WEBVTT 00:00:03.088 --> 00:00:05.088 Good evening. My name is Beth and I am the founder and director of Q Speak 00:00:07.868 --> 00:00:12.445 Theater. Q Speak is the Valley's only theater program for youth ages 14 to 00:00:12.478 --> 00:00:18.456 22 who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and question. This 00:00:18.489 --> 00:00:22.605 season Q has been collaborating with Lindsay Bauer to incorporate dance 00:00:22.638 --> 00:00:27.896 and communicating and performing stories of LGBT Qu. The 1st 20 minutes 00:00:27.929 --> 00:00:32.277 you will see tonight is part of a larger production of Q theater. The 00:00:32.310 --> 00:00:35.686 stories you will see are true stories and experiences of youth living in 00:00:35.719 --> 00:00:39.277 the valley. Though the youth performing may not be performing their oldest 00:00:39.310 --> 00:00:45.515 stories. QE was founded in July 2005 in a series of workshops and in 2006 00:00:45.548 --> 00:00:49.635 became a partner program of one in 10 inc in Glisson, Phoenix and is 00:00:49.668 --> 00:00:53.616 supported in part by arts work here at Arizona State University. Myself 00:00:53.649 --> 00:00:56.656 and other representatives from Q people be in the lobby following site 00:00:56.689 --> 00:00:59.616 performance. If you have any questions, you want more information, we are 00:00:59.649 --> 00:01:07.649 very excited to be part of your experience tonight. Thank you so much, 00:03:41.360 --> 00:03:44.866 driving home from school. 00:03:44.899 --> 00:03:48.717 Even though I'm out at school, I can't truly be myself. And there are 00:03:48.750 --> 00:03:52.946 people who know, but who won't accept me. It still burns. But I read the 00:03:52.979 --> 00:03:56.666 phrase that's so gay or she died. 00:03:56.699 --> 00:04:01.936 But in the car, I can be free and entertained, I can say whatever I want. 00:04:01.969 --> 00:04:06.987 I also know I'm really lucky because at home I can truly be myself. 00:04:07.020 --> 00:04:11.856 My room is my inspiration, black cloth, dripping candles, hunt grams and 00:04:11.889 --> 00:04:16.377 fairies get carefully arranged with clear attention to detail. My room is 00:04:16.410 --> 00:04:20.377 Gothic Feng Shui and I do my best work there. It's a place that I feel 00:04:20.410 --> 00:04:25.606 more at peace than anywhere else. One am in the morning, I'm too scared to 00:04:25.639 --> 00:04:31.366 sleep. Be safe and protected, especially the one Alex gave me. I hate it 00:04:31.399 --> 00:04:38.356 here, Alex's house is more of a home to me than my own. 00:04:38.389 --> 00:04:43.745 No one hits me there. It tells me I says you're not my daughter. This 00:04:43.778 --> 00:04:49.325 place sucks is the only place that I can escape until they take that away 00:04:49.358 --> 00:04:55.317 from me too night. I have to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling when I'm 00:04:55.350 --> 00:04:58.656 at home. I'm just the straight boy who doesn't have a girlfriend for some 00:04:58.689 --> 00:05:03.536 o for some odd reason. So I don't step out of my room in my house which is 00:05:03.569 --> 00:05:07.416 fine. I love my, 00:05:07.449 --> 00:05:10.976 I find it really difficult to be strong with my parents. As long as I'm in 00:05:11.009 --> 00:05:13.687 my room, I'm fine. But as soon as I step into the rest of the house. It's 00:05:13.720 --> 00:05:20.515 like control of me. Like I can't do what I want or tell them no, he at 00:05:20.548 --> 00:05:25.507 home. I don't get much freedom. I can't ever be completely wild and crazy. 00:05:25.540 --> 00:05:30.145 I'm definitely not believe me at church. Gay and L DS. You do the math at 00:05:30.178 --> 00:05:33.536 home. My parents don't know. So I stay in my room. I don't even ride, 00:05:33.569 --> 00:05:37.265 sitting apart with my family in church. I need that time to myself. I just 00:05:37.298 --> 00:05:40.586 wanna be able to do things on my own without having my parents sitting 00:05:40.619 --> 00:05:45.887 there telling me you need to move out. You need to get a job. I don't 00:05:45.920 --> 00:05:50.007 wanna be them. I don't want to miss out on opportunities to have fun with 00:05:50.040 --> 00:05:56.887 my life and I do not want to end up being the bitter old queen. I didn't 00:05:56.920 --> 00:06:02.156 think about being gay until I was 14. My sister called me and I guess it 00:06:02.189 --> 00:06:06.676 really hit me as to what I was. You could say the door was open but still 00:06:06.709 --> 00:06:09.606 la 00:06:09.639 --> 00:06:17.639 right here fall into a consistent routine. Same thing 00:06:38.970 --> 00:06:42.437 on the way to church every Sunday. I blast, taught music and sing and 00:06:42.470 --> 00:06:47.805 dance and make a complete myself to all the people. Like he looks amazing. 