W ar declared between A S U and U of A By Scoop C. Johnson War correspondent ASU President J. Russell Nelson, in an unprecedented move, declared war Thursday on the University of Arizona. The announcement domes on the eve of the political takeover byU of A of the Center for Excellence in Slam Dancing, a program vital to the development of ASU as a major research institution. Speaking before the Board of Regents last weekend, Nelson said, "In my estimation, this is clearly an act of parochial ag­ gression which we simply cannot tolerate.’’ The board, unable to reach a decision on which campus would house the program, voted to delay action until its Oc­ tober meeting. However, House Bill 1984, sponsored by Tucson legislators, will transfer total control of the program to ASU’s sister campus along with more funds than necessary. The bill was signed into law Wednesday by Gov. Bruce Babbitt. Regent Thomas Chandler, a Tucson lawyer, said the friday March 30,1984 (or April 1,1984) takeover was fair since U of A was the first state university. “So what if we have the medical school, better football and basketball coaches and more legislative funding every year. We're not happy with enough, we want more than enough,” Chandler said. As the University’g ROTC troops mobilize for the march on the Tuscon campus, the NAU administration, hoping to re­ main neutral, has set up a demilitarized zone in Casa Grande. C.R. Haden, dean of the ASU College of Engineering, would neither confirm nor deny rumors that tactical nuclear weaponry was being developed at the Engineering Research Center. Head Football Coach Darryl Rogers, criticized in the past for a weak ground and air assault, was chosen by Nelson to lead the first wave of attackers. “Our boys will give it their best shot,” Rogers said. "If we don’t take those #*&%#?!!! Wildcats in the first half, we’ll stale mess 650 \/^ l VOI. C C K 1« O D NO. a a 96 Arizona State University Tempe, Arizona © C o p yrig h t, S ta te P ress, 1984 NOTE: The stories in this issue are fictional, but the ads are- REAL. settle for the tie.” Paige Mulhoilan, ASU executive vice president, chose Rogers from a list of 50 candidates, including Frank Sackton, Alexander Haig and Jed Smock. “I would have to say, with all things considered, given the circumstances, I’m not at liberty to comment on that,” Mulhoilan said. ~ Meanwhile, the Faculty Senate has amended the Universi­ ty admission policy to require freshman and sophomore males to register for a draft. “This is nothing to be upset about,” John X. Evans, Senate president, said. “Tliis is just a precautionary measure and students should not resort to violent protesting. ” A student, anti-war organization, Union of Neurotic STudents Against BLoodshed in Education, (UNSTABLE), will hold a demonstration on the Cady Mall lawn this Mon­ day. UNSTABLE members will be mi hand to sell flowers, hold hands and sing peace songs. Nelson reveals plans for ASU tech school By Tracy Fletcher Fascist Ring Leader President J. Russell Nelson recently released his plans to make ASU the "No. 1 Tech School in the Nation" by the end of 1986. Most likely, when you heard that little gem roll elo­ quently from the President’s mouth, you had to wonder, "Hey, whatever happened to all this Academic Excellence I kept hearing so much obout? ” Well, as usual, the Stale Mess is one step ahead of you. Just yesterday, President Nelson returned our call (in record time, we might add — only two weeks after the first message) and agreed to meet with us in his office for a little ■ chat. That conversation follows. Stale Mess: Good morning, President Nelson. Nelson: Get outta my hair, you goofball kid reporter. Can’t you see I’m a busy man? You’re bugging me, kid. Oh, that’s right, you have an appointment. Well, sit down then. Say, that little thingamabob, that whatchamacallit. Heck, I can’t keep pace with all these new high-tech gadgets. Oh, you know what it’s called — is it on right now? Stale Mess: You mean the tape recorder, President Nelson? Yes, it’s on. Nelson: Oh, it is? Well, then I’d like to add to that first com­ ment, “Just kidding.” EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW Blowout “When we say ‘no parking,’ we mean it!” A S U Police demonstrate their new exploding parking ticket Thursday. Their new parking policy prescribes the fiery solution tor repeat offenders. “We’ll make ’em long for the days of the rhino boot,” Police Chief C . Russell Duncan laughed. Stale Mess: President Nelson, your recent plans to make ASU the No. 1 Tech School in,the Nation took many in the University community by surprise. Just what does your plan mean for ASU? Nelson: You mean it worked? I had ’em all fooled? Ha! I knew it would work. Just like taking candy from a baby. Stale Mess: Whatdoyou mean, “Itworked?” Nelson: See, I’ve been working on this hunch, sort of a theory about life I’ve been developing, and it looks like I was right all along. Stale Mess: What theory is this, President Nelson? Nelson: Well, it’s pretty complicated, so try to follow along. You see, people don’t want substance, all they really want is STYLE, they want to hear what sounds good, get it? But here’s the real brilliance of my theory — the part I came to ASU to test. If you can pass style off as substance, they’re putty in your hands. Stale Mess: How have you tested this theory so far? Nelson: Well, it’s like this. I stepped onto this campus pre­ tending not to know where the bathroom is. I played the role of the proverbial new kid on the block. Bumbling around, continued pay« 10 Administration begins ASU’s Bicentennial countdown By Cowboy Don Manhandling editor Citing the successful launching of ASU’s 15-month Centennial celebration, and the resulting increase in donations to the University, President J. Russell Nelson has announced plans to begin the 101-year-long celebration of ASU’s Bicentennial. “We’ll start tomorrow and finish in June of 2085,” Nelson explained: “This celebra­ tion should be a real winner, financially speaking.” > To launch the festivities, Nelson will host a “gala cocktail party extravaganza” atop the Banco Brasil in Rio De Janeiro. All ASU faculty and staff are invited to attend. Tickets will cost $5,095 per person or $10,190 per couple, which includes air fare and over­ night accommodations. “I hope everyone can be there,” Nelson said. “ I want it understood that this celebra­ tion is for the entire University communi­ ty.” The celebration’s slogan, “Excellence For A Real Long Time,” will begin appear­ ing on mall banners, press releases, KAET television shows, campus vehicles, diplomas and selected students in prepara­ tion for the launching ceremonies April 9-13 by the fountain. ’ Professors will be given permission to dismiss classes for the week so students may attend the festivities. “Sure, there’ll be a lot of complaints (about letting the students out of class), but hey, nothing’s too good for a celebration of excellence,’’ Nelson said. Activities will inelude speeches, a dunking booth, a pie-eating contest, speeches, a kiss­ ing booth, a dart-throwing contest, speeches, fortune telling, a car smash, speeches, a peach burger-eating contest, speeches, a funny picture booth, speeches, a balloon-eating contest, speeches, a dartkissing contest, speeches, speeches, speeches and lastly, speeches. A concert by the McKemy Junior High School Symphonic Jazz Band will precede a speech by President Nelson at 10 a.m. April 9. At 2:30 p.m., Student Affairs Vice Presi­ dent Betty Turner Asher will jump out of the Official Bicentennial Cake. Afterwards, the cake will be cut and pieces will be distributed, at $5 each. A speech by Gov. Bruce Babbitt will follow. Later that evening, the governor will host a special reception for special friends of the University, to be held in the main ballroom of the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in New York City. ASU faculty and staff are politely re­ quested to stay home. On Thursday, Nelson plans to announce his most grandiose Bicentennial plan, the annexation of the rest of the city of Tempe. “This is something the alumni have been wanting for a long time now,” Nelson said. • “You know, I just can’t refuse them anything.” / The week’s festivities will conclude with the staging of an original musical revue, “Mill Avenue Melody of 2085,” featuring ASU first lady Bonita Nelson in a starring role and hosted by one-time ASU visitin' Jerry Lewis. According to the famed actor/comedian/film director, the show will be the highlight of the season. “Ooohhhhh, I didn’t mean to . .. ooohh I’m sorry . . . please don’t hurt me. . .ohhhh,” Lewis mugged. Tickets to the Lewis show will be priced at $25 and $22.50, and $30 and $28.50 for students with I.D. A limit of fifteen tickets per I.D. will be sold. On Sunday, April 15, the University will host a Bicentennial Gala Open House Showcase Extravaganza from 8 a.m. to mid­ night. Admission is free to the public, $12.50 and $10 to students with I.D. Acquiescing to demands that Nelson pro­ vide gala events for some of the less affluent in the ASU community, he has scheduled a “Wienie Roast Under the Stars,” from 11:30 p.m. to 3 a.m., April 13-14, behind the Physical Plant building. Admission will be free, but celebrants must bring their own food, drinks and pointed sticks. And charcoal. And lighter fluid. The University will supply the barbecue pit. “It’s the least we could do,” Nelson ex­ plained. “Especially since we’re planning to raise parking fees by 200 percent. ” Stoic Mes» Friday, March 30,1984 Program problem s plague president WASHINGTON (AP) — President Reagan is looking into ways to exert “executive influence” over the nation’s radio stations after his weekly radio program was canceled due to low ratings, according to White House spokesman Larry Speakes. .. _. “ A complete takeover is a last resort, of course, bpeaxes said. “Other options are of course being considered, in­ cluding having the president read the latest sports scores or take music requests over the phone. ” In fact, the latter type of programming has in the past been tested by the president with great success, and Reagan is generally credited with “breaking” such acts as Duran Duran, Eurythmics and The Stray Cats. senator’s campaign chief. ... ^ The younger Hart claims, in an as-yet-unpubhshed inter view for People Magazine, that his father is insisting that he allow himself to be called “John John” after the senator is A P S dealt another setback in Palo Verde fiasco PHOENIX (AP) — Work at Palo Verde Nuclear Generating Station was delayed when constuction workers % % trying to get us to talk with these dumb accents and accidentally locked themselves out of the commissary, ac­ learn to like something called ‘chowdah,’ ’’ John Hart added. cording to a spokesman for Arizona Public Service. “Dad’s just not himself since this campaign started. About a half-dozen workers were forced to sit outside the plant for four hours before APS could round up a locksmith at M eese unprepared in latest “the right price.” “The people of Arizona are fed up with cost overruns at the round of Senate grilling plant, and we know it,” said Keith Turley, Jr., age 7. “We will WASHINGTON (AP) —Presidential aide Edwin Meese III no longer tolerate the inflated prices of most Valley hit another roadblock Thursday during the confirmation locksmiths.” hearings for his appointment as attorney general. Democratic senators questioned Meese about a bake sale in a Sacramento, Calif., shopping mall, in which a 12-year-old Hart-rending identity crisis boy scout extended Meese credit for three fudge nut brownies threatens presidential hopes and a vanilla cupcake. v _ The Stale Mess incorrectly reported in Wednesday’s The boy scout was recently hired to a $30,000-a-year “Police Report” that a student was killed in the ASU DENVER (AP) — Family discord has once again struck the household of Sen. Gary Hart, causing strife in his cam­ cabinet advisory position. “This is really splitting hairs, bookstore when a steel girder fell from the ceiling and plung­ Meese complained to the senators. “The qualifications of the ed through his chest. The story should have read that his paign and threatening his previously solid youth support. John Hart, the presidential candidate’s son, has publicly concerned individual speak for themselves, and his appoint­ backpack was stolen, valued at $4. We regret the error. split with his father, citing “personal reasons,” said the ment was not linked to any personal matters. CORRECTION meojEnoRmmcosmencs A ffo rd a b le C le a n e rs The P W e for the Cnitooi ftee® Learn How to Make Up Your Face . . . FREE Call for your appointment TODAY! ASU SPECIAL 890 ANY GARM ENT Dry Cleaned & Pressed no ea. limit E x c lu d in g s u e d e & leath er; e x c lu d in g w e d d in g d re sse s. C o u p o n m u st be p re s e n te d w h e n g a rm e n ts a re b ro u g h t in. Custom Printed T-Shirts FACTORY DIRECT 9 6 7 * 1 * 7 • C lu b s W a lk -in s W elco m e E a r P ie rc in g 847 W. University Southern Palms Plaza 831-6655 1628*10 E. Southern, Tempe______ (SE Corner of Univ. & Hardy) S C R E E N PR IN T 807 S. Ash, Tempe O fficial S u p p lie r G reek W eek *83 (EXPIRES M A Y 10. 1984.) f WACKY WHITS UN-COUPON. Believeit or not, theseareour everydaylowprices! Nocoupon necessary! Los Appetizers D O U B LE FEATU R E FRI. & SAT. M A R C H 30 & 31 »11« ON THE SUNSET STRIP The critic* agree.» Richard Pryor i* the funnieit m an in America. MCHA«)Mn>aiUVCONTHESUNSETsi H ifawAUvt/ 7 p.m. A laCarte 2.15 2.65 3.50 Taco (Meatos) Machaca Chicken Burros (Bean) (topped w/beans, guacamole & Meatos sour cream) 3.50 Green Chili MiniChimis Tostada (Bean) Combinations Beef 1. Cheese Enchilada, Guacamole 3.60 Beef Taco, Rice & Beans Beef &Bean 2. Beef Enchilada, Machaca 3.60 Bean Tostada, Rice & Beans Chicken 3. Green Chili, Bean . Enchilada style or Meatos Burros, Enchilada French Fried Style, Rice & Beans Enchiladas (Cheese) 3.60 (Machaca or Chicken add .50) Meatos 4. Green Chili, Machaca Bean or Meatos Chicken Chimichanga, Chimichangas (Bean) Rice & Beans Meatos (Machaca or Green Chili Chicken add .50) Machaca Chicken 3.60 3.60 5. Taco Salad 6. Hamburger w/French Fries 3.60 Cheese Crisp (10 in.) Natchos Macho Natchos 1.25 add .30 add .30 1.35 add .50 add .50v 1.25 add .60 add .60 add .60 add 1.50 add 1.50 add .75 add .75 1.25 add .25 add .75 add .75 2.95 add .50. add .50 add .95 add .95 (Add .25 for all to go orders) 9 p.m. SUNDAY NIGHT FOREIGN AND CLASSIC FILMS A p ril 1 - T h a t O b s c u re O b je c t of D e sire ; 6 p.m. France t977; Oirected by Louis STR AN G E B R E W Buñuel, this bizarre film is the perfect A pril Fool s Day treat. 