WEBVTT 00:00:00.629 --> 00:00:08.629 For Elise is interviewing Denise Haller at 1230 1230 on June 13th, 19 00:00:09.259 --> 00:00:14.607 19th, 2015 for the creative push project. All right. So why don't we start 00:00:14.640 --> 00:00:18.695 by just telling us a little bit about yourself. Um I'm a naturopathic 00:00:18.728 --> 00:00:26.728 doctor. I'm a mother of two and I love my job and facilitate healing, 00:00:26.870 --> 00:00:34.286 using natural medicine and I love being active and being outside. Great. 00:00:34.319 --> 00:00:39.097 So why don't you tell us a little bit about your family? Um My husband is 00:00:39.130 --> 00:00:44.217 Eric and he is my partner in every sense of the word Eric is my business 00:00:44.250 --> 00:00:49.256 partner, my life partner, the father of my Children and my best friend and 00:00:49.289 --> 00:00:54.786 my teacher. Um He's wonderful. So we have two boys together, Levi and 00:00:54.819 --> 00:01:02.819 Isaiah. Levi is 8.5 and Isaiah is five and they are both um really 00:01:02.889 --> 00:01:06.977 genuinely funny and make me laugh all the time and I appreciate them the 00:01:07.010 --> 00:01:09.967 most for that. 00:01:10.000 --> 00:01:15.117 Um Before I let you kind of take off, I just wanna ask you, can you maybe 00:01:15.150 --> 00:01:20.346 take us back to the time of your um pregnancy or, and, or liver and 00:01:20.379 --> 00:01:23.686 delivery if there was anything that is memorable about, you know, the 00:01:23.719 --> 00:01:29.406 season or an event that happened or, and that kind of situation. Um, when 00:01:29.439 --> 00:01:34.135 I think back to my pregnancies, what stands out the most, unfortunately. 00:01:34.168 --> 00:01:39.936 Well, there's two things that stand out. One is I was very sick for both 00:01:39.969 --> 00:01:44.415 of my pregnancies for the entire length of the pregnancy from week, 00:01:44.448 --> 00:01:50.805 probably eight until the day I gave birth to those boys every day was a 00:01:50.838 --> 00:01:57.745 struggle, every day was a push and a fight. Um And it was very challenging 00:01:57.778 --> 00:02:03.415 for me. Uh The level of illness I had was very extreme. Um The other thing 00:02:03.448 --> 00:02:07.486 I recall about my pregnancy is that stands out to me as being in absolute 00:02:07.519 --> 00:02:12.305 awe of my body. I was in awe of my body and what it was doing, how it was 00:02:12.338 --> 00:02:16.525 building growing a life, how it was changing, how it was expanding, how it 00:02:16.558 --> 00:02:23.755 was responding, how it was acclimating and amazement. And um at the vision 00:02:23.788 --> 00:02:26.737 of my body in the mirror, I would look in the mirror constantly and be 00:02:26.770 --> 00:02:31.755 like, can you believe this is what's happening? And my body is um 00:02:31.788 --> 00:02:36.896 facilitating life and growth. And to this day, I think it's the most 00:02:36.929 --> 00:02:40.856 amazing thing. Um To remember back, even looking into how my body has 00:02:40.889 --> 00:02:44.536 returned back to its normal state and to realize how far from that state 00:02:44.569 --> 00:02:50.207 it had gone to come back. I'm just in amazement of the female body. Great 00:02:50.240 --> 00:02:55.967 do you want to start talking about your pregnancy experience or the 00:02:56.000 --> 00:03:00.626 pregnancy experience? It was, or the conception, was it planned or, you 00:03:00.659 --> 00:03:04.275 know, kind of like the early part of 00:03:04.308 --> 00:03:12.308 um both Children, we were ready to have Children. My first son, we had 00:03:12.949 --> 00:03:19.036 decided to um to conceive and it happened