th u rs d a y s t a le . . . . Aprili, 1982 Arizona State University T em pe, A rizo n a © Copyright, State Press, 1982 L e ftis ts to p p le stu d e n t p o litic o s By John Reed Foreign correspondent Hie student government a t ASU, under seige for the last several weeks, has finally fallen, sources in the embattled MU offices say. Dissociated Students has been disman­ tled, and a six-member ruling com m ittee is said to be in power. Leftist g u erillas from the Student Fights Coagulation, which make up the junta, have renamed DSASU “The People’s Faction” and have suspended all student rights for the next 30 days. One source, who wished to remain anonymous, said the radical measures had to be taken to counteract recent infighting in the student government. “We don’t like them,” he said. “A lot, we don’t like them.” The officers, senators and assistants of the former DSASU are under house arrest in the MU Puma Room, where they have been playing records and refusing all non-catered food. Bernice Drysea son, ousted president, was interviewed Wednesday morning through a bureaucratic interpreter. She said she has tried to keep peace with the guerrillas all semester, even going as far as to sponsor an inter-terrorist relations conference in late February. “We don’t like them, either,” Dryseason said, “but at least we would be civil enough to let them play some Stones. All they give us is take-out pizza and Gladys Knight and the Pips.” The guerrillas threaten to hold the hostages until the DSASU election, which many say will be moot because of the Coagulation’s forces putting unfair pressure on student voters to elect their candidates. Troops disguised in shorts and T-shirts are scheduled to block Cady Mall on election day, thrusting pieces of paper into the faces of passers-by until they agree to vote the Coagulation ticket. But no m atter what the outcome of the electimi, the People’s Faction plans to wipe out the University records of the Dissociated Students members, thus forcing the former officials to begin their college education all over again. “We really don’t like them,” the source repeated. Despite the overthrow and the revocation of student rights, ASU students interviewed seemed oblivious to the events. “DSASU?” asked Bea Reel, a junior sen­ sitivity major. “Is that a new spa? ” University administrators have not decid­ ed what to do with “those darn kids,” said Toy Chowder, ASU assistant to the presi­ dent. “You give them $500,000 and look what they do.” Athletic chief canned as AD By Ghouly Man Snooze editor In a surprise move, ASU’s athletic director, Flick Beanburro, has been “promoted” from his current position to another unspecified post, effective immediately. The announcement came from President J. Nelson Rustle who was reportedly miffed after Beanburro declined to be the head usher at Rustle’s inauguration. This year’s inauguration was criticized by Rustle for failure to draw adequate fan support — especially student at­ tendance. “His (Beanburro’s) inauguration recruitment efforts, especially of student athletes, were a travesty,” Rustle said. “I think we sold more (tickets) to the faculty and staff than to students.” Although Rustle declined to enumerate Beanburro’s new duties, the Stale Mess has learned that Beanburro’s office furniture was moved to Palo Verde Main on Tuesday. An identified source close to the situation said Beanburro has been reassigned as a sorority house mother. Staff photo by Half Jivar D issociated Students of A S U President Bernice Dryseason displays the osm osis approach to data absorption during the inaugural address for A S U President J . N elson Rustle. Dryseason brought official recognition to the technique w hich was developed by a group (Note: The editorial content in today’s edition is ficticious, but the advertisements are AUTHENTIC. — Editor) of undergraduate students at A S U , many of whom are com pleting their 11th year. fa . 'Vi- - sfaat (Chmieiteîlhnten^lttiiw ginigvB tairittafflta WuirM W&r ¡BT? ©mlMWtt 3®® k tint! tt whb ijuffi anutter Here's a «pick r i t e n w #8 Ike *■■**.• I * **'* *& • *® W W U tR a rrf X-naut Sfaw ui uanun» « ’Mtr» t a IKKM th tnest B in a tnum »sn e h n f ttaÿhg n , h » degetwe a s atf e w g a d sm ut jtt îffist f l a i r Hf!s ¡ny S’üisit * h ? ¿ttjrt/MjCfcCiM*1 Amwndiiigmir^tetapsttipailgifeihBatBeaHfliiiaiidhelfaawy wife's a ricks«*,, he's a w a r-----------_ i VOODOO! The pm r p ' s « *7 M base What's «h» Wew £ I »-air. i t J^ut ; snnuulr *t ever haw n mentior tnt r'amsirrd m feS D | mW? Th» is America! It's She federal g&renr ituia euhutat. repuaitioi tjB » fiinK nrmf ta tte OmMersC? ■ w T s whw—ftttty to provide Welfare far eaeryhady aed g H H M a a tth gfe»-; B ym !»#B j'.üaiï'SfcB 3’' Wb» 'Jhalwe îneaiEttwiai as r to cashmere We sfcmÉl jac* a ? the t o s s , tat I — I saees speed — a l the m w ey «I « * 6 e 9» ttat Wte G anta?; i e * eniigtateneG enougt l» «ae t h e t l fh _____ ^ ______ _ t w w y a e a free edeeatim. aed ¡p B rtss3 % !m » m ta i»ttai*esBBaaü»BiatanE w itha inBnÉerrf »wasting meeey ee that sfflÿ defease badges. Why.. M r y n r s m a K J e t t s t n i t t t e 'd SExualpB iB snie — uBânag Brwadaie» said je st last Bwnlb fltot he weidd ¡get rid s i aiB h e ien atir. ata»® n ftiœ ney T yoi oeciœ tnu: viurpreferioe* is s»-y«ar--oUfc. «adli m ay » in * fSœ sobbs Utaf® he shay. weapon* if we got rid of all oure mm £¿2" SlTO r dl Gim ®ii CflO F a r p t the Constitution; it’s an obsolete document anyway. Jamaicans are turning into a bunch of pistol-packing and it’s got to stop. Too many criminals were shot ttrang to earn a living last year, and our society is far too ad-¡■¿mnrd 1© aQow such z senseless slaughter to continue. If gm n aren't outlawed, outlaws will still have guns. (I think ¡ttatfistfaemay that goes, isn’tit? ) H e irigfaL to choose to kill is fundamental to all expectant ¡msaoSu We re talking about human freedom here, and tfiars what this country’s all about. If a woman has to make ifihechoice of whether or not to get pregbant in the first place, then by jingo she ought to have the right to choose to wipe Uie hod onL Plus, we have to consider the cruel world a lot of kids wodd enter if we didn’t snuff them. A lot of mothers just owe it to their children to abort them. Xedear power VOe poison! Nuclear power plants are leading to the downfall of life as we now know i t The waste is everywhere — likely oozing through the hair of children and grand­ mothers at this moment. They cost a zillion trillion dollars to build and all they do is boil water. So what if half the people in the East will freeze — shut those things down now! Other­ wise, KABOOM! More about Scoopid Coup tew**•#* * Dance should be done far the firs* «ad test three atmiOes \£ every hour of cfase Scoopid, however, said the Tunsmy-ndAing EtaaS Ikanse is just one of many viable ritual dances and chafieeged Warn* ton dance-off. Scoopid did a few steps of the Creatkmsm Cavort and Waist rubbed his tummy for a lew minutes, before the rest of tbe committee members outlawed all dancing at ASL’ Dryseason, having returned fa the meeting following her hair appointment, opposed the guideline vehemently, citing the "0SASU Politico Poflta” to be of "intrinsic value” to stu­ dent government. In other proposals, Scoopid tried to revive the drinking age bill, allowing students to drink only on the 32nd day of each month. He said he still has plans for changing the length of tbe month this lew ion, as well as keeping his drinking age bill alive ' SmeOme made a motion to have all out-of-state students shipped home, but Scoopid threatened to take away ins Bozo Button, so SmeOme rescinded Us proposal letters Rhodes scholar speaks his mind The evils of nuclear-abortion There can be no doubt, however, that whatever it is, nuclear-abortion is contrary to everything good and inspiring in mankind. Pro-choice advocates clamor over women’s rights and the need for safe, legal nuclear-abortion, but seem unaware of tbe conditions at even the most sparkling medical clinics, where nausea has been shown to result from daytime Editor; TV. I bet you guys won’t print this ’cause you didn’t print my Longterm effects, too, seem to go unheeded among its pro­ last one about how there’s never enough time for me to get to ponents, who would have us believe that nuclear-abortion my psychology class after my music class ’cause the fallout would pose no danger to the masses. Is this fair to the buildings are too far apart. millions of women who decided to go ahead and have a But anyway, I ’m mad because every time I try to study on Death. Not a pretty word, is it? And yet sooner or later all of us will nuclear-baby? And should their husbands, boyfriends and the third floor of the library at one of those desks by the win­ dow—you know—there’s no room at all! Do people reserve Mow $4 on a bad movie. rapists be subject to nuclear-abortion fallout? S palH ig of movies, the last one I saw can only be Last fall 50,000 concerned Americans held