WEBVTT 00:00:00.639 --> 00:00:05.566 This is Boris Solis interviewing Aquila Matic for Creative Push on May 17 00:00:05.599 --> 00:00:12.066 , 2016 at 12:15. That's the first time I've ever done that perfectly, I 00:00:12.099 --> 00:00:17.387 think in the last year. OK, so let's, um, so you're telling us about one 00:00:17.420 --> 00:00:24.817 birth today. Can you bring us all the way back to the conception? Mm. So, 00:00:24.850 --> 00:00:32.850 um, conceiving my wonderful princess Jasmine was fun. 00:00:35.060 --> 00:00:40.097 It was actually fun. Her dad and I met he was actually trying to sell me a 00:00:40.130 --> 00:00:46.057 car and so I didn't buy a car, but obviously I bought a relationship from 00:00:46.090 --> 00:00:50.726 him so we ended up, you know, dating and stuff and and hanging out and she 00:00:50.759 --> 00:00:57.807 was our surprise nonetheless. 00:00:57.840 --> 00:01:05.840 So how long into it? Was it a good surprise? Um, it was. 00:01:06.558 --> 00:01:11.727 The conception of Jasmine was a very. I don't know, it was an interesting 00:01:11.760 --> 00:01:16.286 surprise, to be honest. I was proba, I wasn't planning to have any more 00:01:16.319 --> 00:01:20.206 kids. I wasn't planning to because I had a son, but I wasn't planning to 00:01:20.239 --> 00:01:23.605 have another child. I was not planning to have a kid, especially at that 00:01:23.638 --> 00:01:29.275 moment or in that time of my life. I wanted to um just allow my son to 00:01:29.308 --> 00:01:33.967 continue to be the only child and continue to grow, um, just with him and 00:01:34.000 --> 00:01:37.805 I really thought to myself that if he was the only child, I would be OK 00:01:37.838 --> 00:01:43.296 with that. So, um, when I found out I was literally like, you know, I 00:01:43.329 --> 00:01:47.066 really thought it was gas, like my stomach was, you know, doing some 00:01:47.099 --> 00:01:51.617 things. I just knew pregnancy was the furthest thing from my mind. This 00:01:51.650 --> 00:01:55.346 definitely cannot be a baby, like, you know, and I, and in fact it was, it 00:01:55.379 --> 00:01:58.176 didn't even come that. I was like, you know what, I already know what's 00:01:58.209 --> 00:02:02.346 going on. I need to go to the bathroom. This is gas. I just need one of 00:02:02.379 --> 00:02:05.617 those amazing laxatives that you guys prescribed that you cannot buy over 00:02:05.650 --> 00:02:11.677 the counter. And um I'll be fine. I'll just be on my way and then they lo 00:02:11.710 --> 00:02:16.755 and behold, they were like um no, not gas at all. It's actually a baby, 00:02:16.788 --> 00:02:21.505 you're pregnant. Yay! And I was like, it's not gas. Like I just was very 00:02:21.538 --> 00:02:25.677 stuck on it being gas. Um, no, are you sure this isn't gas? And they were 00:02:25.710 --> 00:02:31.005 like, OK, so obviously you, you weren't expecting. No, definitely not, and 00:02:31.038 --> 00:02:34.876 I don't care how many times you tell people that you know what the birds 00:02:34.909 --> 00:02:39.547 and the bees can. And stuff I didn't want a bird or a bee or the baby to 00:02:39.580 --> 00:02:44.707 come at that time. So that was my my experience. You were actually at a 00:02:44.740 --> 00:02:48.786 doctor's appointment and they just tested your urine just as like a 00:02:48.819 --> 00:02:53.386 because I really thought I had gas and and and honestly um it was like 00:02:53.419 --> 00:02:58.786 severe constipation so I was like the way that my my insides are set up, 00:02:58.819 --> 00:03:02.696 they're not always cooperative in that area. So I just knew it was just 00:03:02.729 --> 00:03:07.356 like a time before. Yeah, but no other doctor's appointment to just remedy 00:03:07.389 --> 00:03:10.517 this. You're pregnant? 00:03:10.550 --> 00:03:16.646 And um she'll be or she or he will be due your and I think I was literally 00:03:16.679 --> 00:03:21.085 they were able to tell right away so I think I was like 5 or 6 weeks. So 00:03:21.118 --> 00:03:25.166 not only did I find out I was pregnant but I had a bazillion months left 00:03:25.199 --> 00:03:27.967 to go because I would have loved to found out I was like 4 months or 00:03:28.000 --> 00:03:31.555 something, like one of those stories, you know, at least be halfway over 00:03:31.588 --> 00:03:35.927 it because I already wasn't really ready for the beginning, so that was my 00:03:35.960 --> 00:03:40.066 experience. How was the partner? How was the man? He was ecstatic. You 00:03:40.099 --> 00:03:43.906 know, he was all excited and yay, a baby, and I'm like, yeah, that's 00:03:43.939 --> 00:03:46.646 because you don't have them, you know, you don't get to have any kids. 00:03:46.679 --> 00:03:49.626 Your stomach doesn't get stretched out. You don't have to worry about 00:03:49.659 --> 00:03:54.066 being nauseated at the sight of food, let alone consuming food. Yeah, 00:03:54.099 --> 00:03:58.267 you're good, of course you're excited about this, you know, and truth be 00:03:58.300 --> 00:04:02.025 told, because of where we were in our relationship, I didn't know if we 00:04:02.058 --> 00:04:05.467 were gonna be together, so I was like, you know, this, that's probably not 00:04:05.500 --> 00:04:09.237 your thought or concern, but it is mine. And because of my prior 00:04:09.270 --> 00:04:14.085 experience where I had recently gotten divorced, I didn't want to, you 00:04:14.118 --> 00:04:18.765 know, bring a child into a broken relationship or, you know, her, um, 00:04:18.798 --> 00:04:23.645 family, you know, not being all under one roof and, um, and I knew where I 00:04:23.678 --> 00:04:27.286 was at that time where I could have definitely gone for the baby and not 00:04:27.319 --> 00:04:31.687 the man, so. I was like, you know, and I, it was probably an opportunity 00:04:31.720 --> 00:04:36.825 to just really protect us both, but, um, but I definitely, I mean he was 00:04:36.858 --> 00:04:40.046 he was ecstatic. He was like, of course he was planning, he had already 00:04:40.079 --> 00:04:43.726 come up with a name if it was a girl and a boy, and meanwhile I'm still 00:04:43.759 --> 00:04:49.916 like, you sure it's not gas? 00:04:49.949 --> 00:04:55.286 Like starting point. It's all story right there. 00:04:55.319 --> 00:04:59.416 Like how many more times can you say gas that's really nice because I just 00:04:59.449 --> 00:05:01.757 really. 00:05:01.790 --> 00:05:07.046 So, OK, so, and there was never a different thought than like we're going 00:05:07.079 --> 00:05:11.526 to finish, we're gonna have this baby and try to make it work, like, oh, 00:05:11.559 --> 00:05:17.687 so, oh, you know what, so actually, you know, I must say, now that I think 00:05:17.720 --> 00:05:21.286 about it, when you brought that up, that was just a great question. So was 00:05:21.319 --> 00:05:24.645 there a question of, you know, are we just gonna continue to work through 00:05:24.678 --> 00:05:30.007 this relationship? Well, before that, I may have to back up because I 00:05:30.040 --> 00:05:33.765 actually, after finding out I was pregnant and sharing with him and he was 00:05:33.798 --> 00:05:38.137 ecstatic, I actually went to, and this is an amazing part of my story 00:05:38.170 --> 00:05:43.086 because, oh man, because I think it's, you know, um to, to even admit this 00:05:43.119 --> 00:05:47.127 is a big deal to me, but I actually went, I looked for a clinic for an 00:05:47.160 --> 00:05:51.836 abortion. And in my heart of hearts I knew I would never be able to go 00:05:51.869 --> 00:05:55.637 through with it, but in my emotions and my mind at that moment I was like 00:05:55.670 --> 00:06:00.276 , I don't want to bring her into a broken family. I don't really, you know 00:06:00.309 --> 00:06:04.395 , he and I get along for the sake of hanging out and dating, but I didn't 00:06:04.428 --> 00:06:10.176 put it in my plan to pursue a long term relationship with him. So, um, I 00:06:10.209 --> 00:06:14.986 went to this clinic and you know this, uh, man, and I pray and I believe 00:06:15.019 --> 00:06:20.825 in prayer so I'm all like, Lord, just so you know, um, I would rather like 00:06:20.858 --> 00:06:27.265 her, you know, go with you than me like go aboard or anything but um I'm 00:06:27.298 --> 00:06:33.606 not happy about this like I, I just, I just felt so overwhelmed with. 00:06:33.639 --> 00:06:38.166 Concern, like so much concern. So anyway, I get into this what I thought 00:06:38.199 --> 00:06:42.776 was an abortion clinic and these people had the audacity to be Christians. 