WEBVTT 00:00:00.829 --> 00:00:08.597 This is for Ali interviewing Jerry de Cola. Yes. OK. June 21st in 2016 at 00:00:08.630 --> 00:00:12.857 10 a.m. for the creative push project. All right. So if you could 00:00:12.890 --> 00:00:16.596 introduce yourself like you did, that would be great. OK. Uh My name is 00:00:16.629 --> 00:00:22.317 Jerry Deola. I am a member of the Tonto Apache tribe in Payson, Arizona. 00:00:22.350 --> 00:00:28.717 Can you speak up a little bit like the way you were before? Ok. 00:00:28.750 --> 00:00:34.746 So you're gonna cut and shall I start over? Ok. My name is Jerry De Cola. 00:00:34.779 --> 00:00:40.116 I'm a member of the Tonto Pache tribe in Payson Arizona. I was born in 00:00:40.149 --> 00:00:46.085 1950 on a cold uh fall morning. My mother says, and uh I was born and 00:00:46.118 --> 00:00:51.676 raised in Payson, have lived here almost all my life and I've seen the 00:00:51.709 --> 00:00:56.246 growth and I have, 00:00:56.279 --> 00:01:04.279 I was blessed with four Children. My first one was born September 1419 70. 00:01:05.010 --> 00:01:08.885 And her name was Vanessa and she used to tell me that her name was a 00:01:08.918 --> 00:01:15.596 Greek name and it meant butterflies. So 00:01:15.629 --> 00:01:23.426 it said that I lost my firstborn, my Vanessa on August the 27th of 1906, 00:01:23.459 --> 00:01:31.459 I mean 2006. And it seemed like, um, my heart was shattered in a million 00:01:32.329 --> 00:01:38.745 pieces. When she passed, she died from septic shock syndrome. And, um, the 00:01:38.778 --> 00:01:44.105 doctor had told her that she, that they've done all they could for her and 00:01:44.138 --> 00:01:49.007 that she was gonna die. And she said she had a dog that she loved dearly 00:01:49.040 --> 00:01:53.826 like a child. She, she was married but she never had any kids. Um, she had 00:01:53.859 --> 00:01:58.697 one miscarriage but she loved the dog like it was her baby. And the first 00:01:58.730 --> 00:02:02.555 thing out of her mouth when, when they told her she was gonna die, that 00:02:02.588 --> 00:02:07.176 they've done all they could was what's gonna happen to my tipper. And I 00:02:07.209 --> 00:02:11.896 told her, don't worry about tipper. She's gonna be ok. You need to worry 00:02:11.929 --> 00:02:16.055 about yourself and, and, and, you know, say your prayers and she had just 00:02:16.088 --> 00:02:21.707 been accepted to attend Scottsdale culinary school and her tuition had 00:02:21.740 --> 00:02:26.596 already been paid. Her rent was already, you know, reserved for her. She 00:02:26.629 --> 00:02:32.036 already had a roommate and lo and behold, we didn't know, you know, this 00:02:32.069 --> 00:02:38.156 was going to happen and neither did she. And, um, but she went downhill 00:02:38.189 --> 00:02:43.547 steadily. You know, the body became septic against itself and no matter 00:02:43.580 --> 00:02:50.335 what they did, there was no saving her. Was she a baby? Did you, were you 00:02:50.368 --> 00:02:54.495 trying to get pregnant when you got pregnant with? No, no, it just, it 00:02:54.528 --> 00:02:59.547 just happened, you know, to the natural course of things. No, how was the 00:02:59.580 --> 00:03:04.177 pregnancy with her? It was, 00:03:04.210 --> 00:03:09.555 it was long for me. I was only 1819 when I was pregnant with her. So I 00:03:09.588 --> 00:03:13.786 didn't know what to expect at that time. My mother, you know, she really 00:03:13.819 --> 00:03:20.255 didn't guide me as to what to expect. So, I kinda, it was all new to me, 00:03:20.288 --> 00:03:25.536 you know, as I'm sure all mothers. But, uh, it was long and I had, um, my 00:03:25.569 --> 00:03:30.786 , my legs would swell. I remember and I'd have to have it propped up and 00:03:30.819 --> 00:03:38.819 everything and, and when, when it was time for her to be born, 00:03:38.830 --> 00:03:46.830 I, my, I was taken to the hospital and admitted and, and, um, I guess 00:03:46.860 --> 00:03:51.666 because it was being my first, it was, the labor was very hard and very 00:03:51.699 --> 00:03:57.327 intensive and, and I, I was getting impatient and, and they had to give me 00:03:57.360 --> 00:04:02.677 a sedative or a shot to calm me down. I remember and, uh, because I'd tell 00:04:02.710 --> 00:04:05.636 the nurses and the doctors get out of here, get out of here, leave me 00:04:05.669 --> 00:04:09.856 alone. I remember my mother telling me no, no, no, calm down. They're 00:04:09.889 --> 00:04:14.696 trying to help you. And then I, I don't know, I guess I must have kind of 00:04:14.729 --> 00:04:20.036 went off the deep because my mother said I tried to crawl over the railing 00:04:20.069 --> 00:04:24.586 and, and because I wanted to leave, uh, my, I don't know if it was due to 00:04:24.619 --> 00:04:29.015 the pain that I, that I was going through or whatever. But, but anyway, 00:04:29.048 --> 00:04:32.546 eventually they, they called me down and she was born and I woke up and 00:04:32.579 --> 00:04:38.705 that was my baby, my baby girl, who's your partner there? Oh, I gotta get 00:04:38.738 --> 00:04:46.738 a tissue. Ok. Excuse me, please. 00:04:46.790 --> 00:04:54.048 Uh, her dad's name was Van. So, uh, we named her Vanessa really loud. 00:04:55.250 --> 00:04:57.250 Someone win something. They went in. Yeah, they did. Ok. Ok. That's fine. 00:05:00.928 --> 00:05:05.257 So he said we'll, we'll name her Vanessa after me and May after my mother. 00:05:05.290 --> 00:05:11.717 He said, so she was named Vanessa May. Vanessa May Johnson. And my, uh, 00:05:11.750 --> 00:05:17.455 let me just wait for that. Sorry about that. Ok. Now you can ask me 00:05:17.488 --> 00:05:24.426 questions. Um, so how was, so, um, did you know you were going to have a 00:05:24.459 --> 00:05:29.317 girl? No, I didn't because that, you know, those days back in 1970 they 00:05:29.350 --> 00:05:34.092 didn't, I didn't know about the ultrasound or, or any way that they could 00:05:34.125 --> 00:05:39.601 detect the, you know, the baby's sex or anything. So, no, I didn't know. 00:05:39.634 --> 00:05:43.752 How did you feel about it when you found out? I was, you know, I was, I 00:05:43.785 --> 00:05:50.322 was happy for a second. Do you want to go outside or 00:05:50.355 --> 00:05:57.515 you wanna go outside? Yeah, we could just sit you up. That's right. Ok. So 00:05:57.548 --> 00:06:05.548 if you can uh take us back to when, um, you gave birth and then did you 00:06:05.699 --> 00:06:10.976 say that you had passed out during your life? Well, I think