WEBVTT 00:00:00.460 --> 00:00:04.066 This is Boris Solis interviewing Mihay Balao for the Creative Push 00:00:04.099 --> 00:00:12.099 project on August 14th at 6:12. OK. All right. So maybe take me back to 00:00:12.898 --> 00:00:20.105 around the time of your. Pregnancy, 1987. 00:00:20.138 --> 00:00:25.306 Um I noticed, you know, I didn't even know I was pregnant because I was 00:00:25.339 --> 00:00:31.817 what, 28 years old at the time. But I wanted to be pregnant many, many 00:00:31.850 --> 00:00:34.606 times. It was just not working. I didn't know, I didn't even know I had a 00:00:34.639 --> 00:00:37.896 miscarriage, but I did have a couple of miscarriages before this tual 00:00:37.929 --> 00:00:44.506 pregnancy. Found out too, um, before the tual pregnancy, my stomach was Um 00:00:44.539 --> 00:00:48.746 , a lot of my friends say it's actually really big for 2 months pregnant 00:00:48.779 --> 00:00:53.217 woman because it's like, you know, I didn't even know I was too pregnancy 00:00:53.250 --> 00:01:00.237 and I was getting uh bleeding. Was it showing in you know And they were 00:01:00.270 --> 00:01:05.717 stopped, so I called a hospital. They saw all the pregnant women go 00:01:05.750 --> 00:01:11.055 through that and with the pain too, very pain, you know. I said oh my gosh 00:01:11.088 --> 00:01:16.055 , if all these women in the world going through this much pain, I say they 00:01:16.088 --> 00:01:23.105 deserve a medal, you know. So anyway, it was like around December. 00:01:23.138 --> 00:01:28.647 2020 in between 20 and 23rd I called the hospital. Because uh I was 00:01:28.680 --> 00:01:32.507 bleeding inside. I was fainting when I'm trying to go to the bathroom, I 00:01:32.540 --> 00:01:37.117 fainting in the hallway and according to my ex-husband and my eyes were 00:01:37.150 --> 00:01:43.096 rolling the back way. When I was, you know, the Passing out before passed 00:01:43.129 --> 00:01:51.129 out and stuff. So anyway, um, but time December 27th something came out of 00:01:51.930 --> 00:01:56.176 me. It was like 4 in the morning. In the meantime that those two weeks was 00:01:56.209 --> 00:02:02.977 the most painful in my life. The pain, I cannot describe how painful it 00:02:03.010 --> 00:02:11.010 was by the word no. Was it in the um in your abdomen just to lower. And uh 00:02:12.169 --> 00:02:17.207 I was getting very busy and can't go nowhere outside and practically 2 00:02:17.240 --> 00:02:20.805 weeks I'm just staying home and lay down. 00:02:20.838 --> 00:02:24.606 We're just too young and full, you know, we should call the just force 00:02:24.639 --> 00:02:27.805 doctors, hey, I'm not feeling right. We didn't do that. I said, oh, you 00:02:27.838 --> 00:02:33.646 have an appointment by December 3rd, you just come in. But December 27th, 00:02:33.679 --> 00:02:38.005 like I said, something came out of me. I felt like a warm stuff coming out. 00:02:38.038 --> 00:02:43.366 It was about, what is it? 3 inch long, something why. I don't know that 00:02:43.399 --> 00:02:49.827 there was a part of baby ever since that was relief, my pain was gone. I'm 00:02:49.860 --> 00:02:53.916 a religious. I believe in Gods. Meantime, I've been praying. I said, what 00:02:53.949 --> 00:02:58.225 did I do wrong so much go through this pain. So I've been praying till 4 00:02:58.258 --> 00:03:01.946 in the morning. That's what happened. This thing come out of me and I was 00:03:01.979 --> 00:03:06.346 no more pain. So I called the doctor, Hey, something came out of my body 00:03:06.379 --> 00:03:10.505 ever since then I don't have pain. Those are hospital steps. I put them in 00:03:10.538 --> 00:03:13.707 a little container, put them in the refrigerator, bring it with you on 00:03:13.740 --> 00:03:17.487 your appointment day. 00:03:17.520 --> 00:03:24.536 So we went there on December 31st. With that thing came out of my body, we 00:03:24.569 --> 00:03:29.327 went to see the hospital and this lady was doing an ultrasound. 00:03:29.360 --> 00:03:33.126 She just robbing you with this machine, giving me saying, oh, I don't even 00:03:33.159 --> 00:03:36.606 know what I'm doing. I said, excuse me, you don't even know what you're 00:03:36.639 --> 00:03:41.886 doing and you're trying to take care of me and relying on you, my baby and 00:03:41.919 --> 00:03:47.116 me. She could not see, she said, I see something on the monitor. I don't 00:03:47.149 --> 00:03:53.275 know what it is. I'm thinking probably that's baby. But it's something is 00:03:53.308 --> 00:03:57.036 fish to the way they act. She was immediately stopped and she went outside 00:03:57.069 --> 00:04:01.047 or shriveling up outside, you know, talking without me. That was on 00:04:01.080 --> 00:04:06.085 December 31st. I all the doctors were, my doctor was on celebrating New 00:04:06.118 --> 00:04:09.555 Year's Eve. 00:04:09.588 --> 00:04:14.077 So he has to rush in and came in and he came in and he says, I have bad 00:04:14.110 --> 00:04:17.877 news for you and good news for you. What do you want to hear first? I said 00:04:17.910 --> 00:04:24.467 , you sound like a policeman. So I said, OK, what's bad now? He said, we 00:04:24.500 --> 00:04:29.575 have to cut one of uh one of your uh ovary. 