r tu e s d a y V o i. 61 N o. 96 A fte r A p ril F o o ls , 1979 Arizona State University A p ril 3, 1979 V__________ m ess Tem pe, Arizona ------The Untold Story:------ J Student Rejects 'get rëal Bored' waiting coin toss D IS C O G O V ! The Student Reject Selection Committee announced Monday it has narrowed the field to two candidates in its search for an ASU liaison to the Bored of Rejects for the 1979-80 school year. Associated Stooges president and committee chairman Total Loss said ChiChi “Ironsides” Rosenblatt and Kemper Worthington Bigbucks III will vie for the honor of putting “I was a student reject” on his or her resume. Loss said the student representative has all the privileges of a “regular” reject with the exception of a vote, a paycheck and a key to the executive washroom, where pre-vote meetings are traditionally held. Rosenblatt, a FEChA activist and president of ASU’s Hillel Association, said she doesn’t think the fact that she has movement only in her upper lip and left ear will detract from her effectiveness as a student reject. “If I am not chosen it will be because those racist rejects hate handicapped Chkano Jews,” she said. Bigbucks, who said his granduncle Kemper Marley’s recom­ mendation to Reject Dwight Pittypat that he be chosen was “per­ fectly kosher,” and added he feels he would fit in well on the Bored. “I’m as obtuse as any of the rejects,” he emphasized. “I know as little or less about Arizona’s four universities — and especially about the Arizona State Wildcats — as anybody.” The final decision will be announced as soon aa the coin is tossed. Arizona Governor Bwuce Rabid doaa a diaco shuffle on Cady MaN, much to Ida daNght of ticket sellers pim ping an upcom ing gay righta debate. Rabid, who said he teemed to boogie and strut hia stuff at the H is-Co D isco In Phoenix, said the disco m usic fad makes him “feel funky.” [Stale M ess staph foto by Davs, Dave, Dave] Pointless editor exposed! Page 6 'No cause for alarm' 1200,000 deaths expected from reactor meltdown By IMzzy Gillespie The death toll from yesterday's Palo Verde Nuclear Generating Station disaster has reached almost 750,000, and radiation from the devastating accident is expected to reach the Tempe area late this evening. Arizona Pubic Service Information Officer Loyal Flakwell said Monday he believes there is “no cause for alarm,“ although massive doses of radiation have reduced the population of Phoenix to its lowest level since 1914. Governor Bwuce Rabid, who declared the entire state a disaster area after sending Hattie and the kids to Brazil, said all escape routes out of the city are clear because “the entire Salt River evaporated just minutes after the melt­ down.“ The rapidly balding Flakwell added “this is all SP A ZW O R D S IS H ER E! Thanks to a declining circulation and an Increased emphasis on fluff-type features, the Stale Mess presents its latest gimmick to attract readership — SpazWords. It's an exciting, fun-filled contest and provides you with an instant prize — everyone is a winner with SpazWords. SpazWords appears today on page 2 of the Stale Mess. just a big misunderstanding. overreacting again. People are “Why is it that the minute we make a little mistake everybody starts dying or moving away?” Flakwell queried. Quoting from the official APS press statement, Flakwell advised residents within the 1,000-mile evacuation area to “remain calm.” “But if residents will feel better by taking some precautionary measures, we advise they stop breathing and refrain from eating or drinking for two to three months, or until the radiation has a chance to spread evenly over this hemisphere,” Flakwell added. Editorial, page 4. Another APS executive, however, confessed he was not surprised at the catastrophe. Laughing maniacally, Palo Verde plant supervisor Corey Meltdown admitted the plant has been operational for some time, despite APS claims that it was still under construction. “We really kept the lid on that one,” Meltdown chortled. “We almost lost our cover after that Three Mile Island thing blew up, so to speak, but thank God our projections about the stupidity of Arizonans proved true. “Of course, we just couldn't have done it without the Arizona Repulsive and Phoenix Gazoo. It was just like having our very own continutd page 2 Our new home Economic problems have forced the Stale Mess to move to a smaller, off-campus facility. This reconverted outhouse is our new home. While the smell is sometimes intolerable, the end product is still the same. [Stale Mess foto by Kinney Shoes] Paoe 2 Stale Mess Tuesday, April 3, 1979 // In the snooze, chiefly SEE from the Assimilated Mess UPS AND DRYS O F J.C . WASHINGTON — The economy took a sharp upturn today, and the Carter adminis­ tration says inflation has come to a sudden halt. “This is a good sign," the president said, “so now everyone can buy my peanuts.” Brother Billy, meanwhile, continued drying out at a government hospital. KHOMEINI LOVES US TEHRAN, Iran — The new Iranian regime today relinquished control of Its oil fields to the United States. “We love America and we want to do what we can to help ease the gas crunch,” said the Ayatollah Khomeini. Q AS WAR NEW YORK — Relenting to pressure, the major oil companies today vowed to start a gas war, driving prices down to 1970 levels. “We are sick and tired of making huge profits,” said Fixx A. Flatt, a spokesman for Exxon. PO LES PURCH ASE A-PLANT WARSAW — The Polish government has made an agreement with the United States to purchase the Three Mile Island nuclear power plant, it was disclosed today. Officials estimated the purchase price at $4,59, plus tax. “I can’t believe we unloaded that thing,” said one government source, requesting anonymity. MUSIC EXPO 79 T Y |i _ ^ . _ . . ^ L lV r n _ A ll of the latest in m u sic equ ipm ent. “ The hottest m u sic ia n s In the valley, perform ing throughout the day. “ Factory representatives & en g in eers from all the ma|or com panies. A \7 1 T L a “ 20% to 50% on a ll ite m s at th is o n ce in a lifetim e show ing. a 1 n U For Information and Complimentary Passes contact: April 9th I FIMNK MILANO MUSIC CO. SCOTTSDALE 946-3431 PHO ENIX 273-1691 M ESA 834-6581 M o re a b o u t No breathing advised oontinuad from p .fp 1 press service,” he added. Avowed nuclear opponent Nada Nuke said the circumstances surrounding the disaster are still unclear. APS executives said a water pump breakdown exposed the reactor core, but exactly what precipitated the problem is yet unknown, Nuke said. “One plant janitor told me he had just reclaimed his bubble gum from the containment room when the sirens went off," Nuke said. “The question is — is this a coincidence or were they $ 2 .6 9 SPA G H ETTI (w/Meat Sauce) A SA LA D & A S L IC E O F G A R L IC T O A S T ONE D A Y O N LY, +HURS., A P R IL 5 ¿¡Gy j u s t wJ 3) Stale Mess staffers come and go, but who will be glad to see the departure of Wheat Berry? a) Ferd Mauler. b) Nedus Wulkus. c) Rank Lush. d) Party Pinko. e) The entire campus. Racket Stringing vs ^ e a t! INCLUDES: animal-tamer for Barnum and Bailey and is said to still have a whip in his filing cabinet? a) Slam Dunk b) Pep Boy #1. c) vyandy Fooler. d) Pepe LePew. N O B O D Y 'S F O O L i n n e r all you ca n SpazWords Directions: Answer the following three questions about famous Stale Mess staffers. To win, take the entry form and deposit it in the nearest City of Tempe dumpster. Yes, then everyone’s a winner. For your bonus prize, turn to page 20 and clip the special bumper sticker. 1) What Stale M ess sportswriter will never get a job in the Phoenix area? a) Dick Van Dyke. b) Wheat Berry. c) Debi Flacky. d) Ferd Mauler. 