Um when my first son, Elohim, I had him, uh I gave birth to him naturally
in a birthing center. And so it was like in a bedroom and it was amazing.
And I went food shopping when I was done and I used my own energy like it
was no drugs, no nothing. So when I was pregnant with the twins and to
have ac section, I felt disconnected. I totally didn't feel like like they
were mine. I felt like my c, I felt like I had kids for somebody else. It
was weird and I felt like that for a little while. Um But then I realized
that it was the whole, for me, it was the whole C section. I didn't get to
have them vaginally. I didn't get to pull them out and bring them to me. I
didn't get to hold them when they were born. So I was a little
disconnected for a little while. But then, you know, they're nine now. So
they're, we're good, you know. Did you anticipate having the C section?
Was that something you knew from the moment you came from? Yeah, I knew
because the youngest one never turned around and the day I was giving
birth, we were talking to him and talking to him and Musa turn around.
Please turn around, please. It was too, it was too late because they were
, they were good sizes. One was 69 and the other one was 42. So they were
, they were good sizes and he just didn't wanna turn for me. Did you um,
have a good idea of what that process was. The C section? Yes. And, and I
, but I, what I didn't realize was that it was gonna happen so fast. I
think it happened within 10 minutes, one was out and then the other one
came out a minute later and then I was back into the room. But the
unfortunate thing about it is that I was drugged the entire time, you know
what I mean? I was like out of it, you know, and I didn't get to hold my
babies right away and they didn't get to stay in the room with me
sometimes. And I was going crazy. The father was there. So he always got
to see them in the nursery and everything. But it was, uh, it was, it was
hard and that part of it was hard, but carrying them, they were very heavy
, you know, I don't have twins on either side of the family. So I, I
actually dropped two eggs at one time and that's how I got the twins. But
I was so mad at the dad for a while. I was like, how dare you? You're so
selfish. How you gonna give me two boys? And he was like, the doctor was
like, no, you dropped two eggs. Yeah, I was like, oh damn, it was me. Ok.
So, um, how was the recovery with the C section? It was amazing. They did
some sort of, um, procedure that was like a, it was a, it was like taped.
I don't know what you call it. It wasn't a staple or anything. It was
taped. And to this day, to be honest, I can't find it, the incision, I
can't find it because it's so faded but it was, it was great. I had a
great recovery with that. Yeah. Yeah. Did you nurse? All my Children were
nursed. The twins were nursed until they were eight months and then my
oldest was nursed until he was 15 months and then I'm still nursing
freedom. So, so did you have just like, you know, that God gift of
producing milk and that all just functioned great for you? Yeah, I didn't
have any problems doing that and I was really happy about it even when the
twins, that twins actually let go of me. Um, I wasn't the one that stopped
them from feeding. So, and I was happy about that because it got to be a
little bit challenging to feed them both at the same time. Because that's
how I was doing it. But they let go of me at the same time and I was, like
, great. Not a problem. Yeah. But I had no problems producing. Yeah, it
was good. Yeah, I know. But it's such a blessing to be able to do it too
because I know how important it is, you know, to make sure that they
breastfed. So, especially, you know, to grow that bond if you were feeling
a disconnect, big time. Did you find, how was it when you, how did you
resolve that disconnect?
I mean, that's a good question. Actually, it came with time. It came with
time. I mean, and, and granted you're their first teacher so they're with
you all the time, you know, and I guess the breastfeeding helped. Um and
then just them being around me all the time, it just got better, you know.
So, yeah, I'm mommy, you know, and, and I love my boys but that, that was
, I felt it and I had, I recognized it and I embraced it. It was truth. It
was my truth. Like there's a disconnect here and I think it's from that
and, you know, so when I had him it was uh he's natural all the way and,
you know, and what I didn't know is if you don't have, if you have ac
section two years before your next birth, you're ok to have a natural
birth. But they were worried that the C section would uh something would
happen. So they made sure I had the baby in the hospital. I said I'll have
him in the hospital as long as I can move around because I don't want to
have him laying on my back because I know it wasn't, it was, that's not
natural. You know, I need to be able to squat or if I want to turn to my
side, I wanna be able to do that. And my midwife, I had a midwife at the
time and she said you can do whatever you want. You'll have, you'll be,
you know, connected, they wanna, you know, monitor you but you can move
around if you need to. So I did, I moved my legs around and turned to the
side and then I made sure I had him natural. Yeah, that was so important.
