WEBVTT

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 This is Boris Solis interviewing Heather Miner for the Creative Push

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project. All right. So Heather, can
you tell us a little bit about your

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family? Like the nuclear type family,
as in me and my lovely daughter. Um.

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She is almost 10. I had a quote unquote geriatric pregnancy, which caused

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me to threaten to kick the male
gynecologist who was uh standing in for my

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regular gynecologist who left me and
went on. A European cruise, um, in

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the head, I threatened him with
physical violence. I was like, how dare

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you say that? Especially right where
you are, where I can kick you in the

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head. Um, but yeah, old, old, old when
I had her. Although by today's

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standards not so bad. But uh, yeah,
it's just the two of us, cats, dogs,

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some fish, and a pig.

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So can you take me back to the time
around when you were pregnant or when

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you delivered? Was there anything that
stood out in your mind, maybe the

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season or?

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Being pregnant was just incredible.
It's like the best, most important

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thing I've ever done. I I kind of
suspected that I wanted to stay at home

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as a mom. Which kind of upset my
employer. Um, I walked away from a 50K a

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year job doing quality assurance in a
tech company, but I couldn't think

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of anything more important than taking
care of her. It took me two years

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of actively trying to finally get
pregnant. So um It it was a lot of work

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, but it was incredible. I didn't have
any morning sickness, which was

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amazing. My hair was great, um. My
skin was perfect, my nails were perfect.

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I probably looked better than than I
had any time since like my teen

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years. And at the end, I got the most
gorgeous baby on the face of the

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planet. So beautiful Victorian, little
curls, pointy heart face. Those

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adorable chubby little Fred Flintstone
feet that you just want to nibble.

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And she's outgrown all of that, so.
Now I have a tween

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So how was your emotional state? I
mean, what were your physical symptoms

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when you were pregnant? I was giddy. I
mean, I knew from the second of

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inception that I was pregnant and I
knew who she was. I was like, it's a

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girl and her name is going to be
Violet and The then husband was just like

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, oh yeah, right. I was like, trust me
on this. You know, you have to wait

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the two weeks to pee on the stick and
get your concrete proof, but sure

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enough. And you know, to off to the
doctor to have them take blood to make

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sure that your stick pee was fine and
indeed I was pregnant and it was a

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violet and the whole time I was
pregnant, I kept saying small head, small

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head, I want a baby with a small head,
and I got it. So, but yeah, it was

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, it was, except for the gestational
diabetes, which caused me to have to

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get shut up 3 times a day after month
4, and I was terrified of needles,

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um. It was super easy. Like I said, no
morning sickness. I I, it was

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fabulous. Like I only had to shave my
legs once a week. I, I didn't have

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any weird hairs popping out on my
face. All the labor changed all of that.

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Everything I didn't grow showed up
during 22 hours of labor. So did you

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have the typical like weight gain,
water retention, any of that stuff? Um

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, well, because I was on the
gestational diabetes diet, I actually lost 10

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pounds. I was super heavy when I got
pregnant. I was like 261 pounds. And

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by the time I delivered, I was 251
pounds. So that was kind of nice. And

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then there's that whole breastfeeding
thing which drops even more weight

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pretty fast. Uh, unfortunately,
neither of us were particularly good at

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that, so I did a lot of pumping, but
even that seemed to seemed to work,

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but I still had to stay on that stupid
diet even though my, my blood

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sugars were fine. At least I was happy
I could go off the insulin.

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So maybe you can tell us a little bit
about the labor process here. I was

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in labor for 6 hours before I realized
it. I told the nurses, I was like,

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Oh, I don't feel good. My stomach kind
of hurt. What did you guys give me

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for breakfast? I don't think it was
right. And they were like, Oh, do you

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feel kind of nauseous and kind of like
you have to poop? And I'm like,

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Yeah, but I can't seem to. And they
went, Honey, you're in labor. And I

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said, No, I'm not. Labor's supposed to
hurt and be awful and stuff. And

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they're like, No, trust us. I was
like, if this is labor, I could do this

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all day, and they laughed at me. They
were like, don't worry, you will.