I, I might 00:06:11.009 --> 00:06:14.887 have because I remember they, they said that they had to use the forceps 00:06:14.920 --> 00:06:18.067 because I was not, 00:06:18.100 --> 00:06:22.947 I don't remember what the word cooperating or maybe I just gave up so to 00:06:22.980 --> 00:06:27.406 speak, you know, you know how you get, they say push, push, push. And so I 00:06:27.439 --> 00:06:31.366 remember she had a little bruise right here because of the forceps that, 00:06:31.399 --> 00:06:38.726 that they used to bring her out. Yes. And, um, but we'll just pause 00:06:38.759 --> 00:06:43.387 whenever the door is open and close. This is not really very good, is it? 00:06:43.420 --> 00:06:48.926 No, but you know what? It's fine. We've done, we've done this in a car. 00:06:48.959 --> 00:06:53.166 We've done this in all different circumstances. So we're pros at this. Ok. 00:06:53.199 --> 00:06:57.856 So, so you were giving your baby girl? And what were your thoughts? Were 00:06:57.889 --> 00:07:04.245 you hoping for a girl? I was pleased that she was a girl. Yes. Yes. I was 00:07:04.278 --> 00:07:09.245 happy that I had a healthy baby girl. Were you planning on nursing? Yes, I 00:07:09.278 --> 00:07:17.278 did. I nursed her, but eventually I had to, I had to, 00:07:17.829 --> 00:07:22.416 she wouldn't drink enough. And then at the time I didn't know about the 00:07:22.449 --> 00:07:28.846 breast pumps or anything to store the milk. So I ended up just putting her 00:07:28.879 --> 00:07:34.026 on the, on the formula and 00:07:34.059 --> 00:07:38.616 yeah, this is, it's very distracting. Do you want to, let's go try the 00:07:38.649 --> 00:07:42.176 other room then that bingo room and then I know you probably don't have, I 00:07:42.209 --> 00:07:47.325 do have, I don't have much time. I'm waiting if you want to talk about 00:07:47.358 --> 00:07:52.356 award works great to talk about the time of conception. You know, the 00:07:52.389 --> 00:07:55.137 birth was planned, 00:07:55.170 --> 00:07:58.486 you know, how your emotionally, how your feelings were, what your 00:07:58.519 --> 00:08:02.486 circumstances were, the birth process and then afterwards, and then you 00:08:02.519 --> 00:08:06.067 can tell us, you know what the outcome like, you know what you were saying 00:08:06.100 --> 00:08:12.026 about your daughter passing and how that felt. But I think it really does. 00:08:12.059 --> 00:08:19.786 Um I don't know, I think it's ok with Jolene. We had, we had Vanessa our 00:08:19.819 --> 00:08:24.305 first born. And so my husband says, well, maybe we need to have another 00:08:24.338 --> 00:08:29.296 baby, you know, before Vanessa gets older, she was like two years old. So 00:08:29.329 --> 00:08:35.427 we said, ok, so we tried and we tried for three years and um I would carry 00:08:35.460 --> 00:08:41.385 like, I've had probably four miscarriages during that time. And so finally 00:08:41.418 --> 00:08:45.385 I said, you know what? That's ok, we, you know, probably just have Vanessa 00:08:45.418 --> 00:08:50.424 and then when it happens. So, so I was so we were looking forward to 00:08:50.457 --> 00:08:56.155 Jolene's birth and had even picked up a name out a name. Uh if it was, if 00:08:56.188 --> 00:08:59.836 it was gonna be, of course, we didn't know if she, if it was gonna be a 00:08:59.869 --> 00:09:04.657 boy or girl, but we had picked up the name Jolene for a girl at the time, 00:09:04.690 --> 00:09:09.797 Dolly Parton's famous song Jolene. Jolene was, was uh very popular. So, 00:09:09.830 --> 00:09:13.667 and I love Dolly Parton and I love the song. So we said we'll name her 00:09:13.700 --> 00:09:17.736 Jolene, if it's a girl, if it's a boy, we'll call him Jeffrey. My husband 00:09:17.769 --> 00:09:21.226 had a best friend named Jeffrey. So we said, ok. And then as time went on 00:09:21.259 --> 00:09:26.177 , then we found out that it was a girl. So, uh, we had a whole, we, we, we 00:09:26.210 --> 00:09:30.015 started buying baby clothes but baby girl clothes and then my friends were 00:09:30.048 --> 00:09:35.717 giving me some baby girl clothes and we were ready to receiver through our 00:09:35.750 --> 00:09:42.356 life. And uh and so the day came when I went into labor and we were 00:09:42.389 --> 00:09:50.389 excited and uh to the hospital we went, I was admitted. And as of course, 00:09:50.428 --> 00:09:55.125 you know, they prep you at the time and I was in the process of delivery 00:09:55.158 --> 00:09:58.885 when the doctor says hold it, hold it, the umbilical cord is starting to 00:09:58.918 --> 00:10:03.167 come out first and he said, call another surgeon to come and help me 00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:06.385 because we were going to have to do an emergency c section because the 00:10:06.418 --> 00:10:10.927 cord was wrapped around her neck. And I thought, oh my God and I panicked 00:10:10.960 --> 00:10:15.616 and my husband and I both, you know, we didn't know what to do, but the 00:10:15.649 --> 00:10:19.167 doctor told me, hold off, hold off. And then he said we are going to have 00:10:19.200 --> 00:10:22.566 to do ac section. Jerry. He said, we don't know we're going to try to save 00:10:22.599 --> 00:10:27.047 her, but there's no guarantee but we will do it right away. So they 00:10:27.080 --> 00:10:31.096 wheeled me to the to the surgery to do surgery and gave me a shot. And 00:10:31.129 --> 00:10:39.129 that's all I remembered. And so the next day, uh, I think it was probably 00:10:39.918 --> 00:10:45.116 might have been 24 hours or more later. I, I came to, and I looked to the 00:10:45.149 --> 00:10:49.927 side of my bed and I said, my husband was sitting there and I said, 00:10:49.960 --> 00:10:54.375 where's the baby? And the doctor was over here on this side and took my 00:10:54.408 --> 00:11:01.586 hand and he said, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. We weren't able to save her. 00:11:01.619 --> 00:11:07.696 And I remembered that I started to cry and, and broke down and they, and 00:11:07.729 --> 00:11:11.787 they had to give me a shot to come in because I became hysterical. And 00:11:11.820 --> 00:11:18.667 anyway, um, uh, I, I, it was, I was in a fog for about a week in and out, 00:11:18.700 --> 00:11:22.336 you know, every time, you know, I'd start to cry. And then by the third 00:11:22.369 --> 00:11:26.717 day, they, they told me, they said, you have to, you know, you have to 00:11:26.750 --> 00:11:32.797 just try to, you know, try to try to come back. Don't, you