00:04:29.608 --> 00:04:33.075 And you still have another ovary. That's the good news that you can have a 00:04:33.108 --> 00:04:36.796 baby, but it will be very hard for you to get because my ovary was kind of 00:04:36.829 --> 00:04:42.817 closed, not like a normal woman has, you know, open. So that's what the 00:04:42.850 --> 00:04:50.426 surgery went that night, December 31st and about. I think about 9 or 9:30. 00:04:50.459 --> 00:04:54.705 Surgery is supposed to take about an hour and a half. And the surgery was 00:04:54.738 --> 00:05:02.559 a 5.5 hour. So very serious. Doctors say I was lucky I'm still alive. 00:05:02.670 --> 00:05:04.670 Because a lot of time the ovary blow up because of a baby, people will die 00:05:06.819 --> 00:05:13.356 , you know they in the history that's what. So I woke up, I didn't know 00:05:13.389 --> 00:05:19.366 what all this was going on. My ex-husband told me you were in the surgery 00:05:19.399 --> 00:05:24.926 for a long time because of Daros uh tubal pregnancy time. I lost so many 00:05:24.959 --> 00:05:28.406 blood, that's what I was fainting. 00:05:28.439 --> 00:05:32.286 Because all the blood was, that's why my stomach was getting bigger to 00:05:32.319 --> 00:05:38.137 holding all those dead blood practically. And I'm still alive, so they 00:05:38.170 --> 00:05:45.187 have to put uh some other people's blood, I like a 3.5 pint of blood on me. 00:05:45.220 --> 00:05:50.305 So the surgery was successfully done and he said because of all that scar 00:05:50.338 --> 00:05:56.455 tissues there, the doctor said he really cleaned up real good. And uh he 00:05:56.488 --> 00:06:00.817 found out my other problem because when I was having sex with my husband, 00:06:00.850 --> 00:06:06.007 I had, why bother having sex, you know. But he said I shouldn't have that 00:06:06.040 --> 00:06:09.856 problem no more. He took care of that problem. I think that helped too, 00:06:09.889 --> 00:06:13.437 actually. No, I thought about it ever since then. What happened? I'm sorry 00:06:13.470 --> 00:06:18.895 , I wasn't, you know, when he opened, he noticed I had a problem. Feeling 00:06:18.928 --> 00:06:24.765 sensual like when you're having sex with men. I don't see why people are 00:06:24.798 --> 00:06:30.257 having the sex because I don't feel orgasm, you know what I mean? So he 00:06:30.290 --> 00:06:33.895 found the doctor found that when he opened something was covering my area 00:06:33.928 --> 00:06:39.937 , so he kind of took it out and took care of my problem, cleaned out 00:06:39.970 --> 00:06:44.455 basically. Did you notice a difference? Yes. 00:06:44.488 --> 00:06:51.156 After surgery done, I was in the hospital for like what 3 or 4 days. I 00:06:51.189 --> 00:06:55.476 think the 5th day that I came home, the day I came home, next day I'm 00:06:55.509 --> 00:07:01.515 asking my husband, like he go, Are you serious? Are you sure? Of course 00:07:01.548 --> 00:07:05.356 he's been waiting a long time because I was going through all that pain. 00:07:05.389 --> 00:07:10.877 So I said, oh my God, I never like this. But my physically one thing and 00:07:10.910 --> 00:07:16.786 the bad thing changed was I never feel cold. When I go fishing area, you 00:07:16.819 --> 00:07:21.026 know, all the men are drinking whiskey, whatever to keep themselves warm. 00:07:21.059 --> 00:07:24.507 Normally I will wear a t-shirt like what you got a shirt on. I'm still 00:07:24.540 --> 00:07:30.067 hot. I'm excited. But the day I was getting out of hospital, I feel so 00:07:30.100 --> 00:07:34.317 cold, so I want to see her about those thickest jackets they have. Ever 00:07:34.350 --> 00:07:40.067 since that surgery, my body's very sensitive for uh the cold temperature 00:07:40.100 --> 00:07:44.825 still it is. I don't know what it is. Well, Arizona is a good place to 00:07:44.858 --> 00:07:50.346 live then. I know, but I'm also sensitive for the heat too. 00:07:50.379 --> 00:07:56.187 Yeah, so that was it and I haven't got pregnant ever since. So how did you 00:07:56.220 --> 00:08:01.955 know that, OK, two things. One thing is before you mentioned twins. Yes. 00:08:01.988 --> 00:08:05.895 OK, so one thing already came out of me when the lady was doing an 00:08:05.928 --> 00:08:11.586 ultrasound whatever with the machine, she found another one. So I don't 00:08:11.619 --> 00:08:16.666 know what they were probably all on one side of tube that I'm thinking the 00:08:16.699 --> 00:08:23.426 tubes or ovary area. So I'm thinking that was twin. Because I was trying 00:08:23.459 --> 00:08:28.937 to see is that a baby or what, you know, I was just. It looked like it 00:08:28.970 --> 00:08:35.917 it's about this big, you know. So, um, so they just removed that other 00:08:35.950 --> 00:08:38.287 fetus. 