rather quickly and we were 00:03:19.069 --> 00:03:24.005 blessed with LEVI our second child. We knew it was getting close to the 00:03:24.038 --> 00:03:29.436 time that we were open to having a second child and I hadn't quite decided 00:03:29.469 --> 00:03:36.066 it would be time. And Isaiah is a result of me doing math during sex and 00:03:36.099 --> 00:03:40.975 trying to figure out the days of fertility. And if we were in the clear or 00:03:41.008 --> 00:03:47.495 not, I am not good at math, not during sex. And I am worse at math during 00:03:47.528 --> 00:03:52.126 sex and I miscalculated and thought we were in the clear when we weren't 00:03:52.159 --> 00:03:58.055 and here's Isaiah, which was perfect timing. So Isaiah came at the perfect 00:03:58.088 --> 00:04:03.916 time and I made a great math mistake. Um and, and it ended up being just a 00:04:03.949 --> 00:04:07.085 wonderful, wonderful timing to have a second child, especially a boy 00:04:07.118 --> 00:04:10.495 because they're buddies. 00:04:10.528 --> 00:04:16.697 How about the pregnancy, the pregnancy part. Um My pregnancies like I said 00:04:16.730 --> 00:04:22.226 were difficult, you know, they were, I was very nauseous and sick and had 00:04:22.259 --> 00:04:26.796 to figure out food, food sometimes made me better and sometimes it made me 00:04:26.829 --> 00:04:33.226 worse. Um And my pregnancies were a struggle. They just were a struggle as 00:04:33.259 --> 00:04:38.926 far as my body, my body did the job. My babies were healthy, luckily, and 00:04:38.959 --> 00:04:42.426 my body gave my babies everything that they needed. And I'm grateful for 00:04:42.459 --> 00:04:47.916 that and that's what's most important ultimately. But when I think of my 00:04:47.949 --> 00:04:53.265 pregnancies, it wasn't one of those glowing times where I felt better for 00:04:53.298 --> 00:04:57.495 being pregnant, I definitely suffered. Did you have the weight gain, the 00:04:57.528 --> 00:05:02.676 water retention all that? How was that for you? Because, um, because my 00:05:02.709 --> 00:05:08.817 pregnancy nausea was often better from food. I ate constantly and fatty 00:05:08.850 --> 00:05:13.356 foods relieved my nausea more. So I gained a ton of weight. It was kind of 00:05:13.389 --> 00:05:17.317 fun. It was like I got to eat ice cream and cookies. I remember my last 00:05:17.350 --> 00:05:20.955 pregnancy being like, I'm going on Oregano's and getting a bazi because it 00:05:20.988 --> 00:05:24.846 might be my last for a while while it's legal and I just kind of had at it 00:05:24.879 --> 00:05:27.877 , you know, I typically have to watch my calories and watch what I eat. 00:05:27.910 --> 00:05:31.007 And pregnancy was a time that I just gave that all up. So that was really 00:05:31.040 --> 00:05:33.437 fun. 00:05:33.470 --> 00:05:38.476 So, uh, maybe take us back to when you first started realizing you were in 00:05:38.509 --> 00:05:42.697 labor with your first, you know? Ok. So I'll talk about my first labor 00:05:42.730 --> 00:05:46.986 first then. Ok, I'm sorry, your second. It's fine. Um, ok. My second birth 00:05:47.019 --> 00:05:52.656 , I was uh home and it was, it was raining in the desert which I'll never 00:05:52.689 --> 00:05:56.546 forget me going into labor while it was raining. That desert rain is so 00:05:56.579 --> 00:06:00.916 beautiful. It has a smell and a feel that is quite different because it's 00:06:00.949 --> 00:06:04.895 not the norm in the desert. And my parents were over and my mother had 00:06:04.928 --> 00:06:09.507 cooked this amazing home cooked meal. She's an incredible chef and she had 00:06:09.540 --> 