WEBVTT 00:00:02.579 --> 00:00:04.579 Um when my first son, Elohim, I had him, uh I gave birth to him naturally 00:00:10.118 --> 00:00:15.415 in a birthing center. And so it was like in a bedroom and it was amazing. 00:00:15.448 --> 00:00:19.046 And I went food shopping when I was done and I used my own energy like it 00:00:19.079 --> 00:00:22.956 was no drugs, no nothing. So when I was pregnant with the twins and to 00:00:22.989 --> 00:00:29.506 have ac section, I felt disconnected. I totally didn't feel like like they 00:00:29.539 --> 00:00:33.606 were mine. I felt like my c, I felt like I had kids for somebody else. It 00:00:33.639 --> 00:00:38.356 was weird and I felt like that for a little while. Um But then I realized 00:00:38.389 --> 00:00:41.885 that it was the whole, for me, it was the whole C section. I didn't get to 00:00:41.918 --> 00:00:45.315 have them vaginally. I didn't get to pull them out and bring them to me. I 00:00:45.348 --> 00:00:48.756 didn't get to hold them when they were born. So I was a little 00:00:48.789 --> 00:00:52.015 disconnected for a little while. But then, you know, they're nine now. So 00:00:52.048 --> 00:00:56.366 they're, we're good, you know. Did you anticipate having the C section? 00:00:56.399 --> 00:00:59.356 Was that something you knew from the moment you came from? Yeah, I knew 00:00:59.389 --> 00:01:05.117 because the youngest one never turned around and the day I was giving 00:01:05.150 --> 00:01:09.176 birth, we were talking to him and talking to him and Musa turn around. 00:01:09.209 --> 00:01:12.447 Please turn around, please. It was too, it was too late because they were 00:01:12.480 --> 00:01:16.275 , they were good sizes. One was 69 and the other one was 42. So they were 00:01:16.308 --> 00:01:21.206 , they were good sizes and he just didn't wanna turn for me. Did you um, 00:01:21.239 --> 00:01:25.876 have a good idea of what that process was. The C section? Yes. And, and I 00:01:25.909 --> 00:01:28.967 , but I, what I didn't realize was that it was gonna happen so fast. I 00:01:29.000 --> 00:01:32.367 think it happened within 10 minutes, one was out and then the other one 00:01:32.400 --> 00:01:36.117 came out a minute later and then I was back into the room. But the 00:01:36.150 --> 00:01:39.617 unfortunate thing about it is that I was drugged the entire time, you know 00:01:39.650 --> 00:01:42.495 what I mean? I was like out of it, you know, and I didn't get to hold my 00:01:42.528 --> 00:01:45.436 babies right away and they didn't get to stay in the room with me 00:01:45.469 --> 00:01:49.717 sometimes. And I was going crazy. The father was there. So he always got 00:01:49.750 --> 00:01:54.016 to see them in the nursery and everything. But it was, uh, it was, it was 00:01:54.049 --> 00:01:57.516 hard and that part of it was hard, but carrying them, they were very heavy 00:01:57.549 --> 00:02:01.635 , you know, I don't have twins on either side of the family. So I, I 00:02:01.668 --> 00:02:06.406 actually dropped two eggs at one time and that's how I got the twins. But 00:02:06.439 --> 00:02:09.305 I was so mad at the dad for a while. I was like, how dare you? You're so 00:02:09.338 --> 00:02:13.036 selfish. How you gonna give me two boys? And he was like, the doctor was 00:02:13.069 --> 00:02:18.335 like, no, you dropped two eggs. Yeah, I was like, oh damn, it was me. Ok. 00:02:18.368 --> 00:02:25.106 So, um, how was the recovery with the C section? It was amazing. They did 00:02:25.139 --> 00:02:31.237 some sort of, um, procedure that was like a, it was a, it was like taped. 00:02:31.270 --> 00:02:34.346 I don't know what you call it. It wasn't a staple or anything. It was 00:02:34.379 --> 00:02:38.386 taped. And to this day, to be honest, I can't find it, the incision, I 00:02:38.419 --> 00:02:43.626 can't find it because it's so faded but it was, it was great. I had a 00:02:43.659 --> 00:02:49.555 great recovery with that. Yeah. Yeah. Did you nurse? All my Children were 00:02:49.588 --> 00:02:53.505 nursed. The twins were nursed until they were eight months and then my 00:02:53.538 --> 00:02:57.606 oldest was nursed until he was 15 months and then I'm still nursing 00:02:57.639 --> 00:03:04.626 freedom. So, so did you have just like, you know, that God gift of 00:03:04.659 --> 00:03:08.275 producing milk and that all just functioned great for you? Yeah, I didn't 00:03:08.308 --> 00:03:11.886 have any problems doing that and I was really happy about it even when the 00:03:11.919 --> 00:03:16.547 twins, that twins actually let go of me. Um, I wasn't the one that stopped 00:03:16.580 --> 00:03:19.886 them from feeding. So, and I was happy about that because it got to be a 00:03:19.919 --> 00:03:22.987 little bit challenging to feed them both at the same time. Because that's 00:03:23.020 --> 00:03:26.085 how I was doing it. But they let go of me at the same time and I was, like 00:03:26.118 --> 00:03:32.275 , great. Not a problem. Yeah. But I had no problems producing. Yeah, it 00:03:32.308 --> 00:03:35.967 was good. Yeah, I know. But it's such a blessing to be able to do it too 00:03:36.000 --> 00:03:38.906 because I know how important it is, you know, to make sure that they 00:03:38.939 --> 00:03:42.936 breastfed. So, especially, you know, to grow that bond if you were feeling 00:03:42.969 --> 00:03:47.475 a disconnect, big time. Did you find, how was it when you, how did you 00:03:47.508 --> 00:03:50.585 resolve that disconnect? 00:03:50.618 --> 00:03:54.827 I mean, that's a good question. Actually, it came with time. It came with 00:03:54.860 --> 00:03:58.225 time. I mean, and, and granted you're their first teacher so they're with 00:03:58.258 --> 00:04:03.525 you all the time, you know, and I guess the breastfeeding helped. Um and 00:04:03.558 --> 00:04:06.717 then just them being around me all the time, it just got better, you know. 00:04:06.750 --> 00:04:10.856 So, yeah, I'm mommy, you know, and, and I love my boys but that, that was 00:04:10.889 --> 00:04:16.736 , I felt it and I had, I recognized it and I embraced it. It was truth. It 00:04:16.769 --> 00:04:21.476 was my truth. Like there's a disconnect here and I think it's from that 00:04:21.509 --> 00:04:27.236 and, you know, so when I had him it was uh he's natural all the way and, 00:04:27.269 --> 00:04:30.286 you know, and what I didn't know is if you don't have, if you have ac 00:04:30.319 --> 00:04:33.916 section two years before your next birth, you're ok to have a natural 00:04:33.949 --> 00:04:38.265 birth. But they were worried that the C section would uh something would 00:04:38.298 --> 00:04:42.726 happen. So they made sure I had the baby in the hospital. I said I'll have 00:04:42.759 --> 00:04:45.365 him in the hospital as long as I can move around because I don't want to 00:04:45.398 --> 00:04:48.995 have him laying on my back because I know it wasn't, it was, that's not 00:04:49.028 --> 00:04:53.387 natural. You know, I need to be able to squat or if I want to turn to my 00:04:53.420 --> 00:04:56.567 side, I wanna be able to do that. And my midwife, I had a midwife at the 00:04:56.600 --> 00:05:00.007 time and she said you can do whatever you want. You'll have, you'll be, 00:05:00.040 --> 00:05:03.705 you know, connected, they wanna, you know, monitor you but you can move 00:05:03.738 --> 00:05:07.726 around if you need to. So I did, I moved my legs around and turned to the 00:05:07.759 --> 00:05:13.596 side and then I made sure I had him natural. Yeah, that was so important. 