a demonstration •eats there or what? I mean, it’s the best place in the whole library to study because you can look at the girls in the mall rhpmnttrif+ii as an abortion, not unlike the 1961 Bay of Pigs at Diablo Canyon Family P lanning Center, where an invasion or the way UTEP’s football team runs the option. and some of them are so cute! estimated 10 million nuclear-abortions are performed every Abortion. Not a pretty ward, is it? Uglier still is nuclear- minute. Marching and chanting “ Hell, no, this is really I suppose I could get a seat there at 7:40 in the morning, but abortion, modern technology’s newest breakthrough. Clean. discouraging,” they pressed against tbe walls of tbe hospital you can forget that right now t So I’ll probably flunk my psych class ’cause I can’t study Fast. Safe. with their persons, becoming very sweaty. But just as deadly. Of all the threats to modern society, The passion 50,000 people can apply to a just cause was evi­ very writ in most places, and besides, my brain hurts there are plenty greater than nuclear-abortion but none as dent in the remarks of a National guardsman who was sometimes. likely to get readers all hot and bothered. The truth page wrestled to the ground during a particularly emotional mo­ But you probably won’t print this, so just forget it. A friend ifoukl be pretty dull without nuder-abortkm letters. That is ment; “They was pressin’ on the building so hard, I thought why it behooves the press to critically examine the issue of she was gonna cave in. I said to ‘o n I says, ‘Ease up, people/ nuclear-abortion, then scurry to a dictionary to look up and that was when they made a run a t me and tied me down.’ The medical center voluntarily closed tbe next day. “behoove.” It behooves us all to do whatever necessary to choke off any Firstly, it behooves us to take a brutally honest look at The Stale Mess discourages letters on any topic. However, what exactly nuclear-abortion is, no matter how hard it is to legislation attempting to legalize nuclear-abortion, which the if you insist on shooting your mouth off anyway, type your type with these hooves on. The March 15, 1972 issue of The U.S. Supreme Court in 1972 ruled Is legal only 12 minutes after sexual intercourse. bovine offerings on the beck of $20 bills and don’t say New Yorker puts it this way: “The city is ambition and hubbub, buying and selling, Any letter to your congressman in protest of nuclearanything too stupid, because the truth editor always reads greed and haste, but the real stuff of the city, that which abortion is a letter decrying radiospermactive fallout; ad­ those to the whole staff for a good laugh at your expense. The truth editor reserves the right to edit, alter, or change makes it alive rather than dead . . . is offering and receiv­ vocating the right of every child to be born despite these children’s apparent emotional ties to bomb shelters ; and urg­ the meaning of any letter. If you’re too gutless to put your ing.” That quote doesn’t really depict the brutal reality of what ing our national leaders to take thé initiative with the Soviet name on your feeble-minded opinion, don’t bother sending it in because we’ll run the names and addresses of everyone nuclear-abortion is, but I misread the call number in the In­ Union and end large-scale stockpiling of nucleardex to Periodicals and Hayden Library was about to ckse. abortifacients. you hold dear in boldface cape. Letter Policy Thursday, April 1,1982 Stale M e s s Page 5 Think things are tough? Even Republicans are saying, D S A S U finances filthy flicks producing perverted profits By Fill Stasber Stiff writer In a suprise move, the Dissociated Students Ex­ ecuting Committee passed a resolution converting the Neeb Hall Film Series into the “ASU Adult Theatre.” Resolution 69, introduced by Activities Vice President Thom Mulcher, calls for Neeb Hall to show exclusive­ ly X-rated films, seven nights a week. Mulcher said the change will enable DSASU to offset losses incurred under the old Neeb Hall series. “We looked a t the profit margins mi the X-rated films and found we could make a killing,” Mulcher said. “If all goes well, we could open other adult theatres around the Valley. “ Selling sm ut could become DSASU’s m ain revenue source,” he added. Mulcher said the films will be rented at reduced rates fro m R o lp h ’s A d u lt Bookstore and Erotica Em­ porium. Bookstore owner Rolph Barracuda said the deal «ill not hurt ASU’s reputation in the community. “On the contrary, it will strengthen our standing in the community,” Barracuda said. “By attending X-rated films, students will be d e m o n s tr a tin g th e ir patriotism and belief in the United States Constitution and the right of free speech.” Barracuda agreed with Mulcher that other ASUsponsored adult theatres aré possible. “As a matter of fact, we’re drafting plans to convert the MU into a bar and nightclub with floor shows featuring the DSASU senator of your choice." Barracuda denied rumors that profits from his smut emporium are earmarked for candidates running for office at DSASU. Although he voted against the resolution, Executive Vice P re s id e n t C rass D’Dooda was able to tack an amendment onto the bill which gives all DSASU of­ ficers lifetime passes to the theatre. “ As a precautionary m easure for sensitive students, I will take the responsibilty of screening each and every film they show,” D’Dooda said. Tip O’Kneel, campus af­ fairs vice president, also added an amendment to the resolution. O’Kneel's am endm ent stipulates that SO percent of all profits made by the theatre will go toward the s h o p l i f t i n g : | a w ay of life Jed Shmuck Scholarship Fund—for students deemed to be outstandingly moral and virtuous. “It may seem like an odd way to fund the moral scholarships," O’Kneel said. “But the Lord works in mysterious ways.” SEAY ISRAELI DANCING April 2 • 9 p.m. at L a Paz Margaritas Hillel: 1012 S. M ill Avenue ’/ ' Shabbat Services at 7:30 p.m. SUNNY OUR DEAU ELECT DOCTORS. Prentice Williams SUNROOF SALE Installation Extra Tem pe City Council There are two big advan­ tages to Navy Medicine: 1. Ideal professional practice, superior facilities. Profes­ sional su pport. 2. D esirable personal lifestyle. O fficer fringe benefits. Travel. S alary and o th er benefits com ­ p etitiv e w ith civilian practice. Campaign helpers needed badly to donate 6-8 hours. Please call For m ore inform ation, send your resum é to , o r call: 968-7101. A S U graduate, 1971 2SS-7S32 NAVAL Tem pe Historical Society OFFICER PROGRAMS 317 N. CENTRAL PHOENIX, A Z 85004 t a m t a m « M u latto « . • M i t v o l t o a a i beauty i t your car. • Quality, pioololoo t ri». • Wowy taf installation. • FOHy t o n i ««*. Safelite AuioGlass C a* BUT HURRY, So sto hat lo tot somatime. 2 5 2 -2 0 0 0 ] Ask for Mike Football — Peach Bowl, 1970 A ccount Rep. for R&B Com puters BEINE DOCTOR YOU WENT TO BE. INTHE NAVY. Candidate, 78 and 80 Tem pe first Black candidate G O O D HEALTH STARTS AT HOME. 1123 S. Rural • 968-0243 "Y O U W O U LD BE A FO O U IF Y O U MISSED THURSDAY NIGHT A T O'TOOLES!!" 65c Longnecks 8-close TAKE YOURS OVERSEAS. Peace Corps home economists and nutritionists share valuable skills— sewing, gardening, meal preparation, budget and family planning. Skills that help people improve their lives And Peace Corps volunteers take home as great an experience as they leave. So join us. You'll learn more about life. A Z Burger, Fries, and a Tap Beer *225 4-8 NO COVER DANCING ALL NIGHT LONG Continue y o u re d u c a tio n after graduation as you work overseas in Agriculture. Civil Engineering. Nursing, Health. H om e Econom ics and other senior majors. For more information on these two-year volunteer assignm ents, talk to Peace C o rp s recruiters April 5-7, across fro m th e Danforth Chapel, 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Page 6 Stale Mess Thursday, April 1,1982 Geeks end up sucked into tackiness vacuum By Ghouly Man Snooze editor Over 700 students in the ASU Geek system are canceling memberships at their 24-hour health spas, relinquishing possession of blow-dryers and curlers, and shopping at Sears and K-mart in preparation for the 1982 Geek Squeak competi­ tion. This year’s event, titled “Daré to be Insipid,” is expected to be a sellout, according to the chairman of the Geek Sneer­ ing Committee. Darlene Dimplebutt said this year’s show has been a challenge to her brothers and sisters. “Oh, I’m sure, insipidness is foreign to us,” she said. “I’ve never been boring in my life.” Geek Squeak is the highlight of ASU Geek Week. Geek Week serves to isolate the more than 2,000 Geeks on campus from the rest of the student population by promoting selfserving elitism, white supremacy and good-natured oneupmanship. Seven Geek teams will “Dare to be Insipid” as they com­ pete for the first place trophy awarded to the team with the least original act. “Trip” Overrod, a junior business executive major, said being insipid has been quite a