This is Boris Solis interviewing Mihay Balao for the Creative Push
project on August 14th at 6:12. OK. All right. So maybe take me back to
around the time of your. Pregnancy, 1987.
Um I noticed, you know, I didn't even know I was pregnant because I was
what, 28 years old at the time. But I wanted to be pregnant many, many
times. It was just not working. I didn't know, I didn't even know I had a
miscarriage, but I did have a couple of miscarriages before this tual
pregnancy. Found out too, um, before the tual pregnancy, my stomach was Um
, a lot of my friends say it's actually really big for 2 months pregnant
woman because it's like, you know, I didn't even know I was too pregnancy
and I was getting uh bleeding. Was it showing in you know And they were
stopped, so I called a hospital. They saw all the pregnant women go
through that and with the pain too, very pain, you know. I said oh my gosh
, if all these women in the world going through this much pain, I say they
deserve a medal, you know. So anyway, it was like around December.
2020 in between 20 and 23rd I called the hospital. Because uh I was
bleeding inside. I was fainting when I'm trying to go to the bathroom, I
fainting in the hallway and according to my ex-husband and my eyes were
rolling the back way. When I was, you know, the Passing out before passed
out and stuff. So anyway, um, but time December 27th something came out of
me. It was like 4 in the morning. In the meantime that those two weeks was
the most painful in my life. The pain, I cannot describe how painful it
was by the word no. Was it in the um in your abdomen just to lower. And uh
I was getting very busy and can't go nowhere outside and practically 2
weeks I'm just staying home and lay down.
We're just too young and full, you know, we should call the just force
doctors, hey, I'm not feeling right. We didn't do that. I said, oh, you
have an appointment by December 3rd, you just come in. But December 27th,
like I said, something came out of me. I felt like a warm stuff coming out.
It was about, what is it? 3 inch long, something why. I don't know that
there was a part of baby ever since that was relief, my pain was gone. I'm
a religious. I believe in Gods. Meantime, I've been praying. I said, what
did I do wrong so much go through this pain. So I've been praying till 4
in the morning. That's what happened. This thing come out of me and I was
no more pain. So I called the doctor, Hey, something came out of my body
ever since then I don't have pain. Those are hospital steps. I put them in
a little container, put them in the refrigerator, bring it with you on
your appointment day.
So we went there on December 31st. With that thing came out of my body, we
went to see the hospital and this lady was doing an ultrasound.
She just robbing you with this machine, giving me saying, oh, I don't even
know what I'm doing. I said, excuse me, you don't even know what you're
doing and you're trying to take care of me and relying on you, my baby and
me. She could not see, she said, I see something on the monitor. I don't
know what it is. I'm thinking probably that's baby. But it's something is
fish to the way they act. She was immediately stopped and she went outside
or shriveling up outside, you know, talking without me. That was on
December 31st. I all the doctors were, my doctor was on celebrating New
Year's Eve.
So he has to rush in and came in and he came in and he says, I have bad
news for you and good news for you. What do you want to hear first? I said
, you sound like a policeman. So I said, OK, what's bad now? He said, we
have to cut one of uh one of your uh ovary.
And you still have another ovary. That's the good news that you can have a
baby, but it will be very hard for you to get because my ovary was kind of
closed, not like a normal woman has, you know, open. So that's what the
surgery went that night, December 31st and about. I think about 9 or 9:30.
Surgery is supposed to take about an hour and a half. And the surgery was
a 5.5 hour. So very serious. Doctors say I was lucky I'm still alive.
Because a lot of time the ovary blow up because of a baby, people will die
, you know they in the history that's what. So I woke up, I didn't know
what all this was going on. My ex-husband told me you were in the surgery
for a long time because of Daros uh tubal pregnancy time. I lost so many
blood, that's what I was fainting.
Because all the blood was, that's why my stomach was getting bigger to
holding all those dead blood practically. And I'm still alive, so they
have to put uh some other people's blood, I like a 3.5 pint of blood on me.
So the surgery was successfully done and he said because of all that scar
tissues there, the doctor said he really cleaned up real good. And uh he
found out my other problem because when I was having sex with my husband,
I had, why bother having sex, you know. But he said I shouldn't have that
problem no more. He took care of that problem. I think that helped too,
actually. No, I thought about it ever since then. What happened? I'm sorry
, I wasn't, you know, when he opened, he noticed I had a problem. Feeling
sensual like when you're having sex with men. I don't see why people are
having the sex because I don't feel orgasm, you know what I mean? So he
found the doctor found that when he opened something was covering my area
, so he kind of took it out and took care of my problem, cleaned out
basically. Did you notice a difference? Yes.
