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Tuwdas April 1,1986

Qarbag«, a free (Ha!) public service provided by the
Stale M ess to announce meetings of whatever groups
we think deserve them, Is published every Tuesday
after Lent. To be Included, please obtain a form at the
Stale M ess reception desk on the third floor, next to the
soda machine, of Matthews Center. For Tuesday’s
paper the Insert must be filed by 3:46 a.m. Monday and
for Thursday’s paper the deadline Is 12:43 a.m.
Wednesday. No entries will be accepted after deadline,
unless, of course, you grant us sexual favors. One Item
per event will be accepted. Qarbege entries are subject
to hacking with an axe due to staff laziness In
designing this page.

YESTERD AY
Wanna Spredda Thl Business Fraternity will meet at
1:47 p.m. In the MU Pig Room Northwest for a speech
by the general manager of the M esa K-Mart. Bring your
blue lights.
Organization to Promote Nuclear Annihilation will

meet at a time yet to be determined to discuss how to
erase Libya.
University Toastmafcers will meet at noon In the
basement o f the MU for their continuing series on the
history of French toast.
Phi Alpha Delta Kappa Omksron Zeta Moonbeam
Boondoggle Zippy and Sampson Pre-Law Fraternity will
meet to vote on a proper acronym.
Studenta for the Parole o f Charles Manson will meet
at midnight In the shrubs behind the Business
Adm inistration Building to discuss ways of helping
many “ fam ilies” in the Phoenix metro area.
Fem inists United tor Getting Some Action will meet
at 8 p.m. In the MU Domination Center. A ll three
members are requested to attend In black leather.
Fantasy Club will meet at 10 p.m. for Its standard
meeting. Tonight’s fantasy: Bitting in a vat of blueberry
yogurt while being goosed by the managing editor of
this newspaper.

Reporter donates blood purely for pleasure, not profit
Fin ally, my obsession got the better of
me.
F irst, a sultry, sensuous technician
jabbed my finger with a sharp pin and
removed a sm all amount of blood for
testin g . The sensation w as so
deliciously intense that I asked her to
do the sam e with my other nine fingers.
She was apologetic, saying policy
forbade my request. But she slipped me
her phone number, suggesting I call her
in the evening.
Fin ally, the great moment arrived,
and the needle was inserted in m y arm .

By ID SH E R B E R T

Stale Mess
T h ere’s som ething about the
sensation of a razor-sharp, stainless
steel needle piercing my arm and
plunging deep into a vein that just
makes me feel just so, so good!
I’m not talking about the satisfaction
that comes from helping another
person in need; I give blood because I
love it!
I tried to resist, but every tim e I
walked by a donating station, the
temptation would grow a little stronger.

I was in heaven as 1 watched my
blood make its way -down the narrow
plastic tube into a plastic bag that
slowly inflated as my arteries are
drained; at tim es like this, I know there
must be a God.
From tim e to tim e, a sexy technician
would come by and gently squeeze the
deep purple blood-filled bag, causing
me to quiver.
B ut, at la st, my foray into heaven
cam e to an end, and though I pleaded
that the needle be left in m y arm “ ju st a
little longer,’’ it was duly removed.

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Page 13

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Whereabouts

. ;

Lost ASU sports figures found in weird places
By S E IG H E IL E R

Stalt Mete
The A ctivity Center end Sun D evil Stadium stand empty.
And it’* not just because basketball season is over.
In the minds of ASU sports fans, there is one burning
question: W ho« has everyone gone?
Ju s t a few short months ago, they were the people who
defined sports at A SU . Bob Weinhauer Darryl Rogers. Dick
Thmburo. Ron Singleton. Jo n Taylor. David Fulcher.
Now they’re gone, and ASU sports w ill never be the same
without them. But in our tireless service to the ASU sports
fkn, the stale Meet sprats staff has managed to compile this
update of what these men are up to.
Bob W einhauer— After being dismissed from his coaching
job in the Continental Basketball League, Weinhauer has hit
the road with a red-hot m agic show. IB s show starts with the
ever-popular “ saw your personality in h alf” gag, and moves
through several other tricks before com ing to a clim ax with
the Incredible Whiner’s own “ Disappearing Contracts”
shocker.
“ Now you see it, now you don’t ,” the Whiner said. " I owe it
a llt o J.R . He showed me how it was done.
“ Russ really knows his sleight of hand.”
D arryl Rogers — He was rumored to be coaching the
Detroit Lions, but the Stale Mess has learned that he is no
longer in that position.
A ctually, The Craw has moved to the South Side of
Chicago, where he makes quite a lucrative living as a
raspberry Je ll-0 w restler. He’s currently unbeaten through
1? bouts.
Rogers, now that Detroit’s blown him o ff, has also joined
with Katrina and the W aves to form the new group, “ Katrina
and the Craw .” Their hot new video, " I ’m W alking on
E ggsh ells,” has already gone platinum .
"W e’re doin’ a M erv next week,” Rogers said. “ I ’ve
alw ays wanted to m eet that guy. If I play my cards right,
maybe I can guest host next month. ”
The group’s world tour begins tomorrow at the Pontiac
SUverdome. M any, many tickets are still available.

