WEBVTT 00:00:00.740 --> 00:00:06.356 It was in the seventies. So the hippie thing was still going on. The, you 00:00:06.389 --> 00:00:11.677 know, studio 54 scene hadn't really hit yet. It was just about to, but, 00:00:11.710 --> 00:00:18.506 you know, natural childbirth was huge. So my first child was not planned. 00:00:18.539 --> 00:00:22.776 I think we'd been married about two years is all during the pregnancy, my 00:00:22.809 --> 00:00:28.997 father had fallen ill, developed cancer and died. My dad really loved kids. 00:00:29.030 --> 00:00:33.866 And so that was gonna be the the grandchild. He was really looking 00:00:33.899 --> 00:00:38.286 forward to seeing and he didn't get to see her or, or any of my kids for 00:00:38.319 --> 00:00:42.597 that matter. So that part was hard. It was kind of sad time periods. I was 00:00:42.630 --> 00:00:46.957 grieving while I was pregnant and I started miscarrying at about five 00:00:46.990 --> 00:00:51.426 months. So I was considered a high risk pregnancy. So I had to have the 00:00:51.459 --> 00:00:56.307 baby in the hospital. Well, first they wanted me to get an abortion 00:00:56.340 --> 00:01:01.996 because they gave me a pill. And if I ended up having a girl, they said 00:01:02.029 --> 00:01:06.516 she would not develop uh puberty. And so they really encouraged an 00:01:06.549 --> 00:01:10.897 abortion which at five months is kind of pretty far in and I didn't want 00:01:10.930 --> 00:01:15.546 to do that. And so he said, well, you better hope you have a boy. I didn't 00:01:15.579 --> 00:01:20.766 , I had a girl so her whole life we were waiting for her to hit puberty 00:01:20.799 --> 00:01:24.736 and see what would happen, but she's fine. And so, um, that didn't 00:01:24.769 --> 00:01:30.076 manifest, but the pill did stop me from miscarrying. Um I think it was 00:01:30.109 --> 00:01:35.686 Provera. So, you know, I carried her to term and went into labor naturally. 00:01:35.719 --> 00:01:41.717 It wasn't induced and had her at the hospital. The treatment I got during 00:01:41.750 --> 00:01:46.855 the birth wasn't great. Um They weren't really used to anyone not taking 00:01:46.888 --> 00:01:52.217 drugs at the hospital. They weren't used to natural childbirth. They 00:01:52.250 --> 00:01:57.855 didn't, I don't feel like I was treated very humanely as a woman by a lot 00:01:57.888 --> 00:02:04.837 of male doctors. It was overall a pretty negative experience during the 00:02:04.870 --> 00:02:10.555 labor and delivery because of that. It was the ST the treatment was the 00:02:10.588 --> 00:02:15.565 standard at the time. You were just expected to put up with these things 00:02:15.598 --> 00:02:20.735 that were kind of dehumanizing and, and give them your money to treat you 00:02:20.768 --> 00:02:27.047 that way. It was pretty standard to give women an enema, um shave them 00:02:27.080 --> 00:02:29.186 completely. 00:02:29.219 --> 00:02:33.517 I would say there was a, a big lack of respect. My water had broken the 00:02:33.550 --> 00:02:38.077 night. And so we went on into the hospital and I went into labor on the 00:02:38.110 --> 00:02:42.596 drive to the hospital. They needed to see something in, under the 00:02:42.629 --> 00:02:48.316 microscope and the doctor couldn't see it. And so he accused me of it just 00:02:48.349 --> 00:02:53.816 being urine instead of having my water broke. And, you know, the, the tone 00:02:53.849 --> 00:02:58.305 of voice was really derogatory. I would say, you know, well, how do you 00:02:58.338 --> 00:03:03.666 know, you didn't just pee and that kind of set the tenor and it, it just 00:03:03.699 --> 00:03:07.896 went from there. I, I would ask for certain procedures not to be done that 00:03:07.929 --> 00:03:12.707 I felt were not good for me. Not good for the baby. The drugs they gave at 00:03:12.740 --> 00:03:18.255 the time transferred to the baby. Um, epidurals really weren't a part of 00:03:18.288 --> 00:03:22.116 the scene. Just a few of my friends had had shots. One of them was 00:03:22.149 --> 00:03:26.646 paralyzed for two years after she had given, been given an epidural shot. 00:03:26.679 --> 00:03:31.957 So I, I didn't want to do that. Um, first child had no idea what to expect. 00:03:31.990 --> 00:03:37.987 I was really surprised to see these big leather straps and you put your 00:03:38.020 --> 00:03:41.946 feet in the stirrups. All right. Well, that, you know, maybe your foot 00:03:41.979 --> 00:03:45.797 will slip out or something, but then your arms get strapped in and they 00:03:45.830 --> 00:03:50.517 were really probably eight inches long and really heavy leather with 00:03:50.550 --> 00:03:56.275 buckles. And I looked at the nurse and I said, what are these for? And 00:03:56.308 --> 00:04:01.606 she's like, oh, we have to strap you down like almost apologetic. 