You had mentioned that the C section was really short. That's her birth
short too or? Yeah, my son, oh gosh, my water broke at the outdoor swap
mart. It was hilarious. My mother was with me and my mother had four
Children. So I said, oh my God, my water broke. She goes, are you in pain
? I said no, she goes, well, I'm gonna go buy my bananas and you go call
your doctor. I was like, what? So I go, I'm like my water broke and then
she's like, ok, well, when your pain is so many minutes apart, you know,
call me back. And I'm like, why is everybody so calm? So I go home, I have
a nice warm shower and then my pain started and then they were very
gradual, very spread out. And then, um, when I got to the rest of w we
even went to eat. My mother was like, I'm hungry, we're gonna eat. I was
like, what I go, I have a little bit of salsa. Soon as I had that salsa,
the pain was like this. By the time I got to my midwife, I was nine
centimeters. And um for the twins, it was uh the C section and then for
freedom, it was probably about four hours because I wasn't, I was having
the pain but I wasn't dilating. So they broke my water and let me go my
distance. And so I had them about four hours. So the freedom of your last
child was the one where you had the salsa. And that no salsa was the first
one. But you were planning on going to a burning center. All of that was
planned out. And you know, I spoke with a girl, believe it or not. She was
in her early twenties. She had four kids already and she said one word to
me that made me feel like having my first child was going to be just
amazing. She said it's bearable that the pain was bearable. That was
enough for me for me. I said, oh, then I'll be all right, then it'll be
fine and that's how it was, you know, it was painful. Yeah. But I was like
, no, it's temporary breathe through it and you'll be fine and all of them
were like that and it was like, ok, I could do this. Yeah. I mean, they
try to say, like, pain doesn't kill anyone. It's hard to remember that.
Yes. Yes. Yes. And I know everybody has a different tolerance for it. But
believe it or not, I started doing yoga before my oldest son and that's
when I learned about breathing through it and I was breathing through the
pain and it helped me a lot. I didn't go to the lemons classes or anything.
I just kind of got through it naturally. It was cool. OK. So why don't we
do this? Because you have like four different births, three different
births happening. But I did, I did want to talk about freedom's birth.
Yeah. So maybe we can think about them more separately and kind of like
intertwining them so much because it would be hard for us. Yeah. So OK, so
let's focus on freedom then. Yes. You should introduce, oh my God,
the whole
thing. And let me this is for soli interviewing for creative push project
Sandy Divine Valentine on May 17th, 2016 at 1030 1030 2510. OK. OK. So
bring us back to the beginning Ok. So, um my first son, he's actually 17
years old now, his name is Elohim. And I knew that I was going to have a
boy. It was no, there was no question about it. I knew that this was gonna
be my first son. And the whole time I was pregnant with him, I talked to
him and I told him not to be a follower. Like it was so important for me
to influence him as a young man and know how to behave and how, you know,
how to be a man, you know, and uh his father was there. His father has
always been in the picture and everything and oh,
that was off.
We're usually very good about this, but you're our first interview in
several months. So it's OK. This is, this is cool and so we forget about
the little details. Ok? You were doing awesome though. Continue. OK. Um So
a lot of my um my relationship with Elohim is very close. I um we're like
, we're almost like friends on a, on a, on a thin line because then
there's the parenting. Um Elohim was born in a birthing center and I
started out uh I wanted to have him in a, in a, in the water and I did, I
started out in the water, but I felt like I had to go to the restroom and
she said, well, you don't have to go to the bathroom. It's the baby. And I
said, no, I have to go to the bathroom. So I go, I get out, I go, I get
ready to go to the bathroom and she's like, the baby is going to come out
in the toilet. And I'm like, well, you know, and then she says, go back
into the tub or go to the bed. I said I'm gonna have him right here and I
got off the toilet and I got on my fours and I pushed that towel out and
she's like, ok, I have his head and I'm like, well then get him out and
she's like, no, I need his shoulders. So I go and I push some more and she
gave them to me and I walked over to the bed with him connected and
everything and, and it was amazing. And so the birthing set only keeps you
so many hours. And then, um, I was ready to go home in three. I was like,
can I go home now? And I'm like, I'm bored, I want to leave now and she's
like, well, everything is ok and you can go home and me and my mom went
food shopping, like I said afterwards and then I went home and laid with
my baby and it's been amazing with Elohim. Can you revisit that idea of
what prepared you to give birth naturally? You know, mentally. Yeah. You
know, before I, they met Elohim's dad, I, I was an avid reader of just the
natural holistic way of living. And I felt that it was very important to
be genuinely connected to your child when you, when you have one, be it
during pregnancy and, and what have you. So I was very much about my diet
when, um before I had the baby, um my pregnancy was, you know, just simply
, I, I say amazing because I, you know, when he was little, I used to call
him heaven because he was just an easy baby. And I think a lot of that has
to do with how you live, you know, and before and after, um you have your
child. So it was um important for me to have the child natural. Sure,
family and friends had an issue with it because they thought that I should
be in a hospital just in case something happened. And, but there was
nothing in me that doubted that type of uh delivery was going to be a
problem. I had great midwives and nurses that worked with me through my
pregnancy. And when it was time they were there, um, there was always a
nurse on the standby. Should something go wrong. And, you know, he came
out, he didn't cry, he wasn't even bleeding. That was the amazing part
about it. And um, yeah, it was important for me to have a natural, uh, a
natural um, birth.
