WEBVTT 00:00:00.839 --> 00:00:07.927 This is Boris Solis interviewing Jessica Marquis on June 24th, 2015 at 00:00:07.960 --> 00:00:13.835 10:45. All right, Jessica, if you could maybe um take us back to around 00:00:13.868 --> 00:00:18.355 the time of the pregnancy and let us know if there's anything, a memorable 00:00:18.388 --> 00:00:23.105 event or like what season, just something to kind of place us, sure. OK, 00:00:23.138 --> 00:00:29.706 so, um, let's see, my husband and I had uh a daughter before, uh, my 00:00:29.739 --> 00:00:35.467 husband and I had a daughter before the twins, and, um, so she was about, 00:00:35.500 --> 00:00:40.625 let's see, I would say 2, let's see 1.5, and we had just finished the 00:00:40.658 --> 00:00:43.746 Phoenix Film Festival because we're very involved in the film community 00:00:43.779 --> 00:00:49.180 here in Phoenix and um I. I took a pregnancy test because I was feeling 00:00:49.213 --> 00:00:53.019 kind of similar to how I felt when I found out I was pregnant with her, 00:00:53.052 --> 00:01:01.052 and it came out positive. So that was in April and April of 2014 and 00:01:01.972 --> 00:01:05.659 promptly after that I started to feel the pregnancy symptoms but like 00:01:05.692 --> 00:01:09.730 really crazy. I was smelling. We had some flowers that were dying. I could 00:01:09.763 --> 00:01:13.772 smell them dying. Two rooms over, and I never had that with my first 00:01:13.805 --> 00:01:19.732 pregnancy. It was, it was bizarre. And um I was feeling crazy nauseous. I 00:01:19.765 --> 00:01:23.613 mean, I'd had crazy nausea with the first pregnancy, but this one was, I 00:01:23.646 --> 00:01:29.372 mean I was on the couch, um, just laid out and my fatigue was off the 00:01:29.405 --> 00:01:32.813 charts and I was feeling depression. It was just like chemical depression. 00:01:32.846 --> 00:01:40.846 It wasn't um. Thoughts or or typical depression that textbook, it was 00:01:42.888 --> 00:01:48.257 depression of just like my body. I didn't want to get up and I was crying 00:01:48.290 --> 00:01:53.217 a lot. So anyway, um, I said something's really weird. I said to my 00:01:53.250 --> 00:01:57.837 husband, something's not right. So we had hired a midwife. We were going 00:01:57.870 --> 00:02:01.796 to do a home birth and my daughter was born in a birth center and we 00:02:01.829 --> 00:02:04.706 really loved that type of care, but we really wanted to do it at home this 00:02:04.739 --> 00:02:10.036 time. So we had hired a midwife and she had similar faith to us and we 00:02:10.069 --> 00:02:14.717 were really excited to have just this really holistic experience, a mind 00:02:14.750 --> 00:02:21.386 body spirit, and we went and visited her. And I said to her, I'm feeling 00:02:21.419 --> 00:02:26.906 crazy. I'm like literally, I'm just not feeling pregnant, Jessica. I feel 00:02:26.939 --> 00:02:31.626 bizarro Jessica. And so I said, I really would like to take an ultrasound. 00:02:31.659 --> 00:02:35.866 I'm about 8 weeks right now, and I said, I know that's really early, but 00:02:35.899 --> 00:02:41.346 something just is not right with this pregnancy. And so, uh, she, so she 00:02:41.379 --> 00:02:46.892 said, uh, I don't like to do them this. Early, but something in her spirit 00:02:46.925 --> 00:02:52.922 also said, let's do this. And I was going out of town. I was going on an 00:02:52.955 --> 00:02:57.491 international trip with my daughter, so I wanted to make sure that I had 00:02:57.524 --> 00:03:02.052 all my ducks in a row before I flew off of this continent to another one. 00:03:02.085 --> 00:03:06.082 And so my husband and I went for an ultrasound and I was actually by 00:03:06.115 --> 00:03:13.106 myself at this ultrasound and um She he was coming later. He was running a 00:03:13.139 --> 00:03:18.305 little bit late from work, so the tech was checking me out and she said, 00:03:18.338 --> 00:03:21.005 How do you feel about twins? And I thought she was just making 00:03:21.038 --> 00:03:26.745 conversation. And she, I said, I guess they're OK. And she said, No, 00:03:26.778 --> 00:03:30.217 you're having twins, and she pointed to the screen and there were two 00:03:30.250 --> 00:03:34.786 sacks with two beating hearts, which is amazing for that early on. She 00:03:34.819 --> 00:03:40.271 said, You have there are twins in there. And I I mean, there were so many 00:03:40.304 --> 00:03:42.392 thoughts that went through my head. First of all, I was kind of bummed 00:03:42.425 --> 00:03:47.802 that my husband wasn't there for the for the reveal, but also I I mean, in 00:03:47.835 --> 00:03:51.221 that immediate moment, I knew I couldn't keep my midwife, who had already 00:03:51.254 --> 00:03:55.552 walked me through so much difficulty and with all these symptoms. Yeah, 00:03:55.585 --> 00:04:01.827 that's right. Um, so I, so my husband did show up and we let him know what 00:04:01.860 --> 00:04:05.636 was going on, and his knees buckled a little bit, but he sat down and we 00:04:05.669 --> 00:04:10.077 processed it together. We called my doula right away. She actually is a 00:04:10.110 --> 00:04:14.896 mother of twins herself, so she knew exactly what was going to be 00:04:14.929 --> 00:04:19.437 happening to me in the next 9 months, and we talked to my midwife and so 00:04:19.470 --> 00:04:24.962 just speeding the story up a little bit, we We knew that here in Arizona 00:04:24.995 --> 00:04:30.003 you need to deliver twins in an OR. You can't do it in a typical delivery 00:04:30.036 --> 00:04:35.163 room. You actually have to do it in an OR. And so that's the ruling if 00:04:35.196 --> 00:04:40.202 you're in a hospital. And so my doula recommended a really good OB, very 00:04:40.235 --> 00:04:46.163 natural minded, and she was, she was lovely, but we had so many issues 00:04:46.196 --> 00:04:51.887 with her staff and just ran into a lot. of difficulties with just 00:04:51.920 --> 00:04:57.478 recommendations and communication. And finally, I just said, Bob, I don't 00:04:57.511 --> 00:05:01.657 think that this is the right doctor for us. I really feel like God's 00:05:01.690 --> 00:05:04.847 slamming a door on this one. I said, I don't know what else to do because 00:05:04.880 --> 00:05:08.969 this is the most natural minded OB I know of and that our doula really 00:05:09.002 --> 00:05:17.002 likes. So um I had in the process of all of this. met a certified nurse 00:05:17.250 --> 00:05:20.805 midwife who in the state of Arizona is allowed to do home births for