This is for Ali interviewing Jerry de Cola. Yes. OK. June 21st in 2016 at
10 a.m. for the creative push project. All right. So if you could
introduce yourself like you did, that would be great. OK. Uh My name is
Jerry Deola. I am a member of the Tonto Apache tribe in Payson, Arizona.
Can you speak up a little bit like the way you were before? Ok.
So you're gonna cut and shall I start over? Ok. My name is Jerry De Cola.
I'm a member of the Tonto Pache tribe in Payson Arizona. I was born in
1950 on a cold uh fall morning. My mother says, and uh I was born and
raised in Payson, have lived here almost all my life and I've seen the
growth and I have,
I was blessed with four Children. My first one was born September 1419 70.
And her name was Vanessa and she used to tell me that her name was a
Greek name and it meant butterflies. So
it said that I lost my firstborn, my Vanessa on August the 27th of 1906,
I mean 2006. And it seemed like, um, my heart was shattered in a million
pieces. When she passed, she died from septic shock syndrome. And, um, the
doctor had told her that she, that they've done all they could for her and
that she was gonna die. And she said she had a dog that she loved dearly
like a child. She, she was married but she never had any kids. Um, she had
one miscarriage but she loved the dog like it was her baby. And the first
thing out of her mouth when, when they told her she was gonna die, that
they've done all they could was what's gonna happen to my tipper. And I
told her, don't worry about tipper. She's gonna be ok. You need to worry
about yourself and, and, and, you know, say your prayers and she had just
been accepted to attend Scottsdale culinary school and her tuition had
already been paid. Her rent was already, you know, reserved for her. She
already had a roommate and lo and behold, we didn't know, you know, this
was going to happen and neither did she. And, um, but she went downhill
steadily. You know, the body became septic against itself and no matter
what they did, there was no saving her. Was she a baby? Did you, were you
trying to get pregnant when you got pregnant with? No, no, it just, it
just happened, you know, to the natural course of things. No, how was the
pregnancy with her? It was,
it was long for me. I was only 1819 when I was pregnant with her. So I
didn't know what to expect at that time. My mother, you know, she really
didn't guide me as to what to expect. So, I kinda, it was all new to me,
you know, as I'm sure all mothers. But, uh, it was long and I had, um, my
, my legs would swell. I remember and I'd have to have it propped up and
everything and, and when, when it was time for her to be born,
I, my, I was taken to the hospital and admitted and, and, um, I guess
because it was being my first, it was, the labor was very hard and very
intensive and, and I, I was getting impatient and, and they had to give me
a sedative or a shot to calm me down. I remember and, uh, because I'd tell
the nurses and the doctors get out of here, get out of here, leave me
alone. I remember my mother telling me no, no, no, calm down. They're
trying to help you. And then I, I don't know, I guess I must have kind of
went off the deep because my mother said I tried to crawl over the railing
and, and because I wanted to leave, uh, my, I don't know if it was due to
the pain that I, that I was going through or whatever. But, but anyway,
eventually they, they called me down and she was born and I woke up and
that was my baby, my baby girl, who's your partner there? Oh, I gotta get
a tissue. Ok. Excuse me, please.
Uh, her dad's name was Van. So, uh, we named her Vanessa really loud.
Someone win something. They went in. Yeah, they did. Ok. Ok. That's fine.
So he said we'll, we'll name her Vanessa after me and May after my mother.
He said, so she was named Vanessa May. Vanessa May Johnson. And my, uh,
let me just wait for that. Sorry about that. Ok. Now you can ask me
questions. Um, so how was, so, um, did you know you were going to have a
girl? No, I didn't because that, you know, those days back in 1970 they
didn't, I didn't know about the ultrasound or, or any way that they could
detect the, you know, the baby's sex or anything. So, no, I didn't know.
