WEBVTT 00:00:01.330 --> 00:00:09.330 You know, it was early spring when I had my very first child and I had 00:00:09.528 --> 00:00:14.736 just previously the previous weekend had had my baby shower, so I remember 00:00:14.769 --> 00:00:19.456 that it was just it was that freshness of Arizona where it was the pool 00:00:19.489 --> 00:00:24.137 sparkled and the breeze was nice and everyone sat outside in the shade 00:00:24.170 --> 00:00:27.977 already, of course, but it was that sweet time of year when you can be 00:00:28.010 --> 00:00:34.167 outdoors in Arizona. My very first pregnancy was difficult. I had at the 00:00:34.200 --> 00:00:38.015 end of the pregnancy, I had a hard time getting up out of bed. I was sore 00:00:38.048 --> 00:00:44.246 all the time. I really had a lot of the ligaments that are loosened during 00:00:44.279 --> 00:00:48.726 pregnancy. I had a lot of trouble getting up out of bed. And I had a lot 00:00:48.759 --> 00:00:53.487 of trouble sleeping at night too. So that that part of the pregnancy 00:00:53.520 --> 00:00:58.606 wasn't pretty, and I gained 60 pounds both times I was pregnant, so the 00:00:58.639 --> 00:01:02.875 doctors thought I was eating a crazy amount of food, which is not true. It 00:01:02.908 --> 00:01:06.805 just was a lot of water weight, so there weren't it wasn't it wasn't a 00:01:06.838 --> 00:01:12.805 beautiful process by any means for me. As the pregnancy progressed, my 00:01:12.838 --> 00:01:18.025 feet actually became gigantic, and I could actually feel the water in my 00:01:18.058 --> 00:01:23.197 feet as I walked in my shoes. And I would wear these loafers and for some 00:01:23.230 --> 00:01:27.117 reason to this day, my children are 5 and 7 years old. I don't wear the 00:01:27.150 --> 00:01:32.635 loafers, but I still have them for some sentimental weird reason, but I 00:01:32.668 --> 00:01:37.316 remember the water sloshing on the tops of my feet and then my feet kind 00:01:37.349 --> 00:01:42.197 of folding over the tops of the loafers. That's how huge my feet were. 00:01:42.230 --> 00:01:46.477 Looking back at the photos, I just can't even imagine that your body can 00:01:46.510 --> 00:01:52.915 endure that physical transformation. I don't remember being unhappy at the 00:01:52.948 --> 00:01:57.596 time. I remember thinking that this is such a blessing. I know I'm going 00:01:57.629 --> 00:02:02.316 to have a happy, healthy child, and I'm glad I get to do that, but I 00:02:02.349 --> 00:02:07.447 remember just the physical pain, but it wasn't emotional pain. I knew from 00:02:07.480 --> 00:02:12.366 a very from the very beginning that I most likely was not going to have a 00:02:12.399 --> 00:02:19.366 vaginal delivery. I um my first pregnancy and my subsequent pregnancy 00:02:19.399 --> 00:02:24.446 turns out both of them were frank breech, so that means that their spinal 00:02:24.479 --> 00:02:29.207 cord actually aligns with your spinal cord when their spine is usually at 00:02:29.240 --> 00:02:35.116 your stomach. So they were Backwards and with head up instead of head down 00:02:35.149 --> 00:02:40.237 the entire time. So that's why I had to have both of them, C-sections. 00:02:40.270 --> 00:02:45.036 When my seven year old, when it came time for her to be born, she was 00:02:45.069 --> 00:02:51.677 actually due on the 28th of March and March 10th, I went in for a doctor's 00:02:51.710 --> 00:02:57.305 appointment and the amniotic fluid was at a 4, which is dangerously low. 00:02:57.338 --> 00:03:02.267 So the doctor advised me right then and there to go to the hospital and we 00:03:02.300 --> 00:03:06.827 were going to have a baby that afternoon. So I said, I think I at least 00:03:06.860 --> 00:03:11.827 want to run home and grab my husband and my stuff. Would that be OK? And 00:03:11.860 --> 00:03:16.225 she said, yeah, I grab that and then meet me there. So in just a couple of 00:03:16.258 --> 00:03:20.356 hours, it was a whirlwind and I had driven to the doctor by myself. 