I totally just turned my phone off. 534.
Stop it. Ok. So this is Boris Solis interviewing Darlene Reed on June 15th
, 2016 at 5:34 p.m. for the creative push project. Ok, so, um set us up,
take us back to the conception of the first birth. Um the father, you know
, all of that.
Um Well, I was uh 16 when I met um my kid's dad, um and I got pregnant
with my oldest daughter at 17. Um and I had her at 18. Um, it was a uh
pretty easy birth but she, at all my kids, I had to um deliver her by
Cesarean because she had pooped in the water and I'm gonna, I'm gonna
pause, I'm going, we're going to slow it down, slow it down. Ok? Because
you have a totally fascinating,
ok. You know, meeting
story with you and your husband. So you want a little bit more of that in
there instead of going into the bed, sets it up where you are mentally
while pregnant and all of that and emotionally. Oh, no, that's no problem.
Ok. So I met him at 17. I mean 16 and had her at 17, let me get my
stories mixed up here. Ok. Ok. I met him when I was 16, got pregnant with
my oldest daughter at 17, had her at 18. Um, and because I was so young
when I met him, um, he did not meet my parents at all. In fact, um, I, I
was pregnant already, uh, when they found out about him. Um, and our
relationship, uh was good. Um You know, I, I was, I was so young and he
was, of course, 10 years older than I am. I mean, was at the time I should
say. And um he was just, I, I loved him. I, I loved his personality. He
was so fun. Um, so outgoing and just, just more or less my best friend.
Can you tell me about when you first saw him when I first saw my husband?
In fact, we met twice at the same place. Now, the first time we had met,
um, you know, it didn't go so well. You know, we met, he called me a few
times and we kept not being able to connect um about a year or so later, I
went to the same place and saw him there again. And um and so it was
unfortunate that he didn't really remember me and then to make my story
believable, I had to tell him about this car he drove, which was like a
dukes of hazard car, the door on the passenger side didn't open. Um, and
so he's like, oh my God, really? And he actually gave me a ride and I
can't believe you remember that. But anyway, so, um, upon that second time
of us meeting, um we hit it off and it was no more separation uh from that.
Um, can you mess up with like how old you were? And how old he was? I was
16 and he was 26. Dirty I always see some dirty old man. Um and um once I
got pregnant um with my daughter because I knew I got pregnant by an older
man, I I really was afraid um because he does have an older daughter and
um and to be honest, he did not want any more kids and I was just like, oh
my gosh and so telling him that I was so afraid um but um he took it well
, he took it well. Um and of course I lived with his, his parents. Um it
was nice because he, they have a big family. Um he had uh it was seven
siblings and um and I was blessed enough to know all of them. Um we all
got along well um and it was just, it was just good and it was just so
different from my family at home because I was an only child and my other
siblings was all gone. And of course I, I just, I, I'm just like, oh my
God, here this, this is family. They're so big, there's always stuff going
on and I just, I really loved it. Um And so uh after I had my kid, my
first kid, um we continued to stay there at his parents' house. Um a
little bit after that, we end up getting my, our place um our first
apartment on 35th Avenue in Osborne. Never forget that place. Boy. And um
then I had got pregnant with my uh son, my oldest son, which they're
almost two years apart. Um That pregnancy was very interesting was of
course not planned. Are you talking about your son? Now, talk about myself
, separate the birth out, ok. Separate them out. So stick on this first
one, the first one and then go from there.
I mean, so I'm very fascinated in the idea of a 16 year old or a 17 year
old giving birth. What that experience is. Did anyone prepare you for it?
Did his parents? Did your mom? I mean, your mom didn't even know you have
to really give more information. Ok. Now, no, I was not prepared. I pretty
much I was actually it was me and him. Of course, once the baby was born,
they all came there to the hospital and was just blown away. Um But with
this kid, um uh even though me, um us being together while I was pregnant
or whatever, once I had this child, it became everybody's baby because, um
, because I'm the youngest child and, and this was pretty much the first,
you know what? I take that back because my sister has kids too. Um, well,
my first kid and my o my other two niece, nieces and nephews, they were
older. So she was kind of like the baby doll in the family. So it was
times where she went from my, um from sis my two sister's house to my mom
and dad's house. And then me, it was just like it was just, she became
like the family baby. Um So um she, I can honestly say my oldest daughter
had got so much love. Oh my gosh, she got so much love and was just
spoiled. Oh my God. Um Just to no end um because she was the youngest at
the time. So she, she was spoiled. Um and they just absolutely loved her.
Um and, and from birth all the way to now and she just turned 29. She was
an awesome baby and just an awesome person. Now, to be honest, I, I mean,
I, I thank God that God gave me such a wonderful daughter. Um And lucky me
, I had a Cesarean and I got out of the, the, the natural birth, but I
experienced it later on down the line. But um it was, it was kind of nice
um experiencing um you know, childbirth uh with her. Um, she was a good
kid. So when you, um, found out you were pregnant, you're 16. Did you miss
the period? I did, I missed a period. I did. And, um, and, and at that
time because I missed a bit, I didn't know. Um, so upon that second month
me not having to pay, I went to the doctor and that's when they had, you
know, the doctor told me that, that I was pregnant. My heart was beating
so fast. I was just like, oh my gosh, I got this older man. He does not
want any more kids. Oh my gosh. But you know what, at that given moment,
if needed be, I would have raised, I was just had, have been a single mom
because I was not going to uh, uh, get my child away and I was not gonna
abort her. I was not gonna do it as I was so prepared um, to be uh, a
single mother. But thank God it didn't work out like that. So how did you
hide that pregnancy from your parents?