How did you feel about it when you found out? I was, you know, I was, I
was happy for a second. Do you want to go outside or
you wanna go outside? Yeah, we could just sit you up. That's right. Ok. So
if you can uh take us back to when, um, you gave birth and then did you
say that you had passed out during your life? Well, I think I, I might
have because I remember they, they said that they had to use the forceps
because I was not,
I don't remember what the word cooperating or maybe I just gave up so to
speak, you know, you know how you get, they say push, push, push. And so I
remember she had a little bruise right here because of the forceps that,
that they used to bring her out. Yes. And, um, but we'll just pause
whenever the door is open and close. This is not really very good, is it?
No, but you know what? It's fine. We've done, we've done this in a car.
We've done this in all different circumstances. So we're pros at this. Ok.
So, so you were giving your baby girl? And what were your thoughts? Were
you hoping for a girl? I was pleased that she was a girl. Yes. Yes. I was
happy that I had a healthy baby girl. Were you planning on nursing? Yes, I
did. I nursed her, but eventually I had to, I had to,
she wouldn't drink enough. And then at the time I didn't know about the
breast pumps or anything to store the milk. So I ended up just putting her
on the, on the formula and
yeah, this is, it's very distracting. Do you want to, let's go try the
other room then that bingo room and then I know you probably don't have, I
do have, I don't have much time. I'm waiting if you want to talk about
award works great to talk about the time of conception. You know, the
birth was planned,
you know, how your emotionally, how your feelings were, what your
circumstances were, the birth process and then afterwards, and then you
can tell us, you know what the outcome like, you know what you were saying
about your daughter passing and how that felt. But I think it really does.
Um I don't know, I think it's ok with Jolene. We had, we had Vanessa our
first born. And so my husband says, well, maybe we need to have another
baby, you know, before Vanessa gets older, she was like two years old. So
we said, ok, so we tried and we tried for three years and um I would carry
like, I've had probably four miscarriages during that time. And so finally
I said, you know what? That's ok, we, you know, probably just have Vanessa
and then when it happens. So, so I was so we were looking forward to
Jolene's birth and had even picked up a name out a name. Uh if it was, if
it was gonna be, of course, we didn't know if she, if it was gonna be a
boy or girl, but we had picked up the name Jolene for a girl at the time,
Dolly Parton's famous song Jolene. Jolene was, was uh very popular. So,
and I love Dolly Parton and I love the song. So we said we'll name her
Jolene, if it's a girl, if it's a boy, we'll call him Jeffrey. My husband
had a best friend named Jeffrey. So we said, ok. And then as time went on
, then we found out that it was a girl. So, uh, we had a whole, we, we, we
started buying baby clothes but baby girl clothes and then my friends were
giving me some baby girl clothes and we were ready to receiver through our
life. And uh and so the day came when I went into labor and we were
excited and uh to the hospital we went, I was admitted. And as of course,
you know, they prep you at the time and I was in the process of delivery
when the doctor says hold it, hold it, the umbilical cord is starting to
come out first and he said, call another surgeon to come and help me
because we were going to have to do an emergency c section because the
cord was wrapped around her neck. And I thought, oh my God and I panicked
and my husband and I both, you know, we didn't know what to do, but the
doctor told me, hold off, hold off. And then he said we are going to have
to do ac section. Jerry. He said, we don't know we're going to try to save
her, but there's no guarantee but we will do it right away. So they
wheeled me to the to the surgery to do surgery and gave me a shot. And
that's all I remembered. And so the next day, uh, I think it was probably
might have been 24 hours or more later. I, I came to, and I looked to the
side of my bed and I said, my husband was sitting there and I said,
where's the baby? And the doctor was over here on this side and took my
hand and he said, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. We weren't able to save her.