2) What production manager came to the Stale Mess after a successful career as an D W lying about the Elmer's Glue shortage like they lied about everything else?” The death toll may reach 1,200,000 before radiation levels are considered safe, according to ASU professor and nuclear accident expert Boris Boomavich. He advised residents to head for Red Cross stations where coffee, donuts and gas masks are being dispensed. “However, if your hair starts falling out, you might as well hang it up and leave the donuts for the next guy," he said. GOOD T y r fo o d TEMPE CENTER ________ Mill A University ENGINEERS Federal Government agencies are involved in som e of the most important technological work being done today....in energy fields, com m uni­ cation, transportation, consum er protection, de­ fense, exploring inner and outer space and the en­ vironment. Som e of the jobs are unique, with projects and facilities found nowhere else. Salaries are good, the work is interesting and there are excellent op­ portunities for advancement. O u r nationwide network can get your name re­ ferred to agencies in every part of the country. For information about best opportunities by speciality and location, send a co u po n of your resume to Engineer Recruitment, Room 6A11. United States of America Office of Personnel Management Washington, D .C. 20415 An Equal Opportunity Employer Custom Lettering Exercise Equipment City State Zip Degree level and Engineering specialty Tempe Center Univ. Col. Geographic Preference (a) 968-7725 Tel. no. Yr. Orad. Tuesday, April 3, 1979 Stale Mess Page 3 Clerk fires to stardom A sbestos dust beneficial Ky SHm Mulestink A former ASU file clerk has turned a personal disaster into a bright future. Bo Das sot, whose fire-eating feats have dazzled audiences coast-to-coast since his first appearance on the Johnny Carson Show in February, said Thursday, he owes his success to his recent exposure to high concentrations of asbestos dust. Dassot was exposed to the carcinogenic fibers while cleaning files in Moeur Building Feb. 1. Dassot visited a Scottsdale doctor one week later, complaining of a persistent sore throat. Tests concluded his respiratory tissue had been replaced by a whitish-green fiber coating. "They told me to make out a will,” Dassot said. “All I could think of was my kids. I only make $2.67 per hour.” Dassot, whose asbestos-coated lungs and throat enable him to ingest flame and hold it up to 15 minutes, said he already has saved enough money from personal appearances to put all 33 of his children through college. “Hell, I’ve talked to Rep. Bull Pooper, and I’d. have a couple a t bucks left over if they were non­ residents.” Dassot’s agent, Dr. E. T. Hooley of Scottsdale, said his client has from six weeks to six months' big money ahead of him. “We're going to make a killing,” Hooley said. "The only precaution we're taking now is to make sure someone else lights his cigarettes.” Dassot said he already has hired a real estate broker to locate land near Harrisburg, Pa. He also has applied for job-training at the Metropolitan Edison Company’s nuclear power plant at Three Mile Island. Hooley said even if the cure doesn't take, Dassot might still have a job in Sunday morning television. “Reverend Ike retires this year in December and ABC is looking for someone to replace him,” Hooley said. How can you beat a glow-in-the-dark fire-eater who can cure the Asian flu with a handshake? “Make ’em walk? Hell, they’ll be half-way home before the first amen.” Cultist forces students to drink in mass orgy aphrodisiac-laced cherry Kool-aid before starting the love-in. “It’s no use,” Smut was reported as saying. “We’ve tried to lead the clean life here, but we might as well give in to the will of God and Aphrodite.” Seven of the cult members managed to escape Smut's armed guerrillas and escaped into nearby bushes. One of them, a 22-year-old coed, described the scene as “a classic example of kinky gratification. “I t was horrible,” Sally More than 900 ASU students committed mass fornication in a secluded colony near Gammage Auditorium Monday morning. Limited news reports from the isolated village indicate that the students, lead by cultist Jed Smut, were forced to copulate in one of the most dramatic and frightening mass orgy in history. Smut, a reformed for­ nicator who returned to his old ways just last month, rep o rte d ly forced th e students ' to. drink from a larg e tu b filled with Saga foods future service sees sag Saga foods has announced it will be discontinuing service April 3 because of a major cut in its budget at last week’s meeting of the Arizona Bored of Rejects. The food budget, cut in half to just $36.65 for the fiscal 1979-80 school year, is “only a few dollars short of what we need to operate on,” head code I. M. Greazy said Monday. “With our past budget of almost $790, we were able to fool those silly students and still have a few bucks to splurge on ourselves,” Greazy said. “We could still mass produce the particle board sand­ wiches on the new budget, but we’d have to cut out all the seasonings used and we just won’t do that,” Greazy said. tk u *5 .0 0 u kojUcuJb! C /tir r K p tA 4 s ¿ M u ta to n e * p U a À À c L 'tò r u / m u t b u d g tt: ¿ 4 4 /tA U r } * -’ p f ¿ tú ¡ K jiU A C u tto tiÿ 0 * 5 .0 0 j r u A h a w t f H û , * /. 0 0 j Ou OCour d/ty, * 2 .0 0 . C o Jd i I M r S W i tcd xu ÿ frru cu u O jbfifiiM Zhw Ct;. CRIMPERS LTD / / / S a u t. ¿ ¿ u lv e * .iâ y Sweetmammary said. “When I left there were bodies everywhere sprawled around the tub of Kool-aid.” “It smelled like cupid's gym,” she added. L a w re n c e C u m in g , director of ASU's counseling service, blames “academic fru stra tio n ” for S m ut’s dramatic takeover of the normally chaste students. “Students just get too pent-up after four years of college,” Cuming said. “When Smut came along, they were ripe for the picking.” * * * * * * * * * * * * * * M * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * specialized approach to M C A T preparation. Ü The Offered locally Enroll now for Spring sessions. N A T IO N A L M CAT R E V IEW COURSE P.O. Box 362 * Chatsworth, CA 91311 « [213] 9805993 «K SCHOLARSHIPS TO MEDICAL/OSTEOPATHIC SCHOOL available to students entering or already enrolled. U.S. citizens between 19 and 33 years old. Full tuition, authorized fees, books and $400.00 cash per month. FOR FURTHER INFORMATION ON NAVY HEALTH PROFESSION SCHOLARSHIPS contact TOM HULL (602) 261-3158/3600 (collect) TEMPE OFFICE SUPPLY C o m p le t e Lin e o f O ffic e S u p p lie s S c h o o l S u p p lie s * D ra ftin g E q u ip m e n t S ta tio n e ry • G r e e t in g C a rd s 10% DISCOUNT On Any Purchase With This Ad 968-8621 • 616 M ill A v e ., Tem po • 968-8622 Vanilla Cone 19* * * * * * * * * * Frozen Yogurt 39* A Red Eye Opener * * * * * M * * * * * * * Red Eye Special A p ril 6 8 pm - 2 am Page 4 Stale Mess Tuesday, April 3, 1979 ¡ j 1 |tf g l 1 ■;1fi! g . .J O p in io n You're not really going to print that, are you? stale mess — Pepe LePew Manager of Student Fornications R e la x ! R a d ia t io n c a n b e f u n All right, enough is enough. Everyone’s bitching so loud about that little mishap at Palo Verde yesterday that they’ve lost track of how wonderful it is to have a nuclear plant here (even though it might not be operational again for a couple years or so, or at least until the debris is cleared away). Environmentalist demagogues have managed to dupe the public into believing nuclear radiation in massive doses can be harmful. This simply is not so. In fact, a test conducted recently by Arizona Pubic Service proves that basking in the “rays of magic," as the ancient Incas used to call them, actually