twins 00:05:20.838 --> 00:05:25.736 , but most will not do it because there is risk associated, and you can be 00:05:25.769 --> 00:05:32.536 looked down on by your community. But I approached her and I said to her, 00:05:32.569 --> 00:05:38.377 I'm having a lot of difficulty with this doctor and her staff, and I feel 00:05:38.410 --> 00:05:44.015 that the home birth might be the right direction. Would you consider it? 00:05:44.048 --> 00:05:48.455 She said, Let me pray on it. I was like, Oh my gosh, she is a praying 00:05:48.488 --> 00:05:52.895 person too. So we both prayed on it for a week and we talked to each other 00:05:52.928 --> 00:05:57.575 a week later and she said, Let's do this. And I just almost jumped out of 00:05:57.608 --> 00:06:02.786 my seat. I was so excited, but I still had to get my husband on board. He 00:06:02.819 --> 00:06:05.705 knew that the doctor wasn't the right route, but he wasn't yet convinced 00:06:05.738 --> 00:06:10.296 that the home birth was. So I did a ton of research. He did research too. 00:06:10.329 --> 00:06:16.586 I put together a bunch of statistics. I interviewed other moms who had had 00:06:16.619 --> 00:06:21.606 twins um around the country internationally. As part of a Facebook group I 00:06:21.639 --> 00:06:26.645 was in, uh, any who had had home births, asked them about transfers, just 00:06:26.678 --> 00:06:29.526 all those kind of statistics just to find out what we were getting 00:06:29.559 --> 00:06:33.205 ourselves into. And then I gave him all those that research, the research 00:06:33.238 --> 00:06:36.507 from books, research from interviews, just everything that I could compile 00:06:36.540 --> 00:06:41.245 , and we came to the same conclusion that for us that home birth with the 00:06:41.278 --> 00:06:45.437 twins was going to be the best option. And as long as everything went 00:06:45.470 --> 00:06:52.447 smoothly, I have to insert that. They were die die, which means that they 00:06:52.480 --> 00:06:55.887 had their own placentas. Each of them had their own placenta and each of 00:06:55.920 --> 00:07:00.325 them had their own sac. So they weren't at risk of twin to twin 00:07:00.358 --> 00:07:04.026 transfusion where one twin is bigger than the other. They weren't at risk 00:07:04.059 --> 00:07:08.887 of tangling up in each other's cords. So it's the best situation that you 00:07:08.920 --> 00:07:16.555 can get for twins in terms of risk, so to speak. So, um, we progressed 00:07:16.588 --> 00:07:20.906 through our pregnancy. I continued to have difficulty with uh with nausea 00:07:20.939 --> 00:07:26.305 , heartburn, um, the depression was alleviated through Lexapro. I am 00:07:26.338 --> 00:07:34.007 grateful for that. That little pill really helped a lot. Um, but I, I 00:07:34.040 --> 00:07:39.226 really didn't run into any difficulties after leaving the, um, the other 00:07:39.259 --> 00:07:45.967 doctor. So, um, now in regard to do twins run in the family, which I'm 00:07:46.000 --> 00:07:50.437 always. No, no, they do not run in the family. This was totally unexpected. 00:07:50.470 --> 00:07:57.236 There was no IVF. It was just we were destined to have 3 kids and um we 00:07:57.269 --> 00:08:01.666 found out that it was 2 boys, which complimented our little girl nicely. 00:08:01.699 --> 00:08:05.877 And um we went in for ultrasounds regularly to make sure that they were 00:08:05.910 --> 00:08:12.036 growing accordingly and that they were healthy and so on. We found out 00:08:12.069 --> 00:08:16.075 that they were and so every time we went in we were able to continue with 00:08:16.108 --> 00:08:22.395 our midwife and she built a team of of uh practitioners to help with the 00:08:22.428 --> 00:08:26.226 delivery because when you have twins at home, you have to have one. A 00:08:26.259 --> 00:08:31.055 designated practitioner for the uh for one baby, one for the other baby, 00:08:31.088 --> 00:08:37.125 and one for the mother. So I had my doula to help me with labor, and then 00:08:37.158 --> 00:08:45.158 I had a team of um of midwives and assistants to help. So I, I gained, I 00:08:45.450 --> 00:08:52.375 was, I was really working toward 50 pounds. Um, I was doing over 100 g of 00:08:52.408 --> 00:08:55.657 protein every day, which was really tough for me because I'm not, I'm, I 00:08:55.690 --> 00:09:00.297 kind of tend toward vegetarian, not fully, but I really had a hard time 00:09:00.330 --> 00:09:07.116 doing lots of meat and And uh I, so what I did is I did 3 bowls of whole 00:09:07.149 --> 00:09:15.149 fat Greek yogurt. So I had 20 g per serving for that 3 times a day. Um, so 00:09:15.460 --> 00:09:22.265 yeah, 3 bowls a day. I had um as much bread with protein as possible and I 00:09:22.298 --> 00:09:27.096 forced myself to eat a lot of meat. And I did good. I was able to get my 00:09:27.129 --> 00:09:34.255 my weight gain on there, the boys gained plenty of weight and um so. In 00:09:34.288 --> 00:09:41.616 regard to um birth classes and all that, I put together a birthing plan 00:09:41.649 --> 00:09:45.875 with my husband and my midwife, and it's really cool with the home birth. 00:09:45.908 --> 00:09:49.657 They're so supportive. You don't have to worry about putting all the 00:09:49.690 --> 00:09:53.616 things you don't want because they're not going to force much on you. 00:09:53.649 --> 00:09:56.297 They're not going to force anything really, except if it's a life or 00:09:56.330 --> 00:10:03.316 death situation. So, um, my birthing plan had a Plan B in the event that I 00:10:03.349 --> 00:10:06.846 needed to transfer with the boys. I had things that I did or didn't want 00:10:06.879 --> 00:10:13.076 if I didn't end up at the hospital, um, but the birthing plan itself was 00:10:13.109 --> 00:10:17.076 really clear cut. It was that I wanted to have them at home. I wanted to 00:10:17.109 --> 00:10:21.196 have them in the water if possible. I wasn't able to do that with. My 00:10:21.229 --> 00:10:25.356 daughter, she just refused to be born in the water. She was born on a bed 00:10:25.389 --> 00:10:28.436 at the birth center, but I really wanted to have my water birth with my 00:10:28.469 --> 00:10:32.797 boys if possible. I was going to have my doula there, and she would stay 00:10:32.830 --> 00:10:37.076 with me regardless of what happened. We talked about afterwards there 00:10:37.109 --> 00:10:41.557 tends to be more blood loss with twins, so we talked about what we would 00:10:41.590 --> 00:10:46.525 use for that and uh. So it was a very, it was actually a very detailed 00:10:46.558 --> 00:10:50.566 birth plan because there were so many things I had to take into account. 