This is Boris Solis interviewing Aquila Matic for Creative Push on May 17
, 2016 at 12:15. That's the first time I've ever done that perfectly, I
think in the last year. OK, so let's, um, so you're telling us about one
birth today. Can you bring us all the way back to the conception? Mm. So,
um, conceiving my wonderful princess Jasmine was fun.
It was actually fun. Her dad and I met he was actually trying to sell me a
car and so I didn't buy a car, but obviously I bought a relationship from
him so we ended up, you know, dating and stuff and and hanging out and she
was our surprise nonetheless.
So how long into it? Was it a good surprise? Um, it was.
The conception of Jasmine was a very. I don't know, it was an interesting
surprise, to be honest. I was proba, I wasn't planning to have any more
kids. I wasn't planning to because I had a son, but I wasn't planning to
have another child. I was not planning to have a kid, especially at that
moment or in that time of my life. I wanted to um just allow my son to
continue to be the only child and continue to grow, um, just with him and
I really thought to myself that if he was the only child, I would be OK
with that. So, um, when I found out I was literally like, you know, I
really thought it was gas, like my stomach was, you know, doing some
things. I just knew pregnancy was the furthest thing from my mind. This
definitely cannot be a baby, like, you know, and I, and in fact it was, it
didn't even come that. I was like, you know what, I already know what's
going on. I need to go to the bathroom. This is gas. I just need one of
those amazing laxatives that you guys prescribed that you cannot buy over
the counter. And um I'll be fine. I'll just be on my way and then they lo
and behold, they were like um no, not gas at all. It's actually a baby,
you're pregnant. Yay! And I was like, it's not gas. Like I just was very
stuck on it being gas. Um, no, are you sure this isn't gas? And they were
like, OK, so obviously you, you weren't expecting. No, definitely not, and
I don't care how many times you tell people that you know what the birds
and the bees can. And stuff I didn't want a bird or a bee or the baby to
come at that time. So that was my my experience. You were actually at a
doctor's appointment and they just tested your urine just as like a
because I really thought I had gas and and and honestly um it was like
severe constipation so I was like the way that my my insides are set up,
they're not always cooperative in that area. So I just knew it was just
like a time before. Yeah, but no other doctor's appointment to just remedy
this. You're pregnant?
And um she'll be or she or he will be due your and I think I was literally
they were able to tell right away so I think I was like 5 or 6 weeks. So
not only did I find out I was pregnant but I had a bazillion months left
to go because I would have loved to found out I was like 4 months or
something, like one of those stories, you know, at least be halfway over
it because I already wasn't really ready for the beginning, so that was my
experience. How was the partner? How was the man? He was ecstatic. You
know, he was all excited and yay, a baby, and I'm like, yeah, that's
because you don't have them, you know, you don't get to have any kids.
Your stomach doesn't get stretched out. You don't have to worry about
being nauseated at the sight of food, let alone consuming food. Yeah,
you're good, of course you're excited about this, you know, and truth be
told, because of where we were in our relationship, I didn't know if we
were gonna be together, so I was like, you know, this, that's probably not
your thought or concern, but it is mine. And because of my prior
experience where I had recently gotten divorced, I didn't want to, you
know, bring a child into a broken relationship or, you know, her, um,
family, you know, not being all under one roof and, um, and I knew where I
was at that time where I could have definitely gone for the baby and not
the man, so. I was like, you know, and I, it was probably an opportunity
to just really protect us both, but, um, but I definitely, I mean he was
he was ecstatic. He was like, of course he was planning, he had already
come up with a name if it was a girl and a boy, and meanwhile I'm still
like, you sure it's not gas?
Like starting point. It's all story right there.
Like how many more times can you say gas that's really nice because I just
really.
So, OK, so, and there was never a different thought than like we're going
to finish, we're gonna have this baby and try to make it work, like, oh,
so, oh, you know what, so actually, you know, I must say, now that I think
about it, when you brought that up, that was just a great question. So was
there a question of, you know, are we just gonna continue to work through
this relationship? Well, before that, I may have to back up because I
actually, after finding out I was pregnant and sharing with him and he was
ecstatic, I actually went to, and this is an amazing part of my story
because, oh man, because I think it's, you know, um to, to even admit this
is a big deal to me, but I actually went, I looked for a clinic for an
abortion. And in my heart of hearts I knew I would never be able to go
through with it, but in my emotions and my mind at that moment I was like
, I don't want to bring her into a broken family. I don't really, you know
, he and I get along for the sake of hanging out and dating, but I didn't
put it in my plan to pursue a long term relationship with him. So, um, I
went to this clinic and you know this, uh, man, and I pray and I believe
in prayer so I'm all like, Lord, just so you know, um, I would rather like
her, you know, go with you than me like go aboard or anything but um I'm
not happy about this like I, I just, I just felt so overwhelmed with.
Concern, like so much concern. So anyway, I get into this what I thought
was an abortion clinic and these people had the audacity to be Christians.
