This is Boris Solis interviewing Heather Miner for the Creative Push
project. All right. So Heather, can you tell us a little bit about your
family? Like the nuclear type family, as in me and my lovely daughter. Um.
She is almost 10. I had a quote unquote geriatric pregnancy, which caused
me to threaten to kick the male gynecologist who was uh standing in for my
regular gynecologist who left me and went on. A European cruise, um, in
the head, I threatened him with physical violence. I was like, how dare
you say that? Especially right where you are, where I can kick you in the
head. Um, but yeah, old, old, old when I had her. Although by today's
standards not so bad. But uh, yeah, it's just the two of us, cats, dogs,
some fish, and a pig.
So can you take me back to the time around when you were pregnant or when
you delivered? Was there anything that stood out in your mind, maybe the
season or?
Being pregnant was just incredible. It's like the best, most important
thing I've ever done. I I kind of suspected that I wanted to stay at home
as a mom. Which kind of upset my employer. Um, I walked away from a 50K a
year job doing quality assurance in a tech company, but I couldn't think
of anything more important than taking care of her. It took me two years
of actively trying to finally get pregnant. So um It it was a lot of work
, but it was incredible. I didn't have any morning sickness, which was
amazing. My hair was great, um. My skin was perfect, my nails were perfect.
I probably looked better than than I had any time since like my teen
years. And at the end, I got the most gorgeous baby on the face of the
planet. So beautiful Victorian, little curls, pointy heart face. Those
adorable chubby little Fred Flintstone feet that you just want to nibble.
And she's outgrown all of that, so. Now I have a tween
So how was your emotional state? I mean, what were your physical symptoms
when you were pregnant? I was giddy. I mean, I knew from the second of
inception that I was pregnant and I knew who she was. I was like, it's a
girl and her name is going to be Violet and The then husband was just like
, oh yeah, right. I was like, trust me on this. You know, you have to wait
the two weeks to pee on the stick and get your concrete proof, but sure
enough. And you know, to off to the doctor to have them take blood to make
sure that your stick pee was fine and indeed I was pregnant and it was a
violet and the whole time I was pregnant, I kept saying small head, small
head, I want a baby with a small head, and I got it. So, but yeah, it was
, it was, except for the gestational diabetes, which caused me to have to
get shut up 3 times a day after month 4, and I was terrified of needles,
um. It was super easy. Like I said, no morning sickness. I I, it was
fabulous. Like I only had to shave my legs once a week. I, I didn't have
any weird hairs popping out on my face. All the labor changed all of that.
Everything I didn't grow showed up during 22 hours of labor. So did you
have the typical like weight gain, water retention, any of that stuff? Um
, well, because I was on the gestational diabetes diet, I actually lost 10
pounds. I was super heavy when I got pregnant. I was like 261 pounds. And
by the time I delivered, I was 251 pounds. So that was kind of nice. And
then there's that whole breastfeeding thing which drops even more weight
pretty fast. Uh, unfortunately, neither of us were particularly good at
that, so I did a lot of pumping, but even that seemed to seemed to work,
but I still had to stay on that stupid diet even though my, my blood
sugars were fine. At least I was happy I could go off the insulin.
So maybe you can tell us a little bit about the labor process here. I was
in labor for 6 hours before I realized it. I told the nurses, I was like,
Oh, I don't feel good. My stomach kind of hurt. What did you guys give me
for breakfast? I don't think it was right. And they were like, Oh, do you
feel kind of nauseous and kind of like you have to poop? And I'm like,
Yeah, but I can't seem to. And they went, Honey, you're in labor. And I
said, No, I'm not. Labor's supposed to hurt and be awful and stuff. And
they're like, No, trust us. I was like, if this is labor, I could do this
all day, and they laughed at me. They were like, don't worry, you will.