00:05:13.629 --> 00:05:17.075 You had mentioned that the C section was really short. That's her birth 00:05:17.108 --> 00:05:21.856 short too or? Yeah, my son, oh gosh, my water broke at the outdoor swap 00:05:21.889 --> 00:05:25.786 mart. It was hilarious. My mother was with me and my mother had four 00:05:25.819 --> 00:05:28.916 Children. So I said, oh my God, my water broke. She goes, are you in pain 00:05:28.949 --> 00:05:32.765 ? I said no, she goes, well, I'm gonna go buy my bananas and you go call 00:05:32.798 --> 00:05:36.906 your doctor. I was like, what? So I go, I'm like my water broke and then 00:05:36.939 --> 00:05:40.046 she's like, ok, well, when your pain is so many minutes apart, you know, 00:05:40.079 --> 00:05:44.197 call me back. And I'm like, why is everybody so calm? So I go home, I have 00:05:44.230 --> 00:05:49.127 a nice warm shower and then my pain started and then they were very 00:05:49.160 --> 00:05:54.637 gradual, very spread out. And then, um, when I got to the rest of w we 00:05:54.670 --> 00:05:57.536 even went to eat. My mother was like, I'm hungry, we're gonna eat. I was 00:05:57.569 --> 00:06:02.007 like, what I go, I have a little bit of salsa. Soon as I had that salsa, 00:06:02.040 --> 00:06:06.176 the pain was like this. By the time I got to my midwife, I was nine 00:06:06.209 --> 00:06:11.546 centimeters. And um for the twins, it was uh the C section and then for 00:06:11.579 --> 00:06:16.296 freedom, it was probably about four hours because I wasn't, I was having 00:06:16.329 --> 00:06:21.786 the pain but I wasn't dilating. So they broke my water and let me go my 00:06:21.819 --> 00:06:27.067 distance. And so I had them about four hours. So the freedom of your last 00:06:27.100 --> 00:06:32.116 child was the one where you had the salsa. And that no salsa was the first 00:06:32.149 --> 00:06:36.995 one. But you were planning on going to a burning center. All of that was 00:06:37.028 --> 00:06:41.437 planned out. And you know, I spoke with a girl, believe it or not. She was 00:06:41.470 --> 00:06:46.205 in her early twenties. She had four kids already and she said one word to 00:06:46.238 --> 00:06:51.127 me that made me feel like having my first child was going to be just 00:06:51.160 --> 00:06:56.007 amazing. She said it's bearable that the pain was bearable. That was 00:06:56.040 --> 00:06:59.986 enough for me for me. I said, oh, then I'll be all right, then it'll be 00:07:00.019 --> 00:07:04.026 fine and that's how it was, you know, it was painful. Yeah. But I was like 00:07:04.059 --> 00:07:08.366 , no, it's temporary breathe through it and you'll be fine and all of them 00:07:08.399 --> 00:07:13.726 were like that and it was like, ok, I could do this. Yeah. I mean, they 00:07:13.759 --> 00:07:18.596 try to say, like, pain doesn't kill anyone. It's hard to remember that. 00:07:18.629 --> 00:07:22.467 Yes. Yes. Yes. And I know everybody has a different tolerance for it. But 00:07:22.500 --> 00:07:26.895 believe it or not, I started doing yoga before my oldest son and that's 00:07:26.928 --> 00:07:30.257 when I learned about breathing through it and I was breathing through the 00:07:30.290 --> 00:07:34.116 pain and it helped me a lot. I didn't go to the lemons classes or anything. 00:07:34.149 --> 00:07:39.455 I just kind of got through it naturally. It was cool. OK. So why don't we 00:07:39.488 --> 00:07:43.245 do this? Because you have like four different births, three different 00:07:43.278 --> 00:07:48.106 births happening. But I did, I did want to talk about freedom's birth. 00:07:48.139 --> 00:07:53.286 Yeah. So maybe we can think about them more separately and kind of like 00:07:53.319 --> 00:07:57.575 intertwining them so much because it would be hard for us. Yeah. So OK, so 00:07:57.608 --> 00:08:04.536 let's focus on freedom then. Yes. You should introduce, oh my God, 00:08:04.569 --> 00:08:09.426 the whole 00:08:09.459 --> 00:08:16.455 thing. And let me this is for soli interviewing for creative push project 00:08:16.488 --> 00:08:24.488 Sandy Divine Valentine on May 17th, 2016 at 1030 1030 2510. OK. OK. So 00:08:26.600 --> 00:08:33.375 bring us back to the beginning Ok. So, um my first son, he's actually 17 00:08:33.408 --> 00:08:40.616 years old now, his name is Elohim. And I knew that I was going to have a 00:08:40.649 --> 00:08:46.025 boy. It was no, there was no question about it. I knew that this was gonna 00:08:46.058 --> 00:08:50.855 be my first son. And the whole time I was pregnant with him, I talked to 00:08:50.888 --> 00:08:56.855 him and I told him not to be a follower. Like it was so important for me 00:08:56.888 --> 00:09:04.888 to influence him as a young man and know how to behave and how, you know, 00:09:04.957 --> 00:09:08.745 how to be a man, you know, and uh his father was there. His father has 00:09:08.778 --> 00:09:14.167 always been in the picture and everything and oh, 00:09:14.200 --> 00:09:16.775 that was off. 00:09:16.808 --> 00:09:20.537 We're usually very good about this, but you're our first interview in 00:09:20.570 --> 00:09:27.066 several months. So it's OK. This is, this is cool and so we forget about 00:09:27.099 --> 00:09:35.099 the little details. Ok? You were doing awesome though. Continue. OK. Um So 00:09:36.019 --> 00:09:40.895 a lot of my um my relationship with Elohim is very close. I um we're like 00:09:40.928 --> 00:09:45.037 , we're almost like friends on a, on a, on a thin line because then 00:09:45.070 --> 00:09:49.816 there's the parenting. Um Elohim was born in a birthing center and I 00:09:49.849 --> 00:09:55.726 started out uh I wanted to have him in a, in a, in the water and I did, I 00:09:55.759 --> 00:09:58.936 started out in the water, but I felt like I had to go to the restroom and 00:09:58.969 --> 00:10:03.407 she said, well, you don't have to go to the bathroom. It's the baby. And I 00:10:03.440 --> 00:10:06.875 said, no, I have to go to the bathroom. So I go, I get out, I go, I get 00:10:06.908 --> 00:10:10.726 ready to go to the bathroom and she's like, the baby is going to come out 00:10:10.759 --> 00:10:15.755 in the toilet. And I'm like, well, you know, and then she says, go back 00:10:15.788 --> 00:10:19.606 into the tub or go to the bed. I said I'm gonna have him right here and I 00:10:19.639 --> 00:10:25.297 got off the toilet and I got on my fours and I pushed that towel out and 00:10:25.330 --> 00:10:29.217 she's like, ok, I have his head and I'm like, well then get him out and 00:10:29.250 --> 00:10:33.895 she's like, no, I need his shoulders. So I go and I push some more and she 00:10:33.928 --> 00:10:38.297 gave them to me and I walked over to the bed with him connected and 00:10:38.330 --> 00:10:42.885 everything and, and it was amazing. And so the birthing set only keeps you 00:10:42.918 --> 00:10:47.375 so many hours. And then, um, I was ready to go home in three. I was like, 00:10:47.408 --> 00:10:50.446 can I go home now? And I'm like, I'm bored, I want to leave now and she's 00:10:50.479 --> 00:10:54.206 like, well, everything is ok and you can go home and me and my mom went 00:10:54.239 --> 00:10:58.476 food shopping, like I said afterwards and then I went home and laid with 00:10:58.509 --> 00:11:05.076 my baby and it's been amazing with Elohim. Can you revisit that idea of 00:11:05.109 --> 00:11:09.576 what prepared you to give birth naturally? You know, mentally. Yeah. You 00:11:09.609 --> 00:11:15.275 know, before I, they met Elohim's dad, I, I was an avid reader of just the 00:11:15.308 --> 00:11:22.625 natural holistic way of living. And I felt that it was very important to 00:11:22.658 --> 00:11:28.736 be genuinely connected to your child when you, when you have one, be it 00:11:28.769 --> 00:11:33.807 during pregnancy and, and what have you. So I was very much about my diet 00:11:33.840 --> 00:11:39.946 when, um before I had the baby, um my pregnancy was, you know, just simply 00:11:39.979 --> 00:11:44.157 , I, I say amazing because I, you know, when he was little, I used to call 00:11:44.190 --> 00:11:48.956 him heaven because he was just an easy baby. And I think a lot of that has 00:11:48.989 --> 00:11:53.976 to do with how you live, you know, and before and after, um you have your 00:11:54.009 --> 00:11:59.047 child. So it was um important for me to have the child natural. Sure, 00:11:59.080 --> 00:12:02.316 family and friends had an issue with it because they thought that I should 00:12:02.349 --> 00:12:06.525 be in a hospital just in case something happened. And, but there was 00:12:06.558 --> 00:12:11.005 nothing in me that doubted that type of uh delivery was going to be a 00:12:11.038 --> 00:12:15.015 problem. I had great midwives and nurses that worked with me through my 00:12:15.048 --> 00:12:19.566 pregnancy. And when it was time they were there, um, there was always a 00:12:19.599 --> 00:12:24.336 nurse on the standby. Should something go wrong. And, you know, he came 00:12:24.369 --> 00:12:28.037 out, he didn't cry, he wasn't even bleeding. That was the amazing part 00:12:28.070 --> 00:12:34.336 about it. And um, yeah, it was important for me to have a natural, uh, a 00:12:34.369 --> 00:12:38.106 natural um, birth. 