Gas leak causes COB evacuation B y B O B W IL S O N Stats P re ss About 50 people were evacuated from the Classroom Office late Friday afternoon when lab technicians discovered that a compressed gas cylinder was leaking highly flammable methane. Six fire trucks from Tempe and Phoenix, including the Phoenix Hazardous M aterials Team, responded to the alarm , ASU F ire M arshal Andy Anderson said. Chemical engineering lab technicians in room preparing to use the cylinder and heard gas leaking around 4:30p.m., Anderson said. The technicians put the cylinder under a hood vent that slicked the gas outside. “We suspect there was a ruptured disk in the cylinder Jh ere you screw in a regulator,” Anderson said, “but we have no idea what caused U.” The cylinder, which contained 2,000 pounds of pressure, was brought outside where the remainder of the gas was released harmlessly into the air, he said. The process took ¿hot# |0 minutes. The HMT went through the entire building and checked the a ir with a detector for flammable gas. * Tha hnllitlng was declared safe at 0:30 p.m. Friday. Methane has a fiidnt garlic odor and can be ignited by a spa|-k, Anderson said. Phoenix F in Captain VanSum m w s. left, hnd FrodRam irez, catrtaln of Hazardous Incidence ResponsoTeani, discuss locating and removing the source of a methane leak, which happened Friday afternoon on the second fleer e l Classroom Office Building. 1 4 - S p i • H a te ;■m o n d a y M a rc h Staff photo by non Kuesok Jr. V 0 I .6 8 N 0 . 1 1 1 3 1 ,1 9 8 6 Arizona State University Temps, Arizona © Copyright, State Press, 1986 bill m a n d a tiiig re m e d ia l report By JOHN CONWAY State Press A bill that would require the Arizona Board of Regents to submit a, report on state high school graduates enrolled in u n iv e r s ity remedial classes “doesn’t do anything,” a legislator said. Sen. Luis Gonzales, D-Tucson, was the only member of the Arizona Senate Education Committee to vote against House Bill 2040 If the bill becomes law, the report would include the number of freshmen students from Arizona high schools, their academic performance for the year and their grades in remedial course* work. Universities also would have to hueimte the number of academic admissions requirement waivers granted. Academic waivers are issued by universities when a student has not m et entrance requirements, The th e student is then given a year to meet university standards. Gonzales said the high schools already have this information from the universities. “The lawdoesn’t do anything in my mind, said'Gonzales “The Board of Regents, as a policy-making body, can already do this. “What you have is legislation that does nothing.” Some of the information required by the bill is collected by universities and community colleges and distributed to high schools, said Odus Elliot, associate director for Academic Programs tor the regents. The bill still must be voted on fay the senate before going to Arizona Gov. Bruce Babbit. It has been amended twice and was passed unanimously by the House of Representatives on Jan. 30. t . Rep. Jim Green, R-Tucson and sponsor of the bill, agreed that the regents can collect the information. “I think most of the things we legislate are things that could be done,” Green said. “ (This bill) will help to spotlight areas that need attention:” Hi The purpose of the bill k to identify high schools that graduate students who experience academic difficulty at universities, he said. Once the areas of deficiency are located, direct action may be tmdertaken, Green said. Christine Wilkinson, who supervises the ASU report on first-year students from state high schools, said she would, not oppose a “formalized group” tracking the performance Of specified students. w»ikinyht assistant vice president of student affairs in the departm ent of undergraduate admissions, said the University is doing an adequate job with the reports. According to the bill, the regents and the State Board of Directors for Community Colleges would have to submit a yearly report by Oct. 31 to state agencies. The superintendent of public instruction would notify high schools of the report’s results. Gonzales said high school students may encounter a<»nd«»nr«ie problems because “they don’t understand what the (university) standards are.” Kin«* said the board supports the bill because it would “improve” the current information gathering process and standardize it. 3 missed appointments to cost students $5 The ASU Student Health Center will bhgin fining students $5 Tuesday on the third time they miss a doctor’s appointment without calling a half-hour ahead to cancel. The $5 charge will be placed mi a student’s ASU record. “This is not to penalize anyone but to encourage students to call and let us know early if they aren’t going to make it,” said Dr. Monty Roth, director of Student Health Services. “We recognize that people sometimes miss for reasons beyond their control,” he said. Roth said missing appointments cuts the availability of services for other students because doctors wait five minutes past the scheduled time before seeing another patient. Mark Carpenter, director of the Student Health Advisory Committee, said 32 percent of appointments are missed. “When you see as many patients as we do a day with the limited staff that we have, it just doesn’t work as well as it could with so many no-shows,” Carpenter said. After two missed appointments, students will receive a letter from SHAC warning that they will be fined the next time they fail to show up for an appointment or do not eanceiintim e. “If you don’t pay it, you can’t register t o classes, can’t get your transcripts, can’t cash checks oh campus and can’t graduate,” Carpenter said. Students will be able to appeal fines to SHAC and Dr. Both. “We hope the end result will be that people will be more responsible and keep their appointments,” Carpenter said. —BOB WILSON O nly « 1 Candidates for the ASASU presidency, The baseball team will get a few days off Craig Herman and Chris Cummiekey, are. profiled. Page X from practice after losing two o f three games to the Stanford Cardinal over the weekendiPags 9. The College of Fine Arte will not be ASU weather — Increasing cloudiness to­ represented In the ASASU Sqnate next year. Page 7. day with an expected high of 92 degrees. The expected low is 65. Bloom County...................... . .... 8 Classified — .. p ■.11 I v o r y T o w e r s . . . . . . .......... • • • 5 Natlon/world......... . .......2 Opinion.......... ».............. . ....... — 4 Sports .................................. 9 Today. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . • • 3 3 Days To Preregistrationl HAVE YOU GOTTEN YOUR M EASLES SHOT? n a t io n / w o r ld C aller cla im s additional pain-killer tam pering CINCINNATI (AP) — The Procter & Gam ble Co. said F riday it is investigating an anonymous caller’s claim that he placed cyanide-filled capsules of PftG’s Encaprin painreliever in Walgreen drugstores in Chicago and D etroit The call prompted Walgreen to remove the product from its stores nationwide. Federal authorities and Procter & Gamble officials said they hoped the threat was a hoax. In P h ila d e lp h ia , m eanw hile, SmithKline Beckman Corp. said the week-old recall of Contac and two other over-the-counter drugs has turned up no more tainted capsules beyond the nine that had traces of ra t poison. SmithKline issued the recall on March 21 of its popular cold medication Contac and two (¿her products — Dietac for weight loss and Teldrin for allergy relief — a ft» it received telephoned threats against the drugs and tests showed nonlethal amounts of ra t poison present in nine capsules. A c to r J a m e s C a g n e y dies Easter S u n d a y NEW YORK (AP) — Jam es Cagney, won an Oscar as the song and dance man of "Yankee Doodle Dandy” but earned his place in movie history as the pugnacious hoodlum of such classics as “The Public Enemy” *nd Dirty Faces,” died Sunday. He was 86. Cagney, who suffered from diabetes, recently had beat in declining health. He was released from Lenox Hill Hospital last week, where he had been treated for a circulatory ailment, and died at his w ho Dutchess County farm north of New York CSty. Marge Zimmerman, his m anager and confidante, said then that he was returning to his farm in the Dutchess County community of Stanfordville “to be among the surroundings he loves.” “He was the most powerful a c t» on the screen,” actress Virginia Mayo told CBS radio. “The most dynamic. It was like fireworks going off.” Anna Strasberg, widow of acting teacher Lee Strasberg, said she and her husband both knew Cagney well. S trikers clash w ith b&rm aids, taxi drivers CLARK AIR BASE, Philippines (AP) Hundreds of barmaids and. taxi drivers, furious over lost business, routed Filipino workers blockading a U.S. air base on Sunday and tore down barricades the pickets had built. Filipino police fired pistols into,the air to break up the 20-minute melee in which at least four people were injured, including one man who lost a front tooth when a rock hit him in the mouth. After toe ISOstrikers on the barricades fled, the hostesses and taxicab and passenger jeep drivers ripped out the workers’ sound system, smashed toe windows of a pick-up truck, broke chairs and set fire to a tarpaulin the (rickets used as a tent. They then cheered U.S. m ilitary personnel who returned to the base after being stranded outside by the 9-day-old strike. About 22,000 Filipino civilian workers represented by a union federation are dem anding higher severance pay from Clark, Subic Naval Base and six sm aller U.S. bases. Tavern liability ruling bothers bar ow ners Arizona’s bar owners are growing weary of being th eir “ brothers’ keepers,” a rale forced on them by a state Supreme Court ruling last year, the bead of a statewide association of tavern owners says. The Supreme Court ruled last year that tavern owners can be held liable for the actions of intoxicated customers. Under the ruling, a patron who becomes intoxicated at a bar can sue the bar owner and others in the event of an accident. So can any victims of the accident The ruling has caused serious pac problems, even though only one verdict out of seven cases has been returned in favor of a plaintiff seeking damages from a bar owner, said Hank Graham, president of toe Arizona Licensed Beverage Association. “How does anyone know where you had your last drink? What you drank? How much you drank?” Graham asked. “No one in their right mind wants to serve someone who is obviously drunk. But we can’t see what their blood-alcohol level is when they don’t appear to be drunk. We can’t look into someone.” Owners of restaurants and bars — who sell about 20 percent of the alcohol consumed in Arizona — say they are the . victims pf lawyers seeking big awards. -1 0 U S C stu d en t ta sk fo rc e w a n ts to cu rb cheating LOS ANGELES — A University of Southern California student task force ha« recommended that new measures be instituted to curb cheating in university classrooms. The actions of the task force came in response to results of a survey showing that many students have witnessed at least one instance of cheating while enrobed at toe university. The report, compiled by the Gold Seal Task Force on Academic Integrity, in­ cludes recommendations that professors main» known their intent to uphold the university’s policy on cheating and that toe use of bluebooks for taking exams be discontinued. The report also calls for the establish­ ment of a uniform policy on cheating within all the university’s academic departm ents; a more active role in educating students of toe cheating policy tty toe Freshman Writing Program and Summer (Mentation Program ; and the formation of a new committee to hear student complaints and questions regar­ ding cheating at toe university. The task force’s findings and recom­ mendations have been inform ally presented to the Student Senate, and Vice Provost Sylvia Manning. — Tiw Daily Trojan NATIVE AM ER IC A N CU LTliR At. A W A R E N E S S r vW EEK A C T IV IT IE S M A R C H 31 -A P R IL 6 , 1 9 8 6 HU 1:0Q-4:00 p.m. Entertainm ent (West Lawn) 7:00-9:00 p.m. Movia: “More Than Bows and Arrows” (MU North/South Pinal Rooms) Sp ea kers (MU Pima Room) 11:30-12:30 •Minority Recruitment •Minority Assistance Program Fashion Show (Rendezvous Lounge) 12:00 p.m. Pat Smith, Designer 3:30-5:00 p.m. N A S A Saneral M eeting (MU South Pinal Room) MONDAY TUESDAY in Flagstaff Northern Arizona University Enjoy summer in beautiful Flagstaff while attending summer school at Northern Arizona University. For only $ 5 0 per sem ester hour you can earn up to 12 hours of required courses, electives, special interest classes, or workshops. Low -cost housing and meal plans m ake it an affordable summer package. Sp ea kers — (TBA) ^ •V-V-(MU Pima Room) 7:30-11:00 p.m. M is s Indian A S U Pageant (MU Arizona Room) W E D N E S D A Y 2:30 p.m. THURSDAY 1:00-4:00 p.m. W erksh a p s Office of the Vice President of Student Affairs ■; ; •UndergraduateAdmissions •Residence Life •Student Life •Financial Aid •Career Servioes 6:40-10:00 p.m. Sp ea kers •— (TBA) 1 :00-4:00 p m Entertainm ent (West Lawn) 2:00-4:00 p.m. Reception (Alumni Lounge) 5:00-8:00 p.m. Bnnqtfnt (MU Arizona Room) Invited guests and Students R.S.V.P. by March 3 1 ,1 9B6 965-6060 or 967-0167 SUMMER SESSION I Ju ne 10 - July 10 SUMMER SESSION II July 14 - August 13 .. TEN-WEEK SUMMER SESSION June 10 - August 13 rM ail to: I O ffice of Summer Sessions. N AU Box 4117 Northern Arizona University. Flagstaff. A Z 86011 FRID AY ■ W e ll be glad to send you further details of the summer program in | I our 1986 Summer Catalog | City. .State. NAU *s an Equal Opportunity / Affirmative Action Institution SATURDAY 6:00-12:00 a.m. Intercollegiate Pom-wow (Mesa Community College) n o r th er n UNIVERSITY SUNDAY . 