What do you, what? And they're like, Yeah, we're not an abortion clinic.
I'm like, I could have sworn when I Googled you that you were an abortion
clinic and they're like, no, we actually intercede on behalf of people
aborting and I just cried because I knew that God knew me well enough to
know that I was a punk. I would have never gone through that, and that
ain't even what I wanted to do, but I am grateful that that's where I
landed. It was just so amazing. I'm like, you've got me. I looked up on
Google. Google deceived me and I looked up, you know, abortion and I'm in
this office where this lady is all like she's crying harder than I am and
she's like, You want me to pray with you? And I'm like, Don't be praying
now. Like, you know, don't be praying. Prayer is the last thing I want
right now. I wanted to talk to somebody about an abortion to a minimum.
Give me the space to process what was going on in my mind and in my
emotions about being overwhelmed with concern and, you know, being upset
like, dude, I don't want this baby to be in a broken relationship. So
anyway, um, it was awesome because we ended up, you know, talking through
it. She allowed me to still talk to her about it and work through all of
my Ever confusing emotions and she was like, you know, no matter what you
decide to do cause I can't control anything, it'll be perfect. And I
really believe, you know, I was like, well, no, I'm having the baby, of
course, you know, and I said and I told her I said, and I was always gonna
have the baby, but I believe that experience, especially because I am a
Christian. Most people want to admit to that even being a thought, and I,
I believe in my honesty to the point that if it could be healing. To
somebody else, so I actually shared, you know, I told her that I would
tell, and of course everybody was like, don't tell your daughter that
because it'll make her feel some kind of way when she gets older and
whatever, but I, I wanted her to know that that what it looked like to be
a real person who experiences real, you know, these real emotions, real
thoughts, real concerns and um as a result they featured her in a pamphlet
and I, I got to put, you know, she says, what would you be able to say.
You know, to describe, you know, your experience through, you know,
overcoming this, and I said, you know, even though I wasn't, I was
concerned about all of her life and what her life would look like, I must
say that I chose a um made a decision that we both could live with and so
she was able to to live and and I was able to live, you know, with my
heart not filled with guilt or grief or anything like that. Um, so we both
were able to, as a result of that decision, be able to have an opportunity
to maximize life, you know. That was really lovely. How old is she now?
She's 7. My daughter is 7 years old. She is like the most vibrant kid in
America or in my house, whichever you want. She's awesome. I couldn't
imagine you having a child that's not violent.
That's exactly the word I would choose to define it. He's awesome. OK, so
did you guys stay together through the pregnancy? Yes, we definitely
stayed together through the pregnancy. We did have our own homes and our
own addresses. So it was quite an interesting story though, I must say I
did go through, um, I would say I, I kind of experienced some trauma in
the sense that when I was, when I had my first son and we were married, um.
He was there at every appointment and all of those things and through
whatever my body was going through. Um, but my Jasmine was that I went
through a lot with her. I started contracting, um, I had Braxton Hicks
from the time I was 4 months until every day until I delivered. So my body
was, I was in pain, my hips hurt a lot. Um, I couldn't wash dishes, talk
loud, sweep the floor, like everything would hurt and cause my body to
hurt. So, and I mean it was crazy because my first pregnancy I'm like uh
da da da da and then you know not not the same experience at all. And so
with him he worked a lot as well um and then um he decided to, I guess,
multitask relationships so he had some other things going on. That I
unfortunately or fortunately found out about that definitely added a
weight to my process of being pregnant. He didn't make it to many of those
appointments, but we were together, you know, like Mina, we were able to
still share in the experience of pregnancy but not necessarily the
relationship and um. You know, so that was hard. That was, that was very
hard to me because it wasn't something I was familiar with, you know, I
was like, dude, even if you don't like me, show up to the appointment, you
know, that's my thought, that was my thought about it, you know, that we,
we brought this baby into this world together. Let's share in that
experience. We may not get along anymore for whatever reason or another,
but you know we, we can, we can definitely still do life with this baby,
you know, we can still walk this thing out side by side. So did you feel
really alone or did you have a support network besides him, you know,
outside of him? I'm, I'm grateful for not being alone because I definitely
had an amazing what we call the village and my village consists of a bunch
of other what we call transplants into Arizona that are from all over the
world that we've connected here in this place and, and, and, and we've
made each other family and I think that, you know, family is, you know, it
definitely, it's a connection beyond blood and so they were with me, they
were, you know, if they needed to show up to an appointment they would and
You know, and I could, you know, call them and whine about my hips hurting
or, you know, talk about, you know, the fact that I was craving sweets
like crazy and, you know, don't you want to join me in ice cream? And they
would love to, you know, join, join me in, in that or you know, eating
IHOP for dinner, breakfast and lunch in that order. And, you know, like,
because I, you know, the way your, your life is set up, breakfast is no
longer breakfast, dinner is not everything has its own schedule and time
and but anyway, it was, I definitely am so grateful for each and every
person that was able to be there with me and, you know, and and shop with
me and, you know, just. Let me cry if I was having an emotional day or
whatever the case may be, you know, there, there were definitely other
people, sisters, brothers, you know, and then plus my biological family as
well, even though they lived all most of them lived out of state, one of
my sisters lived here at that time, you know, it was still great to just
be able to have the conversation because a lot of them thought like we
just thought you were never gonna have another child because she came 7
years after my son.