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But uh by hour 16, my oh I don't want
any drugs was get the guy in here

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with the big needle and have him stick
it in my back cause I, I was in so

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much pain and I kept vomiting, which
that seemed to upset the nurses a

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little more than anything else because
it was constant and I really hadn't

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eaten that much. They didn't even want
to give me water anymore after a

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while. I was like, oh, it's that
morning sickness I didn't have. Now here

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it is. But yeah, by by 16 hours I was
demanding the epidural. And she,

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let's see, I had the meconium problem.
My water wouldn't break. I was

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induced, so they tucked that tea bag
up in there. And just it wasn't

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moving. They were like, well, you
know, you're barely dilating, it's not

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really moving. And then the
gynecologist came in with the, the crochet

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hook. And burst my water and I was
like, what are you doing? What are you

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doing down there? She's like, I just,
I just broke your water. It's OK,

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don't worry. Like, of course I'm
worried about it. You're supposed to tell

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me before you do that. And she was
like, what are you gonna do about it? I

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was like, I just like to know. But and
then labor went on another 6 hours

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, and there was meconium and they had
to wash everything out and Then they

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finally decided, well, this is, you
know, this is taking too long cause I

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was like, I don't care if somebody
just get this thing out of me. And they

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put a shot of Pitocin in my IV and she
just came squirting out. I was like

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, really? Couldn't have done this
like, I don't know, 1520 hours ago. I

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was, I was pretty pissed and the, the
nurse is on the phone because the

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doctors walked out and telling her,
you know, you get back in here, you

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get back in here now, and I can hear
the doctor saying, well, I just went

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to and she's like, no, no. I like,
wow, you get to scream at the doctor.

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That's pretty cool. And she was diving
into her little rubber gowned

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dress before. You know, the baby could
hit the floor, which was my concern.

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And they, you know, they asked me, do
you want a mirror? I was like, no,

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I don't even want you people looking.
And then when, you know, she finally

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came out, nobody warned you about that
smell. Oh my God, it's horrendous.

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Um, yeah, I was, I was not prepared
for that. I think that every child at

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about 8 or 9 years old should have to
go and witness a live birth and that

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would really drop teen pregnancy rates
incredibly. But yeah, it was, and

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then you know they hold her up and
they're all covered in the goo and you

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know, the doctors saying, oh you've
torn and I'm gonna have to put in

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stitches and I'm like, OK, well thank
you for telling me. I can't feel

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anything. So that's they were laughing
at me because they were saying, oh

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well, you know, we need you to push,
we need you to push. And I was like,

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I don't know if I'm pushing or not. It
doesn't feel like I'm pushing.

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They're like, oh, that's the epidural
you are. OK, sure, if you say so.

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But then she was, you know, all
covered in goo, and they took her and they

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scrubbed her with like a nail brush
and flipped her all over and I'm like

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, my baby, what are you doing to my
baby? And the nurses are like, oh,

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they're tough, they can handle it. But
I was, I was terrified of her cause

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I thought it was gonna break her. I
thought they were gonna break her. But

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she ended up fine. Best best baby on
the planet. I think she was, you know

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, sleeping through most of the night,
like 4 or 5 hour shifts after a week

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, so I couldn't, I couldn't complain.
Although we did have to have the

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nurse come in and show us how to
change her first diaper. Because I was

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like, uh, you know, there's the whole
uh cord stub issue and I'm really

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afraid of that. She's like, OK, we
just bold and do this and do that, and

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there you go. I was like, oh, OK. I
guess we're good now, but Yeah, I

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wouldn't wouldn't trade her for
anything. Not that I want any others

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though, cause it hurts a lot. You
know, something they do kind of tell you

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, but not really much. I mean, as I'm
leaving the hospital, I'm, I'm

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stopping all the pregnant women going.
If you have put down that you don't

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want an epidural, change that just so
they're ready because you're going

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to change your mind. It's yeah, it's,
it's worth every penny it. It really

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makes a difference.