Libya, U.S. to settle
worldwide conflicts
on good or gridiron
By ALI-H AJIM C8H IEK
Stale Meet
U .S . President Ronald “ Rambo” Raygun announced
Saturday that to settle the differences between the United
States and Lib ya, the two countries w ill engage in an
internationally televised football gam e at Sun Devil Stadium
Wednesday.
Libya dictator Mooamouth Getoffm e agreed to the event,
but only on the condition that at halftim e, he and Reagan
must compete in an arm wrestling bout worth a touchdown
and conversion.
Reagan said the gam e would be a great chance to show not
only Am erica’s m uscle, but his own as w ell.
“ W ell,” he said, “ that foreign flake is in for the showdown
of his life .”
The U .8 . team will be comprised of college athletes with
big egos and professionals that .have been charged with a
felony at least once in their career.
Leading the Am ericans at quarterback will be A SU ’s own
Je s t van Rathorse. He beat out the University of Miami
standout Robbie Nabosco.
Upchuck'M uncie, who was caught with cocaine six tim es,
leads the rushers and rapist Thomas “ Hollywood”
Hendersick ramrods the defense.
Getoffm e said h e w ill coach his own squad while Raygun
has hired the A-Team to direct the Am ericans.
Line coach M r. T .P . told us what he predicts.
“ P aiiinnn.” he said. “ Dose suckers ain’t scorin’ on us. We
b etoobadtom essw lt.”
The Las Vegas line has the United States winning by six
points, but the entire gam e may depend on the outcome of the
halftim e show.
Jim m y “ The Geek” said that if Raygun continues lifting
weights with Sylchester “ Y o Adrian” Studlone he should
have a great chance of defeating the Libyan shnook.
There are still eight seats rem aining for the gam e so rush
out to Charles H airless’ office in the A ctivity Center, loom
144B. After the mini-war everyone is invited to the G u lf of
Sidra for a sw im . The U .S . Navy w ill be there so come even if
we lose.
People who go to school at or root for Duke and their
im m ediate fam ilies w ill be shot on sight if they attem pt to
attend the G u lf of Sidra bash.

D ick Tamburo <** This discovery cam e up entirely
accidentally. After spending weeks trying to locate
Tamburo, Stale Mete sports editor Dean Obenauer stumbled
across him in a Kinney's while looking for a new pair of
leather-lined penny loafers. The text of their conversation is
reproducedexactly here.
D IC K : Can I help you, sir?
D E A N : Aren't you D ick Tamburo?
D IC K : No! Where? Who’s he?
D E A N : Come on, I know it’s you. You can’t kid a kidder,
D IC K : A lright, it’s m e. But keep it down. And who are you,
anyway?
D E A N : I’m Dean Obenauer, the sports ediD IC K : Oh, yeah, I know you. You work for the Stale Meet.
You’re a really weak editor, you know that?
D E A N : Yeah, I know, but that job is a killer. I’m hatin’ life
down in that basement. But anyway, how come you’re
workinghere?
D IC K : W ell, I needed a job , and I figured after all the times
I’ve been stepped on, I know shoes better than anybody.
Dean went on to buy M s shoes (at Buster Brown’s), and
Tamburo has dropped out of sight again.
Ren Singletoo/Jon Taylor — These guys are still around.
They hang around the P .E . West gym , taking suckers for big
bucks. Thqy’re part of a new breed: professional pick-up
players.
Singleton, who made approxim ately $242 in Just under four
hours, was pretty psyched about Ms new profession.
“ Another hundred bucks and I'll be able to pay for my first
semester at W ally Thor’s Truckm asters,” Singleton said.
“ Then I can drive the big rigs. ”
Singleton said he plans to use the handle “ Raw Deal Ron.”
David Fulcher — After a tragic knee injury that ended hi*
hopes for a professional football career, Fulcher has
accepted a position as the national spokesman for Rolaids.
H is slogan, “ How do you steal relief,” is now famous
worldwide.
Fulcher has also been doing public service announcements
against shoplifting. His slogan is “ Shoplifting is stealing —
unless you can do a 4.5 forty and hit like a freight train.”

Bob "The Incredible Whiner" Weinhauer shouts the magic
words during one of his shows at the Activity Center recently.

Sports editor finally m anages entry
into Dino’s doghouse for stupidity
Ten weeks ago, Dino started the doghouse as a
column to serve up justice to people in the sprats world
that did something stupid. Since then, the doghouse has
played host to everyone from Howard Cosell to the
entire U .S . N avy.
That’s right, the N avy. Dino was rotten to the corps.
Well now, by popular demand of at least seven or
eight co-workers, Dino has been selected to be featured
in his own doghouse.
W hy, you ask? Why would anyone want to put a
friend and co-worker in so awful a place? Believe me,
we got reasons.
One of our photographers decided he belonged there
when Dino told her he was surprised that a girl could
take good sports photos.
Our news editor thinks Dino belongs here because
he’s “ not a real sports editor. ”
H alf the city desk reporting staff is on the verge of
filing sexual harassm ent suits against Dino. They don’t
like it when he calls them “ honey.” Especially the
guys.
The copy desk thinks he belongs there for not
knowing that there is an “ e” on the end of the word
“ m orale,” distinguishing it from the word “ m oral.”
(K eepin mind that Dino is an English m ajor. Scary.)
Nobody was too thrilled the night that Dino left while
the sprats desk was still on deadline to go play an
intram ural basketball gam e either. That earned him a
fG W V O tC S .