OK, so let's talk about the process of being pregnant and those 60 pounds
and all that stuff besides the hip pain that might be part of it too. So
with my first son, I gained 60 pounds and then I, you know, lost all but
maybe let's say, I think 5 pounds. So with my daughter, I gained 44 pounds
, so essentially like 50 pounds. And um, you know, and, and to be a small
framed person carrying That kind of weight, you know, probably played a
part in the pain, but, um, and the discomfort, you know, but I mean like I
said, for her, my son, obviously I, I gained more, but it was extreme
discomfort. But anyway, I, I did, I even though I gained weight, I must
say I carried it a little better than I did the first time around. I
looked like a like a, you know, something like a platypus or something or
some type of a, you know, something with my my my my rhinoceros with my
son or something. I was just really wide and really big. And I was the
happiest thing in America and then my daughter though I felt attractive,
you know, I felt really attractive. I was like, and I think God is amazing
that he would allow me to still at least look good. I guess he's like,
well, if she ain't feeling too great, her story ain't ideally, you know,
like the first story. where I was happily married and all that. I'll make
her look good. So he like he gave me that as a benefit or a bonus. So I
felt really attractive. I, you know, I took care of myself in a different
way with a different type of pride even though, you know, like I said,
there was a lot of discomfort and um. And I just felt like, you know, like
I was wobbling everywhere, you know, I, I was so clumsy. I would trip and
I wouldn't fall, you know, thankfully, but I would run into the stuff. I
was tripping, literally tripping and then, you know, it was, it was
interesting that little baby of mine had me and I didn't get, Jesus, she
was like The most awake kid ever. Like I don't think she slept and then.
You know, if, if it's true that your kid is who they are in the womb when
they get out, this chick is consistent, you know, she still don't sleep.
So she did not sleep. She would stay up at the wee hours of the night. I'd
go into work like looking like I had, you ain't get no shut out, huh? Nope
, she was up again and you would think she's like outside of the womb,
crying, screaming or something, but nope, she was in the womb kicking,
just moving. She was more active than my son. So I think we defied all of
those stereotypes and you know she was just really excited to where my
sister would literally get up sometimes because I would tell her about it.
She would get up and literally in the middle of the night and watch my
belly move and I mean I I wasn't comfortable to sleep in a bed. I slept on
a couch and I think maybe it was because I couldn't move a lot. I was able
to at least keep myself in one position. There was not much tossing and
turning, so it was like. You know, kind of like a placeholder, like
keeping keeping me and her, you know, still, but she would move all the
time. She's very active, yup, she was definitely developing and working
with the space that she had. She was all in the ribs, you know, she was,
she was trying to maximize her real estate, you know, she wanted to see
what was going on in the north hemisphere of my insides and Yeah, she was
, she was quite a character. Did you still have those bowel issues when
you were pregnant? I did still have the bowel issues when I was pregnant,
so, um, I think, believe it or not, when I got into that, you know, was
basically they were saying like, um. Like when your body, you know,
experiences stress. So when I first moved to Arizona and got a divorce, it
was like all of these traumatic things going on in your life that affect
your, your body, and I hadn't had these issues before. So once that
happened and I started doing, we were doing research forever and then to
get pregnant and then I'm still traumatized because I'm in a situation
where it's not the norm. I'm not familiar with, like I said, having to.
You know, go through this process with the father more distant than close.
So it was, it was traumatic and then being in another state where my
mother was not here. And although she wouldn't have showed up to the
delivery room if you paid her regardless how close she was, but she, she
at least would have been been in the state and when I would have got, you
know, released from the hospital, she would have been close. So like, so
there was trauma and so they said as a result the body would have
continued with that instead of it like, you know, just kind of working and
I was hoping she'd like sit on an intestine or something and the way she
was kicking, I figured she. She could do me a, you know, a little favor
and hit the right area and make me go, you know, but she wasn't that
considerate. So was your mom squeamish? Is that why she? Yeah, she had 8
kids and would never sit. Yeah, yeah. So my mother would not go into the
delivery room with us because she had 8 children and she felt like the,
you know, like, no, I had them, why do I need to see it? Like I don't need
to, I don't need to be that close to it. And she was very squeamish. She
was like, oh my gosh, I don't wanna. You know, be, I don't wanna, I don't
need to be that close Aquila, OK, I'm with you in spirit and on the phone
, and then you can call me when it's over. And I'll come when the baby's
out, like, you know, completely out, like not in the process of out, and
she's been consistent too because she has not went to not one of her 8
kids at all, and I think most of us now have children, if not all, yeah,
most of us have had children and she, she wouldn't come. She's, she
wouldn't come at all. Well, it's good to be consistent. I, I, I appreciate
her consistency. I mean, you know. Thanks mom. So it would be really bad
if she just went to one child's birth. not to go. How did you pick the one
, Mom? If you went to one, how did you pick the one? So, OK, so did your
first birth experience, did it at all impact your conceptions of like what
the second birth was going to be like? Was it a hospital birth? Did you
think, oh, I'm going to do that again, or was it, my first, um. My first
delivery, first birth, it was so easy and easy peasy as people say, and I
should have that red button. That was easy, like it was so easy, but I'm
like, shoot, I gotta be careful. I might mess around and have a football
team, you know, because it was so good. I mean, I gained every bit of
those 60 pounds with a smile, you know what I mean? Like I went into
restaurants demanding my food, like, listen, I'm here pregnant and hungry.
