WEBVTT 00:00:00.529 --> 00:00:03.167 I feel like we usually come off a lot more professional than we might be 00:00:03.200 --> 00:00:06.867 right now. 00:00:06.900 --> 00:00:10.786 I'm like, oh she's around like that. 00:00:10.819 --> 00:00:17.407 OK, so. And at this point I'm just going to ask you. To tell me a little 00:00:17.440 --> 00:00:21.116 bit about yourself so I can get the levels right. They look really good so 00:00:21.149 --> 00:00:25.317 far. OK, like what kind of things do you where you're from and well, I was 00:00:25.350 --> 00:00:30.756 born in Minnesota, but I've lived in Arizona since I was 5, so pretty much 00:00:30.789 --> 00:00:34.496 a native Arizonan. 00:00:34.529 --> 00:00:42.529 And I, I'm married I have 2 children. I am married. I have a 6 year old 00:00:43.029 --> 00:00:47.135 and a 7.5 year old. 00:00:47.168 --> 00:00:54.866 I think it's good. You, you try them, listen to it, OK, so. Um, Tell me 00:00:54.899 --> 00:00:59.476 about how you met your husband. I met him when I worked for Borders Books 00:00:59.509 --> 00:01:04.426 and Music, which I worked for them about 13 years and bounced around to 00:01:04.459 --> 00:01:09.596 different stores, and I ended up working at the Biltmore store um to 00:01:09.629 --> 00:01:14.757 follow an old boss. OK, great. And are you comfortable like how you're 00:01:14.790 --> 00:01:19.986 sitting, or do you want? I think I'm OK. OK, I think we're good then. 00:01:20.019 --> 00:01:26.986 That's interesting. So do you want? OK. So I went and transferred to 00:01:27.019 --> 00:01:33.906 follow a boss and um I saw him in the back room and it was one of those 00:01:33.939 --> 00:01:37.995 moments where Oh my gosh, that's one of the most beautiful men I've ever 00:01:38.028 --> 00:01:42.367 met. Like almost like a halo or wings sprouted, like, and that is just not 00:01:42.400 --> 00:01:46.117 me at all. I like, so I think you could call that love at first sight. I 00:01:46.150 --> 00:01:50.206 was like, oh wow. And um 00:01:50.239 --> 00:01:54.587 Everyone liked him, so I didn't think he liked me and I had a boyfriend of 00:01:54.620 --> 00:02:02.620 10 years or more at that time and um I ended up. Deciding not to work 00:02:02.790 --> 00:02:06.206 there and transfer to a different store because I found myself staring at 00:02:06.239 --> 00:02:09.596 him from across the room and I seemed to not be able to break up with my 00:02:09.629 --> 00:02:12.446 current boyfriend. 00:02:12.479 --> 00:02:16.467 So I should get out of. 00:02:16.500 --> 00:02:21.975 So then I went and I would visit him in the pretext of visiting my friend 00:02:22.008 --> 00:02:24.927 for a while, but then he quit and then I didn't have contact with him 00:02:24.960 --> 00:02:29.025 until he walked into the Tempe borders. When I was in grad school, I 00:02:29.058 --> 00:02:34.146 worked at the Tempe store and he walked in and I immediately gave him all 00:02:34.179 --> 00:02:39.225 my contact information. So that I wouldn't lose contact with and you 00:02:39.258 --> 00:02:44.906 remember the guy I was, I did have another boyfriend though that I 00:02:44.939 --> 00:02:51.906 immediately broke up with so that I could be with him. How old is he? Are 00:02:51.939 --> 00:02:55.585 you guys about the same age? Yeah, like within 2 months. So we're the same 00:02:55.618 --> 00:03:01.646 age. He has a, oh my gosh, the 23. 00:03:01.679 --> 00:03:09.186 year old daughter. He had a child when he was 19, so. We've got I've got a 00:03:09.219 --> 00:03:15.585 stepdaughter babysitting for you. No, no, no, because her mom had two 00:03:15.618 --> 00:03:19.066 children as well around the same time, a little earlier than us, and she 00:03:19.099 --> 00:03:23.717 lived with her mom. In high school, so she got sucked into babysitting for 00:03:23.750 --> 00:03:29.717 them and kind of refused to offer a service. I, I had a lot of siblings, 00:03:29.750 --> 00:03:32.737 so I never did any babysitting for anyone because it was just like part of 00:03:32.770 --> 00:03:36.196 my daily life, you know. No. 00:03:36.229 --> 00:03:38.446 All right, so I think we can go ahead and get started. I'm going to 00:03:38.479 --> 00:03:44.271 actually. Staring. Oh, then I didn't introduce us. When did I do that? I 00:03:44.304 --> 00:03:47.600 think again when you hand it to me, I think you push the button, but it's 00:03:47.633 --> 00:03:52.202 fine. I figured after now you can do the introduction, and it's still the 00:03:52.235 --> 00:03:56.642 16th, 17th, shit. I have, I think I might have some sort of brain glitch 00:03:56.675 --> 00:04:04.416 when it comes to dates. OK, so it's 17th, and now it is. It's like 11:30. 00:04:04.449 --> 00:04:08.475 Um, and what's and Howie? 00:04:08.508 --> 00:04:14.446 Flavy Faly Falvi, OK, OK, um, OK, so this is for Soli interviewing and how 00:04:14.479 --> 00:04:20.567 we fla floppy. 00:04:20.600 --> 00:04:24.116 Empowers. 00:04:24.149 --> 00:04:27.895 Buy. I have so many concerns in my head right now. OK, so, and it is 00:04:27.928 --> 00:04:34.257 August 17th at 11:30. OK, and we're gonna go ahead and legitimately get 00:04:34.290 --> 00:04:40.877 started. OK, so, um. Can you give us as many details as possible because, 00:04:40.910 --> 00:04:47.507 um, you know, we can always edit down but we can't add. And um and if you 00:04:47.540 --> 00:04:51.507 could also try to incorporate questions, so I'm ask you questions and so 00:04:51.540 --> 00:04:54.745 if I say like you know how much did you gain a lot of weight when you were 00:04:54.778 --> 00:04:57.906 pregnant instead of saying yes, you know what I mean like say when I was 00:04:57.939 --> 00:05:02.627 pregnant and I gained whatever um and everything will be edited so my 00:05:02.660 --> 00:05:07.106 questions will be taken out pauses, um, things can be reordered if they 00:05:07.139 --> 00:05:10.575 get really out of order. So don't worry about any of that like alleviate 00:05:10.608 --> 00:05:15.276 all of that stress, you know. Um, and take your time, collect your 00:05:15.309 --> 00:05:17.717 thoughts. I have a prompt sheet, so if you want to glance down I'd be like 00:05:17.750 --> 00:05:21.317 , oh yeah, that might jog your memory a little bit. But so to start off, 00:05:21.350 --> 00:05:26.046 we'll go as far back as the conception, you know, and it was it planned? 00:05:26.079 --> 00:05:29.447 Was it not planned, you know. 00:05:29.480 --> 00:05:33.486 And you can you have multiple children, so you can talk about all of them 00:05:33.519 --> 00:05:36.877 and you can do them chronologically. That's probably better for us than 00:05:36.910 --> 00:05:42.055 like going back and forth and asking the questions again. OK, so with my 00:05:42.088 --> 00:05:47.575 first child, I really wanted a child. I got married because my husband 00:05:47.608 --> 00:05:51.697 said, I don't think I want another child unless I'm married because his 00:05:51.730 --> 00:05:55.336 first child he had when he was 19, he was not married. He married the 00:05:55.369 --> 00:06:01.036 mother a couple of years later, but it just didn't work out. Only lasted a 00:06:01.069 --> 00:06:06.416 year or so, so he had told me when we were dating that. If he had another 00:06:06.449 --> 00:06:11.575 child, he'd like to be married, so I got that in my head. I never was 00:06:11.608 --> 00:06:16.776 really interested in marriage until that point, so um I kind of pressured 00:06:16.809 --> 00:06:21.055 him into marriage maybe a little faster than he would have on his own so 00:06:21.088 --> 00:06:27.745 that I could have a child and um my daughter was born 13 months after 00:06:27.778 --> 00:06:33.736 we're married, so it only took us a few months to have a child after 00:06:33.769 --> 00:06:41.769 getting married. And with my son. My Daughter was born. 00:06:42.678 --> 00:06:49.336 And then 9 months later I was pregnant again, so that was a little faster 00:06:49.369 --> 00:06:54.495 than I intended to get pregnant. I was gonna wait about 2 years and then 00:06:54.528 --> 00:07:01.776 start trying and no, it just happened the first time I wasn't careful in 00:07:01.809 --> 00:07:06.377 my life, the first time I hadn't. Taking extra precautions when I didn't 00:07:06.410 --> 00:07:10.895 want a child. So it worked out fine in that they're very close in age, 18 00:07:10.928 --> 00:07:14.895 months, and he's bigger for his age than her, so they kind of look like 00:07:14.928 --> 00:07:22.717 twins and. They get along well. So, um, OK, so you. really want a child 00:07:22.750 --> 00:07:27.515 and you just were working on getting pregnant and that soon after getting 00:07:27.548 --> 00:07:31.276 married, um. 00:07:31.309 --> 00:07:36.676 It only took a few months of 3 months. Trying to think, yeah, about 3 00:07:36.709 --> 00:07:42.836 months of trying. Did you? No, I didn't stress the trying, but you know I 00:07:42.869 --> 00:07:49.387 went off birth control for the first time in my adult life. I was very 00:07:49.420 --> 00:07:55.536 cautious and never wanted a child until I met my husband, you know, so. 00:07:55.569 --> 00:07:59.616 Like I was never gonna let that happen accidentally up until that point. 