And I remembered that I started to cry and, and broke down and they, and
they had to give me a shot to come in because I became hysterical. And
anyway, um, uh, I, I, it was, I was in a fog for about a week in and out,
you know, every time, you know, I'd start to cry. And then by the third
day, they, they told me, they said, you have to, you know, you have to
just try to, you know, try to try to come back. Don't, you know, don't,
don't just go back into the deep void that you were in. My husband talked
to me and they said you need to start walking because at the time they cut
me, you know, and they said you have to, in order for you to heal, start
walking, try to do what you can. But for a week, I was in the days and
then my mom come to see me and she talked to me and she told me she said,
you know, there'll be, you know, there'll be other babies. So please come
back and all the time and they buried my baby Jolene while I was still in
the hospital. And uh, I in what looked to be like a little scarf on my
chest. I saw the pictures and my husband said she was a beautiful girl.
She, she had a head full of black hair and perfect in every way. And uh
yes, I can't imagine that was not to be and that was so hard, difficult,
but with the support of my family, my friends, my husband especially and I
, I think our church people were, you know, we, we, I made it, we were
able to go, go on and uh she,
you know, sometimes I wonder about her, I told my husband, I said one day
I had a dream, one night I had a dream. I was wondering about it. I said,
I wonder what Jolene would look like if I were to see her. And that night
in my dream, I saw a beautiful slender young lady, dark skinned like me
with long black hair down to her waist. And, you know, I got a glimpse of
her. I thought that was so awesome. And then my um after Jolene, uh again
, we, we, we uh tried to get pregnant and we did Jolie Jolene was uh she
pa well, she was still born July 1419 75. So, um I got the history. Um we
said, well, you know, if God is meant for us to, to have another child,
then he will bless us with one. And so at that time, my husband and I, my
first husband and I, we were, you know, church going believers, we went to
church and, and um I didn't take no more birth control pills. It was all
natural and we still tried to get pregnant but we would, but I couldn't
for some reason again. And then one night, one morning on a Sunday, we
were sitting in church and the minister was preaching and, and he, he, he
, and he stops and he goes, Mark, Mark come forth and everybody looks at
the two doors and, and I was sitting there and then he, he, he, he calls
me. He said, come up. He said, what did you feel when I called Mark? And I
said, I felt something in my stomach move and he goes, the Lord has showed
me that you are pregnant with a boy three months and his name is gonna be
Mark and he's gonna be use of God and he's going to be a prophet of God.
I'm gonna go and he said, and the Lord told me to tell you that he has
healed you from the cut that you have had, that you couldn't have this
child naturally. And I go. Oh my God. That's incredible. Unbelievable. So
I was so grateful and uh and my husband and I, we were happy, we were
excited and so of course his name was gonna be Mark. Ok. Go six months
later,
one day during lunch, I had fixed lunch for my husband and I got up to go
feed him, dish the food out for him. My water broke and,
oh, wow. I never, you know, knew that water could come out so much like
that. He had to get a towel and put it between my legs and he rushed me to
the doctor. He forgot all about his lunch and, and, and then they went on
to the hospital where they admitted me and at the hospital because of my
previous C section, which only, which is what they did to me. I think, I
don't know if I shared that. But anyway, yes, with Elena was ac section
and the doctor told me he said you are at risk if you want to have the
child naturally because of the cut that you have had before it could
rupture you, both you and the baby could die. And I said, you know, I said
I was prophesized to about my son and that God had healed me to have him
naturally. So I'm going to keep my faith and believe that it is going to
be a natural birth. Oh Jerry, he said you do. Are you sure of the risks
that you're taking. And I said, yes, well, I want you to sign this, that,
you know, you were gonna, you're gonna relieve us of any liability. Should
that happen? What I'm telling you? So I did and he said, but, but we want
to, um, also prepare you in case we have to rush you to surgery. Would you
do that? And I said, well, ok, so I signed that. So they, they put ivs in
me as, as I was getting contractions at 1230
at noon was when I went, when I was admitted and my contractions got
harder and harder. And then at 4410,
I've been, yeah, it was 410.