00:06:42.809 --> 00:06:47.416 What do you, what? And they're like, Yeah, we're not an abortion clinic. 00:06:47.449 --> 00:06:52.236 I'm like, I could have sworn when I Googled you that you were an abortion 00:06:52.269 --> 00:06:57.276 clinic and they're like, no, we actually intercede on behalf of people 00:06:57.309 --> 00:07:02.197 aborting and I just cried because I knew that God knew me well enough to 00:07:02.230 --> 00:07:05.036 know that I was a punk. I would have never gone through that, and that 00:07:05.069 --> 00:07:08.317 ain't even what I wanted to do, but I am grateful that that's where I 00:07:08.350 --> 00:07:12.645 landed. It was just so amazing. I'm like, you've got me. I looked up on 00:07:12.678 --> 00:07:16.645 Google. Google deceived me and I looked up, you know, abortion and I'm in 00:07:16.678 --> 00:07:20.765 this office where this lady is all like she's crying harder than I am and 00:07:20.798 --> 00:07:23.765 she's like, You want me to pray with you? And I'm like, Don't be praying 00:07:23.798 --> 00:07:27.325 now. Like, you know, don't be praying. Prayer is the last thing I want 00:07:27.358 --> 00:07:32.687 right now. I wanted to talk to somebody about an abortion to a minimum. 00:07:32.720 --> 00:07:35.846 Give me the space to process what was going on in my mind and in my 00:07:35.879 --> 00:07:40.606 emotions about being overwhelmed with concern and, you know, being upset 00:07:40.639 --> 00:07:44.166 like, dude, I don't want this baby to be in a broken relationship. So 00:07:44.199 --> 00:07:49.245 anyway, um, it was awesome because we ended up, you know, talking through 00:07:49.278 --> 00:07:53.726 it. She allowed me to still talk to her about it and work through all of 00:07:53.759 --> 00:08:00.377 my Ever confusing emotions and she was like, you know, no matter what you 00:08:00.410 --> 00:08:04.776 decide to do cause I can't control anything, it'll be perfect. And I 00:08:04.809 --> 00:08:07.817 really believe, you know, I was like, well, no, I'm having the baby, of 00:08:07.850 --> 00:08:11.217 course, you know, and I said and I told her I said, and I was always gonna 00:08:11.250 --> 00:08:14.817 have the baby, but I believe that experience, especially because I am a 00:08:14.850 --> 00:08:18.976 Christian. Most people want to admit to that even being a thought, and I, 00:08:19.009 --> 00:08:22.430 I believe in my honesty to the point that if it could be healing. To 00:08:22.463 --> 00:08:26.592 somebody else, so I actually shared, you know, I told her that I would 00:08:26.625 --> 00:08:30.231 tell, and of course everybody was like, don't tell your daughter that 00:08:30.264 --> 00:08:33.552 because it'll make her feel some kind of way when she gets older and 00:08:33.585 --> 00:08:37.471 whatever, but I, I wanted her to know that that what it looked like to be 00:08:37.504 --> 00:08:40.311 a real person who experiences real, you know, these real emotions, real 00:08:40.344 --> 00:08:46.311 thoughts, real concerns and um as a result they featured her in a pamphlet 00:08:46.344 --> 00:08:50.356 and I, I got to put, you know, she says, what would you be able to say. 00:08:50.389 --> 00:08:55.246 You know, to describe, you know, your experience through, you know, 00:08:55.279 --> 00:09:00.086 overcoming this, and I said, you know, even though I wasn't, I was 00:09:00.119 --> 00:09:04.486 concerned about all of her life and what her life would look like, I must 00:09:04.519 --> 00:09:10.005 say that I chose a um made a decision that we both could live with and so 00:09:10.038 --> 00:09:14.206 she was able to to live and and I was able to live, you know, with my 00:09:14.239 --> 00:09:18.005 heart not filled with guilt or grief or anything like that. Um, so we both 00:09:18.038 --> 00:09:21.236 were able to, as a result of that decision, be able to have an opportunity 00:09:21.269 --> 00:09:26.057 to maximize life, you know. That was really lovely. How old is she now? 00:09:26.090 --> 00:09:32.125 She's 7. My daughter is 7 years old. She is like the most vibrant kid in 00:09:32.158 --> 00:09:36.775 America or in my house, whichever you want. She's awesome. I couldn't 00:09:36.808 --> 00:09:40.746 imagine you having a child that's not violent. 00:09:40.779 --> 00:09:46.236 That's exactly the word I would choose to define it. He's awesome. OK, so 00:09:46.269 --> 00:09:49.836 did you guys stay together through the pregnancy? Yes, we definitely 00:09:49.869 --> 00:09:53.395 stayed together through the pregnancy. We did have our own homes and our 00:09:53.428 --> 00:09:58.275 own addresses. So it was quite an interesting story though, I must say I 00:09:58.308 --> 00:10:02.436 did go through, um, I would say I, I kind of experienced some trauma in 00:10:02.469 --> 00:10:07.696 the sense that when I was, when I had my first son and we were married, um. 00:10:07.729 --> 00:10:10.346 He was there at every appointment and all of those things and through 00:10:10.379 --> 00:10:15.826 whatever my body was going through. Um, but my Jasmine was that I went 00:10:15.859 --> 00:10:19.907 through a lot with her. I started contracting, um, I had Braxton Hicks 00:10:19.940 --> 00:10:25.375 from the time I was 4 months until every day until I delivered. So my body 00:10:25.408 --> 00:10:30.746 was, I was in pain, my hips hurt a lot. Um, I couldn't wash dishes, talk 00:10:30.779 --> 00:10:34.866 loud, sweep the floor, like everything would hurt and cause my body to 00:10:34.899 --> 00:10:38.866 hurt. So, and I mean it was crazy because my first pregnancy I'm like uh 00:10:38.899 --> 00:10:42.787 da da da da and then you know not not the same experience at all. And so 00:10:42.820 --> 00:10:49.467 with him he worked a lot as well um and then um he decided to, I guess, 00:10:49.500 --> 00:10:55.101 multitask relationships so he had some other things going on. That I 00:10:55.134 --> 00:10:58.971 unfortunately or fortunately found out about that definitely added a 00:10:59.004 --> 00:11:02.932 weight to my process of being pregnant. He didn't make it to many of those 00:11:02.965 --> 00:11:07.481 appointments, but we were together, you know, like Mina, we were able to 00:11:07.514 --> 00:11:10.900 still share in the experience of pregnancy but not necessarily the 00:11:10.933 --> 00:11:16.927 relationship and um. You know, so that was hard. That was, that was very 00:11:16.960 --> 00:11:20.525 hard to me because it wasn't something I was familiar with, you know, I 00:11:20.558 --> 00:11:23.645 was like, dude, even if you don't like me, show up to the appointment, you 00:11:23.678 --> 00:11:27.606 know, that's my thought, that was my thought about it, you know, that we, 00:11:27.639 --> 00:11:31.366 we brought this baby into this world together. Let's share in that 00:11:31.399 --> 00:11:36.967 experience. We may not get along anymore for whatever reason or another, 00:11:37.000 --> 00:11:40.407 but you know we, we can, we can definitely still do life with this baby, 00:11:40.440 --> 00:11:44.917 you know, we can still walk this thing out side by side. So did you feel 00:11:44.950 --> 00:11:48.316 really alone or did you have a support network besides him, you know, 00:11:48.349 --> 00:11:53.246 outside of him? I'm, I'm grateful for not being alone because I definitely 00:11:53.279 --> 00:11:57.395 had an amazing what we call the village and my village consists of a bunch 00:11:57.428 --> 00:12:02.076 of other what we call transplants into Arizona that are from all over the 00:12:02.109 --> 00:12:06.917 world that we've connected here in this place and, and, and, and we've 00:12:06.950 --> 00:12:10.596 made each other family and I think that, you know, family is, you know, it 00:12:10.629 --> 00:12:14.996 definitely, it's a connection beyond blood and so they were with me, they 00:12:15.029 --> 00:12:18.417 were, you know, if they needed to show up to an appointment they would and 00:12:18.450 --> 00:12:21.547 You know, and I could, you know, call them and whine about my hips hurting 00:12:21.580 --> 00:12:25.907 or, you know, talk about, you know, the fact that I was craving sweets 00:12:25.940 --> 00:12:29.586 like crazy and, you know, don't you want to join me in ice cream? And they 00:12:29.619 --> 00:12:34.625 would love