Um Can you talk, talk about like the, um, you know, where you were in your
head, you know, like, how do you, how did you feel, you know, someone will
talk about this sense that they're, um, really, like, isolated in their
thoughts as they move through the process of the pain? You know, like, how
did you feel like you were in the moment, you know, surrounded by, you
know, your people and stuff or were you just, like, totally in your head?
Let me tell you when I got into the tub and I wanted to push and the nurse
said, I said, I'm gonna push. The father was in the tub with me. My mom
was there and I, and I said, I'm gonna push and she said, you push
whenever you're ready. At that moment, I knew that it was just me and the
baby. There was no granted the father, the nurse, everybody else was there.
But in that moment I knew that I was by myself and it was me. I, so I, so
I had to tune in to the baby because I remember when I was getting ready
to push, I said, I'm gonna have him right here. So I get out, I'm, I'm on
my fours and I go to push. I remember going, getting ready to lay down on
my stomach. And the nurse said, no, no, no, no, no, don't, don't lay down.
And I said to her, let me do this because I felt like he was coming out
from the fr to the front like he was ripping me so I had to move him. So I
was moving my body so he can come out a different way. And it was me and
him from the tub until he came out and, and that's what I had to put in my
head at that moment in order for me to tune in and be able to channel
correctly, um, and have him, you know, without having any problems. Yeah.
Yeah. Thank you. Um, let's see. And then maybe talk about the nursing
process like after. Yeah. Um, so granted this was my first child. I had
never nursed before. So nursing for me was, I knew it came with the
territory. I knew that was something that we had to try and something we
had to do. Elohim actually latched on pretty well. I didn't have any
discomfort. There wasn't any bleeding or anything. They actually show you
in the hospital how to do it. So, yeah, I was, uh, you know, it's, it's
kind of interesting how they don't actually get the milk in the very
beginning. They get some something else. I don't have the technical term
for it. But um I was, it's always amazing to me that we already have what
they need. That is simply amazing to me. So, um being that I was able to
um, breastfeed him was a blessing.
Yeah. Yeah, that was lovely. Too. Um, ok, so I actually, do you think we
wanna talk about anything else before we move on to the second? Is there
anything else that you can think of?
Oh, could you revisit that? Because I think this is going to come up in
the twins part too, that moment where he actually came out and you got to
, um,
when Elohim finally came out and I was able to, she gave him to me and I
put him on my chest and then granted, I'm still in the bathroom, I'm
sitting in front of the toilet with him. Um
I didn't, I actually blanked out. I didn't see anybody else in the room
with me at that moment. So it was pretty amazing that I was even able to
hold him still connected, you know, nothing medically had happened yet. So
I got to hold my baby man and I have that picture actually of me holding
him. So I don't know. I mean I got to hold my guy, you know, who, who's,
who's who I've been carrying for so long and believe it or not, I talked
to him so much during pregnancy that when he did come out the way he did,
he was quiet, there was no bleeding, he didn't cry. It was, I felt like he
had taken everything in that I gave him. So he kind of came out grown, you
know, he came out already ready, you know, to, to to just take on the
world. That's how I felt, you know,
that was awesome. Ok, so now we can transition to the twins and talk, go
back, talk about the conception was that planned? Actually, I don't think
you mentioned that with the first one was about pepper. Oh yeah, not that
specifically, but talk about preparing mentally.
But yeah, so maybe we talk about the second birth. Were you planning on
having a second child? You know, and then the surprise of course, of
finding out that they're twins and all the emotions like that. Ok, so
after my first child, now granted all my Children are eight years apart,
uh which to my mother was like, I can't believe you're having another
child, but God works in his own way. Um My, all my Children have different
dads, my oldest son has his father and then the twins. Um when I met his
dad, uh he was actually hosting an open mic, we're all artists. All the
fathers are artists in, in their own unique ways. And then um when I met
him, he was hosting an open mic. I was very forward, you know, I thought
he was handsome and everything, whatever. Unfortunately, um within a month
after meeting, um I was pregnant with the twins and it was not planned,
although we weren't trying not to have any having more Children was not
planned. And um finding out about the twins was pretty funny. Um when I
went, first of all, it was a doctor's appointment, right? So I get up in
the morning, I'm getting ready to go. My mother's getting ready to go to
work. I was living with her at the time and she said to me,
congratulations on your twins. And I said what I said, you're crazy. Get
out of here, whatever. You know, she didn't know she had no idea. So I go
, I'm laying on the bed, the father is with me and
the we're looking at the monitor the whole time and the lady says, oh,
you're having twins. And I said what? And she said, you see those two dots
, you've been looking at those are heartbeats. And I said, no, no, no. Mm
mm no. So I called her a liar. I said you're lying. I said you're looking
at the monitor from the lady before me. I said this is not my monitor.
This is not. No, I said you're lying. I called her a liar at least 20
times. And she was like, no, ma'am. No, ma'am. I wouldn't lie to you. I
wouldn't lie to you. The father, you didn't hear anything from him anymore.