00:10:50.599 --> 00:10:54.566 We also did planned for delayed cord clamping, which means that we let all 00:10:54.599 --> 00:10:59.446 the blood from the placenta flow into the babies um as long as we could. 00:10:59.479 --> 00:11:04.311 That was. On the birth plan, um, and, uh, placenta encapsulation was also 00:11:04.344 --> 00:11:07.542 on the birth plan so we kept the placentas so that we could have them 00:11:07.575 --> 00:11:11.390 encapsulated and I know that the research behind that is still formulating 00:11:11.423 --> 00:11:14.750 but for me I was, I was willing to take that risk because it definitely 00:11:14.783 --> 00:11:20.976 helped me with my first. Um, I just was, I had a great pregnancy. Um, I 00:11:21.009 --> 00:11:23.217 mean, I was so grateful throughout the whole thing, even though I was 00:11:23.250 --> 00:11:29.177 battling layers of the depression and the nausea, and I was so tired, um, 00:11:29.210 --> 00:11:33.375 I really was just so grateful, just knowing that not only was I carrying 00:11:33.408 --> 00:11:37.135 two babies, but they were healthy and that I was going to get to have the 00:11:37.168 --> 00:11:41.616 birth that I wanted. I wasn't being forced into something out of fear, and 00:11:41.649 --> 00:11:44.816 that for me was a really, it was almost the theme of the pregnancy. It was 00:11:44.849 --> 00:11:51.496 love over fear. Um, when choosing the, the doctor and the hospital would 00:11:51.529 --> 00:11:55.807 have been the fear route, and I recognized that if I had to go there, I 00:11:55.840 --> 00:12:00.086 was, I was willing and happy to go there if, if something did indeed go 00:12:00.119 --> 00:12:04.427 wrong. But going to a hospital I only was going to do because I was being 00:12:04.460 --> 00:12:09.206 told that that was what I needed to do, not because I wanted it and um. 00:12:09.239 --> 00:12:15.015 And having the babies at home was such an amazing thing for me because for 00:12:15.048 --> 00:12:19.816 my husband and me growing up, uh, I can't say that our homes were places 00:12:19.849 --> 00:12:24.657 that we want to spend lots of time in for various reasons and so to. 00:12:24.690 --> 00:12:29.167 Welcome our boys into the world in our home and make that a place that we 00:12:29.200 --> 00:12:33.086 wanted to be and that they wanted to be and to have our daughter there too 00:12:33.119 --> 00:12:36.967 that was in the birth plan, uh, it was just something that I felt was 00:12:37.000 --> 00:12:42.717 redeeming of the concept of home for all of us. So it was a wonderful 00:12:42.750 --> 00:12:46.677 pregnancy overall. I mean, looking back, I pretty much spent most of the 00:12:46.710 --> 00:12:53.645 third trimester in my uh my Lay Boy. And we had family come in to take 00:12:53.678 --> 00:12:56.895 care of me. My mom came in for the last two months and prior to that, my 00:12:56.928 --> 00:13:01.645 aunt, well, it's my husband's aunt came in and she took care of me and 00:13:01.678 --> 00:13:07.846 took care of my daughter and um they prepared meals and I was beside 00:13:07.879 --> 00:13:13.297 myself with gratitude. Uh, so getting to the actual point of um of the 00:13:13.330 --> 00:13:18.657 birth, uh, the boys were due December 14th, but we knew that most likely 00:13:18.690 --> 00:13:22.057 they would come at the end of November, beginning of December, so that's 00:13:22.090 --> 00:13:26.246 what we were aiming toward. And as long as I got to 36 weeks, I could have 00:13:26.279 --> 00:13:29.596 them at home. 00:13:29.629 --> 00:13:35.986 So. I went into labor, um, I think it was let's see, November 20th or 00:13:36.019 --> 00:13:40.015 maybe it was the night of November 19th, uh, I started feeling 00:13:40.048 --> 00:13:44.946 contractions. My husband contacted our doula and just gave her a heads up 00:13:44.979 --> 00:13:48.265 that I was starting to have contractions. It actually started kind of 00:13:48.298 --> 00:13:51.375 funny. I was sitting on the lazy boy and he was sitting on the couch and I 00:13:51.408 --> 00:13:55.226 shifted and I felt kind of funny and I, and I made a noise and he said, 00:13:55.259 --> 00:14:00.025 What was that? And I said. I, I was just shifting. I'm fine. And he said, 00:14:00.058 --> 00:14:02.265 Well, I don't know. I don't know if you're going into labor. I said, I 00:14:02.298 --> 00:14:06.307 will know if I'm going into labor. And honestly, 10 minutes later I said, 00:14:06.340 --> 00:14:10.807 Bob, I think I'm in labor. 00:14:10.840 --> 00:14:16.726 So, um, so I had to really, you know, they started to pick up and um and 00:14:16.759 --> 00:14:19.846 it was hard for me to know for sure if I was in labor because my 00:14:19.879 --> 00:14:24.566 daughter's labor was so different. um I had been in labor with her with 00:14:24.599 --> 00:14:29.717 severe back labor, so it's hard to actually feel the contractions with her 00:14:29.750 --> 00:14:34.566 so these contractions felt a lot less painful and therefore I didn't 00:14:34.599 --> 00:14:41.125 actually know if I was in labor. So I had contractions off and on, and 00:14:41.158 --> 00:14:44.686 finally the doula and we had contacted our midwife. They said just she can 00:14:44.719 --> 00:14:47.525 have her get sleep because this is still early labor, have her rest as 00:14:47.558 --> 00:14:51.167 much as possible. So I went to bed, fell asleep. I woke up. I still was 00:14:51.200 --> 00:14:56.316 having contractions and so they came over early in the morning and they 00:14:56.349 --> 00:15:01.326 checked me out and we went for a walk and I had dilated, but it was slow 00:15:01.359 --> 00:15:05.746 progress, so we went for a walk around the neighborhood. And um after a 00:15:05.779 --> 00:15:08.866 few hours, I still wasn't making a lot of progress, so they just said, 00:15:08.899 --> 00:15:12.066 well, go ahead and get some more rest and give us calls, you know, 00:15:12.099 --> 00:15:18.436 throughout the day. Well, the, the labor stopped, the contractions stopped. 00:15:18.469 --> 00:15:24.196 And so we talked to them and they said, well, sometimes this happens, so 00:15:24.229 --> 00:15:27.596 just rest, take care of yourself because you don't know when they're gonna 00:15:27.629 --> 00:15:32.726 kick in. You need as much energy as you can manage. 