WEBVTT 00:00:00.280 --> 00:00:05.726 This is for Solis interviewing Angela Larkin. OK, um, September for the 00:00:05.759 --> 00:00:12.306 Creative Push project, September 19th at I'm sorry, I forgot. 12:15 00:00:12.339 --> 00:00:15.865 some sort of problem, I think. You know, it's funny because I really did 00:00:15.898 --> 00:00:19.596 think there's something happened to me. There was some sort of like I fell 00:00:19.629 --> 00:00:24.826 on my head as a baby or just something, but my son is exactly the same, 00:00:24.859 --> 00:00:29.747 and he, nothing's happened to him, so. Anyway, so if you could just tell 00:00:29.780 --> 00:00:34.826 us a little bit about yourself. Uh, sure, yeah, I am, yeah, my name is 00:00:34.859 --> 00:00:40.307 Angela Larkin. I'm a graphic designer. I work with my husband, Kyle, as 00:00:40.340 --> 00:00:46.826 well as I um have a full-time job where I do, uh, mostly graphic design 00:00:46.859 --> 00:00:52.467 for Whole Foods. Um, so I do environmental graphic design predominantly, 00:00:52.500 --> 00:00:56.875 which is like All Whole Foods are different, so when you go in, every 00:00:56.908 --> 00:00:59.476 single one is designed completely differently. They're not like templatey 00:00:59.509 --> 00:01:05.397 , like a like a Safeway or something. So, um, we do, yeah, lots of signs, 00:01:05.430 --> 00:01:10.197 um, big wall pieces, like anything that's hanging decor wise in the space 00:01:10.230 --> 00:01:16.055 , so I design signs, basically. No, that's not true. No, I'm totally 00:01:16.088 --> 00:01:22.257 fascinated by it. So did you work with this new one on? Theto is one of 00:01:22.290 --> 00:01:26.326 mine. Yeah, yeah, it's beautiful. Thanks. That's so impressive. 00:01:26.359 --> 00:01:30.977 All right, and you went to ASU? Yeah. Kyle and I went to ASU both for 00:01:31.010 --> 00:01:37.686 undergrad and graduate school, so ASU success story. Yeah, sure. I see, 00:01:37.719 --> 00:01:41.367 are you in touch with the current faculty or anything? Yeah, well, because 00:01:41.400 --> 00:01:45.566 Kyle still teaches, um, so yeah, and I taught for a bit while I was in 00:01:45.599 --> 00:01:48.947 grad school there, like some of the undergrad classes and stuff because 00:01:48.980 --> 00:01:53.245 they don't have you guys coming and talking to a mom and you know because. 00:01:53.278 --> 00:01:58.046 We do some of that. I mean, I go and I do reviews, um, for, yeah, like 00:01:58.079 --> 00:02:02.647 one of my um colleagues teaches a bunch of second year classes and so I 00:02:02.680 --> 00:02:06.566 come in and do like the midterm and end of year reviews for her and um I 00:02:06.599 --> 00:02:12.555 come and Do a little bit of that for, I don't know, less frequently for 00:02:12.588 --> 00:02:16.896 like the grad students and stuff, but yeah, I mean I've I've done a little 00:02:16.929 --> 00:02:21.856 coming and talking. Um, Kyle every year as part of, you know, a studio 00:02:21.889 --> 00:02:26.275 that he teaches, does like a photography. Just like, hey, because we're 00:02:26.308 --> 00:02:28.916 going to be doing a project where you need photos and like let me give you 00:02:28.949 --> 00:02:33.237 some very basic information on how to take photos that aren't terrible, 00:02:33.270 --> 00:02:37.156 which is basically all I can really talk to, but like um yeah, I go in 00:02:37.189 --> 00:02:40.436 that day and like you know talk about how a camera works and stuff and 00:02:40.469 --> 00:02:45.876 it's great yeah. OK, so thank you so much for agreeing to do this. Um, so 00:02:45.909 --> 00:02:51.717 you have one child, one child, and there was a miscarriage after. Um, is 00:02:51.750 --> 00:02:57.987 an ectopic pregnancy, so it's where the um fertilized egg implants in your 00:02:58.020 --> 00:03:05.316 fallopian tube. So it's, I had to go have it surgically like my Um, right 00:03:05.349 --> 00:03:08.316 Fallopian tube had to be taken out. Are you comfortable talking about that 00:03:08.349 --> 00:03:11.495 ? Yeah, I can talk about it. So if we could have you talk about the first 00:03:11.528 --> 00:03:15.995 birth and then um the second pregnancy, and we might treat it as two 00:03:16.028 --> 00:03:20.555 separate. We'll just have to see how it goes. Um, but so if you can think 00:03:20.588 --> 00:03:25.916 back to as far back as you can to the beginning, to the conception, and 00:03:25.949 --> 00:03:31.797 take us back so that we can be oriented, you know, like if it was. A cold 00:03:31.830 --> 00:03:36.786 winter's night or was it planned? Was it not planned? Our last speaker had 00:03:36.819 --> 00:03:43.835 angry sex for the consent. So they don't have to get too details. Yeah, I 00:03:43.868 --> 00:03:47.755 I don't know if I could describe the specific day, but you know was it the 00:03:47.788 --> 00:03:53.596 whole thing ovulation kits and scheduled for the first time I was pregnant 00:03:53.629 --> 00:04:01.629 , it was planned. Um, we'd been married for Trying to think I was 20. 12, 00:04:01.960 --> 00:04:06.446 so we, we've been married for just about a year and um the date of like 00:04:06.479 --> 00:04:11.525 when we conceived is around our anniversary like for so that's how I 00:04:11.558 --> 00:04:15.327 remember like, oh yeah, it was basically around then um wasn't actually 00:04:15.360 --> 00:04:18.526 our anniversary, but it was like around that time we've been married for a 00:04:18.559 --> 00:04:22.887 year um we had been together for a super long time like we started dating 00:04:22.920 --> 00:04:29.356 in college like junior year, so we've been together for maybe like. 00:04:29.389 --> 00:04:34.236 Math, like 8 years or something, um, and but even though we'd only been 00:04:34.269 --> 00:04:41.467 married for a year, so. Um, so yeah, like I was, I think 29. 00:04:41.500 --> 00:04:45.007 And I just was like, OK, I think, you know, like we've been together a 00:04:45.040 --> 00:04:52.096 long time. You know, we were in a good situation, so, um, excuse me. So 00:04:52.129 --> 00:04:55.336 yeah, so we decided that we were gonna start trying. Like we had friends, 00:04:55.369 --> 00:04:59.096 kind of all of our friends like seemed like they were either like about to 00:04:59.129 --> 00:05:01.817 like have a baby or like we're getting pregnant and stuff, and it was just 00:05:01.850 --> 00:05:06.437 like, OK, yeah, let's do this. Like, I think we can probably do this if 00:05:06.470 --> 00:05:11.257 other people we know are doing this, um. So yeah, so when we started 00:05:11.290 --> 00:05:14.387 trying, we, it was the very first month that we were trying, that we got 00:05:14.420 --> 00:05:18.276 pregnant with him. So it wasn't like, uh, now that I've had a second 00:05:18.309 --> 00:05:21.495 pregnancy, I've kind of had both extremes, um, but like it would happen 00:05:21.528 --> 00:05:26.745 really, really fast the first time, um. And I couldn't tell you like when 00:05:26.778 --> 00:05:32.426 specifically like it happened, but it was, it was easy, it was like we 00:05:32.459 --> 00:05:37.765 were um. In that very like first, like, I don't know, like we're just 00:05:37.798 --> 00:05:41.476 going to try this and we're going to see, like we're not going to plan 00:05:41.509 --> 00:05:46.007 anything or like, yeah, we're not going to look at like ovulation cycles, 00:05:46.040 --> 00:05:49.286 like we're just going to like go off birth control and see if this works 00:05:49.319 --> 00:05:57.319 and it happened so, so fast, so Um, So fast, even I think I didn't realize 00:05:57.738 --> 00:06:01.305 that I was late cause I wasn't paying that much attention because I was 00:06:01.338 --> 00:06:06.416 like, it's real unlikely that it's gonna be like this month and so it was 00:06:06.449 --> 00:06:10.955 Uh, just after 4th of July that I found out that I was pregnant and I had 00:06:10.988 --> 00:06:16.726 drank like a lot of liquor on on 4th of July, and I remember feeling like. 00:06:16.759 --> 00:06:22.937 Oh crap. This is so bad. Um, but yeah, like I just remember that I was 00:06:22.970 --> 00:06:26.616 like I was like, huh, I should check the calendar and just see, and I was 00:06:26.649 --> 00:06:31.757 probably like 3 or 4 days late and um. I think I was even a little bit in 00:06:31.790 --> 00:06:36.426 denial that like that could be. Uh, what it was because I didn't want my 00:06:36.459 --> 00:06:41.467 hopes up, you know. And so we had friends over, uh, that were like in from 00:06:41.500 --> 00:06:45.387 out of town and um they had brought wine. I remember like having a glass 00:06:45.420 --> 00:06:49.447 of wine even though I was like. I might be pregnant. I'm not going to like 00:06:49.480 --> 00:06:54.455 , you know, pay attention or whatever. Um, so, but when I told Kyle after 00:06:54.488 --> 00:06:58.426 that, like, oh, I'm like, by the way, like 4 or 5 days late now, and he's 00:06:58.459 --> 00:07:02.906 like, What is wrong with you? Like you need to take a test. And I was like 00:07:02.939 --> 