So this is for Ali interviewing Erin Higgins on May 28th, 2016 at 8:45
a.m. for the creative push project. Ok. So, can you, um, maybe give us a
little background, uh, between you and the father of your first child and
then, like all the way back to the conception. Can I set us out? Ok. My
husband and I met here in Flagstaff while I was in college. I had a best
friend that moved to Flagstaff while we were in college. Um, sorry, while
we were in high school, she moved here and I would come visit her on break
, spring break, summer break. She came back to New Mexico for a little bit
and then, uh, came back here to help her family. So I was always coming
back and forth to Flagstaff. And my husband was someone that she was
friends with during high school. They all hung out together, went out
together and we were friends first here. Uh, we would just see each other
when I would come visit and everybody would go, you know, downtown, uh, to
the bars, go to the dance, uh, the, the bar and dance for the rodeo. Uh,
so we were friendly, saw each other semi regular basis, but it was about
four or five years before we actually started dating. I was living in
Phoenix and I came up for a weekend, uh, to see my friend and we went out
downtown and I was joking and I said, maybe I would see him this weekend.
She goes, oh, no, he moved to Phoenix. Oh, ok. Well, maybe I'll have to
find out where he's at in Phoenix and we can kind of get together. It
would be nice to have a new, another friend down there. And as soon as we
walked into Maloney's, he was standing there checking his coat because it
was mid winter. Um, so after that, uh, we talked and exchanged numbers and
started dating, uh, down in Phoenix. We moved back up here to Flagstaff so
that he could help his dad with his business. His dad has a wholesale
business. He wholesales to gift shops in the area and, um, within the
Southwest, he imports Mexican goods and sells them.
So he started, uh, helping his dad out with the business and I started
work with the Department of Public Safety Crime Lab and I've been there
now for 14 years
and we've been here in Flags back in Flagstaff for 14 years.
Um, I guess let's see what you, we waited a while to get married. We were
together about six years before he proposed. And after we were married, we
started talking about kids like everybody does. And um it was about two
years after we were married, we started trying to have Children. Um
Unfortunately, my first conception was a miscarriage, uh which was pretty
hard. You're super excited and you go in and you have that first
ultrasound and uh there was no heartbeat for the baby. So I had to have AD
NC for that. Um, my body just wanted to hold on to it and liked being
pregnant. So, uh, shortly after that though, about when it was less than
two months, I was pregnant with my daughter and I, uh, had her, uh, June
of 2009
and my pregnancy was, oh, so much fun. I had really bad morning sickness.
It lasted
about seven months and it was all day sickness. So, um, it was really hard
to eat. Uh, smells were really hard for me to take. I could not go into
the meat department at what is now whole foods. If I came anywhere near it
, it was bad. Uh, there were certain things that triggered it too. I
wasn't able to eat eggs. If I ate eggs, it wasn't good. Uh, hamburgers.
Which is funny because my mom said she had, that's how she knew she was
pregnant with all three of her kids. Um, especially after me. I was her
first. Uh, she couldn't eat hamburger either at all during her pregnancy.
So that was a little hard. Were you, um, since you had the first
miscarriage when you found out you were pregnant? It's like, that's really
close. Just a couple of months after AD NC. Were you like, extremely, like
, nervous every day? That like, were you able to feel confident about that
second pregnancy? I think where we were most nervous. Both my husband and
I were the first appointment and getting in for that first appointment to
see is everything ok and you hold your breath while they're doing that
ultrasound because you can, you can see it in the nurse's face that's
doing the ultrasound that first time. She just, uh, kind of glazed over
and you knew there's something wrong and she said I'm gonna let you talk
to the doctor. So, um, you know, your heart just sinks in your chest. So
the first appointment was huge for us to go into and um, the first time we
didn't tell our family, we were waiting and we thought ok, we'll find out
and wait and see, make sure everything's ok before we tell anybody um,
that we're pregnant and it was very hard after to call your family and
tell them, hey, I'm pregnant but don't get excited because the baby
doesn't have a heartbeat. I have to go in for a procedure to remove the
pregnancy. So that was, that was super emotional, especially calling my
mom.
Sorry.
Yeah. Um, so that first appointment. We just kind of held our breath and
wanted to make sure everything was ok because the whole time I was almost
, what, 10 weeks when they found out I still had the morning sickness. Um
, I still had some weight gain. Um, I also had another, uh, miscarriage
after my daughter, which was the same and that, I think that's the hardest
part as, you know, that the pregnancy is not gonna go anywhere but you
still have all the symptoms and, uh, it still feels like you have that
baby. Um, so we were cautious then and when they came back and said
everything is good. Uh, it was a, it was a big way off at that point. We
did during the pregnancy though, have a little bit of a, I wouldn't call
it a scare but it was very unnerving. Uh, we did all the tests that, that
they have that are out there and one of them is for Down Syndrome and I
got a call from the doctor after having that test and he said something's
abnormal. Uh, we need you to go in for genetic testing.
