WEBVTT 00:00:00.720 --> 00:00:07.276 This is Boris Solis interviewing Kara Sly on June 24, 2015 at 111 for the 00:00:07.309 --> 00:00:11.226 Creative Push project. So, Kara, we'll just go ahead and get started. I'll 00:00:11.259 --> 00:00:16.436 ask you a few questions. Sorry. 00:00:16.469 --> 00:00:21.445 Um, could you maybe take us back to around the time of the pregnancy that 00:00:21.478 --> 00:00:26.407 you'd like to talk about first and let us know if there was anything going 00:00:26.440 --> 00:00:33.326 on, maybe any weather wise or uh, you know, events, political events or 00:00:33.359 --> 00:00:36.046 whatever that could kind of like just situate us or anything going on in 00:00:36.079 --> 00:00:40.625 your life that. You know, we could kind of place ourselves. The thing I 00:00:40.658 --> 00:00:45.476 remember most about when I first found out I was pregnant is we had only 00:00:45.509 --> 00:00:49.307 been married for 2 months and we knew we wanted to have kids right away, 00:00:49.340 --> 00:00:53.786 but we didn't know we'd get pregnant that fast, and I was actually a 00:00:53.819 --> 00:00:57.027 little bit upset when I found out I was pregnant because I didn't know if 00:00:57.060 --> 00:01:02.777 I was ready to be a mom yet, but I was glad that I had 9 months to to. You 00:01:02.810 --> 00:01:06.816 know, get have time to get ready to be a mom, but that was, it was my both 00:01:06.849 --> 00:01:11.736 of my first two kids, they both came pretty quickly, so that was both of 00:01:11.769 --> 00:01:17.257 the times I found out I was pregnant was a little bit scary for me. Were 00:01:17.290 --> 00:01:24.376 you young? I was, I was 21 when I got pregnant and I was also 21 when I 00:01:24.409 --> 00:01:28.536 had my first, I was almost 22 when I had my first one, so I was very young. 00:01:28.569 --> 00:01:33.516 How old were you when you had your last one? Um, let's see, I was 30 when 00:01:33.549 --> 00:01:38.426 I had my last one. So I'd be curious if not now to know what the recovery 00:01:38.459 --> 00:01:42.587 is different between being in your early 20s and being 30. I've talked to 00:01:42.620 --> 00:01:47.105 a lot of moms that have had kids in their 20s and then in their 30s. I was 00:01:47.138 --> 00:01:51.147 barely 30, so I don't feel like I was that old, but as far as they just 00:01:51.180 --> 00:01:55.016 feel like they're more tired. I don't know about the recovery from from 00:01:55.049 --> 00:01:58.665 the actual birth, but, um, but being a mom they're just a lot more, they 00:01:58.698 --> 00:02:03.717 get a lot more tired easily, but. Um, I, my very first was a C-section, so 00:02:03.750 --> 00:02:07.706 that was a really long recovery, and I didn't really notice a difference 00:02:07.739 --> 00:02:11.916 between the four V backs that I had. I didn't notice a difference in the 00:02:11.949 --> 00:02:18.077 length of recovery. So interesting. So, um, OK, so we'll go, we're 00:02:18.110 --> 00:02:24.356 starting with your first. OK. Would did you um take any classes or have 00:02:24.389 --> 00:02:30.136 like a birth plan? I didn't. I was pretty unprepared for my first baby. I 00:02:30.169 --> 00:02:33.017 didn't really, I was just so young and I thought, oh, I don't, you know, 00:02:33.050 --> 00:02:36.547 it's fine. We don't need to take classes because I had mom, you know, my 00:02:36.580 --> 00:02:40.616 mom and my mother-in-law and sister, well, not sisters. I don't have 00:02:40.649 --> 00:02:43.876 sisters, but sisters-in-law that all had all had babies and. I don't think 00:02:43.909 --> 00:02:47.475 any of them had ever done birth classes so I just, you know, I just 00:02:47.508 --> 00:02:51.186 listened to their stories and kind of followed along with what they did 00:02:51.219 --> 00:02:55.876 and I wished I had been more prepared. I was really scared what it would 00:02:55.909 --> 00:03:01.085 be like to have my first kid, you know, it was just just scary, but um. 00:03:01.118 --> 00:03:05.696 But I, I wish I would have been more prepared and I remember after my 00:03:05.729 --> 00:03:09.775 second one, I think I'd heard about doulas, and I really wanted to have a 00:03:09.808 --> 00:03:12.696 doula, but I don't think my insurance paid for it, but I didn't pursue it 00:03:12.729 --> 00:03:17.005 that much. But now I look back, I, I wish I would have done more research 00:03:17.038 --> 00:03:21.967 and but I was just young and I didn't really. I just kind of, I'm kind of 00:03:22.000 --> 00:03:25.255 like a laissez-faire kind of personality, just kind of kicked back. I 00:03:25.288 --> 00:03:29.416 don't always, um, you know, pursue things like that. So I was just like, 00:03:29.449 --> 00:03:34.975 oh, it'll be fine, it'll be fine, especially being young, so. Yeah. How 00:03:35.008 --> 00:03:40.995 was the pregnancy process? The my pregnancies were pretty. Um, they're 00:03:41.028 --> 00:03:47.335 pretty easy and um uneventful. I, um. I didn't, I know some people go 00:03:47.368 --> 00:03:52.085 through like emotional issues in their pregnancy. I never had that. I 00:03:52.118 --> 00:03:57.085 always had postpartum issues, postpartum depression for for most of my 00:03:57.118 --> 00:04:01.846 kids, but um my pregnancies were pretty easy. I mean, I was tired and you 00:04:01.879 --> 00:04:05.346 know, nauseous a little bit at the beginning with all of them, but, but 00:04:05.379 --> 00:04:09.775 they weren't, they weren't terrible. What about the water