can prolong orgasms, prevent tooth decay and even enhance aureola enlargement in women’s breasts. But even in light of this indisputable evidence, many people are still insisting Monday’s explosion may bring hassles. This paranoia has been brought about by a steady barrage of lies and misinformation promulgated by a handful of radical anti-nuclear reactionaries who would like to see all of us give up blenders. Face it, folks. We need electricity, lots of it. Otherwise our TVs, vacuuip cleaners and blow-driers won't work as well. And nuclear energy, despite some of its so-called “drawbacks,” is by far the most convenient way to get this power. Would you really rather have an ugly coal mine here instead? Or would you care to have your electric toothbrush malfunction whenever it’s cloudy outside? Of course not. ch e a p barfly Like the Nuclear Regulatory Commission says, everything has a price. The same holds true for nuclear power. If we want its benefits, every now and then we may have to put up with messy incidents like yesterday's. But is that so awful? OK. So Palo Verde’s meltdown may lead to having a few less people around. But what's wrong with that? Instead of being so damn pessimistic, we should try to look for the silver lining in th at radiation cloud. No doubt traffic congestion over the one remaining Salt River crossing will be eased considerably, which should make commuters’ journeys to work a little merrier. • And with many of those pain-in-the-ass relatives out Letters to the Emperor If you don't pay, 111 make you sick Editor: You turkeys had better cough up some bucks, or Til put more aflatoxin in your milk. Then you’ll all die and go to hell. Pat, God and I agree that you young punks don’t ap­ preciate your education. If you all would quit screwing so much, maybe then you’d have time to work for a living, like us. Rep. BuD Pooper R-Leisure World Drop that subject Editor: If I see one more story about pigeon shit. I’m going to cut off Stauffer Hall's electricity. Let’s see how well you bozos rake muck in the dark. Hurt» Gay Director Physical Breakdowns Holy Smoke! Editor: Got to admit, I’ve copped some pretty good shit lately, but watch out for those blond buds. It’s an ass-kicking high, but coming down can be a real drag. Just thought I’d pass the word. Jed Smut of the way. Christmas shopping will be much less hectic this year, no doubt. In fact, lines everywhere theaters, fast food restaurants, sports events — will be significantly shorter. Remember, residents have been bitching for a long time that this Valley is growing too fast. Can you think of a quicker, more efficient way to stifle this out-ofcontrol sprawl than a little atomic blast? But you know, whenever things like this come up in our daily lives, instead of counting our blessings, we tend to panic. Just stop and think for a minute — if radioactivity is so dangerous, why is it named after a radio, which everybody loves? APS officials have bent over backward to bring the joys of a nuclear plant to Arizona, even though neigh­ boring states get most of its juice. But are Arizonans grateful? Hell no. They jump all over APS’ back because of one little mistake. Come on, nobody’s perfect! Wearing gas masks for a few months won’t hurt any of us. In fact, you probably know at least a couple people who would look more attractive in one. APS obviously has the public’s best interests at heart. Otherwise, why would our utility rates be so dirt cheap? ■. When Arizona Pubic Service officials tell us this cloud will blow over, we should have more faith in them. After all, they’ve never lied to us before, and there’s absolutely no reason to think they would now. FED N .S o F o r t H j§ F A R T Q F F j AMEKKAi j C A R P S , L E m x Z j i FH oN fi. You 'r e CALLS APOUT CARTOONS.,. A CARTOON FROM M e . I t 5Xt m u tb sel Ho ONE £VEN CAEÊ5 not today. J u t c a r e Cnrtrirtó f 1 st / — AfcOUT AjV CftETOQHS. Geeks ain't freaks! Editor: Your paper is disgusting. The Geeks at ASU deserve better treatment than the lies and slop the Stale Mess has been giving them. How come you didn’t cover our “Joe Sharino Marathon Tricycle Race,” or last month’s farting contest (which, by the way, raised more than $39.75 for guys who can’t afford their own kegs)? instead, all you print is things that make us look stupid and immature. You can forget about invitations to next week’s Inside-out Underwear Party. And from now on, find your own girls — our sisters have been warned that you guys all have the clap. Skip Skule President Tappa Kegga Bud Letter Policy The Stale Mess abhors the stupid letters you write, but we print some anyway because we have to. If you want us to even read the damn things, type them on yellow newsprint, quadruple spaced, with margins set on four characters. Don’t ask us to with­ hold your name, because if you do we’ll run it all caps. All letters are subject to total rewriting, at the whim of the editor. If you can’t think of anything nice to say about us, don't bother to write because we won’t print it. . . . I SLA V E M A il I l i Y . e m o K g . I 'i v v Ban students from office Editor: Last month, I looked at one of the ASSASU officers. While at the time nothing seemed unusual to me, later I realized the officer probably was a student. While this may seem like a petty gripe to some, why should students be allowed to run our student government? The real power base at this institution lies in the administration, and I think it would be much more appropriate if administrators held those key positions. Electing students to student govern­ ment can only bring trouble. J. William Johnson Director League of Asinine Letter-writers Tuesday, April 3, 1979 Stale Me»» Page S M ore Letters tothe Emperor Get off my back; I'm a great guy Editor: My parents and I are getting pretty sick of the flak I’ve been getting about being a spoiled, boring, rich kid. Do you really think it’s fun driving around in a new Cougar every year, especially when everyone else has a 280Z? Hell, I’m president, and I haven’t even copped a good feel all year. Barnes told me he used to get some mud for his turtle every month. Just for the record, I’ve dictated a new bylaw setting a minimum limit of $5,000 for student government campaign ex­ penses. That should keep out some of the riff-raff. Anybody wanna see my office? Total Loss President Associated Stooges Don't get so uptight, prof Editor: It really bums us out the way the faculty over there is so damn paranoid. L isten , our “Conditions of Employment” aren’t anything to get excited about. Hey, it’s just that profs really shouldn’t have too much control over their lives because if they knew how to conduct themselves like slaves they wouldn’t be profs in the first place or any other place. Why can’t we just all calm down, man, and learn to get along as mothers? Can you dig it? Malph Bilbo President-at-large Bored of Rejects Send her over anytime! Editor: That Greazy kid is one hell of a reporter. It sure was fun the way she persuaded me to tell her about my department’s cover-up of stadium funding discrepencies. Tell her to come by my place again next Tuesday after the old lady’s gone, and I’ll fill her in on our latest plan to bribe recruits with Gentleman’s Touch gift certificates. Keep up the good work. As far as you lovely reporters are concerned, my drawers are always open. f . Mauler Athletic Supporter No. 1 Soap Box Slander This column is brought to you by the Campus Uproar Committee anil the Stale Mess, not as a service but because we have to or we'll lose our jobs. We wish you’d, quit complaining anil leave us alone, but if you didn't have anything to gripe about we'd be out of work and unable