00:15:32.759 --> 00:15:37.446 OK, so that night. We still hadn't fully kicked in. I was getting bummed 00:15:37.479 --> 00:15:41.606 out and they said just go out to eat, get a glass of wine, relax. So we 00:15:41.639 --> 00:15:46.846 went to a nice dinner at Saint Francis and I had a glass of wine, which is 00:15:46.879 --> 00:15:51.525 crazy for the customers looking at the pregnant woman drinking wine, but 00:15:51.558 --> 00:15:55.125 we were trying to tell everybody around us, oh no, I'm I'm in labor. They 00:15:55.158 --> 00:16:01.206 told me they told me to drink wine to relax, and uh, which of course I'm 00:16:01.239 --> 00:16:04.005 sure they were wondering why are you in labor at this restaurant, but 00:16:04.038 --> 00:16:09.557 whatever. Um, so the contractions, I did have minor contractions. They 00:16:09.590 --> 00:16:17.436 didn't progress. I went to bed and um I, I went through labor of 11 days, 00:16:17.469 --> 00:16:23.116 um, in and out. They would come and go. The team came a few days later, we 00:16:23.149 --> 00:16:27.236 thought it was gonna happen. Um, the contractions were picking up. The 00:16:27.269 --> 00:16:31.515 whole team assembled here. They blew up the the tub in the living room, 00:16:31.548 --> 00:16:37.596 they filled it. And the contractions stopped again and I was just I was 00:16:37.629 --> 00:16:41.787 just crying because I just wanted to have the boys. It had been a few days 00:16:41.820 --> 00:16:45.307 at this point. I think it was about 4 days at this 0.5 days. I just wanted 00:16:45.340 --> 00:16:50.616 to meet them. But it wasn't meant to be. I said to my midwife, I, I want 00:16:50.649 --> 00:16:55.135 you to break my water. She said, Well, let me go talk to the team. And so 00:16:55.168 --> 00:16:59.456 my doula sat with me. Her name's Diane. She sat with me and Diane sat with 00:16:59.489 --> 00:17:06.496 her with my husband, and we just, you know, talked about it and cried and 00:17:06.529 --> 00:17:12.065 so my midwife came back in and she said. The team recommends against it. 00:17:12.098 --> 00:17:15.516 She said, we'll do whatever you want, but she said they recommend against 00:17:15.549 --> 00:17:20.426 it because if it doesn't work, you are going to the hospital. And I, and 00:17:20.459 --> 00:17:23.906 she said, and I know you don't want that and you don't have to go at this 00:17:23.939 --> 00:17:29.867 point. And I was grateful. I was really bummed, but really grateful 00:17:29.900 --> 00:17:33.266 because I know had I been in some situations, they would have gone ahead 00:17:33.299 --> 00:17:39.946 and broken my water and I would have put into an emergency situation. So I 00:17:39.979 --> 00:17:43.785 said OK and I just laid there and cried and one of the other team members 00:17:43.818 --> 00:17:48.986 came in and she um she just sat with me and prayed with me and and cried 00:17:49.019 --> 00:17:54.867 with me and it's amazing having a group of women just around you and and 00:17:54.900 --> 00:17:58.325 say we got it we've been there. One of them actually had been there she 00:17:58.358 --> 00:18:04.397 had been in and out of labor for I think she had 2 or 3 weeks and um. And 00:18:04.430 --> 00:18:09.906 it was amazing having them there to support me. So they went home, we 00:18:09.939 --> 00:18:16.107 drained the pool. And my daughter kept asking if she could go swimming. 00:18:16.140 --> 00:18:21.926 No, you can't go swimming before I go swimming. And uh this happened 00:18:21.959 --> 00:18:28.026 throughout the week of Thanksgiving, um. On Thanksgiving, I was in labor 00:18:28.059 --> 00:18:33.746 eating turkey on the bounce ball, trying to kick up my contractions and 00:18:33.779 --> 00:18:36.217 nothing. 00:18:36.250 --> 00:18:40.147 So the night that I finally did go into real labor, although I will say 00:18:40.180 --> 00:18:45.075 that it was like real labor the whole time because I did, I did uh I did 00:18:45.108 --> 00:18:49.585 have some um dilation and things that they boys were facing it was just 00:18:49.618 --> 00:18:53.946 very slow, but as they pointed out they were being bathed as my team 00:18:53.979 --> 00:18:57.825 pointed out they were being bathed in hormones the whole time it was good 00:18:57.858 --> 00:19:05.397 for them. Uh, I went for a walk with my mom Saturday, November 29th. I 00:19:05.430 --> 00:19:08.387 went for a walk with her. My husband had taken my daughter out so I could 00:19:08.420 --> 00:19:14.026 have as little stress as possible, and I got home and I was just 00:19:14.059 --> 00:19:17.426 frustrated because earlier in the day he had said if we don't progress, 00:19:17.459 --> 00:19:21.456 he's like my my leave is running out. I only took two weeks. I've already 00:19:21.489 --> 00:19:27.696 used up one and. And he said, we really need to get this going, and he 00:19:27.729 --> 00:19:31.256 said we might need to look at other options, and I knew that meant 00:19:31.289 --> 00:19:35.736 possibly a hospital visit, and I just did not want that. And so I came 00:19:35.769 --> 00:19:39.335 home from my walk with my mom and the house was quiet and she went and 00:19:39.368 --> 00:19:43.377 made dinner. And I just turned on some praise and worship music, just like 00:19:43.410 --> 00:19:47.785 meditative stuff, just like really like deep meditative stuff and just sat 00:19:47.818 --> 00:19:52.426 on my my balance ball and just listen to some songs over and over again 00:19:52.459 --> 00:19:58.785 that were really calming and really full of hope and um there's one song 00:19:58.818 --> 00:20:04.956 that just really rocked me it's called Beautiful Things and it's uh. Uh, 00:20:04.989 --> 00:20:08.436 he, he makes beautiful things out of dust. He makes beautiful things out 00:20:08.469 --> 00:20:12.436 of us, and I just felt like that. I was just like I was leveled. I was 00:20:12.469 --> 00:20:17.196 just like ruined and I just just sat there on the ball and I just felt the 00:20:17.229 --> 00:20:23.555 contractions building and building and building and I let them build and I 00:20:23.588 --> 00:20:29.031 just said I will not. Allow any fear of them not continuing to enter in. 00:20:29.064 --> 00:20:33.012 I'm just going to hand these off. I'm just going to let them go, and they 00:20:33.045 --> 00:20:36.131 continue to build and they continue to build and they build through dinner 00:20:36.164 --> 00:20:40.450 and I ate dinner and then they built through me putting my daughter to bed 00:20:40.483 --> 00:20:47.387 and I was I was singing her a lullaby and going in and out of moans. 