know, don't, 00:11:32.830 --> 00:11:37.346 don't just go back into the deep void that you were in. My husband talked 00:11:37.379 --> 00:11:40.856 to me and they said you need to start walking because at the time they cut 00:11:40.889 --> 00:11:45.616 me, you know, and they said you have to, in order for you to heal, start 00:11:45.649 --> 00:11:50.106 walking, try to do what you can. But for a week, I was in the days and 00:11:50.139 --> 00:11:53.726 then my mom come to see me and she talked to me and she told me she said, 00:11:53.759 --> 00:11:58.667 you know, there'll be, you know, there'll be other babies. So please come 00:11:58.700 --> 00:12:02.797 back and all the time and they buried my baby Jolene while I was still in 00:12:02.830 --> 00:12:07.606 the hospital. And uh, I in what looked to be like a little scarf on my 00:12:07.639 --> 00:12:14.375 chest. I saw the pictures and my husband said she was a beautiful girl. 00:12:14.408 --> 00:12:22.408 She, she had a head full of black hair and perfect in every way. And uh 00:12:26.700 --> 00:12:34.385 yes, I can't imagine that was not to be and that was so hard, difficult, 00:12:34.418 --> 00:12:40.895 but with the support of my family, my friends, my husband especially and I 00:12:40.928 --> 00:12:45.856 , I think our church people were, you know, we, we, I made it, we were 00:12:45.889 --> 00:12:53.297 able to go, go on and uh she, 00:12:53.330 --> 00:12:58.066 you know, sometimes I wonder about her, I told my husband, I said one day 00:12:58.099 --> 00:13:00.625 I had a dream, one night I had a dream. I was wondering about it. I said, 00:13:00.658 --> 00:13:05.496 I wonder what Jolene would look like if I were to see her. And that night 00:13:05.529 --> 00:13:10.547 in my dream, I saw a beautiful slender young lady, dark skinned like me 00:13:10.580 --> 00:13:15.047 with long black hair down to her waist. And, you know, I got a glimpse of 00:13:15.080 --> 00:13:21.775 her. I thought that was so awesome. And then my um after Jolene, uh again 00:13:21.808 --> 00:13:29.808 , we, we, we uh tried to get pregnant and we did Jolie Jolene was uh she 00:13:31.259 --> 00:13:39.259 pa well, she was still born July 1419 75. So, um I got the history. Um we 00:13:41.469 --> 00:13:45.236 said, well, you know, if God is meant for us to, to have another child, 00:13:45.269 --> 00:13:50.135 then he will bless us with one. And so at that time, my husband and I, my 00:13:50.168 --> 00:13:54.125 first husband and I, we were, you know, church going believers, we went to 00:13:54.158 --> 00:13:59.015 church and, and um I didn't take no more birth control pills. It was all 00:13:59.048 --> 00:14:01.907 natural and we still tried to get pregnant but we would, but I couldn't 00:14:01.940 --> 00:14:07.265 for some reason again. And then one night, one morning on a Sunday, we 00:14:07.298 --> 00:14:12.025 were sitting in church and the minister was preaching and, and he, he, he 00:14:12.058 --> 00:14:18.467 , and he stops and he goes, Mark, Mark come forth and everybody looks at 00:14:18.500 --> 00:14:23.265 the two doors and, and I was sitting there and then he, he, he, he calls 00:14:23.298 --> 00:14:26.885 me. He said, come up. He said, what did you feel when I called Mark? And I 00:14:26.918 --> 00:14:33.076 said, I felt something in my stomach move and he goes, the Lord has showed 00:14:33.109 --> 00:14:38.375 me that you are pregnant with a boy three months and his name is gonna be 00:14:38.408 --> 00:14:44.557 Mark and he's gonna be use of God and he's going to be a prophet of God. 00:14:44.590 --> 00:14:48.895 I'm gonna go and he said, and the Lord told me to tell you that he has 00:14:48.928 --> 00:14:52.635 healed you from the cut that you have had, that you couldn't have this 00:14:52.668 --> 00:14:57.885 child naturally. And I go. Oh my God. That's incredible. Unbelievable. So 00:14:57.918 --> 00:15:03.135 I was so grateful and uh and my husband and I, we were happy, we were 00:15:03.168 --> 00:15:08.856 excited and so of course his name was gonna be Mark. Ok. Go six months 00:15:08.889 --> 00:15:12.167 later, 00:15:12.200 --> 00:15:17.316 one day during lunch, I had fixed lunch for my husband and I got up to go 00:15:17.349 --> 00:15:23.765 feed him, dish the food out for him. My water broke and, 00:15:23.798 --> 00:15:28.217 oh, wow. I never, you know, knew that water could come out so much like 00:15:28.250 --> 00:15:32.086 that. He had to get a towel and put it between my legs and he rushed me to 00:15:32.119 --> 00:15:36.265 the doctor. He forgot all about his lunch and, and, and then they went on 00:15:36.298 --> 00:15:40.967 to the hospital where they admitted me and at the hospital because of my 00:15:41.000 --> 00:15:44.561 previous C section, which only, which is what they did to me. I think, I 00:15:44.594 --> 00:15:48.441 don't know if I shared that. But anyway, yes, with Elena was ac section 00:15:48.474 --> 00:15:53.552 and the doctor told me he said you are at risk if you want to have the 00:15:53.585 --> 00:15:57.581 child naturally because of the cut that you have had before it could 00:15:57.614 --> 00:16:02.672 rupture you, both you and the baby could die. And I said, you know, I said 00:16:02.705 --> 00:16:08.456 I was prophesized to about my son and that God had healed me to have him 00:16:08.489 --> 00:16:12.037 naturally. So I'm going to keep my faith and believe that it is going to 00:16:12.070 --> 00:16:16.576 be a natural birth. Oh Jerry, he said you do. Are you sure of the risks 00:16:16.609 --> 00:16:20.057 that you're taking. And I said, yes, well, I want you to sign this, that, 00:16:20.090 --> 00:16:23.515 you know, you were gonna, you're gonna relieve us of any liability. Should 00:16:23.548 --> 00:16:28.346 that happen? What I'm telling you? So I did and he said, but, but we want 00:16:28.379 --> 00:16:35.557 to, um, also prepare you in case we have to rush you to surgery. Would you 00:16:35.590 --> 00:16:39.856 do that? And I said, well, ok, so I signed that. So they, they put ivs in 00:16:39.889 --> 00:16:45.196 me as, as I was getting contractions at 1230 00:16:45.229 --> 00:16:49.275 at noon was when I went, when I was admitted and my contractions got 00:16:49.308 --> 00:16:53.566 harder and harder. And then at 4410, 00:16:53.599 --> 00:16:56.895 I've been, yeah, it was 410. 