oh, there's there. 00:36:20.409 --> 00:36:25.876 Yeah. Put a pause on that 00:36:25.909 --> 00:36:31.365 Um, OK, so we've been asking women because we're categorizing these 00:36:31.398 --> 00:36:36.727 stories into themes to um see if they can, well, asking if you could 00:36:36.760 --> 00:36:42.086 possibly think of a word or a phrasing of words that kind of describes 00:36:42.119 --> 00:36:47.646 your experience or encapsulates it for us somehow. It's a really tough 00:36:47.679 --> 00:36:52.166 question. I think discovery, like I kind of figured out who I was through 00:36:52.199 --> 00:36:58.037 this whole process. So, you know, with like weird family life and all that 00:36:58.070 --> 00:37:04.695 stuff that it really helped me solidify like who I am and how I am. So 00:37:04.728 --> 00:37:11.727 it's really nice. All right, I think that's a good ending. OK. Is there 00:37:11.760 --> 00:37:15.639 anything else you wanna add? No, no, no, that's good.