Feed me right now. 40. minute wait, no worries, bring my salad to the
door. Like everything was so easy that I just knew that this is how it was
gonna be, but I did have my son naturally in the sense that no medicine or
anything like that. So I felt like I can still do that again and that is,
and it definitely made me want to do it again and I did so no medicine for
her. Um, if anything, let me take that back. So when I say no medicine,
like no epidural, no thing to knock the pain off, but they did have to
induce me with my daughter twice because her little self decided she liked
the wounds so good that she wasn't coming out and um Um, I mean, I mean
everything was pointing to go. Like she was like the contractions were
very consistent, 3 within 5 minutes. Like they were just, we were ready.
I'm thinking like, oh my gosh, we're about to have the baby and we get to
the hospital, everything's good. I'm not dilating um as quickly as they
would ever expected and so I'm literally at 1. And hungry, you know what I
mean? So I, I can't eat, girl. I'm like, you know what, since I can't eat
, you know, let's, and I'm not dilating. Let me just go eat somewhere and
if they're not like, no, that's not gonna happen. So they did have to
induce me. That slowed things down and she was chilling for real. Now I'm
not like the contractions are slowing down and I'm in there like still
trying to order Red Lobster, you know, against their wishes, so. Yeah, but
yes, my son's birth definitely had a, you know, it, it played a part in
the way I was you know, in my expectation of what was gonna happen with my
daughter and the experience was different. My son, like I said, easy peasy
, born in 29 minutes, two pushes, like, you know, he was super simple. I
mean just ready to be here. I told him he had family in town to see him
and he needed to be out and he complied, you know what I mean? My daughter
is like, you know, creative and individual and Slightly rebel and she
tried to stay in. So, um, so, OK, let's go back to the beginning of the
daughter's births. You were at home and then you, I was at work. So at the
beginning of my labor, I was at work and I was on the phone with one of my
good friends slash co-workers and I'm having a conversation, hey girl, are
you still here? Yeah, when are you gonna be leaving to go, you know, to
have the baby or something like, you know, when's your break? And I'm like
, girl, I'm working up to the day cause knowing my kiddo, she's gonna be
in here hanging out and I'm gonna be at home pulling my thumbs, so I don't
wanna do that. So I'm just gonna be chill. Hold on a minute, I'm having a
contraction. OK, girl, so anyway, yeah, and then, oh, hold on, I'm having
another contraction. OK, so as I was saying, um, oh, hold on. OK, Aquila,
do you realize that you just had 3 contractions within like 5 minutes? I'm
like, oh, but because I have them so often, is that a big deal? Yes,
Aquila, that's a big deal. Oh, it's time, it's time. You need to call
somebody and they need to come get you. You cannot drive cause I'm like,
OK, well, I'm gonna get my keys. I'm gonna drive. No, you cannot drive.
You just, that's not recommended. And I was so disconnected from What, you
know, to look for, to get ready to deliver because I'd had contractions
every day. So my body is like numb to that, not really, but kinda numb to
that, you know, so. Um, I was at work. I called my, what I call my Arizona
mom and I said, hey, so just time the contractions. We're at a good, you
know, they're, they're whatever the time's supposed to be, they're there.
