WEBVTT 00:00:00.680 --> 00:00:07.356 OK, this is Boris Solis interviewing Rochelle King on June 16, 2016 at 00:00:07.389 --> 00:00:11.915 5:40 p.m. for the Creative Push project. 00:00:11.948 --> 00:00:15.027 It's too bad 00:00:15.060 --> 00:00:19.467 Oh wow, let me, yeah, I'm gonna pause it. I didn't get it yet. You just 00:00:19.500 --> 00:00:22.675 stop yours. 00:00:22.708 --> 00:00:29.977 Do we let it run out until it catches up, OK. OK. So, um, take me back to 00:00:30.010 --> 00:00:38.010 the conception like it. Was it planned? It was not planned at all. Um, it 00:00:39.219 --> 00:00:46.746 was a surprise to both of us. Um, I actually do know when we did conceive 00:00:46.779 --> 00:00:51.807 though, and um, 00:00:51.840 --> 00:00:59.436 And actually said to me that he hopes we don't get pregnant that time. 00:00:59.469 --> 00:01:02.335 I guess 00:01:02.368 --> 00:01:07.647 She too loud. That'll totally show up on the, yeah. 00:01:07.680 --> 00:01:11.555 Oh my gosh, should I just let her in? Will she be quieter when she's 00:01:11.588 --> 00:01:16.995 inside? Well then Emma's gonna wanna come in here. 00:01:17.028 --> 00:01:23.055 just stopped. OK, OK, go on. Um. 00:01:23.088 --> 00:01:28.977 Yeah, so, um, I knew that I was pregnant and he told me he hoped we 00:01:29.010 --> 00:01:36.706 weren't pregnant yet. And uh But there weren't really any signs after that 00:01:36.739 --> 00:01:44.739 , that confirmed what I already felt. Um, I went to the doctor. Couple 00:01:46.290 --> 00:01:54.290 weeks later and. Um, Or Hold on 00:01:55.760 --> 00:02:03.626 It's, it's weird the way it happened because I started. Having pains um. 00:02:03.659 --> 00:02:10.797 Like in my ovary area, like I was pregnant before. I conceived And I had 00:02:10.830 --> 00:02:15.116 been to the doctor for it and they said it was nothing, um, a couple weeks 00:02:15.149 --> 00:02:20.916 went by. I actually went on vacation. Came home, um, the pains were back, 00:02:20.949 --> 00:02:28.949 went back to the doctor. I was pregnant. So Um, But I that day when I was 00:02:29.508 --> 00:02:34.636 in the office, I had no idea. I was just trying to look for answers for 00:02:34.669 --> 00:02:39.386 what was going on, why I was having the pain. That's all I was looking for 00:02:39.419 --> 00:02:43.077 , and she's like, yeah, you're pregnant. 00:02:43.110 --> 00:02:50.416 And um it was. Overwhelming, uh, that's my first child, so a lot of 00:02:50.449 --> 00:02:56.566 thoughts and emotions went through my head. I was afraid to tell Eric. 00:02:56.599 --> 00:03:00.055 I was afraid to, we were living with my parents at the time. I was afraid 00:03:00.088 --> 00:03:05.446 to tell them. Um, but I. 00:03:05.479 --> 00:03:10.767 Actually took a picture of the, I did a test myself when I got home and I 00:03:10.800 --> 00:03:15.386 took a picture of the test and I just held up the picture to everybody. So 00:03:15.419 --> 00:03:20.656 , um, everybody was excited, so I was very relieved. I was expecting a 00:03:20.689 --> 00:03:28.689 completely different reaction, um, but. Then 00:03:30.139 --> 00:03:36.356 Just give us the finger when it's like too much, OK. Then, um, my worries 00:03:36.389 --> 00:03:43.927 set in. I'm a very big worrier. And um I started reading, which I'm told 00:03:43.960 --> 00:03:50.536 is good for your first time, but I found out no it's probably not good 00:03:50.569 --> 00:03:57.346 because it scared the crap out of me. Um, I, I just worry about the first 00:03:57.379 --> 00:04:04.446 trimester, I was really worried about having a. Um, 00:04:04.479 --> 00:04:09.536 Miscarriage. That was one of my biggest fears, the first trimester 00:04:09.569 --> 00:04:14.446 especially, um, and then as it went on, I got a little better, but I'd 00:04:14.479 --> 00:04:20.687 worry about different things. New things would come up each trimester. Um 00:04:20.720 --> 00:04:25.447 , but she was telling me the whole time that she was fine. It was pretty 00:04:25.480 --> 00:04:31.325 much a perfect pregnancy. Um, 00:04:31.358 --> 00:04:36.906 My father died while I was pregnant, so that was hard to get through. So 00:04:36.939 --> 00:04:43.906 that was caused most of the the pregnancy problems that I did have, just 00:04:43.939 --> 00:04:49.955 emotionally and Um, But other than that, it was a pretty good pregnancy. I 00:04:49.988 --> 00:04:57.988 was happy. And lucky because I, I'd been terrified. About That stuff when 00:04:58.939 --> 00:05:02.467 I found out I was pregnant, or what's gonna happen to me? What's gonna 00:05:02.500 --> 00:05:07.106 happen to the baby? Um, 00:05:07.139 --> 00:05:13.616 Uh 00:05:13.649 --> 00:05:17.555 Weight gain, I. 00:05:17.588 --> 00:05:23.776 I think I gained pretty good. I didn't, I, at the end, I weighed myself 00:05:23.809 --> 00:05:29.336 right before I went to the hospital, um, and overall it was about 40 00:05:29.369 --> 00:05:34.387 pounds. So it's pretty good. 00:05:34.420 --> 00:05:37.745 Did