After surgery done, I was in the hospital for like what 3 or 4 days. I
think the 5th day that I came home, the day I came home, next day I'm
asking my husband, like he go, Are you serious? Are you sure? Of course
he's been waiting a long time because I was going through all that pain.
So I said, oh my God, I never like this. But my physically one thing and
the bad thing changed was I never feel cold. When I go fishing area, you
know, all the men are drinking whiskey, whatever to keep themselves warm.
Normally I will wear a t-shirt like what you got a shirt on. I'm still
hot. I'm excited. But the day I was getting out of hospital, I feel so
cold, so I want to see her about those thickest jackets they have. Ever
since that surgery, my body's very sensitive for uh the cold temperature
still it is. I don't know what it is. Well, Arizona is a good place to
live then. I know, but I'm also sensitive for the heat too.
Yeah, so that was it and I haven't got pregnant ever since. So how did you
know that, OK, two things. One thing is before you mentioned twins. Yes.
OK, so one thing already came out of me when the lady was doing an
ultrasound whatever with the machine, she found another one. So I don't
know what they were probably all on one side of tube that I'm thinking the
tubes or ovary area. So I'm thinking that was twin. Because I was trying
to see is that a baby or what, you know, I was just. It looked like it
it's about this big, you know. So, um, so they just removed that other
fetus.
So that that was it. So you were saying your mother had some superstitions.
Can you tell me a little bit about that? No, my mother-in-law said,
you're gonna have a twin if you have a baby. I thought she was teasing me
. I said oh you just wanna have a twin, you know, but when actually when I
was pregnant one thing come out of me and that lady was doing ultrasound
and there was another one. They didn't tell me what that was. They didn't
explain to me. They're just. Ignore me. My question is, hey, what was that
thing I brought to you?
So I never I never got an explanation from those people. I was just wake
up from the surgery. I was crying. I was feeling sorry for baby, you know
, they're like, oh, I just feel bad at the time. So you had gone, you went
2 months thinking you were pregnant and
then when you do that, you have a lot of fantasies about. You know, at the
time when I was pregnant, I'm thinking, oh my God, I didn't think I'm
gonna get pregnant ever.
Well, religiously speaking, I ask God, all the women have baby. Why can't
I have baby? Yeah.
I want to at least uh prove that I'm not crippled, not can't have a baby.
At least like show me if I can get pregnant. Meantime, I'm sure they'll go
through the same thing as my ex-husband too. Same time he might think
something wrong with him, you know. So that kind of proved that I can get
pregnant but not successfully, you know what I mean? Yeah, so.
Some people say be careful how you pray.
Sneeze, I don't wanna.
I don't want you talking.
OK. Um, so it's just allergies. I'm not sick, I promise. Um, but So tell
me about the miscarriages before. How did you know that you had been
miscarrying? Miscarriage was, mm let's see, that was 87, 86. We were
traveling from the east coast to West Coast. That's when we finally
settled in Washington State and I got the job was a flower shop, which was
the first time in my life working in flower shop. I didn't know, um I have
to work till like 23 o'clock in the morning, and all my life I never
worked that hard either. So anyway, before the pregnancy, I'd like to tell
you, I'm not really crazy about sex. I like to mingle with my husband,
maybe affection, but when it actually comes to sex part, I'm not really,
oh, why do we have to do this, you know what I mean?
But just before I was starting pregnant, I'm the one who's actually drive
my sexual thing was driving me. I said, what's wrong with me? But he loved
it. So that's when I was pregnant and which was let me see we've come back
August, so that's September, September and October, I was pregnant. I was
working hard and the flower shop. I love flowers, so I didn't even know I
missed my period. It's always on time, right? It was 2 weeks later I
realized, oh no, I missed my period. What's wrong with me? I'm thinking
because I haven't been pregnant all these times. Uh, being with my husband
, so I never thought I'm gonna get pregnant.
But um like I say when we were, you know, before I was pregnant, I decided
to have sex with him. It was just like crazy. So that was like I'm
thinking back now that if I, I was thinking. Yeah, that's right. I was,
you know, I guess woman, I don't know, all the women go through this
before the pregnancy. When I was pregnantant and like I said, I was
working in a flower shop. I didn't know I was pregnant and then I thought
, oh, I missed two weeks ago. I should have it. I haven't had it yet and
all of a sudden I start my period, but it's pain is like really bad and oh
I must have a miscarriage. That's I know There was one, there was another
time I can't remember the other there was twice I. Had that experience
before that to pregnancy.
