I feel like we usually come off a lot more professional than we might be
right now.
I'm like, oh she's around like that.
OK, so. And at this point I'm just going to ask you. To tell me a little
bit about yourself so I can get the levels right. They look really good so
far. OK, like what kind of things do you where you're from and well, I was
born in Minnesota, but I've lived in Arizona since I was 5, so pretty much
a native Arizonan.
And I, I'm married I have 2 children. I am married. I have a 6 year old
and a 7.5 year old.
I think it's good. You, you try them, listen to it, OK, so. Um, Tell me
about how you met your husband. I met him when I worked for Borders Books
and Music, which I worked for them about 13 years and bounced around to
different stores, and I ended up working at the Biltmore store um to
follow an old boss. OK, great. And are you comfortable like how you're
sitting, or do you want? I think I'm OK. OK, I think we're good then.
That's interesting. So do you want? OK. So I went and transferred to
follow a boss and um I saw him in the back room and it was one of those
moments where Oh my gosh, that's one of the most beautiful men I've ever
met. Like almost like a halo or wings sprouted, like, and that is just not
me at all. I like, so I think you could call that love at first sight. I
was like, oh wow. And um
Everyone liked him, so I didn't think he liked me and I had a boyfriend of
10 years or more at that time and um I ended up. Deciding not to work
there and transfer to a different store because I found myself staring at
him from across the room and I seemed to not be able to break up with my
current boyfriend.
So I should get out of.
So then I went and I would visit him in the pretext of visiting my friend
for a while, but then he quit and then I didn't have contact with him
until he walked into the Tempe borders. When I was in grad school, I
worked at the Tempe store and he walked in and I immediately gave him all
my contact information. So that I wouldn't lose contact with and you
remember the guy I was, I did have another boyfriend though that I
immediately broke up with so that I could be with him. How old is he? Are
you guys about the same age? Yeah, like within 2 months. So we're the same
age. He has a, oh my gosh, the 23.
year old daughter. He had a child when he was 19, so. We've got I've got a
stepdaughter babysitting for you. No, no, no, because her mom had two
children as well around the same time, a little earlier than us, and she
lived with her mom. In high school, so she got sucked into babysitting for
them and kind of refused to offer a service. I, I had a lot of siblings,
so I never did any babysitting for anyone because it was just like part of
my daily life, you know. No.
All right, so I think we can go ahead and get started. I'm going to
actually. Staring. Oh, then I didn't introduce us. When did I do that? I
think again when you hand it to me, I think you push the button, but it's
fine. I figured after now you can do the introduction, and it's still the
16th, 17th, shit. I have, I think I might have some sort of brain glitch
when it comes to dates. OK, so it's 17th, and now it is. It's like 11:30.
Um, and what's and Howie?
Flavy Faly Falvi, OK, OK, um, OK, so this is for Soli interviewing and how
we fla floppy.
Empowers.
Buy. I have so many concerns in my head right now. OK, so, and it is
August 17th at 11:30. OK, and we're gonna go ahead and legitimately get
started. OK, so, um. Can you give us as many details as possible because,
um, you know, we can always edit down but we can't add. And um and if you
could also try to incorporate questions, so I'm ask you questions and so
if I say like you know how much did you gain a lot of weight when you were
pregnant instead of saying yes, you know what I mean like say when I was
pregnant and I gained whatever um and everything will be edited so my
questions will be taken out pauses, um, things can be reordered if they
get really out of order. So don't worry about any of that like alleviate
all of that stress, you know. Um, and take your time, collect your
thoughts. I have a prompt sheet, so if you want to glance down I'd be like
, oh yeah, that might jog your memory a little bit. But so to start off,
we'll go as far back as the conception, you know, and it was it planned?
Was it not planned, you know.
And you can you have multiple children, so you can talk about all of them
and you can do them chronologically. That's probably better for us than
like going back and forth and asking the questions again. OK, so with my
first child, I really wanted a child. I got married because my husband
said, I don't think I want another child unless I'm married because his
first child he had when he was 19, he was not married. He married the
mother a couple of years later, but it just didn't work out. Only lasted a
year or so, so he had told me when we were dating that. If he had another
child, he'd like to be married, so I got that in my head. I never was
really interested in marriage until that point, so um I kind of pressured
him into marriage maybe a little faster than he would have on his own so
that I could have a child and um my daughter was born 13 months after
we're married, so it only took us a few months to have a child after
getting married. And with my son. My Daughter was born.
And then 9 months later I was pregnant again, so that was a little faster
than I intended to get pregnant. I was gonna wait about 2 years and then
start trying and no, it just happened the first time I wasn't careful in
my life, the first time I hadn't. Taking extra precautions when I didn't
want a child. So it worked out fine in that they're very close in age, 18
months, and he's bigger for his age than her, so they kind of look like
twins and. They get along well. So, um, OK, so you. really want a child
and you just were working on getting pregnant and that soon after getting
married, um.