00:07:59.649 --> 00:08:04.575 So, um, afterwards, yeah, you know, I maybe pushed it a little more than I 00:08:04.608 --> 00:08:09.825 would have in terms of. But let's do it so we can have a baby, sort of 00:08:09.858 --> 00:08:14.305 thing, a little more than normal, but I wasn't overzealous too because we 00:08:14.338 --> 00:08:18.426 were just married and my husband was like, well, we kind of need alone 00:08:18.459 --> 00:08:21.895 time. I was like, oh well that, no, we don't have time for that because I 00:08:21.928 --> 00:08:29.846 was Almost 34 when we got married and. I had heard your chances of 00:08:29.879 --> 00:08:34.366 problems with uh conception just increased exponentially after you were 35 00:08:34.399 --> 00:08:39.486 , so I was really looking forward to having a child before I hit 35, and 00:08:39.519 --> 00:08:46.706 sure enough my daughter was born 3 weeks before I turned 35. 00:08:46.739 --> 00:08:49.907 I'm gonna pause my second. Is there like a dripping sound somewhere? Are 00:08:49.940 --> 00:08:57.797 you getting that? It's in my head. You're hearing it too, OK, I'm sorry. 00:08:57.830 --> 00:09:00.895 Let me think. 00:09:00.928 --> 00:09:08.297 So Oh yeah, it's making me crazy, yeah, I can't see what. 00:09:08.330 --> 00:09:16.330 What It's fogging here Um, So, can I ask how old you are now? I'm 42. 00:09:20.019 --> 00:09:25.116 I thought you and I were about the same age, you seem really young. Not 00:09:25.149 --> 00:09:28.385 that I'm really young. 00:09:28.418 --> 00:09:35.936 But anyway, um, OK, so you, um, were able to have to conceive like just 00:09:35.969 --> 00:09:43.417 under that 35 marker and um, can you, uh, talk about, you know, if you, 00:09:43.450 --> 00:09:46.816 you first of all, tell me about your pregnancy experience, you know, in 00:09:46.849 --> 00:09:49.856 terms of the physically and emotionally, but then also let us know if you 00:09:49.889 --> 00:09:56.846 had a plan for the birth at all. OK. So I was a little bit nervous being 00:09:56.879 --> 00:10:01.366 almost 35 and having read way too much information about birth. I think if 00:10:01.399 --> 00:10:04.726 I had had a baby 10 years earlier, I'd be like, oh, no problem, let's just 00:10:04.759 --> 00:10:08.486 see what happens. But I was like, oh my gosh, there's so many things that 00:10:08.519 --> 00:10:13.606 can go wrong. Um, I read way too much information. I had a lot of free 00:10:13.639 --> 00:10:20.015 time while pregnant to read and uh. So I was nervous about whether or not 00:10:20.048 --> 00:10:24.456 things were going well, but for the most part, they, they went fine. Um, I 00:10:24.489 --> 00:10:29.167 gained a lot of weight. I think I let myself. 00:10:29.200 --> 00:10:33.486 eat way too much thinking, oh, I'm providing good nutrition to the baby 00:10:33.519 --> 00:10:38.395 with my daughter, um, so I gain a lot of weight. I'm not exactly sure how 00:10:38.428 --> 00:10:44.927 much because at one point, a week or two before she was born, I bloated up 00:10:44.960 --> 00:10:49.446 and my doctor was so busy because it was November, which is about 9 months 00:10:49.479 --> 00:10:56.047 after Valentine's Day, um, she almost had a breakdown when she's like, I 00:10:56.080 --> 00:11:02.385 can't deliver you this week. Um, she's like, unless, unless you go into, 00:11:02.418 --> 00:11:06.346 into labor, we're not having this baby this week, and I, I think I weighed 00:11:06.379 --> 00:11:11.047 about 50 pounds more than when I started that week and then it dropped 00:11:11.080 --> 00:11:15.895 down, maybe lost another 10, I lost 10 pounds of water weight, but at some 00:11:15.928 --> 00:11:22.145 point I was really huge and it wasn't really, is it preeclampsia where um 00:11:22.178 --> 00:11:24.946 it's very dangerous for the baby and it was nothing like that. I was just 00:11:24.979 --> 00:11:30.297 bloated. And um so she wasn't going to deliver me early. Were you 00:11:30.330 --> 00:11:35.537 miserable or were you enjoying pregnancy? I was a little bit miserable 00:11:35.570 --> 00:11:39.616 towards the end. I enjoyed the pregnancy for the most part. In the 00:11:39.649 --> 00:11:45.456 beginning, maybe a little bit sick to my stomach, but nothing bad. I think 00:11:45.489 --> 00:11:49.217 I enjoyed like the sense of, oh this is going well because I'm a little 00:11:49.250 --> 00:11:52.616 bit sick, that's how you're supposed to. I feel different. I embraced like 00:11:52.649 --> 00:11:55.736 feeling a little bit different and that there was some kind of change 00:11:55.769 --> 00:12:01.106 happening in me. Um I liked that aspect of it towards the end I was just 00:12:01.139 --> 00:12:09.139 huge and and I wanted her out, but with my son. Um, he was enormous, and I 00:12:09.389 --> 00:12:15.736 wanted him out right away, about 3 weeks before. I delivered. I just 00:12:15.769 --> 00:12:19.375 couldn't handle it anymore. I was so huge. And then he turned in my 00:12:19.408 --> 00:12:26.206 stomach and pressed on a nerve and I lost use of my leg for a day or two 00:12:26.239 --> 00:12:29.015 and I was trying to explain to the doctor where the pain was and it was 00:12:29.048 --> 00:12:32.616 basically everywhere in the lower half of my body. And he's like, Well, 00:12:32.649 --> 00:12:36.217 that's not even physically possible. Are you sure you're not deferring 00:12:36.250 --> 00:12:40.816 pain? And then I sat down and I traced the pain in my body and I was like 00:12:40.849 --> 00:12:46.446 , oh, OK, he is right. That it's not one thing that's happening. I'm just 00:12:46.479 --> 00:12:51.917 like transferring the pain everywhere in my body and Yeah, my son was 00:12:51.950 --> 00:12:58.116 pushing on that main nerve uh on the spine, just disrupting feeling in my 00:12:58.149 --> 00:13:03.586 legs, and I had to have my my parent, my mom, and my mother-in-law come 00:13:03.619 --> 00:13:09.385 and take care of my daughter who was, you know, still just a baby really, 00:13:09.418 --> 00:13:14.515 you know, she was a year and a half old, take care of her for a few days. 00:13:14.548 --> 00:13:19.807 Were you able to walk? Not really. I mean it was so bad for a couple of 00:13:19.840 --> 00:13:23.885 days. I, I, I couldn't even get around. There was no way I was going to be 00:13:23.918 --> 00:13:28.807 able to pick him up and then it subsided. He moved. He was an enormous 00:13:28.840 --> 00:13:33.846 baby in my stomach. I knew he was going to be big. Um, when he was born a 00:13:33.879 --> 00:13:40.047 week early, he was 10 pounds, 2 ounces, and I also had a lot of fluid gain 00:13:40.080 --> 00:13:45.145 with him, um. I didn't know until after the birth how much, but I had 2 or 00:13:45.178 --> 00:13:49.797 3 times the amniotic fluid you're supposed to have. It was all baby, all 00:13:49.830 --> 00:13:54.596 baby with him. My daughter, I just got fat with him. I gained 40 to 50 00:13:54.629 --> 00:13:59.566 pounds of all baby and all water, and I was back to my pre-pregnancy 00:13:59.599 --> 00:14:05.196 weight like within a week. And you didn't have gestational diabetes. No, 00:14:05.229 --> 00:14:11.736 no, not, and I was tested because I was so huge with both of them, um. But 00:14:11.769 --> 00:14:14.417 no. 00:14:14.450 --> 00:14:18.856 OK, so we're starting to skip brown, so you know it's OK. It's very, it's 00:14:18.889 --> 00:14:24.096 like totally fascinating. That's amazing. So then, um. 00:14:24.129 --> 00:14:28.616 Actually, would you prefer if we talked about his conception or just move 00:14:28.649 --> 00:14:32.736 on to the daughter's? 00:14:32.769 --> 00:14:36.135 I would say go back to the daughter. OK, we're gonna go back to the 00:14:36.168 --> 00:14:43.265 daughter there