00:07:07.515 , Well, I mean it just, I could be just whatever, very regular, like, who 00:07:07.548 --> 00:07:12.745 knows. Um, but yeah, so I I I was, we got a test. I don't even think we 00:07:12.778 --> 00:07:17.567 had one at the house and I, uh Woke up like super super early the next 00:07:17.600 --> 00:07:20.555 morning. Like I think I was like, well, I'm just gonna do it like first 00:07:20.588 --> 00:07:25.447 thing in the morning and of course I woke up at like 4 and 5 and 6 and um 00:07:25.480 --> 00:07:28.526 finally did it and it was like positive like immediately because I was 00:07:28.559 --> 00:07:34.995 probably close to a week late and uh. Yeah, I just remember like my whole 00:07:35.028 --> 00:07:41.515 uh. Uh, I don't know. It was shocking to me even though it was intentional 00:07:41.548 --> 00:07:46.205 and like expected and probably very obvious to someone not in total denial 00:07:46.238 --> 00:07:50.245 about it, like, um, but yeah, I just like I was still in bed and I think I 00:07:50.278 --> 00:07:55.145 had woken up, uh, when I Had probably, you know, walked out of the room 00:07:55.178 --> 00:07:58.067 and stuff, so when I came back in, he was awake and I was like, we're 00:07:58.100 --> 00:08:01.055 having a baby, 00:08:01.088 --> 00:08:07.395 um. Uh, yeah, and I mean, he was excited and um like we just got back into 00:08:07.428 --> 00:08:11.616 bed and we hung out and. That morning I remember like we went out to 00:08:11.649 --> 00:08:15.717 breakfast and it was like. It was really nice. I mean, cuz, you know, we 00:08:15.750 --> 00:08:18.356 were the only people that knew it was like our special secret and like we 00:08:18.389 --> 00:08:22.736 went out, we had like breakfast to kind of celebrate like. Funny thinking 00:08:22.769 --> 00:08:27.856 of going out to breakfast now, but um with a two year old, but uh, but 00:08:27.889 --> 00:08:32.996 yeah, like. I don't know, it was just like uh. 00:08:33.029 --> 00:08:40.297 It was exciting. We're really happy and I had. No, like, really, I wasn't 00:08:40.330 --> 00:08:44.505 worried about anything. Um, and I mean the the rest of my pregnancy went 00:08:44.538 --> 00:08:47.765 really smoothly. Like I, you know, I never had to worry about anything, 00:08:47.798 --> 00:08:51.956 was which was nice, but It's just it's funny now to think of it because 00:08:51.989 --> 00:08:55.395 I'm comparing it to like the second time where things did go wrong and I 00:08:55.428 --> 00:08:58.037 think I knew more things that could go wrong, where the first time I was 00:08:58.070 --> 00:09:03.395 like, Happy go lucky. Like everything's everything's easy. And um so can 00:09:03.428 --> 00:09:08.917 you talk about the experience of pregnancy when maybe you started really 00:09:08.950 --> 00:09:12.356 feeling pregnant and you know just kind of try to get back into that 00:09:12.389 --> 00:09:18.576 headspace. Sure. Yeah, I probably, I started feeling the first real signs 00:09:18.609 --> 00:09:23.456 of being pregnant when I was maybe like 6 weeks, I started to feel sick. 00:09:23.489 --> 00:09:28.177 So I had pretty typical morning sickness, um, from about 6 weeks to maybe 00:09:28.210 --> 00:09:32.976 like 14 weeks-ish, like, you know, second half of the first trimester. Um 00:09:33.009 --> 00:09:38.537 , we were traveling, we had a wedding to go to in Seattle one weekend, and 00:09:38.570 --> 00:09:42.467 we had another wedding to go to in London the following weekend. And that 00:09:42.500 --> 00:09:46.537 was kind of in the middle of that first trimester and I had work travel 00:09:46.570 --> 00:09:51.657 and stuff. I think I've traveled. Maybe to like 3 like I took 3 different 00:09:51.690 --> 00:09:59.690 flights and stuff, um, that first like month that we knew and. Um, Yeah, I 00:10:00.099 --> 00:10:04.145 , I mean, I actually had like fairly mild morning sickness. I never threw 00:10:04.178 --> 00:10:08.265 up, but I was just, I always said it was like having a hangover because I 00:10:08.298 --> 00:10:12.326 just kind of felt like shit all the time. Like I always felt like I'm not 00:10:12.359 --> 00:10:16.537 gonna barf, but I feel kind of like barfing and I'm just like really tired 00:10:16.570 --> 00:10:24.275 and I just don't like talk to me. um. And even, but yeah, it was like. I 00:10:24.308 --> 00:10:27.836 don't know. There's that romantic notion of it though, cause it's like, 00:10:27.869 --> 00:10:31.157 you know what's happening and like I'm pregnant. That's why I'm feeling 00:10:31.190 --> 00:10:38.875 sick. So I, I think like there was. I don't know, um, it was kind of. Like 00:10:38.908 --> 00:10:41.996 he didn't feel that bad even though like I felt kind of crappy all the 00:10:42.029 --> 00:10:46.717 time and I was like hiding it from work and I was like traveling from for 00:10:46.750 --> 00:10:49.917 work and going places, but I hadn't told them yet, so I couldn't really 00:10:49.950 --> 00:10:55.025 explain why I didn't want to go through the Um, what do they call that 00:10:55.058 --> 00:10:59.586 thing, the back scatter X-ray thing that you have to walk through. I was 00:10:59.619 --> 00:11:03.106 going to call it, yeah, a metal detector. Yeah, well, you can walk through 00:11:03.139 --> 00:11:07.625 a metal detector, um, but yeah, I'm not even sure that's really what it's 00:11:07.658 --> 00:11:11.787 called, but yeah, um, but yeah, I remember like I had to go and get the 00:11:11.820 --> 00:11:17.706 pat down, you know, the like freedom massage, um, all the time and it was 00:11:17.739 --> 00:11:20.427 like people were waiting for me because it takes forever. You have to 00:11:20.460 --> 00:11:24.307 stand there and wait for them to find a female and like. I don't know why 00:11:24.340 --> 00:11:28.866 , but there's like two Homeland Security female at any time. They're not 00:11:28.899 --> 00:11:31.547 where you are and so it always takes forever and so people were like 00:11:31.580 --> 00:11:34.427 waiting for me and I think they just thought I was like really worried 00:11:34.460 --> 00:11:38.467 about it, you know. I think this was kind of in that time period where it 00:11:38.500 --> 00:11:43.196 was relatively new and people were like a little bit nervous about it and 00:11:43.229 --> 00:11:47.515 um. Yeah, so, and I was like holding, you know, the group up or whatever 00:11:47.548 --> 00:11:50.596 when I was we were traveling and I was like, sorry, I just really don't 00:11:50.629 --> 00:11:54.476 know what's going on with this whole radiation thing or whatever. Um, so 00:11:54.509 --> 00:12:01.395 I'm sure they thought I was nuts. But, uh, but yeah, and then, um, that 00:12:01.428 --> 00:12:05.246 there was that period between like where I was feeling fine, um, stomach 00:12:05.279 --> 00:12:09.086 wise. I wasn't feeling morning sickness anymore. Uh, but I hadn't started 00:12:09.119 --> 00:12:16.836 to feel movement yet. I think that's the worst because. You're like I 00:12:16.869 --> 00:12:21.226 don't have an actual physical reminder that I'm pregnant. So you're like, 00:12:21.259 --> 00:12:25.346 I'm assuming everything's fine, and I'm not like a super worrier just as a 00:12:25.379 --> 00:12:28.746 personality anyway, but, you know, like I had other friends who were 00:12:28.779 --> 00:12:32.385 pregnant at the same time, and I'd hear, you know, you just hear people be 00:12:32.418 --> 00:12:34.625 like, oh, I'm like, I'm really worried about this. I'm really worried 00:12:34.658 --> 00:12:39.015 about this. You're like, should I be worried about this thing? Like, um. I 00:12:39.048 --> 00:12:42.936 remember knowing somebody that bought one of those like Doppler things so 00:12:42.969 --> 00:12:46.456 they could like listen to the heartbeat at their own house so that they 00:12:46.489 --> 00:12:51.537 could just remind themselves that everything was fine. Um, I remember 00:12:51.570 --> 00:12:54.217 thinking like that's a little much, but you know it was like, you know, 00:12:54.250 --> 00:12:59.826 that time period where you're you're like, I guess I'm pregnant. I mean, 00:12:59.859 --> 00:13:03.135 every, you know, every time I go to the doctor, they, they agree, so I 00:13:03.168 --> 00:13:07.927 probably am, but like they're, yeah, um. And then I probably started 00:13:07.960 --> 00:13:14.206 feeling movement around 18 weeks maybe. So that was exciting and that's 00:13:14.239 --> 00:13:19.177 like where you, then I kind of felt like, OK, then now I can kind of um. 00:13:19.210 --> 00:13:27.210 Pay attention to those feelings and not to uh and not worry about it. um. 00:13:27.379 --> 00:13:32.946 So how was the um how was the weight gain and the bloating and all of the 00:13:32.979 --> 00:13:37.015 other stuff that I don't remember being that bad until later in the 00:13:37.048 --> 00:13:42.885 pregnancy. um I think I gained. 