My son, Mark was born. But prior to, prior to that, before he was born,
the doctor was checking me and he said, oh, Jerry, he said the baby's
breach, he's coming out feet first. We have to have that C section. We
have to do the C section. And I said, no, he said he's already in the
birth canal so he can't be turned up, turned around. I said, no, I said
we're just gonna go ahead and, and do it as naturally as we can and oh,
talk about pain. I never felt so much pain as, as, as it was having him.
But he was born at 410 and uh his arm got lodged as he was coming out. So
his arm used to be a little twisted and I used to be concerned about that
and to make matters worse, he didn't cry when, when he was supposed to cry
, you know, when they spank him and stuff. And so they had to watch him.
They had a nurse that sat with him right there by my bed because I
wouldn't let him out on my side. And pretty soon we, we'd hear a little
and then he got louder and louder and louder. And then they said, oh,
we're relieved he's gonna be ok. And so because of the first little
squeaky noises he made, I said, he sounded like a little tiger. So that's
what we nicknamed him was Tiger. And he had that nickname Tiger until he
went into high school. And he said, mom, you know, you can call me Mark
now. So, but, but Mark was such a special child
one time. He was probably about 10 months old just crawling. My husband
and I were cutting up on the White Mount Apache reservation and we had a
pickup truck and I was loading. My husband was up there loading, well, saw
the logs like a boat that's big and throwing it down. He'd say coming,
coming, wood coming. And I'd say, ok, go ahead. And then when I was in the
back of the truck, Mark had crawled up over in the way of where the logs
were being thrown. And my, and I was in the back of a truck and I heard my
husband say the log coming down and I go wait, no, too late. He had
already thrown it and there was my mark sitting right there playing in the
dirt and I froze in the back of the truck. My husband start running trying
to catch the, the log that was coming down big piece, but he couldn't, and
, and, and had it, a miracle happened right, As it was going to take one
more roll and he would have rolled over, Mark, it stopped downhill. I
believe it was an angel of the Lord that had stopped. And oh, I jumped out
and my husband already had him in his arms and we just stood there and we
just start crying, you know, because we witnessed a miracle. I'll never
forget that. Incredible.
And,
and with Mark, he was about five years old, no 44 years old and he could
not learn how to tie his shoestring. You know, he'd work. I worked with
him for two weeks. We worked diligently. He could not get it one day. I
out of sheer frustration. I told him, I said, son, why don't you ask, why
don't you pray and ask the Lord to help you to learn to tie your shoes? Ok.
Ok. Mom. So he went to bed early next morning. It's Saturday morning. We
always slept in about six o'clock. He comes in our bedroom, shaking him.
Mom, mom, look what? He groaned and he puts on his shoes and he ties it
and I go, what do it again? So he puts on his shoes and he ties it again.
Big old smile on his face. And I woke my husband up, look, look, and we
were just amazed. And I asked him, I said, how did you do that? He said, I
did what you told me to do. I prayed last night and asked God to show me
how to tie my shoestring. He said, and these two hands came and he talked
to me and told me how to do it and I did it exactly like what it showed me
to do. And he said, and I go, wow. So, you know, that's amazing. And um,
Mark, he was such AAA strong young man and, you know, even when uh his,
his dad and I, we, you know, ended up getting a divorce, uh due to me
growing, you know, separate ways and stuff. But before that, Steve was
born, before our divorce, Steven was born, I was getting ahead of myself
here and um I was taking birth control pills and at the time because, you
know, I had a boy and a girl, Jolene was gone, but I have Vanessa and Mar.
So we said, well, I think we think that's enough. So, and then plus I was
getting, getting into the, the work, you know, I was a working woman, you
know, I was going back to work and had a job gain for job. So I thought,
well, I don't need a child anymore. You know, I got my two so I'm happy.
