WEBVTT 00:00:00.920 --> 00:00:06.677 So this is for Solis interviewing Daniel O'Connell on May 24th, 2016. I 00:00:06.710 --> 00:00:13.706 was the last thing for Creative Push project. It is, I forgot, 124445. 00:00:13.739 --> 00:00:18.186 I can't read any time. It's like I be like, OK, but it's like in that 00:00:18.219 --> 00:00:22.247 moment I'm totally not listening. Yeah, that's like when I go to check the 00:00:22.280 --> 00:00:24.887 time, but instead I just check text messages and I'm like, oh yeah, I 00:00:24.920 --> 00:00:28.686 forgot to check what time it is. I'm at a party I'm getting introduced to 00:00:28.719 --> 00:00:32.061 people, it's like I know I'm not even. Paying attention to what their name 00:00:32.094 --> 00:00:37.760 is because I know I'm never gonna retain it. OK, let's do this. OK, so you 00:00:37.793 --> 00:00:42.701 have 3 children. I have 3 children. I'm 35 years old. I have 3 children 00:00:42.734 --> 00:00:50.182 who are now, um, 10, 8, and 5. I had my first child at the age of 25, 00:00:50.215 --> 00:00:57.085 obviously if we do a little quick math there, um. So, um, I actually, uh, 00:00:57.118 --> 00:01:02.396 it's kind of a little background. I got married pretty fast. I knew my now 00:01:02.429 --> 00:01:08.826 ex-husband for 3 months before we got married. And um I was 23 and we got 00:01:08.859 --> 00:01:14.867 married on my 24th birthday. And we, he was, so he was 35 and he was, you 00:01:14.900 --> 00:01:19.507 know, like 4-ish months into our marriage. He was like, oh, we should try 00:01:19.540 --> 00:01:23.986 and have kids and I was like, OK, well, I guess now or whatever, but you 00:01:24.019 --> 00:01:27.467 know it probably takes like maybe 6 months to a year to get pregnant, so 00:01:27.500 --> 00:01:31.906 great, I'll go off birth control. So then I was pregnant a few weeks later 00:01:31.939 --> 00:01:36.786 with Quinn. Um, it was just interesting. I mean, I look back on my life 00:01:36.819 --> 00:01:40.676 now and it was like no big deal at the time. I'm looking back, I'm like, 00:01:40.709 --> 00:01:46.665 OK, I'm married to a man I didn't really know very well, pregnant, 24, um 00:01:46.698 --> 00:01:51.467 , I mean, really most of my friends that. I went to school with and that 00:01:51.500 --> 00:01:55.906 were my best friends in college and postgraduate. I mean they still don't 00:01:55.939 --> 00:01:58.587 have children or they're just having their first or second and they're 00:01:58.620 --> 00:02:04.467 toddlers babies so I was really kind of out of my age group, um, even when 00:02:04.500 --> 00:02:08.827 I met friends at playdates after I had the kids, they were all at least 5 00:02:08.860 --> 00:02:12.025 to 10 years older than me. So like most of my friends are good friends are 00:02:12.058 --> 00:02:15.066 older than me. Yeah. So 00:02:15.099 --> 00:02:18.267 had you just always wanted to be a mom? I always wanted to be a mom. Like 00:02:18.300 --> 00:02:22.866 I always knew. That was gonna be and it's really funny because that when I 00:02:22.899 --> 00:02:26.987 was younger, even when I was a kid I knew like I will be a mom and I 00:02:27.020 --> 00:02:30.136 wanted to be a mom so I was super excited now that I'm older it's almost 00:02:30.169 --> 00:02:34.305 like I was meant to have the kids young because now that I'm older it's 00:02:34.338 --> 00:02:36.866 almost laughable because I'm like I have so much more to give than just to 00:02:36.899 --> 00:02:40.737 be a mom even though I, I mean. Whatever I need like we're doesn't, I 00:02:40.770 --> 00:02:43.376 don't does not need to be said that I know that my like greatest 00:02:43.409 --> 00:02:46.297 accomplishment is my children, blah blah blah, but like I also look at 00:02:46.330 --> 00:02:49.606 myself as like a more like developed and interesting human being rather 00:02:49.639 --> 00:02:54.975 than just a caretaker of children. So it's just kind of funny to me now. 00:02:55.008 --> 00:02:57.987 So did you, was it just like total love at first sight or were you feeling 00:02:58.020 --> 00:03:02.017 the biological need no, I mean, I was 23 years old. No, I was like love at 00:03:02.050 --> 00:03:05.536 first sight. It was so love at first sight. It was just like a whirlwind, 00:03:05.569 --> 00:03:12.505 you know, total whirlwind. Oh my gosh. Um, so then, so I was pregnant and 00:03:12.538 --> 00:03:16.846 I have actually did have one friend who got pregnant in college and, um, 00:03:16.879 --> 00:03:19.805 to her long-term boyfriend. So I did have one friend who I had had who had 00:03:19.838 --> 00:03:25.386 kids already, and she had done a home birth with her second. So I just 00:03:25.419 --> 00:03:29.987 thought that was amazing. Her experience sounded so amazing and it was so 00:03:30.020 --> 00:03:34.025 different from her first birth birth experience. So I was like, oh, I'm 00:03:34.058 --> 00:03:37.346 having a home birth, and my husband was like, no, you're not. I don't feel 00:03:37.379 --> 00:03:40.536 comfortable with that. So we went back and forth a lot and I was like, 00:03:40.569 --> 00:03:44.946 look, like this is my body this is my experience. Looking back on that now 00:03:44.979 --> 00:03:49.495 actually I think I made a bad decision. I think I should have been more 00:03:49.528 --> 00:03:53.126 mature and realized that like, OK, I'm his wife and I'm having this child 00:03:53.159 --> 00:03:57.177 is there middle grounds, um, but he was actually really stubborn and not 00:03:57.210 --> 00:04:03.077 really educating himself on the home birth process, um. Yeah, and I was 00:04:03.110 --> 00:04:05.835 really stubborn, you know, I was really strong willed. I was like, this is 00:04:05.868 --> 00:04:10.116 my body, it is capable. I'm doing a home birth. Um, so that was, you know 00:04:10.149 --> 00:04:15.066 , but looking back, I think, OK, I could have maybe handled myself a 00:04:15.099 --> 00:04:17.947 little differently. 