But uh by hour 16, my oh I don't want any drugs was get the guy in here
with the big needle and have him stick it in my back cause I, I was in so
much pain and I kept vomiting, which that seemed to upset the nurses a
little more than anything else because it was constant and I really hadn't
eaten that much. They didn't even want to give me water anymore after a
while. I was like, oh, it's that morning sickness I didn't have. Now here
it is. But yeah, by by 16 hours I was demanding the epidural. And she,
let's see, I had the meconium problem. My water wouldn't break. I was
induced, so they tucked that tea bag up in there. And just it wasn't
moving. They were like, well, you know, you're barely dilating, it's not
really moving. And then the gynecologist came in with the, the crochet
hook. And burst my water and I was like, what are you doing? What are you
doing down there? She's like, I just, I just broke your water. It's OK,
don't worry. Like, of course I'm worried about it. You're supposed to tell
me before you do that. And she was like, what are you gonna do about it? I
was like, I just like to know. But and then labor went on another 6 hours
, and there was meconium and they had to wash everything out and Then they
finally decided, well, this is, you know, this is taking too long cause I
was like, I don't care if somebody just get this thing out of me. And they
put a shot of Pitocin in my IV and she just came squirting out. I was like
, really? Couldn't have done this like, I don't know, 1520 hours ago. I
was, I was pretty pissed and the, the nurse is on the phone because the
doctors walked out and telling her, you know, you get back in here, you
get back in here now, and I can hear the doctor saying, well, I just went
to and she's like, no, no. I like, wow, you get to scream at the doctor.
That's pretty cool. And she was diving into her little rubber gowned
dress before. You know, the baby could hit the floor, which was my concern.
And they, you know, they asked me, do you want a mirror? I was like, no,
I don't even want you people looking. And then when, you know, she finally
came out, nobody warned you about that smell. Oh my God, it's horrendous.
Um, yeah, I was, I was not prepared for that. I think that every child at
about 8 or 9 years old should have to go and witness a live birth and that
would really drop teen pregnancy rates incredibly. But yeah, it was, and
then you know they hold her up and they're all covered in the goo and you
know, the doctors saying, oh you've torn and I'm gonna have to put in
stitches and I'm like, OK, well thank you for telling me. I can't feel
anything. So that's they were laughing at me because they were saying, oh
well, you know, we need you to push, we need you to push. And I was like,
I don't know if I'm pushing or not. It doesn't feel like I'm pushing.
They're like, oh, that's the epidural you are. OK, sure, if you say so.
But then she was, you know, all covered in goo, and they took her and they
scrubbed her with like a nail brush and flipped her all over and I'm like
, my baby, what are you doing to my baby? And the nurses are like, oh,
they're tough, they can handle it. But I was, I was terrified of her cause
I thought it was gonna break her. I thought they were gonna break her. But
she ended up fine. Best best baby on the planet. I think she was, you know
, sleeping through most of the night, like 4 or 5 hour shifts after a week
, so I couldn't, I couldn't complain. Although we did have to have the
nurse come in and show us how to change her first diaper. Because I was
like, uh, you know, there's the whole uh cord stub issue and I'm really
afraid of that. She's like, OK, we just bold and do this and do that, and
there you go. I was like, oh, OK. I guess we're good now, but Yeah, I
wouldn't wouldn't trade her for anything. Not that I want any others
though, cause it hurts a lot. You know, something they do kind of tell you
, but not really much. I mean, as I'm leaving the hospital, I'm, I'm
stopping all the pregnant women going. If you have put down that you don't
want an epidural, change that just so they're ready because you're going
to change your mind. It's yeah, it's, it's worth every penny it. It really
makes a difference.
So were you at the hospital when you went into labor? They put me into
labor. It was it was induced. They tuck what looks like a used teabag up
in your girly bits, and that's supposed to, you know, thin everything out
and it didn't really work very well. I wish they'd just put the shot in my
IV and Gotten it over with quicker. So why were you induced? Because I
have, I had the gestational diabetes, and they kept saying, Oh, well
you're going to have this huge giant baby, which I didn't. She was 6.5
pounds. She was actually a little on the small side. But um, yeah, they
were, they were afraid that there were going to be more complications. So
I'm like, OK, well, you're the doctor. I don't know, sure. But yeah, it
was, it was the magic shot that did it. The tea bag had no effect. Can you
do me a favor and say I was induced because of the gestational diabetes?
OK, I was induced because of the gestational diabetes.
So what was recovery like? Did you have were you staying in the hospital
for a long time after they give you the um
Uh well, let's say I. After you get your epidural, they make you stay in
until you've pooped. You're not allowed to leave. So, uh, that took quite
a few hours before they would even let me out of the delivery room. That
and your legs are weird and wobbly and but I, I stayed in the hospital for
two days, you know, with my ice packs and my ring and all the other fun
stuff they don't tell you about and the special underpants that are like,
you know, super maxi pads, but just, just crazy that you have to wear for
like 3 weeks after.