for a while, um, OK, so. That pregnancy was enjoyable, and 00:14:43.298 --> 00:14:49.677 you put on the 50 pounds of enjoyment. And then had you planned on how you 00:14:49.710 --> 00:14:55.336 wanted her to be born or I definitely was going to do it in a hospital and 00:14:55.369 --> 00:15:02.356 I read about in more natural ways and I was not gonna have any drugs 00:15:02.389 --> 00:15:09.066 unless it became necessary. I wasn't going to rule it out though, um. I 00:15:09.099 --> 00:15:14.157 wanted a hospital though because I just. I was getting older and knew a 00:15:14.190 --> 00:15:18.116 lot of things can go wrong, um, so I wanted that safety. There's no way I 00:15:18.149 --> 00:15:22.427 wanted to do it in my house that wouldn't have provided me any comfort. Um 00:15:22.460 --> 00:15:28.395 , so did you have, um, like female role models or was your mom around or 00:15:28.428 --> 00:15:34.557 sisters or anything? Um, no sisters. My mom lives in town and you know, 00:15:34.590 --> 00:15:39.037 I'm fairly close, not like best friend kind of close, but she's, you know 00:15:39.070 --> 00:15:46.116 , she's a good mom, you know, I, I like having her as as an example and 00:15:46.149 --> 00:15:52.025 bouncing questions off her and stuff. Um, but I don't, I've never gotten 00:15:52.058 --> 00:15:57.885 into details. I think about how her birthing experiences went. I'm just. 00:15:57.918 --> 00:16:04.326 Maybe kind of shy about that kind of thing now that I've had children, 00:16:04.359 --> 00:16:09.125 I'm much freer in talking about that and might, you know, bring it up with 00:16:09.158 --> 00:16:12.566 her, but we didn't really have those kind of conversations, but she was 00:16:12.599 --> 00:16:16.167 there, you know, like the baby's coughing, you know, what do you do sort 00:16:16.200 --> 00:16:21.096 of thing, um, but I don't think I asked her too much about pregnancy. So 00:16:21.129 --> 00:16:24.206 were you just planning on having your husband with you during the delivery 00:16:24.239 --> 00:16:31.326 ? Yes. Just my husband in the delivery room, um, and I was gonna do it 00:16:31.359 --> 00:16:38.206 with no drugs if at all possible, and that lasted not very long, um, with 00:16:38.239 --> 00:16:46.239 my daughter. Um, I Had to have her scheduled um for um scheduled to be 00:16:47.548 --> 00:16:53.616 induced because I was about a week overdue and quite large and the doctor 00:16:53.649 --> 00:17:00.066 finally said, OK, let's induce you. Um, so when you have it scheduled like 00:17:00.099 --> 00:17:04.946 that for induction, they have you come into the hospital like at midnight 00:17:04.979 --> 00:17:10.835 or one o'clock on the day of your delivery and uh so basically no sleep 00:17:10.868 --> 00:17:17.887 before you go in to the to the waiting room for that and um got induced 00:17:17.920 --> 00:17:23.906 and sat there for a while my husband fell asleep and um I was like, oh 00:17:23.939 --> 00:17:30.736 this is so easy, you know. And then boom, got hit with really strong pains 00:17:30.769 --> 00:17:34.926 water broke and my daughter was definitely pushing on some kind of nerve 00:17:34.959 --> 00:17:39.795 and I like rang the bell. I want to talk to someone about my pain 00:17:39.828 --> 00:17:45.996 medication and they're like, OK, we'll get to you and no one came for uh. 00:17:46.029 --> 00:17:52.335 At least an hour or so, and by that time she had moved again and. I could 00:17:52.368 --> 00:17:58.795 actually talk and move and. I was like, well, I don't, I could probably do 00:17:58.828 --> 00:18:02.127 it without the drugs, but what if it gets worse again? What if that pain 00:18:02.160 --> 00:18:10.160 comes back, and run, I want the drugs, so I had them, um. Do the the the 00:18:10.459 --> 00:18:15.416 epidural, um, just in case it was worse than that feeling, but I felt like 00:18:15.449 --> 00:18:19.696 , oh, I, you know, I can overcome this. I'm, I'm growing used to the pain 00:18:19.729 --> 00:18:24.585 and I can endure this, but that's just not chance it. Did your water break 00:18:24.618 --> 00:18:29.946 or did they break your water? No, my water broke after I had been induced 00:18:29.979 --> 00:18:36.666 for several hours and it was like unexpected boom, um, because I felt no 00:18:36.699 --> 00:18:40.666 contractions, really didn't feel any kind of labor kicking in until that 00:18:40.699 --> 00:18:45.325 moment, and no pain until that moment. 00:18:45.358 --> 00:18:49.805 So, um, how many hours before you, were you getting like, were they 00:18:49.838 --> 00:18:53.926 testing checking you for dilation and stuff before they gave you the 00:18:53.959 --> 00:18:58.476 epidural? Do you know how far along you are? 00:18:58.509 --> 00:19:01.986 I don't know how far along I was when they gave me the epidural. Probably 00:19:02.019 --> 00:19:09.107 not too far along. Um, my pregnancy was off to a slow start, really after 00:19:09.140 --> 00:19:14.647 , um, they, they, they had induced me and gave me the medication to make 00:19:14.680 --> 00:19:20.706 the baby start coming. Um, so it was slow going and they'd check every 00:19:20.739 --> 00:19:25.266 hour or two and I, I felt like, oh, they're ignoring me, you know, 00:19:25.299 --> 00:19:29.585 sometimes at a certain point. Um, but I'm like, well, it's not going bad 00:19:29.618 --> 00:19:34.226 now that I have the epidural, it's not all that bad. And they kind of just 00:19:34.259 --> 00:19:39.107 left me alone, did a few checks here and there, um, but then around 7 00:19:39.140 --> 00:19:43.627 o'clock at night, they're like, oh, the baby's not really moving. I'm 00:19:43.660 --> 00:19:48.065 gonna have to go call the doctor. And I was like, oh, OK, they want the 00:19:48.098 --> 00:19:52.706 doctor's opinion. Everything doesn't look like it's changed all that much 00:19:52.739 --> 00:19:57.236 , and I've watched those baby shows where you can be in labor for days, so. 00:19:57.269 --> 00:20:01.545 All right, and they immediately come back in and said, the doctor says, 00:20:01.578 --> 00:20:05.627 you know, the baby's going to be in danger if we don't do a C-section 00:20:05.660 --> 00:20:10.186 right away, and I just went, What? They're like, yeah, the baby's stuck, 00:20:10.219 --> 00:20:15.746 sweetie. We need a C-section. I was like, but I, we need to give it more 00:20:15.779 --> 00:20:19.906 time. We need to give it more time. They're like, no, no, the doctor 00:20:19.939 --> 00:20:24.637 really wants this to happen and she's coming right in and my husband. just 00:20:24.670 --> 00:20:29.137 nodded at his head and said, OK, and I was like, no, what? And I felt like 00:20:29.170 --> 00:20:34.726 they were robbing me of my chance to have this baby naturally, you know, 00:20:34.759 --> 00:20:40.617 um, and so I was just really emotional, just bawling my eyes out and I 00:20:40.650 --> 00:20:45.696 felt like I had no support from the hospital or from my husband in any way. 00:20:45.729 --> 00:20:50.456 He was just on their side like, yes, let's just do whatever they say. And 00:20:50.489 --> 00:20:57.496 so I went into the operating room, still bawling and thinking I wanted a 00:20:57.529 --> 00:21:02.097 little more time and I understood there was a problem and maybe we should 00:21:02.130 --> 00:21:05.976 consider this, but I wanted to give it several more hours before we took 00:21:06.009 --> 00:21:11.476 the baby out by C-section. And uh they said no, not enough progress with 00:21:11.509 --> 00:21:16.196 what's happening. And um I just in my head I was like, the doctor wants to 00:21:16.229 --> 00:21:19.075 do this before midnight, you know, the doctor doesn't want to be here all 00:21:19.108 --> 00:21:24.617 night and sure enough, the C-section happened at 9:30 at night. But as 00:21:24.650 --> 00:21:28.496 they were taking the baby out through through C-section, I heard the 00:21:28.529 --> 00:21:31.776 doctor say, oh yeah, there's no way that baby was ever gonna fit. So, you 00:21:31.809 --> 00:21:39.756 know, I, I guess like they were right to do it, but I felt like Maybe 00:21:39.789 --> 00:21:44.387 If my pelvis was different, it would have gone fine and they robbed me of 00:21:44.420 --> 00:21:48.506 that opportunity to try. So this is with your son. Oh no, this is my 00:21:48.539 --> 00:21:53.347 daughter actually. So she wasn't that big. Oh no, but she has a large head. 00:21:53.380 --> 00:21:55.545 My daughter 00:21:55.578 --> 00:22:01.516 was like 82 when she was born. Just a really round head though. She's you 00:22:01.549 --> 00:22:05.065 wouldn't think she has a large head, but her head currently right now, she 00:22:05.098 --> 00:22:09.776 wears adult size hats. She can't wear children's hats anymore, and she's 7. 