You gotta get a new one of these. Ok. Did it start? Yeah, they're both
missing. Yeah. Ok. So this is for Ali interviewing Marsha Jones for
creative push on May 24th at 9 40 29 20. I can't retain information for
life. I swear when I was in high school, I was studying with a friend who
was super smart and she was at some point so frustrated she goes forest
you have the memory of a fly. That's totally true.
What school will never forget that? Ok. So um ok, so how do you want to
start? Do you want to start with birth number one or? Yeah, sure. We can,
we can start. Um So I'm currently the mother of three probably the end of
our journey in terms of birth um and pregnancy, but uh only the Lord knows
that what the actual plan is. Um My first daughter was born in 2007. I had
always wanted a home birth. And so um ended up going through that process
of interviewing midwives and choosing one and so forth. Getting through
the process coming down, well, coming down with um but being diagnosed
gestational diabetic. Um, and that ended up being diet controlled through
the process. I was, I was in my mid, early, early thirties and so I was
diet controlled. Unfortunately, the midwife that I had gotten into the
relationship with, um, as it turns out we found out after the fact she had
lost a gestational diabetic baby in an, in home birth. And she, um, but
she didn't, she didn't own that and tell us that. And she said, oh, well,
just diabetes is really scary and, and, you know, we can be diet
controlled, but I still think you need to see the specialist in the area
you need, you need to, you know, and she was presenting it as the best
possible care that I was receiving. Well. Then I'm from Glendale, Arizona
59th Avenue and an olive area. The specialist was in Chandler. I'm a
working adult at this time. And, um, suddenly I was thrown into the
medical world after like running, screaming from the medical world. I have
some other, um, previous medical trauma that, that led me to really want
the home birth and the, the much more serene type, uh, birth experience.
And so,
uh, suddenly I was, I was tossed into this medical world where I had to be
in Chandler for non nonstress tests with, with the belt, um, you know,
contractions and everything every, you know, twice a week. Um, it was an
hour long drive, one way from work. And, you know, and so I was taking all
this extra time off of work, all this additional stress. First time mom,
no clue what's going on. I don't have a support, a great support structure
at this point. Um My family is in northern Minnesota. My husband's family
at that point, we were estranged from and so it was all on my own and, and
um it was just crazy because we ended up then, um, he did have midwives in
his office. Um, of course, and, and on top of that, yes, first time I'd
ever had a man in my life in terms of the womanly stuff. And so I was like
, you know, just freaked out on so many levels and he of course, wanted to
induce at 39 weeks. And I was like, no, this is my right. I mean, the last
vestige of my ability to have power over my birth and I stood out and I
said, no, this is my birth. Well, then of course, week 40 comes around and
I'm like, I'm so done. It's September. It's hot. I'm 40 weeks. This baby
isn't anywhere, you know, acting like she's going to arrive. I, so what
about that induction? And of course, at this point he's like, oh, well,
you didn't want it. So now we're just going to ride it out and see when he
, when, when she arrives. So 41 weeks and again, this is, there was three
or four weeks beforehand where I was like, there twice a week. And so now
we're at 41 weeks, 42 weeks. And he's like, well, ok, if she doesn't come
over the weekend, we're going to have to induce on Monday and you'll be
officially 43 weeks, she's probably going to be too big. You know, if, if
she doesn't descend and if it doesn't happen, you could either break her
shoulders because she's massive. You know, she's way overweight. You're
gestational diabetic. So she's going to be massive. She's going to be over
£10 probably 11 £11.5. Um, like I said, the breaking of the shoulders is
the one thing that I always come back to because it was so traumatic for
me to go. Oh, and then of course, it's back in the day when everybody's
like,
yeah, the bees there. And so is the burp cloth, it just snaps off or you
got to flip it. Um, anyway, so the, and, and when I talk to people about,
um, you know, those horror stories that doctors will tell you about
gestational diabetic, you know, that's the breaking the shoulder dystocia
was the big thing. And of course, that's back. You know, when the big, all
of everything started to kind of bubble up about, you can slow it down
because we really have a lot of time. So it's just like give us, you don't
have to rush through the first birth or the second birth or any of that.
It's like fascinating. It's totally fascinating. It, it sounds like a
really great story. I just Oh yeah. OK. So yeah, so um maybe if you could
just go back to like you, so you were diagnosed with gestational diabetes
for your midwife, right? We'd taken the test, um the, the, the, you know,
drank the sugar test and I had a horrendous sweet tooth with this
pregnancy anyway. And so I had had a grape cream slush Sonic for breakfast.
Not even remembering that I had the test because it wasn't like one that
you have to fast or anything for
here. It's probably nursing time. I think it might be. Is it, is it, you
know, extra breakfast? That was one of the great things about the Hobbit
movie is that you could explain all of the, all of the, you know, it's
second breakfast. What about, what about 11?
Ok. Come here. I know they're super, super cool to look at.
There we go. Um, ok, so, so I had, and then, so I took the test and of
course you drink it and then they make you wait an hour and then, and then
they draw your blood and you wait and you draw blood, wait. And I was in
the um it was a midwife center and at that they was taking the test at and
so uh I'm a lace maker also. And so I had my lace pillow because I knew I
was going to have all this time. And so I'm making lace and everybody
comes over, oh, what are you doing? You know, making lace and what are you
making lace for while I'm making lace for? Because the intent was I was
making yardage for to put on her baptismal gown. And so I'm making this
lace and da da da feeling kind of goofy, you know, because this, the sugar
always kind of makes you weird and, and we get done and a week later the
results and she's like, oh, you're just a diabetic. And I was like, but I
thought I heard there was another test and this is what happened and she's
like, um, and, and I, there's some, oh, I ended up, um at, um,
um,
so then she transferred care to the second doctor, to the, to the
specialist and so on and so forth. At which point I raised the question. I
heard there was a second test and he dismissively said, oh, you tested so
high. There's no reason that we would ever. And I said, but I drank this
other thing that's really high in sugar. Oh, well, that doesn't have any
bearing. And I was like, really that didn't. But I was like, OK, I guess
I'm already, I'm stuck here. And so, like I was saying every, every week
it was twice a week I had to be in for the, for the nonstress tests.
Didn't have to go to the hospital because he had the, to do it in his
office. Thankfully, he also had, um, mobile, um, ultrasound units in his
office. So, um, because I was a late transfer and so on and so forth and I
had already wanted a midwife. I did get to work with his midwife a little
bit, but ultimately, he was the doctor that was supposed to do the
delivery. So, what was the impact of the gestational diabetes? Did you
gain like an exorbitant amount of weight or did your baby? Like, um, so
what they say is that if you're gestational diabetic, the baby will be
large, um, for, you know, delivery like overly large and that's a concern
because then they may or may not fit down the birth canal. It does
increase your chances of having ac section. And, and like I said, the, the
sho shoulder dystocia is what they call it. It's, you, you're either
breaking their collar bone or they, you know, end up twisting their
shoulders or, you know, that sorts of different things. Um And so of
course, all that was presented and, and, and, um, I was, uh, had gone
through the, the time of, no, I don't wanna do an induction. Yes, I do
wanna do an induction. No, you're not gonna get one. And, and so we were
at that weekend that was in between 42 and 43. Or maybe it was. Yeah. Some.
Yeah. And,
you know, it didn't seem that there was anything happening. Of course, I'm
stressed out beyond belief and I have no idea what I'm supposed to be
doing and, and what, and what's supposed to be coming. And I'm, I'm just
freaked out about the whole thing and I don't want to have, you know, I
don't want to have internal monitoring because I didn't want to have
anybody stick wires up inside of me and attach them to my child's head. Um
All these different things that I was, um, just freaked out by all the
medical stuff. I can tell. You'll tell throughout this whole thing that I
don't, I'm not a fan of, of medical birth. Um, it's, it has its time in
place but not for me if at all possible. Um The so
back to, I wanted, I had originally wanted a home birth and I didn't know
if my body was going to be able to do it because it was late, um, in, in
my, um, age just based on life and so forth. Um, uh,
we made the decision on,
I would have to go back and look now, I think, yeah, Saturday around
lunchtime I made a, uh, castor oil and ice cream concoction
and drank that down and it took us four or six hours to watch a single
movie because we're like, ok, we're just gonna bend down, watch a movie,
hang out. Of course, I'm in the bathroom, like every, you know, because
that's what it's supposed to do. It, it cleans out your system and all
that irritation then gets your uterus to start doing its thing. Um, the,
when I had been in the office last, uh, the midwife had stripped my
membranes. I had a little bit of bleeding at that point. I thought, well,
maybe this is gonna get it started and it really didn't seem to get it
started. Um, turns out that, that, that, that stripping probably broke my
water. But she was so far down that she was a cork. And so I had no like,
you know, grand gush or any of that or that, you know, water breaking that
they show on television. Um,
and so, uh, but my body wasn't doing the opening. Um, she was descending,
she was ready to come, but my body wasn't opening up, it wasn't
progressing. And so even though the contractions started, um, I still
didn't seem to be progressing. I did call the midwife because part of what
the transfer was about, she was going to still hang with me act as my
doula. She had a student and so the student was going to hang out and, and
help out and so forth.
So we, we, uh, she called her and so, and so around, um, midnight or so,
maybe two o'clock in the morning. She came to the house and hung out for a
while. My ha, my, my husband Eric, um, went to get some sleep. I was kind
of in and out of it. Um, becoming exhausted at this point just because it
had been such a long and it was so, you know, I was like, I was like up to
the bathroom and all those different things, um, finally went to the
hospital. I think it was early morning because I remember, remember it was
, it was dark but that's a long drive when you're in contractions
being on the road is hard anyway. But it was such a long drive and I knew
, I swear every bump and nook and cranny um on the 10 and on the 60. Um
and, and it was, it was just, it was a hard drive and the hospital, um it
was uh Chandler regional and there are more medical hospital, there are
less medical hospitals for birth in the valley. Um But that's where he had
, uh that was the closest to me where he had uh delivery privileges and,
and turns out one of the reasons why we ended up making the decision to
try and get things started was that he was going on vacation for the
weekend. So it was a, you know, uh a planned
and uh ultimately, uh so we get there things aren't progressing. I'm
seeing his midwife because all of the other on-call docs are busy with
other higher risk pregnancies, which was kind of crazy because they had
built me up saying that I was this grand high risk pregnancy with the,
with the distant di diabetes. And so all the other on-call docs were, were
involved with other higher risk pregnancies. I was like, how much higher
risk do you get in person? Uneducated? Um, uh, and, and so had the midwife
there. Um, my husband was there, unfortunately, uh, at this point, we were
finding out that he had a, a mild to severe allergic reaction to something.
