This is Forres Solis interviewing Ramona Tucci on June 21st, 2016 at 2:45
p.m. for the creative push project. Ok. So if you can take us back to the
conception of the first for, what were the circumstances? Was it planned?
Excited? Um Well, me and my boyfriend, we were very young. We were 18 and
uh I remember
to that point of New York. So. Ok. Uh I was 18 and um we really wanted to
be together. I know that wasn't a very good choice but uh we had a baby
and then um we have another one but my first pregnancy, I had to get
certain care and it was only through my tribe at first and um we would go
down to the doctor in uh Phoenix for a while and then um wasn't really
anything strange or anything different with her birth. She was pretty
normal. Uh My health was pretty normal. Um She was a big kid though and uh
she is seven and she's really tall now.
Excuse me? Did you know what to expect? Did you have like family support?
Um When I did
get pregnant with her. She,
let's see, I did get help, um, from my family, a lot of help. His mom took
care of me most of, um, of my pregnancy and my mom, she really slowly came
around to the idea of me being pregnant. Um, she also had kids as a young
teenager too. Um, but my daughters was pretty normal. My sons is really
the one that has a lot more stories around it. I had him a couple years
later. Um, I did want my, my, uh, next child and my next child after him,
I want him five years apart. So I've been really lucky to have them one
month apart too. So, uh, his birthday is next month and, um, he
was really a unique, um,
pregnancy because at first we, my relationship did have a lot of ups and
downs emotionally. I was not that well. And, um, I literally had a
relationship problems. So I didn't get to go see the doctor until I was
literally at least five months pregnant. So it was a long time. Um, he
really wasn't focused on what we were trying to do as a family. Um, I've
had some miscarriages, um, in between two when I was younger. And, uh, for
from the age of 14, I had, um, uh, what's it called? An abortion? Because
we accidentally got pregnant. And, um, he was,
it was kind of hard because as a child I was abused sexually by family
members of my stepdad side. And um, so it, the abortion and the
miscarriages. Um I still do think my Children are on the other side. If
anyone's spiritual, I think they are, you know, just like my kids now and
I feel spiritually that they do come around still. And uh, but my, those
births I still hold on to, they live on the other side. They are human, I
mean, not human but something, I don't know what yet, but I do know that
my Children are still there. So that's the three that I really cherish. Um
, my son though, I did get diabetes when we're almost hitting that
borderline of diabetes. Uh, so that was really surprising. Um, and that
was around when I was like six months pregnant with him. This is the
second birth, my son. Do you think that was at all? Like, I think it was
more stress too and um, not having my partner there? And, uh,
let's see, what else?
So, were you doing it on your own? At this point? I was basically doing it
on my own. I was literally trying to stay healthy. But, um, he, we only
had one ride. We only and, uh, but it, it was good because later on we did
find out that, you know, he was kind of cheating on me. And, um, yeah,
made us stronger in the end though because he did realize after his son
was born he, he told me right away after he came out that he was sorry, he
, you know, he, he did not know how much trouble he put me through and
that he understands now and there's a lot of things when we go somewhere
where they've been and I'm still having some emotional stress towards that.
But uh, both pregnancies have been a blessing. They've both been
blessings. So that's why I am glad I still have Children because there was
a point where I was told with the abortion, I would not be able to have
kids. So I literally had to pray for my kids. Well, were you when you were
18 and you got pregnant? Were you thinking that you couldn't get pregnant
? Well, at that point, it was more of me and my boyfriend just wanting to
hang on to each other. He was my first love and being hurt so many times
and letting you know just this man, hold me, you know, cress me and really
love me for me instead of just all this abuse that I had in my life, like
I felt loved for first time and, and that's kind of where we were like, oh
, ok. Um if we because our parents had told us one time his mom, if you
were 18, it would have been at least. Ok. So how old were you? I was 14
when I first had my abortion and then I was 18 with the same with the same
man. So we've been together ever since we were in middle school. Yeah, we
met actually over there across the street um in the old casino. So this
whole reservation right here is like a lot of history between me and him.
Um So we're still together, still married. I it took a lot out of me to
find balance between my family and having my own stuff and then having him
together with me. Um, a lot of apologizing, a lot of, I regret doing this
and a lot of reassuring happened and um yeah, we got married and had a
reception here and uh Kawhi was the, the boy was maybe five months old.