challenge. “The bros and I traded in our Trans Ams for station wagons last week,” he said. “This week we’ve taken up stamp collecting. ” DeeDee McPlaid, a sensitivity major, said the last few weeks have been spent experimenting with different double­ knit polyesters. “Oh phew, like, I really thought I was going to die from a polyester overdose. Fer sure, it was really intense for a. while. But now I’d just barf if my pants didn’t stretch in all directions,” McPlaid said. T H E PASSOVER SEDER C I k u o 'x is a very special event in our lives. Contem porary Mexican Dining C O M E S H A R E IT WITH In c o n ju n c tio n H ILLE L w ith th e T e m p e W ednesday, April 7 * 7 p.m. M e r c h a n ts , C is c o ’s is ROSS HALL s p o n s o r in g t h e i r T ra d itio n a l first Methodist Church 213 £ University HAYDEN FERRY FAIR HAPPY HOUR S tu d e n ts $7 in a d van ce Free Munehies & Hors d’oeuvres Facu lty/S ta ff $10 in a d v a n ce 2 for 1 Well $2 Double Margaritas Advance payment by April 2. Call 967-7563. . TAKE A LOAD OFF YOUR F E E T .. . S to p b y b e f o r e o r a f te r t h e F a ir f o r a a x > l D e l i c i o u s K o s h e r f o r P a s s o v e r M e a ls d r in k a n d s o m e g tx x l f tx x i in o u r b e a u tif u l 4 lu n c h e s fo r 15 4 d in n e rs for f 10 o r all 8 m eals fo r S12 CUARTOVERDE LOUNGE. Offer gtxxj Sat. 11-6 • Sun. 4-8 • In lounge only C a ll H illel fo r details and re se rva tio n s (by A p ril 1) C i s c o ’s cuartovcrdc Meals subsidized by Beth El Congregation_ 2700 South M ill A venue, Between Broadway and Southern Tempe • 968-77910 ^83888888888883888883388383838888338888’ Rock fans seek support to help indigent Stones People for the Rights of Unusual Rock Formations will rally today at noon in front of the Physical Sciences building to protest U n iv e rs ity geological studies in the state. The Tempe citizens’ group claims geology professors and students violate rock rights by taking samples and l a b e lin g th e m in laboratories. “The rocks have a right to self-determination,” said club President Gidget Gonbatty. “Rocks don’t kill peo­ ple. People kill people. I mean, people don’t kill rocks, rocks do. I mean...Oh forget it.” Hie group will seek sup­ port for a Rock Bill of Rights to be introduced to the L egislature through a referendum. Hie bill would allow rocks to vote, collect unemployment and qualify for college financial aid. UNITED CAMPUS CHRISTIAN MINISTRY PRESEN TS STATE PRESS Newsroom Staff Openings A pplications for positions on the N ew s Staff of th e STATE PRESS- for th e Fall Sem ester 1982 are n o w being received at #15, N orth Basem ent, M atthew s C enter. T here w ill be openings at m ost levels — reporter, photographer, copy editing, assistant sports editor, assistant city editor, arts & en tertainm ent w riter, sports reporter, city editor, new s editor, m anaging editor, sports editor, copy chief, photo editor and Opinion page editor. A pplicants m ust pick up jo b referred form s from S tudent Em ploym ent in M atthew s C enter and an application blank at #15, N orth Basem ent, M atthew s C enter. A pplications close 4:00 p.m . Friday, April 9, 1982. A pplicants m ust be full-tim e (at least seven hours) students at ASU; bu t m ajor in any dep artm ent is acceptable, as is class standing of fresh m an through graduate. N ew spaper experience is desirable but not m andatory. These are part-tim e, salaried positions open to any student in good standing. A pplicants m ust be available Friday, April 23, fo r indoctrination and VDT training prior to break-in w eek A pril 27-30. m FEATURING SAM UEL M. K IR K AS FACILITATOR FRID AY SATURDAY SUNDAY A PR IL A P R IL A P R IL F E E - .......... - — \(o 17 18 7 : 0 0 - 9 :3 0 9 :0 0 - G-'OO 1 '-0 0 -4 :3 0 UNITED CAMPUS CHRISTIAN MINISTRY LUTHERAN CAMPUS CENTER 1414 s o u t h M c Al l i s t e r T E M P E , ARIZONA B S28I .................... » 7 5 .0 0 STUD EN TS * M O .Q O CHOOSING A CA R EER IS L IK E FANNING FOR GOLD RESOURCES Tp '^ E ^ T 'FY YOU PO S S ES S FO R QPPORTUN11T1ES LITERALLY D O Z EN S O F S K IL L S , IN T E R E S T S . A N D T A L E N T S LIV IN G A N D W ORKING? * \ TO D E T E R M IN E WHICH P LA C E S , ORGANIZATIONS, AND ACTIVITIES IN T E R E S T VOU MOST", INCLUDING T H E OPTION O F CO N T IN U IN G YO U R E D U C A T IO N . TO KNOW AN D INCORPORATE JO 0 HUNTING AND M AR KETIN G IN CLU D IN G A FUNCTIONAL F?E5UM E A N D JO B P R O P O S A L S GOAL ^ R E fR ^ ^ C E * PROCEDURES * ;. ' P E R S O N A L S T R A T EG Y f=0R FIN D IN G O R C R E A T IN G Y O U R u rjL ig t j . i ^ í i í ;í L S E N D WITH F E E S I3V A P R IL 2 ,1 9 8 2 TO*- NAME.................. 17 , ADDRESS......:........ ....... Z Z Z Z r " ' PHONE TEMPE, AZ- 8^201 IN fôR M A T iàŸ ; C A LL RICH ARD FYKE : 96&-73ÔZ ’ ‘ ' JE A N R A C K E T :947-0731 Thursday, April 1,1982 Stale M ess Page 7 « -'T/T.v Attention: Foreign Car Owners SA VC UP TO 70% O N R ECYCLED FO R E IG N A U T p PARTS MG T R IU M P H H O N D A D A TS U N TOYOTA VW and OTHERS A ll Models Foreign 2433291 302 4 So. 4 0 th S-trcet P h x. (near 4 0 t h A U n iv e rs ity ) * M e n tio n this od A g e t a n a d d itio n a l 5% o f f ! S S e M tin ^ / JEWELRY Football Ians wait for grounds maintenance crews to clear a half-inch of snow from the playing field of Ground Level Stadium. The snow, which fell during a recent football game, eras part of a mysterious storm that originated in Columbia. Jew elry & W atch Repair Custom Design & R em ounting Finest Gems &Jewelry Large Engagem ent W edding B a n d Selection Jew eler on Premises Free Estim ates We B uy O ld Gold & D iam onds Federal drug enforcement agents are still investigating, even as sale of the sinking structure to the Chinese is being negotiated. Sinking stadium will take slowboat to China By M uck R aker Staff Ubelist ASU officials have begun negotiating with Chinese sport enthusiasts for the first payment of the Ground Level Stadium, which is ex­ pected to sink through to China sometime before the year 2000. The amount the Chinese are willing to pay has not been released yet, but ASU officials are hoping to recover the $5 million in at­ tempted repair work. It was determined by the Arizona Horde of Rejects to be more feasible to abandon the repairs, which were to prevent further sinking of the north end zone, and begin negotiating with the Chinese to recover expenses. It is also hoped by state and University officials that these negotiations will im­ prove Chinese*American relations and ensure the an­ nual performance of the Chinese Acrobats at Grimy Damage Auditorium. The Chinese are interested in Ground Level Stadium for a number of reasons, an of­ ficial said. • The weather between Shanghai and Chungking, where the stadium is suppos­ ed to submerge, has re­ quired a domed structure. • The People’s Republic need a gathering place in these two cities for sports events and park ’n’ swaps. • Since the stadium’s ar­ rival is inevitable, the Chinese have all the bargain­ ing power — making the price affordable. American business in-, terests also support the move: • McDonald’s has already asked for the rights to con­ cessions/ Royal Crock, McDonald’s president, said the companies believe if they have this additional market in China, they can increase the addiction rate of the junk food junkies there, and thus “keep those Commies under control.” • The sale will also end the costly debate over having a professional football team in Phoenix. Nevertheless, Chinese officials have been approached by franchises in­ terested in starting an ex­ pansion team called the Shanghai Desert Rats or the Chungking Burritos. Geologists said at the cur­ rent rate of regression, the stadium should arrive before the year 2000, but may arrive ' even sooner, "depending on how fast, you know, it decides to get there. ” The athletic department at ASU is considering different alternatives for the use of the void left after the submersion of the stadium. Discussions have surfaced that indicate the hole may be filled with water and a wave­ making machine installed. This would give ASU the first surfing team in the Inter­ WUWUVUW CO LLEG E OF P U B LIC PROGRAM S collegiate Athletic Associa­ tion. “We’d be guaranteed first place,” said ASU Athletic Director Flick Beanburro. 130 E. U n ive rsity Dr. T e m p e , Ariz. 85281 9 6 7 -8 9 1 7 H I I H ^ V a. I L i V V e if you’ve never tried our fam ous Butterfields' Hamburger, now’s the tim e to get with it! Pius, for a limited d UKu c k ts i CD Ff] A T you-^ l i A V burger for them, F R E E ! T hin k of it! O ne thick, juicy V 4 / i half pound of ground sirloin with all the trim m ings, also your choice of french fries or potato salad. Buy one, and get another for a friend absolutely free! A ll it takes is your Student I.D. O nly $3.95. S en ator E le c tio n s REPRESENT YOUR COLLEGE IN THE ASASU SENATE Q U A LIFIC A T IO N S FO R T H E PO SITIO N 1. A candidate must be currently enrolled as a full-time student in one of the departments of the College of Public Programs. 