But I saw I was on the pill and I ended up getting pregnant with Steve and
I, I had mixed feelings about that because here I wanted to work and now,
you know, uh, both Vanessa and Mark are in school and I was gonna be a
working mother and little Steve with a baby at the home. You know, it
kinda would prohibit me from working again. So I go, oh gosh, I had mixed
feelings about that. But when he was born, he was so lovable, so precious
that I ended up working part time. And then plus grandma stepped to the
plate and said, I'll take care of him. And so she did and not only that
but my daughter, Vanessa, she was 13 at the time. So she took on the
responsibility of taking care of her brother during the summertime and he
ended up calling her mom, his sister and I said, no, that's your sissy.
I'm your mom. He goes, no, didn't my mom that was so precious. But so as a
mother, I've had, you know, different experiences. I faced the loss of
three of my kids. And um I uh am grateful that I had, I had them and I
still have Mark my, I mean, Steven, my my, my son, he's 32 now and the
other kids, they will always be part of my heart, my memory. But when I
lost them, I found that what was helpful for me was when I would keep busy
, I'd go out in my yard and pull
whenever I got depressed or, or would kind of fall back and not want to do
anything. I would make myself go and do something. And my prayer life is
probably what helped me the most. So, and I wrote a poem about one day
when I was with my husband, he had the sciatica problems. So we went down
to Mesa and I was waiting in the truck and I'm thinking, you know, think
about my kids and, and, and I thought about that the scripture where,
where, where it says lay not your treasures on earth where moth uh corrupt
and thieves break in and things. So I thought, wow, treasures, what is a
treasure? And I thought treasures are something that you hold dear to your
heart that you love. And, and, and, and I said, I have four treasures. I
got three of them in heaven. So I, that's what prompt me to write a poem
that I want you. I want to share with you or if you want to read it.
Absolutely. Do you want to read it on record for us? Ok. Sure. So this is
um written by Jerry de Cola Mother on February the ninth of 2009. And it's
called my Treasures Scripture tells us on earth. Do not lay up your
treasures where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in. What is a
treasure? It could be worldly possessions, material goods or something. We
deeply treasure. Today. I have three precious treasures waiting for me in
that awesome place. That eyes on earth have not seen that beautiful place
called heaven. There are my three jewels now reside with him, Jesus Christ
, our Lord and Savior first gone. My second precious baby Jolene who I
carried but never saw stillborn. She was went with Jesus on July 1419 75.
Then my firstborn, my sweet beloved Vanessa Sis took flight with the
angels early morning of August 27th, 2006. Sis was so loving, beautiful,
vibrant, so alive, delicious meals she loved to fix. Then unexpectedly on
November 13th, 2008, my third, their brother, Mark Elijah met them and
join them. My, my handsome caring son, the gentle giant who had a kind,
loving heart and soul was ever so thoughtful, not ever defiant all three
upon their departure, one by one left my heart in pain, unbearable grief,
sorrow, void, my heart broken in a million pieces. It seems but only by
God's grace. I am daily reminded, our separation will be but brief. Each
day I give thanks to our loving father God for he gave them to me, for
many seasons and with them have made unforgettable and precious memories.
Father God has blessed me with the three. He has called home plus one
more. My youngest. And I'm ever so grateful to Father God for the precious
gem. I still have here on earth with me. My dear precious son, Stephen who
better not think of leaving. At least not yet. I plea in spite of our loss
, pain and the many tears, Stephen's son and I have cried because of Jesus.
We mother, son and brother once again have hope, love and peace. We are
thankful for the precious jewels, our treasures who are awaiting our
arrival soon in that beautiful paradise. I know one day all of us will
meet again in beautiful heaven where no tears of pain, shame or sorrow
will ever dim the eye. Nor will we ever part again in Jesus name? Amen.
That's beautiful. That's, that's my, my, my poem that I wrote for my kids.
You, no, no, I just, I just, I do
no tissue. Oh
yeah, I I can, I can go run to the restroom.
I had a much loss, but you've also experienced a lot of joy. It too.
My son, Mark was
took over as the man of the house when his father and I divorced. And of
course, you know, being a divorced single parent of my, my, my young son,
Steven was always challenging me. And after after work, I come home and I
tell him, what did you take the garbage out? Did you shake the trash out?