It only took a few months of 3 months. Trying to think, yeah, about 3
months of trying. Did you? No, I didn't stress the trying, but you know I
went off birth control for the first time in my adult life. I was very
cautious and never wanted a child until I met my husband, you know, so.
Like I was never gonna let that happen accidentally up until that point.
So, um, afterwards, yeah, you know, I maybe pushed it a little more than I
would have in terms of. But let's do it so we can have a baby, sort of
thing, a little more than normal, but I wasn't overzealous too because we
were just married and my husband was like, well, we kind of need alone
time. I was like, oh well that, no, we don't have time for that because I
was Almost 34 when we got married and. I had heard your chances of
problems with uh conception just increased exponentially after you were 35
, so I was really looking forward to having a child before I hit 35, and
sure enough my daughter was born 3 weeks before I turned 35.
I'm gonna pause my second. Is there like a dripping sound somewhere? Are
you getting that? It's in my head. You're hearing it too, OK, I'm sorry.
Let me think.
So Oh yeah, it's making me crazy, yeah, I can't see what.
What It's fogging here Um, So, can I ask how old you are now? I'm 42.
I thought you and I were about the same age, you seem really young. Not
that I'm really young.
But anyway, um, OK, so you, um, were able to have to conceive like just
under that 35 marker and um, can you, uh, talk about, you know, if you,
you first of all, tell me about your pregnancy experience, you know, in
terms of the physically and emotionally, but then also let us know if you
had a plan for the birth at all. OK. So I was a little bit nervous being
almost 35 and having read way too much information about birth. I think if
I had had a baby 10 years earlier, I'd be like, oh, no problem, let's just
see what happens. But I was like, oh my gosh, there's so many things that
can go wrong. Um, I read way too much information. I had a lot of free
time while pregnant to read and uh. So I was nervous about whether or not
things were going well, but for the most part, they, they went fine. Um, I
gained a lot of weight. I think I let myself.
eat way too much thinking, oh, I'm providing good nutrition to the baby
with my daughter, um, so I gain a lot of weight. I'm not exactly sure how
much because at one point, a week or two before she was born, I bloated up
and my doctor was so busy because it was November, which is about 9 months
after Valentine's Day, um, she almost had a breakdown when she's like, I
can't deliver you this week. Um, she's like, unless, unless you go into,
into labor, we're not having this baby this week, and I, I think I weighed
about 50 pounds more than when I started that week and then it dropped
down, maybe lost another 10, I lost 10 pounds of water weight, but at some
point I was really huge and it wasn't really, is it preeclampsia where um
it's very dangerous for the baby and it was nothing like that. I was just
bloated. And um so she wasn't going to deliver me early. Were you
miserable or were you enjoying pregnancy? I was a little bit miserable
towards the end. I enjoyed the pregnancy for the most part. In the
beginning, maybe a little bit sick to my stomach, but nothing bad. I think
I enjoyed like the sense of, oh this is going well because I'm a little
bit sick, that's how you're supposed to. I feel different. I embraced like
feeling a little bit different and that there was some kind of change
happening in me. Um I liked that aspect of it towards the end I was just
huge and and I wanted her out, but with my son. Um, he was enormous, and I
wanted him out right away, about 3 weeks before. I delivered. I just
couldn't handle it anymore. I was so huge. And then he turned in my
stomach and pressed on a nerve and I lost use of my leg for a day or two
and I was trying to explain to the doctor where the pain was and it was
basically everywhere in the lower half of my body. And he's like, Well,
that's not even physically possible. Are you sure you're not deferring
pain? And then I sat down and I traced the pain in my body and I was like
, oh, OK, he is right. That it's not one thing that's happening. I'm just
like transferring the pain everywhere in my body and Yeah, my son was
pushing on that main nerve uh on the spine, just disrupting feeling in my
legs, and I had to have my my parent, my mom, and my mother-in-law come
and take care of my daughter who was, you know, still just a baby really,
you know, she was a year and a half old, take care of her for a few days.
Were you able to walk? Not really. I mean it was so bad for a couple of
days. I, I, I couldn't even get around. There was no way I was going to be
able to pick him up and then it subsided. He moved. He was an enormous
baby in my stomach. I knew he was going to be big. Um, when he was born a
week early, he was 10 pounds, 2 ounces, and I also had a lot of fluid gain
with him, um. I didn't know until after the birth how much, but I had 2 or
3 times the amniotic fluid you're supposed to have. It was all baby, all
baby with him. My daughter, I just got fat with him. I gained 40 to 50
pounds of all baby and all water, and I was back to my pre-pregnancy
weight like within a week. And you didn't have gestational diabetes. No,
no, not, and I was tested because I was so huge with both of them, um. But
no.
OK, so we're starting to skip brown, so you know it's OK. It's very, it's
like totally fascinating. That's amazing. So then, um.
