OK, this is Boris Solis interviewing Rochelle King on June 16, 2016 at
5:40 p.m. for the Creative Push project.
It's too bad
Oh wow, let me, yeah, I'm gonna pause it. I didn't get it yet. You just
stop yours.
Do we let it run out until it catches up, OK. OK. So, um, take me back to
the conception like it. Was it planned? It was not planned at all. Um, it
was a surprise to both of us. Um, I actually do know when we did conceive
though, and um,
And actually said to me that he hopes we don't get pregnant that time.
I guess
She too loud. That'll totally show up on the, yeah.
Oh my gosh, should I just let her in? Will she be quieter when she's
inside? Well then Emma's gonna wanna come in here.
just stopped. OK, OK, go on. Um.
Yeah, so, um, I knew that I was pregnant and he told me he hoped we
weren't pregnant yet. And uh But there weren't really any signs after that
, that confirmed what I already felt. Um, I went to the doctor. Couple
weeks later and. Um, Or Hold on
It's, it's weird the way it happened because I started. Having pains um.
Like in my ovary area, like I was pregnant before. I conceived And I had
been to the doctor for it and they said it was nothing, um, a couple weeks
went by. I actually went on vacation. Came home, um, the pains were back,
went back to the doctor. I was pregnant. So Um, But I that day when I was
in the office, I had no idea. I was just trying to look for answers for
what was going on, why I was having the pain. That's all I was looking for
, and she's like, yeah, you're pregnant.
And um it was. Overwhelming, uh, that's my first child, so a lot of
thoughts and emotions went through my head. I was afraid to tell Eric.
I was afraid to, we were living with my parents at the time. I was afraid
to tell them. Um, but I.
Actually took a picture of the, I did a test myself when I got home and I
took a picture of the test and I just held up the picture to everybody. So
, um, everybody was excited, so I was very relieved. I was expecting a
completely different reaction, um, but. Then
Just give us the finger when it's like too much, OK. Then, um, my worries
set in. I'm a very big worrier. And um I started reading, which I'm told
is good for your first time, but I found out no it's probably not good
because it scared the crap out of me. Um, I, I just worry about the first
trimester, I was really worried about having a. Um,
Miscarriage. That was one of my biggest fears, the first trimester
especially, um, and then as it went on, I got a little better, but I'd
worry about different things. New things would come up each trimester. Um
, but she was telling me the whole time that she was fine. It was pretty
much a perfect pregnancy. Um,
My father died while I was pregnant, so that was hard to get through. So
that was caused most of the the pregnancy problems that I did have, just
emotionally and Um, But other than that, it was a pretty good pregnancy. I
was happy. And lucky because I, I'd been terrified. About That stuff when
I found out I was pregnant, or what's gonna happen to me? What's gonna
happen to the baby? Um,
Uh
Weight gain, I.
I think I gained pretty good. I didn't, I, at the end, I weighed myself
right before I went to the hospital, um, and overall it was about 40
pounds. So it's pretty good.
Did you, um, go to any classes or have a plan for how you want the
birthday go? I did go to classes. I, um. I found a specific doctor that I
went to the whole time I was pregnant and he. Was the one that was
supposed to deliver her. We'll get into that. Um,
I went to a class that uh it showed you the breathing techniques and. Um,
I don't remember what they call it, but the exercises that you do while
you're in labor, waiting to, um.
Give birth So that helped a lot. It was very eye opening and in a good way.
Uh, it didn't scare me. It actually helped me a lot and uh. The nurse
that took me back when we got to the hospital, she actually commented on
how good my breathing was, so that was neat. Did you have a support
network? Yes, yeah, my, my whole family is here, so they were, they were
helping me. It was their first experience with it too, so we're all kind
of helping each other. Through everything.
Um, the day I went into labor, I was already on. Maternity leave because I
was.
I was having um back pain, and I sit in a chair all day for my job. So I,
I had to leave early and it was a Saturday morning, I was watching TV and
I just got these stomach pains. It was like cramps. And I didn't think it
was contractions, but it wasn't going away. So I called my mom and told
her that it's probably time to go. Um, she was actually grocery shopping
and had to leave her cart in the aisle and come and get me. Um, so we, uh
, went to the hospital. I was, they say to time your contractions and I
was doing that. It was not in a pattern at all. So that's why I didn't
think it I was in labor, um, but I got there and they said I was.
I got to the hospital and I was 3 centimeters dilated, so they said they
were gonna keep me. So I was excited about that because I've seen uh
mothers that have had to come in, go home, come in, go home. And that
scared me. I didn't want to have to do that. Um, but my water didn't break.