00:20:47.420 --> 00:20:53.035 And um I came out and my husband said after my daughter's sleep he said so 00:20:53.068 --> 00:20:58.236 it's what's going on? I said I'm still in labor he said this is good so we 00:20:58.269 --> 00:21:02.035 contacted the doula and the midwife and funny so the way that it's 00:21:02.068 --> 00:21:06.960 supposed to work with the uh home birth is the doula coms help. To labor, 00:21:06.993 --> 00:21:10.121 then then you contact the midwife. The midwife comes and then you deliver 00:21:10.154 --> 00:21:14.920 the baby. Well, the midwife lived close to the doula and had had so many, 00:21:14.953 --> 00:21:19.440 for lack of a better term, false alarms, so we contacted the midwife and 00:21:19.473 --> 00:21:23.121 she came out and she checked me and she said, I think we're going to have 00:21:23.154 --> 00:21:28.916 the babies. So she, um, so she hung out, she called another midwife to 00:21:28.949 --> 00:21:32.357 come and just give a second opinion, and she said, yeah, this looks like 00:21:32.390 --> 00:21:36.406 this is happening. So we contacted the doula and she said, OK, Jessica 00:21:36.439 --> 00:21:40.476 needs to be speed walking and throughout the house. I couldn't go for a 00:21:40.509 --> 00:21:44.637 speed walk outside because um there's no one to watch my daughter and I 00:21:44.670 --> 00:21:51.545 couldn't walk by myself at this point because I was waddling a lot and um. 00:21:51.578 --> 00:21:56.887 So I, uh, so I kept speed walking and the labor kept building and my 00:21:56.920 --> 00:22:00.607 doula showed up and she helped me continue laboring and now I was feeling 00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:04.446 it in my hips, which I hadn't had before. I hadn't had that type of labor 00:22:04.479 --> 00:22:09.097 , as I said, with my first one, it was all my first my first labor was all 00:22:09.130 --> 00:22:14.728 on my back. It was 38 hours long. I had no. Idea what labor was supposed 00:22:14.761 --> 00:22:19.488 to be like because it was so convoluted with my first so I'm feeling in my 00:22:19.521 --> 00:22:22.919 hips it feels like they're spreading. I'm like, oh this is what labor 00:22:22.952 --> 00:22:29.090 feels like this is what labor is and um I was getting cold because it was 00:22:29.123 --> 00:22:33.572 in November night so I went to turn up the heat and they. were starting to 00:22:33.605 --> 00:22:39.273 fill the pool at this point and they filled it with as much hot water as 00:22:39.306 --> 00:22:43.092 they could get and then they were boiling water in the stove to warm it up 00:22:43.125 --> 00:22:48.732 even more and so I turned the air or the heat up a little bit and then I 00:22:48.765 --> 00:22:53.335 went to use the restroom and I'm sitting on the toilet and my water breaks. 00:22:53.368 --> 00:22:57.026 And that again that hadn't happened with my first one. I didn't know that 00:22:57.059 --> 00:23:00.617 sensation because they had to break my water with her. And so I'm just 00:23:00.650 --> 00:23:04.217 sitting there I'm like, I think that was my water breaking because I don't 00:23:04.250 --> 00:23:09.736 think I had that much urine stored up. And so they came in. I called my 00:23:09.769 --> 00:23:13.696 doula. I said I I over to me. I said, I think my water broke, and she 00:23:13.729 --> 00:23:16.256 checked and she's like, yeah, your water definitely broke, so they said 00:23:16.289 --> 00:23:21.285 this is happening. And so they went and woke my husband up because we had 00:23:21.318 --> 00:23:23.766 told him to go to sleep cause we didn't know how long it was going to be, 00:23:23.799 --> 00:23:27.686 so we went and woke him up and he called my mom and he said, yeah, the 00:23:27.719 --> 00:23:31.325 baby the baby should be arriving pretty soon, but take your time. And 00:23:31.358 --> 00:23:34.617 someone overheard him and said, no, the babies are on their way, get here 00:23:34.650 --> 00:23:38.887 now. I'm so glad they did that because the babies were definitely on their 00:23:38.920 --> 00:23:46.236 way. So we hopped, I hopped into the water. It felt great. It felt amazing. 00:23:46.269 --> 00:23:52.156 It was like I can't describe it. It was just relief. And so I was in the 00:23:52.189 --> 00:23:57.926 water and um just getting into positions that would feel good, as good as 00:23:57.959 --> 00:24:03.877 possible to deliver the babies and um so I was shifting and I finally 00:24:03.910 --> 00:24:10.785 found like on my back was best with uh just leaning backward. And I could 00:24:10.818 --> 00:24:16.226 feel um baby A starting to get into position and um they were they could 00:24:16.259 --> 00:24:19.666 they were doing the Doppler in the water and they said, OK, baby A is 00:24:19.699 --> 00:24:25.857 descending and um and so everybody got into position. My husband got down 00:24:25.890 --> 00:24:32.416 at the bottom so we could watch him being born. And my mom was up at the 00:24:32.449 --> 00:24:40.449 top holding my hands, and I gave birth to my little boy. And I'm holding 00:24:40.949 --> 00:24:48.949 right now, APA, yeah. And he came out and he was screaming and happy and 00:24:49.029 --> 00:24:52.946 they put him right onto my chest, just like that. They put him right onto 00:24:52.979 --> 00:25:00.107 my chest and and he just laid there and looked up at me and I looked down 00:25:00.140 --> 00:25:05.627 at him and right at that moment they were checking me for Ba B's position 00:25:05.660 --> 00:25:09.627 and Baby B got right at position and he was ready to come out right after 00:25:09.660 --> 00:25:15.266 his brother. And so we left, as I said, delayed cord clamping. We left the 00:25:15.299 --> 00:25:21.147 um the cord with baby A and it continued pulsing and baby B was right in 00:25:21.180 --> 00:25:26.717 position within 9 minutes he came out, so 2:21 a.m. and 2:30 a.m. Those 00:25:26.750 --> 00:25:32.325 are the times, uh, on November 30th. And baby B came out, my husband 00:25:32.358 --> 00:25:37.246 caught him and put him on my chest, so I have two little boys on my chest. 00:25:37.279 --> 00:25:41.166 I'm in my in the water just relaxing and they're just che and their teams 00:25:41.199 --> 00:25:46.006 checking me and checking the boys and the cords are still pulsing and the 00:25:46.039 --> 00:25:53.012 blood is still flowing into them and um delivered baby bees. Santa came 00:25:53.045 --> 00:25:57.930 out first, which was a surprise, and then Baby Ace took a little bit more 00:25:57.963 --> 00:26:02.732 work. Um, I don't know the medical term, but the slang term for it is it 00:26:02.765 --> 00:26:06.972 was dirty Duncan, it was upside down, so they had to like kind of help me 00:26:07.005 --> 00:26:12.426 birth that one. It was, it was almost like delivering a third child. 