to, you know, join, join me in, in that or you know, eating 00:12:34.658 --> 00:12:40.996 IHOP for dinner, breakfast and lunch in that order. And, you know, like, 00:12:41.029 --> 00:12:44.436 because I, you know, the way your, your life is set up, breakfast is no 00:12:44.469 --> 00:12:47.667 longer breakfast, dinner is not everything has its own schedule and time 00:12:47.700 --> 00:12:51.755 and but anyway, it was, I definitely am so grateful for each and every 00:12:51.788 --> 00:12:55.717 person that was able to be there with me and, you know, and and shop with 00:12:55.750 --> 00:13:01.846 me and, you know, just. Let me cry if I was having an emotional day or 00:13:01.879 --> 00:13:05.086 whatever the case may be, you know, there, there were definitely other 00:13:05.119 --> 00:13:10.116 people, sisters, brothers, you know, and then plus my biological family as 00:13:10.149 --> 00:13:13.446 well, even though they lived all most of them lived out of state, one of 00:13:13.479 --> 00:13:16.996 my sisters lived here at that time, you know, it was still great to just 00:13:17.029 --> 00:13:19.686 be able to have the conversation because a lot of them thought like we 00:13:19.719 --> 00:13:23.206 just thought you were never gonna have another child because she came 7 00:13:23.239 --> 00:13:26.157 years after my son. 00:13:26.190 --> 00:13:31.356 OK, so let's talk about the process of being pregnant and those 60 pounds 00:13:31.389 --> 00:13:37.456 and all that stuff besides the hip pain that might be part of it too. So 00:13:37.489 --> 00:13:41.736 with my first son, I gained 60 pounds and then I, you know, lost all but 00:13:41.769 --> 00:13:45.836 maybe let's say, I think 5 pounds. So with my daughter, I gained 44 pounds 00:13:45.869 --> 00:13:52.255 , so essentially like 50 pounds. And um, you know, and, and to be a small 00:13:52.288 --> 00:13:56.976 framed person carrying That kind of weight, you know, probably played a 00:13:57.009 --> 00:14:01.177 part in the pain, but, um, and the discomfort, you know, but I mean like I 00:14:01.210 --> 00:14:04.856 said, for her, my son, obviously I, I gained more, but it was extreme 00:14:04.889 --> 00:14:08.336 discomfort. But anyway, I, I did, I even though I gained weight, I must 00:14:08.369 --> 00:14:11.696 say I carried it a little better than I did the first time around. I 00:14:11.729 --> 00:14:15.336 looked like a like a, you know, something like a platypus or something or 00:14:15.369 --> 00:14:19.775 some type of a, you know, something with my my my my rhinoceros with my 00:14:19.808 --> 00:14:23.066 son or something. I was just really wide and really big. And I was the 00:14:23.099 --> 00:14:27.356 happiest thing in America and then my daughter though I felt attractive, 00:14:27.389 --> 00:14:30.956 you know, I felt really attractive. I was like, and I think God is amazing 00:14:30.989 --> 00:14:34.005 that he would allow me to still at least look good. I guess he's like, 00:14:34.038 --> 00:14:37.755 well, if she ain't feeling too great, her story ain't ideally, you know, 00:14:37.788 --> 00:14:41.427 like the first story. where I was happily married and all that. I'll make 00:14:41.460 --> 00:14:46.145 her look good. So he like he gave me that as a benefit or a bonus. So I 00:14:46.178 --> 00:14:49.746 felt really attractive. I, you know, I took care of myself in a different 00:14:49.779 --> 00:14:53.106 way with a different type of pride even though, you know, like I said, 00:14:53.139 --> 00:14:58.496 there was a lot of discomfort and um. And I just felt like, you know, like 00:14:58.529 --> 00:15:04.297 I was wobbling everywhere, you know, I, I was so clumsy. I would trip and 00:15:04.330 --> 00:15:08.417 I wouldn't fall, you know, thankfully, but I would run into the stuff. I 00:15:08.450 --> 00:15:13.015 was tripping, literally tripping and then, you know, it was, it was 00:15:13.048 --> 00:15:17.196 interesting that little baby of mine had me and I didn't get, Jesus, she 00:15:17.229 --> 00:15:25.229 was like The most awake kid ever. Like I don't think she slept and then. 00:15:25.519 --> 00:15:29.496 You know, if, if it's true that your kid is who they are in the womb when 00:15:29.529 --> 00:15:33.537 they get out, this chick is consistent, you know, she still don't sleep. 00:15:33.570 --> 00:15:38.106 So she did not sleep. She would stay up at the wee hours of the night. I'd 00:15:38.139 --> 00:15:42.496 go into work like looking like I had, you ain't get no shut out, huh? Nope 00:15:42.529 --> 00:15:46.775 , she was up again and you would think she's like outside of the womb, 00:15:46.808 --> 00:15:50.255 crying, screaming or something, but nope, she was in the womb kicking, 00:15:50.288 --> 00:15:54.196 just moving. She was more active than my son. So I think we defied all of 00:15:54.229 --> 00:15:59.116 those stereotypes and you know she was just really excited to where my 00:15:59.149 --> 00:16:02.996 sister would literally get up sometimes because I would tell her about it. 00:16:03.029 --> 00:16:05.557 She would get up and literally in the middle of the night and watch my 00:16:05.590 --> 00:16:09.956 belly move and I mean I I wasn't comfortable to sleep in a bed. I slept on 00:16:09.989 --> 00:16:12.875 a couch and I think maybe it was because I couldn't move a lot. I was able 00:16:12.908 --> 00:16:15.717 to at least keep myself in one position. There was not much tossing and 00:16:15.750 --> 00:16:20.537 turning, so it was like. You know, kind of like a placeholder, like 00:16:20.570 --> 00:16:24.895 keeping keeping me and her, you know, still, but she would move all the 00:16:24.928 --> 00:16:28.657 time. She's very active, yup, she was definitely developing and working 00:16:28.690 --> 00:16:32.616 with the space that she had. She was all in the ribs, you know, she was, 00:16:32.649 --> 00:16:36.336 she was trying to maximize her real estate, you know, she wanted to see 00:16:36.369 --> 00:16:40.417 what was going on in the north hemisphere of my insides and Yeah, she was 00:16:40.450 --> 00:16:43.895 , she was quite a character. Did you still have those bowel issues when 00:16:43.928 --> 00:16:47.616 you were pregnant? I did still have the bowel issues when I was pregnant, 00:16:47.649 --> 00:16:52.515 so, um, I think, believe it or not, when I got into that, you know, was 00:16:52.548 --> 00:16:56.936 basically they were saying like, um. Like when your body, you know, 00:16:56.969 --> 00:17:02.436 experiences stress. So when I first moved to Arizona and got a divorce, it 00:17:02.469 --> 00:17:06.117 was like all of these traumatic things going on in your life that affect 00:17:06.150 --> 00:17:11.156 your, your body, and I hadn't had these issues before. So once that 00:17:11.189 --> 00:17:14.436 happened and I started doing, we were doing research forever and then to 00:17:14.469 --> 00:17:18.117 get pregnant and then I'm still traumatized because I'm in a situation 00:17:18.150 --> 00:17:22.717 where it's not the norm. I'm not familiar with, like I said, having to. 00:17:22.750 --> 00:17:28.335 You know, go through this process with the father more distant than close. 