25 or 30 pounds, it's like the normal 00:13:42.918 --> 00:13:48.765 amount. It wasn't like a a huge amount, um. 00:13:48.798 --> 00:13:52.986 I mean, I just remember feeling really uncomfortable fairly early. I have 00:13:53.019 --> 00:13:57.066 a friend who had her baby and she like went on like a 4 mile hike, I think 00:13:57.099 --> 00:14:00.427 like a week before I was born and I was like, I think, you know, from 00:14:00.460 --> 00:14:05.467 maybe 2 months out, I was so uncomfortable like it was difficult to, you 00:14:05.500 --> 00:14:10.765 know, get off the couch or to like walk around the block and um I just, 00:14:10.798 --> 00:14:16.746 yeah, like I think I carried really low, um, in that, you know, the last 00:14:16.779 --> 00:14:21.145 couple of months were like were not great, and I remember having to buy 00:14:21.178 --> 00:14:24.385 new flip flops right before I went into the hospital because like none of 00:14:24.418 --> 00:14:28.066 my shoes really fit. So like I definitely had to at my feet, but it felt 00:14:28.099 --> 00:14:32.005 like it happened right at the end. Stretch marks too. I was, I think I was 00:14:32.038 --> 00:14:36.217 like, I don't think I'm really getting too many stretch marks and then 00:14:36.250 --> 00:14:39.057 really in the past like the last like 3 weeks maybe it was when they like 00:14:39.090 --> 00:14:42.717 all showed up. They got like all the stretch marks, all the swelling, you 00:14:42.750 --> 00:14:48.505 know, all that stuff, um. But like I just remember like, oh man, I just 00:14:48.538 --> 00:14:53.297 had like he was like carrying so low. I felt like I was being like stabbed 00:14:53.330 --> 00:14:58.015 in the crotch like every time I was walking around like towards right 00:14:58.048 --> 00:15:02.616 before um you know probably the last month or so of it like I just 00:15:02.649 --> 00:15:07.096 remember I'd be like walking normally and then be like oh I was like I. I 00:15:07.129 --> 00:15:11.167 don't know, it'd be like a foot or something that would um. But like I was 00:15:11.200 --> 00:15:15.645 pretty comfortable. I mean, I had that really nice middle, uh, you know, 00:15:15.678 --> 00:15:20.645 few months where I still had like energy and um you know, was like 00:15:20.678 --> 00:15:25.346 comfortable and everything was good. Did you have a plan, or were you just 00:15:25.379 --> 00:15:31.076 the plan was here? I, I had a very loose plan. I mean, I was, I had a 00:15:31.109 --> 00:15:36.807 pretty, I mean in the end I had a pretty, you know. Medical birth, um, 00:15:36.840 --> 00:15:41.645 which isn't necessarily what I was looking for, but I was pretty open to 00:15:41.678 --> 00:15:45.686 just knowing that like the the amount of control you really have is not 00:15:45.719 --> 00:15:53.196 great um over what happens. And I mean, When I actually did. Give birth, 00:15:53.229 --> 00:15:58.456 um. It did kind of go. 00:15:58.489 --> 00:16:03.797 Not how I expected, um, but I was expecting to be surprised, I think, so I 00:16:03.830 --> 00:16:08.836 wasn't super concerned about it. Um, I just said, I remember so many 00:16:08.869 --> 00:16:14.976 people telling me. Like you can make a plan, but your baby is going to do 00:16:15.009 --> 00:16:19.996 what they're gonna do, um, so. I never really made one. I just kind of had 00:16:20.029 --> 00:16:26.076 a general sense of like, um, my mom, you know, had both my brother and I 00:16:26.109 --> 00:16:31.066 naturally and I was like, well, I, you know, probably shoot for that, but 00:16:31.099 --> 00:16:34.566 like I wasn't opposed to like getting an epidural, you know, if I felt 00:16:34.599 --> 00:16:40.986 like I wanted one. My plan was basically to go in and just um 00:16:41.019 --> 00:16:46.385 Probably just hold off on getting anything I didn't need until like I felt 00:16:46.418 --> 00:16:52.037 like, you know, it was more necessary, so. Um, when I went in, you know, I 00:16:52.070 --> 00:16:55.246 think I was. 00:16:55.279 --> 00:16:57.717 I remember them telling me at one point that like they didn't think I was 00:16:57.750 --> 00:17:01.427 in active labor. I think I was dilated like 6 centimeters and I was like. 00:17:01.460 --> 00:17:04.426 You know, contractions were like every minute and a half or something. 00:17:04.459 --> 00:17:06.976 They're like, I don't think you're quite in active labor yet. And I was 00:17:07.009 --> 00:17:14.176 like, I am going to punch you. You're a terrible person. Um, And that's, 00:17:14.209 --> 00:17:16.506 you know, about when I was like, OK, I guess I'll have that epidural if 00:17:16.539 --> 00:17:21.016 it's gonna get like 100 times worse than this. Great. Um, but yeah, I 00:17:21.049 --> 00:17:23.256 didn't, I didn't really have a plan, and I remember them just like they 00:17:23.289 --> 00:17:27.295 kept asking me like, well, do you want, um, do you want an epidural or do 00:17:27.328 --> 00:17:31.176 you want, you know, pain medication or whatever they say. And uh I just 00:17:31.209 --> 00:17:34.906 kept saying, well, like, yeah, like I'll hold off a little bit more and 00:17:34.939 --> 00:17:38.436 stuff, but um. 00:17:38.469 --> 00:17:42.585 Yeah. So when did you, did you, OK, tell me about what hide getting to the 00:17:42.618 --> 00:17:47.266 hospital. Like your water broke or did you? Yeah, my water broke at home, 00:17:47.299 --> 00:17:50.565 which I feel like is a thing that always happens in movies, but they tell 00:17:50.598 --> 00:17:55.627 you it is really not going to happen to you. Um, but that's how mine 00:17:55.660 --> 00:18:00.545 happened, um. Yeah, I was at home. My parents had come into town. They 00:18:00.578 --> 00:18:07.107 live in California and they were coming for 2 weeks and so they came like. 00:18:07.140 --> 00:18:10.026 Two days before my due date or something. I mean, they were kind of 00:18:10.059 --> 00:18:13.785 cutting it close and I remember that they, the doctor had told me I had 00:18:13.818 --> 00:18:17.347 been 3 centimeters dilated for like the the last month of the pregnancy or 00:18:17.380 --> 00:18:21.766 something. So I remember at 36 weeks I was like, oh my God, I can have 00:18:21.799 --> 00:18:25.166 this baby anytime, you know, and then I really, it didn't progress from 00:18:25.199 --> 00:18:29.246 that at all until, you know, I was actually having the baby, but my 00:18:29.279 --> 00:18:34.006 parents had come into town and I was like, OK. Now if like I have the baby 00:18:34.039 --> 00:18:37.847 , like everything's cool. Like they're here, like they can help out, um, 00:18:37.880 --> 00:18:41.726 you know, my mom can be in the hospital with us and stuff. Um, so they 00:18:41.759 --> 00:18:47.946 came, it was my actual due date. I went to the doctor and that morning, 00:18:47.979 --> 00:18:51.627 and they were like, oh yeah, like I think things were starting to kind of 00:18:51.660 --> 00:18:55.906 happen a little bit. And so the doctor stripped my membranes and said, 00:18:55.939 --> 00:19:00.196 like, hey, I'm I'm the one that's in the hospital tonight cause I go to a 00:19:00.229 --> 00:19:02.666 practice that has several doctors, so you just don't know who you're gonna 00:19:02.699 --> 00:19:06.426 actually get. She's like, well, I'll be the one, you know, at the hospital 00:19:06.459 --> 00:19:12.535 tonight, so I'll probably see you. I was like, OK, cool. See you. Um Yeah 00:19:12.568 --> 00:19:15.406 , and I went home and I remember just feeling kind of uncomfortable the 00:19:15.439 --> 00:19:19.367 whole day, like, which I was feeling uncomfortable all the time, so, you 00:19:19.400 --> 00:19:22.686 know, whatever. But yeah, I just kind of felt crappy. I just remember 00:19:22.719 --> 00:19:26.647 feeling crappy and like I went for a walk around the neighborhood, and I 00:19:26.680 --> 00:19:30.847 ate uh a lot of pineapple because someone had told me like, that that was 00:19:30.880 --> 00:19:33.486 a thing, which I didn't really believe, but I like pineapple, so I was 00:19:33.519 --> 00:19:37.795 like, whatever, I'll just eat this pineapple anyways. And yeah, I was I 00:19:37.828 --> 00:19:41.967 was just sitting at the counter in our kitchen and. Um, but my water break 00:19:42.000 --> 00:19:46.486 and was like, you know, what's happening? Am I peeing myself like what's 00:19:46.519 --> 00:19:52.506 going on and. went and realized that's what it was. And I remember I 00:19:52.539 --> 00:19:55.467 didn't like I don't know why I wasn't more prepared, but I didn't have 00:19:55.500 --> 00:19:59.176 maxi pads or anything like that was really absorbent, you know, I had like 00:19:59.209 --> 00:20:03.305 panty liners. This is not going to help. And so I spent, you know, I knew 00:20:03.338 --> 00:20:09.196 that I had time. So I was like, well, I'm going to Uh, send Kyle and take 00:20:09.229 --> 00:20:13.996 my mom, cause you probably don't know anything about, you know, lady stuff. 