you, um, go to any classes or have a plan for how you want the 00:05:37.778 --> 00:05:45.778 birthday go? I did go to classes. I, um. I found a specific doctor that I 00:05:46.019 --> 00:05:52.906 went to the whole time I was pregnant and he. Was the one that was 00:05:52.939 --> 00:06:00.507 supposed to deliver her. We'll get into that. Um, 00:06:00.540 --> 00:06:07.586 I went to a class that uh it showed you the breathing techniques and. Um, 00:06:07.619 --> 00:06:10.825 I don't remember what they call it, but the exercises that you do while 00:06:10.858 --> 00:06:17.245 you're in labor, waiting to, um. 00:06:17.278 --> 00:06:25.278 Give birth So that helped a lot. It was very eye opening and in a good way. 00:06:26.488 --> 00:06:31.967 Uh, it didn't scare me. It actually helped me a lot and uh. The nurse 00:06:32.000 --> 00:06:36.366 that took me back when we got to the hospital, she actually commented on 00:06:36.399 --> 00:06:42.197 how good my breathing was, so that was neat. Did you have a support 00:06:42.230 --> 00:06:47.366 network? Yes, yeah, my, my whole family is here, so they were, they were 00:06:47.399 --> 00:06:52.887 helping me. It was their first experience with it too, so we're all kind 00:06:52.920 --> 00:06:57.836 of helping each other. Through everything. 00:06:57.869 --> 00:07:05.606 Um, the day I went into labor, I was already on. Maternity leave because I 00:07:05.639 --> 00:07:08.967 was. 00:07:09.000 --> 00:07:15.546 I was having um back pain, and I sit in a chair all day for my job. So I, 00:07:15.579 --> 00:07:20.546 I had to leave early and it was a Saturday morning, I was watching TV and 00:07:20.579 --> 00:07:27.536 I just got these stomach pains. It was like cramps. And I didn't think it 00:07:27.569 --> 00:07:33.026 was contractions, but it wasn't going away. So I called my mom and told 00:07:33.059 --> 00:07:38.976 her that it's probably time to go. Um, she was actually grocery shopping 00:07:39.009 --> 00:07:46.055 and had to leave her cart in the aisle and come and get me. Um, so we, uh 00:07:46.088 --> 00:07:51.325 , went to the hospital. I was, they say to time your contractions and I 00:07:51.358 --> 00:07:55.887 was doing that. It was not in a pattern at all. So that's why I didn't 00:07:55.920 --> 00:08:03.920 think it I was in labor, um, but I got there and they said I was. 00:08:10.480 --> 00:08:15.447 I got to the hospital and I was 3 centimeters dilated, so they said they 00:08:15.480 --> 00:08:21.486 were gonna keep me. So I was excited about that because I've seen uh 00:08:21.519 --> 00:08:28.036 mothers that have had to come in, go home, come in, go home. And that 00:08:28.069 --> 00:08:34.946 scared me. I didn't want to have to do that. Um, but my water didn't break. 00:08:34.979 --> 00:08:39.217 They had to break it for me when I got to the hospital. 00:08:39.250 --> 00:08:43.515 So that was. 00:08:43.548 --> 00:08:46.667 I don't know. I can hear it a little bit. It sounds kind of like murmuring 00:08:46.700 --> 00:08:53.537 , and if you're talking I can't really hear it, um. 00:08:53.570 --> 00:08:57.366 Yeah Yeah, it's just gonna it's gonna be like the baby situation, you know 00:08:57.399 --> 00:09:00.336 , yeah, yeah, OK. 00:09:00.369 --> 00:09:03.657 OK, so, um, 00:09:03.690 --> 00:09:09.616 So you are at 3 centimeters. They broke your water, can take it from there 00:09:09.649 --> 00:09:13.316 , OK, um. 00:09:13.349 --> 00:09:21.349 They uh gave me my epidural pretty quick. Um, When I got there. It was 00:09:22.019 --> 00:09:29.765 about 12 o'clock. So, um. They were just waiting for me to dilate, and 00:09:29.798 --> 00:09:34.657 they, they told me my uh. 00:09:34.690 --> 00:09:39.417 Labor was pretty much textbook with how things were progressing. They 00:09:39.450 --> 00:09:45.576 didn't have to give me a little bit of Pitocin to um toward the middle to 00:09:45.609 --> 00:09:50.496 speed things up a little bit more, but um 00:09:50.529 --> 00:09:57.217 So I just waited to dilate, um, I felt amazing. 00:09:57.250 --> 00:10:04.167 Uh, up until, um, giving birth, of course, but, um. 00:10:04.200 --> 00:10:12.015 The doctor's story. My doctor was out of town. And seeing the movie, um, 00:10:12.048 --> 00:10:14.797 what is it called? 