And more often, in fact, because I was telling her, you know, my friend
timed them and she said this is where we are. OK, I'm on my way. I'm I'm
coming to get you. We're gonna leave your car at work and I'm like, OK, so
I go, I leave my car at work. And I left the keys, I think at no, the
garage door opener I had this really interesting um house I lived in where
I had, I called it a garage-ish carport because it was a carport with a
door. So we left the garage door opener in the car, which was at the
office, and we were trying to get into the house and I somehow left the
keys or something, all of that to say, she jumped the fence at, you know,
50 years old. To get in the house and get my bag that was not in my car
for me to get ready to go to the hospital. So instead of us going back to
the office, which was literally 5 minutes away from my house, we're like
trying to pull acrobatic moves. I'm like, I'll jump the fence. She's like
, Are you crazy? I'm like, oh, I forgot just that quick that I'm pregnancy
, I'm pregnant and in labor. So because all I can think is I need my stuff
, though not. Let me go to the hospital without clean underwear. Like,
please, I need my socks. Like I need my cute pajamas. The things they have
is horrible. It's gonna be blue and you know, so I'm and I'm so serious
because I felt so diva-ish as a pregnant woman that I'm like, dude, no,
don't don't let me be flawed, you know, and in delivery, get my makeup bag
, like, you know, so. So anyway, she's all like, oh my gosh, this girl's
crazy. Let me go in here and figure out how we can do this. And mind you,
no keys, no anything, you know, but the back door was unlocked because I
had a garage's carport. So she's like, well, let me jump the fence.
Needless to say, her knee has never been the same. Thanks, Nana. And um so
we go to the, we get to the, you know, go and everything, we get to the
hospital and that's lo and behold, how, how all of that took place,
definitely. Um, interesting and fun. That's wild. Does her knee actually
is it. Thanks, Nana.
That's really funny. OK, so you get to the hospital and then you're like
thinking, I'm in labor, and then they induce you. They, before they
induced me, they were like, they gave me some hours, but yes, they did
induce me. They um they were like, yes. Um, we're gonna give you a little
bit more time to see if this kind of, you know, goes back to building, you
know, on its own, going back to the, the contractions and things and doing
the things to like make my maybe you're tense, you know, like the whole
story because I'm gonna tell, so cause my, my, my nana's telling the story
because I'm a goofball, so the way I'm dealing with pain is making jokes.
So I'm like, yeah, um, and I'm telling them what happened. So Nana, what?
She just jumped the fence. Yes. How many of you have a n that'll jump the
fence for you? So I'm like being very silly in this moment, but yes, so
I'm induced and then 17 hours later, you know, we have no progress and I'm
still hungry, by the way, um, have not been able to eat anything from 11
o'clock. I is there laws to protect pregnant women against starvation? No.
So. So anyhow, I'm like, you know, in here for 17 hours, starving,
drinking, you know, maybe I think they gave me like apple juice was like
the best they could do and she's still not, you know, things are not
picking up. My doctor was like, No thanks to him. Send her home. I'm like
, don't send me home and don't send me home. Like I was in, you know,
enough pain to not be, you know, to not want to be sent home, but not in
enough progress for them, for him to actually say, you know, yes, keeper,
let's induce her. So I had an amazing nurse. I wish I knew her name cause
I would shout her out right now. She was like, girl, I'm not sending you
home. There's no way, you know, with everything going the way it's going.
I would be foolish to send you home. Honestly, I just want, I don't want
to torture you like that. And I'm like, I love you. There's, that's,
there's angels out there. So yes. So then 17 hours later, they induced me
again. And um when they adduced me this other time, the water had still
had not broken on its own or anything like that. And my first time when I
had my son, they broke the water for me because it was, I was moving
progress but no water breaking. That was weird. But anyhow, so this one
now, you know, they induced me. I'm finally getting everything and I'm
laying down, I finally get to sleep. But you know, after, you know, being
there for so long, I finally can make myself through the discomfort to go
to sleep. And all of a sudden, I was so excited about it though. I felt my
water break on its own without it having to be done. I was so excited and
I'm still obviously excited about it happening naturally because I wanted
to feel that. And right immediately after the water broke um broke,
contractions hit like hell. And that is the real word hell. Like it was
crazy like they just like uh and I'm, I'm squeezing anything in sight and
you know, and, and I'm not a person to like make a bunch of noises or
grunts or whatever, but I was like trying to grab hold of something to
just like, you know, to kind of like grip and Whatever the case may be. So
I told her dad, he's there, of course, and I told her that I'm like, oh my
God, you gotta go get the nurse. The water just broke. I'm in a lot of
pain and I feel like the baby is coming and he's like, are you sure? And
of course the guy who has never had a baby would say, Are you sure? So I'm
like, Of course I'm sure. Go get the nurse. The baby's coming. No, no, no
, the baby's coming, the baby's coming, the baby's coming. And he was like
, you know, I get, and it's like 2 in the morning. My Arizona mom had just
left like, listen, this girl is stubborn. She ain't coming. Let me go home
and take a shower. And she says, and she and she talks to Jasmine in my
belly, you better not come before I get back here. Sure enough, you know,
she's probably, you know, barely just getting home and I'm like, call Nana.
So they, the call goes out, the doctor's not present, no doctors around,
the nurses are like, can you hold it? And I'm like, uh, no. And I'm trying
though because clearly this kid is about to break free. Free at last, free
at last. Like the baby is finally ready to come. I've been waiting on this
moment forever and today and bam, they're telling me to hold in. I'm
locking my legs closed. I'm like, she's gonna have a cone head, hurry up.