00:04:17.980 --> 00:04:21.967 So, um, you know, when I started, I was, when I got pregnant I was 24 00:04:22.000 --> 00:04:27.567 years old and I had not had any experience with friends being pregnant. I 00:04:27.600 --> 00:04:33.245 was very casual about the pregnancy. I didn't know all these horror 00:04:33.278 --> 00:04:36.086 stories of things that can go wrong. I've never had a miscarriage. I 00:04:36.119 --> 00:04:38.967 didn't have any friends who had a child with birth defects. I just knew my 00:04:39.000 --> 00:04:42.437 child was gonna come out perfect. I wasn't worried. My doctor told me like 00:04:42.470 --> 00:04:45.555 , sure, go ahead and drink some wine if you'd like go ahead and. You know 00:04:45.588 --> 00:04:49.116 , if you know a sushi place that you have never gotten sick at, like, 00:04:49.149 --> 00:04:53.356 you're probably fine. You know, just be careful. So she was just gave me a 00:04:53.389 --> 00:04:57.395 more casual perspective. That's, this is my doctor before I decided to go 00:04:57.428 --> 00:05:01.276 with the midwife. So I was just like, cool, you know, um, sure, I'll just 00:05:01.309 --> 00:05:06.555 be casual about it and I, um, so I was pregnant, I started, I was tiny. I 00:05:06.588 --> 00:05:11.317 was super tiny then. And so I just started packing on the pounds super 00:05:11.350 --> 00:05:18.586 fast, like, wow. Um, like I gained when I reached, so I probably, I think 00:05:18.619 --> 00:05:25.145 I weighed like 120 pounds when I got pregnant and I um stopped weighing 00:05:25.178 --> 00:05:31.265 myself at 185 cause I was like pretty much thinking. I'm overseeing this 00:05:31.298 --> 00:05:36.305 scale go up and that was really like a week before her birth. So, um, so 00:05:36.338 --> 00:05:40.745 anyhow, the, the pregnancy was pretty uneventful except I was a big 00:05:40.778 --> 00:05:45.426 chubster and it was really uncomfortable in my body, but other than that, 00:05:45.459 --> 00:05:49.145 the pregnancy was very healthy. I found out I was having a little girl and 00:05:49.178 --> 00:05:53.145 I was really excited because I wanted to have two girls like my sister and 00:05:53.178 --> 00:05:57.796 me and um. 00:05:57.829 --> 00:06:01.366 So we were prepping for the home birth. I did a Bradley class. I had a 00:06:01.399 --> 00:06:05.447 midwife. I did not have a doula. I think a doula would have been great, 00:06:05.480 --> 00:06:09.127 and as I'm explaining my birth experience, I will tell you why that would 00:06:09.160 --> 00:06:12.887 have been amazing. But um, you know, it was, it, it was an interesting 00:06:12.920 --> 00:06:16.197 time in my life too. I was young. I felt a lot of distance from my 00:06:16.230 --> 00:06:21.926 ex-husband. My husband at the time I felt a lot of like disconnection 00:06:21.959 --> 00:06:24.947 where I wanted connection and I don't think it was about the birth I think 00:06:24.980 --> 00:06:28.575 it was just about his personality and I didn't know him and his inner 00:06:28.608 --> 00:06:33.717 struggles and demons because we didn't know each other very well so I look 00:06:33.750 --> 00:06:39.226 back at that time as being a little uh lonely. 00:06:39.259 --> 00:06:42.145 But I'm really exciting too, and I have a close relationship with my 00:06:42.178 --> 00:06:45.007 family and I was a little bit oblivious as well, so that probably worked 00:06:45.040 --> 00:06:49.205 in my favor. So did you enjoy being pregnant? Were you like enjoying that 00:06:49.238 --> 00:06:52.846 whole experience or was the weight like the weight for me was hard for me 00:06:52.879 --> 00:06:56.205 psychologically. The weight gain was really hard for me. The weight gain 00:06:56.238 --> 00:07:00.086 was really hard for me. I was used to being, I mean, I now weigh probably 00:07:00.119 --> 00:07:04.127 like almost 20 pounds more than I did when I got pregnant, which, like 00:07:04.160 --> 00:07:10.796 whatever, but. I still consider myself a small person and so um. It was 00:07:10.829 --> 00:07:14.507 really hard because I'd always been a small person and to just feel huge 00:07:14.540 --> 00:07:18.916 and have people comment on it, even my husband made some comment. Um, like 00:07:18.949 --> 00:07:21.836 , wow, you're gonna have to get back on the treadmill after the baby's 00:07:21.869 --> 00:07:29.395 born, and I just was like, uh, I'm fucking pregnant. What I mean, I, you 00:07:29.428 --> 00:07:32.317 know, and, and so there was also a lot of struggle to thinking like, OK, 00:07:32.350 --> 00:07:35.197 am I doing something wrong? Am I eating too much? I mean, now that I've 00:07:35.230 --> 00:07:40.356 had actually 4 pregnancies, only 3 that, you know, where I had children, 00:07:40.389 --> 00:07:44.555 um, I know that my body when I start having the pregnancy hormones, no 00:07:44.588 --> 00:07:49.286 matter what I do, I gain weight. And very close to the same amount, so it 00:07:49.319 --> 00:07:53.937 was just like, OK. But for my first pregnancy, it was definitely um 00:07:53.970 --> 00:07:59.637 shifted my self perspective, um, and I got a horrible haircut, which like 00:07:59.670 --> 00:08:06.796 , was like the nail in the coffin of like self-image, so. Like put my self 00:08:06.829 --> 00:08:11.046 image in the coffin and like gave a little prayer and said goodbye till I 00:08:11.079 --> 00:08:15.156 was like 6 months postpartum, so. 00:08:15.189 --> 00:08:19.986 So that was really difficult. The haircut was really difficult. 