2. No twp senators will come from the same department. 3. The college will elect one graduate student and one undergraduate stu­ 9 dent. 4 Candidates will follow the A SASU rules concerning campaign expendi­ tures as stated in the A SASU Constitution Art. 1 and 3 and in Title II of the •ASASU Bylaws. (Check with the A SASU office in the MU for details.) 5 :0 0 - C lo s e T h u rs d a y CALEN D AR O F EVENTS APRIL 2 _Candidates pick up petition and election information in any department office within the College of Public Programs. APRIL 1 2 _Petitions secured with 50 signatures from full-time students enrolled in a depajrtment within the College of Public Pro­ grams along with the information sheet must be turned into the'Dean's office, Wilson Hall, room 234. APRIL 19-23 — Election Week. Election booths for voting will be set up at each of the main offices in each department of the College of Public Programs. APRIL 27 — Results of the election will be announced. RUN FO R SEN ATO R - S H O W Y O U R S T U D E N T PO W ER Food & Spirits W A very unique dining experience’ Hours: Lunch: 11:30 - 2:00 Monday • Friday Dinner: 5:00 - 11:00 Wednesday Saturday 5:00 - 10:00 Sunday, Monday, Tuesday Happy Hour: 4:00 - 7:00 Sunday - Friday 1112 East Apache, Tempe 966-4344 «9 Page 8 Stale M ess Thursday, April 1,1982 Museum exhibits housewi IC O U PO N I PAPA JAY'S PIZZA DELIVERS FREE --------------- -------- C O U P O N -------------------------- $1°° OFF ANY S M A LL , M EDIUM , or L A R G E P IZ Z A P L U S F R E E D E LIV E R Y with this coupon Valid on Delivery, Take-Out, or Eat-In (Not valid with any other coupons. We reserve the right to limit delivery area.) ---------------------- Exp. 5-31-82----------------------------- GAME ROOM SPECIAL 6 T o k en s fo r *1°° — V id e o s, Pin balls 804 S. Ash (Univ. & Mill) 966-1003 • 966-4292 • 967-9689 STORE HOURS SUN. 3-1 MON.-THURS. 4-1 FRi. 4 SAT. 4-2 Delivery Ends 'h Hour Before Closing YOU CAN STILL FIY TO GREAT BRITAIN AND BEYOND ON A STUDENT BUDGET. By Sparks Let’s Dance . The new show a t the Phoenix Art Museum features work of a unexpected genre..Called “Housewife Art,” it celebrates the rhythms, sounds, colors and significance of washing dishes, changing sheets and ironing. ' ■ “Most human time is spent doing mundane, repetitive tasks. The housewife experience is a perfect example of the mindless chores that waste so much time but have to be done over and over,” said painter Atlas Pattrocious, coordinator of the show. The most stupendous and noticable work in the show is a thirty-foot tall pile of pots, pans and dishes heaped next to the “Vortex” sculpture in front of the museum. “I wanted to put out a stack of dishes equivalent to the number of dishes washed in Phoenix homes on any given night,” said the sculptor Joan Dukovich. “I studied that red sculpture in front of the museum, trying to understand its significance. It seemed to me that it is just ah exercise in formal design. It is an idealized statement about some perfect vision. “It has no relevance to life,” she said. “ ‘Vortex’ required laborers and cranes to put into place. It is beyond the scale of normal human activity. What I’m saying is, there are no her os, no epic stories, no great examples of extraordinary sacrifice. I’m saying that human life is spent doing boring tasks, and there islittle glamour in anyone’s existance. I wanted to make a truthful portrait of the human condition,” she said For the run of the show, then will be a t performance piece of women1SOIHiring sink and preparing dinner. Visitors 1 re invited into a sink of hot soapy water a d wash dii “Dish washing is art work,. Hei•re is a ce the feel of the hot water, and toJthe textun dish towel. Didn’t you spend tide as a kid sink, looking at the psychedelic >ily swirl < surface of a bubble?” asked peifi Phoenix. In the afternoons, the Wifedaiic DAISY SPECIAL ‘E v e ry th in g ’s c o m in g u p D aisies’ O nly *2°° a b u n ch Hours: Mon.-Fri. 8-6 Saturday 9-5 ROSEBUD FLORIST Formerly The Flower Children Flower and Plant Shops 15 W . 6th Street • 968-0781 INTRODUCING BRITISH CALEDONIAN AIRWAYS. Beginning May 21, British Caledonian Airways flys non-stop from Los Angeles to London and from London to more than 40 destinations worldwide. Which means you can still fly to Great Britain and beyond on a student budget. Just ask for our 21-day advance purchase plan for special low fares. On board you’ll fly in wide-bodied comfort while you enjoy our unique British style service recognized worldwide for quality and personal attention. Discover a great new way toG reat Britain and beyond. Call your travel agent or British Caledonian Airways for details. fo*rl°*0,v British Caledonian Airways (t\e< sw ' fl'p0° $ 1 0 ' ’Ta»»",S' r e $A 6‘ W E N EV E R FORGET YO U H AVE A C H O IC E Non-stop Los Angeles to London. S av e ... * Thursday, April 1,1982 Stale M ess Page 9 sewives' favorite stuff said »w, then will be a continous sinks, dusting tables, omen sc Hiring > i Visitors i reiinvited to stick their hands water a di wash dishes. ■ere is a certain aesthetic to work. Dei and toi the texture of the terry cloth i e as a kid dawdling at the pendItine chedelic rily swirl of colors on the skedperifiFormance artist Frances Wifedai ce Company will perform modern dance compositions based on the,rhythms of pushing a vacuum cleaner, sweeping the floor, and scrubbing. “There is a very organic and intriguing feel to motions of housekeeping,’’ said C ard Burning, director of Wifedance. “I wanted to mimic those kinds of patterns.” Popular works in the show are the photorealistic paintings by Dee Nyart. Nyart paints still lives of cleanser and sponges on bathtub tiles, and arrangements of ashtrays, dusting ra{p and commercial furniture polish mi coffee tables. Her oil canvases capture the glint of glasses in a drying rack, slightly glazed with rinse water. “There is a feminist element to it. We are all women, we are all feminists, and we are making art about what is still considered ‘women’s work,”’ Nyart said. Composer Darlene Gage will be performing an electronic musical score based mi the sounds of housework. “I hear a symphony when I wash dishes,” Gage said. “There is a creak to the hot and cold handles as they turn. There is a certain pitch to the water coming out of the faucet. Hie sound of the sink filling with water makes a cresendo. The clink that pans make bumping into each other is different from the dink of glasses or silverware.” “My favorite sound of all is a glass filling with water. The pitch starts out low, then rises. There is a tentative moment of silence the instant that the glass is full, before the water falls and make a new sound hitting the sink,” she said. The Housewife Art show continues through December 25. EYE EX A M For Contact Lenses $25°° A l l * AND CDADTS a y H Tuesday, March 30th through y Thursday, April 1st West Lawn of the Memorial Union 9:30 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. ^Sponsored by the M U A B Host and Hostesses For Eyeglasses *18°° Bifocal Soft Contact Lenses Contact Lenses for Astigmatism FOR Y O U R E N JO Y M EN T Entertainment compliments of M U A B Entertainment I y & Fine Arts Committees Refreshments The opportunity to purchase high quality Arts and Crafts PB. W. 6. AMES • OPTOMETRIST W E H A V E M O V E D T O A N EW LO C A TIO N — 7548 E . M A I N S T . S C O T T S D A L E • 941 -5 42 8 M on.-Sat. toenix Ait Museum experience the art of nd. 894-6779 T O D A Y A N D T O N IG H T BURGERS and BOTTLES S 1 75 Vi b l . BURGER w/ FRIES I 11 a.m. to 12 midnight 7 5 c B O T T L E BEER 8 p.m.-close NO COVER HEINEKEN • BUD • MILLER LIGHT ----------F R I D A Y ---------- HAPPY HOURS 6-8 PM 50° DRINKS • 75c BOTTLED BEER M°° PITCHERS FREE NACH0S AND PIZZA NO COVER UNTIL 8 p.m. O n lyon eofth esep en s 1 H --------- t i lo w It s the extra-fine rolling ball of Pilot s remarkable new Precise Ball Liner Pen. (Ifyou haven’t guessed which one it is. lookat •thetop photo again. It’s the trim beauty on the bottom left.) But unlike the others, the real beauty of Pilot's Prerise Ball Liner is the extra-fine line it puts on paper. Itglides smoothly across the page because its tiny tungsten carbide ball is held securely within a needle-like stainless steel collar. A collar that makes the Precise Ball Liner the most durable. trouble-free rolling ball pen you can buy. •r ft’s letter-writer’sjoy. An artist's dream. ; -v m m A scribbler's delight. One more fine point: the Pilot Precise Ball Liner doesn't have a big. fat price. It'sjust a skinny $1.19. ^ - iB a lU n a r m e r o Ê n g b a llp e n t h a t r e n l u t i o n i z e s t h i i M i t t e University Bookstore Memorial Union Page 10 Stale Mess Thursday, April 1,1982 O M y uncle, the rocker I was lucky as a child. I was raised a rocker. It was those holidays with the family that helped me most. On Labor Day, Mom and Dad would always throw us in the back of the Chevy and haul us over to Grand­ m a’s, saying