8 p.m. •1983: The adventure of two Hoosiers. Bob and Doug McKenzie. This film stars S C TV s Dave Thomas and Rick Moranis and has proven ilselt deserving ot this special showing on April 1. •A ll fo reig n film s co -sp on sored w ith "A S U 's F rie n d s o f International Film s. Friday & Saturday Double Feature $2 with ASU I.D- — $3 without Admission for last show only & Sunday Double Feature — $1.50 w/I.D. — $2 without V fe c k y W illy fe M ovie Inform ation 965*5658 A S S O C IA T E D * S T U D E N T S A R I Z O N A - S T A T E - U N I V E R SI T Y L 1120East Apache-Tempe. Openfrom4 p.m. daily. 967-1129 «■*■■ ■■■■ ■■■■ Don’t haveto dm Asm . Stale Mess Everything for the W ell-Dressed C a r Kinsinger leaves post to kick som e ‘A ’ By Ed Stsff rebel ASU Academic Affairs Vice President Jack B. Kinsinger shocked fellow administrators Thursday by announcing his p la n e to step down from his post and form a punk-rock band, “The Bunsen Burners.” Kinsinger, who cited a need to “express m yself,” said he preferred jamming on deans to hiring them. He added that, “I just know I would really look good in a Mohawk and spandex pants.” . Kinsinger, who now goes by the name of “M-16, has already announced plans for an album titled “Rock, Roll and Amoebas,” slated for release this summer, which will feature such tunes as “Excellence Sucks Beakers, “Academia Kicks,” “Living in a Vacuum” and “The Heck With High-Tech.” t T When asked about Kinsinger’s plans, ASU President J. R ussell Nelson said, “It’s a surprise to me. I didn’t even know the man played an instrument. Come to think of it, I didn’t even know the man. “We regret the loss, but what the heck, we can’t expect to keep Jack all to ourselves. He’s a credit to our profession, and I’m sure he’ll be just as successful working alongside such great talents as Oingo Boingo as he was working alongside Betty.Tumer Asher.” When asked about the sudden change of career direction, Kinsinger said it was still unclear how he arrived at his deci­ sion. “I was sitting in the Faculty Senate m eeting one day, listening to some professor ramble on about how there should be pay raises, or parking spaces, or something like that, when I thought to m yself, ‘Who gives a flying microchip?” ’ Although he did not say who fellow band members would be, Kinsinger did shy he w ill play lead guitar and sing lead vocals, as well as write most of the group’s songs. He adm its it won’t be easy “In this business, you either publish or perish . . . er . . . that is to say, you either kick in som e wang-bang lyrics or don’t sell diddly..” . .....- A s e a r c h for a replacem ent for Kinsinger will commence as soon as administrators can figure out a job description. BRAS From *59.96 Give your vehicle the sporty look and protect your front end from unsightly chip marks. Also Available: Sheepskin seat covers, floor mats, driving accessories. . . and mote. LOUVfRS A sporty yet very functional accessory. Reduces heat and intenor lading of your vehicle. From *79.50 CAR COVERS Fully protects your vehicle Horn point and interior damage, coused by sun, wind, and debris. From *39.00 MotfNOonl/Vto . Accepted "A IO BOUTIQUE " PHOENIX: 1657 E. Indian School Rd. at 17flt Sheet 264-1404 TEMK/MiSA: 2634 W. Baseline (Vi block E. <* Price) 838-1411 A S p e c ia l O f f e r F r o m Jack “Spike” Kinsinger Hip couple make Homecoming royalty By Ray Staff anesthesiologist In an announcement that still has the Associated Students activities officials puzzled, an ad hoc Homecoming Commit­ tee has chosen perennial campus preacher Jed Smock and his wife, Sister Cindy, as Homecoming king and queen for 1984—eight months ahead of schedule. ; - , “They are, without a doubt, one of the m ost recognizable couples on cam pus,” com m ittee chairman Amy Swizzles tick said. “Their backgrounds make them uniquely qualified. But more importantly, they draw a bigger crowd every tim e they preach than we did at last year’s Homecoming Parade. ” Swizzlestick said she even offered a Homecoming theme that would appeal to Smock: “Excellence in the Hereafter,” with the hope that the roaming preacher would accept. Smock, who adm its to having been a backpack-totin’-Janis Joplin-listenin’-limp-wristed-frat-boy-druggie-dancin’-onthe-beach-of-Morrocco-nude-until-he-changed-his-ways-in-aBurger-King-Home-of-the-Whopper Hippie, said he was honored, but could not accept. However Cindy, a former “disco queen” by her own admis­ sion, said she was definitely interested and would do everything in her power to convince Jed to partake of the honor. , . “I think we have a responsibility to show the little heathens on this campus just how it should be done,” scream ed Cindy at the top of her lungs during a phone interview with the Stale M ess. “Being a former queen, I know how it should be done. I w anttodoiit.” When contacted late Thursday, Smock said he was strug­ gling with the issue. “I’m not exactly FI-yerrrrrred up about it,” Smock stress­ ed. “ But if it gives me a chance to get closer to the students, I m ay seriously consider the OFFerrrrrrrr.” When asked why the com m ittee decided to make a selec­ tion eight months ahead of tim e, rather than follow establish­ ed procedure, Swizzlestick said, “I don t know. When asked what she thought other potential candidates would say, she said, “I’m not sure.” When asked when Homecoming week is, she said, “It lasts for a whole week? Wow!” ■ ASU President J. Russell Nelson, when informed of the of­ fer made to the Smocks, said “I wonder if they’re available for the Bicentennial?” A S U S t u d e n t s . ■■ If you’re over 18 you can rent an Escort or other fine car at SPECIAL LOW WEEKEND RATES starting at *19.96 (2 Day Min.) (Rates subject to change w ithout notice) For Your Car, Call Your ASU Representative 968-4072 Office located at Rural & University giiiiiiiiiimniimiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiuiiiMiiiiiiiiniiiiiiHiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimiiiiiiHi^ ADVERTISING I | SALES REPRESENTATIVES | fo r the I Bo °?- state. press \\ B030IUL April Fools Weekend S ta rts F r id a y , Bud, Bud Lite Longnecks & B u d Draft O n Special H appy H o u r M on.-Fri. 4-7 , 0 Ov E v e r y t h in g o n H a p p y H o u r «ÒU6'"' * A PPLE P E R M S P E C IA L $ 3 9 .5 0 I n c lu d e s F r e e H a ir c u t ALL H AIRCUTS $10 EVERY WED. (Includes cut, shampoo and conditioner only) l The C h icke n W ings 11$ apiece Sculptured Nails $19.50 ..■■ U S E D R O O M SIZES *10 & U P NEW CARPET TOO! NIW SUNDAY HOURS 12 p.m.-6 p.m. 1516 E . Van Buren Phoenix_____ 903 S. Rural Rd. • 894-0184 Reverse H appy H o u r from 10 p .m .- i a.m. u&L House '• C low ns, Shirts & Hats to be given away! 968-6074 irpet 30 Pranksters Punch O n Special 722 S. 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The s y s te m in c lu d e s 1333333333333}}}}}}} video display ter­ minals, probably the most visible compo­ nent. “ The VDTs a re too cool," staf x*✓ * ^ fe r Jerry Brown enthused. “You just, like type on ’em and the story comes out in the paper the%%%** next day! ” “There’s almost no work involved,” freelancer Jessica Kreimennan* added. “It’s — how you say in your country — a snap!” It’s no small miracle that the VVVWW W W W W D T s have reduced typical newspaper mistakes. Years of research went into theIR DESIGN, NOT TO MEN­ TION HUNDReds of dollars. 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What could t do?’ Keith Turley, head of APS, who just can’t wait for the dam plant to get started, hoped Reader would be a positive influence on the project. “We hope Marti can really give us a lift, but he will have to start wearing regular shoes around the site,” Turley said. “Those sandals just won’t do. ” Reader will continue to teach his classes from the plant site. ★ 2 CHOICE LOCATIONS * Cypress Gardens Fountains 1015 S. Stanley 1028 E. Orange 967-0409 2 bdrm ., utilities incl. 967-0489 1, 2 bdrm., utilities incl. Pool, cable TV, laundry facilities, motorcycle storage room, 2-level units available. SPECIAL $50 MOVE-IN ALLOWANCE’ C h e c k w ith m a n a g e m e n t for details. S P IR ITU A LIT Y : Promise or Paradox fi Free Lecture by Roberto Cuniberti q member of the Christian Science Board of Lectureship MARCH 30.1984 • 12:40 p.m. in the MEMORIAL UNION. RM. 212, E. COCHISE fl Q U E S T I O N A N D A N SU U E R S E S S I O N UUIIL F O llO U U T H E LECTURE. Stal* U *M plw lo Marti Reader, A SU political science professor, distributes tests to one of his classes before officially assuming his new position as director of the Palo Verde Nuclear Plant NEW LO C A TIO N f t _ Welcome Home SU BS S IT T S U P E B B A IS f f " N e v e r A Come in and enjoy Pizza Hut* Pan Pizza at our new restaurant. TTiere’s a great taste experience waiting for you right up the street from Arizona State. Your new Pizza Hut.® Just walking distance from the University. Now open with Pan Pizza and all the other good things Pizza Hut* is famous for And if you call our take out number, 829-8800, we’ll even deliver right to your door. So come by and enjoy Pizza Hut* Pan Pizza at our Grand Opening! C o v e r " & O p e n D aily 11 a.m . • Sat. S un. N oon 9 1 0 N. H ay d en Rd., T em pe Come and enjoy Tempe's largest outside Beer Garden! >2 L il C a s in o g a m e s ►All d a y d rin k sp e c ia ls This w e e k : *Hut. ■ms af Pan Pizza Large 60-oz. 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The new professors, who reportedly have a combined 67 years of experience teaching, were not immediately available for comment Lo t d e m o litio n ! to c re a te m a s s in c o n v e n ie n c e By Frankie “Flower” Fitz­ patrick Staff Killjoy ASU Director of Parking and Transit C. Russell Dun­ can announced Thursday that Lot 59 will be complete­ ly torn u{) and reconstructed exactly the same way “just for the hell of it.” Now that Lot 27, next to the ASU Bookstore, has been to rn up and e x a c tly replicated again the same way, Duncan said it is time to put more money to good use. “We those Lot 99 for reconstruction because it’s the largest lot and will be in­ convenient to a maximum number of students,” Dun­ can said. f '# s * Another reason Duncan cited for the demolition of Lot 59 is that the flagmen, who have directed traffic around the construction a t' Lot 21, will need something else to occupy their time because their contracts don’t expire for another year. “Those flagmen will be stationed in Lot 59 to help Sky Harbor officials direct aircraft to file runway,” Duncan said. Construction workers at Lot 27 have not been paid a salary but were given keys to campus parking meters and told “it’s a free-for-all” when it comes to collecting compensation for their work, according to one satisfied worker. During a press conference W ednesday, D uncan credited revenue from in­ flated parking-decal prices as the main reason the new ASU parking garage will be completed in time for the University’s Bicentennial celebration. However, President J. “Rusty” Nelson, who was at­ tending his first press con­ ference, said before a park­ ing garage can be built, a Center for Excellence in Leisure Studies is needed which would be built with funding generated from decal sales. “A parking garage won’t ’ help our efforts towards the i^nagp -of excellence at this University, but a Center for Excellence in Leisure Studies will,” Nelson said. In other parking matters, die Faculty Senate is con­ sidering a motion which would reclassify faculty and staff as parking spaces so their salaries would be guaranteed to rise. Alfredo Leal Famous Bullfighter /CX> O© £ > a O v r zJmm, w f e m si#» ... '•• •$ < P * WWl i N i f EVERYTHINGYOUJjjJJAYS SM< M m Friday, March 30,1984 A s s o c ia t e d S tu d e n ts . . . Y our c o n c e r n s are o u r co m m itm en t WALTER B. BATT • RAYMOND BURNELL • NANCY PARKS • TED GROVES E x e c u tiv e P r e s id e n t C a m p u s A ffa ir s V. P. V .P . A c t i v i t i e s V .P . THE EXECUTIVE OFFICERS RESPONSIBILITIES: EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT PRESIDENT The Executive Vice President serves as the budgetary manager, President of the Student Senate, Coordinator of the College Councils, and ViceChairman of Executive Committee. •Budget Manager: In charge of administrating Associated Students current budget, as well as preparing next year's. t •Senate President: Presides over the legislative branch of Associated The President is the presiding officer of the Executive Branch of Associated Students and the Chairperson of the Executive Committee. The President is a voting member on the following committees and boards: •Faculty Senate •Faculty Senate Executive Committee •Intercollegiate Athletic Board •Alumni Executive Committee •Alumni Board •Arizona Students Association •Campus Residents Committees « •Who’s Who in American Colleges & Universities Selection Committee •College Coordinator: Directs the operations of each college s council government. As the Vice-Chairperson of the Executive Committee the Executive Vice President will assume the duties of the Associated Students President in his/her temporary absence. The Executive Vice President is next in succession to the President in case of permanent or prolonged vacancy in that office. The President sets the direction for the entire Associated Students by securing the advice and opinion of the ASU student body. The President is the manager for the State Relations Department and is the ASU student liaison to the Administration, Regents, and the State Legislative.