00:08:20.019 --> 00:08:25.116 Cause I have cute hair and it was bad. It was so bad. 00:08:25.149 --> 00:08:30.697 It was like a Jennifer Aniston horror show, like, oh God, OK, moving on 00:08:30.730 --> 00:08:35.717 from the haircut. So, um, Quinn was due on Christmas Day, so that was also 00:08:35.750 --> 00:08:39.076 funny because everywhere I went people, first of all, I was 6 months 00:08:39.109 --> 00:08:42.616 pregnant and they'd say, oh, is the baby coming any day? No, I'm only 6 00:08:42.649 --> 00:08:47.037 months. Oh wow, you're so big. I've got those comments all the time then 00:08:47.070 --> 00:08:51.976 um. Also, oh my gosh, Christmas Day, and I was like, oh poor poor baby, 00:08:52.009 --> 00:08:55.336 you know, all this stuff, all these comments, which I mean, I think people 00:08:55.369 --> 00:08:58.177 just mostly wanna have something to say, so I never took anything 00:08:58.210 --> 00:09:02.537 personally. I never got too annoyed with people. I was like, OK, moving on. 00:09:02.570 --> 00:09:05.936 But yeah, I was also kind of like, wow, that's a poor kid. But I thought 00:09:05.969 --> 00:09:09.476 it was actually exciting to have my due date on Christmas and I was hoping 00:09:09.509 --> 00:09:14.307 she'd come early because I wanted her to be a Sagittarius. Um, and I also 00:09:14.340 --> 00:09:19.826 was ginormous. So leading up to, um, as I was getting bigger, my midwife 00:09:19.859 --> 00:09:23.505 actually told me one day during, um, a checkup, she said, you know, you 00:09:23.538 --> 00:09:27.787 are really small. I don't know, you might end up in a C-section. I was 00:09:27.820 --> 00:09:33.566 like, oh, what? And she, I go, I think I was like, I'm sure it'll be fine. 00:09:33.599 --> 00:09:35.537 And then as my hormones start kicking, she goes, No, I think that you're 00:09:35.570 --> 00:09:39.976 , you'll relax enough you'll be able to get the baby out. Um, so, um, 00:09:40.009 --> 00:09:44.116 leading up to Christmas, I, you know, I was having tons of Braxton Hicks 00:09:44.149 --> 00:09:49.135 and Christmas Day, her due date, we, we had spent Christmas Eve with my 00:09:49.168 --> 00:09:54.717 parents and Christmas Day we spent with Dennis's parents and that. It 00:09:54.750 --> 00:09:57.755 wouldn't there there were no grandchildren, so we spent the day and then 00:09:57.788 --> 00:10:01.515 decided, and then, you know, late afternoon, let's go bowling. So we go 00:10:01.548 --> 00:10:05.797 bowling and I could not bowl to save my life and I was like pissed. Like I 00:10:05.830 --> 00:10:08.917 don't get moody very often, but I was just like, I'm sitting here, you 00:10:08.950 --> 00:10:12.395 take my turn, like this is bullshit that I'm bowling right now, can't even 00:10:12.428 --> 00:10:20.428 stand on my feet. I am a bowling ball on toothpicks. So we went home and I 00:10:20.899 --> 00:10:23.946 remember we went to bed and it was right before 9 o'clock, and I didn't 00:10:23.979 --> 00:10:29.505 have any indication of anything. Well, I woke up at 11 exactly, like maybe 00:10:29.538 --> 00:10:35.436 11:03, and I felt really strong contractions. And I wake up Dennis. I said 00:10:35.469 --> 00:10:38.395 , I'm having, I think I might be in labor. And so what he done all the 00:10:38.428 --> 00:10:41.967 bread like classes and bless his heart because he didn't believe in any of 00:10:42.000 --> 00:10:44.816 this stuff. He's like, No, no, no, remember they said if you think you're 00:10:44.849 --> 00:10:49.395 in labor, you're not, so go back to sleep. And I was like, OK, OK, yeah. I 00:10:49.428 --> 00:10:52.657 was like, gosh, it's so I just, I think I should call him. No, we're not 00:10:52.690 --> 00:10:55.917 calling the midwife. You know, I mean he was sweet, but he was just like, 00:10:55.950 --> 00:10:58.557 no, you're not in labor. There's no way you're in labor right now. Like 00:10:58.590 --> 00:11:02.196 we're just awake, right? All of a sudden I run to the bathroom and I'm 00:11:02.229 --> 00:11:07.076 like puking and shitting myself at the same time and he's like, um, I, I 00:11:07.109 --> 00:11:12.217 think you might be in labor, yeah. So I get everything out over and over 00:11:12.250 --> 00:11:17.696 again. Didn't make a mess. I was very clean about it, which was good. Um. 00:11:17.729 --> 00:11:22.427 And we call the midwife and she comes over and. And we get the big, um, 00:11:22.460 --> 00:11:26.576 we get a pool set up, um, you know, an inflatable pool in our living room 00:11:26.609 --> 00:11:28.787 and it's a lot, you know, it's the middle of the night, so she comes over 00:11:28.820 --> 00:11:34.385 and I wasn't, I think it was only 3 centimeters. So the reason I think I 00:11:34.418 --> 00:11:38.385 needed a doula was because my husband just fell asleep on the armchair and 00:11:38.418 --> 00:11:42.706 the midwife just sits there. She's not a doula, you know, she is there to 00:11:42.739 --> 00:11:48.265 like for more of a medical purpose of the delivery. And um I kind of 00:11:48.298 --> 00:11:51.986 expected somebody to be there like rubbing my back and of course I really 00:11:52.019 --> 00:11:56.586 wanted my mom, but my husband was like no I don't want any parents to come 00:11:56.619 --> 00:12:00.297 and so you know that that's also something I've learned about myself. I've 00:12:00.330 --> 