When I think back to my pregnancies, what stands out the most
unfortunately, well, there's two things that stand out. One is I was very
sick for both of my pregnancies for the entire length of the pregnancy
from week probably 8 until the day I gave birth to those boys. Every day
was a struggle, every day was a push and a fight. And it was very
challenging for me. The other thing I recall about my pregnancies that
stands out to me as being in absolute awe of my body and what it was doing
, growing a life, how it was changing, how it was expanding, how it was
responding, amazement at the vision of my body in the mirror. I would look
in the mirror constantly and be like, Can you believe this is what's
happening and my body is facilitating life and growth, and I'm just in
amazement of the female body. My second birth. I was home and it was, it
was raining in the desert, which I'll never forget that desert rain is so
beautiful. It has a smell and a feel that is quite different because it's
not the norm in the desert. And my parents were over and my mother had
cooked this amazing home cooked meal. She's an incredible chef. The sun
was setting and it was raining and I sat down to this meal and just as I
was sitting down, I felt a gush of water. And I was like, oh wow, that was
my water, but I really want to eat this dinner. OK, I'm gonna hurry up and
eat because I'm not missing this and I think I have a long night ahead of
me. And it was a very peaceful evening. I remember finishing dinner. And
inviting my parents to, to leave as I knew I wanted to give birth in my
home with my husband and my midwife. And they were loving and, and wished
me well and were very excited and they left. The surges started very slow
, very gentle, just as that tightening feeling. And it excited me. And I
went to sit on the exercise ball just to be with them and to start going
inward. I practice the style of a birthing tool called hypno birthing,
where it's a meditative birthing practice where you go inward and use your
breath and use guided imagery to work with your body to birth the baby
naturally. It was wonderful. It was groovy. It's like, great. The first
hour, I'd say, I was just with myself and I decided it was time to go into
the bedroom and Eric lit the candles, put my Native American flutes on the
iPod dock, put my essential oils out and, and sat with me for a little bit.
In this meditative state, I don't talk much. I'm, I'm very much inward
and with myself. But we talked a little bit at that time, and I shared
with him some of what I was feeling. I was sitting on the bed practicing
my breathing and the surges were becoming more intense, bordering on
uncomfortable at this point. And I would practice meeting each surge with
the same level of relaxation. As we know, being in pain, we tend to tense
up. So my goal was to relax into each contraction to help the efforts of
dilation, which is the ultimate goal. I learned all this because my first
birth didn't go so well, so I was determined to try something differently
this time. I remember thinking, gosh, I hope this works. And I, I just
trusted this process. I just decided I, I picked a method and I'm going to
trust the process. And the surges were getting much more intense, more
rapidly, and I'd have to each time dig even deeper to stay relaxed against
the wave of discomfort and tightness. They got so intense that I remember
really hitting a point of feeling like, OK, can I do this? And I was so
focused on my breath and so focused on being present with each contraction
, I didn't realize how far along the labor was going until I felt super
intense contractions that made me dizzy. Eric was with me. I wasn't saying
a word to him. A conversation had stopped for a while now. I wasn't
speaking to him anymore. I couldn't, I couldn't break my meditative state
or concentration or the pain levels would go up. And I would just stay
super deeply connected to myself, to being present to each contraction, to
where finally, I had a contraction that was so, so deep that I felt tingly
all over. I started shaking. I got a wave of heat and I'm, I realized I'm
in transition. I did it. I think I'm fully dilated. Think this baby and
all this is happening within me, and I couldn't share it with my husband
cause I couldn't break my concentration. So I leaned back and slid down
into the bed and opened my knees, and that was his sign that he knew that
things were advancing, and I felt the crown. I felt Isaiah's head. And I
was done, but I knew I had more to go. Eric said, Didi, that head, you're
doing it. You're doing it. I see the head. I'm like, OK, good. He knows,
he knows, cause I couldn't tell him, but he knows that this baby's so
coming right now. The midwife hadn't returned yet. It was just him and I.
I knew the next contraction was going to be a dozer, and it finally came.
And I dug so deep and I had nowhere else to dig, and I just held on to
this mantra and I kept saying, come to mommy Isaiah, come to mommy Isaiah
, come to mommy Isaiah, come to mommy, come to mommy, and that helped me
release from the discomfort and be so excited that I was getting to meet
Isaiah, that I could deal with that last search that was so uncomfortable.
And I felt Eric jump up and he went to wash his hands, and he came to my
legs, and the next contraction produced Isaiah's head, and I could relax a
little bit and talk to him and say. Don't touch him yet. One more
contraction, and then you can hold him. And I went back inside because I
knew it was coming, and then the last contraction came and it was so
intense but so awesome. And I felt the release of Isaiah leaving my body
and into Eric's arms, and then he brought him right to my chest, and we
were both crying, and I felt such a sense of accomplishment. I was so
incredibly excited to kiss and hug and meet Isaiah. I felt so confident in
my body. I was on a high. I was like overwhelmed that that all just went
down. And the midwife walked in, right, probably 2 minutes after Isaiah
was in my arms, and Isaiah nursed pretty quickly, and he's just been a
dream ever since. That birth is Isaiah. I felt differently about myself
ever since that birth and my body, I cherished my body. And I'm in awe of
the female body. Like really, wow, birth.
Amazing, and it's just programmed to do that. If we just get out of the
way, it's programmed to birth the baby. To be able to birth naturally was
like a self-development seminar, like on steroids. I'm so grateful to have
a birth like that, to have that had that experience with nature. Yeah.