00:06:13.606 , and I'd smelled the dinner cooking for hours and I was so excited to sit 00:06:13.639 --> 00:06:18.086 down and eat it. And she had prepared eggplant, Parmesan and wilted greens 00:06:18.119 --> 00:06:24.296 and salad. And I was so ready to eat. I was so hungry and I, um, the sun 00:06:24.329 --> 00:06:28.616 was setting and it was raining. And I sat down to this meal and just as I 00:06:28.649 --> 00:06:33.515 was sitting down, I felt a gush of water and I was like, oh, wow, that was 00:06:33.548 --> 00:06:38.395 my water. But I really want to eat this dinner. Ok. I'm going to hurry up 00:06:38.428 --> 00:06:41.096 and eat because I'm not missing this. And I think I have a long night 00:06:41.129 --> 00:06:45.995 ahead of me. So I'm so eating this. So my family sat with me. It was my 00:06:46.028 --> 00:06:51.937 parents and my husband. My eldest son had gone to bed and I enjoyed that 00:06:51.970 --> 00:06:55.526 meal and I savored it because as this being my second birth, I knew I 00:06:55.559 --> 00:07:00.627 could be in for a long night and the meal was delicious. And it was a very 00:07:00.660 --> 00:07:07.205 peaceful evening. I remember finishing dinner and inviting my parents to 00:07:07.238 --> 00:07:11.265 leave. As I knew I wanted to give birth in my home with my husband and my 00:07:11.298 --> 00:07:16.995 midwife and they were loving and wished me well and were very excited and 00:07:17.028 --> 00:07:19.507 they left 00:07:19.540 --> 00:07:25.567 and I went to sit on the exercise ball and kind of sit and be with the 00:07:25.600 --> 00:07:31.406 after dinner. The surges started very slow, very gentle, just as that 00:07:31.439 --> 00:07:38.236 tightening feeling and it excited me and I went to sit on the exercise 00:07:38.269 --> 00:07:42.637 ball just to be with them and to start going inward as my husband cleaned 00:07:42.670 --> 00:07:47.055 up the kitchen from dinner and got the house in a really nice state of 00:07:47.088 --> 00:07:54.637 peace as he's very good at doing. Um I practiced a style of um a birthing 00:07:54.670 --> 00:07:59.455 tool called hypnobirthing where it's a meditative birthing practice, a 00:07:59.488 --> 00:08:05.536 practice where you go inward and use your breath and use guided imagery to 00:08:05.569 --> 00:08:10.507 help work with your body to birth the baby naturally. So I started the 00:08:10.540 --> 00:08:15.387 process of my breathing techniques and my meditation techniques to calm 00:08:15.420 --> 00:08:22.906 myself. And it was wonderful. It was groovy. It was great. The first hour 00:08:22.939 --> 00:08:29.086 I'd say I was just with myself and then the, the contractions started to 00:08:29.119 --> 00:08:36.826 build and strengthen, still not painful, just super tight. And I decided 00:08:36.859 --> 00:08:42.034 it was time to go into the bedroom and Eric lit the candles, put my Native 00:08:42.067 --> 00:08:48.696 American flutes on the ipod dock and put my essential oils out and sat 00:08:48.729 --> 00:08:53.385 with me for a little bit. Um in this meditative state, I don't talk much. 00:08:53.418 --> 00:08:57.846 I, I'm very much inward and with myself but we talked a little bit at that 00:08:57.879 --> 00:09:01.895 time and I shared with him some of what I was feeling and he had told me 00:09:01.928 --> 00:09:08.576 he called the midwife and the midwife came shortly after and checked on me 00:09:08.609 --> 00:09:13.407 and said I had a while to go and I was doing great and she was going to 00:09:13.440 --> 00:09:18.407 leave and we were to call her things when things got more intense. So I 00:09:18.440 --> 00:09:22.116 