00:08:38.320 --> 00:08:43.946 So that that was it. So you were saying your mother had some superstitions. 00:08:43.979 --> 00:08:49.177 Can you tell me a little bit about that? No, my mother-in-law said, 00:08:49.210 --> 00:08:53.375 you're gonna have a twin if you have a baby. I thought she was teasing me 00:08:53.408 --> 00:08:59.816 . I said oh you just wanna have a twin, you know, but when actually when I 00:08:59.849 --> 00:09:03.927 was pregnant one thing come out of me and that lady was doing ultrasound 00:09:03.960 --> 00:09:08.706 and there was another one. They didn't tell me what that was. They didn't 00:09:08.739 --> 00:09:13.826 explain to me. They're just. Ignore me. My question is, hey, what was that 00:09:13.859 --> 00:09:17.385 thing I brought to you? 00:09:17.418 --> 00:09:22.217 So I never I never got an explanation from those people. I was just wake 00:09:22.250 --> 00:09:26.496 up from the surgery. I was crying. I was feeling sorry for baby, you know 00:09:26.529 --> 00:09:33.177 , they're like, oh, I just feel bad at the time. So you had gone, you went 00:09:33.210 --> 00:09:37.917 2 months thinking you were pregnant and 00:09:37.950 --> 00:09:42.427 then when you do that, you have a lot of fantasies about. You know, at the 00:09:42.460 --> 00:09:46.866 time when I was pregnant, I'm thinking, oh my God, I didn't think I'm 00:09:46.899 --> 00:09:50.255 gonna get pregnant ever. 00:09:50.288 --> 00:09:56.297 Well, religiously speaking, I ask God, all the women have baby. Why can't 00:09:56.330 --> 00:10:00.125 I have baby? Yeah. 00:10:00.158 --> 00:10:04.895 I want to at least uh prove that I'm not crippled, not can't have a baby. 00:10:04.928 --> 00:10:09.976 At least like show me if I can get pregnant. Meantime, I'm sure they'll go 00:10:10.009 --> 00:10:13.775 through the same thing as my ex-husband too. Same time he might think 00:10:13.808 --> 00:10:18.946 something wrong with him, you know. So that kind of proved that I can get 00:10:18.979 --> 00:10:24.625 pregnant but not successfully, you know what I mean? Yeah, so. 00:10:24.658 --> 00:10:29.996 Some people say be careful how you pray. 00:10:30.029 --> 00:10:32.996 Sneeze, I don't wanna. 00:10:33.029 --> 00:10:36.875 I don't want you talking. 00:10:36.908 --> 00:10:44.346 OK. Um, so it's just allergies. I'm not sick, I promise. Um, but So tell 00:10:44.379 --> 00:10:46.866 me about the miscarriages before. How did you know that you had been 00:10:46.899 --> 00:10:53.826 miscarrying? Miscarriage was, mm let's see, that was 87, 86. We were 00:10:53.859 --> 00:10:57.346 traveling from the east coast to West Coast. That's when we finally 00:10:57.379 --> 00:11:01.537 settled in Washington State and I got the job was a flower shop, which was 00:11:01.570 --> 00:11:07.265 the first time in my life working in flower shop. I didn't know, um I have 00:11:07.298 --> 00:11:11.307 to work till like 23 o'clock in the morning, and all my life I never 00:11:11.340 --> 00:11:16.645 worked that hard either. So anyway, before the pregnancy, I'd like to tell 00:11:16.678 --> 00:11:21.576 you, I'm not really crazy about sex. I like to mingle with my husband, 00:11:21.609 --> 00:11:27.616 maybe affection, but when it actually comes to sex part, I'm not really, 00:11:27.649 --> 00:11:31.775 oh, why do we have to do this, you know what I mean? 00:11:31.808 --> 00:11:36.167 But just before I was starting pregnant, I'm the one who's actually drive 00:11:36.200 --> 00:11:41.775 my sexual thing was driving me. I said, what's wrong with me? But he loved 00:11:41.808 --> 00:11:46.537 it. So that's when I was pregnant and which was let me see we've come back 00:11:46.570 --> 00:11:52.807 August, so that's September, September and October, I was pregnant. I was 00:11:52.840 --> 00:11:57.807 working hard and the flower shop. I love flowers, so I didn't even know I 00:11:57.840 --> 00:12:03.196 missed my period. It's always on time, right? It was 2 weeks later I 00:12:03.229 --> 00:12:08.076 realized, oh no, I missed my period. What's wrong with me? I'm thinking 00:12:08.109 --> 00:12:13.057 because I haven't been pregnant all these times. Uh, being with my husband 00:12:13.090 --> 00:12:17.336 , so I never thought I'm gonna get pregnant. 