we were going to Oz and that soon, Granny Wizard or someone' would make everything pretty, that we’d get our brains, hearts, nerves, lungs, kidneys and stuff in almost brand new shape, probably from all the vegetables and old-fashioned Tennessee health'' recipes she’d make us eat until we barfed. But I was sm arter than my Captain Kangaroo-fried sib­ lings. I hung out with my un­ cle Murray. Murray, the rock ’n’ roller. Me and Murray always escaped dinner. We saw those vegetables coming before they got to the table. We’d have our fruit pies ready to go, and when Gran­ ny Wiz brought her great and powerful asparagus out, Murray would start jumping around, laughing and sing­ ing Little Richard songs and making a distraction while I scraped all our portions on to aunt Zody’s plate. She never knew. Murray was too much of a gas. We’d hang around for dessert, pull the distraction job again and swipe seconds, and then Murray would play sick (sometimes he was; we scarfed lots of fruit pies try­ ing to fake an appetite) and roll around and have to be excused. That way, the other VK older relatives would be stuck having to make like they were helping Granny Wiz with dishes, but one by one they’d all slip into the TV room and watch “Batman” with the kids. But for me, TV was no better than dinner, so I’d sneak out through the trap door me and Murray had built and we’d go smoke dope down at the YMCA. Murray had bootlegged a membership there, so we could go in and play pool free for hours. Nothing stood in Murray’s way. The man was so full of juice that he could joke his way in to or out of anything. One year, he even got Muffs Market to supply our fruit pies. He was beautiful, he was a poet. I’d never have landed this Stale Mess job without that rocker spirit Murray had so impressed on me. Labor Day always meont something. Murray was in a class of his own. He was the American Way. , Murray, my uncle. He gave me the world. XXXI B U N D L E ’S LIQUORS ft MKT. 730 S. MILL Corner Mill & University Ave. PABST BOCK BEER BEAMERO TEQUILA 20NIN LAMBRUSCO MICE TOWER GERMAN WHITE WINE I HANG G LIDE THIS W E E K E N D * 1 .9 9 * 3 .9 9 * 1 .9 9 * 3 .4 9 Learn to fly one of our gliders oft a 40' fiill just east of Tempe. Start out low on the hill and fly higher as you gain ability. Safe and exciting. Lowest priced beginners lessons in the U.S. Instruction p lu s 5 flights $35 complete! Call the Phoenix Flyers! 949-9292 Long Island Pizza I I I I I 829 -1 7 2 2 7 2 4 S. Mill SPECIAl (Mill & University) CASH ONLY! I I I I Large “ 16” Cheese Pizza Plus FREE Liter of Pepsi Each A dd itio nal Itom FAST DELIVERY $1.00 I I I EXPIRES 4-9-82. Regular $12.50 plus parts p lu s p a r t s O F F E R EXPIRES APRIL 10, 1982 C O L L E G E C IT Y C Y C L E 9 0 9 E. L em on 966-0842 H EW LETT PACKARD Smith-Corona4 Texas Instruments No P referen ce Students in th e L iberal A rts •¿,.v C ollege Early Bird A dvisem ent for' v,r ,v .. Spring R egistration from M arch 23 to April 9 Please a vo id the rush M ake an a p p o in tm en t today in SOCIAL SCIENCES 111 C o m e in o r call 9 6 5 -2 9 5 4 OUR OUR I I I I I I I I I I i I i Mon.-Thurs. 11:30-1:00| Fri.-Sat. 11:30-3:00 5 Sunday 4:00-1:00 ■ (SMALL CHARGE) (5 p.m.-l a.m.) G ET THE BUGS O UT NOW HEAR THIS! I I OPEN 7 DAYS I APRIL 1, MAN Tempe I I 9 6 7 -9 0 7 9 SFRIN8 TUNE-UP NOW $9 . 9 5 I GROUP RATES FOR STUDENTS WITH I.D. AND THIS AD. Haagen Dazs Natural Ice Cream, Adult Magazines. Groceries. Ice. Wines, over 40 Imported Beers. ESE3 The Bean Hall film series presents Nick Jagged in Gimme Money, a story about an aging rock star who can’t keep up his alimony payments. Tickets are $20 with poetic license. The Union Cinema will present Impersonator, the story of an .unemployed auto worker who moves to Las Vegas and makes a new career of acting like dead rock V roll stars. Free to ail who care. 965-GONE. The ASU dance depart­ ment will present the ballet White Shoes at 9 p.m. in Business Administration, Room 101. This memorable story deals with the intricate lives of used car salesmen. T ic k e ts ' p r i c e s are negotiable. 965-SELL. The ASU Theatre depart­ ment will present Alexander Hag’s Ronnie at 7 p.m. in the Lice Theatre. The play deals with an actor who through an nuclear accident becomes a world leader. Due to budget cutbacks, only Act I will be presented. Tickets are $65. I I I I I OUR M odel Reg. P R IC E M odel Reg. P R IC E M odel Reg. P R IC E 11C Card Reader 41C 41C V 41 Printer $135 $21 & $250 $325 $385 $114.95 $174.50 $199.95 $274.50 $299.05 Corona 12 Enterprise II 2200 2500 $290 $300 $400. $440 $184.50 $219.95 $299.95 $319.95 Bus. Anal. I TI-35SP TI-54 TI-55-II TI-58C TI-59 $22 $25 $45 $50 $115 $250 $16.95 $19.95 $37.95 $39.95 $89.95 $184.50 We handle the full line of Hewlett-Packard & Texas Instruments Calculators & Accessories. All at Discount Prices. Call for models not listed. OFFICE PRODUCTS WAREHOUSE 968-1198 • 1755 W. University 5 2 n d S t. & U n iv e rs ity * T e m p e _________________ 9 Thursday, April 1,1982 Stale M ess Page I f Grass classes cropping up in A S U stadium By K. Furback Renaldo Sap writer Harassed by rocketing inflation and baffled by erroding funds, University bigwigs today Anally figured out how to finance the buildings necessary to become an excellent in­ stitution of higher learning. “Hey, we’ve got it buddy,” President J. Nelson Rustle hap­ pily reported. “We are going to shut down all the classrooms for two semesters.” Rustle said the money saved from maintenance costs would allow ASU to expand to twice its present physical size. The man behind the innovative plan was rumored to be ASU Athletic Director Flick Beanburro. “I told Rustle we can just hold classes in the sports arenas on campus,” he said. “Most of the time those big concrete boxes stand empty anyway.” M A B , W A B , S P A B POed by D SA SU jabberwocky money needs and plead for By Almost Flyta community support. Assistant snitty editor WAB (now WS) is quoting In a relatively surprising f it of i n t e l l i g e n c e , the ERA and threatening to Dissociated Students of­ call NOW for support. They fic e rs haVe c la r ifie d are also negotiating a sym­ language in their budget pro­ pathetic merger with WICI, posal in an attem pt to con­ but WICI wants to throw its fuse ad m in istrators a t­ weight to SPAB. ABC, CBS, NBC and wire tempting to decipher the gib­ services UPI and AP have bous dollar amounts. MAB, WAB (now WS), and picked up on the budget con­ SPAB were KOed by DSASU in a MU meeting. But the three groups all received cuts in their funding and are POed to say the least. “The whole thing is just a bunch of BS,” said MAB VP J.T. Spree. “ Since our budget was nixed, SRP and APS are going to shut us off,” Spree said MAB is going to tattle to the NAACP and ACLU if the budget isn’t changed. SPAB is going to submit an editorial to the TDN and the R and G to support their This Space— For Rent I I Milkman's bill udder hogwash Jym Scoopid, Republic of Mesa, submitted a bill to the Legislature today that would allow parents to teach college-level classes to their children at home for ASU credit. “It’s a parent’s right to make their children as ig­ norant as they are. Besides, this would get kids away from all of the sex and drugs on campus,” Scoopid said. Scoopid added that his piece of legislation would give parents tighter control over their children’s fast cars and the amount of cigarettes and beer they con­ sume. “Hey, I’m not a insipid dairy farm er for nothing,” hesaid. flict and will run it in their a.m. and p.m. editions. “I think all of ASU is on LSD or PCP,” said SRC spokesm an Rolph B ar­ racuda in reference to the in­ ordinate budget cuts. However, a campus OPEC spokesman said the oil na­ tions are willing to lend to WAB, MAB and SPAB a t low interest rates. A T LA N T IC C ITY Best Picture Nominee! Friday-Saturday, April 2-3 * 7 & 9:30 p.m. SUMMER SPECIAL T o A S U Stu d en ts and Faculty S T O R E A L L Y O U R B E L O N G I N G S D UR IN G S U M M E R B R E A K Total Price for 4 months: S ize Regular S p e cia l 5 x5 5x10 5x15 10x10 $52.00 $68.00 $88.00 $108.00 $39.00 $52.00 $68.00 $89.00 1964 E a st U niversity Dr. T em pe, A Z 85281 Û 2Ù . OUT KNOH ^ b Reserve Early. 966-9071 E Bring this ad or your ID. NOW FEATURING HAPPY HOUR WITH V2PRICE WELL DRINKS Vi PRICE MARGARITA PITCHERS DEL RICr AND HOT HORS D’OEUVRES ARE ON THE HOUSE ..... _ mON.-FRI. DON’T MISS OUR ASU DINNER SPECIAL! 