00:16:56.928 --> 00:17:01.787 My son, Mark was born. But prior to, prior to that, before he was born, 00:17:01.820 --> 00:17:05.486 the doctor was checking me and he said, oh, Jerry, he said the baby's 00:17:05.519 --> 00:17:09.857 breach, he's coming out feet first. We have to have that C section. We 00:17:09.890 --> 00:17:15.857 have to do the C section. And I said, no, he said he's already in the 00:17:15.890 --> 00:17:21.835 birth canal so he can't be turned up, turned around. I said, no, I said 00:17:21.868 --> 00:17:28.397 we're just gonna go ahead and, and do it as naturally as we can and oh, 00:17:28.430 --> 00:17:33.825 talk about pain. I never felt so much pain as, as, as it was having him. 00:17:33.858 --> 00:17:40.397 But he was born at 410 and uh his arm got lodged as he was coming out. So 00:17:40.430 --> 00:17:44.147 his arm used to be a little twisted and I used to be concerned about that 00:17:44.180 --> 00:17:49.406 and to make matters worse, he didn't cry when, when he was supposed to cry 00:17:49.439 --> 00:17:53.555 , you know, when they spank him and stuff. And so they had to watch him. 00:17:53.588 --> 00:17:56.456 They had a nurse that sat with him right there by my bed because I 00:17:56.489 --> 00:18:04.489 wouldn't let him out on my side. And pretty soon we, we'd hear a little 00:18:05.469 --> 00:18:09.186 and then he got louder and louder and louder. And then they said, oh, 00:18:09.219 --> 00:18:13.156 we're relieved he's gonna be ok. And so because of the first little 00:18:13.189 --> 00:18:17.357 squeaky noises he made, I said, he sounded like a little tiger. So that's 00:18:17.390 --> 00:18:22.156 what we nicknamed him was Tiger. And he had that nickname Tiger until he 00:18:22.189 --> 00:18:25.147 went into high school. And he said, mom, you know, you can call me Mark 00:18:25.180 --> 00:18:32.516 now. So, but, but Mark was such a special child 00:18:32.549 --> 00:18:38.367 one time. He was probably about 10 months old just crawling. My husband 00:18:38.400 --> 00:18:43.226 and I were cutting up on the White Mount Apache reservation and we had a 00:18:43.259 --> 00:18:47.795 pickup truck and I was loading. My husband was up there loading, well, saw 00:18:47.828 --> 00:18:52.486 the logs like a boat that's big and throwing it down. He'd say coming, 00:18:52.519 --> 00:18:56.676 coming, wood coming. And I'd say, ok, go ahead. And then when I was in the 00:18:56.709 --> 00:19:02.276 back of the truck, Mark had crawled up over in the way of where the logs 00:19:02.309 --> 00:19:06.785 were being thrown. And my, and I was in the back of a truck and I heard my 00:19:06.818 --> 00:19:11.686 husband say the log coming down and I go wait, no, too late. He had 00:19:11.719 --> 00:19:15.766 already thrown it and there was my mark sitting right there playing in the 00:19:15.799 --> 00:19:20.026 dirt and I froze in the back of the truck. My husband start running trying 00:19:20.059 --> 00:19:25.295 to catch the, the log that was coming down big piece, but he couldn't, and 00:19:25.328 --> 00:19:32.166 , and, and had it, a miracle happened right, As it was going to take one 00:19:32.199 --> 00:19:37.085 more roll and he would have rolled over, Mark, it stopped downhill. I 00:19:37.118 --> 00:19:43.217 believe it was an angel of the Lord that had stopped. And oh, I jumped out 00:19:43.250 --> 00:19:48.315 and my husband already had him in his arms and we just stood there and we 00:19:48.348 --> 00:19:53.166 just start crying, you know, because we witnessed a miracle. I'll never 00:19:53.199 --> 00:19:56.516 forget that. Incredible. 00:19:56.549 --> 00:19:59.406 And, 00:19:59.439 --> 00:20:06.565 and with Mark, he was about five years old, no 44 years old and he could 00:20:06.598 --> 00:20:10.325 not learn how to tie his shoestring. You know, he'd work. I worked with 00:20:10.358 --> 00:20:14.486 him for two weeks. We worked diligently. He could not get it one day. I 00:20:14.519 --> 00:20:18.887 out of sheer frustration. I told him, I said, son, why don't you ask, why 00:20:18.920 --> 00:20:22.575 don't you pray and ask the Lord to help you to learn to tie your shoes? Ok. 00:20:22.608 --> 00:20:27.726 Ok. Mom. So he went to bed early next morning. It's Saturday morning. We 00:20:27.759 --> 00:20:32.506 always slept in about six o'clock. He comes in our bedroom, shaking him. 00:20:32.539 --> 00:20:38.226 Mom, mom, look what? He groaned and he puts on his shoes and he ties it 00:20:38.259 --> 00:20:42.617 and I go, what do it again? So he puts on his shoes and he ties it again. 00:20:42.650 --> 00:20:46.637 Big old smile on his face. And I woke my husband up, look, look, and we 00:20:46.670 --> 00:20:50.565 were just amazed. And I asked him, I said, how did you do that? He said, I 00:20:50.598 --> 00:20:54.347 did what you told me to do. I prayed last night and asked God to show me 00:20:54.380 --> 00:20:58.897 how to tie my shoestring. He said, and these two hands came and he talked 00:20:58.930 --> 00:21:02.397 to me and told me how to do it and I did it exactly like what it showed me 00:21:02.430 --> 00:21:10.430 to do. And he said, and I go, wow. So, you know, that's amazing. And um, 00:21:11.848 --> 00:21:19.848 Mark, he was such AAA strong young man and, you know, even when uh his, 00:21:20.299 --> 00:21:27.276 his dad and I, we, you know, ended up getting a divorce, uh due to me 00:21:27.309 --> 00:21:30.887 growing, you know, separate ways and stuff. But before that, Steve was 00:21:30.920 --> 00:21:34.627 born, before our divorce, Steven was born, I was getting ahead of myself 00:21:34.660 --> 00:21:40.736 here and um I was taking birth control pills and at the time because, you 00:21:40.769 --> 00:21:44.696 know, I had a boy and a girl, Jolene was gone, but I have Vanessa and Mar. 00:21:44.729 --> 00:21:47.986 So we said, well, I think we think that's enough. So, and then plus I was 00:21:48.019 --> 00:21:52.325 getting, getting into the, the work, you know, I was a working woman, you 00:21:52.358 --> 00:21:56.156 know, I was going back to work and had a job gain for job. So I thought, 00:21:56.189 --> 00:22:01.456 well, I don't need a child anymore. You know, I got my two so I'm happy. 