As a m atter of fact, if Dino gets very many more
votes to be placed in the doghouse, it’s going to have to
be a doggie condominium just to hold all his letters of
re fe re n c e *

And that’s only the beginning. Dino’s popularity in
the newsroom is only surpassed by the immense love
and cam araderie he inspires aiming the people who
work in the backstop, pasting up the paper and
running the typesetting m achines.
Dino has been bestest buddies with those folksever
since he went back there and started cutting headlines
apart with an exacto knife. The night production
manag e had to get the m anaging editor on the phone
and have Dino ejected from the area.
As a m atter of fact, it is only with the M il cooperation
of these folks that this entry in the doghouse was made

possible. You gotta like people who stand up for what
they believe in, especially when it’s so noble a calling
as lam basting a co-worker.
And then there are the folks who keep writing the
letters and making the phone calls. We had one guy call
Dino about three weeks into the semester just to tell
him he was a “ weak editor.” Dino couldn’t keep him on
long enough to trace the call.
I know, I know, everyone probably thinks it’s pretty
weak for me to go after my boss in the Stale Mete. But
you don’t know what it’s like down here. And when all
you folks start com plaining about me m aligning Dino
on this page, I’U just have to repeat Dino’s off-therecord response to the charge that he was m aligning
the Navel Academ y:
“ 1 hope I m aligned him . . . what the hell else is the
doghouse fo r?”
Anyway, Dino, welcome to your own doghouse. I
hope it’s not too dark in there fra you to see to write
your columns.
Then again, m aybe . .

‘God’ Pelvis draws fine
for McWomanrstyle hat
By ANDREW D ELO BO ZO
and B E A D H ALVO R8EN M E L LE N C AM P
State M ass
A SU ’s wildman cheerleader/tee chaser “ P elvis” w m fined
«5,000 Monday after months of appeals for w earing a CB S hat
on the sidelines of the ASU-Washington gam e last N o v JJ.
The decision, handed down by N CAA Executive Director
Faulty Tires, is the first since the infamous headband
iiy iito if Jim McWoman encountered during the N F L
playoffs in Decem ber.
____„
Tires called the decision a “ terribly vital move
P elvis’s “ m essiah-like tendencies” could virtually start
new trend.
'
_
,.
,
“ Pelvis is a god at Arizona State,” Tires said. “ He s
more potential than the San Diego Fried Chicken. If he’s sera
wearing a C B S hat, kiss NBC and A B C goodbye.
.
P elvis, who likened the decision to a ‘ ‘double-flip-multipleturnaround-whammy that messed up,” said something to the
effect that Tires had his “ head in his grass.”
“ I am not a god,” Pelvis said. “ ASU football is god. The
Rose Bowl is god. (ASU coach) John Blooper is god. A ll I do is
ultra-sonic-reverse-fling-twisters on national television.
P elvis, interviewed late Monday night while sweeping the
floor outside P laydra Library, said he didn’t even own
hat. A water boy gave it to him as a replacem ent for his ASU
hat’ which he lost while retrieving a tee, he said.
“ I was going for a new record — four som ersaults and
three windpipe toe-jam m ers,” E lv is said. “ But I wiped out at
the 35-yard line and m yhat blew aw ay.
“ I was crushed. Frank Cushy once kicked m e while I was
wearing that h at.”
Meanwhile, the Pacific-10 Conference is launching a fullscale investigation of the incident in an attem pt to place the
A SU football program on probation.
“ Thi« is alm ost as serious as the free paperweights the
ASU
coach gave to a high school coach,” said P ac10 Executive D irector Tom “ Charles” M ansra, referring to a
recent ASU basketball recruiting violation.
A SU athletic director Charles H airless would not comment
on the m atter, but said the athletic department is sponsoring
a “ Save Your P elvis” fundraiser to help P elvis pay the fine.
Hairiwm said interested persons can pay «1 to see Blooper,
hpakaihnii coach G rieve Pitter-Patterson and baseball coach
Jim Crock im itate Pelvis’s tee-fetching techniques at Sin
D evil Stadium this weekend. For more inform ation, dial 965PELV.

p r e s e n ts

“STUDENT HOUR
WITH THE DEAN”
with

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Acting Associate Dean

APRIL 2,1986
3:30 P.M.
RA

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N ot v a lid w ith any o ther coupon.

F re e F irs t S e rv ic e
(on sc o o te rs)

Expires April 9 ,19B6.

SUN DEVIL HONDA

2620 W. Broadway
M esa 921-0199

tr ee q u a r t

1

OF COKE

■

Free quart of C o k e w ith the
purchase o f a large o r m edium
p izza w ith th is coupon.
N o t va lid w ith an y o th er Coupon.
Expires April 0,1986.

GINO’S PIZZA 966-4666
_

(Between Price & Dobson)

±

822 S . M ill Avenue

(Your Parking W orries Are Over)

W e 'ee Se e n d elive rin g in Tem pe sin ce

OosnMonday....... 3:30p.m.-MWniflht

1970.

........11

frMtY * s.turd.y....... ■
Sunday«
...... PioodHoidnigpni .

Tutadnyt/Ápril1 .1 9 8 6
Ths STATE PR ESS d iacisim s * ll respon­
s ib ility for qu alify and p rice s o l goods
and services offered In both classified
and disp lay advertising by Ha advartiaera.

F u r n it u r e

Inside the North Entrance
. . . Across from the
Residence Life office.