His mom was on the floor. I, he couldn't believe it. And um II I was in
shock and for the longest time, I felt like I brought Children into this
world for somebody who couldn't because I couldn't understand where these
twins came from. How was I built to have chil twins, you know, and then
twins don't run in our families either one of us. So when we found out we
had twins for a while, I was like, how come, you know? And then when we
found out they were boys, I was a little bit disappointed because I wanted
my girl to be in there somewhere. And, um, after going back and forth with
the dad about giving me boys because I thought it was his fault. Um, I was
asking the doctor like, how did I get twins? I mean, we, he doesn't have
twins on his family. I don't have any of mine. And he says, oh, no, you
dropped two eggs at one time. And I said, oh, it's me. Oh wow, fertile
Myrtle over here, right? So, um, it was not a planned pregnancy, it was
not a planned pregnancy because we, like I said, we were not, we, we did
not plan that and we weren't together that long. Um, I did end up having
the Children, um, in a hospital because one was head first and one was
feet first. And so as much as we tried to talk to the Children about
turning over, like we would talk to them, you know, Musa turn around, turn
around. Even the, the doctor had told me we can try to push the first one
through and then turn the other one so he can come out after him. But he
was afraid at the last minute that my cervix was gonna close and then they
would have to do an emergency C section anyway. So I cried because I
didn't want ac section. I really wanted to have my Children natural
because I know what the connection and bond is like when they're given to
you, um, after you have them, but I didn't have a choice and I had to have
the C section. So when they took me into the hos to the room to have them
, I couldn't see anything that's going on. It's just me, I can hear
everything I'm awake. All I felt was a whole lot of pressure and then
probably about 5, 10 minutes later the babies were out, they were a minute
apart and um the father was there and so they brought the babies over to
me to see them, but I couldn't touch them. So that was really hard for me.
And um, and I think because of it, there was some sort of disconnect
between me and the Children for a little while. It wasn't anything long.
It was just, I was really anticipating having them natural. So since I
couldn't have them that way, I really didn't know how to be in this, you
know, in this different um mind. It was, it was a mindset, you know. So
after a while, you know, I breastfed the Children and um they have
different, they're very, very different. They're fraternal twin, uh,
fraternal twins and they are polar. They're just opposite. Totally
opposite. But I had to breastfeed both of them at the same time. The, uh,
the, the raising of them when they were babies was, one was always up and
one was always down. So they were never down at the same time. It was, it
was, I, I had a lot of support though, from family and friends and the
father would come and help me with them as well. Uh One of them was uh six
, let me get it right. 62, I think. And the other one was 49 uh in weight
and very heavy. They were very heavy, very active. One of them, actually,
the one that's active now is the one that was active in my belly. We used
to call him happy feet because he was just all over the place. And then
the one that's kinda laid back is still laid back and he would always just
chill to the left. It was, they're interesting. Their personalities
definitely came through in, in, in pregnancy. Um, so can you, so we've
interviewed a couple of C sections before and they, you know, when walking
us through the process of the C section, they talked about, you know,
getting wheeled into this cold room and then being strapped down like a
crucifixion a and a curtain. Did you experience? I did not. Um I felt like
even though it was ac section was a surgery. I didn't have any restraint.
There was no real restrain. The only thing that was restraining me was
the medicine. The, the, the shot they give you, it numbs you so you can't
move anywhere. But I wasn't strapped down or anything. Um, they would
always ask me if I can feel it. If I can feel it. It's a problem, you know
, but I, no, not at all. Um, and again, it happened so fast and I didn't
feel the coldness. I didn't feel uncomfortable. Um, it was, it was a
comfortable experience even though it wasn't something that I really
wanted. And then I was wheeled back into my room with no problems. I was
comforted, cared for by the nurses and doctors and got to see my babies a
little while after that. It sounds like you had a really good C section.
Sometimes people talk about shaking or shivering or having a reaction to
the medication. Did you have any? I did not, I just know that the reaction
to the medication was more oozy. You know, I don't even remember some of
the people that came to visit because I was so out of it, you know. But
other than that I didn't. No, not at all. None of the weird effects or
anything like that. Yeah. Some women also talks about when they, because
they were giving the baby the nurse, but they were still kind of out it
because of the drugs and they found it almost hard to hold their baby.
Their arms were still kind of like lucy goosey. Did you have any of that?
Or was nursing? Nursing was not a problem. They actually helped me nurse
right away. Well, as soon as the babies were cleaned and they were able to
come into the room. Musa, my youngest one by a minute, uh, he was the 49
and he, they were worried that he was not gaining weight fast enough. So
he, they were telling me and this is how I know how babies are just beyond
intelligent. He was there when they said to me, we're going to have to
keep him because he was underweight and he wasn't able to go home yet. And
I was like, well, I'm gonna be in the hallway because I'm not going home
without my baby, period, you know, believe it or not. As soon as she said
that he started eating, he started eating. So I was in the hospital for a
few days and he was at weight, he was at £5 and he was ready to go home.