II, I didn't see them. I did not see them. Mm mm. I did not see them. And
um, it was one of those things. He was an older guy and, um, me being
young and I just, just, you know what, for me to be so young. I, I think I
was very mature because what I did was I met this guy. Older guy. Um, just
really fell in love with his family and just took on his family pretty
much. Um, but yeah, yeah, it was, it was difficult. My mother was, was,
was very heartbroken that, that I, that I did that, to be honest, she was
, you know, um, it's already bad enough that you basically kept this guy
away from us and then not to, to be forthcoming about, about being
pregnant. So, yeah, there was, it was, it was something else. Um, but, you
know, for the most part, um, once I had her, um, my family, his family, we
all pretty much got along. Thank God. So, how was pregnancy? Were you
surprised by it or did, did you have girlfriends that had been pregnant?
You know what I did. But, um, I, it wasn't nothing I really talked to them
about. Um, once I got pregnant I dropped out of school, I went, the car
hit, I went to high school and I end up, uh, dropping out of high school,
but I later went back and got my GED. Yeah. So, um, what did you gain a
lot of weight? Did you get bloated? What was the, you know what? I was one
of the blessed people with none of my pregnancies. I did not gain a lot of
weight. I did not, my weight came, um, after I had my last son, that's
when I gained my weight. The biggest that I've ever been, I think, shoot,
after I had him, I think I gained about £15 you know, after him. But the,
but the rest of them I, I was, was gay birth, still have my figure. Um, in
fact, um, in my twenties I, I did not look like I was in my twenties. So,
yeah, because you look younger. I, I looked younger because II, I had them
kids, all kids. Um, I lost my weight and, um, and then as far as the, the
belly weight or whatever, I was able to get to get that back and
unfortunately it didn't, the third or the fourth kid didn't it? I wasn't
so lucky. So that was kind of unfortunate. Did you, um, were you surprised
by how you experience pregnancy emotionally? Like when the baby was moving
or I was, I was to have this little being inside of you moving around and
the one that used to really get to me when they had, when, when in your
rib, when that feet is in the rib? Oh my gosh, you have to take your hand
and move that feet out of there. So that was my, that was the only thing
that was so, so annoying. But, um, I, to be honest, I, I enjoyed being
pregnant, to be honest, you know, you get a lot of tension. Um, and I
didn't get sick on none of my kids. I did not never, ever get sick. Um,
and it was always, but ok, now, if I had the first one, the other ones,
when I missed a period, I pretty much knew what was going on because I
came on my period every month. So once I missed periods, I already knew,
you know, what was going on. So, um, your further along, had you talked to
a doctor about any sort of birth, like idea of what, how you wanted to
give birth or you just knew you would go to the hospital. I just knew I
would go to the hospital and they, they just, no, as far as no, I just
knew that and we'd never discuss the different methods. Um Actually, I, to
be honest, I didn't even have a choice with her because she boo booed in
the water and they had immediately get her out. So did that happen? Did
you know that there was a problem before you went into the hospital or did
you start getting contractions? Your water broke, set me up? I ended up
there now with her. Um I started getting contractions and her, I was at
the hospital the longest. Um because as soon as I mentioned, it mentioned
to my sister that I had um, contractions, she was like, you know what, you
better get to this hospital. Um And so once I got to the hospital, um even
though I had them, they wasn't close enough. So of course you have to do
all this walking and stuff and, oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. With her,
I want to say it was at least about 12 hours. It was about 12 hours
because it just, she just, just, it was, it was just, it was something
else. Um, and, um, and then of course when she boo boo in the water, uh,
they had to go ahead and immediately take her out. Um, ok, first of all,
were you there with your, um, now husband? You know what? No, he was not
there. Um, I, with her it was my oldest sister, she was there and then
later on my mom and my dad had came. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry about that. I
should have said no, he was not there. So we're kind of estranged from
your mother and father during the pregnancy. And then at some point did
you call them and say, hey, I'm pregnant? Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. When I, you know
, when, in fact, when I did call I wouldn't even mention nothing like that.
I would not. Mm mm. Young. You know, you think, not thinking back, you
know, young. Why didn't I, you know, so young? I mean, I don't know if I
was embarrassed or, or, or felt that there was none of her business. I
just don't know. I mean, it was, yeah. II, I did not. So, how did they go
to the hospital? Uh, once I got there? Um, oh, my sister was the one that
called them, if she was the one that called them y to come there to see
their grandchild. And then um once she got there, um her mouth was open
wondering why did you do this? Yeah, why, why did you do this? But she was
, but after that she was just all over that grandchild. You know, then
that was enough said of that. Thank God but um it was enough said after
she was disappointed that I didn't say anything about it. So did she come
after the baby was born after? Yeah. So, ok, so then I'm assuming you're
experiencing contractions, you're walking around and then your water
breaks. Yes. Yes, it broke. But in fact, the water broke but because she
had boo booed in the water,
uh can you just say it like consecutively she pooped in the water? Well,
she pooped in the water and they had to immediately get her out of there.
Yeah. And that's the reason why I had the, the Cesarean with just her.
And um, I was told that, um, after you give uh have birth by Cesarean, the
all your kids, which was a lie because in fact, I thought that and I had
actually asked the doctor, I said, well, I get to um, do this on um by
Cesarean. He's like, no, it would be natural. Yeah, a vaginal birth. So,
um, you've gone through now 12 hours of labor. So maybe help set us up
like your emotional state. You've gone through 12 hours of labor, you're
ready to have this kid water breaks, you're told you're going to be done.