00:12:38.139 --> 00:12:45.625 Um Can you talk, talk about like the, um, you know, where you were in your 00:12:45.658 --> 00:12:49.807 head, you know, like, how do you, how did you feel, you know, someone will 00:12:49.840 --> 00:12:56.395 talk about this sense that they're, um, really, like, isolated in their 00:12:56.428 --> 00:13:00.787 thoughts as they move through the process of the pain? You know, like, how 00:13:00.820 --> 00:13:05.246 did you feel like you were in the moment, you know, surrounded by, you 00:13:05.279 --> 00:13:08.537 know, your people and stuff or were you just, like, totally in your head? 00:13:08.570 --> 00:13:16.570 Let me tell you when I got into the tub and I wanted to push and the nurse 00:13:16.619 --> 00:13:20.797 said, I said, I'm gonna push. The father was in the tub with me. My mom 00:13:20.830 --> 00:13:25.505 was there and I, and I said, I'm gonna push and she said, you push 00:13:25.538 --> 00:13:31.616 whenever you're ready. At that moment, I knew that it was just me and the 00:13:31.649 --> 00:13:36.456 baby. There was no granted the father, the nurse, everybody else was there. 00:13:36.489 --> 00:13:43.226 But in that moment I knew that I was by myself and it was me. I, so I, so 00:13:43.259 --> 00:13:47.106 I had to tune in to the baby because I remember when I was getting ready 00:13:47.139 --> 00:13:50.226 to push, I said, I'm gonna have him right here. So I get out, I'm, I'm on 00:13:50.259 --> 00:13:54.885 my fours and I go to push. I remember going, getting ready to lay down on 00:13:54.918 --> 00:13:59.167 my stomach. And the nurse said, no, no, no, no, no, don't, don't lay down. 00:13:59.200 --> 00:14:03.956 And I said to her, let me do this because I felt like he was coming out 00:14:03.989 --> 00:14:09.456 from the fr to the front like he was ripping me so I had to move him. So I 00:14:09.489 --> 00:14:15.547 was moving my body so he can come out a different way. And it was me and 00:14:15.580 --> 00:14:20.255 him from the tub until he came out and, and that's what I had to put in my 00:14:20.288 --> 00:14:25.307 head at that moment in order for me to tune in and be able to channel 00:14:25.340 --> 00:14:31.167 correctly, um, and have him, you know, without having any problems. Yeah. 00:14:31.200 --> 00:14:37.255 Yeah. Thank you. Um, let's see. And then maybe talk about the nursing 00:14:37.288 --> 00:14:42.366 process like after. Yeah. Um, so granted this was my first child. I had 00:14:42.399 --> 00:14:47.515 never nursed before. So nursing for me was, I knew it came with the 00:14:47.548 --> 00:14:50.547 territory. I knew that was something that we had to try and something we 00:14:50.580 --> 00:14:54.736 had to do. Elohim actually latched on pretty well. I didn't have any 00:14:54.769 --> 00:14:58.635 discomfort. There wasn't any bleeding or anything. They actually show you 00:14:58.668 --> 00:15:04.537 in the hospital how to do it. So, yeah, I was, uh, you know, it's, it's 00:15:04.570 --> 00:15:07.375 kind of interesting how they don't actually get the milk in the very 00:15:07.408 --> 00:15:10.717 beginning. They get some something else. I don't have the technical term 00:15:10.750 --> 00:15:18.395 for it. But um I was, it's always amazing to me that we already have what 00:15:18.428 --> 00:15:25.246 they need. That is simply amazing to me. So, um being that I was able to 00:15:25.279 --> 00:15:29.395 um, breastfeed him was a blessing. 00:15:29.428 --> 00:15:34.927 Yeah. Yeah, that was lovely. Too. Um, ok, so I actually, do you think we 00:15:34.960 --> 00:15:37.576 wanna talk about anything else before we move on to the second? Is there 00:15:37.609 --> 00:15:43.686 anything else that you can think of? 00:15:43.719 --> 00:15:47.836 Oh, could you revisit that? Because I think this is going to come up in 00:15:47.869 --> 00:15:53.135 the twins part too, that moment where he actually came out and you got to 00:15:53.168 --> 00:15:56.557 , um, 00:15:56.590 --> 00:16:04.590 when Elohim finally came out and I was able to, she gave him to me and I 00:16:05.489 --> 00:16:09.496 put him on my chest and then granted, I'm still in the bathroom, I'm 00:16:09.529 --> 00:16:14.787 sitting in front of the toilet with him. Um 00:16:14.820 --> 00:16:19.157 I didn't, I actually blanked out. I didn't see anybody else in the room 00:16:19.190 --> 00:16:25.346 with me at that moment. So it was pretty amazing that I was even able to 00:16:25.379 --> 00:16:32.505 hold him still connected, you know, nothing medically had happened yet. So 00:16:32.538 --> 00:16:38.375 I got to hold my baby man and I have that picture actually of me holding 00:16:38.408 --> 00:16:44.885 him. So I don't know. I mean I got to hold my guy, you know, who, who's, 00:16:44.918 --> 00:16:49.106 who's who I've been carrying for so long and believe it or not, I talked 00:16:49.139 --> 00:16:53.076 to him so much during pregnancy that when he did come out the way he did, 00:16:53.109 --> 00:16:59.057 he was quiet, there was no bleeding, he didn't cry. It was, I felt like he 00:16:59.090 --> 00:17:04.446 had taken everything in that I gave him. So he kind of came out grown, you 00:17:04.479 --> 00:17:09.456 know, he came out already ready, you know, to, to to just take on the 00:17:09.489 --> 00:17:12.867 world. That's how I felt, you know, 00:17:12.900 --> 00:17:20.377 that was awesome. Ok, so now we can transition to the twins and talk, go 00:17:20.410 --> 00:17:24.285 back, talk about the conception was that planned? Actually, I don't think 00:17:24.318 --> 00:17:28.936 you mentioned that with the first one was about pepper. Oh yeah, not that 00:17:28.969 --> 00:17:32.656 specifically, but talk about preparing mentally. 00:17:32.689 --> 00:17:35.176 But yeah, so maybe we talk about the second birth. Were you planning on 00:17:35.209 --> 00:17:38.647 having a second child? You know, and then the surprise of course, of 00:17:38.680 --> 00:17:44.117 finding out that they're twins and all the emotions like that. Ok, so 00:17:44.150 --> 00:17:49.776 after my first child, now granted all my Children are eight years apart, 00:17:49.809 --> 00:17:52.857 uh which to my mother was like, I can't believe you're having another 00:17:52.890 --> 00:17:59.815 child, but God works in his own way. Um My, all my Children have different 00:17:59.848 --> 00:18:04.266 dads, my oldest son has his father and then the twins. Um when I met his 00:18:04.299 --> 00:18:08.526 dad, uh he was actually hosting an open mic, we're all artists. All the 00:18:08.559 --> 00:18:13.516 fathers are artists in, in their own unique ways. And then um when I met 00:18:13.549 --> 00:18:16.656 him, he was hosting an open mic. I was very forward, you know, I thought 00:18:16.689 --> 00:18:21.795 he was handsome and everything, whatever. Unfortunately, um within a month 00:18:21.828 --> 00:18:28.936 after meeting, um I was pregnant with the twins and it was not planned, 00:18:28.969 --> 00:18:33.545 although we weren't trying not to have any having more Children was not 00:18:33.578 --> 00:18:40.766 planned. And um finding out about the twins was pretty funny. Um when I 00:18:40.799 --> 00:18:44.637 went, first of all, it was a doctor's appointment, right? So I get up in 00:18:44.670 --> 00:18:47.486 the morning, I'm getting ready to go. My mother's getting ready to go to 00:18:47.519 --> 00:18:50.516 work. I was living with her at the time and she said to me, 00:18:50.549 --> 00:18:55.967 congratulations on your twins. And I said what I said, you're crazy. Get 00:18:56.000 --> 00:19:01.016 out of here, whatever. You know, she didn't know she had no idea. So I go 00:19:01.049 --> 00:19:07.936 , I'm laying on the bed, the father is with me and 00:19:07.969 --> 00:19:13.887 the we're looking at the monitor the whole time and the lady says, oh, 00:19:13.920 --> 00:19:18.656 you're having twins. And I said what? And she said, you see those two dots 00:19:18.689 --> 00:19:22.706 , you've been looking at those are heartbeats. And I said, no, no, no. Mm 00:19:22.739 --> 00:19:27.276 mm no. So I called her a liar. I said you're lying. I said you're looking 00:19:27.309 --> 00:19:31.127 at the monitor from the lady before me. I said this is not my monitor. 00:19:31.160 --> 00:19:34.486 This is not. No, I said you're lying. I called her a liar at least 20 00:19:34.519 --> 00:19:37.766 times. And she was like, no, ma'am. No, ma'am. I wouldn't lie to you. I 00:19:37.799 --> 00:19:41.156 wouldn't lie to you. The father, you didn't hear anything from him anymore. 