And so he's like all puffy, he had taken some Benadryl. So he's all kind
of loopy, not really able to be my support or my advocate. And I did have
one girlfriend who had come down and was also going to help be an advocate
and so forth, especially once we realized what was going on with him. And
so she was there and like I said, the midwife and then so the midwife and
the student switched back and forth and to kind of give each other some,
you can go ahead and do that and pause talking.
I didn't even think about it.
Someone sees himself in the mirror.
He has milk all over the face. Oh, he's so distracted. He's like, oh,
there's other things to look at. I'm hungry, but I'm not really, I forgot
to mention this too. Try to mention um like sensitive medical information
, like names so definitely don't give us the doctor's name or my wife's
names and stuff like that. Mentioning the hospital is fine, but I wouldn't.
Yeah. All right. If you wanna hand me that, um, the, the burp cloth, yeah
, he's liable to, you have a thing about spitting up, don't you? All right.
Um,
so I was being working with his, um, midwife and she knew my midwife and
so they were working together a little bit, but my midwife was really
taking a backseat and not really giving me a lot of support the way I had
kind of expected going along and had, um, they decided that, that I wasn't
progressing. I was stuck at four and I was stuck at four for four,
probably three or four hours. And so they're like, ok, well, we're gonna
put a little bit of it. It's the pre PTO, it's the one that you do before
Pitocin that they put on the cervix. We're gonna do this. And, um, and I'm
like, ok, you know, and, and that's was there for, I think, I wanna say
maybe two hours, something along those lines and it still wasn't
progressing. And of course, at this point, um, because I had also tested
positive for the, uh strep, they had already put an IV in me and I was
getting antibiotics. So they're like, since you've already got it, we're
gonna go ahead and give you Pitocin in the, in the IV
at this point. I have no pain control other than myself and nobody was
thinking about it because of course we're all tied up in our own stuff.
I'm in labor. He's in la la land midwife has taken a back seat. Um, the
midwife who's attending me is doing her thing and she doesn't think
anything of it. She's just doing her job and my girlfriend, um, wasn't
really paying attention either and all of a sudden instead of these gentle
, like, ramp ups where you're, like, breathing through it and stuff. It
was like, oh, my mother Mary,
uh,
um, and what is going on? How come it all of a sudden got so painful, it
just doesn't make any sense. This isn't right da da da. So, finally
somebody goes, oh, you're getting Pitocin, some nurse, some random nurse
who's coming through and I'm like, why I don't understand. And she's like
, well, you're getting Pitocin, of course it's going to get painful.
Yeah, I had Pitocin. I know exactly what you mean. So, I was like, I'm,
this is it, I'm done. Get me the epidural. So, finally, then they're like
, ok, ok, we'll get an, so they got it and I got an epidural. He was, you
know, you always have these, these, um, stories in, in my circle of
friends. We always talk about the, um, really attractive male
anesthesiologist and I got one
unfortunately because, you know, I'm in labor and sweating and my hair is
wrecked and, you know, you anyway. And, uh, so he put the, the epidural in
and of course it worked and then it was finally, like my body went. Oh, ok.
But unfortunately it was still another six hours
that, um, I was in labor per se for her to get it to open up to let him
shoot. So then she came, um, I went through, I found out all kinds of
horrible things about my body. Like I still, even after all of that in the
bathroom, I still had things to get rid of. Um, I vomit during, during
last stages of labor. And so I was like, oh, that's pleasant. And um, but
I didn't go through that. Oh, I hate you, you know, and all that yelling
probably because he was off in LA LA world and I didn't even know he
existed most of the time. But uh, so I was kind of proud of myself for
that. At least I didn't go through like the, the, oh, you know, the really
mean nasty stuff. And um, of course, then finally we get to delivery and
it's the traditional on your back legs up. He had a leg, my girlfriend had
a leg, the midwife for the doctor was there and at this point, the
original midwife was gone or she was still in the background, but then the
student was there and she was in a position where she was in that last
training period where she just had to catch babies. And, um, the midwife
for the doctor looked over and said, did you, do you want to catch? And so
the student midwife was able to catch, uh, my first daughter, which was
like the last little victory. I was like, yay. At least I got to help her
out in her journey. And, um, uh, and then, you know, so, uh we did get
skin to skin contact. Um I can't remember. I think my husband was, was
with it enough to cut the cord. I'd have to ask him. I can't remember.
So, were you, was it like, well, push, push? But, you know, that kind of a
situation,
they kind of had to tell me when to, when to push because I had no idea.
Um, the epidural wasn't like a lot of women get it. Um, the perfect time
to get the epidural is, is with enough time for it to start wearing off
when the delivery is happening. So that then they can actually feel more
of those body cues, but I didn't know what I was supposed to be feeling
anyway. And so when they said, well, you're contracting when we were back
in the hos in the, in the office and they were doing those, those stress
tests, they're like, oh, yeah, you're having contractions. And I was like
, I don't feel anything. Um And so I didn't really know what I was
supposed to be feeling anyway. And so they, I kind of let them tell me
when I was supposed to, to push and, and whatnot. I did find, I did feel
that last one where it was like, oh, you've got a poop and, and, um, that
was like the one contraction that I did feel, um, the urge to push. The,
the real, um, that one I did feel and, and uh, she was, she was perfect.
Um, £8.05 ounces, all fingers and toes. Um, nursed, we had a little bit of
trouble getting started, but she did really well because she was under £9
. I didn't realize that £9 until my second daughter went. That, that £9
was the, um, is like the trigger for most protocols when it comes to
diabetes. But she was under that. So they did one more, one more finger
stick like later in the day for me. And then that was, that was the end of
it. No more discussion of diabetes. And, um, we, um,
there you go and even eventually, um, finally got moved out of labor and
delivery, um, into a room. And of course, then I got like all kinds of, um
, claustrophobic and didn't want to be in the hospital anymore. And the
doctor came in and, and released me. He's like, oh, you had to have the
baby when I was on vacation. And I said, yeah, I looked square in the eye.
And I said, yeah, and he said what was going on? I said she wanted to
come
and, um, uh, the, but then, um, they were the concern about her a little
bit. And so there was this whole rigmarole, um, both before and after her
birth about CPS being involved because I was one of those freaky moms who
was like, oh, I'm so uneducated and I don't know what I'm doing and, and
if I, if I um, uh, do something wrong, they're going to take the baby.
Well, then of course the hospital pulls it and says, if you try and, you
know, you can, you can try to leave without the doctor's consent for the
baby, but we'll call CPS and they'll meet you at the door and take the
baby from you because you didn't have the doctor's permission to leave the
hospital. And so at that point, we were, you know, I'm losing it. Um, you
know, she's trying to nurse, I'm crying. My husband calls his friend who
is actually now one of his best friends, but he was part of CPS at the
time and he told him the story and he said there we are dealing with so
many more important and life threatening situations that nobody is going
to show there are no CPS, police that are going to roll up and up at the
hospital and take your baby because you left, you checked yourself out you
left without the doctor's permission. And so that made us feel better and
, and we ended up, um, we stayed overnight two nights, um, because,
because I had, had the baby late enough and then we had to go through, um
, all of the stuff and we left the next morning when they finally got
around to releasing us, you know, usually with hospitals, it's crazy. They
, they want you out, but then it takes them forever. And so I think we
were finally on our way home, you know, midday, um, ended up stopping at
some friend's house and taking some pictures and, um, what not on the way
home and, and then had our, our time at home. Um, I did, uh, end up going
through, of course, all the rigmarole of going back to work and, and, and
all of that too. But she was, she was an interesting first kid and, um,
taught me a lot
when you reflect back on that experience. Uh, you know, what are your
thoughts and how did it set you up for what you wanted the next go around
or what your expectations were. Um, I was afraid that, you know, I was
always gonna be stuck in the hospital because my body would have no idea
what to do that, that I wouldn't be able to relax that it was all my fault
that we had such a hard delivery because I wasn't, you know, that was the
thing that everybody was like, oh, you need to relax. Like, how can I
relax? All this stuff is being thrown at me and it's all horrible. Um, and
so I did not, uh, I, it, I felt like, yes, we had a great outcome, but the
reason that it was a bad out outcome was really my own self fulfilling
prophecy. So I dealt with a lot of that. Um, I, of course, wanted to have
absolutely nothing to do with doctors. I wanted to find, I started
researching immediately what was the most anti medical hospital um in the
valley. Um What uh you know, because I mean, there are hospitals where
it's great to go for XYZ and they're the best for that. Um But in terms of
if you have a normal pregnancy and you want a natural birth, you know,
there are definitely some better places to go than, than others, you gotta
change the diaper. Do we had to pass this together?
I forgot. Well, so we were kind of just summarizing your first birth
experience.
And I, so in terms of like overall, um I didn't know it, but of course,
then I had late onset postpartum depression um and late onset like nine
months in because all of that stuff was still going on like you're, you
know, and, and, and there were other things that happened like total
uneducated, no support structure. First time mom stuff. Um we ended up
being in Phoenix, children's within her first two weeks because I was
afraid of what somebody else said. Oh, that's an epileptic seizure. You
need to be in the hospital, blah, blah, blah. Turns out it was just the
one thing that babies do. They roll their eyes when they're sleeping.
But uh at that point, we had, they had done the, you know, the little head
cap, I think, eeg or something where they, you know, they and she looks
super adorable. I have no pictures of it. Um But uh the doctor came back
after reading and he's like she's fine. She's really fine kind of with
that twinkle in his eyes, which I like to feel that he means that she's
really, really smart and she is, she is really, she's top of her class and
, and doing really well. So, but um yeah, she did really um prepare me for
trying to
be even more educated, more in control, um, more prepared. Um and, and to
try to trust um mother nature in my body without getting my head into it
too much. So, so then we nursed for
probably somewhere between, I think we made it to a year, maybe probably
over a year when you just talk about bedtime nursing. Um I did pump
through that time period. Um I searched for an in home care provider who
would work with me on cloth diapers. Um did find somebody who was sort of
working on the cloth diapers with us. Um, the reason that nursing is
important is because it was, uh, I'm one of those special ones that
doesn't cycle when she nurses. And, um, so I didn't, I, not only did I not
have a, uh, period throughout my pregnancy, but I also didn't have a
period for, until we stopped nursing. Oh,
monthly cycle and something with the breast milk. Um, and so I actually
did have one cycle finally when we stopped nursing and on the next cycle,
I was pregnant. And so, um it the, the ultimately they ended up being
about 2.5 years apart, which has been great, but um we were right away
into the next pregnancy. Um Of course, I've had some job changes since
this time. I'm with a new company, um kind of a stressful boss going
through and, and ended up doing some traveling um to Florida during the
pregnancy, which was interesting because I didn't, hadn't ever, ever
experienced that before. Um ended up uh trying new hiding the pregnancy
for a period of time because my boss was one of those really terrible
militant woman bosses. And um
so I didn't, again, didn't really get to invest in the pregnancy the way
that a lot of women say, you know, flowers and butterflies and, you know,
become one with the baby during the pregnancy and really feel when they're
moving and so forth. All right.