00:17:28.368 --> 00:17:31.776 So it was, it was traumatic and then being in another state where my 00:17:31.809 --> 00:17:35.676 mother was not here. And although she wouldn't have showed up to the 00:17:35.709 --> 00:17:39.835 delivery room if you paid her regardless how close she was, but she, she 00:17:39.868 --> 00:17:42.426 at least would have been been in the state and when I would have got, you 00:17:42.459 --> 00:17:45.035 know, released from the hospital, she would have been close. So like, so 00:17:45.068 --> 00:17:48.035 there was trauma and so they said as a result the body would have 00:17:48.068 --> 00:17:51.357 continued with that instead of it like, you know, just kind of working and 00:17:51.390 --> 00:17:54.236 I was hoping she'd like sit on an intestine or something and the way she 00:17:54.269 --> 00:17:57.226 was kicking, I figured she. She could do me a, you know, a little favor 00:17:57.259 --> 00:18:01.426 and hit the right area and make me go, you know, but she wasn't that 00:18:01.459 --> 00:18:05.266 considerate. So was your mom squeamish? Is that why she? Yeah, she had 8 00:18:05.299 --> 00:18:09.266 kids and would never sit. Yeah, yeah. So my mother would not go into the 00:18:09.299 --> 00:18:13.305 delivery room with us because she had 8 children and she felt like the, 00:18:13.338 --> 00:18:15.906 you know, like, no, I had them, why do I need to see it? Like I don't need 00:18:15.939 --> 00:18:19.545 to, I don't need to be that close to it. And she was very squeamish. She 00:18:19.578 --> 00:18:22.815 was like, oh my gosh, I don't wanna. You know, be, I don't wanna, I don't 00:18:22.848 --> 00:18:27.217 need to be that close Aquila, OK, I'm with you in spirit and on the phone 00:18:27.250 --> 00:18:31.815 , and then you can call me when it's over. And I'll come when the baby's 00:18:31.848 --> 00:18:36.456 out, like, you know, completely out, like not in the process of out, and 00:18:36.489 --> 00:18:40.575 she's been consistent too because she has not went to not one of her 8 00:18:40.608 --> 00:18:43.936 kids at all, and I think most of us now have children, if not all, yeah, 00:18:43.969 --> 00:18:48.097 most of us have had children and she, she wouldn't come. She's, she 00:18:48.130 --> 00:18:51.936 wouldn't come at all. Well, it's good to be consistent. I, I, I appreciate 00:18:51.969 --> 00:18:56.706 her consistency. I mean, you know. Thanks mom. So it would be really bad 00:18:56.739 --> 00:19:02.107 if she just went to one child's birth. not to go. How did you pick the one 00:19:02.140 --> 00:19:06.976 , Mom? If you went to one, how did you pick the one? So, OK, so did your 00:19:07.009 --> 00:19:11.305 first birth experience, did it at all impact your conceptions of like what 00:19:11.338 --> 00:19:13.906 the second birth was going to be like? Was it a hospital birth? Did you 00:19:13.939 --> 00:19:19.555 think, oh, I'm going to do that again, or was it, my first, um. My first 00:19:19.588 --> 00:19:24.916 delivery, first birth, it was so easy and easy peasy as people say, and I 00:19:24.949 --> 00:19:29.315 should have that red button. That was easy, like it was so easy, but I'm 00:19:29.348 --> 00:19:33.117 like, shoot, I gotta be careful. I might mess around and have a football 00:19:33.150 --> 00:19:36.835 team, you know, because it was so good. I mean, I gained every bit of 00:19:36.868 --> 00:19:40.597 those 60 pounds with a smile, you know what I mean? Like I went into 00:19:40.630 --> 00:19:46.276 restaurants demanding my food, like, listen, I'm here pregnant and hungry. 00:19:46.309 --> 00:19:50.081 Feed me right now. 40. minute wait, no worries, bring my salad to the 00:19:50.114 --> 00:19:55.081 door. Like everything was so easy that I just knew that this is how it was 00:19:55.114 --> 00:19:59.321 gonna be, but I did have my son naturally in the sense that no medicine or 00:19:59.354 --> 00:20:03.121 anything like that. So I felt like I can still do that again and that is, 00:20:03.154 --> 00:20:06.791 and it definitely made me want to do it again and I did so no medicine for 00:20:06.824 --> 00:20:11.166 her. Um, if anything, let me take that back. So when I say no medicine, 00:20:11.199 --> 00:20:15.647 like no epidural, no thing to knock the pain off, but they did have to 00:20:15.680 --> 00:20:20.967 induce me with my daughter twice because her little self decided she liked 00:20:21.000 --> 00:20:26.331 the wounds so good that she wasn't coming out and um Um, I mean, I mean 00:20:26.364 --> 00:20:31.401 everything was pointing to go. Like she was like the contractions were 00:20:31.434 --> 00:20:35.252 very consistent, 3 within 5 minutes. Like they were just, we were ready. 00:20:35.285 --> 00:20:39.272 I'm thinking like, oh my gosh, we're about to have the baby and we get to 00:20:39.305 --> 00:20:44.611 the hospital, everything's good. I'm not dilating um as quickly as they 00:20:44.644 --> 00:20:49.647 would ever expected and so I'm literally at 1. And hungry, you know what I 00:20:49.680 --> 00:20:52.647 mean? So I, I can't eat, girl. I'm like, you know what, since I can't eat 00:20:52.680 --> 00:20:56.206 , you know, let's, and I'm not dilating. Let me just go eat somewhere and 00:20:56.239 --> 00:20:59.887 if they're not like, no, that's not gonna happen. So they did have to 00:20:59.920 --> 00:21:05.325 induce me. That slowed things down and she was chilling for real. Now I'm 00:21:05.358 --> 00:21:09.887 not like the contractions are slowing down and I'm in there like still 00:21:09.920 --> 00:21:14.706 trying to order Red Lobster, you know, against their wishes, so. Yeah, but 00:21:14.739 --> 00:21:18.585 yes, my son's birth definitely had a, you know, it, it played a part in 00:21:18.618 --> 00:21:21.986 the way I was you know, in my expectation of what was gonna happen with my 00:21:22.019 --> 00:21:25.065 daughter and the experience was different. My son, like I said, easy peasy 00:21:25.098 --> 00:21:30.387 , born in 29 minutes, two pushes, like, you know, he was super simple. I 00:21:30.420 --> 00:21:33.847 mean just ready to be here. I told him he had family in town to see him 00:21:33.880 --> 00:21:37.815 and he needed to be out and he complied, you know what I mean? My daughter 00:21:37.848 --> 00:21:44.916 is like, you know, creative and individual and Slightly rebel and she 00:21:44.949 --> 00:21:50.285 tried to stay in. So, um, so, OK, let's go back to the beginning of the 00:21:50.318 --> 00:21:54.166 daughter's births. You were at home and then you, I was at work. So at the 00:21:54.199 --> 00:21:59.926 beginning of my labor, I was at work and I was on the phone with one of my 00:21:59.959 --> 00:22:04.637 good friends slash co-workers and I'm having a conversation, hey girl, are 00:22:04.670 --> 00:22:07.986 you still here? Yeah, when are you gonna be leaving to go, you know, to 00:22:08.019 --> 00:22:10.746 have the baby or something like, you know, when's your break? And I'm like 00:22:10.779 --> 00:22:14.585 , girl, I'm working up to the day cause knowing my kiddo, she's gonna be 00:22:14.618 --> 00:22:18.065 in here hanging out and I'm gonna be at home pulling my thumbs, so I don't 00:22:18.098 --> 00:22:21.226 wanna do that. So I'm just gonna be chill. Hold on a minute, I'm having a 00:22:21.259 --> 00:22:25.496 contraction. OK, girl, so anyway, yeah, and then, oh, hold on, I'm having 00:22:25.529 --> 00:22:30.736 another contraction. OK, so as I was saying, um, oh, hold on. OK, Aquila, 00:22:30.769 --> 00:22:34.877 do you realize that you just had 3 contractions within like 5 minutes? I'm 00:22:34.910 --> 00:22:39.877 like, oh, but because I have them so often, is that a big deal? Yes, 00:22:39.910 --> 00:22:44.805 Aquila, that's a big deal. Oh, it's time, it's time. You need to call 00:22:44.838 --> 00:22:48.236 somebody and they need to come get you. You cannot drive cause I'm like, 00:22:48.269 --> 00:22:51.956 OK, well, I'm gonna get my keys. I'm gonna drive. No, you cannot drive. 00:22:51.989 --> 00:22:57.147 You just, that's not recommended. And I was so disconnected from What, you 00:22:57.180 --> 00:23:00.825 know, to look for, to get ready to deliver because I'd had contractions 00:23:00.858 --> 00:23:07.906 every day. So my body is like numb to that, not really, but kinda numb to 00:23:07.939 --> 00:23:14.545 that, you know, so. Um, I was at work. I called my, what I call my Arizona 00:23:14.578 --> 00:23:19.815 mom and I said, hey, so just time the contractions. We're at a good, you 00:23:19.848 --> 00:23:23.295 know, they're, they're whatever the time's supposed to be, they're there. 