And I, you know, and I kind of looked at him like you knew exactly what
they were saying. Right. Because I'm sure he was like, you're not leaving
me here. I'm not, I'm not staying in this hospital, I'm going home. Um,
but yeah, no, I didn't have any awkward experience when it came to uh
breastfeeding or holding them and they did make sure that I was ok before
that even happened. Yeah. So Musa was actually breast fed a little bit
with the bottle when he was away from me. And that was another thing that
made me uncomfortable because I wanted him with me, you know, and they
were like, well, you need your rest and we'll have him in the nursery, But
I want him here. I want both of them where I can see them and the father
is here and he can help me. So it was a little back and forth for a little
while and then after a while they would leave the babies in the room with
me. But I, I'm just like, no, these are, they're mine and I want, you know
, to have them with me. So, so was the father and you were you a couple at
the time of the birth? OK. So this goes to show you how, how powerful our
intuitions are a month after I found out I was pregnant, something was
telling me not to be with him anymore. And I couldn't pinpoint why he
hadn't done anything wrong that I could see. But something was telling me
that it, it just wasn't right. So I told him that I was not feeling this
relationship no more because at the time we were a couple in the beginning.
Um But so I pulled away from him for nine months. I said I just don't
want you around me right now. Something is just not sitting right with me
and my mother would tell me, oh, it's just the pregnancy, it's just the
pregnancy you'll get over it. It's just a, ok. So I, I had the Children
and then a month later we got back together five months later. Um, we
broke up. So we were, we, we broke up when the twins were five months old
and they're going to be nine in a few days and we haven't been together
since, but he has always maintained his relationship with his Children.
And, um, I appreciate that and he genuinely like, is there like the
Children have a need for anything. So, no, we weren't, we weren't a couple
very long if we, if we count months, I would say six months out of the
entire pregnancy and when they were about five months until they were
about five months old. Yeah, I love that thought that you're having
Children that were meant to be born but by people who weren't able to have
Children or something, that's a really beautiful thought. Yeah, I really
felt like that. I really felt like even now after having freedom, I'll be
40 in a couple of months. And I have actually started the process of
becoming a surrogate mom because, um, being that I am still able to have
Children, I don't want any more of my own, but I would love to bring a
child here for another woman, you know. Yeah, definitely. That's beautiful.
And it sort of goes along with the idea that the men aren't primary, you
know what I mean? They're like, like he was able just to be there to the
father of the child and then he didn't have to be in the picture as a
husband, as a husband, as a father.
I should have been watching that.
And then he looked at me, he was like, ok. Ok. Ok. Poppy. Ok. Ok. Ok. Ok.
You know how many times you bumped in when we had this house? Because I
felt like everything was a death kind of like the hard story.
Yeah. So happy.
Is it ok to be ok? Ok. Ok. Ok. Comfort. That's exactly what it is. And
then after that, he, he's playing, he's so smart. Like I showed him that
he could put this thing in that holder and then he kept putting it in and
putting it out and it was like he just grab this con so fast.
Yeah. Ok. So can you talk? Oh, sure. Yes. So then let's see, you were at
home with the twins. Life's going well and then six years later. Ok. So
here's what's funny. I was still living with my mother when I had the
twins and I wasn't working, the father wasn't living at the house with us.
Of course, he had his own apartment but I've always worked. So one day
I'm sitting at the computer and I'm like, ok, I have no pocket money. I'm
not bringing in any money. Ok. How can I make money from? Right where I am
? Oh, I do hair. So I use the internet to promote myself. And so I built
my business from there. So I, I, and I say that because I was home with
the twins, but I still felt like I, there was something else I needed to
do. I needed to continue to build and, and then that's what I did, you
know, with the twins while I had them. So it was, it was an interesting
journey. Big time. Yeah. So how did you meet the next? OK, so freedom's
father, I've known for 14 years. I met him 14 years ago and we were both,
we're both musicians, poets and um I met him in the music industry. Um He
was with a group and the group called on me to um perform a piece on one
of their tracks and I met him during that time. So that was, I would say
1314 years ago. And then we lost contact. And since then he's been married
, he had a, he, he had ac a new child. He, when I met him, he had a
daughter. Um and then he, he had married, been divorced. I married my
first son's father, I was married to him for seven years and then I met
the twin's dad and then I took a break, a good eight year break. And, um,
and, uh, I didn't date a whole lot, you know, I was like, oh, I'm just,
I'm done, I'm tired, you know. Um, freedom's father got in contact with me.
Um, 2014, early, 2014. And he would call every now and then, and he would
tell me I want us to date and I said, what are you talking about? You know
, we're friends and who does that? You know what friends date? You know?