and the weight 00:04:09.808 --> 00:04:11.927 gain? 00:04:11.960 --> 00:04:15.327 I gained more than I should have. I don't remember how much it was, but I 00:04:15.360 --> 00:04:19.106 think with my first one I gained I think it was at least 30 pounds, but I 00:04:19.139 --> 00:04:25.356 was pretty, I was like 130 and I'm 5'9, so I was pretty I was pretty thin 00:04:25.389 --> 00:04:32.036 when I first got pregnant. So to gain 30 pounds, I mean that's, you know. 00:04:32.069 --> 00:04:34.586 It didn't seem like a lot, but then when I was trying to lose it, I'm like 00:04:34.619 --> 00:04:39.705 , oh maybe I shouldn't have gained so much weight. So yeah, 59 and you 00:04:39.738 --> 00:04:43.317 were 130 pounds. Yeah, when I got married, that's how much I weighed. Yeah 00:04:43.350 --> 00:04:49.586 , I know 30 pounds is nothing, by the way, we've been hearing the full 00:04:49.619 --> 00:04:51.947 spectrum. Yeah, well, I don't know, it could have been more than 30 pounds 00:04:51.980 --> 00:04:55.127 , but I know it was at least 30 pounds that I gained with my first one. 00:04:55.160 --> 00:04:58.645 But then there were a few that I hardly like my third one, I hardly gained 00:04:58.678 --> 00:05:01.765 anything at all and I lost a lot of weight, but I exercised a lot during 00:05:01.798 --> 00:05:09.798 that pregnancy, so. Yeah. So, um, was your husband supportive? Were you 00:05:10.040 --> 00:05:14.447 working at this time? I didn't work. I worked up until I had my first 00:05:14.480 --> 00:05:17.976 child, and then after that I didn't work at all. I mean, I do little side 00:05:18.009 --> 00:05:21.856 jobs like I painted murals for a little bit. I taught like a little kid's 00:05:21.889 --> 00:05:24.656 dance class, you know, throughout being a mom, but most of the time I just 00:05:24.689 --> 00:05:28.257 stayed home with the kids. My husband, he made pretty good money, so I was 00:05:28.290 --> 00:05:32.467 able to do that. Um, and that was kind of like what my family did, you 00:05:32.500 --> 00:05:37.507 know, most of my family, my mom and my sisters-in-law and most people were 00:05:37.540 --> 00:05:40.627 stay at home moms, so that's just what I did, and I, I really enjoyed it. 00:05:40.660 --> 00:05:44.145 I mean, I think I look back and I wish I would have pursued more being an 00:05:44.178 --> 00:05:47.627 artist, but at the same time, I really enjoyed having that time with my 00:05:47.660 --> 00:05:51.187 kids, especially now that they're older and they don't need me as much, so 00:05:51.220 --> 00:05:57.866 yeah, so but he was, he was very supportive, um. I think you know, a few 00:05:57.899 --> 00:06:00.145 times when I was pregnant maybe he was a little bit overwhelmed, 00:06:00.178 --> 00:06:03.187 especially like the last couple of kids and like here's number 4 and 00:06:03.220 --> 00:06:07.586 here's number 5, but for the most part he was really supportive. He, um, 00:06:07.619 --> 00:06:13.387 because I nursed all my babies, he would in the first year he would kind 00:06:13.420 --> 00:06:16.916 of hand them off to me, OK, they just want a nurse, you know, but, but he 00:06:16.949 --> 00:06:19.825 would, he would, he was helpful and he was definitely supportive of me 00:06:19.858 --> 00:06:23.067 during the, the pregnancy process and the birthing process and everything 00:06:23.100 --> 00:06:27.486 , so. Yeah, had you planned on him or your mother being here for the birth 00:06:27.519 --> 00:06:34.265 ? Yes, he was there for all of the births and my mom was there for the 1st 00:06:34.298 --> 00:06:38.026 2, I think. And then after that she watched my kids. She just, it was hard 00:06:38.059 --> 00:06:42.877 for her to be there and see me in so much pain, I guess. So, and I liked 00:06:42.910 --> 00:06:47.230 it better that way because she kind of stressed me out when she was there. 00:06:47.269 --> 00:06:49.269 Because she was, she was always so worried about me. So it was good to 00:06:50.230 --> 00:06:55.717 just have him in the, in the room when the kids were born. Oh sorry. 00:06:55.750 --> 00:07:00.495 So how did you um emotionally handle the pregnancy? Were you feeling good 00:07:00.528 --> 00:07:06.616 about yourself and Emotionally, I think I was, I did pretty well in my 00:07:06.649 --> 00:07:12.145 pregnancies. I I would get emotional. I think my emotions were up and down 00:07:12.178 --> 00:07:16.265 , but nothing like after I had the baby, after I had the babies I always 00:07:16.298 --> 00:07:20.286 had. You know, without the sleep and the hormone drop and everything just 00:07:20.319 --> 00:07:26.106 it was like. It was not fun and each one got worse, but the pregnancies 00:07:26.139 --> 00:07:30.637 were all pretty, they were pretty easy emotionally. I was tired a lot but 00:07:30.670 --> 00:07:35.877 I just slept a lot. But then after I had my babies, um, I because I had 00:07:35.910 --> 00:07:40.836 postpartum depression and anxiety, it was mostly anxiety. I wouldn't sleep 00:07:40.869 --> 00:07:44.757 , so I, you know, the baby would be sleeping and then I would just be 00:07:44.790 --> 00:07:50.447 laying there not sleeping. So after the first couple I started taking um. 00:07:50.480 --> 00:07:54.226 Medication to help me and that and so when I had my last two I was 00:07:54.259 --> 00:07:58.366 already on medication that my doctor said was safe and that was like night 00:07:58.399 --> 00:08:03.366 and day like it was so much better. So I was glad that I did that because 00:08:03.399 --> 00:08:07.086 it's it's rough when you have all because you have so much progesterone 00:08:07.119 --> 00:08:09.296 when you're pregnant and then all of a sudden it drops down to zero when 00:08:09.329 --> 00:08:13.567 you have your baby and then it's like you're just at least me, I was just 00:08:13.600 --> 00:08:16.245 a little bit crazy. 