00:23:23.328 --> 00:23:26.976 And more often, in fact, because I was telling her, you know, my friend 00:23:27.009 --> 00:23:30.736 timed them and she said this is where we are. OK, I'm on my way. I'm I'm 00:23:30.769 --> 00:23:35.147 coming to get you. We're gonna leave your car at work and I'm like, OK, so 00:23:35.180 --> 00:23:43.180 I go, I leave my car at work. And I left the keys, I think at no, the 00:23:43.338 --> 00:23:47.266 garage door opener I had this really interesting um house I lived in where 00:23:47.299 --> 00:23:51.065 I had, I called it a garage-ish carport because it was a carport with a 00:23:51.098 --> 00:23:55.666 door. So we left the garage door opener in the car, which was at the 00:23:55.699 --> 00:23:59.825 office, and we were trying to get into the house and I somehow left the 00:23:59.858 --> 00:24:04.906 keys or something, all of that to say, she jumped the fence at, you know, 00:24:04.939 --> 00:24:11.166 50 years old. To get in the house and get my bag that was not in my car 00:24:11.199 --> 00:24:14.766 for me to get ready to go to the hospital. So instead of us going back to 00:24:14.799 --> 00:24:18.127 the office, which was literally 5 minutes away from my house, we're like 00:24:18.160 --> 00:24:21.285 trying to pull acrobatic moves. I'm like, I'll jump the fence. She's like 00:24:21.318 --> 00:24:24.246 , Are you crazy? I'm like, oh, I forgot just that quick that I'm pregnancy 00:24:24.279 --> 00:24:28.367 , I'm pregnant and in labor. So because all I can think is I need my stuff 00:24:28.400 --> 00:24:32.141 , though not. Let me go to the hospital without clean underwear. Like, 00:24:32.174 --> 00:24:37.051 please, I need my socks. Like I need my cute pajamas. The things they have 00:24:37.084 --> 00:24:41.252 is horrible. It's gonna be blue and you know, so I'm and I'm so serious 00:24:41.285 --> 00:24:44.641 because I felt so diva-ish as a pregnant woman that I'm like, dude, no, 00:24:44.674 --> 00:24:50.101 don't don't let me be flawed, you know, and in delivery, get my makeup bag 00:24:50.134 --> 00:24:54.956 , like, you know, so. So anyway, she's all like, oh my gosh, this girl's 00:24:54.989 --> 00:24:57.637 crazy. Let me go in here and figure out how we can do this. And mind you, 00:24:57.670 --> 00:25:01.996 no keys, no anything, you know, but the back door was unlocked because I 00:25:02.029 --> 00:25:05.516 had a garage's carport. So she's like, well, let me jump the fence. 00:25:05.549 --> 00:25:11.647 Needless to say, her knee has never been the same. Thanks, Nana. And um so 00:25:11.680 --> 00:25:15.555 we go to the, we get to the, you know, go and everything, we get to the 00:25:15.588 --> 00:25:19.756 hospital and that's lo and behold, how, how all of that took place, 00:25:19.789 --> 00:25:27.347 definitely. Um, interesting and fun. That's wild. Does her knee actually 00:25:27.380 --> 00:25:31.637 is it. Thanks, Nana. 00:25:31.670 --> 00:25:35.397 That's really funny. OK, so you get to the hospital and then you're like 00:25:35.430 --> 00:25:39.717 thinking, I'm in labor, and then they induce you. They, before they 00:25:39.750 --> 00:25:42.335 induced me, they were like, they gave me some hours, but yes, they did 00:25:42.368 --> 00:25:46.305 induce me. They um they were like, yes. Um, we're gonna give you a little 00:25:46.338 --> 00:25:49.867 bit more time to see if this kind of, you know, goes back to building, you 00:25:49.900 --> 00:25:54.006 know, on its own, going back to the, the contractions and things and doing 00:25:54.039 --> 00:25:57.147 the things to like make my maybe you're tense, you know, like the whole 00:25:57.180 --> 00:26:00.936 story because I'm gonna tell, so cause my, my, my nana's telling the story 00:26:00.969 --> 00:26:05.881 because I'm a goofball, so the way I'm dealing with pain is making jokes. 00:26:05.914 --> 00:26:11.041 So I'm like, yeah, um, and I'm telling them what happened. So Nana, what? 00:26:11.074 --> 00:26:14.801 She just jumped the fence. Yes. How many of you have a n that'll jump the 00:26:14.834 --> 00:26:18.361 fence for you? So I'm like being very silly in this moment, but yes, so 00:26:18.394 --> 00:26:24.381 I'm induced and then 17 hours later, you know, we have no progress and I'm 00:26:24.414 --> 00:26:29.992 still hungry, by the way, um, have not been able to eat anything from 11 00:26:30.025 --> 00:26:34.522 o'clock. I is there laws to protect pregnant women against starvation? No. 00:26:34.555 --> 00:26:41.956 So. So anyhow, I'm like, you know, in here for 17 hours, starving, 00:26:41.989 --> 00:26:44.916 drinking, you know, maybe I think they gave me like apple juice was like 00:26:44.949 --> 00:26:49.107 the best they could do and she's still not, you know, things are not 00:26:49.140 --> 00:26:55.456 picking up. My doctor was like, No thanks to him. Send her home. I'm like 00:26:55.489 --> 00:27:00.335 , don't send me home and don't send me home. Like I was in, you know, 00:27:00.368 --> 00:27:04.387 enough pain to not be, you know, to not want to be sent home, but not in 00:27:04.420 --> 00:27:10.335 enough progress for them, for him to actually say, you know, yes, keeper, 00:27:10.368 --> 00:27:13.897 let's induce her. So I had an amazing nurse. I wish I knew her name cause 00:27:13.930 --> 00:27:17.496 I would shout her out right now. She was like, girl, I'm not sending you 00:27:17.529 --> 00:27:21.976 home. There's no way, you know, with everything going the way it's going. 00:27:22.009 --> 00:27:24.756 I would be foolish to send you home. Honestly, I just want, I don't want 00:27:24.789 --> 00:27:27.795 to torture you like that. And I'm like, I love you. There's, that's, 00:27:27.828 --> 00:27:33.196 there's angels out there. So yes. So then 17 hours later, they induced me 00:27:33.229 --> 00:27:39.117 again. And um when they adduced me this other time, the water had still 00:27:39.150 --> 00:27:43.156 had not broken on its own or anything like that. And my first time when I 00:27:43.189 --> 00:27:47.516 had my son, they broke the water for me because it was, I was moving 00:27:47.549 --> 00:27:51.516 progress but no water breaking. That was weird. But anyhow, so this one 00:27:51.549 --> 00:27:56.315 now, you know, they induced me. I'm finally getting everything and I'm 00:27:56.348 --> 00:28:00.766 laying down, I finally get to sleep. But you know, after, you know, being 00:28:00.799 --> 00:28:03.887 there for so long, I finally can make myself through the discomfort to go 00:28:03.920 --> 00:28:09.016 to sleep. And all of a sudden, I was so excited about it though. I felt my 00:28:09.049 --> 00:28:13.575 water break on its own without it having to be done. I was so excited and 00:28:13.608 --> 00:28:16.617 I'm still obviously excited about it happening naturally because I wanted 00:28:16.650 --> 00:28:22.936 to feel that. And right immediately after the water broke um broke, 00:28:22.969 --> 00:28:29.766 contractions hit like hell. And that is the real word hell. Like it was 00:28:29.799 --> 00:28:36.107 crazy like they just like uh and I'm, I'm squeezing anything in sight and 00:28:36.140 --> 00:28:39.585 you know, and, and I'm not a person to like make a bunch of noises or 00:28:39.618 --> 00:28:43.825 grunts or whatever, but I was like trying to grab hold of something to 00:28:43.858 --> 00:28:47.857 just like, you know, to kind of like grip and Whatever the case may be. So 00:28:47.890 --> 00:28:50.766 I told her dad, he's there, of course, and I told her that I'm like, oh my 00:28:50.799 --> 00:28:53.936 God, you gotta go get the nurse. The water just broke. I'm in a lot of 00:28:53.969 --> 00:28:58.996 pain and I feel like the baby is coming and he's like, are you sure? And 00:28:59.029 --> 00:29:02.815 of course the guy who has never had a baby would say, Are you sure? So I'm 00:29:02.848 --> 00:29:06.217 like, Of course I'm sure. Go get the nurse. The baby's coming. No, no, no 00:29:06.250 --> 00:29:08.496 , the baby's coming, the baby's coming, the baby's coming. And he was like 00:29:08.529 --> 00:29:12.486 , you know, I get, and it's like 2 in the morning. My Arizona mom had just 00:29:12.519 --> 00:29:16.416 left like, listen, this girl is stubborn. She ain't coming. Let me go home 00:29:16.449 --> 00:29:21.565 and take a shower. And she says, and she and she talks to Jasmine in my 00:29:21.598 --> 00:29:27.387 belly, you better not come before I get back here. Sure enough, you know, 00:29:27.420 --> 00:29:32.065 she's probably, you know, barely just getting home and I'm like, call Nana. 00:29:32.098 --> 00:29:35.867 So they, the call goes out, the doctor's not present, no doctors around, 00:29:35.900 --> 00:29:40.502 the nurses are like, can you hold it? And I'm like, uh, no. And I'm trying 00:29:40.535 --> 00:29:45.311 though because clearly this kid is about to break free. Free at last, free 00:29:45.344 --> 00:29:48.331 at last. Like the baby is finally ready to come. I've been waiting on this 00:29:48.364 --> 00:29:51.851 moment forever and today and bam, they're telling me to hold in. I'm 00:29:51.884 --> 00:29:56.141 locking my legs closed. I'm like, she's gonna have a cone head, hurry up. 00:29:56.174 --> 00:29:59.581 And then sure enough, you know, the nurses, I was like, oh look, she's 00:29:59.614 --> 00:30:03.075 coming. I don't care who's delivering. Somebody better catch her and I 00:30:03.108 --> 00:30:07.916 sure enough opened my legs and once I did that, her head was like out. 00:30:07.949 --> 00:30:11.555 Like it was no more crowning. It was out. The nurse was like, ah, oh my 00:30:11.588 --> 00:30:15.156 gosh, the doctor's not here yet. And so, you know, my daughter's dad's 00:30:15.189 --> 00:30:20.585 like, Listen, you better grab her. Don't let my baby fall on the floor. 