10:00 a.m. Intercollegiate Paw-wow (Mesa Community College) For Mora Information Call: 965-6060 or 967-0167 069-0796 or 994-1449 r :<¿ass Page!3 Monday. Mardi 31,1986 A S A S U P re s id e n t Cummiskey: giving students V o ice ’ ¡¡p| '!' Name: Chris Cummiskey Birthdate: August 15,1964 Hometown: Point Pleasant, N.J. High School: Phoenix Brophy College Prep Major: Communications, junior Associated Students of ASU Executive Vice President Chris Cummiskey has been president of something since he was 14 years old. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost,” the ASASU presidential candidate said. “I’ve never been faced with that before.” He started as president of his freshman class at Brophy, then his sophomore and junior classes and finally, student body president. Cummiskey was an ASASU senator and Appropriations Committee Chairman his sophomore year at ASU. As executive vice president, Cummiskey is running his campaign for president on the theme "Keeping the Doors Open.” “ASASU has to do everything in its power to make this place accessible and available to students,” he Said. “The easier we make it for students to come in, the more ¡ji Name: Craig Herman Birthdate: Dec. 15,1963 Hometown: Scottsdale, Arts. High School: Scottsdale Saguaro High MajoY: Computer engineering technology, senior “I’m the guy who doesn’t know and doesn’t care,” said presidential candidate Craig Herman. “Thirty-seven thousand people didn’t vote last year because they didn’t know and didn’t care — I figure I’m 'th e people’s choice. ” -C'lf elected, he said he will be “more representative of the student body than anyone else.” “I am appealing to the ideology, the beliefs and the attitudes that over half of the students at ASU have,” Herman said. He said he “figures he is going into the election with a 37,000 vote lead on” his opponent. “People tend to vote for the people that believe the way they do,” he said. “I figure I’m pulling from a pool of the 37,000 people that didn’t know or care last year. ” Herman said he “didn’t know” what he Wmm j Chris Cummiskey contimMd peg* • Herman: doesn’t know, doesn’t care Craig Herman conttmMd page • -X -A The A sso cia te d Students of A S U president Is the ch ie f executive office r of the student government, responsible for an annual budget of $900,000,25 departm ents and over 250 student, professional and volunteer personnel. The president also acts as a student spokesperson before the University, com munity, Arizona Board of Regents and the A rizona Legislature. The president is a non-voting member on the A S A S U Summary of duties t o d executive com m ittee and Senate and a voting member on the Inter-Collegiate A th le tic Board, Faculty Executive Com m ittee, Faculty Senate, Alum ni A ssociatio n Board of Directors and Executive Com m ittee. Culture in China — A Taoist Perspective” at 2 p.m. in Farm er Education Building room 202. □ Dawn Noggle and Steve Doncaster will speak on “ O ppression in Guatem ala” at noon in the MU Santa a y □ Kuang-mlng Wu, author o f “ Chuang Tzu: A World Ph ilosopher at Play,” wilt speak on "Poverty and B ILLIA R D S -1 Sco ttsd ale's N ew est Recreation C enter! POOL ★ BILLIARDS ★ GAMES tt It’s going to be 1he Acapulco of ASU!” Com« lit A nd S p g O u r CompKritely N«w Fun F a cility A n d Ito fisfa r to Entar O u r Draw ing For A'FREE Pool Cua D r a wings will be held Wednesdays, A pril 9,16,23 and 30 at 8 p.m. ? & t a r c t u s t B IL L IA R D S 0n,y„ l ~ M ark E ll Sophom ore Business Managem ent s Scottsdale 2515 N. Scottsdale Rd. In Wilshire Plaza Cruz Room. □ A u th o rs and officers from The A ssocia tio n for the Anthropological A ssociatio n for the Study o f Play, w ill speak at 1:15 p.m. on the second floor o f the MU. COME AND SEE WHAT’S UP AT “THE COMMONS” Hot And Cold Sandwich«* * Snacks • Win« and B««r - ¿ Articles by Kari Bland 990-1519 NOW OPEN FOR SUMMER AND FALL DISC BRAKE Special 4-CYL. TUNE-UP ^ Special Only $4995 only * 4 9 95 IN C L U D E S : IN C L U D E S : 1. Turn Two Rotors 2. Repack Front Wheel Bearings 3. R&R Front Pads 4. Check Hoses 5. Check Rear Brakes 6. Road Test 7. Parts & Labor Add $15 for semi-metallic pads 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. Spark Plugs Cap Rotor Points Set timing & Dwell Road Test Adjust Carburetor Parts & Labor Most cars and trucks. Expires 5-15-86. •B rand new — Summer-Fall ’86 occupancy •H uge luxury condom inium units •Tw o blocks to cam pus, am ple parking included •W asher/dryer, dishw asher, microwave in every unit •M ini-blinds, ceiling fans, walk-in closets •Fully furnished •H igh quality accessories — tow els, linens, dishes, to aster, coffee m aker, etc. — all color coordinated and brand new! •P o o l, jacuzzi, sand volleyball court •P riced fo r students The Commons On Lemon are going fa st! Most cars and trucks. Expires 5-15-86. FOR RENT « FOR SALE To reserve your unit call now! (602) 968-6427 UnivfSity TEMPE IMPORTS 966-6680 • 1836 E. 6th St., Tempe WiSi X (997-7324) l 2 15 E. Lemon *101 Terrlpe, AZ - ■- ■ o p i n i o n Law is order, and good law is good order. — A ristotle D ilig e n t s tu d e n ts d o n o t liv e b y p iz z a a lo n e ___ 91 w_i s__ Because of expense and the chance of boisterous behavior, hard liquor would not be served. Playing asinine drinking gam*« like quarters also would be prohibited. A certified bartender employed by the University would dispense the beer. Because of state laws making the owners of an establishment liable for the behavior of its patrons, the Michael Konz bartender also would be responsible for making sure student drinkers did not exceed their limit. Knowing ASU, this means Asst Gty Editor he would have to double as a bouncer. . There could be a small dance floor, but we wouldn t need You’ve had i t It’s student election tune again, and you any John Travoltas wearing loud Jam s with Vuamets on top can’t face more candidates and their literature without of their heads trying to breakdance in a drunken stupor. something to fortify you. There would be just enough of a dance floor to give you an You search for solace and relaxation in the MU. excuse to mingle with someone of the opposite sex. Right now you don’t have much choice—ice cream, pizza, Would faculty and adm inistrators be allowed in the tavern? Hmmm. . T u t wouldn’t it be nice to walk into the MU, go past the ice If the faculty were to get its own club with its own bar (a cream parlor, ignore the Pizza Place, and even forget about m ajor hypocrisy, considering the University’s current the television room. .. .. ,• «_ Instead, with eyes dazed and mind reeling, the realization alcohol policies toward students), then certainly not. But if the faculty club never materializes, then it should be hits home—it’s time to waltz into the MU student tavern. left to a student vote conducted by ASASU to decide if faculty Yes, a student tavern. . ■ Now before I get the student alcoholics and the religious can drink in the student tavern. My own preference is that faculty not be allowed to drink in crusaders excited, listen to some facetious and some serious the tavern — students have a reputation to keep up. Besides, logic it wouldn’t be the same after seeing your calculus professor After a day of sitting in classes or standing over a hot getting loaded when he should be home correcting your tests. serving line on a SAGA job, what could be better than a With anything like this, there is always the question of cheap, cold beer and good company? with outside sources. The tavern wouldn’t have to be extravagant. It could serve competing From what I can gather, Maryjo Mertens, director of the four or five brands of beer, with a couple on tap, and also a MU, has final say on what can go in the the Union. The trend light beer for those conscientious of their guts. For those with has been that the University can provide necessities for finer palates (translate lightweights), wine coolers would be students such as food and pencils but not luxury items such served. ^ —- «as.» «computers, M ite n i which which would would Diace place the the University University in competition with the private sector. The «impia solution is to consider alcohol a necessity. A lot of ASU students do anyway. . The real problem with a student tavern at ASU is the imminent danger of drunk, obnoxious, brawling college students wreaking havoc on University property. Then most of them get into cars to commit attem pted m urder on the road. It’s a very legitimate qualm, but there are several inherent barriers to prohibit it. . . , . F irst, the legal drinking age of 21 would be strictly enforced. . v- • . _. _ It isn’t difficult. A student simply must present a legitimate driver’s license showing his age. An ultraviolet light would show if it had been tampered with. Nothing else would be taken. Second, the bartender would be responsible for enforcing a drinking cutoff before anyone reached a level of severe Third, hard liquor would not be sold. Although a serving of hard liquor is as potent as a serving of beer, students have a bad habit of shooting hard liquor. Since drinking games would be forbidden, chugging beer would be discouraged. Fourth, and most importantly, patrons wouid have to hand over their car, motorcycle or scooter keys before entering the tavern. They could retrieve them from the bartender only if he thought they were able to operate their vehicles safely. Admittedly, none of these safeguards is foolproof, but combined they overcome the dangers of a student tavern enough to w arrant its operation. STATE J U N B /fcfc D e f e n s e o f S o v ie ts u n b e lie v a b ly a b s u r d Editor: What planet has Marc Almaraz been living on for the past seven years? I simply cannot believe that anyone could have possibly taken his defense of the Soviet invasion of Afganistan seriously (March 2AND JO E POUTKX)... f . MS. BILGE...?’ I JUST VJANT TO SAb» ilM PROUD TO TAKE PART IN STUDENT ELECTIONS IN THE SPIRIT -, /TH EV R E^ OF WGtWTV, È AND FAIR ' ABOUT COMPETITION! THAT JOE AK*Jr JU U £, PERHAPS YCUCANEXPlAlk) TO OUR L IS T E N E R S T H E S E AUDE&TAKEN ATTA RECENT EDIBLE COSTUME PARTY.. VdEARlMGTWE POTETOS AU GM TM .~ j — 1 B E L IE V E m t r S i W (UN-— — ^ At Diet Center you can lose 10 pounds in two weeks . . . be two sizes trimmer in three weeks. It’s quick. It’s safe. And perhaps best of all, you won’t see the weight you lost come bade We can show you how, rigjht now. Your first personal consultation is free. Call today. TEMPE • 967-1371 911 E. Broadw ay LUCKY SHOPPING CENTER Open Daily 7 a.m .-6 p.m . ¡ k s iM Î Ü TSy MESA AT SO lONGMOR! A SUPERSTITION 829-0344 vìdeo 1250 E. Apache JUSTKTVtEI FRIENDSIFH» 12;«. 2«. SIS. 7:45. »15 IS IB11:00. 3:00. 5 00 N ext to the co ld Rush 249-2843 t ASU STUDENT SPECIAL FREE MOVIE RENTAL RENT 2 GET 1 FREE. RENT VCR GET 1 ADDITIONAL MOVIE FREE. a ^ 835-0404 $700 MIDNIGHT I J SHOWS i FRIDAY&SATURDAY J n 5707 n o i»t h t J I UiEFIMIEMITYM 1:00.2:50.4:40. <30.8:15 OFFER GOOO W/ASU I.D. VALID W/COUPON ONLY. OFFER EXPIRES 3-27-86. M O M P A Y TH RU F K l D A y JUST EASTOFMILL ON5tk STREET 968-6977 C L A S S R IN G S M A R C H 31 T H R O U G H A P R IL 4,1 9 8 6 ASU BO O KSTO RE OPEN UNTIL 3am MON. THRU SAT. $ ^■uipurs,Miliwiciira-i3|iaLMS^ B D*po*it R oqulrad 9 “ 4 ave C um m iskey_ Herman____ ocnOMMd Irani 1 co nWnu»< Irem » SUMMER SPECIAL $75°° O F F 1 B E D R O O M APTS. *10000 O FF 2 B E D R O O M A P T S 1/2 block from Cam pus, Huge, well-furnished 1-bedroom , i-b a th , and 2-bedroom , 2-baths, all utilities included, cable T V , plus many amenities. 