IX

a . in.

to 2 p.m. DAILY
MONDAY-FRIDAY

T h e deadline for State Press
Classified A d s placed at M atthews Center or over the phone
is 10 a.m . two days prior to pub­
lication. Th e deadline for A ds
placed at the M em orial U nion is
throe days prior to publication.
C lassified rates are $1.90 for
15 w ords and 10 cents for every
word thereafter for each day.
F o r further Information, call
965-7572. '

Announcem ents
A L L M EN interested in becom ing a
Founding Father o f Sigm a Alpha Mu
o all M arty at 987-1320.
___________
SUNDAYS; 9:30- 10:30 am Danforth
Chapel Friends M eeting (Quakers):
M e e tin g s
fo r w o rsh ip ..
S ile n t
m eetlnge.. You are InvHed, Fellow ship
and Frlondahlp...(987-e040).__________

Autom obiles
ENGINES FO R Datsun, Toyota, Mazda,
Subaru, C olt, Honda, Isuzu. Lass than
30,000 m iles, steam cleaned, com ­
pression tested, very com plete. S ix
m onth guarantee. Zleco Inc. 2546260.

F o r Rent or Lease
NEW O N E and tw o bedroom apts.
Many am enities. Free m onth or
m onthly discount w ith lease. Pelican
Bay Apts. Three m iles from cam pus.
2121W. M ain, M esa 900-3380._________
TOW NHOUSE, TWO bedroom one
bath, furnished, pool, approx two m iles
troni ASU. 83*6376.

F o r Sale
100% GUARANTEED 5W DS/DO disk­
ette 90 cents each. H acko’s 933 E.
U niversity Tam pa986-2118.__________
1973 DODGE CO LT, good transporta­
tion car, air, autom atic. 990-3056 after
M O pm .
BEAUTIFUL CONDO, Broadway and
M cC lintock, tw o bdrm, tw o bath,
33,500, take over paym ents, no qualify­
ing, m onthly payment o f only 3625,
Includes m aintenance fee. Days, 2622871; eves, 9666364.________________

PART TIME typist last and accurate,
good gramm ar and sp ellin g , som e
com puter experience helpfu l, good
' pay. C a ll 937-1860.____________.

Q UEEN FUTON w ith so lid wood oak
stained frame. Excellent condition.
3135 O BO make offer. M ust sell.
804-6046.
•
________

PER FEC T JO B for studsnt, evenings,
and weakenda, N o setting! C lo se to
ASU. Ju st s a l appointm ents by phone,
Great pay. 960-7166, after 3 3 0 pm.

H elp Wanted

RESTAURANTfBAR help w anted. GrHI
cooks, w aitresses, bartenders. Newl
Apply th e W oodshed H Dobson and
U niversity. N eon to 5310pm.__________

A A A C A M P TATIYEE M ale fem ale
counselors, program directors, R.N,
needed June 8th - Aug 16th, W hite
M ountains. C a ll for application and
Interview, Margaret W tiH e6645578,

STATE PRESS
CLASSIFIED

H e lp W anted

RO CKIN FREDDIES Is now hiring
co ck ta il woltraaesa. No phone ca lls
please. A pp ly between 13)0 and 4:00pm
2228, M ill.
____________.

A L L M AJO RS, we place you In direct
contact wRh 100 U.S. firm s tiM ng for
International Job assignm ents. Our
fees low est In w orld history. S pecial to
ASU students 942-2006.

SU M M ER C A M P lobe,' Northern M in­
nesota. Seeking qualified teachers and
co lle g e students. D irectors to r watdn
front, program , CIT. Departm ent heads
and assistan ts tor archery, cretts,
!
drama, itflaty . horseback tid in g , SSHm
.;A im ^ lM V T 6 < W -''1 s, now h irin g day.'
Ing, tennis, swim m ing, canoeing,
and evening sh ifts. A pp ly 525 W est
dance, boardealllng, secretary-driver
Broadway.
_________
M id-June to m kM ugueL A pp ly to !
A R E YO U h i need o f extra m oney? If so,
Sherw ood Forest Camp, 805 2nd Ave.
ca ll Sherry M cIntosh at 56754 after 1
N.W ., G rand Rapids. M inn.55744.
pm. ASU Telefund offers greet pay,
TELEM ARKETING IN 8cottad ale of­
In ce n tive s,
an d
tele-m arketin g fice, fle x ib le hours, good com m ission
axpertence._______________________ .
041-0770.
________ ..
A S IA T R A V E L/S tu d y. 2 m onths
W AREHO USE W O RKERS m inimum
31,295(1,396 covers a ll expanses. W ork
(36-IOhr) to offset co st. 9605587 day . experience required In ship p in g and
receiving, fo rk lift experience helpful.
evening._____ _______ '
______
A ll s h ifts a v a iiM e 896-9064.__________
A SKILLED nursing hom e fa c ility needs
nursing assistan ts and ord erlies fu ll
and part tim e, fle xib le hours. 1830 E
I n s t r u c t io n
Roosevelt. Phoenix, 2506660.________
ATTENTION STUDENTS. Need money?
Part tim e, best pltoner m ade 3230 In
le ss than 24 hours. C a ll 9607166 tor
interview.
______________ _
A TTEN TIO N A L L b u s in e s s and
m arketing students. Now Interviewing
students fo r fu ll tim e sum m er work In
sales and bu sin ess management. Earn
valuable experience and co llag e credit.
Make 34,340and c a ll 240-2118.
CHILD C A R E In my home. Tuesday and
Thursday 4:30 to 11:00pm. Guadalupe,
Hardy area. 6305352-_______________ _
CR U ISESH IPS: A IR LIN ES , n h irln g l
Summer, career, overseas! C a ll for
guide, cassette, new sservice. 9109444444 ext. CW3.________- DYNAM IC TEM PE based fin an cial aid
consuHIng firm seeking accounting o r r
finance m ajors for Im mediate parttim e
em ploym ent. Excellent working- con­
d itio n s w ith strong opportunities fo r .
advancem ent. A pp lican ts m ust be
highly m otivated and possess strong
a n a ly tic a l s k ills . C o n ta o t R ich
9602900, ext 331. _________________
EARN 33,500 — per
m onth, high
m onthly incom e for talented and hard
w orking sales persons. Immediate
openings fo r fu ll and part tim e
position s representing Prem ier Energy
Managem ent System s backed by
Arizona P u b lic Services. Excellent
career opportunity wHh Arlzonas fulllin e Energy Managem ent firm . C all
Frank at I.E.C.C. for Im mediate inter­
view. 991-2893._____________
,
EARN 36 per hour w ithout hurting your
grades, if you can work 20 hours per
week ca ll 8296957 to set up an
Interview.______;_____________ '_____