Have a Cesarean. What were you thinking? Um, that part I was scared
because of Cesarean. Um I was scared rather I had the Cesarean or the uh
vaginal birth either way it was because my whole thing is, you know, this
is my first child. You know, anything could go wrong, something could go
wrong with her, something could go wrong with me. Um, so yeah, I, I was
very scared, I really was, I was very scared but I got to say, um, after I
had her, uh, another, ok, let me back it up a little bit. Um, have a Asan
, they put you out and I woke up to the baby being someplace else and her
pushing on my stomach and I woke up pushing her stomach, her hands off my
stomach. And, um, and that was so weird to be out like that and then to be
woken up to somebody putting pressure on your freaking stomach. Um, so
that was, that was weird. And then a little bit after that she went, um,
because they was cleaning up the baby and to be honest, I don't know how,
how long I was out. Um, but a little bit after that, she brought my
daughter to me and I got to hold her and just I could just remember seeing
her for the first time. I just falling in love and how cute she was. Oh my
gosh, that was II I instantly fell in love with her. There was a bond, um
, um, right off the back when, when I seen her. So before they took you
for ac section, did they tell you we're gonna, you know, put this drug in
your IV and you're going to pass out. They did. In fact, they told me to
count and I think I got to three. And next thing I knew I was out when I
came, woke up, uh, woke up to this lady pushing on my stomach. But, yeah,
that, that was, that was, I found that very interesting to, you know, the
things I'm gonna put this in your IV. Um, and count to three. and I
counted to three. Next thing I knew I was out and then woke up to this
pressure on my stomach. So that, that was very tough to me. That was easy.
That was easy. Oh, my gosh, how is the recovery? The recovery was good.
Recovery was good. Um, the recovery wasn't as fast as the last child. Um
, the recovery I, I recovered pretty quickly, um, with her, I was in
hospital for three days with her that I was in the hospital or whatever
for three days. Did your, um, now husband come see the baby? 00, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yes, he, he did, he came um to see her and um, he was, he was
, he was excited. He really was, he was excited. Um, and they instantly
had a bond. He just, my gosh, didn't want to put her down. So, yeah. Um,
did you notice? No. Um, I tried it and didn't go so well, I thought I had
killed my child. Um, I didn't have the right technique when I did it. And
can you say nurse it when I was nursing or just so that we can have some
sort of point of reference when I was nursing her? Just the word nursing.
Nursing? OK. Yeah. When I was nursing from the very beginning of the idea
of nursing her. OK. Yeah. When I had her, I tried to nurse her and it
didn't go so well. Um I didn't understand the technique. It was a
technique to it. And um and when I tried it, um she was gasping for air
and we had to fan her and that was the end of that. I didn't iii I wasn't
comfortable with it. No, that was it. So I tried it but it didn't work out.
So did, were you at home? Trying it or were you in the hospital when that
happened? I was at home. I was at home. And in fact, I think it was more
of a thrill. I don't know if I wanna say thrill, but it was uh more of my
mom and my sister pushing the issue. Um And this sister didn't, she
doesn't have any kids. So she uh um really, really wanted me to breastfeed
and, and now now go ahead and do you go ahead and, and breastfeed? And,
and of course, I tried and then that it was a disaster. It wasn't good.
And I didn't try again. I said, forget this ig give me the bottle. Yeah.
So, um so why was she gasping for air? Because when you, when you're
breastfeeding, you have to the part that's by that, by her nose, you have
to push that back and I'm here trying to breastfeed her and her nose is up
against my breast and that's why she was gasping for air and I was like,
oh my God. Oh no, I don't want to do that. So, and plus being young and,
and, and, and, and to be honest, lazy, to be honest, you know, um um to
have to uh uh do my bra and, and uh I just mm mm I didn't like to be
honest. I didn't like the feeling of it to be honest. Yeah. Mm The feeling
was not. Mm mm
That's a good expression for it.
Um OK. So then you started formula. I started a formula
and um and I was a child that could eat and she had the fattest thigh. She
was my fattest baby. Yes. Oh Well, you know what I should have bought some
baby. Yeah. She was my fattest baby. Oh, my gosh, she could eat. Oh, gosh
, she had a really good appetite. So, um, can you revisit the idea that
she was the family baby doll? I like that. Yeah. After I had her, um, I
just hardly had her. Um, she went from both of my sisters, um, to my
parents and then back around to me. Um, and yeah, she was just, just a
family baby doll and um it, it was nice. It, it, you know, allowed me to,
um, put my focus on school and other stuff. Um So that, that helped me out
a lot, um having the support um from my side of the family. So that, that
was nice. That was nice. Great. So we can move on to the next but maybe
tell us a little bit because I find it, one of the things I find really
fascinating is the fact that you were 16 and you met this guy who was 10
years older than you and it just sounds like a recipe for disaster, right
? You get pregnant. It's like the beginning of the end. But instead you
end up having multiple Children in this long successful marriage. Like
it's such a fairy tale. But I think that it's interesting if you um take
us through like the changes how, you know, you and his attitudes changed
and his level of commitment and you know what I mean, and his excitement
for the idea of starting this family, you know, grew from that initial
part where he was like, I don't think I want kids and I think that's so
interesting. Ok, so after we had the oldest daughter, um, less than two
years, uh, got pregnant again, um, now once I got pregnant with the second
child, that's when he spoke up, you know. Um, here it is, you know, we
already got one kid. Um, we're not where we need to be financially and, um
, you know, I just hope that financially able to take care of this kid. Um
, so our relationship still, we still had AAA pretty good relationship. It
was just that he was just concerned. Um And, um, but, but we made it
through it, we made it through it. We stayed in an apartment that, that,
you know, wasn't in the best neighborhood. Um We didn't have a lot of
money but we made it work, we made it work um, without no assistance from
his family, not no assistance from my family. We made it work, we sure did
no financial assistance, no financial assistance. Um In fact, that's when
he got a CD O truck driver license and he became a truck driver. Um And so
, um, and at that time, um, he made pretty good money. Um, but because he
was the only one working, you know, we had to go, we could afford, um, So
after I had um I was pregnant with the second child. Um and after I had
him, um it, his attitude was different because this was a son.