______ ACTIVITIES VICE PRESIDENT CAMPUS AFFAIRS VICE PRESIDENT The-Activities Vice President is the Associated Students manager of the cultural programs offered to the student body. These include: The Campus Affairs Vice President is the Associated Students manager of the service departments offered to the student body. These services include: •Concert Series •Homecoming •Lecture Series. •Political Union •Neeb Hall Film Series •Special Events •Travel Bureau \ The Activities Vice President is responsible for developing and imple­ menting programs that will entertain, educate, and inform students dur­ ing their enrollment at ASU. The Activities Vice President is also a voting member of the Associated Students Senate and Executive Committee. •Bike Co-Op •Campus Services •Faculty Course Evaluation Program •Graduate Students Association •Minority Affairs Board •Safety Escort Service •Student Health Advisory Committee •Tenant’s/Commuter Students Assoc. •Women's Services The Campus Affairs Vice President is responsible for developing and implementing service programs designed to promote the academic, social, and intellectual development of the student. The Campus Affairs Vice President is also a voting member of both the Associated Student Senate and thiExecutive Committee. ' SSOCIATED H STUDENT: A R I Z O N A S T A T E U NI V E R S IT Y A S S O C IA T E D S T U D E N T S is y o u r student governm ent. Make your voice count. mß f . p | ml ' ¿I ....if A student sits on a pole of his favorite candidate during the 1960 ASSOCIATED STUDENTS campaign. VOTE ^in-J^ei A S S O C IA T E D S T U D E N T S E LE C T IO N S i A P R IL 3 & 4. Page 9 Friday, March 30,1984 ASASU Elections President Chris Coppola doesn’t know it yet, but he is run­ ning for the office of executive vice president He is a 23-year-old drifter, majoring in dance, who just happened to roam into the Stale Mess offices one day looking for a job, so we made him city editor. His residence is currently the Matthews Center basement but he says he halts from Buf­ falo, N. Y. We don’t believe him. List your qualifications for office of executive vice president. President, Young Convicts’ Club, 1975-77; treasurer, Embezzlers International, 1978; one of the five original Save “My Mother the Car” peti­ tioners; took a political science course once; pretty sure I know what ASASUstands for. What do you believe is the purpose of ASASU and how should the executive vice president serve this purpose? Well, like all labor unions, ASASU has to repre- Executive vice president Tracy Fletcher Tracy Fletcher wants nothing less than the whole enchilada — office of ASASU president. She is a 23-year-old journalism graduate, and now is ma­ joring in State Mess management. Her hometown, believe it or not, is Eagle River, Wis., pop.-1,300. Two years ago she moved into the basement of Matthews Center and hasn’t seen the light of day since. What do you believe is the purpose of ASASU and how should the president serve this purpose? We’re all trying to figure that one out. I’m not convinced they even have one, although all the other candidates keep telling voters they do. One rambled on about opening doors (although I like a man who still sees that as a responsibility) and the other about “contributing positively to the well­ being of the students” (this from a guy who spends his free time digging his toes into the sand).'Ohwell. But, for the sake of appearance (politicians are big on appearances), I would have to say the pur­ pose of ASASU is to occupy those newly remodeled offices on the second floor of the MU. Have you ever seen those things? They’re pretty plush. They make my office look like a third-rate flat in Cabrini Green. List three specific goals you expect to achieve dur­ ing your term and explain how you plan to achieve them? I’d put an end to all this Bicentennial stuff. It s out of control. My platform calls for a quiche in every backpack. » And I would make the Stale Mess editorship a lifetime position, effective Fall 1983. What are the obstacles you expect to confront while in office and how will you overcome them? The biggest obstacle would be to learn how to do nothing. It would be kind of fun for a year. Hey, I’d like a vacation. Believe me, the positions held by those junior politicos are the most overrated on campus. What a life! Even President Nelson does more than those goofballs. Why should a student vote for you and not your op­ ponent? Any student who doesn’t vote for me gets blackballed in the Stale Mess. Seriously, just look at those two opponents of mine. “Loony Looooooby’’ Lubitz has about as much charisma as a glob of vanilla pudding, and Burnell is 40 times as sweet, not to mention the fact that he is pretty enough to be on the cover of Seventeen. Who would you vote for? I sure wouldn’t vote for someone who would give us another year of boring ASASU activities. Put so­ meone up there who can stir up a little controver­ sy. Should alcohol be sold on campus? Come on, what’s wrong with you? Don’t you read the Stale Mess'! I wrote an editorial just last week about alcohol on campus. OK. I’U forgive you this time and answer anyway. Alcohol has absolutely no place .on the ASUcampus. A poll has found that 79 percent of the students have taken the opposite stand on the alcohol issue. As student body president, you have been asked to testify before the State Legislature because it Is considering a measure that would allow the sale of alcohol. Given your personal convictions versus the poll results, what would you teU the Legislature? , , . Hey that’s nothing. I remember one column 1 wrote brought in almost 650hate letters. As for the lawmakers, they’re mostly booting bozos anyway. I really don’t want anything to do with them. ..................v . . What are your interest! outside of school and stu­ dent government? . .. Well, ip be quite honest, all of my interests lie outside school and student government. What do you perceive to he your personal strengths and personal weaknesses? Strengths: You name it Weaknesses: Again, for appearance s sake, I love the color black, people sometimes disagree with me (but then again, that’s their weakness not mine) and frozen yogurt. If you had a free afternoon to do anything you wanted (outside of school and student govern­ ment), what would you do? Go to the zoo and watch the monkeys. Well, maybe not. It would remind me too much of ASASU. sent the people it purports to represent on a representative basis with equal representation for all being represented. List three specific goals you expect to achieve dur­ ing your term and explain how you plan to achieve them. I have no goals, and I don’t know how to achieve them. B u t if I had to pick three. I guess they would Jerry Brown is running for the office of campus affairs vice president. He is a 27-year-old freshman majoring in interior design. His hometown is Broad Channel, N.Y., home of Rodney Scarberry, inventor of the canned ham. List your qualifications for the office of campus affairs vice president. Former mayor of Harlem; the first Irish vice president of Chutzpah International; won award for Haystack of the Year from Future Farmers of America; over 40 appearances in the studio au­ dience of the Wallace and Ladmo Show. List three specific goals you expect to achieve in your term and explain how you plan to achieve them. 1) Reduce congestion on the malls by making everyone walk single file. 2) Make the Student Health Serviee a full-scale operation by making all leisure studies majors donate five hours of their time every week to the Center. The students can serve in any capacity: doctor, nurse, X-ray technician, lab technician or, my favorite, diagnosis. 3) Eliminate the office of campus affairs by offer­ ing counseling to people who are involved in af­ fairs. I’m a family man and I hate to see the morals of this University degraded. What proposal or program will you give top priori­ ty during your term? The Faculty Course Evaluation Program. I think it should be run like the review board of the Campus affairs vice president Chris Coppola be fame, fortune and eternal happiness. I could probably achieve them if I were executive VP, since I hear that’s a really hotshot position around here. Believe me, city editor doesn’t get you diddly except maybe nasty phone calls and dingy press hounds banging on your door. * Do you have any plans to strengthen the college councils? The college what? What are the obstacles you expect to confront while in office and bow will you.ovbrcome them? The college what? What should be the primary focus of the ASASU Senate and how would you ensure that the Senate keep that focus? Wherever it wanted to focus, I guess. However it wanted to, I guess. Acollege what? Where’s the beef? Who’s on first? Suppose the administration has told you to cut the ASASU budget by 10percent. What would you do? I seriously doubt the administration would have the guts to make such a request if I were elected. But if it did, I would slash the first three on the lit­ tle list I probably would have telling me who got money from me. z Suppose the Senate is split over a controversial piece of legislation. Both sides won’t budge. What would you do? Well, if the meeting started running past like 9 or 9 :30-p.m. I’d probably blow ’em off to get home in time for ‘Taxi.” But if this all happened earlier, I probably would encourage them to hurry up so we all could get home in time for ‘Taxi.” I really relate to Louie. SI^mMalcohol he allowed on campus? Why or why pot? You mean it’s not allowed? Bummer. Name some people you admire most and why. 1) Tootie on “The Facts of Life” : I mean, the girl is docp> 2) Barney Rubble: One of the all timegreats. 3) Judge Wapner: I don’t care if he is retired, the man kicks butt, 4) William Shakespeare: Because the entertain­ ment writers at the Mess say I should. Name some people you really can’t stand and why. 1) Doug Llewellyn: The reporter on “The People s Court.” Is he a joke or what? 2) Mrs. Garrett on “The Facts of Life”: She’s too nasal for my blood. 3) My opponents in this election, because they re­ mind me of Doug Llewellyn. If you had a free afternoon to do anything you wanted (outside of student government) what would you choose todo? Study. What do you perceive, to be your personal strengths and personal shortcomings? Strengths: Solid specific answers to tough prob­ ing questions. Weaknesses: A penchant tor Slim Whitman records. - Phoenix Police Department. Whenever a pro­ fessor is accused of incompetence, a panel of five of his best friends on the faculty will decide his fate. What are the problems confronting commuter students and how would you solve them? The biggest problem is probably the distance between ASU and where they live. I mean, if they lived right across the street, or on campus for that matter, there wouldn’t be 'any problem. They’re just a big bunch of whiners, that’s all. They’re below my consciousness. Next question. If you had a free afternoon to do anything you wanted (outside of student government and school), what would you choose to do? I would visit the old F-Troop set-up around Payson. I just loved Again, O’Roarke and the rest of the gang — what consummate actors. They made the old West come alive for me. Jerry Brown Name three people you most admire and explain why. Paul Schaffer — The King of Ging. One of the most together guys I know. What is Ging? If you don’t know what it is, baby, one of1us doesn’t have it. Christopher Knight — He was the middle brother in “The Brady Bunch” series. I always felt he didn’t get the fame and attention he truly deserved, especially in that one episode when he saved that girl’s life in the toy store. And he never got to be in a dream with Joe Namath either. Not many people know he’s Pee Wee Herman now. I would really be remiss not mentioning Alan Hale. Hie Skipper has always been sort of a role model for me, and some people think I look a little like him too. Everytime he yelled “Gilligan, what are you doing! ” it gave me goose bumps. What do you perceive to be your personal strengths and personal shortcomings? I consider myself to be a strong person. One day I got mad at my girlfriend and hurled a loveseat at her. So strength is no problem. Strength I got. Shortcomings? Let’s come back to that one, I can’t think of any right now but I’m sure I have at least one. Somewhere. Maybe 1don’t tip enough. What are your Interests outside of school and stu­ dent government? I collect Franklin Mint Historical Phone Coils and salt shakers from maximum-security prisons. I’m also the president of the Phoenix chapter of the Soupy Sales Fan Club and I go everywhere that Rose Wietz is appearing. I really dig that broad. What would you like to be doing 10 years from now? Ten years, huh? That would make me 37. I’ll probably be out of school, and that would make J. Russ ready to retire. That’ll give me a shot at my dream job —head of the maintenance crew (just kidding, Russ). Don States has been blackmailed Into running for activities vide president. He is a 23-year-old thirdtime senior majoring in self-delusion. He would not reveal his hometown. List your qualifications for the office of activities vice president. I have participated in many activities throughout my life, some successfully. What do you believe is the purpose of ASASU? To spend money? To organize stuff? I forget. List three specific goals you expect to achieve in your term and explain how you plan to achieve them. First, I would appoint a special commission to begin work immediately on my resume, adding this job to it. Second, I would redecorate my office (have you seen it? ugh!). Third, I would organize many activities for the students of this University. What activities do you plan for the coming year if elected? My coolest idea, I think, is to stock the fountain with a variety of fish and sponsor fishing contests every Friday. This could be real fun. I don’t really like Homecoming, so out it goes. Somebody else can organize it, I don't want to. But I do like the idea of maybe electing a King and Queen of Spring Break. That might be OK. What .criteria would be used to select speakers, films and concerts «hiring your term? I’ll gladly schedule anyone who can be had for a minimal amount of money, preferably none. Name three people you most admire in the arts to­ day and explain why. 1) Leif Garrett —because he’s managed to parlay negligible talent into a nearly successful singing and acting career. 