Um We did do movement counts with both pregnancies, both the girls. Um, so
there's, you know, there's, I did get kind of to be one with the pregnancy
in that regard in the evenings I would count, um, her movements and so
forth. Um, I was in better shape. I knew that I needed to lose weight. Um
, hm. Oh, Lord,
I needed to lose weight and become, um, a stronger, like, physically,
stronger individual if I wanted to have an unmedicated birth. And at this
point, I was making the concession that I wouldn't ever get a home birth,
but I could, I was going to get an unmedicated birth. And I, so I knew
that I needed to, to lose some weight and uh be a stronger individual.
Have more, you know, abdominal strength and just, um everything. And so
between the two girls, I was on a workout plan and uh a better diet plan
and did end up losing weight. Turns out that being pregnant was also a
really good weight loss plan for me in general. Uh I came out of the first
birth, having lost more weight than I gained and then continued to lose
weight through nursing and working out. And, and so the pictures from pre
baby one to pre baby two are pretty interesting. My facial structure went
from round to o and um, so by the time she arrived, I weighed less, but my
belly was bigger and of course, everybody's like that's totally normal
because she's a second. Da da da. I also, I chose a midwife who was, who
had hospital privileges. She was under a doctor. And so throughout the
whole pregnancy with her, um, that practice also had the, um Zounds units
in the office. So I got an ultrasound every visit and they had the 3D
technology. So I got like all these little 3D pictures, like every visit.
And, uh, she, she said, you know, that all these tests along the way are
completely optional. And I went really is the gestational diabetic test
optional. And she's like, yep, and was totally ok with me not taking the
test now as it turns out with the third, um, looking back, I was probably
GD with my second birth as well. Um, but I didn't go that way and I think
what saved both me and her was that I had lost all that weight and I, and
I was eating better. I wasn't eating like, totally, um,
to the GD diet, but I was definitely eating better than, you know what I
had been during my first pregnancy just overall. The who my whole
lifestyle had gotten better and she turned out to be a big girl. Um, and I
was big.
We, uh,
had, I had had, uh, she was, her due date was, uh, January 3rd and on, I
remember it because on Halloween the year bef, you know, uh, I, we were
walking around with the little one. And I'm like, hey, these are
interesting contractions and it was, it was interesting because I could
feel them. I knew I recognized them and so I called them in. All right,
talked to the midwife about it because of course, it wasn't the normal
midwife relationship where you just call them whenever she was still part
of that practice, that doctor relationship. So I had to wait until the
next day and so forth. Um, and she's like, oh, well, that's probably just
practice contractions. No big deal, you know. Um, unless you have, like,
bloody show or something, you know, where she's coming like, early. Um,
you're good. And so we kind of went through that and then, you know, of
course, when we go in for the monthly visit, she's like, oh, yeah, you're
having contractions. And I'm like, so I had like, these little practice
contractions all the way from, you know, from, from Halloween to New
Year's and they would get, you know, around Christmas, they started
getting a little bit stronger but they still weren't anything that I
couldn't totally just live with. Um, and, um, the
Christmas came. I was ok. We're good, you know, I'm getting bigger. Uh,
New Year's. We, we put the little one in bed, we were sitting there on New
Year's. I'm like, oh, wouldn't it be hilarious if we got to have the New
Year's baby, you know, and so forth. Um, at this point, we, we have, we
know that we're going to be having um our, our baby at one of the lesser
medical intensive um hospitals. And, and uh um I was, I was again, like I
said, I was working, um I had a job change. Uh got the boss. Uh the really
militant horrible boss actually had put me on a program and rather than
going through that process and ultimately having me having her fire me
because she, that's what she ultimately wanted to do. Uh I talked with
some other people in the company and we moved, I moved to another role
with people who cared about me and liked me and um but it was a call
center role. And so I was on the phone so I was supposed to work on the
first and I get up for work like seven o'clock. I was supposed to be at
work at seven I think. And, and I mean, I get up, I'm in the shower. She's
not wanting to move and I'm like, you know, hey, wake up move, you know,
starting to freak mama out because it's brand new year. Your due date is
in a couple of days you've been fairly active. Um She had a trigger. Um I
knew that if I drank a cold glass of water really fast, she would be like
, oh dude, get away from me. And so she'd move while I drank the water.
She didn't move. I was like, I wake up my husband, I'm like, honey, I know
it's your day off. But I think we have to go to the hospital. She's not
moving. It's that freaky not moving. You know, he's like, ok, he gets up
da da da, we get in the car, we're going down to the hospital about five
minutes, not even five minutes, five blocks from the hospital. She moves.
I'm like, ha, ok, baby's moving, baby's alive because this was always
like my big
and hey, uh we b he's like, well, we're this close. We may as well. Have
you checked out anyway, you're a day or two out. Let's just make sure that
everything's ok. So we go into the hospital. It's the first of January
turns out this hospital had the New Year's baby for Arizona. So of course
, I mean, and the hospitals are always packed on New Year's because
there's so many people who are not even New Year's, but New Year's Day.
There's so many people who try to plan for that New Year's baby for
whatever purpose, if they want the extra prizes or if they want the
recognition and so forth. They so um it was jam packed, the L and D labor
side was packed, the delivery, the postpartum was, was full of people. Um
, triage was not uncomfortably packed but it was um there was very few
openings. So we're in there and the hospital person checks me and is like
, well, we're going to get a hold of your midwife so on and so forth. So
why don't you just walk the halls? Um, but we need to get her information
or, you know, her call on whether, but we're pretty sure you're going to
get admitted because you're four. And I'm like, oh, ok. That's, that's
reassuring. My body's been doing something with all these contractions
I've been enduring since, since Halloween. And so we're walking the floor
, uh turn ends up and this is like, you know, of course, now this is
around between seven and eight o'clock that we roll into triage. We don't
hear from the midwife until five or six o'clock in the afternoon. We spend
the entire day walking the floor in Tria and, and being based out of
triage, um, she turns out, we find out later, um, she was at a funeral for
a baby that had been lost in her practice. And so that's why the hospital
couldn't reach her. Um, but it was getting to be, you know, about five
o'clock. We're like, really, we need to, you know, we're done, we want to
go home or get admitted, you know, what's going on for her pregnancy. I
had decided that I was going to have a dedicated
um doula. And so I had hired a doula for, for that. Um I hadn't called her
in yet. Um But, but we, we did have a dedicated doula because that was
another decision from the first pregnancy. That was like, I didn't have
anybody who was like, totally, like, dedicated to me that had no other
commitments. Everybody else with the first pregnancy, everyone else had
their own thing. You know, the doctor had her thing. The midwife, the
original midwife was, had checked out, the student was a student. My
girlfriend had her family,
my girlfriend had her family. Um my husband was off in LA la land with, on
Benadryl. So we decided that I needed to have my own, dedicated, my own
dedicated Doula for this um pregnancy. Finally, we get through the,
through the walking in the day. My husband will tell you about the women
that came in that day and had like those super fast, like from 0 to 10
deliveries. There was two of them during the day that we were walking that
day around the room, around the floor of the hospital. Um, you know, you
go from, oh, I think I'm having contractions due oh my in like 20 minutes
and all of the moaning and groaning and screaming and hollering that
happens. That goes with a speed of delivery of that. And so my husband
always will tell you that story about that verse. Yeah.
He, he's frustrated. What do you want? What do you wanna do?
He's also gotten into a talking phase lately last week, something now.
Oh, you know what? I bet you, I bet you, you, he's working on a diaper? Oh
, maybe that's it. Do you wanna, so, we try the nursing thing again to see
if that will make you quiet for 20 minutes or so. That'd be awesome. I, I
wasn't worried about the noise. It just was like, I feel like he's like he
wants something, he want to get something to hold on to, he wants to move
on his own. He's, his legs are really strong. We got him a jumpy seat
because he just loves to do that. It took him a couple of days to figure
it out, but he really loves it. Now, I know mommy didn't bring her pillow
because I wasn't thinking that far ahead.
He likes that perfect positioning that, you know, he can just lay down on
the, on the bobby and I love those things. Um
So we finally get admitted. Um you know, early in the evening and at this
point, um we're still walking the floor. I did have a birth ball for this
one. So I had been sitting on that for a little bit letting, trying to let
my husband have a little bit of a break because of course, at this point,
he's like, I've been walking all day and this is not my realm of happiness
and he's like, I want a break. And so we called the doula and she came
probably about 1030 11 o'clock at night, about midnight. The midwife
arrived and she's like, so
you're about five.
There's, there's one thing for Alexis's story that I forgot. Um, we are
talking about breaking water and we had talked about how she was a little
cork. So we're in the hospital and they're like, you haven't had your
water break. I'm like, no, not that I'm aware of again. I don't know what
I'm supposed to be looking for the first time. Mom. And they're like, ok,
well, we're going to go and they're like, we're going to go in and break
the water. And so for silly me, I'm like, well, they're just going to go
up there with their hand and pinch it or rip it or something. No.
Literally, it's a hook. I didn't had no idea. So they're up there with the
hook and then they're up there and they've got the hook in their fingers
and they're like, I've got hair
and I was like, ok, they're like your water. You, she's like, down. So,
yeah, there's nothing here to break. And so when she was born, of course,
she had like, divots, little scratchy, divots in her head again. Another
thing about, you know how traumatic this was in the world of trauma. It's
not the worst. But for me, first time mom, not knowing what I'm doing,
it's like you scratch the living daylights out of my baby's head. Of
course, I don't want internal monitoring.
So, back to the second birth she's like midnight. Do you want, do you want
this to get started? Let's, I think that if we break her water, your body
is just going to kick in, we're going to get this going. You're not going
to have the 24 hours that you had with the first. She did a lot of
reassuring that this wasn't going to be a, at the first we weren't going
to have the medical interventions, you know, she knew what she was doing.
And of course, it was very comical because she had three of us in labor
at the time. She had two at the one hospital I was at and one in another
hospital three or four miles away and probably more miles than that. But
anyway, about 15 minutes away. And so, and that hospital was more highly
medical and the nurses, there were a little more gy about progress and so
forth. So she's like, ok, we're going to break the water and then I had
that big, you know, because she hadn't descended. So we had the big water
gush and I got to experience that and I'm like, oh, this is what it's all
about and she's like, oh, you know, we do have Meconium in the um, and
didn't have that with the first. So that was, and that was nice. But she's
like, oh, well, we've got meconium in the um, the uh fluid. So then of
course, the protocol they rolled in the, the neonatal nurses and their
station and everything. And so that was like, oh, you know, and, and, um,
so we, but she got me all because eventually she did kind of come down,
she was probably just bobbing around in all this extra water. And so she
came down, it kind of stopped flowing. Um, put on my fancy, you know,
hospital underwear and she said, ok, now you get to go walking some more.