00:20:14.029 --> 00:20:18.486 So. I sent them to like CVS or something to buy like a package of stuff 00:20:18.519 --> 00:20:22.926 and I took a shower and I was like whatever, this is fine. Started having 00:20:22.959 --> 00:20:28.246 contractions. I think this was like around 8 o'clock, so. You know, I 00:20:28.279 --> 00:20:32.436 remember just being like, OK, like cool, like I was excited, I was nervous 00:20:32.469 --> 00:20:38.226 like um. I just remember like I had, I have like I had a yoga ball thing 00:20:38.259 --> 00:20:43.357 and I was like, I'll sit on this for a while and you know, uh I think they 00:20:43.390 --> 00:20:45.956 had said if your water breaks, you have like 6 hours to get to the 00:20:45.989 --> 00:20:50.756 hospital, or like you should come either when your contractions are at 00:20:50.789 --> 00:20:55.236 whatever, 5 minutes apart or something, or if it's been this long and you 00:20:55.269 --> 00:21:02.226 , you know, cause you're losing fluid, so. Yeah, I just I. I, uh, waited 00:21:02.259 --> 00:21:07.766 the contractions got more intense and um. I just remember like my friend 00:21:07.799 --> 00:21:11.686 had given birth a couple months before and I had like grilling her like. 00:21:11.719 --> 00:21:15.506 What do they feel like? Like, how do you know what it is and stuff? And 00:21:15.539 --> 00:21:19.825 um as it turned out, I, he was sunny side up when I was having uh back 00:21:19.858 --> 00:21:23.347 labor. So I never felt anything like what people had told me it would feel 00:21:23.380 --> 00:21:27.647 like. It was just like. Painful in my back. Like it really didn't feel 00:21:27.680 --> 00:21:32.137 like um the way people describe a typical contraction. So I think for a 00:21:32.170 --> 00:21:35.406 while I was like, is this happening? Oh, I can tell cause I like, I'm 00:21:35.439 --> 00:21:38.686 having trouble speaking that that's what this is happening, but it feels 00:21:38.719 --> 00:21:42.006 nothing like what I was expecting. It just felt like, you know, a lot of 00:21:42.039 --> 00:21:46.486 like pressure and pain and like kind of like really bad like cramps, um, 00:21:46.519 --> 00:21:50.117 but I never felt that kind of like rapping, squeezing feeling that um 00:21:50.150 --> 00:21:57.835 people talk about. And Uh, yeah, like I, I, I think I did at one point get 00:21:57.868 --> 00:22:02.726 to, you know, maybe 2 or 3 hours of like being at home and just. You know 00:22:02.759 --> 00:22:05.766 , we started to time them and we're like, OK, they're getting to be, 00:22:05.799 --> 00:22:08.857 they're close and like, OK, I think we're gonna go and it's like 11 00:22:08.890 --> 00:22:13.607 o'clock at night. And so Kyle and I drove in one car and my parents took a 00:22:13.640 --> 00:22:16.686 separate car because they were, you know, knew they were going to be like 00:22:16.719 --> 00:22:21.166 probably wanting to come home and stuff. And Kyle, uh, we don't live super 00:22:21.199 --> 00:22:24.486 far from like uh. 00:22:24.519 --> 00:22:29.085 of the hospital, yeah, we don't live super far from the hospital and uh so 00:22:29.118 --> 00:22:32.926 I think it was like less than 10 minute drive or something and I just 00:22:32.959 --> 00:22:40.776 remember feeling so awful and just like Every little movement was so 00:22:40.809 --> 00:22:46.377 painful and Kyle will talk about when we got into the parking garage, the 00:22:46.410 --> 00:22:50.496 actual parking garage at the hospital for the maternity section is like, 00:22:50.529 --> 00:22:55.055 you're supposed to park on the 3rd floor or something and it's like, you 00:22:55.088 --> 00:23:00.217 know, you're spiraling around and there are speed bumps every few feet or 00:23:00.250 --> 00:23:04.075 whatever. I felt like every few feet. I'm sure it's like every 100, 00:23:04.108 --> 00:23:07.867 whatever. Uh, but yeah, so we, we were going through this thing and Kyle 00:23:07.900 --> 00:23:11.335 probably was going 4 miles an hour or something, and I was like, oh my God 00:23:11.368 --> 00:23:16.456 , slow down, like yelling at him to like, I'm sure he was going like this 00:23:16.489 --> 00:23:20.967 , but it just felt like it was all the bumps in the world like we're in, 00:23:21.000 --> 00:23:26.315 you know, in that car, um. But yeah, we, we pulled in and went into the 00:23:26.348 --> 00:23:30.397 hospital and we had already checked in, so I think the process was pretty 00:23:30.430 --> 00:23:35.217 easy and I was like not able to really like articulate myself. So, you 00:23:35.250 --> 00:23:41.467 know, he was able to just do the quick part of that and um. 00:23:41.500 --> 00:23:45.575 They brought us into the like triage area where they have the little 00:23:45.608 --> 00:23:51.196 curtained rooms and they. They wanted to like check the amniotic fluid to 00:23:51.229 --> 00:23:53.835 make sure that's what it was and it wasn't just like, you're peeing 00:23:53.868 --> 00:23:58.676 yourself like and can't help it um for like 4 hours. Like, no, I'm pretty 00:23:58.709 --> 00:24:02.795 sure that's not what it is, but Yeah, so they had to check that to make 00:24:02.828 --> 00:24:09.325 sure that it was, uh, that that was really what it was and. Um, so I think 00:24:09.358 --> 00:24:12.045 we, you know, we hung out in that room for like an hour and I'm like 00:24:12.078 --> 00:24:20.078 having. Contractions regularly and um. Uh I just I remember when they 00:24:20.338 --> 00:24:23.785 finally did say they were going to move us to an actual like labor and 00:24:23.818 --> 00:24:28.147 delivery room that like I was wearing the hospital gown I think is open in 00:24:28.180 --> 00:24:32.467 the back. They asked me if I wanted to walk or be wheeled, you know, to 00:24:32.500 --> 00:24:36.627 the labor and delivery room and I was like, I, I would prefer to walk 00:24:36.660 --> 00:24:40.426 because I knew that was like good for, you know, kind of progressing 00:24:40.459 --> 00:24:43.877 things along, and I also just kind of everything sucked and I was like, I 00:24:43.910 --> 00:24:49.666 just, whatever. I, I'd rather just like walk if it's gonna be better. Um, 00:24:49.699 --> 00:24:53.065 and it was so far. Like I thought we were just going to go down the hall. 00:24:53.098 --> 00:24:56.506 I think we like went over here, we went to this other building and like 00:24:56.539 --> 00:25:01.946 around and um, and I remember that like the whole time like the gown I'm 00:25:01.979 --> 00:25:05.867 wearing, there's no back to it. So my butt is like hanging out and just 00:25:05.900 --> 00:25:08.897 like walking through the waiting room with all these people, and I could 00:25:08.930 --> 00:25:14.006 not have cared less. I was like, there's my butt. Get a good look, 00:25:14.039 --> 00:25:21.016 whatever, cause like you're just so um out of it. And when we finally got 00:25:21.049 --> 00:25:27.367 to a labor and delivery room, like, they settled me into bed. Um, I wanted 00:25:27.400 --> 00:25:30.847 to take a shower, and they had like, they have, you know, showers and 00:25:30.880 --> 00:25:34.726 stuff and baths in there and that you're supposedly able to use. And I 00:25:34.759 --> 00:25:39.717 remember they were um They weren't like argumentative about it, but they 00:25:39.750 --> 00:25:43.597 really didn't want me to. And I was like, I'm sorry, what is it here for 00:25:43.630 --> 00:25:49.637 then? Isn't it like for this? What would we want to keep you hooked up to 00:25:49.670 --> 00:25:55.467 the monitors all the time. And I'm like, Everything seems fine, right? 00:25:55.500 --> 00:26:00.117 Like everything seems fine. Um, so finally they let me take, and they were 00:26:00.150 --> 00:26:03.756 like, no longer than 10 minutes and they didn't want the water to be hot. 00:26:03.789 --> 00:26:07.676 And they wanted me to sit, because they didn't want me to like fall in 00:26:07.709 --> 00:26:12.545 the tub. So like, but just Kyle went in with me to the little room that's 00:26:12.578 --> 00:26:18.825 in the the bigger room and I'm like, fuck this. And I'm like turning it up 00:26:18.858 --> 00:26:22.246 hot and like I'm because I wanted it to be shooting right on my back 00:26:22.279 --> 00:26:25.627 because that's where I was hurting and I wanted like the hot, like high 00:26:25.660 --> 00:26:30.526 pressure water like on my back and um You know, I remember Kyle just being 00:26:30.559 --> 00:26:34.246 like, we're not supposed to be doing this. And I'm like, Shut up. Like I 00:26:34.279 --> 00:26:38.805 don't care. This is not bad for you. Like I know it's not bad for you. 00:26:38.838 --> 00:26:44.206 Like I have a brain and I've read this is fine. Um, but I think they I 00:26:44.239 --> 00:26:47.006 think they were just like worried that I would fall over a slip or 00:26:47.039 --> 00:26:51.367 something. Um, but yeah, I like stood in there for the 10 minutes that 00:26:51.400 --> 00:26:56.676 they gave me and then they made me get out again, um. 00:26:56.709 --> 00:27:02.196 Time is a little blurry at this point, I. Don't, I mean, I'm sure like a 00:27:02.229 --> 00:27:05.795 few hours passed, I think, and they came and checked me and I was like at 00:27:05.828 --> 00:27:10.486 6 centimeters or something, and