They had to break it for me when I got to the hospital.
So that was.
I don't know. I can hear it a little bit. It sounds kind of like murmuring
, and if you're talking I can't really hear it, um.
Yeah Yeah, it's just gonna it's gonna be like the baby situation, you know
, yeah, yeah, OK.
OK, so, um,
So you are at 3 centimeters. They broke your water, can take it from there
, OK, um.
They uh gave me my epidural pretty quick. Um, When I got there. It was
about 12 o'clock. So, um. They were just waiting for me to dilate, and
they, they told me my uh.
Labor was pretty much textbook with how things were progressing. They
didn't have to give me a little bit of Pitocin to um toward the middle to
speed things up a little bit more, but um
So I just waited to dilate, um, I felt amazing.
Uh, up until, um, giving birth, of course, but, um.
The doctor's story. My doctor was out of town. And seeing the movie, um,
what is it called?
Knocked up, knocked up. I was so terrified after seeing that movie when I
got pregnant and had a baby, um. And not only was it not my doctor there,
the doctor that was going to deliver her was doing a C-section with a
woman who had been there from the previous night. Which I don't know why
they hadn't done it for her before that, but. Um, so I was waiting for the
doctor to come in for I I I don't know what the time frame was, but um. It
was, it was a while for being in labor. Um
You know, when it gets really high when it spikes, that's when we'll have
to stop, yeah.
Um, so.
The dog I was 10 centimeters dilated. Uh, the doctor had told the nurses
that he wasn't gonna have me push yet because he was working on the other
C-section. Um, about 5 minutes later, the nurse walked back in and said,
OK, he said, start pushing. And I, I remember thinking, why are you having
me push, he's doing a C-section, he's not even out yet. So they had me
push. Um, it was difficult being my first time trying to get a hang of it.
Um, so they had me push. It got a little bit difficult for me, so they'd
have me stop. Um, at one point they, while I was still waiting for him. Uh
, they had put me on oxygen to just kind of calm me down. Um, and then. I
pushed some more and she was ready to come out. And no doctor.
So they had me stop pushing. And I remember just the discomfort was.
Unbelievable because she. She was ready, she, she was coming out, there
was no stopping her. Um, And then finally the doctor came in. And um.
I was crying the whole time hysterically.
And uh I just remember a big feeling of relief when she was born. Um, but
then instant pain. Again, because I had to have an episiotomy.
And The doctor I.
People can disagree with me or say I'm, I, they agree with what the doctor
was telling me, but I could feel it. I could feel, I don't know how
graphic you want me to be, but I could I in my head at the time, I was
picturing and I could feel him just like he was sewing me. Sewing me up, I
felt it every stitch and I kept saying that I was telling Eric that, and I
was just crying. I could not see out of my, I could not see I was crying
so hard. And um Eric, my husband was telling the doctor that I was saying
that, and he said, no women just um. Confuse the pressure for pain
sometimes. And I, I was coherent enough to hear him say that and. If I
could have moved my leg, I would have punched him uh kicked him in the
face because that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. And then he
was asking me, where does it hurt? Where does it hurt? And I wanted to say
, where the hell do you think it hurts, you idiot?
I just pushed a baby out. Where do you think it hurts? He's like, I can't
help you unless you tell me where it hurts. So yeah, that was quite an
experience, not quite as bad as knocked Up, but. It was, I couldn't even
believe that. And then, um,
When they took her after she came out. They uh Ask me if I remember them
saying, are you even gonna look at her because I was crying so hard and.
Didn't know what was going on and I could not see anything. I was crying
so hard because of the pain when he was stitching me back up. And I
remember that one of the nurses saying that. Are you even gonna look at
her?
Like judging you, yeah. Yeah. Uh, what was going on in my head if I could
have actually put that into action, I, I would have, they would have not
liked me very much.
So, um, did your husband have her at this point? I'm gonna adjust for a
second, my foot on a second. Um, they, we, um.
They, the hospital that we were at. They had everything like she stayed in
the room with me. They did everything in the room. Um, so they did that.
What's that test that they do as soon as they're born? Yeah, they did
that one, in my room. They did that with her, um. And then did her weight
and everything and uh gave her a bath and then um I don't know if they
gave her to me right after that or if Eric had her, that's a little blurry.
I don't remember. That, but um. I do remember holding her the first time.
She was such a chubby baby. She was almost 9 pounds.
So yeah, she, she's what she wouldn't think now because she's such a tiny
thing now, but um. She um
We were in the hospital for 2 days. My mom stayed the first night with me
, so Eric could come home and get some sleep. So that was nice. Um,
I don't remember a whole lot. After that point, I do remember them coming
in like every 2 hours, waking me up to give me more medicine, and like I'm
sleeping, I don't need medicine, leave me alone.