00:22:09.809 --> 00:22:16.256 Um, just a very round head. My son, I knew it wasn't gonna happen 00:22:16.289 --> 00:22:19.335 naturally, and the doctor was like, oh well, do you want to talk about VAs 00:22:19.368 --> 00:22:24.936 ? And I was like, yeah, but he's huge. And then she did an ultrasound and 00:22:24.969 --> 00:22:28.377 said, oh yeah, yes, sweetie, it's not gonna happen. I was like, yeah, I 00:22:28.410 --> 00:22:31.266 agree, that's not even try. 00:22:31.299 --> 00:22:36.006 Yeah, that seems like really emotional that first birth and like being 00:22:36.039 --> 00:22:38.736 rushed and because it didn't seem like you have much time to process the 00:22:38.769 --> 00:22:44.967 fact that you're gonna have major surgery. Yeah. I guess it did take a few 00:22:45.000 --> 00:22:49.726 hours. It was probably 7:30ish when they told me and the doctor wants to 00:22:49.759 --> 00:22:54.325 do a C-section. She's coming in and it was 9:30 when my daughter was 00:22:54.358 --> 00:22:58.607 actually born, but those two hours was like prepping and getting me ready 00:22:58.640 --> 00:23:02.285 for surgery and everything, and I was just following the whole time, never 00:23:02.318 --> 00:23:07.815 really got the time to calm down. Yeah, how long had you been laboring at 00:23:07.848 --> 00:23:15.545 that point? Um, they induced me at like 00:23:15.578 --> 00:23:20.266 midnight 10 p.m. right. So, you know, it's kind of a long time, but I had 00:23:20.299 --> 00:23:25.186 heard of being in labor for days, so I, I really didn't think that was 00:23:25.219 --> 00:23:32.686 long enough to try before um doing a C-section. Yeah. I, yeah, I could, I 00:23:32.719 --> 00:23:38.315 could see how that would be like really distressing. Um, 00:23:38.348 --> 00:23:42.276 So, and did you know if they just kept like cranking up the Pitocin or 00:23:42.309 --> 00:23:46.756 were you in like are you naturally having your own contractions at that 00:23:46.789 --> 00:23:49.436 point? 00:23:49.469 --> 00:23:55.266 I think at that point I was naturally having my own contractions. Um, but 00:23:55.299 --> 00:23:59.026 they weren't, I don't know that they were really strong enough to, you 00:23:59.059 --> 00:24:03.545 know, push my cervix open wide enough, you know, it seemed like the 00:24:03.578 --> 00:24:09.785 progress was so tiny that it didn't even register on their, their scale of 00:24:09.818 --> 00:24:13.545 yes, you are progressing. Did they say how many centimeters you were 00:24:13.578 --> 00:24:16.906 before you went into the C-section? But they're like, oh, this isn't 00:24:16.939 --> 00:24:20.347 happening here like 4 centimeters and it's been like, you know, and they 00:24:20.380 --> 00:24:24.717 did say, but I can't I can't remember if it was 4 or 7 or what you know, 00:24:24.750 --> 00:24:32.750 but. Yeah, it wasn't bad enough to have a child. Can you tell us about the 00:24:33.868 --> 00:24:40.117 experience of like getting into the surgical room and sure, um, with the 00:24:40.150 --> 00:24:44.916 C-section of my, my daughter, you know, I was still traumatized from being 00:24:44.949 --> 00:24:51.776 told this was going to happen and um you know probably still. Trying to 00:24:51.809 --> 00:24:56.857 soak up the tears as they talked to me about how the medication was going 00:24:56.890 --> 00:25:03.295 to happen and um what I was going to feel. um so I was only half listening 00:25:03.328 --> 00:25:10.147 and as they gave it to me, my body just felt awful and um. I, I felt like 00:25:10.180 --> 00:25:17.256 I was reacting strangely to it, just couldn't control my body the way I. I 00:25:17.289 --> 00:25:22.496 wanted to. I knew I could move my hands and things. I had some control 00:25:22.529 --> 00:25:28.936 over my body, but it didn't feel like my body and I was shaking so much 00:25:28.969 --> 00:25:33.097 that it was really distracting to have a thought about like the birth of 00:25:33.130 --> 00:25:37.347 my child. This wonderful thing was about to happen. But I was shaking so 00:25:37.380 --> 00:25:43.045 much. I just felt terribly ill, you know, and as it was happening, I could 00:25:43.078 --> 00:25:47.206 hear them talking. I could feel them pulling on my body. It didn't hurt, 00:25:47.239 --> 00:25:51.607 but I felt my body shaking on the table as they were cutting me open and I 00:25:51.640 --> 00:25:54.486 heard the doctor saying, oh yeah, there's no way this baby would come out 00:25:54.519 --> 00:25:59.325 naturally, and I hear all these little conversations, but I did not feel 00:25:59.358 --> 00:26:05.347 like myself. I was shaking so much and just It was such a bizarre 00:26:05.380 --> 00:26:09.266 experience and then as my husband held up our new baby, and I heard the 00:26:09.299 --> 00:26:14.785 baby cry and, and you know, that moment of joy, I was still just like, oh 00:26:14.818 --> 00:26:20.555 , I felt weird and I remember my husband holding the baby up. And almost 00:26:20.588 --> 00:26:24.166 like to hand it to me and I was like, no, I can't I don't want the baby 00:26:24.199 --> 00:26:29.406 because I didn't feel like me and I felt like I was going to drop the baby 00:26:29.439 --> 00:26:35.926 or you know, and put the baby close to my face and it felt weird because I 00:26:35.959 --> 00:26:40.545 think I had some kind of issue. Depth perception for a little while 00:26:40.578 --> 00:26:44.545 because I remember when I actually got to hold her after um they took me 00:26:44.578 --> 00:26:49.266 back to my room, like thinking her head was really big and like everything 00:26:49.299 --> 00:26:52.746 was a little strange, you know, so when he held up the baby right to my 00:26:52.779 --> 00:26:58.467 face, I like, I wish I could enjoy this. Why is he so happy, you know. I, 00:26:58.500 --> 00:27:02.236 I guess I felt jealousy that you know he was having this wonderful 00:27:02.269 --> 00:27:06.055 experience and he got to stand behind the camera because I made him 00:27:06.088 --> 00:27:14.088 videotape and take pictures of the birth. That was his one job and I 00:27:14.098 --> 00:27:17.325 remember telling him even as I was going into a C-section, I used to have 00:27:17.358 --> 00:27:20.456 to do it, but I guess the video is not going to be any good. I don't care 00:27:20.489 --> 00:27:23.726 about the video, just make sure you take a good picture of the baby. And 00:27:23.759 --> 00:27:28.696 my father had taken pictures of me being born in the 70s. That was one of 00:27:28.729 --> 00:27:33.137 my prized photos, I guess, of me being held up right after the birth, so I 00:27:33.170 --> 00:27:38.315 wanted that even if it was gonna be a C-section. 00:27:38.348 --> 00:27:41.815 So you know I'm not, so when they took the baby out the C-section, is the 00:27:41.848 --> 00:27:44.545 cord still attached and everything? Does the husband still get to cut the 00:27:44.578 --> 00:27:50.575 cord, or is there? Yes, yeah, the cords is still coming but instead of out 00:27:50.608 --> 00:27:55.926 your vagina, out the hole, it comes and um you got to cut the cord and 00:27:55.959 --> 00:27:59.085 everything's normal on his end of what you got to do, like go over to the 00:27:59.118 --> 00:28:03.736 scale and see how big the baby is and everything. Did you, so a lot of 00:28:03.769 --> 00:28:09.147 them will describe like the sheeted tent. Yes. Oh my gosh, yeah, the tent 00:28:09.180 --> 00:28:14.476 right in front of you. Um, I've been thinking of painting ideas that 00:28:14.509 --> 00:28:19.217 involve the tent because it's a ginormous barrier between you and the room 00:28:19.250 --> 00:28:24.156 , and I guess it has to be there because if I saw them tugging and pulling 00:28:24.189 --> 00:28:29.127 in the blood coming out. I'd probably get queasy because when I get a deep 00:28:29.160 --> 00:28:33.847 cut like on a finger or something and I see the tissue, I I do get queasy 00:28:33.880 --> 00:28:38.006 and have to go sit down, you know, even though I love gory things and like 00:28:38.039 --> 00:28:43.565 the idea of of blood and fascinated by those kind of medical things. I'm 00:28:43.598 --> 00:28:49.847 also repulsed and I, I probably