9 5 0 S. Terrace Rd. 966-8540 enjoyable it will be to work in student government. Cummiskey said he has “opened doom” at ASASU through the Senate Awareness program , speaking engagements and a tte n d in g m eetin g s of cam pus organizations. Cummiskey said he would continue to work with the ASASU funding criteria for campus clubs, which he said discriminate against certain organizations. “ It is crucial that, we fund all organizations fairly because the purpose of Associated Students is to provide a forum for the discussion of all points of view,” he Said. “We need to encourage discussion, not stifle i t ” ' But Cummiskey said the most important issue of his campaign is the state relations department. The state relations department’s primary duties are to represent students at the ' Arizona Board of Regents meetings and act as a research team for the president. “We didn't reach our potential in rfjgayminating information about issues to students this year,” he said. “We should be prepared with solid solutions, based on discussion with students, about issues like tuition, before walking into meetings instead of just reacting to decisions after they are made. “It takes motion on the part of students for the regents to act, and the students won’t act unless the president rallies student support.” Cummiskey said his second major concern is U niversity boards and committees. “These boards are evidence that die administration is willing to provide student voice in committee decisions that affect student life, and we should take advantage of this opportunity,” he said. Cummiskey said there are about 80 student seats on committees, ranging from advisement to parking appeals, to be filled each year. He said he would like to see more seats given to students. would do if he was elected. “I can’t be a hypocrite,” he said. " I have to stick to m y platform and represent the people that voted for me. “When people vote for a Democrat, they expect him to rem ain a Democrat once he is in office.” Herman said he is not nnuring to “spite anyone or mock anyone,” or to disband the student government “I’m just standing for what I believe in as far as ASASU elections and politics go,” he said. “Mudsiinging is not a fair way to lead your life, let alone a campaign.” Herman said he has spent $30 of the $800 the candidates are allowed to spend on their campaigns. “I’m a student and I can’t afford to spend that much money on a campaign,” he said. “Some candidates have gotten donations, but I’m working out of my back pocket.” Harman made his own signs and added that he will “probably put out some fliers, but I’m mostly relying on forums and interviews forpublicity.” Herman said he will not wear a coat and tie smile campaigning on campus. Herman was the only candidate to appear at the outdoor candidate forum on March 25 wearing shorts and a short-sleeved shirt. “It was too hot,” he said. “I have to be comfortable.” H om an said be decided to run for president during last year’s ASASU elections “I was walking down Cady Mall, looking a ta ll the signs, when I realized that ASASU elections have always been the sam e,” he said. “The same type of people, the same kinds of signs. “Again voter turnout was low, so I decided I would run next election. ” Herman said his ASU activities include “going to class, with a goal to graduate.” He is also a member of Delta Sigma Phi. “I’m not saying it’s wrong to care and know, but I don’t care or know,” he said. “I’m here to present an idea and let the people vote as they will, and we’ll see what happens.” ASU t, INTRAMURAL SPORTS » announce IN T R A M U R A L A R M W R E S T L I N G AW ARDS: M ILLER A N D A S U IN T R A M U R Â LS W ILL PR O VID E T-SH IRTS TO W IN N ERS IN E A C H DIVISION. A L L PA R T IC IPA N T S W ILL R E C E IV E AN A R M T O W EL (ha ha), C O M P LIM E N T S O F M ILLER BEER. C O S T : F R E E '!! CH ECK-IN : A L L PA R T IC IPA N T S M U S T P R E S E N T THEIR A S U PH O T O I D. C A R D IN T H E M.U. R E N D E Z V O U S L O U N G E BETW EEN 11:30 A N D 12 N O O N O N W ED N ESD A Y, A P R IL 2,1986. CO M PETIT IO N B E G IN S A FT E R C H E C K -IN . E N T R Y DEADLINE: Wedneday, A pril 2, by 10 a.m. at the Intramural Office, P.E. West Lobby **************************************** THE ONLY LOSER IN INTRAMURALS IS THE NON-PARTICIPANT **************************************** WEIGHT DIVISIONS: M E N ’S DIVISIONS — 148 lbs. and under 149 lbs.-181 lbs. 182 lbs.-210 lbs. 211 lbs. and over W O M E N ’S DIVISIONS — under 126 125 and over E N T R IE S A V A IL A B L E AT: INTRAMURAL SPORTS OFFICE P.E. WEST BUILDING LOBBY 9 6 5 -5 6 3 8 Monday, Match 31; 1986 Size prevents fine arts school from ertteittgj senatorial race By TRACY SCOTT State Pres» The College of Fine Arts will not be represented in the Associated Students of ASU Senate next year, die ASASU elections director said. Laurie Levin said the college's small size prevents It from forming a college council. “They are a very small college, and they are just beginning to get off die ground,” she said. Currently the College of Fine Arts is represented by junior Will Cook and sophomore John Lipp. But Cook said he is may still run for reelection. “Right now I’m not sure if I will run or not,” he said. “I know it is a little late." ASASU elections are Wednesday and Thursday. H ie College of Architecture, the second smallest college at ASU, has three candidates: junior Sen. Pamela Keniston, junior Andrew Goodman and sophomore Scott Hodges. College President Tom Awai said, “We don’t have high qualifications for senatorial candidates.” In the College of Nursing, Sen. Wendy Schwartz and senior Mary Lou Scott are running. College President Joann Holmes said, “The nursing programs are real intense, and extracurricular activities are really taxing on time we don’t have. ” In the College of Engineering, two candidates are running unopposed: juniors Kevin Anderson and Steven Weber. In the College of Education, Sen. Mary Johnson and Kymberty Leicht are running. ‘Right n ow I’m not su re if I will run or n o t I know it is a little late? — W ill C o o k ASASU regulations dictate candidates must carry more than seven credit hours, have a 2.2 grade point average and be members of their own college councils. Three candidates are running in the College of Business, the largest college of the 10 a t ASU. The candidates are junior Scott Butera, senior John Colombo and sophomore Kevin Gwinner. Six candidates are running from the College of Liberal Arts, the second largest college at ASU. The candidates are incumbent Sen. Jeff Lanham, junior Mark Isenberg, freshman Karl Karg, junior-Steve Escobedo, junior John Smith, and senior Will Murphy. In the College of Public Programs, freshman Vince Micone, junior Kate Lehman and Cathy Johnson are running. Leicht, also president of the College of Education Council, said a high priority would be to increase the college council budget, which was slashed by $475 this semester. The College of Law will be holding its own senatorial elections. Because the college is holding its own elections, a complete ballot of senatorial candidates did not have to be completed until today. As of Friday, the candidates were Sen. Ed Rubacha, graduate students Carrie Chaplin, Jim Moore, Len Munsil and Kim LangdonWalker. Last week Munsil, Rubaca and Doug Drury resigned. They said it would allow other students to run. In the College of Social Work, Sen. Leonor Marquez will run unopposed. CO LLEG E LEAD ER SH IP S C H O L A R S H IP S Student Foundation •a re currently a full-time undergraduate student at A$0 . •will be returning to ASU in the fall •have a cumulative CPA of 3.0 or better, and « «have dem onstrated leadership ability on or off campus then pick up an application in the Office of Student Life, NOW. Applications are due Friday, April 4, 1986, at 5:00 p.m. in the Student Life office. This scholarship is awarded annually to the outstanding student leader in each of the undergraduate colleges at ASU, plus the College of Law, and is currently valued at $500. C O ^ O N S O k ro W fC T U D P IT B O O K a^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ f Mattonai Scr 'Ù 8 P E C .A U 2 .N G ^ IN C U S T O M S C R E E N P R IN T IN G jackets sho rts T-SHIRTS CAPS golf sh ir t s JERSEYS 2121 S. Priest Dr.. Suite 121-122 • Ternpe. AZ 85282 933 E. 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The pledges will continue to go on line, but only outdoors. _________ ____________ ___ Cornell tries to prohibit pledges ‘going on line' 3< TRADE Smart Styling with PHD ■no une. novo. iH ftstn omsecKON. m s c m a m aerano m eonaem , memp. piM r-m e/r Æ L CRISP QUALITY COPIES IS aooM mnvs mcmerwermm, m B A K M S S tto /IH M AMCxmtoejo MNmtNffàSv) termor/ w nioaf Qa — Tell A Friend — m te o N t/w e te sA C K ~S & B ro o c h e s The Menagerie JL \ ■ a 2g | ] MO/UHOUSePUPHl Just Arrived H ig h e s t Q u a lity R h in e s to n e N e c k la c e s V in ta g e /S ig n e d omm FÊATUte UNSATISFACTORY. * AMCANCeU.fr* MMEPItnStY. MU-ffcfWCfc WTH ANY STOPNOT5TAKRW6 MÛT FEN6WN WITHFATN0SÊ. mulsh '« M K t £ Y 5 U O S £ T 9m H !u r W**" W^« »kfd cop*» March of Dimes ■■■■B IR TH DEFECTS FOUNDATION CRISP QUALITY COPIES 3< NO MINIMUM > V Fu» S e n k e o r 8ott S onico. 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March 31.19Ì6 H f le 9 Netters drop 2 to No. 8 Stanford, No. 12 California By JON WILEY State Press The ASU men’s tennis team ’s season record fell to 12-10 as it last two straight over the weekend to No. 8 Stanford and No. 12 University of Califomia-Berkeley. The Devils lost the first four singles and the first two doubles to Stanford, making the final score 8-3. After being tied a t 3 with Cal after singles, ASU lost the first two doubles and the match, 5-4. “We didn’t lose any matches that we had opportunities to win,’’ said ASU head coach Lou Belken. “In other words, we didn’t lose the matches because we didn't go out and compete with them. ” At the No. 1 singles spot, ASU’s Andy Roediger lost to Stanford’s Dan Goldie, 8-1, 6-1, and Cal’s Steve Devries, 6-2,6-0, making his season dual match record to 106. Devil Mike Holten at No. 2 lost to Cardinal Jim Grabb in three sets, 5-7, 66, 6-1, and Golden Bear Peter Wright, 6-4,6-4, making his record 8-4. ASU’s No. 3 player Grant Adams lost to Stanford’s P at McEnroe, brother of top world-ranked John, 6-2, 6-3, and defeated Cal’s Woody Hunt in three sets, 3-6, 6-1,6-4, extending his record to 8-10. Holding the second best dual match record on the team, Devil Ken Kuperstein, at No. 4, made his record 12-6 after losing to Cardinal Eric Rosenfeld, 6-3, 7-6, and beating Bear Chris Schoop, 6-4,6-1. At No. 5, ASU’s Jeff Wood defeated Stanford’s John Letts, 7-6, 6-2, and lost to Cal’s Harold Hecht, 64, 64, making his record 3-6. Continuing to hold the best dual match record on the team with only two losses, Devil Jeff Karp at No. 6 beat Cardinal Scott Moody, 6-3,6-1, and Bear Donny Leone, 6-3, 6-1, making his record 15-2. At No. 1 doubles, Roediger and Adams lost, 6-2,6-2, to Goldie and Grabb and, 7-6,61, to Devries and Schoop, making their season doubles record 66. Against Stanford, at No. 2, Karp and Devil Mike Colloca made their record 6-6 when they lost to McEnroe and Letts, 6-2, 6-2. Against Cal, because of a bad leg, Karp did not play doubles. Instead, Holten teamed up with Colloca and they were defeated by Wright and Leone, 7-6,64. At No. 3, Kuperstein and Wood beat Rosenfeld and Moody in three sets, 6-2, 4-6, 6-3. They went on to defeat Hecht and Hunt in three intensely played sets, 64, 4-6, 6-2, making their record 14-3. They represent the only winning doubles team over the weekend and their record is the best on the team. Belken said that although it lost both matches, ASU is continuing to rise as a prominent tennis team. continued p«9« 11 Staff photo by Son Kucxek Jr. Freshman Ken’ Kuperstein, along with teammate Jeff Wood, notched two doubles wins this weekend against Nei. 8 Stanford and No. 12 Califom ia-Berkeley. Devils drop 2 of 3 in Packard against Stanford By BRAD HALVORSEN State Press You won’t find the ASU baseball team mi the practice field today. The Sun Devils weren’t there Sunday, either. And they won’t be there Tuesday. The Devils, who dropped into the Six-Pac cellar after losing two of three games to Stanford at Packard Stadium over the weekend, are taking a few days off. “We won’t meet again until quarter till two on Wednesday,” said Coach Jim Brock Saturday after Stanford thrashed the Devils, 12-0, the first time ASU has been shut out in more than a year. “We need to put baseball out of our minds completely, get some of the cobwebs out of there and come bade with two very hard, inspired practices.” Brock said the Devils seemed “a little tired” Saturday after losing the rubber match to the Cardinal. The loss put ASU (25-15 overall, 5-7 Six-Pac) three games behind conference-leader Stanford (21-8,7-3). While California won two close games over Southern California to move percentage points ahead of ASU at 6-8, the Devils and Stanford were involved in three blowouts. The first inning told the story for each game, Thursday, Stanford scored two unearned runs in the first and went on to record a 7-1 victory behind a powerful pitching performance by Jack McDowell. McDowell recorded his fourth complete-game victory in Six-Pac action by yielding five hits and striking out 12. Friday, ASU pounded Stanford pitcher Steve Chitren for five runs in the first and cruised to an 8-2 victory. Kurt Dempster went the distance for the Devils. Saturday, the Cardinal hailed ASU starter David Cassidy for three runs in the initial inning and dominated the remainder of the contest. “Last year you could get down by four or five runs in the first inning and have the thunder in the lineup to get back in it,” S t a n f o r d coach Mark Marquess said. “1 don’t think either of us have those kind of teams