00:08:16.278 --> 00:08:21.895 So did you um You know, in terms of also the emotional aspect of being 00:08:21.928 --> 00:08:26.356 pregnant, did you feel good about yourself as a pregnant person? Like did 00:08:26.389 --> 00:08:29.137 you, did I liked, 00:08:29.170 --> 00:08:34.255 I mean it was weird to have my body change, but I didn't look at myself as 00:08:34.288 --> 00:08:39.657 fat or especially because I was so thin to start with, I think like it to 00:08:39.690 --> 00:08:43.525 me it was just it was just. Amazing that my body was changing so much. I 00:08:43.558 --> 00:08:47.294 mean, I don't, I didn't really like getting, you know, my face getting 00:08:47.327 --> 00:08:50.446 chubby or my arms or legs, but it it didn't bother me that much because I 00:08:50.479 --> 00:08:53.206 knew it was all part of being pregnant. I knew there was a purpose for it 00:08:53.239 --> 00:08:59.236 , so I, I enjoyed it. I mean, not that I would want to be pregnant again, 00:08:59.269 --> 00:09:04.586 but I did enjoy being pregnant and just the idea that I was, you know, 00:09:04.619 --> 00:09:10.515 carrying a life in my body, it was a pretty amazing experience all 5 times. 00:09:10.548 --> 00:09:14.196 Had you known that you wanted a big family? I did. I actually, when I 00:09:14.229 --> 00:09:20.996 first got married. I really wanted to have 7 kids. My parents had 6 and my 00:09:21.029 --> 00:09:25.677 um husband at the time, his parents had 8, and I really wanted 7, but he, 00:09:25.710 --> 00:09:31.557 he wanted 4. So we compromised at 5. We knew we were gonna have 5. Yeah, 5 00:09:31.590 --> 00:09:35.677 is a lot, but it's, it's so wonderful to have the kids have each other. 00:09:35.710 --> 00:09:38.895 They're close in age and they're like best friends, you know, I have, I 00:09:38.928 --> 00:09:43.356 have friends that have less kids or they have one kid and it's I see how 00:09:43.389 --> 00:09:46.797 much they have to entertain their kids or get playmates whereas my friend 00:09:46.830 --> 00:09:49.717 , my kids are just their own playmates and they're, you know, they're just 00:09:49.750 --> 00:09:53.125 happy to be together most of the time. 00:09:53.158 --> 00:09:58.775 OK, so do you, um, can you kind of take us back to the time around the 00:09:58.808 --> 00:10:06.265 labor delivery starting? Well, um, With my very first one. 00:10:06.298 --> 00:10:09.866 It's hard to remember. I know that I was in labor for a while. I know that 00:10:09.899 --> 00:10:15.255 we went on lots of walks to try to make him come. Um, when I, the last 00:10:15.288 --> 00:10:18.226 appointment that I had with my doctor, I remember him telling me that he 00:10:18.259 --> 00:10:23.746 was going to be going away on vacation or somewhere on a certain date, and 00:10:23.779 --> 00:10:26.385 I knew that that was going to be the date that I had my son. I was due the 00:10:26.418 --> 00:10:30.407 next day, but um he was supposed to leave at like 3 o'clock in the 00:10:30.440 --> 00:10:34.917 afternoon. And I ended up coming into the hospital like at 9 o'clock that 00:10:34.950 --> 00:10:38.746 morning or something. I don't remember the exact times but um I, I just 00:10:38.779 --> 00:10:44.797 knew that was gonna be the date that was May 14th, 1999. And so we, we got 00:10:44.830 --> 00:10:50.287 to the hospital and Um, I had the same doctor for my 1st 2, and then I 00:10:50.320 --> 00:10:53.895 found a doctor that I like better for my last 3, and I, I did like this 00:10:53.928 --> 00:11:00.496 doctor. Um, and he was, uh, he's of my same faith. He's Mormon, and, um, I 00:11:00.529 --> 00:11:06.826 , I felt like he understood, you know, some of my concerns and um. Well, 00:11:06.859 --> 00:11:10.385 not that I have different concerns because of my religion, but one thing 00:11:10.418 --> 00:11:15.537 that did happen that was special to me was um I was so the baby wasn't 00:11:15.570 --> 00:11:22.736 coming. I he uh he had broken my water. Uh, he had. 00:11:22.769 --> 00:11:27.836 Kind of just been monitoring me and and the camera dropped but he wouldn't 00:11:27.869 --> 00:11:31.476 come and they think it was because his head was turned sideways, but he 00:11:31.509 --> 00:11:35.116 also had a really big head and this was my first baby, so I hadn't been 00:11:35.149 --> 00:11:39.946 stretched at all. So um so they decided to do a C-section. I kind of 00:11:39.979 --> 00:11:45.236 panicked and I'm sure the doctor could see it in my face and in my church 00:11:45.269 --> 00:11:49.917 they have the men do something called um giving a blessing. I don't know 00:11:49.950 --> 00:11:53.275 if you've ever heard about that in Mormon Church. So, um, they'll give a 00:11:53.308 --> 00:11:57.427 blessing and they, they, they have, they have like the, the priesthood. I 00:11:57.460 --> 00:11:59.736 mean, I know they have that in different churches, but Um, we have 00:11:59.769 --> 00:12:02.657 something called the priesthood and they use that that authority and they 00:12:02.690 --> 00:12:05.775 give you a blessing of like comfort and so my doctor actually gave me a 