00:12:04.025 been very accommodating my past. I should've been like I need my mom 00:12:04.058 --> 00:12:06.907 should have I wish I had. She did come in the morning but throughout the 00:12:06.940 --> 00:12:10.787 night I was basically alone while other people slept, um, and I just would 00:12:10.820 --> 00:12:13.986 get checked checked and I was in the pool and I, I don't have really 00:12:14.019 --> 00:12:18.816 strong memories of. The sensation. I have a high pain tolerance and I have 00:12:18.849 --> 00:12:23.696 an ability to go inside when I'm in pain and just like breathe and so I 00:12:23.729 --> 00:12:28.177 don't have a strong. I was very quiet. I know I was very quiet. I think 00:12:28.210 --> 00:12:31.895 that's why everybody was sleeping, so nobody knew I was struggling so hard 00:12:31.928 --> 00:12:37.775 , so it was just quiet. um, so that was the the night by 8:30 in the 00:12:37.808 --> 00:12:43.217 morning, um, my mom did come, I guess. I do remember that we called her 00:12:43.250 --> 00:12:48.047 and she came over so it was my mom, my midwife and her midwife assistant 00:12:48.080 --> 00:12:53.856 and um my husband, and by 8:30 it was 10 centimeters, so I was allowed to 00:12:53.889 --> 00:13:00.547 start pushing. And um on top of that, um, Quinn was, um, why am I blanking 00:13:00.580 --> 00:13:05.346 on the term sunny side up, so I was having back labor. So it was a really 00:13:05.379 --> 00:13:12.866 painful labor and um so 8:30 so OK you can start pushing. Uh, the baby, 00:13:12.899 --> 00:13:17.307 which I pushed for 2.5 hours to make a long 2.5 hours short, she wouldn't 00:13:17.340 --> 00:13:21.145 descend at all, like would not come out of the cervix. So at one point I 00:13:21.178 --> 00:13:25.307 had both midwives with both of their hands reaching inside, trying, I 00:13:25.340 --> 00:13:29.515 don't know how they did it, but they did. Trying to open up my cervix and 00:13:29.548 --> 00:13:34.116 say, OK, we're holding your cervix open now push, push, and I pushed and I 00:13:34.149 --> 00:13:37.917 pushed and she couldn't even her head just wouldn't even like I just she 00:13:37.950 --> 00:13:42.116 wouldn't fit out of me long story short is she wouldn't fit out of my body 00:13:42.149 --> 00:13:44.875 which we have a history of babies not fitting out of my mom's side of the 00:13:44.908 --> 00:13:50.111 family's body so in some ways no big surprise. Um, so then the midwife 00:13:50.144 --> 00:13:54.471 said, um, we, we have to, you have to have a C-section. Like I'll let you 00:13:54.504 --> 00:13:58.802 fortunately the baby's fine because she's still up high, she's happy and 00:13:58.835 --> 00:14:03.282 my water didn't even break till I started pushing with their hands inside 00:14:03.315 --> 00:14:08.561 of me. So that's how up in there she was like her body was just like, no, 00:14:08.594 --> 00:14:12.140 we're just happy in here. So fortunately the baby was fine. I was not fine. 00:14:12.173 --> 00:14:16.316 I was uh very tired and very dehydrated. 00:14:16.349 --> 00:14:20.807 And, and so the midwife called her emergency doctor on call. She has, she 00:14:20.840 --> 00:14:27.086 had a doctor at John C. Lincoln, the old, um, location, 19th or 19th 00:14:27.119 --> 00:14:31.967 Street. I forget exactly where it was, but, um, she had this doctor that 00:14:32.000 --> 00:14:37.407 would always do her births for her if they were an emergency, and she was 00:14:37.440 --> 00:14:45.440 um really sick. So she called another doctor who was also. 00:14:45.849 --> 00:14:49.616 Not supposed to be working, but he agreed to come in, which was super nice. 00:14:49.649 --> 00:14:54.346 So he came in and so I get to the, the, um, she said, OK, we have a 00:14:54.379 --> 00:14:58.255 doctor coming. I need you to get in the shower, put on a bathrobe, put you 00:14:58.288 --> 00:15:01.775 in the car. So the drive to the hospital, which was like maybe 20 minutes 00:15:01.808 --> 00:15:08.875 , felt like 5 hours because I was going from um. Hot flashes, extreme hot 00:15:08.908 --> 00:15:12.996 flashes, like I've never experienced in my life to like flu-like feverish 00:15:13.029 --> 00:15:16.956 chills. And so she was putting on the heat, putting on the air, and I was 00:15:16.989 --> 00:15:22.706 just in excruciating pain, so. Get to the um I think we actually just were 00:15:22.739 --> 00:15:26.486 in the emergency room maybe. I don't even, I don't know. Don't ask me. I 00:15:26.519 --> 00:15:31.686 was out of it and um the nurses tried to get the line in me because they 00:15:31.719 --> 00:15:36.807 couldn't get me the, the, um, I wasn't gonna do an epidural because I I 00:15:36.840 --> 00:15:39.576 wasn't gonna be there they were gonna let me try and have her naturally 00:15:39.609 --> 00:15:44.976 there but um what is it, the spinal, the spinal. So they couldn't get me 00:15:45.009 --> 00:15:48.015 the medicine until they got the fluid in me because I was so dehydrated, 00:15:48.048 --> 00:15:51.057 obviously, and that they have to do that anyway for all the medicine. So I 00:15:51.090 --> 00:15:54.736 , I think they tried like 7 times so they finally called the 00:15:54.769 --> 00:15:58.177 anesthesiologist and all these hematomas all in my arm. Finally he even 00:15:58.210 --> 00:16:04.275 tried a few times. He finally got it in like, thank you. 00:16:04.308 --> 00:16:06.537 Got the spinal. I mean, they said we're gonna, OK, so here's the plan, 00:16:06.570 --> 00:16:08.836 we're gonna give you the spinal. We're gonna hope that once that kicks in 00:16:08.869 --> 00:16:13.667 , your