00:12:17.369 --> 00:12:22.895 But um like I say when we were, you know, before I was pregnant, I decided 00:12:22.928 --> 00:12:27.927 to have sex with him. It was just like crazy. So that was like I'm 00:12:27.960 --> 00:12:33.005 thinking back now that if I, I was thinking. Yeah, that's right. I was, 00:12:33.038 --> 00:12:36.566 you know, I guess woman, I don't know, all the women go through this 00:12:36.599 --> 00:12:40.765 before the pregnancy. When I was pregnantant and like I said, I was 00:12:40.798 --> 00:12:44.366 working in a flower shop. I didn't know I was pregnant and then I thought 00:12:44.399 --> 00:12:49.287 , oh, I missed two weeks ago. I should have it. I haven't had it yet and 00:12:49.320 --> 00:12:55.846 all of a sudden I start my period, but it's pain is like really bad and oh 00:12:55.879 --> 00:13:01.967 I must have a miscarriage. That's I know There was one, there was another 00:13:02.000 --> 00:13:07.157 time I can't remember the other there was twice I. Had that experience 00:13:07.190 --> 00:13:10.787 before that to pregnancy. 00:13:10.820 --> 00:13:16.145 My body, I guess my ovary area is not strong enough, you know. My parents 00:13:16.178 --> 00:13:19.875 and Korean doctor when I went to, when I was in Korea, I went to see 00:13:19.908 --> 00:13:23.917 doctor and say, I wanna make sure I'm OK, you know, why I'm not getting 00:13:23.950 --> 00:13:28.316 pregnant. He said, you're just fine. It's just your area is not strong 00:13:28.349 --> 00:13:34.566 like other women. And uh my mother says you need to eat Chinese herb. 00:13:34.599 --> 00:13:37.446 There's a, you know, like I don't know if you ever heard of it. It's a 00:13:37.479 --> 00:13:43.787 Chinese call in the United States people call Chinese herb, the bunch herb. 00:13:43.820 --> 00:13:51.316 Can make you get pregnant, help pregnant. Or protect your the area. 00:13:51.349 --> 00:13:56.076 Or you can go see acupuncture, and get acupuncture. It does help. But I 00:13:56.109 --> 00:13:59.946 never believed in that. I never want to, you know, going through all that 00:13:59.979 --> 00:14:05.066 so. That didn't help me. So when did you move to the states? I came to 00:14:05.099 --> 00:14:08.936 United States in 1983. 00:14:08.969 --> 00:14:15.645 So you you were raised in Korea. Yes, I was 23 when I can. Can you mention 00:14:15.678 --> 00:14:20.726 the word Korea? I know that's silly, but So that when we recorded people 00:14:20.759 --> 00:14:25.566 know so that people know that you moved here from Korea 00:14:25.599 --> 00:14:32.515 like I moved like I moved here from Korea in 1983. 00:14:32.548 --> 00:14:37.657 I came from the Korea in 1983. 00:14:37.690 --> 00:14:43.667 Um, No, I, it's all incredibly fascinating to me, yeah, and what hardship 00:14:43.700 --> 00:14:46.996 to go through though. I mean that must have been difficult to have these 00:14:47.029 --> 00:14:51.467 because I mean you anticipate a baby and all the feelings that you know 00:14:51.500 --> 00:14:57.525 another thing I went through after that because of my um. Miscarriage and 00:14:57.558 --> 00:15:03.275 tubal pregnancy. I don't like, I love baby before that happened. When I 00:15:03.308 --> 00:15:08.515 was growing up in Korea, we babysat everybody's baby. That's how it is. We 00:15:08.548 --> 00:15:13.816 don't care whose baby we adore them like our own families. Then I can stay 00:15:13.849 --> 00:15:20.186 um 1983 also I adore all my neighbors. I mean, I was like a Sunday school 00:15:20.219 --> 00:15:24.265 teacher or something. I will carry one in a bag, holding in the side would 00:15:24.298 --> 00:15:28.135 go in the wood. That's when I was living in Washington State when I got 00:15:28.168 --> 00:15:34.287 married. All my neighbor bring the kids. But when I had a 2 pregnancy 00:15:34.320 --> 00:15:38.525 after that, when I see them it's like, I don't know that's, I don't want 00:15:38.558 --> 00:15:42.696 to say jealous, but I don't know what it is. I don't like to see children 00:15:42.729 --> 00:15:47.385 . I don't think they're cute anymore and 00:15:47.418 --> 00:15:52.467 Like a hard to describe what that was all about. 00:15:52.500 --> 00:15:58.236 Until those things got gone when my sister was pregnant with my sister, uh 00:15:58.269 --> 00:16:03.917 , my niece, she was an oops child, didn't expect to be pregnant. With her 00:16:03.950 --> 00:16:10.066 brother together 6.5 years apart. When my niece was uh in her mother's 00:16:10.099 --> 00:16:16.596 womb, I'm starting liking the kids like, oh, I had a dream about her. When 00:16:16.629 --> 00:16:19.076 my sister was, she didn't know she was pregnant, she thought she had 00:16:19.109 --> 00:16:24.236 cancer. I said, how does it feel? Well, what do you think, why do you 00:16:24.269 --> 00:16:27.775 think you have cancer? What's the symptoms? She said, Well, I don't want 00:16:27.808 --> 00:16:33.316 to eat meat no more, and she's eating fruits and vegetables. So like when 00:16:33.349 --> 00:16:37.236 I was pregnant, you know, it just exactly the same. I said, when did you 00:16:37.269 --> 00:16:41.515 have your period last time? 02 months ago, but her period is not regular. 00:16:41.548 --> 00:16:46.596 It's just on and off, so she thought she went through one of those. 