00:10:14.830 --> 00:10:21.976 Knocked up, knocked up. I was so terrified after seeing that movie when I 00:10:22.009 --> 00:10:29.287 got pregnant and had a baby, um. And not only was it not my doctor there, 00:10:29.320 --> 00:10:35.287 the doctor that was going to deliver her was doing a C-section with a 00:10:35.320 --> 00:10:40.307 woman who had been there from the previous night. Which I don't know why 00:10:40.340 --> 00:10:48.236 they hadn't done it for her before that, but. Um, so I was waiting for the 00:10:48.269 --> 00:10:54.616 doctor to come in for I I I don't know what the time frame was, but um. It 00:10:54.649 --> 00:11:01.907 was, it was a while for being in labor. Um 00:11:01.940 --> 00:11:05.206 You know, when it gets really high when it spikes, that's when we'll have 00:11:05.239 --> 00:11:09.057 to stop, yeah. 00:11:09.090 --> 00:11:12.436 Um, so. 00:11:12.469 --> 00:11:18.226 The dog I was 10 centimeters dilated. Uh, the doctor had told the nurses 00:11:18.259 --> 00:11:22.996 that he wasn't gonna have me push yet because he was working on the other 00:11:23.029 --> 00:11:28.226 C-section. Um, about 5 minutes later, the nurse walked back in and said, 00:11:28.259 --> 00:11:35.407 OK, he said, start pushing. And I, I remember thinking, why are you having 00:11:35.440 --> 00:11:40.096 me push, he's doing a C-section, he's not even out yet. So they had me 00:11:40.129 --> 00:11:46.316 push. Um, it was difficult being my first time trying to get a hang of it. 00:11:46.349 --> 00:11:52.177 Um, so they had me push. It got a little bit difficult for me, so they'd 00:11:52.210 --> 00:11:58.515 have me stop. Um, at one point they, while I was still waiting for him. Uh 00:11:58.548 --> 00:12:06.505 , they had put me on oxygen to just kind of calm me down. Um, and then. I 00:12:06.538 --> 00:12:13.196 pushed some more and she was ready to come out. And no doctor. 00:12:13.229 --> 00:12:21.229 So they had me stop pushing. And I remember just the discomfort was. 00:12:21.590 --> 00:12:27.717 Unbelievable because she. She was ready, she, she was coming out, there 00:12:27.750 --> 00:12:35.750 was no stopping her. Um, And then finally the doctor came in. And um. 00:12:39.440 --> 00:12:43.976 I was crying the whole time hysterically. 00:12:44.009 --> 00:12:52.009 And uh I just remember a big feeling of relief when she was born. Um, but 00:12:53.080 --> 00:13:01.080 then instant pain. Again, because I had to have an episiotomy. 00:13:01.340 --> 00:13:05.625 And The doctor I. 00:13:05.658 --> 00:13:11.086 People can disagree with me or say I'm, I, they agree with what the doctor 00:13:11.119 --> 00:13:15.765 was telling me, but I could feel it. I could feel, I don't know how 00:13:15.798 --> 00:13:22.645 graphic you want me to be, but I could I in my head at the time, I was 00:13:22.678 --> 00:13:29.775 picturing and I could feel him just like he was sewing me. Sewing me up, I 00:13:29.808 --> 00:13:35.496 felt it every stitch and I kept saying that I was telling Eric that, and I 00:13:35.529 --> 00:13:41.297 was just crying. I could not see out of my, I could not see I was crying 00:13:41.330 --> 00:13:47.476 so hard. And um Eric, my husband was telling the doctor that I was saying 00:13:47.509 --> 00:13:54.316 that, and he said, no women just um. Confuse the pressure for pain 00:13:54.349 --> 00:14:02.349 sometimes. And I, I was coherent enough to hear him say that and. If I 00:14:04.908 --> 00:14:07.836 could have moved my leg, I would have punched him uh kicked him in the 00:14:07.869 --> 00:14:12.755 face because that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. And then he 00:14:12.788 --> 00:14:16.116 was asking me, where does it hurt? Where does it hurt? And I wanted to say 00:14:16.149 --> 00:14:20.236 , where the hell do you think it hurts, you idiot? 00:14:20.269 --> 00:14:24.366 I just pushed a baby out. Where do you think it hurts? He's like, I can't 00:14:24.399 --> 00:14:29.787 help you unless you tell me where it hurts. So yeah, that was quite an 00:14:29.820 --> 00:14:36.307 experience, not quite as bad as knocked Up, but. It was, I couldn't even 00:14:36.340 --> 00:14:40.956 believe that. And then, um, 00:14:40.989 --> 00:14:48.989 When they took her after she came out. They uh Ask me if I remember them 00:14:49.590 --> 00:14:54.875 saying, are you even gonna look at her because I was crying so hard and. 00:14:54.908 --> 00:15:00.356 Didn't know what was going on and I could not see anything. I was crying 00:15:00.389 --> 00:15:04.836 so hard because of the pain when he was stitching me back up. And I 00:15:04.869 --> 00:15:08.736 remember that one of the nurses saying that. Are you even gonna look at 00:15:08.769 --> 00:15:11.086 her? 00:15:11.119 --> 00:15:18.667 Like judging you, yeah. Yeah. Uh, what was going on in my head if I could 00:15:18.700 --> 00:15:22.346 have actually put that into action, I, I would have, they would have not 00:15:22.379 --> 00:15:25.807 liked me very much. 00:15:25.840 --> 00:15:29.486 So, um, did your husband have her at this point? I'm gonna adjust for a 00:15:29.519 --> 00:15:37.519 second, my foot on a second. Um, they, we, um. 00:15:37.678 --> 00:15:43.645 They, the hospital that we were at. They had everything like she stayed in 00:15:43.678 --> 00:15:48.816 the room with me. They did everything in the room. Um, so they did that. 00:15:48.849 --> 00:15:52.967 What's that test that they do as soon as they're born? Yeah, they did 00:15:53.000 --> 00:16:00.436 that one, in my room. They did that with her, um. And then did her weight 00:16:00.469 --> 00:16:07.236 and everything and uh gave her a bath and then um I don't know if they 00:16:07.269 --> 00:16:13.157 gave her to me right after that or if Eric had her, that's a little blurry. 