00:22:01.489 --> 00:22:09.489 But I saw I was on the pill and I ended up getting pregnant with Steve and 00:22:11.160 --> 00:22:15.825 I, I had mixed feelings about that because here I wanted to work and now, 00:22:15.858 --> 00:22:20.295 you know, uh, both Vanessa and Mark are in school and I was gonna be a 00:22:20.328 --> 00:22:24.416 working mother and little Steve with a baby at the home. You know, it 00:22:24.449 --> 00:22:30.085 kinda would prohibit me from working again. So I go, oh gosh, I had mixed 00:22:30.118 --> 00:22:35.825 feelings about that. But when he was born, he was so lovable, so precious 00:22:35.858 --> 00:22:39.597 that I ended up working part time. And then plus grandma stepped to the 00:22:39.630 --> 00:22:45.387 plate and said, I'll take care of him. And so she did and not only that 00:22:45.420 --> 00:22:50.045 but my daughter, Vanessa, she was 13 at the time. So she took on the 00:22:50.078 --> 00:22:53.795 responsibility of taking care of her brother during the summertime and he 00:22:53.828 --> 00:22:58.607 ended up calling her mom, his sister and I said, no, that's your sissy. 00:22:58.640 --> 00:23:05.377 I'm your mom. He goes, no, didn't my mom that was so precious. But so as a 00:23:05.410 --> 00:23:10.656 mother, I've had, you know, different experiences. I faced the loss of 00:23:10.689 --> 00:23:18.689 three of my kids. And um I uh am grateful that I had, I had them and I 00:23:18.709 --> 00:23:25.835 still have Mark my, I mean, Steven, my my, my son, he's 32 now and the 00:23:25.868 --> 00:23:33.285 other kids, they will always be part of my heart, my memory. But when I 00:23:33.318 --> 00:23:38.226 lost them, I found that what was helpful for me was when I would keep busy 00:23:38.259 --> 00:23:44.545 , I'd go out in my yard and pull 00:23:44.578 --> 00:23:51.585 whenever I got depressed or, or would kind of fall back and not want to do 00:23:51.618 --> 00:23:56.815 anything. I would make myself go and do something. And my prayer life is 00:23:56.848 --> 00:24:01.526 probably what helped me the most. So, and I wrote a poem about one day 00:24:01.559 --> 00:24:07.416 when I was with my husband, he had the sciatica problems. So we went down 00:24:07.449 --> 00:24:10.686 to Mesa and I was waiting in the truck and I'm thinking, you know, think 00:24:10.719 --> 00:24:17.196 about my kids and, and, and I thought about that the scripture where, 00:24:17.229 --> 00:24:22.746 where, where it says lay not your treasures on earth where moth uh corrupt 00:24:22.779 --> 00:24:26.107 and thieves break in and things. So I thought, wow, treasures, what is a 00:24:26.140 --> 00:24:30.217 treasure? And I thought treasures are something that you hold dear to your 00:24:30.250 --> 00:24:35.256 heart that you love. And, and, and, and I said, I have four treasures. I 00:24:35.289 --> 00:24:39.617 got three of them in heaven. So I, that's what prompt me to write a poem 00:24:39.650 --> 00:24:43.285 that I want you. I want to share with you or if you want to read it. 00:24:43.318 --> 00:24:50.916 Absolutely. Do you want to read it on record for us? Ok. Sure. So this is 00:24:50.949 --> 00:24:57.706 um written by Jerry de Cola Mother on February the ninth of 2009. And it's 00:24:57.739 --> 00:25:01.526 called my Treasures Scripture tells us on earth. Do not lay up your 00:25:01.559 --> 00:25:05.996 treasures where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in. What is a 00:25:06.029 --> 00:25:10.617 treasure? It could be worldly possessions, material goods or something. We 00:25:10.650 --> 00:25:15.045 deeply treasure. Today. I have three precious treasures waiting for me in 00:25:15.078 --> 00:25:19.746 that awesome place. That eyes on earth have not seen that beautiful place 00:25:19.779 --> 00:25:24.347 called heaven. There are my three jewels now reside with him, Jesus Christ 00:25:24.380 --> 00:25:30.575 , our Lord and Savior first gone. My second precious baby Jolene who I 00:25:30.608 --> 00:25:37.627 carried but never saw stillborn. She was went with Jesus on July 1419 75. 00:25:37.660 --> 00:25:42.065 Then my firstborn, my sweet beloved Vanessa Sis took flight with the 00:25:42.098 --> 00:25:48.315 angels early morning of August 27th, 2006. Sis was so loving, beautiful, 00:25:48.348 --> 00:25:54.506 vibrant, so alive, delicious meals she loved to fix. Then unexpectedly on 00:25:54.539 --> 00:26:01.795 November 13th, 2008, my third, their brother, Mark Elijah met them and 00:26:01.828 --> 00:26:07.075 join them. My, my handsome caring son, the gentle giant who had a kind, 00:26:07.108 --> 00:26:12.877 loving heart and soul was ever so thoughtful, not ever defiant all three 00:26:12.910 --> 00:26:17.545 upon their departure, one by one left my heart in pain, unbearable grief, 00:26:17.578 --> 00:26:24.176 sorrow, void, my heart broken in a million pieces. It seems but only by 00:26:24.209 --> 00:26:28.726 God's grace. I am daily reminded, our separation will be but brief. Each 00:26:28.759 --> 00:26:33.097 day I give thanks to our loving father God for he gave them to me, for 00:26:33.130 --> 00:26:37.795 many seasons and with them have made unforgettable and precious memories. 00:26:37.828 --> 00:26:41.857 Father God has blessed me with the three. He has called home plus one 00:26:41.890 --> 00:26:46.426 more. My youngest. And I'm ever so grateful to Father God for the precious 00:26:46.459 --> 00:26:51.555 gem. I still have here on earth with me. My dear precious son, Stephen who 00:26:51.588 --> 00:26:56.666 better not think of leaving. At least not yet. I plea in spite of our loss 00:26:56.699 --> 00:27:02.006 , pain and the many tears, Stephen's son and I have cried because of Jesus. 00:27:02.039 --> 00:27:08.156 We mother, son and brother once again have hope, love and peace. We are 00:27:08.189 --> 00:27:11.877 thankful for the precious jewels, our treasures who are awaiting our 00:27:11.910 --> 00:27:16.226 arrival soon in that beautiful paradise. I know one day all of us will 00:27:16.259 --> 00:27:20.976 meet again in beautiful heaven where no tears of pain, shame or sorrow 00:27:21.009 --> 00:27:26.887 will ever dim the eye. Nor will we ever part again in Jesus name? Amen. 00:27:26.920 --> 00:27:34.318 That's beautiful. That's, that's my, my, my poem that I wrote for my kids. 00:27:36.930 --> 00:27:38.930 You, no, no, I just, I just, I do 00:27:42.920 --> 00:27:47.946 no tissue. Oh 00:27:47.979 --> 00:27:54.315 yeah, I I can, I can go run to the restroom. 