I think I'd been 5 when I I checked in and 00:27:10.519 --> 00:27:14.686 um they were like, uh, this isn't going quite as fast as we wanted it to. 00:27:14.719 --> 00:27:20.545 It looks like your Like your um bag of waters or whatever they call it, is 00:27:20.578 --> 00:27:24.196 like it's got a tear in it and that's why you've been like leaking fluid, 00:27:24.229 --> 00:27:29.305 but it's not actually completely um ruptured. So we want to basically 00:27:29.338 --> 00:27:31.706 break it the rest of it. We think it's kind of in the way. So like the 00:27:31.739 --> 00:27:35.706 baby's kind of behind it and then like this full bag is like sitting there 00:27:35.739 --> 00:27:38.585 kind of like blocking progress. So we just want to kind of break it the 00:27:38.618 --> 00:27:42.825 rest of the way and then um we think things will speed up. And I was like 00:27:42.858 --> 00:27:47.156 , uh, yeah, that's totally fine. Um. I think this was the point where 00:27:47.189 --> 00:27:50.756 someone said, I mean, and then we think you'll really go into more active 00:27:50.789 --> 00:27:53.916 labor, like you're not really in active labor now. And I was like, I am 00:27:53.949 --> 00:27:57.397 going to murder you. This is terrible. I cannot believe that you would 00:27:57.430 --> 00:28:03.226 even suggest that to me. Um. And I had had a friend that had had this done 00:28:03.259 --> 00:28:07.766 and had told me it was like incredibly painful, which now I think other 00:28:07.799 --> 00:28:12.967 people have told me it's not. So I think that was just my fear. But that 00:28:13.000 --> 00:28:16.607 was the point where I said, OK, I'll take that epidural now. Why don't you 00:28:16.640 --> 00:28:21.887 do it before you do the breaking the waters and then like, I'll have it 00:28:21.920 --> 00:28:28.226 for that portion and then it like, I won't be. I was worried that I would. 00:28:28.259 --> 00:28:32.035 have a whole lot of pain after that and then I would have to wait like an 00:28:32.068 --> 00:28:35.717 hour or something for someone to like come back and be able to help um 00:28:35.750 --> 00:28:39.805 like an anesthesiologist to come back. So I said, like, let's just do this 00:28:39.838 --> 00:28:45.416 now and um Yeah, like, super nice. I remember the anesthesiologist was 00:28:45.449 --> 00:28:48.456 like super nice. I could also, there was someone having a natural birth in 00:28:48.489 --> 00:28:53.736 the room next door to me who was bellowing like a cow and was terrifying 00:28:53.769 --> 00:28:58.196 to like listen to that as I was like at like 6 centimeters or whatever. 00:28:58.229 --> 00:29:04.206 And um I remember the anesthesiologist coming in and you know, she's like 00:29:04.239 --> 00:29:08.026 setting me all up and stuff and she's talking to the nurse and What's 00:29:08.059 --> 00:29:11.467 going on over there? And he's like, Oh, it's a natural birth, and she's 00:29:11.500 --> 00:29:16.847 like, I hate natural births. I was like, well, that's lovely. I mean, it's 00:29:16.880 --> 00:29:20.976 sort of your job like to not do that, I guess, but I mean, it struck me as 00:29:21.009 --> 00:29:25.045 odd. Um, but like she did a great job putting in the epidural. I've heard 00:29:25.078 --> 00:29:27.847 people say they have problems with them. I didn't. Like it was totally 00:29:27.880 --> 00:29:35.815 fine. And um I just remember feeling like. Such relief and and just so 00:29:35.848 --> 00:29:39.535 warm. I hadn't been sleeping very well for a while, you know, just because 00:29:39.568 --> 00:29:44.156 you're like really uncomfortable at that point. And I remember like laying 00:29:44.189 --> 00:29:50.936 back in the the bed and they had put all these blankets on me and. I was 00:29:50.969 --> 00:29:56.916 like so snuggly and warm and cozy and it was I probably and then I fell 00:29:56.949 --> 00:30:02.756 asleep and I probably slept for. A couple of hours, you know, maybe like 3 00:30:02.789 --> 00:30:06.756 or 4 hours, and they came back and they were like, oh, you're at a 10. And 00:30:06.789 --> 00:30:10.565 I was like, this is the best. I should have done this from the beginning. 00:30:10.598 --> 00:30:15.956 Like, I just got to like sleep and snuggle up like to and now I'm like 00:30:15.989 --> 00:30:22.476 ready to have this baby. Let's do this. Um. And so they're like, OK, like 00:30:22.509 --> 00:30:25.397 I think we're, you know, we're ready to push, like, let's do it. And they 00:30:25.430 --> 00:30:30.446 set me all up and I mean I like I couldn't feel my legs, which wasn't. 00:30:30.479 --> 00:30:33.996 Ideal, but like it seemed fine. They were able to like just move me around 00:30:34.029 --> 00:30:40.246 and kind of hold them and stuff and and I had no pain. Um, and I pushed 00:30:40.279 --> 00:30:46.627 for a while, like I want to say the first session was like an hour or two. 00:30:46.660 --> 00:30:50.357 And they had realized at some point during this like that he was Sunny 00:30:50.390 --> 00:30:53.436 side up and they had not figured that out prior to this. It's kind of hard 00:30:53.469 --> 00:30:56.357 to tell, I guess, because when they're like reaching their handed and 00:30:56.390 --> 00:31:01.107 they're feeling for Like they feel the the top of their head, and it's not 00:31:01.140 --> 00:31:04.107 really super easy to tell whether there's which side is the front and the 00:31:04.140 --> 00:31:09.236 back. It's just a dome, right? So. They know, and they hadn't been doing 00:31:09.269 --> 00:31:13.236 ultrasounds or anything cause otherwise everything was normal and fine and 00:31:13.269 --> 00:31:19.315 they had just not been checking like, oh shoot. Well, It's fine, we can 00:31:19.348 --> 00:31:25.377 still do this and um. They tried like stuff to get him to flip around, 00:31:25.410 --> 00:31:30.176 they tried. Several people tried to manually flip her around, and I'm glad 00:31:30.209 --> 00:31:32.176 that I'm really good at this point that I had the epidural because I have 00:31:32.209 --> 00:31:35.176 a feeling that would have been awful. But like they were like getting 00:31:35.209 --> 00:31:40.416 right-handed people, left-handed people. They told me that my doctor who 00:31:40.449 --> 00:31:44.335 was there to deliver was one of the best people at getting the babies to 00:31:44.368 --> 00:31:47.967 flip over. She came in and, well, she was one of the, you know, the people 00:31:48.000 --> 00:31:52.147 that was trying, wasn't like there was a line, but Um, there, she was 00:31:52.180 --> 00:31:54.585 trying to like get him to turn over because what would happen is like I 00:31:54.618 --> 00:31:59.986 would push and he would get hung up on my pelvis. And so they actually had 00:32:00.019 --> 00:32:02.666 told me even like fairly early on in the process, like, oh, we see we can 00:32:02.699 --> 00:32:06.186 see the top of his head, and then it kind of gets sucked back in. And but 00:32:06.219 --> 00:32:13.706 like he he couldn't get over that hump. um. And 00:32:13.739 --> 00:32:17.085 I mean, this is a point to where I think it's kind of tough because if you 00:32:17.118 --> 00:32:21.996 , this is like the classic like medicalized, you know, birth in America 00:32:22.029 --> 00:32:26.656 like where you know possibly if I had been in a different situation, like 00:32:26.689 --> 00:32:31.766 if I had been with a midwife or something, you know, like had a doula or 00:32:31.799 --> 00:32:34.686 something like they might have been able to say, oh, well, let's try some 00:32:34.719 --> 00:32:39.936 other stuff and um whatever, but The OB was like, OK, well, we're gonna 00:32:39.969 --> 00:32:46.406 try this for a bit, but like, we're gonna give you a few hours and then, 00:32:46.439 --> 00:32:49.656 like, we're gonna have to do a C-section if we can't get the baby to like 00:32:49.689 --> 00:32:53.696 either flip over or like come out or whatever. Um, well, I guess those are 00:32:53.729 --> 00:32:59.946 the options, but So I was like I did not want a C-section. That was not 00:32:59.979 --> 00:33:07.065 really the only thing that I was like trying really hard to avoid, um. But 00:33:07.098 --> 00:33:11.535 so we tried, I pushed for a couple of hours that first session. I mean, 00:33:11.568 --> 00:33:14.045 everything seemed like it was fine other than the fact that he was upsides 00:33:14.078 --> 00:33:21.906 , you know, upside down, but like flipped over, um. So 00:33:21.939 --> 00:33:26.436 It just seemed like, well, there's a pretty good chance we're going to get 00:33:26.469 --> 00:33:31.926 him to flip over and we're gonna, um, you know, or like this will probably 00:33:31.959 --> 00:33:36.637 still work. I remember the nurse that I had was so great, and she was so 00:33:36.670 --> 00:33:39.516 positive and supportive and like she just wanted to help me do whatever I 00:33:39.549 --> 00:33:47.406 wanted to do. um, and she was like Uh, awesome at like, you know, coaching 00:33:47.439 --> 00:33:51.756 me through the actual pushing and