00:03:20.389 --> 00:03:24.036 Because I thought it was a routine appointment and I called Jim, who was 00:03:24.069 --> 00:03:30.036 on the golf course and said, you need to get off the golf course and meet 00:03:30.069 --> 00:03:34.085 me at home. We're going to the hospital to have a baby. And he thought I 00:03:34.118 --> 00:03:38.505 was joking and I said, I'm not, I'll meet you there in 20 minutes. So he 00:03:38.538 --> 00:03:41.725 left the golf course. We met at home and I cried the entire way. It was 00:03:41.758 --> 00:03:47.047 probably the most dangerous car ride because it's terrifying to think that 00:03:47.080 --> 00:03:51.555 your amniotic fluid is so low, terrifying to think that you still had. You 00:03:51.588 --> 00:03:55.566 know, 18 more days until the baby had arrived. I really didn't, I didn't 00:03:55.599 --> 00:04:00.327 have any of the clothing washed, and I just kept thinking I have to focus 00:04:00.360 --> 00:04:04.995 on the important part of this, which is having a healthy baby and not the 00:04:05.028 --> 00:04:08.577 the washcloths clean and ready because that stuff can happen, but my mind 00:04:08.610 --> 00:04:14.047 couldn't rationalize all of that at that time. It was just this massive 00:04:14.080 --> 00:04:20.825 chaos of a storm driving down the 51 freeway and And my mom, who lives in 00:04:20.858 --> 00:04:24.265 town, had met us at the house because she was going to babysit our dog at 00:04:24.298 --> 00:04:29.356 the time, and she took a couple of last minute pictures of us heading to 00:04:29.389 --> 00:04:36.666 the hospital and my face was as red as red could be. It was every emotion 00:04:36.699 --> 00:04:40.656 that I'd ever felt in my life, I think it just wrote itself in red across 00:04:40.689 --> 00:04:45.226 my face and we headed to the hospital and I did not know if I was having a 00:04:45.259 --> 00:04:50.127 boy or a girl. And that was something that we had said that there are not 00:04:50.160 --> 00:04:53.846 very many great surprises in life anymore and we really wanted to wait. 00:04:53.879 --> 00:04:59.687 And then as soon as Jim was with me, I felt much more at ease that there 00:04:59.720 --> 00:05:04.286 was, you know I had a partner in this process and I just kept thinking, 00:05:04.319 --> 00:05:07.726 we're going to finally find out if we have a boy or a girl. And then I 00:05:07.759 --> 00:05:12.916 started focusing on that instead of the The turmoil and the fear. I 00:05:12.949 --> 00:05:18.276 remember them putting in the IV and I had to focus outside the window and 00:05:18.309 --> 00:05:21.955 I found this crack on the building that I really zoned in on because the 00:05:21.988 --> 00:05:26.757 IV hurt so terribly bad and I don't know if she just was not professional 00:05:26.790 --> 00:05:30.156 at it, but I thought, oh my gosh, if I can't handle this, there's no way I 00:05:30.189 --> 00:05:34.676 could have pushed out a baby. And 00:05:34.709 --> 00:05:41.106 then Jim got in his gown and it was a rather rapid. It wasn't a check-in 00:05:41.139 --> 00:05:46.276 and wait. It was we got there, I got in the bed. Jim got his gown on and 00:05:46.309 --> 00:05:54.309 we went down to the room where they did the C-section. So, um, and then 00:05:54.470 --> 00:05:59.346 they strap your arms down so you can't move your arms and I kept remember 00:05:59.379 --> 00:06:03.156 I saw the IV and I thought, gosh, I hope they can stop bumping that. That 00:06:03.189 --> 00:06:07.955 hurt so bad. Before that, actually though, they had you lean over to put 00:06:07.988 --> 00:06:11.877 the epidural in, or the spinal block, I think is what it's called for a 00:06:11.910 --> 00:06:16.317 C-section. It's an actual block, so you feel nothing from the waist down, 00:06:16.350 --> 00:06:19.596 and then they strap your hands down and then give you the oxygen mask and 00:06:19.629 --> 00:06:24.955 then the gown goes up. So the the sheet so that you can't see what's going 00:06:24.988 --> 00:06:29.895 on down there, and then they bring the husband in. And I believe at that 00:06:29.928 --> 00:06:36.007 time, that's when they put in your catheter. And then start prepping the 00:06:36.040 --> 00:06:42.007 area. And what I remember at that time was that you know I felt like there 00:06:42.040 --> 00:06:45.887 was a lot of motion back there, but I couldn't see anything and I kept 00:06:45.920 --> 00:06:51.046 thinking about you know pay no attention to the man behind the curtain and 00:06:51.079 --> 00:06:55.567 just thinking about how sad it was