WEBVTT

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 This is Boris Elise, um, interviewing. 150812-0056

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who's given a verbal agreement,
correct? Correct um. On the consent form.

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And so we'll go ahead and, oh, it is
August 12th, 4:30. OK. So we'll go

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ahead and get started. So can you take
us back to That first birth Uh, my

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first pregnancy.

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was Um riddled with. And I guess you
could say. Unpleasant

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dynamic between the father and myself
from the start, possibly even before

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, and some cultures believe that. If
the parents don't love each other

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then. The child Will suffer. Um,
Because of that, um, and I, I have

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thought about that saying. Because it
seemed very applicable in hindsight.

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So I was very young when I was I had
my first child I was. 20 And to me

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that's of course young, um, cause
instead of going to college, I got

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pregnant. And um I had been extremely
positive.

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had a very positive mindset um in
spite of the dynamic between the father

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and myself. So I had a very positive
outlook. But unfortunately, some

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states.

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it's almost like a an assembly line
and the doctors want to make it

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convenient for themselves. And
especially if it's a first time mother,

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they will induce it. And I didn't want
to be induced, but they. You know,

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if, if you're young, sometimes they,
they try to give you explanations as

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to why it has to be induced, um, the
baby will start to lose weight. Um,

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might become more complicated, so best
to induce.

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So I went along with it and I was
induced and the doctor broke my water

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and it was. And then they gave me the
Pitocin and the contractions were

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terrible, and the breaking of the
water was terrible. Um my body was just

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not ready. To give birth.

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Um,

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The labor was long.

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Uh, the hospital was

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Very, very cold, large room, bright
lights, many people. Um Not warm at

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all.

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And I try to, of course, you know,
you, you try to remain calm, you try to

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focus.

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Um, and it didn't work. It And then
they They had to snip me and. I gave

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birth, but the epidural was so. Uh,
strong, I, I really don't know if it

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was. An appropriate, obviously I don't
actually I don't think it was an

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appropriate amount because I couldn't
feel my lower half of my body for a

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long time. I couldn't urinate. They
have to stick a tube. And my urethra,

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in order to urinate, it was just
painful every second on my recovery was.

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Um,

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Didn't go very well. Um, I was
recovering from the stitches, but I also

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suffered from. And just intense
constipation because of the epidural,

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believe it or not, I just completely
shut down. It felt like it shut down

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my lower half of the body. I. Um,

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So, on top of recovering from the
stitches and then this terrible

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constipation, which of course Um, when
you do go to the bathroom, it just

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reopens stitches. That's how terrible
it was. And then on top of that I'm.

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Um, a new mother and I'm
breastfeeding.

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The pressure of the baby, even though
you have, you have the pillow and.

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You Trying to make it as comfortable
as possible. It was just painful for

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weeks. And then on top of that, my.
First child was You know, I actually

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wonder whether the epidural affected
him because he did grow up. To have

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um some ADD and anxiety, and I did
read that. That um the anxiety can it's

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it is possible for the anxiety to be.
Uh triggered by a traumatic birth, I

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mean, maybe it wasn't traumatic. As
traumatic for me as it was for him,

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the child, we, we don't know, he can't
express that. But um I've always

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wondered whether there's, there was a
connection.

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So, um

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How long were you in the hospital?

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Um, on a normal amount, they try to
discharge you, um, they come in, they

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look at you. You're discharged and
you're Not feeling well. Um, they

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expect you to recover, you have to be.
Looked at again, you come in.

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So it's just expected to recover at
home. I think a lot of women do. They

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just go home and they endure that.
Did, um, the doctor who delivered you,

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was that your regular doctor that you
had seen previously? That was the,

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the regular doctor that I had seen.
Who delivered my first child.

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It seems like I mentioned before, it
just seemed.

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Like an assembly liner it or. It's
just mechanical, just get it over with.

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OK, next one. Why did they induce you?
They induced me because they

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believed that the baby would start to
lose weight cause you were post term.

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I believe I was only 2 days late,
something ridiculous like that. And

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then on top of that, I was on my back.
And when you're on your back. It's

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just worse for the female. The whole
experience is just way more painful.

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I don't think it's not natural to be
on your back.