was fine with that. She left. 00:09:22.149 --> 00:09:26.307 I was sitting on the bed practicing my breathing and the surges were 00:09:26.340 --> 00:09:30.967 becoming more intense, bordering on uncomfortable at this point. And I 00:09:31.000 --> 00:09:38.125 would practice meeting each surge with the same level of relaxation. So as 00:09:38.158 --> 00:09:41.907 we know, being in pain, we tend to tense up. So my goal was to relax into 00:09:41.940 --> 00:09:46.186 each contraction to help uh help the efforts of dilation, which is the 00:09:46.219 --> 00:09:49.927 ultimate goal I had learned all this because my first birth didn't go so 00:09:49.960 --> 00:09:55.467 well. So I was determined to try something differently this time. 00:09:55.500 --> 00:10:00.505 And I remember thinking, gosh, I hope this works. Gosh, I hope this birth 00:10:00.538 --> 00:10:05.356 is different than my first. And I just trusted this process. I just 00:10:05.389 --> 00:10:10.755 decided I picked a method and I'm going to trust the process and the 00:10:10.788 --> 00:10:17.606 surges were getting much more intense, uh more rapidly. And I'd have to 00:10:17.639 --> 00:10:23.167 each time dig even deeper to stay relaxed against the wave of discomfort 00:10:23.200 --> 00:10:28.967 and tightness. And they got so intense that I remember really hitting a 00:10:29.000 --> 00:10:35.196 point of feeling like, OK, can I do this? This is, this is getting really 00:10:35.229 --> 00:10:39.417 uncomfortable. I don't know if I can dig any further. And each time I'd 00:10:39.450 --> 00:10:44.297 recommit to dig further and I said I have no choice. This is the way I'm 00:10:44.330 --> 00:10:48.856 going to birth Isaiah and I knew his name already and I would recommit and 00:10:48.889 --> 00:10:53.496 I remember recommitting to the process four or five times and I was so 00:10:53.529 --> 00:10:57.116 focused on my breath and so focused on being present with each contraction. 00:10:57.149 --> 00:11:04.486 I didn't realize how far along the labor was going until I felt 00:11:04.519 --> 00:11:09.177 super intense contractions that made me dizzy 00:11:09.210 --> 00:11:14.407 and Eric was with me. I wasn't saying a word to him. A conversation had 00:11:14.440 --> 00:11:17.696 stopped for a while. Now, I wasn't speaking to him anymore. I couldn't, I 00:11:17.729 --> 00:11:21.255 couldn't break my meditative state or concentration or the pain levels 00:11:21.288 --> 00:11:23.885 would go up 00:11:23.918 --> 00:11:28.616 and I would just stay super deeply connected to myself and to being 00:11:28.649 --> 00:11:31.866 present to each contraction 00:11:31.899 --> 00:11:34.606 to where finally 00:11:34.639 --> 00:11:39.407 I had a contraction that was so, so deep that I felt tingly all over. I 00:11:39.440 --> 00:11:44.967 started shaking. I got a wave of heat and I realized I'm in transition. I 00:11:45.000 --> 00:11:48.875 did it. I think I'm fully dilated. I think this baby and all this is 00:11:48.908 --> 00:11:52.336 happening within me and I couldn't share it with my husband because I 00:11:52.369 --> 00:11:56.816 couldn't break my concentration. So I leaned back and slid down into the 00:11:56.849 --> 00:12:00.866 bed and opened my knees and that was his sign that he knew that things 00:12:00.899 --> 00:12:03.246 were advancing 00:12:03.279 --> 00:12:09.336 and then another contraction came, that was crazy, intense. And I almost 00:12:09.369 --> 00:12:13.076 felt like I couldn't keep the calm at the base of it. I wanted to freak 00:12:13.109 --> 00:12:20.537 out, but I wouldn't freak out. And then I got through that contraction and 00:12:20.570 --> 00:12:26.907 I felt the crown. I felt Isaiah's head and I was done, but I knew I had 00:12:26.940 --> 00:12:32.940 more to go and I had to dig even further and push my boundary even further. 