It was in the seventies. So the hippie thing was still going on. The, you
know, studio 54 scene hadn't really hit yet. It was just about to, but,
you know, natural childbirth was huge. So my first child was not planned.
I think we'd been married about two years is all during the pregnancy, my
father had fallen ill, developed cancer and died. My dad really loved kids.
And so that was gonna be the the grandchild. He was really looking
forward to seeing and he didn't get to see her or, or any of my kids for
that matter. So that part was hard. It was kind of sad time periods. I was
grieving while I was pregnant and I started miscarrying at about five
months. So I was considered a high risk pregnancy. So I had to have the
baby in the hospital. Well, first they wanted me to get an abortion
because they gave me a pill. And if I ended up having a girl, they said
she would not develop uh puberty. And so they really encouraged an
abortion which at five months is kind of pretty far in and I didn't want
to do that. And so he said, well, you better hope you have a boy. I didn't
, I had a girl so her whole life we were waiting for her to hit puberty
and see what would happen, but she's fine. And so, um, that didn't
manifest, but the pill did stop me from miscarrying. Um I think it was
Provera. So, you know, I carried her to term and went into labor naturally.
It wasn't induced and had her at the hospital. The treatment I got during
the birth wasn't great. Um They weren't really used to anyone not taking
drugs at the hospital. They weren't used to natural childbirth. They
didn't, I don't feel like I was treated very humanely as a woman by a lot
of male doctors. It was overall a pretty negative experience during the
labor and delivery because of that. It was the ST the treatment was the
standard at the time. You were just expected to put up with these things
that were kind of dehumanizing and, and give them your money to treat you
that way. It was pretty standard to give women an enema, um shave them
completely.
I would say there was a, a big lack of respect. My water had broken the
night. And so we went on into the hospital and I went into labor on the
drive to the hospital. They needed to see something in, under the
microscope and the doctor couldn't see it. And so he accused me of it just
being urine instead of having my water broke. And, you know, the, the tone
of voice was really derogatory. I would say, you know, well, how do you
know, you didn't just pee and that kind of set the tenor and it, it just
went from there. I, I would ask for certain procedures not to be done that
I felt were not good for me. Not good for the baby. The drugs they gave at
the time transferred to the baby. Um, epidurals really weren't a part of
the scene. Just a few of my friends had had shots. One of them was
paralyzed for two years after she had given, been given an epidural shot.
So I, I didn't want to do that. Um, first child had no idea what to expect.
I was really surprised to see these big leather straps and you put your
feet in the stirrups. All right. Well, that, you know, maybe your foot
will slip out or something, but then your arms get strapped in and they
were really probably eight inches long and really heavy leather with
buckles. And I looked at the nurse and I said, what are these for? And
she's like, oh, we have to strap you down like almost apologetic.
And I said, why? And she said, well, you know, some women get violent and
I looked at her and I go, I'm not on drugs. There's no reason I'm not
going to hurt anyone. I just need to have this baby right now. She's like
, I know, I'm sorry. And then she strapped my arms down and um they
labored for about 12 hours. There was a woman having twins in the next
room. She was screaming, holy mother Mary the entire 12 hours and she was
on drugs, but it really didn't help my peace of mind. And then they um
kept coming in to observe me because they thought it was so unusual that I
was having a natural childbirth. Ok. I really didn't want people, you know
, with a gallery setting. You know, it was like surgery theater and, uh,
you know, just watching me, it was weird and they were just watching me
breathe and, you know, the baby was doing fine. So they got bored and quit
observing me. Really? There was nothing exciting to watch and they made me
stay on my back. Well, I had back labor the whole time I didn't have
stomach labor. That's the worst thing for back labor. I mean, at a certain
point it was just me breathing in my own head. I think counting just to
get my mind somewhere else. That's what I did. I did the breathing and
then my, my hubby stayed in there with me the whole time. He really strong
hands thankfully and he put them under my back and he would squeeze when I
would tell him it was starting. And that really helped me to, to deal with
it, both the combo of the two and so I was able to do it. I think some of
the things that happened, he wasn't in the room with me. Um And then some
of them, you know, he was young, I was 20 he was 22 and we didn't know
what the process was and they treat you like you're weird if you question
anything and just the whole thing was demeaning. It was, it was a rough
experience. Um, I asked the doctor not to cut me and he completely ignored
what I said and did it anyway. But then the baby came out just healthy and
beautiful and, you know, you're so happy in that moment.