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Yeah Did you have um baby monitors and
like an IV and all that kind of

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stuff then too? Uh, yes, I had a baby
monitors and and an IV. Um

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But uh they they didn't see anything
abnormal. About the way things are

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proceeding, of course, from our
perspective, from the female's perspective

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, it's You're feeling all sorts of
abnormalities, you know, you're a lot

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of pain, but. They just discharge you.
I guess I am getting uncomfortable

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talking about this birth, it's
actually bringing. Back these memories I

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don't want to think about.

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No, it is, yeah, it can be a really
difficult experience to go through and

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kind of recover physically and
emotionally from. Yeah, I could feel my

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body actually reacting to that memory.
The anxiety coming back. Why don't

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you tell us about your second birth?
Um, my second birth was quite the

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opposite. It was extremely pleasant,
and it was in a foreign country. Um,

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small room. I remember it was warm,
warm there was a warm color, almost

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golden color to it. To simulate
perhaps candlelight.

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Really Warm and, I mean, it's ironic
though. Um, because

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Outside it was completely freezing
and.

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And then I expected my birth, the
second birth to be as traumatic as my

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first one. And it was

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A big surprise that it was complete
opposite. I expected my second birth

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to be just, I was, I went in there
with great, I actually went in there

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with fear. And The environment
actually made a difference. And the whole

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experience and it was amazing. No
doctor, just a midwife. And she did it,

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and I was allowed to take any, assume
any position I wanted. Which I did.

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I went, what was, you know, what was
natural, with the gravity pulling the

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baby down. And no epidural, which is
exactly what I was trying to avoid. I

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took. A little Relief of of the of the
goddess Isis, and I try to focus on

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that, that also helped to relax my
body.

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And I remember hearing my, my, my
daughter cry. I was, and I recovered so

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quickly I was able to walk to the room
right after giving birth. No issue.

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The body had just recovered.
Immediately, it was amazing.

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Did you, how long was the labor? The
labor for for all my pregnant for all

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my um. Pregnancies and deliveries have
always been very long.

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I don't know why. Always very
prolonged. Someone are lucky they get to

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give birth in about an hour or two,
but mine lasted, I don't know, 6 hours

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or longer. So with that second birth,
did you tear or was that? No, with

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my second birth, I did not tear, and
maybe because it was a girl. She was

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smaller. So I, I didn't tear or maybe
it's because I was on my knees when

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I gave birth instead of being on my
back. That's something to consider.

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Was the actual pregnancy different for
the 1st and 2nd?

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The actual pregnancy, the the 9
months.

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There wasn't as much. It's a different
sort of stress. Um, with the first

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with the first pregnancy, there was a
stress of not getting along with the.

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The father with the second pregnancy,
I didn't have that sort of stress

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because I I did get along with. With
the father. That too has an effect on

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the on how it goes.

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That's interesting, um.

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OK, I should say for me, I don't mean
I'm not trying to generalize

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anything,

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but I think all of these are
individualized experiences and people know

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that and they're hearing them, um. So
did you find,

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because sometimes one of the questions
I have here is like, did you feel

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safe, confident? Were you scared or?
Um, were you assured or happy? Did

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you find that those kind of ways that
you would describe were profoundly

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different from the first and the
second then too, because you talked about

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vulnerability before.

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With the first pregnancy, I would say.
It was, it was actually

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psychologically traumatic for me. It
may not have been, it may not have

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classified as a physically traumatic
experience, but psychologically it

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was extremely traumatic. Um. To the
point where I had already I believe

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that my second pregnancy was going to
go in the exact same way.

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So the difference actually came out
when I was giving birth to my second

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child. That's when I was realizing
this is, this is different. It doesn't

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have to be traumatic, it doesn't have
to be psychologically or physically

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traumatic.

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So yeah, there was a huge difference.
And you didn't have that

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vulnerability or did you have?

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I did not Uh, with my 1st and 2nd, no,
I didn't, I did not feel that sense

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of vulnerability as I did. With my 3rd

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Interesting, um. Is there anything
else that uh we didn't talk about that

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you wanted to contribute? No

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All right, good. I think that was
great. Um, OK, so we'll go ahead and end

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it there. Thank you so much.