00:12:33.158 --> 00:12:35.158 And Eric said, Didi the head, you're doing it, you're doing it. I see the 00:12:39.808 --> 00:12:42.576 head. I'm like, ok, good. He knows. He knows because I couldn't tell him, 00:12:42.609 --> 00:12:45.956 but he knows that this baby is so coming right now, the midwife hadn't 00:12:45.989 --> 00:12:53.736 returned yet and it was just him and I, and I knew the next contraction 00:12:53.769 --> 00:12:59.186 was going to be a dozer and it finally came and I dug so deep and I had 00:12:59.219 --> 00:13:03.606 nowhere else to dig. And I just held on to this mantra and I kept saying, 00:13:03.639 --> 00:13:08.015 come to mommy, Isaiah, come to mommy, Isaiah, come to mommy, Isaiah, come 00:13:08.048 --> 00:13:12.927 to mommy, come to mommy. And that helped me release from the discomfort 00:13:12.960 --> 00:13:18.025 and be so excited that I was getting to meet Isaiah that I could deal with 00:13:18.058 --> 00:13:25.196 that last surge that was so uncomfortable. And I felt Eric jump up and he 00:13:25.229 --> 00:13:30.576 went to wash his hands and he came to my legs and the next contraction 00:13:30.609 --> 00:13:34.895 produced Isaiah's head and I could relax a little bit and talk to him and 00:13:34.928 --> 00:13:39.417 say, don't touch him yet. One more contraction. And then you can, you can 00:13:39.450 --> 00:13:42.086 hold him 00:13:42.119 --> 00:13:45.037 and I went back inside because I knew it was coming. And then the last 00:13:45.070 --> 00:13:50.927 contraction came and it was so intense, but so awesome. 00:13:50.960 --> 00:13:55.366 And I felt the release of Isaiah leaving my body and into Eric's arms and 00:13:55.399 --> 00:14:00.407 then he brought him right to my chest and we were both crying 00:14:00.440 --> 00:14:08.440 and I felt such a sense of accomplishment. I was so incredibly excited to 00:14:08.570 --> 00:14:11.936 kiss and hug and meet Isaiah, 00:14:11.969 --> 00:14:19.287 coupled with feeling so proud of myself that I trusted my body. And I 00:14:19.320 --> 00:14:26.907 pushed through 10 layers of, I can't do this. And I felt so confident in 00:14:26.940 --> 00:14:31.287 my body. 00:14:31.320 --> 00:14:36.537 I was on a high, I was overwhelmed that that all just went down after my 00:14:36.570 --> 00:14:42.236 first birth going so poorly in my opinion and being such a struggle that I 00:14:42.269 --> 00:14:49.005 could have this experience as well with such a gift. And of course, I held 00:14:49.038 --> 00:14:54.917 my Isaiah and he was perfect and beautiful. And the midwife walked in 00:14:54.950 --> 00:15:00.667 right, probably two minutes after Isaiah was in my arms 00:15:00.700 --> 00:15:05.826 and checked him and helped me birth the placenta 00:15:05.859 --> 00:15:11.047 and Isaiah nursed pretty quickly after delivery 00:15:11.080 --> 00:15:18.606 and he's just been a dream ever since that birth is Isaiah 00:15:18.639 --> 00:15:21.566 that's here to fall. 00:15:21.599 --> 00:15:24.456 That was really intense. 00:15:24.489 --> 00:15:28.005 Right? 