And then sure enough, you know, the nurses, I was like, oh look, she's
coming. I don't care who's delivering. Somebody better catch her and I
sure enough opened my legs and once I did that, her head was like out.
Like it was no more crowning. It was out. The nurse was like, ah, oh my
gosh, the doctor's not here yet. And so, you know, my daughter's dad's
like, Listen, you better grab her. Don't let my baby fall on the floor.
And I'm like, ah, yeah, that better not happen. But I mean one push one
push. And like 2 secs like it was literally like one push 2 seconds, like
she was out from that. That seemed like an eternity, but that literally
from the water breaking to her coming out was probably less than 10
minutes. Like it was so quick, nobody was ready, you know. They couldn't
get gloves on good. Like it was really, but I was grateful because I think
after, you know, at least 17 hours, like I said from the time from, from
the I think being checked in or something, I don't remember but it was
like 17, I remember saying 17 hours maybe that was between the inducing.
That this chick was like held up and she just chi just chilling like,
nope, I'll have tea please. Can we have anything else to drink? You know,
like she's like enjoying this. So I was excited. She comes out, um, I see
this kid who looks Asian. And I needed them to confirm that that baby came
out of me because I was like I didn't see it, my legs were up, I had a
skewed vision. I can't prove that that's the baby y'all pulled out um and
she literally looks like a very Asian kid and no eyeballs were open, so
I'm like, OK. And I had asked her dad I'm like, are you sure? Like, he
like, yeah, girl, you crazy. I'm like, no, I'm serious. Like she's
extremely light, you're dark, you know, and I know of course with all the
shows that go on today, men are like, I need a paternity test cause that
baby don't look like me, but I was like, I need a maternity test cause she
don't look like me. Like who's who's checking. That, you know, and because
my legs are up in front of my vision, there's no way to tell. And this is
literally what I'm saying while I just gave birth to my child, but I was
like, are y'all sure? So, um, put her in my arm, she's the most beautiful
Asian baby I've ever seen. Like she's just gorgeous and I'm like, dude,
these Asian kids are cute and To prove my point, I'm like walking like I
think in a mall or somewhere and an Asian person asked me, was she Asian?
And their kid looked like my kid. So people are always like, you're so
funny, you're being, you know, it ain't even a stereotype. This kid looked
Asian and when I show pictures to this day. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and
girls of all ages, it still holds true today. This chick looked like an
Asian when she came out, but she was gorgeous. She also had a very, she
was very like she had her fists balled up, like she was aggressive. Like
she was mad that we just took her out of her space and just totally messed
up something for her day or I don't know her night being that she was born
at like 20 in the morning. You know, it was, you know, I don't, I don't
know, maybe we kind of pissed her off or something because she was like
her mouth was like, you know, like you purse your lips and she's all like
, you know, gritting her gums because she had no teeth yet, obviously, but
she's just really upset about this thing and so I don't know, I just told
her I said listen, you know, we've been waiting to meet you for a while
here and I just cried because um honestly, even now as I think about it,
for everything that um. I thought initially I didn't, I felt like I didn't
deserve such a healthy baby who had no problems, no issues. She was
absolutely beautiful and um and that was still a gift and a miracle to to
to a person who had to me if I conceived the thought that I wouldn't have
wanted my gift, I would have every bit of earned or deserved, you know, a
kid that would have required me to appreciate her in a different sense of
maybe having to um. If there was any type of disease or deformity, I would
have felt like it would have been God's way of saying you're gonna really
appreciate the fact that she's simply here by having to maybe you know
protect and preserve her life or be more hands on, but she came into this
world with every limb that she that you know that that is due to us and
immobility of those limbs a strong heartbeat, a working heart, a healthy
heart, all of her, her, you know, organs and. You know, her right mind, um
, you know, just sassy and, and, and spicy and you know, she's just she
just adds flavor to this life and And I didn't deserve that, you know, so
in that moment I, I was just so blessed to, to have her just to have her
and and all of her, her little glory and and just be healthy and she was
honest, she was just like the most amazing gift, I think, you know,
especially with the with just that mind I was just like, man, I'm just so
grateful. You know, no matter how long she would have lived, you know, I,
I literally know people who their baby passed away shortly after birth. I
was just blessed to see her delivered and here and healthy, even if just
for a moment, even if just for a moment, I was just so extremely grateful.