And, and he says, why don't you do it yourself? And his older brother,
Mark heard him and he got up and he came up to his little brother and said
, what did you say to mom? He said, I told you, why don't you do it
herself? And Mark, he stands to his brother, little brother and said,
don't you ever talk to mom like that again? You go and take that trash out
like she told you to do and he goes, ok. Ok. Ok. I'm sorry. So from that
moment on then I knew that, you know, Mark was gonna be the man of the
house and that he's gonna make sure that his little brother did what he
was told. So one time again, I had asked Stephen to do something and, and
, and he smarted off at me and I said a guy I had to call Mark and he goes
, ok. Ok, I'll do it. I'll do it.
But those two were inseparable. So when my Marcus son passed, his little
brother kind of drew into a shell and um, he, he, he just was, you know,
not even, he wouldn't even talk to me. He wouldn't, he just clammed up.
But he, and now he tells me he said my brother was my best friend
and he was my confidant and he was my companion
and he said, there's nothing that I wouldn't have done for my brother and
he knew it. Everybody knew it. They were the closest ever. And I remember
one time I had a friend that was staying with me and he said, Jerry, he
said, I've never seen two brothers that care and love each other so much
as your two boys. And I go, why, why, I mean, why you say that he goes
when Mark, when Mark was not feeling good, uh Steve ST Mark was laying on
the couch and Steve came over and sat down by him and he lift, he sat down
and he lifted his brother's head and put it in his lap and, and had a wet
cloth, put over his head and he was just stroking his brother. He said, he
said, and I've never seen that, especially among Indian men. He said, they
don't demonstrate that kind of care or love for each other. He said, but
your boys are an exception. You did a good job. And I said, oh, thank you.
But I remember when, when I was sick that that Steve my youngest one
would, would come in and, and give me a wet washcloth, put it on my
forehead and he even made me some Campbell's soup, warmed it up and gave
it to me. But, you know, uh they, but, but then I remember too, that's how
I took care of him when he was sick, you know, so he was giving me the
same treatment that I gave to him. The same love, the same caring and
affection. But my Marcus son, he, he always was a, he, he worked in
surveillance here and, and I used to go into the gift shop. They used to
be right there and they had the silver beets and I used to look at it
every, every, almost every day and this was around Christmas time and one
day I walk in the shop and the necklace was gone. I go, oh my God. What
happened to the necklace? They said somebody came and bought it. You
should have got it when you had a chance. I go, oh, I know I should have
fast forward Christmas morning. We were opening gifts to three of us, Mark
Steven and I, and um, we were all sharing, look what we got. Look what we
got. And there was a little nicely wrapped gift and I opened it up and
guess what was in there? My silver beads that I was looking for that's I
thought somebody bought it was my son bought it for me for Christmas. But
Mark was so caring. He, I still have a lot of jewelry that he has. He has
given me throughout the year. Silver and, and uh, turquoise bracelets,
rings, necklace
and Steve is following in his brother's footsteps and I'm grateful for
that. He cooked dinner for us last night
when Mark was 30 I think he had just turned 31 or 32. Did he have a family
of?
I, uh,
I always talk to my boys and told them, you know, because a lot of young
people, a lot of young men were having babies out of wedlock and some of
them, you know, have kids with 43 different women. And I tell them you
boys are not to make any woman pregnant unless she's your wife,
no kids with anybody, unless she's your wife. And I said, I think I did
too good a job because I don't have any grandkids of my own and I'll be 66
here in October. But I am grandma by my first husband. He had kids and
their grandkids all call me grandma. So that's, that's OK.