to afford our beer, cigarettes and fast cars. However, we enjoy answering your complaints because it gives us sadistic pleasure knowing how miserable your lives are. Q: We pay a fortune in tuition and housing fees, so why can’t we have a disco in Manzanita? It can be pretty boring up there with such strict visiting hours. Besides, where else can you meet guys other than those lurking in the parking lot late at night? A: CUC is in the process of bribing the Bored of Rejects into permitting liquor on campus. If Rep. Bull Pooper doesn’t interfere and propose a bill increasing the drinking age to 3b, there is a good chance a disco will be installed by fall semester. tt: I drive a Mercedes-Benz 450 SEL to school every day and I’m fed up with the inconvenience of having to park in the riverbed next to someone’s rusty Pinto, then having to hike back through the sagebrush only to find the doors covered with dents. Can you reserve me three parking spaces directly in front of the College of Business Administration? Fur­ thermore, have any of you in ASSASU considered forming a car-babysitting service? This would be an exceOent way not only to protect our cars but help raise funds for a multi-level parking lot with walls between the spaces. A: Since we love to help underprivileged students, CUC asked the Bored of Rejects to build a special parking lot for cars costing more than $20,000, complete with valet parking, a carwash and complimentary dust covers. Until it is completed, we recommend you drive your Porsche instead, since it takes up less space. Q: I would like to know where 1 can reach the Rev. Jed Smut, as I’d like to teach him a few things about the benefits of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll. Where can I find him? A: The Rev. Smut can be reached at his office — Hank E. Panky’s Holy Adult Books and Novelties, 18th Street and Van Buren. However, CUC doesn't think you can teach him anything he doesn’t already know . . . too bad! II: We want nude sun-bathing allowed on Gam mage Lawn! A: Go for it — we’re waiting with binoculars. However, if you end up in jail for indecent exposure, don’t tell them CUC encouraged you — we'd like to keep our jobs. I): Could you please do something about the immaturity of people who complain? They get on my nerves. A: From now on, anyone who complains will be locked in a room covered with John Travolta posters and forced to listen to Donny and Marie sing “Puppy Love.” mmm ist p i p n n p W KSsKm m m m ttm m m i W m m m m wW BP si 1 1 1 mmr 968-2446 T O M O R R O W NIGHT & FVERY W EDN ESDAY 10* Beer Night A lso 75* W ell Drinks BOB MEIGHAN IS BACK Cover O nly *1.50 Crazy Hour Drink Prices Thursday & Friday in our Tavern WINDFALL Dooley's best rock-dance • band is back in our nightclub. Page 6 Stale M e w Tuesday, April 3,1979 .......C4MPUS CLE4NERS ft C O IN -O P LA U N D R O M A T [ 1 J .SU ED E AND LEATHER CLEANING .ALTERATIONS »HAND IRONING ______ «FLUFF DRY »WASH »DRY »FOLD_____ ; o n e D a y S e r v ic e o n D ry C le a n in g ! • a n d F in is h e d S h ir t s 1 > ' OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK I U L L L U LtliLLLU iiA'Llili 9 6 7 -9 6 5 0 * TEMPE <» Corner of University & Rural Rd. PRESENTING CHUCK WAGON and the WHEELS It’s 5:30 You have just gotten home from work, and there In your living room lies the man of your dreams — Pointless Editor Marc Scrap. Marc is wearing the February issue because all his assets were seized to cover printing costs. For your life-size poster call 965-3161. [Stale Mess staph foto bye E. Rogenous Jones] A pril 3 - A pril 7 PLUS OUR REGULAR WEEKDAY SPECIALS Mon. 10c Beer, 7:30-10:30 p.m. Tues. Triple “T ” Nite (Two-Fer) 7:30-10 p.m. Admission & Drinks Wed. Loose Ladies’ Nite Free Admission and Drinks till 10:30 Thurs. 25c Mixed Drinks and Beer 7:30-10:30 p.m. Editor exposes his all for w hatever it's worth By Tickled Recent A full-color nude centerfold of Pointless Magazine editor Marc Scrap hopefully will be the saving grace for the magazine’s filtering cir­ culation, the ASSASU vice president of campus affairs said Monday. Still Great said the two-page foldout of Scrap in the April 6 edition is expected to make the magazine “the best-selling cheap thrill on campus. “This centerfold should really make Pointless take off around here," Great said. “We had an executive meeting last week and decided this was just what the magazine needed — a little more exposure.” ASSASU is reportedly scrambling to dig up the $40,000 fee Scrap is demanding for his twohour stint in the raw. The unprecedented centerfold could have further impact beyond salvaging Pointless from the “circulation wastebasket,” Great said. “If Scrap-in-the-raw goes over well, the ‘Pointless Pictorial’ may become a regular feature,” he said. “And we’re anticipating using all the staff members, with Managing Editor Dianne Howlsalot naked in a tub of cool cherry jello for the May edition.” Scrap said he expected his birthday-suit shot to launch his long-awaited career as ASSASU’s playbunny. “If my layout catches on like we think it will, it will be a whole new money maker for myself and ASSASU,” he said. • SPECIAL • 50c Sh ot, o i Tequila E m y Mon. thru Apr# & Nite Haw k Diner # * A pril 9 - A p ril 14 allat Bluegrass Country COUNTRY SWING DAN CE LESSO N S Learn to Swing in 2 Weeks ________ 946-4859________ 2003 N. Scottsdale Rd. • Between McDowell A Oak Fickle finger tickles stadium By Gori Greazy The ASU Moon Angels president of the “Moonies”, have changed their minds said the club is threatening about changing their minds to tear down the north end and now say they will not of the stadium expansion if fond the Fun D evil ASU doesn’t furnish a stadium expansion unless stocked bar on the sidelines“It’s the least thing those they are allowed to watch could d o ,” the football games from the slum m ies Rosethorn said. “I don’t 50-yard line in their care if those student’s Winnebagos. H a ir y R o s e t h o r n , vision is blocked. For all the money we have embezzled for th is school, th e University should at least guarantee a few martinis.” Athletic Director Ferd Mauler said he will be forced into meeting the “ M o o n ie s’ ” d em a n d s because he doesn’t want to risk defacement of the Mauler monument. Now Appearing cKflif BILL HALL0CK and CACTUS COUNTY companq M ILL & SO U TH ER N D A N E L L E P L A Z A OPEN A FTER HOURS FRIDAY A SATURDAY till 3 A.M . FOOD A SWING Hamburgers * Shrimp Chicken • Mushrooms Onion Rings • Fries HAPPY DAYS & MITES: 3 PM -9 PM LADIES NITE - T hursday All Drinks For Ladies. . . 69C Jack Daniels For The Men . . . 50C a shot HAIR STYLING SALON HAIRCUTS *500 601 Well Drinks & Bottled Beer 35£ Draft Michelob $1.00 All Call Drinks Evening Appointments Wed., Thurs. 31 BREAKFAST SERVED SLOW SCREW NITE T uesday All Drinks Made with Sloe Gin or Juice. . . 60C H ead T-T NITE W ednesday T U R K E Y A N D T E Q U IL A DRIN KS 75* EAST NINTH STREET TEMPE CENTER 967-3722 formerly Rosamonds j < < Tuesday, April 3, 1979 Stale Mess Page 7 Free booze w ith tuition increase By Gori Greasy In a last desperate attempt to dear a $5,000 annual increase in out-of-state tuition, Rep. Porky Pest, R-Phoenix, tacked the hike onto a bill providing free beer, cigarettes and fast cars to all non-resident students. “I’m sick of getting flak from ASU students about a tuition increase, so I dedded to in­ troduce a bill they can accept,” Pest said. The bill would provide a year’s supply of Coors, approximately 582 gallons, and 1,999 packs of cigarettes. It also would provide a Datsun 280Z in every garage. Pest estimated each non-resident student pays at least $3,000 a year for beer, $2,075 a year for cigarettes and $12,000 a year for the latest-model sports car. “Maybe then their letters to legislators wouldn’t have misspellings. They would realize my first name is not spelled ‘Jerkoff.’ ” Rep. Pat Wrong, R-Legend City, said she plans to tack on an amendment to use state funds for pot and pizzas. Pest said in-state students wouldn’t feel deprived when only out-of-state students get the booze, cigarettes, joints, pizzas and sports cars. "Perhaps with this bill, students will spend more time learning how to spell, rather than working or stealing to earn their daily fix at the pizza parlor,” she said. “Arizona kids are straight-laced moral people and don’t go in for that stuff anyhow,” he said. “It’s the California crazies and New York neurotics who corrupt ASU’s morals.” Hanging out on the mall teaches tanning m ethods McDonnel-Douglas, sun distribution in mid­ air seems to have the best results. [Stale Mess foto bye Crisp Fawn] Kim, Karan, Barbara and Mary, the 14th floor flying wonders of Manzy, demonstrate their latest technique for receiving an even tan. According to transportation project ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ In an effort to return students to the classroom during th e “sunshine” months, they ASU Liberal Arts college will offer credit next semester to students “hanging out” on the mall. A sociology class entitled “Mall Sitting” will soon be part of ASU’s curriculum said Guido Weekend, the dean of the Liberal Arts college. “Students cut class to sit mi the mall, but would they cut mall to sit in class?” said Weekend. The class will concentrate on the dangers of nude sunbathing, how to balance your tan through a revolutionary rô tisserie method and tanning in sub­ zero temperatures. “Students will be graded on darkness, with points removed for peeling or sun poisoning,” Weekend said. The Liberal Arts college hopes to expand the mall sitting class into a major and eventually offer a graduate program, he added. C arla B la c k b o tto m , director of ASA, Arizonans Soliciting Attention, is tryin g to prevent ac­ creditation of the class because “mall sitting could become as popular as ASU football.” “Students’ rights will be affected when the Moon Angels - take the prime seating near the fountain, with the students being left in the area near the Social Science Building,” said Blackbottom. No foolin'! $ 5 .4 9 fo r a n y la rg e O rig in a l o r D e e p D ish p izza. Save now on our large Original or Deep Dish pizza. Select as many favorite toppings as you wish. Try our tempting salad bar, too. Enjoy your meal in a setting perfect for family, friends or cozy two’s. We re not foolin’ about this delicious offer. Don’t you be foolish enough to miss it. H aircutters Grab a friend for our 2 for 1 $ 1 • i ± 0f t 0 0 special offer includes shampoo, conditioning-treatment, cut, blow-dry & styling. C>Copyright 1979TheStrawHat Restaurant Corporation Coupon good for month of April. * g efd en Do it In the A ir! S k y D iving L e sso n s 968-8144 Broadway Plaza Tam pa... Mill and Broadway ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ Page 8 Stale Mess Tuesday, April 3, 1979 Lack o f shortages harry country Bv Very Low WASHINGTON — The president's advisers on economic m atters announced to a shocked public today that, due to unforseen circumstances, there would be absolutely no shortage of any kind during the month of April. "The president says the m atter is under in­ vestigation and urges the general public not to panic, a spokesman for the panel stated. Reaction to the startling announcement was mixed around the nation’s capital today. “I don't know how this kind of thing could have happened.” a senator from one of the midwestern states fumed. “It’s obviously the result of gross negligence on somebody's part, and I assure you the Senate will not rest until we find out just how such a thing could have occurred.” Officials from Exxon, General Foods, General Motors and U.S. Steel held a joint press conference to disavow any advance knowledge of the impending glut. "We pride ourselves on the coordination of our in­ dustries to allow at least one shortage somewhere a month — usually two or three.” the spokesman said. Peek a boo looses noggin while roaring obscenities By Goof KiDbreath An ASU political science professor was subdued and removed in a straitjacket from a classroom by hospital aides Monday morning when the teacher apparently suffered a nervous breakdown. Lecturing to more than 40 students in the Social Sciences Building, Dr. George Peekaboo, of the political science department, began to “rant and rave" and “shout obscenities,” according to students. The incident occurred during a lecture on the presidential power of veto, said one eyewitness. “He was talking about the pocket veto when a student in the back of the classroom asked a question. Then all of a sudden he started acting like a mad­ man,” the witness said. "At first I thought he was joking, but when he called the guy who asked the question ‘a stupid, barnacled asshole,' threw his book at him and then demanded the class stand at attention and salute. I knew something was wrong," the student said. A rthur Nouveau, senior art major, the student who asked Peekaboo the question that apparently triggered his manic hysteria, said he was bewildered as to why Peekaboo became so obsessed. “All I asked was a simple question, man. Like, you know, the concept was hazy in my mind, so I asked him a logical question. Hardly cerebral if you know what I mean?" Nouveau said. Nouveau, unclear of the pocket veto procedure, asked ★ ★ * * * * * ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ Peekaboo about the nature of the veto and what would hap­ pen, hypothetically, if the president had a hole in his pocket. “I was wondering, you know, what would happen if the president had a hole in his pocket,” Nouveau said. “Like if Jimmy — what’s his name — had a hole in his pocket and the bill fell out and landed on the floor, would the House of Sensations or the Representers get to vote on it again or would it lay there, like, um, you know, like in a state of anarchy?” Polly Concupiscent, freshman liberal arts major, said the professor then “scream ed ‘lookout, Jap zero at 11 o’clock,’ ” and dived under her desk. She said he then got up, leaned on her desk and asked if she would like to “keep a lonely sailor company" and that he would only be “in port a short time before returning to action.” Although all the stories in today’s April Fool's issue are figm ents of our collective imagination, all advertisements appearing herein are valid, and all offers made in them are genuine. Sky-DiMNcfaf Phoenix 20 YearaJurperience Hours d^appt. only $5 off with ASU I.D. Classroom East Phoenix 275-0010 Saturday, April 7, 1979 at McClintock High in Tempe, 1830 E. Del Rio 2 blocks North of Southern on McClintock Dinner & Entertainment Dinner - Cafeteria 6-8:00 p.m. Show - Auditorium 8:15 p.m. DINNER AND SHOW $7.00 SHOW ONLY $2.00 Tickets available at the Arab Students Organization table across from Hayden Library. For tickets and more Information call: Abdulrahman: 967-2248 Aziz: 968-4117 All: 966-2420 _______ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ Best Arch Supporting Roles for 1979!!! Best High and Low Heeled Orthopedic Performances for 1979!!! /VOW SHOWING: r I I Mon. - Sat. 11:00-7:00 414 S. Mill, Suite 206 966-CLOG "Finest assortment ot spring styles we've ever seen... “ Ctogsmopohtan Magazine AN P R O D U C TIO N OFFER EXPIRES 4/30/79 1 COUPON PER CUSTOMER RE-INTRODUCING. . . 10* BEER! 12-Oz. G la s s W ith This A d and Lunch, M on.-Fri. 11:30 a.m.