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So were you at the hospital when you
went into labor? They put me into

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labor. It was it was induced. They
tuck what looks like a used teabag up

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in your girly bits, and that's
supposed to, you know, thin everything out

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and it didn't really work very well. I
wish they'd just put the shot in my

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IV and Gotten it over with quicker. So
why were you induced? Because I

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have, I had the gestational diabetes,
and they kept saying, Oh, well

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you're going to have this huge giant
baby, which I didn't. She was 6.5

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pounds. She was actually a little on
the small side. But um, yeah, they

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were, they were afraid that there were
going to be more complications. So

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I'm like, OK, well, you're the doctor.
I don't know, sure. But yeah, it

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was, it was the magic shot that did
it. The tea bag had no effect. Can you

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do me a favor and say I was induced
because of the gestational diabetes?

00:10:03.729 --> 00:10:08.736
OK, I was induced because of the
gestational diabetes.

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So what was recovery like? Did you
have were you staying in the hospital

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for a long time after they give you
the um

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Uh well, let's say I. After you get
your epidural, they make you stay in

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until you've pooped. You're not
allowed to leave. So, uh, that took quite

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a few hours before they would even let
me out of the delivery room. That

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and your legs are weird and wobbly and
but I, I stayed in the hospital for

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two days, you know, with my ice packs
and my ring and all the other fun

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stuff they don't tell you about and
the special underpants that are like,

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you know, super maxi pads, but just,
just crazy that you have to wear for

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like 3 weeks after.

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Again, things they don't tell you
about, it's like you want me to what?

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put where? But uh Yeah, the people at
the hospital were great. I couldn't

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, I couldn't have asked for it any
better, although they all knew me

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because I was in 3 times a week for
monitoring because of the gestational

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diabetes. So it was, you know, uh,
strapped the monitor on my belly while

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I lay there and read a book for an
hour, which was kind of nice. I mean it

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was a good break for the work day. So
I would you know do my do my drive

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over, do my hour worth of uh
Monitoring and then drive back and grab a a

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drive through Brachoboro from some
burros, which Violet is completely made

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of because 3 times a week and there
were days when I actually made Dennis

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drive over there and get me one later,
so it was like 2 barracho burros in

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a day. But yeah, she's made of that
and coopy day, but uh. Yeah, they were

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, they were all really nice. plus I
had to spend some time in um the uh

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problem pregnancy department. I was
the only one who was like allowed to

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walk around, everybody else was on bed
rest. So the nurses would be like,

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Hey, where are you? Oh, never mind,
it's you. So I was in there like 3

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days. I missed my own baby shower. But
I would walk over and like they

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have bunnies at that hospital. So I'm
like, I'm just going to hang out

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with the bunnies and I would even ask
the nurses, I'm like, do you guys

00:12:16.969 --> 00:12:20.856
have something I can do? Do you have
some filing, some paperwork because I

00:12:20.889 --> 00:12:24.576
am bored, silly. They're like, you
know, you're supposed to be resting.

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Like I've read my book, there's
nothing good on TV. Just give me something

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to do. They'd be like, just, just go
see the bunnies and just get out of

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our hair. But yeah, they were they
were great. I mean, I saw them all the

00:12:37.250 --> 00:12:42.375
time, so. Did you have family with you
during delivery? Uh, the evil

00:12:42.408 --> 00:12:48.057
ex-husband was there. My mother-in-law
showed up for a while, which sort

00:12:48.090 --> 00:12:54.895
of mortified me, and then one of my
best friends was there. So, um,

00:12:54.928 --> 00:12:58.287
because she had had a baby like 3
years before, so she was our, our

00:12:58.320 --> 00:13:03.246
resident expert. It was a, it was a
big room, thank goodness because it

00:13:03.279 --> 00:13:06.606
was pretty crap and I don't even know.
I mean, at any given time there

00:13:06.639 --> 00:13:09.606
were probably 4 nurses in there, all
with their, you know, their opera

00:13:09.639 --> 00:13:14.686
length exam gloves and sticking them,
you know, elbow, you know, up to the

00:13:14.719 --> 00:13:18.967
elbow, feeling things and I'm like,
really? I said, oh, baby's gonna come

00:13:19.000 --> 00:13:23.667
out, there's plenty of room for a
couple of hands. OK.