My body, I guess my ovary area is not strong enough, you know. My parents
and Korean doctor when I went to, when I was in Korea, I went to see
doctor and say, I wanna make sure I'm OK, you know, why I'm not getting
pregnant. He said, you're just fine. It's just your area is not strong
like other women. And uh my mother says you need to eat Chinese herb.
There's a, you know, like I don't know if you ever heard of it. It's a
Chinese call in the United States people call Chinese herb, the bunch herb.
Can make you get pregnant, help pregnant. Or protect your the area.
Or you can go see acupuncture, and get acupuncture. It does help. But I
never believed in that. I never want to, you know, going through all that
so. That didn't help me. So when did you move to the states? I came to
United States in 1983.
So you you were raised in Korea. Yes, I was 23 when I can. Can you mention
the word Korea? I know that's silly, but So that when we recorded people
know so that people know that you moved here from Korea
like I moved like I moved here from Korea in 1983.
I came from the Korea in 1983.
Um, No, I, it's all incredibly fascinating to me, yeah, and what hardship
to go through though. I mean that must have been difficult to have these
because I mean you anticipate a baby and all the feelings that you know
another thing I went through after that because of my um. Miscarriage and
tubal pregnancy. I don't like, I love baby before that happened. When I
was growing up in Korea, we babysat everybody's baby. That's how it is. We
don't care whose baby we adore them like our own families. Then I can stay
um 1983 also I adore all my neighbors. I mean, I was like a Sunday school
teacher or something. I will carry one in a bag, holding in the side would
go in the wood. That's when I was living in Washington State when I got
married. All my neighbor bring the kids. But when I had a 2 pregnancy
after that, when I see them it's like, I don't know that's, I don't want
to say jealous, but I don't know what it is. I don't like to see children
. I don't think they're cute anymore and
Like a hard to describe what that was all about.
Until those things got gone when my sister was pregnant with my sister, uh
, my niece, she was an oops child, didn't expect to be pregnant. With her
brother together 6.5 years apart. When my niece was uh in her mother's
womb, I'm starting liking the kids like, oh, I had a dream about her. When
my sister was, she didn't know she was pregnant, she thought she had
cancer. I said, how does it feel? Well, what do you think, why do you
think you have cancer? What's the symptoms? She said, Well, I don't want
to eat meat no more, and she's eating fruits and vegetables. So like when
I was pregnant, you know, it just exactly the same. I said, when did you
have your period last time? 02 months ago, but her period is not regular.
It's just on and off, so she thought she went through one of those.
Then that night I went to sleep. I had a dream this baby girl was born and
a lot of people around her just told her and that's it. Next morning I
told her, Hey, you're pregnant. We'll check. Let's go buy your uh test and
it came out, you know, positive she was pregnant. Oh no, I don't trust
that. That could be always wrong too. So she waited like another 2 weeks
or something like that, and she went to see the doctor. She's pregnant. So.
That's when the financer says she's pregnant and I'm started getting
excited. I wanna meet this girl. I was pretty positive I was girls. I said
, OK. Then ever since then, every neighbor at the time I was uh where was
I working flower shop. When I see a little kid, I'm so excited. Every
little kids are so oh I look like my niece and you know, even though she
was born, every little girl has a blonde hair or even look like her. I
love them. It changed, you know, but until then she was born. I was just
like bitter I guess you can tell that bitter about what happened to me. I
heard some other people going worse, but I was actually not quite bad I
think because my religions, you know, my belief.
Sometime I do question him still. Why do I have to go through it? Why am I
exist in this world, you know, everybody, all these women have children. I
mean, not all of them. I'm sure there's some woman out there can't have a
baby or never even got pregnant. Some people don't even have one or two
that at this modern state. So, um, did that, the tubal pregnancy and the
miscarriage impact your marriage?
My ex said if we have children, he and I, we would have never divorce.
Well, his problem was. I don't know what mentally he was going through.
I'm sure he wants he loves children too. I said OK, so we don't have
children that's why we're split. What's wrong with all the people have 4
or 5 children? Why, why are they going to divorce, you know? No, he has
reason I kicked him out of the house because he was doing some when we
moved to Washington to Oregon State, he hang out with the wrong people. He
would start doing marijuana. I said, I let you have do it as long as you
can afford it. But he was doing other stuff. It's called math or whatever.
He was acting really crazy going. You know, it was just unbelievable. So
I told him, I cannot, I give you one year to change. Nothing changed. I'm
giving up on this marriage, so. Things got worse. I said, OK, this is the
time. I want to go move forward. I don't want to stuck the same old thing
go around in the same old situation, but he's worth saying we will never
divorce if. We have children in between us. So you, I don't know, you want
to hear this story? 6.5, 16 or almost 17, 1980.