00:19:41.189 --> 00:19:47.656 His mom was on the floor. I, he couldn't believe it. And um II I was in 00:19:47.689 --> 00:19:55.156 shock and for the longest time, I felt like I brought Children into this 00:19:55.189 --> 00:19:59.156 world for somebody who couldn't because I couldn't understand where these 00:19:59.189 --> 00:20:04.926 twins came from. How was I built to have chil twins, you know, and then 00:20:04.959 --> 00:20:09.127 twins don't run in our families either one of us. So when we found out we 00:20:09.160 --> 00:20:13.276 had twins for a while, I was like, how come, you know? And then when we 00:20:13.309 --> 00:20:16.506 found out they were boys, I was a little bit disappointed because I wanted 00:20:16.539 --> 00:20:21.266 my girl to be in there somewhere. And, um, after going back and forth with 00:20:21.299 --> 00:20:26.565 the dad about giving me boys because I thought it was his fault. Um, I was 00:20:26.598 --> 00:20:30.347 asking the doctor like, how did I get twins? I mean, we, he doesn't have 00:20:30.380 --> 00:20:33.785 twins on his family. I don't have any of mine. And he says, oh, no, you 00:20:33.818 --> 00:20:38.776 dropped two eggs at one time. And I said, oh, it's me. Oh wow, fertile 00:20:38.809 --> 00:20:44.276 Myrtle over here, right? So, um, it was not a planned pregnancy, it was 00:20:44.309 --> 00:20:48.387 not a planned pregnancy because we, like I said, we were not, we, we did 00:20:48.420 --> 00:20:53.186 not plan that and we weren't together that long. Um, I did end up having 00:20:53.219 --> 00:20:58.795 the Children, um, in a hospital because one was head first and one was 00:20:58.828 --> 00:21:03.397 feet first. And so as much as we tried to talk to the Children about 00:21:03.430 --> 00:21:06.805 turning over, like we would talk to them, you know, Musa turn around, turn 00:21:06.838 --> 00:21:12.176 around. Even the, the doctor had told me we can try to push the first one 00:21:12.209 --> 00:21:18.117 through and then turn the other one so he can come out after him. But he 00:21:18.150 --> 00:21:21.637 was afraid at the last minute that my cervix was gonna close and then they 00:21:21.670 --> 00:21:27.535 would have to do an emergency C section anyway. So I cried because I 00:21:27.568 --> 00:21:31.236 didn't want ac section. I really wanted to have my Children natural 00:21:31.269 --> 00:21:35.055 because I know what the connection and bond is like when they're given to 00:21:35.088 --> 00:21:40.035 you, um, after you have them, but I didn't have a choice and I had to have 00:21:40.068 --> 00:21:43.867 the C section. So when they took me into the hos to the room to have them 00:21:43.900 --> 00:21:48.756 , I couldn't see anything that's going on. It's just me, I can hear 00:21:48.789 --> 00:21:53.555 everything I'm awake. All I felt was a whole lot of pressure and then 00:21:53.588 --> 00:21:56.916 probably about 5, 10 minutes later the babies were out, they were a minute 00:21:56.949 --> 00:22:01.746 apart and um the father was there and so they brought the babies over to 00:22:01.779 --> 00:22:06.526 me to see them, but I couldn't touch them. So that was really hard for me. 00:22:06.559 --> 00:22:11.467 And um, and I think because of it, there was some sort of disconnect 00:22:11.500 --> 00:22:15.982 between me and the Children for a little while. It wasn't anything long. 00:22:16.015 --> 00:22:21.670 It was just, I was really anticipating having them natural. So since I 00:22:21.703 --> 00:22:26.222 couldn't have them that way, I really didn't know how to be in this, you 00:22:26.255 --> 00:22:30.772 know, in this different um mind. It was, it was a mindset, you know. So 00:22:30.805 --> 00:22:36.176 after a while, you know, I breastfed the Children and um they have 00:22:36.209 --> 00:22:38.736 different, they're very, very different. They're fraternal twin, uh, 00:22:38.769 --> 00:22:44.156 fraternal twins and they are polar. They're just opposite. Totally 00:22:44.189 --> 00:22:48.795 opposite. But I had to breastfeed both of them at the same time. The, uh, 00:22:48.828 --> 00:22:52.426 the, the raising of them when they were babies was, one was always up and 00:22:52.459 --> 00:22:55.831 one was always down. So they were never down at the same time. It was, it 00:22:55.864 --> 00:22:59.772 was, I, I had a lot of support though, from family and friends and the 00:22:59.805 --> 00:23:03.972 father would come and help me with them as well. Uh One of them was uh six 00:23:04.005 --> 00:23:11.686 , let me get it right. 62, I think. And the other one was 49 uh in weight 00:23:11.719 --> 00:23:15.575 and very heavy. They were very heavy, very active. One of them, actually, 00:23:15.608 --> 00:23:18.426 the one that's active now is the one that was active in my belly. We used 00:23:18.459 --> 00:23:22.176 to call him happy feet because he was just all over the place. And then 00:23:22.209 --> 00:23:25.647 the one that's kinda laid back is still laid back and he would always just 00:23:25.680 --> 00:23:29.166 chill to the left. It was, they're interesting. Their personalities 00:23:29.199 --> 00:23:35.075 definitely came through in, in, in pregnancy. Um, so can you, so we've 00:23:35.108 --> 00:23:39.486 interviewed a couple of C sections before and they, you know, when walking 00:23:39.519 --> 00:23:42.877 us through the process of the C section, they talked about, you know, 00:23:42.910 --> 00:23:46.637 getting wheeled into this cold room and then being strapped down like a 00:23:46.670 --> 00:23:52.805 crucifixion a and a curtain. Did you experience? I did not. Um I felt like 00:23:52.838 --> 00:23:57.026 even though it was ac section was a surgery. I didn't have any restraint. 00:23:57.059 --> 00:24:00.181 There was no real restrain. The only thing that was restraining me was 00:24:00.214 --> 00:24:04.601 the medicine. The, the, the shot they give you, it numbs you so you can't 00:24:04.634 --> 00:24:09.152 move anywhere. But I wasn't strapped down or anything. Um, they would 00:24:09.185 --> 00:24:13.382 always ask me if I can feel it. If I can feel it. It's a problem, you know 00:24:13.415 --> 00:24:19.461 , but I, no, not at all. Um, and again, it happened so fast and I didn't 00:24:19.494 --> 00:24:26.018 feel the coldness. I didn't feel uncomfortable. Um, it was, it was a 00:24:26.051 --> 00:24:29.899 comfortable experience even though it wasn't something that I really 00:24:29.932 --> 00:24:34.168 wanted. And then I was wheeled back into my room with no problems. I was 00:24:34.201 --> 00:24:40.747 comforted, cared for by the nurses and doctors and got to see my babies a 00:24:40.780 --> 00:24:44.247 little while after that. It sounds like you had a really good C section. 00:24:44.280 --> 00:24:48.088 Sometimes people talk about shaking or shivering or having a reaction to 00:24:48.121 --> 00:24:52.815 the medication. Did you have any? I did not, I just know that the reaction 00:24:52.848 --> 00:24:59.226 to the medication was more oozy. You know, I don't even remember some of 00:24:59.259 --> 00:25:02.496 the people that came to visit because I was so out of it, you know. But 00:25:02.529 --> 00:25:07.805 other than that I didn't. No, not at all. None of the weird effects or 00:25:07.838 --> 00:25:11.526 anything like that. Yeah. Some women also talks about when they, because 00:25:11.559 --> 00:25:14.811 they were giving the baby the nurse, but they were still kind of out it 00:25:14.844 --> 00:25:19.012 because of the drugs and they found it almost hard to hold their baby. 00:25:19.045 --> 00:25:22.121 Their arms were still kind of like lucy goosey. Did you have any of that? 00:25:22.154 --> 00:25:26.982 Or was nursing? Nursing was not a problem. They actually helped me nurse 00:25:27.015 --> 00:25:30.311 right away. Well, as soon as the babies were cleaned and they were able to 00:25:30.344 --> 00:25:36.906 come into the room. Musa, my youngest one by a minute, uh, he was the 49 00:25:36.939 --> 00:25:42.016 and he, they were worried that he was not gaining weight fast enough. So 00:25:42.049 --> 00:25:46.936 he, they were telling me and this is how I know how babies are just beyond 00:25:46.969 --> 00:25:50.756 intelligent. He was there when they said to me, we're going to have to 00:25:50.789 --> 00:25:55.387 keep him because he was underweight and he wasn't able to go home yet. And 00:25:55.420 --> 00:25:57.986 I was like, well, I'm gonna be in the hallway because I'm not going home 00:25:58.019 --> 00:26:03.717 without my baby, period, you know, believe it or not. As soon as she said 00:26:03.750 --> 00:26:08.075 that he started eating, he started eating. So I was in the hospital for a 00:26:08.108 --> 00:26:13.266 few days and he was at weight, he was at £5 and he was ready to go home. 00:26:13.299 --> 00:26:16.196 And