-2 p.m . at the W orld’s Wurst Restaurant! s ruction ARABIAN NIGHT INCLUDING: Best Clog Selection in the Valley for 1979!!! I i The 12th Annual WINNER OF 3 ANATOMY AWARDS ★ * * * The Organization of Arab Students at A.S.U. presents Dr. Hairy Vibrisa, Peekaboo’s psychiatrist, speculated that Peekaboo had somehow relived a traumatic experience. “It is quite common in people Peekaboo's age," he said. "The mind just starts to wear out like a frayed lamp cord," Vibrisa added. “In Peekaboo’s case, I’d chance to guess this has been coming for a long time. He probably has been a certifiable looneytune for the past five years, but he suppressed it (craziness) and hid it well by acting out his daily routine (lectures) without suspicion from his friends (Democrats) or his wife (Republican),” the doctor said. Peekaboo's wife, Marion, when informed of the incident said, “I knew this would happen some day. I warned George when he first re g iste re d Democrat he was signing his ticket to the funny farm." No kidding; ^ these ads are for real “It’s just one of those things. Oil thought it was supposed to be paper's month. Paper thought steel was taking it this month. Just a lack of communication. “But rest assured we’ll take care of this just as soon as possible.” Economists did express some worry, however, on what this would do to the country. “We’re in unexplored territory here,” one economist said. “There’s a chance that, if something like this should reoccur, it might affect the balance of payments, the inflation rate, our entire system." I I I I I L, T H E W O R L D 'S W U R S T M E N U : FIRST Chile.......................................... WURST 90‘ 1*20 B ra tw u rs t................................. 1.10 F r a n k w u r s t ........ .................... K n o c k w u r s t ......................... w ith c h ile o r c h e e s e ........ 1 5 50 40‘ S o d a ....................... 40 Hot G e r m a n P o ta to S a la d . S a u e rk ra u t....... ....................... 1.49 B a rb e cu e B e e f ___ ..............1.49 P a stra m i ......... ................... 1.49 H am & C h e e s e M e lt ........... 1.49 P itch e r B e e r 1.60 Roast B e e f ........................... ___ __________ 4th & MILL AVE. Tem pe A b o v e T he S p a g h e t t i C o. | 65c DAILY SPECIALS ■— CALL A H EAD FOR TIB WORLD’S WORST f a s t p i c k -u p RRSTADR1IT ® 969-3664 The best of the w urstH H ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ H i 1 I I I I I I I I I I J Tuesday, April 3, 1979 Stale Mess Page 9 A SU plans to purchase Texas wall Sporting the latest In SW AT apparel, ASU Police Chief In. A . Daze shows off his new photon rifle with matching Atom Ant energizing headgear. Said Daze, “The rush 1get from this helmet is tremendous. 1 knew ants were sm all but I am really feeling m icro.” You too can get the com bination space-ant rush. Available at Bullocks; $19.95. [Stale M ess staph foto bye E. Rogenoua Jones] A SU P rovost Hack Cynick said he will meet with Tempe officials Saturday to discuss the U n iv ersity ’s plans to purchase the Galveston seawall as a flood control measure. Cynick said Monday the 25-foot high structure, composed of granite blocks and stretching more than seven miles, is the only m a n -m a d e s t r u c t u r e capable of withstanding ravaging Salt River floods. He said the city of Galveston is asking $15 million for the seawall. Galveston officials said Monday they had never heard of Hack Cynick, ASU and the seawall was not for sale. Lease, maybe. “It is written that only the pervasity of man to steer straigh t current against the constantly ebbing flow of life may insure his sa lvation ,” Cynick said. “We need that damn wall.” Student stiffens in response to delayed cashier service By Zanie Tart The petrified body of an ASU student was found Monday, months after he entered the cashier’s office to get change for a dollar, ASU police have revealed. I.M. Waiting, a 24-yearold philosophy major, apparently entered the cashier’s office six months ago in an attempt to obtain four quarters. He was reported missing and the case remained unsolved until Monday’s discovery. Police said a carbon­ dating process was em­ ployed to determine the age of the body. ASU janitor I. Dunno was charged with kid­ napping, but the charge was later reduced to petty I Ol A RALPH BAKSHI FILM [P G WIZARDS April 3 ,4 & 5 Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday 7:00 & 9:30 p.m. Lower Level - Memorial Union $1.00 with ASU I.D. - $1.50 without Coming DARK STAR lïïüH d theft after Waiting was declared dead. “I didn’t know what was wrong with the guy. After he started to collect dust, I moved him,” Dunno said. E A S T E R IS A P R IL 15 Make it a Festival at Your House with gifts and decorations from The G a lle ry S tore TINY, SILKEN STUFFED ANIMALS FROM CHINA. BASKETS OF ALL SIZES. RABBITS OF CERAMIC OR WOOD. METAL, COME-APART EGGS. SUITABLE CARDS. SEE THEM HERE! Matthews Center, Second Floor Open 12 to 4 p.m. Monday thru Friday Fool's Gold? Never at The Gold Chain 14 and 18K Italian C hains • B racelets • R ing s • Pendants • Earrings ★ Our very real - very gold special ★ 14K Sand Dollar Special L arg e Reg. $27.00., * 1 9 .0 0 S m a ll Reg. $16.00....... * 1 1 .0 0 S p e c ia l goo d thru A p ril 7th 4 4 Ö0 N . S c o t t s d a le R o a d (on S c o ttsd a le Rd. — 1 b lo c k so u th of C am e lba ck Rd.) M o n . - Sat. 1 0 -5 T ues, til 8 A Real 14K Bargain 945-6531 Layaway NOMINATING FORM FOR THE CHARLES WEXLER TEACHING AWARD Professor Charles Wexler, who served the Department of Mathematics for 47 years, passed away in 1977. Memorial gifts from his family and others have provided funds for an annual award to an outstanding teacher of undergraduate mathematics in the department. The conditions of the award emphasize that teaching assistants be given serious considerations along with those of faculty rank. Students and members of the faculty are encouraged to nominate candidates for the award on this form. A student may nominate any mathematics teacher he has had while at Arizona State University. An explanation of why the teacher was nominated will be of great value to the Wexler Award Committee. While nominations with several signers are desirable, a single form with a large number of names and no reasons for the nomination will be of limited utility. Nominations should be given to a member of the committee or turned in to the Mathematics Office. We need them as soon as possible but at the very latest by April 6, 1979. Awards and Prizes Com mittee Professor J . B . Kelty, Chairman Professor Alan Feldstein Professor Fred Sansone _______________________ for the I (we) nominate.