98, we got finally divorced. We've been separate for like a few years and
I filed the divorce and he signed and I signed and it was done. Just a
year ago I got a letter from him.
You're saying congratulations and um.
He said, um, I heard you're doing really good. I don't know how you find
out about me. Uh, I received a letter from him.
Is he still on drugs and everything? Have you I don't know. He was saying
he's been growing up. More grown up to do, but so are you, he said, so are
you. And he said he's living alone, raising his daughter alone. And you
don't know who this daughter is or. He must, he was meeting some woman at
the time when I was living in Oregon.
He said she was pregnant, he doesn't know that's his child or someone
else's child because she was seeing more than one man, so. I don't know if
you talk to her or that's his child. Did you guys meet in Korea? How long
were you together? For 20 years.
We grew up together.
Yeah, he wants to get back together, but I'm thinking all the, you know,
all the, what do you call backlash, all the bad thing happened and the
like, do I really wanna go back to that situation? No, do you miss him?
Sometime because you know, like a music certain time that the time we're
used to enjoy those kind of stuff like you cannot buy with that or you can
find in the future. That's just the best. I guess he's also feel the same
way. He has all the pictures we took a trip together in East Coast for
like a whole month we were traveling, so he took a lot of pictures. He
said he's gonna send me that picture. He wants me to copy and send him
back. No, he wants to make.
Situation so we can get back together again. I told him I said, you know
what, I don't miss those pictures, you can't have it. Do you, are you with
someone now? No. Do you miss that kind of companionship? I do. I feel, you
know, I need the companionship. I need a friend or someone to talk. I've
been a single woman ever since I was divorced, which is 16, 170 some years.
When I was young, I didn't miss nothing. But as I'm getting older.
Someone I can lean on it, and I had a problem. Yeah, but I don't have time.
I'm working all the time. It's hard to find someone and another thing is
I'm scared. Is this person might be crazy. I don't know. You've been
through a lot too, so I'd be very of being really careful. Being careful
so that makes me hard to. It's better if I have time off, go, you know,
mingle with somebody, get to know that person, but I just, like I said,
work, I'm here all day every day. I know. I know, like 7 days a week.
That's amazing. Since, uh, March, I didn't have no day off because I don't
have a good helper. I can rely on them. I think this new girl I just got,
she might be, I don't know how long she might be OK. I'm coming a little
bit later. How did you learn these skills, these skills, um. Let's see who
got me into this first. I love pretty things. Like that's why I work
flowers and the food also, since I was a little child, I love decorating
food. So that when I saw Japanese food, I'm thinking, wow, this is
beautiful. It's amazing how you can do with the rice and the fish. So one
of my Uh, that was back in Oregon. A friend of mine made me a California
roll. It was so good, amazingness, so she told me how she made it. I made
it. It came out good too. I like to entertain my friend when they when I
invite them and make them food. Then, uh, when I came to Arizona, flower
shop is not good pay here. It's just like a little bit more than minimum
wage, not like Northwest. So I got the job in the restaurant. I was a
restaurant manager and we served sushi and Korean food. The sushi chef
said he, I was either a guinea pig, or I would tell him, Hey, you need
something else. Yep, I will give any advice. He said, I bet you do good on
sushi. I said, no, no, no, I don't want to become a chef. I like to
entertain my friend. That's it, no more than that. But at the restaurant,
it was too much drama. I wanna leave. The sushi bar was available for what
I can afford to buy, so I said OK, so I took the one in the fries's market
in Southeast side. I ran that one for 6.5 years. Then the transaction. Now
the company came in our company got kicked out. So I was off from business
for 3 years, almost 3 years, yeah. So is it a franchise like a franchise,
not the fries part, but the sushi part is separate from fries as a
franchise. I did not know that. That's fascinating, huh, Fry's Market has
a Korean company, sushi company. Sepo has got this AFC, which is this is a
Japanese company. They do on, uh, very first. The franchise and grocery
store. Wow. That's fascinating. So you learn a lot. Yeah, I did. Ashley,
do you have any questions? Um, I just was wondering if you could, maybe
you were talking about, um, this is Ashley Zukowski speaking. You were
talking about, you know, the thing that came out of your body and how you
didn't know what it was, um, and nobody ever told you, right? You would
ask questions. Could you describe just for us like what it looked like? It
looked like, um, it almost looked like, you know, like fat and some red
tissue is kind of wrapped around it. So my wild guess is, you know, when
the baby was born. So when they're like 12 weeks 12 weeks, they can grow
up to, they got like little eyes and then I heard they already developed.