I, you know, and I kind of looked at him like you knew exactly what 00:26:16.229 --> 00:26:18.467 they were saying. Right. Because I'm sure he was like, you're not leaving 00:26:18.500 --> 00:26:24.887 me here. I'm not, I'm not staying in this hospital, I'm going home. Um, 00:26:24.920 --> 00:26:30.166 but yeah, no, I didn't have any awkward experience when it came to uh 00:26:30.199 --> 00:26:35.246 breastfeeding or holding them and they did make sure that I was ok before 00:26:35.279 --> 00:26:39.196 that even happened. Yeah. So Musa was actually breast fed a little bit 00:26:39.229 --> 00:26:43.117 with the bottle when he was away from me. And that was another thing that 00:26:43.150 --> 00:26:47.075 made me uncomfortable because I wanted him with me, you know, and they 00:26:47.108 --> 00:26:50.486 were like, well, you need your rest and we'll have him in the nursery, But 00:26:50.519 --> 00:26:55.196 I want him here. I want both of them where I can see them and the father 00:26:55.229 --> 00:26:58.496 is here and he can help me. So it was a little back and forth for a little 00:26:58.529 --> 00:27:00.746 while and then after a while they would leave the babies in the room with 00:27:00.779 --> 00:27:04.857 me. But I, I'm just like, no, these are, they're mine and I want, you know 00:27:04.890 --> 00:27:08.916 , to have them with me. So, so was the father and you were you a couple at 00:27:08.949 --> 00:27:14.706 the time of the birth? OK. So this goes to show you how, how powerful our 00:27:14.739 --> 00:27:18.986 intuitions are a month after I found out I was pregnant, something was 00:27:19.019 --> 00:27:23.555 telling me not to be with him anymore. And I couldn't pinpoint why he 00:27:23.588 --> 00:27:27.127 hadn't done anything wrong that I could see. But something was telling me 00:27:27.160 --> 00:27:32.446 that it, it just wasn't right. So I told him that I was not feeling this 00:27:32.479 --> 00:27:35.656 relationship no more because at the time we were a couple in the beginning. 00:27:35.689 --> 00:27:41.377 Um But so I pulled away from him for nine months. I said I just don't 00:27:41.410 --> 00:27:44.795 want you around me right now. Something is just not sitting right with me 00:27:44.828 --> 00:27:47.825 and my mother would tell me, oh, it's just the pregnancy, it's just the 00:27:47.858 --> 00:27:51.946 pregnancy you'll get over it. It's just a, ok. So I, I had the Children 00:27:51.979 --> 00:27:57.597 and then a month later we got back together five months later. Um, we 00:27:57.630 --> 00:28:01.117 broke up. So we were, we, we broke up when the twins were five months old 00:28:01.150 --> 00:28:04.696 and they're going to be nine in a few days and we haven't been together 00:28:04.729 --> 00:28:09.186 since, but he has always maintained his relationship with his Children. 00:28:09.219 --> 00:28:13.315 And, um, I appreciate that and he genuinely like, is there like the 00:28:13.348 --> 00:28:17.127 Children have a need for anything. So, no, we weren't, we weren't a couple 00:28:17.160 --> 00:28:20.795 very long if we, if we count months, I would say six months out of the 00:28:20.828 --> 00:28:24.585 entire pregnancy and when they were about five months until they were 00:28:24.618 --> 00:28:29.795 about five months old. Yeah, I love that thought that you're having 00:28:29.828 --> 00:28:33.996 Children that were meant to be born but by people who weren't able to have 00:28:34.029 --> 00:28:38.285 Children or something, that's a really beautiful thought. Yeah, I really 00:28:38.318 --> 00:28:42.506 felt like that. I really felt like even now after having freedom, I'll be 00:28:42.539 --> 00:28:47.456 40 in a couple of months. And I have actually started the process of 00:28:47.489 --> 00:28:52.585 becoming a surrogate mom because, um, being that I am still able to have 00:28:52.618 --> 00:28:55.686 Children, I don't want any more of my own, but I would love to bring a 00:28:55.719 --> 00:29:01.486 child here for another woman, you know. Yeah, definitely. That's beautiful. 00:29:01.519 --> 00:29:07.607 And it sort of goes along with the idea that the men aren't primary, you 00:29:07.640 --> 00:29:11.295 know what I mean? They're like, like he was able just to be there to the 00:29:11.328 --> 00:29:15.545 father of the child and then he didn't have to be in the picture as a 00:29:15.578 --> 00:29:23.578 husband, as a husband, as a father. 00:29:26.130 --> 00:29:29.726 I should have been watching that. 00:29:29.759 --> 00:29:36.835 And then he looked at me, he was like, ok. Ok. Ok. Poppy. Ok. Ok. Ok. Ok. 00:29:36.868 --> 00:29:40.526 You know how many times you bumped in when we had this house? Because I 00:29:40.559 --> 00:29:45.597 felt like everything was a death kind of like the hard story. 00:29:45.630 --> 00:29:49.186 Yeah. So happy. 00:29:49.219 --> 00:29:56.377 Is it ok to be ok? Ok. Ok. Ok. Comfort. That's exactly what it is. And 00:29:56.410 --> 00:30:01.815 then after that, he, he's playing, he's so smart. Like I showed him that 00:30:01.848 --> 00:30:06.325 he could put this thing in that holder and then he kept putting it in and 00:30:06.358 --> 00:30:13.706 putting it out and it was like he just grab this con so fast. 00:30:13.739 --> 00:30:20.666 Yeah. Ok. So can you talk? Oh, sure. Yes. So then let's see, you were at 00:30:20.699 --> 00:30:27.535 home with the twins. Life's going well and then six years later. Ok. So 00:30:27.568 --> 00:30:31.117 here's what's funny. I was still living with my mother when I had the 00:30:31.150 --> 00:30:34.877 twins and I wasn't working, the father wasn't living at the house with us. 00:30:34.910 --> 00:30:38.986 Of course, he had his own apartment but I've always worked. So one day 00:30:39.019 --> 00:30:42.436 I'm sitting at the computer and I'm like, ok, I have no pocket money. I'm 00:30:42.469 --> 00:30:46.006 not bringing in any money. Ok. How can I make money from? Right where I am 00:30:46.039 --> 00:30:52.696 ? Oh, I do hair. So I use the internet to promote myself. And so I built 00:30:52.729 --> 00:30:57.335 my business from there. So I, I, and I say that because I was home with 00:30:57.368 --> 00:31:00.597 the twins, but I still felt like I, there was something else I needed to 00:31:00.630 --> 00:31:04.256 do. I needed to continue to build and, and then that's what I did, you 00:31:04.289 --> 00:31:07.897 know, with the twins while I had them. So it was, it was an interesting 00:31:07.930 --> 00:31:15.930 journey. Big time. Yeah. So how did you meet the next? OK, so freedom's 00:31:17.709 --> 00:31:23.496 father, I've known for 14 years. I met him 14 years ago and we were both, 00:31:23.529 --> 00:31:31.236 we're both musicians, poets and um I met him in the music industry. Um He 00:31:31.269 --> 00:31:39.156 was with a group and the group called on me to um perform a piece on one 00:31:39.189 --> 00:31:43.467 of their tracks and I met him during that time. So that was, I would say 00:31:43.500 --> 00:31:49.426 1314 years ago. And then we lost contact. And since then he's been married 00:31:49.459 --> 00:31:53.676 , he had a, he, he had ac a new child. He, when I met him, he had a 00:31:53.709 --> 00:31:59.686 daughter. Um and then he, he had married, been divorced. I married my 00:31:59.719 --> 00:32:03.825 first son's father, I was married to him for seven years and then I met 00:32:03.858 --> 00:32:11.256 the twin's dad and then I took a break, a good eight year break. And, um, 00:32:11.289 --> 00:32:15.637 and, uh, I didn't date a whole lot, you know, I was like, oh, I'm just, 00:32:15.670 --> 00:32:22.857 I'm done, I'm tired, you know. Um, freedom's father got in contact with me. 00:32:22.890 --> 00:32:29.335 Um, 2014, early, 2014. And he would call every now and then, and he would 00:32:29.368 --> 00:32:33.676 tell me I want us to date and I said, what are you talking about? You know 00:32:33.709 --> 00:32:37.887 , we're friends and who does that? You know what friends date? You know? 00:32:37.920 --> 00:32:42.016 And he said, no, I, I wanna court you and I said, really like you wanna 00:32:42.049 --> 00:32:46.166 open doors and pull out my chair and what are you talking about? You know 00:32:46.199 --> 00:32:50.137 , and he's like, yeah, and I was single at the time. So I said, you know 00:32:50.170 --> 00:32:55.335 what? All right, I'll let you do that. I'll let you do that. So we, we did 00:32:55.368 --> 00:33:03.026 and we made it official July 2014 to be a couple September. We're at a 00:33:03.059 --> 