Um, so that was another big heavy sink and not that it would have changed
the outcome of us having the baby, but to know that you're potentially
gonna have a child that's gonna need a lot of care. Um, it's a little bit
hard to fathom and take in and we just wanted to be prepared. So we to go
down to have a more extensive genetic testing in Phoenix. Uh, that was a
pretty huge day and they do a 3D ultrasound to really examine everything
and make sure, uh, the baby is ok and you talk, sit down and talk to a
counselor and go over all your history, which brings up a lot of other
things um, within the family because they're really looking at all of your
family history, genetics disorders. That could be in the family. So there
was a lot of heavy information to have to soak in and take my husband had
um what's called a pyloric stenosis. Um So when he was born, his diaphragm
was very tight and it wasn't allowing him to uh his body to bring all of
the food in and he would spontaneously uh vomit. So when he was six weeks
old, he had to have a surgery. So that was there too, which we're like, oh
, great. Something we didn't really think about. Um, my grandmother has a
blood disorder called thalassemia and there's two forms of it. And um, she
had the lesser. So there's minor and major, she had minor, but she also
had two siblings that didn't survive past the age of two because they had
the major, um, the blood cells can't carry, they're, they're smaller. Um
Some people mistake it for a form of um, sickle cell anemia. When they
look at the cells,
they end up having, being very susceptible, susceptible to blood cancers
don't talk over the barking because then we'll just pause when it happens
and then, ok. Ok. Um, so the thalassemia, it,
um, when you have the major, you can have a lot of blood disorders, uh
where uh blood cancers are more prevalent, also problems with bleeding.
And so the two siblings that preceded her both died really young because
of that. Um, they were in Colombia, South America. So at the time, they
really didn't know what was going on and she didn't really understand it
to tell us later on and tell her Children. So something that everybody
kind of discovered later on in life. And I didn't even know until here, I
was going to have this genetic counseling. And my mom said, oh yeah, by
the way, here, here's this in your background. So we had to discuss all of
that because these were all possibilities too. Um that could be going on
and through the process. What we did find out is that the technician who
took my blood wrote down my uh date of my last period wrong. So all of the
dates that their calculations were off for what the levels should have
been in the blood.
Um So it was a an appointment that we really didn't need to have because
of it was like a week time period, a span of time. So that was uh quite
interesting and a little disturbing at the same time, but it did give us a
lot of peace of mind being there going through all of that, having them
really look at, um, my daughter who's now, you know, healthy, almost seven
year old, um, but it did really give us that extra. Ok, everything's ok.
Um, so we could continue on with that pregnancy and know that she was
going to be healthy and that she didn't have any of these problems that we
had looming in our, in our genes in our DNA. It's terrible that that minor
mistake caused so much extra anxiety and stress. Yeah. And it was about
two weeks of sitting on it from the time we found out to uh the
appointment and not only were we anxious but all your family and friends
who are there for you for support, it's an awkward situation. They want to
be excited for the pregnancy, but at the same time knowing that you could
have a problem, uh they just don't know how to handle it either. So I
think for everybody it was very stressful and um mhm Very hard because
pregnancy you wanna be excited. There's a baby coming and to have
something like that in the mix um brings brings you down a little bit, but
in the end, uh we were very relieved that we weren't gonna have to worry
about some of these things anymore. We're, we're gonna get through it and
it also gave us a little bit more confidence that, you know, no matter
what life was gonna bring us, we're gonna meet it and
it is what it is. You can't control everything and you just have to learn
how to deal with it. So I think that kind of set the stage for just
raising our daughter that there are a lot of things that are out of your
control. Someone wrote a date wrong. Um Just looking at our genetic
history, we've got a lot of stuff there in our genes. We can't control how
they come together and what happens. You just have to be prepared and go
from there and, and roll with it. It's not, it's not always our plan.
Um, ok, so the last, before we backtrack there, um, you were saying that
you had morning sickness? Yes. Were you still able to put on weight or did
you lose weight? I didn't put on a lot of weight at first. I was still
putting weight on, but it was slow, which is also nice because I still fit
in on a lot of my clothes. I, um, was able to do this little trick with my
pants on my, with a button and a hair tie to kind of give him a little bit
of elastic pull. So I didn't even have to start wearing returning clothes
until, oh, it was about almost six months. 56 months in is when it was
like Ok. These are a little, I can't do this anymore. I'm expanding and,
um, I didn't really put too much weight on until the very end. Uh, one of
the funny things that I like to tell my daughter and that people at work
just that was strange. Um, you have those cravings while you're pregnant.