And he said, no, I, I wanna court you and I said, really like you wanna
open doors and pull out my chair and what are you talking about? You know
, and he's like, yeah, and I was single at the time. So I said, you know
what? All right, I'll let you do that. I'll let you do that. So we, we did
and we made it official July 2014 to be a couple September. We're at a
friend's house and I had to go to the restroom a lot. But I thought it was
because I had a drink because I did, I had a drink. I said, well, I have
to go to the bathroom again, you know. Well, I had a feeling I was
pregnant. I had a, a pregnancy test in my purse, but I didn't want to tell
him because I wanted to surprise him when I found out. So I did not. Uh,
oh, and, and this pregnancy wasn't planned. I didn't know if I really
wanted another child. He and I had never really talked about it. We talked
more about being married than having Children. So when the next day, the
next morning I said, you know what? I can't, I, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go
ahead and take the test before I could even put the test on the table. It
was positive my mom was not a happy person. When I went into the room, she
was asleep. And I said, mom, it's positive and she was like, no, you know
, and it just went from there and then, you know, we kind of got over it.
I stayed with my mom until I was about seven months pregnant, living with
her and she, she kinda got adjusted as time went on because it was
becoming real. Now the baby's coming. Um When they told me that freedom
was a boy. I was sad. I'm gonna say sad because I wasn't disappointed. I
was sad. And when I laid down in the, in the doctor's office before she
could tell me, I don't think she let five minutes go by before she said,
oh, this is a boy. I, I kinda wanted her to give me a minute, you know,
because this was when I was gonna find out if this was finally my girl.
And she said, oh, this is not a girl, this is a boy and she showed it. I
said, are you sure it's not just a big toe? Like, are you sure this is a
boy? So she um, she uh, yeah, it was a boy. And that morning the father
and I went to um breakfast and he said, are you ok? I said, yeah, and he
goes, you know, we can still name him freedom because I already had her
name. And I said, and I kind of snapped out of it and I was like, yeah,
you're right. Ok. I'm good. It's freedom. It's a boy, let him come. It's,
you know, it's, it's time. The thing about um freedom's pregnancy though
was my oldest son. Now understand that there's now a 16 year difference in
age with freedom. And Elohim and I worried about Elohim a lot because it's
always been me and el always been me and him, even with the twins, he's
such a great big brother to his brothers. But when it came to freedom and
now there's a new man in my life and now me and this man are going to live
together and now all my Children are gonna be in this house with me,
including Elohim and I was very concerned about how Elohim was gonna feel.
So when I wasn't sure that I was pregnant, I brought it up to Elohim one
day I was picking him up from the gym and I said, oh, um, I think I'm
pregnant and he put his head down and he shook his head and I said, I
don't know what that means. I need you to use your words. Like, what, what
do you, what do you, what's the matter? He said, ma, I just think it's
gonna be a lot. I just think it's gonna be a lot and I thought to myself,
my son takes on everything that told me that he takes it on. Um So from
that point on, I, I know when to step back and kind of just let my son
experience the moment. So all through my pregnancy, I would try to bring
him in a little bit. Oh, you want to feel my belly or how you gonna feel
about it? He never said anything at all about the pregnancy. April 18th
2014, Sule my now fiance asked me to marry him at a family event at my
mother's house. And I didn't know until after that he had asked my son for
his blessing. Oh, sorry. I, I getting most of the and um
that meant a lot to me because when I pictured us um being engaged, I
pictured all my Children there and I pictured my son there and it all
happened the way I wanted it. And after it had happened, I went inside and
I said, Elohim, look, you know, he was watching the game. He was in the
living room and I showed him my ring and he goes, I know he told me and I
said, no, he goes, I know he showed it to me. I said, really? And I didn't
know it again until after the next day that he had asked him and I was
very, um, I was very happy that Sule took that time to do that because it
, it, it meant a lot to me. Um I definitely want all the men in my family
to respect each other. And um so with that being said, um we go and we
have the baby. Uh he came the day after his baby shower and June 15th, he
was there. Now I was going through a lot of uh contractions and they were
coming on real hard and before that, if I may back up just a little bit,
Elohim was getting ready to go to a friend's house and I'm still pregnant
now at this time and, and he said, ma come in the room with me while I get
, you know, my bag ready. I said, really, you wanna, you want me to come
in the room with you? Like, you know, kids don't want you around anymore.