Something the baby was all crawled up like this.
Oh my God, that thing was in my body. It hurt so bad and as soon as it
came out, I was no more pain. So I'm thinking at the time all the
technology and once they found out baby babies in the wrong tube they
could pluck them out going through the right here uh what do you call that
navel I forgot go through there, take the baby out, put a right place
where they belong, but this hospital people, they didn't really did. I
don't think they did their job. They didn't really listen to patient or
you know. Say, what is it like? Why don't you come in? Of course we're
young and stupid too at the time. We could have forced them, hey, I'm not
feeling right. You need to look at me. I heard that from the other people.
You have to do that with the hospital people. But at the time, like I
said, we're young and full and and I'm so stupid to deal with all this
pain and all that days and days and after.
When my parents found out, I guess they had some kind of dream was telling
her and every time she sees some kind of drama and all that story about
what I'm going through. And later on she heard what's happening to me. She
was like comforting me, Oh, you'd be OK. I'm, you just should be glad that
you're alive, you're OK. And then she was just comforting me. Yeah, that's
what my mother, my poor mother was worried about her daughter.
Yeah. I'm pretty sure that was one of the baby. And they uh took the other
one.
Wow, well, you are a strong person. You certainly have been through quite
a bit and you've come out the other side successfully and well adjusted.
So I asked God, hey, God, why am I being here? I don't have no husband no
more. I don't have children. Why am I here? Good for what? For who? But
one,
That was on one channel, a Christian channel I was watching. I am here to
God's glory. Glorify him. That make me, oh, at least I'm good for
something, you know what I mean? That makes me feel so much relief from.
Like I'm here for nothing to something. So every sense that that really
come for me, but once in a while still. I said, God, are you enjoying? But
I do give him that question and what the attitude. But Feel much better
but you contribute to the world. I mean, you enrich people's lives, you
know, you've enriched my life, you know, so you impact people around you
all the time. You probably just don't realize that. Yeah, I hope so. I'm
sure of it. I can guarantee it. Well, that was wonderful. Do you have
anything else you wanna add? I wish I can tell all these things just pops
out, but right at this moment, no.
I'm glad I remember about that sexual desire before the pregnancy that
because uh I thought I would forget to tell you and that was, I didn't
know that all women go through that or not. You had children, did you? I
think that I think when you have that drive to conceive a child, it makes
you have more of a sex drive because you're wanting to make a baby, you
know what I mean? So I think so. And then when you're pregnant, your
hormones are very different, so I probably had more desire in the
beginning of a pregnancy, but then I did not really want to have sex
through most of my pregnancy at all. I know when I was. After the surgery
, I was afraid to have sex because all that pain I went through, but like
56 days later totally changed because of what the doctor did, you know.
That's fascinating. I wish that he had told you more of what that was.
So that was changing the whole mood is like.
Were you depressed after the surgery and the miscarriage? No? It was much
, much years and years later I was depressed like, why can't I? After I
was divorced my husband. So why can't I have children? I wonder what if we
had a children, the baby was OK, that we were born, it changed our
relationship, our life. I'm sure it is different than now, but would it
change? No, I don't think they would change. That's just him.
No, I don't think about that no more. Try not to.
I'm too busy to think. Past bad or bad memories in my past life, you know.
Well thank you for recounting the story for us. We really appreciate it.
Well, I don't know if this is gonna help anyone, but I hope oh absolutely
absolutely help your research, yeah and just the idea that women need to
speak up for themselves and you know and not um you know cow to
authorities, you know, that you need to, you know, when it comes to
authority you still have to express yourself, you know. I haven't met
anybody like situation like me has a miscarriage or. They all have
children, at least one. The harder pregnancy even to have children, but I
was watching just a week. Similar situation as I was, you know, like woman
cannot pregnant, they want some. They want a baby so bad that kinda. Make
me think my past life. Because a long time I haven't been able to get
pregnant. Finally, when I was 28, this is what happened. My sister thought
, are you sure that was a pregnant? You know, like someone wanna have a
baby so bad they think, what do they call imaginary, um, pregnancy. I
heard that's really scary. She kept thinking that's what I went through. I
said, Didn't you hear what doctors say or the thing that came out of me?
Why would they call a tubu pregnancy? So she thought that was just my
imagination pregnancy. My sister, she doesn't understand. Why would I
bleed in all these stuff going through. And it's just diminishing your
experience. That's not very kind. She doesn't know what I went through. No
, it doesn't sound right.
Well, thank you so much and I'm sorry you had to sit in this hot car. I
think we can go ahead.