My craving was for celery with cream cheese or some kind of cheese, spread
laughing cow cheese on it. I just wanted to eat celery, especially those
first three or four months. And my daughter, she loves celery that she'll
, she'll sit down and eat a whole bunch of, of celery. It was funny. I
went to her school and she, I help was helping the teacher with lunch in
the classroom. They had a field trip and she came back with her tray and
half of her tray was celery stocks like, well, you've like celery for a
while and orange juice. I can't, no, I can't drink orange juice. Um, I
have a total intolerance for it with the acidity. It makes me very sick.
And while I was pregnant with her that's, I just wanted orange juice and
it was very hard because I'd smell it and it was something I just crave.
So I might take a drink and be like, hey, I hope this isn't gonna make me
too sick. I'm like, well, I'm already sick from the morning. So I guess
we'll see. Um, but she loves orange juice too. She just, if we let her,
she would drink a gallon of it in a day. So, those little things, um, are
out there looming too and kind of, I find it funny later on to find out
what she likes and what, um, she has this natural tendency too and I find
that I had those cravings. Uh, the other one was green chili. I'm from New
Mexico and I make a lot of foods with green chili in it. And especially
the last three months when I, um, really to stop the morning sickness was
tapering off. Going away. I just wanted to eat green chili and pinto beans
, tortillas. And, uh, sh, she loves those too. So it's, um, I think, kind
of neat to kind of see how in the womb they already start putting some of
their,
some of that, some of their likes are already coming out. And it's just
amazing to me.
Um, was there anything about pregnancy that surprised you?
Oh,
I just, I, I don't think, I think the biggest surprises were those little
things that were someone else would see as a tragedy like the first
miscarriage. Um, it not being, you know, everybody I knew you got pregnant
, you went in, you had your ultrasound, you had your pictures, you came
back and everything was good and to be one of those people that's in that
minority and that's not your first experience. That was like a wake up
call that it's not the same for everybody. And, uh, we all have a little
bit, a different experience from it. And it also set the stage for the
rest of the pregnancy to not expect things. Um, and not to take advantage
either of the little things. I think the movement of her while she was, um
, in the womb was maybe a little surprising. She's very active and to be
sitting, you know, watching TV, and you see this movement across your
belly like, whoa, what just happened? I told my husband, it reminded me of
alien when you have, they have something growing inside of them and it
just moves it, she would move a leg or an elbow or something and you would
see it ripple across your stomach and it's just such a different feeling
and it's something that, you know, my husband couldn't relate to because
he's, he's not there. He doesn't have that experience. So it's like you
want to share it too and let them experience and it's hard to tell people
about that and especially, you know, a man and what you're feeling and how
it, how it's uh kind of affecting you. And you're like, whoa, there's a
person growing inside of me and they're moving a lot even though like I
expected um certain changes, you know, that are like kind of textbook. I
was still surprised when they happened to me, like my nipples getting dark
or like certain physical things like, you know, just experiencing that
movement and everything. It's, that transformation is incredible. Yes. It
, it is very incredible and it's so
amazing to think of what's happening inside of you. Um Something else that
did uh surprised me is how much I could feel and what she was doing, I
would joke that I thought she was picking at the placenta because I feel
these little sharp pinches while I was uh working. And after she was born
, when I would uh I breastfed when I would feed her, she would pinch the
back of my arm and she still pinches like when she gets nervous, she
pinches and I was like, see, I told her she was in there pinching, she's
pinching something and she, yeah, she, she still, she'll pinch your hand
when she gets nervous, she'll pinch her, she'll stand there and I can tell
she's very nervous and she's pinching herself. But um I know she was doing
that while she was uh growing inside my womb. I could feel it and I'm not
quite sure exactly what she was pinching, but she was pinching
actually. Can you hear her hand movements? So sometimes when they hit the
table, you have to be careful with that. Um OK, so you're at six months
and then you go from 6 to 9. And can you tell us about that process? Did
you prepare for the birth? Yeah, we took the you know, the birthing
classes and my, my husband and I, and went into that. It was interesting
because one of the nurses we found out went to high school with my husband
, small town and her husband, uh went to high school with him and they
lived right behind us, literally next door neighbors. So that was, you
know, interesting and to know that you have someone that you can go talk
to if you have concerns or questions and the lab labor and delivery nurse.
And um I think during that time, just the starting to actually put on
because I didn't gain a lot of weight in the beginning because of the
morning sickness. Those last three months were pretty hard. Uh seeing how
much your body changes then and even looking at, I think it wasn't until I
looked at pictures and looked back at the pictures where I'm like, oh, wow.