00:12:05.808 --> 00:12:08.936 blessing. It was pretty amazing and it really calmed me down and it helped 00:12:08.969 --> 00:12:13.217 me to feel better and then they took me into the operating room and cut me 00:12:13.250 --> 00:12:17.255 open and I was still awake, but you know I didn't feel anything and it was 00:12:17.288 --> 00:12:21.456 really, I, I calmed down a lot after that after that blessing and it was 00:12:21.489 --> 00:12:28.586 just a really neat experience to um to see I mean just. They were cutting 00:12:28.619 --> 00:12:31.625 and pushing and pulling and taking things out and that part was a little 00:12:31.658 --> 00:12:34.946 bit freaky, but once he was born and he came out the first time I saw him 00:12:34.979 --> 00:12:39.226 , he was upside down and it was just it was just a really neat experience 00:12:39.259 --> 00:12:44.025 to see him for the first time. Um, my, I know my husband was pretty 00:12:44.058 --> 00:12:46.385 freaked out through the whole thing. They asked him if he wanted to 00:12:46.418 --> 00:12:49.667 videotape the C-section and he was like, no way, I don't even want to 00:12:49.700 --> 00:12:52.826 watch it. He was pretty freaked out, but, but yeah, it was, it was pretty 00:12:52.859 --> 00:12:57.547 special. And you know, being our first kid, it was just. I don't know. I 00:12:57.580 --> 00:13:00.515 don't think there's anything like your first child. Like, you know, I've 00:13:00.548 --> 00:13:04.307 had 4 since then. They were all special, but my first one, it's like I 00:13:04.340 --> 00:13:09.846 just have this, I have a special bond with him and his birth was just. It 00:13:09.879 --> 00:13:13.807 was the first one and it was amazing, you know, just to hear his cry and I 00:13:13.840 --> 00:13:17.246 remember exactly how he looked, you know, it was this was 16 years ago and 00:13:17.279 --> 00:13:19.686 I remember exactly how they, how he looked when they pulled him out. His, 00:13:19.719 --> 00:13:25.846 his, his lip was, um, he has kind of big lips like I do and his, his top 00:13:25.879 --> 00:13:29.967 lip was kind of protruding and I just remember seeing him cry upside down 00:13:30.000 --> 00:13:33.726 with his lips sticking out. I, I'll never forget that image because it was 00:13:33.759 --> 00:13:38.696 the first time I saw him and it was really special. So your husband, did 00:13:38.729 --> 00:13:44.015 they have like a curtain? They had a curtain up. It was in front of my 00:13:44.048 --> 00:13:49.895 face, so I couldn't see anything from my neck down, but he could see 00:13:49.928 --> 00:13:52.496 everything, you know, and I couldn't feel anything because they had put a 00:13:52.529 --> 00:13:56.616 lot of medication in me. So he could see, but it kind of grossed him out 00:13:56.649 --> 00:14:00.696 and he said they were taking things out of my body and you know, cutting 00:14:00.729 --> 00:14:05.057 things and um I've had other people, he didn't really understand 00:14:05.090 --> 00:14:07.566 everything, but I've had other people tell me the process and they take 00:14:07.599 --> 00:14:10.375 the sack out and they cut it open and pull the baby out and I don't know 00:14:10.408 --> 00:14:13.217 if he even, I don't think he actually watched that part because he was so 00:14:13.250 --> 00:14:16.956 grossed out by it. But I thought that would, that would have actually been 00:14:16.989 --> 00:14:20.395 really special to see that on video, so I'm a little bummed out that he 00:14:20.428 --> 00:14:24.037 didn't take a video, but that's OK. So you're talking about the like the 00:14:24.070 --> 00:14:27.275 water sack 00:14:27.308 --> 00:14:30.356 that's different, I think. Well, at least that's how someone described it 00:14:30.389 --> 00:14:34.395 to me. That would be amazing to see. 00:14:34.428 --> 00:14:40.407 Yeah, that'd be amazing. Um. So that's great. So then Uh there, there's 00:14:40.440 --> 00:14:44.486 something while you were talking, I wanted to ask you. Um, so you labored 00:14:44.519 --> 00:14:49.846 at home. What, what prompted you to go to the hospital? Well, I wanted to 00:14:49.879 --> 00:14:53.967 labor at home more than I actually did. My mom said she labored at home 00:14:54.000 --> 00:14:58.086 for most of her kids, and I kind of wanted to do what she did because I 00:14:58.119 --> 00:15:00.927 didn't want to be at the hospital. I was a little nervous about being 00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:04.525 there and, you know, for several hours and not or you know, 24 hours or 00:15:04.558 --> 00:15:07.326 whatever and not eating and not drinking and you know that just kind of 00:15:07.359 --> 00:15:11.086 worried me. But um also just being stuck in the bed and not being able to 00:15:11.119 --> 00:15:15.765 do anything so I tried to labor at home but my My husband at the time was 00:15:15.798 --> 00:15:20.606 so worried about something happening that he insisted that we go to the to 00:15:20.639 --> 00:15:25.736 the hospital. My contractions were. how many minutes, you know, 3 minutes 00:15:25.769 --> 00:15:30.057 apart or something, and we walked in and and um said, Hey, we're having a 00:15:30.090 --> 00:15:32.816 baby and they were like, uh, you don't look like you're having a baby. 00:15:32.849 --> 00:15:35.566 We'll check you and then we might have to send you home, but they kept me 00:15:35.599 --> 00:15:39.177 , you know, I was fine and I was progressing, so they kept me, but it was 00:15:39.210 --> 00:15:42.616 like 13 hours later that I had the baby, so I was in the hospital for a 00:15:42.649 --> 00:15:47.616 while and I wished I would have stayed home and labored longer with my 4th 00:15:47.649 --> 00:15:53.996 child, I did stay home and labor longer, um. My, so my second one, I had 00:15:54.029 --> 00:15:59.275 an epidural that didn't work very well, and that was to me more 00:15:59.308 --> 00:16:03.196 distressing than having a C-section because I had to push and feel 00:16:03.229 --> 00:16:09.275 everything and maybe if I had been prepared and known what to expect or 00:16:09.308 --> 00:16:13.395 how to get through those contractions and how to get through that pain 00:16:13.428 --> 00:16:18.547 then. It wouldn't have been as bad, but my 3rd 1, the epidural worked 00:16:18.580 --> 00:16:23.005 perfectly. Everything was wonderful. He was 2 weeks early, so he wasn't 00:16:23.038 --> 00:16:27.866 very big, and he just, everything was perfect. But then my 4th 1, she was 00:16:27.899 --> 00:16:32.746 also 2 weeks early and um I woke up in the middle of the night and was 00:16:32.779 --> 00:16:37.667 having contractions and my husband at the time knew that. You know, I 00:16:37.700 --> 00:16:42.787 labored for a long time, so he said we didn't have a, a video camera, so 00:16:42.820 --> 00:16:46.547 he wanted to run to Walmart and get a video camera. It was 3 o'clock in 00:16:46.580 --> 00:16:50.746 the morning, so I said, OK, but hurry. So I went downstairs and I was like 00:16:50.779 --> 00:16:54.005 sitting on my ball and just kind of trying to breathe through my 00:16:54.038 --> 00:16:59.255 contractions and. Um, just relax and, and that labor went by so quickly 00:16:59.288 --> 00:17:02.576 and by the time he got home, I think it was an hour and a half later, I 00:17:02.609 --> 00:17:07.335 was having heavy contractions and so we got in the car with the 3 other 00:17:07.368 --> 00:17:09.617 kids, we put the 3 kids in the car and every time I would have a 00:17:09.650 --> 00:17:12.655 contraction, I would kind of freak out a little bit. And my other, and my 00:17:12.688 --> 00:17:16.015 kids kind of were looking around like what is going on? Why is mom 00:17:16.048 --> 00:17:19.456 freaking out? So I would, I would have a contraction, freak out and then 00:17:19.489 --> 00:17:22.395 turn around and be like, it's OK, guys, it's OK, my mom's fine, you know, 00:17:22.428 --> 00:17:30.428 and so, um, so by the time we got to Banner Desert. Which we uh lived. At 00:17:31.578 --> 00:17:36.746 the time we've lived in East Mesa, almost Apache Junction, so it was about 00:17:36.779 --> 00:17:39.746 a 30 minute drive, but my doctor really wanted me to go to Banner Desert 00:17:39.779 --> 00:17:42.986 since I was having to be back, um, and this was the doctor that I 00:17:43.019 --> 00:17:46.746 currently have that I really love, um, so we got to Banner Desert and my 00:17:46.779 --> 00:17:49.946 mom met us there. Usually we would take her, take him to her house because 00:17:49.979 --> 00:17:52.867 she lives right near there, but it was like I was having so many 00:17:52.900 --> 00:17:55.295 contractions so close together that she just met us there and we just like 00:17:55.328 --> 00:18:00.006 rushed into the hospital. And so I came into the hospital room. Or you 00:18:00.039 --> 00:18:03.847 know, wherever they were, they put me in, I was at a 9 already, but my 00:18:03.880 --> 00:18:07.246 water hadn't broken, so I said, can I have an epidural? They said, Are you 00:18:07.279 --> 00:18:10.446 sure you want an epidural? This baby's coming soon. I was like, yes, 00:18:10.479 --> 00:18:14.367 please get me out of pain because I just wasn't used to it and I knew that 00:18:14.400 --> 00:18:17.916 once the water broke, it would be even more intense. But now I really wish 00:18:17.949 --> 00:18:22.085 I would have just tried to have her without an epidural because that would 00:18:22.118 --> 00:18:26.686 have been a neat experience to, to actually experience everything, you 00:18:26.719 --> 00:18:31.467 know, so. Um, but so they gave me the epidural and she was born about 20 00:18:31.500 --> 00:18:35.186 minutes later after the epidural and it was, you know, it was really fast 00:18:35.219 --> 00:18:38.906 and and hurried, but I loved it. I loved that it was so quick and I didn't 00:18:38.939 --> 00:18:42.906 have to sit there and labor forever in the hospital. I loved laboring at 00:18:42.939 --> 00:18:46.696 home and so I thought that my very last one would be the same. I thought 00:18:46.729 --> 00:18:50.107 that she would come two weeks early just like the previous two. I thought 00:18:50.140 --> 00:18:54.107 the labor would be fast, but it was totally different and the labor was 00:18:54.140 --> 00:18:59.717 longer and my epidural didn't work and um. They thought that I should have 00:18:59.750 --> 00:19:04.186 been. I, I started crowning before they thought I should have and so it's 00:19:04.219 --> 00:19:09.055 just every birth has been so different, you know, and, and my, so my 4th 1 00:19:09.088 --> 00:19:11.996 that I had very quickly once I got there, she was only 5 pounds 12 ounces 00:19:12.029 --> 00:19:15.226 , so she came out really quickly. I think I pushed twice and she came out 00:19:15.259 --> 00:19:21.627 , so that was, that was actually it was a really amazing birth, huh, so. 00:19:21.660 --> 00:19:27.065 Back to the first one, so you, um, they were at home, but then when you, 00:19:27.098 --> 00:19:29.426 when the contractions start to get closer together, that's when you decide 00:19:29.459 --> 00:19:32.226 to go to the hospital. And then once you're at the hospital, you go ahead 00:19:32.259 --> 00:19:36.347 and get your epidural. Um, I, I don't get my epidural until the 00:19:36.380 --> 00:19:41.186 contractions start coming stronger. I try to labor through it for a little 00:19:41.219 --> 00:19:45.680 while. Um, but I always get it. The first one I think I got after they 00:19:45.713 --> 00:19:50.002 broke my water, but I have usually after that I got the got it before they 00:19:50.035 --> 00:19:52.631 broke my water just because I know the contractions are a lot stronger 00:19:52.664 --> 00:19:56.492 once your water breaks. 