this year'.” The Devils certainly did not have the thunderin the final game. Cardinal pitcher Lee Plemelj a sophomore starting his second game of the season, pitched the best game of his Stanford career. Plemel gave up three hits, walked three and fanned six. Only one ASU baserunner reached third base. After retiring the first seven batters, Plemel began spotting baserunners in the third and fourth innings. But he Stormed back to strike out ASU’s top tear batters in succession. “You can pretty much throw whatever you want, mix it up a lot, when you have that kind of lead,” Plemel said. "I had them guessing curve ball on the third strike, and I’d come in with a fast ball.” While Plemel was stifling the Devils, Stanford was racking up the hits. The Cardinals outhit ASU, 18-3, with leadoff hitter Walt Harris collecting five hits in as many at-bats. Harris led off both of Stanford’s big innings. In the fifth, he poked a double off ASU relievo- Tony Harris, who replaced Cassidy in the first inning. Six batters after Harris, right fielder Toi Cook nailed a grand slam to boost the lead to 94). The ball didn’t appear to be heading out of the ball park, but it caught a wind, kept sailing, hit the right field fence and bounced out. “I had good bat speed along with (Harris’) fast ball, but I think (the wind) may have aided it,” Cook said. The ASU outfield was playing shallow at the time, otherwise right fielder Steve Mariucci may have had a chance to nab the ball before it hit the fence. One of the bright spots for the series was the pitching of Dempster. The sophomore right-hander Won his third straight complete game, scattering nine hits, walking two and stalking out nine. ' ' continued peg« 11 The Heat is On . . . YOU'RE INVITED! C h r is t ia n S c ie n c e but summertime travel rates are still cool at ^ ^ t r a v e im o r e O rgan ization a t ASU W elcom es all students, faculty and staff to our testim on ial m eetings. The Cornerstone Rural and University 9 6 7 -7 5 4 5 Each Tuesday at 5:30 p.m. DANFORTH CHAPEL 2 movies* & a recorder * 5 .9 9 MON. THROUGH THURS. EXCEPT HOLIDAYS ( with this coupon) (PR O PER I.D . REQ U IRED ) 'Some restrictions apply V id eo S co p e 968-2800 A N D T H A T ’S W H A T Y O U G E T EVERY MONDAY & WEDNESDAY 2 for 1 — Double Prints o n d e v e lo p a n d print o r d e r s 3121 S. MILL AVE, TEMPE N.E. Comer o f Southern & Mill Explret 5-31-86. » 2 9 .0 4 2 4 s Monday, March 31,1986 Television programmers ignore what fans want Bob Heiler Asst. Sports Editor Name the highest paid-attendance sport in the world and in theU.S. . Football? Basketball? Baseball? Hockey? Soccer? Guess again. More people pay to watch horse racing than any other sport. The public at large contains more people interested in the ponies than any other form of competition. Many this up to the parimutuel system, which allows people to gamble legally on the outcome of races. I’m sure this has something to do with it, but it can’t be all there is to it. i Why? One only has to look at the next sport on the list: auto racing. No such betting system exists for this sport, yet the people still come out in droves to watch it. But whatever the reason, these two sports are hard to beat when it comes to a popularity contest. Hundreds of thousands of people spend millions of dollars and hours yearly to keep up with what’s going on in these sports. Yet the media, especially die electronic media, fail to cover these sports in anything close to proportion with their popularity? Even now, when a man like Danny Sullivan can acheive fame among non-racing fans, the auto racing circuit is not covered nearly so well as it might be. I met Danny Sullivan, the 1965 Indy champion, just a few days ago. He’s in town for the 1966 Jimmy Bryan ISO, April 6 a t Phoenix International Raceway. Danny is one of the few athletes in these sports that has been able to overcome the negligence of the electronic media and become nationally famous. He had a few thoughts on why his sport was neglected by the electronic media. “When you go to cover an auto race, you need six or seven cam eras to do it right,” Sullivan said. “It gets real costly. “Also, the NFL, for example, is national, whereas racing is usually more of a regional sport. ’' Those are mitigating circumstances, to be sure. But they are hardly an excuse for the media, who are supposed to serve the viewing public, to ignore both auto and horse racing to the extent that they have in the past. And in horse racing, only one of those excuses even holds water. Horseracing is largely a regional sport also, except for a few events that draw national attention, such as the Triple Crown races. But a horse race can be adequately covered with three cameras, possibly even with two. The cost there is certainly not prohibitive. The fact is that television, for some unfathomable reason, has decided to ignore the section of the sports-viewing audience that frequents horse and auto races. This problem might have been resolved by the expansion of television channels made possible with the birth of cable. But the coverage that is offered there is scarcely any better than what is to be found over the airwaves. It’s about tim e the people in charge of network television wake up and smell their profits burning. The decision, fur whatever reason, not to cover these sports as their popularity dictates is simply bad business. If people are interested enough to buy admission, they’re inters ted enough to generate good Neilsen ratings; this will lead to increased ad revenues and fat, happy television executives. But as long as these sports are ignored, all that potential money goes swirling down the corporate drain, and sports fans are left without coverage of the things that interest them. It’s about time the people in charge of network television wake up and smelt their profits burning. In addition, the athletes in these sports have to put up with not receiving the respect they deserve. Jockeys and drivers fail to gain the national fame that would lead to the promotional opportunities offered to athletes in other sports. In other words, nobody wins. And the whole mess stems from the attem pt by the electronic media to dictate the tastes of its audience, rather than identify and serve its existing preferences. These media need to remember that the public is their m aster, and not the other way around. Radial K eratotom y THE MENAGERIE N ow Affordable l ÿ u e i ô / m u s i c (C e n te r IN TH E U T T L E A R C H E S S H O P P IN G C E N T E R E a r r in g s 50$ a p a i r Over 5,000 p a ir in stock . 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Most important, you can expect a first-race pro­ fessional environment from your instructors, facilities and fellow musicians. The Army has educational programs that can help you pay for offduty instruc­ tion, and if you qual­ ify, even k help you repay yourI _____ federally-insured ' student loans. Ifyou can sight' read music, performing in the Army could be your big break. Write: Chief, Army Bands Office, Fort Benjamin Harrison, IN 46216-5005. Or call toll free 1-800-USA-ARMY. Golfers stay In the hunt at Hom berg Invitational classifieds Danielle Ammaccapane woo individual honors Saturday at the Lady Mustang Round-Up in Dallas, leading the ASU women's golf team to a third-place tie behind Florida and San Jose State. Meanwhile, the ASU men’s team trailed Oklahoma State by four strokes and Louisiana State by one going into the final round of the Henry Homberg Invitational Sunday at Beaumont, Texas. Ammaccapane won her third tournament of the year by firing 72-72-78—217. The women’s team tied LSU with a three-round total of 910. Defending national champion Florida carded a 901 and San Jose State followed a t908. In the men’s tournament, Bill Mayfair’s rounds of 67 and 70 at Pinewood Country Club kept ASU in contortion for the title. Mayfair was tied for second place a t 137 with Brian Watts of Oklahoma State. Colin Montgomery of Houston Baptist led the field at 67-09 —136. F “We have a young team ,” he said. “Not in age, even though we don’t have any seniors, but as in being a national tennis power and we’re a t the point where we have to keep proving that to ourselves. “We have never played Stanford as tough as we did this time. They beat us, but we played well against them and Cal both. Those teams don’t come in and blow us out anymore. ‘*We’ve got one last hurdle to get over: rather than saying we were close in a match is to say that we beat them.” BEAUTIFUL CO NDO , Broadway and M cCUntock. tw o bdrm . tw o bath, 83,500, take over paym ents, no quattfyIng, m onthly payment o f only 3625, Includes m ahitenancs fee. Days, 2822871; eves, 9888384. _________ : CO NDO SA LE. Papago One. Two bedroom , one large bath a ll applian­ ce s, many upgiadaa, low er floor, p o d , 1000 square feet plu s patio, two parking sta lls, 369,900 Owner, 94629891 - ausp QUALITY COPIES s i t I %I# ^ HANG GLIDE) Two days on ly ISO. Gantty sloping h ill. S ale and « to llin g . A rizona W lndeports887-7121.________ o b ile « ENG INES FO R Dataun, Toyota. Mazda, 8 u b « u . C o lt, Honda, lauzu. Lssa than 30,000 m iles. atsam clapnad. compraaslon lasted , w ry com plete. S ix m onth guarantee, Ztooo Inc. 264-0236. 122 East University/96S-7821 On T h e Archa») Mon. - Thun. 6 a.m . to 9 p.m . F ri. and Sat, 8 a.m . to 8 pan. Sun. 12 noon to 5 p.m . Frintahopt O f The Future® JO H N CO U G AR tickets. Great seats at great prices. C a ll 8388123.___________ JO H N CO U GAR M ellencam p, seats 330.9660862.___________ floor F u r n it u r e e lp W a n te d A L L M AJO R S, .we p lace you In direct contact w ith 100 U.S. Arm s hiring for International lo b assignm ents. Our to ss low est In w orld h istory. S pecial to ASU atu dents942-2006. _______ A R E YOU In need o t extra m oney? If ao. c a ll Sherry M clntoah at 66764 a lta r 1 pm. ASU Tetofund offers great pay. In ce n tive s,, and . tale-m arketin g experience.________ _______________ A S IA T liA V E L /S tu d y . 2 m onths 31,296/1,396 covers afl expenses. W ork (36-10hr) to offset co st. 9086687 day R e n t or L e a s e BEAU TIFU L TH R EE or tour bedroom , swim m ing pool, A/C, near cam pus, avattab taS rtei lease option 9 0 3 3 0 7 . GRANDES CO RTES, Prim e Tampa, location , u n itie s Included, studtoe and one bedroom s, swim m ing, tennis, uoUaybalL basketball 9064117. NEW O N E and tw o bedroom apts. M any am enltlea. Free m onth o r m onthly d iscou n t w ith toes*. Pelican ■Bay A pts. Three m iles from cam pus. 2121W . M ata, M eet 96 9 6 3 8 3 _______ TOW NHOUSE, TW O bedroom one bath, tarnished, pool, approx tw o m iles from A S U .83*0376.________________ F o r S a le F u ll S e n icè o r S a lt Servie». A sk lo r a ln » Uv* m inuta dam onatration o t our axekm iva LazerO raphlcs ‘S ystem tor S a if Sarvtca and FuK S atirica Laser typesetting! ELECTRO NIC TYPEW RITER, A dler S a te llite II Like new! O rigin ally 3600 ashing 8196. C a ll 8andl, 967-6308. A A A C A M P TATIYEE M ale tam ale couneetors, program directors, R.N. needed June 8th - Aug 18th, W hite M ountains. C a ll for app licatio n and Interview, M argaret W h ile 96*5675. A L L M EN Interested In becom ing a Founding Fathar o l Sigm a A lpha Mu c a ll M arty a l 867-1320. ________ r ELEC T R IC TYPEW RITER, B roth er Exec. 66, new, m ust se ll. 8270. 900-3711,901-2014. ________________ H A fim w in c e m e n t a F o OISCOUNT AM ERICA shopping guide. Save up to 50% on appliances, electron ics, furniture, cloth in g . 38.96 check payable to M r. Roezm an, P.O. Box 9408, Chicago, II, 00880-5400. QUEEN FUTON w ith so lid wood oak stained fram e. Excellent condition. 8136 OBO m ake otter. M ust sell. 88*6048. ______________ . C LA S S IFIE D S START HERE A u to m H S a le 1973 DODGE CO LT, good transporta­ tion car, air, autom atic. 900-3056 after 6 0 0 p m .__________ ______________ Dempster, who was the Devils’No. 1 pitcher in the rotation at the beginning of the Six-Pac season, entered the game as theNo.2m an. Brock said Dempster deserves to have his ok) spot back, but he is hesitant to make the move. “When you get a guy who’s not throwing too good, then find a spot where he feels comfortable, it’s hard to move him,” Brock said. Brock said be may make some position changes before opening a three-game series a t Southern California Friday. He is considering moving first baseman Roger Smith to third base, playing center fielder/second baseman Ride Morris more a t second and possibly moving M orris from the third batter in the order to leadoff position. Ten n is ò t 100% GUARANTEED 8M 0 8 /0 0 diskette 90 can ts sseh. Hacko’s 938 E. U niversity Tam pa9882118__________ Baseball ' n g e ii. M onta March 31,1986 H H N W JO H N CO U G AR tick e ts (rows. 2, 3, 6. 10). M ain floor. 8 30 - 360. D am n. . 847-0472. ___________ LUXURY TOW N HOM E. Two bedroom , 2Vi 'bath. O verlooks g o lf course. Private pw king, courtyard, fireplace, w tdaundcck. C a ll 841-6274after« p.m. M O BILE HOM E, tw o bedroom to Tam ps. Fum lshsd, a ll appliances, gm den, patio, recreational fa cllltle a . 9 3 9 0 0 . 