So, um, and then, uh, we did the, the next day we did the pictures.
Um, I had a bunch of visitors, which if you know me, that kind of made me
nervous because I'm a germaphobe. So having everybody in there, I, I made
everybody wash their hands. Um,
They did have hand sanitizer in the room though, so that was nice. That
helped.
No, um, because of medications that I take, I wasn't able to nurse. It, it
distributes in your milk supply too much.
So, but from what I've heard from friends, I was kind of happy about that
because it, even if the baby does. Um, catch on to it. It's painful and
other problems for the mom, so I wasn't upset about that. Um,
this
She's she's who you'd love to just spend a day with her.
Um,
I'm not sure where I just said that there were some complications
resulting from the birth. Yeah, after I had her, I found out, um, I, I
took 3 months off from work.
And I always had. The top of my stomach.
Had always still been kind of protruding. Which I figured it's I'm still
in the healing process. It'll go away, um, but it never went away. And I
talked to a doctor about it finally. And she said that it was from an
umbilical hernia.
Um, from having Emma, probably because she was so big. And my stomach
muscles. Um, when they separated, they never went back. So, um. But the
the top of my stomach still does stick out a little bit. And then um with
the hernia.
Wait,
With the hernia, um, it's right by my belly button. And um it started.
Give me problems. I was having pain.
Um,
I would just regular moving around, it would get really sore and I'd have
to stop and uh they told me that. I um had to be careful with exercising.
I had to be careful with just regular lifting, so it didn't. Um, get
bigger or pop. So I've been dealing with that, um. She's Emma's 3 now.
I've been dealing with that since she was born. Um, I've seen several
doctors about it. Uh, they said I could. have surgery for the hernia,
which isn't a big deal, um, for the stomach muscles, they said, even if I.
Lose a lot of weight, it's still gonna be there, so it's never completely
gonna be resolved. Um, they said I could have a tummy tuck, but still.
It's probably not gonna give me the result that I want. So I'm gonna have
to deal with it. For the rest of my life, unfortunately, which. Um, has
caused.
Physical and emotional problems for me, um.
I can kind of see where people might still think I'm pregnant, because if
you look at the top of my stomach, it it's it's hard, like there's still a
baby in there. Um, but As time went on. More and more people started
commenting on it when I went in public.
Mostly older women, which I know they're crazy about babies and they like
to talk to people about babies, but um.
They'll just come up to me and ask me, oh, when is the baby due or how far
are you? And it
I've already not had a good body image throughout my life. So when I get
that, it puts me in a bigger slump.
And uh I've tried to do. I've tried to exercising, eating differently, all
kinds of things, but. It's just holding me back from losing weight. And my
appearance isn't really changing, which doesn't stop the comments. Um,
It's just been hard in that way as well, not just from the pain from the
hernia, but with the the stomach muscles.
Um, so that's been. I'm getting better at dealing with it, but it still
hurts. So what is the difference between um that area for you now versus
like post baby? I mean, previous to her pre-baby. Like what, what is the
difference? So then, so there's firmness at the top. Yeah, um. My stomach
sticks out.
Probably few inches more than. Normal. Since this Um, and if you, if you
look at me, um, and if you feel my stomach, like it's, it's firm, it's
very firm. So I can see where people. Can Think that I'm still pregnant,
but. I don't know. I, that's just something to me that you don't comment
on first. Unless they say something. But I, I don't know, I guess people
think they're being nice, but. No, you're not. And I've, uh, people have
started telling me to just start being mean to these women that are.
Commenting which I want to.
Can't, I don't know why she's doing that. She hasn't had a nap.
Get over here.
So it's interesting cause it seems like you've had a lot of um. Good
circumstances, you know, you had a good pregnancy. You didn't gain a lot
of weight. You seem your birth went really well, and then the anesthesia
started to wear off and you're getting stitched up, and that sucks totally.
Um, then things started to turn. They were a little bit rude, a little
crappy to you, you know, making you not feel very good. And then you've
had these resulting complications since. So now it's, you know, it's funny
with these stories that we hear sometimes it's like a really horrible
experience of pregnancy, and then things go really well after it's it's
hard to predict. Yeah. Did anyone, did you ever even know these were a
possibility that because that is a common thing that happens where the
stomach muscles separate and they just don't go back again. I've never
heard that before. I've never heard of that happening. Um, so it was new
to me. I didn't even know that that could happen. What is the firmness
from though? Is it organs pushing through the muscle muscle? I don't
understand because the hernia is when like an organ pushes out between.