I, I think I was just happy to, to carry her to term and then when she was
born, she was so healthy. That was happy moment. And, um, I, I wanted a
girl so I was happy about that too. Um, after I had her, I started shaking
really badly and the same person, the head nurse that had been observing
me and she's like, well, how are you doing? She came back in to observe
some more, I guess. And I said, well, I'm shaking. I can't quit shaking
and she's like, well, you need to stop that. That's psychological. You
know, it's not something I intentionally brought on. So how could I
intentionally take it away? Uh, but it was again, it was that whole
respect thing of just, you know, you're somebody that, uh, I felt like I
was just a part of this treadmill birth process and you were supposed to
accept it. They take the baby pretty quickly away from you back then. So I
really didn't get to spend much time with her. I, I made them bring her to
me and put her on my chest because I had read about that. Um, but then
they took her and put her in the nursery. We really didn't like that. So
my husband burst in the nursery and held her and got yelled at and kicked
out, but we still got to hold our baby. So then I don't know, a couple
hours later you're in a room at that point and they bring you your baby
and you're on your own. Then after nine at night, you go down to the
infant nursery to nurse the baby and there wasn't any privacy. And so I
was in there as a rookie with all these women who already knew how to
nurse their babies, knew what nightgown to bring, which I had a hospital
thing on. And you know, how do you nurse a baby with a gown that ties in
the back? And there was just no help.
I was just kind of in there trying to figure it out on my own. And so I
went down there a couple times during the night and I think by morning
things were getting a little better and then they bring you the baby and
it was still a rough first day of just learning how to do all that. And
every time the baby nurse you'd bleed more and you're walking, you know,
back and forth down a hall and you're worrying and, and just, it wasn't
nurturing, it wasn't comforting, it wasn't helpful. It was very
institutional, very cold sterile. I took her home for a month and then I
would take her to the pediatrician and she wasn't gaining weight. Um, she
was sick and developed a failure to thrive, spent from the time she was 2
to 4 months old in the hospital, four weeks in intensive care. So she was
almost £8 when she was born. And, um, when I put her in the hospital, she
was less than £8. I mean, the diagnostic thing itself was horrific. You
know, they call you in the middle of the night. Well, we think your baby
has spinal meningitis. We wanna do a spinal tap. Can you give us
permission on the phone? And it's, you know, two in the morning we're like
, well, we'll come down, you know, well, no, go back to sleep. And, uh,
you know, how can you sleep after something like that? And it wasn't that
thankfully. And, you know, while you're there, I, I was there for two
months watching other babies get sick watching Children die watching
horrible things happen. Your baby's in a crib next to a baby that's in a
terrible place and that baby is staring at you, you know, like almost
asking you for help. It's, it's a horrible thing to watch and every time
they would think it was something I would freak out because I had just
seen a kid die from that. So, what they did is they finally decided to let
her intestines rest and they um gave her an IV um just using all her veins
to just feed her intravenously no oral food. And then she started getting
well and that took about three weeks of just letting her little intestines
heal. She was about three months old, 3 to 4 months old, she got better.
She came home, took her back in when she was six months old and she was
just this fat healthy baby that they didn't even recognize that she gained
£18 in one month once she got over her problem, which we still don't
really know exactly what it was. And I, I don't know if it's related to
the birth experience or not. There were a couple other babies with the
same problem. She did get well and thrive and doing great today. But it
was just weird stuff, a weird birth. And so it kind of soured me to the
whole hospital experience.
And, you know, the whole point of having na natural childbirth was to have
control and I felt like I wasn't given very much control. I wasn't, my
wishes weren't respected and I didn't have any more hospital births after
that.