00:16:46.629 --> 00:16:51.866 Then that night I went to sleep. I had a dream this baby girl was born and 00:16:51.899 --> 00:16:57.467 a lot of people around her just told her and that's it. Next morning I 00:16:57.500 --> 00:17:03.706 told her, Hey, you're pregnant. We'll check. Let's go buy your uh test and 00:17:03.739 --> 00:17:08.436 it came out, you know, positive she was pregnant. Oh no, I don't trust 00:17:08.469 --> 00:17:13.555 that. That could be always wrong too. So she waited like another 2 weeks 00:17:13.588 --> 00:17:19.847 or something like that, and she went to see the doctor. She's pregnant. So. 00:17:19.880 --> 00:17:23.486 That's when the financer says she's pregnant and I'm started getting 00:17:23.519 --> 00:17:29.535 excited. I wanna meet this girl. I was pretty positive I was girls. I said 00:17:29.568 --> 00:17:36.127 , OK. Then ever since then, every neighbor at the time I was uh where was 00:17:36.160 --> 00:17:41.176 I working flower shop. When I see a little kid, I'm so excited. Every 00:17:41.209 --> 00:17:45.617 little kids are so oh I look like my niece and you know, even though she 00:17:45.650 --> 00:17:50.936 was born, every little girl has a blonde hair or even look like her. I 00:17:50.969 --> 00:17:56.656 love them. It changed, you know, but until then she was born. I was just 00:17:56.689 --> 00:18:02.887 like bitter I guess you can tell that bitter about what happened to me. I 00:18:02.920 --> 00:18:07.647 heard some other people going worse, but I was actually not quite bad I 00:18:07.680 --> 00:18:13.397 think because my religions, you know, my belief. 00:18:13.430 --> 00:18:19.456 Sometime I do question him still. Why do I have to go through it? Why am I 00:18:19.489 --> 00:18:23.986 exist in this world, you know, everybody, all these women have children. I 00:18:24.019 --> 00:18:27.627 mean, not all of them. I'm sure there's some woman out there can't have a 00:18:27.660 --> 00:18:32.887 baby or never even got pregnant. Some people don't even have one or two 00:18:32.920 --> 00:18:40.920 that at this modern state. So, um, did that, the tubal pregnancy and the 00:18:42.439 --> 00:18:46.946 miscarriage impact your marriage? 00:18:46.979 --> 00:18:54.406 My ex said if we have children, he and I, we would have never divorce. 00:18:54.439 --> 00:18:59.696 Well, his problem was. I don't know what mentally he was going through. 00:18:59.729 --> 00:19:06.607 I'm sure he wants he loves children too. I said OK, so we don't have 00:19:06.640 --> 00:19:11.075 children that's why we're split. What's wrong with all the people have 4 00:19:11.108 --> 00:19:16.196 or 5 children? Why, why are they going to divorce, you know? No, he has 00:19:16.229 --> 00:19:20.627 reason I kicked him out of the house because he was doing some when we 00:19:20.660 --> 00:19:25.035 moved to Washington to Oregon State, he hang out with the wrong people. He 00:19:25.068 --> 00:19:29.916 would start doing marijuana. I said, I let you have do it as long as you 00:19:29.949 --> 00:19:35.986 can afford it. But he was doing other stuff. It's called math or whatever. 00:19:36.019 --> 00:19:42.097 He was acting really crazy going. You know, it was just unbelievable. So 00:19:42.130 --> 00:19:47.325 I told him, I cannot, I give you one year to change. Nothing changed. I'm 00:19:47.358 --> 00:19:52.936 giving up on this marriage, so. Things got worse. I said, OK, this is the 00:19:52.969 --> 00:19:56.456 time. I want to go move forward. I don't want to stuck the same old thing 00:19:56.489 --> 00:20:01.045 go around in the same old situation, but he's worth saying we will never 00:20:01.078 --> 00:20:06.887 divorce if. We have children in between us. So you, I don't know, you want 00:20:06.920 --> 00:20:13.956 to hear this story? 6.5, 16 or almost 17, 1980. 00:20:13.989 --> 00:20:19.035 98, we got finally divorced. We've been separate for like a few years and 00:20:19.068 --> 00:20:24.575 I filed the divorce and he signed and I signed and it was done. Just a 00:20:24.608 --> 00:20:30.305 year ago I got a letter from him. 00:20:30.338 --> 00:20:35.127 You're saying congratulations and um. 00:20:35.160 --> 00:20:39.565 He said, um, I heard you're doing really good. I don't know how you find 00:20:39.598 --> 00:20:45.217 out about me. Uh, I received a letter from him. 00:20:45.250 --> 00:20:49.325 Is he still on drugs and everything? Have you I don't know. He was saying 00:20:49.358 --> 00:20:56.535 he's been growing up. More grown up to do, but so are you, he said, so are 00:20:56.568 --> 00:21:03.325 you. And he said he's living alone, raising his daughter alone. And you 00:21:03.358 --> 00:21:09.706 don't know who this daughter is or. He must, he was meeting some woman at 00:21:09.739 --> 00:21:13.887 the time when I was living in Oregon. 