Actually, would you prefer if we talked about his conception or just move
on to the daughter's?
I would say go back to the daughter. OK, we're gonna go back to the
daughter there for a while, um, OK, so. That pregnancy was enjoyable, and
you put on the 50 pounds of enjoyment. And then had you planned on how you
wanted her to be born or I definitely was going to do it in a hospital and
I read about in more natural ways and I was not gonna have any drugs
unless it became necessary. I wasn't going to rule it out though, um. I
wanted a hospital though because I just. I was getting older and knew a
lot of things can go wrong, um, so I wanted that safety. There's no way I
wanted to do it in my house that wouldn't have provided me any comfort. Um
, so did you have, um, like female role models or was your mom around or
sisters or anything? Um, no sisters. My mom lives in town and you know,
I'm fairly close, not like best friend kind of close, but she's, you know
, she's a good mom, you know, I, I like having her as as an example and
bouncing questions off her and stuff. Um, but I don't, I've never gotten
into details. I think about how her birthing experiences went. I'm just.
Maybe kind of shy about that kind of thing now that I've had children,
I'm much freer in talking about that and might, you know, bring it up with
her, but we didn't really have those kind of conversations, but she was
there, you know, like the baby's coughing, you know, what do you do sort
of thing, um, but I don't think I asked her too much about pregnancy. So
were you just planning on having your husband with you during the delivery
? Yes. Just my husband in the delivery room, um, and I was gonna do it
with no drugs if at all possible, and that lasted not very long, um, with
my daughter. Um, I Had to have her scheduled um for um scheduled to be
induced because I was about a week overdue and quite large and the doctor
finally said, OK, let's induce you. Um, so when you have it scheduled like
that for induction, they have you come into the hospital like at midnight
or one o'clock on the day of your delivery and uh so basically no sleep
before you go in to the to the waiting room for that and um got induced
and sat there for a while my husband fell asleep and um I was like, oh
this is so easy, you know. And then boom, got hit with really strong pains
water broke and my daughter was definitely pushing on some kind of nerve
and I like rang the bell. I want to talk to someone about my pain
medication and they're like, OK, we'll get to you and no one came for uh.
At least an hour or so, and by that time she had moved again and. I could
actually talk and move and. I was like, well, I don't, I could probably do
it without the drugs, but what if it gets worse again? What if that pain
comes back, and run, I want the drugs, so I had them, um. Do the the the
epidural, um, just in case it was worse than that feeling, but I felt like
, oh, I, you know, I can overcome this. I'm, I'm growing used to the pain
and I can endure this, but that's just not chance it. Did your water break
or did they break your water? No, my water broke after I had been induced
for several hours and it was like unexpected boom, um, because I felt no
contractions, really didn't feel any kind of labor kicking in until that
moment, and no pain until that moment.
So, um, how many hours before you, were you getting like, were they
testing checking you for dilation and stuff before they gave you the
epidural? Do you know how far along you are?
I don't know how far along I was when they gave me the epidural. Probably
not too far along. Um, my pregnancy was off to a slow start, really after
, um, they, they, they had induced me and gave me the medication to make
the baby start coming. Um, so it was slow going and they'd check every
hour or two and I, I felt like, oh, they're ignoring me, you know,
sometimes at a certain point. Um, but I'm like, well, it's not going bad
now that I have the epidural, it's not all that bad. And they kind of just
left me alone, did a few checks here and there, um, but then around 7
o'clock at night, they're like, oh, the baby's not really moving. I'm
gonna have to go call the doctor. And I was like, oh, OK, they want the
doctor's opinion. Everything doesn't look like it's changed all that much
, and I've watched those baby shows where you can be in labor for days, so.
All right, and they immediately come back in and said, the doctor says,
you know, the baby's going to be in danger if we don't do a C-section
right away, and I just went, What? They're like, yeah, the baby's stuck,
sweetie. We need a C-section. I was like, but I, we need to give it more
time. We need to give it more time. They're like, no, no, the doctor
really wants this to happen and she's coming right in and my husband. just
nodded at his head and said, OK, and I was like, no, what? And I felt like
they were robbing me of my chance to have this baby naturally, you know,
um, and so I was just really emotional, just bawling my eyes out and I
felt like I had no support from the hospital or from my husband in any way.
He was just on their side like, yes, let's just do whatever they say. And
so I went into the operating room, still bawling and thinking I wanted a
little more time and I understood there was a problem and maybe we should
consider this, but I wanted to give it several more hours before we took
the baby out by C-section. And uh they said no, not enough progress with
what's happening. And um I just in my head I was like, the doctor wants to
do this before midnight, you know, the doctor doesn't want to be here all
night and sure enough, the C-section happened at 9:30 at night. But as
they were taking the baby out through through C-section, I heard the
doctor say, oh yeah, there's no way that baby was ever gonna fit. So, you
know, I, I guess like they were right to do it, but I felt like Maybe
If my pelvis was different, it would have gone fine and they robbed me of
that opportunity to try. So this is with your son. Oh no, this is my
daughter actually. So she wasn't that big. Oh no, but she has a large head.