00:26:12.459 --> 00:26:18.305 So the placentas are out, boys are healthy. I'm OK, and they tell me, time 00:26:18.338 --> 00:26:20.706 to get out of the water. I said, can I just rest here a little bit longer 00:26:20.739 --> 00:26:25.946 ? They said, absolutely not. Time to get out. And being that they don't 00:26:25.979 --> 00:26:29.347 get forceful unless it's a matter of life or death, I had to listen to 00:26:29.380 --> 00:26:35.186 them, so I got up. And I fell over and it turned out that my blood 00:26:35.219 --> 00:26:39.585 pressure dropped when I stood up because I wasn't holding my um my belly. 00:26:39.618 --> 00:26:43.627 I had a distended uterus, I believe is the term, um, because I'd just been 00:26:43.660 --> 00:26:47.946 carrying two babies and now I had like a ton of uterus that didn't have 00:26:47.979 --> 00:26:53.617 anywhere to go. And so I stood up and passed out, and when I came to, it 00:26:53.650 --> 00:26:57.335 was like seconds later, just I came right to, but it sounded like circus 00:26:57.368 --> 00:27:01.656 music was playing in my head. I just heard them saying focus, focus, and 00:27:01.689 --> 00:27:05.696 they had me look specifically at one of the one of the team members and 00:27:05.729 --> 00:27:08.476 they just kept saying. Her name, saying her name and I just was focusing 00:27:08.509 --> 00:27:11.867 on her and they pulled me out of the water and they gave me the medicine 00:27:11.900 --> 00:27:15.717 to help with um to help stop the bleeding. It was all planned. I mean this 00:27:15.750 --> 00:27:20.196 was not a surprise to them. They said with with twins, it's likely this 00:27:20.229 --> 00:27:23.357 will happen. That's why I had this medication prepared. It was part of the 00:27:23.390 --> 00:27:28.467 birth plan. So they gave it to me and um stopped the bleeding and they put 00:27:28.500 --> 00:27:36.500 me on the couch on my couch and put a bunch of um blankets and a hat on me 00:27:36.750 --> 00:27:39.956 and just started bringing me food and it was food that I couldn't eat for 00:27:39.989 --> 00:27:43.496 the last several months because of heartburn and nausea and I was able. So 00:27:43.529 --> 00:27:49.217 like I was eating chocolate chip cookies. I was eating raspberries, and 00:27:49.250 --> 00:27:52.256 they brought me cranberry juice, and they brought me and they put a bunch 00:27:52.289 --> 00:27:56.377 of sugar in there to get my sugar levels up. So I'm just pigging out here. 00:27:56.410 --> 00:27:59.746 They got a bunch of leftovers from our Thanksgiving dinner and so I'm 00:27:59.779 --> 00:28:05.315 chewing on those, getting my protein up. And um my husband had baby B and 00:28:05.348 --> 00:28:10.016 my mom had baby A and so the team started weighing them and checking to 00:28:10.049 --> 00:28:13.867 make sure their vitals were all good and all was awesome. And so my 00:28:13.900 --> 00:28:16.785 husband and I got to finally have our moment together to talk about names 00:28:16.818 --> 00:28:24.387 , and the team left the room. And um the the baby baby A, we decided to 00:28:24.420 --> 00:28:32.097 name Calvin Jean Marquis. And Baby B, we decided to name Milo Alan Marquee. 00:28:32.130 --> 00:28:37.217 And so we announced their names and it was a wonderful moment. The team 00:28:37.250 --> 00:28:40.565 loved them because we hadn't told anybody their names and they were just 00:28:40.598 --> 00:28:48.335 so excited to hear the names. And no complications, nothing. I was great 00:28:48.368 --> 00:28:55.676 afterwards. The boys were great. They ended up nursing fabulously. 00:28:55.709 --> 00:29:01.956 We had a wonderful bonding time, and my dad was in Hungary, where my 00:29:01.989 --> 00:29:06.285 parents are missionaries, so my mom was able to try to FaceTime him and 00:29:06.318 --> 00:29:10.127 give him the details of the kids' names. 00:29:10.160 --> 00:29:13.696 And so it's just my mom there and my husband and me and our team, and they 00:29:13.729 --> 00:29:19.367 cleaned the whole house up. So when my daughter woke up at 6 a.m., she 00:29:19.400 --> 00:29:22.976 came out and it just looked like a bunch of people were hanging out 00:29:23.009 --> 00:29:28.285 together and there were two babies. And my mom carried her into the living 00:29:28.318 --> 00:29:36.318 room and she said to my husband, I'm sorry. So my mom went into my 00:29:36.779 --> 00:29:40.305 daughter's room, brought her out, cause my daughter was calling to us. She 00:29:40.338 --> 00:29:44.107 brought her out. My husband sitting the lazy boy holding the two boys, and 00:29:44.140 --> 00:29:50.526 I'm resting on the couch. And my husband says, Moxie, we have 2 babies 00:29:50.559 --> 00:29:54.045 we'd like you to meet 2 important people. And he said, Do you know who 00:29:54.078 --> 00:29:58.607 these are? And she looked. He said, These are your brothers. And she was 00:29:58.640 --> 00:30:02.766 so excited. She didn't really know what to make of them, but she was 00:30:02.799 --> 00:30:05.766 excited because she had been with me the whole time, feeling the babies 00:30:05.799 --> 00:30:09.916 move throughout my pregnancy and she loved her brothers. And so she went 00:30:09.949 --> 00:30:14.726 over and she started touching them. Interacting with them, and then she 00:30:14.759 --> 00:30:19.795 promptly lost interest because, you know, she's 2 1/2 at this point. But 00:30:19.828 --> 00:30:24.516 it was fantastic, I mean, the whole room was so quiet to watch her meet 00:30:24.549 --> 00:30:28.736 her brothers for the first time. And then everybody just started clearing 00:30:28.769 --> 00:30:33.815 out. My midwife had to stay around to check to make sure that I had used 00:30:33.848 --> 00:30:39.256 the restroom sufficiently and they had taken a shower and gotten cleaned 00:30:39.289 --> 00:30:45.656 up and was in bed resting and everything was working great. She said she'd 00:30:45.689 --> 00:30:49.496 come back and I think it was they came back in 2 days, but she was calling 00:30:49.529 --> 00:30:54.217 me to make sure everything was OK. My doula left and so it was just my 00:30:54.250 --> 00:30:58.877 husband and me and my mom and And then his his mom came to pick up my 