00:16:13.190 --> 00:16:19.307 I don't remember. That, but um. I do remember holding her the first time. 00:16:19.340 --> 00:16:26.066 She was such a chubby baby. She was almost 9 pounds. 00:16:26.099 --> 00:16:31.946 So yeah, she, she's what she wouldn't think now because she's such a tiny 00:16:31.979 --> 00:16:37.467 thing now, but um. She um 00:16:37.500 --> 00:16:42.826 We were in the hospital for 2 days. My mom stayed the first night with me 00:16:42.859 --> 00:16:50.859 , so Eric could come home and get some sleep. So that was nice. Um, 00:16:51.619 --> 00:16:57.717 I don't remember a whole lot. After that point, I do remember them coming 00:16:57.750 --> 00:17:03.206 in like every 2 hours, waking me up to give me more medicine, and like I'm 00:17:03.239 --> 00:17:07.185 sleeping, I don't need medicine, leave me alone. 00:17:07.218 --> 00:17:13.565 So, um, and then, uh, we did the, the next day we did the pictures. 00:17:13.598 --> 00:17:21.117 Um, I had a bunch of visitors, which if you know me, that kind of made me 00:17:21.150 --> 00:17:26.825 nervous because I'm a germaphobe. So having everybody in there, I, I made 00:17:26.858 --> 00:17:31.206 everybody wash their hands. Um, 00:17:31.239 --> 00:17:35.565 They did have hand sanitizer in the room though, so that was nice. That 00:17:35.598 --> 00:17:38.416 helped. 00:17:38.449 --> 00:17:46.246 No, um, because of medications that I take, I wasn't able to nurse. It, it 00:17:46.279 --> 00:17:50.756 distributes in your milk supply too much. 00:17:50.789 --> 00:17:58.236 So, but from what I've heard from friends, I was kind of happy about that 00:17:58.269 --> 00:18:06.269 because it, even if the baby does. Um, catch on to it. It's painful and 00:18:06.699 --> 00:18:14.699 other problems for the mom, so I wasn't upset about that. Um, 00:18:20.598 --> 00:18:23.926 this 00:18:23.959 --> 00:18:31.756 She's she's who you'd love to just spend a day with her. 00:18:31.789 --> 00:18:38.597 Um, 00:18:38.630 --> 00:18:42.305 I'm not sure where I just said that there were some complications 00:18:42.338 --> 00:18:49.585 resulting from the birth. Yeah, after I had her, I found out, um, I, I 00:18:49.618 --> 00:18:54.867 took 3 months off from work. 00:18:54.900 --> 00:19:02.900 And I always had. The top of my stomach. 00:19:02.949 --> 00:19:08.916 Had always still been kind of protruding. Which I figured it's I'm still 00:19:08.949 --> 00:19:16.949 in the healing process. It'll go away, um, but it never went away. And I 00:19:17.920 --> 00:19:23.117 talked to a doctor about it finally. And she said that it was from an 00:19:23.150 --> 00:19:25.766 umbilical hernia. 00:19:25.799 --> 00:19:32.166 Um, from having Emma, probably because she was so big. And my stomach 00:19:32.199 --> 00:19:40.199 muscles. Um, when they separated, they never went back. So, um. But the 00:19:41.108 --> 00:19:47.526 the top of my stomach still does stick out a little bit. And then um with 00:19:47.559 --> 00:19:50.506 the hernia. 00:19:50.539 --> 00:19:58.539 Wait, 00:20:00.588 --> 00:20:08.588 With the hernia, um, it's right by my belly button. And um it started. 00:20:10.078 --> 00:20:13.976 Give me problems. I was having pain. 00:20:14.009 --> 00:20:17.426 Um, 00:20:17.459 --> 00:20:22.526 I would just regular moving around, it would get really sore and I'd have 00:20:22.559 --> 00:20:30.256 to stop and uh they told me that. I um had to be careful with exercising. 00:20:30.289 --> 00:20:36.555 I had to be careful with just regular lifting, so it didn't. Um, get 00:20:36.588 --> 00:20:44.588 bigger or pop. So I've been dealing with that, um. She's Emma's 3 now. 00:20:45.449 --> 00:20:51.236 I've been dealing with that since she was born. Um, I've seen several 00:20:51.269 --> 00:20:56.986 doctors about it. Uh, they said I could. have surgery for the hernia, 00:20:57.019 --> 00:21:05.019 which isn't a big deal, um, for the stomach muscles, they said, even if I. 00:21:06.549 --> 00:21:10.956 Lose a lot of weight, it's still gonna be there, so it's never completely 00:21:10.989 --> 00:21:17.926 gonna be resolved. Um, they said I could have a tummy tuck, but still. 00:21:17.959 --> 00:21:24.097 It's probably not gonna give me the result that I want. So I'm gonna have 00:21:24.130 --> 00:21:31.416 to deal with it. For the rest of my life, unfortunately, which. Um, has 00:21:31.449 --> 00:21:34.575 caused. 00:21:34.608 --> 00:21:41.367 Physical and emotional problems for me, um. 00:21:41.400 --> 00:21:46.315 I can kind of see where people might still think I'm pregnant, because if 00:21:46.348 --> 00:21:50.805 you look at the top of my stomach, it it's it's hard, like there's still a 00:21:50.838 --> 00:21:58.838 baby in there. Um, but As time went on. More and more people started 00:21:59.568 --> 00:22:03.315 commenting on it when I went in public. 