9 3 6 7 8 2 3 ________ __ S M A LL CO M M ER CIAL refrigerator h old s 218 can s o f pop. 878, works ' flm aL 948-3419. _______________ •8V* X 11 w^maOf pnpw, 9infll»6* 9dcop— e lp W H a n te d INTERNATIO NAL STU DENTS: R e­ cently Published, guide to graancard from student visas. For free details send refundable 9130 (P xH ): Im­ m igration Publications, P.O. Box 615981, OsW asTX78261._____________ LABO RERS, 8 m os experience requfeed, up to 37 an hou r896-7575. LIVE-IN H O U SEKEEPER M -F, LO AN SERVICING rep. Tam pa based fin an cial ekf consulting firm to seeking a people oriented parson to be trained a s a permanent part tim e loan rap. M-F 430pm to 930pm , 98 hr. E x fu ll tim e Career opportunity. C a ll Kent 968-2900, ext 383_______ ■ FOR enthusiastic sellperson to wholesale sun sun wear products to area M ust have reliable trans­ Com m ission-Five star RPM, _______ ' " ■ PAINTERS AN D helpers, w illin g to train hard workers. Good starting pay 9346461.____________________ PARADICE CREAM . Needs Ice cream servers M ust have car and work both Tem ps and Phoenix sto re s Part tone, fle xib le hours. Apply 1044 South Terrace9676414.________ __________ PART TIME o r fu ll tim e sales d a rk needed tor sp ecialties swim store. C all IQ to 6 M on thru Fri, 26*7774.________ PART TIME typist to s t and accural*, good, grammar and spelling, some com puter experience helpful, good pay. CsM 967-0903__________________ PER FECT JO B for student, evenings and weekend». N o se llin g I C lo se to ASU- Ju st set appointm ents by phone, Great pay, 9887166. a fte r3 3 0 pm. PO CKET HUNDREDS w eekly m ailing com m ission circu lars! Incredible offer! D etails free! :T JL 4126 N ..71st Drive Ph x.,A Z86033___________ _ PRE-VET STUDENT wanted tor part tim e clean up position In anim al c lin ic In Chandler,8636340.___________ ___ CH ILD C A R E In my home. Tuesday and Thursday 4 3 0 .to 1130pm . Guadalupe, Hardy area. 8386362. STUDENTS EARN 9300 to 91300 per hour. Leads make our telem arketing sealer. Pert tim e evening hours availa­ b le Im mediately. -South Scottsdale o ffice Is d ose to cam pus 947-0606. TELEM ARKETING IN S cottedals of­ fice, flexib le hours, good com m ission 841-0770. ________ _ _ _________ Pay F or Y our E N T IR E C o lle g e C a r e e r In J u st 6 M O N T H S 96 to 3 McKELUPS & SCOTTSDALE ROS, iaìpha bha shopping crm * STUDENT DISCOUNT a 6 Witfr-SILVEItLINE Interested? Call 839-0608 For AppL w ith Mr. Betts; 3/27 The nattan’e finest tatopiarfcsting Arm Is noar accepting applications tor the follow ing shifts: M O RNING AFTERN O O N EVENING O ur aalas people w ork In a m odern, com fortable business environment contacting established custom ers on long dlslence W ATS linee. Guaranteed salary o r com m ission, w hichever Is greeter, end everagee 35 to 310 an hour. We hsve bean In the V alley tor over 10 years. O ur Tam ps office is locMed spproxim ataty five minute* from campus. PLEASE CALL DIALAMERICA FOR DETAILS. SH O W I.D. C A R D WITH IN CO M IN G O R D ER 829-1140 ». • • • 4*1 T r a n s p o r t a t io n AAA ORIVEAW AY. C ars to m ost m alor cH tas.U drive. F irst tank h a s 2776879. AIRU N E DISCOUNTS! Fly roundtrip Chicago, New O risans, M lnnsspolls, M idw est 9163 Cam bian 9400, Ortant 9903 A rthur999-7283 AIRU N E TICKETS. Round trtp to San Diego, L A ., Vegas, and E l Paso, 986. Andy9676680. T y p in g J e w e lr y CASH FO R gold, diam ond« and silver. M ill Ave Jew elers 414 S. M ill Ava Suite 104. _ _ _ _ _ M o t o r c y c l e s __________ 1866 HONDA SCO O TER E lite 80, 1200 m iles, excellent condition, muet aell 89808216203_____________________ FO R SALE, Rive 180 scooter, only 1800 m itas, 9750. H eidi, 96*0104, eves end . weekends .________________________ P e r s o n a l J.R .B . THANKS «or being so fun and special. J . L 3 ________ :____________ LET US H ELP each other. Happily m arried, fin ancially secure couple w ith to giv* your w hite newborn a ll the love end happiness we have In our heart*. Expense* paid. Legal and confidential. C a ll Elton and Marvin co lle ct (516) 4276643 ____________ _ LO VING CO U PLE wanting to adopt Infant or toddler, w ill give loving home. 0776404.__________ _______________ TIM- TH AN KS tor the te rrific dinner. Hope th e n ’s m ore cookln later. Love Robin.______ L________________ R o o m m a t e w n te d 4 BDRM HOUSE w flh targe bdrm available. W aterbed Included. Non sm oker! C e ll Don 9966728. _______ F E M A LE N O N SM O K ER , m u tlca n preferred, southeast 8cotlsdato, fur­ nished 2 bedroom 2 bath 9280 u tilitie s Included. 947-2864 after 530._________ FEM ALE ROOMMATE, nonem oker to th a n hom e near M cCUntock and Southern. 9260 and u tilitie s Included. 6976622o r4386647.________________ M ALE, FEM ALE nonemoker, own bedroom In a town house, e ll am enities, washer dryer, security. C a ll Scott 8966372 Dobson, U niversity._________ 31.80 PER PAG E w ith word processor, professional typist. Sam s day service. C a ll M argie WIUIs. 63*4663.__________ 1 A-1 PRO FICIENT typing. IBM Setoctric. Loralne, 8336365 at U niversity and Dobson In Mas s.________________ __ A-1 RESUM ES, cover latter com posi­ tion, term papers (Business C ollage a specially). Cynthia, 9686627._________ A-1 W ORDPROCESSING at Klnko’s C o p ie s933 East U niversity 966-2036. A-1 W ORD processing. Books, theses, dissertations, legal, returnee, totters. Q uick turnaround. M esa Secretarial. 84*1873 _________ ;_________ AAA WORD processing service. Term papers, r e s u m s 's , graphics, etc. 11-7 ca ll a38-7822other tim es 8336632 Bon. AAKU RtT TYPING- Short papersovernight/ long papera-prompt tarvtca/U tape 'em -l type 'em/ good rates; U n de831-0349. ________________ . AAKURIT TYPING- Short papersovem lght/ long papers-prom pt aervlce/U tape 'em -l type 'em I good rales; U nde831-0343 ___________ _ _ _ A CCU R ATE PR O FESSIO N AL word­ processing. Fast turnaround. Spelling and grammar assistance. Lin ds 836 7803 ___________ ___________ A L L PAPER S typed to your com plete satisfaction . Convenient. Reasonable. , Mrs. O akley967-0602.________ ' C A LL M E for fast, accurate, quality sarvtca at com petitive prices. C lo se to A S U 9662166. ____________________ CEREU S W ORD PRO CESSING. Q uality g u a ra n te e d T e rm p a p e rs , m arkeiln g /tech n lcal, d isse rta tio n s, th e se s, form ta tte rs, resu m es. 047-7793 ________________________ CUSTOM TYPING near ASU. Fast end accurate $166 per pegs 627-7631. EVERYTHING TYPED. Term papers, resum es, etc... a ll tatter quality. Rush , lo b s no problem . C a ll6369103._______ , FAST RETURN. Professional typist « rill adit spellin g , punctuation and gram­ mar. Accuracy guaranteed. Joan, 8360772 f FORM ER ASU STAFFERS- w ith tots o f ’ understanding and little prices. Term papers, theses, dissertations, pro- fesslonally dona on word processing equipm ent, fast turn around, spatting, punctuation checked. Donna or Joan 9466302 : M ALE, F E M A L E Own bedroom , bath. Vary close to ASU. 3230 m onth plus h a ll utllH tae9666405._______________ NORTH PHOENIX typist. Dependable end accurate. Reasonable rates. C all - Kathy 4626682________________ ' M ALE ROOM MATE wanted for new condo In Papago II. Pool, lacuzzl, washer, dryer, n icely furnished, 9290 Includes u tilitie s. 68*3733__________ PRO FESSIO NAL TYPING at home, 24 years experience, la st, accurals, pick­ up and delivery, one day sarvtca 8369698. _ _ _ RESPO N SIBLE FEM ALE roommate wanted to share beautiful new fun nished 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom house, 19 m inutes from A8U. (160 per month plus % phone. Includes pool, Jacuzzi, washer dryer and m uch m ors. N ssdsd Im mediately. A sk tor Jo s 6364682. THESIS, PAPERS, reports, resum e's and more. S pecial student discount. Fast, reliab le service. D iversified Pro­ fession als Inc. 4226 W. Glendale, Phoenix. 2468642_________________ S e r v ic e s C A R S AV AILABLE - 21 o r older. A ll SWISS Drtvstawsy, 9826203_________ GIVE MOTHER a g ift she’ll treasure always. C a ll Dr. B’s Photography (88*5186) about M other's Day portrait PHO TO GRAPHER A V A ILA B LE Por­ traits, portfolios, waddings, etc. Good work. C a ll Gary 9660936 or leave massage _____________________ _ PR O FESSIO N AL R E SU M ES at student to Per H im • Hfe Fully Train prices. Q uick turnaround. Never a 25% OFF DSY CUAMNS • .* M W k AERO SIÇ INSTRUCTORS certification workshop at ASU. Weekend o f A p ril 9th by National Aerobica Training Aa* eociat io n 831-1588. ! ANYTIME / PART-TIME ü r.v .c le a n in q I n s t r u c t io n AZ M O TO RCYCLE Setae, best prices on usad m otorcycles. New tiros, hartarles and chaîne to o l F irst and Hayden 9 86 01 01 ._________________ RO CKIN FREDDIES Is now hiring co ckta il walttesse«. No phone ca lls please. A pply between 1 30 and 430pm 2228. MHI. ______________________ EXCELLEN T EXTRA Incom e m illin g circu lars. 918360 up w eakly. Send stam ped reply envelope. A-1 M alien : 11020 Ventura Blvd. Suita 288, Dept AE3, Studio CHy. C a 91904.___________ W AREHOUSE W O RKERS minimum experience required In snipping and receiving, fo rklift experience helpful. A ll sh ifts available 898-9054._________ NEW M cDO NALDS at 8140 3 M c­ D ow ell (Eaet o f Hayden) now hiring. Flexib le hours to fit cla ss schedule. Starting above m inimum wage. Inter, view s held Monday through Friday, 9 am . to 6 p.m. at the Hayden and Indian School Road McDonalds.____________ ATTENTION STUDENTS. Need money? Part tim e, beat phoner m ads 3230 In le ss than 24 hours. C a ll 9887186 for Interview. __________________ EAR N 98 par hour w ithout hurting Tour graded, If you can w ork 20 h ou rs pat wash can 8298867 to se t up an Interview. _______________ W AN TS): PHOTOGRAPHER and ac­ count executive for Tamp« Magazine. Sand rdauma to 414 8. M ill, Suite 212, Tompo, 88281. 1980 HONDA C B 860 custom , good transportation, b a ll helm et Included 3690 OBO. C a ll Dave9666329.________ RESTAURANT/BAR help wanted. G rill cooks, w aitresses, bartenders. New! Apply the W oodshed II Dobson and U niversity. Noon to630pm . EARN 33,500 — par m onth, high m onthly Incom e to r talented and hard w orking sa lsa persons. Immediate openings to r fu ll and part tim e position s representing Prem ier Energy Managem ent System s backed by Arizona P u b lic Services. Excellent career opportunity w ith Arizonan fulllin e Energy Management firm . C all Frank at I.E.C.C. fo r Im mediate Interview .981-2383_________ ;_______ __ a n te d LO O KING FO R energetic, young women w illin g to work pool sid e at resorts managing pool area, sellin g lotion and conducting a ctivities. M ust . be self-m otivated and ath letic. Bar­ tending experience Iw lpful. C a ll 9412751, Five 8tar RPM . __________ A SKILLED nursing hom e fa c ility needs nursing a ssistan ts and otderites fu ll and part tim e, fle xib le hours. 1830 E Roosevelt. Phoenix, 2666689.________ CR U I8ESH IPS: A IR LIN ES , H irin g ! Summer, career, pvars aas l C a ll tor G u id e , C a s se tte , N e w sse rv ice ! (9181844-4444. _ _ W am mnn. a ll \ housework 8482424.________________ LO O KING m otivated cars and retailers. portation. 841-2761. e lp UN deadline fir Stole arato CtonM M Ato ptond to Matttwws Ciator er orar toMtram Ji R *m . tora to y i totor to toMctoiee. Tira toatotoe tor Ato ptond to ira Mmarito Unto* It three days prior te pubNcKton CtotoSed rto« we SM S tor 19 « e rto m i to CMto tor every v e ri thereafter tor each day Hr further lat inetolto, d issatisfied cu stom « . C a ll Marker O rach taa 84*6706__________________ PUBLISHED AUTHOR- T each « grad Student «HI do rapeerch ghost w riting, taavemsesM S 99*4826. TYPING. FAST. Accurate. I supply quality bond paper. 91.50 page 360 title pegs. U n dh 9467939.___________ TYPIN G P R O FE S S IO N A L q u a lity . Evenings end weakend t, 966-4631. TYPING, W OROPROCESSING $1.50 par double spaced page, c a ll Cathy 8366681.___________________' FAST REASO N ABLE processor, 9316213 typing, wont JB ’s W ORD PRO CESSING , typing. Guaranteed word p e rfe ct Located In Tem p* 8386412 a lte r ■3:00 pm w eekdays.____________________ 1 W ORD PRO CESSING - typing. Term papers, tap* transcription, resum e* etc. P h y llis, Temp« M as* «346613 WORD PRO CESSING- O lsertallona, The««», neeume s, 44th 8 t. and Cam eiback. Rosem ary o r V irginia, 8468443 ' ~ START TAPPING Into unused schotarC lip s tor next y e « w rite M .F .3 S ox 446 Tem p*. A Z 66361.________ __________ W TRANSLATOR: FRENCH/EngUsh, Engltah/Frsnch, Doctor o f Science from Sorboruie. Perl*. 4663923 __________ GERM AN TUTOR needed. M a tt« o f IH* « id death) ASA P, phone Sean at 6269207.