body relaxes. We're gonna let you try once on your own. Then we'll 00:16:13.700 --> 00:16:17.446 try once with a vacuum, and we'll also try with the forceps if you want to. 00:16:17.479 --> 00:16:20.186 And if none of those work, you are straight in the OR and that baby's 00:16:20.219 --> 00:16:23.307 coming out because she's OK, but we gotta get this baby out of you. I said 00:16:23.340 --> 00:16:27.866 , OK, let's try it. So I got the spinal and the doctor, oh gosh, I was 00:16:27.899 --> 00:16:31.907 just like, I love you. What is your name? Like everybody says that, right 00:16:31.940 --> 00:16:35.025 ? He's like, it's Mowada. I was like, because I'm probably not gonna name 00:16:35.058 --> 00:16:42.586 the baby after you, but like I do love you. You're so kind to me. 00:16:42.619 --> 00:16:45.395 So then we um. 00:16:45.428 --> 00:16:49.316 So I get to push. Nothing happens. We try to suction, nothing happens. And 00:16:49.349 --> 00:16:51.596 then the doctor said, would you like me to try the forceps? Here are the 00:16:51.629 --> 00:16:54.927 risks. I said, Well, how comfortable are you? He says, I am totally 00:16:54.960 --> 00:16:57.917 comfortable with the forceps. I know you're, I won't even make a mark on 00:16:57.950 --> 00:17:00.996 your baby. So I said, OK, if you feel comfortable, then I would like to 00:17:01.029 --> 00:17:05.637 try that. Yeah, no, she's still to me then budge the slightest bit. So we 00:17:05.670 --> 00:17:12.785 went straight to the OR. And they pulled out my almost 9 pound chunker. 00:17:12.818 --> 00:17:18.986 She was 8 pounds, 12 ounces on her the day after her due date. And yeah, 00:17:19.019 --> 00:17:22.706 she was perfect. They 00:17:22.739 --> 00:17:28.147 let us know like were your parents there? So yeah, I don't remember very 00:17:28.180 --> 00:17:31.676 well. I believe my mom and my sister, I think everybody was there. I don't 00:17:31.709 --> 00:17:35.877 think his family was there, but I know my mom was there. And I don't 00:17:35.910 --> 00:17:39.117 remember honestly, if my sister was there yet or if my dad was there yet, 00:17:39.150 --> 00:17:43.696 I know after she was born basically. Or as she was being born, everybody 00:17:43.729 --> 00:17:46.426 was showing up at the hospital and waiting, his parents, his brother, I 00:17:46.459 --> 00:17:48.867 think it's, yeah, everybody was in town, his sister too because it was 00:17:48.900 --> 00:17:53.186 Christmas. So basically everybody's there waiting to meet Quinn. Who we 00:17:53.219 --> 00:17:56.785 hadn't named it who was supposed to be Kate. So, um, yeah, so then I just 00:17:56.818 --> 00:18:01.387 , I mean that it's very hard for for me to remember her C-section. I 00:18:01.420 --> 00:18:07.656 remember bits and pieces, but I was exhausted. And so, but I do remember 00:18:07.689 --> 00:18:12.186 we went back into recovery and they washed her up and put her in a 00:18:12.219 --> 00:18:16.565 stocking and wheeled her into me and I got rid of that stocking. What, 00:18:16.598 --> 00:18:19.686 what is wrong with me? I'm like such a perger that when I was like, I 00:18:19.719 --> 00:18:22.607 don't need this, and now Quinn's like, where's the stocking they brought? 00:18:22.640 --> 00:18:28.406 I, I don't know where that stocking is. I'm so sorry, so sorry. So, and I 00:18:28.439 --> 00:18:31.446 just remember she, you know, the whole family was in there and I'm not shy 00:18:31.479 --> 00:18:35.406 , so I just pulled out my shirt and she starts nursing very well right 00:18:35.439 --> 00:18:40.666 away and um. I was very happy with my birth experience. I was happy that I 00:18:40.699 --> 00:18:47.617 was able to try it the way I wanted and um. Yeah, I was very happy with 00:18:47.650 --> 00:18:52.256 everything except for I wish that I was more connected with my husband, so 00:18:52.289 --> 00:18:56.676 that would have meant a lot to me if I had. The partner, I hope he doesn't 00:18:56.709 --> 00:19:01.666 listen to this. OK. I mean, we're not married anymore, but I still feel 00:19:01.699 --> 00:19:06.867 like that would hurt his feelings. Well, some people have that personality 00:19:06.900 --> 00:19:11.996 type. It's it's not a dis on them necessarily. My dad's really kind of 00:19:12.029 --> 00:19:18.186 like emotionally removed too, and it's just like the way he is, um. But 00:19:18.219 --> 00:19:21.226 once the baby was born, did you feel like, was he like, Oh, you're the 00:19:21.259 --> 00:19:24.256 mother of my child, because sometimes it's like seeing you with the baby 00:19:24.289 --> 00:19:29.516 and all that beautiful. It was like more, it's not like he like, yeah, he. 00:19:29.549 --> 00:19:32.877 So hard to explain his personality. He can just be really withdrawn and 00:19:32.910 --> 00:19:36.795 he struggles with depression and so I never connected with him. I mean 00:19:36.828 --> 00:19:39.597 there were times when I would really connect with him, but like at the 00:19:39.630 --> 00:19:42.746 times when I really wanted to, I felt like I wasn't able to because it's 00:19:42.779 --> 00:19:48.986 not like something he could just bring whenever he wanted. So, um. Yeah, 00:19:49.019 --> 00:19:53.706 at that stage, were you having any like, is this, is this like the man for 00:19:53.739 --> 00:19:57.627 me or were you just like still like so engaged and I was so engaged and 00:19:57.660 --> 00:20:02.107 yeah, yeah, yeah, I was just young and like, OK. And I was like, I think 00:20:02.140 --> 00:20:05.467 just also a little oblivious. It's like I knew it was there, but I didn't 00:20:05.500 --> 00:20:08.946 really want to be like, I don't like this. I wasn't at a point in my life 00:20:08.979 --> 00:20:14.065 where I would say, I don't like this. I You know, later on, even in the 00:20:14.098 --> 00:20:16.736 marriage, I would say like I'm feeling disconnected. I'm not feeling 00:20:16.769 --> 00:20:22.676 fulfilled emotionally, but I still wasn't. Really standing up for what I 00:20:22.709 --> 00:20:26.686 needed. And that's not even why we got divorced, but once we got we're 00:20:26.719 --> 00:20:29.926 getting divorced or once I found out certain things that were happening in 00:20:29.959 --> 00:20:35.805 my marriage, I was willing to say, oh yeah, I didn't like any of that. So 00:20:35.838 --> 00:20:40.166 that actually didn't work for me. So the fact that you're doing this gives 00:20:40.199 --> 00:20:45.897 me the ability to take myself out of the marriage and not. Feel like I'm 00:20:45.930 --> 00:20:48.357 because I don't know, I guess I just always felt like this is my choice. 00:20:48.390 --> 00:20:51.335 I'm gonna make the best of it. This is my family. I married him, this is 00:20:51.368 --> 00:20:56.617 my family. I didn't really see it as an option to say, uh, I actually 00:20:56.650 --> 00:20:59.256 don't want to be married to you because you don't feel like family to me 00:20:59.289 --> 00:21:02.736 because you're not connecting to me in the way that I want to connect 00:21:02.769 --> 00:21:09.496 spiritually, so. How was the, were you prepared like um emotionally, but 00:21:09.529 --> 00:21:14.416 also in terms of your like education about what a C-section was and like 00:21:14.449 --> 00:21:19.795 what the recovery was and all of that? Um, 00:21:19.828 --> 00:21:23.436 No, I mean, not, I don't know that part didn't really, I feel like I 00:21:23.469 --> 00:21:25.607 studied. 00:21:25.640 --> 00:21:32.147 So much about birthing that it was more like, oh, the baby. And I was just 00:21:32.180 --> 00:21:35.097 assumed like wing it, and I didn't realize how hard that was going to be 00:21:35.130 --> 00:21:39.506 and just sleeping like I never read anything about baby sleep. It's just 00:21:39.539 --> 00:21:42.647 my parents kind of winged it and they did a great job. I just assumed I 00:21:42.680 --> 00:21:46.097 would and breastfeeding, of course, would come easily and fortunately it 00:21:46.130 --> 00:21:50.186 did though, looking back, I now know that the reason I was a bloody mess 00:21:50.219 --> 00:21:52.946 while nursing was because she probably had a latch issue which she 00:21:52.979 --> 00:21:56.795 overcame eventually, but you know, I didn't know, like the other kids, it 00:21:56.828 --> 00:22:02.006 never hurt, so. It's just funny. I also think my first had reflux, and, 00:22:02.039 --> 00:22:05.367 and that's why she was fussy and spit up so much. Well I just had no idea 00:22:05.400 --> 00:22:08.446 . I just thought, OK, she's, this is how she is, you know, and I think 00:22:08.479 --> 00:22:10.877 things could have been a lot easier if I had been a little bit more 00:22:10.910 --> 00:22:14.446 educated or had friends going through the same thing. Yeah, because you 00:22:14.479 --> 00:22:18.085 don't have a standard of normality, let's say, to kind of bounce things 00:22:18.118 --> 00:22:23.467 off of. So how, how was the scar and all that? Were you able to hold, 00:22:23.500 --> 00:22:27.217 stand up and feel comfortable? Yeah, the recovery from my first C-section 00:22:27.250 --> 00:22:32.666 was really difficult because I've been through such a painful labor, and I 00:22:32.699 --> 00:22:36.065 mean it wasn't particularly long, I don't think. I don't think have 00:22:36.098 --> 00:22:39.746 starting at 11 and having the baby out. I mean, so it was the baby out by 00:22:39.779 --> 00:22:45.627 like 1:30 the next day. So that's, you know, what is that 14 hours ish. I 00:22:45.660 --> 00:22:50.315 mean that's not a really long labor at all. Um, but I think just that like 00:22:50.348 --> 00:22:54.967 , uh, how that she was back labor and I had no medication and like the 00:22:55.000 --> 00:22:58.555 extreme dehydration and all that, that like if you're in a hospital or if 00:22:58.588 --> 00:23:03.916 you don't have the baby flipped the wrong way, that you're able to um 00:23:03.949 --> 00:23:07.805 manage everything differently and I just wasn't able to manage. Those 00:23:07.838 --> 00:23:10.766 things are the recovery from the C-section is a little bit like a blur, 00:23:10.799 --> 00:23:14.565 but it wasn't horrible. Yeah, it was fine. I was really young. I recovered 00:23:14.598 --> 00:23:20.696 fast. I actually lost the weight really fast, um. And really adjusted well 00:23:20.729 --> 00:23:23.736 to being a mom, you know, I mean, I didn't sleep a lot. I was tired and it 00:23:23.769 --> 00:23:28.805 was a big adjustment, but looking back, I think maybe being younger and 00:23:28.838 --> 00:23:32.367 not so, I think now about having a newborn, I think it would be really 00:23:32.400 --> 00:23:36.357 hard for me, um, especially if I'd never had kids before, you know, I just 00:23:36.390 --> 00:23:41.335 think, oh my gosh, my world is ending, and back then. It was like, I've 00:23:41.368 --> 00:23:44.617 been an adjustment for my whole life basically, you know, you get out of 00:23:44.650 --> 00:23:47.736 high school, I go to college, I study overseas here, then I study overseas 00:23:47.769 --> 00:23:51.097 here, then I move here and I'm moving all around. Oh, and then I get 00:23:51.130 --> 00:23:54.295 married, it's like everything happens so fast, so it's