And I'm like, oh, really? I looked at my husband and I was like, I'm
taking a nap and so the doula was on, you know, on point. So she came, she
was, um, she was already, she's so we're walking the floor and again, she
was much more with it because of course, at this point, I'm tired, I've
been walking the floor all day and we made a couple of rounds and then
she's like, is it getting harder to talk? Because she just kept me in this
running conversation and she's like, is it getting harder? I'm like, yeah.
And so we made another, another walk around. She's like, ok, you know,
maybe we should walk a little slower and we uh um
made another pass and at this point, I'm like, uh starting to feel it
where I actually have to stop and breathe through contractions. But I'm
gonna, I, I wanted to soldier on and so we kept walking and I think we
made another halfway around but she's like, ok, we need to go back to the
room and, and make sure that, you know, we're in the right place when,
because she felt it was moving a little faster. I was still like, no. And
, and I don't really know what time it was per se, but I think my husband
said he got like a good couple hour nap. So it's probably like between two
and three at this point. Um, and we haven't seen, we haven't seen my
midwife and um, and then we find out that she's let that go through
whatever go away,
don't need.
So we hadn't seen the midwife for a while, find out that she's at the
other hospital and, um, then we see her, she pops in and she's like, ok,
yeah, you're going, you're fine. Like, you know, she didn't do any checks
because that, you know, is, is part of the midwife, um, protocol is that,
you know, if there's nothing really going on or going awry, they don't
wanna introduce any extra bacteria or anything. So we, uh, she's like, ok
, you know, getting the, getting the, um, the lay of the land from the
midwife or from the doula and, and she's like, yeah, you're doing ok and
da da, and then she went to go check on her other patient and then she
gets called away again. So she was not on, not on property and progressing
along. And as, and then and then of course, I did my vomiting
and my husband's there and we were doing massage and the heated rice pack
she had brought in. And so she was putting that on my back and, and he was
working on and I was doing the leaning on him. So he was like by the, by
the end of the delivery and everything, he was just exhausted because I
did. But I wanted to have because at this point, I was over 35 and he was
like two and done. He was, this was, we were going to be done. And so I
wanted to have that husband, wife connection during birth. And so I was
like, totally like, like just, I was like clamoring to have that, you know
, that beautiful connection that, you know, and, and so I desperately
wanted that and so I was all over him and he had to be there because he
was missing during the first and she was coaching him about how to help
and, and really be a part of it and, and we were progressing along just
poking his eye.
You do that
up there. You're just being a finicky bucket today.
Fast bucket. Um This is f that you haven't made,
I have very little tolerance that way.
Um OK, so, yeah, here we go. So, of course, again, I had tested positive
for the strep, so I still was um connected to an IV and they were giving
me the, um, antibiotics, uh, because I was so active, I didn't, they, they
, even though the hospital protocol wanted me to have continuous
monitoring, um, the, they, they, they couldn't keep me in the bed so they
couldn't have the belly belt on. So it got to the point where the nurse,
and again, the, the, this is a testament to the nursing staff and, uh,
that they are the less medically inclined hospital. She was like, ok, just
let me get a monitor and she would hold it up to where she could get
enough on the tape to make the protocol happy. And then, and then she put
it down. And so they had this tape that had a bunch of breaks in it, but
they had what they needed for the protocol. And so, um, at the very, you
know, I was like, ok, I'm getting the urge and they're like, oh, well,
you've got to wait because the midwife isn't here. And I'm like, ok, you
know, and, and so we went through like one pass and we were like, and I'm
like, no, we're not, not going to be waiting anymore. And I can't do this
because it's so painful. And I was crying and this was the first time my
husband was like, she didn't cry the first time and the doula was like,
well, of course, she didn't, she had an epidural and he's like, well, but
she doesn't cry when she's in pain either. I mean, you know, and so, um,
at the very end with the very last, um, push, we did do like Stadol or
Tylenol Liquid. I don't know what it, it's one of those really mild, it
was just enough to take the edge off so I could relax and get through. The
last pushes ended up being on my back. But I wasn't, they didn't, I don't
remember anybody holding my legs up. I remember just like having my legs
down and lifting my body. Um, ended up my midwife wasn't there. The
hospitalist caught but my husband got to, um, cut the cord. The
hospitalist was so, so funny. She's like, what do I do? The doula talks
her through it and the nurses and, and, uh, and then she's like, oh,
you're bleeding. I care. I tear like crazy and she's like, oh my gosh. And
it kind of tapers off and she's like, but you're still like, oh, that's a
terrible, oh, I don't know what to do with that. And, and, and of course
they had whisked the baby off, the neonatal, had whisked her off because
they were like, oh, she has to breathe and she's infected with her own poo
and blah, blah, blah. But they cleaned her up. They were really good too.
Again, a testament to the staff and to the lack of medical at that
hospital. Um, they were super fast. They're like, oh, yeah, she's fine.
They got her back to me. I had skin to skin, um, but she was big. She was
£9.02 ounces. And this is when I found out that the £9 mark is the bells
and whistles for protocols for baby diabetes. And so they did have to do a
baby stick on her and, and, and test her sugar and the midwife arrives
finally and she's like, oh, yeah, you get a pretty good tear. Oh, well, ok
, let's sew that up. And she did the, uh, lidocaine injection and sewed me
up. It was a pretty decent one from what I understand. Um, there was two
or three layers of stitches. So it was pretty deep but it wasn't like a
problem. It wasn't a problem.
Um, ended up doing nursing, the nurses at the hospital, um, were like you
get to nurse her, um, make sure that she's eating really good. Um, and
kind of coached me through the process of getting her to pass her diabetes
screen. Um, they knew that I was destination diabetic with the first and
that I had, um, chose to not take the test for the second. And so they
just followed the protocol for the baby and they had one, they were like,
ok, it's close, make sure you keep nursing. And so she just, oh, my
goodness, she kept nursing and we did, she was a great nurser. She latched
on and she was a champ um, and, um, and she passed all of her diabetes
screens and they said, ok, that's it. And it's because they did three
sticks and she passed all of them and that was the last we talked about it
for that one.
Um,
what else? It was, it was pretty non, like, eventful after that. Um, she
was a great kiddo, um, during her toddlerhood. We, uh, because of the
layoffs and the budget and so forth, we finally realized that it just
didn't make sense for me to be working anymore. And so I did the stay at
home. I, I, and so we had a lot more time to do nursing. And so I think
she nursed until she was well over two years old. Um Again, she chose when
to stop. And that was one of those days where I was like, it was, it was
sad the first time when my first daughter just stopped nursing, but I knew
I was gonna have another shot at it when she stopped nursing. I was like,
oh, that phase in my life. So, ok, get ok with that chapter being closed.
Um Because at that point we were done, my husband was like, I'm getting,
I'm getting um my vasectomy and we're done. And I was like, ok, because I
mean, I wasn't young anymore, but I wasn't like, I didn't feel like we
were done. But according to him, we were, and of course, you know, we're
in this new world where he's the sole breadwinner and, um, the economy in
the tank. Um, she was born in 2010. So we were right in the thick of the
economy being in the tank, we were upside down in the house. Um, you know
, all these different things and so he's like, yeah, we can't have any
more kids. It's just economically not feasible. And, and so we, uh, uh,
you know, are trucking along, trucking along. I'm doing the stay at home
mom thing, couponing, doing all the good stuff. And 2014,
um, we, I missed a period and I'm like, hm, and I take a test and I'm
pregnant and it takes me forever to figure out how to tell him because I'm
like, now what, you know, because he's going to freak out and sure enough
he did. Um, he's like, how are we going to afford this? What are we going
to do? We can't, you know, we just got out of diapers because she had
potty trained. Um, so we were all out of diapers and how are we going to
afford this and so on and so forth? And then in August, um, sh that, that
baby would have been born in, in March of 2015 and in August of 2014, I
had a miscarriage. Um, another, yet again, another midwife to talked me
through the process. Um, because I was, I was at, at that point it was far
enough along and I was like, ok, well, I'm gonna have, I'm gonna try to
take another shot at this home birth thing. Um, because now I've had a
successful, nearly without any medication hospital birth. I should be able
to do this home birth thing again. Um, let's take a shot at it now. So I
was gonna, I was getting, I was interviewing midwives and getting ready to
make a choice and get on the, um, get on a plan for, for um, all my
prenatals, prenatal appointments and everything and, and uh, so the one of
the midwives that I have been interviewing with, I was like, um, this is
happening, what is going on and she's like, oh, you know, she'll be fine
because it was just a little, it started out real slow, um, real light
blood and she's like, you know, some people have blood in, you know, mid
pregnancy. It's not a big deal. And, and I was like, ok, you know, it's
not normal for me, which is why I'm reaching out to you. And, uh, and then
, um, I had one big blood clot and she's like you should go to the
hospital and just make sure. And um, by the time I was checked into the,
er, uh, we were in full, um, full blown uh miscarriage and um, the, so the
they did the internal ultrasound to see just to make sure. And that was
incredibly painful and ended up,
um, the doctor second time in my life that a male doctor was, uh, checking
out my lady bits. Um, the, uh, he's like, so I can either give you
medication to finish it off, but I pretty, I think you're pretty well
through it. Um, I would, I would, I encourage you to make sure and check
in with your doctor so that, um, everything is, you know, in case you have
to have ad NC to make sure that, that, you know, because you don't want
anything inside and I'm like, oh yeah, I got it rotting inside of me and
blah, blah, blah. Um, that really took a toll on my, um, like, you know,
ego and psyche and, and everything. Um I was like, ok, and, and, and
secondarily it was, oh, ok. God got it. You know, I'm done, I'm done and,
and, you know, I won't, I won't pressure my husband to not get the, get
the, um, vasectomy and blah, blah, blah. Um, because I had bought, you
know, I was like after the first, after the two girls, I was like, oh,
we're going to play for, for a third and, and I had gotten the book, um, I
forget who wrote it. Um, but it's the one that you, you go through and
chart your cycles so that you can choose the best time to have a
particular sex over the other. And, and so I had gotten the book and I
read through it and I, you know, was like, oh, you know, and like I said,
we made the decision to not have anything. So, um, but uh, we, so I was
like, ok, God, you got the message not going to have any more kids. And lo
and behold, I'm pregnant again. Ok. In 2015, why don't we take a break
before we start on New York? Because it's been over an hour now and you're
planning to walk around and let's just take a little bit of a break. I'm
sorry. So we were not going to have any more kids and the, you know, just
getting ok with that. And before we had kind of before I kind of
reconciled and said, ok, yeah, we're not going to have any more kids
because, you know, the baby was now four going on five. looking at going
to kindergarten. Yeah, we're definitely not going to start this whole
process over again. Um I always thought it was, you know, you just want to
stay in diapers so you have that you have that expense and, and we were
out of diapers now and, and we, um but I had bought the book that was like
, you know, the one that told you how to chart yourself and so that you
could choose the sex of your baby. And I had was all on this bandwagon and
then I reconciled that we weren't going to have any more kids and we, um,
all of a sudden I find myself pregnant and I'm like, ok, how am I gonna
tell my husband? And so I tell him and, and he does, in fact freak out
because I had a clue that he would. But, um, you know, he did freak out
and he's like, oh, my gosh, how are we going to pay for all these diapers
and, and the delivery and, and so on and so forth and, and all the cost of
, and, and, um, we had gotten rid of so many things. Um, baby wise. So how
are we gonna buy all those things again? Um, even use their, their
expensive items. And so, um, I hadn't, I, I hadn't started, I had started
the, the interview process how to, you know, um, talking with midwives and
, and, um,
figuring out how we're going to do this because now I've been through two
births and I should be able to have that home birth that I've always
wanted. I, I had had one, medicated hospital birth. I had 1 99.9%
unmedicated hospital birth. So I was, I was going to have my home birth
now and starting the process of interviewing. Um, I was almost 40 years
old. Uh, and, um, you know, uh, talking with the last midwife that I had
interviewed, I was like, I'm having this, um, bloody show and she's like,
oh, that's ok. You know, it's early, you're, you're fine. Um, you know, a
lot of that happens a lot with, with, um, with, you know, late older moms
and moms that have had, uh, multiple Children. And I was like, ok, well,
this isn't normal for me. So that's why I reached out and she's like, well
, that's ok. And, and, uh, uh, later in the day I had a much larger blood
clot, um, come out of my body and I was like, oh, this doesn't feel right.