00:06:47.838 --> 00:06:55.838 One time I was driving to church. I seen crazy new chapel windows. 00:07:11.639 --> 00:07:15.455 I think my physical being changes more depending on who I'm around rather 00:07:15.488 --> 00:07:20.575 than the place. 00:07:20.608 --> 00:07:25.616 Hey guys, how's third hour for everyone. Yeah, mine was kind of boring. 00:07:25.649 --> 00:07:30.765 Today. We always sit at these metal tables painted black. We've been 00:07:30.798 --> 00:07:34.166 sitting there since the beginning of junior year. We've all known each 00:07:34.199 --> 00:07:37.937 other since seventh grade. And they've kind of been like, my only friends 00:07:37.970 --> 00:07:40.796 this day I remember was a Thursday because we're all talking about the 00:07:40.829 --> 00:07:44.486 weekly get together. The L DS church had every Wednesday night. We all 00:07:44.519 --> 00:07:48.916 went to the same church and the Wednesday night group. Hey, you guys get 00:07:48.949 --> 00:07:52.586 this, get this. I got a new one. Guess what? What if the fat exceed the 00:07:52.619 --> 00:07:59.426 chicken? We're gonna get a little cocker on here. That's a little gross. 00:07:59.459 --> 00:08:03.947 I don't know. I tell him a bunch last night. It's just nasty. It's like 00:08:03.980 --> 00:08:07.486 some kind of nasty disease or something or like a disorder they usually 00:08:07.519 --> 00:08:11.476 put in and then they have other people like me and they can get help 00:08:11.509 --> 00:08:14.926 together. Really? I just don't understand why we have to talk about it on 00:08:14.959 --> 00:08:17.507 Sunday. School classes. 00:08:17.540 --> 00:08:20.817 You are an idiot. Gee. 00:08:20.850 --> 00:08:28.850 Ok. Article, a new area. Do you want it? The new era is an L DS magazine. 00:08:29.059 --> 00:08:32.316 I don't remember specifically what the article said, but it was about this 00:08:32.349 --> 00:08:36.696 girl who had rid herself of her homosexuality. 00:08:36.729 --> 00:08:41.265 I remember being in shock and that all, I don't remember what I said, but 00:08:41.298 --> 00:08:44.155 it must have been a negative response because my friends changed the 00:08:44.188 --> 00:08:50.956 subject and I didn't get the article, 00:08:50.989 --> 00:08:58.505 you guys that you come in or what? They're in a bed. Yeah. 00:08:58.538 --> 00:09:02.826 Just never really had friends, you know. So when my Sunday school teacher 00:09:02.859 --> 00:09:08.246 decided to pick homosexuality as a topic, I finally found a way to fit in. 00:09:08.279 --> 00:09:11.086 All my friends were mocking and cracking jokes about this horrible sin. 00:09:11.119 --> 00:09:16.505 And I felt really uncomfortable at first, but once they started to join in 00:09:16.538 --> 00:09:21.936 , I just couldn't stop. People were listening to me, I was making people 00:09:21.969 --> 00:09:25.976 laugh this week has been great because for the first time in my life, all 00:09:26.009 --> 00:09:30.287 these friends that I grew up with actually say hi to me at school and I 00:09:30.320 --> 00:09:33.736 have all these new friends. 