1300 N. HAYDEN RD., TEMPE • 9 6 8 - 1 1 6 1 THIS MOVIE IS TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL TAKEOFFON* MGH-FMNG CAREERASA FUGHIOFFICER. S u n d a y, A pril 4 • 7 & 9:30 p.m. $1.50 with A S U I.D. • $2.00 w/o BROUGHT TO YOU BY ASASU a ip ia ir a p iiB B Printshops Of The Future « In a proposal sent to the Horde of Rejects, large classes like English 101 and Marijuana and Man would be held three times weekly in Gound Level Stadium. “Don’t think we haven’t planned this thing out,” Rustle said. “ H a v in g classes in the stadium would attract bunches of undergrads. Studies show they spend most of their time away from classes outdoors — soaking up that good Arizona sunshine—so we figured lets take the classes to the students ’ FOR THE PROFESSIONAL LO O K IN TERM PAPERS” BIN D IN G • WIDE SELECTION O F PAPER TRANSPARENCIES FOR PRESENTATIONS 50 Full Service Copies* 40 Self Service Copies ’ 122 E. UNIVERSITY DR. • 968-7821 (In Th e A rches S h o p p in g Center) Be part of the Navy aviation team —a Naval Flight Officer. A s a flight officer, you’ll be responsible for controlling complex, on-board weapons and navigation system s on sophisticated Navy aircraft. As a flight officer, you’ll be given advanced technical training. You’ll gain early responsibility. And you’ll have the chance for worldwide travel. QUALIFICATIONS: Minimum BA /B S degree (summer graduates may inquire). Applicants m ust be no more than 29 years old and haye vision correctable to 20/20. Relocation required. Applicants m ust pass aptitude and physical examinations and qualify for security clearance. U.S. citizenship required. BENEFITS: Excellent package includes 30 days’ earned annual vacation. M edical/dental/low cost life insurance coverage and other tax-free incentives. Dependents’ benefits available. Promotion program included. PROCEDURE: Send resume to, or call: Naval Management Programs. 256-7632 N A V A L O FFIC ER PR O G R A M S 317 N O R T H CEN TRAL»€P|iO EN IX, A R I Z O N A 85004 K&HiMiSItriMMI W&iÊfàfà Grandpa was a cockroach Family trees insect-infested By Laura Stahl Staff writer A fossilized skeleton of a hominid/cockroach recently discovered by ASU scientists near the Mongoloid Rim has stirred a controversy over the origin of man. Dr. Jorge Saggin, the finder of the curious fossil, said, “We’ve found billions and billions of these fossils before, but this is the first time we have found one that was connected and had the head of a cockroach and the body of a man. ” Saggin announced that earlier accounts of man’s evolution may be incorrect. “There has always been the problem of the missing link with the ape idea. Now, we have proof that man evolved from something else —a cockroach.” Other scientists involved in the discovery include Boswell Leeaky who has dated the fossil at 190 million years old. “It stands to reason, we were crawling around in the same epoch as all those old, funny looking fish. It’s better than admitting to having swung from trees,” Leeaky said. Other scientists balk at the explanation saying the fossil is a fake. . “Someone has tried to fool us by gluing two obviously unlike fossils together,” one balking Ph.D. said. • Saggin said it was preposterous that some did not believe this may be the find of the century. R esearchers say the “bugman” was probably about three feet long and crawled on four legs. The head was protected by a hard, brown-colored shell from which protruded two large bulging eyes and three antennae. The rest of the body was covered by a fuzzy substance. “We don’t know what sex it was or whether it was any sex at all because where we thought “ it” should be wasn’t,” Leeaky said. “It may have gotten knocked off when we dug it up.” Saggin said an immediate search is going out to all cor­ ners of the earth, where billions and billions of other fossils have been found to see if they can find another similar fossil. XEROX 9200 Need A Copying Miracle Or Two? ASU Introductory Special 1 co p y to 1 million each i x 11 white bond h > 8 1 jjj LÜ ë D MILL Tem p e Blueprint El 612 612 Mill Ave., Tem pe, AZ 967-5979 Expires 4-30-82. Overwhelmed with: b u s in e s s C O M M U N IC A TIO N S -TERM papeks Invitation to apply for STATE PRESS EDITORSHIP The ASU Student Publications Advisory Board is now soliciting applications for the State Press editorship for the Fall Semester 1982i if so! Attend one of the Six Mini Writing Clinics offered by: THE MINORITY AFFAIRS BOARD APRIL 5 THRU 9 1. Thesis Writing For The Beginning Researcher Friday - 3:00 to 4:30 p.m. - Navajo Room MU Mrs. J. Jackson (M CC) 2. Business Written Com munications Tuesday - 1:30 to 4:30 p.m. - L L B 219 Thursday - 1:30 to 4:30 p.m. - LL B 219 C. Ybarra - Van Nelson <■ 5. Technical Writing Thursday -1:30 to 3:00 p.m. The deadline for receipt of applications will be Fri­ day, April 2 at 4 p.m. Applicants need not be journalism majors; can­ didates from all disciplines are invited, graduate and undergraduate. Edward H. Peplow, Jr. Manager, Student Publications Matthews Center, North Basement Phone 5-7572 iiieace 520 S. M ILL, Tempe S U 8 9 4 -9 1 3 7 R P L U S SPECIAL FAIR HOURS 8:30 a .m .-7 p.m . • ~ S a t . - S u n . ( S a le E n d s A p ril 6) Thursday, April 1,1982 Stale Mess Page 13 'Dancing Craw' starts new life as Rockette Meat Swingin’ D isco Assistant dance editor By “It’s hard to believe that he would leave coaching for dancing,” Assistant Athletic Director Herman Munster said. “He was a fine coach while he was here. ” Rogers said he intends on starting a vigorous workout to prepare for his new danc­ ing career. “I plan on watching the Richard Simmons show every day,” he said. “If I follow along, maybe my voice will start having feminine qualities just like Rich’s. “I’m also planning on go­ ing to aerobics a t head baseball Coach Big Crock’s that doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll start. “I’m going to be just like a freshman entering college,” he added. “I’ll have a lot of pressure on me to perform. The only difference is that there won’t be anyone to give me money, grades or help me out in any way.” Rogers’ wife, Mars, was very surprised at her hus­ band’s decision, but noted that he has been behaving very strangely as of late. “It’S a shock that he took the job,” she said. “ Not because he’s becoming a dancer, but because we have to move to San Francisco. I Billed as “the next John Revolting,” ASU head foot­ ball Craw Ginger Rogers has inked a five-year pact with the famous dance company, theRockettes. Rogers, who has spent two seasons guiding the ASU football program nowhere, signed the contract aft«* a talent scout saw him per­ forming at halftime of one of ASU’s basketball games. At the tim e of his discovery as The Dancing Craw, Rogers was filling in as the Sun Devil mascot for the reg u lar guy, Alan Mauled. "I had the most talented team “I really was only plan­ ning on doing tins for one last year but still didn't win the game,” The Craw said. “But Pac-10 title. Maybe I'm better sometimes, you don’t know that’s what’s going to hap­ off being a dancer.''_______ '__ pen. “On the other hand, I might end up better off as a health spa,” Rogers said. “It guess you have to do what your husband wants, though. Rockette,” he said. “I had helped him look more like “I thought something was Jonathan Winters, so I’m the most talented team in America last year, but still hoping it helps me start look­ wrong with Ginger when I came home from the grocery didn’t win the Pac-10 title. ing more like Ginger. ” store and saw him wearing Rogers said he’s planning Maybe I’m better off being a black leotards while he was on a new diet as well. dancer.” sifting through my stock­ “I’m going to start eating Members of the ASU ings,” she added. “I guess athletic department express­ like a sportwriter,” he said. he’s going through a mid-life “I’ll be hanging around, dif­ ed their surprise at Rogers’ ferent events looking for a crisis.” acceptance of the job. So while Red Bulk may be “I was real shocked he f r e e m e a l lik e th e starting a new career as a decided to go into dancing,” sportswritersdo. “I know it might not be the janitor, the focus on a new Sports Information Director healthiest diet in the world, career is on Ginger Rogers. Small Ginseng said. “I’ve but at least I’ll save some The question is, “ Will only known him for a short money,” he said. “Although Rogers become the next time, but I ’m already (me of the Rockettes recruited me, Renee Richards? ’’ his best buds.” RENT COMPUTER TERMINAL C o n n e ct to C o m p u ter from H om e C R T /C O U P L E R P R I N T E R / coupler *60°° Monthly *50O#M°n.hl, BUSINESS RESOURCE SERVICE 3002 E. McDowell Rd., Phoenix • 275-6305 SALES/SERVICE/RENTALS ^ EX PRESS FLASH- pnoto ny u r. ure a m EvensKin Head football Craw G inger Rogers takes his passing game to the hardcourt in his recruitm ent of this Hghtend. * “ZIONISM: AN ANALYSIS!» W e ’ve mede it our b u sin ess to help te a ch ers. Horace Mann helps teachers fulfill their ambitions and achieve their goals with a unique planning aid . . . the Financial Review Service. And by offering a competitive line of innovative insurance products. To learn more about your Financial Review, call your Horace Mann agent today! Individual Lifa Insurance • Homeowners/Ranters Insurance • Tax Deferred Annuities • Complete Auto Coverage 2 a s 5 6 B 2 NS - / K S lC fli la s-iK S — - TeadhersHoiace maniu OPEN 10-8 Moh.