I'm getting these weird cramps. She's like, you probably better go to the
emergency room. We went to the, er, um, mm, one of our, some of our
friends, um, who, we've made connections now since I have these old, the
older girls, um, took the girls so that we could go to the, er, without,
um, without kids dealing with, with them. And so we spent, um, the next
probably six hours, eight hours in the hospital, um, determining that. In
fact, sorry, I didn't mean to hurt when I do that. Just, it means like at
some point breaking point, let me ask a question. I don't want to like to
just stop you in a sentence. But I just want to ask you, can you clarify
how far along you were and then like, where you are emotionally in this?
Because it's like, really factual but, you know, you're not talking about
like, where is your head? Were you like freaking out? Were you, where were
you? Um
So how far along I was, it was still fairly early in the, in the um like
it was first trimester and so it wasn't a normal, what they would consider
a normal miscarriage. Um It um
yeah, I, I was super excited. I had gotten totally married to this
pregnancy because I was like, I, I'm, I, I'd looked at the charts and
while we weren't actively charting when I got pregnant, it looked like it
was probably going to be a boy because of the timing and, and, um, it was
that one night that we were like, oh, you know, we're totally into this
and we don't have time for birth control and, you know, we were just
messing around because I was old and I wasn't going to get pregnant again.
And, uh, and, and, you know, it just takes that one time which we should
have known better because it just took the one time with the previous
pregnancy. Um, and so we, uh, I, I had gotten completely married and I was
pretty convinced it was a boy because it was, uh, the timing was right and
then this comes up and, and, and I'm in the hospital and the girls are
with friends and, you know, and I'm like, I'm in pain and so of course
they gave me something for the pain and, and finally I get seen and they,
they did, um, the internal ultrasound to see if there was anything and, um
, get back from, from the ultrasound and the doctor's like we can't see
anything. It's probably already been passed. Um, I'm just gutted at this
point and even my husband, um, was kind of wiping his face. Um, I wouldn't
necessarily say he was crying per se but definitely kind of teary and
weepy. Um, because I think he was probably pretty excited with the
possibility that we were going to have another baby. Of course, we got, we
hadn't had that discussion like it could have been a boy because I had, we
hadn't gotten to that point yet. I was still trying to get him through the
freaking out that we were pregnant
and, um, hey, he so, yeah, I was just gutted and, and trying to reconcile
. I had just started the process to identify a midwife to go through
pregnancy. Now I have to go and see a doctor to see if everything has come
out. Um, ultimately ended up by the time I was kind of out of that
depression or fr um, from losing the baby that it was far enough along
that I wasn't having any complications that it was like
it was a successful natural um, miscarriage. I didn't ever actually go see
a doctor about it. Um, and that was probably good and bad, but, you know,
um, we didn't actually go and do anything and to see, to make sure that it
was because, like I said, by the time I was out of the funk far enough to
make a doctor appointment, it was a good 2, 2.5 months down the road and
from talking with other friends that have been through, it's amazing when
you have a miscarriage. How many people come out of the woodwork? Oh, yeah
, I know. Exactly. Or da, da da. And how many, how much more support
suddenly you have through that process. Um, I had people who were like,
let me take you to dinner, let me take you to lunch. Let's go to coffee.
Just making, checking in, making sure I was ok. Um, you know, older moms
who have an older, like moms my age but who have older kids, um, because I
had kids so much later in life. Um, my kids are fairly young. Um, did you
tell your girls that you were pregnant? Were they, we hadn't told them yet
? And, uh, so they really don't know, they know that mommy was sick, um,
as it turns out at this point because the girls are older. Um, my in-laws
were no longer estranged from us. They're local and so they had actually
planned a family vacation, um, for that weekend that right after the
miscarriage, um, we were all supposed to go out of town and, um,
I was, it was a Monday or a Tuesday when it happened and, uh, that was one
of my things in the hospital. I was, I looked at my husband and I said I
am not going to a family vacation and not be able to be in the pool or the
hot tub because of course of all of the bleeding and everything. Um, I'm
not gonna go and do that. I'm not gonna go and pretend because at this
point, his mother is still like not treating me like a person. She's
dealing with me because I'm the mother of the grandchildren that she loves
it dearly. But um I am not, I am no, I am person non grata and I am not
going to deal with that while I'm going through this because I just lost a
child that I was completely married to and couldn't even imagine trying to
deal with that. So we made up some story. I don't remember how we got out
of it.
Um But I didn't have to go and um on their way out of town, they dropped
me off with some friends and like I said, I had this now new circle of
friends and acquaintances who kind of came out of the woodwork to help me
through the process. Um And so it was like Friday night, I was with our
friends that have the kids and, and um there was another thing going on in
that circle already, um where some of the moms had gotten together and had
conspired to have all the dads take the kids rather than having a house
full of dads and moms and kids. Like we normally do, they had conspired to
have the dads take the kids to the drive in. Our family was already quote
, not have supposed to have been there. So I was back in the mom's portion
and so it was really quiet night with moms because, um, and, and it was
great for me because I was going through and then one of the other moms in
the reason that they had conspired to get rid of the boys and the kids was
because she was going, she was, she had just had um ablation. So for
endometriosis and so she was already in pain. So the two of us sat on the
couch both in uterine pain for different reasons, but kind of the same
reason, you know, and she was mourning, of course, her ultimate end of her
ability to have Children even though she was over 40 starting in
premenopause and so forth. But um we were both mourning this loss and um
then the other moms and we were all together and just, just this whole
kind of coming together of this woman, you know, you know, you know, that
, that whole, that happens when um women come together over uh uterine
issues and, and so forth. Um That weekend I ended up, of course, I'm in
and out of you know, pain drugs and stuff. But I, you know, I wasn't at
home alone for very long except if I was sleeping that whole weekend. Um,
even though my family was out of town
at some point during the weekend, um, my, my husband ended up telling, um
, his parents what happened. Um, and suddenly I became a person
and, and, um, his mom wanted to take care of me, she wanted to take care
of our family much more boldly than they, than they had in the past. Um,
and, and we kind of, we, we made it through, um, Christmas that year and
it was kind of a healing Christmas and, and our family kind of got closer
again. Um, now, let's see, that's 2014.
We had Victoria, the, the, um, younger baby was not yet. She was still f
four. She'll turn, she would turn, she was turning five. So she didn't, uh
, she wasn't yet in kindergarten and, and, um, spring comes around, um,
2015. The girls are in a theater program. I'm madly sewing for, um,
costumes because that's what I do. And, um, I'm like, huh, I missed,
missed another period and I'm like, that's really interesting, um, in
dealing with the, the miscarriage, you know, it's like, you know, got it,
got it. I mean, I'm not having any more kids, you know, we're just gonna,
2015 is a new year. We'll, he'll get his vasectomy. He'll be happy. We can
, you know, deal, we don't have to have, you know, birth control in the
drawer anymore. You know, this, that and the other and um,
I, I'm, I uh actually no, let me back up. I with this, this fourth
pregnancy. Um I did not.
Were you um doing like natural family planning or were you using condoms
that? Yeah, it was um, condoms and spermicide was our um birth control.
And honestly, the both times that I got pregnant were literally we didn't
use anything because of whatever
I am now that because I had been on birth control for years, years and
years and years and my first pregnancy actually, it was a year and a half
, almost two years from the time where I went off birth control to the
time I got pregnant. Um because I'd been on birth control for so many
years and it just took my body that long to kind of and I think it was a
stress thing too. Um I got, we got married in 2004. He wanted to have one
year of. Absolutely, we're not going to have Children so that we can kind
of have a honeymoon and, and you know, that that first year just as a
couple and then we started actively having trying to have Children. And so
I didn't get pregnant until 2006.
Yeah, I went through that like quitting birth control and not using it.
Yeah. What's wrong with me. What's wrong? Is it something wrong with him?
Yeah. Yeah, there was a lot of that.
Um, so, so, yeah, it, in, in, um, spring of 2015, I'm super busy sewing
costumes. Uh, the older daughter is the carpet in Aladdin and she steals
the show. Um, best carpet of all the different shows that were, um, they
do a multi, um, group. So they have, over the course of three weeks, they
have five different casts that are doing the shows. And, um, she was the
best according to staff. Um, it was, it was phenomenal. We ended up
through an odd turn of chain of events, um, tickets. We got tickets for
free to Comic Con. So we did, but it was only a one adult ticket and two
children's tickets. And so we didn't get to go as a family. But the plan
was that I would take the girls on Friday and he would take the girls on
Saturday and I would take them again on Sunday if we felt up to it. Um, so
I went on Friday and, and, you know, it's all this hua blue and learning
the ropes and figuring out where we're going and we rode the light rail
down. So we didn't have to park and, and I'm, I'm tired at the end of the
day, but of course, you're tired, you just walked six miles around all of
the Comic Con facilities and you took all these pictures and everything
and, and then Saturday comes up and he's down with an allergic reaction
again. He can't see, his eyes are all puffy. So he can't take the girls to
the Comic Con and they're like, we wanna go. And so I get myself all up.