My daughter
was like 82 when she was born. Just a really round head though. She's you
wouldn't think she has a large head, but her head currently right now, she
wears adult size hats. She can't wear children's hats anymore, and she's 7.
Um, just a very round head. My son, I knew it wasn't gonna happen
naturally, and the doctor was like, oh well, do you want to talk about VAs
? And I was like, yeah, but he's huge. And then she did an ultrasound and
said, oh yeah, yes, sweetie, it's not gonna happen. I was like, yeah, I
agree, that's not even try.
Yeah, that seems like really emotional that first birth and like being
rushed and because it didn't seem like you have much time to process the
fact that you're gonna have major surgery. Yeah. I guess it did take a few
hours. It was probably 7:30ish when they told me and the doctor wants to
do a C-section. She's coming in and it was 9:30 when my daughter was
actually born, but those two hours was like prepping and getting me ready
for surgery and everything, and I was just following the whole time, never
really got the time to calm down. Yeah, how long had you been laboring at
that point? Um, they induced me at like
midnight 10 p.m. right. So, you know, it's kind of a long time, but I had
heard of being in labor for days, so I, I really didn't think that was
long enough to try before um doing a C-section. Yeah. I, yeah, I could, I
could see how that would be like really distressing. Um,
So, and did you know if they just kept like cranking up the Pitocin or
were you in like are you naturally having your own contractions at that
point?
I think at that point I was naturally having my own contractions. Um, but
they weren't, I don't know that they were really strong enough to, you
know, push my cervix open wide enough, you know, it seemed like the
progress was so tiny that it didn't even register on their, their scale of
yes, you are progressing. Did they say how many centimeters you were
before you went into the C-section? But they're like, oh, this isn't
happening here like 4 centimeters and it's been like, you know, and they
did say, but I can't I can't remember if it was 4 or 7 or what you know,
but. Yeah, it wasn't bad enough to have a child. Can you tell us about the
experience of like getting into the surgical room and sure, um, with the
C-section of my, my daughter, you know, I was still traumatized from being
told this was going to happen and um you know probably still. Trying to
soak up the tears as they talked to me about how the medication was going
to happen and um what I was going to feel. um so I was only half listening
and as they gave it to me, my body just felt awful and um. I, I felt like
I was reacting strangely to it, just couldn't control my body the way I. I
wanted to. I knew I could move my hands and things. I had some control
over my body, but it didn't feel like my body and I was shaking so much
that it was really distracting to have a thought about like the birth of
my child. This wonderful thing was about to happen. But I was shaking so
much. I just felt terribly ill, you know, and as it was happening, I could
hear them talking. I could feel them pulling on my body. It didn't hurt,
but I felt my body shaking on the table as they were cutting me open and I
heard the doctor saying, oh yeah, there's no way this baby would come out
naturally, and I hear all these little conversations, but I did not feel
like myself. I was shaking so much and just It was such a bizarre
experience and then as my husband held up our new baby, and I heard the
baby cry and, and you know, that moment of joy, I was still just like, oh
, I felt weird and I remember my husband holding the baby up. And almost
like to hand it to me and I was like, no, I can't I don't want the baby
because I didn't feel like me and I felt like I was going to drop the baby
or you know, and put the baby close to my face and it felt weird because I
think I had some kind of issue. Depth perception for a little while
because I remember when I actually got to hold her after um they took me
back to my room, like thinking her head was really big and like everything
was a little strange, you know, so when he held up the baby right to my
face, I like, I wish I could enjoy this. Why is he so happy, you know. I,
I guess I felt jealousy that you know he was having this wonderful
experience and he got to stand behind the camera because I made him
videotape and take pictures of the birth. That was his one job and I
remember telling him even as I was going into a C-section, I used to have
to do it, but I guess the video is not going to be any good. I don't care
about the video, just make sure you take a good picture of the baby. And
my father had taken pictures of me being born in the 70s. That was one of
my prized photos, I guess, of me being held up right after the birth, so I
wanted that even if it was gonna be a C-section.