00:13:23.700 --> 00:13:28.667
When I gave birth, um, my mother held
one leg and Eric held the other. Did

00:13:28.700 --> 00:13:34.037
you have anything like that? Uh, um, I
had friends holding, you know, my

00:13:34.070 --> 00:13:38.467
friend holding my hand. Uh, the
mother-in-law was putting like cold rags

00:13:38.500 --> 00:13:42.936
on my head. My friend was also holding
the barf bucket because I used that

00:13:42.969 --> 00:13:48.186
a lot, and Dennis was trying not to
pass out, but he did cut the cord,

00:13:48.219 --> 00:13:51.667
which kind of ticked me off. I'm like,
I'm sorry, why are we why are we

00:13:51.700 --> 00:13:56.206
paying the gynecologist again? Why?
And I mean, I could feel like

00:13:56.239 --> 00:13:59.566
something moving down there, but he
was, he was complaining that it's

00:13:59.599 --> 00:14:03.167
really thick. It's like cutting a
hose. And I'm like, well, yeah, you know

00:14:03.200 --> 00:14:09.765
, attached her to me for 9 months. But
uh Yeah, it was, it was a very busy

00:14:09.798 --> 00:14:15.246
place. So then what happened when you
brought her home? Uh, well, my mom

00:14:15.279 --> 00:14:18.657
was living with us at the time, so of
course she was all over. The first

00:14:18.690 --> 00:14:21.696
thing we did, we walked through the
door is I took her over to the dogs,

00:14:21.729 --> 00:14:25.177
let them all lick her and smell her
and love on her, and I told them, This

00:14:25.210 --> 00:14:29.255
is your naked pink puppy. She is a
member of our pack and you will love

00:14:29.288 --> 00:14:33.436
her and respect her and take care of
her. They were all like, OK, and we

00:14:33.469 --> 00:14:38.996
had this one cat who was just an
absolute bitch. Um, Dennis came with her.

00:14:39.029 --> 00:14:42.677
He was actually the the familiar cat
with his ex-wife, and I thought, oh

00:14:42.710 --> 00:14:46.476
, it's going to be horrible. And she
would just flip out anytime. Like if

00:14:46.509 --> 00:14:50.275
I was in a different room and the baby
cried, that cat was like running

00:14:50.308 --> 00:14:54.037
over and like trying to bite me going,
it's crying, it's crying. Go, go

00:14:54.070 --> 00:14:59.677
take care of it. And she turned out
just to be like the best, most loving

00:14:59.710 --> 00:15:03.476
cat to Violet, and I could not believe
it. Like the cat doesn't even like

00:15:03.509 --> 00:15:10.775
me and OK, I'm like, well, again, she
thinks it's a puppy.

00:15:10.808 --> 00:15:15.236
So Violet was a baby. She was the
best. She was absolute best. I mean, it

00:15:15.269 --> 00:15:18.706
wasn't until she was about 3 that she
became a problem and then I got, no

00:15:18.739 --> 00:15:24.316
, Mom, you don't tell me what to do.
Plus it was, I'm pretty sure she had

00:15:24.349 --> 00:15:30.086
her first seizure at like 215 and I, I
thought she had just thrown up. I

00:15:30.119 --> 00:15:33.086
heard her making like weird noises in
her bedroom and I went in and found

00:15:33.119 --> 00:15:37.366
her like covered in bar and a little
glassy eyed and I thought, OK, well

00:15:37.399 --> 00:15:42.246
she threw up and you know, she wasn't
completely awake, cleaned her up,