I've got a cup of coffee and away, we go to Comic Con and, and then of
course Sunday, he's still coming down from his reaction. He's still
dealing with Benadryl. So, and they're like, we wanna go back, we can go,
we, you know, we can't waste, you know, of course, my, my girls are old
enough now that they can use some of the same monetary um logic on me that
I've used on them because um, I've, I've always, uh since, since I grew up
, um my parents weren't very forthcoming about money. I was like, I'm not
gonna be that way with my kids. My kids are gonna understand money and
they're gonna understand why we live the way we live because of money
issues. And um so they can use that money logic on me and they're like, we
can't let this opportunity go to waste and it was free and you know how
expensive these tickets are because I had just got done telling him like
two weeks before we can't go to Comic Con with all of your friends because
we can't afford the tickets. So, yeah, mom gets up, we go to Comic Con for
a third day in a row. I am exhausted. I am down for a week. Um, the first
week of June that year was just lost to me. And then it occurs to me that
I'm probably, I might very well be pregnant. And so I go and I get, get a
test and I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm pregnant. What am I, how am I gonna
tell Eric? Because we're in no better situation financially than we were
last year. Blah, blah, blah, blah,
I fret and stress over this for the next two weeks.
And like I said, I was, and at this point, we're, you know, deep into
summer, summer activities around our house since the girls are older are a
flurry of activity. We've got swim, we've got bible school, we've got camp
, we've got theater camp, you know, not all at the same time, but it's
like back to, back to, back to, back to back. I am, I am just a chauffeur
at this point and I'm exhausted and so I would chauffeur them to camp. I'd
take a nap, I'd get the lunch done. I'd, you know, potentially have to
take another nap before driving and getting the, you know, the three
o'clock pick up and then we've got swim and blah, blah, blah, and I'm just
exhausted. And so finally I break down and I'm in tears, I'm telling him
that I'm pregnant and what are we gonna do and please don't freak out and
he pops up with, I knew before Comic Con and I've just been waiting for
you to tell me and I'm like, excuse me, you knew, when were you going to
let me in on this little secret? Because I didn't know until after Comic
Con when I was completely, just gutted, exhausted and just ridiculous. And
he's like, well, but that's your job to tell me. And I'm like, I've been
freaking out trying to figure out how to tell you because you freaked out
the last time. And he's like, oh, well, you know, I'm kind of done
freaking out and, but that's your job. He's all nonchalant and ha ha funny
, funny and, and so then, you know, it, it start, we start telling people
but we only tell a few people because again, it's still early and I spent
probably the first
half of Zachary's pregnancy waiting for the other shoe to drop. Um, I kept
my distance from the pregnancy. I didn't, um, want to get married to it. I
didn't want to get hurt that um, I was gonna lose another one because now
I'm, now I'm 41 and I
totally, you know, totally was thinking that I would, uh lose this one as
well that this was gonna be. Um, and so we didn't tell a lot of people, we
kept it a secret for the longest time. Um, I also was deathly afraid of
the judgment that comes with after pregnancy after 40. And so I didn't
want to tell certain people because I was like, um, and, and the same
thing happened with the, with the miscarriage pregnancy. Um, I was at that
40 I was afraid of what people would say to me about. Oh, well, don't you
know how this happens, can't you take better care? You know, that, you
know, 40 is like that magic, you know, horrible number that, that you have
, you know, miss malformed Children. And so I was, I didn't tell people
about that. I was pregnant. And so then people had a lot of like, oh, did
you even know she was pregnant? And well, why would we worry about a
miscarriage because we had no idea that she was pregnant, blah, blah, blah.
So again, with this pregnancy, I didn't tell very many people and I did a
whole lot of abdominal sucking in my gut for a long time because I started
to show, but I would like suck it all in. So I wouldn't look that way
around people, particularly my mother-in-law because we were still on like
I've kept waiting again with her for that other shoe to drop, for me to go
from being human to not human because it has already happened once. Um And
so, uh I would, I would I do everything to hide it. You know, I was
wearing extra baggy clothes and just, and and so then finally we were like
, ok, it really, you know, we were, we were past the halfway point. Um It
really looks like this is gonna stick like I'm gonna have this baby. And
so I sought out a midwife that was willing to do a home birth and with,
and, and I told her like my whole history, like I was GD with the first,
I'm over 40
say the words gestational diabetes just have that in the first day. I had
been gestational diabetic with my first pregnancy. Um, looking back at the
history, I was probably gestational diabetic with the second though, I
didn't actually go through the testing. Um The reason that this submission
is because she was over £9 at birth. We
just going through all that. And I said, you know, is it even possible for
me to have a home birth at this point? Is it possible to even, you know,
is, is that even the realm of possibilities? And she's like, oh, totally,
we don't have any protocols that keep us from, you know, attending it.
It's still a normal birth just because you're older. We just, you know,
keep a better, you know, keep a watch on you just the same as we would
with anybody else. And, and she was concerned about the gestational
diabetes. And so she did say if you're gonna work with me, you do have to
take the test and we do have to make sure because I don't want to go
through that, um, that potential, um, that we don't know. Um, and she was
actually very forthcoming about a lot of the things that can happen that
are not those horrible, terrible big baby things, but like the baby being
addicted to the sugar and having a sugar crash and the sugar crash causing
brain damage and, and those sorts of things. And I was like, oh, ok. And
so those things actually made so much more sense than you're gonna have a
big baby. You're gonna break their, you know, shoulders, blah, blah, blah
, blah, blah, because at this point I knew that I could deliver a big baby
because I had £9.05 or £9.02 ounces and she had a noggin that was massive.
And so, so we had the, uh, of course, by the time I had started, um, my
care with her, she's like, well, we're past the first trimester, so we're
not gonna, gonna worry about any of those, um, late age producing, you
know, the agenesis and things like that to look for Down Syndrome or, or
any of those sorts of tests that happen, um, when you're, you know,
advanced maternal age and, um, and she's like, and, and kind of looked at
me like, what would you do anyway? And I said I would only be prepared to
, to, you know, trying to prepare to, you know, deal with those sorts of
things. Um, I wouldn't abort the baby. That's just not in my realm. Um,
there are obviously stories out there of people who find out that, that
they had a Down syndrome child and, you know, early on. And, um, so, so
she was like, so, you know, why would we go through that anyway? And it's
, we don't have to make that decision now because you're past the point of
those tests being able to tell us anything. So we did do the gestational
diabetic test. Um and in the midwife realm, um the first test is not drink
a bottle of sugar water. Um She does the jelly bean test. Um The Brock
candy has the right amount of sugar in their jelly beans and you eat
certain, you know, certain number, I think it was like 15 or something.
And then you do a finger stick and of course I failed, but I, but I had
eaten good food and I failed. And so I was like, ok, so it's not, it
wasn't just that I was a sugar addict in the first time around and she's
like, well, you know, maybe your body just doesn't tolerate sugar. Let's
let's do the three hour test because then we'll know for sure, for sure.
And so that's one where, you know, I had to go in, I went to a testing
facility and um you drink of super, super, like more concentrated than the
first test, the second test is like this Uber super concentrated one and
then they test you every hour for three hours.
And she said that, um, she got the information back and she's like, no,
you're gestational diabetic, but it's not so bad that you have to be on
medication right now. Let's see if you can be diet controlled.
Unfortunately, she's not, she wasn't a expert. So she was going through
another nutritional individual expert. And so, and I, again, this is
freaking me out because of course we're right back to square one with my
first pregnancy. And so the midwife that I worked with in this, in this
pregnancy, what she ended up doing a lot of this isn't going to be the
second, you know, this isn't gonna be your first pregnancy. I am not gonna
drop you. I'm not going to, um,
um, I'm not going to abandon you. I'm not going to let this, uh, even if
we end up in the hospital, I'm going to be there. I'm going to be your
doula. I'm not going to do what she did to you. We're not going to go to
another doctor. We're not going to go to a hospital on the other end of
the earth. Um, you know, and so on so forth. And so we went through, I
went through Christmas and diet controlled gestational diabetes. It was
ridiculous. Um, I, I,
I blew my numbers on Christmas Day because we just, we didn't plan the
meal. Right. Um, but other than that I managed to go through and have
pretty decent numbers. Um, she had a, had a trip planned and so she was
out of country for two weeks. Um, in December. Um, luckily he, his, um,
birth wasn't, um, his due date wasn't until the end of, of January. And so
, um, it was, you know, we felt she was comfortable being out of the
country. Um, and, and I had no, um, history of early, um, deliveries. So
she was like, ok, and, and she had one of her, um, backup midwives come
and see me and she's like, well, your numbers are kind of, you know, maybe
she would be more comfortable with it. We'll let it ride for now. And so I
was trying to control and of course, it was really stressful because I
wanted, you know, um, she had already said if you can't control it with
diet, if it has, if we have to control with medication, then we can't have
a home birth, we have to go into the hospital. So I'm like, totally
stressed and of course, stress is another thing that, that messes with
sugar numbers. So I was already kind of, you know, it was like this. Now I
had a wonderful friend who is diabetic and she did go through pregnancy
with diabetes. And so she was trying, she's like, you know, these are the
things that you're going to do this is how you're going to do this. And,
and the worst part was that it was two different stories. You know, what,
what worked for her and she's like diabetes and gestational diabetes when
it comes right down to it, it's the same thing. It's a different name, but
it's the same thing. And what I did is going to work for you. But then I
was getting the information from the, from the nutritionist and the
diabetic consultant and, and then they were conflicting informations. And
so I'm trying to like do the middle ground and, and, and so, and I'm
stressed out and so ultimately, in the last week of pregnancy with his
pregnancy, she's like these numbers are too much. They're, they bounce
around too much. We, you, you've got to go on um drugs and so then we were
like, ok, no, then we got to go to the hospital and so then we got to
transfer care. And so on the 23rd of January, I was in to see one of the
midwives um with that would be able to deliver at this, the hospital that
I had delivered my last delivery at and um,
so we transferred care and I told them the whole story and the whole back
story. Um and that's probably why I've rushed through some of it because
I've had to tell the whole back story a few different times over the time.