So I go in the room with him and I'm sitting there watching him get ready
and he says, um I said, uh so um how do you feel about the baby coming? He
goes, OK, you can leave now. And I was like, no, I was like Elohim, I'm
just asking, I just wanna know where your head is at. And he said, ma to
be honest, I don't know right now and I said, all right, not a problem. So
I left him alone. Now. Understand throughout this entire nine months, I
have been trying to figure out how to include my son. So he did not feel
left out so he could still feel included because again, that's 16 years of
an age gap. So when I had my twins, Elohim was at school, when he came
after school, he immediately embraced his brothers, mom. These are my
brothers, I love them and he held them and everything. So that really
wasn't a whole lot of work for me. Plus he was seven. So he was still
young, you know. Um but this time it was different. Elohim is getting
older, he's getting ready to leave the nest and I wanted him to still feel
loved. Um and, and, and that, and, and like family, I mean, he's my son
but sometimes Children don't feel like family because of whatever
circumstances or whatever. Ok. So I'm going through my contractions, it's
me. Elohim and Sule at home. It's I don't know how, how four o'clock in
the morning maybe and my contractions are not stopping. Sule said I'm
gonna let Elohim take you to the hospital because if they send you back
home, I don't wanna miss work. So Sule went to work. Elohim took me to the
hospital. He was amazing. He drove me. He was very careful. He helped me
out the car. Like the little things that my son helped me do made me feel
like he was ok. Even during my pregnancy when I wasn't feeling good, he
would cook for the twins. He, when he would cook for himself, he would
cook for me. So please, I was going through a whole lot of mental stuff
because I definitely wanted my son to be ok. So we're at the hospital,
we're laughing, we're talking and he's watching everything happen. They
registered me into the room. He was there, Sue's mother was there. A
friend of mine was Wanda was there and we're getting ready to have this
baby. The nurse says to me you didn't dilate enough. So we're gonna send
you home at this point. The pain was unbearable. And I said, no, you're
gonna take him out and I'm not going home because at that point, I was
ready for ac section. I I said, you know what, I'm not going through this
pain no more. You're gonna take him out. Well, the c section doctor came
in, he said, he explained it all to me even though I had had ac section
before. And he said, are you sure you wanna do this? And I started crying
? I said, no, I said I don't because you're not gonna give me my baby when
it's, when I, when the baby comes out and he goes, no, it's a sterile
environment. I can't give the baby to you. So he said, do you mind if I
check you one more time? Well, he, it was his first time and I said, yes,
he checked me, I dilated three centimeters and he was ready to break my
water. So I was able to have the baby um natural when the baby was getting
ready to come. The nurse asked me, the midwife asked me, who do you want
to stay in the room? I said, I want sue to be here and I want my son in
the room. The mother is more than welcome to stay. And my friend Wanda. So
those were the people in the room, Elohim was in direct vision of the
mirror because they put a mirror in front of you to see the baby come out.
And it was very important for me to be here. And it came to me that if I
could have my son in that room when I had him, that there would be an
immediate connection to the baby because he was there right when he was
born. And when the baby started coming out, his head was crowning and the
nurse allowed me to touch the head. And you know, and now I'm turning to
the side because she was like, have him, have you feel comfortable. I go
to push the baby out. I grabbed the baby from out of me. I put him to my
chest and I said, Elohim, look, this is so amazing. Elohim come here. He
came over, he looked a little bit because he was kind of like, weirded out.
Like, are you serious? So he's like looked over, he's like, uh huh. And
then he goes back into his corner but he was there and out of my, all my
pregnancies, this pregnancy was so important for me because Elohim means
so much to me because of the fact that he's so much older that again, I
didn't want him to be disconnected when I, ever since I brought freedom
home, Elohim has embraced him. He picks him up, he watches him, he feeds
him, he takes kicks him.
And, um, I'm very thankful for,
um, a higher energy to guide me to be able to bring him in the best way I
knew how. And to this day he could always say he was there. They have the
greatest connection, him and his brother and believe it or not, when
people see freedom, they think it's Elohim. They say they look so much
alike. So, um, the father and I are, are engaged to be married and we all
live together a house full of men. Uh, Sule has a five year old son, so he
lives with us as well. The twins live with their father but they see me
every day, you know, I see them every day before and after school. So we
all, we're all a family and we all get along for the most part, you know,
how brothers can be. But it was an absolute am amazing experience and my
Children have helped make it very comfortable for me.
Yeah, that was awesome. Oh my God. I didn't mean to get emotional.
Sorry about that. It's great. Can I ask you a question on the sideline of
all of this? What role does your, does art play? You know, and like your
interest in the arts and your family's interest in the arts? Like how does
that help you kind of um you know, just deal with the complexity.
It's definitely OK, so I'm a performing uh a spoken word artist so I
perform uh my spoken word and I have been for the past 15/15 years now in
the valley. Um Yes, I have a, I have to channel my anxieties, my nerves
through my art so I can stay sane in a house full of boys. Um I also um I
am also a photographer so I use that as well as another channel to breathe
to stay sane, you know, and I include sometimes I include my Children too
. I videotape them doing news, news castings and, and what have you and
they're very, very talented. Um Elohim's my basketball player. So I, I
take pictures at his games. And so, yeah, I use my art to definitely get
through, um, freedom has a camera in his face all the time. Um My writing
lately, my writing, writing a book now of my life and it has been a slow
process because sometimes I don't want to go back to moments. But aside
from that, I, I've been signed in London as a recording artist and writer
, songwriter. So a lot of my work lately has been for them, but it still
allows me to, you know, channel that energy when I need to. But yeah, my
art definitely saves me. It seems like the way that you think, you know,
creatively and the way that you um like even the way that you express
yourself verbally and um you know, think about,
um you know, make the connections and I think the arts is about, you know
, making those connections between disparate things. Um and it creates, it
helps create meaning in our lives, you know, and I think that you really,
the way you process information and, you know, the family life that you
have has a lot to like and the reason it's so healthy is because you're
able to make those connections.