00:33:06.486 friend's house and I had to go to the restroom a lot. But I thought it was 00:33:06.519 --> 00:33:09.877 because I had a drink because I did, I had a drink. I said, well, I have 00:33:09.910 --> 00:33:13.416 to go to the bathroom again, you know. Well, I had a feeling I was 00:33:13.449 --> 00:33:17.617 pregnant. I had a, a pregnancy test in my purse, but I didn't want to tell 00:33:17.650 --> 00:33:24.065 him because I wanted to surprise him when I found out. So I did not. Uh, 00:33:24.098 --> 00:33:27.906 oh, and, and this pregnancy wasn't planned. I didn't know if I really 00:33:27.939 --> 00:33:32.166 wanted another child. He and I had never really talked about it. We talked 00:33:32.199 --> 00:33:38.006 more about being married than having Children. So when the next day, the 00:33:38.039 --> 00:33:41.055 next morning I said, you know what? I can't, I, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go 00:33:41.088 --> 00:33:46.785 ahead and take the test before I could even put the test on the table. It 00:33:46.818 --> 00:33:52.996 was positive my mom was not a happy person. When I went into the room, she 00:33:53.029 --> 00:33:59.526 was asleep. And I said, mom, it's positive and she was like, no, you know 00:33:59.559 --> 00:34:04.617 , and it just went from there and then, you know, we kind of got over it. 00:34:04.650 --> 00:34:08.497 I stayed with my mom until I was about seven months pregnant, living with 00:34:08.530 --> 00:34:13.086 her and she, she kinda got adjusted as time went on because it was 00:34:13.119 --> 00:34:17.896 becoming real. Now the baby's coming. Um When they told me that freedom 00:34:17.929 --> 00:34:24.845 was a boy. I was sad. I'm gonna say sad because I wasn't disappointed. I 00:34:24.878 --> 00:34:29.896 was sad. And when I laid down in the, in the doctor's office before she 00:34:29.929 --> 00:34:34.046 could tell me, I don't think she let five minutes go by before she said, 00:34:34.079 --> 00:34:38.164 oh, this is a boy. I, I kinda wanted her to give me a minute, you know, 00:34:38.197 --> 00:34:42.046 because this was when I was gonna find out if this was finally my girl. 00:34:42.079 --> 00:34:45.765 And she said, oh, this is not a girl, this is a boy and she showed it. I 00:34:45.798 --> 00:34:49.805 said, are you sure it's not just a big toe? Like, are you sure this is a 00:34:49.838 --> 00:34:56.104 boy? So she um, she uh, yeah, it was a boy. And that morning the father 00:34:56.137 --> 00:35:01.526 and I went to um breakfast and he said, are you ok? I said, yeah, and he 00:35:01.559 --> 00:35:04.785 goes, you know, we can still name him freedom because I already had her 00:35:04.818 --> 00:35:09.836 name. And I said, and I kind of snapped out of it and I was like, yeah, 00:35:09.869 --> 00:35:15.307 you're right. Ok. I'm good. It's freedom. It's a boy, let him come. It's, 00:35:15.340 --> 00:35:20.506 you know, it's, it's time. The thing about um freedom's pregnancy though 00:35:20.539 --> 00:35:26.477 was my oldest son. Now understand that there's now a 16 year difference in 00:35:26.510 --> 00:35:33.686 age with freedom. And Elohim and I worried about Elohim a lot because it's 00:35:33.719 --> 00:35:37.896 always been me and el always been me and him, even with the twins, he's 00:35:37.929 --> 00:35:42.247 such a great big brother to his brothers. But when it came to freedom and 00:35:42.280 --> 00:35:46.175 now there's a new man in my life and now me and this man are going to live 00:35:46.208 --> 00:35:49.296 together and now all my Children are gonna be in this house with me, 00:35:49.329 --> 00:35:54.967 including Elohim and I was very concerned about how Elohim was gonna feel. 00:35:55.000 --> 00:35:58.615 So when I wasn't sure that I was pregnant, I brought it up to Elohim one 00:35:58.648 --> 00:36:02.615 day I was picking him up from the gym and I said, oh, um, I think I'm 00:36:02.648 --> 00:36:08.057 pregnant and he put his head down and he shook his head and I said, I 00:36:08.090 --> 00:36:11.526 don't know what that means. I need you to use your words. Like, what, what 00:36:11.559 --> 00:36:14.497 do you, what do you, what's the matter? He said, ma, I just think it's 00:36:14.530 --> 00:36:19.217 gonna be a lot. I just think it's gonna be a lot and I thought to myself, 00:36:19.250 --> 00:36:27.250 my son takes on everything that told me that he takes it on. Um So from 00:36:28.929 --> 00:36:33.077 that point on, I, I know when to step back and kind of just let my son 00:36:33.110 --> 00:36:37.037 experience the moment. So all through my pregnancy, I would try to bring 00:36:37.070 --> 00:36:41.865 him in a little bit. Oh, you want to feel my belly or how you gonna feel 00:36:41.898 --> 00:36:48.557 about it? He never said anything at all about the pregnancy. April 18th 00:36:48.590 --> 00:36:55.365 2014, Sule my now fiance asked me to marry him at a family event at my 00:36:55.398 --> 00:36:59.905 mother's house. And I didn't know until after that he had asked my son for 00:36:59.938 --> 00:37:07.938 his blessing. Oh, sorry. I, I getting most of the and um 00:37:10.119 --> 00:37:16.945 that meant a lot to me because when I pictured us um being engaged, I 00:37:16.978 --> 00:37:21.787 pictured all my Children there and I pictured my son there and it all 00:37:21.820 --> 00:37:29.017 happened the way I wanted it. And after it had happened, I went inside and 00:37:29.050 --> 00:37:31.936 I said, Elohim, look, you know, he was watching the game. He was in the 00:37:31.969 --> 00:37:35.796 living room and I showed him my ring and he goes, I know he told me and I 00:37:35.829 --> 00:37:39.436 said, no, he goes, I know he showed it to me. I said, really? And I didn't 00:37:39.469 --> 00:37:43.796 know it again until after the next day that he had asked him and I was 00:37:43.829 --> 00:37:51.276 very, um, I was very happy that Sule took that time to do that because it 00:37:51.309 --> 00:37:56.365 , it, it meant a lot to me. Um I definitely want all the men in my family 00:37:56.398 --> 00:38:02.336 to respect each other. And um so with that being said, um we go and we 00:38:02.369 --> 00:38:08.175 have the baby. Uh he came the day after his baby shower and June 15th, he 00:38:08.208 --> 00:38:13.026 was there. Now I was going through a lot of uh contractions and they were 00:38:13.059 --> 00:38:18.517 coming on real hard and before that, if I may back up just a little bit, 00:38:18.550 --> 00:38:21.885 Elohim was getting ready to go to a friend's house and I'm still pregnant 00:38:21.918 --> 00:38:25.276 now at this time and, and he said, ma come in the room with me while I get 00:38:25.309 --> 00:38:28.586 , you know, my bag ready. I said, really, you wanna, you want me to come 00:38:28.619 --> 00:38:31.595 in the room with you? Like, you know, kids don't want you around anymore. 00:38:31.628 --> 00:38:35.436 So I go in the room with him and I'm sitting there watching him get ready 00:38:35.469 --> 00:38:43.155 and he says, um I said, uh so um how do you feel about the baby coming? He 00:38:43.188 --> 00:38:47.356 goes, OK, you can leave now. And I was like, no, I was like Elohim, I'm 00:38:47.389 --> 00:38:51.307 just asking, I just wanna know where your head is at. And he said, ma to 00:38:51.340 --> 00:38:56.456 be honest, I don't know right now and I said, all right, not a problem. So 00:38:56.489 --> 00:39:01.477 I left him alone. Now. Understand throughout this entire nine months, I 00:39:01.510 --> 00:39:05.896 have been trying to figure out how to include my son. So he did not feel 00:39:05.929 --> 00:39:11.537 left out so he could still feel included because again, that's 16 years of 00:39:11.570 --> 00:39:19.570 an age gap. So when I had my twins, Elohim was at school, when he came 00:39:19.708 --> 00:39:23.675 after school, he immediately embraced his brothers, mom. These are my 00:39:23.708 --> 00:39:27.356 brothers, I love them and he held them and everything. So that really 00:39:27.389 --> 00:39:30.796 wasn't a whole lot of work for me. Plus he was seven. So he was still 00:39:30.829 --> 00:39:35.506 young, you know. Um but this time it was different. Elohim is getting 00:39:35.539 --> 00:39:40.827 older, he's getting ready to leave the nest and I wanted him to still feel 00:39:40.860 --> 00:39:46.896 loved. Um and, and, and that, and, and like family, I mean, he's my son 00:39:46.929 --> 00:39:49.807 but sometimes Children don't feel like family because of whatever 00:39:49.840 --> 00:39:54.717 