00:15:28.038 --> 00:15:36.038 Yeah, I feel it in my body. Yeah. That's incredible. It was incredible. I 00:15:36.210 --> 00:15:41.537 felt differently about myself ever since that birth and my body, I 00:15:41.570 --> 00:15:48.336 cherished my body and I'm in awe of the female body. Like, really? Wow. 00:15:48.369 --> 00:15:50.635 Birth, 00:15:50.668 --> 00:15:54.586 amazing. And it's just programmed to do that. If we just get out of the 00:15:54.619 --> 00:15:59.846 way, it's programmed to birth the baby. I'm not saying that's easy to get 00:15:59.879 --> 00:16:06.446 out of the way. But that's the ideal and 00:16:06.479 --> 00:16:10.467 it was a gift to be able to birth naturally. It, it was like a person. It 00:16:10.500 --> 00:16:15.826 was like a, to be able to birth naturally was like a self development 00:16:15.859 --> 00:16:20.106 seminar like on steroids, like the amount of personal growth I went 00:16:20.139 --> 00:16:27.547 through in that experience was a lot and I've had it ever since and, and 00:16:27.580 --> 00:16:35.580 I'm so grateful that I had the tools and the, the support to have a birth 00:16:37.190 --> 00:16:43.476 like that to have that had that experience with nature and with Isaiah. 00:16:43.509 --> 00:16:48.986 Yeah, that's incredible. It really does change you as a person, you know, 00:16:49.019 --> 00:16:52.986 to go through something like that. 00:16:53.019 --> 00:16:59.476 Well, you can see your um you know, confidence and security and the ease 00:16:59.509 --> 00:17:02.696 and you have great composure. And I imagine a lot of that comes from 00:17:02.729 --> 00:17:06.956 experience, something like that. Maybe. Do you notice the difference 00:17:06.989 --> 00:17:14.989 between the boys 1000% Isaiah's birth is Isaiah. He's easy going. He's 00:17:16.108 --> 00:17:23.206 gentle. He, he loves to do a good job, he loves to do things right. He 00:17:23.239 --> 00:17:31.239 values our praise. Um He's just right in line with Levi. Everything with 00:17:31.949 --> 00:17:37.035 Levi is difficult and he, he's a beautiful human. Levi is charming and 00:17:37.068 --> 00:17:43.055 he's hysterical and he's just such a lover boy. But Levi, everything with 00:17:43.088 --> 00:17:49.156 Levi is difficult and everything with Levi's birth was difficult and 00:17:49.189 --> 00:17:57.189 challenging and, um, a lot of points of conflict and stuck and, and not in 00:17:59.338 --> 00:18:04.377 alignment once he was born, finally, once he was born, he wouldn't nurse. 00:18:04.410 --> 00:18:07.377 Of course, he wouldn't. He's Levi, he's not just going to latch on. He's 00:18:07.410 --> 00:18:12.496 Levi, it's got to be difficult, like four lactation consultants and tons 00:18:12.529 --> 00:18:17.117 of grief and tears and all this drama. And finally, we figure out Levi and 00:18:17.150 --> 00:18:25.150 I figure out how to, how to nurse 1000%. Their births are them as people. 00:18:25.559 --> 00:18:28.127 It's amazing. 00:18:28.160 --> 00:18:32.045 Do you think you can take us through Levi's break? Kind of blocked it out 00:18:32.078 --> 00:18:35.506 ? Yes. 00:18:35.539 --> 00:18:43.539 I mean, ok, Levi's birth, 00:18:48.608 --> 00:18:54.446 I went into labor with Levi and it was late at night and, and labor labor 00:18:54.479 --> 00:18:59.416 began and it was confusing. Is this really labor? It would start, it would 00:18:59.449 --> 00:19:04.486 stop. Um I couldn't tell it, I couldn't really tell what was happening. So 00:19:04.519 --> 00:19:12.519 it was very stutter in the initiation of that labor. And I would take naps 00:19:12.650 --> 00:19:15.967 and then I would wake up to some pretty intense contractions that were, 00:19:16.000 --> 00:19:21.416 that were uncomfortable and verging on painful, then they would stop or 00:19:21.449 --> 00:19:28.446 slow down. And then we hit a stride in the contractions where they were 00:19:28.479 --> 00:19:33.585 persistent and rather painful and, and I was sure they were resulting in 00:19:33.618 --> 00:19:37.607 dilation and