Again, things they don't tell you about, it's like you want me to what?
put where? But uh Yeah, the people at the hospital were great. I couldn't
, I couldn't have asked for it any better, although they all knew me
because I was in 3 times a week for monitoring because of the gestational
diabetes. So it was, you know, uh, strapped the monitor on my belly while
I lay there and read a book for an hour, which was kind of nice. I mean it
was a good break for the work day. So I would you know do my do my drive
over, do my hour worth of uh Monitoring and then drive back and grab a a
drive through Brachoboro from some burros, which Violet is completely made
of because 3 times a week and there were days when I actually made Dennis
drive over there and get me one later, so it was like 2 barracho burros in
a day. But yeah, she's made of that and coopy day, but uh. Yeah, they were
, they were all really nice. plus I had to spend some time in um the uh
problem pregnancy department. I was the only one who was like allowed to
walk around, everybody else was on bed rest. So the nurses would be like,
Hey, where are you? Oh, never mind, it's you. So I was in there like 3
days. I missed my own baby shower. But I would walk over and like they
have bunnies at that hospital. So I'm like, I'm just going to hang out
with the bunnies and I would even ask the nurses, I'm like, do you guys
have something I can do? Do you have some filing, some paperwork because I
am bored, silly. They're like, you know, you're supposed to be resting.
Like I've read my book, there's nothing good on TV. Just give me something
to do. They'd be like, just, just go see the bunnies and just get out of
our hair. But yeah, they were they were great. I mean, I saw them all the
time, so. Did you have family with you during delivery? Uh, the evil
ex-husband was there. My mother-in-law showed up for a while, which sort
of mortified me, and then one of my best friends was there. So, um,
because she had had a baby like 3 years before, so she was our, our
resident expert. It was a, it was a big room, thank goodness because it
was pretty crap and I don't even know. I mean, at any given time there
were probably 4 nurses in there, all with their, you know, their opera
length exam gloves and sticking them, you know, elbow, you know, up to the
elbow, feeling things and I'm like, really? I said, oh, baby's gonna come
out, there's plenty of room for a couple of hands. OK.
When I gave birth, um, my mother held one leg and Eric held the other. Did
you have anything like that? Uh, um, I had friends holding, you know, my
friend holding my hand. Uh, the mother-in-law was putting like cold rags
on my head. My friend was also holding the barf bucket because I used that
a lot, and Dennis was trying not to pass out, but he did cut the cord,
which kind of ticked me off. I'm like, I'm sorry, why are we why are we
paying the gynecologist again? Why? And I mean, I could feel like
something moving down there, but he was, he was complaining that it's
really thick. It's like cutting a hose. And I'm like, well, yeah, you know
, attached her to me for 9 months. But uh Yeah, it was, it was a very busy
place. So then what happened when you brought her home? Uh, well, my mom
was living with us at the time, so of course she was all over. The first
thing we did, we walked through the door is I took her over to the dogs,
let them all lick her and smell her and love on her, and I told them, This
is your naked pink puppy. She is a member of our pack and you will love
her and respect her and take care of her. They were all like, OK, and we
had this one cat who was just an absolute bitch. Um, Dennis came with her.
He was actually the the familiar cat with his ex-wife, and I thought, oh
, it's going to be horrible. And she would just flip out anytime. Like if
I was in a different room and the baby cried, that cat was like running
over and like trying to bite me going, it's crying, it's crying. Go, go
take care of it. And she turned out just to be like the best, most loving
cat to Violet, and I could not believe it. Like the cat doesn't even like
me and OK, I'm like, well, again, she thinks it's a puppy.