stuff. Like I just, I remember feeling 00:33:51.789 --> 00:33:57.717 like this is awesome. Like this is fine. Like go epidurals like like this 00:33:57.750 --> 00:34:04.196 is totally cool, except like he wouldn't come out. Um, and they, so 00:34:04.229 --> 00:34:06.916 they're like, OK, well, let's take a break. And they, you know, they let 00:34:06.949 --> 00:34:10.836 me take a break. They tried this thing, they have like a peanut shaped um 00:34:10.869 --> 00:34:15.845 ball that like if you're Uh, if you had an epidural in your, you can't 00:34:15.878 --> 00:34:18.405 like feel your legs, it kind of helps do some of the stuff that they would 00:34:18.438 --> 00:34:22.885 have you do otherwise. So they like, they kind of rotate you on your side. 00:34:22.918 --> 00:34:26.526 They have the peanut ball like so that your legs are squishing it and 00:34:26.559 --> 00:34:31.285 they like rotate you back and forth and just try to get you to like Lay on 00:34:31.318 --> 00:34:34.084 one side for a while, lay on the other side, like they kind of move you 00:34:34.117 --> 00:34:38.124 around to just to try and get like that to naturally happen. So we did try 00:34:38.157 --> 00:34:41.726 that for like a couple hours, they gave me a break, they came back and we 00:34:41.759 --> 00:34:46.805 did like more pushing, more people try to like manually flip them over and 00:34:46.838 --> 00:34:50.925 at the end of, I think, 4 hours, like, I was just starting to get really 00:34:50.958 --> 00:34:53.485 tired and they were like, this is just becoming less and less effective 00:34:53.518 --> 00:34:58.006 the longer we do it. And because my water had broken and like, You know, 00:34:58.039 --> 00:35:02.086 probably like, I don't know, 14 hours before or something. They just kind 00:35:02.119 --> 00:35:05.606 of wanted to make sure everything was good. I mean, nobody was in distress. 00:35:05.639 --> 00:35:13.106 Like, he baby wasn't in distress, I was fine, um, but They were like, 00:35:13.139 --> 00:35:16.106 this is the direction this is going, like you're probably gonna end up 00:35:16.139 --> 00:35:22.456 with a C-section, uh. And when they finally like we're like, OK, this is 00:35:22.489 --> 00:35:25.856 like the end of this, like we're done, we're not trying more stuff like 00:35:25.889 --> 00:35:30.517 this is what's happening now, we're like. Um, it wasn't like a dire 00:35:30.550 --> 00:35:32.706 situation. So they were like, this is what's happening now rushing me in 00:35:32.739 --> 00:35:36.736 there, but they were just like, we're gonna like go set up like the OR 00:35:36.769 --> 00:35:40.546 because like that's where this is going and um and I just remember like 00:35:40.579 --> 00:35:46.155 crying because that was like the only thing I really 00:35:46.188 --> 00:35:50.537 I was like, I felt like my body was like did all the other stuff that it 00:35:50.570 --> 00:35:55.057 was supposed to do, you know, and that like I knew that like all this 00:35:55.090 --> 00:35:58.456 other stuff could have gone wrong. Like I knew so many people who had to 00:35:58.489 --> 00:36:03.217 be induced. I knew tons of people that like had you know babies that were 00:36:03.250 --> 00:36:08.865 breech or like um that had stuff start to happen once they were in labor. 00:36:08.898 --> 00:36:12.365 None of that ever happened to me. I was like, this is, it's all great. 00:36:12.398 --> 00:36:16.686 And then the fact that like right at the finish line they were like, I'm 00:36:16.719 --> 00:36:20.767 gonna go like do a C-section. That was like really heartbreaking for me. 00:36:20.800 --> 00:36:25.695 Um. But You know, I remember the doctor came back in and she saw me like 00:36:25.728 --> 00:36:27.816 crying because I just signed the consent form. She's like, I hope those 00:36:27.849 --> 00:36:31.296 are like happy tears. And I was like, they're not. They're not happy tears. 00:36:31.329 --> 00:36:35.936 I am very upset about this, but I mean, I was also trying to be like. Hey 00:36:35.969 --> 00:36:40.977 , I just want to like be done and like see my baby too. So I mean I was 00:36:41.010 --> 00:36:43.977 really upset, but at the same time I was like, OK, I accept that this is 00:36:44.010 --> 00:36:47.537 happening. Let's just do it. Um, and then while we were waiting for them 00:36:47.570 --> 00:36:51.936 to set up the OR, uh, one of the things they had done to try to help me, 00:36:51.969 --> 00:36:57.856 um, push differently or better, uh, was they had turned the epidural down. 00:36:57.889 --> 00:37:03.037 And To see if it would help to have you feel it more, which it didn't, 00:37:03.070 --> 00:37:08.717 but that was fine. It was never like really horribly painful. Um, but I 00:37:08.750 --> 00:37:12.356 was like, oh, there's a button you can turn that up and down. I had not 00:37:12.389 --> 00:37:15.916 known that up to this point. And I remember sitting there and saying to 00:37:15.949 --> 00:37:20.436 Kyle, like, Hey, since we have to wait 20 minutes or whatever, can you 00:37:20.469 --> 00:37:24.396 crank that back up to like whatever, like click it a couple times because 00:37:24.429 --> 00:37:28.486 like I'm really starting to get uncomfortable. And it was like in a 00:37:28.519 --> 00:37:32.807 cartoon like he like had the the line and he was trying to find where the 00:37:32.840 --> 00:37:36.356 button was and he's like feeding along, you know, his hands along the line 00:37:36.389 --> 00:37:39.327 and it wasn't plugged into anything anymore. He got to the end and it 00:37:39.360 --> 00:37:44.655 wasn't actually plugged in because they were about to move the bed. But so 00:37:44.688 --> 00:37:47.486 like they had just disconnected everything so I wasn't actually hooked up 00:37:47.519 --> 00:37:51.925 to the um the whatever the drugs are that they give you that way anymore 00:37:51.958 --> 00:37:54.577 and I was like. 00:37:54.610 --> 00:37:58.095 That's like where I was really started to I freaked out because I was like 00:37:58.128 --> 00:38:03.066 , I don't know how long I have to wait here and I'm not like hooked up to 00:38:03.099 --> 00:38:05.936 anything and it really hurts and I can't move my legs and I can't like 00:38:05.969 --> 00:38:12.615 move. I felt like really kind of claustrophobic a little bit, um, uh, but 00:38:12.648 --> 00:38:15.126 I'm sure it was like terrible at the time, but now it's just kind of a 00:38:15.159 --> 00:38:19.006 blur in my memory because like you just don't think about it. You don't 00:38:19.039 --> 00:38:22.365 remember that stuff the the most, but it can't have been very long. I'm 00:38:22.398 --> 00:38:28.506 sure it was just a couple of minutes before they moved me and um Yeah, but 00:38:28.539 --> 00:38:31.945 when you went in and they started the C-section, you didn't feel anything 00:38:31.978 --> 00:38:36.865 though because your epidural hadn't worn off or anything. No, and and they 00:38:36.898 --> 00:38:39.666 they change what they give you then anyways because I think what they give 00:38:39.699 --> 00:38:43.626 you in like the labor and delivery for your epidural is like just it's 00:38:43.659 --> 00:38:47.017 kind of like a a nerve blocking painkiller, but when you go in and you're 00:38:47.050 --> 00:38:51.006 having the C-section, they give you a whole bunch more stuff, um, because 00:38:51.039 --> 00:38:54.865 like It's a totally different feeling because I felt like myself with the 00:38:54.898 --> 00:38:58.717 epidurallogist, my legs were numb, but like I'm sorry. I'm going to pause 00:38:58.750 --> 00:39:01.787 you for one second. I'm worried that we're running a little bit long and 00:39:01.820 --> 00:39:05.195 what is our next person's name? How do I say it properly? It's Cherie, 00:39:05.228 --> 00:39:11.166 Cher. Oh, that's right. Sheri, OK. I have to run next door just to tell 00:39:11.199 --> 00:39:15.537 them to bring her over here. 00:39:15.570 --> 00:39:18.905 Um, so because I can't stop touching it 00:39:18.938 --> 00:39:20.977 anymore. I know. And then you're like, stop touching it. I'm like, OK. And 00:39:21.010 --> 00:39:24.936 then I completely forget for a second. I didn't want to distract you 00:39:24.969 --> 00:39:30.655 because you're saying, OK, so yeah, we're recording now. OK, so, um, 00:39:30.688 --> 00:39:36.057 so maybe take us to lunch. Yeah, so they moved me into the OR and uh you 00:39:36.090 --> 00:39:40.845 know, moved me onto the table and Have a different anesthesiologist who's 00:39:40.878 --> 00:39:44.175 a man. I think the only man that was involved in any of it because my 00:39:44.208 --> 00:39:49.385 doctor was a woman and my nurses were women. Um, but he was, he was very, 00:39:49.418 --> 00:39:53.227 very soothing, um, which was nice, like, and he was the person that was 00:39:53.260 --> 00:39:57.425 kind of my guide to the process, uh, because he sat right above my head, 00:39:57.458 --> 00:40:01.626 you know, kind of like laying on the thing and my arms are out, like Jesus 00:40:01.659 --> 