And then, um, you know, from there we were just, you know, both trying to
just get acquainted, I think at that point, you know, and, and I decided I
wanted to nurse her and. And um you know, hopefully see that that went
well and um he didn't start off too good, you know, the whole nursing
thing. She seemed very independent in the womb and she was very
independent outside. She, you know, I think if she could have held her
bottle at a at a day old or a minute old she would have. She was very much
, you know, I, I think, you know, just meant to, to just kind of figure
out things on her own and, and I'm and I'm proud to have, you know, to
have her to be honest, like, you know, just in that way sometimes we want
them to be a little bit, I did want her to be a little clingy at times, um
, you know, a little bit more um co-dependent if you will, but I'm
extremely grateful to to have this kid who's willing to try stuff and
she's fearless, you know. That's great. It really is great. OK, I have a
couple questions. One is when you were talking about being induced, do you
know what they gave you, or what did they like they induced you through
the IV? OK. I was curious about that because sometimes they do um
some sort of balloons, you know, or they'll put something in the cervix
that does that. But yeah, I was curious if that was to say that no, no, no
, I think it's fine, um. And then the other thing is, so what was home
life like? So what was the relationship? Were you guys totally kaput, or
did he want to be involved in this early stage of motherhood, you know,
with the new baby and all that? Um, so her dad wanted to definitely be
around. He has other children. He's also an older man. So, um, well, aside
from, you know, our, our discombobulated story. He has only, he's only one
, he's one of two kids and his, his other sibling is the oldest sibling,
but he's unable to have kids. So despite the dysfunction, he always has
had a desire for his, you know, telling me to have a lot of children
because he, his mother would not have been able to have grandkids
otherwise. So though, you know, he has had several relations. in which he
has had kids with, he has extreme like absolutely no regrets. He loves
every one of his kids and I do believe that, you know, the way we, you
know, kind of express that love one could say he does or does not or
should I say could challenge that but I really believe in in my heart that
he loves every one of his kids and he wanted to be there as much as
possible and um he doesn't have but. Um, I think he has, don't judge me
while I'm saying, I think, but um, I do believe he has 6 children and so
he has 2 girls and Jazzy was the second girl, and his other daughter is
older, so she's like 20 some years older than Jazzy. And so, um, anyway,
you know, he was extremely excited to have another girl and so excited
that he was like, so all my boys have the middle name Lee, and I just
thought it would be awesome to, I'm I'm sorry, what? To put Lee as my
daughter's middle name? Yeah, not gonna happen, sir. So, um, we, we agreed
on Leanne. OK, I can take a Leanne, that's a, you know, the female version
of Lee. I can do that, you know, so we did go with, he named her
completely though, Jasmine Leanne. Um, like I said, our compromise with
Lian, but he did name her. Um, he was extremely, you know, I don't even
know why he decided to do it like most of his kids have Jay names. I don't
know what that means, but he, you know, what that means to him, but he was
very excited to do that. He would come over and she was, she just took to
him like she of course just knows that she owns him and everybody else in
the world and you know, she wasn't afraid to show it. Um, people called
her Aretha because she did scream a lot. She would, she would, man, oh man
, that chick would listen, she would RE SPCT like she was smooth, making
sure people knew that she had a, a, a request of some sort, whether it's
change my diaper, whatever it was, this chick wanted you to know. So
anyway, she was very good at at at vocalizing that. Through her um her
nice boisterous song of screaming and, but for some reason, you know, he'd
grab her as soon as she'd scream and she'd calm down. With me, it would
take us some time, some bouncing, some shaking, some creative rocking,
singing a song, playing music, you know, I don't know, jumping on a
trampoline. I mean, I I just felt like she put me through a lot to get her
to calm down in the same way that her father would just so easily pick her
up and she's like, uh, you know. But I, um, would later learn that it
would be, you know, it would just be a matter of time for us to really,
you know, to for her to know. I, I think I I I'm not gonna lie, I really
believe that some of her resistance was a result of the resistance that I
had, um, when, when I found out I wanted, um, that I didn't when I found
out I was pregnant, so. The resistance that she gave me, I really said one
day and was like, oh I think I'm getting back what I gave. And so what I
did was I apologized to her. Um, literally out loud, though she would not
understand, she could probably not even remember it, but I wanted to put
it inside of her soul that I had no regrets in having her that I loved her
, that she is mommy's gift that you know that is a part of our story, not
to tear us down but to really bind us closer together. And our home life
was really, it was really good. We were both, we're really, I'm a night
owl too. I just didn't expect her to be one, I guess. I don't know how
hypocritical maybe but um she, you know, we, we bonded at night. We would
sit and watch Law and Order or I would just watch Law and Order and she
would just lay, but you know, but you know, we, we, our home life was good
and her dad would come over and, you know, he would, he can count on me
sitting at home watching Law and. You know, until I would have to go back
to work, unfortunately. And um but he, he absolutely adored her, you know
, like I said, she looks Asian for quite some time. And um I realized
later that it was his eyes that you know he has a slight slant that you
probably see when he smiles, but his mother also had slanted eyes too and
I'm like that's where she got it from. I knew I wasn't crazy, but he just
absolutely loved looking at her and I did too. She was a pretty happy baby.
She was, but like I said, she just had no trouble telling us when she had
a request. So did she get her pigments at some point? She got a little
pigment and I mean she really started getting a little bit more pigment
and she's gotten older, like, like, like older, like 76 years old, older
because people still would meet her and say, oh is she mixed or is her dad
, you know, from another country because her eyes are green, so she's um
she's absolutely, I ain't gonna lie, she's gorgeous, you know. If she, you
know, I'm just trying to figure out like what to do with all that beauty.