Uh I look like I'm swollen everywhere. Um Because that was something else
that did happen very, very end. I ended up with preeclampsia. Uh but it
came on uh very fast, you know, one week, ok, next week not OK. Uh That
was in that period where you're going to those weekly visits right before
you have the baby. And um yeah, just to see those little changes in a
photo where you're like, OK, I didn't realize it then, but maybe this was
already starting. Um because my face looks swollen, I'm like, can your
nose swell because my nose looks really big in this picture. And my, when
my mom first saw me after having her that she came in and she's like, oh
my gosh, you are very swollen everywhere. And to have that, you know,
feeling, um, that you don't normally have is a little, can be a little
disturbing,
but we did go through, you know, just, we even started earlier than that
accumulating baby things. One of the stores here in town had gone out of
business in early on in the pregnancy. So we bought a few things from
there just to be prepared. And um we started getting the furniture and
getting the crib ready. And uh something that did also happen in, in that
period was we had an offer on our house, which I did not want to sell
because I'm like, I'm at the end of this pregnancy, I don't wanna move,
but a realtor was calling everybody in our um neighborhood because we were
over in the town homes. She had a client that was going through a divorce
and he wanted to be in the town homes because they were close to his kids.
Um his ex-wife had a house just a couple streets over. So he was really
wanted to stay close and he also worked near here. Um, but we, you know,
we're like, we're comfortable, we're gonna have a baby. We don't need to
move right now.
And then we found out there are some problems with our town home. We
already knew there were problems with the roofs. Uh, they did not put them
on correctly. They didn't put any water barrier. So we had a lot of
leaking in the winter time with the snow
and we had an ho a meeting and they told us that it was worse than they
thought and we were gonna have assessments and they didn't know when they
were gonna be fixed. And on the way back, my husband and I looked at each
other and went like, do we want to deal with this with a newborn and
starting a new family and maybe we should sell and move into a new place
bef before and we're on a big time crunch at that point. That was uh more
seven, I think I was at seven months then. So we did, we sold the house
and I actually, we moved into our house here two days before I had mckenna.
So did the preeclampsia, did it change your, your vision of what the birth
experience is gonna be, what they want to induce or doing? Yes. So the
concern that I had at the very, it changed everything. I had a concern at
the beginning of the pregnancy. When we went to talk to our doctor, it
wasn't my normal um
doctor that I went to, she, the doctor I had been going to, she had just
recently dropped her obstetrics portion of her practice and was just doing
the gynecological. So she had to refer me to someone else. And when I told
her I was, we're going to be trying to have a baby. Uh So she referred me
to another practice in town and where she thought the doctors were really
good, it was a little difficult to get in there because the doctors are
really good and everybody wants to go there. I did get to, I didn't get to
getting to see the first doctor I wanted. But one of the concerns I had
because there's another practice in town. They were, they
rotate you through doctors during your pregnancy, you may not always have
the same doctor and I wanted to make sure I had the same doctor all the
way through and who would be there when I had mckenna. And so when we went
in and I talked to them, you know, they did that there. And my doctor said
there's only one time where I will not be here. I have a vacation planned
, but it's not near your, it's far enough from your due date. Don't worry
about it. I will be there. So when I went in for my appointment and my, my
blood pressure was pretty elevated. It was
me and which really concerned him because my blood pressure was always
really steady over the pregnancy and he came in and he took my blood
pressure. So that's when I knew there was something up and it was, it's
pretty high. I don't remember the bottom number, but the top was 164
which I usually run about 1 10/70
ish. So he said, um, I'm gonna send you over to the hospital. We're gonna
do some testing.
Uh, this is right before lunch. I was supposed to be picking up lunch for
all the ladies at work because of where I was going. And I went, oh no,
because they were teasing me and they said you'll probably end up having
to have the baby today because you're gonna pick up lunch for us.
Something's gonna happen like, ah, don't say that. So, yeah, I had to
call them and tell them I'm going to the hospital, they're gonna do some
more tests on me and he wanted to check and make sure since my blood
pressure went up so rapidly from one week to the next, he wanted to check
and see if anything else was affected. So my liver and kidney function and
so I went over and um, I drew blood and I had to give my urine sample.
They ended up having me change and put one of the hospital gowns on. So at
that point I'm there by myself because I also told my husband, he, this
was one of the only appointments that he had missed. He was coming with me
to all the appointments I'm like, they're just gonna check and make sure
everything's ok. We don't have anything to worry about. We're still 2.5
weeks before her due date. It'll be fine. Don't worry. I was concerned
because my ankles and legs started to swell the day before and they were a
little bit swollen for the last month of the pregnancy, but not like this.