AERO BIC INSTRUCTORS ce rtifica tio n
w orkshop at ASU. Weekend o f A p ril 5th
by N ational Aerobics Train in g As­
so ciatio n 831-1588._______________

Jew elry

1956 H O ND A SCOOTER E lb e 80,1200
m iles, exce lle n t condition, m ust se ll
366092162661_____________________
AZ M O TO RCYCLE S ales, b ast prices
on used m otorcycles. New tires,
batteries and chains to o l F irs t , and
Hayden 9604H01.
_______ __
FO R S A L E Riva 180 scooter, on ly 1800
m iles, 3750. H eidi, 9646104, eves and
weekends.______________ '■
__________
HO NDA AER O 50, alm ost new 3450.
David 967-3143.___________ _

Personal
DOMINIQUE: TO my te rrific room m ate,
your th e b ssL Jenn._________________
JO H N H A L E Alm ost on you r edge of
your seat? Hoping soon w o can m eet.
D ifferent than any othanHappy late
Easter to you and your brother Brian.
LET U S H E LP each other. H appily
m arried, fin an cially secure co u p le w ish
to give your w hite newborn a ll the love
and happiness we have In ou r hearts.
Expenses paid. Legal and confidential.
C a ll E lle n and Marvin c o lle c t (516)
4276643.
_______________ '¿ _

I NEED 50 people. M ust work 5am to
4pm, first 25 hired, 34.00 an hour and
bonus for referrals. Second 25 hired
33.75 an hour, bonus for referrals, and
30 day wage review. F u ll tim e available.
Hours, days, flexible . C a ll M -F 1-4 pm,
9530162.__________________________

M EET YO UR m atch 9451252. Meet
som eone sp ecial on a one to one basis
or in fun group activities._____________

LABO R ER S, .6 m os experience requlred, up to 37an h our606-7578._____

TODD- I'M glad we worked th in g s out.
Love you Jerm ._____________________

JO H N CO U GAR tickets. Great seats at
great p rices. C a ll 6398123.
______
JO H N CO U G AR tickets (rows 2, 3, 6,
10). M ain floor. 3 30 - 300. Darren.
947-9472.
________________
.
LUXURY TOW N HO M E, Two bedroom ,
2M bath. O verlooks g olf course.
Private parking, courtyard, fireplace,
and »undeck. C a ll 941-5374 aftec6p.m .
S M A LL CO M M ERCIAL refrigerator
holds 218 cans o f pop- 375, w orks
great, 94S3419.
_____________

to

3 1 0

SHO RT O F TIME? I can help. Re­
asonable. Professional. Guaranteed.
Experienced in academ ic. C e ll Jessie
945-5744,
,
________

6310

PRO FESSIO NAL, ACADEM IC, wordp ro ce ssin g , boo k, th e s is , d is ­
sertations, d isc storage, letter quality.
Reasonable rates. Taylor-Lyndsay 964

THESIS, PAPERS, reports, resum s’s
and more. Special student discount.
Fast, reliab le service. D iversified Pro­
fession als Inc. 4225 W. Glendale,
Ptioahtx; 246S842. ____________ ___

pm.

F E M A LE N O N SM O K ER , m uefcan
preferred, southeast Scottsdale, fur­
nished 2 bedroom 2 bath 3260 utilHIes
Included. 047-2664 after 53».
FEM ALE ROOM MATE, nonsm oker to
share hom e near M cC lin tock and
Southern. 3250 and u tilitie s Included.
8076622 o r 4653847.________________
M ALE, FEM ALE nonsm oker, own
bedroom h i a townhouse, a ll am enHies,
washer dryer, security. C a ll S cott
8096372 Dobson, U niversity._________
M ALE, F E M A L E Own bedroom , bath.
Very clo se to ASU. 3230 m onth p lu s
hah utfHtleS 9666405._______________
M ALE ROOM MATE wanted for new
condo in Papago IL Pool, (acuzzl,
washer, dryer, n icely fummhed, 3250
todudee utHHIes. 604-2733.__________
RESPO N SIBLE FEM ALE roomm ate
wanted to share beautiful new fur­
nished 3 bedroom , 2 bathroom house,
15 m inutes from A8U. 3160 per m onth
plu s V> phone. Includes pool, lacuzzi,
washer dryer and m uch more. N eeded
Im mediately. A sk lo rJ o e 6354802.