00:19:56.525 --> 00:19:59.440 So water has broken. They've always had to break it. Yeah, I was amazed 00:19:59.473 --> 00:20:05.736 that you know at at 9 centimeters my water still hadn't broken. So yeah, I 00:20:05.769 --> 00:20:08.506 don't, I, I wonder how that would have worked if I was like a pioneer 00:20:08.539 --> 00:20:11.785 woman. Like how would that have worked? I don't know if they ever broke 00:20:11.818 --> 00:20:16.137 women's water. People gave birth with babies in their in their water sacks 00:20:16.170 --> 00:20:21.666 , you know, that's crazy. I just cut them out, um, yeah, that's 00:20:21.699 --> 00:20:28.847 fascinating. OK, so. So when you were in labor and you were pushing, uh, 00:20:28.880 --> 00:20:33.607 who was in the room? What was you had a C-section the first time. OK, so 00:20:33.640 --> 00:20:37.196 in the C-section, your husband was there. It's going to get confusing to 00:20:37.229 --> 00:20:42.996 me. I know it is. I'm sorry. So then, OK, let's go back to that story when 00:20:43.029 --> 00:20:47.967 um, when they pulled out your son and then I assume they did some prep 00:20:48.000 --> 00:20:51.647 stuff with him. Would you remember the process was after that, like if you 00:20:51.680 --> 00:20:56.335 were brought to Rome or were you given your son or? They didn't give him 00:20:56.368 --> 00:21:00.535 to me right away, which surprised me. So when my son that I had a 00:21:00.568 --> 00:21:05.285 C-section with when he was born, they pulled him out. Um, my husband got 00:21:05.318 --> 00:21:08.416 to hold him or cut the cord. I think my husband got to cut the cord. They 00:21:08.449 --> 00:21:12.575 took him over and weighed him and did all the prep things before I even 00:21:12.608 --> 00:21:16.397 got to hold him. I didn't get to hold him for about an hour. Which really 00:21:16.430 --> 00:21:19.436 surprised me, but I didn't really say anything cause it was my first one 00:21:19.469 --> 00:21:23.026 and I didn't really think about it. But yeah, my husband was in the room 00:21:23.059 --> 00:21:27.357 and then there was a whole bunch of staff helping with the C-section and 00:21:27.390 --> 00:21:32.246 taking care of the baby and So And then you were moved to a different, 00:21:32.279 --> 00:21:34.967 yeah, I was there for a little while while they stitched me up. I was 00:21:35.000 --> 00:21:37.246 still in the operating room and that took a while because they have to 00:21:37.279 --> 00:21:44.196 stitch up your uterus and your, your, you know, your outside. So, um. And 00:21:44.229 --> 00:21:50.516 I, I'm surprised how small the scar is. It's only about 4 inches, maybe 5. 00:21:50.549 --> 00:21:53.756 yeah, so then they moved me to another room to recover and I think the 00:21:53.789 --> 00:21:58.467 next day. The doctor came. It was a different doctor in their practice and 00:21:58.500 --> 00:22:04.107 he took out the staples. But yeah, so I was there for like 4 days in the 00:22:04.140 --> 00:22:07.226 hospital, maybe 3 days, but it was longer than a normal recovery because 00:22:07.259 --> 00:22:11.117 it was a C-section. With the others, you weren't in the hospital that long 00:22:11.150 --> 00:22:15.436 then. No, that was, I was there for a day or two, and I always wanted to 00:22:15.469 --> 00:22:19.075 be there longer because it was nice to have someone to take care of me. 00:22:19.108 --> 00:22:23.555 The first time I just wanted to go home because um I didn't sleep at all 00:22:23.588 --> 00:22:27.555 in the hospital and I think that was part of my postpartum issues like I 00:22:27.588 --> 00:22:31.117 just couldn't sleep. I slept the first night I slept for about an hour and 00:22:31.150 --> 00:22:35.467 then my husband at the time, he went home to do dishes and he cut his hand 00:22:35.500 --> 00:22:40.016 open and had to go to the emergency room downstairs from us. And get his 00:22:40.049 --> 00:22:43.706 hands stitched up. So, so it was kind of stressful in the hospital, so I 00:22:43.739 --> 00:22:47.627 just wanted to go home, but everyone after that, I just wanted to stay as 00:22:47.660 --> 00:22:51.996 long as possible because I loved having the nurses take care of me. Can 00:22:52.029 --> 00:22:58.276 you um talk a little bit about the postpartum? Yeah, so, um, with my first 00:22:58.309 --> 00:23:02.387 one, I just knew I couldn't sleep and I knew I worried a lot about things 00:23:02.420 --> 00:23:06.186 , but it wasn't terrible and it went away after a couple of months. With 00:23:06.219 --> 00:23:10.147 my second one, it was really intense and I wasn't sure if it was because I 00:23:10.180 --> 00:23:15.607 had a girl and with female hormones. I'm not really sure, but I, um. I 