00:21:13.920 --> 00:21:18.325 He said she was pregnant, he doesn't know that's his child or someone 00:21:18.358 --> 00:21:23.147 else's child because she was seeing more than one man, so. I don't know if 00:21:23.180 --> 00:21:29.647 you talk to her or that's his child. Did you guys meet in Korea? How long 00:21:29.680 --> 00:21:34.325 were you together? For 20 years. 00:21:34.358 --> 00:21:37.045 We grew up together. 00:21:37.078 --> 00:21:41.315 Yeah, he wants to get back together, but I'm thinking all the, you know, 00:21:41.348 --> 00:21:46.246 all the, what do you call backlash, all the bad thing happened and the 00:21:46.279 --> 00:21:52.597 like, do I really wanna go back to that situation? No, do you miss him? 00:21:52.630 --> 00:21:58.456 Sometime because you know, like a music certain time that the time we're 00:21:58.489 --> 00:22:02.857 used to enjoy those kind of stuff like you cannot buy with that or you can 00:22:02.890 --> 00:22:07.295 find in the future. That's just the best. I guess he's also feel the same 00:22:07.328 --> 00:22:12.016 way. He has all the pictures we took a trip together in East Coast for 00:22:12.049 --> 00:22:16.496 like a whole month we were traveling, so he took a lot of pictures. He 00:22:16.529 --> 00:22:20.496 said he's gonna send me that picture. He wants me to copy and send him 00:22:20.529 --> 00:22:24.065 back. No, he wants to make. 00:22:24.098 --> 00:22:29.406 Situation so we can get back together again. I told him I said, you know 00:22:29.439 --> 00:22:34.776 what, I don't miss those pictures, you can't have it. Do you, are you with 00:22:34.809 --> 00:22:40.426 someone now? No. Do you miss that kind of companionship? I do. I feel, you 00:22:40.459 --> 00:22:44.656 know, I need the companionship. I need a friend or someone to talk. I've 00:22:44.689 --> 00:22:51.529 been a single woman ever since I was divorced, which is 16, 170 some years. 00:22:51.598 --> 00:22:53.598 When I was young, I didn't miss nothing. But as I'm getting older. 00:22:57.459 --> 00:23:02.585 Someone I can lean on it, and I had a problem. Yeah, but I don't have time. 00:23:02.618 --> 00:23:07.107 I'm working all the time. It's hard to find someone and another thing is 00:23:07.140 --> 00:23:12.055 I'm scared. Is this person might be crazy. I don't know. You've been 00:23:12.088 --> 00:23:17.916 through a lot too, so I'd be very of being really careful. Being careful 00:23:17.949 --> 00:23:24.906 so that makes me hard to. It's better if I have time off, go, you know, 00:23:24.939 --> 00:23:29.746 mingle with somebody, get to know that person, but I just, like I said, 00:23:29.779 --> 00:23:36.867 work, I'm here all day every day. I know. I know, like 7 days a week. 00:23:36.900 --> 00:23:40.706 That's amazing. Since, uh, March, I didn't have no day off because I don't 00:23:40.739 --> 00:23:45.946 have a good helper. I can rely on them. I think this new girl I just got, 00:23:45.979 --> 00:23:49.666 she might be, I don't know how long she might be OK. I'm coming a little 00:23:49.699 --> 00:23:56.486 bit later. How did you learn these skills, these skills, um. Let's see who 00:23:56.519 --> 00:24:00.976 got me into this first. I love pretty things. Like that's why I work 00:24:01.009 --> 00:24:07.156 flowers and the food also, since I was a little child, I love decorating 00:24:07.189 --> 00:24:12.746 food. So that when I saw Japanese food, I'm thinking, wow, this is 00:24:12.779 --> 00:24:18.706 beautiful. It's amazing how you can do with the rice and the fish. So one 00:24:18.739 --> 00:24:24.647 of my Uh, that was back in Oregon. A friend of mine made me a California 00:24:24.680 --> 00:24:30.045 roll. It was so good, amazingness, so she told me how she made it. I made 00:24:30.078 --> 00:24:34.726 it. It came out good too. I like to entertain my friend when they when I 00:24:34.759 --> 00:24:41.887 invite them and make them food. Then, uh, when I came to Arizona, flower 00:24:41.920 --> 00:24:45.805 shop is not good pay here. It's just like a little bit more than minimum 00:24:45.838 --> 00:24:51.936 wage, not like Northwest. So I got the job in the restaurant. I was a 00:24:51.969 --> 00:24:57.137 restaurant manager and we served sushi and Korean food. The sushi chef 00:24:57.170 --> 00:25:01.897 said he, I was either a guinea pig, or I would tell him, Hey, you need 00:25:01.930 --> 00:25:06.776 something else. Yep, I will give any advice. He said, I bet you do good on 00:25:06.809 --> 00:25:10.967 sushi. I said, no, no, no, I don't want to become a chef. I like to 00:25:11.000 --> 00:25:15.785 entertain my friend. That's it, no more than that. But at the restaurant, 00:25:15.818 --> 00:25:22.166 it was too much drama. I wanna leave. The sushi bar was available for what 00:25:22.199 --> 00:25:26.647 I can afford to buy, so I said OK, so I took the one in the fries's market 00:25:26.680 --> 00:25:34.680 in Southeast