For Soli is interviewing Lorinda Kwan. At 1212 o'clock on. The 19th June
19th, 2015 for the Creative fish project. OK, now we'll go ahead and get
started. So if you could take us back to around the time when you were
pregnant or around the time of delivery, if there was anything really
memorable like what season was it or just anything that could situate us.
OK, um, well, it was in the spring and uh. It basically it was an
unplanned pregnancy and I remember very vaguely when I told my now husband
when I was pregnant we were sitting on the couch in our old house and he
was at work for a couple of days, so I hadn't seen him and I'd known I was
pregnant and then I told him that I was pregnant and his first response
was, oh my God, I'm going to have to buy a bigger plane.
That's great.
So, um, why don't you walk us through the pregnancy experience, OK, OK,
the pregnancy actually was fantastic. I had a ton of energy. Um, I was
still in school at the time, very, very little nausea or issues at all. Um
, I actually really, really loved being pregnant and even up until Um, I
was, uh, 9 months pregnant, and I was standing on ladders and uh painting
walls and that kind of thing. So, um, I have no complaints about my
pregnancy. It was actually a really, really amazing experience.
Did you um go to birth classes or did you have a planned birthing
experience you wanted to have? I did not go to classes. Um, I had a
midwife who kind of walked me through a lot of things. I did um some hypno
birthing, um, CDs, which actually wasn't the biggest benefit for me. The
biggest benefit for me was actually going to prenatal yoga classes and
learning how to do, you know, the ujahi breathing, that kind of thing was
really, I feel something that um helps me a lot during the labor and
delivery.
So had you planned on delivering at home or absolutely I planned on
delivering at home. Um, that was my number one goal was to be at home, be
surrounded by, um, you know, familiar environment and have my son, um,
have his first experience in a very loving, calming environment. So why
don't you walk us through that day. OK. So that was an interesting day.
That day actually goes down in history in, in some way, um, in the medical
school that I graduated from, it was actually graduation day for me. So I
woke up around 2 a.m. in the morning and I had to use the bathroom and um
I had a little bit of a stomach ache, I thought, and I Um, kind of equated
it to the fact that I'd eaten a, a steak the night before, which I
normally don't do. So I just assumed it was a little bit of indigestion or
something, and you know, I went to the bathroom, came back, lay down, and
then, um, every so often I would notice I'd get a little bit of this, you
know, what I thought was a stomach ache and then only after several times
later then it did occur to me that um I was in labor. So, um, so that, you
know, and that was probably somewhere around 12 minutes apart and um of
course, being my first child, I panicked, so I called my midwife at, you
know, 3:30 in the morning and she said, you have nothing to worry about,
go back to bed, you know, when, when they're 5 minutes or 6 minutes apart
, you can give me a call again or I'll call you in the morning. So, 4
hours later, I gave her a call, um, you know, probably was around 7 in the
morning. Um. And uh in my head, you know, and funny enough, during um the
weeks before, um, my classmates were actually going to be assistants at
the birth and they kept joking around, you know, I have all my family
coming into town for um graduation, please, whatever you do, don't have
this child on graduation day, and I was very, very sure 100% that was not
going to happen. And of course, um, I called them at around 8 o'clock in
the morning and uh when they saw my name on their phone, they didn't even
say hello. They said, oh my God, you didn't, you're in labor. So I was
fully determined to go to my graduation, so I got up, I showered, I got
dressed, I was in labor. And um I went to my graduation and it was really
interesting because everybody for some reason I walked in the whole entire
school and um everybody there knew for some reason I was in labor and all
eyes were on me. Um, so I did, I sat through the ceremony. I went up, I um
got my certificate, my, my degree. Um, my midwife was actually one of the
instructors at the school, so she was on stage and she had her eye on me
the whole time, and she said, I just, if I had to give her a signal we
would run out and go, but I walked up. I, uh, you know, I even said to my
classmate beside me, I said, OK, well I'm unbuttoning my gown right now
because I'm sweating right now, but you know, before I walk up, you just
remind me to do my gown back up and I went up, got my degree. I even sat
sat down afterwards and had some lunch with some friends and then I went
home and and labored and and had my baby. So it's actually really a great
, great experience, very, very beautiful experience and I'm glad I got to
do um the graduation cause I'd worked very, very hard for that.
So how about about once you got home? So once I got home, um, I actually
thought I was going to deliver um in the tub. I had this whole idea that,
you know, we had the bathroom renovated. I had a tub. I was gonna to labor
in the tub. Um, I had no desire actually to get in it. The best place for
me is I just labored um really on the toilet, um. And uh that was just
felt like the most comfortable position for me and I just sat there and I
listened to my hypno birthing tape and I just really wanted to have quiet
and I was by myself and my husband would come in and check in on me once
in a while, but that's really where I spent a bulk of the time, um, until
I felt like, you know, I was ready to, I was ready to push. And at that
point. And at that point then um we basically went into our bedroom and um
I um labored and delivered on the birthing stool which um. I, I feel is
the most natural position to, to birth a child. So I, um, probably pushed
for longer than I think I, I, I it felt at the time I think I actually
pushed for around 3.5 to 4 hours before he actually came out. And um he
was a little bit uh blue at the time, so they had to give him a little bit
of oxygen, um but he, you know, came through really, really easily and um
and uh you know, it's a really, really great, great beautiful experience
and I had my friends around me and I had my husband around me so everybody
ended up making it there. That's great. So, um, what about your second
delivery? So my second delivery was a completely different experience. I
was so convinced that after the first one that, um, you know, and I think
the first one out of, you know, what you hear the average, I feel like the
first delivery wasn't anything different, um, other than the fact that
with both my pregnancies I actually had pure back labor, um, so that, that
was the difference I think if you want to compare to other births, um, is
, uh, for some reason I didn't have normal labor pains, it was back labor.