that I actually couldn't see my child 00:06:55.600 --> 00:07:00.245 arrive on the planet. I could only hear Jim talking to me about it. I 00:07:00.278 --> 00:07:05.877 couldn't see anything. And I remember him saying that, oh, there's an arm. 00:07:05.910 --> 00:07:10.377 Oh, there's and then he's like, what is it? And you can see because 00:07:10.410 --> 00:07:13.137 they're Frank breech babies that they just look like a little tube of 00:07:13.170 --> 00:07:17.776 sausage and their legs are, you know, back up over their ears and I 00:07:17.809 --> 00:07:23.995 remember this terrible feeling on my right side. And it was, it hurt so 00:07:24.028 --> 00:07:26.637 bad and I thought, how come I'm feeling this? And then when I actually 00:07:26.670 --> 00:07:31.296 watched the video later, I could see that it was the nurse who was 00:07:31.329 --> 00:07:35.717 actually pushing the baby from the top so the doctor could grab from the 00:07:35.750 --> 00:07:41.127 bottom and it was kind of like this internal external. tug of war. And I 00:07:41.160 --> 00:07:45.086 remember like, she's going to break my ribs. 00:07:45.119 --> 00:07:50.055 I didn't know what it was and it was human hands pushing this 6 pound baby 00:07:50.088 --> 00:07:55.356 , which is kind of tiny, but out of a 3 or 4 inch incision. So it's pretty 00:07:55.389 --> 00:08:00.067 miraculous that they're little pieces of rubber that can bend in that 00:08:00.100 --> 00:08:04.575 crazy way to get out of that tiny little incision. 00:08:04.608 --> 00:08:08.586 When they flip the baby over and they say, You have a little girl, and 00:08:08.619 --> 00:08:12.366 that's all I heard and I couldn't see anything yet, but then they you know 00:08:12.399 --> 00:08:16.426 they take this little tiny 6 pound thing way over on the other side of the 00:08:16.459 --> 00:08:23.137 room and you don't get to see it, hold it, feel it, can't hardly even hear 00:08:23.170 --> 00:08:28.705 it because the cry is so so weak. And I just remember her looking so 00:08:28.738 --> 00:08:32.145 saying to myself, one, I can't believe that I have a daughter. That just 00:08:32.178 --> 00:08:37.076 sounds, it didn't come naturally at the time. And then to see that because 00:08:37.109 --> 00:08:41.625 she was so early, she was so early and because it was a C-section baby, 00:08:41.658 --> 00:08:46.836 they come out and they're covered in that Vernex still, which is that waxy. 00:08:46.869 --> 00:08:50.657 Um, coating on the baby that actually diminishes as the baby goes as the 00:08:50.690 --> 00:08:55.467 baby progresses and comes to be full term. So she was just covered in this 00:08:55.500 --> 00:08:59.836 white waxy material, and I thought, they better get that off of her. 00:08:59.869 --> 00:09:07.826 That's it seemed very alien-esque. Not not a cute, healthy baby being born 00:09:07.859 --> 00:09:12.547 into the world that you see on the movies. It was very down and dirty and 00:09:12.580 --> 00:09:16.346 in the trenches. I can't believe what I'm seeing. I can't believe that 00:09:16.379 --> 00:09:21.206 came out of my body type of thing. Jim's obviously you know focused on the 00:09:21.239 --> 00:09:25.096 baby now, so I don't know exactly what's going on down there. I don't know 00:09:25.129 --> 00:09:31.047 anything about the the afterbirth or the placenta. I have no clue what 00:09:31.080 --> 00:09:38.157 happened. Um, I do remember feeling. After the first pregnancy, very itchy 00:09:38.190 --> 00:09:42.706 in my face because of the drugs, and the second pregnancy, I had a violent 00:09:42.739 --> 00:09:48.717 reaction to the anesthesia and I vomited for 6 to 8 hours, so I didn't 00:09:48.750 --> 00:09:52.875 hold the baby. I would try to nurse and then throw up and try to nurse and 00:09:52.908 --> 00:09:59.145 then throw up. And I remember Jim walking around the room with the baby 00:09:59.178 --> 00:10:05.746 crying, Genevieve, the youngest crying. And I just thought, I'm so sick. I 00:10:05.779 --> 00:10:11.265 can't hold the baby and I just I just wish for silence. I can't rest. I 00:10:11.298 --> 00:10:17.625 can't recover. And it was a pretty that was a hopeless feeling that I 00:10:17.658 --> 00:10:23.580 couldn't help her. I couldn't help Jim and I couldn't help myself.