side. I ran that one for 6.5 years. Then the transaction. Now 00:25:36.239 --> 00:25:42.766 the company came in our company got kicked out. So I was off from business 00:25:42.799 --> 00:25:48.887 for 3 years, almost 3 years, yeah. So is it a franchise like a franchise, 00:25:48.920 --> 00:25:52.335 not the fries part, but the sushi part is separate from fries as a 00:25:52.368 --> 00:25:56.936 franchise. I did not know that. That's fascinating, huh, Fry's Market has 00:25:56.969 --> 00:26:03.446 a Korean company, sushi company. Sepo has got this AFC, which is this is a 00:26:03.479 --> 00:26:10.575 Japanese company. They do on, uh, very first. The franchise and grocery 00:26:10.608 --> 00:26:17.236 store. Wow. That's fascinating. So you learn a lot. Yeah, I did. Ashley, 00:26:17.269 --> 00:26:22.756 do you have any questions? Um, I just was wondering if you could, maybe 00:26:22.789 --> 00:26:28.397 you were talking about, um, this is Ashley Zukowski speaking. You were 00:26:28.430 --> 00:26:32.877 talking about, you know, the thing that came out of your body and how you 00:26:32.910 --> 00:26:36.357 didn't know what it was, um, and nobody ever told you, right? You would 00:26:36.390 --> 00:26:42.117 ask questions. Could you describe just for us like what it looked like? It 00:26:42.150 --> 00:26:48.117 looked like, um, it almost looked like, you know, like fat and some red 00:26:48.150 --> 00:26:53.516 tissue is kind of wrapped around it. So my wild guess is, you know, when 00:26:53.549 --> 00:27:00.107 the baby was born. So when they're like 12 weeks 12 weeks, they can grow 00:27:00.140 --> 00:27:05.486 up to, they got like little eyes and then I heard they already developed. 00:27:05.519 --> 00:27:09.936 Something the baby was all crawled up like this. 00:27:09.969 --> 00:27:14.166 Oh my God, that thing was in my body. It hurt so bad and as soon as it 00:27:14.199 --> 00:27:19.976 came out, I was no more pain. So I'm thinking at the time all the 00:27:20.009 --> 00:27:24.416 technology and once they found out baby babies in the wrong tube they 00:27:24.449 --> 00:27:29.377 could pluck them out going through the right here uh what do you call that 00:27:29.410 --> 00:27:34.815 navel I forgot go through there, take the baby out, put a right place 00:27:34.848 --> 00:27:40.897 where they belong, but this hospital people, they didn't really did. I 00:27:40.930 --> 00:27:45.416 don't think they did their job. They didn't really listen to patient or 00:27:45.449 --> 00:27:50.085 you know. Say, what is it like? Why don't you come in? Of course we're 00:27:50.118 --> 00:27:53.926 young and stupid too at the time. We could have forced them, hey, I'm not 00:27:53.959 --> 00:27:58.367 feeling right. You need to look at me. I heard that from the other people. 00:27:58.400 --> 00:28:02.897 You have to do that with the hospital people. But at the time, like I 00:28:02.930 --> 00:28:07.897 said, we're young and full and and I'm so stupid to deal with all this 00:28:07.930 --> 00:28:15.325 pain and all that days and days and after. 00:28:15.358 --> 00:28:20.926 When my parents found out, I guess they had some kind of dream was telling 00:28:20.959 --> 00:28:25.686 her and every time she sees some kind of drama and all that story about 00:28:25.719 --> 00:28:30.976 what I'm going through. And later on she heard what's happening to me. She 00:28:31.009 --> 00:28:35.617 was like comforting me, Oh, you'd be OK. I'm, you just should be glad that 00:28:35.650 --> 00:28:40.916 you're alive, you're OK. And then she was just comforting me. Yeah, that's 00:28:40.949 --> 00:28:45.736 what my mother, my poor mother was worried about her daughter. 00:28:45.769 --> 00:28:53.769 Yeah. I'm pretty sure that was one of the baby. And they uh took the other 00:28:53.789 --> 00:28:58.516 one. 00:28:58.549 --> 00:29:02.107 Wow, well, you are a strong person. You certainly have been through quite 00:29:02.140 --> 00:29:09.506 a bit and you've come out the other side successfully and well adjusted. 00:29:09.539 --> 00:29:15.506 So I asked God, hey, God, why am I being here? I don't have no husband no 00:29:15.539 --> 00:29:23.166 more. I don't have children. Why am I here? Good for what? For who? But 00:29:23.199 --> 00:29:25.305 one, 00:29:25.338 --> 00:29:30.305 That was on one channel, a Christian channel I was watching. I am here to 00:29:30.338 --> 00:29:37.147 God's glory. Glorify him. That make me, oh, at least I'm good for 00:29:37.180 --> 00:29:43.147 something, you know what I mean? That makes me feel so much relief from. 00:29:43.180 --> 00:29:48.686 Like I'm here for nothing to something. So every sense that that really 00:29:48.719 --> 00:29:55.016 come for me, but once in a while still. I said, God, are you enjoying? But 00:29:55.049 --> 00:30:02.085 I do give him that question and what the attitude. But Feel much better 