The primal male instinct is the hunt to reproduce.
However, it is no longer the male that just does this. The female is out
and about. And gentlemen beyond guard, the separation of church and state
has led to all types of foolishness in today's society. For example, I'm
headed to subway because I'm hungry trying to get a sandwich like a normal
person. I order the feast. It has all the meats, all the cheeses, all the
things that make the vegans get icy. So I pull up the cell phone, shoot
out a text autocorrect and you know what's next? I'm waiting for the
sandwich and the homies fingers in my hair, but they smell like baloney. I
used to have an afro. I was just waiting there minding my business and I
felt these random fingers just crawling through my hair just having its
way. I look to my six and I see this random girl I've never seen in my
life and to top it off her best friends over there trying to eat the
sandwich I just paid for. Now I have a, I'm a dreamer and I have an
imagination and I was thinking about getting really violent, like taking
this chick's esophagus and applying some pressure
or perhaps sticking my fingers in some powder and going but right across
the face. Pimp slap. Look at me now. Hey,
nah. But I have etiquette. I'm a gentleman and all bullshit aside. I
decided to explain what you gotta do to touch your brother's hair. You
just ask politely and I may oblige you. But 95% of the time I will say no.
So just be prepared for the worst to avoid any further complications. I
headed to this braiding shop called Ebony Hair Fair. Two ladies greet me,
Rhonda and Von Toya, both aspiring strippers. I'm sitting in this chair
getting my hair braided and they asked me what I do. I tell them, I study
theater and dance at a su and they're very happy to hear this because
they've been looking for some pole dancing lessons. I do not know where to
get those. Please stop asking me. You could assume that my life has
changed dramatically after sitting in this chair getting my hair braided
by these two lovely females.
No, no,
n
no sabre sabre.
No.
Um
No, no, no, no.
Oh yeah, so nana but no, no, no, no said I it
and uh
um
uh
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no.
And then
um uh um
and then
sma
and I was like, oh and I was like, oh da da da da, da. Kids from decay. No.
No. Crea. Wow.
Mhm.
No, no, no,
I ride my bike a lot. I ride it from my house to school, from school to my
house. Sometimes it takes on the light rail. I ride it all over the place.
Um, but there was a long period of time where I didn't ride my bike at
all. Yeah. That's real funny. And it's because I fell off of it and broke
my wrist when I was in fourth grade and I did this becau not because, but
I was going down a hill and my brother was with me and he was on
rollerblades and we tried, I tried to go around him so that he would grab
onto the back of my bike and, like, skate down this hill behind me really
fast. But I ended up accidentally hitting my front tire on his calf and
then flying over the handlebars. And, uh, and it, like, I had big dents in
my helmet and my bike was all messed up.
Right. And my wrist was all messed up and my face was all messed up. And,
um, so I didn't ride my bike for a long time after that. And then when I
got to college and I needed to ride my bike to school every day, it was a
little bit scary because I didn't want to fall off of it. But it turns out
that I fall off my bike a lot. It just kind of happens. And so, um it
seems like I shouldn't fall off because I'm a dancer and I have pretty
good balance. But for some reason, I just am really clumsy on a bike. And
so now I just kind of stay away from the edges of roads so that when I do
fall off, I don't fall into a road and I fall onto a sidewalk. That's my
life plan.
Come
on. UN
s
I
plan
to hold on, hold on. This is not making, this is not making sense. Let me
tell you again. So I grew up speaking Spanish, right? But then I moved to
the US. So I learned how to speak English. And there was this girl in my
eighth grade class who would always try to speak Spanish, but I thought it
was very, very, very rude because not everybody speaks Spanish, right? But
then, but then I will try to speak English but she will insist and she
will like go on and on and on and on, and on, and on, and on, and on and
on and on. But then yeah, so I will try to like speak English all the time.
So like everybody can be inclusive and they can be like engaged in the
conversation and they can jump in. So, yeah, I like speak in English.
Huh?
It's a lovely spring afternoon, isn't it?
There's this Japanese tradition that my mother, no, I lie sorry, my
grandmother told me about, hm. It's how to bathe
in Japan. The mom makes a bath. But the person that actually gets to take
the bath first is the eldest male in the family.
Then that usually is the grandfather. So it goes to the father after that.
And it follows as the eldest son, next eldest son on and on. And then it
goes to the eldest female, which is usually the grandmother. Then it skips
the mom and goes to the eldest daughter, next eldest daughter.
And finally on the bottom of the list is the mom. And by this time, the
bath water is kinda gross. So you have to scoop up the top layer to
actually get in. But that's just the way it is. The order in Japanese goes
sofu. Jan Jan San sos Sobo Jojo, Sanjo, Taiki ha ha na.