This is Boris Elise, um, interviewing. 150812-0056
who's given a verbal agreement, correct? Correct um. On the consent form.
And so we'll go ahead and, oh, it is August 12th, 4:30. OK. So we'll go
ahead and get started. So can you take us back to That first birth Uh, my
first pregnancy.
was Um riddled with. And I guess you could say. Unpleasant
dynamic between the father and myself from the start, possibly even before
, and some cultures believe that. If the parents don't love each other
then. The child Will suffer. Um, Because of that, um, and I, I have
thought about that saying. Because it seemed very applicable in hindsight.
So I was very young when I was I had my first child I was. 20 And to me
that's of course young, um, cause instead of going to college, I got
pregnant. And um I had been extremely positive.
had a very positive mindset um in spite of the dynamic between the father
and myself. So I had a very positive outlook. But unfortunately, some
states.
it's almost like a an assembly line and the doctors want to make it
convenient for themselves. And especially if it's a first time mother,
they will induce it. And I didn't want to be induced, but they. You know,
if, if you're young, sometimes they, they try to give you explanations as
to why it has to be induced, um, the baby will start to lose weight. Um,
might become more complicated, so best to induce.
So I went along with it and I was induced and the doctor broke my water
and it was. And then they gave me the Pitocin and the contractions were
terrible, and the breaking of the water was terrible. Um my body was just
not ready. To give birth.
Um,
The labor was long.
Uh, the hospital was
Very, very cold, large room, bright lights, many people. Um Not warm at
all.
And I try to, of course, you know, you, you try to remain calm, you try to
focus.
Um, and it didn't work. It And then they They had to snip me and. I gave
birth, but the epidural was so. Uh, strong, I, I really don't know if it
was. An appropriate, obviously I don't actually I don't think it was an
appropriate amount because I couldn't feel my lower half of my body for a
long time. I couldn't urinate. They have to stick a tube. And my urethra,
in order to urinate, it was just painful every second on my recovery was.
Um,
Didn't go very well. Um, I was recovering from the stitches, but I also
suffered from. And just intense constipation because of the epidural,
believe it or not, I just completely shut down. It felt like it shut down
my lower half of the body. I. Um,
So, on top of recovering from the stitches and then this terrible
constipation, which of course Um, when you do go to the bathroom, it just
reopens stitches. That's how terrible it was. And then on top of that I'm.
Um, a new mother and I'm breastfeeding.
The pressure of the baby, even though you have, you have the pillow and.
You Trying to make it as comfortable as possible. It was just painful for
weeks. And then on top of that, my. First child was You know, I actually
wonder whether the epidural affected him because he did grow up. To have
um some ADD and anxiety, and I did read that. That um the anxiety can it's
it is possible for the anxiety to be. Uh triggered by a traumatic birth, I
mean, maybe it wasn't traumatic. As traumatic for me as it was for him,
the child, we, we don't know, he can't express that. But um I've always
wondered whether there's, there was a connection.
So, um
How long were you in the hospital?
Um, on a normal amount, they try to discharge you, um, they come in, they
look at you. You're discharged and you're Not feeling well. Um, they
expect you to recover, you have to be. Looked at again, you come in.
So it's just expected to recover at home. I think a lot of women do. They
just go home and they endure that. Did, um, the doctor who delivered you,
was that your regular doctor that you had seen previously? That was the,
the regular doctor that I had seen. Who delivered my first child.
It seems like I mentioned before, it just seemed.
Like an assembly liner it or. It's just mechanical, just get it over with.
OK, next one. Why did they induce you? They induced me because they
believed that the baby would start to lose weight cause you were post term.
I believe I was only 2 days late, something ridiculous like that. And
then on top of that, I was on my back. And when you're on your back. It's
just worse for the female. The whole experience is just way more painful.
I don't think it's not natural to be on your back.
Yeah Did you have um baby monitors and like an IV and all that kind of
stuff then too? Uh, yes, I had a baby monitors and and an IV. Um
But uh they they didn't see anything abnormal. About the way things are
proceeding, of course, from our perspective, from the female's perspective
, it's You're feeling all sorts of abnormalities, you know, you're a lot
of pain, but. They just discharge you. I guess I am getting uncomfortable
talking about this birth, it's actually bringing. Back these memories I
don't want to think about.
No, it is, yeah, it can be a really difficult experience to go through and
kind of recover physically and emotionally from. Yeah, I could feel my
body actually reacting to that memory. The anxiety coming back. Why don't
you tell us about your second birth? Um, my second birth was quite the
opposite. It was extremely pleasant, and it was in a foreign country. Um,
small room. I remember it was warm, warm there was a warm color, almost
golden color to it. To simulate perhaps candlelight.
Really Warm and, I mean, it's ironic though. Um, because
Outside it was completely freezing and.
And then I expected my birth, the second birth to be as traumatic as my
first one. And it was
A big surprise that it was complete opposite. I expected my second birth
to be just, I was, I went in there with great, I actually went in there
with fear. And The environment actually made a difference. And the whole
experience and it was amazing. No doctor, just a midwife. And she did it,
and I was allowed to take any, assume any position I wanted. Which I did.
I went, what was, you know, what was natural, with the gravity pulling the
baby down. And no epidural, which is exactly what I was trying to avoid. I
took. A little Relief of of the of the goddess Isis, and I try to focus on
that, that also helped to relax my body.
And I remember hearing my, my, my daughter cry. I was, and I recovered so
quickly I was able to walk to the room right after giving birth. No issue.
The body had just recovered. Immediately, it was amazing.
Did you, how long was the labor? The labor for for all my pregnant for all
my um. Pregnancies and deliveries have always been very long.
I don't know why. Always very prolonged. Someone are lucky they get to
give birth in about an hour or two, but mine lasted, I don't know, 6 hours
or longer. So with that second birth, did you tear or was that? No, with
my second birth, I did not tear, and maybe because it was a girl. She was
smaller. So I, I didn't tear or maybe it's because I was on my knees when
I gave birth instead of being on my back. That's something to consider.
Was the actual pregnancy different for the 1st and 2nd?
The actual pregnancy, the the 9 months.
There wasn't as much. It's a different sort of stress. Um, with the first
with the first pregnancy, there was a stress of not getting along with the.
The father with the second pregnancy, I didn't have that sort of stress
because I I did get along with. With the father. That too has an effect on
the on how it goes.
That's interesting, um.
OK, I should say for me, I don't mean I'm not trying to generalize
anything,
but I think all of these are individualized experiences and people know
that and they're hearing them, um. So did you find,
because sometimes one of the questions I have here is like, did you feel
safe, confident? Were you scared or? Um, were you assured or happy? Did
you find that those kind of ways that you would describe were profoundly
different from the first and the second then too, because you talked about
vulnerability before.
With the first pregnancy, I would say. It was, it was actually
psychologically traumatic for me. It may not have been, it may not have
classified as a physically traumatic experience, but psychologically it
was extremely traumatic. Um. To the point where I had already I believe
that my second pregnancy was going to go in the exact same way.
So the difference actually came out when I was giving birth to my second
child. That's when I was realizing this is, this is different. It doesn't
have to be traumatic, it doesn't have to be psychologically or physically
traumatic.
So yeah, there was a huge difference. And you didn't have that
vulnerability or did you have?
I did not Uh, with my 1st and 2nd, no, I didn't, I did not feel that sense
of vulnerability as I did. With my 3rd
Interesting, um. Is there anything else that uh we didn't talk about that
you wanted to contribute? No
All right, good. I think that was great. Um, OK, so we'll go ahead and end
it there. Thank you so much.