00:04:01.639 --> 00:04:08.495 And I said, why? And she said, well, you know, some women get violent and 00:04:08.528 --> 00:04:12.316 I looked at her and I go, I'm not on drugs. There's no reason I'm not 00:04:12.349 --> 00:04:16.567 going to hurt anyone. I just need to have this baby right now. She's like 00:04:16.600 --> 00:04:23.187 , I know, I'm sorry. And then she strapped my arms down and um they 00:04:23.220 --> 00:04:29.346 labored for about 12 hours. There was a woman having twins in the next 00:04:29.379 --> 00:04:35.776 room. She was screaming, holy mother Mary the entire 12 hours and she was 00:04:35.809 --> 00:04:42.846 on drugs, but it really didn't help my peace of mind. And then they um 00:04:42.879 --> 00:04:46.356 kept coming in to observe me because they thought it was so unusual that I 00:04:46.389 --> 00:04:52.166 was having a natural childbirth. Ok. I really didn't want people, you know 00:04:52.199 --> 00:04:58.096 , with a gallery setting. You know, it was like surgery theater and, uh, 00:04:58.129 --> 00:05:00.926 you know, just watching me, it was weird and they were just watching me 00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:06.387 breathe and, you know, the baby was doing fine. So they got bored and quit 00:05:06.420 --> 00:05:11.536 observing me. Really? There was nothing exciting to watch and they made me 00:05:11.569 --> 00:05:14.856 stay on my back. Well, I had back labor the whole time I didn't have 00:05:14.889 --> 00:05:19.036 stomach labor. That's the worst thing for back labor. I mean, at a certain 00:05:19.069 --> 00:05:23.245 point it was just me breathing in my own head. I think counting just to 00:05:23.278 --> 00:05:26.736 get my mind somewhere else. That's what I did. I did the breathing and 00:05:26.769 --> 00:05:32.336 then my, my hubby stayed in there with me the whole time. He really strong 00:05:32.369 --> 00:05:36.325 hands thankfully and he put them under my back and he would squeeze when I 00:05:36.358 --> 00:05:41.687 would tell him it was starting. And that really helped me to, to deal with 00:05:41.720 --> 00:05:48.286 it, both the combo of the two and so I was able to do it. I think some of 00:05:48.319 --> 00:05:53.906 the things that happened, he wasn't in the room with me. Um And then some 00:05:53.939 --> 00:06:01.939 of them, you know, he was young, I was 20 he was 22 and we didn't know 00:06:02.139 --> 00:06:05.717 what the process was and they treat you like you're weird if you question 00:06:05.750 --> 00:06:10.586 anything and just the whole thing was demeaning. It was, it was a rough 00:06:10.619 --> 00:06:16.217 experience. Um, I asked the doctor not to cut me and he completely ignored 00:06:16.250 --> 00:06:20.555 what I said and did it anyway. But then the baby came out just healthy and 00:06:20.588 --> 00:06:25.426 beautiful and, you know, you're so happy in that moment. 00:06:25.459 --> 00:06:29.765 I, I think I was just happy to, to carry her to term and then when she was 00:06:29.798 --> 00:06:36.616 born, she was so healthy. That was happy moment. And, um, I, I wanted a 00:06:36.649 --> 00:06:42.596 girl so I was happy about that too. Um, after I had her, I started shaking 00:06:42.629 --> 00:06:47.176 really badly and the same person, the head nurse that had been observing 00:06:47.209 --> 00:06:50.317 me and she's like, well, how are you doing? She came back in to observe 00:06:50.350 --> 00:06:53.637 some more, I guess. And I said, well, I'm shaking. I can't quit shaking 00:06:53.670 --> 00:06:57.257 and she's like, well, you need to stop that. That's psychological. You 00:06:57.290 --> 00:07:00.776 know, it's not something I intentionally brought on. So how could I 00:07:00.809 --> 00:07:04.637 intentionally take it away? Uh, but it was again, it was that whole 00:07:04.670 --> 00:07:11.467 respect thing of just, you know, you're somebody that, uh, I felt like I 00:07:11.500 --> 00:07:17.015 was just a part of this treadmill birth process and you were supposed to 00:07:17.048 --> 00:07:23.015 accept it. They take the baby pretty quickly away from you back then. So I 00:07:23.048 --> 00:07:26.637 really didn't get to spend much time with her. I, I made them bring her to 00:07:26.670 --> 00:07:30.567 me and put her on my chest because I had read about that. Um, but then 00:07:30.600 --> 00:07:35.217 they took her and put her in the nursery. We really didn't like that. So 00:07:35.250 --> 00:07:40.296 my husband burst in the nursery and held her and got yelled at and kicked 00:07:40.329 --> 00:07:47.205 out, but we still got to hold our baby. So then I don't know, a couple 00:07:47.238 --> 00:07:50.627 hours later you're in a room at that point and they bring you your baby 00:07:50.660 --> 00:07:57.627 and you're on your own. Then after nine at night, you go down to the 00:07:57.660 --> 00:08:02.666 infant nursery to nurse the baby and there wasn't any privacy. And so I 00:08:02.699 --> 00:08:06.286 was in there as a rookie with all these women who already knew how to 00:08:06.319 --> 00:08:12.226 nurse their babies, knew what nightgown to bring, which I had a hospital 00:08:12.259 --> 00:08:16.656 thing on. And you know, how do you nurse a baby with a gown that ties in 00:08:16.689 --> 00:08:20.265 the back? And there was just no help. 00:08:20.298 --> 00:08:24.757 I was just kind of in there trying to figure it out on my own. And so I 00:08:24.790 --> 00:08:28.536 went down there a couple times during the night and I think by morning 00:08:28.569 --> 00:08:31.705 things were getting a little better and then they bring you the baby and 00:08:31.738 --> 00:08:37.265 it was still a rough first day of just learning how to do all that. And 00:08:37.298 --> 00:08:42.566 every time the baby nurse you'd bleed more and you're walking, you know, 00:08:42.599 --> 00:08:48.967 back and forth down a hall and you're worrying and, and just, it wasn't 00:08:49.000 --> 00:08:52.866 nurturing, it wasn't comforting, it wasn't helpful. It was very 00:08:52.899 --> 00:08:58.135 institutional, very cold sterile. I took her home for a month and then I 00:08:58.168 --> 00:09:03.375 would take her to the pediatrician and she wasn't gaining weight. Um, she 00:09:03.408 --> 00:09:10.967 was sick and developed a failure to thrive, spent from the time she was 2 00:09:11.000 --> 00:09:18.275 to 4 months old in the hospital, four weeks in intensive care. So she was 00:09:18.308 --> 00:09:22.775 almost £8 when she was born. And, um, when I put her in the hospital, she 00:09:22.808 --> 00:09:27.706 was less than £8. I mean, the diagnostic thing itself was horrific. You 00:09:27.739 --> 00:09:30.677 know, they call you in the middle of the night. Well, we think your baby 00:09:30.710 --> 00:09:34.135 has spinal meningitis. We wanna do a spinal tap. Can you give us 00:09:34.168 --> 00:09:38.746 permission on the phone? And it's, you know, two in the morning we're like 00:09:38.779 --> 00:09:43.787 , well, we'll come down, you know, well, no, go back to sleep. And, uh, 00:09:43.820 --> 00:09:48.246 you know, how can you sleep after something like that? And it wasn't that 00:09:48.279 --> 00:09:51.047 thankfully. And, you know, while you're there, I, I was there for two 00:09:51.080 --> 00:09:56.726 months watching other babies get sick watching Children die watching 00:09:56.759 --> 00:10:02.706 horrible things happen. Your baby's in a crib next to a baby that's in a 00:10:02.739 --> 00:10:07.177 terrible place and that baby is staring at you, you know, like almost 00:10:07.210 --> 00:10:11.677 asking you for help. It's, it's a horrible thing to watch and every time 00:10:11.710 --> 00:10:15.375 they would think it was something I would freak out because I had just 00:10:15.408 --> 00:10:20.625 seen a kid die from that. So, what they did is they finally decided to let 00:10:20.658 --> 00:10:27.726 her intestines rest and they um gave her an IV um just using all her veins 00:10:27.759 --> 00:10:33.746 to just feed her intravenously no oral food. And then she started getting 00:10:33.779 --> 00:10:40.326 well and that took about three weeks of just letting her little intestines 00:10:40.359 --> 00:10:44.346 heal. She was about three months old, 3 to 4 months old, she got better. 00:10:44.379 --> 00:10:49.307 She came home, took her back in when she was six months old and she was 00:10:49.340 --> 00:10:53.456 just this fat healthy baby that they didn't even recognize that she gained 00:10:53.489 --> 00:10:58.996 £18 in one month once she got over her problem, which we still don't 00:10:59.029 --> 00:11:05.356 really know exactly what it was. And I, I don't know if it's related to 00:11:05.389 --> 00:11:09.116 the birth experience or not. There were a couple other babies with the 00:11:09.149 --> 00:11:17.149 same problem. She did get well and thrive and doing great today. But it 00:11:17.259 --> 00:11:23.547 was just weird stuff, a weird birth. And so it kind of soured me to the 00:11:23.580 --> 00:11:26.297 whole hospital experience. 00:11:26.330 --> 00:11:29.787 And, you know, the whole point of having na natural childbirth was to have 00:11:29.820 --> 00:11:34.476 control and I felt like I wasn't given very much control. I wasn't, my 00:11:34.509 --> 00:11:39.885 wishes weren't respected and I didn't have any more hospital births after 00:11:39.918 --> 00:11:41.918 that.