--------------------------second annual Wexler Teaching Award. PLEASE CIRCLE Fr, Soph, Jr, Sr, Grad, Fac. Signature Major Signature Major Fr, Soph, Jr, Sr, Grad, Fac. Fr, Soph, Jr, Sr, Grad, Fac. Signature . Major Page 10 Stale Mess Tuesday, April 3, 1979 SRP washes away zit removing Az. from earth Rv Suzy Q . t're a m c h e e se Th e M em orial Union * is now accepting applications for a: G R A P H IC D ESIG N ER large thorn in SRP’s side. Student tubers have persisted in blowing up their innertubes in SRP s front yard, grabbing employees as they walk out, and stuffing them in trios into the tubes, Hitler said. “We just won’t have to tolerate this lack of appreciation and respect from those kids anymore," he said. “They dont know w hats good for themselves, anyway. Just look at how they protest the nuclear power plants. You’d think the damn things were poison, the way they talk." Another reason for the wash-out was the eagle droppings on the utility outpost in east Phoenix saturated the building and employees going to and from work. Hitler said. Blythe, Cal. — Phoenix, Ariz., was washed off the face of the earth late Monday night after the utility company controlling water release from local dams there “got fed up and sandblasted the blockades to smithereens. Screw the Residents Project (SRP) spokesman and public flack Ron Hitler said the utility made the decision to expand the flood problem into a national disaster after the “overwhelming" lack of cooperation on the part of big wheel state politicians, and local Valleyites. “We’ve been pushing for Orme Dam and other obtrusive, ugly harmful obstructions to be built so we can expand and monopolize the utilities efficiently, but people continually put a stopper in our plans,” Hitler said. Hitler added the Orme Dam controversy was a Birth control clinic boosts coed activity J Bv Tickled Recent By „„. . Thousands of ASU coeds have been “breeding like rabbits since the opening of ASU’s first birth control clinic, the director of the Student Health Center said Monday. Dr. Richard Low Moans said campus women apparently have “thrown their morals out the dorm windows. “Our greatest fears have come true,” Moans said. These women are hunkering down everywhere.” . „ Demands for contraceptives at the “Extra-Horny Girls Services program are more than 900 percent higher than previously ex­ pected, Moans said. „ ,, , “It’s definitely a labian revolution among the coeds, he added. The trend is causing problems for ASU police, who reported more than three dozen sexual assaults on male ASU students by women in the past week alone. Applicants need to have practical experience in the areas o f design and printing. If interested, please call 965-6649 and speak with Susy A dam s Eskil's Clo&s Vr ) __^ Our New Shipment Has Just Arrived. Visit Our Store While Selections Are Great. 12 E. 10th STREET at MILL (Opposite the Music Buking) TEMPE. ARIZONA 967-0221 A u th e n tic Sca n d in avian C lo g s O rth op e d ically Designed fo r Also Available: C o m fo rt. T he M o s t Popular * f g u r s e s Clogs* S h o e in Europe N o w A v a ila b le > p c t,:i'e T -< > h irt 4 * T o Y o u A t Eskil's. • t S K il S I a n ir t s /0 Famous Spot to host lecture detailing career front of the camera, detailing his sudden rise to stardom from humble beginnings at the Maricopa County Dog Pound. Mr. Spot’s lecture will begin at 7 p.m. and is open to the public. Admisson is free, but a donation of one can of Pooch Ration is suggested. ____ The ASU Marketing Club will sponsor a lecture by a local T.V. commercial star on “P reservin g D ignity While Getting Your Point A c r o s s ” W ed n esd a y night in the MU Pima Room. Cal Worthington’s dog Spot will speak on his professional career in M T ST EK r G o d fa th e r’s P iz za MORE SPRING SPECIALS C lip t h e c o u p o n b e lo w H ik in g B o o t $ o i q c #8830. With vibram s o le ... u l . u d M e n 's C o lo r e d T - S h i r t s . . .......... * 1 . 4 9 P a in t e r P a n t s Special Pastels. Q and bring it with you to our joint. Its value is a big mystery, but we guarantee it’s worth your while to bring it in. But hurry, the coupon expires April 10, 1979. , .* 9 .9 9 F r e n c h S t y l e A i r M a t t n e ^ . ..* 1 0 . 9 9 I ta lia n l y k i .J f K -B a r ” 2 5 .0 0 G .I . l"AirSTECy^ * 4 .7 5 I C O U P O N * Godfather’s Pizza .6 9 * Lake Tahoe » ^ . * 2 1 . 9 It’s gotta be g o o d . . . W e’ve never let you dow n before! 5 (Location address and phone here) K h a k i B u s h S i o r t s .......................* 8 . 9 5 ä S a fa ri F ra m e P a c k T w o -M a n ' | O N E C O U P O N P E R F A M IL Y • O F F E R G O O D T H R U A P R IL 10, 1979J S p e c ia l... * 2 6 . 8 8 B o a t sp e c ia l... ......... * 2 8 . 8 8 PEACE SURPLUS 520 S. M ill, T e m p e 894-9137 TEMPE CENTER • 894-1234 Tuesday, April 3, 1979 Stale Mess Page 11 Drunk legislators caught fleeing Erotica Motel By Slim Mulestink and Gori Greazy Phoenix police have arrested two Arizona legislators after they took part in a high-speed chase spanning more than 60 city blocks. Rep. Bull Pooper, R-Leisure World, and Rep. Pat Wrong, R-Legend City, were finally ap­ prehended by police just outside the State Capitol. Police said when the vehicle finally came to a halt, Pooper emerged declaring “diplomatic immunity.” He was charged with drunken and reckless driving and Wrong with obscenity and public drunkenness. Police said the chase began near the in­ tersection of 40th and Van Buren streets when police, responding to a complaint, attempted to stop the vehicle driven by Pooper. Nobat Uri Synklootd, owner of the Erotica Motel, 11111 E. Van Buren, Phoenix, called police at 10:30 p.m. Saturday. He said two customers came to his office complaining loudly when their TV set Mew out. STA TE PR ESS N e w s r o o m S t a f f O p e n in g s He said the two sped away after ransacking a glass display case containing erotic hardware. A Breathalyzer showed Pooper to have 25 times the legal alcohol level allowed under Arizona law. A test of Wrong proved to be “immeasurable,” police said. Booking procedures were delayed about an hour when the back seat of the police car used to transport the two lawmakers to division headquarters caught fire. Officers blamed the incident on a burning cigarette. Wrong had reportedly sat on it after an officer told her smoking was not allowed. Wrong said she “didn't feel a thing.” At a press conference today, Pooper confirmed that he and Wrong were leaving the Erotica Motel when the chase began. “P at and I had won the Win-A-Free-Night-AtThe-Erotica-Motel contest sponsored by the ASU Society of Professional Journalists,” he said. County island ferry to sail Tempe City Hall officials recently announced that ferryboat schedules to and from the county island are currently under revision. Starting May 1, regular sailings of the SS Harry Mitchell will be at 2 p.m. and 4 p.m. weekdays. Boarding of the city hydroplane fleet will begin at Scene West regularly on the hour, and canoe trips will remain on a first-come fi r c t -Q p rv p K a s i q HllllllilllllHIIIItflllHIIIlillllllllillllllllHItlM • Denim Jeans Newspaper experience is desirable but not mandatory. These are part-time, salaried positions open to any student in good standing. Applicants should be available Monday, April 30 for break-in week. G il CE SANCTUS Presented By Ballet West NEW ENGLAND CONSERVATORY Reg $12 si6 S u n d ay, A p ril 22 • 7 p .m . The New E ng lan d C o nservatory R agtim e E nse m b le is a na tionally-renow ned m u sic a l group w ith universal acclaim , a G ram m y Aw ard and a p lace ato p sa le s charts to its cred it. T his sin g le co ncert by the E n se m b le p ro m ise s to be one of the m ost e x citin g evening s o f m u sic a l entertainm ent at G am m age in many years. $ 1 3 .9 9 $ 1 0 QQ (Men's, ladies, straights, flares) • Ladies Halters & T's t RAGTIME ENSEMBLE Gunther Schuller Conductor $ 8 .9 9 Reg. $ 18-522 Reg. $18-522 Applicants must be full-time (at least seven hours) students at ASU; but major in any department is acceptable, as is class standing of freshman up. PRESIDENT WE HAVE IT FOR LESS! • Bib Overalls Applications close 4:00 p.m. Friday, April 13, 1979. Tickets: $6.50, $5.5aand $4.50 ASASU 70% on Famous Brand Clothing • Painters Pants Applicants must pick up job referral form from Student Employment in Matthews Center and application blank at A-111 Stauffer Hall. “ S a n c tu s" is a ballet ot in fin ite em otio na l and sp iritu a l depth, set on a c o m p o sitio n by David F an sh aw e w h ich co m b in e s auth en tic A fric a n m u sic w ith h is ow n settin g of th e tra ditio na l m ass. W hat “ G o d s p e ll” and “J e s u s C h ris t S u p erstar” d id fo r m u sica ls, “ S a n c tu s" w ill d o fo r b allet. The c ritic s agree that "S a n c tu s” is certain to b eco m e o ne o f B a lle t W e st’s m ajor works. DOUG MOORE Save 30 There will be openings at most levels — reporter, photographer, copy editing, assistant sports editor, assistant city editor, arts & entertainment writer, sports reporter, city editor, news editor, managing editor, sports editor, copy chief, photo editor. F rid a y, A p ril 6 * 8 p .m . Satu rd ay, A p ril 7 • 8 p .m . VOTE ____ | Huvtocum, president of Department of Everlasting Violent Orgasm s [DEVO], leads off with the department moan at a recent cam pus meeting. DEVO w ill meet next Friday at the Erotica M otel, 5201 E. Van Buren. Students are invited to com e. [Stale M ess staph foto bye E, Rogenous Jones] Applications for positions on the News Staff of the STATE PRESS for the Fall Semester 1979 are now being received at A-111, Stauffer Hall. I . Tickets: $7, $6 and $5 — University Discount Until 6:00 P.M ., Night of Performance $ 3 .9 9 Mens Surfer Style Shirts si6 S2o $ 9 .9 9 IT Z H A K P E R L M A N Violinist Saturday, A p ril 28 • 8 p .m . MISER S MART M - Sat. 10-6 Thurs. 