And so we got all of that and they did an ultrasound because of course,
you know, now you're doing the, the size checking and they're like, no,
he's tracking, um, with where he should be based on his age. Um, and, um,
he doesn't look overly large, he looks large, but, you know, these
ultrasounds at this late stage can be, you know, off, obviously, I knew
that from the first one because they were telling me she was gonna be
£10.5 and she was only £8 of delivery. So I knew that and, and I was like
, well, you know, what is it at? And they're like, well, he's measuring £9
and I'm like, really, that's actually pretty small and they're like, mm.
And, and I told them, you know what the weights of the first two girls
were and they were like, oh, well, ok. And, um, so we had the meeting with
them and they're like, ok, well, we'll see you on Monday and, um, and at
10 o'clock in the morning and I'm like, ok, we'll get another, another
ultrasound and see where we're at and how are you? I'm in the 39th week.
Um, yeah, because his due date was the 27th. Um, so it was the Thursday
before on the 23rd that I had seen the, the midwife
and, um,
uh,
like four days off your due date. Yeah. Yeah. So we were transferring care
really late, really late. Um And, and, and that was the thing with his due
date too. It kind of bounced around based on what calendar you were using
or, or who was doing the calculation where originally when I had done,
like went on the internet and found a pregnancy calculator, um they said
that his due date was gonna be the 30th. And, um, and I was like, ok, and
then I found a different calculator that took into account your cycle
length. And it turned out that since I'd had my second child, my cycles
were shorter. And so I had a, instead of a traditional 28 day cycle, I
actually had a 24 day cycle and because of the cycle chain, the cycle
length, um being shorter, his due date moved from the 30th to the 27th.
Now the midwife, the way she calculates had always said his due date was
the second of February. So, yeah, I had this big range and I was like, you
know, ultimately babies come when they come. But I was like, I don't know
when he's coming end of January is what I would tell people. And, um, so,
so we went through that. But, um, and my s my s middle sisters, I'm the
oldest of three girls. So my middle sister's birthday is the 23rd. And, um
, so I wrote her on the b on, on the, on her Facebook page. I said so
you're not gonna have a birthday twin. No. You know, and, and, um, and she
was like, oh, well, you know, and she's more medical and so she's like,
whoa, isn't it really early? And I'm like, oh, no, it's only like a week
out and she's like, oh, ok. Well, I guess it would be ok if he came early
and I was like, I was like,
just one of those really. Um, and, and so there was that, um, also
tracking with, with, um, the way that my body works and I was like,
Halloween had come and went and I was like, oh, no contractions. Ok. Well
, I guess that makes sense because he's due at the end of January. And
sure enough, mid October, I started getting this across the front
contraction stuff and I was like, ok, you know, normal for my body. Ok.
One normal cause a lot of the things about this pregnancy were different.
Like I kept saying that like over and over this is different from the
last and, and everybody's like, oh, yeah. Well, of course, you know, um,
every pregnancy is different. Um, and, and, and of course it's different.
It's a boy but I kept countering that with. Yes, but the first, you know
, six weeks, 18 weeks of the second pregnancy were way different from the
first pregnancy. And I was convinced, absolutely convinced that my second
daughter was a boy before the ultrasound. And I was, it was that big let
down during the ultrasound. Oh, it's a girl because I had bought all this
stuff for a boy too because I had found a great yard sale by. So I had all
this boy stuff so I had to get rid of all of that. Um, on his back. You
should be able to lay him down. Yes. Yeah. No, I mean, yeah, he's, he's
probably out cold. He looks you should be able to lay him down
cause I mean, I've moved him from the living room to the bedroom on his
boppy. So he should,
yeah, that's kind of what I end up doing too.
Um So yeah, there was a lot of this is so different during this pregnancy.
Um, but that was the, one of the few things that were, um, the same,
maybe one of the few things that were the same was that this kind of
started at the right time. Um, on top of that, I had picked up some part
time work, um, during his pregnancy. I was actually one of the
superintendents for the Arizona State Fair. And so I spent the 18 days of
the Arizona State Fair, walking miles and miles. Thankfully, it was during
my second trimester, the timing worked out and so everybody was like, oh,
you're pregnant. Oh, should you be walking this much? I'm like walking is
good, you know, getting the exercise is good. Um, and, and uh, you know,
like I said, the timing worked out well. Unfortunately, I spent all that
energy that you have during the second trimester on the fair instead of on
cleaning the house or, you know, nesting.
So the third trimester came along and it was, it was hard. Um, because I'm
dealing with gestational diabetes, I'm tired. Um, and I'm like, oh, you
know, I'm over 40 I'm so, you know, is, is this, do I feel this tired
because I'm over 40 or do I feel this tired because it's pregnancy, it was
like hard to get, hard to, um, uh, because of course, at this point, it's
been six years since I'd been pregnant. So I didn't know I couldn't
remember what, how tired or if I was tired during the third trimester, um
, beforehand.
So, um, we had had the doctor appointment, um, my midwife was there with
me. She knew the doctors. She's like, you know, so they had like their kit
thing going on during the appointment and I'm trying to get my information
in there and she was giving them all the information that she had in her
records and, um, and they were ok. Well, we'll get the, get everything
electronically. Well, you can send it to us an email and everything and,
um, on part of her plan, um, in, in, um, you know, signing a contract with
her to do the birth with her. Um, it also came with four massage massages.
She felt that it's super important for, you know, pregnant moms and to
take care of themselves and to have that. So I was supposed to have three
massages before, um, the birth and then an additional, um, you know, post
, post, um, pregnancy massage for just take care of mommy and mommy time
and she really, you know, felt that that was super important. And, um, so
I had a massage scheduled for Sunday um the 24th and uh jokingly and I'm
sure that the massage therapist took it as a joke. I don't think that she
actually did anything but, you know, again, who do voodoo. Um I said, you
know, there's these stories of the, these pressure points and things that
you can get things going and I'm totally ok with that because his due
dates like this week. So, you know, and there was some other like minor
pressure too and I didn't wear it today. I was going, I was going to and I
didn't um there's this whole story again with becoming a human with my
mother-in-law. Um they had given my son uh or my son, my their son a ring
for his, for him to give as an engagement ring. And I, and I got it and it
was one of her heirlooms, it was a sapphire ring, it had a cornflower blue
and two yellow sapphires on the side. So there's a three stone ring and um
uh somewhere along the line over the years, one of the yellow stones had
fallen out and it took us years. I told, it took me probably six months to
tell my husband and then together it took us probably another year or two
to tell her because, you know, they're like, you know, these parents and
um, and so she had made some comments about it and, and um, we, she, when
she found out his due date, she was like, well, you know, sapphires,
September's birthstone. And because that's my first daughter and Garnett
is January's birth stone. And wouldn't it be nice if you had 2 January
babies? Because then I could replace those two sides stones and you could
have a mommy ring and I was like, well, no pressure because at this point
, his, his due date was the 30th. And then I found that other calculator
and it made me feel better. I had, you know, I had a few extra days, I had
the window. Um, but no pressure to have the baby during, you know, January
at all. And, and so,
um we,
so then, you know, I'm like making this joke with the massage therapist,
you know, by the way, and I didn't think she did anything different. So
I'm pretty sure she didn't. Um But of course, my body's relaxed now and
I'm still having these contractions, but I'm feeling like I'm so big, I'm
so huge and I'm, um, you know, got all this tightness all the time. It
feels like, like with the fir with the first time that this happened to me
, there was like downtime between the contractions, but I felt like, oh
God, there's just no downtime between these contractions. I'm always tight
across my belly. Always. It's so draining and I'm so tired the week before
we had just gotten finally done with the girls, um, performance for their
theaters and they, they have performance on Thursday night and Saturday
night opening and closing and it was, it was Saturday night and, uh, my
girlfriend who runs the theater program and that's why I do so much
costuming for them. Um, uh, she's like, are you doing ok, you know, you're
pregnant, you're doing all this costuming. I'm like, you know what I'm
sitting, it keeps my mind off of the fact that I'm going through this all
these contractions. Um, she, her son is a year younger than my oldest
daughter, but he's super boisterous and, and, and just kind of energy and
arms and, and, and, you know, probably a DH D but undiagnosed and because
it's so mild and, but he's just got all this energy and he's, and he's, um
Saturday night after the performance, he's like here on my belly and I was
like, initially I was like, oh my gosh, he's gonna like beat on me and,
but no, he was like his hands and he was just like rubbing and like, hey,
baby boy, I can't wait to meet you. You know, we're going to hang out and
play Pokemon. And he's just, you know, and he was kind of like massaging
and I was like, and I was, it was almost in tears because it felt so good
and I was so proud of him because he was taking care and he was so excited.
He was, he was just super excited about the baby to arrive. And, and more
so I think, than my own girls, probably because we've had had had such a
muted response to this pregnancy because again, it took me a long time to
marry to the pregnancy because I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.
And, and so I had to make this really concerted effort in the third
trimester because again, I had focused all this energy on the fair and now
in the third trimester, I had to focus on getting connected to the
pregnancy because that was one of the things that the midwife is really
concerned about too. She's like, are you really taking time to be
connected to this? You really, you know, because yes, it's different, but
you're focusing on the fair and now it's Christmas and the gestational
diabetes. And, you know, you really need to be connected to this baby. And
so I really needed to kind of focus in amongst everything else and the
sewing for the theater and so forth to, to really be connected to him. And
, um, and I was like, so do I need to worry about kick counts or any of
that stuff? She's like, no, you're fine, you know, when he's moving and
because he was much more, um, subtle about stuff, like the girls would get
into a position and they would, like, stretch out and, like, push on my
ribs and stuff. Like, he never did any of that. It was kind of weird. He
was really much more laid back. But I knew when he was active and, um, and
I didn't go through the scare. Um, the pre, like, birth scare, like, oh,
you're not moving. Like, like when, um, he moved, he moved through all
right up until the moment he arrived, I swear he was moving. And, um, so I
was all relaxed on Sunday night and, and, um, I remember, um, going, you
know, it was just a normal Sunday night. We were all done with sewing. I
didn't have any last minute sewing because she was still having one more
week of shows. Or no, she had two more weeks of shows because the girls
were in the first week. So we, I was all done with my sewing part and I
had kind of just disengaged from that and we were like, ok, you know, the
baby's gonna come, just kind of looking around going, well, I don't have
to worry about cleaning the house because we're not having the baby here,
but we should probably pack the bag because, you know, it's this week we
should have the hospital bag ready to go. And so we were kind of going
through stuff, picking out the clothes and, you know, grabbing, you know,
thinking about what I we hadn't, we picked out like we got everything for
the baby pack, but we hadn't packed stuff for me yet and for him and we
kind of had a plan and we had a loose plan in place for the girls so that
they could stay overnight. I had their bag packed um for them to be able
to go to school or if it happened on the weekend. So they had like a
double bag packed, um and they were going to go stay with a friend who
went to school with them. So I had like um packed some extra um like
activity books and stuff so that and brand new so that all three of them
could like work on stuff that was new and different and not just, you know
, she was having friends over, but she didn't get anything out of the deal.