00:27:54.348 --> 00:28:02.348 I had a much loss, but you've also experienced a lot of joy. It too. 00:28:04.029 --> 00:28:08.956 My son, Mark was 00:28:08.989 --> 00:28:13.967 took over as the man of the house when his father and I divorced. And of 00:28:14.000 --> 00:28:19.325 course, you know, being a divorced single parent of my, my, my young son, 00:28:19.358 --> 00:28:25.045 Steven was always challenging me. And after after work, I come home and I 00:28:25.078 --> 00:28:28.085 tell him, what did you take the garbage out? Did you shake the trash out? 00:28:28.118 --> 00:28:35.196 And, and he says, why don't you do it yourself? And his older brother, 00:28:35.229 --> 00:28:38.956 Mark heard him and he got up and he came up to his little brother and said 00:28:38.989 --> 00:28:42.795 , what did you say to mom? He said, I told you, why don't you do it 00:28:42.828 --> 00:28:48.897 herself? And Mark, he stands to his brother, little brother and said, 00:28:48.930 --> 00:28:53.217 don't you ever talk to mom like that again? You go and take that trash out 00:28:53.250 --> 00:28:59.075 like she told you to do and he goes, ok. Ok. Ok. I'm sorry. So from that 00:28:59.108 --> 00:29:03.147 moment on then I knew that, you know, Mark was gonna be the man of the 00:29:03.180 --> 00:29:05.656 house and that he's gonna make sure that his little brother did what he 00:29:05.689 --> 00:29:10.186 was told. So one time again, I had asked Stephen to do something and, and 00:29:10.219 --> 00:29:15.075 , and he smarted off at me and I said a guy I had to call Mark and he goes 00:29:15.108 --> 00:29:19.686 , ok. Ok, I'll do it. I'll do it. 00:29:19.719 --> 00:29:24.936 But those two were inseparable. So when my Marcus son passed, his little 00:29:24.969 --> 00:29:32.969 brother kind of drew into a shell and um, he, he, he just was, you know, 00:29:34.338 --> 00:29:38.085 not even, he wouldn't even talk to me. He wouldn't, he just clammed up. 00:29:38.118 --> 00:29:43.766 But he, and now he tells me he said my brother was my best friend 00:29:43.799 --> 00:29:48.976 and he was my confidant and he was my companion 00:29:49.009 --> 00:29:52.335 and he said, there's nothing that I wouldn't have done for my brother and 00:29:52.368 --> 00:29:58.196 he knew it. Everybody knew it. They were the closest ever. And I remember 00:29:58.229 --> 00:30:02.305 one time I had a friend that was staying with me and he said, Jerry, he 00:30:02.338 --> 00:30:06.696 said, I've never seen two brothers that care and love each other so much 00:30:06.729 --> 00:30:12.196 as your two boys. And I go, why, why, I mean, why you say that he goes 00:30:12.229 --> 00:30:19.516 when Mark, when Mark was not feeling good, uh Steve ST Mark was laying on 00:30:19.549 --> 00:30:23.335 the couch and Steve came over and sat down by him and he lift, he sat down 00:30:23.368 --> 00:30:27.196 and he lifted his brother's head and put it in his lap and, and had a wet 00:30:27.229 --> 00:30:32.065 cloth, put over his head and he was just stroking his brother. He said, he 00:30:32.098 --> 00:30:35.785 said, and I've never seen that, especially among Indian men. He said, they 00:30:35.818 --> 00:30:39.335 don't demonstrate that kind of care or love for each other. He said, but 00:30:39.368 --> 00:30:45.016 your boys are an exception. You did a good job. And I said, oh, thank you. 00:30:45.049 --> 00:30:49.085 But I remember when, when I was sick that that Steve my youngest one 00:30:49.118 --> 00:30:53.996 would, would come in and, and give me a wet washcloth, put it on my 00:30:54.029 --> 00:30:59.305 forehead and he even made me some Campbell's soup, warmed it up and gave 00:30:59.338 --> 00:31:04.936 it to me. But, you know, uh they, but, but then I remember too, that's how 00:31:04.969 --> 00:31:07.956 I took care of him when he was sick, you know, so he was giving me the 00:31:07.989 --> 00:31:12.516 same treatment that I gave to him. The same love, the same caring and 00:31:12.549 --> 00:31:20.016 affection. But my Marcus son, he, he always was a, he, he worked in 00:31:20.049 --> 00:31:24.776 surveillance here and, and I used to go into the gift shop. They used to 00:31:24.809 --> 00:31:29.436 be right there and they had the silver beets and I used to look at it 00:31:29.469 --> 00:31:35.565 every, every, almost every day and this was around Christmas time and one 00:31:35.598 --> 00:31:39.506 day I walk in the shop and the necklace was gone. I go, oh my God. What 00:31:39.539 --> 00:31:42.906 happened to the necklace? They said somebody came and bought it. You 00:31:42.939 --> 00:31:47.397 should have got it when you had a chance. I go, oh, I know I should have 00:31:47.430 --> 00:31:53.486 fast forward Christmas morning. We were opening gifts to three of us, Mark 00:31:53.519 --> 00:31:58.726 Steven and I, and um, we were all sharing, look what we got. Look what we 00:31:58.759 --> 00:32:03.226 got. And there was a little nicely wrapped gift and I opened it up and 00:32:03.259 --> 00:32:08.117 guess what was in there? My silver beads that I was looking for that's I 00:32:08.150 --> 00:32:12.166 thought somebody bought it was my son bought it for me for Christmas. But 00:32:12.199 --> 00:32:17.035 Mark was so caring. He, I still have a lot of jewelry that he has. He has 00:32:17.068 --> 00:32:23.075 given me throughout the year. Silver and, and uh, turquoise bracelets, 00:32:23.108 --> 00:32:26.045 rings, necklace 00:32:26.078 --> 00:32:30.996 and Steve is following in his brother's footsteps and I'm grateful for 00:32:31.029 --> 00:32:35.756 that. He cooked dinner for us last night 00:32:35.789 --> 00:32:42.085 when Mark was 30 I think he had just turned 31 or 32. Did he have a family 00:32:42.118 --> 00:32:45.075 of? 00:32:45.108 --> 00:32:47.815 I, uh, 00:32:47.848 --> 00:32:53.347 I always talk to my boys and told them, you know, because a lot of young 00:32:53.380 --> 00:32:56.706 people, a lot of young men were having babies out of wedlock and some of 00:32:56.739 --> 00:33:02.545 them, you know, have kids with 43 different women. And I tell them you 00:33:02.578 --> 00:33:08.055 boys are not to make any woman pregnant unless she's your wife, 00:33:08.088 --> 00:33:12.266 no kids with anybody, unless she's your wife. And I said, I think I did 00:33:12.299 --> 00:33:18.026 too good a job because I don't have any grandkids of my own and I'll be 66 00:33:18.059 --> 00:33:25.176 here in October. But I am grandma by my first husband. He had kids and 00:33:25.209 --> 00:33:31.107 their grandkids all call me grandma. So that's, that's OK. 00:33:31.140 --> 00:33:36.406 Well, but thank you so much for sharing. You know, you have um a really 00:33:36.439 --> 00:33:43.867 rich history and I'm just, you know, I just kind of talked about whatever 00:33:43.900 --> 00:33:47.936 came to mind. So I hope you can put it together. It's very poetic. I think 00:33:47.969 --> 00:33:52.967 you did a lovely job. It's really beautiful when you reflect back on your 00:33:53.000 --> 00:33:59.526 family history. And what does any word come to mind or any phrasing