00:23:15.640 --> 00:23:19.446 wasn't eating. I wasn't sleeping, and it lasted for a while, so I actually 00:23:19.479 --> 00:23:24.325 went to a naturopathic lady who helped me to balance my hormones out, and 00:23:24.358 --> 00:23:28.045 that helped after about a month of taking certain herbs. It totally helped 00:23:28.078 --> 00:23:31.555 me. But then with my third one, I tried that again, but I think I got the 00:23:31.588 --> 00:23:37.166 wrong combination of uh hormones and so I just got worse so then I went on 00:23:37.199 --> 00:23:41.006 um medication. I went on an antidepressant. And I stayed on that for a 00:23:41.039 --> 00:23:46.545 little while. So besides the eating and sleeping aspect, um, did you find 00:23:46.578 --> 00:23:51.325 that, I mean, were you sad? I was really sad. It was just kind of like. 00:23:51.358 --> 00:23:56.357 Being like the really bad PMS days you have before your period, but 00:23:56.390 --> 00:24:01.676 intensified and all the time. So it was like I was always thinking things 00:24:01.709 --> 00:24:06.236 that like everything was a bigger deal than it should have been and I just 00:24:06.269 --> 00:24:09.956 would fly off the handle and be sad and cry about things and or get really 00:24:09.989 --> 00:24:14.516 upset really easily and it was like I knew that it wasn't normal, but it 00:24:14.549 --> 00:24:17.276 was hard. I didn't know what to do about it because I'd never experienced 00:24:17.309 --> 00:24:21.565 that before and no one I knew had experienced it and And I, I remember 00:24:21.598 --> 00:24:25.565 with my daughter, my second, I, I, it was just, I remember being in a 00:24:25.598 --> 00:24:29.656 really dark place and I just had to, you know, figure out what to do and I 00:24:29.689 --> 00:24:32.926 was really glad when I, I figured out how to balance my hormones, but I 00:24:32.959 --> 00:24:38.967 also learned um through those experiences that it wasn't just hormonal, it 00:24:39.000 --> 00:24:43.916 was also I went to counseling and it was also about the way I view things 00:24:43.949 --> 00:24:47.565 and the way the self talk. I don't know if you've ever experienced in 00:24:47.598 --> 00:24:55.097 counseling, but I went to counseling, um. After my 2nd 1. And it did help 00:24:55.130 --> 00:25:01.416 me. It helped me to just understand. The uh Like just the way I think, you 00:25:01.449 --> 00:25:06.815 know, and change some of those habits. It's called um. 00:25:06.848 --> 00:25:10.045 I forget what it's called, but it's some kind of therapy that has to do 00:25:10.078 --> 00:25:14.805 with changing your cognitive something therapy. Sorry, that's not very 00:25:14.838 --> 00:25:18.967 helpful, but it it it it helps me to understand myself and it helped me to 00:25:19.000 --> 00:25:22.565 understand other people and since I've had that therapy and I've gone 00:25:22.598 --> 00:25:25.717 through postpartum depression and. And you know a divorce and all the 00:25:25.750 --> 00:25:28.795 emotional things I've gone through. I've really been able to understand 00:25:28.828 --> 00:25:32.117 myself a lot more and understand others and help a lot of other people 00:25:32.150 --> 00:25:34.597 that have gone through some of the same things. So I actually feel like it 00:25:34.630 --> 00:25:37.526 was a blessing to go through those things even though it was really, 00:25:37.559 --> 00:25:41.825 really hard because I didn't understand why I was just so sad and anxious 00:25:41.858 --> 00:25:46.877 all the time. So, so it was a hard time. I think that postpartum 00:25:46.910 --> 00:25:51.746 depression and anxiety is something. That is not talked about enough, and 00:25:51.779 --> 00:25:55.347 I know you're doing this project to help talk about birth stories, but I 00:25:55.380 --> 00:26:00.867 think that's one aspect of birth stories that is completely surprising to 00:26:00.900 --> 00:26:04.785 women when they experience it because they don't know that they don't know 00:26:04.818 --> 00:26:07.706 to expect it and maybe it's more commonly talked about now, but when I 00:26:07.739 --> 00:26:11.545 went through it it wasn't and I didn't understand what was happening, what 00:26:11.578 --> 00:26:16.565 to do, and it was it was pretty rough. Now I think when you after you have 00:26:16.598 --> 00:26:20.656 a child and you're going for your like 6 week follow up, there's like a 00:26:20.689 --> 00:26:24.367 question like a Q&A thing that happens that they can pinpoint like, are 00:26:24.400 --> 00:26:27.926 you sleeping well? Are you eating like normal? Are you having negative 00:26:27.959 --> 00:26:30.795 thoughts or something, you know what I mean? And that is. is where they 00:26:30.828 --> 00:26:34.736 start to find that you know people are experiencing it. But 6 weeks is a 00:26:34.769 --> 00:26:38.696 long time to go through that, you know, to go through postpartum anxiety 00:26:38.729 --> 00:26:41.416 and depression when you don't understand what's happening to you for 6 00:26:41.449 --> 00:26:44.575 weeks and you don't know that it's something you can get help with 00:26:44.608 --> 00:26:48.055 medically, you know, you just think it's emotions and what's wrong with me 00:26:48.088 --> 00:26:54.097 and. You know, so it's it's it's tough. I think it's it's great to have 00:26:54.130 --> 00:26:57.186 support of other women that have been through the same thing and can help 00:26:57.219 --> 00:27:03.825 you to cope, you know, just to talk to and to