00:22:03.348 --> 00:22:07.676 Mostly older women, which I know they're crazy about babies and they like 00:22:07.709 --> 00:22:14.127 to talk to people about babies, but um. 00:22:14.160 --> 00:22:18.825 They'll just come up to me and ask me, oh, when is the baby due or how far 00:22:18.858 --> 00:22:23.617 are you? And it 00:22:23.650 --> 00:22:31.325 I've already not had a good body image throughout my life. So when I get 00:22:31.358 --> 00:22:35.656 that, it puts me in a bigger slump. 00:22:35.689 --> 00:22:43.026 And uh I've tried to do. I've tried to exercising, eating differently, all 00:22:43.059 --> 00:22:51.006 kinds of things, but. It's just holding me back from losing weight. And my 00:22:51.039 --> 00:22:57.656 appearance isn't really changing, which doesn't stop the comments. Um, 00:22:57.689 --> 00:23:02.656 It's just been hard in that way as well, not just from the pain from the 00:23:02.689 --> 00:23:07.656 hernia, but with the the stomach muscles. 00:23:07.689 --> 00:23:14.617 Um, so that's been. I'm getting better at dealing with it, but it still 00:23:14.650 --> 00:23:21.857 hurts. So what is the difference between um that area for you now versus 00:23:21.890 --> 00:23:27.877 like post baby? I mean, previous to her pre-baby. Like what, what is the 00:23:27.910 --> 00:23:35.910 difference? So then, so there's firmness at the top. Yeah, um. My stomach 00:23:36.209 --> 00:23:38.647 sticks out. 00:23:38.680 --> 00:23:46.680 Probably few inches more than. Normal. Since this Um, and if you, if you 00:23:48.608 --> 00:23:53.416 look at me, um, and if you feel my stomach, like it's, it's firm, it's 00:23:53.449 --> 00:24:00.847 very firm. So I can see where people. Can Think that I'm still pregnant, 00:24:00.880 --> 00:24:06.315 but. I don't know. I, that's just something to me that you don't comment 00:24:06.348 --> 00:24:14.348 on first. Unless they say something. But I, I don't know, I guess people 00:24:14.358 --> 00:24:21.666 think they're being nice, but. No, you're not. And I've, uh, people have 00:24:21.699 --> 00:24:27.857 started telling me to just start being mean to these women that are. 00:24:27.890 --> 00:24:34.236 Commenting which I want to. 00:24:34.269 --> 00:24:42.269 Can't, I don't know why she's doing that. She hasn't had a nap. 00:24:42.670 --> 00:24:50.670 Get over here. 00:24:54.640 --> 00:24:58.805 So it's interesting cause it seems like you've had a lot of um. Good 00:24:58.838 --> 00:25:02.647 circumstances, you know, you had a good pregnancy. You didn't gain a lot 00:25:02.680 --> 00:25:07.387 of weight. You seem your birth went really well, and then the anesthesia 00:25:07.420 --> 00:25:11.496 started to wear off and you're getting stitched up, and that sucks totally. 00:25:11.529 --> 00:25:15.555 Um, then things started to turn. They were a little bit rude, a little 00:25:15.588 --> 00:25:20.075 crappy to you, you know, making you not feel very good. And then you've 00:25:20.108 --> 00:25:25.676 had these resulting complications since. So now it's, you know, it's funny 00:25:25.709 --> 00:25:28.916 with these stories that we hear sometimes it's like a really horrible 00:25:28.949 --> 00:25:31.357 experience of pregnancy, and then things go really well after it's it's 00:25:31.390 --> 00:25:35.166 hard to predict. Yeah. Did anyone, did you ever even know these were a 00:25:35.199 --> 00:25:38.127 possibility that because that is a common thing that happens where the 00:25:38.160 --> 00:25:42.246 stomach muscles separate and they just don't go back again. I've never 00:25:42.279 --> 00:25:49.627 heard that before. I've never heard of that happening. Um, so it was new 00:25:49.660 --> 00:25:57.026 to me. I didn't even know that that could happen. What is the firmness 00:25:57.059 --> 00:26:02.377 from though? Is it organs pushing through the muscle muscle? I don't 00:26:02.410 --> 00:26:06.266 understand because the hernia is when like an organ pushes out between. 00:26:06.299 --> 00:26:12.436 Right, the hernia is separate. The hernia is an umbilical hernia. 00:26:12.469 --> 00:26:19.147 So, um, that's that's by my belly button area and I've had surgery on that. 00:26:19.180 --> 00:26:27.180 Um, And then um the muscle thing. That's separate. They, they weren't 00:26:27.598 --> 00:26:34.666 very detailed in telling me what it was or why it happened. They just said 00:26:34.699 --> 00:26:42.699 that my stomach muscles never retracted after birth. So, um. And I don't 00:26:43.969 --> 00:26:50.127 know. If there's anything really that can be done to. Get them back in the 00:26:50.160 --> 00:26:55.285 place. They did tell me that there's you're always gonna see it somewhat, 00:26:55.318 --> 00:26:59.305 no matter what I do so. 00:26:59.338 --> 00:27:04.486 Um, I don't know if I. 00:27:04.519 --> 00:27:07.847 There's some things that I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try and get into a 00:27:07.880 --> 00:27:14.127 pretty extensive exercise regimen. Um, if that doesn't help, I'll probably 00:27:14.160 --> 00:27:22.160 