00:40:06.546 on the cross, like style and there Because they're like putting stuff, you 00:40:06.579 --> 00:40:10.905 know, in your arms or whatever they're doing. Um, but yeah, he stood over 00:40:10.938 --> 00:40:12.865 my head and he was kind of walking me through everything that was 00:40:12.898 --> 00:40:15.126 happening. OK, now they're going to do this, now they're going to do this. 00:40:15.159 --> 00:40:19.445 And I was a little bit afraid, like, yeah, what if I do feel something, 00:40:19.478 --> 00:40:25.445 you know, when they like Um, but he was like. I forget what he said. It 00:40:25.478 --> 00:40:30.467 was so funny in the moment, but it was something along the lines of. OK, 00:40:30.500 --> 00:40:33.217 like, you know, poking me, like, do you feel anything? Do you feel 00:40:33.250 --> 00:40:35.425 anything? And I was like, No. And he was like, Good, because like they're 00:40:35.458 --> 00:40:40.546 cut open your stomach already. I was like, oh, good, I feel nothing. So 00:40:40.579 --> 00:40:46.776 that's that's handy. But um It was I think I was saying they change drugs 00:40:46.809 --> 00:40:52.336 um when you go in there because I started to feel so sleepy. um, and you 00:40:52.369 --> 00:40:56.026 know, you're behind the curtain, you can only really see her I don't know 00:40:56.059 --> 00:41:00.385 , I have like photos of this and you you can just see like my face and I 00:41:00.418 --> 00:41:05.816 have like a cap on and stuff, but you can't even see my arms, but Um, The 00:41:05.849 --> 00:41:09.727 the anesthesiologist talking to me and you know, walking me through 00:41:09.760 --> 00:41:12.856 everything and he's like, you know, if you feel anything, let me know and 00:41:12.889 --> 00:41:16.986 I will fix it for you. And he started feeling some pain in my right 00:41:17.019 --> 00:41:23.336 shoulder, and he, I'm like, excuse me, like, um, my shoulder hurts, like 00:41:23.369 --> 00:41:26.695 thinking that might be like some kind of a cramp or something, and he goes 00:41:26.728 --> 00:41:34.728 , Oh yeah, that's um Shoot, what did he call it? It's like. It's like pain 00:41:35.010 --> 00:41:38.467 that's migrated from one part of your body to another because it doesn't 00:41:38.500 --> 00:41:42.307 have anywhere to go. So he said that's because they have your uterus 00:41:42.340 --> 00:41:45.256 outside of your body right now, and their uterus doesn't have any pain 00:41:45.289 --> 00:41:51.706 receptors in it. So it's the pain is finding a different place to go. And 00:41:51.739 --> 00:41:57.267 I was like, that is the weirdest thing ever. Um, even in my like drug 00:41:57.300 --> 00:42:02.856 stupor, I was like, Really? That's what's happened. That's really strange 00:42:02.889 --> 00:42:08.655 , but he managed to do something to like the arrangement of drugs or 00:42:08.688 --> 00:42:12.365 whatever that like made that pain go away. At least I was like, I'm having 00:42:12.398 --> 00:42:15.736 this, and he said, OK, I'll fixed it for you, but that XY or FYI this is 00:42:15.769 --> 00:42:23.546 what it is. OK, so strange. Um, but yeah, like, I mean, I think C-sections 00:42:23.579 --> 00:42:28.066 are kind of they're rough, you know, um, uh, my husband's best friend is, 00:42:28.099 --> 00:42:32.537 is a family doctor, so he's like Attended tons and tons of births, and 00:42:32.570 --> 00:42:36.776 it's like, yeah, they just, they just go in there and they get the baby 00:42:36.809 --> 00:42:42.017 out and it's's not like gentle and it's you know um I didn't feel any of 00:42:42.050 --> 00:42:46.856 that, but I was amazed at how fast he was born. I think we went into the 00:42:46.889 --> 00:42:50.456 operating room and I was in there for maybe like 1 hour total, like 4 00:42:50.489 --> 00:42:54.896 minutes into it is when my son was born. Um, so it's like really fast. 00:42:54.929 --> 00:42:58.135 They're just like, get you down there and they're just like slice and 00:42:58.168 --> 00:43:06.168 like. Pull baby out and um. Yeah, he, he immediately cried, um, he was. 00:43:06.340 --> 00:43:11.586 Perfectly healthy. Like he got high the scores, whatever they are that 00:43:11.619 --> 00:43:15.546 they give him in the hospital. Apgar, yeah, he had like all nines I think 00:43:15.579 --> 00:43:20.146 on his Apgar scores. And so he was like he was did fine. He was great. He 00:43:20.179 --> 00:43:25.026 had a full head of dark hair, um, which all fell out a couple of months 00:43:25.059 --> 00:43:28.106 later. He's totally blonde now, but he had a full head of dark hair when 00:43:28.139 --> 00:43:32.626 he was born. And, and yeah, he was, he cried immediately and they like, 00:43:32.659 --> 00:43:35.506 you know, barely cleaned him up, just wrapped something over him and they 00:43:35.539 --> 00:43:39.425 brought him over to me, but because my arms were like attached to the 00:43:39.458 --> 00:43:45.186 table, I was like I can't really do anything and I was so, so sleepy. I 00:43:45.219 --> 00:43:49.046 just remember like I was fighting so hard to stay awake because I 00:43:49.079 --> 00:43:53.747 obviously like I wanted to make sure everything was fine with him. So like 00:43:53.780 --> 00:43:58.416 like hand him to K and bring him around in my head and you know they're uh. 00:43:58.449 --> 00:44:02.537 There's like pictures of me where I'm like, you know, drunkenly looking 00:44:02.570 --> 00:44:07.217 at him, but they're just kind of holding him right here. And um, Kyle and 00:44:07.250 --> 00:44:12.135 I had been deciding between uh two names, so it was either going to be 00:44:12.168 --> 00:44:16.936 Owen or Cooper. And I remember he held them up to me and I was like, he 00:44:16.969 --> 00:44:21.416 looks like an Owen, doesn't he? And Kyle was like, Oh yeah, I think he 00:44:21.449 --> 00:44:25.017 would have said yeah to whatever. um because I I was like having my 00:44:25.050 --> 00:44:28.836 insides cut out. Um, like, yeah, whatever you say, that's great, like, oh 00:44:28.869 --> 00:44:35.706 , and it is, um. And then they like took Kyle and Owen to the recovery 00:44:35.739 --> 00:44:40.945 room and I promptly fell asleep immediately and you know, woke up in the 00:44:40.978 --> 00:44:45.425 recovery room later. Um, and I know Kyle told me that they, it took longer 00:44:45.458 --> 00:44:50.467 than they thought it was going to and He was like in the recovery room 00:44:50.500 --> 00:44:55.365 waiting for me with the baby and like waiting and waiting and waiting and 00:44:55.398 --> 00:44:58.747 he didn't know, you know, they would come back in and he'd be like, how's 00:44:58.780 --> 00:45:01.986 everything going? Like you guys kind of told me it should be done by now, 00:45:02.019 --> 00:45:07.175 and they were like, uh, oh yeah, she's fine, she's fine. She's just almost 00:45:07.208 --> 00:45:09.787 here. 00:45:09.820 --> 00:45:14.546 We're just gonna pause and then I want to wrap up. Do I get this record? 00:45:14.579 --> 00:45:18.747 All right, so can you think back to what you were saying that Kyle was 00:45:18.780 --> 00:45:21.385 getting nervous? Oh yeah, he was just really, I think it was really nerve 00:45:21.418 --> 00:45:25.827 wracking. I can I can imagine being in that situation and being like. You 00:45:25.860 --> 00:45:30.385 know, concerned and I'm holding this baby, which I have no idea what to do 00:45:30.418 --> 00:45:34.146 with and I mean like being the husband too it's not like you can even like 00:45:34.179 --> 00:45:38.267 , you know, you can't like feed him or you know, do anything. And so I 00:45:38.300 --> 00:45:43.175 think they waited. It wasn't like it took hours and hours, but it took 00:45:43.208 --> 00:45:47.217 maybe um like 45 minutes longer than it was supposed to. So I think that's 00:45:47.250 --> 00:45:51.327 because I like, I lost a lot of blood and they had to. I actually don't 00:45:51.360 --> 00:45:57.606 know what they had to do specifically, but things involving that. Um, so, 00:45:57.639 --> 00:46:01.595 yeah, it just took them longer to like get everything done back up and um 00:46:01.628 --> 00:46:06.807 and good to go. So, yeah, then I came into the recovery room and I mean, I 00:46:06.840 --> 00:46:10.856 woke, that's why I woke up. There's pictures of me holding Owen like right 00:46:10.889 --> 00:46:14.017 away, and I see sometimes like these really pretty pictures of people in 00:46:14.050 --> 00:46:19.416 the hospital. I look like shit. Like my one of my eyes is like cause the 00:46:19.449 --> 00:46:21.936 medication's all wearing off, one of my eyes is half closed and it won't 00:46:21.969 --> 00:46:26.727 like open when the other one is open, so I'm like. Doing this weird face 00:46:26.760 --> 00:46:31.006 and all these um couple of photos that we have. But um but yeah, like we, 00:46:31.039 --> 00:46:36.046 you know, I just remember feeling like very peaceful like after it was all 00:46:36.079 --> 00:46:40.686 done with and as much as I didn't want to have a C-section, I didn't like 00:46:40.719 --> 00:46:44.287 scar me. Oh well, I mean they did in the actual way, but not in the 00:46:44.320 --> 00:46:50.126 emotional way. Um, I know a lot of people have like a lot of uh Feelings 00:46:50.159 --> 00:46:53.126 about like that happening, especially if it's something that they really 00:46:53.159 --> 00:46:58.776 didn't want and. Uh, I don't feel any of that, like, really. I mean, I 00:46:58.809 --> 00:47:01.595 wish that it would have been nice if it happened the other way, but like I 00:47:01.628 --> 00:47:05.776 , you know, I think like I felt the most strongly about it like right 00:47:05.809 --> 00:47:09.017 before it happened. And then after it happened, I was just like so happy 00:47:09.050 --> 00:47:14.336 to, you know, have him and have everything be like good and healthy and 00:47:14.369 --> 00:47:17.776 that I didn't really care. It didn't really matter. How was it after you 00:47:17.809 --> 00:47:22.706 came to, because a lot of the C-section people we've talked to have um had 00:47:22.739 --> 00:47:27.546 kind of like a delay, you know, where Maybe their milk didn't come in or 00:47:27.579 --> 00:47:32.467 they felt a little bit of a disconnect. 