So you know I'm not, so when they took the baby out the C-section, is the
cord still attached and everything? Does the husband still get to cut the
cord, or is there? Yes, yeah, the cords is still coming but instead of out
your vagina, out the hole, it comes and um you got to cut the cord and
everything's normal on his end of what you got to do, like go over to the
scale and see how big the baby is and everything. Did you, so a lot of
them will describe like the sheeted tent. Yes. Oh my gosh, yeah, the tent
right in front of you. Um, I've been thinking of painting ideas that
involve the tent because it's a ginormous barrier between you and the room
, and I guess it has to be there because if I saw them tugging and pulling
in the blood coming out. I'd probably get queasy because when I get a deep
cut like on a finger or something and I see the tissue, I I do get queasy
and have to go sit down, you know, even though I love gory things and like
the idea of of blood and fascinated by those kind of medical things. I'm
also repulsed and I, I probably would pass out from um just the scene
itself as I watch my own body being dissected, um. But the 0 is such a
barrier. And especially since I was shaking so much and I didn't feel like
I was in my own body. It was very surreal, very weird. Yeah, it sounds
crazy, you know, to have, are you like just seeing people's heads at least
over this or I'm hardly even seeing heads. I'm mostly seeing the room and
a little bit of like motion of people walking back and forth, but I'm not
really seeing them standing over me too much because of the tent, but I
know they're there because they're coming in and out of focus. Oh that's
really strange. And then, you know, when I think of that or that like
shaking feeling and stuff and you normally would want to like, you know,
you know, pull with them and like bundle up or something and like just try
to like get normal and it must be so weird to be like splayed out and just
totally vulnerable, you know, I can't imagine. Yeah, it's just not very
bizarre to be in a room full of people that I, I wasn't. Interacting with
they were interacting with my body kind of separate from me, and you know
I'm one of those people that when I'm a little uncomfortable, I like to
retreat and just get out of the situation and there I am. They put me in
this situation was my feeling at the time. They didn't give me long enough
to have the baby naturally and they're doing this to me, um. was kind of
what was going through my head as as this was all going on and not being
able to even like move my arms and and touch my body or like you know,
somehow wrap my arms around me or get small or something, you know, I just
had to sit there and my arms were shaking so much I I did not have full
control of them. I I could just feel them moving back and forth and like,
what are they doing? Why are they doing that? Did they ever explain to you
what happened? I mean do they like, Oh, it's just normal. You know, I
don't even think I asked. I was just like, that's horrible, um, with the
shaking. I'm sure I got a tiny bit more um of the numbing medication than
I was supposed to and was having a bit of a reaction, but I didn't
convulse and like have a bad reaction that stopped the procedure, so it
was like no big deal. I don't even know how much other people noticed how
weird I felt and I was like, I guess that's just what happens with
C-section and this is really horrible. But when my son came along and I
knew he was going to be huge and I was gonna just do another C-section, uh
, you know, I was like, OK, you know, at least I know what I'm in for and
when. I had him, you know, it was all pre-scheduled. I didn't have to sit
there and labor all day long before it happened. I had to go in several
hours before the C-section, but as soon as it happened, you know, boom. He
was out and I did not have as much shaking and like I don't even know if I
had any of the shaking. I think my body felt a little strange from the
medication, but it felt like I had pretty good control of it. So I was
like, oh, that was so easy. I love that, you know, and I'm a mom now, it's
done. Second time around. Yeah, can you explain a little bit more about
that because you know some of us, some people that are going through the
process of labor delivery, it's like 2 days later and you've had so much
time to process the idea that you're going to have this baby in your hands
, but it seems like with a scheduled C-section, it's like. You know, but
maybe because it's scheduled you have a week. Yeah, I felt like with my
son and being scheduled and everything, I was really prepared. For him
coming home, I I was I was ready for it because I knew I had to prepare
before it happened, you know, and just in the hospital itself it was just
a little extra time waiting but it didn't like amp up the expectations and
I was really large with my son and really ready to have him out um. And
just just a lot of discomfort in my body from how big he was, you know,
couldn't even sit or move right to make it comfortable and I could feel
every turn he made. So by the time he came out and I, you know that. It
was scheduled and it was so fast, you know, it, it felt so natural to have
a C-section that way with him. So, um, with your daughter, after, you know
, they stitch you up and do they put you on a wheelchair or do they like
put you on a wheelie table and put you in a room and then you recover?
Like what is that process?
You know that part after my daughter was born, how I got from the
operating room back to my room is a blur. I think they put me on a gurney
table and wheeled me straight from the exam room straight into bed again
and gave me a little time with nothing to do but maybe recover my body
from all the the drugs that had just been given and you know, from the
surgery that just took place. It wasn't very long though. I feel like
after I was all stitched up maybe half an hour before they brought her
into me and I got to hold her and by then the drugs had worn off in my
arms, that shaking uncontrollable. I still felt a little out of sorts, but
the moment I got to hold her, I was like, oh yes, this is, this is what
it's about. This, I'm a mom now, you know, this is huge and I have this
thing and I'm never going to let go. I I just loved that moment that she
got placed on top of me. And I remember my husband going, OK, you know,
you nursed her enough now the family wants to see her, and I was like, no
, no, she still wants milk. I'm going to keep nursing her until she falls
asleep and she didn't fall asleep. She just kept nursing and after about
an hour, hour and a half, my husband's like, come on, please, can you just
stop nursing her for a little while? But as a new mom I'm like, no, she's
asking for milk but nope. I'm going to give it to her, you know, I think I
realized, oh, she's just, you know, she's nursing and falling asleep and
waking up a little. I guess I can part with her for a little while, but I
didn't want to. I didn't want family coming in, people talking to me. I
just wanted that moment of holding her and I felt like that was my time.