seek out more doctors to tell me. Why it happened, um, is, is there a fix 00:27:22.180 --> 00:27:30.180 for it to get them to? Um, uh. Tighten up again. But from what I'm I'm 00:27:31.449 --> 00:27:38.016 hearing now, there's not really anything that I can do about it. Um, I 00:27:38.049 --> 00:27:43.956 thought the tummy tuck, that's why people get them right to. 00:27:43.989 --> 00:27:50.815 To tuck your tummy, but they told me it wouldn't give me the result that I. 00:27:50.848 --> 00:27:55.476 And probably wanting. It's such a vague way of talking. Like, I don't 00:27:55.509 --> 00:27:58.946 understand what is the result, a six pack like that, you know, you just 00:27:58.979 --> 00:28:04.676 want to have your old stomach back. You don't, you're not asking for. And 00:28:04.709 --> 00:28:10.055 they told me that that that won't happen. Um, even if they did do the 00:28:10.088 --> 00:28:15.217 tummy tuck, it wouldn't, they wouldn't be able to push the muscles in far 00:28:15.250 --> 00:28:20.585 enough for the result that they think that I want. 00:28:20.618 --> 00:28:24.627 Did you experience any like severe discomfort when you were pregnant that 00:28:24.660 --> 00:28:28.956 you felt that muscle stretching and tearing or anything? 00:28:28.989 --> 00:28:32.835 Not in my stomach area. Most of my pain was in my back. I don't know if 00:28:32.868 --> 00:28:38.305 that could have been from it. It just wasn't in the area that we would 00:28:38.338 --> 00:28:45.377 think, um, but I did have a have a lot of back pain, um, probably from how 00:28:45.410 --> 00:28:52.397 big she was and then the muscle thing. Um, so no, there weren't really any 00:28:52.430 --> 00:28:57.055 signs that. I could have said, hey, maybe there's something going on that 00:28:57.088 --> 00:29:05.088 we could have stopped. I, I didn't know until. After a while after I had 00:29:05.368 --> 00:29:10.055 her, that I started noticing, OK, this isn't, I thought my stomach was 00:29:10.088 --> 00:29:14.805 supposed to go down, it's not moving. So that's when I started seeing 00:29:14.838 --> 00:29:17.656 doctors about it. 00:29:17.689 --> 00:29:22.117 Um, When you reflect back on your experience, a lot of times we'll ask 00:29:22.150 --> 00:29:25.916 people, can you think of a word or a phrasing of words that kind of 00:29:25.949 --> 00:29:30.956 summarizes your experience because we're separating them into themes, and 00:29:30.989 --> 00:29:35.736 sometimes it's helpful to us to know how you think of your experience, how 00:29:35.769 --> 00:29:39.506 you can um summarize it. 00:29:39.539 --> 00:29:43.575 Well, 00:29:43.608 --> 00:29:48.766 I don't know if there's a word that would summarize. 00:29:48.799 --> 00:29:56.799 How I felt or what I went through um. 00:29:59.930 --> 00:30:06.377 While I was pregnant, like I said, my my father passed away, so that was 00:30:06.410 --> 00:30:08.506 probably. 00:30:08.539 --> 00:30:14.147 What I could describe the most about my pregnancy, dealing with that, just 00:30:14.180 --> 00:30:22.180 the um. We didn't have a great relationship. 00:30:29.618 --> 00:30:36.545 Uh, we didn't have a great relationship, so there are a lot of. Mixed 00:30:36.578 --> 00:30:44.578 emotions when he did um. Pass away So, um, and that, that caused me, I 00:30:46.449 --> 00:30:52.647 didn't really have morning sickness. I mean, I got so nauseous a lot, but 00:30:52.680 --> 00:31:00.680 um, Added with my father passing, that's mainly what caused the. Being 00:31:01.449 --> 00:31:06.456 sick. Um, 00:31:06.489 --> 00:31:11.476 So it was a very. 00:31:11.509 --> 00:31:18.236 Positive pregnancy. But just with the emotional. 00:31:18.269 --> 00:31:26.269 Struggles with my father. That's how I would describe the pregnancy. Um, 00:31:29.400 --> 00:31:36.627 The issues after having her. I could probably think of lots of words. 00:31:36.660 --> 00:31:39.276 Um, 00:31:39.309 --> 00:31:43.726 And I don't want it to sound. 00:31:43.759 --> 00:31:48.785 Like I absolutely. 00:31:48.818 --> 00:31:54.426 Hate it because. It happened from having her, so I can't say that I 00:31:54.459 --> 00:32:00.117 completely hate it, but um, I think just. 00:32:00.150 --> 00:32:06.607 The I've had a lot of self-esteem issues after having her with these 00:32:06.640 --> 00:32:14.640 problems. So that's that's how I would describe. That part of it. Um, And 00:32:15.910 --> 00:32:22.956 I know people aren't meaning to. Cause that for me, but. I don't know, I 00:32:22.989 --> 00:32:30.989 just think people can be. Smarter about things and. Think before they say 00:32:31.299 --> 00:32:39.299 something. Or not say something at all. I like, you don't ask someone, oh 00:32:39.858 --> 00:32:44.147 , how far are you? What do you do unless they start talking about it, but 00:32:44.180 --> 00:32:48.325 that might just be me. 00:32:48.358 --> 00:32:53.436 Is there anything else you wanna add? 00:32:53.469 --> 00:32:59.776 Trying to think if I forgot anything. I have a few questions. um, so the 00:32:59.809 --> 00:33:05.496 first one, I was just wondering how many surgeries have you had, like, I 00:33:05.529 --> 00:33:12.436 mean, post. Post having her just dealing with this, the issues. I've just 00:33:12.469 --> 00:33:16.446 had surgery for the hernia. 