progress 00:19:37.640 --> 00:19:41.666 because we were several hours into the labor. And the midwife would check 00:19:41.699 --> 00:19:48.436 me and say, no, you're only still a half centimeter, like when we started 00:19:48.469 --> 00:19:52.717 and the discouragement of feeling like I'm pretty much tapped out of 00:19:52.750 --> 00:20:00.750 energy and we're not even beginning, brought fear and doubt and, 00:20:01.250 --> 00:20:07.406 and despair because I didn't know what I had ahead of me. And I knew this 00:20:07.439 --> 00:20:12.065 baby had to come out and it was a homebirth. And I had my midwife there 00:20:12.098 --> 00:20:20.026 and her assistant and my husband and I remember a lot of activity around 00:20:20.059 --> 00:20:25.426 me and me just going inward trying to figure out how to do something 00:20:25.459 --> 00:20:30.926 better or differently. And why wasn't this progressing? And what was I 00:20:30.959 --> 00:20:37.526 supposed to be doing and what am I not doing? And it was extremely 00:20:37.559 --> 00:20:42.726 uncomfortable and painful. The contractions were very strong and clearly 00:20:42.759 --> 00:20:48.476 ineffectual. So that went on for many hours, about 10 hours in, at this 00:20:48.509 --> 00:20:53.887 point, all the while making very little progress. My mother was in the 00:20:53.920 --> 00:20:58.696 kitchen for this birth and she was feeling my distress and didn't know 00:20:58.729 --> 00:21:03.387 what to do for me. So she just cooks. So every hour or so I smell a 00:21:03.420 --> 00:21:07.236 different aroma coming from the kitchen. When she's anxious, she cooks and 00:21:07.269 --> 00:21:11.666 there was a lot of cooking, there was lasagna that I smelled apple pie and 00:21:11.699 --> 00:21:15.795 then I'd smell coffee and then I would smell 00:21:15.828 --> 00:21:20.637 like dessert. I, I, every time someone would come help me, they would have 00:21:20.670 --> 00:21:24.246 a different odor of food on their breath. She was feeding the whole team 00:21:24.279 --> 00:21:30.127 just that's how she knew to support me. And I felt alone because I felt 00:21:30.160 --> 00:21:33.835 like life was going on around me and I realized that nobody could do it 00:21:33.868 --> 00:21:39.916 but me, it was going to have to be me no matter, no matter how much people 00:21:39.949 --> 00:21:45.627 wanted to help. It didn't matter because in the end, it would be up to me 00:21:45.660 --> 00:21:52.486 to deliver this baby. And, and the despair was as painful as the 00:21:52.519 --> 00:21:55.916 contractions at that point. 00:21:55.949 --> 00:22:02.666 And Eric was trying everything to support me and he looked exhausted and 00:22:02.699 --> 00:22:08.347 everyone around me looked exhausted and I felt completely exhausted 00:22:08.380 --> 00:22:13.496 and I just kept at it. I realized there was no turning back. I had to keep 00:22:13.529 --> 00:22:21.529 going. So I did my best to push and to try and relax and it felt as if 00:22:23.660 --> 00:22:28.186 nothing was working. I try to shower. I tried all the things that you hear 00:22:28.219 --> 00:22:32.446 in labor, help women and nothing was helping only feeding my despair at 00:22:32.479 --> 00:22:35.496 that point. 00:22:35.529 --> 00:22:41.127 At one point, Eric looked at me and asked me a couple of questions which I 00:22:41.160 --> 00:22:45.696 could barely answer about the way I was feeling. And I described that the 00:22:45.729 --> 00:22:49.926 contractions were very intense, but it didn't feel like I had anything to 00:22:49.959 --> 00:22:54.097 push against. They weren't effectual and he he asked if he could leave for 00:22:54.130 --> 00:22:56.847 a moment. And I said, sure. 00:22:56.880 --> 00:23:01.065 And he went and got a homeopathic medicine called Pulstilla. 