-Fri. 10-6 Sat. 12-6 Sun. A Lecture with Sim cha Jaco b o v id from The University of Toronto Monday, April 5 * 4 p.m. in the Memorial Union Coch ise Room 212 S ponsored By ISRAEL ACTION COMMITTEE THE SHOP Campus Wear • IZOD*« #Athletic Wear Arizona Kidney Foundation Benefit TomT. Hall NEW ARRIVALS The Old Storyteller In Person $6 advance $8 doo r Two Shows 6 and 9 p.m. SUNDAY, APRIL 4 ONLY Tickets at Diamonds and Pony Expraas xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Party Down at the Pony Express Friday and Saturday Night Hourly Drink Specials FIRST DRINK FREE WITH ADMISSION M onday N ight — The M arty M itcheH Band is Back 3905 E. Thomas Rd. • In Tower Plaza • 244-2694 k i J t 905 S. Mil! Tempe Center 829-1743 Page 14 Stale M ess Thursday, April 1,1982 Cagers, hoods merge Bulk gets favorite broom for four-letter season as boss hits rock bottom By Graham Crackers Pseudo-Sports writer Five ASU basketball players revealed, iij a press conference Wednesday, that the reason they placed like a ward of cerebal palsey pa­ tients this season can be linked to organized crime. A prepared statement by ASU players Frail Bones, Boring McDullen, I.M. Stoned, Tom Hyper and Pill McSkinny, presented to Athletic D irector Flick Beanburro stated “anybody who believed we were trying out there this season is a fool.” Stoned, who was the group representative and probably the most vocal of this awesome athletic fivesome, probably summed it up best when he said, “I was really surprised that nobody con­ fronted me with accusations of trying to throw games this season. It really started get­ ting obvious up in Oregon and Washington when I was slinging up bricks by the dozen and trying to commit fouls at every opportunity, this year’s team was ob­ viously not intent on winn­ ing.” First-year center, and part-timë water boy,. Boring think the wad of money in his back pocket from the payoffs kept him from getting over the top of the rim .” Further legal investiga­ tions and future court ap­ pearances by the ASU players have been delayed, however, because upon leav­ ing the press conference, McSkinny was standing sideways and couldn’t be seen by McDullen who con­ sequently tripped over his foot and knocked the three athletes down two flights of stairs. Ironically, the five are resting confortably in the cerebal palsey ward. By Heaven’s Warlock Snorts editor F o rm e r b a s k e tb a ll figurehead, and present janitor, Red Bulk, has fired Athletic Director Flick Beanburro. Apparently, head janitor Bulk had his favorite broom stolen from him. After only 25 days on the job, Bulk was a broken man. “I went home to my wife Spurn and slipped into my favorite plaid sportcoat,” Bulk said. “ I really thought it was the end. “But, after a good long night of tears, myself and Spurn decided to ask Bean­ burro for another broom — one so different that it w o u l d n ’t m a k e m e remember my favorite. ” So the next day, March 30, Bulk marched into Beanburro’s office to make his demand. But staring him in the face was a filthy, greasy, vile mass. Bulk’s teeth conthmad pag* 15 ANNUAL SPRING SHOE SALE Reg. $32.99 NOW $22.99 Reg. $59.99 NOW *49.99 Reg. $20.99 NOW *14.99 Blue or Black Reg. $47.99 NOW *37.99 Hi Top Reg. $47.99 NOW *35.99 I.M. Stoned McDullen reiterated Stoned’s feelings. “It would take a very ig­ norant person to overlook the fact that we were trying to throw those games,” McDullen said. “Just one look a t that miserable sidespin shot I was flinging up there would give it away. “We made a lot of money from the payoffs, although we would have made a lot more if it weren’t for that darn Rat Fever and Crawl Williams. E very tim e McSkinny or Hyper would make a couple perfect turnovers Fever or Williams would have to go down and negate it wifi) a 25-foot jumper.” Former ASU head Coach Red Bulk, who has accepted his new job as janitor of the M anzanita Dorm’s 10th floor, did not appear very surprised a t the players ad­ m issions of receiving payoffs from mobsters. “This type of thing doesn’t surprise me in the least,” the newly appointed sanitation engineer explained. “ I believe the players felt they were going to be busted when Frail Bones purposely missed that break away slam dunk against USC. I Reg. $26.99 NOW *19.99 Close Out Shoe Bargains C/ooe $34.95 $36.95 $23.95 Out *22.95 *22.95 *19.00 $24.95 $39.95 $29.95 $29.95 $24.95 *17.95 *24.95 *19.95 *19.95 *17.95 Reg. PUM A Close Reg. Sizes All Turf 7 ,1 0 , 11 Vi Baseball iPennet Black Super Basket 11, 1 2 ,12V4 O ut $35.50 $39.95 $51.95 *22.95 *27.95 *36.95 $42.95 $30.95 $45.95 $37.95 $38.00 $43.95 *32.95 *22.95 *30.95 *22:95 *25.95 *33.95 BROOKS 421 7, 7Vi, 8V4, 9V4, 11%. 13 Ladies 23S 7. 8, 8V) 450 7 H i 8 ,1 0 7. 9 Vi Ladies 217 440 7 ,8 New Balance 420 6 Vi, 8V i,9 V i Sale applies to stock on hand Many More Shoes Not Listed , Come In And Save 1038 So. MILL (A c ro ss M ill from G am m age) U n iv e r s it y sporting goods 968-7725 Thursday, April 1,1982 Stale Mess Page 15 More about Broom continued from ptgt 14 By Slim Gunner Baseball Coach Big Crock approves of the latest pair of gams to Join his chumpion squad. As Crock said Tuesday, “They sure don't belong to Marvin Saveus.” glowed while his eyes swam like a ypung Flipper. It was The Broom. “So I gave Beanburro a piece of my mind,” Bulk barked. “And you know what he told me? He said ‘Red, when you start bring­ ing people into the janitorial departm ent, you’ll get your broom back,’ “ Can you imagine that?” Bulk queried. “I fired him. I fired him. You know, I fired him. Beanburro is history. And I’m the hap­ piest man alive. Beanburro, now himself a broken shadow of a man, said he’ll never forget the incident. “I was forced into taking Bulk’s broom,” he said, choking between each word. “My boss said to do it his way and take away his prized possession, so I did. “Now Bulk is a hero and I’m the goat,” he cried. “Just tell me where I can find a little justice. RENT A NEW DUAL MINI-SUITE CONDO “Hey, do you know the name of Crank Bush’s lawyer?” Bulk, seen recently in plaid overalls, can’t wait to get back to work. “Well, for starters I get to mop up the weightroom, which is my favorite chore,” he said. “Then I get to clean up the Activity Center’s plethora of ‘heads’ before struggling over to water the baseball field. “What a wonderful life it is,” Bulk said. CLASSIFIED S ST A R T HERE Hie STATE PRESS disclaim s all respon­ sib ility for quality and prices of goods and services offered in both classified and display advertising by its adver­ tisers. A n n o u n cem e n ts 71 CHEVY, VERY reliable, $500 firm. Dan, 965-8856._______________ ' 414 MHI Avenue Tamps 98641203 5/4. Bicycle»____ __ F or Rent/Lease HOUSE FOR rent. Three bedroom one bath, fenclted yard, near ASU. $375 month. Phone, 838 0542. _________ LEASE, OPTION to buy three bedroom, two bath house near ASU. Pod, fireplace, 1650'. 948-3507. _______ SCOTTSDALE HOUSE with pool three m iles ASU. Two non-smoking maleftemale, $200 each. 263-9606 evenings. Rental condominium offer is limited, and subject to a firstcome, first-serve basis...so act now. Or Buy: Special Sale From $39,800 THREE BEDROOM condo for rent, also, three bedroom townhouse. Both with fireplace and near ASU- C all "Malones", 694-2796._________________TWO OR three bedroom townhouse near ASU, $400fmonth. New carpet, community pod. Call Betty, 838-4600 or 8388339 evenings. GOING HOME FOR THE SU M M E R Need storage space for your belongings? SENTINEL MINI STORAGE 25% Discounts for students and faculty 967-0022 A mile North of University Drive on Rural Road - 4/2 WALK TO SCHOOL! IMUtHuJ huta 1 bedroom, 1 atti; 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartverrta. Big heated pool, laun- ry. TERRACE ROAD APART■ENTS, B60 S. Tanaoe Road. 9 6 6 -8 5 4 0 i 12 Temp* Villas "O f Interwst Financing AvaflaM» 1111 E. University-Tempe (next to ASU) 967-7477 (24 hours) Models Open 10:30-5:30 S ervices DO YOU Ilka to party? Introducing Sweet Sensations home lingerie and adult novelty patties. Book a party todayl 8398550,897-7258 or 838-4579 ENHANCE YOUR beauty. Have un­ wanted facial or body hair removed per­ manently by electrolysis. Student dis­ counts: Call for your personal, com­ plimentary consultation today. 838 1885. Desert Electrolysis Center. 1 H elp Wanted AVAILABLE NOW. Phone sales, even­ ings, close to ASU, walking distance, great for summer lob. 968-4853._______ ADVERTISING HELP, $758215 week, part-time, flexible hours, 988-9476,12-3 only, ask for Sherry. _________■ sis For Sale MICE TOWER W ins $3.49, Beam's Te­ quila $3.99, Bock Bear $1.99, Zonln Lambruaco $1.99. Haagen Dazs, Ice, groceries, party su p p lies, adult magazines, cold bears, wines, pop. Rundle'a, University and M ill.________ EARN $88 PER hour as a delivery per­ son with Domino’s Pizza Wa are #1 in delivery nationwide, with over 600 ■tores. Drivers asm excellent hourly wage plus ftps and milaage. Full or parttime, flexible evening hours. A fun and rewarding Job. Many delivery people ad­ vance to our management training pro­ gram. Muat be 18 or older with a good driving record, car and insurance. We want dependable clean cut people w ill­ ing to hustle. Apply after 4:00 p.m. at 903 S. Rural Road.