Services

SU SAN, CO NGRATS on becom ing the
best in itiate d Kappa evert you're the
qreatesti Lous, Keith._______________

A t last...

a ftern o o n

e v e n in g

O ur sales people w ork In a modern, com fortable business environment
contacting established custom ers on long distance W ATS lines. Guaranteed
salary o r com tM saion, w hichever la greater, and averages 35 to 310 an hour.
We have bean In the Valley for over 10 years. O ur Tem ps o ffice is located
approxim ately five m inutes from campus.

PLEASE CALL DIALAMERICA FOR DETAILS.
8 2 9 -1 1 4 0

«1,

CornertaRe/Mill - 839-9600
NEW SHIPMENTS WEEKL Y
'4/4

Room m ate wmtexi
4 BDRM HOUSE w ith large bdrm
available. W aterbed included. Non
sm oker! C«» Don 9653728. • _____ '

A p ril

ADRIAN D ECKER • Happy A p ril Fool’s.
Thank» again for dinner. A lison._______

A L L HIT by lim p» F rl 521 “ Supriaea"
H al Apt» Fools I J .P .V .R A ._________
ANDREA: BIRTHDAY on fo o ls day Is no
lobe Love, Scott. _________________
ATTENTION! TIM Flynn, I have herpes,
meet m eat clin ic.__________________
ATTENTION U S A B oyer
w ants you! Put ex In closet.

Som eone

BARBARA, IF you went to talk ce ll
Sedona. Love J o n , ______________ „

AIRLINE TICKETS. Round trip to San
Diego, L A , Vegee, and E l Paso, 366:
A ndy9676890.
_________
M EXICO STUDY vacations. Intensive
Spanish or arts, crafts. Escorted
groups, 30 days. Cuernavaca, June, o f
San M lgual A llsn d e, Ju ly. $1,396 a ll
Inclusive. Free brochures. (002)2429231.
' ■
____________
ir e * .
A y p in g
$160 PER PAG E w ith word processor,
professional typist. Sam e day service.
C a ll M w le W illie , 8344883.__________
5 1 PRO FICIENT typing. IBM S electrlc.
Loralne, 8336365 at U niversity and
Dotaaon In M ess.
______________
A-1 RESUM ES, cover letter com posi­
tion, term papers (Business C olleg e a
specialty). Cynthia, 9653627._________
A-1 W ORDPROCESSING at K inko’s
C opia»9 35 East U niversity 9852036.

BO B L E T S have
»em etter V icki.

m uch fun th is

BUTCH I am having your baby, Love
Nana._______________________ _____
CARLO S, HAPPY A p ril Fool’s Oay big
bro, your s is V icki.__________ _______
CHARLIE: I’m a foo l in love w ith you.
5 5 1 , Honey.
______________
CHARLIE, L E T S moke a movie: “ Let's
keep» up" A n n a___________________
CHRISTOPHE PROSNIER- Happy A pril
Fool'»- Love, your m ain fool, A lison.
CLARE, RO SES are red. You are mine.
H appily your», C laire.____________ __
CUETO, C AN I have a scooter ride
dow n Palm w alk? Reindeer.__________
DAN BEEBE: Se ye later gator, Sunday
ntohtl
____________________ _
DANNA ERICKSO N- Happy A p ril
F o o l'a W e'd love another picnic!
A LC P .C C P .
_______________
DARRYL D A V I5 W hat's new at the
Blue O yster Bat?___________________
DAVE W ALTERS: No racer’ s widow,
plu s I toooove M elvls. A lo h a_________
DAVE HARMON- m issed you at the
Rose B ell last sem ester!_____________
DEB AND Sealm an: A ln t no m ountain

A-1 W ORD processing. Books, theses,
dissertation s, legal, resum es, lettore.
Q uick turnaround. M esa Secretar!t o » DEBORAH M O UQ UE, Happy A pril
‘ 'F o o l’s Day 1Te qulero Love, Donk.
8441876.________________________
DEENA W ATCH out for tllo com ets!
A A A W ORD processing service. Term
Lisa.
papere, resum e's, graphics, etc. 11-7

C A L L M E to r fe e l accurate, q u ality
service M com petitive prioee. C lo se to
A B U 0*52136.
________
CER EU S W ORD PRO CESSING . Q uality
g u a ra n te e d .
T e rm
p t y t r i,
m arketlng /tech n lcal, d isse rta tio n s,
th e s e s, form
le tte rs , resum e».
967-7795
■ ________;_______
CUSTO M TYPIN G near ABU. Feet end
accurate $126 per pageB27-7931.
EVERYTHING TYPED. Term papers.
reeum ea, etc... a ll le tte r qqpltty- Rush
lobanopw b< |ini.CaH 9iM !M )5
FO RM ER A S U STAFFERS- w ith lo ts Of
understandin g and little prices. Term
papers, the»»», dissert »lion», pro­
fession ally done on word processin g
equipm ent, feet turn around, spelling,
punctuation checked. Donne o r Joan
9456302.
_______ _ _