00:30:20.618 --> 00:30:26.416 And I'm like, ah, yeah, that better not happen. But I mean one push one 00:30:26.449 --> 00:30:31.766 push. And like 2 secs like it was literally like one push 2 seconds, like 00:30:31.799 --> 00:30:35.766 she was out from that. That seemed like an eternity, but that literally 00:30:35.799 --> 00:30:39.805 from the water breaking to her coming out was probably less than 10 00:30:39.838 --> 00:30:44.196 minutes. Like it was so quick, nobody was ready, you know. They couldn't 00:30:44.229 --> 00:30:47.276 get gloves on good. Like it was really, but I was grateful because I think 00:30:47.309 --> 00:30:53.315 after, you know, at least 17 hours, like I said from the time from, from 00:30:53.348 --> 00:30:56.117 the I think being checked in or something, I don't remember but it was 00:30:56.150 --> 00:31:00.065 like 17, I remember saying 17 hours maybe that was between the inducing. 00:31:00.098 --> 00:31:03.706 That this chick was like held up and she just chi just chilling like, 00:31:03.739 --> 00:31:07.026 nope, I'll have tea please. Can we have anything else to drink? You know, 00:31:07.059 --> 00:31:12.426 like she's like enjoying this. So I was excited. She comes out, um, I see 00:31:12.459 --> 00:31:16.857 this kid who looks Asian. And I needed them to confirm that that baby came 00:31:16.890 --> 00:31:21.456 out of me because I was like I didn't see it, my legs were up, I had a 00:31:21.489 --> 00:31:27.976 skewed vision. I can't prove that that's the baby y'all pulled out um and 00:31:28.009 --> 00:31:32.776 she literally looks like a very Asian kid and no eyeballs were open, so 00:31:32.809 --> 00:31:37.006 I'm like, OK. And I had asked her dad I'm like, are you sure? Like, he 00:31:37.039 --> 00:31:41.206 like, yeah, girl, you crazy. I'm like, no, I'm serious. Like she's 00:31:41.239 --> 00:31:45.996 extremely light, you're dark, you know, and I know of course with all the 00:31:46.029 --> 00:31:48.906 shows that go on today, men are like, I need a paternity test cause that 00:31:48.939 --> 00:31:52.666 baby don't look like me, but I was like, I need a maternity test cause she 00:31:52.699 --> 00:31:56.877 don't look like me. Like who's who's checking. That, you know, and because 00:31:56.910 --> 00:32:00.357 my legs are up in front of my vision, there's no way to tell. And this is 00:32:00.390 --> 00:32:04.756 literally what I'm saying while I just gave birth to my child, but I was 00:32:04.789 --> 00:32:08.555 like, are y'all sure? So, um, put her in my arm, she's the most beautiful 00:32:08.588 --> 00:32:14.236 Asian baby I've ever seen. Like she's just gorgeous and I'm like, dude, 00:32:14.269 --> 00:32:20.006 these Asian kids are cute and To prove my point, I'm like walking like I 00:32:20.039 --> 00:32:24.926 think in a mall or somewhere and an Asian person asked me, was she Asian? 00:32:24.959 --> 00:32:30.325 And their kid looked like my kid. So people are always like, you're so 00:32:30.358 --> 00:32:33.276 funny, you're being, you know, it ain't even a stereotype. This kid looked 00:32:33.309 --> 00:32:36.910 Asian and when I show pictures to this day. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and 00:32:36.943 --> 00:32:41.031 girls of all ages, it still holds true today. This chick looked like an 00:32:41.064 --> 00:32:44.950 Asian when she came out, but she was gorgeous. She also had a very, she 00:32:44.983 --> 00:32:48.430 was very like she had her fists balled up, like she was aggressive. Like 00:32:48.463 --> 00:32:52.631 she was mad that we just took her out of her space and just totally messed 00:32:52.664 --> 00:32:55.910 up something for her day or I don't know her night being that she was born 00:32:55.943 --> 00:32:59.035 at like 20 in the morning. You know, it was, you know, I don't, I don't 00:32:59.068 --> 00:33:01.637 know, maybe we kind of pissed her off or something because she was like 00:33:01.670 --> 00:33:05.357 her mouth was like, you know, like you purse your lips and she's all like 00:33:05.390 --> 00:33:08.696 , you know, gritting her gums because she had no teeth yet, obviously, but 00:33:08.729 --> 00:33:11.436 she's just really upset about this thing and so I don't know, I just told 00:33:11.469 --> 00:33:15.717 her I said listen, you know, we've been waiting to meet you for a while 00:33:15.750 --> 00:33:21.196 here and I just cried because um honestly, even now as I think about it, 00:33:21.229 --> 00:33:27.805 for everything that um. I thought initially I didn't, I felt like I didn't 00:33:27.838 --> 00:33:32.486 deserve such a healthy baby who had no problems, no issues. She was 00:33:32.519 --> 00:33:37.166 absolutely beautiful and um and that was still a gift and a miracle to to 00:33:37.199 --> 00:33:41.357 to a person who had to me if I conceived the thought that I wouldn't have 00:33:41.390 --> 00:33:46.006 wanted my gift, I would have every bit of earned or deserved, you know, a 00:33:46.039 --> 00:33:50.166 kid that would have required me to appreciate her in a different sense of 00:33:50.199 --> 00:33:55.285 maybe having to um. If there was any type of disease or deformity, I would 00:33:55.318 --> 00:33:58.887 have felt like it would have been God's way of saying you're gonna really 00:33:58.920 --> 00:34:02.956 appreciate the fact that she's simply here by having to maybe you know 00:34:02.989 --> 00:34:07.006 protect and preserve her life or be more hands on, but she came into this 00:34:07.039 --> 00:34:12.727 world with every limb that she that you know that that is due to us and 00:34:12.760 --> 00:34:17.445 immobility of those limbs a strong heartbeat, a working heart, a healthy 00:34:17.478 --> 00:34:23.405 heart, all of her, her, you know, organs and. You know, her right mind, um 00:34:23.438 --> 00:34:29.405 , you know, just sassy and, and, and spicy and you know, she's just she 00:34:29.438 --> 00:34:33.485 just adds flavor to this life and And I didn't deserve that, you know, so 00:34:33.518 --> 00:34:40.555 in that moment I, I was just so blessed to, to have her just to have her 00:34:40.588 --> 00:34:45.075 and and all of her, her little glory and and just be healthy and she was 00:34:45.108 --> 00:34:49.206 honest, she was just like the most amazing gift, I think, you know, 00:34:49.239 --> 00:34:52.405 especially with the with just that mind I was just like, man, I'm just so 00:34:52.438 --> 00:34:56.546 grateful. You know, no matter how long she would have lived, you know, I, 00:34:56.579 --> 00:35:00.936 I literally know people who their baby passed away shortly after birth. I 00:35:00.969 --> 00:35:06.905 was just blessed to see her delivered and here and healthy, even if just 00:35:06.938 --> 00:35:13.006 for a moment, even if just for a moment, I was just so extremely grateful. 00:35:13.039 --> 00:35:16.896 And then, um, you know, from there we were just, you know, both trying to 00:35:16.929 --> 00:35:21.256 just get acquainted, I think at that point, you know, and, and I decided I 00:35:21.289 --> 00:35:26.506 wanted to nurse her and. And um you know, hopefully see that that went 00:35:26.539 --> 00:35:31.876 well and um he didn't start off too good, you know, the whole nursing 00:35:31.909 --> 00:35:36.195 thing. She seemed very independent in the womb and she was very 00:35:36.228 --> 00:35:38.836 independent outside. She, you know, I think if she could have held her 00:35:38.869 --> 00:35:43.186 bottle at a at a day old or a minute old she would have. She was very much 00:35:43.219 --> 00:35:46.967 , you know, I, I think, you know, just meant to, to just kind of figure 00:35:47.000 --> 00:35:51.787 out things on her own and, and I'm and I'm proud to have, you know, to 00:35:51.820 --> 00:35:55.227 have her to be honest, like, you know, just in that way sometimes we want 00:35:55.260 --> 00:35:58.747 them to be a little bit, I did want her to be a little clingy at times, um 00:35:58.780 --> 00:36:04.945 , you know, a little bit more um co-dependent if you will, but I'm 00:36:04.978 --> 00:36:08.227 extremely grateful to to