00:09:33.769 --> 00:09:38.706 God, I just wanna be someone else sometimes. You know, 00:09:38.739 --> 00:09:43.436 that was when I was 15, about three years later, I left my religion and I 00:09:43.469 --> 00:09:47.755 saw these same friends cause I don't know, I guess they seem important to 00:09:47.788 --> 00:09:51.407 me. And right now where I am in my life is that I need people in my life. 00:09:51.440 --> 00:09:55.736 So there you have it and I have protect my own identity. Like going to 00:09:55.769 --> 00:09:59.875 places like one in 10 or Q speaker can be who I really am. Gay. 18 year 00:09:59.908 --> 00:10:04.586 old guy Kirk comes too sometimes 00:10:04.619 --> 00:10:08.135 but we never really talk. 00:10:08.168 --> 00:10:13.596 No sitting in Sunday school. Our teacher used to tell us to rise above the 00:10:13.629 --> 00:10:18.515 stress. Now there is a mountain by my house and I know this sounds 00:10:18.548 --> 00:10:25.066 ridiculous. But after Britney Point. You're just, oh, 00:10:25.099 --> 00:10:33.099 like, 00:10:34.700 --> 00:10:42.700 you know, 00:10:45.359 --> 00:10:53.359 you would always want to go through fires. You, but you never know the, 00:11:10.649 --> 00:11:18.649 we stopped, 00:11:48.830 --> 00:11:56.830 like, 00:12:08.918 --> 00:12:10.927 go, 00:12:10.960 --> 00:12:16.086 yeah. Yeah. 00:12:16.119 --> 00:12:24.119 I'll try, like, gravity. I'm lying. High defying gravity. And you can't 00:12:26.840 --> 00:12:29.547 hold me down. 00:12:29.580 --> 00:12:33.086 My high school choir and I were invited to sing Carnegie Hall last spring 00:12:33.119 --> 00:12:37.765 . I was 15 when I auditioned for my first community theater show. I was 00:12:37.798 --> 00:12:41.496 nervous. The first time I stood alone on stage was when I was 14 at Apollo 00:12:41.529 --> 00:12:45.696 High School, I had an audition. I've never been on stage before to speak 00:12:45.729 --> 00:12:50.917 theater. I didn't think I could do this in front of people, but it's 00:12:50.950 --> 00:12:55.787 amazing. I had one director that just totally made me doubt myself as an 00:12:55.820 --> 00:12:59.946 actor. And I just thought maybe this isn't something I should do when it 00:12:59.979 --> 00:13:03.826 first walked out alone, the stage was so cold and empty. I didn't think 00:13:03.859 --> 00:13:08.606 people would listen. I really didn't know what I was doing. I got into it 00:13:08.639 --> 00:13:12.557 . I felt warmer and more comfortable when we first landed in New York and 00:13:12.590 --> 00:13:16.677 walked in. I was a little disappointed. I mean, it looked like any other 00:13:16.710 --> 00:13:20.407 performance hall backstage that have been in. But when we lined up in the 00:13:20.440 --> 00:13:26.395 wings, the door to the stage is like glow. And when we finally walked on 00:13:26.428 --> 00:13:33.576 stage, I was pregnant. Everything looks so golden and magical. So the room 00:13:33.609 --> 00:13:37.307 echoed amazingly when we began to sing and the room gets quiet because 00:13:37.340 --> 00:13:42.186 people do wanna listen to and it feels so good to finally be listened to 00:13:42.219 --> 00:13:47.956 and it feels so safe to be on stage. Like the stage becomes mine. Like I 00:13:47.989 --> 00:13:53.037 just belong up here. That trip inspired me so much because I know that 00:13:53.070 --> 00:13:56.446 some of my favorite singers sing on that same stage. And I might wanna try 00:13:56.479 --> 00:14:02.226 this again ever since that first time I just wanna get my face out there. 00:14:02.259 --> 00:14:06.467 This is a place where I feel inspired to my voice and show my soul to the 00:14:06.500 --> 00:14:09.116 world. 00:14:09.149 --> 00:14:17.149 Met her. OK. Together we're, and then it turned. But 00:14:30.979 --> 00:14:35.275 my presence and physicality are different. Just like places like one in 10 00:14:35.308 --> 00:14:39.696 are Q speak. I can be who I really am and I'm very out about it. I'm 00:14:39.729 --> 00:14:44.456 different at school though that people harass me for a while. I change my 00:14:44.489 --> 00:14:48.537 walk wherever I may be when I go to concerts or shows or the mall or 00:14:48.570 --> 00:14:52.436 something. I tend to walk with my head hot looking people in the eyes 00:14:52.469 --> 00:14:55.797 trying to stand up, tell them be noticed. It's like you have to choose 00:14:55.830 --> 00:14:59.217 whether or not to say true to yourself. And sometimes that's not always 00:14:59.250 --> 00:15:07.250 possible where people fuck it up for you. 00:15:07.389 --> 00:15:11.346 When I was 17, I worked in a department store, I'd come out when I was 16 00:15:11.379 --> 00:15:18.846 , but only a few of my work knew that I was gay. Christina knew and Joey 00:15:18.879 --> 00:15:22.755 that here is my last day today. 