would pass out from um just the scene 00:28:49.880 --> 00:28:57.880 itself as I watch my own body being dissected, um. But the 0 is such a 00:28:57.989 --> 00:29:03.565 barrier. And especially since I was shaking so much and I didn't feel like 00:29:03.598 --> 00:29:09.847 I was in my own body. It was very surreal, very weird. Yeah, it sounds 00:29:09.880 --> 00:29:15.406 crazy, you know, to have, are you like just seeing people's heads at least 00:29:15.439 --> 00:29:18.996 over this or I'm hardly even seeing heads. I'm mostly seeing the room and 00:29:19.029 --> 00:29:23.555 a little bit of like motion of people walking back and forth, but I'm not 00:29:23.588 --> 00:29:29.926 really seeing them standing over me too much because of the tent, but I 00:29:29.959 --> 00:29:34.535 know they're there because they're coming in and out of focus. Oh that's 00:29:34.568 --> 00:29:38.176 really strange. And then, you know, when I think of that or that like 00:29:38.209 --> 00:29:43.575 shaking feeling and stuff and you normally would want to like, you know, 00:29:43.608 --> 00:29:46.936 you know, pull with them and like bundle up or something and like just try 00:29:46.969 --> 00:29:52.137 to like get normal and it must be so weird to be like splayed out and just 00:29:52.170 --> 00:29:57.847 totally vulnerable, you know, I can't imagine. Yeah, it's just not very 00:29:57.880 --> 00:30:02.325 bizarre to be in a room full of people that I, I wasn't. Interacting with 00:30:02.358 --> 00:30:07.006 they were interacting with my body kind of separate from me, and you know 00:30:07.039 --> 00:30:10.397 I'm one of those people that when I'm a little uncomfortable, I like to 00:30:10.430 --> 00:30:15.847 retreat and just get out of the situation and there I am. They put me in 00:30:15.880 --> 00:30:19.676 this situation was my feeling at the time. They didn't give me long enough 00:30:19.709 --> 00:30:25.847 to have the baby naturally and they're doing this to me, um. was kind of 00:30:25.880 --> 00:30:30.887 what was going through my head as as this was all going on and not being 00:30:30.920 --> 00:30:35.486 able to even like move my arms and and touch my body or like you know, 00:30:35.519 --> 00:30:40.726 somehow wrap my arms around me or get small or something, you know, I just 00:30:40.759 --> 00:30:44.785 had to sit there and my arms were shaking so much I I did not have full 00:30:44.818 --> 00:30:49.446 control of them. I I could just feel them moving back and forth and like, 00:30:49.479 --> 00:30:54.426 what are they doing? Why are they doing that? Did they ever explain to you 00:30:54.459 --> 00:30:58.795 what happened? I mean do they like, Oh, it's just normal. You know, I 00:30:58.828 --> 00:31:04.397 don't even think I asked. I was just like, that's horrible, um, with the 00:31:04.430 --> 00:31:10.756 shaking. I'm sure I got a tiny bit more um of the numbing medication than 00:31:10.789 --> 00:31:14.545 I was supposed to and was having a bit of a reaction, but I didn't 00:31:14.578 --> 00:31:18.835 convulse and like have a bad reaction that stopped the procedure, so it 00:31:18.868 --> 00:31:23.476 was like no big deal. I don't even know how much other people noticed how 00:31:23.509 --> 00:31:26.555 weird I felt and I was like, I guess that's just what happens with 00:31:26.588 --> 00:31:32.436 C-section and this is really horrible. But when my son came along and I 00:31:32.469 --> 00:31:36.446 knew he was going to be huge and I was gonna just do another C-section, uh 00:31:36.479 --> 00:31:40.815 , you know, I was like, OK, you know, at least I know what I'm in for and 00:31:40.848 --> 00:31:45.926 when. I had him, you know, it was all pre-scheduled. I didn't have to sit 00:31:45.959 --> 00:31:50.127 there and labor all day long before it happened. I had to go in several 00:31:50.160 --> 00:31:57.305 hours before the C-section, but as soon as it happened, you know, boom. He 00:31:57.338 --> 00:32:02.585 was out and I did not have as much shaking and like I don't even know if I 00:32:02.618 --> 00:32:06.506 had any of the shaking. I think my body felt a little strange from the 00:32:06.539 --> 00:32:10.627 medication, but it felt like I had pretty good control of it. So I was 00:32:10.660 --> 00:32:16.357 like, oh, that was so easy. I love that, you know, and I'm a mom now, it's 00:32:16.390 --> 00:32:20.785 done. Second time around. Yeah, can you explain a little bit more about 00:32:20.818 --> 00:32:26.717 that because you know some of us, some people that are going through the 00:32:26.750 --> 00:32:30.357 process of labor delivery, it's like 2 days later and you've had so much 00:32:30.390 --> 00:32:33.717 time to process the idea that you're going to have this baby in your hands 00:32:33.750 --> 00:32:37.795 , but it seems like with a scheduled C-section, it's like. You know, but 00:32:37.828 --> 00:32:43.026 maybe because it's scheduled you have a week. Yeah, I felt like with my 00:32:43.059 --> 00:32:49.545 son and being scheduled and everything, I was really prepared. For him 00:32:49.578 --> 00:32:54.976 coming home, I I was I was ready for it because I knew I had to prepare 00:32:55.009 --> 00:32:59.706 before it happened, you know, and just in the hospital itself it was just 00:32:59.739 --> 00:33:04.785 a little extra time waiting but it didn't like amp up the expectations and 00:33:04.818 --> 00:33:11.147 I was really large with my son and really ready to have him out um. And 00:33:11.180 --> 00:33:17.186 just just a lot of discomfort in my body from how big he was, you know, 00:33:17.219 --> 00:33:22.467 couldn't even sit or move right to make it comfortable and I could feel 00:33:22.500 --> 00:33:28.335 every turn he made. So by the time he came out and I, you know that. It 00:33:28.368 --> 00:33:34.176 was scheduled and it was so fast, you know, it, it felt so natural to have 00:33:34.209 --> 00:33:40.607 a C-section that way with him. So, um, with your daughter, after, you know 00:33:40.640 --> 00:33:46.446 , they stitch you up and do they put you on a wheelchair or do they like 00:33:46.479 --> 00:33:50.686 put you on a wheelie table and put you in a room and then you recover? 00:33:50.719 --> 00:33:53.627 Like what is that process? 00:33:53.660 --> 00:33:59.147 You know that part after my daughter was born, how I got from the 00:33:59.180 --> 00:34:05.147 operating room back to my room is a blur. I think they put me on a gurney 00:34:05.180 --> 00:34:09.577 table and wheeled me straight from the exam room straight into bed again 00:34:09.610 --> 00:34:15.905 and gave me a little time with nothing to do but maybe recover my body 00:34:15.938 --> 00:34:20.626 from all the the drugs that had just been given and you know, from the 00:34:20.659 --> 00:34:25.095 surgery that just took place. It wasn't very long though. I feel like 00:34:25.128 --> 00:34:29.916 after I was all stitched up maybe half an hour before they brought her 00:34:29.949 --> 00:34:36.776 into me and I got to hold her and by then the drugs had worn off in my 00:34:36.809 --> 00:34:41.816 arms, that shaking uncontrollable. I still felt a little out of sorts, but 00:34:41.849 --> 00:34:45.816 the moment I got to hold her, I was like, oh yes, this is, this is what 00:34:45.849 --> 00:34:51.456 it's about. This, I'm a mom now, you know, this is huge and I have this 00:34:51.489 --> 00:34:57.017 thing and I'm never going to let go. I I just loved that moment that she 00:34:57.050 --> 00:35:02.577 got placed on top of me. And I remember my husband going, OK, you know, 00:35:02.610 --> 00:35:06.135 you nursed her enough now the family wants to see her, and I was like, no 00:35:06.168 --> 00:35:11.497 , no, she still wants milk. I'm going to keep nursing her until she falls 00:35:11.530 --> 00:35:16.577 asleep and she didn't fall asleep. She just kept nursing and after about 00:35:16.610 --> 00:35:20.416 an hour, hour and a half, my husband's like, come on, please, can you just 00:35:20.449 --> 00:35:23.336 stop nursing her for a little while? But as a new mom I'm like, no, she's 00:35:23.369 --> 00:35:27.135 asking for milk but nope. I'm going to give it to her, you know, I think I 00:35:27.168 --> 00:35:29.845 realized, oh, she's just, you know, she's nursing and falling asleep and 00:35:29.878 --> 00:35:33.706 waking up a little. I guess I can part with her for a little while, but I 00:35:33.739 --> 00:35:38.945 didn't want to. I didn't want family