Um, he had, at this point he has two daughters and now you have a son. Now
that changed his attitude. He was, he was so proud of his son. Um he uh
spent a lot of time with him. He took my son with him places. Um, it was
just, it, it was good. It was, it was good and with him with my second son
, the pregnancy, um, it wasn't bad. It was ok. And of course I had to have
him natural. Um, and I did not take no kind of medications at all for none
of my kids at all. I had them without any type of medications at all. Um,
yeah, which is, yeah. So, um, we're skipping ahead a lot. So I'm going to
pull us back to, um, when you realized you were pregnant with your second
daughter. And, um, and you said that he was, uh, concerned about being
able to, you know, handle, handle having two Children and, you know, how
did you feel
at that point?
To be honest, I can't, I, I don't even recall how I felt. Um, I just know
I had, I was pregnant with this kid and, um, was just pretty much, I
wasn't scared or none of that. I wasn't sad or nothing like that. I just,
I, I didn't have no feeling one way or the other. Now, when you get down
to the other ones, that's when the feelings for me come in. Now with the
second kid. It was, it was, you know, ok, I'm pregnant. Ok. And we'll get
through this.
But, um, you know, uh, going through the pregnancy with him, it was, I
didn't get sick at all. It was with my son. So let's just like just um end
the second birth story before we go there. So just tell us you can say
like um pregnancy was the same or, or you didn't have ac section for the
second one. I did not. So give us a little bit more information about that
before we move on. Um I did not have a um I had him, my second son. I had
him naturally. You're talking about your second daughter. No, no, no, no.
So because it's because it's four. I got the oldest daughter. You haven't
told us anything about the sec, the daughter's birth, your second
daughter's birth. Ok. The second child was the son.
So you had a girl, boy, girl, boy. So right now we own a second son. Ok.
So we haven't been communicating. You're probably thinking what is the I'm
talking about? Ok. So then you found out you were pregnant with the second
child and you did you get a sonogram? Yes, I did. And um and they told me
it was a boy. Um And so I was excited about me having a son as soon as
they told me it was a boy. I was excited because if I had my way, I would
have all sons. So I was just ecstatic. I, I was happy to have my son. Um
So, um that pregnancy was good. I didn't get sick or nothing like that. Um
Upon my delivery of this child, it wasn't bad. I, I would have to say I
was in labor probably about,
I don't know, probably about eight hours, seven hours. It was nowhere near
the first child. Um, so I was not in labor, um, long with him at all. Um,
and it was a pretty, um, easy birth, um, no complications at all. Um, and
I refused all medications. Um, and once, uh, I had him and I, I got to see
that after birth, which was so gross and, and scary and I was like, oh my
God. Uh, so that was, that was, that was the first time I seen the after
birth I was just like, that was just so gross. Um, but, you know, a, a him
, um, it was, it was good. It was good. Um, and my husband did, he was
there for him. He, he got to see his son, um, uh, born, um, and at that
particular time it was just me, him, um, that was there and then later on
family came So it was just me, him for that birth. So, what was your
method of coping with the pain? I did it. I, I did it. II, I don't know
how I did it. They, they are, they, are you sure you don't want nothing
for pain? No, I do not want anything for pain. Now, epidural. That scared
me. That didn't sound that scared. But I didn't know what it was. And it,
when, every time they, oh, I was like, no, I don't want that because I was
just like, oh my God, I, I don't want that. So, but yeah, I, I refused
that because it was just, the name sounded scary. So I didn't want it. So
were you, um, laying on your back the whole time? I was laying on my back
the whole time I was laying on my back the whole time.
So you must have been, were you like bearing down or did you like count or
? Oh, and in a bit and the, and the contractions. Oh my gosh. Uh I've
stayed in the bed the whole time and yes, I did squeeze on on the bed, uh
, um, cheats and, and all of that. And then I said, oh my God, I'm not
having no more kids. This is it, this is a wrap. Um, didn't know I was
lying at the time but yeah, it was, it was, it was something else that,
that oh my God contractions is no fun at all. Did your um now husband like
help at all? Did he, you know, was he rubbing on you or doing anything?
You know what? No, on this one. No,
no, he, he did not. No. Mm mm. He was just there. Um, and um,
I tried to squeeze his hand. He was like, you know what? And now he, he
went for it the first time and then as he was like, no, you know what, you
squeeze it too tight. Um So the hand squeeze and he didn't, he wasn't
going for that. Um So I did, I, I did uh grip on those bars, blankets and
uh uh did funny stuff in the bed and, and just, yeah, that, that right
there was something else because um this was a birth that I had to, it was
so different from my first one. Put it like that.