2) Ladmo — because I admire his stick-toitiveness, and because he’s so tall. 3) Karlheinz Stockhausen — because his egomaniacal personality has propelled him and his art far beyond the philistine limits of the labyrinthian cosmos of serious contemporary music. What are the obstacles you expect to confront while in office and how will you overcome them? The major obstacle I expect to encounter is the overwhelming hostility to me and all of my ideas. Activities vice president But I plan to overcome this by changing my home phone number several times. Why should a student vote for you and not your op­ ponent? (Cannot answer due to space limitations). List three concerts you would attempt to schedule. Why would you choose to sponsor them? 1) Menudo—what can I say, they’re the top group in the work), and ASU shouldn’t be left out of the fun. But we have to hurry, I want to bring them here before they retire Paco. 2) Rod McKuen and Dawn — this is a relatively new group, but I think they’d go over well at ASU 3) Pink Lady—because they represent a different culture than yours and mine. List three films you would attempt to include in the Neeb Hall Film Series. Why should they be in­ cluded? 1) “In Search of Noah’s Ark” — I missed this when it was held over in my hometown, and I always wanted to see it. 2) “Autdman—The-Motion Picture” —Neeb Hall might get the premiere for this. 3) “Applications of the GG-283k-001 Wing Nut in Indnstial Scaffolding” — I have a print of this at home, so it wouldn’t cost us anything to show it. If you had a free afternoon to do anything you wanted, what would you do? Sit at home and watch “Applications of the GG283k-001 Wing Nut in Industrial Scaffolding.” What are your interests outside of school and stu­ dent government? Just about everything. What would you like to be doing 10 years from now? I would like to be Stu Tracy's personal valet. Don States Stale Mets Friday, March 30,1984 F ra u d much better than that Liberal Art« idealist s«,U«wed his last bite of Saga salad. continued front P*9® 1 “ ,e Mess. President Nelson, in a speech last week you stressed*the needier all students to be computer literate^ Coraidering many of the letters we get at the Stale Mess and S h u tte r in g s we hear from faculty members Oiat sfaidente can’Tput a coherent thought down on paper, don’tyoufeel the University should first strive to graduate sfaidente who are smiling a lot, keeping up that Silver Fox image. I made a few friends in the right places. Got appointed to all the right boards of directors, like Del Webb. Got my hands in all the right cookie jars. Then, and this is the beauty of my theory, I came up with some cute catch phrases — Wellness, Quality of Life, Student Development, Affirmative Action — you know, some zingers with a nice ring to ’em. Nobody ever asks you what they mean. Stale Mess: What was your next step? Nelson: Glad you asked that. Next came my real stroke of genius, the creme de la creme of sugar-coated jargon Ex­ cellence. Attach that to everything and you’re in like flynn. Engineering Excellence. Academic Excellence. Excellence for a New Century. Who’s gonna question you when all you do is in the name of Excellence? Stale Mess: Then, you mean to say . . . __________________ N d lS :1 H e^d o n ’t throw that back on my shoulders Why dnes'evervbody try to pin that one on me? Can I help it if poor 2 ^ 3 to Literal Arte can’t write? Most of these highcan’t even write. 11c n 't be bettemd r t h details, I’m looking at the big picture here The *«tureis hightech a n d th a t ’ s where we’re going, come hell or highwater. S Mess: President Nelson, do you believe your concept of “Excellence” is really good for the University? I mean, in the traditional sense of the word “university . Nelson- I’ve heard those archane ideas about univereifaes before A well-rounded, liberal arte education, being able to read and write and quote a few classics. It’s a nice notion, but let’s be realistic. In the real world, nobody cares if you understand “Areopathetica” or if you can quote from Tam­ ing of the Slew” or if you can hum a few bars from an opera like “Caramel. ” You need to be prepared for your job. That’s w h y ASU is going Tech. , , Stale Mess: When do you expect the transition to be com- ‘If t h e L e g is la tu r e e v e r g o t w in d o f m y p la n , th e y ’d w a n t a p ie c e of t h e a c tio n .’ Nelson: Come on, kid. Don’t stop me now, can’t you see I m on a roll? Like I was saying. Excellence is the key to ad­ ministrative happiness. Ah, Excellence. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my bankroll can reach. I love thee for the megabucks you keep bringing in. Oh, utmost passion of my days, perfect justification, my sweet delight excellence. Oh, be still my beating heart. t .__ . . Stale Mess: Excuse me, President Nelson, can we get back to the interview? Nelson: Of course, kid. I got a little carried away. Stale Mess: Mr. President, you’ve rambled on for 10 minutes about Excellence. Just what does it mean? Nelson: Ahh, that’s the beauty of it. It doesn t mean anything. It has a nice ring to it — Excellllllennnce — a cer­ tain air of authority don’t you agree? No one knows what it means, but at the same time they believe it means cvcrvthi n2 . Stale Mess: What has been the reaction of the faculty to all Nelson: You journalists are so predictable. I’ve been waiting for this question. I suppose you’re asking me, “Where’s the Beef?” Am I right? Huh? Stale Mess: Not really, President Nelson. All I want to know is how does the faculty like your theory? Nelson: To be honest, I think some of them are catching on to Nelson: Well, I ’d hate to let the cat out of the bag too early. If the Legislature ever gets wind of my plan, heck, they d want a niece of the action. This is my baby. I decided long ago that I’m not about to share the limelight with anyone this fame • A SU President J. Russell Nelson poses with one of his per­ sonal adVisors. “We have no secrets,” Nelson confided. But I’ll tell you this much. Move that tape recorder thingee a little closer, will you? This whole high-tech thing is big — real big. Like I was telling Paige the other day. Paige I it. I happened to eat lunch over in La Cuisine the o t h e r d a y - says “We need to keep this Excellence thing going a while my weekly luncheon with the proles. And as I hste'* d t0 longer. It’s just a m atter of time before we’re in high-tech heaven.” See, Paige and I know Which side our bread is but­ ministrators, department heads, you name it - the wordEx tered on. We know what life is all about. cellence kept popping up. Probably five or six fames ev eij Stale Mess: President Nelson, what do you plan. . . few minutes. Most of them, each time the word came Nelson: Say, what do you think of renaming Cady Fountain seemed as if they had heard a little message from thegods the Fountain of Excellence? Or how about making Cafe Ole like they’d just seen some sort of vision. Goa, it was turn out a new Excellence Enchilada? Or how about Editor’s Note: A t this point in the interview. President b^But this one professor from the College of Liberal Arte, Nelson’s secretary came into the office and ushered me out heck I can never remember their names. Anyway, when the door. ’’He does this all pie time," she quietly confided. As someone said the word Excellence, he got this 1«* °f/tlu o cespecially n v n l l v alert n enext xt w eek. e s s .” R oRoth th to be week,I iu I guess,” guessed. The intensifying friction between the regular Health Ser­ Roto blames a PIES activity for an incident last week when a student was mistakenly given a prostate exam by one of the vices staff and toe PIES organizers has reached the breaking staff doctors. The student, Maureen Helios, filed a complaint point, according to the Office of Student Affairs. “Somebody has to go,” Vice President Betty Turner Aster Tuesday with the Office of Student Affairs. Roto claims the PIES seminar being conducted a t the time said. “I just can’t take any more of this constant bickering.” of the mishap, “ Becoming One With Your Spleen,” and toe Unfortunately for the regular Health Service personnel, accompanying chanting had distracted the Health Service Asher is a recent convert to “music meditation,” a specialty doctor. t* . . . .. . of PIES. , “Under the circumstances, it’s a wonder he didn t goof up President J. Russell Nelson was not in his office when the worse,” Roto said, adding that toe center would guard Stale Mess called for his comments. However, Doreen, a against future disruptions by PIES activities. Next week, the PIES schedule calls for a lecture titled A sub stitu te secretary , said although she w asn’t Janov Retrospective — Getting in Touch with the^ Primal knowledgeable about the situation, added that “health is cer­ tainly important for college kids. ’’ Urge” and a rap session called “Moaning for Health.” PIES organizers, but recommended “calling them on the phone late at night and then hanging up when they answer.” TEMPE CENTER JEWELERS FOR ALL YOUR JEWELRY NEEDS D ia m o n d s. W a lch e s 14k C h a in s , P e n d a n ts 5S o ro rity -F ra te rn ity Je w e lry ¡{W atch & Je w e lry R e p a irin g 966-7587 T E N USES TOR A \X W M o re o r lees iyBob&uiBeij 1. Cat box liner. -A ssu m in g h e CAREERS (N E vr TIM ES W EAKEN) 2>m B c ò u t » e n h a n c e riv c T it carit Bad. IHom., could I th in k .in wait JOBS ^ PREPARE FOR A PROFESSION IN AGRICULTURAL EDUCATION b r in g C o p ) p le a s e —? 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UNIVERSITY PHOENIX South on Central Just Pasta McDowell 257-0380 m e a n o th e r RESTAURANT Steak Dl Jon, Stuffed Filet of Sole, «Tenderloin, Chicken Picatta, Veal •Marsala ARE NOT included in the 2-for-1 special. CAR WASH I ! I I t "t I I I I I I .00 f i i thru wash I f I I I OR G O O D for ONE FREE W AX OFFER APRIL 8 g rrC R EXPIRES CATIRW n rn it. w » \ I NOT TO BE USED WITH ANY OTHER OFFER TEMPE 4th Street and Mill 966-3848 I f CORNER OF UNIVERSITY & M cC U N T O C K NEXT TO MINDER-BINDERS Automatic Wash S AM• 6 PM • Self Serve S AM- MIDNIGHT / Stai« Atos» I 4 . Anti -A m erican Subversion SWEAKCf) i, Page 13 Friday, March 30,1984 tih o c f.,1 fornot I»») gun. ' W EDDING INVITATIONS In-Home Service Low Prices couM j me another HAPPENINGS *T.ft ) p le a s e « * * ? 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Choose from any of these items: C i n c i n n a t i W ^ V e s t e r n C h ili e g e r t a r i a n C h il i B C h ili N C h ili C h ili C h ili u r g e r s a c h o s D o g s — M a ra b i’s now serving beer — 9 9 0 a b ottle • 7 9 0 a glass on tap < 41 5 S . M ill 9 6 6 - 4 9 9 8 O P E N 1 0 :3 0 - 1 0 M on.-Sat. • 1 1 :3 0 -8 Sunday R E N T A N EW LIFESTYLE FROM C T A C f j " * ) W A SH ER A N D D R Y ER IN S T A L L E D A T D O BSO N RANCH Com e and preview a special style of the A rizona experience w ith some of these standard features: • m ini blinds on all windows • private patios o r balconies » wood cabinets • kitchen appliances • tile roofs • exterior storage • one of A rizona’s largest sw im m ing pools and jacuzzi lakes A nd all the D obson R anch am enities like golfing, sailboating, racquetball... W ATERW O RKS a specialstyle o f livin g from Specialty Shelter, Inc. 1645 W est Baselin e, M e sa 85202 839-4958 Friday. M arch 3 0 .1 9 6 4 In other activity, ASU Police reported the following in­ vestigate. It was, (sniff), awful. . . .. cidents in the 24-hour period ending at 6 a jn . ' ident “They had him up against the wall and they were frisking •A rhino boot was placed c o d « car ci A him,” she said. “ He kept saying - ‘You can’t arrest me for Walter Batt.48att, who pledged again to get n d ofd»e ASU usin’ the head!’ but they wouldn’t listen. Frankie said they narkii« problem, had $496 in outstanding parking tickets. had two-way glass behind the urinals. ” The student said her friend Dick was planning to wire for •An ASU student was arrested at Mamamta for actii« orderly and sober. P °11C® reI**1s bail money, but needed to use the bathroom first “They got Friday the man, who was attending a late-night party, had not had a him too,’’she said. . drink aU night, accounting for his unusualbehavi«r. Forty-three male students were arrested and charged with Another frustrated student said her boyfriend told her he •In other Manzanita activity, police reported indecent exposure late Thursday at Hayden Library in an heard laughing through the walls just before his arrest. the residence hall. After dispatcfongtteTem pe ^ d e p a r t ­ ASU Police sting operation designed to stop the incidents “I can’t believe they did this," she said. “Ticketing people ment, it was determined the scheduled fire d*1 « * once and for all. for jaywalking is one thing, but busting guys in the bathroom ASU Police Chief C. Russell Duncan termed the crackdown is really cheap. And then to laugh at them — those cops have place due to a burned-out wire in the overused alarms^The wire was replaced and tonight’s 2 a.m. drill should go off as a complete success. , too far this time.” . . . . .,.. “We caught those suckers with their pants down, ana gone Duncan denied the accusations of misconduct, but said the •AMueMereedes owned by ASU PresidentJ. Russell Nelson there’s no way they’re gonna get out of this one, he snd.^ I arrests did take place in the bathroom. was towed from the Tempe Center parking .lot Thureday. hope they send the disgusting perverts to Florence for life. “It doesn’t m atter where it happened, those guys were However, complaints about police tactics arose from overexposed,” he said. “We had to put our foot down »•Rut I was shopping,” protested Nelson, who left Tower R ^ T t h t t i E S t M o t i o n * « L P - A m u * .r a t e ,” friends of the suspects at the scene. ■ somewhere. These incidents have been going on for too said Duncan, who was later seen leaving police headquarters One tear-stained companion of two suspects claimed the Jgjjg ft'' police arrests were unfair, demeaning and illegal. The stu­ ___ ._. Duncan said he got the mirror idea from an ASU student with a pink slip. dent, who chose to remain clueless, said all the arrests took who used mirrors earlier this semester to look up a woman s •ASU basketball center Phil McSkinney was arrested Thursday for impersonating a light pole. McSkinney was place in the fourth-floor m&i’s bathroom. * j ' “They didn’t have a chance,” she said. “My Frankie left * “If they can do it, we can do it,” Duncan said. “All’s fair in released on Ins own recognizance after pledging to spend our study room to use the restroom. When he didn’t come more time in the weight room. back after a half hour, my friend Dick and I went to m- love, war, crime-fighting and bathrooms.” R E N T A L S /S A L E S 1 O v e r 3 0 S ty le s , A aron s I to C h o o se F ro m A rizon a T ux Shops F A N T A S T I C S E L E C T IO N ! F ro m $29.95 t o $39.95 RESERVE NOW!! For All Your Formalweiir N eals 217 W. UNIVERSITY TEMPE _ _ ^ - 9 6 6 -7 2 3 5 M o n .