00:15:22.788 --> 00:15:27.106 I'm calling at Blockbuster in this place. 00:15:27.139 --> 00:15:32.005 Absolutely. Have you, Tyler? Some, uh, free raffles and maybe some micro 00:15:32.038 --> 00:15:38.746 ma? Yeah, I'm getting to, 00:15:38.779 --> 00:15:44.625 I don't really like Mi and I too bad 00:15:44.658 --> 00:15:52.658 sometimes you freeze, you wanna stay true to yourself. But yeah, 00:15:59.710 --> 00:16:07.710 last summer Leadership Summit in Washington DC in A, from all over four of 00:16:07.798 --> 00:16:13.255 us to a room, most of the other participants were conservative. And even 00:16:13.288 --> 00:16:18.657 though I express my work, I made sure to conceal my sexual identity. And 00:16:18.690 --> 00:16:22.336 on the last night of the summit, there was a group of girls in the their 00:16:22.369 --> 00:16:27.826 life back home, they turned to me and asked me if I had a boyfriend, not 00:16:27.859 --> 00:16:33.037 only did I lie, they made up an anniversary, 00:16:33.070 --> 00:16:40.177 what did he look like and what we did for? And after that, they, they 00:16:40.210 --> 00:16:45.936 betray me more like one of them. 00:16:45.969 --> 00:16:50.726 I cried myself. And the next morning I caught an early bus to the airport 00:16:50.759 --> 00:16:57.346 to avoid talking to those girls ever. 00:16:57.379 --> 00:17:01.157 He thinks there must be places where people aren't stupid, be who you are 00:17:01.190 --> 00:17:05.416 , but you learn to keep to yourself just to protect yourself. I'll change 00:17:05.449 --> 00:17:10.766 my walk wherever I will be my physical presence, my walk, it's who I am 00:17:10.799 --> 00:17:17.155 right now in this moment and it could change in an instance. Yes, I tend 00:17:17.188 --> 00:17:21.034 to be more of a throng and I walk through the halls of my destination in 00:17:21.067 --> 00:17:29.067 mind to simply try to get there as quickly and as easily as possible. 00:17:30.439 --> 00:17:33.815 I don't really have any friends at school anymore. None that I trust my 00:17:33.848 --> 00:17:37.335 best friend out. Shoot everyone. Like at school doesn't improve. You learn 00:17:37.368 --> 00:17:41.156 to do what you have to do a fair way. 00:17:41.189 --> 00:17:48.676 What we're going be it. Sorry? What? Can't hear you is your mouth full. 00:17:48.709 --> 00:17:55.489 Yeah, I'm a baggage sp you. Yeah, maybe that's just what you need your bag. 00:18:46.029 --> 00:18:48.029 I'm not leaving until you repeat my locker. I'll stay here all night until 00:18:50.828 --> 00:18:55.815 you get someone here. This isn't ok. 00:18:55.848 --> 00:18:58.967 Why is this? Ok, 00:18:59.000 --> 00:19:03.055 I have rights and I'm more than happy to get some other people here to 00:19:03.088 --> 00:19:07.156 make sure you know what those rights are. I'm not leaving until you fix 00:19:07.189 --> 00:19:15.189 this. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. 00:19:24.348 --> 00:19:26.746 Yeah. 00:19:26.779 --> 00:19:30.506 Yeah. 00:19:30.539 --> 00:19:38.539 Yeah, 00:20:24.529 --> 00:20:32.529 it's all right. 00:26:49.588 --> 00:26:57.416 Ok. 00:26:57.449 --> 00:27:03.986 What? 00:27:04.019 --> 00:27:07.387 No. 00:27:07.420 --> 00:27:15.420 Ok and 00:27:19.750 --> 00:27:24.266 ok. 00:27:24.299 --> 00:27:31.726 Ok. 00:27:31.759 --> 00:27:36.476 You know. 00:27:36.509 --> 00:27:41.467 Ok. No. 00:27:41.500 --> 00:27:49.500 Yeah. 00:27:58.199 --> 00:28:06.199 Ok, 00:40:10.398 --> 00:40:18.398 we are see I am 00:41:18.128 --> 00:41:23.195 and, 00:41:23.228 --> 00:41:31.228 and 00:42:04.219 --> 00:42:06.537 yeah, 00:42:06.570 --> 00:42:14.570 yeah 00:43:31.250 --> 00:43:39.250 is 00:44:04.239 --> 00:44:12.239 ok. 00:44:42.489 --> 00:44:50.489 No, no, no 00:44:52.898 --> 00:45:00.898 bye 00:45:50.929 --> 00:45:54.506 mama. 00:45:54.539 --> 00:46:02.539 Mhm. 00:51:59.688 --> 00:52:07.688 That 00:52:20.929 --> 00:52:23.767 it is on. 00:52:23.800 --> 00:52:30.425 Uh 000 00:52:30.458 --> 00:52:38.458 the 00:52:45.530 --> 00:52:50.436 no they're not. 00:52:50.469 --> 00:52:54.436 Mm. 00:52:54.469 --> 00:52:56.469 Um.