We talked to a woman yesterday who said that she um vividly remembers like
the head and shoulders emerging from her vagina. Do you remember like the
ring of fire and all that stuff? You know what I OK? Now, on this
particular, I'm so glad you said that. Now on this particular pregnancy, I
, I just recall um when you have to push and I could just remember that
head poop just that initial push and that head coming out. And of course,
he had the biggest head also. And um and so that initial push and when
that head came out it was a piece of cake after that. But, oh, my gosh.
Yes. Yes.
So, um, did they, they, you know, pulled your baby out or you pushed your
baby out? And then, um, what do you look like? Was he like bloody or white
or he was, he was very, very bloody. And, um, oh, he was very bloody. Oh,
gosh, that was not a pretty sight. And my husband, um, cut his umbilical
cord, um, and he was just looking, I could just remember seeing him
looking at his son like, you know, oh my God. What the heck. Um, but on
this go around he didn't look at the whole procedure laid on down the line.
This story gets interesting as, as we go along. Um, but yeah, he, he, uh
, he just, uh, cut the, cut the cord and that was pretty much it. But he,
he was kind of looking at like, oh my God, this w, um, then I can remember
him telling, um, the nerves to go and clean him up because he did that.
That's not a good look. Go and clean, clean them up, man. Bring him back
and I'll hold him. Yeah. Did they put them on your chest?
No, they gave him to the dad
now. Yeah, they gave him to the dad. Yep. Did you nurse? Nope. Mm. Did not
nurse him at all? Uh, uh, did not nurse. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. So as soon as you
had them and they were, were they encouraging you to nurse? They were like
, no, you knew what they did. And, um, and I told them right away because
now with the first one, you know, I told them I was going to do both and
with the second one I made it clear. No, I'm not breastfeeding. I will be
bottle feeding. I, I didn't want to make that mistake because they kept
trying to push that in the hospital. So, no, I told him straight out. No,
I'm only, I'm, I'm not uh breastfeeding. I'm bottle feeding. Do you feel
pressured?
Uh the first time I did this time, they respected my wishes and, and um
and started them on a formula. Um Did you feel like there was any judgment
about it? No, no. Um no, the hospital staff, uh the nurse, the doctor, all
them was really, really good. In fact, um the doctor um that delivered my
first child, delivered the second child. So they had the same doctor, same
doctor. Um Did the doctor give you any, you know, feedback on, on your,
you know, performance? You call it. No, no. Um He just made a little joke
, you know that, you know, here we are again, you know, here we are. Here
we go again. You know. So he was like you didn't learn nothing the first
time, huh? Oh, here we go again. That was so funny when he said that he
was such a cool doctor doc. Oh, can I say I not say that again? But, yeah
, he was such a cool doctor. Um, ok. So then you spend a couple of days in
the hospital less or more, um, with him? Ok. The oldest daughter was three
days. Um, him, I was in there for two days, two days with, with, with my
son. Yep. Two days. Where was he a similar baby to the first one? No, no,
he, he was, he was, uh, totally, totally different and right to this day
he's totally different. Um, he was a good baby too. Um, and he, uh, when I
say different, um,
he was, he was a good baby and then as he grew up, he just, he's the type
of kid that don't have a lot to say. Very easy going, very cool, calm and
collected, just, just very cool and right to this day he's still the same
way. Um, and I can just remember, um, um, times where he, he, he listened
well, um, to where, you know, I would tell him, you know, um Tyree, you
know, um, don't do this and do that and he, he actually would, would
listen. And, um, and he was the only kid that would let me take a nap
without bothering me. I could actually take a nap with this kid the rest
of them. No. But yeah, he, he's, he's, he's always been different and he's
just different in, in a way to where he, and he still keeps secrets the
rest of this day. That's somebody if you told the secret to him, he would
not repeat it, you know, he, he doesn't have a lot to say. Um, very
easygoing, fun, nice guy. Um, and, and just, just an awesome person. Very
awesome. That's cool. Um, ok, so, ok, now how long is the gap between your
second to your third?
About a seven year gap? He was, yeah, he was born in um 89. She was born
in 93. So what is that about a seven year, about the seven year gap? So
what's the story there? Um Now with there? Oh I was done um I was taking
birth control pills. Oh I'm not having no more kids, you know what? Um
it's been seven years maybe if I can go ahead and just put these pills
away and boom was pregnant. Could not freaking believe that. So yeah. Uh
the story there I thought I was done and that was a complete oopsy. Now
this child
was a handful. Um Now with her birth. Ok. Now once we found out about her
about her, that's what my husband told me. You, you know, you, you really
need to slow it down, you know. Um here it is, you know, we're about to
have three kids and um and you really do need to uh I don't know what
happened, you know, why aren't you taking your birth control pills? And
you really do need to slow it down. So, anyway, um, um, I agree. Yeah,
you're right. But it's too late now. Um, so, um, being pregnant with her,
um,
she was a very interesting baby. Um, my labor with her was about, because
I learned from the other two, a little bit shorter. So I wanna say maybe
about five hours because II I knew not to just rush to the hospital with
that one. So it wasn't as long. Um, and then my, uh, water eventually
broke once I got to the hospital with her, um, refused, um, all
medications easy. Uh, um, everything went well, she came out no
complications at all. Um, and
he wasn't there for her either. He had to work so he missed the boat on
her. Um, and, um, when I had her, it was, um, again, it was my mother and
basically all of my family for that go around there. Um, she was a baby
that, um, that cried a lot. She cried a lot. That was my little cry baby.