-Iri. 10-9. S;ii. 10-6 sun. Noon* In v ita tio n to a p p ly f o r Come Enjoy Our Friday Happy STATE P R E SS EDITORSHIP The ASU S tu d en t P u b lication s A dvisory Board is now so licitin g ap p lication s for th e State P ress ed itorsh ip for th e Fall S em ester 1984. )in in g U s L iv e M ilw a u k e e , O n T h e S ta g e W o r ld 's T o n ig h t, F r o m B e e r C a p ito l Applicants for the position of editor: must have a cumulative grade index of 2.20 or better must have either two semesters' service on the staff of the State Press or responsible editorial experience with a commercial, college, or university newspaper: and must have been a full-time student at ASU for at least the two consecutive semesters prior to applying. Thrills Galore Candidates must also: submit at least two letters of recommendation from university faculty members and/or professional journalists: list on the application form the titles of all journalism courses completed and the grades earned in those courses: submit at least two examples of a news story, feature story, or editorial written for the State Press or another newspaper: and describe on Ihe application form the functions and responsibilities of previous positions held on the stall ol the State Press or other newspapers. Candidates must pick up application forms at the State Press office. Mat Ihews Center North Basement. The com pleted forms must be typewritten. The deadline for receipt of applications will be Friday, April 6 at 4 p.m. Applicants need- not lx1 journalism majors: candidates from all disciplines arc invited, graduate and under graduate. Robert S, Szoradi Manager. Student Publications Matthews Center. North Basement Phone 5-7572 EVERY M O N D A Y NIGHT Jg g g g g g ' p re se n ts F e a tu r in g T h e F r o m 9 1 9 th e METAL MONDAY B e s t o f V a lle y H e a v y & A c ro s s E . A P A C H E T E M P E M e ta l C lu b «> < I 9 6 6 -7 7 7 0 th e k. B a n d s S ta te s -• s "5 m 5 OC Apache Blvd. X Stale Mete Networks hustle for ratings, sa crifice all taste in process ¡By Ms. J.K. Lew "Freelancer” and Midnight romancer Rating sweeps will be coming soon. Therefore, it’s time for the television pro­ ducers, writers and directors to scramble their brains in search of new and successful pilots for their ever-failing ratings. And we the viewers, as always, will be the unwilling guinea pigs, ready to swallow their garbage and wallow in their mud. Our secret spy, down here at the Stale Mess, has flown down io Mogulland, Calif., Daisy and Donald Duck romp in a scene from “T V ’s Wonderfully Uncensored Car­ toon Bloopers.” Minutes later in this scene, Daisy’s top fell down. to steal some of the new and improved formulas they have concocted without our approval. We are hesitant to inform you, the 60-houra-week viewer, that your lonely Tuesday afternoons will remain unchanged. Here is a revised listing of what’s craning at ya’: •“a.k.a. Wallah Wallah” — A very funny African emigrates to the United States and finds the way to the top is filled with suitcase-carrying crazies who polish doorknobs for kicks. •“Loosin’ Your Feet” — a dance-movie spinoff, where the protagonist, a teenage Chicagoan, converts a whole town to punk rock and then becomes an evangelist for the Church of the Poison Mind. ’• «“Return of H ie Champ” — Drama featur­ ing Ricky Schroeder, who plays a misunderstood Bible character trying to educate his childish fattier. •“Slimmin’ Down” - A very obese bodybuilder finds happiness when he joins a spa filled with ladies in leotards and only one other man, and he falls in love with him, revealing his long-hidden homosexual iden­ tity. •“TV’s Wonderfully Uncensored Cartoon Page 15 Friday, March 30,1984 Bloopers” — The show you all were waiting fra*. Hosted by Scooby Doo, Papa Smurf, Strawberry Shortcake and Dick Clark. As an added bonus, all the coffee commercial bloopers you can handle. •“The A Team Falls in Love” — Watch for this five-hour special, and see how each one of our heroes meets his perfect match. Hint, hint: Mr. T finds one with less hair. •“M*A*S*H Goes Back” — The overused characters of “AfterM*A*S*H” get together and write letters to Hawkeye, Hot Lips and Radar, begging them to go back. The suspenseiies in how each is going to decline the honor. •And this week’s special, “Bedtime for Bonzai” — starring Ronald Reagan and Robert Wayne Vickers. The hilarious tale of an excon and the good soul who integrates him back into civilization by teaching him table and bedtime manners. Bonzai ends up carv­ ing his initials on Mrs. Reagan’s pate de fois. But if you think network offerings are bad, you ought to take a gander at the.equally vast array of entertaining programs prepared by local TV producers to en­ courage us to stay inside every night. •“Fruit Salad in Phoenix” — So, New York is the Big Apple and Florida is famous for its oranges. Phoenix is looking for a fruitful identity, so join Nick “Boffo” Salerno in his one-hour search for a new name. Sugges­ tions include Boysenberry, Kiwi and Prickly Pears. •“The APS Man” — Every night, as the city tights fade into oblivion, he (skillfully played by Keith Turley) stalks behind gas and electric meters, delighting his senses as he calculates how much he is making per hour. A delightful four-part series. •“News Special” — Linda Alvarez and Mary Jo West will be debating which one of them is more appealing to the public and why. Critics side with Linda for articulate skitl, but Mary Jo swept Miss Congeniality. •“ASU Hotline” — Undercover reporters will look behind closed doors and through hidden bushes to prove the old Playboy cliche is true. Their main hideouts will be in photo labs, library reserve rooms and inside of SAGA green chile burritos. (We know how gnonky these students are about their filthy acts). •“Professors are People Too” — Hosted by Matthew “Ahead of the Pack” Scully. A weekly look at the lives of the ASU Students favorite human beings. Hidden cameras in­ clude shots in their shrinks’ offices and bathrooms. This week’s special: Nick Saler­ no, recently named host of “Fruit Salad in Phoenix.” R U N D LE ’S LIQUORS • MKT. 730 S. MILL Corner Mill & UniversityAve. CALIF COOLERS4-pk MEISTERBRADBEER FRATELLI BIANCOWINE PLAYBOYUsedMagazines $2.99 $1.89 $1.99 $ .47 Haagen Dazs Natural lea Cream, Adult Magazines, Groceries. Ice. Wines, over 40 Imported Beers. 967-9079 SEE YOU AT SUDS SUPER TO THE JEWISH COMMUNITY WITH LOVE (recorded message) sin P LEA S E CALL TONIGHT! 941-9268 UNBELIEVABLE S to re and lo c k yo u r item s for the SUMMER R eserve y o u r D isc o u n t w h ile they last. P re p a y for three m onths and get the fourth FREE T em p e S e lf S to r a g e 2 4 2 W . S o u th e rn ^o, T em pe, AZ 85282 9 6 6 -9 6 6 5 14°' MEN’S LEE JEANS BOOT CUT & STRAIGHT LEG Reg. $22.50 S A L E $14.95 American Safety Shoe Company / ID’s Western Wear 1755 W. University, Suite 1 Tem pe • 968-1036 If 11 Block West o f Priest H o u rs: M - F 10-6, S a t. 10-4 Critic: A S U cam pus decor revolting latest to us right away. However, it is amaz­ By Pablo Warhol ing how movies take over the fantasies of Staff expressionist „ thi best-dressed. Why, there isn t one When I was six, I read my first “Vogue. among us who doesn’t yearn for a Never will I forget the almost overwhelming trashdance neo-hem. And the Ivy League impression that I was being changed by the certainly doesn’t have a better clone than experience. I guess, looking back on that, our cactus-clinging campus cliques. , I’d call it an epiphany a la Jimmie Joyce. Unfortunately, not all of our University You see, since then I have become quite members know the ways of fashion. It is in­ the cultural expert. Indeed, many people call me “incredibly trendy.” And really, 1 deed dismaying to wander through the new all-too-orange engineering/science librarydo strive to combine Victorian earnestness Except for all those who only study for the with a sort of California blanc de blanc. One scenery, as it were, engineers are decidedly wonders where all of this will lead to. Who underdressed. They have developed knows how great I will be? somewhat in the last decade. At least I Let me, then, provide a few insights into haven’t seen one with a calculator on his the land. I can, you know. But getting back belt lately. to the magazine. It taught me, I am sure, Or have you noticed the latest wart with how to fake it while seeming like a feminine in-grown hairs that has sprung up on cam­ version of William Buckley (or is that pus’ Most definitely the new business annex William Tell?). ^ _ presents a major obstacle to further sustain Nonetheless, one cannot walk through this digestion for even the most open-minded campus without a few reactions and thus let me take this chance to discuss the very aesthete. same. It is an exemplary place. Many parts Blit then, I can think of no one more de­ are edible. In fact, this is the perfect setting serving of that splendid budding than business majors. Let them walk those for a once and future termite. Take the fountain, how many other cam­ hallowed halls, each looking like some moldpuses have quite the sam e sort of am­ ' ed advertiser. God bless those grey suits biance? Where else can y,ou find those who and very blue eye shadow. Very blue. call themselves punkers mingling with Have you ever had a drama major in a those whocall themselves • Pikettes? class’ Surely, you have. It’s a marv ex­ And the MU. There one finds the height of perience. At least you will learn « m * * * cuisine and the height of synthetic fabric. of stage walk ever imagined. And a few But then, why should I distinguish between other things too. SAGA and ASASU? . . Now, I realize my mind is as a great Or the clothes. Honestly, this is a wellfaucet, dripping slow, steady insights. But dressed crowd. I’m not sure who sets the bey, like I’ve got atest. I’m out of here. Find proverbial tone, but then haute couture is always two years late. You’d think the your yuks elsewhere, turkey! And the coyote floatedaway. Skokie, III, imports would bring the London T U E S D A Y , M A R C H 27TH through FRIDAY, M A R C H 30TH West Lawn of the Memorial Union O n the cam pus of Arizona State University 8:30 a.m . - 4:00 p.m . each day ; SP O N S O R ED BY M U AB H O ST A N D H O S T E S S Experience the excitement of "SEREND IPITY" an Arts and Crafts Fair. A tempting array of wares created by som e of the finest Arizona and International acclaim ed artisans. A n opportunity to purchase high quality arts and crafts. Stale Mess Ja ck so n attempts to capture country audience with ‘Tiller’ By Elwood P. Suggins Staff correspondent Michael Jackson “Tiller” Septic Records Michael Jackson’s latest album should not be confused with his last best-selling LP. Jackson has a better idea this time around. During lengthy meetings with the superstar, Jackson’s accountant told him he was in danger of moving up into tax brackets heretofore uncharted. Jackson has subsequently made the common artistic move known as a “tax I06S. ” Thus we have the latest album from this singer/dancer/actor/all-around superstar: “Tiller,” an album aimed at the countrywestern market. , The new album is loaded with a wide variety of soon-to-be country-western favorites. And the listener will discover many country-western stars singing along with Michael, including Cal Worthington (and his kangaroo Spot), Ellie May and Jethro Clampett and, finally, a group effort with the Bradley family from “Petticoat Junction” featuring Betty Jo, Bobby Jo, Billy Jo and Uncle Joe, who is still reported­ ly moving kind of slow at the Junction. The title trade, “Tiller,” also was made into a video about a crazed tractor that ter­ rorizes a small farm town and parts of Alabama. The video includes an outstanding square-dance number featuring Michael and 500 scarecrows with the looming tractor tiller in the background driven by a crazed Arnold Palmer with a Pennzoil stamp on his forehead. “Bobby Sue” is a song about a toothless 90-year-old white farm widow who claims that Michael’s great-grandfather was a slave on her family plantation giving her. the rights of ownership to Michael. (This song’s music is being used in a radio and television commercial promoting Mail Pouch chewing tobacco. Michael also sat in on some photo sessions for the company to be used as advertising material on barn walls in Maynard County, Ky.). Other soon-to-be country favorites include “Fetch It;” “The Pig is Mine,” which features a rare duo performance with Junior Samples; “Sow, Sow, Sow,” a duet with Mel Tillis; and “ (Human) Nature Call­ ing.” FMKCKWAWIS Call for daily specials SQLfcEfl COIN C h in e s e B u ffe t Menu includes: Sweet and Sour Pork Lemon Chicken Smoked Fish Shrim p Alm ondine Pepper Steak 1125 E. Apache Blvd. Tempe 96S-33B9 Terlyakl Beef Steak Sweet and S ou r Alm ond Turkey Chicken Chow Mein BBQ Spare Ribs Egg R olls Ham Fried Rice Beef with B roccoli Teriyaki Chicken Vegetarian Steak Egg Fu Young WE SERVE BEER & FRUIT COCKTAIL •lunch « »dinner * 11 a.m.-3 pm $3.33 Changetnfood SelectionDaily 5 ^ * 7 7 ™' ▼O. A/ N O T IC E T h e fo llo w in g S e n a te B ill #84 w ill a p p e a r on Campus evangelist Jimmy Rapture turns as ASU student into a stone Buddha Thursday. The student, identified as Scooter Baggs, harassed Rapture to the point of “spiritual condemna­ the b a llo t of th e A s s o c ia te d S tu d e n ts G e n e ra l tion," witnesses said. E le c tio n on T u e sd a y , A p ril 3, and W e d n e s ­ High scores result of revised exam By The College Mess Service Results from an intelligence study con­ ducted a t ASU “were very positive,” ac­ cording to a national, college pollster, who credited the high scores to a revised ex­ amination format. John M. Barrassyou, of College Polls Co., said results of the Student Awareness Survey (SAS), an exam including questions on geography, U.S. government and inter­ national affairs, showed ASU students following a national trend by scoring highly. ASU students from all levels scored an average of 91 on the standard test, com­ pared with the national average of 87. s/wnp! questions received near-perfect scores. Ninety-eight percent of the student body knew Ronald Reagan is a Republican; 96 percent answered correctly that Canada lies on the northern border of the United States; and 97.5 knew the Soviet Union possesses nuclear weapons. Some questions, such as “Name the Pacific island that is one of the 50 states” and “Which continent contains the country of New Zealand?” tripped ASU students up, but those were the exceptions. “Nationwide, student scores on our tests have picked up dramatically Over recent years, and the results from our ASU survey were outstanding,” Barrassyou cried, whose company created public uproar in re­ cent years by insinuating — through the ex­ ams a lack of worldly knowledge among American college students. Charges from universities of subversive propagandizing and an “un-American cam­ paign to discredit higher education and the country’s youth” pressured College Polls to revise its survey methods, Barrassyou howled. “We basically had to improve our ap­ proach to quizzing the student population,” Barrassyou bubbled. “The colleges com* plained that our questions were often am­ biguous and unfair“So we cleaned up unclear questions like ‘How qiany full terms did Richard Nixon serve in the White House?’ to read ‘How long is one presidential term ?’” he sprite. “And we eliminated obscure questions asking students to identify minor cabinet of­ ficials, like the secretary of state.” The result, Barrassyou gushed, has been “a more equitable system of testing college students’ knowledge,” and thus a “more ac­ curate account” for the public. “Besides, this more effective system is at­ tracting a lot more colleges to pay us to ad­ minister the service,” he emphatically add­ ed. with veins DODDing out of his neck. day, A p ril 4. It is a p ro p o se d a m e n d m e n t to the A s s o c ia te d S tu d e n ts C o n stitu tio n . AN A C T C H A N G IN G T H E S E L E C T IO N P R O C E S S FO R A S S O C IA T E D S tU D E N T S E N A T O R S ' T O D IR E C T E L E C T IO N , C O L L E G E W ID E. 1. (1.) TW O R E P R E S E N T A T IV E S F R O M E A C H C O L L E G E 2. C O U N C IL S H A L L B E E L E C T E D IN A D IR E C T 3. E L E C T IO N , C O L L E G E WIDE, T O B E H E L D N O 4. L A T E R T H A N A P R IL 30.’ 5. (2.) T H E S E E L E C T IO N S S H A L L M E E T T H E 6. R E Q U IR E M E N T S A S S E T F O R T H IN T H E A S A S U 7. B Y-LA W S . Page 17 Friday, March 30,1984 Stale M w Pool gulping attempt sparks controversy By Much O’Blodged Assistant snorts hacker With their season recently completed, 12 members of the ASU swimming teams at­ tempted to bring some attention to the pro­ gram by drinking all the water in the Aquatic Center pools. The t«««" of 12 hopes that the incredible "hydro-feat” will earn the team a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records and on the show “That’s Mediocre! ” “We had to act on this quickly,” Michelle Merchant, one of the 12, said. “The pool had to be kept unchlorinated temporarily if we planned to make a serious attem pt without anyone getting sick. “But if it was unchlorinated too long, we could have had a problem with algae.” The team trained by downing jugs of , water in increasing sizes. “Actually we started out with our lunchBut the strategy almost backfired. With ( four people constantly trying to catch up after drinking such copious amounts of water, the burden was almost more than the Aquatic Center toilets could bear. In fact, toilets across the campus tem­ porarily backed up, putting a severe crimp in the swimmers’ plans. But ASU plumbers saved the effort by restoring the johns. “We actually gained some time there,” Bruce Foster said. “All 12 of us had to drink box thermostats,” Mike Om, another con­ spirator in the project, said. “But we workA SU swimmers, shown be­ low, start their effort to drink ail of the podl water at the Aquatic Center. At left, dis­ gusted teammates look on the scene. The 12 swimmers involved emptied the pool in Just under 32 hours for a promotional stunt. The swimmers’ overuse of Aquatic Center bathrooms caused a campus-wide toilet overflow. The ASU students shown here waited patiently for the bathrooms to reopen. r '' m m m T e rra ce R o a d ed our way up to those big Colemans pretty quickly.” The Sun Devils’ strategy was ingenious. They rotated swimmers every hour, eight in the pool and four out, allowing them the chance to catch up on nature’s calling every so often. at that point to take our minds off of it. The Devils completed their quest in 31:54:29.86, a new world record. The effort did not have the full support of the teams, however. “Some of us feel this whole stunt was a waste of time,” a non-participating swim­ mer, who requested anonymity, said. “While they were sucking the pool dry, we had no place to train.” A p a r tm e n ts WALK TO SCHOOL! invites you to try us for S U N D A Y BRU N C H an unbelievable amount of delicious food for $4.95 'h block from Campus. Huge, well furnished 1-bedroom, 1-bath, and 2-bedroom, 2-baths, all utilities Included, plus many amenities. 9 66 -8 5 40 950 S. T e rra c e Rd. BRING THIS AD FOR A FREE GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE Sunday 11-2:30 125 E. 5th St. — Old Town Tempe Now Open a t 3 2 3 1 in G o ld e n C o r r a l F a m ily S te a k h o u s e S. 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Attention: Irsay denies moves, looks for small town B y J.L .B y rd Foreign Car Owners SA VE U P TO 70% O N R EC YC LED FO REIGN AU TO PAR T S M G, JRIU M PH , HONDA. DATSUN. TO YO TA. VW and O TH ER S A ll Models Foreign 7 Staff inmate , j. “Ramblin’” Robert Irsay, indigent owner of the NfL. Baltimore/Indianapolis/Phoenix Colts, has quashed rumors that Ms team will play in any of those cities in 1984. . He according to'sourees close the the situabon, decid­ ed to move to one of three cities: Gabbs, Nev., New York or Happy Jack, Ariz. r „ “ I t o have used the other cities for everything I can, Irsay said. “It’s time to move on and see if I can get some other unsuspecting morons to fall over each other trying to set me ** r Irsay is said to be leaning toward the Gabbs site, located 200 miles north of Las Vegas, because of the low liquor tax in Nevada. He has been described by other NFL executives as, “ the owner most likely to contract cirrhosis of the liver. Irsay’s drinking is said to a major reason why the Phoenix contingent has withdrawn its bid to try to lure Irsay to the Valley. “The guy’s breath was unbelievable, Harry cavnagh, a member of the Phoenix group said. “It was hard to negotiate in the same room because the guy smelled like a. distillery.” The Phoenix group attempted to gain approval for the sale of beer at Sun Bathing Stadium to get Irsay to play there, but the idea was nixed by Stale Mess editor Tracy Fletcher, who tMnks a university is no place for alcohol. Irsay responded by saying, “Well, this isn’t really much of a University. I think a few cold beers around here would help out.** The Happy Jack group is by far the wealthiest of the three vying for the franchise. It is headed by corner gas station operator Luther “Diamond Lou” Dybzynski, who has reportedly expanded his station this year to include three pumps, and plans are under way to install an air hose. The Happy Jack city council is promising Irsay a new domed stadium, to be located next to Dybzynski’s station, as part of its downtown renovation project. The stadium would reportedly hold 119,000 because, according to Dybzynski, “What the heck! We ain’t got nothin’ else here to take up that much space. And think of all the gas them cars will use.” Irsay said that he chose the newest prospective sites for his club by “throwing the name of every city in the country in a hat and picking out three, just like I always do. Then I go to the bar and have a few belts and let Jimmy (his son) take care of the rest.” • New York is last in the bidding for the Colts. Mayor Ed Koch said in a telephone interview, “Why do we need a foot­ ball team here? If we want to see a game we can go to the Meadowlands. This keeps Shea Stadium open for concerts .to d d u B i’j i t i y ’i t v t A A *$0 / 3024 SO. 40th Street, P*«»"V 40W’ * Unhwr,"1,) 437-0185 ■M ention th is ad & g e t a n a d d itio n a l 5% oft! «■ »____ ..................................... h i m w m w w « HOTEL CAREER SEMINAR @ T ™ N ew Teriyaki Bursers F R ID A Y , A P R I L 6 » 2 for $249 Savinss of 50>atacacat^ * ^ >« «at^ «t«LaLatat>cacwii ............. ..........~ " ---------------------------- „ .„ « t a r O livers have taken to praying for victories to live up to the promises of coach A n enthusiastic fan en|oys S E E I S lo»*, but ttwy *lr»ady h a w w * . . G O IN G H O M E ! THE PRA6 IS BACK AT BOOKS, ETC.// O N E W AY LO S A N G E L E S ............ ........ $ D E N V E R . . ............................... H O U S T O N . . , . ....................... D ES M O IN E S ......................... K A N S A S C I T Y ................. O M A H A . . . . . . . . . . . . .......... M I N N E A P O L I S ..................... • NEW Y O R K ............................. C H I C A G O ............................... S A N D I E G O . . . . . . . . .............. 39.00 69.00 100.00 100.00 80.00 80.00 160.00 205.00 165.00 -3 9.00 967 - / 1 / 1 ( ^ tW uuorhs Hours: H « Congratulations Graduates • from TH E C L A R IO N IN N AT M c C O R M IC K R A N C H Scottsdale's luxuty resort, located on the shores of Camelback Lake A s a special o ffe r to A S U graduates and fa m ilie s, THE INN extends a rate of lOO $l Complimentary Happy Hour c“ S L a,£ justice John Charles Thomas Supreme court o f Virginia “The impact of the Glut of Lawyers on j Practice In the 1990s” C o - s p o n s o r e d b y T h e C o lle g e o f Law, t h e S t u d e n t B ar A ssoc, a n d ASASU LOS ARCOS MALL 945-1010 y-— The Black Law students Association presents: college of Law pedrick Great Hall B O O K Y O U R F L IG H T S N O W ! Scottsdale an exciting Arizona Dangler football game in sold-out Sun Bathing M a rch 30 • 11 a .m . All fares have restrictions and are subject to availability. In Many of the Dangler players are excited about having the opportunity to play college ball. “I think it’s a great idea, said reserve linebacker “Mauler” Maddox. “I was never good enough to play in college, but I made this team. With what I’ve learned here, I bet I could start in, say, the Big Sky conference.” The Danglers are in financial trouble because attendance is low. They are using more money on fireworks during each game than they are bringing in through ticket sales. In order to draw more fans to their next home game, Dietrich will perform a triple-t>ypass operation during hniftimi» A drawing will be held beforehand, and the winner will be the anesthesiologist during the operation. Deitrich is not worried about the legal implications of the surgery because, “I’ve got a lot of malpractice insurance. singleIdouble occupancy space available basis ,r e S v " r rohuihy IT’S ABOUT TIME. Your time That's what it takes to help others through Peace Corps. To pass along skilled trades like carpentry or welding. To demonstrate better methods of farming or family planning To work on schools arid irrigation systems. A year or two can make a world of difference. Don t you think it s about time you called? Sh°rF o rR ^ a tio n s, Call 948-5050 (Ext. 7419) T H F n iA R IO N IN N ' -^ w ^ M iT k K A N C H P E A C E C O R P S R E P R E S E N T A T IV E S A R E C O M IN G T O A S U P U B L IC IN FO R M A T IO N T A B L E : April 4 & 5 from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. on C a d y Mall. For more information Call (602 >965-7994. State Mr«« Friday. March 30,1984 Pane 20 Football coach hopes to tie teams in knots -v By Ray Blaster Drug editor ASU football coach Darryl Rogers today said the Sun Devils would try to set an NCAA record for ties in a season next year. Rogers, who is experienced in gaining ties when he has a good chance at victory, said the tough part will be coming from behind to tie. “I know we can protect our ties if we have the ball and plen­ ty of time left in the game,” he said spinelessly. “But coming from behind is a different story. I’ve always just gone for the loss.” . He pledged to be more daring this year, though. “This year I’tai not gonna settle for the loss. I’m going to do everything in my power to see that we go 0-0-11 inl984.” Rogers also criticized Nebraska coach TomOs borne for his strategy in the Orange Bowl against Miami. “ I thought it was pretty lame of him to take the chance of winning when he could have tied,” Rogers whined about Osborne’s strategy of going for two points and a national ti­ tle. “He should have kicked the extra point and hoped for mercy from thepdls.” Rogers added that the presence of place kicker Luis Zendejas will aid in tying many a game. “We get a lot of games that are decided by a field goal, and Luis will come in handy. Of course, if he gets hurt our plans may be all screwed up and we might have to go for a-loss whether we want to or not.” In a related matter, Rogers said he learned this week that recruiting was over, and the Devils had indeed signed some players to letters of intent. “I guess we got some kids, but I don’t know who they are,” Rogers said with his characteristic wit. “They’re probably OK players, too. Now if you’ll excuse me, Dobie Gillis is on TV and I have to get home. I love Maynard G. Krebs and try to pattern my life after his.” Return of the Dragon! Edinburgh in flames Books, Etcetera’s 2nd Annual St. George's Day Dungeons & Dragons Dragon Hunt Sat. 21 April I 9:30-5:00 King calls for citizens to meet thè challenge. Call Joe for rules and details 967-1111 All characters must be.registered in advance Another M ille r Special Reserve. Success Story ROBINHODB The main m erry man talks about the'Sritish tax structure, the price o f arrows, and success. Robin, since your motto is "Steal from the rich, give to the poor," I was w ondering,.. ROBIN: Whoa, not so fast. I was misquoted. What I really said was "Steal from the rich, give some of it to the poor." MSR: Some of it? ROBIN: Sure. To be successful, you've gotta watch the bottom line. And you don't have to be a Wall Street financial analyst to know that if you give all your money away, you'll go out of business. So, we give 76% to the poor and we keep 24%. MSR: I assume a good portion of that 24% goes to taxes. ROBIN: Texas? MSR: No, taxes. ROBIN: O h that. A ctually, I d o n 't b eliev e in giving th e S h eriff o f N o ttin g h a m o u r hard-earned money just so he can take his wife to Las Vegas. MSR: Well, then where exactly does this mysterious 24% go? MSR: A S U coach Darryl Rogers has Hexed his muscles as his team will make a herculean effort to tie