00:47:32.500 --> 00:47:37.747 Yeah, so sorry. I was super worried about having trouble bonding not 00:47:37.780 --> 00:47:41.945 because of my C-section, but just because I'm not I've never in my life 00:47:41.978 --> 00:47:45.945 been a big kid person. I was so happy to have my own child, but I didn't 00:47:45.978 --> 00:47:51.776 grow up babysitting cousins or Um, I didn't really like know lots of 00:47:51.809 --> 00:47:56.845 little kids and didn't feel super comfortable around them and um. I was 00:47:56.878 --> 00:48:01.876 worried that I would be that person that didn't quite bond and like uh and 00:48:01.909 --> 00:48:04.767 I think I was just like, I remember talking to Kyle about it beforehand 00:48:04.800 --> 00:48:08.037 and I'm so concerned that this is going to be the case and I think it 00:48:08.070 --> 00:48:12.807 freaked him out a little bit because he was like In his head, I think, why 00:48:12.840 --> 00:48:16.967 are you imagining its worst case scenario, but I think for me it was a way 00:48:17.000 --> 00:48:20.445 to prepare in case that was what happened until like, well, it's totally 00:48:20.478 --> 00:48:23.606 OK. This is a thing that happens to people and it'll be fine. And he's 00:48:23.639 --> 00:48:28.497 like. Why are we talking about this that you might hate her baby. And I 00:48:28.530 --> 00:48:33.155 was like, I'm not, you know, but um I was really, really worried that I 00:48:33.188 --> 00:48:38.997 wouldn't bond like right away. um, but it wasn't like that. Like my milk 00:48:39.030 --> 00:48:43.595 did take a few days to come in and that was frustrating and nerve-wracking 00:48:43.628 --> 00:48:46.115 when we were at the pediatrician because you know he lost a little bit of 00:48:46.148 --> 00:48:51.236 weight and The normal amount, but yeah, they were like, oh, why don't you 00:48:51.269 --> 00:48:53.916 supplement with formula until your milk comes in because I think it was 00:48:53.949 --> 00:49:01.316 like day 4 or 5. Um, but I think we did half of one feeding that way and 00:49:01.349 --> 00:49:03.796 then I took a nap and I woke up and my milk could come in. So it wasn't 00:49:03.829 --> 00:49:08.477 like a thing where we did that for a long time, um, and that was the only 00:49:08.510 --> 00:49:13.506 form meal he ever had actually. Was that like teaspoonful like on the when 00:49:13.539 --> 00:49:17.876 he was like 4 days old or something. How was the recovery in terms of the 00:49:17.909 --> 00:49:24.405 scar and showering and. Um, my scar is fine. Um, they do a pretty good job 00:49:24.438 --> 00:49:29.166 these days, I think of making them pretty minimal. Uh, I mean, it was, it 00:49:29.199 --> 00:49:32.247 was tough. I was really glad my parents were there for two weeks, like, it 00:49:32.280 --> 00:49:37.936 was amazing, um, cause it was like having My mom just like cooked and 00:49:37.969 --> 00:49:40.727 cleaned and did laundry and like did all this stuff. So like, all I really 00:49:40.760 --> 00:49:44.486 had to do was like lay in my bed and like people would like bring me, you 00:49:44.519 --> 00:49:49.365 know, my baby, and I'd be like, just um kind of, you know, able to like 00:49:49.398 --> 00:49:55.717 hang out and really focus on that. Um it was awesome. Uh, like physically 00:49:55.750 --> 00:49:59.865 it was tough and I would really, really prefer not to have another 00:49:59.898 --> 00:50:05.836 C-section just because I just remember asking somebody. I had a friend who 00:50:05.869 --> 00:50:09.595 had just had an appendectomy and I was like, how long before you could 00:50:09.628 --> 00:50:13.557 roll over in your sleep and not worry that you were like ripping your 00:50:13.590 --> 00:50:18.635 insides out? And she said, I think it was 6 weeks. And I think right 00:50:18.668 --> 00:50:23.365 around 6 weeks, like that's when I started to feel like. Better like, but 00:50:23.398 --> 00:50:26.967 it's really frustrating not to be able to get up and move around that well 00:50:27.000 --> 00:50:31.206 on your own, um. I had a really hard time with that. I'm just like kind of 00:50:31.239 --> 00:50:35.327 a busy person and I don't like sitting still and just having to sit still 00:50:35.360 --> 00:50:40.885 and like have, you know, have like when he would cry, and no one would cry 00:50:40.918 --> 00:50:44.445 at night that like Kyle would have to go get him for me. Like I couldn't 00:50:44.478 --> 00:50:48.365 get up out of bed and the bassinet being 2 ft from me and you know, grab 00:50:48.398 --> 00:50:51.727 him like that like I couldn't sit up on my own. Every time I had to sit up 00:50:51.760 --> 00:50:56.816 , you know, he would have to come over and like, you know, pull me up and 00:50:56.849 --> 00:51:01.017 I don't know. That was just frustrating, but so like I would not recommend 00:51:01.050 --> 00:51:05.436 having a C-section as like a fun time. Um. 00:51:05.469 --> 00:51:12.807 But it was short, really, in the scheme of things. I mean. Um, so we've 00:51:12.840 --> 00:51:18.767 been separating these, uh, stories into themes, and, um, we've been asking 00:51:18.800 --> 00:51:23.327 the storytellers in order to kind of help with that process to maybe 00:51:23.360 --> 00:51:26.595 reflect on their experience and if they can come up with a word or 00:51:26.628 --> 00:51:32.206 phrasing of words that maybe, um, you know, not summarizes, but, you know 00:51:32.239 --> 00:51:37.276 , we reflects what their experience means to them. 00:51:37.309 --> 00:51:41.506 Hm, I know it's like a really tough question. Yeah, please encapsulate 00:51:41.539 --> 00:51:44.345 this experience, 00:51:44.378 --> 00:51:48.666 um. 00:51:48.699 --> 00:51:54.436 Hm. 00:51:54.469 --> 00:51:59.276 It doesn't have to be a word, you know, I'm trying to think cause. I feel 00:51:59.309 --> 00:52:02.925 like it was my experience was kind of like everything went right except 00:52:02.958 --> 00:52:07.595 for this one thing, um. 00:52:07.628 --> 00:52:11.095 And I'm just trying to think like what I had to like phrase that in a way 00:52:11.128 --> 00:52:17.046 that makes sense. Um, cuz I, I feel like some people have such a hard time 00:52:17.079 --> 00:52:23.046 and I I was lucky to not really have a hard time. Um, 00:52:23.079 --> 00:52:31.079 But it certainly wasn't easy either. 00:52:33.780 --> 00:52:39.146 I don't know, I think Uh, you, you said acceptance before, but I think 00:52:39.179 --> 00:52:42.945 that like. 00:52:42.978 --> 00:52:46.307 That was the only thing that was hard about it, was like accepting that it 00:52:46.340 --> 00:52:53.405 wasn't. It was different than what I wanted, um. 00:52:53.438 --> 00:52:57.106 Cause it wasn't, I don't know, it wasn't really hard to have the C-section. 00:52:57.139 --> 00:53:03.307 It was harder in my mind, I think, to accept that like that was a Thing 00:53:03.340 --> 00:53:08.396 that like Then my body didn't do it correctly, which it wasn't, it wasn't 00:53:08.429 --> 00:53:15.327 even that. My doctor kept saying You are a great candidate for a VBAC or 00:53:15.360 --> 00:53:19.486 after you do this, like, you have great birthing roomy birthing hips or 00:53:19.519 --> 00:53:23.686 something, and I was like, let's stop saying that. That's not a thing that 00:53:23.719 --> 00:53:27.247 I want to hear about. But she must have said it like 3 times when she was 00:53:27.280 --> 00:53:31.727 convincing me to have a C-section, like we're going through. You have 00:53:31.760 --> 00:53:35.686 really roomy birthing hips. This is gonna be great next time. I was like, 00:53:35.719 --> 00:53:39.706 OK. Um, 00:53:39.739 --> 00:53:44.436 Yeah, anyway, I don't know. Yeah, I think acceptance of the tough part of 00:53:44.469 --> 00:53:50.385 it. For me. Great. Yeah. 00:53:50.418 --> 00:53:53.699 Thank you so much. You're welcome.