just no big deal. 00:23:54.328 --> 00:23:58.097 Now I've been living in the same place for a long time and, you know, the 00:23:58.130 --> 00:24:01.097 same job. I just think, oh my gosh, yeah, that would just rock my world 00:24:01.130 --> 00:24:09.130 now. Yeah. So, um, OK, so then you have your baby. Did you, were you guys 00:24:09.868 --> 00:24:14.166 trying for your second whenever you got pregnant? So um. I breastfed Quinn 00:24:14.199 --> 00:24:18.565 , um, almost exclusively for a year because she had a real strong gag 00:24:18.598 --> 00:24:21.847 reflex and wouldn't really eat solids too well, but I mean, I was planning 00:24:21.880 --> 00:24:24.647 to breastfeed. Anyway, I just wasn't planning to be exclusive for that 00:24:24.680 --> 00:24:29.456 long. But I also thought that was really good for her. Um, when she was 00:24:29.489 --> 00:24:34.456 about 15 months, I still have not got my cycle back, and my husband was 00:24:34.489 --> 00:24:38.785 like, we should try and have another baby. I'm like, really already? I 00:24:38.818 --> 00:24:41.186 don't know if I'm ready, and then he convinced me, like, let's have a 00:24:41.219 --> 00:24:43.627 second. I'm like, yeah, that'd be good because I mean I do want them like 00:24:43.660 --> 00:24:46.936 2 years apart and I do have to like stop breastfeeding and get my period 00:24:46.969 --> 00:24:52.785 back and, you know, all that stuff. So I weaned Quinn at 15 months, got 00:24:52.818 --> 00:24:58.986 one period and got pregnant. Yeah, I never had any waiting time, uh, ver. 00:24:59.019 --> 00:25:07.019 Um, Casey's, uh, pregnancy was also very easy, um, somewhat uneventful. I 00:25:08.000 --> 00:25:12.006 , um, tried to manage my weight better, but there was no helping that 00:25:12.039 --> 00:25:17.026 cause because it was actually nothing I was doing. So I, I exercised more 00:25:17.059 --> 00:25:20.726 consistently with different like, uh, with Quinn's pregnancy, I just did 00:25:20.759 --> 00:25:25.956 all yoga, and this pregnancy I did weights and cardio and yoga. And watch 00:25:25.989 --> 00:25:30.676 what I ate didn't help. At her 20 week ultrasound they found out that her 00:25:30.709 --> 00:25:35.045 umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. So, um, they, I just had to do 00:25:35.078 --> 00:25:41.357 two non-stress tests a week and it was kind of stressful. So, um, can you 00:25:41.390 --> 00:25:45.315 explain what a non-stress test. It's OK. So when you go, it's you go into 00:25:45.348 --> 00:25:47.956 the doctor's office and you sit in a room and you try and sit still, which 00:25:47.989 --> 00:25:52.035 is not easy with a 1.5 year old that's you're watching. It's like, Mom, 00:25:52.068 --> 00:25:55.397 mom, do this, this, so you try and sit still and you try and get the baby 00:25:55.430 --> 00:25:59.410 to be still. So they can measure their heart and just make sure their 00:25:59.443 --> 00:26:02.611 heart rate is not different or under stress. So you do that and it's for 00:26:02.644 --> 00:26:05.440 like 20 minutes, but I usually have to stay for like 45 minutes to an hour 00:26:05.473 --> 00:26:08.170 to get like something consistent enough that they could actually see what 00:26:08.203 --> 00:26:11.371 she was doing because she my my babies were always active and then I also 00:26:11.404 --> 00:26:18.236 had a toddler in the room. It was crazy. So, um, about 4 weeks before 00:26:18.269 --> 00:26:23.276 Casey was due, she was due December 8th, so really the same time of year 00:26:23.309 --> 00:26:27.756 that that Quinn was doing, and Quinn would be 2 on December 26th. Casey 00:26:27.789 --> 00:26:32.196 was due December 8th, so the beginning of November, I was in for a checkup 00:26:32.229 --> 00:26:35.276 and a non-stress test and everything, you know, she, the baby looked fine 00:26:35.309 --> 00:26:41.986 , but my cervix was already to a 3. And my doctor said, oh, I don't like 00:26:42.019 --> 00:26:46.906 this. She did not want me to go into labor because, um, because of the 00:26:46.939 --> 00:26:51.967 cord and because just the risks associated with it, because I actually had 00:26:52.000 --> 00:26:56.137 asked my doctor. You know, backtrack just a little bit that I had asked 00:26:56.170 --> 00:27:01.006 her about doing a VBAC and based on, basically she said, you know, there's 00:27:01.039 --> 00:27:05.367 a 1% chance, 1 in 100 chance that you could um tear your uterus and it 00:27:05.400 --> 00:27:09.256 would put your life at risk and the baby's life at risk. You know, 1% when 00:27:09.289 --> 00:27:12.147 you hear that doesn't sound like a lot, but when you say 1 in 100 and you 00:27:12.180 --> 00:27:14.575 think about all the people who are pregnant and babies being born, that 00:27:14.608 --> 00:27:19.575 sounded like a lot to me. So, and also because it wasn't like um she was 00:27:19.608 --> 00:27:24.597 breached, so we did a C-section or it was like the baby was just too big. 00:27:24.630 --> 00:27:28.315 For my body. She wasn't too big, just too big for my body. So I decided 00:27:28.348 --> 00:27:31.956 to do the scheduled C-section, which had been scheduled for 2 weeks before 00:27:31.989 --> 00:27:35.107 her due date, so at the end of November. 