Do you, have you been able to trust him again? Like emotionally? I think I
have um not a lot, but I think I have came around to, I trust you to have
a phone because at first it was a lot of trouble to have a phone in our
relationship, especially a smartphone because that's what he had. And
thank goodness I was technology, you know, just knowledgeable about
technology because uh that was the way I found out it was, it was a lot of
being so crazy. I lost a really good job across the street from it. Um
Yeah, so when I lost everything, I've literally lost everything and then I
got bad into um just, just being home all the time and just, and then
getting pregnant, I thought that would help heal from the first one, which
it did because it gave me a new, you know, but there was always that
frightening, um, feeling that this could be taken away from me like this
baby could literally stop and I could just, it could just fall out and I
was like losing the carriage was my, was my biggest fear ever having a
baby. And he talks about wanting to have another one. But my, I'm afraid
with, um, just how my body's been and, and what has been put through, I'm
afraid that I might lose another one and I might have to have that long
distance relationship again. So, yeah. Yeah, you've really been through a
lot and you guys, it's just so in awe the fact that you're together and
like you said, stronger as a result. But, you know, to certainly not to
let him off the hook, but, um, the youthfulness of it to probably played
into some of those bad decisions. And now do you feel like you're in a
different place because you're more mature? Yes. Yes. Um The things that
I've done before we got married though, I think really made me a stronger
person though because we were just 18. We couldn't do nothing.
Literally. I used to do, let him go to strip clubs and let him get dances
and just literally stand to the side because I felt like, um, this man is
willing to be with me for the rest of my life. He's never gonna venture
out like this. Um, let's do this while you're, you're young and we're not
married yet. Let it get him out of his system. He, I don't know how I let
him think that he could just, you know, go out and do it on his own. I
told him I never wanted that, but now it's really paid off because he
doesn't have a desire to do those things. He doesn't have that desire to
go be pleased like that. He just, he's seen how far we can go, how much
money you can spend, how much it sends you down into a downhill. So I, I
have good and bad reasons with that of why I made that decision. But now
I'm happy I did because uh he's amazing now. He,
he helps me and supports me and on so much things so literally going
through bad for so long and then just working it out and making sure um
you guys always communicate. Communication, I think is like key role. I
mean, they don't lie, key key role. It would be probably communication and
, and just supporting each other because I support him. And now we have
like so many businesses, like I said, we have the fry bread business we do
on the weekends. So I've really come like a really big um kind of like a
light in his room. So I sell fry bread. He's able to, you know, get
benefits from that. I'm able to contribute a lot more and I don't feel so
depressed, like I used to be where I felt like I just had to stay home and
then getting this job. So I literally can say I have so much faith that I
think I could really show someone who else has faith that as long as you
keep going and even if you want kids, you can have it. Yeah, that's great.
Um Did you, what was life uh at home with the kids? I mean, were you
nursing? Were they, did they have any issues or? Um, my first daughter,
she was able to be uh
breastfed from
most of her first year. She was really, really good at breastfeeding. She
would never ever latch on to me. I just had always a problem with that. Um
I didn't really like doing that. I'd rather have it, you know, suctioned
out and then bottle fed. Um But the concern with that was teeth and, and
stuff like that would, would it grow? Right? Would they, you know, from a
natural nipple, from a birthing bottle? So it, I chose to do half and half.
Um with my son though, I really had difficulty with him latching on with
um with him drinking it. Uh when he did drink it, he would get frustrated
because it wouldn't flow. Um I tried and tried the first day he came out,
I tried to pump and pump and pump and it was so hard to, I don't know why
it was, but it was like that and it was really weird because I had a tooth
problem and I did not know that going into labor. So when they put the
oxygen tank on me with the, with my second one, I got really, really bad
headache, like migraine headache. And so after I had my baby, I still felt
that way. I felt like the epidural too on my second one messed my, um, my
backup. Yes, because of the epidural. Um, I have no idea. The
anesthesiologist I remember just leaning over round it. My first one went
perfect. I knew what to do and I had to do a blood patch because I just
don't know why there was just a bad shock that went down my right leg and
it literally went flying up and he said that he had to do another one, but
he and I had to do blood blood French or something like that. Transfusions.
Yeah, I had to do that. They did that and then they went ahead and numbed
me again. So it was really hard because now when I try to bend over, lift
up stuff, it is so much harder than what it was so epidural for my next
one, I'm not sure. And that's the, another concern is, is the epidurals.
And, um, I just don't, I don't think so. Did you have them both vaginally
?
Yeah. Was your, uh, partner there? Uh, my partner was there for both of
them. So I did get to have him there for both of them. Did you know the
sexes? I,
yes, the second one I was more, um, at the end of my pregnancy, that's
when Jordan came back to me. My husband's name is Jordan, so he came back
to me. Um and we kind of got to have a normal baby event. So I'm, I'm not
sure what they would call it baby shower type stuff. No, kind of like just
the stuff that you get to do, like the measuring the belly and stuff like
that. The leading up to the pregnancy and having the baby is what we kind
of got to finish at the end when I was big and it was more and more
exciting when you could find out the sex. And so that's more fun. It's it
in that type of relationship. The stuff that's like that is more fun when
you're doing that,
you know, birth experience of your son. That's pretty much it. That's all
that happened really is ok. So it's just all these difficulties that have
led up to those problems. That's why I include them because I had way too
much stress in my life. So did you um was when he, when you guys were able
to find out the sex together. Were you both wanting a boy? Were you
excited about it? I think we did. We wanted, we wanted a boy. We wanted,
uh I just wanted him to be a role model for somebody. Um And I think our
son really helped him pull that through because now he does, he works his
butt off just doing side jobs and side jobs. So we have like, like I said
, we have like four different businesses. So uh landscaping frybread here.