have this kid who's willing to try stuff and 00:36:08.260 --> 00:36:14.095 she's fearless, you know. That's great. It really is great. OK, I have a 00:36:14.128 --> 00:36:17.896 couple questions. One is when you were talking about being induced, do you 00:36:17.929 --> 00:36:22.217 know what they gave you, or what did they like they induced you through 00:36:22.250 --> 00:36:27.776 the IV? OK. I was curious about that because sometimes they do um 00:36:27.809 --> 00:36:31.166 some sort of balloons, you know, or they'll put something in the cervix 00:36:31.199 --> 00:36:34.736 that does that. But yeah, I was curious if that was to say that no, no, no 00:36:34.769 --> 00:36:40.037 , I think it's fine, um. And then the other thing is, so what was home 00:36:40.070 --> 00:36:44.155 life like? So what was the relationship? Were you guys totally kaput, or 00:36:44.188 --> 00:36:49.675 did he want to be involved in this early stage of motherhood, you know, 00:36:49.708 --> 00:36:54.037 with the new baby and all that? Um, so her dad wanted to definitely be 00:36:54.070 --> 00:37:00.026 around. He has other children. He's also an older man. So, um, well, aside 00:37:00.059 --> 00:37:05.477 from, you know, our, our discombobulated story. He has only, he's only one 00:37:05.510 --> 00:37:09.195 , he's one of two kids and his, his other sibling is the oldest sibling, 00:37:09.228 --> 00:37:13.787 but he's unable to have kids. So despite the dysfunction, he always has 00:37:13.820 --> 00:37:18.066 had a desire for his, you know, telling me to have a lot of children 00:37:18.099 --> 00:37:21.557 because he, his mother would not have been able to have grandkids 00:37:21.590 --> 00:37:26.845 otherwise. So though, you know, he has had several relations. in which he 00:37:26.878 --> 00:37:32.155 has had kids with, he has extreme like absolutely no regrets. He loves 00:37:32.188 --> 00:37:35.767 every one of his kids and I do believe that, you know, the way we, you 00:37:35.800 --> 00:37:40.166 know, kind of express that love one could say he does or does not or 00:37:40.199 --> 00:37:44.767 should I say could challenge that but I really believe in in my heart that 00:37:44.800 --> 00:37:47.646 he loves every one of his kids and he wanted to be there as much as 00:37:47.679 --> 00:37:54.227 possible and um he doesn't have but. Um, I think he has, don't judge me 00:37:54.260 --> 00:37:58.425 while I'm saying, I think, but um, I do believe he has 6 children and so 00:37:58.458 --> 00:38:02.546 he has 2 girls and Jazzy was the second girl, and his other daughter is 00:38:02.579 --> 00:38:08.646 older, so she's like 20 some years older than Jazzy. And so, um, anyway, 00:38:08.679 --> 00:38:12.807 you know, he was extremely excited to have another girl and so excited 00:38:12.840 --> 00:38:17.126 that he was like, so all my boys have the middle name Lee, and I just 00:38:17.159 --> 00:38:20.925 thought it would be awesome to, I'm I'm sorry, what? To put Lee as my 00:38:20.958 --> 00:38:25.405 daughter's middle name? Yeah, not gonna happen, sir. So, um, we, we agreed 00:38:25.438 --> 00:38:29.635 on Leanne. OK, I can take a Leanne, that's a, you know, the female version 00:38:29.668 --> 00:38:33.166 of Lee. I can do that, you know, so we did go with, he named her 00:38:33.199 --> 00:38:36.595 completely though, Jasmine Leanne. Um, like I said, our compromise with 00:38:36.628 --> 00:38:40.807 Lian, but he did name her. Um, he was extremely, you know, I don't even 00:38:40.840 --> 00:38:43.686 know why he decided to do it like most of his kids have Jay names. I don't 00:38:43.719 --> 00:38:47.327 know what that means, but he, you know, what that means to him, but he was 00:38:47.360 --> 00:38:51.086 very excited to do that. He would come over and she was, she just took to 00:38:51.119 --> 00:38:54.486 him like she of course just knows that she owns him and everybody else in 00:38:54.519 --> 00:38:59.967 the world and you know, she wasn't afraid to show it. Um, people called 00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:06.526 her Aretha because she did scream a lot. She would, she would, man, oh man 00:39:06.559 --> 00:39:14.276 , that chick would listen, she would RE SPCT like she was smooth, making 00:39:14.309 --> 00:39:19.405 sure people knew that she had a, a, a request of some sort, whether it's 00:39:19.438 --> 00:39:24.046 change my diaper, whatever it was, this chick wanted you to know. So 00:39:24.079 --> 00:39:29.796 anyway, she was very good at at at vocalizing that. Through her um her 00:39:29.829 --> 00:39:35.467 nice boisterous song of screaming and, but for some reason, you know, he'd 00:39:35.500 --> 00:39:38.876 grab her as soon as she'd scream and she'd calm down. With me, it would 00:39:38.909 --> 00:39:43.916 take us some time, some bouncing, some shaking, some creative rocking, 00:39:43.949 --> 00:39:47.517 singing a song, playing music, you know, I don't know, jumping on a 00:39:47.550 --> 00:39:50.546 trampoline. I mean, I I just felt like she put me through a lot to get her 00:39:50.579 --> 00:39:54.796 to calm down in the same way that her father would just so easily pick her 00:39:54.829 --> 00:39:59.526 up and she's like, uh, you know. But I, um, would later learn that it 00:39:59.559 --> 00:40:03.807 would be, you know, it would just be a matter of time for us to really, 00:40:03.840 --> 00:40:08.006 you know, to for her to know. I, I think I I I'm not gonna lie, I really 00:40:08.039 --> 00:40:11.486 believe that some of her resistance was a result of the resistance that I 00:40:11.519 --> 00:40:15.606 had, um, when, when I found out I wanted, um, that I didn't when I found 00:40:15.639 --> 00:40:21.566 out I was pregnant, so. The resistance that she gave me, I really said one 00:40:21.599 --> 00:40:26.845 day and was like, oh I think I'm getting back what I gave. And so what I 00:40:26.878 --> 00:40:32.695 did was I apologized to her. Um, literally out loud, though she would not 00:40:32.728 --> 00:40:36.736 understand, she could probably not even remember it, but I wanted to put 00:40:36.769 --> 00:40:42.175 it inside of her soul that I had no regrets in having her that I loved her 00:40:42.208 --> 00:40:48.057 , that she is mommy's gift that you know that is a part of our story, not 00:40:48.090 --> 00:40:54.006 to tear us down but to really bind us closer together. And our home life 00:40:54.039 --> 00:40:57.796 was really, it was really good. We were both, we're really, I'm a night 00:40:57.829 --> 00:41:00.256 owl too. I just didn't expect her to be one, I guess. I don't know how 00:41:00.289 --> 00:41:04.595 hypocritical maybe but um she, you know, we, we bonded at night. We would 00:41:04.628 --> 00:41:07.566 sit and watch Law and Order or I would just watch Law and Order and she 00:41:07.599 --> 00:41:11.477 would just lay, but you know, but you know, we, we, our home life was good 00:41:11.510 --> 00:41:15.227 and her dad would come over and, you know, he would, he can count on me 00:41:15.260 --> 00:41:19.126 sitting at home watching Law and. You know, until I would have to go back 00:41:19.159 --> 00:41:23.776 to work, unfortunately. And um but he, he absolutely adored her, you know 00:41:23.809 --> 00:41:29.046 , like I said, she looks Asian for quite some time. And um I realized 00:41:29.079 --> 00:41:33.037 later that it was his eyes that you know he has a slight slant that you 00:41:33.070 --> 00:41:38.006 probably see when he smiles, but his mother also had slanted eyes too and 00:41:38.039 --> 00:41:41.606 I'm like that's where she got it from. I knew I wasn't crazy, but he just 00:41:41.639 --> 00:41:45.327 absolutely loved looking at her and I did too. She was a pretty happy baby. 00:41:45.360 --> 00:41:48.845 She was, but like I said, she just had no trouble telling us when she had 00:41:48.878 --> 00:41:53.307 a request. So did she get her pigments at some point? She got a little 00:41:53.340 --> 00:41:56.615 pigment and I mean she really started getting a little bit more pigment 00:41:56.648 --> 00:42:01.816 and she's gotten older, like, like, like older, like 76 years old, older 00:42:01.849 --> 00:42:05.816 because people still would meet her and say, oh is she mixed or is her dad 00:42:05.849 --> 00:42:11.057 , you know, from another country because her eyes are green, so she's um 00:42:11.090 --> 00:42:15.106 she's absolutely, I ain't gonna lie, she's gorgeous, you know. If she, you 00:42:15.139 --> 00:42:18.186 know, I'm just trying to figure out like what to do with all that beauty. 