My husband got the wonderful excitement in the operating room of like you
know watching the baby come out and being held up and breathing for the
first time and I kind of got the side glance of What that looked like and
felt so awful that it wasn't enjoyable, but that was my moment. They laid
her on top of me and I got to hold her and I didn't want to let it stop.
You lucky nursing was so good for you. Yes and no. I mean, she's nursed a
lot, probably maybe she wasn't getting a lot at the time, but yeah, it
went fine in terms of, I didn't have to give her a bottle very much at all
when she was growing up. That's great. So do you remember like the first
time you saw your scar or like showering or, you know, how does that all?
When I first saw the scar, scar at that point,
yeah, when I first saw the, the, the incision, it was all bandaged up for
me and when they had to change out the dressing was the first time I got
to see what had actually happened and I was impressed on how tiny it was
considering this 8 pound baby just came out of there. Um, the worst part
of it was, um, where they had put the medical tape to hold the bandages in.
And the scar itself looked kind of gruesome, but not horrible. It looked
fairly clean, even though it had, um, I don't know if it was the stitches
, I think, or staples, you know, those were very obvious against my white
, white skin um and a little bit of crusty blood, but I was kind of
impressed on how tiny a scar it was and Uh, where they had removed the
tape was much worse in terms of pain and the feeling than the actual
incision. I totally understand that about the tape part. Yeah, it's so
much worse a lot of times, the band-aid stuff, but um, so then you were
able to shower like normal and.
I don't remember if I was allowed to shower right away. I, I don't even
know if I wanted to, you know, I just, I felt grungy, but I felt like
maybe that's just the way it's supposed to be. I don't think I got in the
water for um quite a while, um.
But I, I, it's all a blur really. The um incision never opened up or
anything. It just healed up fine and it was not an issue. No, the incision
was, was um pretty easy to take care of it. It might have gotten a little
puffy in one area compared to the rest, but it definitely looked. Like it
was healing the way it's supposed to heal. So I was very lucky in terms of
that, because if it had gotten infected and then trying to hold your baby
and just move with this new child that you're afraid to walk across the
room because you might drop it because it's so precious and sweet, you
know, I couldn't imagine if I had. An infected wound, how I would be able
to take care of the baby and deal with being stuck in a hospital room for
days. Yeah. So how many days were you in the hospital? 2 or 3. I think I
was in the hospital 2 or 3 days. Um, I think they would have let me go
home. After like a day and a half. For 2 days, but I was like, oh well,
the nurses are here. Let's stay here one more day because I'm wondering
how I'll feel once I get home and don't have as many drugs being given to
me. Yeah, so were you given like a prescription for painkillers and stuff
, or? They gave me a prescription for painkillers which I really hadn't
taken any painkillers in my life. I had surgery when I was a tiny baby,
but never any kind of major surgery for myself and no no major um aches or
pains that required drugs. So taking painkillers was a strange experience
for me but I was like, oh wow, I kind of like that it takes everything
away. It feels good, yeah, um. But I also wondered like how how long this
could continue and I was like this is fine though. I like it till I
realized they make you constipated and nobody told me that until I had
already taken the pain medicine. I'm like, yeah, it's fine. Yeah, you can
give me more pain medicine. I, I have a little ache here. Yeah, let's give
us, give me some more. And then they told me it makes you constipated and
I was like, oh, OK, I, I should get off of these because you're not gonna
let me out of the hospital.
Unless I have a bowel movement. But seriously though, the constipation
probably keeps a lot of people from becoming addicted to.
Oh my goodness, um, so yeah, what was life then when you did get home from
the hospital?
Um, when I got home, um.
My husband was a little bit doting, um, but mostly family kind of swooped
in and doting for a few days or weeks. I can't remember how long my mom
stayed, but I think she stayed with us for quite a while with the um. Uh,
actually, with my first child, I think she stayed with us a few days when
I had my second child, my mom stayed with us and was very doting for a few
weeks because I had a 1.5 year old that I wasn't allowed to hold. The way
I had been holding because I had a C-section. I wasn't even technically
supposed to pick up the 10 pound, 2 ounce baby that I just gave birth to
in his car seat, you know, he was heavier than what I was allowed to carry
, so I had my mom come in and then my mother-in-law was pretty helpful too.
10 pounds Did they, was that just there was no reason I knew my son was
going to be big because my husband was very large. He was in the 10 pound
range. His brother was 11 pound, natural birth. From my mother-in-law and
my family is not small in terms of the birth weight either. I think I was
about 8 pounds. My brother was 9, almost 10 pounds. It's so funny how
there's like no correlation between birth weight and adult weights at all.