all of Its games next year. Bums coach admits big trade a big mistake at conference By The Associative Dress John McCleod, head coach of the Phoenix Bums, stated at a press meeting that he wants Dennis Johnson back under his wing. At Monday’s press conference McCleod told reporters from Algeria the trade that brought Rick Robey to Phoenix was, “My second most stupidest mistake I have ever made in my entire life.” McCleod, a former little-league soccer coach, traded Johnson for Robey in what has been called the most con­ troversial issue in Texas history. ROBIN: Hey, we've got expenses. MSR: What sort of expenses? ROBIN: Have you priced arrows Lately? Talk a b o u t h ig h w ay robbery. Then there's payroll, overhead, entertainm ent.. MSR: Entertainment? ROBIN: Listen, after a long, ex­ hausting day of swashbuckling and bushwhacking, my Merry Men and I like to relax and have a good time. M S R : W h at d o you do? ROBIN: Well, w e come here to our favorite saloon, th ro w a few darts, have a few beers, and watch Little John eat a few sides of beef. M SR: Speaking of beer, I see you and your Merry M en drink new Miller Special Reserve. ROBIN; Special Reserve is more than just beer. It's a legend in its ow n bjottle. Smooth, mel­ low, with no bitter aftertaste. MSR: But isn 't it expensive? ROBIN: So what? Hey, if I don't deserve it, w ho does? MSR: So money is no object? ROBIN: N ot w h en it's som e­ b o d y e ls e 's ! (H E A R T Y LAUGH) C'mon, have a beer. MSR: You talked me into it. Why settle for just any beer when you can have new M iller Special Re­ serve. After all, if you don't deserve it, who does? if don* deserve it, who does? C 1« « J C o . » » » * ■ ■ . WH » u M iH W rtm U m » - Bondage. there’s lots of living and loving ahead with serious consequences "To be successful, you’ve gotta watch the bottom line," “Have you priced arrows lately? Talk about highway robbery!" "If 1don't deserve it, who does?" G R A N D O P EN IN G S p o rts B rie fs “Have you been listening at my door?” he said. “That Compiled by the Stale Mess sports staff A strange twist has come about in the case of the missing allegation gives me chills all over my body.” According to Secret Sports Information klansmen, Mark Packard Stadium bat girls. Apparently, the ASU baseball Brandt and Tony Alva, “No official comments have been coach is not who he says he is. The Stale Mess has learned that the real Jim Brock left the umicIg by the coach,” They did, however, finally manage to declassify top-secret country with the entire bat-girl squad at the end of last season. In a last-ditch effort to cover up for the missing information concerning the ASU baseball team’s record last Brock, the ASU athletic department hired comedian year. In a related incident, Winters is apparently learning from Jonathan Winters to temporarily play the part of Brock until ASU basketball coach Bob Weinhauer how to flash his team another coach could be hired. When confronted with the allegations, Brock — or is it signs. oontkWMd pag* 22 Winters?—denied everything. QUALITY COPIES W ith th is co u p o n . Good through 4-30-84. se lf-se rv e w h ite, 8'<6x11 N e w Location: 933 E. University Tempe Towne Plaza 894-1797 Also good at: Mesa • 969-3326 Tempe • 894-9588 DÈVILHOUSE tóJEMPE TEA PARTY A ASU basketball coach B ob Weinhauer, left, Initiates new baseball coach Jonathan Winters, right, In the art of flashing signs. Here W e i^ a u e n » H s fo rth e A S U pitcher to knock down an opposing batter. “Dust him.” Weinhauer said. 1984 ASU Sun D evil Baseball CATCI THE SU DEVILS! SAGA SU P E R SU N D A Y on April 1st, Hot D o gs 2 5 * and 104 Cokes, sponsored by Saga Foods. ASU vs UCLA March 30 March31 Aprili 7:00 1:00 1:00 / $1.00 H a lf Litter L.I.jc'e Tea AFTERNOON HAPPY HOUR MACAYO $ 10,000 MONEY GRAB March 31 for two lucky fans!, 5-7 " REE FOO E NO COVER $iM eri\ $ 2 .0 0 CO O ^ : ^ B E pitchers FORE 7Ä $1.00 Cover TICKET PRICES $3.50 Reserve Adult $1.75 Reserve Junior $3.00 General Adult $1.50 General Junior ^ Tickets available a t Diamonds, S elect A Seat a n d Sun D evil r« c te f O fftc e 430 Scottsdale Rd ' 894-6779 Stale Mess Friday(^ r c h >3C^198^ Each judge was presented with a photo of the athletic teams and asked which looked the “sweatiest. Eastwood said, "I thought the female ,m ud Iowa State should have won.” Nixon, who casted his votefor co n tin u e d from p a g e 21 the Florida women’s hockey team, said, ‘ Those Winters, who has never coached baseball prior to this year, more than just deodorant.” And Ozborne, who voted for ASU asked for Weinhauer’s help after he attended a Sun Devil said, “Oh man, those dudes won hands down! basketball game this year and saw how theatrical his fellow Simpson, now in her fifth season as head coach, said the coach was. reasonher team won was because of all the hard work it put In other sports news across the campus : its ballgame. , , , •ASU’s women’s basketball team, which failed to qualify into “Sure they sweat, who doesn’t? she asked. My team for the regionals this year, has announced it will begin goes up against some tough competition, just look at their shooting a commercial for Almostalady deodorant next Tues­ record. Southern Cal dragged our people down the court for day. , . 40 minutes the last time we met them, and that was before “I think it will be a new experience for the team, coacn the Trojans put in their first string.” - . Juliene Simpson said. “They’ve been playing so hard Devil star Kym Hampton will be the center of attraction in together that this break is well-needed.” , commercial. The ASU women’s basketball team was chosen from a field theInside sources say her lines will be, Hi, I m Kym Hampof 552 women’s athletic teams by selected judges. The judges ** were former president Richard M. Nixon, movie star Clint toilThe commercial will be filmed on location in the University Eastwood, film and stage star Zsa Zsa Gabor, rock craze OzActivity Center. ■ . .. . zy Ozborne and gorgeous Dan Rather. •ASU women’s gymnastics coach John Spun, considered a recruiting whiz, has struck again by putting Wonder Woman into an ASU uniform this season. . Woman, a criminal justice major, will compete in the allaround, but specializes in the vault and in the floor exercise, where her unusually successful flight abilities can best be put tOUS6. • “Not to be a comic, but Wonder really is marvel," Spim said. “She has a way of lifting the team up.” | Spin! hopes the recruiting of Woman will have two effects on the program. Her presence could help the fourth-ranked Briefs D evils to their first-ever national championship. New ASU gymnast Wonder Woman, above, warms up with a trip around the Activity Center. Coach John Spin! (eels Wo­ man's presence will draw more tans into the U A C than the current break-dancing exhibitions put on by the team, shown below. ____ Additionally, pre-meet exhibitions by Woman could help bring additional customers through the gates of the Umversity Activity Center for gymnastics meets. These exhibitions could replace the current break-dancing shows put on by team members prior to each meet. “The girls had a lot of fun, but it was really tiring them out before the meets, ” Spini said. But there are still some problems with her presence on the Sun Devil squad. University of Utah coach Greg Marsden, whose program is ranked first in the nation, charged Spini with illegal recruiting in the case of Womkn. Marsden believes Spini offered her special incentives, such as television appearances and money, to lure her fiom the Foreign A uto P arts DISTRIBUTING ¥ BKS$t Parts & accessories | A % for all imported cars and trucks dbt™£££r Student Discount With Valid I.D. 968-8687 IN THE TEM PE CENTER OPEN MONDAYTHRU SATURDAY Alpha Kappa Psi professional Business Fraternity p re se n ts JIM WELLINGTON M anager o f M a n p o w e r Plann ing and D e v e lo p m e n t ARIZONA PUBLIC SERVICE Mem orial Union PINAL ROOM 215-S 7 p.m. SUNDAY APRIL 1 sm all island where she makes her home. Spini denied any wrongdoing, and pointed out that he had gone to a lot stranger places to get talent. “Just look a t our roster — we have two kids from the Buf­ falo suburbs of Cheektowaga and Tonawanda,” Spini said. “That’s worse than going to thg North Pole, but that was all on the up and up.” That makes the number of illegal recruiting accusations made by Marsden of Spini 11 — one for each member of the Sun Devil team. * Call For Appointm ent 72 Minutes From Campus LOWEST AIRFARES AUAILABLE CALL 9 6 7 -0 5 7 5 CALL DR. BRIAN D. FOW, D.D.S. Plan your travel now & save 7555 Osborn Rd., Suite 201 Scottsdale, AZ • 949-1234 GO TRAVELMORE FOR LESS Dentistry S t u d e n t S p e c ia l $11 EXAM & X-RAY 3225 S. Hardy Drive, Suite 107, T em p e All students welcome and encouraged to attend. STATE P R E S S Newsroom Staff Openings Applications for positions on the News Staff of the STATE PRESS for the Fall Semester 1984 are now being received at # 15, North Basement, Matthews Center. There will be openings at most levels — re­ porter, photographer, copy editing, assistant sports editor, assistant city editor, arts S’ entertainment; Writer, sports reporter, city editor, news editor, managing editor, sports editor, copy chief, photo editor and opinion page editor. Applicants m ust pick up job referral forms from Student Employment In Matthews Center and an application blank a t # 15, North Basement Matthews Center. Applications close 4 p.m. Friday, April 13, 1984. Applicants m ust be full-time (at least seven hours) students at ASU; but major in any department is acceptable, as is class standing of freshman through graduate. Newspaper experience is desirable bu t not mandatory. These are part-time, salaried posi­ tions open to any student in good standing. Applicants m ust be available Friday. April 20. for indoctrination and VDT training prior to break-in week April 24-27. 23 Friday. March 30,1984 Stil« M m uaHkwadtrenipaga16 Bicycles H elp Wanted H elp Wanted H eal Estate Services GRAN SPORT tan spend, $75.00. 9689647 o r965-7723 ask tor BHI. EARN EXTRA money between classes and get sports equipment and clothes wholesale. Cell 833-3/7/. ' RESPO N SIBLE PART-TAME Q irlt needed to care for model home. Flexible hours. Emjay Services, 245____________ 5275._______ - . 15,000 DOWN Two bedroom, 1V5 bath, Dobson Ranch condo. 831-7497.______ COMPUTER TERMINALS with modem for rent, reasonable. 2456172. ______ F o r Rent or Lease INDIVIDUAL WITH graphic arts andI or marketing background to assist in sales for progressive and rapidly expanding new publication. Send resume to The Arizona Portfolio P.O.. Box 44971 Phoenix. AZ 85064 or call 252-6463._____________________ SALES CLERK for retail store In Phoenix, swimwear, and accessories, some typing. Fu ll tim e or part-time. 264-7774. ' ¡ t o Q W i m n t P Wanted JANITOR SU PPLY and spnltary chem ical salesman for Tucson— Phoenix area. Drawing account, train­ ing. Territory available Immediately. Must have Instituttonal and Industrial sates experience. Permanent position. Crain Chem ical Company, POB 20973, Dallas. TX 75220,214/3563301. GERMAN PRIVATE lessons new quick conversational method for beginners. 24945». Northwest Phoenix.________ BRAND NEW condo for rent. Two bedroom, one bath all appliances furnished. Including washer and dryer. $385 monthly. Special renters Incentive available- 9653172._______________ IT S TIME to move tram your unit Into a home. Spacious four bedroom home o ff University. Com pletely furnished. 887-70». ___________________ NICE, TWO bedroom, two bath condo w ith skylights, washer, dryer, tennis, pool, tacuzzl. Available A pril 15. $45000.987-7888. _______ ■ « For Sale 29* TRAILER HOME. Excellent condi­ tion, new carpeting, tile, water heater, etc, fleer ASU. $3500.890-1735. BATAUAS MOPED. Mack and yellow double eeater, two detachable beakets. two helmets. $325.971-2809._________ classifieds The STATE PRESS disclaim s a ll respon­ sib ility for quality and prices of goods and services offered In both classified and display advertising by Its adver­ tisers. ^nnffliqcfm m ts ANYONE INTERESTED in forming a baseball league where you are the general manager of actual major league players (based on the Rotisserie League» Please ca ll 8 2 5 8 1 « for Bruce Downs.________ _________________ AUTO INSURANCE at low com petitive rates, lower than Farmers, State Farm, Allstate. Call Steve at 986-3494.______ ECONOMICAL LIVING two m iles from ASU. 1970. 12x44, adult park, one bedroom. Includes stove, refrigerator, a id storage shad. $6,500 or best offer. Cvcwlnge c r weekends- Bob, 9689508. LIQUOR STORE Clark needed Im­ mediately. Summertime employmentavailable. $4.00 per hour. Flexible hour». 276-2603. _____________ MALE DOOR host needed part-time. Must be personable. Apply In person between 33)0 and M 0 p m. Mingles Night Club, 7018 E. Main St.. Scoffedale, 9466363._______ ______________ PAPA JA Y’S Pizza, Southern end Dobson. Needs day and evening help. See BIH or Connie In person._________ M E IS T E R BRAU b ee r $1.89, Fleiachmann’s Vodka $3.90, Freta llí Bianco $189, used Playboy magazines .71, Rundle’s. University and M ill. STEREO, BRAND new, never used, hi - PH YSICA L EDUCATION taachsr. original Individual cartons, AM/FM Juvenile Court Center. Salary $1,50300' stereo receiver, cassette deck, turnta­ per month. Requires Bachelors degree ble, apeabais, guaranteed, cost $400, Hi education and current certificate as aacrtflca'$140. Usually home, 9648541. a P.E teacher in Arizona. 7th to 12th YAM AHA SlX-string acoustic guitar. Hard shell case. Great condition. C all Cart, 947-5521 o r906-7572.___________ H elp Wanted 7-11 BROADWAY and Price needs friendly sales help. See Connie or Nancy, 73» to 33», Monday through Friday. _________;______________ ALASKA - JO BS and travel Informa­ tion! Send SASE to: Alasco. Box »752, Seattle, WA 98103._________________ FRIENDS MEETING Unprogrammed Quaker Service. 9:30 a.m. Sundays Danforth Chapel. ASU. (967-60401-_____ " ARE YOU a business major and s till looking for a good summer job? We are HEBREW FOR credit at ASU. Hebrew now Interviewing for fu ll time summer w ill be taught at ASU next fall. FLA 29«, work earning $3.040.00. (Must be MTWTh, 2:40- 3:30. Pre-register to w illing to relocate.) C all 829-2997 for an assure your place and the continuity of Interview.__________ _____________ Hebrew at ASU. Hebrew Jills language and elective requirements. 