__________._______ FASHION MODELS needed foramature photographer workshop. No experience necesaary/will train. $10fhour, fees paid. Contact AcroSpektar Photo, PO Box 3151, Scottsdale, AZ 85257. Recent snapshot and description helpful._____ MARKETING UNLIMITED Is now seek­ ing direct sales personnel. Aggressive, self-motivated, responsible people only need apply. Interviewing 5 p.m.-9 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, Friday. 10:00 a.m.1:00 p.m. Saturday. Mr. Blackett, 3743 North 24th Street, Phoenix. ________ WAITRESS POSITION available. Apply in person at Dooley’s, 1216 East Apache, Thursday, April t, at 3:30. Instruction_____ TUTORING: SPANISH/Frwnch. Over­ whelmed by so much to learn? Verbs sim plified and memory aids taught. 9682913 ._ _______ .________ : ~ M o to rcycles 1979 HONDA EXPRESS, blue, rarely us­ ed, only 2,000m ilesl 100 mpg, $225.9629488 evenings, weekends.___________ 7 8 YAMAHA 650 special,-only 5,000 m iles, rune great. $1200 or best offer. C all. 9884046. ___________________ P ersonal____ ROOMMATE WANTED to share two bedroom apartment with graduate stu­ dent two m iles east of campus. $150 month Including utilities. C all Mike at 9684217 or 898-6514._________ . SEVERAL ROOMMATES needed tor beautifully furnished houses (soma with pools) In Temps. Call B ill (days), 8978800 or Jim (evenings), 897-7030. STEREO, BRAND NEW Never been used, in original indi­ viduai cartons, AM-FM stereo re­ ceiver. BSR record changer, cas­ sette, full fidelity speakers, full original guarantee. Cost $500, will sacrifice $165, Private home, call anytime. 954-9541. Bring a copy of this ad with you and save 10%. 5/4 DELIVERY DRIVER nights, must have own car. Apply In person, Papa Jay's pivra, 804 South Ash, a lte rs p.m. NEW TEN spaed I Paid $170, yours for $90. Call days or late evenings, 9438806._____________________ _ Rent a flexible, dual mini-suite, furnished or unfurnished. USED CARPETI 12 colors, good condi­ tion, clean. $1 — $2 per square yard. C all weekdays after 7 p.m., a ll day Sundays, 990-9352. ________ - ATTORNEY, GENERAL practice. Phone estim ates welcome. Richard Dyer, 123 North Slrrtne, Suite 222, Mesa. 8334801. _______________________ A u to m o b ile s w mnj ROOM IN two -bedroom apartment. Walking distance from campus. $125/month pips V4 utilities. Non-smoker onty. C all Paul, 894-0454. ___________ PENTAX SCREW mount 80-120 Soligor zoom and 35mm Lentar lenses. $110 for both. 966-0178.______________ _____ BE SEATTLE Collage "certified" as In­ structor or counselor. Any subject; any level; any area. Add to your credibility. 420 Jonas Bldg. Seattle 98101._______ CHANGING HANDS BOOKSTORE •W alk to ASU * • Recreation Room — fireplace, conversation pit, kitchen • Heated swimming pool & spa • Hardwood cabinets • Individual washers-dryers in units • Private patios • Dishwasher & disposal • Covered parking (assigned) • Individual utilities • Heavy landscaping • R-30 ceiling insulation • 6 " R-19wall insulation • Contemporary Spanish architecture • Drapes • Refrigerators (frost-free) • Wall-to-wall carpeting • Well-lighted site. FEMALE ROOMMATE large house right off campus. Rent $140 plus VI utilities. Call 8948114 after 5:00 p.m.__________ ATTORNEY AT law, Paul Schneider. Reasonable fees available. 1000 E. Apache, Suita 101, Tampa. 966-4326.' Browse through our 2 floors of: «New & Used Books •Art Prints & Posters •Calendars & Cards •Handbound Journals M -F10-9 SAT 10-6 SUN 12-5 Facilities include: NEW FREE-ARM sewing machine. Many stitchas, Christm as gift, never us­ ed. Cost $500, w ill take $200. 094-5108, cash only.________ ___________ BEOROOM/UVINGROOM furniture for sale. Sofa-bad, racllner, table, bedroom set. Make offer. 985-3161, 887-7512, Dave._________________________ :_ BUY «SELL «TRADE your books at Changing Hands. For quality cloth and paperbacks (no textbooks, please) we pay 30% of our re-sale price In cash or 50% In trade-in credit which may be used 1o purchase anything in the store. (Sorry no trade-ins on Sat. or Sun.) Quality lifestyle is still alive and well close to ASU: P oommate F urniture Books FOR JU ST $195 MONTHLY, DOUBLE OCCUPANCY. F or Sole_______ ' IMPROVE YOUR grades! Research catalog, 306 pages, 10,278 topics. Rush $1, Box 25097C Los Angeles, 00025. (213)477-8226.______________ __ PROFESSIONAL REASONABLY (triced resumes designed for college students and new graduates. Barbara; 835-6244, Maggie; 635-0529. _____________ L SENTINEL MINI STORAGE 2S% OFF students end faculty 4x4 - $6/324 for 4 months 4x8 - $9.50/338 for 4 months Lowest prices, best facility compare 967-0022 A mile North of University Drive on Rural Road 14/1 T r a v e l_______ _ ACT NOW for your travel arrangements. Guaranteed lowest air fares. C all Jeanette at Action Travel, 807-9282. DRIVE CARS free to most points of the United States, over 21. Scheall Driveway, 991-5533.________ . LOWEST AIRFARES and tour packages available. Phone 967-0575. Go Travelmore for leas. 967-0575.________ T yping________ ACADEM IC TYPING. N ear ASU . Research papers, theses, dissertations. English degree. Editing. Sevan years experience. 987-4443. ________ _ AN EXTRA Hand professional typing services. B.A., E n g lish . Andra Lawrence, 967-6410 (noon to 9 p.m.), Tempe._______________ - ABW SECRETARIAL Services Typing papers, resumes, etc. Accuratefprofesslon al. E d ltln g /correctlon s available. Reasonable rates. 831-2286. ACCOUNTING AND Secretarial Ser­ vices, quality typing, fast and accurate, 20 years experience, near Scottadale/M cKelllps Roads. Dana, 941-5111. PROFESSIONAL TYPING Service — Business, academic; reasonable rates; rush job? I have time. Barbara O'Connor, 9081441. ___________ TYPING. TERM papera/theaes profes­ sionally done. N. Cant Phx loc; ptok-upfdalivery. Why Worry Secretarial Service, 9438552.043-3149._________ ;_______ TYPING THESES, dissertations, term papers, etc. Seven years experience, ac­ curate, spelling corrected, reasonable rate». 9480207. ______________ PROFITABLE, EXCITING summerfspare time lobs. Bast Raagonomlcsl Don't wait I Write: Uncraft, W279N2907, Pewaukee, W isconsin 53072. _______ TYPING, EOITING, MS, resumes, theses, letter». Twenty year* ex­ perience. Scottsdale-Tsmpe. 948-7430, Barbara Andersen.______________ _ WOMEN VOLUNTEERS needed for clin ical study of promising new drug for relief of moderate to severs menstrual cramps. Free gynecological care for 6 months of study. Candidates muat be 14 years or older, have regular menstrual cycles, and not using IUD or oral contraceptives. If interested, call 249-1432, ________________ _ TYPING FOR a ll college needs. In­ cluding foreign language paper*. Near campus. Electronic O livetti. Sue, 908 5808.___________ '' ________ YOUNG MAN (26) doing time In prison. Requests letters from young ladies to make hie time easier. W rits Stave W allace, Box 839654, Florence, AZ 86232. __________ _____________ P eal Estate_____ FOR RENT new two bedroom two bath condo. Designed for roommates, two pools, and (acuzzi. Close to campus, washer and dryer, $450 month. 838 9004.___________________________ FOR SALE: beautiful twototory house. Great for an Investment, close to cam­ pus, perfect for summer living. C all 9679881 or 8650585, ask tor Tarry. $48,500 - TWO BEDROOM patio home, tow down, good terms. C all Sharon, Century 21 Vision Realty, 8384600 or 839-6648evenings. ______________ WORD PROCESSING typing service. Flaw less papers, fast turnaround. Nolo and Associates. 8981501. __________ YOUR PAPERS deserve the best! My IBM correcting typewriter and 30 years experience. Leah, 962-1059.__________ W anted____ ___ AGGRESSIVE SALES minded individual to sell exciting new product callad Space Pat, In the Tempe area. Call, 2741502attar 3 p.m.____________ ' CASH FOR odd, diamonds, walchea, old Jewelry and silver. 414. South MHI »103.0888067. ________ _ NEED CASH? Highest prices paid tor gold, silver and Jewelry. Celt Mark, 988 1886. _______________ NEEO MONEY? Paying top dollar tor gold Jewelry, diamonds, class rings, pocket watches, Indian Jewelry and silver coins. Free In home estimates. C all anytime. Joe 968-8637.______ - Page 16 Stale Mess Thursday, April 1,1982 p^|s|lN ® W ★ O nM 4 ' s^^JfiSsSss Ce*1' ■ .1 WE S ■ * " ’ « 7 5 0 ,0 0 0 4S E Ì S P ? * ’*24 -.7,c e P ^ ' P ' I a i i i P ^ iJi N . ^ N ^ f n l h e V i SmPare‘ i "S 2 il» » * îK Îf JuSl C° m ost spa can pa**: ^ fea -----' 1West 94 HOU' Spa N O NO g^s£ NO »gr^^'HO NO NO^ nwp h f i l i a m - * * * * * ^ M« 2 2 S l SP «00 ® S5- ® S 5 n9 ! g * * * * * * t ^ ^ n* * ?s °PfT.’ ** * ^ y V o H rfs 24 iWeH Mct>® T#fsfeST ttio n P ^ M ^ c t u t . » ^ « 83 gSiftS^ m r N O -■ c o d e n * * NO N O NO — "Vo«B A » noW t JS « NO Ope0 *^vW»h Scp^ _ U* NO N O AnyP^wn Club NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO N O N O in it«*" sr NO NO 24 O PE^c L Spa■ ssr> tubês ho ü # »Ull|uS iliNn Cos» ion*1 ini«»nati1 941-8296 S iV - i^ M A R ^ & k ^ arl l ^ i ^ 0 * *