00:30:58.910 --> 00:31:03.236 daughter so we could have a day to rest with the boys, and so she got to 00:31:03.269 --> 00:31:08.825 meet her grandsons for the first time, which was amazing and then we just 00:31:08.858 --> 00:31:16.226 poured a glass of nice wine and took a drink and fell asleep. Almost 00:31:16.259 --> 00:31:21.085 immediately. And I think that was the last time we slept together in bed 00:31:21.118 --> 00:31:26.726 side by side since because now I have to co-sleep with the boys so that 00:31:26.759 --> 00:31:31.127 they sleep through the night and my husband has been an awesome supporter 00:31:31.160 --> 00:31:37.406 of that. Um they have been growing amazingly 00:31:37.439 --> 00:31:44.166 and my daughter just adores her brothers. So Calvin Jean Marquis was born 00:31:44.199 --> 00:31:51.676 first at 2:21 a.m. November 30th. He was 7 pounds 1 ounce. He was 19.5 00:31:51.709 --> 00:31:59.637 inches long. His little brother Milo, 9 minutes younger, 221 a.m. Uh, he 00:31:59.670 --> 00:32:03.706 had a little bit darker hair. Calvin had blonde hair. Milo had darker hair 00:32:03.739 --> 00:32:11.739 , brown. Milo was 6 pounds, 7.5 ounces, and 19 inches. And um both cried 00:32:15.049 --> 00:32:23.049 grade, both nursed gray, and That is my birth story. That's amazing. 00:32:24.140 --> 00:32:28.256 That was the um when it came to the actual labor part, you know, women 00:32:28.289 --> 00:32:31.717 have described that differently in some ways that they had to kind of like 00:32:31.750 --> 00:32:36.075 go inside and they couldn't have, you know, communicate with others. Like 00:32:36.108 --> 00:32:41.276 how was the pain for you? You know, it was that's definitely as it 00:32:41.309 --> 00:32:46.756 progressed, um, it's funny, both times I've people have laughed about how 00:32:46.789 --> 00:32:53.117 I do with labor. um. I'm talking normal and then like really intense. I 00:32:53.150 --> 00:32:58.926 have to like breathe through and focus through and just like and and. Uh 00:32:58.959 --> 00:33:05.936 just almost meditate on that, on that moment. So at the beginning of it, 00:33:05.969 --> 00:33:10.377 I'm able to have conversations, but as it progresses in intensity and in 00:33:10.410 --> 00:33:14.857 pressure, yeah, I need, I need to go inside and we've talked about having 00:33:14.890 --> 00:33:21.967 music playing before, but It's never worked out in the actual moment. I 00:33:22.000 --> 00:33:27.416 just want silence. I just want to focus inward and doing it naturally 00:33:27.449 --> 00:33:32.335 without any medication at all, you really need to draw up on all your 00:33:32.368 --> 00:33:40.166 reserves. So for me, that means shutting everything out, not communicating 00:33:40.199 --> 00:33:45.107 that especially in transition and in the pushing stages. 00:33:45.140 --> 00:33:47.686 So when you were pushing, did they, you know, in the hospital they'll be 00:33:47.719 --> 00:33:51.565 like, you know, count and then you have to hold a push for a certain 00:33:51.598 --> 00:33:54.926 length of time. Are you just doing everything as it came natural to you? I 00:33:54.959 --> 00:34:00.686 did everything as it came naturally to me. I 00:34:00.719 --> 00:34:06.335 Thinking through how to explain it. With, with home birth, with natural 00:34:06.368 --> 00:34:10.256 birth, with uh with birth centers, with hospitals that are naturally 00:34:10.289 --> 00:34:15.046 inclined, especially ones that employ midwives. You, they tell you trust 00:34:15.079 --> 00:34:19.845 your body. Go with your body, move with your body. Get up if your baby is 00:34:19.878 --> 00:34:23.206 telling you I need to be delivered this way, you move this way. If you 00:34:23.239 --> 00:34:26.727 feel like this the baby needs to go this way, you just move with that. And 00:34:26.760 --> 00:34:31.405 so with the pushes it's the same thing. They will tell you, the team will 00:34:31.438 --> 00:34:36.816 tell you when you need to like slow down a little bit so you don't. And 00:34:36.849 --> 00:34:40.735 they're really big on making sure that you don't tear, which is so great. 00:34:40.768 --> 00:34:45.055 I haven't torn with either of all three immigrants, I guess you could say 00:34:45.088 --> 00:34:51.334 , which for twins is pretty amazing. It just slowing down and like pushing 00:34:51.367 --> 00:34:58.374 slowly so that the baby can just come out at its pace and not too fast, 00:34:58.407 --> 00:35:01.655 just trusting your body. 00:35:01.688 --> 00:35:06.006 Wow, that is really intense. I can't, I just, it's unbelievable. Did you 00:35:06.039 --> 00:35:11.247 have any fear, you know, with things going around and close to a hospital 00:35:11.280 --> 00:35:17.166 , you, you know, or did you feel like really confident? Did you just have 00:35:17.199 --> 00:35:22.217 that sense that in your heart it was all gonna just be fine? I will I will 00:35:22.250 --> 00:35:27.936 say in my heart I knew it was going to be fine because watching how God 00:35:27.969 --> 00:35:32.717 had just put this whole thing in order, I mean closing down the door to a 00:35:32.750 --> 00:35:37.376 really great doctor I'm like there's something bigger here. So I knew it 00:35:37.409 --> 00:35:41.497 was going to be fine, but it's hard to trust the bigger picture when 00:35:41.530 --> 00:35:45.217 you're in the details. It's hard to trust that there is a victory when 00:35:45.250 --> 00:35:50.146 you're doing the little battles along the way. So for me, There were 00:35:50.179 --> 00:35:57.336 moments where I did have some fear where I did think, oh boy, like early 00:35:57.369 --> 00:36:02.267 on we got a test, a screening done that I didn't realize was being done. 00:36:02.300 --> 00:36:06.577 um I, I wouldn't have done it had I known what they were doing. It was 00:36:06.610 --> 00:36:09.896 optional. I didn't know it was optional. They told us that we had a 1 in 00:36:09.929 --> 00:36:14.936 34 chance that at least one of our boys had Down syndrome, and not that 00:36:14.969 --> 00:36:17.816 that would have changed anything for us. We would have loved them 00:36:17.849 --> 00:36:25.017 regardless there. But it just was such a surprise to us and there was fear 00:36:25.050 --> 00:36:30.747 because we we we realized that would change our entire living situation, 00:36:30.780 --> 00:36:36.267 our plans for our lives and so on and so there were moments of fear of are 00:36:36.300 --> 00:36:43.606 we getting ourselves into a situation that is out of our. Out