I've taught my Children uh like meditation and I've taught them how to
breathe. And, you know, and they've learned that early on because they are
boys and boys, their first reaction is physical when it comes to dealing
with things when they're angry. So I teach them how to breathe through it
so they can think. You know. So, yeah. So, a lot of what we go through is
that? Yeah. And it's challenging.
Well, is there anything that you didn't say that you would like to add?
I have
great relationships with my children's fathers, even though they're all
different. I don't have any regret. Um, I don't, you know, some people
might be shamed by it because they have more than one father for their
Children. But my Children never need for nothing. And I've never held my
Children back from their fathers because I know how important that is.
Elohim and I were together since he was three years old by ourselves
because that was when I left his father. Um So when it came time to
sending him over to his dad, it was something I never thought I would do
because I didn't like his father at the time. And I never thought I would
initiate that move. But I, I saw Elohim changing and is, and that year he
kept saying to me, we need a man in the house, we need a man in the house.
And I'm like, where is this coming from? And then it hit me one day I was
, I was washing clothes and I was crying because it was heartbreaking that
my son was like not listening to me and he was brand new. I was like, who
is this person? I said, oh my God, it's daddy's turn. And I called his
father and I said, do you want your son? Because he's going through some
changes and he's, he was happy about it. So, really, I say all that to say
that the relationship that Children have with their parents, but be they
in the home or outside the home is very important. And I've learned that
and I'm thankful for my mother for it because she's the one that said um
yeah, you know, no, they let him and I never kept them from them. And it's
so important, it builds character, it builds them up to be the best people
that they can be. And you have to let the other parent figure it out like
you did. You know, but, you know, aside from that they're all healthy and
, and they're great kids. So I just, I just wanted to say that, you know,
if you're in that situation or if you find yourself in that type of
situation where you're separated from, the parent, always allow the child
to have their relationship and allow them to be the best people. They can
be with those relationships in their lives. That
this is another insightful thing. At the last second,
I was wondering if you could,
if you could quickly just revisit this idea of becoming a surrogate and
what prompted you. And when that happened, when I separated from Elohim's
father at the time when we were married, Elohim's dad didn't want any more
Children. But I knew that if we weren't, if we were gonna stay married and
we weren't going to have any more kids, then I wanted to have Children for
somebody else. To be honest with you. I didn't do a whole lot of research
at the time. I really didn't know what it all entailed. But I knew that
there were women out there who couldn't have Children. And I knew that
there were women who were having babies for other women. So I wanted to be
a vessel and at the time it didn't happen, I didn't go into any sort of
applications. I didn't even look it up. But it was a thought what
discouraged me from. It was my mom had told me that she didn't think I
could do it because she thought I was gonna get attached. She was like, I
know how much you love being pregnant and how much the delivery and you're
so into it. And I feel like you're gonna get attached. And um, ok, so I
let it go for so many years because then by the time I thought about it
again, I had the twins. Then by the time I thought about it again, I have
freedom. So I was like, well, what's going on? So, but now it's, it's very
different because I don't want any more of my own. But I know that I am
still healthy enough to carry. Um So I did research and I did look at, but
I, and, and, and, and let me go back at the time, I noticed that nobody
was taking anyone past 35. That was, that was then. But now I found
organizations that'll take women up to 45. So this time I kind of started
the process of the application and, um, and I mean, I, I would love to do
that for someone. Um
I would love to do that for someone because I know that it's simply
amazing. It's simply amazing. Now, I know the woman won't be able to go
through the whole pregnancy and the delivery, but she wants a child, she
wants to, you know, add on to her family and why not. And now my thought
process is much different. My mom is not so much in the back of my mind
that I'm gonna get attached in my mind. The child is not mine. You know,
the child's not mine, but I am going to bring the child in the best way. I
know how and then the child goes home with the parents. You know what I'm
saying? I don't bring any more babies home. So that's what has me more
comfortable and, and, and grounded in the idea of even moving forward with
wanting to do it, the maturity that comes with age. Right. Yes. Yes. And
that's definitely how I feel about it now is much more mature and much
more thought out. Um, now I just have to get my fiance on board because
when you don't know, you automatically know this is weird for me, you know.
So it's a process, I mean, and I may never do it, but I definitely have
the thought. It's my phone. I'm so sorry. I was like, there's dripping
water somewhere. That's hilarious. I think we're pretty well wrapped up.
If you want to go ahead and hit off. I hope I didn't go too far left.