Uh, oh gosh, she cried a lot. And I, I just remember I cannot let a
stranger keep you because I, I think they would do harm because you just a
little cry baby. She just, oh God and had a big mouth. Oh my God. That was
my big mouth baby. Um, and, um, as she, uh, um, got older, um, she got a
little bit better as she got older. Um, and then, um, once she became a
teenager, um, that was a whole different ball game that she, uh, was,
she's very outspoken. That's what her thing is. She's very outspoken and,
and, and just, just, I, I call, I said that's my little fireball but now
she's 22 years old and this, this girl is, is, is awesome. II I didn't
think that she would be the person that she is today. I, I did not, I
didn't see it um because she was, you know, cry, cry baby as a baby. Um
then she kind of mellowed out uh all the way until she got, I wanna say
1414, all the way to probably 20 was the time that I think I could have
packed my bags and easily not gave her my address. Um, but um, o other
than that, you know, the, the pregnancy with her was, wasn't uh it wasn't
bad. It was a little out of all, all the pregnancies. That one was one of
the shorter ones. Is it shorter pregnancy, uh, shorter pregnancy, you know
, the delivery time, I'm sorry, delivery all of I carry all of my kids to
term before nine months. So um you would plan on just going in there and
having the same vaginal birth like the previous. Yeah, because it would
not uh spoke of be beforehand and went in there and natural birth and, and
that was that one. Are you just like super brave? I mean, how I, you seem
like you just accept that that's the process and, yeah. Yeah, cause you
know, having a mother too, I pretty much knew, you know, um, what the
procedure was and I, uh, once they asked me if I wanted anything for pain
or whatever, no, I don't want anything for pain. I basically want to get
this over with. Um, and of course, uh, uh, gripping the chair and the bars
and saying, oh my God, what did I do? And, oh my God. Yeah, what did I do
? Oh my gosh. Yeah. Yeah. At that particular time I can remember in my
mind. Oh my God. I cannot believe this. Uh, the third go around. What is
wrong with me? The third going wrong? What is wrong with me? I can't
believe I did this. Ok. So, um, and you formula fed, formula fed and, uh,
anything exceptional about the pregnancy or birth that you can remember
before you move on with her. No, the last one. Yes.
Ok. So you set it up, don't? Ok. Now, now the fourth kid, um, once I got
pregnant with him, I was very upset because I was 30 years old. I felt
like I was an old lady. Um, and I was not happy. Um, in fact, um, this kid
I was considering aborting because I, I figured we wasn't, um, where we,
um, were financially, I already have three kids and I didn't want to
create no more hardship and all that. Um, and so when I went to Planned
Parenthood to, um, do the procedure, um, when they show, they show a movie
they, they show you what they do to the babies and I, I ran out of there.
I was gone and, um, and so I couldn't do it, I couldn't do it and I seen
what they did to those babies. I was like, no, I, I just have to, if I
need be, I'll be a single parent if you want to leave me. So be it. Um,
now, um, now bear in mind on this, this, uh, fourth go round. I did not
tell him, I didn't tell him because I was going to board it. But what I
did do, I was interviewing other people, you know, what would you do and
all that just trying to get some feedback. And I went when my oldest
daughter had said that, you know, um, you know, anybody that, um, that, um
, boarded their kid, but I didn't tell her it was me. I was playing like
it was just, you know, pretty much just trying to get her opinion on it,
you know, what would you do? You know, if somebody, you know, um, got rid
of a baby and all that in, in, I mean, for her to be young. She was like,
oh, my God, that's terrible. I don't think that's horrible. Anybody does
it. That's horrible. So, that kind of didn't make me feel too good. So, I
thought, oh, my God, that's not good. So, just different people. I was
talking to just to kind of get their opinions on it but not let nobody
know that I'm, I'm pregnant. Um, so once I went there to, to, to, to abort
this kid and they showed me that I, I ran out of there so fast then I, um
, I was like, oh my gosh. So I jumped in my car was going down. I was just
like a mad woman. So, um, I was like, oh my God, I gotta come clean and
tell my husband that I, you know, I, soon as I hit that door, Wayne, what
are we gonna do? I am pregnant. What are we gonna do? He said, well, what
are we gonna do? What are you gonna do? And, um, I was like, you know what
, I went to, uh, planned Parenthood, I was gonna get rid of this kid and,
and I've seen what they did and all that and then I, I could not do that.
I mean, so, I mean, so what, what, what, what are we gonna do? And so I
guess at that point I was kinda figure if he was a bored or he was this a
rap, you know. So, but um he was just like, you know, um you know, we
gonna have the kid, you know, you know, and, and just have to make it and
do what we can. Um So as time went on, um um he uh later found out that
this was a son. Oh I even went as far as, because the sister that does not
have any kids. I went as far as I said, well, what about us letting Coren
raise him as hers? Cause I felt so I think every female should have a baby
did experience that because I felt bad. I was like, well, let me let my um
sister uh raise him. She was like, are you out of your mind? Your sister's
not raising no kid of mine. And so um he's like, you know what you gonna
have this kid and, and we're gonna, you know, we're gonna figure this out.