I'm like, girl, she needs to model, she needs to do something. I just
don't, I don't know, but I'm, I'm right now I'm just wanting her to, I'm
just trying to cultivate, you know, character things within her so that we
don't lose sight of that because it's hard for kids to juggle. You know,
that type of life and you still want them to be respectful kids and you've
got people catering to them and giving them what they want and what they
need to get a job done, like, hey, I'm gonna give you all the candy and
cookies because I need you to stand still, you know, maybe to model and at
home life it don't, it don't work like that. So right now I just really
wanted to, you know, like I said, spend more time and develop our
relationship to, um, unfortunately, you know, the mother-daughter
relationship. a stigma that you know they're not always close and, and I
want, I'm I'm killing that like I'm killing that stigma, I'm murdering it
and pinning it on the wall so people can see like a like a bull you know
like a bullhorn of some sort because I'm you know I'm I'm intentional
about our relationship. We don't always agree she's 7, OK, but with
wanting her to understand I'm constantly you know speaking into our soul
and her spirit, we're on the same team. We're on the same team. We're on
the same team. Are we on the same team? We're on the same team, and I've
been telling her that since she was a baby, even when I felt like she
didn't like me with all with, with her being, you know, um, like I said,
not as, not as, uh, cooperative with me as her dad. I would be like, OK,
she might not like me today, but we're on the same team, you know, we're
still on the same team, so yeah, I say too that um babies, um. Have a
sense of what they can get from you and then they just take until they get
that. So like sometimes like Eric wasn't going to do all the things that I
did to appease my son's, you know, moods. You know it's like I feel like
Augustine that, so his expectations for Eric were just lower. Like Eric
would pick him up and he'd calm down, you know what I mean? But his
expectations for me were like astronauts. I want to dance. I want in the
moonlight. I really wanted like certain things like are you kidding me?
Exactly. That's awesome. You know, it's funny, so it might be a compliment.
OK. I can see some pictures though. I will definitely show you. So is
there anything else that um you want to mention that you haven't mentioned
?
Oh, yes, so. So, um, I think the best thing about my story actually took
place, um, maybe a day or two ago. And I did a good job of composing
myself because it would have been the most. Emotional flipping thing I've
ever. May may have ever encountered. My daughter said to me.
Out of nowhere. You know, she always says you're the best mom. I love you
, you're the best mom to me, but you know what she said. I'm so thankful,
mom. That you let me live.
I'm thankful to be alive. I'm thankful that you had me. And those were all
her statements. Out of nowhere, just a day or two ago.
And I'm So grateful because I do believe that you reap what you sow.
And I kept telling her, this is a part of our story, but it's not for me
to tear you down and you to feel like you weren't wanted. It was out of a
space that had something to do with me, not you, and I have no regrets and
I love you.
That was great. That was great, yeah, yeah, um. That's really eloquent for
a seven year old swear. I'm so serious, like I'm like. She still doesn't
like she don't even know. We haven't even talked about that as a
conversation. And she said that out of the blue just a day or two ago. I
can't remember if it was yesterday or the day before. So you never have
told her. Say that say that on the record. So I'm, I've never told her.
You know the story of me, um. Thinking and you know just you know having
this idea of wanting to abort her. I never told her that story at all. So
for her to say that was.
Was Oh my God, like it just filled my heart with a love and a joy all over
again, you know, just to be, um, you know, just for for for being able to
again like I said in that card, making a decision we both can live with.
Yeah, it's really lovely. Yeah, that's great. OK, so something else that
we tend to ask people is if you can think about one word or like a
phrasing of words. I think
We get so many solicitations it'll just keep ringing.
Um, that summarizes your experience, you know, because you've seen that
we've picked some themes, but we're always having new themes develop and
so if you can think of anything, a word, one word, a word or a phrase, you
know.
Choose life.
Yeah, that's good. I was actually thinking like gratitude. Like there's
something about that could be it too like thankfulness, you know, that's a
good word, and that's I'm big on that, so that works too, gratitude.
There's definitely lots of that. Yeah, because you seem to um it's like
thankfulness on both of your parts.
That would be, I think that's a good word. It's like life is a good word
too. Yeah, I'm thinking about what that means. But gratitude I think is
good because that's actually one of the things that I like that better. I
really do. I do. I like it better. I think it's we missed the
opportunities to have gratitude when we could. And so I'm always promoting
gratitude. I'm always like, do you understand what a gratitude is? It's a
great attitude about everything that we experience, so I think gratitude
is really a good word. That's so funny that you have, I've thought about
that word that much. I've never thought about that. That's great. That's
funny. Yeah, well, awesome. Yeah, yeah. Anything else? Do we wrap me up?
OK, OK, we're gonna hit the button.