987-7563 or ART TEACHER, Juvenile Court Center. 9657738 for information._____ Salary $1,5033» per month. Re­ MORMONS- IF you think you are Gay or Lesbian come join with other Gay Mormons. Call Affirm ation, 997-4309 or 831-6428. You are not alone I_________ RENTERS INSURANCE— Protect your personal belongings for as little as $43 per year. For information call Steve at 966-3494.__________ __________ Autom obiles 1969 CUTLASS CONVERTIBLE. Mint condition. Full power tape deck, runs perfect1820-1309._______ __________ 1974 BROWN MERCURY Capri, needs some work. $450 firm . Doug. 965-0799. 1979 WHITE Ford Fiesta. Must sell $1,800 or best offer. 9658880,9656628. HAVE A 3-W AY AT MARABI’S CHILI PART-TIME WORK Ideal for students. Three positions currently available, flexible hours, good pay rate, greet working environment. Drama, fine art, liberal arts, pro-law, and public speak­ ing w ill be to your advantage. C all Jeff Devi» a t9951550.___________ __ quirements: B-A. degree In arts, education and current certificate as a teacher In Arizona Apply at Maricopa ■ County Personnel Department. 111 S. 3rd Avenue. P h o e n ix ._______ _____ BABYSITTERS NEEDED: Peace Of Mind Babysitting Referral Service needs dependable and caring babysit­ ters for various hours. Own transporta­ tion needed and must be 19 years or older 8853809. ____________ _ _ _ _ _ BA SURVIVOR! Market internationally know n 'products for the leader In the industry. We train you. 277-5206 Phoenix, 892-6697 M esa Resume: Box 7SP2 Phoenix 85011________ SUM M ER C A M P sta ff . p o sitio n s available for male cabin counselors and unit leaders. Male or female specialists In nature, crafts and «chary / rifiery. Eight weeks in Prescott, summer salary $560 fo $720 plus room end board. Camp Fire, 2657725._______ ' --------CRUISESHIPS HIRING! S183M.OOO! Cambean. Hawaii, world. C all for guide, directory, newsletter 19159444444 ext. Arizona State Cruise. --------- QBA TUTOR needed w illing to pay. n o n n *~»11Dawn tt 9058119.________ SPEND THE summer In Alaska end make money! Dancers needed. Salary, transportation, lodging provided. Call D aicars Placement Agency, 272-8992, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, 93» to 33». _____________ _ _ _ _ _ SENIOR NURSE STUDENTS ADVENTURE... CHALLENGE . . . PROFESSIONALISM! An exciting job with opportuni­ ties for world-wide travel, career development, professional growth, excellent benefits. BSN graduates or senior students are eligible. It you're going to be someone, sp e cia l. . . Be a Navy Nurse! „ For more information, call collect (602) 256-7632 between 9 a.m.5 p.m. Mon.-Wed. ^ BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL MAJORS Highly responsible positions tar col­ lege seniors and graduates (through age 34) in financial and logistic sup­ port. The Navy Supply Corps needs highly qualified, dynamic individuals to lead and manage large inventory and financial networks. Salary $18.500 to start. $34.000 alter lour years. Excel­ lent benefits package. Need BA/8S. U.S. citizenship. Call Naval Manage­ ment Programs. 2557632 collect be­ tween 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Mon.-Wed. 3/38' Ground floor opportunity, work your own hours. MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING PLAN FREE samples and inform ation Most y t* new 100% organic nutritional new booster Used by professioni boll debs! UPTIME presents 4043 E. Tamaya Phoenix, AZ 85044 FIVE m tm v m HELP WANTED: PART-TIME EWENINB8 Ewrest Fight for the Fact — English Eiger. Out of the Shadow Into the Sin — Swiss Little lorth Fact — New Zealand Abyss — French Solo — USA MONDAY. APRIL 2 • 7:30 P.M. LIFE 8CIENCES BLOfi. 191 ARIZONA STATE UNIVERSITY TICKETS: Students $1.50, General $3 Je w e lry N atio n a l ^ ^ ^ ^ T A '^ l n ^ t l ^ . r a i l a b le p e o p le infatuated in p art n m e p i y m "n p eo p le w ork In a o n th e e v e n ^ , ; ^ " ° eiv ” T rJe n t co n U c tln g m odem , com fo rtab le d u m pm » W ATS lin e» . E arn in g s, e sta b lish e d custo m ers o n tong average $4-$6 p ar ho u r, paid which inchido business office, with no « « ^ ^ o f f * . traln vou to sell our nationally P & R t £ » > O ur Tem ps Please call D IALAM ERICA for details. 829-1140 a/» FEMALE TO share home with females. Non smoker. New ASU. $ 1 » plus V> utilities. 2551210,2544187._________ MALE/ FEM ALE roommate to share three bedroom home. Baseline Hardy area. $175 a month plus V> utilities. »7-7795, Mike or 99539» leave message . ______________ _ _ _ _ _ LAOIE'S CLASS ring. Size 5,1984 B.A. new, traditional style, $200 Leave meeeege, Debbie 8304711.______ • ROOM FOR rent, four bedroom house, pool. Fem ale non-sm oker who'd babysit toddler twice weekly. Close ASU. 9544283.________________ __ L o s t* Found ROOMMATES WANTED $ 1 » per month plus V* utilities. Extra nice and extra close, 94534». Friday FREE Lost and Found LOST LOST KEY on Tyler MaH between A Wing Math building and Engineering G Wtno- CeM, 9058016. ____________ LOST SO FTBALL glove on Sunday at the fields. Vary Important! Reward. Call Brian, 9 6 5 2 2 4 1 .__________ _______ LOST VAURNETS. Left on tennis courts over break. Great asntlmantat vatu». Reward. Ptaase968-2/23.______ REWARD, LOST poodle. White, male, miniature. Candy striped c lip with pom poms on each ankle. Answers to Nellow. $100 reward. 8359463, 895 7800. _________ ’ Courtesy of: SHARE FURNISHED three bedroom house. 1to m iles to ASU. $145 plus VI utilities. 9 6746». Bob. _________ THIS IS 1«! M ast« bedroom with bath In greet tour bedroom, three bath home. Furnished. »7-7030._______________ TWO TO »here one bedroom In two bedroom Dobson Ranch condo. Con­ venient to campus. $1753» plus 15 utilities for summer saving». 82513». WANTED SAVINGS conscious guy Mho would Hke to live in spacious home with pool. Share m ast« bedroom, com pletely furnished. Great location. 887-7030 « 9 6 5 0 4 » __________ . Services ADOPTIONS ARRANGED. No medical or leg« expense to m oth«. Call Attorney Robinson. 9455344.________ AMITY LSAT / GMAT I MCAT / GRE seminars. Our guarantee: Score In top 25% or take next course free. Call now ton-free, 8052434767 about summer and tall c la s s e s .__________________ CARS AVAILABLE - 21 or o ld « A ll Stales Drive-away, 992-5200._________ SAVINGS T h e faresigh t people. M otorcycles 1978 SUZUKI TS185. Excellent condi­ tion, fully licensed, very dependable transportation. C all Leslie at 8253543 or 8250784._____________ _________ 1980 HONDA CB125S with backrest, luggage rack, cover. Looks and runs or»«. $475. Call 9650787.___________ 1963 HONDA AERO 80, red, just like new. $825.» or best o ff« . 9458626, Pet.__________________ ;__________ 79 YAMAHA 6 » Special. Excellent condition, many extras, $10» or offer, and halmeb Barry. 9658338._________ KAW ASAKI KZ750:1979, lots o l spring and summertime fun. C all Carl, 9475521 «9657572. ________ _ P ersonal AEROBICS, SCHOOL, work, athletics, any K tiv ity . Uptime, the 100% natural energizer improves alertness, per­ formance and attitude. Spirulina, wheat grass, vitamin C and more. $2.00 for samples and information: Uptime, Dept. 21, 0617 N. 14th S t, Phoenix 85014. Feel better, do better ... today! Guaranteed. ---------------------- SCHOLARSHIP SEARCH service. O v« three b illion in aid available. We can help you get your share! Guaranteed. Educational solutions, 9552907.______ TIRED OF being ripped o il on auto repair? Guaranteed, expert work done by professionals. ASU area. Dennis, 8250094._______________________ 1 YOUNG ADULTS, 18 to mid M 's, problem's got you down? Group therapy lo r growth and independence now organizing to begin in April. For appointment call David Spring«, M.C., 9 9 4 -9 7 7 3 ._____________________ Travel C H IN A - H O N GKO NG - Japan; 22 days. Dr. Roger Axford, 839-32», July 15 - August 8,1964, $ 2 9 » . ______ SUN DEVIi TRAVEL (Corner of Lemon & Terrace) A t la n ta ............... C h ic a g o ............... D e n v e r ................. Detroit. . . . . . . . . H o u s t o n . . .......... K a n s a s C ity . . . . M ia m i ................. New O r l e a n s . N e w Y o r k ........... O r la n d o ............... S a lt L a k e C ity . . S e a t t le ------- . . . S t. L o u is . . . . . . . W a s h in g to n . . . . R eal Estate AFFORDABLE HOUSES, townhouses, foreclosures. For Information cell Mrs. Topper, 9452825. John Hall end Associates, 9 4 5 0 5 » ._____________ DESPERATE! ASU townhouse, $41,5», flexible. Lowest down no credit check. Pool, patio. Moving, must sell. 2745675. , ' -■ PORTABLE DATA terminal, print«, keyboard and modem. $45 per month rental. B ole« . 052-23».________- . RESIDENCY SERVICE helps cut red tape. No fee until In state status granted. Reference». Ask for Lee, 863-0273._______ ________________ Typing A-1 PROFICIENT typist, IBM SM ectric. Resumes, theses, term papers, dlssertatlons. Pam, 969-2096.__________ A-1 PROFICIENT typing, IBM Selectric. Loralne, 83353». University and Dobson In Mesa._________________ _ A-1 RESUMES, rep«itlve co v« letters. Profession«, typeset appearance. Cynthia Grant, 9653627.____________ AAAAH. FORMER secretary desires «1 types of typing. Location Southern and Rural. Fran, 8399027. ___________ ADVANCED WORD Processing Center Offers the most . advanced word processing applications (not just a home computer), with a latter quality print«. Prices compMItlve or b « t« than typing services (as low as .50 per pagel), free pick-up and document storage. Legal background and 115 WPM. Profit from these advantages, call 8252314. ________ _ _ _ _ _ ALL PAPERS typed to your complete satisfaction. IBM Selectric. New ASU. Reasonable. Mrs. Oakley, »7-0802. ALL TYPING done fast and accurate. 1 .» a page. Word processing availa­ ble. Close to ASU. Call Carln or Bobbl 96591».___________________ ALW AYS AVAILABLE tor typing at $1.25 per page. Call Susan at 833-0373. A-PLUS Typing. Term Papers, Re­ sumes’, securities and finance papers a specialty. Papers completed on Electronic memorywriter. C all Judy 8 3 9 0 4 0 1 .____________________ ARE YOU paying too much for typing? C all Kathy at 964-9242. _________ A WORD Processed by IBM PC. Theses, manuscripts, resumes, French, German. North Central Phoenix. 2647713.___________________________ CLOSE TO campus. 414 S. M ill #2», 894-5234. Graduate, undergraduate typing, graphics. Professional « rk , reasonable rates.______ _________ __ CONVENIENT TO campus. Fast, friendly, talr, professional typing and graphics. C all 24 hours. 894-5234. EXPERIENCED TYPIST. Fast, accurate, proofread lo r perfection! Sue, 2679120 or 2629772. $1.25 p « page. FORMER LEGAL secretary types term papers, manuscripts, letters, resumes, takes dictation. Minor editing. Margie, 994-37». _______________ __ •No advanced purchase C le v e l a n d ........ NEW WHITE German Shepherd pups. Have parents, AKC, great for compan­ ion or protection. Asking $1». Call 4351306 ______ ■ _________ LIFE INSURANCE end common sense a ss« management. Paul Msncuso, »7-1171. R epresenting' PennCorp Financial Services. __________ _ •Deregulated one-way prices «9665651.______________ ______ OUTRAGEOUS! You don’t have to pay outrageous premiums for auto or cycle insu rance!! To decrease your premiums $$$ substantially ca ll Apollo Insurance. Don’t wait, time is S$SI »1-2255_________ _______ _ LARGER TAX refund may be possible. We do taxes. IRS experienced. C all Ms. Worthy, 994-0068,952-0391.__________ FAST, ACCURATE typing, $1.25/page. C all Teresa at 9620079 or Linda at 9655775, elite typing available._______ Boston. . . . . . . . . IMPROVE MEMORY and concentra­ tion, develop self-confidence, remove stress, become more out-going, «op smoking Of lose weight. Positive Suggestion Hypnosis Center, ten years experience. 9655571. ___________ GOOD STUDENTS save 25% on auto insurance. Qualified non-smokers save 18%. Call Steve, 831-0121. Farmers ASU representative. ______________ 894-2971 ANYONE WHO saw and remembers the March 11 episode of “Gunsmoke" (“ Snowtraln" part II). plea»» call Festus P e ts mam FINS QBA TUTOR needed w illing to pay. Please cell Dawn ¿9 0 5 8 1 19.________ TONY ROM A'S a place for riba Is now hiring enthusiastic people tor all positions. Apply In person «218 North Scottsdale Road.___________ _ DISTRIBUTORS WANTED Mountain Festival Films Instruction CONVENIENCE— LOOKING for It? Bedroom In home three blocks from campus; downtown Temps. » 7-7 0 » , o r9052486 Phil.____________ __ EATING DISORDERS causa guilt, depression, anxiety end fear. Counsel­ ing, not more hope end promisee. The investment is in your future. Affiliated Counseling. Ginnie Monroe, recovered bulim ic, licensed therapist, published specialist. 245820«, 9457391.________ $158 $181 $135 $174 $65 $158 $95 $100 $158 $115 $151 $158 $110 $152 $136 $158 L O W E S T A I R F A R E Summer is around the corner. Book early. -5 » ; - .•lis.’5' " w HIGH QUALITY, reasonable prices. Word processing and typing. Call J 8 P Enterprises. 894-9607.___________ __ M l CASA Secretarial. Fast and re­ asonable typing, word processor. »19218. _____________ ________ NORTHW EST PHOENIX, q uality typing. These», dissertations, research projects. 938-3397. ______ PROFESSIONAL WORD processing, typing; mMlings, theses, papers, let­ ters, reports, « c . Rush jobs okay. 94500» evenings.______________ PROFESSIONAL QUALITY word pro­ cessing. W ill edit and correct spelling. Carolyn Douglas, 83509».______ TYPING SERVICE. Experienced secre­ tary types reports, letters, resumes, Me. Fees below current rates. 992-1465, evenings. _____ _____________ _ j_ TYPING’ SERVICE! Fast return, re­ asonable rates. Theses, Term Papers, Resum es. F lyin g Fing ers. Lor! 8209732, _________ ____________ WORD PROCESSING, typing. Can type anything. Guaranteed word perfect. LocMed In Temps. 8353412._________ W anted PAYING CASH lo r gold, silver and diamonds, class rirtgs. M ill Avenue Jewelers, 414 3. MIU Avenue.________ Pase 24 Friday, March 30,1984 G IR LS JUST W ANNA HAVE FUN!! AND THEY DO ALL WEEKEND LONG AT DONNY O’BRIEN’S WE HAVE THE BEST FRIDAY HAPPY HOUR IN TOWN FEA T U R IN G 2 FOR 1 W ELL & WINE, A N D 75$ D R A FT S FROM 4 TO 7 ALSO FEATURING THE FINEST HORS D’OEUVRES AROUND • H o n e y G la z e d B a k e d H a m • H o m e m a d e P o ta to S a la d » S p ic y C h ic k e n W in g s » F re sh R e lis h T ra y • D e v il E g g s » C r is p C h e e s e N a c h o s DONNY O’ BRIENS 222 S. M ill • 968-0527 F Never A Cover • LatestR ock Videos • Largest Patio