cry to, to say, hey, this is 00:27:03.858 --> 00:27:06.986 going on, this is going on. Oh, that same thing happened to me, you know, 00:27:07.019 --> 00:27:11.726 and just know that they're not the only one struggling. With emotional 00:27:11.759 --> 00:27:14.805 things and things that their husband and you know just everything that you 00:27:14.838 --> 00:27:17.607 go through after you have a baby it's not easy and they don't tell you 00:27:17.640 --> 00:27:21.406 that because you know I think about my girls and when I talk about having 00:27:21.439 --> 00:27:25.446 a baby and most you know I have 3 girls and they say they don't want to 00:27:25.479 --> 00:27:28.246 have a baby because they're worried about going through that pain. I mean 00:27:28.279 --> 00:27:32.285 I think as they get older they'll be fine, but I think you know I don't 00:27:32.318 --> 00:27:35.127 want to tell them about everything that I had to go through because 00:27:35.160 --> 00:27:39.597 they'll never want to have a baby, so I'm sure my mom. had the same 00:27:39.630 --> 00:27:42.585 attitude. She didn't want to tell me everything she had to go through 00:27:42.618 --> 00:27:46.897 because it's a lot, but I think, you know, even though going, you go 00:27:46.930 --> 00:27:54.516 through so much when you have a baby, it It kind of Purifies you and makes 00:27:54.549 --> 00:27:59.835 you ready to be a mom. You work so hard for that little person and you 00:27:59.868 --> 00:28:04.825 work so hard to become less of a selfish person that it's like you almost 00:28:04.858 --> 00:28:10.516 have to go through that like refining fire in order to be the person you 00:28:10.549 --> 00:28:14.676 can be and to be the good mom that you know you can be. So I don't regret 00:28:14.709 --> 00:28:18.805 any of the experiences I've gone through, you know, as a mom and and all 00:28:18.838 --> 00:28:24.496 the emotional stuff because I know it's made me who I am. So It's 00:28:24.529 --> 00:28:31.906 beautiful. That was really beautiful. That was great. Um, Yeah, that was 00:28:31.939 --> 00:28:36.627 put really well. Do you want to, did you touch on all the birds that you 00:28:36.660 --> 00:28:41.055 wanted to mention, or did you want to elaborate a little bit more on I 00:28:41.088 --> 00:28:44.426 think I've touched on all of them. 00:28:44.459 --> 00:28:47.256 Yeah, do you have any more questions you want to ask me? The only thing I 00:28:47.289 --> 00:28:50.295 would say, and we've been asking people, but you kind of touched on it 00:28:50.328 --> 00:28:53.936 would be we're breaking these up into themes, so we're asking the 00:28:53.969 --> 00:28:57.926 participants to kind of summarize their experiment experiment experience 00:28:57.959 --> 00:29:05.035 and um like a word or a small grouping of words. Um, so my experience with 00:29:05.068 --> 00:29:09.226 birthing. I, you know, even just thinking about what I said, I think 00:29:09.259 --> 00:29:15.785 refining is probably the word that I would use. Because it 00:29:15.818 --> 00:29:21.825 I guess I want to share one more thing along the lines, um, I think. 00:29:21.858 --> 00:29:25.666 Going through the birthing process, it's like I remember thinking before I 00:29:25.699 --> 00:29:29.266 had any kids, why does a mom have to go through so much pain to get a 00:29:29.299 --> 00:29:34.825 child here but I think it's kind of like it's it's like a a preparation 00:29:34.858 --> 00:29:38.746 for what you're gonna go through for the next 20 years. It's not, it's not 00:29:38.779 --> 00:29:43.065 physical pain, but it's emotional pain and it's, it's almost like it's 00:29:43.098 --> 00:29:48.006 testing you and preparing you to see if you can really. You know, cut it 00:29:48.039 --> 00:29:53.717 and, and be, be the mom that your kids need for you to be and as you. You 00:29:53.750 --> 00:29:56.357 know, when kids are little and they get a little cut on their hand, it's 00:29:56.390 --> 00:29:59.117 like the biggest deal to them, you know, but as they go through more pain 00:29:59.150 --> 00:30:03.956 , a little cut on their finger isn't a big deal and as you go through um 00:30:03.989 --> 00:30:08.156 childbirth, the other things aren't as big of a deal, so it's like you 00:30:08.189 --> 00:30:12.516 have to have that intense experience to recognize that the other stuff 00:30:12.549 --> 00:30:18.026 isn't a big deal and that you can do it and and. Going through hard things 00:30:18.059 --> 00:30:21.857 makes you realize how much strength you have inside, and I think you have 00:30:21.890 --> 00:30:25.226 to be able to access that strength to be the best mom that you can be and 00:30:25.259 --> 00:30:29.585 to be the mom that your kids need and that's why I think the birthing 00:30:29.618 --> 00:30:33.107 childbirth is such an important thing and how do you explain that to a 00:30:33.140 --> 00:30:37.107 child, you know, that someday maybe going through the birth experience, 00:30:37.140 --> 00:30:40.627 you know, you know, my daughters, I can't explain that to them like, well 00:30:40.660 --> 00:30:43.565 , it'll make you a better mom going through all that pain, but that's what 00:30:43.598 --> 00:30:47.545 it is, it makes you a better mom. And like you said, it also will help 00:30:47.578 --> 00:30:51.906 them to discover this internal strength that they may not know they even 00:30:51.939 --> 00:31:00.509 have, you know, and this kind of reserves. Yeah. I think that's good. OK.Mm