Um, well, that's totally fascinating. OK, so then with your son, uh, did
you stay in the hospital? Was it the same routine after your daughter once
you had the C-section? I think with my son in the hospital, um, everything
was. Maybe a sped up version of. What happened with my daughter,
everything seemed to go a little smoother, probably because I knew what
was happening and time seemed to go a little faster because I wanted to
get home to my daughter because that was the first time I'd been away from
my other child for the birth of him, you know, um, and everything seemed
to go pretty, pretty well with like the second C-section. It didn't create
any more of a a messy surgery or anything. I healed fast. They let me take
him home pretty fast. He was jaundiced, but not so bad that they worried.
Um, he had torticollis, which is when your neck is so squished from being
in uterus that your muscles and everything are shaped incorrectly and uh.
He had that right away. And what's wrong with that? And I'm like, Oh, no
problem. He'll grow out of that. Would it look different to you
when you have torticollis, you basically hold your neck sideways quite a
bit depending on how bad it is, but you know, he was always leaning his
head in one direction. And you can push the head up to try and straighten
it out, but the baby might cry because it's painful to go straight like or
all the way the other direction. The muscles are trained incorrectly
because he was so huge in my my tiny body that um his his neck just wasn't
in the right position and he went to therapy for months and months. I
think from age 6 months to a year he went to physical therapy because it's
still um still there and I notice every time he cries now that he's 6, he
leans his head in that direction. I call it his fetal position. As soon as
he gets upset, he just leans his head that way it's like a natural
response to like being uncomfortable.
Did you um feel like you knew their personalities at all when they were in
the womb, or? I don't think I felt their personalities in in the womb too
much, um. My daughter Kicked and moved a bit and it was very fluid and. It
would happen and everything my son, it was so cramped in there. I felt
like he was busting out like every movie made like stretched my skin and
hurt a bit, but he didn't make that many moves, probably because he didn't
have any room to, um, but I didn't get a sense of who they were when they
were born. I I think it was pretty apparent right away, and they're close
now. They're, they're close. They fight, um. But they also get along most
of the time.
I, my neighbors have two little girls and they're like 18 months apart or
something, but. You have to, you know, one of them. Once whatever the
other one has, then I have to buy like 2 of everything. I I think, oh no,
no, no, it's hard enough as it is, but it's nice that they get along.
So, um, any, any additional babies?
No, I think I'm done, you know, having 2 and then my stepdaughter, my
husband is done after 3 and I'm done after 2. I don't want to take chances
like with the possibility of complications and things going wrong, and I,
my body is just Like exhausted, taking care of the two children I have. I
could not imagine starting all over again with a baby that needs that 24
hour like ear open. I'm just now feeling like, oh yeah, the kids are fine
. I don't have to listen to every moment of their lives. I don't want to
go back to starting fresh again. I love the idea of um utilizing that tent.
Is it a white sheet or is it like green? What is in the operating room? I
was looking at pictures of my daughter's birth and there was a blue kind
of tent in front of me. I think it's just a blue sheet that they they kind
of like clamp up with makeshift clamps from other parts of the hospital.
It doesn't seem like it, it is. Uh Set stable thing that is your tent when
you're having a C-section just looks like, yeah, let's put a tent up with
some of these clippy things, and there you go. That image reminds me so
much of that magic trick, you know, with the woman on the table and they
like separate the legs and the but because you probably do feel like so
disconnected from that side of you. You know, and then, and then there's
also that barrier which makes it seem even like two separate halves, right
? Yeah, the, the, the first one, the first C-section with my daughter, it
did feel like that curtain kind of was separating me, cutting me in half,
and I could feel them tugging in. Leaving the lower, I could feel them
doing things, but it was not part of me. Um, it was very, very
disconcerting and like separating me from the whole process, that big tent
in front of me. Yeah, I was really worried they C-section because I was
induced also, so I never had like a natural contraction, and I was worried
it was like not gonna progress fast enough and stuff, but. It ended up
being fine, you know, as fine as it can be.
That it is just as traumatic. I.
I don't know, you know. Although we've heard some really good comforting
ones, um, but I think that it's really surprising how just strange the
process can be, not traumatic, not that it's like traumatic, but that it's
just strange and surreal or
even if you know every Step of the process, you know, when it's happening
to it, it's just, it just feels like the strangest thing like you're the
only one that's experienced it that way, you know, but I don't know. Have
you talked to other women that had C-sections? Did they Relate to your
story at all. I don't know if I've told my story that much. I'm not sure
how different I mean. I guess I've told my story, but I haven't heard too
many other people get into um details about their C-section and whether or
not they had a reaction to the drugs. I've definitely heard people having
a reaction to the drugs during surgery itself, um. But the combination of
having that at the same time as the birth of your child, I think made it a
little more um traumatizing and like I overplayed it in my head how weird
it was because I wanted to hold my child, but then I didn't want to hold
her because it felt like it wasn't my body. Yeah, and I mean, I would
think that you're it's like a super emotionally heightened state, and then
you have this um something that's making you not. Think correctly. Sure, I
was so emotional because I didn't want a C-section and I felt like I was
being pressured a little too soon and thought I needed a few more hours to
progress and I was being convinced it had to happen now and then the drugs
made my body feel different and I was just in a super heightened emotional
state, you know, like bawling for like the hour or two before the
C-section and then even after like I don't think I was bawling, but I felt
like my face was puffy from all the tears I had shed before the C-section
and just that like state where you've been crying and any little thing is
gonna set you off. That was how I felt until I actually held my daughter.