00:30:02.118 --> 00:30:06.926 but you contribute to the world. I mean, you enrich people's lives, you 00:30:06.959 --> 00:30:11.867 know, you've enriched my life, you know, so you impact people around you 00:30:11.900 --> 00:30:16.526 all the time. You probably just don't realize that. Yeah, I hope so. I'm 00:30:16.559 --> 00:30:21.627 sure of it. I can guarantee it. Well, that was wonderful. Do you have 00:30:21.660 --> 00:30:27.357 anything else you wanna add? I wish I can tell all these things just pops 00:30:27.390 --> 00:30:31.717 out, but right at this moment, no. 00:30:31.750 --> 00:30:36.825 I'm glad I remember about that sexual desire before the pregnancy that 00:30:36.858 --> 00:30:41.706 because uh I thought I would forget to tell you and that was, I didn't 00:30:41.739 --> 00:30:45.857 know that all women go through that or not. You had children, did you? I 00:30:45.890 --> 00:30:50.976 think that I think when you have that drive to conceive a child, it makes 00:30:51.009 --> 00:30:55.295 you have more of a sex drive because you're wanting to make a baby, you 00:30:55.328 --> 00:30:58.696 know what I mean? So I think so. And then when you're pregnant, your 00:30:58.729 --> 00:31:02.416 hormones are very different, so I probably had more desire in the 00:31:02.449 --> 00:31:05.295 beginning of a pregnancy, but then I did not really want to have sex 00:31:05.328 --> 00:31:10.226 through most of my pregnancy at all. I know when I was. After the surgery 00:31:10.259 --> 00:31:15.426 , I was afraid to have sex because all that pain I went through, but like 00:31:15.459 --> 00:31:20.906 56 days later totally changed because of what the doctor did, you know. 00:31:20.939 --> 00:31:28.147 That's fascinating. I wish that he had told you more of what that was. 00:31:28.180 --> 00:31:34.226 So that was changing the whole mood is like. 00:31:34.259 --> 00:31:41.295 Were you depressed after the surgery and the miscarriage? No? It was much 00:31:41.328 --> 00:31:47.256 , much years and years later I was depressed like, why can't I? After I 00:31:47.289 --> 00:31:53.535 was divorced my husband. So why can't I have children? I wonder what if we 00:31:53.568 --> 00:31:58.637 had a children, the baby was OK, that we were born, it changed our 00:31:58.670 --> 00:32:03.607 relationship, our life. I'm sure it is different than now, but would it 00:32:03.640 --> 00:32:11.640 change? No, I don't think they would change. That's just him. 00:32:13.299 --> 00:32:18.097 No, I don't think about that no more. Try not to. 00:32:18.130 --> 00:32:26.035 I'm too busy to think. Past bad or bad memories in my past life, you know. 00:32:26.068 --> 00:32:29.766 Well thank you for recounting the story for us. We really appreciate it. 00:32:29.799 --> 00:32:33.897 Well, I don't know if this is gonna help anyone, but I hope oh absolutely 00:32:33.930 --> 00:32:38.627 absolutely help your research, yeah and just the idea that women need to 00:32:38.660 --> 00:32:43.936 speak up for themselves and you know and not um you know cow to 00:32:43.969 --> 00:32:47.246 authorities, you know, that you need to, you know, when it comes to 00:32:47.279 --> 00:32:52.065 authority you still have to express yourself, you know. I haven't met 00:32:52.098 --> 00:32:57.347 anybody like situation like me has a miscarriage or. They all have 00:32:57.380 --> 00:33:04.436 children, at least one. The harder pregnancy even to have children, but I 00:33:04.469 --> 00:33:11.825 was watching just a week. Similar situation as I was, you know, like woman 00:33:11.858 --> 00:33:17.946 cannot pregnant, they want some. They want a baby so bad that kinda. Make 00:33:17.979 --> 00:33:23.196 me think my past life. Because a long time I haven't been able to get 00:33:23.229 --> 00:33:27.397 pregnant. Finally, when I was 28, this is what happened. My sister thought 00:33:27.430 --> 00:33:31.607 , are you sure that was a pregnant? You know, like someone wanna have a 00:33:31.640 --> 00:33:36.565 baby so bad they think, what do they call imaginary, um, pregnancy. I 00:33:36.598 --> 00:33:40.607 heard that's really scary. She kept thinking that's what I went through. I 00:33:40.640 --> 00:33:45.565 said, Didn't you hear what doctors say or the thing that came out of me? 00:33:45.598 --> 00:33:50.607 Why would they call a tubu pregnancy? So she thought that was just my 00:33:50.640 --> 00:33:56.706 imagination pregnancy. My sister, she doesn't understand. Why would I 00:33:56.739 --> 00:34:01.986 bleed in all these stuff going through. And it's just diminishing your 00:34:02.019 --> 00:34:06.335 experience. That's not very kind. She doesn't know what I went through. No 00:34:06.368 --> 00:34:09.675 , it doesn't sound right. 00:34:09.708 --> 00:34:14.077 Well, thank you so much and I'm sorry you had to sit in this hot car. I 00:34:14.110 --> 00:34:16.619 think we can go ahead.