________________________ J a n te d March SI. 1986 ■c YO UR L O C A L 8ËEËÔ Q DEALER ' SINGLE BURGER TULL MEAL DEAL SERVICE SPECIAL 15% DISCOUNT o u po n brazier O n S e rv ice W o rk a n d C o u n t e r Parts (except new air conditioning unit) FORANYOATSUN SERVICE TO ALL A8U STUDENTS. FACULTY. STAFF WITH A8U 1.0. CARD TO DE PRESENTED AT TUNE OF PURCHA8E. ♦ D o es y o u r e x a m h av e a c ru sh o n y o u ? If so , k iss y o u r fears g o o d b y e w ith th e b e st te st p re p a n y w h e re —S tan ley H . K aplan. F o r n early 5 0 y e a rs, stu d e n ts h ave loved K aplan's test-tak in g te c h n iq u e s a n d e d u catio n al p ro g ra m s. O u r c o u rse s h av e in c re a se d th e co n fid en ce o f o v er o n e m illion stu d e n ts b o o stin g th e ir sco rin g p o w e r o n th e SAX LSAT, GMAT, MCAT, GRE, NTE, CPA a n d o th ers. S o say, “K aplan, b e m y te st p rep !' Y x i ju s t m ig h t g et a V alentine fro m so m e o n e sp e c ia l-lik e th e sc h o o l o f y o u r chnutus. o ice. kaplan ! STANUEYH KAPI AN EDUCATOMI ONTE» LTD NISSAN Q U A LIT Y C IR C L E Good through May 30,1906 We un genuine Nissan Parts t factory Trained Technicians Smttà ITETSa Look what you got? An sH-beef burger A regular order of crispy, golden fries. Your ' favorite medium soft drink, and. to top it off. a cool and creamy 5oz. DAIRY Q UEEN« Soft Serve Sundae H ead for your participating DAIRY Q UEEN « B RAZIER« store, to get the Burger FuN Meet D e a r - Thebeet bargain m (own. M E5A N IS S A N *1.89 O N LY AT: 1389 E. APACHE 1701 W. BROADWAY, MESA • 834-336G (Between Rural & M cClintock) Service Homs Mon 7 30 a m 8 30 p in lues In 130 3 m 5 30 p m Limit 2 per coupon. M M n C O U P O N M M n Paris Open Sat 8 30 a m 12 30 p m DONT COMPETE WITH A KAPLAN STUDENT-BE ONE 2 HRS. FREE TUTORING 967-2967 statepress TRIVIA CONTEST L A S T W E E K ’S W IN N E R O F A $20 G IF T C E R ­ T I F I C A T E F R O M T H E U S H O P W A S : HARI N. CH EN GALATH , W H O K N E W " T H E N A M E O F T H E S P A C E - S T A T IO N R E S T A U R A N T F E A T U R E D IN T H E F IL M ‘2001: A S P A C E O D Y S S E Y ’ ’’ W A S : " H O W A R D J O H N S O N S ” THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: L a y it o n t h e lin e . ANSW ER: NAM E: _ PH O N E: _ CLIP OUT THIS AD AND DROP IN TRIVIA CONTEST BOX LOCATED AT THE STATE PRESS OFFICE IN MATTHEWS CENTER BASEMENT OR THE MEMORIAL UNION STATE PRESS WINDOW. T H IS W E E K S W IN N E R R E C E IV E S A $ 2 0 G IF T C E R T IF IC A T E F R O M THE i_|_ U s'SH O P 829-1743 Arizona State Clothing and Souvenirs at the Cornerstone W inners will be selected randomly from correct answers submitted to the S T A T E P R E S S office in Matthews Center no later than 4 P.M. W E D N E S D A Y or at the Memorial U nion S T A T E P R E S S window no later than 2 P.M. W E D N E SD A Y . Ask anv Navy piilot. It doesn ’t ci mie anv n ì*ire 11urilling than this. 1 .Hiding an i - 1 ion me rolling deck of a carrier at seii is a challenge tha t tests the skills of the best. Navv High: i raining Navv pilots anil (light i il licerget do\vn-io.-earth skills. There i-, no boot eamp College graidilates get ii adei ship and nu maternent trainili]g at Aviation 3< NO MINIMUM * FunSenteB er Salt Service. Ask fora free liv e m inute demonstration o f our exclusive LazerOraphlea System for Sed Santee and Fun Santee 122 Saat University/9B8-7821 (Ut The Arches) Mon. * Thura. 4 a.m. to p p.m. F ri. and Sat. ta .m . to 8 p.m . Sun. 12 neon lo B p.m . ~ Sponsored By THE SOCIETY OF WOMEN ENGINEERS and ENGINEERING AND APPLIED E.A.S.C.C. SCIENCES COLLEGE COUNCIL pip ’wjfb 1.1986 M to trot * r- . rm ' * . g- * Policewoman firer* was only horsing around By Kuch (he Mooch " Stall Mss* An ASU police officer end e horee ere euepected m |>elii§ involved in one of (he botteet love affairs since ASU was founded, president J . Russell Half-Nelson said. Officer Whinifred Nag, or Whinnle, as she is known to her friends, was dismissed from the police force after it discovered s h e $nd her horse had been sharing an apartm ent together in Mesa for nearly eight months. “1 was really shocked when the police force told me what was going on, I was shocked,” Half-Nelson said. ‘‘You know, wa don’t usually have this sort of thing go on. And If wa do, it “^ d to d o s u r e o f X incident is the first ASU has had since 1885 when two professors and a herd of w ater buffalo were discovered sharing a stable neat to Old Main. .. . The police chief said he was concerned about the \ especially since Nag was considered one of his finest officers. “It was very surprising,” Ripple Duncecan said. ‘‘But now I understand why Nag had thia profound craving for oatmeal with sugar cubes and applebits.” Nag who has served with the police force for nearly three years, said the whole Incident was a misunderstanding.^ . “The people a t the police station don’t understand, i said. “I am a part-tim e psychotherapist and I am treath Mr. John Nay. He thinks he’s a horse.” Nag was m arried but is separated from her husband filed for a divorce on grounds of mental cruelty. “I can’t believe everything that has happened vine* m et dav I came home and found the two of them in bed,” said Ron D. Nag, Nag’s husband of 10 years. “It was "P horde was smoking a cigarette and Whinnie had this I _ smile on her face.” Ron D. Nag said he should have known that something was going on between the horse and his wife. . “^ t was really strange,” Nag said. “We had a very normal sex lifa*andthen, ¡ H r f y . - h a wanted u . to spread hay out and bought a saddle and »purs and demanded I ride her around the neighborhood. ’’ R o n s a i d h e i s s u in g f o r three-quarters of all m arital assets and $500 a month to take care of the house. • 1 / Whlnlfred Nag and her horte identities have been perttaNy hi -ro rg e -t -th e . \A // f d / n i l y 's g r e S e r v a r a 'n i 1 d u b b ia runder Investigation (or charges of behavior unbecoming on officer and a horse. Their on at their request COME AND SEE WHAT'S UP AT THE COMMONS 8j! **•'*'' ' m** O L Ä M IB W i i , j ì :'3 * r.£ >St K É # l® 9 1 “The freedom o f living on your own w ithout the hassle and stuffiness of dorm lifen H O W ARD JO H N SO N H O TE LS 2 2 5 E. 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Expiree 5-9*66. 2 small drinks for Only $5.50 2 URGE CHEESE PIZZAS for only $8.50* p lu s tax The Commons On le m Expiree 5-9-86. going fa s ti FOR RENT • FOR SALE To reserve your unit call now! (602) 968-6427 (with tide coupon) •On Regular, Not SlolUan Pizza o n o re m u ka lt (997.7524) 1215 E. Lemon # 101 Tempe, AZ A learned fool is more foolish than an Ignorant one. — Mollore A & T , .jgF?.' 1 , - : . o • " j ' fff k 4 ’ : p , j/tP i n '??> ' À * . *' V** 1 WtSk ... i ’ ' o n ; , £* • -r " r • ' 1 ■ d is in f o r m a t io n w e e •; Election: W ho gives a damn? It’s that time again, folks — time to get out and not vote. Let’s face it, there really is no reason to cast a ballot in the Associated Students of ASU election. Just look at the candidates. For president, we have Chris Cummiskey, who is totally polished, articulate and pleasantly businesslike. Kind of like a used car salesman. The other choice is Craig Herman. He doesn’t know or care, which has one advantage: we could save a lot of money on his salary, since he wouldn’t mind working for $2.47 a week. But his philosophy would probably mean that he would be really lax about his public image and lousy at returning phone calls. This means he would not be very accessible to the students, not a sensitive representative, and worst of all, it would make our job more difficult. Nope, no one worth voting for for the highest student office on campus. For executive vice president, we have Bridgette Shelton, who is far too cheerful to contribute to the long-winded, petty debates ’f ? ' u i» U „ T M » W c fF W * . & Z A D f t t M E A v ..... t- •e Which make ASASU great. Pleasantness Is boring. s ¡jt 7«s 2 HAV* SCM* 0AP Her opponent, John Vezina, has threatened that, if elected, be will go out on the m all wearing shorts and talking to us students. That’s a scary thought; we gotta keep this guy outa there. For campus affairs vice president* we have two candidates whp — aw hell, we forget who they are. But it’is not important, this office doesn’t do much anyway. About half the campus is running for activities vice president. It’s always a highly desirable job, since the office is in direct service of the students, handles the ascetic and intellectual needs of the campus, but most of all because the activities VP gets free passes to all the movies and concerts. Bunch of self-serving bums here. kaa ? a *a PÒ yafcHÀN« A SO M y & M 3 F w teijL T T S H M S -M A T - IH * I K t m A l S K X * w fQ H G ia v jg m t ö c vem tSOM F 6 IL ÍMTO A fflAWT ¡ VÄH-AMP-.WE Vwl ull - . ,J \ f J „ L s \ Ä A ’ ••-jygH-.f I So the case is clear. There really isn’t anyon6 worth voting for, so why take the time? If we ignore ASASU, maybe' it will go away. vv< : v - t v*- Poor phones cause of world problems M ic h a e l A d a m s p h e r e D r iv e l E d io t I got a call from my best friend, Moammar, the other day. He sounded a little bummed, so I asked him if the washer in the fixture was working. No, was the reply. Decent plumbers were just hard to find these days. Not knowing quite how to respond,. I made an obscene gesture in the direction of Peoria and uttered libelous statements about the sex lives of ASASU candidates. At this point Moammar began to cry. Totally perplexed, I said to him, Moammar, you could use a little relaxation. You know, a Club Med vacation. CaraveDe, Bora Bora, whatever you like. He then told me rent control would work in Tempe, but that he had already used up his vacation time for the year. I said, at least try Malta for the weekend, to which he replied that labor unions were getting out of hand when they appear on front pages of college newspapers. Quite so, I thought, but I kept this to myself (having better stuff to do). Moammar, you know how concerned I am, but I just can’t afford the air fare. Later in the day, after the mescaline had taken effect, Moammar called me back. Mick, you know I have better things to do, but I think ASU is a frontally ignorant place for you to be. That’s getting so old, Moammar. Certainly you can say something a little more imaginative than that. So I gave him the number of the AFL-CIO headquarters in D.C. and told him to ask them about college newspapers. Imagine my surprise when the mescaline wore off. Moammar stayed home for the weekend. Immediately I tried to give him a call, but the operator on the other end could only say that the line was busy and that it’s hard to reach people in Bora Bora. So I spent the rest of the day watching curious-looking people looking serious and trying to convince myself that Heidelberg isn’t such a bad beer after all. I failed. Because all I could think of is women in bikinis, the sun and the fact that there were no phones in Bora Bora Yesterday Moammar finally got back to me. He had found a plumber to replace the washer and he had taken offense at celebrations of shrimp and bad tequila. So I asked Moammar what I should think of the upcoming ASASU elections and imminent measles epidemic, and he said that I should call the AFL-CIO. I think it was because of this call that I believe that the death penalty is justified in the case of AT&T employees. After finally talking to some Frenchman in a Turkish prison in Istanbul (or was it a Turkish bath in San Francisco?), I was informed that I had won a coupon for a bag of chips at Schlotzsky’s. I thanked the operator repeatedly for this generous offering to a starving college student. I told her that any selfrespecting College Republican couldn’t go wrong in a town like this. The secrets of the universe are not unlocked through the You guys make me puke Editor: I never thought I’d ever be writing the Stale Mess because I’m rather shy, although I did call Dr. Ruth once. My gripe is about that Lowenbrau commercial you ran in last Friday’s paper. It isn’t the beer that upset me. It isn’t the stereotype of the hickish cowboy on his horse on a high cliff. It’s the obvious exploitation of the helpless 700-pound bear in the commercial. What did that bear ever do to you? Instead STALE MESS AOUAM AN Ediot MR. SALTY M pccallnc Ediot of respecting nature, you contribute to the commercialization of our wildlands by running that advertisement. God knows one less ad wouldn’t hurt you guys — you have enough already. Please, do all wildlife lovers a favor. Stop running such advertisements in the future. Instead, begin running those good old advertisements for Playboy magazine and the sperm bank. Those are the kind of advertisements that made America great. Concerned citizen Tho Stale M m * I* published too damn often during the academ ic year, even the day altar Easter, in the grimy basem ent of the Matthews Center at this m ediocre university. Forget about us listing phone numbers. Don’t can us, w e'll call you. AT&T has screw ed up the phone system anyway. The Stale M ees le the only new spaper worth reading on cam pus, or snyw here else. It represents the views of all students, faculty and stall. Unleee you're an unintelligent bozo with whom no one would want to copulate. Juet to prove that the author la really a friend of Moammar Khadafy, hare’s a picture of him on the phone with him. magic of the phone system. Of this I am certain. Now I left with counting the number a large-breasted women with proper attitudes who go to Countdown at Devilhouse on Thursday nights and wondering why college newspapers cover violent strikes in other states. The next time I talk to Moammar I will ask him about the therapeutic value of bathing in suntan oils and lotions and why plumbers are so hard to find in Third World countries. As I walked across Cady Mall, I reminded myself that there are no college newspapers or telephones iri'Bora Bora. Bagwan calls to all who aren’t total scum Editor: I am a recently deported individual who used to be real rich. I remember America well and refuse to believe that all of you are total scum. So I write this letter to see just how many of you Americans are not scum. Many of you may laugh, and you are definitely scum. I see that grin on your face, Yankee Bedwetter. 