They were, they were huge. I told them I had tinkles because my leg just
went straight down. So I knew that was a problem. And then the blood
pressure on top of it. And the doctor came in and he sat down and he said
I got your test results back and he said, you know how I told you that I
would be here no matter what for your pregnant, for your delivery. Well,
here's the deal. You have liver function, being affected, kidney, kidney
functions being affected and it's happening really fast. So I want you to
have the baby today we're going to induce and I'm going out of town. This
is the weekend. So I just kind of stared at him for a second and he's like
, do you want me to go out there? So you can scream or he's like, don't
punch me like, well, it is what it is. I mean, I can't change it. So he
said this is the doctor that's on call, which I hadn't seen before and
he'd be in the come and talk to me later and he would take care of me and
get me to start the whole process and then he was gonna have to leave. So
that's like the beginning of, of the delivery and it seems like it went
downhill from there. Nothing I expected, uh, for that, which again, we
knew going in, it's not our plan and it definitely wasn't my plan for the
rest of that, uh, delivery. I think it was.
No, it definitely wasn't your typical um delivery for most people. So
there are some people at work that were getting ready to have kids. They
told they, they asked how it was. I'm like, I'm, I'll wait until you have
yours and then I'll let you know because if I tell you my story, you may
not wanna go and have a delivery because the preeclampsia was the least of
the problems. Can we pause one second?
As soon as the doctor told me that they were gonna have to induce me
because the preeclampsia came on so quickly and was already affecting my
organs. They didn't want to have anything happen um to my daughter or me
because it came on so quickly. He said, normally we might put you on bed
rest and try to keep you uh from delivering for and until you get closer
to due date, but you're already 2.5 weeks away. The baby looks really good
on the last ultra ultrasound. Her lungs should be developed by now. So I
feel comfortable inducing you. He said I don't feel comfortable having you
wait at this point because it's come on so quickly and your organs are
affected, we could lose both of you pretty fast. So, in my head, I'm, you
know, trying to take it all in, but at the same time I'm going ok, first
of all, I didn't tell my husband to come. he's going to kill me that he's
not here right now.
Uh, my parents were gonna be coming, but not for a couple more days. My
mom's gonna be upset over this and then there's the girls, they're all
sitting there waiting for lunch and it's never coming.
And it's so funny what you think of and because you're trying to kind of
take it in and I'm a planner. So this definitely not planned. So the first
thing that goes through my head is I've gotta make a list of things that I
need to do. Where do I start first? And so it didn't really sink in the
severity of the whole situation and how bad my blood pressure was and how
that was gonna affect, uh, the whole delivery. Um, until I think later
when I actually was checked into the hospital and got all of, you know,
those ducks in a row and made sure, you know, I called my husband told him.
So
they're admitting me to the hospital. This is why you may wanna come. Uh
it's gonna be, you know, a couple hours but see what you can do. Get here
which he was super, he was super upset. He's like I knew I should have
been there. I knew I should have come with you. You shouldn't be there by
yourself right now. So it's fine. Do what you gotta do and um go get the
bag because we had our bag already packed and ready for the hospital
and take care of. We have take care of our dogs. We have two beagles, it's
like get them situated, we'll have someone come over and take care of them
and then you know, the next step would be, you know, call, call parents
and let them know that what's happening.
So as soon as he got in and we got checked into the hospital, I, I think
then it kind of sunk in and I'm like, oh, ok, we're, we're doing this,
we're gonna have a baby and then they started explaining the process and
what was gonna happen. Um because of the high blood pressure, they put you
on magnesium sulfate. Uh so that you don't possibly have a stroke while
you're giving birth. So that's a little scary to have that realization.
But at the same time, I think
just my gut feeling was everything's gonna be ok. Don't panic, don't worry.
I think my husband,
I was more panicked, more worried. My father-in-law came to the hospital
and my best friend who lives here. And, um, my father in law was so he
didn't show it while he was there.
But we didn't know this until afterwards, he stayed out in the hallway the
whole time because he said I looked so bad. He was so scared that
something was going to happen. So he couldn't bring himself to leave, uh,
and just wanted to make sure that everything went well. And considering I
didn't have her until 230 in the morning, he was there for quite some time
waiting out in the hallway like, oh my gosh, but he even talks about it
still that it really scared him to, to see me because of my coloring and
how I looked and then to hear what the doctors were saying. So I, I think
for me, I was more at ease with it and just had this sense of,
you know, it's everything's gonna be ok, we're gonna be ok. This is we're
having the baby. Um I haven't had a baby before. So for some people, this
is how it goes. Others that I knew. I know it's easier for some harder for
others. I've had friends that have been in labor for three days. My
sister-in-law had just had my niece and she was in labor for three days
and then they had to do an emergency c section. So, you know, you have the
stuff in the back of your head. And we had always as part of our birth
plan that they have, you set up when you do the birthing classes. It had
always been me and my husband's opinion, do whatever you have to do to get
the baby here safe. That means Cesarean section. Fine. That means we have
to induce and have her early fine. You do what you need to do so that
she's here safely and to keep, I guess, minimal
problems from occurring, uh, during the whole process, you know, what you
can, what's in your control? Did you have any, um, reactions to the
magnesium? Yes. Well, it, it just made me so tired. So it's similar to
taking Benadryl for me where it just makes me drowsy. I kind of felt a
little, you know, buzzed, not completely there. Some things, sometimes it
was hard to talk because of it. You know, it's this heavy duty muscle
relaxer and that was, I think, hard for my husband to understand and I
have a biology background. So a lot of the things that the doctors were
saying, I understand the mechanism and how they're working in the body. It
had a lot of classes in human anatomy. I was looking at becoming a doctor
myself, uh, when I was going through my undergrad. So some of the stuff
didn't scare me like it did my husband. It made sense, but it also made me
know that the process was gonna be a little bit harder than magnesium
sulfate because it relaxes your muscles and uh your arteries and your
veins to help prevent the stroke that is also affecting the birth process.