And so once he found out this was another son, he was so, oh my God, he
was just, he was, he was a very, very good dad. I mean, he just wanted me
to eat certain things. He talked to the baby in my stomach. He just did
kind of weird stuff though. But he just, he just was just blown away about
having another son. He, he was just so excited. Um And so once I had, and
this is probably gonna sound unbelievable by what I'm gonna say. And once
I had my son naturally, no, no problems at all. He cut the umbilical cord
and all of that and he was talking to my son and do you? I mean, this is
gonna sound unreal. He actually said something and I had heard it, my hu
my husband had heard it and we were just like my husband, like, I'm, I'm
so glad you said it. It was just like he had recognized his voice and he
said it was, uh it was just just, he said it was like something came out
of his mouth like baby talk, you know, it was just, it was so freaking
weird. I was so creeped out about that. And um, and so, but um, and it was
just, I was just glad he heard it because I was just thinking ii I hope
I'm not losing my mind, but my husband heard the same thing I heard. Um
And so, um I got to back it up even more when, when it was time for me to
go to the hospital. Uh he was uh scared
and so I knew I had to talk in a calm voice and not to get excited because
I didn't want to excite him and then him get into a panic. So I had to
tell him in a calm voice, Wayne, I'm having contractions. It's time for me
to go to the hospital. So by him being so nervous about all of this. As if
this was his first kid. But by him being so end up getting excited and all
that. So I took my time going to the hospital, took my time. And so he had
to make a stop two stops. He did one stop to the liquor store. He had to
go get him a beer to calm his nerves. Then he had to go and, and um get my
sister out. Uh, you know, because my sister at the time she sleep with my
mom. So he had to go and pick her up because he wanted her to come. So he
picked her up and both of them came and I'm thinking to myself, oh my gosh
, I'm gonna have this baby in the car. He had to make all these freaking
stops. Are you kidding me right now? So thank God we finally made it to
the hospital and I wasn't there at that hospital. No time at all. And, and
the lady said, you know what, she put me on the table and she, um,
monitored, um, uh, the contractions and she said, you know what we're
about to have us a baby. I, I kid you and I was in the hospital probably
for less than an hour before. Uh, I at him, that was my plan. All the
other ones having to wait and all that. I was my plan. You know, I'm a, I
, I, you know, I hope I'm not making a mistake but my plan is to get in
there and, and handle my business and that's exactly what I did went in
there and he, it took no time for him to come. So, you were in labor at
home for a long time? Yes. Yes. Uh, yes, I was, I, I just, you know, um,
um, I just in my com because it took me a minute to get dressed. I was
like Wayne, I'm having contractions and um, it was just like, you know,
your voice is too calm. No, you're not. So he uh um um continued, um
looking at TV, I'm having contracts. We have to go, go in and get dressed.
So finally got dressed and all that and didn't even call my sister to
warn her, um that we need to go to the hospital. We just drove over there.
So, and I thought, oh my gosh, what if she needs to get dressed? So that
was that, at that point I was like, oh my God, maybe this wasn't a good
idea for me to plan this way. But um, it, it worked out, it worked out, in
fact better than I thought it would, it really did. Um And um, and so, uh
uh once I got there and um, and gave birth, he cut the uh to cut the cord
and um, and, and that was, that I could just remember how, how freaking
excited he was. He was just just happy. And with this kid, I got out the
next day. Yeah, with, with him, with this, with this baby, I got out the
next day. Um and it was just, it was, it was smooth sailing. In fact, um,
they were giving me a baby shower. I took him to the baby shower and it
was like, oh my gosh, you can't do that. You go home, you just had this
baby and they told me to go back home though. But yeah. Uh, so he actually
went to his own baby shower. Was he early? No? Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. It wasn't
early. And this is another thing too. He pretty much was on time because
the rest of the kids, all my kids they had the, the dates was pretty close.
It was pretty close. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He, he was on time. Was there
anything, um, exceptional or, or that you wanna mention about after you
brought him home? Yes. And no, when I brought him home, lucky for me, all
his siblings were older. So he became the baby dog. Um, so, um, it was
just, it was very easy. They helped me out a lot with him. Um, financially
we survived it. Um, he got a better paying job. Um, by that time, um, I
was, uh, um, studying, um, for my real estate, um, to, to get my real
estate license. Um, so it all, financially, it all worked out. It really
did. Um, but yeah, he, he was a, he was a good baby. He was a good baby.
Um, I had no problems at all with him. He was just, and, and now he's 16
and, um, he's, he's, he's, he's good. He's, he's good. Got a great sense
of humor at all. My kids, he has the best sense of humor. Very tall. He's
the tallest boy. Yeah, he's the tallest one. So, um, when you reflect back
on your life, I mean, it's like, so amazing how far you've come and how
much has happened. And what do you think? Can you kind of just reflect on
your experiences since you were 16 to this point? Now, from when I was 16
, being young and didn't know much and having an older guy, um, and just
having to go through just being in a long term relationship and not having
, you know, having to deal with relationship and when I say relationship
issues, um, him, uh, being older and wanting to, uh, hang out with his
friends a little bit more and then you have to have that and then I'm
pretty much stuck with these kids and, um, stuff like that. But, you know
, um, looking back, um, from there to now I wouldn't change a thing. Now,
all the kids, uh, well, three of the kids are grown. We have the 16 year
old at home. Um, my husband is, um, um, you know, when his truck driving
career. I'm in my real estate career and we just happy. My, my whole thing
now is II, I wouldn't change it. I wouldn't change, change nothing. I went
through in the past, uh, I don't, no regrets. Nothing. II, I love, take
the bitter with the sweet. Pretty much. No. Yeah. Anything else. Do you
wanna ask Ashley
to clarify anything or? I don't think so.
Ok. And I'll let you wrote all of that. Oh my God. Oh no, she's so good.