00:27:35.140 --> 00:27:38.946 So, um, anyway, I went back in a few days later and, and she was she was 00:27:38.979 --> 00:27:41.426 just gonna ask the hospital if they would, she called the hospital, she 00:27:41.459 --> 00:27:44.785 said, Can I deliver her? And they said, no, you cannot. She's, you know, 00:27:44.818 --> 00:27:49.266 she's a little over 3 weeks due and you can't deliver her just because 00:27:49.299 --> 00:27:53.746 she's at 3. But I went back in a few days later and I was showing on the 00:27:53.779 --> 00:27:58.065 non-stress test just more contractions. The baby was still fine and I I'd 00:27:58.098 --> 00:28:01.186 gone to 3.5. So she called the hospital and they said, yeah, you can 00:28:01.219 --> 00:28:04.946 schedule her for tomorrow, which was the day before Thanksgiving. So I 00:28:04.979 --> 00:28:08.535 went in and I had Casey the day before the evening before Thanksgiving. I 00:28:08.568 --> 00:28:12.026 was supposed to have her in the morning, but they kept pushing back my 00:28:12.059 --> 00:28:16.107 time to come in because of lots of babies decide to be born that day. And 00:28:16.140 --> 00:28:20.585 that was, um, again, apart from the fact that I wish I was more connected 00:28:20.618 --> 00:28:26.196 with my husband, it was a beautiful experience. I loved it. I loved going 00:28:26.229 --> 00:28:31.545 in there and the recovery from a C-section without being in labor is um 00:28:31.578 --> 00:28:36.916 not so bad at all. And I loved, I just loved the experience of her being 00:28:36.949 --> 00:28:40.986 born and she was a perfect doll baby. She was 3 weeks early and she was 7 00:28:41.019 --> 00:28:45.545 pounds 11 ounces. Um, so they, they told me she would have been well over 00:28:45.578 --> 00:28:50.597 9 pounds if she had gone full term. So she was a really big girl. 00:28:50.630 --> 00:28:54.766 And she was just came out like the prettiest little baby you'd ever seen. 00:28:54.799 --> 00:28:57.085 And the best part about that birth experience was that it was 00:28:57.118 --> 00:29:01.085 Thanksgiving, so all the families had a lot of plans. So I did have 00:29:01.118 --> 00:29:05.406 visitors, but nobody stayed with me all day. So on Thanksgiving Day, I had 00:29:05.439 --> 00:29:09.006 almost a whole day to myself with the baby in the room and the hospital 00:29:09.039 --> 00:29:12.647 was really quiet. Because nobody was scheduling C-section, so it was just 00:29:12.680 --> 00:29:16.335 anybody who had to have a baby. And I really enjoyed that. It's one of my 00:29:16.368 --> 00:29:20.736 favorite memories of having a child is having that time alone in the 00:29:20.769 --> 00:29:23.857 hospital and you're just kind of like safe and quiet and nobody's bugging 00:29:23.890 --> 00:29:28.516 you, and I loved it. I love being in the hospital too, actually. Yeah, I 00:29:28.549 --> 00:29:31.276 loved it. I had a great experience every time in the hospital. I, I want 00:29:31.309 --> 00:29:35.357 to get home and I did not mind. I'm with you. I was happy to stay there 00:29:35.390 --> 00:29:39.516 for as many days as I could because you had that support that support, 00:29:39.549 --> 00:29:43.035 yeah. And especially knowing with Casey that I'd go home and be taking 00:29:43.068 --> 00:29:48.315 care of an almost 2 year old was also like, no, you just, you need to keep 00:29:48.348 --> 00:29:52.357 me here as long as you keep me here, of course, both those first two 00:29:52.390 --> 00:29:56.035 births I didn't stay in the hospital very long. I was sent home pretty 00:29:56.068 --> 00:30:04.068 early, um. Any other questions about that one? So was um the. You know, 00:30:04.818 --> 00:30:10.226 nursing and everything was fine also super easy. That's great. 00:30:10.259 --> 00:30:16.246 Yeah, she was easy, she was fine. I mean, lost weight, gained weight, um. 00:30:16.279 --> 00:30:19.736 Yeah. Was it a different, um, since you had already been through the 00:30:19.769 --> 00:30:22.736 C-section and now you kind of like knew what the procedure was, did you 00:30:22.769 --> 00:30:26.736 have a different sort of mindset going into that or? Yeah, it was, it was 00:30:26.769 --> 00:30:31.055 way more peaceful because um 00:30:31.088 --> 00:30:33.696 Well, first of all, I was at a different hospital. I was at one of the 00:30:33.729 --> 00:30:39.666 Scottsdale hospitals, so that was nice. And it was planned and I was with 00:30:39.699 --> 00:30:45.107 the doctor that I know. All of that felt just much more peaceful and also 00:30:45.140 --> 00:30:49.065 the recovery from it, it's like I didn't, it was because I'd had the 00:30:49.098 --> 00:30:54.736 experience of having a C-section. You know, after a strenuous labor, I 00:30:54.769 --> 00:30:58.456 think having a normal C-section seemed like literally no big deal to me, 00:30:58.489 --> 00:31:02.295 which is hysterical to me because it is a huge deal, a huge deal, but it 00:31:02.328 --> 00:31:08.075 was just in comparison. I thought this is cake, such cake. Some people, um 00:31:08.108 --> 00:31:11.795 , when we've interviewed people that had C-sections, we talk about having 00:31:11.828 --> 00:31:15.026 a reaction to the medication or the drugs or feeling like they're shaking 00:31:15.059 --> 00:31:20.226 or having issues just like having um enough control over their muscles to 00:31:20.259 --> 00:31:25.397 hold their baby to nurse afterwards any of that. No, that's great, yeah, I 00:31:25.430 --> 00:31:28.906 know, it was great. I mean sure I had some effects, but I don't, I don't 00:31:28.939 --> 00:31:32.276 know, I don't remember that being something that bothered me at all. I 00:31:32.309 --> 00:31:37.196 just remember being just really happy. That's awesome. Really happy. So 00:31:37.229 --> 00:31:41.877 then I just cried almost the first time. Um, this is kind of funny. I 00:31:41.910 --> 00:31:46.750 think it was with Quinn. They're like, OK, we're gonna be taking.