So they can induce and tell your body to um the cervix to open up your um
abdomen to have the contractions. But at the same time, you have this
other drug in there, telling your body relax muscles relax. So it, I think
lengthens that whole process and makes it a little bit different um, than
most people have because then they have to give you more stimulating drugs
for the birth process like plain, which um they try to, we're trying to
avoid and that wasn't progressing the way that they wanted to. So they
gave me a gel to open up the cervix and start the induction at about two
o'clock in the afternoon and, um, kind of waited to see what was gonna
happen and that wasn't really progressing the way that they liked to, to
see. So they did another one and that still didn't help. So then they
started, um, they may have given me a third doll and then after that, then
they said, OK, we're gonna go to the plain and the contract, they broke my
water and the contractions had started before they gave me the Pitocin and
they asked me if I want an epidural at that point. And I'm like, oh, at
least I can handle this this is fine, but that's also part of the
magnesium sulfate that they give you. Those contractions aren't as intense
, um, as they normally would be during the birth process. So I wasn't
feeling them the way that they could be. So I told him, let's wait, let
him go because there was other women there. They're like, he'll come to
you maybe the next or even one more. And I'm like, oh, that should be fine.
I'm, I'm ok right now. I, I can handle it. And then they gave me the
Plato and it really pushed those contractions over the edge. And I had,
had a friend who had told me she had, she had to be induced and that the
Pitocin just put her on edge with the con contractions. And it was pretty
intense. And I was like, well, that's a kind word for it. Intense
because it, it was, it took it to a whole new level that I, I wasn't
expecting. I knew you were gonna have pain but you don't know in your head
, you can't con conceive that pain because you don't have anything to
compare it to yet. So that's when I told my husband, like, get me the
epidural. No,
so they can come in here. So I did have an epidural and um af shortly
after the epidurals when they wanted me to start pushing. And I've been to
this point, you know, the, it was just the nurse coming in, checking on me
and um making sure everything was ok and checking to see if I was dilating
where, where I was. I don't think that I had seen the, I think I maybe see
, saw the doctor one time in between. So the rest of the time it was just
there with the labor and delivery nurses and they were taking really good
care of us and making sure everything was good. Um, even before then they
found out I did not have lunch, it was about 430 I find them like I have
to eat something. Can I eat something? Because I knew once you get past a
certain point, they're not gonna let me eat anything. So they were super
good and snuck me in a cheeseburger and some French fries. Uh, so that I
could kind of continue on. I don't think I could have done it without
having any food, but I know that they do have, you know, that's a big
thing because if you have to go have ac section or have, have to go in for
some kind of a surgery, they don't want you eating. So I was thankful for
that. And then the, the, I, I just think it was,
it seems like looking back
that you feel like this loss of time while you're there, like it's this
black hole and you don't have a concept of where you're at or what time it
is. Especially once they started, uh, the plain and then you get that
epidural and then you start pushing,
I felt like things were kind of in slow motion and I didn't realize how
much time had passed, uh, from that first, um, dose of the plain. And then
when you do find out you're like, oh, my gosh, I've been doing this for
how long, what, uh, because I pushed for almost 3.5 hours. And from the
first time that she told me she, they could see the head. It was, it was a
while, it was a couple hours of pushing. And I finally got to a point
where I had to,
I got to a point where I grabbed my husband and, and the nurse and I told
her I am exhausted. I can't keep pushing. I know you said her head's there.
But how much longer am I gonna have to have to push? And at this point,
the doctor and I think this is where I was concerned about having the same
doctor all the way through. My doctor knew this is what we wanted. If you
have to cut, cut, if you need to do ac section, do ac section, whatever
you need to do, do it. And having a new doctor who didn't really have that
interaction with me, even though he could read your chart, see what was in
there. I don't know that he had the time to, to check all of that and
there's a different
culture here in Flagstaff with birthing. We, we joked with it with our
labor and delivery nurse in our classes.
It's very natural. No one wants any drugs, no one wants you to interfere.
And she said sometimes that interferes and puts the baby at risk and
we're like, well, we're not those people. So even on my birth plan to
begin with just to mess with her, we put everything possible that we knew
would set her off and she just laughed and we're like, uh, Tess is the
most important thing is that she gets here. Ok. So he didn't know that.
