WEBVTT

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 It was kind of a surprise when I found out that I was pregnant. We're

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Catholic. My husband's like Mr
Catholic. And so we use natural family

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planning. And so when we got married,
our friends were laughing at us like

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that's not gonna work because I took
the pill for a long time and it had

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all the side effects. And then I tried
the depo a shot and the first time

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it was great. Second time I was like
three months, chaotic mess. And then

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my husband at the time, like we were
dating, but he was like, why don't

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you just go off of it and we'll try
this natural flame of planning and

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we'll just see what happens and it
worked. It worked for five years. So,

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and like, really, I think I was
getting lazy and tracking my, my ovulation

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cycle. So I really think that that's
how it all happens. But for the most

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part, like if you do it, it completely
works. So it works to get pregnant

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and it works not to get pregnant. I
went to work one day and felt very

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nauseous and sick and I went to the
doctor and he thought, oh, you just

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have a sinus infection. And I was
about to go to Mexico City and I was

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like, you know, I should probably take
a pregnancy test just in case I

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went home and took a pregnancy test.
It was like, yes. And I was like, oh

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, that's never said yes before. And
so, and my husband at the time was

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like, he was like, kind of like, I
don't know, you know, having kids. It's

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like, it's kind of nice not having
kids because we were married for five

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years. But then I was like, oh no, I'm
gonna have to go tell him. So I

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went and I told him he was ecstatic
and we said we wanted a child in the

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first five years. It turned out that
she was born 2.5 weeks after our

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fifth anniversary. So it was good
timing though. I was really excited. I'm

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adopted. It was like a mixed emotions
as with most major things in your

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life. It was like, I was really happy
and excited. But then I was like

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kind of sad and because I'm estranged
from my adopted family. And so then

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I was like, oh wow, this is like on
me, there was that kind of part of me

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of like, ok, I'm kind of on my own as
a mom. Like I don't have anyone to

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refer to, but mostly I was excited and
when I had Alice I is 35 years old

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. I was sick all the time, like sick,
throwing up sick. So it was, I was

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constantly nauseous. I felt like a
completely different person because I'm

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usually a pretty healthy person. But
any smell, like everything had a

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smell and every smell was absolutely
obnoxious. And especially because

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like, when I first got pregnant our
trip, we went to Mexico City. So it

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was like the city of bad smells. But
you know, someone told me it was like

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, well, if you're sick all the time,
you'll have a healthy baby. So I'm

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like, ok, but there were times when I
was throwing up so much that it was

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becoming dehydrated and I lost like 30
or £40 in my first six months of

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pregnancy. After six months, the
nausea went away and then I was able to

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eat and you know, do all those things
for um for the next three months. So

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I went to the doctor had all the
tests. Everything was great being a

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person who does not know my family
history. The fear of that is that if

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anything medically goes wrong and
you're in a birthing center, like they

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still have to take you to the you or
the child to the hospital. And that's

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time, that's time that the baby could
need or you need. More importantly,

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the baby could need that, you know, if
there's resuscitation or something

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, I didn't want to take that risk. So
it was in May and my brother in law

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died a week before my daughter was, my
sister in law had her son six

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months before and it was her husband
that died. He found out he had

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pancreatic cancer, uh three days after
her son was born. So it was, it was

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difficult to say the least emotionally
like the whole family. It was just

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a mess. It was hard, it was hard for
everyone to go to a funeral, you know

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, and it, it, his funeral I think was
on the day that we thought Alice was

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due. It turned out that she was gonna
be late. She, uh, ended up to be

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born on the oldest son's, his oldest
son's birthday, which was really

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crazy. So that part was really hard
because it was, it's my husband's

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whole family and they've always been
like very together. And when that

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happened, it put an instant splinter
through the whole entire family. The

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funeral happened and then it was kind
of like a waiting game. So I didn't

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go back to work after my brother in
law died. I just took off work didn't

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go back to work until Alice was born.
I was supposed to give birth. We

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went to the doctor and he was like,
well, we'll give it some more time. We

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gave it more time and then they
finally called us and said, well, ok, come

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in the hospital and we'll have to
induce you. And so I was induced, it

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took about 48 hours of being induced.
That was emotionally really

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difficult because his whole family was
there and then my family wasn't

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there. And my sister in law was like,
you know, I just had a baby. So here

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she is, her husband had just passed
away and then she was the one being

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like kind of more of that role model
for me, which was very sweet, but, uh

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, yeah, very tough at the same time.
So finally they said, well, we should

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probably start you on your epidural
because you're gonna go into labor

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soon. You're go, you might have some
pain and it's gonna be sudden. And so

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let's start you on that. So he started
me on that and then the doctor came

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in to check and he, he, he, he checked
and left and he said, well, you're

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not really dilated. And then the nurse
came in to check and she asked me,

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she goes, did you ever have any kind
of cryogenic surgery on your cervix?

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And I said, yeah, why? And she goes,
oh, that's what's going on. And she

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went and got the doctor and then the
doctor, I guess, because I had this

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surgery, he had to go in and I had
scar tissue on my, he had to go in and

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break the scar tissue open and then,
so I could become dilated. So I had

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put all this information in my file
when I of course, went to see him. So

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I was really surprised that I had to
say this again or mention it or I

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never thought of it. So so, but then
after that, then I immediately became

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dilated, but then I became very
nauseous. All I can remember is pushing

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and taking a break, throwing up,
pushing, taking a break, throwing up. I

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would, I mean, it was amazing like she
looked just like my husband. That

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was the first thing. Like I was so
excited to see this child that might

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look like me and then she gets handed
to me. And I was like, oh, she looks

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just like you, which I mean, my
husband's adorable. So I was like, oh, ok

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, great. She's a good, like a baby.
But I was really excited. It was, it

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was great to see someone like of my
own flesh implied because I'd never

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known that in my life. But I was also
concerned because I was like, oh, I

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don't really know what I'm doing as a
mother here. Like there's, I've

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never changed a diaper. I've never
given a bottle. I've never breast fed

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like I don't know these things. So I
was, I was concerned too and she

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would go through these phases of
screaming and this and that. And I think

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I must have been that way too as a
baby. I hear a story. I heard stories

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from my great aunt that used to say,
oh, you were in your crib just

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screaming and I would go in and I
would get you and I'd be your hero. So

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we actually named Alice after that.
And in turn, I did find my biological

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parents and had a relationship with my
father and his mother was named

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Alice, which is crazy. So it was, it
turned out that it was a family name

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and we just had no idea that was a
family name. So, you know, with like

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weird family life and all that stuff
that it really helped me solidify,

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like who I am. I think discovery,
like, I kind of figured out who I was.