HEY S T E V E let'» have lunch.
HEY SW IRLY head: Hows about some
p icn ic baskets 11 Banana Headl
H O LU S. pictures are make to last a
lUetlm e. Ysehaw.___________________
H O LU S., som eone's knocking on your
taco, let him In._______________ .
JA N E GORDAN, you have llow ere at
the desk._______________ JE F F- LOOKING forward to a fun
■ sem ester your »1» V icki.__________■
JILL CAFFERTY, Karen Baeret: Better
ride the pommel horse soon I_________
KATRINA- YO U 'LL be on a m ilk carton
soon.
_______________________
KEN L-- W e love your creyolael_______

BAKE, H APPY Birthday up In the
cloud» signed, Coke.________________

BO B IT wee the attack o f the. k ille r
to ile t paper!_______________________

ALW AYS A V A ILA B LE for typing. CMI
B u sin M 8 3 5 0 3 7 5 _________________

P e r H o u r*

ACTIVE AETT s ie te n Happy
Foola, lo v e your pledge tim e r,.

AA A DRIVEAW AY. Care to m ost ma)or
citie s. U drive. F irst tank h e» 277-9679.

AIRLINE DISCOUNTS! F ly roundtrip
Chicago, New O rleans, M inneapolis,
M idw est 9185. Carrtblan $400, O rient
6600. A rth u r9057283.__________ '

W ORD PROCESSING- D isertations,
Theses, Resum es, 44th St. end
Cam elback. Rosem ary o r Virginia,
840-9440. ' .
____________ _

W M V M M N M M IM M M M M M n M M M M M M n n M M M M J

BIG JO HN stud, love that stubble! Get
»tan._________ ;___________________

Travel

TYPING. FAST. Accurate. I supply
quality bond paper. $1.50 page $.50
title papS. Linda S40-79S0.___________

APRIL
PERSONALS

Transportation

PARAD ICE CREAM . Needs Ice cream
servers. M ust have ca r and work both
Tam pa and Phoenix stores. Part tim e,
fle xib le hours. A pply 1044 South
Tetreos0676414.________ '__________

styles for women!
219 E. Baseline Ste. 5

stale
mess

AJA X , CAN I have an Am erican
Express card? Your Sweetheart.______

PHO TO GRAPHER AVAILABLE. Por­
traits, p ortfolios, w addings, etc. Good
work. C a ll Gary 0650938 o r leave
meeeeoe._______________.

TYPING AT home, fast, accurate, call
M artin 96S-3687.

W M N N M W n M M M M M W M I M M M M M M M in N M N A N

GIVE MOTHER a g ift s h e 'll treasure
always. C a ll Dr. B’s Photography
(8946186) about M other's Day portrait

cM I8357822other tim e» «355632 Ron.

CaHfomla Beach
S W IM W E A R

PRO FESSIO NAL TYPING a! home, 24
years experience, fast, accurate, pick­
up and delivery, one day service
8359599.
i
.

AETT LIL’ s itte r pledges- keep up the
aoodw orkl________________________

ACCURATE, PRO FESSIO NAL
processing* Fas! turnaround. Spellin g
and gramm ar assistance. U nde 8 35
7905
_____________ ;___________

A new store concept
specializing in the
"latest & hottest”

PRO FESSIO NAL TYPING, term papers,
essays, etc. IBM se le ctrlc III equip, low
rates, quick turnaround, Tam ps area
Pat M ottet 987-1632.________________

C A R S AV AILAB LE - 21 or older. A ll
Stale» Drlye-eway, 9926200.__________

A LL PAPER S typed to your com plete
aMtoteetton. Convenient, n eeeonaM e
M rs. O H dey967-0602. ______________

The nation's Unset telem arketing firm la now accepting applications for the
follow ing shifts:
m o r n in g

NORTH PHOENIX typist. Dependable
and accurate. Reasonable rates. C all
K a lh y 4626692.________ ____________

PAINTERS AN D helpers. wlHIng to train
hard w orkers. Good starting pay
6346461.________________
.

ANYTIME / PART-TIME
3 5

D ESPERATELY NEED fem ale roomm­
ate to share new condo. 15 m inutes
from A8U , a il am m onifies, 3175 plus vs
u tilitie s. Caff431-0284 o r 8355244 after

M otorcycles

DISCOUNT AM ERICA shopping guide.
Save up to 50% on appliances,
electron ics, fum Hure, clothing. 39.95
check payable to Mr. Roezman, P.O.
Box 5400, Chicago, II, 60680-5409.

NEW M cDO NALDS at 8140 E. Mc­
Dowell (East o f Hayden) now hiring.
Flexib le hours to flt cla ss schedule.
Starting above m inim um wage. Inter­
view s held Monday through Friday, 9
a<m. to 5 p.m. at the Hayden and Indian
Sch ool Road M cDonalds.____________

Typing

PUBLISHED AUTHOR- Taaehar grad
student w ill do research ghost w riting,
laave m essage 964 4825. .___________

IMMEDIATE O PEN IN G S for students
Interested In earning up to 37 per hour;
gain valuable experience In PR and
fund raising; looks great on your
resum e. Cam paign for St. Lukes Poison
Managem ent Center c a ll 2516616.

ELECTRO NIC TYPEW RITER, A dler
S atellite II U ke new l O rigin ally 3500
asking 3196. C a ll Sandl, 967-6306.