00:23:01.098 --> 00:23:04.906 And he put the pulstilla under my tongue 00:23:04.939 --> 00:23:11.166 and the next two contractions produce Levi's head. I can't say I remember 00:23:11.199 --> 00:23:19.199 the experience of birthing Levi because I was numb at that point. I do 00:23:19.239 --> 00:23:26.026 remember feeling relief in that. I, everyone was cheering for me towards 00:23:26.059 --> 00:23:29.387 the end as I was 00:23:29.420 --> 00:23:33.906 pushing Levi out. 00:23:33.939 --> 00:23:41.939 And I remember Levi being delivered and me successfully delivering Levi 00:23:42.068 --> 00:23:49.147 and I just fell back on the bed and surrendered and collapsed. Not even 00:23:49.180 --> 00:23:54.467 reaching out for Levi until someone said he's here, here's Levi and I got 00:23:54.500 --> 00:23:59.006 him like, oh my gosh, Levi's here. It's almost like I'd lost reality and I 00:23:59.039 --> 00:24:03.906 was in disbelief. I had finally delivered him and they handed me Levi and 00:24:03.939 --> 00:24:07.936 I couldn't believe how beautiful he was and I'll never forget the 00:24:07.969 --> 00:24:11.597 broadness of his shoulders to this day. He's 8.5. I look at his shoulders 00:24:11.630 --> 00:24:14.825 , I'm like, look how broad his shoulders are. And it was the first note I 00:24:14.858 --> 00:24:18.887 took of him when he came into my arms and he had so much hair and he had 00:24:18.920 --> 00:24:24.565 my eyes and I could even tell then, and I cuddled him and thought that it 00:24:24.598 --> 00:24:30.967 was worth every freaking ounce of discomfort, pain and horror. Sorry. But 00:24:31.000 --> 00:24:37.815 horror because he's so freaking beautiful and perfect and it was all worth 00:24:37.848 --> 00:24:41.335 it. At that point. And 00:24:41.368 --> 00:24:47.357 I, I had a long recovery from that labor and a lot of issues in recovery 00:24:47.390 --> 00:24:55.390 from that labor, um, as it was long and it was really difficult. 00:24:57.500 --> 00:25:00.627 Yeah. It bad. So, 00:25:00.660 --> 00:25:06.226 a bit emotionally, you're tired from that too. For many months. I 00:25:06.259 --> 00:25:10.897 emotionally had to recover from that because Levi didn't, couldn't latch 00:25:10.930 --> 00:25:15.035 properly and therefore, wasn't getting any nourishment 00:25:15.068 --> 00:25:18.335 and I was postpartum and I was exhausted and then I was trying to do my 00:25:18.368 --> 00:25:22.347 first motherly duty, which is feed my baby and I couldn't do that. So you 00:25:22.380 --> 00:25:29.696 can imagine the emotion that coupled uh that experience and it wasn't um a 00:25:29.729 --> 00:25:35.565 happy, there was happiness, we adore Levi, but there was a lot of healing 00:25:35.598 --> 00:25:38.825 and a lot of struggle 00:25:38.858 --> 00:25:42.456 and now there still is with Levi. But now I know how to handle Levi. Now, 00:25:42.489 --> 00:25:49.835 I, I understand Levi and I can handle his struggle without the, the 00:25:49.868 --> 00:25:52.476 fatigue. 00:25:52.509 --> 00:25:57.085 I accept Levi. I accept that he's, that he can be difficult often and that 00:25:57.118 --> 00:26:00.055 makes it easier. 00:26:00.088 --> 00:26:04.575 That's what they say about how we handle husbands too. Correct. Acceptance 00:26:04.608 --> 00:26:07.397 is powerful. 00:26:07.430 --> 00:26:13.065 Well, I think we're good. Do you have anything else you want to add? I 00:26:13.098 --> 00:26:19.759 think I gave it. I think you did too, dude. Well, that's what's in there.