Well, but thank you so much for sharing. You know, you have um a really
rich history and I'm just, you know, I just kind of talked about whatever
came to mind. So I hope you can put it together. It's very poetic. I think
you did a lovely job. It's really beautiful when you reflect back on your
family history. And what does any word come to mind or any phrasing of
words? Uh No, no, I have to tell you when, when, when I heard about my son
passing, he had been, he had, he marked passing. Um he was sick for the
week during the weekend and
five days, I think he didn't feel good. So I finally told him, I said, you
need to go to the doctor and, and have your brother take you because my
husband had a doctor's appointment in the valley that day that we got the
news. He died. So he said, ok, and the night before the night before or
the night that he was gonna pass, he had called me and, and, and he said,
mom, he said, um, I, I do know about my appointment with the doctor
tomorrow. So my brother will take me. He said, you don't worry about me.
You guys go on and I know Jay's got an appointment at the doctor's and he
said, I'll be ok. So I said, ok, son, I said, say a prayer for yourself
before you go to sleep. Ok? Ok. And then about half an hour later, the
phone rang again and he said, mom, I just called to tell you I love you.
And I said, I love you too. And that, that was the last word that he, he
had told me. And uh, I don't know if he knew that he was gonna go.
And then the next day we were on our way to Phoenix when my niece called
me, we were past that road by Roosevelt Lake. And she told me, she said,
you need to come home right away. There's an emergency and I go, oh no, I
said what's happened but deep down, I knew it was my son, Mark. And I said
, is it Mark? And she goes, yes, I'll come home and I go, oh, I said, oh,
I lost it. And I just, I guess I was, started to scream and my husband had
to pull over and he said, calm down, calm down. I, I go, no, I said it's
Mark. Mark, he's gone.
And I said, how could it be? How could it be?
And, uh, on the way back of all of all things, we ended up getting a flat
tire and my husband's back was, was hurting. That's the reason why we're
going to the doctor. He couldn't even lift the tire out of the truck. And
there, I am screaming beside the road, you know, and, and crying and there
was a guy that was going to go towards Roosevelt Lake turn off and he
turned around and came back and he helped us change the tire and we
offered him money and he wouldn't take it. And I told my husband, I said,
I believe that was the name of the Lord that came and, you know, knew how
I was feeling. So he had to come and send help for us. But when we came
home,
there were people out on the patio and I walked in into the house and they
were just putting him, my son in the bag and he was, I only saw like from
right here to here, his long beau, he had long beautiful hair and putting
him in the bag. And I, I guess
I was so distraught that I was just crying and out of control. So my niece
had to take me away and put me back, you know, take me home and to give me
a sedative to go to sleep. And, and we, we had a cat that of all things
that we had adopted, it was a semi feral and he came to me and he just
laid with me and I just hung on to him and I cried and cried. And before
that, that cat never was allowed to be in bed or in the house except for
that one particular room. But my husband said, I couldn't bear to make him
go when you know, you found so much comfort with him. So and, and, and he
says, guess what? Now he's taken over the house and he does Kona. But
anyway, um so, so uh ka stayed with me and then I was in and out. And then
that evening, I was crying, I was so distraught and I, and I, you know,
I'm a praying woman, I'm a believer in God. And, and so that night I
prayed, I said, Lord, I want to know that my son made it up there with you.
I said, please give me a sign. You see my heart is broken in 1000 pieces.
And so that's all I asked and I went to bed, took a pill and went to bed
, went to sleep the next morning, um, his half brother Calvin came and he
said, did, did Maria tell you about the dream she had about my brother
last night? And I go, no, what dream is that? And then he told me and I
said I gotta call Maria. So I called Maria. Maria was not, well, she
didn't know my son Mark, but she knows my son Steven, they're kind of both
, you know, the same size. And um, so I asked Maria and she said, yes,
Jerry, she said, had a dream about Mark last night. She said, in my dream
, he was in the house and all I could see was him from the waist up. But
he was on a table or a bed when I saw him, he was on that gurney thing. It
looks like a table. And I said, go on, go on. And she said, and you were
there and other people were there and they were crying and he said, and as
I was looking at Mark, he opened his eyes and he says, where am I? And he
said, why is everyone crying? I'm ok. He said, he always talked with his
hand and she said, he in his, in her dream, she saw him go, I'm ok. I'm ok.