00:33:16.479 --> 00:33:20.946 Um, I was gonna try and do the tummy tuck, but they told me that I 00:33:20.979 --> 00:33:27.295 probably wouldn't get the result that I wanted and. It's, they quoted me 00:33:27.328 --> 00:33:32.377 over $7000 for it. So if they're already telling me, I'm probably not 00:33:32.410 --> 00:33:37.656 going to get the result I want and Probably no point in. Putting up the 00:33:37.689 --> 00:33:43.906 money to do it. I, I would like to, but. 00:33:43.939 --> 00:33:47.647 So my other question is, I think you're bringing up an interesting topic 00:33:47.680 --> 00:33:53.347 because this actually has come up in a lot of interviews, not not with 00:33:53.380 --> 00:33:57.946 complications post having the baby, but a lot of pregnant women talk about 00:33:57.979 --> 00:34:01.986 how suddenly when they're pregnant they have no private space, like their 00:34:02.019 --> 00:34:05.986 body becomes everyone's body and sort of that mix up between public and 00:34:06.019 --> 00:34:10.622 private. And what's appropriate, like what somehow becomes appropriate 00:34:10.655 --> 00:34:14.751 when you're pregnant, like no one would ever come up to you as a stranger 00:34:14.784 --> 00:34:19.751 and like touch your belly or comment on your body at all. So I was 00:34:19.784 --> 00:34:23.711 wondering if you could talk a little bit about if any of that occurred to 00:34:23.744 --> 00:34:27.461 you when you were pregnant with her, did you have any experience with 00:34:27.494 --> 00:34:34.267 people commenting on your body and how you felt about it then versus like 00:34:34.300 --> 00:34:36.486 Any contrast, 00:34:36.519 --> 00:34:42.155 um, from what I remember, I, I don't think there were too many comments 00:34:42.188 --> 00:34:48.345 while I was pregnant. Just uh congratulating and um. 00:34:48.378 --> 00:34:51.146 Some family friends would tell me, oh, you look like you're carrying 00:34:51.179 --> 00:34:55.434 really well. But I didn't really know what that meant, so, oh, OK, thank 00:34:55.467 --> 00:35:00.736 you. Um, 00:35:00.769 --> 00:35:08.769 So uh There wasn't really an issue then. Um, other than with myself, uh, 00:35:09.289 --> 00:35:14.477 gaining the weight, that's always hard no matter what. Even though you're 00:35:14.510 --> 00:35:22.510 pregnant, um, but. It it mainly started after. Um, when I had the issues. 00:35:24.280 --> 00:35:31.936 Um, My husband and I went on a cruise when she, when our daughter was 00:35:31.969 --> 00:35:39.969 about 9 months old and just from the time we left home to the time we came 00:35:41.079 --> 00:35:47.916 home from the cruise, 4 women commented on it. When we got to the airport 00:35:47.949 --> 00:35:54.336 , uh, there was a group of older women going on a reunion cruise and. They 00:35:54.369 --> 00:36:01.186 were already drunk and they started talking to us and. Um, it came up. I 00:36:01.219 --> 00:36:04.666 don't, I don't remember how, but one lady was like, oh, I know what 00:36:04.699 --> 00:36:07.006 they're celebrating. 00:36:07.039 --> 00:36:13.646 And I kind of picked up on it. I didn't really say anything. I didn't want 00:36:13.679 --> 00:36:18.776 to talk to them after that, um, and then. 00:36:18.809 --> 00:36:25.816 When we got to the ship and into our room, it wasn't, um, they hadn't 00:36:25.849 --> 00:36:31.856 finished cleaning it yet. So the cleaning lady was still in there and she 00:36:31.889 --> 00:36:39.889 was asking me. Um, When the way she was asking me, I didn't know if. 00:36:40.719 --> 00:36:46.885 She was talking, referring to me being pregnant or having a baby, already 00:36:46.918 --> 00:36:52.006 having a baby, which I don't know how she'd know, but just the way she was 00:36:52.039 --> 00:36:57.026 saying it and I can't remember. What she said, but she started asking me 00:36:57.059 --> 00:37:02.796 about the baby, and I was thinking, oh yeah, she's. I was thinking of her 00:37:02.829 --> 00:37:09.195 at home, and then at the end she's like, oh, when is, when are you due? 00:37:09.228 --> 00:37:15.365 And I said, oh, I already had her. She's like, oh, and just kind of 00:37:15.398 --> 00:37:23.398 dropped it. And then um we got massages on the ship. And We talked to the 00:37:23.679 --> 00:37:28.517 the lady at the desk. She wrote up what massages we wanted, so when we got 00:37:28.550 --> 00:37:36.066 into the room. The masseuse was like, oh, OK, so you're getting a 00:37:36.099 --> 00:37:41.727 pregnancy massage. I said no. I'm not pregnant. She's like, oh, the the 00:37:41.760 --> 00:37:47.787 receptionist wrote it up as pregnancy massage. So that was that was the 00:37:47.820 --> 00:37:54.385 3rd 1, and then um