Right, the hernia is separate. The hernia is an umbilical hernia.
So, um, that's that's by my belly button area and I've had surgery on that.
Um, And then um the muscle thing. That's separate. They, they weren't
very detailed in telling me what it was or why it happened. They just said
that my stomach muscles never retracted after birth. So, um. And I don't
know. If there's anything really that can be done to. Get them back in the
place. They did tell me that there's you're always gonna see it somewhat,
no matter what I do so.
Um, I don't know if I.
There's some things that I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try and get into a
pretty extensive exercise regimen. Um, if that doesn't help, I'll probably
seek out more doctors to tell me. Why it happened, um, is, is there a fix
for it to get them to? Um, uh. Tighten up again. But from what I'm I'm
hearing now, there's not really anything that I can do about it. Um, I
thought the tummy tuck, that's why people get them right to.
To tuck your tummy, but they told me it wouldn't give me the result that I.
And probably wanting. It's such a vague way of talking. Like, I don't
understand what is the result, a six pack like that, you know, you just
want to have your old stomach back. You don't, you're not asking for. And
they told me that that that won't happen. Um, even if they did do the
tummy tuck, it wouldn't, they wouldn't be able to push the muscles in far
enough for the result that they think that I want.
Did you experience any like severe discomfort when you were pregnant that
you felt that muscle stretching and tearing or anything?
Not in my stomach area. Most of my pain was in my back. I don't know if
that could have been from it. It just wasn't in the area that we would
think, um, but I did have a have a lot of back pain, um, probably from how
big she was and then the muscle thing. Um, so no, there weren't really any
signs that. I could have said, hey, maybe there's something going on that
we could have stopped. I, I didn't know until. After a while after I had
her, that I started noticing, OK, this isn't, I thought my stomach was
supposed to go down, it's not moving. So that's when I started seeing
doctors about it.
Um, When you reflect back on your experience, a lot of times we'll ask
people, can you think of a word or a phrasing of words that kind of
summarizes your experience because we're separating them into themes, and
sometimes it's helpful to us to know how you think of your experience, how
you can um summarize it.
Well,
I don't know if there's a word that would summarize.
How I felt or what I went through um.
While I was pregnant, like I said, my my father passed away, so that was
probably.
What I could describe the most about my pregnancy, dealing with that, just
the um. We didn't have a great relationship.
Uh, we didn't have a great relationship, so there are a lot of. Mixed
emotions when he did um. Pass away So, um, and that, that caused me, I
didn't really have morning sickness. I mean, I got so nauseous a lot, but
um, Added with my father passing, that's mainly what caused the. Being
sick. Um,
So it was a very.
Positive pregnancy. But just with the emotional.
Struggles with my father. That's how I would describe the pregnancy. Um,
The issues after having her. I could probably think of lots of words.
Um,
And I don't want it to sound.
Like I absolutely.
Hate it because. It happened from having her, so I can't say that I
completely hate it, but um, I think just.
The I've had a lot of self-esteem issues after having her with these
problems. So that's that's how I would describe. That part of it. Um, And
I know people aren't meaning to. Cause that for me, but. I don't know, I
just think people can be. Smarter about things and. Think before they say
something. Or not say something at all. I like, you don't ask someone, oh
, how far are you? What do you do unless they start talking about it, but
that might just be me.
Is there anything else you wanna add?
Trying to think if I forgot anything. I have a few questions. um, so the
first one, I was just wondering how many surgeries have you had, like, I
mean, post. Post having her just dealing with this, the issues. I've just
had surgery for the hernia.
Um, I was gonna try and do the tummy tuck, but they told me that I
probably wouldn't get the result that I wanted and. It's, they quoted me
over $7000 for it. So if they're already telling me, I'm probably not
going to get the result I want and Probably no point in. Putting up the
money to do it. I, I would like to, but.
So my other question is, I think you're bringing up an interesting topic
because this actually has come up in a lot of interviews, not not with
complications post having the baby, but a lot of pregnant women talk about
how suddenly when they're pregnant they have no private space, like their
body becomes everyone's body and sort of that mix up between public and
private. And what's appropriate, like what somehow becomes appropriate
when you're pregnant, like no one would ever come up to you as a stranger
and like touch your belly or comment on your body at all. So I was
wondering if you could talk a little bit about if any of that occurred to
you when you were pregnant with her, did you have any experience with
people commenting on your body and how you felt about it then versus like
Any contrast,
um, from what I remember, I, I don't think there were too many comments
while I was pregnant. Just uh congratulating and um.