of 00:33:59.559 --> 00:34:07.559 words? Uh No, no, I have to tell you when, when, when I heard about my son 00:34:07.608 --> 00:34:14.006 passing, he had been, he had, he marked passing. Um he was sick for the 00:34:14.039 --> 00:34:18.354 week during the weekend and 00:34:18.387 --> 00:34:21.215 five days, I think he didn't feel good. So I finally told him, I said, you 00:34:21.248 --> 00:34:25.206 need to go to the doctor and, and have your brother take you because my 00:34:25.239 --> 00:34:28.206 husband had a doctor's appointment in the valley that day that we got the 00:34:28.239 --> 00:34:36.239 news. He died. So he said, ok, and the night before the night before or 00:34:37.510 --> 00:34:41.497 the night that he was gonna pass, he had called me and, and, and he said, 00:34:41.530 --> 00:34:47.526 mom, he said, um, I, I do know about my appointment with the doctor 00:34:47.559 --> 00:34:51.236 tomorrow. So my brother will take me. He said, you don't worry about me. 00:34:51.269 --> 00:34:55.747 You guys go on and I know Jay's got an appointment at the doctor's and he 00:34:55.780 --> 00:34:59.827 said, I'll be ok. So I said, ok, son, I said, say a prayer for yourself 00:34:59.860 --> 00:35:04.816 before you go to sleep. Ok? Ok. And then about half an hour later, the 00:35:04.849 --> 00:35:09.405 phone rang again and he said, mom, I just called to tell you I love you. 00:35:09.438 --> 00:35:14.747 And I said, I love you too. And that, that was the last word that he, he 00:35:14.780 --> 00:35:22.780 had told me. And uh, I don't know if he knew that he was gonna go. 00:35:25.458 --> 00:35:30.467 And then the next day we were on our way to Phoenix when my niece called 00:35:30.500 --> 00:35:36.115 me, we were past that road by Roosevelt Lake. And she told me, she said, 00:35:36.148 --> 00:35:40.436 you need to come home right away. There's an emergency and I go, oh no, I 00:35:40.469 --> 00:35:45.095 said what's happened but deep down, I knew it was my son, Mark. And I said 00:35:45.128 --> 00:35:52.977 , is it Mark? And she goes, yes, I'll come home and I go, oh, I said, oh, 00:35:53.010 --> 00:35:59.327 I lost it. And I just, I guess I was, started to scream and my husband had 00:35:59.360 --> 00:36:03.186 to pull over and he said, calm down, calm down. I, I go, no, I said it's 00:36:03.219 --> 00:36:07.365 Mark. Mark, he's gone. 00:36:07.398 --> 00:36:12.307 And I said, how could it be? How could it be? 00:36:12.340 --> 00:36:19.195 And, uh, on the way back of all of all things, we ended up getting a flat 00:36:19.228 --> 00:36:24.267 tire and my husband's back was, was hurting. That's the reason why we're 00:36:24.300 --> 00:36:28.396 going to the doctor. He couldn't even lift the tire out of the truck. And 00:36:28.429 --> 00:36:35.247 there, I am screaming beside the road, you know, and, and crying and there 00:36:35.280 --> 00:36:38.365 was a guy that was going to go towards Roosevelt Lake turn off and he 00:36:38.398 --> 00:36:42.845 turned around and came back and he helped us change the tire and we 00:36:42.878 --> 00:36:46.486 offered him money and he wouldn't take it. And I told my husband, I said, 00:36:46.519 --> 00:36:50.135 I believe that was the name of the Lord that came and, you know, knew how 00:36:50.168 --> 00:36:54.327 I was feeling. So he had to come and send help for us. But when we came 00:36:54.360 --> 00:36:56.486 home, 00:36:56.519 --> 00:37:04.519 there were people out on the patio and I walked in into the house and they 00:37:05.050 --> 00:37:09.497 were just putting him, my son in the bag and he was, I only saw like from 00:37:09.530 --> 00:37:16.287 right here to here, his long beau, he had long beautiful hair and putting 00:37:16.320 --> 00:37:20.227 him in the bag. And I, I guess 00:37:20.260 --> 00:37:25.186 I was so distraught that I was just crying and out of control. So my niece 00:37:25.219 --> 00:37:31.037 had to take me away and put me back, you know, take me home and to give me 00:37:31.070 --> 00:37:39.070 a sedative to go to sleep. And, and we, we had a cat that of all things 00:37:39.219 --> 00:37:43.756 that we had adopted, it was a semi feral and he came to me and he just 00:37:43.789 --> 00:37:48.787 laid with me and I just hung on to him and I cried and cried. And before 00:37:48.820 --> 00:37:52.445 that, that cat never was allowed to be in bed or in the house except for 00:37:52.478 --> 00:37:56.135 that one particular room. But my husband said, I couldn't bear to make him 00:37:56.168 --> 00:38:00.905 go when you know, you found so much comfort with him. So and, and, and he 00:38:00.938 --> 00:38:05.037 says, guess what? Now he's taken over the house and he does Kona. But 00:38:05.070 --> 00:38:09.635 anyway, um so, so uh ka stayed with me and then I was in and out. And then 00:38:09.668 --> 00:38:13.126 that evening, I was crying, I was so distraught and I, and I, you know, 00:38:13.159 --> 00:38:17.135 I'm a praying woman, I'm a believer in God. And, and so that night I 00:38:17.168 --> 00:38:22.936 prayed, I said, Lord, I want to know that my son made it up there with you. 00:38:22.969 --> 00:38:28.336 I said, please give me a sign. You see my heart is broken in 1000 pieces. 00:38:28.369 --> 00:38:31.776 And so that's all I asked and I went to bed, took a pill and went to bed 00:38:31.809 --> 00:38:38.456 , went to sleep the next morning, um, his half brother Calvin came and he 00:38:38.489 --> 00:38:41.695 said, did, did Maria tell you about the dream she had about my brother 00:38:41.728 --> 00:38:46.816 last night? And I go, no, what dream is that? And then he told me and I 00:38:46.849 --> 00:38:51.046 said I gotta call Maria. So I called Maria. Maria was not, well, she 00:38:51.079 --> 00:38:54.925 didn't know my son Mark, but she knows my son Steven, they're kind of both 00:38:54.958 --> 00:38:59.686 , you know, the same size. And um, so I asked Maria and she said, yes, 00:38:59.719 --> 00:39:03.267 Jerry, she said, had a dream about Mark last night. She said, in my dream 00:39:03.300 --> 00:39:09.517 , he was in the house and all I could see was him from the waist up. But 00:39:09.550 --> 00:39:15.126 he was on a table or a bed when I saw him, he was on that gurney thing. It 00:39:15.159 --> 00:39:20.827 looks like a table. And I said, go on, go on. And she said, and you were 00:39:20.860 --> 00:39:25.267 there and other people were there and they were crying and he said, and as 00:39:25.300 --> 00:39:31.936 I was looking at Mark, he opened his eyes and he says, where am I? And he 00:39:31.969 --> 00:39:37.365 said, why is everyone crying? I'm ok. He said, he always talked with his 00:39:37.398 --> 00:39:41.876 hand and she said, he in his, in her dream, she saw him go, I'm ok. I'm ok. 00:39:41.909 --> 00:39:45.756 Why is everyone crying? And she said, and then I went out looking for you. 00:39:45.789 --> 00:39:51.727 She said, and that was the end of my dream. And then about half an hour 00:39:51.760 --> 00:39:56.546 earlier, our neighbor from across the street, um his name is Robert. He 00:39:56.579 --> 00:40:00.296 came smiling in and he goes, how are you, Jerry? And I go, I'm distraught 00:40:00.329 --> 00:40:04.747 . I said, how do you expect me to be? He said, well, I got some news to 00:40:04.780 --> 00:40:08.497 share with you. And I go, well, what is it? He said early this morning 00:40:08.530 --> 00:40:12.977 about four o'clock, the Lord gave me a vision about Mark and I go really? 