circumstances or whatever. Ok. So I'm going through my contractions, it's 00:39:54.750 --> 00:39:59.436 me. Elohim and Sule at home. It's I don't know how, how four o'clock in 00:39:59.469 --> 00:40:03.376 the morning maybe and my contractions are not stopping. Sule said I'm 00:40:03.409 --> 00:40:06.756 gonna let Elohim take you to the hospital because if they send you back 00:40:06.789 --> 00:40:11.276 home, I don't wanna miss work. So Sule went to work. Elohim took me to the 00:40:11.309 --> 00:40:16.706 hospital. He was amazing. He drove me. He was very careful. He helped me 00:40:16.739 --> 00:40:21.566 out the car. Like the little things that my son helped me do made me feel 00:40:21.599 --> 00:40:25.717 like he was ok. Even during my pregnancy when I wasn't feeling good, he 00:40:25.750 --> 00:40:29.166 would cook for the twins. He, when he would cook for himself, he would 00:40:29.199 --> 00:40:34.126 cook for me. So please, I was going through a whole lot of mental stuff 00:40:34.159 --> 00:40:38.086 because I definitely wanted my son to be ok. So we're at the hospital, 00:40:38.119 --> 00:40:42.327 we're laughing, we're talking and he's watching everything happen. They 00:40:42.360 --> 00:40:46.756 registered me into the room. He was there, Sue's mother was there. A 00:40:46.789 --> 00:40:50.066 friend of mine was Wanda was there and we're getting ready to have this 00:40:50.099 --> 00:40:54.986 baby. The nurse says to me you didn't dilate enough. So we're gonna send 00:40:55.019 --> 00:41:01.095 you home at this point. The pain was unbearable. And I said, no, you're 00:41:01.128 --> 00:41:06.506 gonna take him out and I'm not going home because at that point, I was 00:41:06.539 --> 00:41:09.807 ready for ac section. I I said, you know what, I'm not going through this 00:41:09.840 --> 00:41:13.655 pain no more. You're gonna take him out. Well, the c section doctor came 00:41:13.688 --> 00:41:17.506 in, he said, he explained it all to me even though I had had ac section 00:41:17.539 --> 00:41:21.997 before. And he said, are you sure you wanna do this? And I started crying 00:41:22.030 --> 00:41:27.577 ? I said, no, I said I don't because you're not gonna give me my baby when 00:41:27.610 --> 00:41:31.037 it's, when I, when the baby comes out and he goes, no, it's a sterile 00:41:31.070 --> 00:41:35.706 environment. I can't give the baby to you. So he said, do you mind if I 00:41:35.739 --> 00:41:39.526 check you one more time? Well, he, it was his first time and I said, yes, 00:41:39.559 --> 00:41:43.217 he checked me, I dilated three centimeters and he was ready to break my 00:41:43.250 --> 00:41:48.885 water. So I was able to have the baby um natural when the baby was getting 00:41:48.918 --> 00:41:52.787 ready to come. The nurse asked me, the midwife asked me, who do you want 00:41:52.820 --> 00:41:57.706 to stay in the room? I said, I want sue to be here and I want my son in 00:41:57.739 --> 00:42:01.865 the room. The mother is more than welcome to stay. And my friend Wanda. So 00:42:01.898 --> 00:42:06.586 those were the people in the room, Elohim was in direct vision of the 00:42:06.619 --> 00:42:10.467 mirror because they put a mirror in front of you to see the baby come out. 00:42:10.500 --> 00:42:15.186 And it was very important for me to be here. And it came to me that if I 00:42:15.219 --> 00:42:19.066 could have my son in that room when I had him, that there would be an 00:42:19.099 --> 00:42:24.425 immediate connection to the baby because he was there right when he was 00:42:24.458 --> 00:42:29.066 born. And when the baby started coming out, his head was crowning and the 00:42:29.099 --> 00:42:32.615 nurse allowed me to touch the head. And you know, and now I'm turning to 00:42:32.648 --> 00:42:36.256 the side because she was like, have him, have you feel comfortable. I go 00:42:36.289 --> 00:42:40.106 to push the baby out. I grabbed the baby from out of me. I put him to my 00:42:40.139 --> 00:42:45.166 chest and I said, Elohim, look, this is so amazing. Elohim come here. He 00:42:45.199 --> 00:42:48.736 came over, he looked a little bit because he was kind of like, weirded out. 00:42:48.769 --> 00:42:52.686 Like, are you serious? So he's like looked over, he's like, uh huh. And 00:42:52.719 --> 00:42:58.195 then he goes back into his corner but he was there and out of my, all my 00:42:58.228 --> 00:43:03.796 pregnancies, this pregnancy was so important for me because Elohim means 00:43:03.829 --> 00:43:09.046 so much to me because of the fact that he's so much older that again, I 00:43:09.079 --> 00:43:13.675 didn't want him to be disconnected when I, ever since I brought freedom 00:43:13.708 --> 00:43:21.708 home, Elohim has embraced him. He picks him up, he watches him, he feeds 00:43:22.458 --> 00:43:25.646 him, he takes kicks him. 00:43:25.679 --> 00:43:31.106 And, um, I'm very thankful for, 00:43:31.139 --> 00:43:38.807 um, a higher energy to guide me to be able to bring him in the best way I 00:43:38.840 --> 00:43:44.956 knew how. And to this day he could always say he was there. They have the 00:43:44.989 --> 00:43:50.376 greatest connection, him and his brother and believe it or not, when 00:43:50.409 --> 00:43:55.595 people see freedom, they think it's Elohim. They say they look so much 00:43:55.628 --> 00:44:02.936 alike. So, um, the father and I are, are engaged to be married and we all 00:44:02.969 --> 00:44:07.236 live together a house full of men. Uh, Sule has a five year old son, so he 00:44:07.269 --> 00:44:10.967 lives with us as well. The twins live with their father but they see me 00:44:11.000 --> 00:44:14.396 every day, you know, I see them every day before and after school. So we 00:44:14.429 --> 00:44:18.365 all, we're all a family and we all get along for the most part, you know, 00:44:18.398 --> 00:44:24.436 how brothers can be. But it was an absolute am amazing experience and my 00:44:24.469 --> 00:44:32.469 Children have helped make it very comfortable for me. 00:44:32.500 --> 00:44:40.500 Yeah, that was awesome. Oh my God. I didn't mean to get emotional. 00:44:41.168 --> 00:44:47.416 Sorry about that. It's great. Can I ask you a question on the sideline of 00:44:47.449 --> 00:44:54.026 all of this? What role does your, does art play? You know, and like your 00:44:54.059 --> 00:44:58.256 interest in the arts and your family's interest in the arts? Like how does 00:44:58.289 --> 00:45:05.807 that help you kind of um you know, just deal with the complexity. 00:45:05.840 --> 00:45:11.227 It's definitely OK, so I'm a performing uh a spoken word artist so I 00:45:11.260 --> 00:45:17.026 perform uh my spoken word and I have been for the past 15/15 years now in 00:45:17.059 --> 00:45:25.059 the valley. Um Yes, I have a, I have to channel my anxieties, my nerves 00:45:25.659 --> 00:45:32.796 through my art so I can stay sane in a house full of boys. Um I also um I 00:45:32.829 --> 00:45:39.666 am also a photographer so I use that as well as another channel to breathe 00:45:39.699 --> 00:45:43.686 to stay sane, you know, and I include sometimes I include my Children too 00:45:43.719 --> 00:45:48.026 . I videotape them doing news, news castings and, and what have you and 00:45:48.059 --> 00:45:52.666 they're very, very talented. Um Elohim's my basketball player. So I, I 00:45:52.699 --> 00:45:57.026 take pictures at his games. And so, yeah, I use my art to definitely get 00:45:57.059 --> 00:46:03.695 through, um, freedom has a camera in his face all the time. Um My writing 00:46:03.728 --> 00:46:08.706 lately, my writing, writing a book now of my life and it has been a slow 00:46:08.739 --> 00:46:12.956 process because sometimes I don't want to go back to moments. But aside 00:46:12.989 --> 00:46:16.706 from that, I, I've been signed in London as a recording artist and writer 00:46:16.739 --> 00:46:22.037 , songwriter. So a lot of my work lately has been for them, but it still 00:46:22.070 --> 00:46:27.046 allows me to, you know, channel that energy when I need to. But yeah, my 00:46:27.079 --> 00:46:33.456 art definitely saves me. It seems like the way that you think, you know, 00:46:33.489 --> 00:46:37.057 creatively and the way that you um like even the way that you express 00:46:37.090 --> 00:46:43.445 yourself verbally and um you know, think about, 00:46:43.478 --> 00:46:47.506 um you know, make the connections and I think the arts is about, you know 00:46:47.539 --> 00:46:52.146 , making those connections between disparate things. Um and it creates, it 00:46:52.179 --> 00:46:55.186 helps create meaning in our lives, you know, and I think that you really, 00:46:55.219 --> 00:47:00.095 the way you process information and, you know, the family life that you 00:47:00.128 --> 00:47:03.477 have has a lot to like and the reason it's so healthy is because you're 00:47:03.510 --> 00:47:06.501 able to make those connections. 