And he, I think was trying to keep everything supernatural and let it go
on its own. But he did finally get to a point. And he said, ok,
uh, you have this band of tissue that we can't stretch because they were
trying to stretch it with their hands, which that's when you're very happy
, you have an epidural because she did part of it without the epidural, um
, which is no fun. And
he, he said that tissue just doesn't want to get, we can't, we can't get
her out and I don't want it to affect her. She's been in the birth canal
for a while and her head's been there for a while. So he said I can cut
you and she'll come out right away. He said, we can have you keep pushing
and hope that you tear
if you don't want me to cut you, um, we can try, which I think they had
tried but it wasn't working either. The suction, we can do that again. And
I told them just cut me and my husband's like, wait, wait, wait, what do
you mean? So he had some concerns because when you talk about that and,
and the way that the doctor put it, he did say we, we just want to cut you.
My husband was like, wait, you're gonna cut, what, what are you cutting?
Why are you cutting her? He, it wasn't registering to him even though he
had been through all the classes and knew what could happen. It wasn't
registering to him what they would be cutting and what they would be doing.
But the, and the doctor said, well, I know if I, if I cut her and we're
just gonna cut this tissue and he explained it a little bit more to my
husband and he's just like, he's like, she'll deliver like, like that. And
I told him you would have told me this 2.5 hours ago. Um, because, uh, it
was about an hour in where they could see her head. Uh I told you to cut
me then and he said, ok, we'll cut, we'll go for it. And yeah, as soon as
he, uh, did that cut, she was right out and
then that's the point where you. I think my husband thought, ok, it's over.
But I knew, ok, we still have to deliver the placenta. So they gave you,
give you a second to rest and they went and checked her and we knew she
was good and I got to see her and they went and gave her, you know, wiped
her down and we're checking all her vitals and that's, uh, the doctors
sitting down there and I could tell there was something else going on and
he, he took a little moment and he said, ok, um her temperature was uh a
little low because the magnesium sulfate also affects the baby. So they
wanted to get her and warm her up and just make sure she was ok. Um
because they knew it would affect her and then he said it's gonna make her
a little sleepy and we're gonna bring her over here. I'm trying to deliver
your placenta.
I needed to do a couple pushes again, which I did. And he's like this is,
it's like I ok, I have to talk to you. This is not going well. And at this
point, my epidural is starting to wear off and
he starts to explain that my placenta isn't delivering and he is going to
have to pull it out.
So I think even more disturbing was watching my husband his face because
now I have a doctor reaching in with his hand to pull out my placenta and
then also explaining to us at the same time while he's doing it, I have to
get it all. He's laying it out in a tray
because if I miss a piece, you can have internal bleeding and that's not
good, we'd ha you'd have to have surgery. So we're like, ok, make sure you
get everything. But as my epidural is wearing off and he's doing this, I
felt like I was climbing up to the ceiling. This was even more intense
than the contractions.
And then to see my husband making his faces and he's standing there
squinting and wincing. He's like he goes over to the doctor and he's like
, do you, do you really have to keep doing this because it really looks
like it's hurting her. And I said, no kidding. It is. But, and then he
said, yeah, if we don't get it, it's very bad news. So he's like, it won't
take that much longer. I think I've almost got it all. Maybe you should go
take, go look at the baby. So, uh he, he kind of took a moment but then he
stood, stood there and held my hand and we waited till they got all of
that out. And then they had to sew up the uh Piot toy, which was an
experience when you have all that pain meds worn off. Um The stitches were
not fun at all. So you again, I don't think you, you don't think about
that stuff when you're going to have a baby and then when it happens, it's
a whole new experience and
a different, you know, kind of sense of pain and, and you get an
appreciation for other women who have gone through it and had to do it and
knowing that, ok, this has happened, but I still know it could be worse.
I've heard worse, but at the same time you don't wanna, you, you know
that this is, this is how it was for you and you kind of take it in and at
the end, you have this beautiful little baby. So it makes it worth it.
Were you able to nurse and everything or do, do you not want to? I was
able to nurse. So that was another concern. My blood pressure even after
having her was still high. They need to leave you on the magnesium sulfate
until it comes back down because even after having the baby, uh, you can
still have that stroke afterwards because of the high blood pressure.
So it wasn't until about 430 in the morning where finally got to go to a
room and rest and
they, you know, continually monitor your blood pressure at that point to
make sure that it's coming down and mine wasn't, it was still, it actually
got even higher. Um, even the next day in the afternoon to the point where
, you know, we have all these visitors coming, you have the grandparents
wanting to come and see the baby and the nurse had to make everybody leave
after taking my blood pressure. She's like, no, she's too high. It was 100
and 76 like over 100 and 10. And she's sued everybody out of the room.