00:40:13.010 --> 00:40:17.836 And he goes, yes. And he said in my vision, I saw Mark. He's up there. He 00:40:17.869 --> 00:40:22.287 made it. He was looking down on all the people that were crying. And he 00:40:22.320 --> 00:40:28.217 said, why is everyone crying? The same thing that Maria heard in her dream 00:40:28.250 --> 00:40:32.486 ? And these two don't even know each other. Robert Maria. And she said, he 00:40:32.519 --> 00:40:38.517 said, why is everyone crying? He said, Mark, Mark said, tell my mother 00:40:38.550 --> 00:40:45.155 that I love her. The very last words he told me and that I'm ok and I just 00:40:45.188 --> 00:40:50.166 broke down and I go, oh Lord, this is just what I needed, what I needed. 00:40:50.199 --> 00:40:55.256 So my prayer has helped me through all the loss of my Children, my belief 00:40:55.289 --> 00:41:00.916 in God because I've had many people, many mothers tell me if that was me, 00:41:00.949 --> 00:41:04.365 I would have fallen off the deep end. And I probably would have too if I 00:41:04.398 --> 00:41:10.115 didn't have the Lord in my life. And I know at times that I would always 00:41:10.148 --> 00:41:13.537 wonder about him. You know, sometimes the enemy would torment my mind and 00:41:13.570 --> 00:41:17.146 say, well, Mark didn't make it. So how do you know it was just only these 00:41:17.179 --> 00:41:25.179 two and so one Saturday, I said, Lord, I know, I know that you had already 00:41:25.228 --> 00:41:30.316 showed me to two different people that my son. Mark made it up there with 00:41:30.349 --> 00:41:35.816 you. Lord, please give me one last sign. This will be the third time and 00:41:35.849 --> 00:41:40.945 I'll never ask again. And I prayed that prayer on a Saturday night, the 00:41:40.978 --> 00:41:44.816 next Sunday, I was uh this, this, this Mexican lady and I were, were 00:41:44.849 --> 00:41:49.227 cooking fried bread. And she said, Jerry, she said, I had a dream about, I 00:41:49.260 --> 00:41:53.497 had a strange dream about this native guy last night and I go really? She 00:41:53.530 --> 00:41:57.106 said at first I thought it was Steven because he was big and had long hair 00:41:57.139 --> 00:42:01.727 like him. But I took a closer look and it wasn't Steven. She said he was 00:42:01.760 --> 00:42:06.856 dressed in armor as in the, as within the army of the Lord. He had 00:42:06.889 --> 00:42:13.467 beautiful, golden brown, brownish black hair, long and beautiful smile. 00:42:13.500 --> 00:42:17.436 And he was looking up and I heard a voice say this is my son and I'm 00:42:17.469 --> 00:42:22.736 pleased with him. And she said, and I saw that. And so I said, Lord, who 00:42:22.769 --> 00:42:27.405 is this native? I don't know what it is that you want me to do. You want 00:42:27.438 --> 00:42:34.356 me to pray. So she said, Lord, who is this man? And she said, above him 00:42:34.389 --> 00:42:38.037 came the word Ma RK 00:42:38.070 --> 00:42:43.057 and I said, my eyes got big. I said Lisette. I said, that's my son. His 00:42:43.090 --> 00:42:46.905 name was Mark. 00:42:46.938 --> 00:42:52.635 Isn't that amazing? Goes to show you how the power of prayer. And that 00:42:52.668 --> 00:42:59.336 when God loves you, he answers your prayers. Nothing is impossible. 00:42:59.369 --> 00:43:04.416 So I'm so grateful that that I have the Lord in my life and I give them 00:43:04.449 --> 00:43:08.186 all the glory, the honor and the praises for bringing me this far. There 00:43:08.219 --> 00:43:13.537 are times when I feel sad, but he always, you know, he lets me be sad for 00:43:13.570 --> 00:43:17.566 a while, but then he always draws me out and says, you know, keep moving 00:43:17.599 --> 00:43:19.845 forward. 00:43:19.878 --> 00:43:26.546 And um iii, I had wrote a song called Jesus is the Way Maker. I play the 00:43:26.579 --> 00:43:31.736 guitar and I sing too. So if I had my guitar, I'd sing it for you. But yes 00:43:31.769 --> 00:43:39.227 , I'm I, and then I wrote another song also called uh Why? Why? Lord? Why 00:43:39.260 --> 00:43:44.885 ? And it was because of, you know, why do I feel the sadness? Why do I 00:43:44.918 --> 00:43:52.816 feel the, you know, like a pitiful pearl? And um and I set myself off into 00:43:52.849 --> 00:43:57.376 a world and the Lord says, you know, just cast your cares upon me because 00:43:57.409 --> 00:44:04.155 I am with you. I am with you. I love you. And so um I don't remember the 00:44:04.188 --> 00:44:06.747 words exactly because that one I wrote that like about two years, two 00:44:06.780 --> 00:44:10.796 years ago. But I love to sing and, you know, give praises to the Lord 00:44:10.829 --> 00:44:13.756 through, through the songs that I sing. 00:44:13.789 --> 00:44:20.537 And um I think that concludes my, what I have to share. I mean, I have so 00:44:20.570 --> 00:44:25.037 much to share. But, but I think this will help a lot of mothers out there 00:44:25.070 --> 00:44:29.816 and I hope it will to let them know that in spite of the loss that they 00:44:29.849 --> 00:44:34.916 can still find the peace and the life to go on. Because God's got good 00:44:34.949 --> 00:44:41.066 things for us in store. There's a purpose for us, whatever it may be. And 00:44:41.099 --> 00:44:46.095 again, at the same time, it's a challenge too. But he gave us the grace. 00:44:46.128 --> 00:44:50.405 He gave us the wisdom, the knowledge, the ability to go forward and to be 00:44:50.438 --> 00:44:54.717 able to share. So I'm glad to share my story. Thank you so much. It really 00:44:54.750 --> 00:45:02.519 , it was a thank you. I'm gonna have this.