coming in, people talking to me. I 00:35:38.978 --> 00:35:42.666 just wanted that moment of holding her and I felt like that was my time. 00:35:42.699 --> 00:35:47.717 My husband got the wonderful excitement in the operating room of like you 00:35:47.750 --> 00:35:50.986 know watching the baby come out and being held up and breathing for the 00:35:51.019 --> 00:35:55.986 first time and I kind of got the side glance of What that looked like and 00:35:56.019 --> 00:36:00.256 felt so awful that it wasn't enjoyable, but that was my moment. They laid 00:36:00.289 --> 00:36:05.365 her on top of me and I got to hold her and I didn't want to let it stop. 00:36:05.398 --> 00:36:10.175 You lucky nursing was so good for you. Yes and no. I mean, she's nursed a 00:36:10.208 --> 00:36:14.296 lot, probably maybe she wasn't getting a lot at the time, but yeah, it 00:36:14.329 --> 00:36:19.497 went fine in terms of, I didn't have to give her a bottle very much at all 00:36:19.530 --> 00:36:23.666 when she was growing up. That's great. So do you remember like the first 00:36:23.699 --> 00:36:28.787 time you saw your scar or like showering or, you know, how does that all? 00:36:28.820 --> 00:36:33.307 When I first saw the scar, scar at that point, 00:36:33.340 --> 00:36:39.066 yeah, when I first saw the, the, the incision, it was all bandaged up for 00:36:39.099 --> 00:36:42.827 me and when they had to change out the dressing was the first time I got 00:36:42.860 --> 00:36:50.666 to see what had actually happened and I was impressed on how tiny it was 00:36:50.699 --> 00:36:55.436 considering this 8 pound baby just came out of there. Um, the worst part 00:36:55.469 --> 00:37:01.986 of it was, um, where they had put the medical tape to hold the bandages in. 00:37:02.019 --> 00:37:06.537 And the scar itself looked kind of gruesome, but not horrible. It looked 00:37:06.570 --> 00:37:11.217 fairly clean, even though it had, um, I don't know if it was the stitches 00:37:11.250 --> 00:37:16.836 , I think, or staples, you know, those were very obvious against my white 00:37:16.869 --> 00:37:21.376 , white skin um and a little bit of crusty blood, but I was kind of 00:37:21.409 --> 00:37:26.986 impressed on how tiny a scar it was and Uh, where they had removed the 00:37:27.019 --> 00:37:31.945 tape was much worse in terms of pain and the feeling than the actual 00:37:31.978 --> 00:37:37.425 incision. I totally understand that about the tape part. Yeah, it's so 00:37:37.458 --> 00:37:42.655 much worse a lot of times, the band-aid stuff, but um, so then you were 00:37:42.688 --> 00:37:47.086 able to shower like normal and. 00:37:47.119 --> 00:37:51.026 I don't remember if I was allowed to shower right away. I, I don't even 00:37:51.059 --> 00:37:55.066 know if I wanted to, you know, I just, I felt grungy, but I felt like 00:37:55.099 --> 00:37:58.037 maybe that's just the way it's supposed to be. I don't think I got in the 00:37:58.070 --> 00:38:03.595 water for um quite a while, um. 00:38:03.628 --> 00:38:09.396 But I, I, it's all a blur really. The um incision never opened up or 00:38:09.429 --> 00:38:12.997 anything. It just healed up fine and it was not an issue. No, the incision 00:38:13.030 --> 00:38:17.916 was, was um pretty easy to take care of it. It might have gotten a little 00:38:17.949 --> 00:38:23.856 puffy in one area compared to the rest, but it definitely looked. Like it 00:38:23.889 --> 00:38:29.017 was healing the way it's supposed to heal. So I was very lucky in terms of 00:38:29.050 --> 00:38:33.736 that, because if it had gotten infected and then trying to hold your baby 00:38:33.769 --> 00:38:37.736 and just move with this new child that you're afraid to walk across the 00:38:37.769 --> 00:38:41.376 room because you might drop it because it's so precious and sweet, you 00:38:41.409 --> 00:38:47.445 know, I couldn't imagine if I had. An infected wound, how I would be able 00:38:47.478 --> 00:38:52.816 to take care of the baby and deal with being stuck in a hospital room for 00:38:52.849 --> 00:39:00.345 days. Yeah. So how many days were you in the hospital? 2 or 3. I think I 00:39:00.378 --> 00:39:05.006 was in the hospital 2 or 3 days. Um, I think they would have let me go 00:39:05.039 --> 00:39:11.356 home. After like a day and a half. For 2 days, but I was like, oh well, 00:39:11.389 --> 00:39:16.796 the nurses are here. Let's stay here one more day because I'm wondering 00:39:16.829 --> 00:39:22.477 how I'll feel once I get home and don't have as many drugs being given to 00:39:22.510 --> 00:39:26.787 me. Yeah, so were you given like a prescription for painkillers and stuff 00:39:26.820 --> 00:39:32.717 , or? They gave me a prescription for painkillers which I really hadn't 00:39:32.750 --> 00:39:38.356 taken any painkillers in my life. I had surgery when I was a tiny baby, 00:39:38.389 --> 00:39:44.316 but never any kind of major surgery for myself and no no major um aches or 00:39:44.349 --> 00:39:50.276 pains that required drugs. So taking painkillers was a strange experience 00:39:50.309 --> 00:39:54.195 for me but I was like, oh wow, I kind of like that it takes everything 00:39:54.228 --> 00:40:01.986 away. It feels good, yeah, um. But I also wondered like how how long this 00:40:02.019 --> 00:40:06.675 could continue and I was like this is fine though. I like it till I 00:40:06.708 --> 00:40:11.425 realized they make you constipated and nobody told me that until I had 00:40:11.458 --> 00:40:14.106 already taken the pain medicine. I'm like, yeah, it's fine. Yeah, you can 00:40:14.139 --> 00:40:17.345 give me more pain medicine. I, I have a little ache here. Yeah, let's give 00:40:17.378 --> 00:40:21.345 us, give me some more. And then they told me it makes you constipated and 00:40:21.378 --> 00:40:25.747 I was like, oh, OK, I, I should get off of these because you're not gonna 00:40:25.780 --> 00:40:29.017 let me out of the hospital. 00:40:29.050 --> 00:40:34.217 Unless I have a bowel movement. But seriously though, the constipation 00:40:34.250 --> 00:40:40.727 probably keeps a lot of people from becoming addicted to. 00:40:40.760 --> 00:40:44.885 Oh my goodness, um, so yeah, what was life then when you did get home from 00:40:44.918 --> 00:40:47.666 the hospital? 00:40:47.699 --> 00:40:51.936 Um, when I got home, um. 00:40:51.969 --> 00:40:58.537 My husband was a little bit doting, um, but mostly family kind of swooped 00:40:58.570 --> 00:41:05.095 in and doting for a few days or weeks. I can't remember how long my mom 00:41:05.128 --> 00:41:11.796 stayed, but I think she stayed with us for quite a while with the um. Uh, 00:41:11.829 --> 00:41:15.497 actually, with my first child, I think she stayed with us a few days when 00:41:15.530 --> 00:41:22.287 I had my second child, my mom stayed with us and was very doting for a few 00:41:22.320 --> 00:41:28.925 weeks because I had a 1.5 year old that I wasn't allowed to hold. The way 00:41:28.958 --> 00:41:33.046 I had been holding because I had a C-section. I wasn't even technically 00:41:33.079 --> 00:41:39.126 supposed to pick up the 10 pound, 2 ounce baby that I just gave birth to 00:41:39.159 --> 00:41:43.327 in his car seat, you know, he was heavier than what I was allowed to carry 00:41:43.360 --> 00:41:49.416 , so I had my mom come in and then my mother-in-law was pretty helpful too. 00:41:49.449 --> 00:41:57.345 10 pounds Did they, was that just there was no reason I knew my son was 00:41:57.378 --> 00:42:03.506 going to be big because my husband was very large. He was in the 10 pound 00:42:03.539 --> 00:42:10.767 range. His brother was 11 pound, natural birth. From my mother-in-law and 00:42:10.800 --> 00:42:15.967 my family is not small in terms of the birth weight either. I think I was 00:42:16.000 --> 00:42:22.467 about 8 pounds. My brother was 9, almost 10 pounds. It's so funny how 00:42:22.500 --> 00:42:29.938 there's like no correlation between birth weight and adult weights at all. 00:42:30.489 --> 00:42:32.489 Um, well, that's totally fascinating. OK, so then with your son, uh, did 00:42:35.099 --> 00:42:37.986 you stay in the hospital? Was it the same routine after your daughter once 00:42:38.019 --> 00:42:44.126 you had the C-section? I think with my son in the hospital, um, everything 00:42:44.159 --> 00:42:50.905 was. Maybe a sped up version of. What happened with my daughter, 00:42:50.938 --> 00:42:54.336 everything seemed to go a little smoother, probably because I knew what 00:42:54.369 --> 00:42:58.307 was happening and time seemed to go a little faster because I wanted to 00:42:58.340 --> 00:43:01.706 get home to my daughter because that was the first time I'd been away from 00:43:01.739 --> 00:43:08.106 my other child for the birth of him, you know, um, and everything seemed 00:43:08.139 --> 00:43:14.166 to go pretty, pretty well with like the second C-section. It didn't create 00:43:14.199 --> 00:43:18.936 any more of a a messy surgery or anything. I healed fast. They let me take 00:43:18.969 --> 00:43:24.095 him home pretty fast. He was jaundiced, but not so bad that they worried. 