And I think that something else that was on top of that was they, we're
hearing a, a murmur with my daughter's heart. So they were bringing a
specialist in. So you have that to, to, to look at, they didn't know if it
was just because up here in Flagstaff
that there's a hole that takes a while to close after birth, it takes a
little bit longer here. Um, because of the altitude. So they didn't know
if that's what they were hearing or if that she possibly had, um,
something wrong with the, the heart valves and needed to have more
attention. So we did end up having to have a specialist come in to look at
that. So that's also there with you. And I think adding to a little bit of
stress in the blood pressure. So trying to really give myself time to rest
after was a little difficult with the, the preeclampsia and the blood
pressure and then she was very sleepy, drowsy from the magnesium sulfate
and she didn't want to eat at first. Uh, so we had to have a specialist
come in to help with that. One of the, um, lactation specialists from the
hospital came in to talk to us because the other thing that happened too
because of the medication is my milk wasn't coming in as quickly as it
should have. So that was another experience. We had to have a formula at
first because my milk was there, but it wasn't enough. And then it was
also getting my daughter to eat because she was so tired, she didn't want
to eat. So she really wasn't sucking the way she needed to. So we had to
hook up a little tube to uh formula bottle and then have her breastfeed
with the tube, um, that first day and a half, maybe two days. And then it
seemed like it was better. So it's again another just unexpected thing
that you get to experience and it's like, well, whatever we need to do to
get her to where she needs to be and it worked and she was, she started
kind getting coming out of it after that, uh, medication started kind of
pushing out of her system too, but they had to keep me an extra day in the
hospital. Uh because of the high blood pressure and they really do want
you to get home to be in your own environment to be with the baby. I think
maybe I should have been in the hospital another day. Um maybe even on the
magnesium sulfate another day,
the blood pressure was a problem. The first
at least three weeks after I had her when I went home, it took a long time
for it to get back to normal. But the other, the flip side of that is, you
know, you're breastfeeding, you don't wanna be, if you're on some
medication, then you baby can't breastfeed. So if you wanna try to keep
there, the doctors are trying to weigh that the benefits of breastfeeding
versus how bad is your blood pressure? Do we need to medicate you so that
you go straight to formula? And that will be that. So you, I think those
first few weeks as a parent you're taking that into and you suck it up and
wait and see and looking back on it like, you know, it probably really
should have been on some medication,
but we're here, it was fine. It just took a lot longer for that recovery.
And I think it's hard when you're a first time parent taking care of
yourself those first few weeks especially and taking the time to rest and
let your body recuperate from everything. It's not in your nature. You
just wanna go and take care of that baby and put them before yourself and
again, looking back and like, oh, well, that probably wasn't the best
decision for myself, but we made it through it and uh like I said, it took
a while but the blood pressure came down and things kind of settled and we
got back to normal. We did have more with the heart murmur that
my daughter is so tiny. She's just petite. Um, it's, they think because of
that you really hear everything from her heart when they listen to it. Uh
, we had to go and see a specialist, um, even after a year because they
could still hear this murmur there. But the car, the pediatric cardiac
cardiac specialists, he, he was like, she doesn't have any fat on the
front and it echoes on her. So she, she's normal, she's fine. But we did
have that too where you still have these appointments that you're going to.
These little tiny scares here and there where you have to worry is
everything OK? And at that point, I still think it's a lot of listening to
your gut that it's gonna work out, it's gonna be fine.
So when you reflect back on this experience, like, what are your thoughts
and feelings? Is there a way you can, you know a word or phrasing of words
that kind of reflects that the, the whole experience,
I think it's very intense,
but at the same time gratifying
and overwhelming definitely this, you have just this whole overwhelming
feelings of emotion the whole time, especially when you sit back and think
about it because as you're going through it, you don't always have the
time to feel.
But when you look at what you've gone through and when you look down at
that baby. Yeah. It's just this overwhelming joy, overwhelming relief,
overwhelming,
I just, uh, even fear because you, you have that going through your whole
body and you just release it and let it go and see what you have at the
end. And it's a just, I think the whole birthing process just a release of
emotion, period
and feeling all of those things that you're gonna feel all throughout this
child's life and joy. being scared, relief,
pain.
It's all kind of there in that first state and it just takes over you and
then you let it go and I think it sets you up for childhood, for your,
your baby and knowing that, ok, I've already had all of that. I'm probably
gonna have it again, but it's gonna be in steps and stages. I think the
birthing process you just have it all at one time and then it's just this
huge release. So, you know, we keep
going back and reliving some of those things when we have little
milestones happen or when something comes up or someone else has a baby
and you talk about the whole experience with them and you also at the same
time find out, ok, I'm not alone in what I experienced and it brings, I
think people closer together too.
I think that was a great ending. Yeah. Excellent. 00, no.