00:15:42.279 --> 00:15:45.686
got her back to bed, swore I would
never let her eat 3 years of corn at a

00:15:45.719 --> 00:15:50.086
meal again and didn't think anything
about it. And then a few months later

00:15:50.119 --> 00:15:57.436
, like she was probably almost 3, she
had like a full-on seizure. And

00:15:57.469 --> 00:16:02.505
grandma, it was, it was horrific, but
I was so happy that I was like with

00:16:02.538 --> 00:16:07.307
her at the time. She's only ever had
them when she's sleeping. Which makes

00:16:07.340 --> 00:16:10.265
getting her to sleep kind of a
nightmare because she's always afraid that

00:16:10.298 --> 00:16:14.385
she's gonna have one, but knock on
wood, now it's uh almost 3 years

00:16:14.418 --> 00:16:18.907
seizure free, so we're really, you
know, really happy about that. And I've

00:16:18.940 --> 00:16:24.407
gotten to, gotten the OK from her
neurologist to reduce her meds. And it

00:16:24.440 --> 00:16:28.395
turns out I don't think she has
epilepsy at all. I think she has a severe

00:16:28.428 --> 00:16:32.765
allergy to pot, which I find out now
as an adult that my sister also has

00:16:32.798 --> 00:16:35.366
because it's like I always had it
projectile vomiting, nose bleeds, it's

00:16:35.399 --> 00:16:39.645
horrible, can't even be around it. Had
to leave Chris Kirkwood's 50th

00:16:39.678 --> 00:16:41.846
birthday party because I was like, oh,
there's too much rockstar in here.

00:16:41.879 --> 00:16:46.557
I'm gonna barf all over your house.
Sorry. But um Yeah, Dennis was

00:16:46.590 --> 00:16:50.856
smoking pot, unbeknownst to me.
Frequently and then complaining because I

00:16:50.889 --> 00:16:54.135
would get migraines and I had no idea
why, but my migraines and her

00:16:54.168 --> 00:16:57.326
seizures tended to coincide.

00:16:57.359 --> 00:17:01.186
So, yeah, and of course he's
insisting, oh well, there's no way that could

00:17:01.219 --> 00:17:06.266
happen. And uh thank God for my
neurologist who's like, uh, yeah, we don't

00:17:06.299 --> 00:17:09.996
really know that much about the brain.
But she was actually a case study

00:17:10.029 --> 00:17:14.156
out of Mayo because they were like,
oh, she's got, you know, epileptic

00:17:14.189 --> 00:17:18.147
form brain waves and this and that,
and we did a whole sleep study down at

00:17:18.180 --> 00:17:21.397
PCH and I was like, you know, you hook
that thing up to my head, you're

00:17:21.430 --> 00:17:25.916
going to see things you don't like
too. So I don't, you know, I don't see

00:17:25.949 --> 00:17:30.986
what the problem is, but yeah, almost
3 years, she takes her anti-seizure

00:17:31.019 --> 00:17:36.147
medication twice a day and it, it's
affected her personality. It makes her

00:17:36.180 --> 00:17:41.835
uh Well, she's stubborn anyway cause
she's my kid, but um. It it makes her

00:17:41.868 --> 00:17:46.506
self control a little bit less than I
would like. But we're, you know,

00:17:46.539 --> 00:17:50.946
we're hopeful, um, you know, we'll go
back for another test and hopefully

00:17:50.979 --> 00:17:53.726
reduce your beds some more.

00:17:53.759 --> 00:17:58.196
And there were no signs of anything in
the womb. Oh no, no, I mean, I

00:17:58.229 --> 00:18:01.597
didn't have an amnio or anything
because I really don't like needles and

00:18:01.630 --> 00:18:03.956
you know you want to stick one into my
big pregnant belly. I mean, I

00:18:03.989 --> 00:18:08.496
wouldn't even take my insulin shots in
my stomach. I made Dennis give them

00:18:08.529 --> 00:18:11.956
to me in the thigh because I was like,
no, she's in there. And he thought

00:18:11.989 --> 00:18:15.486
it was like great fun to poke me in
the stomach and get her to interact.