00:43:24.128 --> 00:43:29.885 Um, he had torticollis, which is when your neck is so squished from being 00:43:29.918 --> 00:43:37.918 in uterus that your muscles and everything are shaped incorrectly and uh. 00:43:37.938 --> 00:43:41.115 He had that right away. And what's wrong with that? And I'm like, Oh, no 00:43:41.148 --> 00:43:48.046 problem. He'll grow out of that. Would it look different to you 00:43:48.079 --> 00:43:52.436 when you have torticollis, you basically hold your neck sideways quite a 00:43:52.469 --> 00:43:57.037 bit depending on how bad it is, but you know, he was always leaning his 00:43:57.070 --> 00:44:02.376 head in one direction. And you can push the head up to try and straighten 00:44:02.409 --> 00:44:07.856 it out, but the baby might cry because it's painful to go straight like or 00:44:07.889 --> 00:44:11.885 all the way the other direction. The muscles are trained incorrectly 00:44:11.918 --> 00:44:19.918 because he was so huge in my my tiny body that um his his neck just wasn't 00:44:20.289 --> 00:44:28.289 in the right position and he went to therapy for months and months. I 00:44:28.389 --> 00:44:34.236 think from age 6 months to a year he went to physical therapy because it's 00:44:34.269 --> 00:44:40.497 still um still there and I notice every time he cries now that he's 6, he 00:44:40.530 --> 00:44:44.175 leans his head in that direction. I call it his fetal position. As soon as 00:44:44.208 --> 00:44:48.236 he gets upset, he just leans his head that way it's like a natural 00:44:48.269 --> 00:44:54.095 response to like being uncomfortable. 00:44:54.128 --> 00:44:57.655 Did you um feel like you knew their personalities at all when they were in 00:44:57.688 --> 00:45:03.916 the womb, or? I don't think I felt their personalities in in the womb too 00:45:03.949 --> 00:45:11.949 much, um. My daughter Kicked and moved a bit and it was very fluid and. It 00:45:12.590 --> 00:45:16.827 would happen and everything my son, it was so cramped in there. I felt 00:45:16.860 --> 00:45:22.956 like he was busting out like every movie made like stretched my skin and 00:45:22.989 --> 00:45:25.876 hurt a bit, but he didn't make that many moves, probably because he didn't 00:45:25.909 --> 00:45:30.956 have any room to, um, but I didn't get a sense of who they were when they 00:45:30.989 --> 00:45:36.635 were born. I I think it was pretty apparent right away, and they're close 00:45:36.668 --> 00:45:42.316 now. They're, they're close. They fight, um. But they also get along most 00:45:42.349 --> 00:45:46.155 of the time. 00:45:46.188 --> 00:45:50.997 I, my neighbors have two little girls and they're like 18 months apart or 00:45:51.030 --> 00:45:55.316 something, but. You have to, you know, one of them. Once whatever the 00:45:55.349 --> 00:45:58.595 other one has, then I have to buy like 2 of everything. I I think, oh no, 00:45:58.628 --> 00:46:06.307 no, no, it's hard enough as it is, but it's nice that they get along. 00:46:06.340 --> 00:46:11.356 So, um, any, any additional babies? 00:46:11.389 --> 00:46:17.276 No, I think I'm done, you know, having 2 and then my stepdaughter, my 00:46:17.309 --> 00:46:22.717 husband is done after 3 and I'm done after 2. I don't want to take chances 00:46:22.750 --> 00:46:29.586 like with the possibility of complications and things going wrong, and I, 00:46:29.619 --> 00:46:35.807 my body is just Like exhausted, taking care of the two children I have. I 00:46:35.840 --> 00:46:40.845 could not imagine starting all over again with a baby that needs that 24 00:46:40.878 --> 00:46:46.206 hour like ear open. I'm just now feeling like, oh yeah, the kids are fine 00:46:46.239 --> 00:46:50.166 . I don't have to listen to every moment of their lives. I don't want to 00:46:50.199 --> 00:46:58.199 go back to starting fresh again. I love the idea of um utilizing that tent. 00:46:58.340 --> 00:47:03.767 Is it a white sheet or is it like green? What is in the operating room? I 00:47:03.800 --> 00:47:08.686 was looking at pictures of my daughter's birth and there was a blue kind 00:47:08.719 --> 00:47:13.296 of tent in front of me. I think it's just a blue sheet that they they kind 00:47:13.329 --> 00:47:18.967 of like clamp up with makeshift clamps from other parts of the hospital. 00:47:19.000 --> 00:47:26.307 It doesn't seem like it, it is. Uh Set stable thing that is your tent when 00:47:26.340 --> 00:47:29.425 you're having a C-section just looks like, yeah, let's put a tent up with 00:47:29.458 --> 00:47:33.905 some of these clippy things, and there you go. That image reminds me so 00:47:33.938 --> 00:47:37.747 much of that magic trick, you know, with the woman on the table and they 00:47:37.780 --> 00:47:41.747 like separate the legs and the but because you probably do feel like so 00:47:41.780 --> 00:47:46.017 disconnected from that side of you. You know, and then, and then there's 00:47:46.050 --> 00:47:50.217 also that barrier which makes it seem even like two separate halves, right 00:47:50.250 --> 00:47:55.256 ? Yeah, the, the, the first one, the first C-section with my daughter, it 00:47:55.289 --> 00:47:59.655 did feel like that curtain kind of was separating me, cutting me in half, 00:47:59.688 --> 00:48:04.211 and I could feel them tugging in. Leaving the lower, I could feel them 00:48:04.244 --> 00:48:09.611 doing things, but it was not part of me. Um, it was very, very 00:48:09.644 --> 00:48:17.171 disconcerting and like separating me from the whole process, that big tent 00:48:17.204 --> 00:48:23.776 in front of me. Yeah, I was really worried they C-section because I was 00:48:23.809 --> 00:48:27.816 induced also, so I never had like a natural contraction, and I was worried 00:48:27.849 --> 00:48:32.247 it was like not gonna progress fast enough and stuff, but. It ended up 00:48:32.280 --> 00:48:36.986 being fine, you know, as fine as it can be. 00:48:37.019 --> 00:48:40.977 That it is just as traumatic. I. 00:48:41.010 --> 00:48:45.856 I don't know, you know. Although we've heard some really good comforting 00:48:45.889 --> 00:48:52.856 ones, um, but I think that it's really surprising how just strange the 00:48:52.889 --> 00:48:58.095 process can be, not traumatic, not that it's like traumatic, but that it's 00:48:58.128 --> 00:49:02.936 just strange and surreal or 00:49:02.969 --> 00:49:07.655 even if you know every Step of the process, you know, when it's happening 00:49:07.688 --> 00:49:11.695 to it, it's just, it just feels like the strangest thing like you're the 00:49:11.728 --> 00:49:15.916 only one that's experienced it that way, you know, but I don't know. Have 00:49:15.949 --> 00:49:19.767 you talked to other women that had C-sections? Did they Relate to your 00:49:19.800 --> 00:49:24.425 story at all. I don't know if I've told my story that much. I'm not sure 00:49:24.458 --> 00:49:29.345 how different I mean. I guess I've told my story, but I haven't heard too 00:49:29.378 --> 00:49:34.626 many other people get into um details about their C-section and whether or 00:49:34.659 --> 00:49:37.827 not they had a reaction to the drugs. I've definitely heard people having 00:49:37.860 --> 00:49:43.997 a reaction to the drugs during surgery itself, um. But the combination of 00:49:44.030 --> 00:49:49.356 having that at the same time as the birth of your child, I think made it a 00:49:49.389 --> 00:49:55.916 little more um traumatizing and like I overplayed it in my head how weird 00:49:55.949 --> 00:49:59.155 it was because I wanted to hold my child, but then I didn't want to hold 00:49:59.188 --> 00:50:04.327 her because it felt like it wasn't my body. Yeah, and I mean, I would 00:50:04.360 --> 00:50:08.666 think that you're it's like a super emotionally heightened state, and then 00:50:08.699 --> 00:50:15.586 you have this um something that's making you not. Think correctly. Sure, I 00:50:15.619 --> 00:50:19.146 was so emotional because I didn't want a C-section and I felt like I was 00:50:19.179 --> 00:50:23.546 being pressured a little too soon and thought I needed a few more hours to 00:50:23.579 --> 00:50:28.066 progress and I was being convinced it had to happen now and then the drugs 00:50:28.099 --> 00:50:32.865 made my body feel different and I was just in a super heightened emotional 00:50:32.898 --> 00:50:38.345 state, you know, like bawling for like the hour or two before the 00:50:38.378 --> 00:50:43.155 C-section and then even after like I don't think I was bawling, but I felt 00:50:43.188 --> 00:50:49.236 like my face was puffy from all the tears I had shed before the C-section 00:50:49.269 --> 00:50:54.595 and just that like state where you've been crying and any little thing is 00:50:54.628 --> 00:50:58.436 gonna set you off. That was how I felt until I actually held my daughter. 