Typing

PRO FESSIO N AL RESUM E’S at student
prices. Q uick turnaround. Never a
d issatisfied custom er. C a ll M arker
G raphic»8446706
______________

CONDO S A L E Papago One. Two
bedroom , one large bath a ll applian­
ces, many upgrades, low er floor, pool,
1000 square feet p h is patio, two
parking sta lls, 369,900. Owner, 9452929.______________ ._______________

ELEC T R IC TYPEW RITER, B roth er
Exec. 65, new, m ust se ll. 3270.
990-3711,901-2014._________________

Room m ate wanted

CASH FO R gold, diam onds and silver.
M ill Ave Jew elers 414 S. MUI Ave Suite
104.
.
________________

I960 HO NDA O S 660 custom , good
transportation, bell helm et Included
3 6 8 0 0 8 0 .0 0 » Dave9656320.________

JJg g e JS

KH O SH G EL
K H E IL Y
K h e ily
Oahekatam. Happy A p ril 1 1986
Azlzsm .
_______________________
LAST YEAR clothes were m issing now
M's you, A p ril Fools!________________
LELE "TAKE me sw ay" Love Teddy.
M ARK FESSLER, my live dollars, my
shirt, o r your spsedol_______________
MASTER: THANKS for asking, but I
can’t marry you Palnbutt.____________
M ICH ELE I'LL be your fool forever, no
fo o lln l Love John.
__________
M IKE AND Steve- w het's up, eh?
MISTER MOVIE, make your own deni,
Vienna sausage. Fridge loto._________
M ISTER SALTY, we like you better
when you’re aweke- Settings._________
M ISTER SALTY- G reen corduroy
couch»» are pee»» Love, the Saltine».
M ISTER SALTY, you're s till In the
loading zonal The ZMttose.__________
M ISTER SALTY, you're s till in the
loading zone! Ths8altlne»-__________
MOM , DAD I decided to get a sex
change, Thomaslna.________________
ODIE, H APPY Birthday to my A pril
Fool. Love ye. Peer._________________
PHIL, OUITING State Press going to
Bahamas to start Harem, The Machine.
SCOTT BOW ERS, you're a non-stop
anim al In bed Love Mash loins.________
SCOTT BOW ERS, the diam onds w ill
drive a li the girts crazyl______________
SCOTT MISSED yd th is weekend! I
Love you, V lckl.____________________

SHEILA, THIS la the plant patrol. We’ve
got you surrounded!
SHERI, WE’ RE alarmed that we m issed
you Love, M ike Peters.

the

SIG EPS, bar keep, nother round,
Shaka.

DM J3ES Prescription: Take 2 and ca ll
me on Friday.

SIG EPS, thanks tor the money. Yours
tru ly A ir HawaU.

DON A LEE 1 hope we have many more
«west nights, Roger.

SO W HY do they caH you B ig Dave
Huaaey?

EDDIE WRIGHTI Had fun In mazMIan.
Thanks s lo t room 1900?

STARCH, H O B86 on m y kum p with
your hammer 40QM66.

FOXFIRE QIRL8, a unique broad.
Totally Dve end Mrom tnl Fly.

STEVE, G LAD you're staying m ini can't
com pare Up'n away.

GETTY-8 LIFE’S a beach I Singing to
th e L A . rein! G ladstone.

STEVEN- SCOTT and K ite
getting m arried.

GOOBZ- 1 gkre up, Zook Is yours PS.
A p rilF o o to l

STUD, "Looks lik e h a not your pro
anymore, whM now.

GREG, YOU bring o u t the beast to m el
Love J A P .

T A J IK . W HAT'S your dog 's m iddle
nam e? Happy A F . Day! -1001.

GUS, DECIDED to Im re » baby Instead,
need help. Love Lori.

TAM M Y- (mlee 368) how M g are those
th in g s-P h i PltL

H APPY LATE Birthday Tom H utchin­
son Love Am y and Helen.

TIGER, I'M pregnant because o l early
m orning knoatlencel Love, Alex.

H EY AN N thara-e a
bedroom . Apt» Fools.

TO O O RKK 1 lo re you, I’m no topi,
torever tenOsr Trecy.

DISRUPTION AN D death to
oreatorian knight In the abyss.

cat to

your

ms

not

HEY NEW Jersey! S prings to the Mr
and I'm oH atone.

W H EN 'S THE blow out gang?
PSYched. It'D be a circu its!

I'm

H EY NEW Jersey! G et thM transfer and
nlsasB com e horns-M cM ountain Goat.
'
ËtÉ. .

YTtDtPUTS FO ngta su rt s s i aegasssm
drawkcab gnidaer.
__ 1____

“NEW OWNERS”
L A tW D B O U B H )

1028 E. LEM O N ST.
TERRACE SQUARE
(NEXTTO PAPILLONS)

| FREE WASH!!
I
|

G O O D FOR O N E FREE
LOAD O F W ASH AT

I LAUNDROLAND
|
LIMIT O N E C O U P O N PER PERSO N.
I VALID WITH C O U P O N O NLY. EXPIRES 5-31-86.

500 TO W ASH • 250 TO DRY
20% OFF ON A L L D RY CLEAN IN G !!
(24 H O U R DRY C L E A N IN G )

W ASH & FO LD 500 PER POUND
(M IN IM U M 10

EACHA D D IT IO N A L P O U N D 500
HOURS: 7:30 A.M.-MIDNIGHT DAILY
9 S 6 ~ 8 p i$
OFFER EXPIRES 5-31-86.

• v;:i