00:18:15.519 --> 00:18:17.436
He's like, it's the only way I have to
interact with her. And I was like

00:18:17.469 --> 00:18:21.776
, You know, I'm in between here,
right? That's my stomach you're poking.

00:18:21.809 --> 00:18:25.325
 That's my stomach. She's elbowing.

00:18:25.358 --> 00:18:29.976
But no, there there I mean there was
no indications. I mean, I was worried

00:18:30.009 --> 00:18:34.565
because, well, you know, I was an
older mom, but. Other than that, they,

00:18:34.598 --> 00:18:38.166
they don't think, well, sometimes it
just happens.

00:18:38.199 --> 00:18:41.805
OK, they keep saying it's not your
fault. It's not your fault. Moms always

00:18:41.838 --> 00:18:46.756
blame themselves. It's not your fault.
But yeah. Did you have a birth plan

00:18:46.789 --> 00:18:50.597
or um you know,

00:18:50.630 --> 00:18:54.276
pretty much mostly gynecologists
require you to go to a birthing class now

00:18:54.309 --> 00:18:58.467
if you haven't done it before. But uh,
you know, I went in saying, OK,

00:18:58.500 --> 00:19:03.717
well. I don't want meds. I don't want
an epidural. I don't want to be, you

00:19:03.750 --> 00:19:07.236
know, unconscious. I don't want that
twilight sleep stuff. But then, you

00:19:07.269 --> 00:19:15.269
know, after. Uh yeah. 12 hours of.
This really hurts. I said, you know,

00:19:15.750 --> 00:19:21.097
put, put that stuff in my IV. And then
I would pass out and then after 16

00:19:21.130 --> 00:19:25.335
hours I was like, I need that epidural
and I need it now. And there was

00:19:25.368 --> 00:19:29.276
lots of swearing and uh.

00:19:29.309 --> 00:19:33.436
Luckily my um my epidural guy was
great. I still remember his name. I

00:19:33.469 --> 00:19:38.397
don't remember any of the nurses, but
Seamus was my IV guy. And I asked

00:19:38.430 --> 00:19:40.756
him like about the 3rd time he talked
me off. I'm like, what is in that?

00:19:40.789 --> 00:19:45.637
Because every time you give me a new
dose I fall asleep and he said,

00:19:45.670 --> 00:19:49.315
there's nothing in it, it's just
exhaustion. You, you're passing out. I

00:19:49.348 --> 00:19:53.367
take the pain away and then you pass
out. And I asked him, I was like, Can

00:19:53.400 --> 00:19:56.706
you get this baby out of me now? And
he said, no, I, I don't do that.

00:19:56.739 --> 00:20:02.147
That's, that's really for your doctor.

00:20:02.180 --> 00:20:08.026
Can you think of any words that kind
of encapsulate your experience

00:20:08.059 --> 00:20:11.906
because we're trying to separate these
into themes and so we want to pull

00:20:11.939 --> 00:20:17.535
out anything that that would symbolize
it to you in any way. That's a big

00:20:17.568 --> 00:20:22.627
question. Yeah, it was amazing. It's
the best, most important thing I have

00:20:22.660 --> 00:20:28.006
ever done. I ever will do. I mean,
honestly, you know, if I went out and

00:20:28.039 --> 00:20:33.357
cured cancer tomorrow. It would still
pale in comparison to to becoming a

00:20:33.390 --> 00:20:39.516
mom. And it just gets better. I mean,
it's harder, it's different. I mean

00:20:39.549 --> 00:20:43.315
, I love like those those first couple
of months where they can't roll

00:20:43.348 --> 00:20:49.236
over and they stay where you put them
and they can't talk back. But I, I

00:20:49.269 --> 00:20:54.877
wouldn't trade her for anything. She's
just amazing.

00:20:54.910 --> 00:21:00.729
Great. I think we're good. You got it?
OK. I'm gonna go aheadand