00:47:06.534 --> 00:47:10.131 I've taught my Children uh like meditation and I've taught them how to 00:47:10.164 --> 00:47:13.592 breathe. And, you know, and they've learned that early on because they are 00:47:13.625 --> 00:47:19.142 boys and boys, their first reaction is physical when it comes to dealing 00:47:19.175 --> 00:47:22.952 with things when they're angry. So I teach them how to breathe through it 00:47:22.985 --> 00:47:27.631 so they can think. You know. So, yeah. So, a lot of what we go through is 00:47:27.664 --> 00:47:32.856 that? Yeah. And it's challenging. 00:47:32.889 --> 00:47:40.889 Well, is there anything that you didn't say that you would like to add? 00:47:49.148 --> 00:47:51.767 I have 00:47:51.800 --> 00:47:55.905 great relationships with my children's fathers, even though they're all 00:47:55.938 --> 00:48:02.287 different. I don't have any regret. Um, I don't, you know, some people 00:48:02.320 --> 00:48:05.175 might be shamed by it because they have more than one father for their 00:48:05.208 --> 00:48:09.977 Children. But my Children never need for nothing. And I've never held my 00:48:10.010 --> 00:48:13.717 Children back from their fathers because I know how important that is. 00:48:13.750 --> 00:48:17.717 Elohim and I were together since he was three years old by ourselves 00:48:17.750 --> 00:48:22.026 because that was when I left his father. Um So when it came time to 00:48:22.059 --> 00:48:25.967 sending him over to his dad, it was something I never thought I would do 00:48:26.000 --> 00:48:30.247 because I didn't like his father at the time. And I never thought I would 00:48:30.280 --> 00:48:37.876 initiate that move. But I, I saw Elohim changing and is, and that year he 00:48:37.909 --> 00:48:41.227 kept saying to me, we need a man in the house, we need a man in the house. 00:48:41.260 --> 00:48:45.166 And I'm like, where is this coming from? And then it hit me one day I was 00:48:45.199 --> 00:48:49.106 , I was washing clothes and I was crying because it was heartbreaking that 00:48:49.139 --> 00:48:52.635 my son was like not listening to me and he was brand new. I was like, who 00:48:52.668 --> 00:48:58.307 is this person? I said, oh my God, it's daddy's turn. And I called his 00:48:58.340 --> 00:49:03.736 father and I said, do you want your son? Because he's going through some 00:49:03.769 --> 00:49:08.086 changes and he's, he was happy about it. So, really, I say all that to say 00:49:08.119 --> 00:49:12.436 that the relationship that Children have with their parents, but be they 00:49:12.469 --> 00:49:16.227 in the home or outside the home is very important. And I've learned that 00:49:16.260 --> 00:49:20.356 and I'm thankful for my mother for it because she's the one that said um 00:49:20.389 --> 00:49:25.986 yeah, you know, no, they let him and I never kept them from them. And it's 00:49:26.019 --> 00:49:30.206 so important, it builds character, it builds them up to be the best people 00:49:30.239 --> 00:49:33.546 that they can be. And you have to let the other parent figure it out like 00:49:33.579 --> 00:49:39.276 you did. You know, but, you know, aside from that they're all healthy and 00:49:39.309 --> 00:49:44.106 , and they're great kids. So I just, I just wanted to say that, you know, 00:49:44.139 --> 00:49:47.436 if you're in that situation or if you find yourself in that type of 00:49:47.469 --> 00:49:50.945 situation where you're separated from, the parent, always allow the child 00:49:50.978 --> 00:49:56.267 to have their relationship and allow them to be the best people. They can 00:49:56.300 --> 00:50:03.077 be with those relationships in their lives. That 00:50:03.110 --> 00:50:07.456 this is another insightful thing. At the last second, 00:50:07.489 --> 00:50:12.405 I was wondering if you could, 00:50:12.438 --> 00:50:17.646 if you could quickly just revisit this idea of becoming a surrogate and 00:50:17.679 --> 00:50:23.807 what prompted you. And when that happened, when I separated from Elohim's 00:50:23.840 --> 00:50:27.095 father at the time when we were married, Elohim's dad didn't want any more 00:50:27.128 --> 00:50:31.081 Children. But I knew that if we weren't, if we were gonna stay married and 00:50:31.114 --> 00:50:35.470 we weren't going to have any more kids, then I wanted to have Children for 00:50:35.503 --> 00:50:39.432 somebody else. To be honest with you. I didn't do a whole lot of research 00:50:39.465 --> 00:50:43.481 at the time. I really didn't know what it all entailed. But I knew that 00:50:43.514 --> 00:50:46.361 there were women out there who couldn't have Children. And I knew that 00:50:46.394 --> 00:50:51.217 there were women who were having babies for other women. So I wanted to be 00:50:51.250 --> 00:50:55.767 a vessel and at the time it didn't happen, I didn't go into any sort of 00:50:55.800 --> 00:50:59.217 applications. I didn't even look it up. But it was a thought what 00:50:59.250 --> 00:51:02.646 discouraged me from. It was my mom had told me that she didn't think I 00:51:02.679 --> 00:51:05.747 could do it because she thought I was gonna get attached. She was like, I 00:51:05.780 --> 00:51:08.706 know how much you love being pregnant and how much the delivery and you're 00:51:08.739 --> 00:51:13.796 so into it. And I feel like you're gonna get attached. And um, ok, so I 00:51:13.829 --> 00:51:16.655 let it go for so many years because then by the time I thought about it 00:51:16.688 --> 00:51:20.247 again, I had the twins. Then by the time I thought about it again, I have 00:51:20.280 --> 00:51:25.006 freedom. So I was like, well, what's going on? So, but now it's, it's very 00:51:25.039 --> 00:51:29.006 different because I don't want any more of my own. But I know that I am 00:51:29.039 --> 00:51:34.126 still healthy enough to carry. Um So I did research and I did look at, but 00:51:34.159 --> 00:51:37.717 I, and, and, and, and let me go back at the time, I noticed that nobody 00:51:37.750 --> 00:51:42.967 was taking anyone past 35. That was, that was then. But now I found 00:51:43.000 --> 00:51:48.727 organizations that'll take women up to 45. So this time I kind of started 00:51:48.760 --> 00:51:53.566 the process of the application and, um, and I mean, I, I would love to do 00:51:53.599 --> 00:51:57.557 that for someone. Um 00:51:57.590 --> 00:52:01.876 I would love to do that for someone because I know that it's simply 00:52:01.909 --> 00:52:05.706 amazing. It's simply amazing. Now, I know the woman won't be able to go 00:52:05.739 --> 00:52:09.146 through the whole pregnancy and the delivery, but she wants a child, she 00:52:09.179 --> 00:52:17.179 wants to, you know, add on to her family and why not. And now my thought 00:52:17.659 --> 00:52:21.577 process is much different. My mom is not so much in the back of my mind 00:52:21.610 --> 00:52:26.566 that I'm gonna get attached in my mind. The child is not mine. You know, 00:52:26.599 --> 00:52:30.327 the child's not mine, but I am going to bring the child in the best way. I 00:52:30.360 --> 00:52:34.787 know how and then the child goes home with the parents. You know what I'm 00:52:34.820 --> 00:52:39.385 saying? I don't bring any more babies home. So that's what has me more 00:52:39.418 --> 00:52:45.497 comfortable and, and, and grounded in the idea of even moving forward with 00:52:45.530 --> 00:52:50.756 wanting to do it, the maturity that comes with age. Right. Yes. Yes. And 00:52:50.789 --> 00:52:56.885 that's definitely how I feel about it now is much more mature and much 00:52:56.918 --> 00:53:03.445 more thought out. Um, now I just have to get my fiance on board because 00:53:03.478 --> 00:53:07.566 when you don't know, you automatically know this is weird for me, you know. 00:53:07.599 --> 00:53:11.115 So it's a process, I mean, and I may never do it, but I definitely have 00:53:11.148 --> 00:53:15.095 the thought. It's my phone. I'm so sorry. I was like, there's dripping 00:53:15.128 --> 00:53:20.655 water somewhere. That's hilarious. I think we're pretty well wrapped up. 00:53:20.688 --> 00:53:25.639 If you want to go ahead and hit off. I hope I didn't go too far left.