00:42:18.219 --> 00:42:20.787 I'm like, girl, she needs to model, she needs to do something. I just 00:42:20.820 --> 00:42:24.106 don't, I don't know, but I'm, I'm right now I'm just wanting her to, I'm 00:42:24.139 --> 00:42:27.345 just trying to cultivate, you know, character things within her so that we 00:42:27.378 --> 00:42:31.836 don't lose sight of that because it's hard for kids to juggle. You know, 00:42:31.869 --> 00:42:36.195 that type of life and you still want them to be respectful kids and you've 00:42:36.228 --> 00:42:39.425 got people catering to them and giving them what they want and what they 00:42:39.458 --> 00:42:43.276 need to get a job done, like, hey, I'm gonna give you all the candy and 00:42:43.309 --> 00:42:47.155 cookies because I need you to stand still, you know, maybe to model and at 00:42:47.188 --> 00:42:50.557 home life it don't, it don't work like that. So right now I just really 00:42:50.590 --> 00:42:53.635 wanted to, you know, like I said, spend more time and develop our 00:42:53.668 --> 00:42:57.115 relationship to, um, unfortunately, you know, the mother-daughter 00:42:57.148 --> 00:43:02.240 relationship. a stigma that you know they're not always close and, and I 00:43:02.273 --> 00:43:06.231 want, I'm I'm killing that like I'm killing that stigma, I'm murdering it 00:43:06.264 --> 00:43:10.361 and pinning it on the wall so people can see like a like a bull you know 00:43:10.394 --> 00:43:15.001 like a bullhorn of some sort because I'm you know I'm I'm intentional 00:43:15.034 --> 00:43:19.521 about our relationship. We don't always agree she's 7, OK, but with 00:43:19.554 --> 00:43:22.720 wanting her to understand I'm constantly you know speaking into our soul 00:43:22.753 --> 00:43:25.936 and her spirit, we're on the same team. We're on the same team. We're on 00:43:25.969 --> 00:43:29.376 the same team. Are we on the same team? We're on the same team, and I've 00:43:29.409 --> 00:43:32.736 been telling her that since she was a baby, even when I felt like she 00:43:32.769 --> 00:43:37.537 didn't like me with all with, with her being, you know, um, like I said, 00:43:37.570 --> 00:43:42.456 not as, not as, uh, cooperative with me as her dad. I would be like, OK, 00:43:42.489 --> 00:43:45.376 she might not like me today, but we're on the same team, you know, we're 00:43:45.409 --> 00:43:51.416 still on the same team, so yeah, I say too that um babies, um. Have a 00:43:51.449 --> 00:43:55.695 sense of what they can get from you and then they just take until they get 00:43:55.728 --> 00:44:00.666 that. So like sometimes like Eric wasn't going to do all the things that I 00:44:00.699 --> 00:44:05.066 did to appease my son's, you know, moods. You know it's like I feel like 00:44:05.099 --> 00:44:08.066 Augustine that, so his expectations for Eric were just lower. Like Eric 00:44:08.099 --> 00:44:10.135 would pick him up and he'd calm down, you know what I mean? But his 00:44:10.168 --> 00:44:14.095 expectations for me were like astronauts. I want to dance. I want in the 00:44:14.128 --> 00:44:18.586 moonlight. I really wanted like certain things like are you kidding me? 00:44:18.619 --> 00:44:21.945 Exactly. That's awesome. You know, it's funny, so it might be a compliment. 00:44:21.978 --> 00:44:26.977 OK. I can see some pictures though. I will definitely show you. So is 00:44:27.010 --> 00:44:30.615 there anything else that um you want to mention that you haven't mentioned 00:44:30.648 --> 00:44:33.115 ? 00:44:33.148 --> 00:44:41.148 Oh, yes, so. So, um, I think the best thing about my story actually took 00:44:41.280 --> 00:44:47.997 place, um, maybe a day or two ago. And I did a good job of composing 00:44:48.030 --> 00:44:53.066 myself because it would have been the most. Emotional flipping thing I've 00:44:53.099 --> 00:45:01.099 ever. May may have ever encountered. My daughter said to me. 00:45:05.840 --> 00:45:10.936 Out of nowhere. You know, she always says you're the best mom. I love you 00:45:10.969 --> 00:45:16.296 , you're the best mom to me, but you know what she said. I'm so thankful, 00:45:16.329 --> 00:45:21.566 mom. That you let me live. 00:45:21.599 --> 00:45:28.115 I'm thankful to be alive. I'm thankful that you had me. And those were all 00:45:28.148 --> 00:45:34.945 her statements. Out of nowhere, just a day or two ago. 00:45:34.978 --> 00:45:41.787 And I'm So grateful because I do believe that you reap what you sow. 00:45:41.820 --> 00:45:47.077 And I kept telling her, this is a part of our story, but it's not for me 00:45:47.110 --> 00:45:51.206 to tear you down and you to feel like you weren't wanted. It was out of a 00:45:51.239 --> 00:45:57.017 space that had something to do with me, not you, and I have no regrets and 00:45:57.050 --> 00:46:01.876 I love you. 00:46:01.909 --> 00:46:09.497 That was great. That was great, yeah, yeah, um. That's really eloquent for 00:46:09.530 --> 00:46:17.530 a seven year old swear. I'm so serious, like I'm like. She still doesn't 00:46:18.478 --> 00:46:22.477 like she don't even know. We haven't even talked about that as a 00:46:22.510 --> 00:46:27.776 conversation. And she said that out of the blue just a day or two ago. I 00:46:27.809 --> 00:46:31.497 can't remember if it was yesterday or the day before. So you never have 00:46:31.530 --> 00:46:38.925 told her. Say that say that on the record. So I'm, I've never told her. 00:46:38.958 --> 00:46:44.856 You know the story of me, um. Thinking and you know just you know having 00:46:44.889 --> 00:46:49.767 this idea of wanting to abort her. I never told her that story at all. So 00:46:49.800 --> 00:46:53.206 for her to say that was. 00:46:53.239 --> 00:47:00.836 Was Oh my God, like it just filled my heart with a love and a joy all over 00:47:00.869 --> 00:47:05.876 again, you know, just to be, um, you know, just for for for being able to 00:47:05.909 --> 00:47:11.590 again like I said in that card, making a decision we both can live with. 00:47:12.119 --> 00:47:14.119 Yeah, it's really lovely. Yeah, that's great. OK, so something else that 00:47:17.840 --> 00:47:22.436 we tend to ask people is if you can think about one word or like a 00:47:22.469 --> 00:47:26.807 phrasing of words. I think 00:47:26.840 --> 00:47:31.336 We get so many solicitations it'll just keep ringing. 00:47:31.369 --> 00:47:37.776 Um, that summarizes your experience, you know, because you've seen that 00:47:37.809 --> 00:47:43.537 we've picked some themes, but we're always having new themes develop and 00:47:43.570 --> 00:47:47.977 so if you can think of anything, a word, one word, a word or a phrase, you 00:47:48.010 --> 00:47:56.010 know. 00:48:07.289 --> 00:48:10.666 Choose life. 00:48:10.699 --> 00:48:14.635 Yeah, that's good. I was actually thinking like gratitude. Like there's 00:48:14.668 --> 00:48:19.396 something about that could be it too like thankfulness, you know, that's a 00:48:19.429 --> 00:48:24.796 good word, and that's I'm big on that, so that works too, gratitude. 00:48:24.829 --> 00:48:29.925 There's definitely lots of that. Yeah, because you seem to um it's like 00:48:29.958 --> 00:48:33.467 thankfulness on both of your parts. 00:48:33.500 --> 00:48:36.945 That would be, I think that's a good word. It's like life is a good word 00:48:36.978 --> 00:48:40.425 too. Yeah, I'm thinking about what that means. But gratitude I think is 00:48:40.458 --> 00:48:43.945 good because that's actually one of the things that I like that better. I 00:48:43.978 --> 00:48:47.666 really do. I do. I like it better. I think it's we missed the 00:48:47.699 --> 00:48:51.566 opportunities to have gratitude when we could. And so I'm always promoting 00:48:51.599 --> 00:48:55.006 gratitude. I'm always like, do you understand what a gratitude is? It's a 00:48:55.039 --> 00:49:00.646 great attitude about everything that we experience, so I think gratitude 00:49:00.679 --> 00:49:05.606 is really a good word. That's so funny that you have, I've thought about 00:49:05.639 --> 00:49:09.287 that word that much. I've never thought about that. That's great. That's 00:49:09.320 --> 00:49:15.706 funny. Yeah, well, awesome. Yeah, yeah. Anything else? Do we wrap me up? 00:49:15.739 --> 00:49:18.719 OK, OK, we're gonna hit the button.