So Violet was a baby. She was the best. She was absolute best. I mean, it
wasn't until she was about 3 that she became a problem and then I got, no
, Mom, you don't tell me what to do. Plus it was, I'm pretty sure she had
her first seizure at like 215 and I, I thought she had just thrown up. I
heard her making like weird noises in her bedroom and I went in and found
her like covered in bar and a little glassy eyed and I thought, OK, well
she threw up and you know, she wasn't completely awake, cleaned her up,
got her back to bed, swore I would never let her eat 3 years of corn at a
meal again and didn't think anything about it. And then a few months later
, like she was probably almost 3, she had like a full-on seizure. And
grandma, it was, it was horrific, but I was so happy that I was like with
her at the time. She's only ever had them when she's sleeping. Which makes
getting her to sleep kind of a nightmare because she's always afraid that
she's gonna have one, but knock on wood, now it's uh almost 3 years
seizure free, so we're really, you know, really happy about that. And I've
gotten to, gotten the OK from her neurologist to reduce her meds. And it
turns out I don't think she has epilepsy at all. I think she has a severe
allergy to pot, which I find out now as an adult that my sister also has
because it's like I always had it projectile vomiting, nose bleeds, it's
horrible, can't even be around it. Had to leave Chris Kirkwood's 50th
birthday party because I was like, oh, there's too much rockstar in here.
I'm gonna barf all over your house. Sorry. But um Yeah, Dennis was
smoking pot, unbeknownst to me. Frequently and then complaining because I
would get migraines and I had no idea why, but my migraines and her
seizures tended to coincide.
So, yeah, and of course he's insisting, oh well, there's no way that could
happen. And uh thank God for my neurologist who's like, uh, yeah, we don't
really know that much about the brain. But she was actually a case study
out of Mayo because they were like, oh, she's got, you know, epileptic
form brain waves and this and that, and we did a whole sleep study down at
PCH and I was like, you know, you hook that thing up to my head, you're
going to see things you don't like too. So I don't, you know, I don't see
what the problem is, but yeah, almost 3 years, she takes her anti-seizure
medication twice a day and it, it's affected her personality. It makes her
uh Well, she's stubborn anyway cause she's my kid, but um. It it makes her
self control a little bit less than I would like. But we're, you know,
we're hopeful, um, you know, we'll go back for another test and hopefully
reduce your beds some more.
And there were no signs of anything in the womb. Oh no, no, I mean, I
didn't have an amnio or anything because I really don't like needles and
you know you want to stick one into my big pregnant belly. I mean, I
wouldn't even take my insulin shots in my stomach. I made Dennis give them
to me in the thigh because I was like, no, she's in there. And he thought
it was like great fun to poke me in the stomach and get her to interact.
He's like, it's the only way I have to interact with her. And I was like
, You know, I'm in between here, right? That's my stomach you're poking.
That's my stomach. She's elbowing.
But no, there there I mean there was no indications. I mean, I was worried
because, well, you know, I was an older mom, but. Other than that, they,
they don't think, well, sometimes it just happens.
OK, they keep saying it's not your fault. It's not your fault. Moms always
blame themselves. It's not your fault. But yeah. Did you have a birth plan
or um you know,
pretty much mostly gynecologists require you to go to a birthing class now
if you haven't done it before. But uh, you know, I went in saying, OK,
well. I don't want meds. I don't want an epidural. I don't want to be, you
know, unconscious. I don't want that twilight sleep stuff. But then, you
know, after. Uh yeah. 12 hours of. This really hurts. I said, you know,
put, put that stuff in my IV. And then I would pass out and then after 16
hours I was like, I need that epidural and I need it now. And there was
lots of swearing and uh.
Luckily my um my epidural guy was great. I still remember his name. I
don't remember any of the nurses, but Seamus was my IV guy. And I asked
him like about the 3rd time he talked me off. I'm like, what is in that?
Because every time you give me a new dose I fall asleep and he said,
there's nothing in it, it's just exhaustion. You, you're passing out. I
take the pain away and then you pass out. And I asked him, I was like, Can
you get this baby out of me now? And he said, no, I, I don't do that.
That's, that's really for your doctor.
Can you think of any words that kind of encapsulate your experience
because we're trying to separate these into themes and so we want to pull
out anything that that would symbolize it to you in any way. That's a big
question. Yeah, it was amazing. It's the best, most important thing I have
ever done. I ever will do. I mean, honestly, you know, if I went out and
cured cancer tomorrow. It would still pale in comparison to to becoming a
mom. And it just gets better. I mean, it's harder, it's different. I mean
, I love like those those first couple of months where they can't roll
over and they stay where you put them and they can't talk back. But I, I
wouldn't trade her for anything. She's just amazing.
Great. I think we're good. You got it? OK. I'm gonna go aheadand