Some family friends would tell me, oh, you look like you're carrying
really well. But I didn't really know what that meant, so, oh, OK, thank
you. Um,
So uh There wasn't really an issue then. Um, other than with myself, uh,
gaining the weight, that's always hard no matter what. Even though you're
pregnant, um, but. It it mainly started after. Um, when I had the issues.
Um, My husband and I went on a cruise when she, when our daughter was
about 9 months old and just from the time we left home to the time we came
home from the cruise, 4 women commented on it. When we got to the airport
, uh, there was a group of older women going on a reunion cruise and. They
were already drunk and they started talking to us and. Um, it came up. I
don't, I don't remember how, but one lady was like, oh, I know what
they're celebrating.
And I kind of picked up on it. I didn't really say anything. I didn't want
to talk to them after that, um, and then.
When we got to the ship and into our room, it wasn't, um, they hadn't
finished cleaning it yet. So the cleaning lady was still in there and she
was asking me. Um, When the way she was asking me, I didn't know if.
She was talking, referring to me being pregnant or having a baby, already
having a baby, which I don't know how she'd know, but just the way she was
saying it and I can't remember. What she said, but she started asking me
about the baby, and I was thinking, oh yeah, she's. I was thinking of her
at home, and then at the end she's like, oh, when is, when are you due?
And I said, oh, I already had her. She's like, oh, and just kind of
dropped it. And then um we got massages on the ship. And We talked to the
the lady at the desk. She wrote up what massages we wanted, so when we got
into the room. The masseuse was like, oh, OK, so you're getting a
pregnancy massage. I said no. I'm not pregnant. She's like, oh, the the
receptionist wrote it up as pregnancy massage. So that was that was the
3rd 1, and then um on the way home somewhere, it came up again. What is
your response? I mean you say no, I have a medical situation or?
I, I'm just silent. I don't really know what to say. I want to jump down
their throat. But then I don't want to cause a problem, but. And then I
don't know if I should just play along or I don't really know what my
response would be if I did say anything, so I just kind of get silent. I
think about it now and my uh the response I came up with to kind of be an
asshole about it at this point, um, is when they ask me how far are you or
when are you due? I'm going to tell them, oh, I'm doing 12 months. And
just see the confusion on their faces and be like, oh yeah. I probably
shouldn't have said that to her.
So yeah, that's, that's kind of how my outlook on it has gotten at this
point.
So
Yeah, it it's, it's been hard. It's hard every day. Sometimes I don't even
wanna walk out of the house because I know there's gonna be a comment. And
my fam my family knows what's going on. They, um, they just tell me to
ignore it, but it, and you can do that to a point, but. After Happening so
often and. Literally almost every time I go outside, it, it gets to you.
So I'm just trying to be, try trying to figure out how to deal with. That
Um,
Did you have any other questions? Oh, I don't think so. My leg is so
asleep.
Um, yeah, it must be hard because you have this, you know, precious young
girl and you know, and you have to. You know, maintain a happy disposition
to some degree, you know, and it's depressing, right? So that must be a
confusing place, headspace to be in. Do you talk to anyone or have you
done anything like that? Yeah, I have, I have talked to a therapist about
it and.
Um,
He, he explained it to me which. I'm good at sometimes remembering how he
put it, but like I said, other times it, it just naturally gets to you at
a certain point, but he explained it as, as long as you're healthy. It it
doesn't matter what your appearance looks like, whether what this, and I
know that's true, but I, I'd I'd never really thought about it that way
because I was, I started. On an exercise routine and um I'm a vegetarian
so I don't eat too much bad stuff anyway, but I really cracked down on my
diet and I did that for about 6 months or more and absolutely no weight
lost and no changes to my stomach. And that got me down too because I'm.
Getting these comments. I'm trying to fix it. Um, not even surgery can
fix it, so I try losing weight and that doesn't work either. So I, I got
very discouraged and I I I'm kind of like, well, what do I do? Do I even
still keep trying to put my effort into doing this and I'm not. Getting
the results that I want no matter what I do. So, um, but. I do understand
, he said as long as you're healthy, like with me exercising and eating
right, I guess that's that's all I can do with. My body isn't gonna.
Change at least I have that, I guess. No, I'm healthy, but.
It's cold comfort. That's so funny, of course, for someone to say how your
appearance doesn't matter. It's true, but yeah, it's
it matters to you. It matters. Of course it matters. I mean my God, yeah,
and that's not just vanity, it just makes matter because that's how you
interact with the world outside, you know, it's the first impression.
Ashley, do you have anything else? I don't think so. OK. Anything from you
? No, I don't think so. OK, I'm gonna try it on, yeah.