I was in that like, don't say a word or I'm gonna cry until I held her,
and then it kind of disappeared. Have you talked to your husband at all
about, you know, feeling like he wasn't on your side during that?
With the birth of my daughter, um, my husband fell asleep while I was
being given the medicine to induce me in a tiny, tiny waiting room in a
lounge chair in front of the bathroom, and he had it propped all the way
open. So as they gave me this medicine, this medicine. He was sleeping in
this tiny room and I had um the explosion of my water breaking and my
daughter pushing on my spine causing this severe pain and he was just
sleeping and he wouldn't move. I couldn't get him up. I, I could hardly
scream. I was in so much pain, but I was like hitting him and like trying
to make noises and explain my water I hurt I'm in pain. And it took a very
long time in my mind. I'm sure it probably didn't, but in my mind, it took
a long time to get him to move out of the chair so I could get to the
bathroom to even see what was going on with my body and the water breaking.
I, it was just my guess that the water had broke, but I didn't know if
more was coming or what I wanted in the bathroom and I could hardly get
there. Um, so after that. I felt like my husband wasn't on my side, you
know, he, he was able to sleep during this thing at all, made me
uncomfortable, um.
What was that? And then, and then also he was, you had said that he was on
their side looking like, yes, we're going to C-section. And then he was on
their side with, yes, you know, it's going too slow. The doctor thinks
it's best for a C-section. You have to do it. I felt like he was
pressuring me. I'm like, what you're supposed to be on my side. And then
in the, in the delivery room, you know. He got the good side of it in
terms that I could see how happy he was and he had also had another child
before though, so he had this comfort level with the whole thing that. I
was like, how can that be? Well, after I had my second child, I understood
that there is a big difference. The second time around, you do know a
little more about what's going on, and he's confided in me that he was
worried about the C-section and what could happen and you know he was very
concerned, but I didn't notice that at the time. I thought he was just.
Being lazy or on their side.
OK, so, um, like I said, I, we're separating these stories in the themes,
and so we're asking people at the end to see if they can, uh, come up with
the term word or phrasing of words that kind of summarizes their
experience, you know, what you would reflect on it, um, you know, I know
it's like a super challenging question, but it's surprising when people
come up with it they're really interesting.
I, I'm not good at these kind of phrases. It takes, it takes me a while to
envelo the idea into a phrase, you know. I've been trying to paint or
sketch ideas or come up with ideas um about birthing experiences and
they're always mixed emotions, you know, there's this sense of um The joy
and wonder of the moment I got to hold the child, but then there's the,
the bizarre sense of how weird things were in the hospital room, having it
not naturally having a C-section, um, to wrap it up in a few words.
Like scary joy is what happened with my first child, especially, you know
, the whole time I was very happy. I was finally going to be a mom and it
was all going according to plan, you know, my plan of ever since I met my
husband, yes, I should have a child, but I need to have it right away
because I'm getting old. Um, the plan was in its works. It was going great.
Um, but then being nervous, anything could set this balance of like
everything is great, just right on its head. Any little medical problem
leaves you up, you know, all night worrying about the next, you know, 20
years with this, this baby that you've brought into the world. So scary
joy is what my experience was. I think that makes perfect sense. I
completely relate to that one, absolutely just the mix, the mix of
emotions and there's that the unknowingness too that makes it a little
scary anyway. And you know I would go back and forth with my pregnancy, um.
With my first child, I was like, oh my gosh, I'm having a girl. I was
such a tomboy. I don't know what to do with a girl. I don't know how to
play with a child. Why am I, why did I decide this was a really good idea
? I finally had decided not to be scared and just I was going to do it.
But then once I was pregnant, I don't know how to take care of a girl. I
guess I want a boy and I was like, oh my gosh, boys are so much trouble.
They get into everything and then um. Just having a brother who died of
an overdose made me the idea of like raising a boy. Oh my gosh, how am I
gonna, you know, be able to control someone with a substance abuse problem
or anger issues, and I don't want to bring a boy into the world. I guess I
want a girl, but I don't know how to play with a girl. Yeah, and I ended
up with one of each, so it all kind of balanced out. You were really lucky
about that, though, yes, I was lucky cause I don't think I would have kept
trying, but I really wanted a boy and a girl. Alright, I think we're good.
Yeah, does she have any other, OK, all right.