I came to United States in 1983.
I was 23. When I came, I was working hard and the flower shop, I love
flowers. So I didn't even know I missed my period. It's always on time.
Right? It was two weeks later I realized, oh, no, I missed my uh period.
What's wrong with me? I'm thinking because I haven't been pregnant all
these time being with my husband and all of a sudden I start my period,
but his pain is like really bad and oh, I must have a miscarriage and I
wanted to be pregnant many, many times. It was just not work. I didn't
know I didn't even know I have miscarriage, but I did have a couple of
miscarriage before this tube of pregnancy because I was what, 28 years old
at the time? A lot of my friends say my stomach was actually really big
for two months pregnant woman at the time when I was pregnant, I'm
thinking, oh my God, I didn't think I'm gonna get pregnant ever
religiously speaking. I asked God, all the women have baby, why can't I
have baby? I want at least uh prove that I'm not crippled, not can't have
baby at least show me if I can get pregnant. Some people say be careful
how you pray. I didn't even know I was to pregnancy and I was getting
bleeding was showing, you know, my under water and stuff. So I called a
hospital. They saw all the pregnant woman go through that and with the
pain, too, very pain. You know, I said, oh my gosh, with all these women
in the world going through this much pain, I say they deserve a medal.
Those two weeks was the most painful in my life. I was fainting when I'm
trying to go to the bathroom, I'm fainting in the hallway. And according
to my ex husband and my eyes were rolling the back way and uh I was
getting very dizzy and can't go nowhere. I'm sorry, I'm practically too
weeks. I'm just staying home and lay down. I am a religious, I believe in
God. Meantime, I've been praying. I said, what did I do wrong so much? Go
through this pain. So I've been praying till four in the morning. That's
what happened. This thing come out of me and there was no more pain. But
December 27 like I said, something came out of me, I felt like a warm
stuff coming out. It was about three inch long something why? I don't know
that there was a part of baby almost look like you know, like fat and some
red tissue. It's kind of wrap around there. So my wildest guess is, you
know, when the baby was born. So when they're like 12 weeks, 12 weeks they
can grow up to, they got like little eyes and then I heard they already
developed. I'm thinking the baby was all crammed up like this. That oh my
God, that thing was in my body. It hurt so bad. And ever since that was
relieve my pain was gone. So I called the doctor. Hey, something came out
of my body. Ever since then I don't have pain. Those are hospital steps.
Oh, put them in a little container, put them in the refrigerator, bring it
with you on your appointment day. We went there at December 31st with that
thing came out of my body. We went to see the hospital. It's better than
this lady was doing an ultrasound. You know, see she said I see something
on the monitor. I don't know what it is. I'm thinking probably that's baby.
Ok. So one thing already came out of me when the lady was doing an
ultrasound, whatever with the machine, she found another one. So I don't
know what they were probably in all on the one side or two. I'm thinking
the tubes are ovary area. So I'm thinking that was twin, but it's
something is official the, the way there because she was immediately
stopped and she went outside they were shriveling outside, you know,
talking without me. That was on December 31st. So I said all the doctor
were, my doctor was, I have bad news for you and good news for you. What
do you want to hear first? I said, ok, what's the bad news? He said we
have to cut one of the, one of your, uh, ovary
and you still have another Ovary. That's the good news that you can have a
baby, but it will be very hard for you to give. Surgery is supposed to
take about an hour and a half. They say surgery was a 5.5 hours. So very
serious doctors say I was lucky I'm still alive. So I woke up, I don't
know what all these were going on. My ex-husband told me you were in the
surgery for a long time because of a neuro uh tubal pregnancy time. I lost
so many blood. That's what I was fainting. That's why my stomach was
getting bigger, still holding all those dead blood and I'm still alive. I
love baby before that happened when I was growing up in Korea, we babysat
everybody's baby. That's how it is. We don't care whose baby we adore them
like your own families. Then I can stay, um, 1983. Also, I adore all my
neighbor. I mean, I was like a Sunday school teacher or something. I will
carry one in a bag holding in the side. I will go in the wood. That's when
I was leaving Washington State. When I got married, all my neighbor bring
the kids. But when I had a two pregnancy after that, when I see them, it's
like, I don't know that I don't wanna say jealous, but I don't know what
it is. I don't like to see Children. I don't think they're cute anymore
and it changed, you know, I was just like bitter, I guess I can tell
bitter about what happened to me.
Sometimes I do question him still. Why do I have to go through it? Why am
I existing this word? You know, everybody, all these women have Children.
I mean, not all of it. I'm sure there's some woman out there can have baby
or never even got pregnant. My ex said if we have Children, he and I, we
would never divorce. So I asked God, hey God, why am I being here? I don't
have no husband no more. I don't have Children. Why am I here? Good for
what? For who? But one
I was on one channel, a Christian channel. I was watching, I am here to
God's glory, glorify him. That made me, oh, at least I'm good for
something. You know what I mean? That made me feel so much relief from
like I'm here for nothing to something. So every sense that that really
come from me. But once in a while still I said, God, are you enjoying?
But I do give him that question and what the attitude, but I haven't got
pregnant ever since.