I had a quote unquote geriatric pregnancy which caused me to threaten to
kick the male gynecologist who was standing in for my regular gynecologist
who left me. I was like, how dare you say that? Especially right where you
are where I can kick you in the head. But yeah, old, old, old when I had
her, although by today's standards, not so bad. But yeah, it's just the
two of us, cats, dogs, some fish and a pig being pregnant was just
incredible. It's like the best, most important thing I've ever done. I, I
kind of suspected that I wanted to stay at home as a mom and I walked away
from a 50 K a year job, but I couldn't think of anything more important
than taking care of her. It took me two years of actively trying to, to
finally get pregnant. It was a lot of work, but it was incredible. I
didn't have any morning sickness, which was amazing. My hair was great. My
skin was perfect. My nails were perfect. I probably looked better than,
than I had any time since my teen years. I was giddy. I mean, I knew from
the second of inception that I was pregnant and I knew who she was. I was
like, it's a girl and her name is going to be Violet. And the then husband
was just like, oh, yeah. Right. And I was like, trust me on this, you know
, you have to wait the two weeks to pee on the stick and get your concrete
proof. But sure enough, it was super easy except for the gestational
diabetes which caused me to have to get shut up three times a day and I
was terrified of needles. The gestational diabetes diet, I actually lost
£10. I was super heavy. When I got pregnant, I was like £261.
And by, by the time I delivered I was £251. It was fabulous. Like I only
had to shave my legs once a week. I, I didn't have any weird hairs popping
out on my face. All the labor changed all of that. Everything I didn't
grow showed up during 22 hours of labor. It was induced because I had the
gestational diabetes. And they kept saying, oh, well, you're going to have
this huge giant baby, which I didn't, she was £6.5. She was actually a
little on the small side, but they were, they were afraid that there were
going to be more complications. So I'm like, ok, well, you're the doctor.
I don't know. Sure. They tuck, what looks like a used tea bag up in your
girly bits and that's supposed to, you know, thin everything out. And I
was in labor for six hours before I realized it. I told the nurses I was
like, oh, I don't feel good. My stomach kind of hurt. What did you guys
give me for breakfast? I don't think it was right. And they were like, oh
, do you feel kind of nauseous and kind of like you have to poop. And I'm
like, yeah, but I can't seem to. And they went, honey, you're in labor.
And I said, no, I'm not, labor's supposed to hurt and be awful and stuff.
And they're like, no, trust us. I was like, if this is labor I could do
this all day and they laughed at me. They were like, don't worry, you will
by hour 16, my, oh, I don't want any drugs was get the guy in here with
the big needle and have him stick it in my back. I was in so much pain and
I kept vomiting and I really hadn't eaten that much. They didn't even want
to give me water anymore after a while. I was like, oh, it's that morning
sickness I didn't have now. Here it is. So I was demanding the epidural. I
had the meconium problem. My water wouldn't break. I was induced. So they
tuck that teabag up in there and it wasn't moving. They were like, well,
you know, you're barely dilating. It's not really moving. And then the
gynecologist came in with the crochet hook and burst my water. And I was
like, what are you doing? What are you doing down there? She's like, I
just, I just broke your water. It's ok. Don't worry. Like, of course, I'm
worried about it. You're supposed to tell me before you do that. And she
was like, what are you going to do about it? And then labor went on
another six hours finally decided, well, this is, you know, this is taking
too long because I was like, I don't care if somebody just get thing out
of me. And they put a shot of Pitocin in my IV. And she just came
squirting out. The nurse is on the phone because the doctors walked out
and telling her no, you get back in here, you get back in here now and she
was diving into her little rubber gowned dress before the baby could hit
the floor. They had asked me, do you want a mirror? I was like, no, I
don't even want you people looking. They were laughing at me because they
were saying, oh, well, we need you to push, we need you to push. And I was
like, I don't know if I'm pushing or not. It doesn't feel like I'm pushing.
They're like, oh, that's the epidural you are. And then when she finally
came out, nobody warned you about that smell. Oh my God, it's horrendous.
And then they hold her up and they're all covered in the goo and the
doctors saying, oh, you've torn and I'm going to have to put in stitches
and I'm like, ok, well, thank you for telling me I can't feel anything but
then she was, you know, all covered in goo and they took her and they
scrubbed her with like a nail brush and flipped her all over. And I'm like
my baby. What are you doing to my baby? And the nurses are like, oh,
they're tough. They can handle it. But I was, I was terrified of her
because I thought it was going to break her. I thought they were going to
break her, but she ended up fine at the end. I got the most gorgeous baby
on the face of the planet. Beautiful Victorian little curls, pointy, hard
face, those adorable chubby little Fred Flintstone feet that you just want
to nibble. Yeah. I wouldn't, I wouldn't trade her for anything. Not that I
want any others though because it hurts a lot.