of our 00:36:43.639 --> 00:36:48.126 experience, should we be really sticking with the safe route and going to 00:36:48.159 --> 00:36:53.756 the hospital and I just, every time I just kept going back to the way that 00:36:53.789 --> 00:36:59.166 God provided all these little glimmering stones I just said, OK, we're 00:36:59.199 --> 00:37:02.287 just going to go with it and if we're going the wrong way, I know he'll 00:37:02.320 --> 00:37:07.365 course correct because he kept course correcting me every other time. But 00:37:07.398 --> 00:37:12.365 yeah, there was fear. I will say there was fear, but by the end of it. I 00:37:12.398 --> 00:37:14.916 can say that. 00:37:14.949 --> 00:37:19.115 When the, when the actual delivery happened, there wasn't any in the final 00:37:19.148 --> 00:37:27.148 , in the final days of labor and the final um contractions, it was no fear. 00:37:28.510 --> 00:37:30.510 There must be such a benefit to um delivering at home just in the fact 00:37:31.750 --> 00:37:35.115 that you're home. I mean like the right then and there, you know, everyone 00:37:35.148 --> 00:37:38.756 leaves and it's just you and your little family, you know. I can't imagine 00:37:38.789 --> 00:37:42.675 that not I started about 4 days in the hospital, so it was it was 00:37:42.708 --> 00:37:46.756 different in that way, you know. Um, just having the comforts of home. 00:37:46.789 --> 00:37:50.796 It's really what we wanted. We really wanted to have the comforts of home. 00:37:50.829 --> 00:37:55.717 We wanted to have this moment of the babies have arrived, and now I'm 00:37:55.750 --> 00:37:59.517 gonna go sit on my own couch. I'm gonna go lay in my own bed. I'm gonna be 00:37:59.550 --> 00:38:04.037 in my own shower. I know where everything is, um, I know what food I can 00:38:04.070 --> 00:38:08.365 have. Oh, another thing during labor, by the way home. You eat the whole 00:38:08.398 --> 00:38:12.095 time. Whenever you want, whatever you want, you eat the whole time. It's 00:38:12.128 --> 00:38:16.595 fabulous. So I have to say that. But um, delivery at home, it was 00:38:16.628 --> 00:38:19.807 fantastic. I didn't have to get into a car and drive somewhere afterwards 00:38:19.840 --> 00:38:24.606 . I didn't have to put them into a car seat. I just got out of the pool, 00:38:24.639 --> 00:38:30.717 sat on my couch, and my husband sat on the lazy boy, and that was it. 00:38:30.750 --> 00:38:37.655 Technically they didn't even have to wear clothes if they didn't. I 00:38:37.688 --> 00:38:43.557 So you still have some of his uh paternity leave? We did. So we had um the 00:38:43.590 --> 00:38:48.336 one week, the week. And then he went in and said, explain what the 00:38:48.369 --> 00:38:51.695 situation was and asked if he could take an additional, um, I think it was 00:38:51.728 --> 00:38:56.695 3 days and then because we were so close to the Christmas holiday, he only 00:38:56.728 --> 00:39:00.655 had to go in for a period of time and then he ended up having 2 or 3 weeks 00:39:00.688 --> 00:39:04.845 off because of the holiday. So it ended up working out fine with the 00:39:04.878 --> 00:39:10.077 paternity leave, but we were pushing up against it. It was. It was getting 00:39:10.110 --> 00:39:13.936 a little close to the line. 00:39:13.969 --> 00:39:19.486 That is a really great story. I see if there's anything. 00:39:19.519 --> 00:39:22.477 You cover 00:39:22.510 --> 00:39:27.217 I see. At any point did you feel like with the pain that you were like, I 00:39:27.250 --> 00:39:30.506 don't know if I can do this anymore. I, I'll tell you why, and my, my 00:39:30.539 --> 00:39:35.905 midwife thinks I'm hilarious because of it, and even with, so here's my 00:39:35.938 --> 00:39:40.796 track record, first birth, 38 hours, 5 hours of just pushing. Um, and it 00:39:40.829 --> 00:39:46.776 was back labor the whole time with these 211 days of labor, um, and then 00:39:46.809 --> 00:39:50.997 you know delivering two babies, not once have I ever had that moment where 00:39:51.030 --> 00:39:55.146 it was like this is too big. I will say with the first one there was a 00:39:55.179 --> 00:40:00.796 point where they were doing a procedure to try uh like uh manipulate, um, 00:40:00.829 --> 00:40:03.526 I think. 00:40:03.559 --> 00:40:08.856 And it was, I said, I can't, I can't do that. I said I need you to do 00:40:08.889 --> 00:40:12.936 something different, but no, I've never had that moment because I really, 00:40:12.969 --> 00:40:17.816 I know my body was built to do this. My body knows what it's doing and if 00:40:17.849 --> 00:40:23.155 there ever gets to be a point where I literally cannot do it. Then the 00:40:23.188 --> 00:40:28.477 practitioners around me, the midwives and the nurses know that there's 00:40:28.510 --> 00:40:33.356 something wrong and they will help me to do whatever I need to do. So I've 00:40:33.389 --> 00:40:39.477 never had that moment. I never got to that place because I trust my body 00:40:39.510 --> 00:40:46.916 so much and I know it's it's going to do what it needs to do. That's great. 00:40:46.949 --> 00:40:53.776 I think it's good. Oh, the one word. Oh, you know, um, you had, she had 00:40:53.809 --> 00:40:57.017 mentioned a theme though too, and I can't remember what it was, you 00:40:57.050 --> 00:41:01.135 remember you said this. That's a good one. 00:41:01.168 --> 00:41:04.577 so we were talking, we're talking about separating these into themes and 00:41:04.610 --> 00:41:09.756 asking people if they can. Um, kind of come up with a word or a phrase of 00:41:09.789 --> 00:41:14.456 words that summarizes their experience, you know. I know love over fear 00:41:14.489 --> 00:41:18.666 definitely. I think, um, just to put into one word it would be faith 00:41:18.699 --> 00:41:21.706 because it was faith the whole thing was going to work and faith that I 00:41:21.739 --> 00:41:26.276 don't have to fear and, and then just like the fact that my faith like 00:41:26.309 --> 00:41:28.916 kind of helped determine who was going to be surrounding. So I guess like 00:41:28.949 --> 00:41:32.997 in a like two or three ways that you can kind of use the same word. It's 00:41:33.030 --> 00:41:36.356 got like those great movie titles where you have, it means two things in 00:41:36.389 --> 00:41:38.517 one. 00:41:38.550 --> 00:41:41.865 But that's the only thing I can think of, either love or love over fear or 00:41:41.898 --> 00:41:48.570 faith. OK. Or twins, that probably would be a really easy identify.