Um, but my, my second pregnancy, um, you know, was a planned. I'd, I'd,
you know, we'd certainly planned on having another one. We, uh, prior to
that had two miscarriages and, um, so we're really excited about this one
and I was so convinced that I, you know, it was gonna be easy, you know,
68 hours and, you know, boom, the baby was gonna pop out and it would be,
it would be um um just easy peasy, but that didn't actually happen. Um, so
I went into labor a little bit different than the first one. This one
actually didn't have any labor pains. I just got up to go to the bathroom
and my water broke. And I actually didn't get pains, um, start to get
labor pains until, you know, well after 1 to 2 hours after that, um,
easily. And um the pains would come and go, and this happened all night,
all through the afternoon where you know the pains would just be ever so
slight they would come and go. I would just be hanging out at home, you
know, the midwife was there um and after a while the pains just would not
progress. So I ended up um. Being in labor before I ended up going to the
hospital for 26 hours. Yeah, was really the last part, you know, probably
the last 12 hours were pretty intense um pain, but just not progressing,
not dilating, and then finally after 26 hours, I just felt like this was,
you know, not the experience that that and not, um, you know, I wanted to
be somewhere where I was, I was safe and I just wasn't 100% sure what was
going on, why I wasn't progressing. So then we ended up going to the
hospital. Um, the hospital experience was actually a good one. my midwife
and and her team were there with us through the whole thing, so it was
really, you know, I had the support system that I was familiar with, um,
and the hospital was actually really great. They were super, um, super,
super. Um, supportive as to things that I wanted. I wanted to make sure I
would try to, you know, deliver vaginally if I could. They were very
patient with that. Um, so I, I really have no, no complaints about, um,
having a hospital birth at all. What was the complication? I wasn't, I
wasn't dilating, so I ended up having to get um Pitocin. And um you know,
and at that point I ended up getting an epidural because I was just done
with the pain. I felt it was very stressful for me and for the baby. So um
yeah, so for some reason I just wasn't, wasn't dilating and even with the
Pitocin, the doctors and the nurses were surprised how long it took me to
, to progress, but Um, thanks to an amazing OB that was there at the
hospital at the time, um, really just, you know, decided that she was
going to try one time with the forceps before doing any sort of episiotomy
or any sort of emergency C-section, and she tried one time and I pushed
and um and the baby came out. So like I said, I can't complain at all. I
was really um. Um, a positive experience to have a hospital birth as well
, which was surprising to me because I really had envisioned having both
my kids at home. So how was um the baby's health? So he was great. Baby's
health was great, 7 pounds, 8 ounces, happy as can be, no issues at all.
So can you um kind of think back to that moment when you first saw your
baby, they put him on your chest? Like what was your experience and what?
Yeah, the first, well, for my first, my experience with that with having
the baby and then being able to put the baby on my chest um was amazing
for the home birth because, you know, I was there and I was in a position
where my husband could wrap his arms around us and it was a very intimate
experience. You know, in the hospital experience you're You're lying on
the bed, you know, and also they're there and the team is there because
I've been in labor for so long, so I really didn't get to hold my second
child as long, um, you know, they needed to take him to examine him and so
that was the one thing that's a little bit sad. You don't get to connect
for as long as you would like at that very moment, which is the benefit of
having a home birth, um, but, uh, like I said, I can't complain it really
worked out well and he was healthy and I totally understand them, you know
, needing to check him out. How was nursing? Did you nurse with both kids
? I did nurse with both kids. Um, my first child, I nursed until 14 months
, um, which is I wanted to reach a year, and the second child was, um, I
nursed until about 9 or 10 months, um, mainly because my milk supply
dwindled, going back to work and living a busy life, stress can have an
effect on those types of things.
Let
Was there anything about the births that surprised you or any unexpected
elements besides just the hospital portion, let's say? Going from someone
who never had children to having your first child, was there something
unexpected about that? No, I think I mean I feel like I, I try to educate
myself enough and you know, know enough mothers um to really prepare
myself for the experience,
um. You know, I, I, I think with children, no matter how many times you
hear uh with a newborn, how tired you're going to be, I think that
experience and that reality is never truly what um what you envision it to
be until you're actually experiencing it and realizing that kind of
fatigue and and um sleep deprivation. However, the, the nice thing about
that is is, you know, it does go by quickly as kids grow up and, and um.
You know, they grow up and, and they don't need that kind of intense care
for uh long periods of time, so it does go by quickly. But that would be
the one thing I would say is I didn't realize what fatigue really was
until I had a newborn.
Can you describe any visual details that stand out to you? Was there
anything that, um, you know, branded itself in your mind?
Gosh, visual details.
I think the gosh it's so funny. I think the first, my first thought is,
you know, because I'm Asian and my husband is Caucasian, you can never
tell what the child is going to look like, and I remember the very first
time I saw my first son I looked at him and I thought, oh my God, you're a
little Asian boy because he totally takes after me. He looks like me. You
know, and it's, it's, and then my second one looks more like my husband,
so it's a nice little mix.
Is there any um one word or or group of words that you could describe your
experience by? Because we're separating these into themes and so it might
help us to, to see what your impression of like if you would choose a
theme or a word to describe it. Empowerment
Would probably be the word. I mean I feel like giving birth and and going
through that experience and knowing that you did something so amazing um
and knowing the kind of primal, you know, you need to access parts of
yourself that you don't access on a normal daily basis and so after the
experience you really realize how empowering it is and how powerful you
are as a woman after you give birth.
I think we're good.