on the way home somewhere, it came up again. What is 00:37:54.418 --> 00:37:59.986 your response? I mean you say no, I have a medical situation or? 00:38:00.019 --> 00:38:04.885 I, I'm just silent. I don't really know what to say. I want to jump down 00:38:04.918 --> 00:38:12.396 their throat. But then I don't want to cause a problem, but. And then I 00:38:12.429 --> 00:38:17.706 don't know if I should just play along or I don't really know what my 00:38:17.739 --> 00:38:22.106 response would be if I did say anything, so I just kind of get silent. I 00:38:22.139 --> 00:38:28.026 think about it now and my uh the response I came up with to kind of be an 00:38:28.059 --> 00:38:35.186 asshole about it at this point, um, is when they ask me how far are you or 00:38:35.219 --> 00:38:40.467 when are you due? I'm going to tell them, oh, I'm doing 12 months. And 00:38:40.500 --> 00:38:46.436 just see the confusion on their faces and be like, oh yeah. I probably 00:38:46.469 --> 00:38:49.296 shouldn't have said that to her. 00:38:49.329 --> 00:38:56.356 So yeah, that's, that's kind of how my outlook on it has gotten at this 00:38:56.389 --> 00:38:58.537 point. 00:38:58.570 --> 00:39:01.506 So 00:39:01.539 --> 00:39:05.267 Yeah, it it's, it's been hard. It's hard every day. Sometimes I don't even 00:39:05.300 --> 00:39:10.537 wanna walk out of the house because I know there's gonna be a comment. And 00:39:10.570 --> 00:39:16.206 my fam my family knows what's going on. They, um, they just tell me to 00:39:16.239 --> 00:39:22.916 ignore it, but it, and you can do that to a point, but. After Happening so 00:39:22.949 --> 00:39:30.666 often and. Literally almost every time I go outside, it, it gets to you. 00:39:30.699 --> 00:39:38.699 So I'm just trying to be, try trying to figure out how to deal with. That 00:39:39.769 --> 00:39:47.425 Um, 00:39:47.458 --> 00:39:55.115 Did you have any other questions? Oh, I don't think so. My leg is so 00:39:55.148 --> 00:39:58.456 asleep. 00:39:58.489 --> 00:40:02.986 Um, yeah, it must be hard because you have this, you know, precious young 00:40:03.019 --> 00:40:09.865 girl and you know, and you have to. You know, maintain a happy disposition 00:40:09.898 --> 00:40:15.666 to some degree, you know, and it's depressing, right? So that must be a 00:40:15.699 --> 00:40:21.626 confusing place, headspace to be in. Do you talk to anyone or have you 00:40:21.659 --> 00:40:26.546 done anything like that? Yeah, I have, I have talked to a therapist about 00:40:26.579 --> 00:40:29.456 it and. 00:40:29.489 --> 00:40:32.967 Um, 00:40:33.000 --> 00:40:41.000 He, he explained it to me which. I'm good at sometimes remembering how he 00:40:41.489 --> 00:40:45.936 put it, but like I said, other times it, it just naturally gets to you at 00:40:45.969 --> 00:40:53.506 a certain point, but he explained it as, as long as you're healthy. It it 00:40:53.539 --> 00:40:58.626 doesn't matter what your appearance looks like, whether what this, and I 00:40:58.659 --> 00:41:03.467 know that's true, but I, I'd I'd never really thought about it that way 00:41:03.500 --> 00:41:11.500 because I was, I started. On an exercise routine and um I'm a vegetarian 00:41:12.760 --> 00:41:18.767 so I don't eat too much bad stuff anyway, but I really cracked down on my 00:41:18.800 --> 00:41:26.800 diet and I did that for about 6 months or more and absolutely no weight 00:41:27.648 --> 00:41:35.648 lost and no changes to my stomach. And that got me down too because I'm. 00:41:36.978 --> 00:41:44.477 Getting these comments. I'm trying to fix it. Um, not even surgery can 00:41:44.510 --> 00:41:52.195 fix it, so I try losing weight and that doesn't work either. So I, I got 00:41:52.228 --> 00:41:57.997 very discouraged and I I I'm kind of like, well, what do I do? Do I even 00:41:58.030 --> 00:42:03.186 still keep trying to put my effort into doing this and I'm not. Getting 00:42:03.219 --> 00:42:10.717 the results that I want no matter what I do. So, um, but. I do understand 00:42:10.750 --> 00:42:14.916 , he said as long as you're healthy, like with me exercising and eating 00:42:14.949 --> 00:42:22.517 right, I guess that's that's all I can do with. My body isn't gonna. 00:42:22.550 --> 00:42:29.977 Change at least I have that, I guess. No, I'm healthy, but. 00:42:30.010 --> 00:42:35.425 It's cold comfort. That's so funny, of course, for someone to say how your 00:42:35.458 --> 00:42:41.557 appearance doesn't matter. It's true, but yeah, it's 00:42:41.590 --> 00:42:48.307 it matters to you. It matters. Of course it matters. I mean my God, yeah, 00:42:48.340 --> 00:42:51.467 and that's not just vanity, it just makes matter because that's how you 00:42:51.500 --> 00:42:55.905 interact with the world outside, you know, it's the first impression. 00:42:55.938 --> 00:42:59.646 Ashley, do you have anything else? I don't think so. OK. Anything from you 00:42:59.679 --> 00:43:05.110 ? No, I don't think so. OK, I'm gonna try it on, yeah.