And so, you know, there was books for all three of them so they could all
work on neat stuff while you know, they were staying over because their
parents were in the hospital with a baby boy with a brand new baby and
stuff. So they were all packed the baby was packed, we were still working
on getting stuff packed for me.
And at this point I was pretty much on a schedule. Like I would wake up
middle of the night. Have to go pee. Um, you know, and then get back to
sleep. And, um, it was, you know, the normal wake up in the middle of the
night. It was like two, somewhere between two and 230 I kind of groggily
go off to the bathroom and I pee and I'm like, huh, that's really
interesting. I'm done peeing. But there's still water coming out. I wonder.
Mm. Ok. Back to the, back to, you know, bed and, and I go back to sleep
and I'm like, ok, you know, and, and I kind of wake up and I'm like, oh,
those contractions are a little more, more. I go back to sleep and I wake
up and, huh. Hm. I wonder, I wonder if that was my water breaking, you
know? And then it's like five o'clock, the alarm goes off and, and I'm
like, huh, these are stronger and stronger. Who, and I say to my husband,
I'm like, you're not going to work today and he's like, I'm not, I'm like
, no, I think you need to start timing. Oh, I'm gonna roll over. But just
like, no, honey, you need to time. Oh, ok. Well, should I use your phone?
And I said, well, don't you have a timer on your phone and, and he's like
, ok. Yeah. Ok, I'm awake, I'm awake. Well, but I really want to nap
because I took some Benadryl last night. I'm like, you're serious. This is
the third time around and you're going to tell me you have an allergic
reaction. It's like I'm awake, let me get a shower. Ok. I'll be awake and
, and I don't even, I cannot, at this point I can't remember if he got a
shower or not. Um, because we were like, and then so we, so we wake up the
midwife and we're like, ok, so this is where we're at and she's like, ok,
well, I think you're ok based on previous, you've probably got six hours
or so, you're, you're, you know, they're of apart. You're probably gonna
make your midwife appointment at 10 o'clock this morning. We'll just go to
that appointment and then transition right from there. Get you checked
into the hospital. It'll be this great, wonderful transition. Have the
baby probably before noon, you know, no big deal.
And so we're getting the girls ready for school. I text her the friend and
I said, you know, I'm thinking that it's probably not a good idea for me
to go north to 59th and Bell to turn around to drop them off at school.
You should probably come and pick them up and take them to school because
the hospital's south that we're going to go to and, and she's like, ok,
you know, so, and I texted my girlfriend, I have a girlfriend who has, um
, uh, adopted two kids and they're the same age as my older daughter. Um,
but, but hasn't, uh, through her own life circumstances, not ever been
able to be pregnant and not ever had to. And she had asked me early on,
she's like, don't have to say yes. And I said, well, I won't know until
the day of because again, we were gonna be at home and we were still
getting, still trying to decide if the girls were gonna be even able to
come to be at the birth because the midwife and her student were like, oh
, they'll handle it just fine. And I'm like, I don't know, you know,
because I get kind of ugly when I'm, you know, going through labor. And,
um, so, so I had texted my girlfriend saying, well, you know, I think
we're going to have it today. So, you know, we're probably going to be
heading to the hospital soon. So you probably want to head to the hospital
and meet us there because she was, I was ok at this point, I'm going to be
at the hospital. Everybody else is going to see me a lot. Hersey. And so,
um, I was, we were going to be at the hospital to have the birth and, and
, and she said, ok, you know, and, and, uh, uh, I'm, I'm laboring through
this and it's, and I had, um, because we were going to do a home birth and
it had been the late transfer, my mother-in-law again because now I'm a
person had given me one of the Bradley books and I had flipped through it
and I was like, oh, well, I didn't do that and, you know, you know, didn't
prepare for all that because it was so late that she had given me the book
and I didn't really think about it that I needed to like, do exercises and
things like that. But there's some things that you just do normally when
you're pregnant at that point, you know, you're sitting cross legged
because that's the only way you're comfortable and, and all those stretch
and, and all that ends up stretching out those muscles anyway. And so I
had just read through it like the day before because I was like, all, um,
relaxed and I was like, well, I'll read through this just to make sure
that I've got in my mind for, you know, the birth process. It's going to
be this week. We're gonna, you know, and, and I want to have, you know, a
totally, like, completely unmedicated. I don't want to have to have
anything. Um, we, uh ended up through all the rigmarole missing the
opportunity to take the strep test. So I was now going to be an unknown
and, and the midwives that we were transferring to. They were like, yeah,
we're totally fine with unknown. It's not a big deal. Um And the longer
you're at home, the shorter amount of time that we have the ability to
even get an IV in you. So we can't give you antibiotics if it comes close
enough to your arrival at the hospital. And I'm like, oh, and so they were
on board with it because they're midwives and they're, you know, and even
the hospital midwives are still like, let's figure out ways that we can
give you the best experience that you want. And so I had texted my midwife
who was originally gonna be my homebirth midwife and, and she's like, ok,
you know, you're progressing, you're fine. We, you know, don't go to the
hospital yet and I'm like, well, the girls aren't out of the house yet. So
, um and um and I'm laboring at home but there's getting, it's getting,
you know, harder and the only place that I'm um comfortable is on all
fours. I'm either hunched leaning over something or on all fours. Um We
had had onions the night before for something or other and I had this
onion scent on my hands. And so I'm like, and, and I'm trying to, and I'm
leaning down and I'm on my hands and I'm like, oh my God, I can't deal
with this onion smell. And so I'm in the kitchen trying to wash the onion
smell off my hands and I'm like, the contractions are getting a little
closer together and, and, um, and I hadn't, I hadn't showered the night
before and so I was convinced that I had to have a shower and so the girls
are, their ride to school finally arrives. It's like 715,
720 somewhere in there. And they, and, and, and I'm in the bathroom
getting ready to get in the shower and they came to the bedroom door and
normally they give me hugs and kisses. Goodbye. Um, or, you know, we do it
in the car at the in the driveway of the, of the school and, and they came
to the door and they're like, bye mom and, and I'm like, ok, bye and, and
uh kind of, it kind of hurt a little bit. I remember feeling like they
don't even want to get close enough to give me a hug and a kiss, you know
, because I'm like, so, you know, I'm moaning and groaning and going
through, you know, labor and, and um, and I was like, oh, well, you know,
they're just scared and we really didn't have time to explain the whole
thing to them because of course we had just woken up at five, we gotten
them up at quarter to six. They went through, you know, they had their
breakfast and da da da and got ready for school. Dad had to help them more
than normal because uh, you know, and, and so they're like, bye mom and
I'm like, ok, bye and, and I get in the shower and he's timing it and, and
he's like, honey, they're getting closer together and, and I'm like, but
the water feels so good and, oh, ok. I got my hair washed. Uh, ok. I've
got my conditioner in my hair and, and then the phone rings and he's like
he's talking to the midwife and she's like, so where are you at? And he's
like giving him giving her the update. She's like you guys need to be in
the ho on the road to the hospital now and, and I, and you're not gonna
make that 10 o'clock appointment and, and I was like, oh really? And, and
she's like, oh no, you need to get going now. And I'm like, well, I'm
getting out of the shower and I'm trying to dry off and they're so close
together that it's like dry off one leg, you know, dry off the other leg
contraction trying to get my back. I couldn't get my hair. I was like, I
didn't have strength anymore because they were coming so fast and furious
and, and then we get out of the bathroom and I'm on the bed and I'm like,
honey, we're not gonna make it to the hospital and he's like, yes, we are
, we're gonna be fine. And for instead of throwing on a nightgown, I'm
like shirt underwear socks, you know, lounge pants because we're going to
make it to the hospital. Right. And, and I've got my slippers on and I've
got a short sleeve shirt and it's brisk out. I knew that much because I
had felt the door, I felt it in the doorway and, and so we're trying to
get out of the house and I'm like, I need something to cover up and I
grabbed a blanket, um, off the bed and kind of wrapped up in that because
I was like, I'm, you know, and I've got a towel on my head. He's like,
what are we going to do about your hair? I'm like, it doesn't matter. And
so when I'm like, honey, I can't be in the front seat, I can't sit, I have
to be in the back because I'm, I'm on, I, the only place that I feel
comfortable is on all fours. He's like, oh, ok. And, and, um, we keep
blankets in the car for the girls because they're like me, they're really
, um, they're lizards, they are cold blooded and so he needs the air
conditioning on. So the car will get so cold and they'll wrap up in a
blanket. So we've got these blankets in the car for the girls and, and I'm
like, just get the baby, just get their booster seats out of the way. I've
got this blanket that I wrapped up in and I'll lay that down because we've
got, we've got leather in the car. I lay that down and so that I don't
have to have, you know, kid Schmutz all over my arms while I'm in the car
and I'm just going to get down. And so we pushed the, the passenger seat
way forward so that I could be on the floor, um, on my hands and knees and
I've got a blanket underneath of me because the girls blankets are there.
So I'm not like on my knees on the floorboards and, and I'm, you know, I'm
laboring in the car and he's driving and I'm like, why are we on Dunlap?
We're supposed to be down on Bethany home. And he's like, what do you mean
? And, and I'm like, well, that's where the hospital were going. And we
had been in a car accident like three years prior and because the hospital
that um the, the midwife, she was caught between two hospitals when with
the previous delivery, with my second child, in his mind, the accident and
the delivery had transposed and, and the hospitals had like transposed.
And so he thought we were going to the one on Dunlap where we had been for
the accident and not the delivery.
And I thought that, and I thought we had discussed it that we were going
to the hospital in Bethany Hall. And so instead, you know, and this is
like 745 we're rolling out of the house or in that time period. And he is
on adrenaline just the same as the rest of us. And, and so he's driving
and he's going to go to the highway because that's the fastest way to get
to the hospital now because we've established that it's not on Dunlap,
it's on Bethany home. Why are we going to the highway during rush hour in
between, you know, moaning and groaning over contractions? And he's like,
because the highway is the fastest. I'm like, honey, it's raj hour and
we're going to go south, go south on any street but the highway, well,
we've passed 35th Avenue. I have to take the frontage road. Ok. V are we
there yet? Because the baby's coming and he's like, no, no, hold it in.
And I'm like, I can't and, and, um, of course, I had gone through the
other stages too where, you know, these beautiful stages where you and I
can't remember what they are now, but I remember like, I just read about
these stages of birth and, you know, where you, you have all the
confidence and then you suddenly have no confidence. And, and when I had
washed my hands with because of the onions, I was like, oh, ok. You know,
I can deal with this and, and then I was inthe