If I could read them, it would be really good.
We need to hire in the system to do not. Ok. So a lot of times we'll ask
people at the end, um, to think and see if they can come up with a word or
phrasing of words, that kind of summarizes their experience because we're
separating these stories into themes and um, it's been a really
interesting way of maybe finding that theme emerge. Well, you know, I
would describe mines as Rocky. Rocky for the simple fact is, you know, to
be this young girl, um, with this older guy, um, and just having to, um,
experience him, you know, when a party with the guys and, and me being
stuck with the kids and me not, uh, um, er, on my future and, and uh, oh
God. Yeah, they always say Rocky. When did he propose?
He,
we got married.
I'd already had my first daughter.
I had her in 87
I wanna say in about 88 because I had my son in 89. Yes, it was. Now I
know how it was. Um now when I had my, my son, I was married but when I
had my oldest daughter, I wasn't and so I was like, oh my God, my
daughter's a bastard, you know. But yeah, yeah. And so all the other kids
I was married but with her I was not. So, was that, um, was he the guy you
wanted to be married to for the rest of your life? You know what? At, at,
at that given moment in my mind. That's not what I said. That's not what I
said. I, I, you know what I married him, um, for one I got lucky to marry
the guy that I was deep in love with. Um, but the rest of our lives I did
not think of that. Mm. Mm. I, I thought of it. In fact, you know, I, I,
I'm married my kid's dad and somebody I truly love but lifetime. Mm. Mm. I
wouldn't have guessed in a million years. I'll be still with this guy
today. I would not have guessed that if somebody would have told me and I
was like, no freaking way. I, I just, I, I wouldn't have guessed it. Why?
Because you were just so young when you met, I was so young when I met him
and I just, um, I, I just wouldn't have guessed it. I mean, I would have
thought that because I was so young and inexperienced that this guy, he's
an old fart now and, you know, maybe I might get somebody young on my age
or whatever. So, but, uh, yeah, I thought he would become boring or
whatever. But the older this guy get, the more interest he get, he really
does, he's more interested now than he were back then. You know. So he's
so, oh God, he's, he's such a and he's, and what I love about him now,
he's older now. He, he's 57 he's older now. And I, I had the option not
option. I had the opportunity to see a young, young guy with a nice body
to a guy that's on the heavy side with a big belly and gray hair in his
head. So I think I'm more just
ii I love where he at now, you know, II I love just looking at him age and
the maturity and just the man he's become to be honest, you know. So, but
yeah, but, but if someone asked me, uh, when I first married him, if this
was life, no, I would probably told him no, this is I'm marrying a man. I
love, I don't know how long but he, you know, when I'm a certain age, he
gonna be old and I may not want to be kicking it with him. Then you know.
So, but yeah,
you know what's amazing to me is like when you're 16 you're just not
usually making the best decision and to actually be able to just fall in
love with a guy who has the kind of character that, you know, it does the
right thing and stands by the woman he loves and grows his family and it's
pretty cool. It really is. But you know what I really, his mom is deceased
now though, but I give a lot of credit to his mom. Um You know, this girl
, 16 years old, what I mean? I was lucky that she even let me come there
to live, you know, um you need to go home to your parents. But now she,
she, she um um let me come there to live and I, I just embraced their
family. That was like my family, you know, so, but iii I told my husband,
I wish she was here today so that I can uh thank her. Um I really do. I
really would like to uh uh express my gratitude. Um um because my, my home
life, um my dad, he, he was a drinker, you know, and he just, I just hated
it there. I mean, he just, he, he was a drinker and then he talked with
nonsense and, and had these random friends over and stuff. I was just like
, that's why I, I stayed gone as a teenager. I stayed uh gone a lot and I
worked at an early age, you know, as, as a result of that, um, I just
didn't even want to be there. So when I met this guy and I was able to
come over to his place, you know, I'm just like, hmm, you know, and then
just took it upon myself and just moved in and he asked, I didn't ask his
mom and I just moved in. Who does that?
That's why I need to. I wish she was still alive. I said, oh, my gosh. Oh
my God. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to just move in your house. But look,
yeah, I got all your grandkids. But yeah. Is it funny being a mom of girls
now and thinking about them at 16 when they turn 16, you're like, gosh, I
haven't met this guy and I had a kid at 17. You know what? My kids are so
different from me. They, and I'm so glad, um, they're so different from me.
Um, and as far as, um, I was just a free spirit, you know, I have friends
or whatever and I just go and, and, and spend nights at their house and
it's a, and I never got into alcohol or drugs and nothing like that. It
was just, just me just being gone. I just had to be gone, being with
friends and my kids because I didn't want them to be like me. They had
freedom. I gave my kids freedom and, and they didn't take it. Um, and all
of them, um, um, they didn't really get out and start doing stuff until,
like, they was like, 1617. That was all their, their age and time frames
that they went out and, and, um, done stuff with friends or whatever. And
I'm just like, thank God, I mean, thank God you wouldn't like your mom
because, I mean, I, I would, there was times where I would leave that
Friday and come back home Sunday. So, yeah, I did what I wanted to do but
I never got into trouble though. Never got into job. That's why I say
looking back, I think it was a blessing that I did meet my husband. Who
knows what could and would have happened, you know. Um, so II, I thank God
that I, that I met him, um, he just had a quality in him that I just
couldn't resist. Good quality. Mhm. That's good. Yeah. Ok. Awesome. I
think we're good. Ok. Anything else?
It's a wrap. We're good.
All righty. I'm hitting this.