Um He has his maintenance job. So literally, it's a lot of work. So, so
when you look back at this, I mean, it's amazing how long you guys have
known each other, you've really grown up together when you look back on
this. What do you think? Like, I mean, do you reflect on that experience?
I do, I really do. Um I have pictures of him and when we're having hard
times, I really like to look back at the picture he gave me when we first
met because it was just like there was nothing wrong. I just missed you
and it's, it takes you back and it, it kind of makes you really remember
and miss that time because you're in such a hard time. And so yeah, that
was, that was one of just the things that pulled me through was reminding
myself who he was, who he really, really was. So, yeah, and we can be,
yeah, ok. Actually, do you have any questions? I just had one question. I
was curious um, earlier you were talking about when you um, first became
pregnant at 18 and a lot of your initial care was you had to drive, like
through your tribe, you had to drive to the valley. So, what was that,
what was that like? Like what was, what did that kind of care entail? Uh
That really just was um, prenatal uh ultrasounds making sure my health was
ok. And that's, um, because I did the same routine with my son and uh I
found out down there when I was five months pregnant that I did almost hit
where I was, I needed to control what I was eating um, sugar intakes and
stuff like that. Interesting. So what was your mom's, do you have siblings
? What was your like, family history of birth? I mean, did you, did your
mom also go to Phoenix or how did she make? Um, I'm not really sure how
she did it. I do know because she grew up in kind of like a foster home
care system. And I did too for the period of like, till I was maybe two or
three and I finally got out of there. But um, for me, I didn't consider it
a foster home. It was just more like my grandparents, you know, and uh
they took really good care of me and then my mom got her on her own and
then she had kids later with her, her um husband and um but yeah, she's
have, she has uh two boys and a girl. So girl, boy, girl boy and that's
crazy because I had the same thing was girl, boy, girl boy. So it was
interesting because I really liked paying attention to those um details
like about kids where they look like or the baby who's, who looks like who
? And I always feel like the boys look more like their moms. And then the
second kid looks more like or the second boy looks more like the dad. So
it's, it's really cool when you start because I took um children's
education development or something like that in high school. So they
talked about this different um pods where the child will end up, how they
look and stuff like that. So that was a really nice ex like a experiment
to go through. So, yeah, absolutely. So when you miscarried, were you very
far along? I was literally maybe weeks along. But it was really
interesting because on my last one,
it was more recent. It was before my daughter, before my first one. And um
I would think I may been 17
and
I couldn't,
it was like, it, I stopped being pregnant. I found out in Winslow and I
didn't miscarry. It stayed in me until
a few months later it came out because I was wondering, you know, what,
how ma how small was it? And that actually is the child I buried up here.
The one I got to keep because my first two, the first one got taken by
the abortion people. Um, so I really didn't get no closure with that one.
The second one. Um, my mother, she was kind of, uh, she was really
traditional where they would bury the fetus underneath a, a young tree. So
that's where that one happened. But I like to tell my kids, you know, I
want you to know that I think of, you know, you guys all being here. Uh So
that's just how I kind of cope with, with the lost ones. Yeah, you have to
find some way to cope with it because if you don't, they're like on a,
you're, they're always on your mind. You're always feeling like you lost
something and then I'm next, you know, I'm making more kids to, to replace
them and I don't wanna do that. I'm happy where I am. I understand about
having kids now and it takes a lot of work. It literally does. And I, I
wish I really wish I would have waited as special as my kids are. I wish I
would have waited to give myself a future to educate myself to, to not
have to take care of my kids while I'm trying to go to school. And, and I
mean, it was literally hard. It's been it's been still hard because I have
to go through school and I have to find babysitters. It's just, it's not
like a college person should be where it's no Children until you get to
that appropriate age. Now, my daughter, I share everything about my past
with her. I try not to keep it from her. I try not to tell her that it's
bad. So she understands that. Waiting and waiting for that right person is
, is the best thing for her. And that's uh she's old enough to let me tell
her things and she's really, she's really a good kid. Yeah, I, I teach at
a su and um I just talked to our dean recently about having a better
support network for the moms that are going and going to school, you know
, and how they need to be acknowledged. It's much, it's, it's a whole
added layer of challenge that the standard student doesn't experience, you
know, and there's, there's a very limited support network for those people
, you know. Yeah. So when it's really, the time is really the biggest
problem I have is time. What I mean, how am I going to be able to work
this and then go to school? So I literally have to take off work from this
, stop being paid and then go over there. So it's hard because um well,
thank you for sharing with us. I know it's not a really pretty story, but
it's a difficulty pregnancy and I think most of the problems came from all
that craziness. So, if there's ladies going through craziness and they're
wondering why is my Children like this? You know, it might have been a
little bit of that. Yes. Stress has a lot to do with how your body
functions. Well, it sounds like you're in a really good place now.