1 am looking for people without grins on their face. People who have purified their * souls and are ready to engage the Bagwan in deep philosophical discussion. I am not one with scum. I am sure that you are not scum. So you will write. You are searching for oneness and you will find it by writing to me. Asincere pen pal asks if you are not scum. The Bagwan Bagwansville, Bagwanland Freedom of speech for commie bastards sucks Editor: I think it is simply disgraceful that unpatriotic communist bastards have freedom of speech. Buy American 1 This country is the greatest country in the world and asshole anarchic red bastards should either love it or leave it! ft’s almost as disgusting as goddamn gun control 1 • ■i - 3 Payne Thomas Goatsblood, Arkansas And proud of it! ES £ Tuesday, A p ril 1, 1986 Stale Metermaid gets stoned by mob of alleged students By WHITEBREAD AHL Stale Mets A decision by Tenpee city officials to remove parking-limitation signs from streets north of the University came a day too late and at the expense of a broken head, the Stale Me** learned Monday. Lovely Rita, a Tenpee metermaid, was cornered last Tuesday by an angry mob of alleged ASU students and pelted with stones the day before die signs were removed. The stones were taken from the construction site of the new four-level parking garage on the south side of campus, Chief Ripple Duncecan of the ASU Police Department said. ¡PI Tenpee police removed the signs late Wednesday. Police officials said the decision to remove the signs “had nothing to do with Rita being stoned.” The Stale Mess has learned that five police officers removed die signs. Four drove a city truck and (Hie dug out the signs. A Tenpee city spokesperson said the signs were removed because the rule, which prohibited students from parking in a fourblock area north of the University between 7 and9a.m ., was too difficult to enforce. Meanwhile, Lovely Rita, 37, remains in critical but stable condition in Tenpee St. Louie’s Hospital with a brain hemorrhage and two broken legs, a hospital spokesperson said Monday evening. The tragedy occurred when Rita, in an apparent fit of exhaustion, attempted to ticket several cars just shortly after 9 a.m. Tuesday. Until Wednesday, the spaces had been reserved between 7 a.m. and 9 a.m. daily and Tenpee police ticketed the area heavily to prohibit students from parking unlawfully. “She kept screaming ‘no parking, no parking,’ and started ticketing cars at random,” one witness said; “Apparently, the students just couldn’t w e it. They had heeh looking fin* an excuswto get her for a longtime.” H ie alleged students first cornered Rita between a Toyota and a Ford pickup and attempted to forcefeed her a rhino boot. Rita managed to escape and fled the scene in her Cushman cart. Several of the attackers followed in cars and eventually caught up with her. Rita was once again trapped, this time behind the Tenpee Embalmic Mosque, and witnesses said she was pelted with about 50 stones. “It was just plain ugly,” the witness said. ‘T he attack was ugly, not the stones. They were, like, pretty.” Ge'stop’o A new member of the A 8U police staff, Hans Zegler, diligently performs his duty. T was hired to control parking In this area and that Is what I will do," he said. The new recruit has said he will deal with all parking Imposters In the same manner — “shoot first, then ask questions later.” S M I p M o by Dot Lana* •v<, - í « esent ROOW ® ^m ‘ T « » » * « * "* ’“ * * m w>rooW l! r i i M K ) * W î fo » n feV n tt« a ß te s '" ' j o b B i'0 ? q j ^ ) " " Î ’Î Â v°u ^ d b e ’ssu re w .^ B o b e riS P " * * * ‘ *'“ New cop program deflates flashers’ egos By S N E E Z E W ANN AHAT Stole Mess A new ASU Department of Public Safety program to combat Indecent exposure has brought about a g am etic reduction In instances of the crime, according to police chief Ripple Duncecan. “We think we can eliminate this heinous crime, Duncecan ■aid. As part of the program, ASU police have been distributing ■coring signs to women on campus. The signs, like those used at gymnastics meets, allow women to rate flashers a t the time of the crime. .' _ “It’s almost flawless in reducing the crim e,” Duncecan m .« m *— - - nniu i In itin d attH ■aid. “When a_ ws flasher tries to shook *these poor ladies, and they whip out a 3.4, he’s so humiliated that he’ll never want to flash anybody again.” But one habitual flasher, who requested anonymity, calls the program “cruel and unconatructive.” "They have no right to go and humiliate us Flashers pay taxes, you know,” he said. One of Ms colleagues, Gordon, agreed. “Some girl on the West Lawn rated me a 3.8, and 1 was so devastated, I haven’t been able to wear a trenchcoat since,” Gordon said. “Now what am 1 supposed to do in Hayden Library, study?” An unexpectlng flasher Is ridiculed by two ASU who were campus. Tt asked not to be saM he felt hum* the flashing soon end beei • M l photo by A M y stale press TRIVIA CONTEST LAST W EEK’S WINNER OF A $20 GIFT CER ­ TIFICATE FROM THE U SHOP WAS: HARIN. C H E N G A L A T H , WHO KNEW “THE NAME OF THE SPACE STATION RESTAURANT FEATURED IN THE FILM ‘2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY’ ’’ WAS: “HOWARD JO HN SO NS” THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: : answ er ; NAM F : P H O N F' C LIP O U T THIS AD A N D D R O P IN TRIVIA C O N T E S T BOX L O C A T E D A T T H E 8 T A T E P R E 8 8 O FFIC E IN M ATTH EW 8 C E N T E R B A 8 E M E N T OR TH E M EM O RIAL UNION S T A T E P R E 8 S WINDOW. I i T H IS W E E K ’ S W IN N E R R E C E IV E S A * 2 0 G IF T C E R T IF IC A T E FROIHI j r u e 829-1743 U ’SHOP Arizona State Clothing and Souvenirs at the Cornerstone Winners will be Selected randomly from correct answers submitted to the STATE PRESS office in Matthews Center no later than 4 P.M. W EDNESDAY or at the I Memorial Union STATE PRE83 window no later than 2 P.M. WEDNESDAY. i J S i i i « * P la s m a c a n o n ly o o m e fro m h u m a n d o n o rs. P eo ­ p le lik e y o u w h o c a n s p a r e a fe w h o u r s a w e e k to m a k e o v e r $ 1 2 0 a m o n th , w h ile h e lp in g o th e r s w h o r e ly o n p la s m a p r o d u c ts . E a c h d o n a tio n ta k e s o n ly a b o u t a n h o u r a n d a h a lf, tim e y o u c a n s p e n d r e a d ­ in g o r s tu d y in g . J u s t lo o k a t th e e x a m p le c h a r t to s e e h o w e a s ily y o u c a n f it th is r e w a rd in g o p p o rtu n ity in to y o u r s c h e d u le . 1 2 0 4 W EEK Let visit In a calendar week •10 *10 •to •10 8nd viattina *80 •80 •80 •80 calendar week •a- •8 •8 *8 Donor Referral •33 *88 '••8 *88 Weekly Totals Example amount you dea M aa earn in eaeh calendar month l o w b e r b e lo w f o r y o u r f i r s t a p p o in tm e n t! ptoama canter Associated Blosclence of< RMnpeylhc. 1015 South Rural Road Tempe, Arizona85281 Phone 988-6139 $46lR JVfcNM9 Page 7 tüg dgft Apdl r 1986 ASASU president finds Master’s plan fowled up Vuarnet G o d dictates policy m oves hopes of reaching the hearts of the ill-willed senators who overrode my veto last hjonth," he said. Vuarnet Mid they are also hoping that College of Law Sen. Alex Toocoola will repent for introducing too many Senate bills in one session ASASU Presidential Executive Assistant John Emphesima said: “It is appropriate that Dave gets his guidance from God. I often think they are one and the same. ” ASASU Executive Vice President Chris Comeseeme Mid he does not let God Influence his decisions because “he’s not a very effective communicator.” “An entity of his caliber must m aster the fine a rt of disseminating information to the studious masses of this educational facility if he anticipates exerting or exercising influence over the philisophical make-up of the novices s t Arizona State University,” he Mid in one breath. By USUALLY BLAND Stale Men Associated Student« of ASU President David Vuarnet said Monday that his policies come from a “higher authority” — even higher than University President J. Russell Half-Nelson. ‘i f I veto a Senate bill or refuse to fund a campus club, it's God’s will,” Vuarnet said. “I’m not in control of myself —■it’s all part of the M aster’s plan.” Vuarnet said ne and God meet a t the top of Lot M every week to act on legislation and sign requisition forms. “God is really interested in bettering ASASU,” Vuarnet said. "He is helping in my fight to repel homosexuals and Democrats from campus. God’s a Republican, you know.” * But if God misses an appointment with Vuarnet, he said he uses a Ouija board as an alternate means of fluking policy decisions. W hat the h e c k you looking here for? Afraid to tackle the little typed w o rd s? “I’m also finding my close affiliation with God and my skill with the Ouija board helpful in placing bets on NCAA games,” Vuarnet Mid. Vuarnet Mid God rides a red Honda scooter, wears oxfords and ties and carries a Samsonite briefcase. The attendance at Vuarnet’s daily 8 a.m. church services has been “marginal at best,” but he Mid God is encouraging him to continue. “God and I are continuing the services in Comeseeme, president of the ASASU Senate, Mid God does not attend Senate sessions because the ASASU bylaws prohibit alignment with any religious group. Although God does drop by occasionally to take Campus Affairs Vice President Amy Funlungs out for lunch and a service, she said “being the woman of the ’80s that I am, I pick up the tab.” Funlungs, who wears high-necked blouses because she is too conservative to show her throat, was seen in shorts last week. V uarnet lame ducks ruffle feathers By STEEL WATERSPORTS Stale M en Associated Students of ASU President David Vuarnet admitted Monday that he is “in a slump," and hasn’t been spending much time at the office lately. Rumors around ASASU were that Vuarnet was going through a bad case of “lame-duck syndrome,” a psychological phenomenon common among politicians about to lose their office. Vuarnet has seven weeks left as president. “No one gives me any respect up here, and normal students don’t know or carp who I am ,” Vuarnet M id. “It’s hard to take this jobseriously. I titink I’m loeirigit” Chris Comeseeme, ASASU executive vice president, was asked if he thought Vuarnet was slacking off in his duties as president. “Who?” be Mid. Freud Ian Slip, an ASU psychology professor, Mid “lame-duck syndrome” is estimated to occur in about 4S percent of all elected officials, and that the percentage for student politicians is probably somewhat lower. “It’s a feeling of utter worthlessness, sim ilar to that which comes with sexual impotency,” Slip Mid. “Your term is practically up, and with everyone looking toward the next administration, it’s hard to get anything done or even feel like you have any command of your office. “In the ease of ASASU," he postulated, “the fepling would be there that you never did anything during your term anyway. ” Office personnel at ASASU were asked if Vuarnet has been spending 1cm time in the office lately. They Mid they didn’t know. “Since he never gets any visitors or phone SM S S m s by H enki O 'Luo*, ASASU President Dave Vuarnet |utt can’t get things together at Ms office. He turns to another pastime. calls, we never have the,occasion to check if he’s here," secretary Barbara Phelan M id. Vuarnet says it’s this lack of contact with his constituents that really bothers him. “I’ve tried everything to be visible,” he said. “Like the other night, some of the guys were cool enough to let me go play basketball with them at P.E. West. It took a lot of courage for me to get out there. “So 1 get to the gym, and the student attendant wouldn’t let me in because I forgot my ASU ID. I just can’t win.” Investigate the Tax Benefits Parents of ASU Students W h y pay rent when you can own? APRILS, 1986 8 P.M. to 1 A.M. 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BELOW MARKET INTEREST RATES~ UNIVI KbliY * 3 LOS PRADOS (tyrtf Piilfpr“ jj| HKOAIMYAV MARKOP' nvv (6 0 2 ) 9 6 6 -1 8 0 C ) H ours: 10-6 Please send me financing .and sales information on Los Prados Townhom es. Mail to-or call collect for Information: (602) 966-1800. Los Prados Townhomes, 724 W. Fourteenth Street, Temp«, Arizona 89281 Party hardy Dean says drinking skills imperative By JACQUO: ‘HOW DO YOU SPELL IT?’ CIROU Stale Mess Ray Ban Kulhavy, acting dean of ASU’s College of said he is implementing the new Pre-Partying skill« Test for undergraduate students wishing to enter the teacher preparation program. Ray Ban, as he prefers to be called, said the new test will determine whether teacher candidates have those “oh-soessential” revelry requirements. “I figure I’m only acting dean, so I can do whatever I want,” Ray Ban said. “Besides, everybody knows they don’t do anything in the education college except get drunk, so l think we should find out if these kids have what if takes. ” Ray Ban predicted more than 75 perm it of undergraduates will be able to pass the test, but added that some sections of the test were “more stiffer” than others. The sections include: •Drinking Everclear and not ralphing; •Drinking Everclear and ralphing; •Euphemisms for ralphing; and •Reading, writing and arithm etic while intoxicated. “I think more students will pass the euphemism section, because even I can think of a lot of words for ralphing,” Ray Ban said. “There’s ‘puking,’ ‘yawning in technicolor,’ and my personal favorite, ‘paying homage to the porcelain god.’ ” CHOICES GALORE! W IT H T H IS A D O R A S U I.D . 5-pc. Oak. Brass & Glass Dinette $1 5 9 9 5 -BCD SMC* *69 $79 * Twin Set Full Set $ 2 9 9 5 Queen Set * 1 19 2077 E. University Tempe • 966-6252 X ta U n iv e rs ity mjk am a ® 3 Z c 3 Financing Available o 5 fi “I think it’s about tim e we find out if the people we’re letting into our schools really know how to party .” Elliot said the expense of the new test mostly would be born by the students through another tuition increase (bringing the current rate to $1,978 per sem ester). “The only expenses the college might incur are the concrete vomitoriums being installed on every floor of the Farm er Education Building,” Elliot said. Measles-stricken health center chief suffers paranoia, exemption (Assem bly Required) 4-Drauuer Chest Ray Ban said students he consulted before implementing the policy were in favor of the idea . However, sources contacted by the Stale Mess expressed overwhelming opposition to the PPST. “Just think of all the time, not to mention the expense, involved hi studying for this thing,” said freshman special education m ajor George Killian. “I can hardy afford my No Style for Friday night, and this guy wants me to fork out bucks to buy booze just to get into the school? Noway!” Ray Ban said several members of the administration were concerned the new test might have quasi-religious overtones but added that he didn’t care, because "my job is over as of June 30, anyway.” Opus “Penguin Lust” Elliot, an offidal for the Arizona Bored of Rejects, said the new test would greatly increase the size of the College of Education. “It fits in perfectly with ASU’s party school im age—which we all know is true,” he said. F.P. By KUCHTHE MOOCH Stale Mess The director at the Student Health Center has been diagnosed as suffering from measles and will not be able to file his 1040 tax form until he recovers from the disease and provides proof of immunity to the University, a source close to the Stale Mess said oh, let’s see —let’s say last Wednesday. Dr. Monty “La Casa Vieja” Sloth will remain in an isolation booth until he recovers from the disease, the source said. “The guy’s a real loser,” the source said. This startling revelation came after Sloth was rushed to a place were they deal with measles and asked to explain the large quantity of dots on his body. “Look,” Sloth said. “I just happen to have eaten a box of chocolates last night. It’s just a pure case of retroactive acne. I’m young, you know. “Oh, sure. Those pesky little interns run around the Health Center just looking for ways to take my job away from me. Heck, I was curing diseases before they were out of diapers. Then they start some vicious rumor about me having measles. I don’t. And another thing, those nursing students are out for me, too. “If I had my way, I would make them clean out bedpans for 10 years before they qualify for their degree. Gad, I hate them.” Sloth said he is tired of coverage of the measles issue. “I’m really. burnt out on reading these measles stories. Every day it’s something different. Do you think anyone reads the stories? Well, we know about 8,000 who don’t.” Monty Sloth Ask Mr. Foster T r a v e l S e r v ic e S in c e 1888 A Carlson Travel Company ASK US ABOUT OUR FREE SEVEN DAY PARKING Honeymoons C ru ise Sp ecials International Travel M A R C H 31 T H R O U G H A PR IL 4,1986 707 S. F o re s t • Tem pe, A Z 85281 • 9 6 7 -9 4 0 3 M - F 8:30 - 5:30 S A T 10:00 - 4:00 ASU BOO KSTO RE D o p o tit Ro<|uiro4 €> 1945 ArtCarvcd Claas Ring» T PM C 9 CRISP CRISP QUALITY QUALITY COPIES COPIÉS R a b b i fr e a k s o u t in By THERESA WILLFORFREE Stale Mess To a sm all band of his devoted supporters, Rabbi Merve Kahitler is the Messiah, the long-awaited savior of Israel. To 57 ASU students, professors and adm inistrators who were thrown out of a speach by Kahitler at the Hyatt Regency on Monday night, he’s just screwy. At the climax of Kahitier’s speech, which was attended by about 200 mostly shocked members of the Phoenix Jewish community, some heckling took place. Kahitler believes all Arabs should be kicked out of Israel and its occupied territories because, “they can’t even sing Hatikva-properly.” Stale Mess reporter Ed Shahak and Milka Ben-Pecan, an Israeli Fullbright scholar who teaches Biblical and modern Hebrew at ASU, voiced protest a t the statement. They were beaten up by Kahitler supporters and then ejected from the meeting by Hyatt security officers for disorderly conduct. “ AH I did was refer to Kahitler as fascist vermin,’ ” Shahak said. “The man just can’t take criticism .” Shahak said he was not there on assignment for the Stale Mess but had come to the speech as a member of Peace Now to incite violence. He said Peace Now is an Israeli-based peace movement which believes, in recognizing Palestinian rights and getting beaten up by Kahitler people. Also ejected from the meeting was Lebanese student Hussein Meshuge, who objected to Kahitler’* statements about Arabs. "Now wait just a minute, R a b b i.. . ’’Meshuge began. But Kahitler, red in the face, plunged into the audience in an attem pt to attack Meshuge. Kahitler had to be physically restrained by some of his followers, while Hyatt security officials beat up Meshuge and removed him from the room. i “You’re just like all other Arabs,” Kahitler screamed after Meshuge as he was being led out. “Irrational! A fanatic!” Kahitler then picked up a m etal folding chair and flung it at Meshuge, but it fell short, hitting instead Hillel Rabbi Barton Lee ana ASU President J. Russell Half-Nelson. Lee and Half-Nelson were then beaten up by Kahitler people and ejected from the meeting by Hyatt security officials. Lee and Half-Nelson were just dusting themselves off mi the sidewalk outside., the hotel when Senator Barry Goldwater, R-Ariz, and Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor came flying out the hotel door, having also been kicked out of the Hyatt. “Someone ought to kick Meir Kahitler in the ass,” Goldwater said as he rubbed his own. “The guy’s nuts,” Half-Nelson said. “These people are crazy. I felt like I was in a Faculty Senate meeting.” Back inside the hotel, Kahitler denied any prejudice against Arabs or moderate Jews. “I don’t hate Arabs,” he said. “I love lobster. I can’t help it.” 3< 3< NO M IN IM U M NO M IN IM U M * • J y F u t Servie» o r S e lf Service. A sk tor a tree five m inute dem onstration o f our exclusive LazerG raphlcs System for S e lf Service and F u t Service Laser typesetting! F u t Service or S e lf Service. A sk for a free tv e m inute dem onstration o f our exclusive LazarG rapN ca System for S e lf Service end F u t Service Loser typesetting! 122 E ast University/968-7821 On The Arches) Mon. - Thute. 8 a m. to 8 p.m . F ri. and Set. 8 a.m . to 8 p.m. Sun. 12 noon Io 8 p.m. 122 East U niversity/988-7821 IIn The Arches) Mon. - Thura. 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. F ri. and Sat. 8 a.m . to 8 p.m . Sun. 12 noon to 5 p Jti. Printshops Of The Future® Printshops Of The Future ® •gvk » 11 whin 20f pspf. «rngto uósó con*« • y * » 11 wMH 20# pnpf, «jnflt »¿dtd copte» is BEAUTIFUL 2 V is it s fo r Skateboarder takes A S U administrator for ride of her life By PROS N. CONS Stale Mess A new University policy outlawing skateboarders is the result of an accident involving Betty Turnip Ashtray, ASU vice president for student affairs, and a “young, freaky-looking punk,” the Stale Mess learned Monday. An unidentified source said the skateboarding accident took place Friday evening after Ashtray was leaving her office in the Administration Building. “BTA was walking down Cady Mall, when all of a sudden this kid comes jumping off of a bench on his skateboard,” said the source, combing back his silver hair. “She put up her arms, but she was a goner. The kid just kept riding. I don’t even think he noticed. She sure looked funny, though, with her hair messed up.” Ashtray refused comment on the incident, saying: “I know they have a contract out on my life. This isn’t the first time this has happened.” Hie source, adjusting his rectangular glasses, said the skateboarder was wearing a loud shirt, loud pants and loud hair. “Boy, he was tfyoung, freaky-looking punk,” he said. “But 1 was like that once, and now I’m a University adm inistrator. There isn’t much difference. If the kid can learn to shuffle papers, he’ll get a job somewhere.” The new policy, released Monday, states that all skateboarders caught on campus, regardless of age, must submit to an all-you-can-eat SAGA buffet. The source said this was not the first incident involving a skateboarder. “Hell, I remember when (former ex ecu tiv e v ic e p re sid e n t) TurntbePaige Mulhollan’s hair actually got messed up by a skateboarder,” he said. “I got a memo from Paige that week telling me to do something.” The source, who first came to ASU in 1961, said he also has been the victim of reckless skateboarding. “But that time, (ASU Vice President for Academic Affairs) Jack Mudslinger was trying to hit me, ” he said. with this ad Expires 4-12-86. ASU's-T em pe's m Tanning Salon 5 5 E . B r o a d w a y $!! tried to kill m e and I w ant his :% ?/»•$!! put in jail! ” B eater said. "TZ. ” Chico was booked and jailed in Tempe City Jail. A student organization to free Chico has been formed and has already raised |5 million for his defense. Chico admitted tripping Beater but denied trying to kill her. He said he was acting on behalf of the student body. •A transient dog was arrested for burglarizing a newsstand Friday night, police said. . ^ The dog, who was found hiding beneath stolen papers, said she was out of work and needed to read the heto wanted ads. Police Chief C. Ripple Duncecan said the dog was released and offered a position as an interrogator for ASU police. “We can use all the bitches we can get around here,” Duncecan said. •A group of ASU flashers held a flash-in Saturday night at Hayden Library, police said. The men, who are well known to most night students, reserved a room for their event, the group spokesman said. “We’re all kind of shy guys and need a quiet place like the library to hang out together,” he said. •A member of the Theta Chi Sigma Delta Epsilon Omega Xi fraternity was cited for flashing the centennial sculpture Sunday morning, police said. Bartley Goforit was arrested after police saw him standing in front of the statue wearing an open raincoat and nothing g 1S&* The Stale Mess incorrectly reported in its Tuesday edition th at two m en w ere crushed to death when one of the oncam pus underground tunnels collapsed. The story should have read th at 12 backpacks w ere stolen from the fourth floor of Hayden Library. TheStole Mess regrets the erro r, In th a t sam e edition, the Stale Mess incorrectly identified ASU President J. Russell Half-Nelson as form er Soviet leader Y uri Andropov. We caught the erro r after we discovered that Andropov is dead and Half-Nelson is. only slightly comatose. 'Psm “She isn’t a statue,” Goforit said. “I m et her last night at H ig Whorehouse ** •The President of SAGA (Soviet Attempt to Gag America) Foods was arrested in connection with transporting to*ic m aterials Monday morning, police said. Harry Meatballski was arrested after police found a crate of moldy yogurt in the SAGA warehouse “Hey guys, this is nothing unusual,” he said. “As die great President Nixon said, ‘I did nothing .different, I ju st got caught.’ ” — THERESA WILLFORFREE \ y u e i 5 r r / u ó i c C e n te r AM AZON 8 Day Nature Expedition $1,S98 1986 Departure Dates: June 14 • August 16 inclusive from Miami, except passport fees and per­ sonal Items such as laundry, phone calls, beverages, etc. optional six-day extension to Cusco-Machu Plccfiu ah For m ore Info. and free brochure contact A rt papenfus 417 Peery Parkway Golden, CO 80403 303/279-6179 M IG U EL Salef • Rentals* Repairs Band Instalments & Accessories Drums ★ Recorders ★ Banjos ★ Sheet Music Etc. A student of Andres Segovia Guitar Lessons in Folk & Classical by Miguel Authorized Dealer for: ALVAREZ ../G U ILD ... KHO NO ... Y A M A H A ... O VATIO N... 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