00:50:58.469 --> 00:51:03.115 I was in that like, don't say a word or I'm gonna cry until I held her, 00:51:03.148 --> 00:51:06.356 and then it kind of disappeared. Have you talked to your husband at all 00:51:06.389 --> 00:51:13.747 about, you know, feeling like he wasn't on your side during that? 00:51:13.780 --> 00:51:19.307 With the birth of my daughter, um, my husband fell asleep while I was 00:51:19.340 --> 00:51:25.626 being given the medicine to induce me in a tiny, tiny waiting room in a 00:51:25.659 --> 00:51:29.546 lounge chair in front of the bathroom, and he had it propped all the way 00:51:29.579 --> 00:51:35.997 open. So as they gave me this medicine, this medicine. He was sleeping in 00:51:36.030 --> 00:51:43.115 this tiny room and I had um the explosion of my water breaking and my 00:51:43.148 --> 00:51:48.537 daughter pushing on my spine causing this severe pain and he was just 00:51:48.570 --> 00:51:53.106 sleeping and he wouldn't move. I couldn't get him up. I, I could hardly 00:51:53.139 --> 00:51:59.095 scream. I was in so much pain, but I was like hitting him and like trying 00:51:59.128 --> 00:52:05.566 to make noises and explain my water I hurt I'm in pain. And it took a very 00:52:05.599 --> 00:52:10.526 long time in my mind. I'm sure it probably didn't, but in my mind, it took 00:52:10.559 --> 00:52:13.247 a long time to get him to move out of the chair so I could get to the 00:52:13.280 --> 00:52:17.807 bathroom to even see what was going on with my body and the water breaking. 00:52:17.840 --> 00:52:20.885 I, it was just my guess that the water had broke, but I didn't know if 00:52:20.918 --> 00:52:25.077 more was coming or what I wanted in the bathroom and I could hardly get 00:52:25.110 --> 00:52:32.195 there. Um, so after that. I felt like my husband wasn't on my side, you 00:52:32.228 --> 00:52:36.436 know, he, he was able to sleep during this thing at all, made me 00:52:36.469 --> 00:52:40.006 uncomfortable, um. 00:52:40.039 --> 00:52:45.445 What was that? And then, and then also he was, you had said that he was on 00:52:45.478 --> 00:52:48.767 their side looking like, yes, we're going to C-section. And then he was on 00:52:48.800 --> 00:52:52.206 their side with, yes, you know, it's going too slow. The doctor thinks 00:52:52.239 --> 00:52:55.845 it's best for a C-section. You have to do it. I felt like he was 00:52:55.878 --> 00:52:59.756 pressuring me. I'm like, what you're supposed to be on my side. And then 00:52:59.789 --> 00:53:04.345 in the, in the delivery room, you know. He got the good side of it in 00:53:04.378 --> 00:53:09.115 terms that I could see how happy he was and he had also had another child 00:53:09.148 --> 00:53:14.566 before though, so he had this comfort level with the whole thing that. I 00:53:14.599 --> 00:53:18.836 was like, how can that be? Well, after I had my second child, I understood 00:53:18.869 --> 00:53:23.006 that there is a big difference. The second time around, you do know a 00:53:23.039 --> 00:53:27.046 little more about what's going on, and he's confided in me that he was 00:53:27.079 --> 00:53:31.126 worried about the C-section and what could happen and you know he was very 00:53:31.159 --> 00:53:35.566 concerned, but I didn't notice that at the time. I thought he was just. 00:53:35.599 --> 00:53:40.276 Being lazy or on their side. 00:53:40.309 --> 00:53:44.925 OK, so, um, like I said, I, we're separating these stories in the themes, 00:53:44.958 --> 00:53:49.017 and so we're asking people at the end to see if they can, uh, come up with 00:53:49.050 --> 00:53:52.756 the term word or phrasing of words that kind of summarizes their 00:53:52.789 --> 00:53:57.646 experience, you know, what you would reflect on it, um, you know, I know 00:53:57.679 --> 00:54:01.997 it's like a super challenging question, but it's surprising when people 00:54:02.030 --> 00:54:08.287 come up with it they're really interesting. 00:54:08.320 --> 00:54:12.856 I, I'm not good at these kind of phrases. It takes, it takes me a while to 00:54:12.889 --> 00:54:19.956 envelo the idea into a phrase, you know. I've been trying to paint or 00:54:19.989 --> 00:54:26.717 sketch ideas or come up with ideas um about birthing experiences and 00:54:26.750 --> 00:54:34.396 they're always mixed emotions, you know, there's this sense of um The joy 00:54:34.429 --> 00:54:38.106 and wonder of the moment I got to hold the child, but then there's the, 00:54:38.139 --> 00:54:44.436 the bizarre sense of how weird things were in the hospital room, having it 00:54:44.469 --> 00:54:51.876 not naturally having a C-section, um, to wrap it up in a few words. 00:54:51.909 --> 00:54:57.675 Like scary joy is what happened with my first child, especially, you know 00:54:57.708 --> 00:55:01.717 , the whole time I was very happy. I was finally going to be a mom and it 00:55:01.750 --> 00:55:06.997 was all going according to plan, you know, my plan of ever since I met my 00:55:07.030 --> 00:55:10.717 husband, yes, I should have a child, but I need to have it right away 00:55:10.750 --> 00:55:16.756 because I'm getting old. Um, the plan was in its works. It was going great. 00:55:16.789 --> 00:55:22.175 Um, but then being nervous, anything could set this balance of like 00:55:22.208 --> 00:55:26.506 everything is great, just right on its head. Any little medical problem 00:55:26.539 --> 00:55:32.577 leaves you up, you know, all night worrying about the next, you know, 20 00:55:32.610 --> 00:55:37.566 years with this, this baby that you've brought into the world. So scary 00:55:37.599 --> 00:55:41.896 joy is what my experience was. I think that makes perfect sense. I 00:55:41.929 --> 00:55:47.537 completely relate to that one, absolutely just the mix, the mix of 00:55:47.570 --> 00:55:51.256 emotions and there's that the unknowingness too that makes it a little 00:55:51.289 --> 00:55:57.756 scary anyway. And you know I would go back and forth with my pregnancy, um. 00:55:57.789 --> 00:56:01.557 With my first child, I was like, oh my gosh, I'm having a girl. I was 00:56:01.590 --> 00:56:05.195 such a tomboy. I don't know what to do with a girl. I don't know how to 00:56:05.228 --> 00:56:09.396 play with a child. Why am I, why did I decide this was a really good idea 00:56:09.429 --> 00:56:13.796 ? I finally had decided not to be scared and just I was going to do it. 00:56:13.829 --> 00:56:17.236 But then once I was pregnant, I don't know how to take care of a girl. I 00:56:17.269 --> 00:56:20.836 guess I want a boy and I was like, oh my gosh, boys are so much trouble. 00:56:20.869 --> 00:56:25.566 They get into everything and then um. Just having a brother who died of 00:56:25.599 --> 00:56:31.807 an overdose made me the idea of like raising a boy. Oh my gosh, how am I 00:56:31.840 --> 00:56:36.166 gonna, you know, be able to control someone with a substance abuse problem 00:56:36.199 --> 00:56:39.845 or anger issues, and I don't want to bring a boy into the world. I guess I 00:56:39.878 --> 00:56:44.365 want a girl, but I don't know how to play with a girl. Yeah, and I ended 00:56:44.398 --> 00:56:48.836 up with one of each, so it all kind of balanced out. You were really lucky 00:56:48.869 --> 00:56:52.195 about that, though, yes, I was lucky cause I don't think I would have kept 00:56:52.228 --> 00:56:58.635 trying, but I really wanted a boy and a girl. Alright, I think we're good. 00:56:58.668 --> 00:57:03.978 Yeah, does she have any other, OK, all right.