Why is everyone crying? And she said, and then I went out looking for you.
She said, and that was the end of my dream. And then about half an hour
earlier, our neighbor from across the street, um his name is Robert. He
came smiling in and he goes, how are you, Jerry? And I go, I'm distraught
. I said, how do you expect me to be? He said, well, I got some news to
share with you. And I go, well, what is it? He said early this morning
about four o'clock, the Lord gave me a vision about Mark and I go really?
And he goes, yes. And he said in my vision, I saw Mark. He's up there. He
made it. He was looking down on all the people that were crying. And he
said, why is everyone crying? The same thing that Maria heard in her dream
? And these two don't even know each other. Robert Maria. And she said, he
said, why is everyone crying? He said, Mark, Mark said, tell my mother
that I love her. The very last words he told me and that I'm ok and I just
broke down and I go, oh Lord, this is just what I needed, what I needed.
So my prayer has helped me through all the loss of my Children, my belief
in God because I've had many people, many mothers tell me if that was me,
I would have fallen off the deep end. And I probably would have too if I
didn't have the Lord in my life. And I know at times that I would always
wonder about him. You know, sometimes the enemy would torment my mind and
say, well, Mark didn't make it. So how do you know it was just only these
two and so one Saturday, I said, Lord, I know, I know that you had already
showed me to two different people that my son. Mark made it up there with
you. Lord, please give me one last sign. This will be the third time and
I'll never ask again. And I prayed that prayer on a Saturday night, the
next Sunday, I was uh this, this, this Mexican lady and I were, were
cooking fried bread. And she said, Jerry, she said, I had a dream about, I
had a strange dream about this native guy last night and I go really? She
said at first I thought it was Steven because he was big and had long hair
like him. But I took a closer look and it wasn't Steven. She said he was
dressed in armor as in the, as within the army of the Lord. He had
beautiful, golden brown, brownish black hair, long and beautiful smile.
And he was looking up and I heard a voice say this is my son and I'm
pleased with him. And she said, and I saw that. And so I said, Lord, who
is this native? I don't know what it is that you want me to do. You want
me to pray. So she said, Lord, who is this man? And she said, above him
came the word Ma RK
and I said, my eyes got big. I said Lisette. I said, that's my son. His
name was Mark.
Isn't that amazing? Goes to show you how the power of prayer. And that
when God loves you, he answers your prayers. Nothing is impossible.
So I'm so grateful that that I have the Lord in my life and I give them
all the glory, the honor and the praises for bringing me this far. There
are times when I feel sad, but he always, you know, he lets me be sad for
a while, but then he always draws me out and says, you know, keep moving
forward.
And um iii, I had wrote a song called Jesus is the Way Maker. I play the
guitar and I sing too. So if I had my guitar, I'd sing it for you. But yes
, I'm I, and then I wrote another song also called uh Why? Why? Lord? Why
? And it was because of, you know, why do I feel the sadness? Why do I
feel the, you know, like a pitiful pearl? And um and I set myself off into
a world and the Lord says, you know, just cast your cares upon me because
I am with you. I am with you. I love you. And so um I don't remember the
words exactly because that one I wrote that like about two years, two
years ago. But I love to sing and, you know, give praises to the Lord
through, through the songs that I sing.
And um I think that concludes my, what I have to share. I mean, I have so
much to share. But, but I think this will help a lot of mothers out there
and I hope it will to let them know that in spite of the loss that they
can still find the peace and the life to go on. Because God's got good
things for us in store. There's a purpose for us, whatever it may be. And
again, at the same time, it's a challenge too. But he gave us the grace.
He gave us the wisdom, the knowledge, the ability to go forward and to be
able to share. So I'm glad to share my story. Thank you so much. It really
, it was a thank you. I'm gonna have this.