10-8 Itzhak P erlm an, one of the w o rld ’s m o st sought-after m u sician s, has firm ly esta b lish e d h im se lf as the forem ost v io lin is t ot h is generation. Don’t m is s th is s in g le concert by one ot the m ost adroit and v ersatile v io lin is ts in the w orld today. 915 Mill Ave. Tickets: $7, $6, and $5 — University Discount Until 6 P.M ., Night of Performance T e m p e C e n te r •Reserved Student Series seats available at Gammage Box Office beginning April 2nd. 894-1045 •Full-time students may pick up a reserved sesl ticket by presenting photo ID and activity card plus $1. Maximum o l two tickets par poison upon presentation ot two activity cants plus two photo ID’S. For additional ticket information, please call the Gammage Box Oftice, 965-3434. Ff LOW ELL G EO R G E Thanks I'll Eat It Here S tu ff k in c lu d e s M ighty U>ye Includes W hat Do You Want The G irl To Do Honest M an Easy M oney p o iv ib o w s/'D a w c e U JrthM e 1. TIN HUEY U>ve Hav/iruj ^bu Around Contents D islodged D uring Shipm ent In clu d e s I’m A B e liev er H u m p Day T h e R e vela tio n s o f Dr. M o d e s to RIC KIELEEJONES Include« Chuck E.a InLove Easy Money/The La»t ChanceTexaco Dannyk All-StarJoint On Warner Bros. Records and Tapes RANDY CRAWFORD Raw Silk CON HUNIEY Inclu des S in c e I Fell For You L iv in 'O n T h e Funky S id e I'll B e Blue JERRY WILLIAMS Gone f STA IN LESS S T E A L Can*Can Includes Call lb Arms Brazil/Philosphizer/ïalkTo Me Includes I Stand Accused /Endlessly Love Is Like A Newborn Child Includes M ore Than M e e ts The Eye M e ssin g W ith You (Is Like M e ssin g W ith The Devil ) <''!*■ It All C o m e s D ow n To Love ■W _ ■'■ -V'----v ■ - ART ENSEMBLE OFCHICAGO Nice Guys UNER AMERICAN STANDARD RAND Includes Got What ItTakes Ybu Never Get Over Heartbreak Make It Last INCLUDES YOU AND ME KEEP REACHING OUT FOR LOVE Concert From Ik e S ta rs DUNCAN BROWNE The W ild Places Includes Sun A f ter H ie Rain Goodbye Manhaftan/Velvet Hands Includes Roman Vécu Camino Real The Crash SILVETTI O S IR E ONLY *4.66 ONLY Available at the only R E A \ T u e s d a y , A p r il 3 , 1979 S t a le M e s s P a g e 13 m tMm em “IN T H E P U R E S T F O R M ” DESOLATION ANGELS ENGLAND DAN & JOHN FORD COLEY “DR. HECKLE AND MR. JIVE MS 5 foMe INCLUDES C A N T YOU SEE I’M FIRED UP V FIRECRACKER INCLUDES S~\ LOVE IS THE ANSWER LJ HOLLYWOOD HECKLE A JIVE e ccmuJON R EC O R D S BROADWAY D ALTO N & D U BA R R I TH E G U ESS W HO “all this for a song” “Magic Man” JJ JV HILLTAK RECORDS HILLTAK RECORDS INCLUDES _ CAUGHT IN THE ACT THERE IS LOVE IN EVERYBODY Y / * 4.66 INCLUDES THIS FUNK IS MADE FOR DANCING INCLUDES ff TAXM AN * * ENERGETICS COME D OW N TO EARTH R E A L Record Store in town ■ INCLUDES AIN'T NOTHING WRONG IN GOING TO A DISCO LIVING BY THE STRENGTH OF YOUR LOVE INCLUDES |2 H WALK ON BY PLEASE DON’T FALL IN LOVE ONLY * 4.66 O U TH MILL A V E N U E Page 14 Stale Mess Tuesday, April 3, 1979 Raffle winner to be alloted LSAT & MCAT night in motel C all Days Ev*nin(< a Waakaadt The ASU Lesbian Society is sponsoring a raffle for its “Set Us Straight Days," Friday through April 9. [|j Society Chairman Dixie Van Dyke said the booth, which will open on the mall Wednesday, will be selling $1 chances to all male students. Uacattanal Cantar . Classes Form ing 967-2967 NOW1I For Inform! lion About Other Centers In More Than 80 Major US Cities A Abroad Outside NY stato CAU TO U F ill: 800-223 1782 ___________ “The winner gets to spend 24 hours with me at the Holiday Inn,” she said. “The event is being sponsored to dispute charges that “all we need is a few good men,” she added. However, an unidentified society spokesman said, “We’re taking side bets on whether Dixie will remain in the club, after the winner gets his prize. When Dixie ran for chairman with the slogan Til be straight with you,' this wasn't what we had in mind.” ATTENTION N o Preference Students in the Liberal Arts C o lle g e Running code-3 to a recent Chemistry Dept, explosion ASU fire wrangler Violet Flame calls for additional units as she nears the inferno scene. [Stale Mess foto bye Dave, Dave, Dave] Mind loss class scheduled A new leisure experience training course, Mind Loss, will be held beginning the, uh . . . uh . . ., 30th of this month featuring several law and chemistry instructors. The seminar, sponsored by Those ASU Burnouts Association, boast spectacular ninnies in the profession of losing your mind, namely Space Cassidy and Ima Wacko. Although the speakers have not yet selected a location for the crazy class, Wacko said, “We were just two children skipping down the lane when we came upon BUlygoat Gruff.” Ninnies sponsoring the class said all disinterested fools should bring their cigarettes and proceed to the nearest green light. Embezzlement expert holds ASU seminar Athletic Director Ferd Mauler will conduct a seminar entitled “How to Embezzle Money from University Accounts Without Anyone Knowing About It” at 7 p.m. Wednesday in the MU Mojave Room. Mauler is expected to outline the practices that have made him rich since coming to ASU. A v o id th e la s t m in u t e r u s h . Make an appointment today in Social Sciences 111. Com e in or Call 965-2954 a p p ly n o w f o r 7 9 -8 0 muab chairpersons entertainment i*HiiHHiifiiiiifiiiiiiiHNiMiiiMiiiHiiiiiiiiiiiiiiniinMiiminHiiiiitiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiuiiiinuiumiiiiig For The Sound Of Your Life Early Bird Advisement for Fall Registration from March 27 to April 9. I a varied program o f entertainm ent su ch a s the great pum pkin fest, red eye sp e cia l, p op -u ps, and video tapes ideas & issues plan a diverse program centered around to p ic s of current interest to the university co m m u nity film select and present entertaining film program s gallery programs 40 W a tt P o w e r B o o s te r provide program s in the visual arts, dance, theatre, and m u sic $24.95 [ A p ril P o o rs D ay S p ecia l | LARGEST SELECTION O F CAR STEREO SPEAKERS IN THE VALLEY 1 EXCLUSIVELY host & hostesses serving the m .u. and ca m p u s co m m u nity through a wide range of programs su ch a s the arts and crafts fair, a ssistin g at the m .u. inform ation desk and at grady gam m age recreation program and highlight various recreational and leisure tim e activities for the ca m p u s com m u nity activities board coord in ation and evaluation of the program s presented by the m .u.a.b. co m m ittees EXPERT INSTALLATION SALES & SERVICE œ 1018 N. Scottsdale Rd., Tempe in Hayden Plaza East I 968-8616 applications available at the m.u. activities center 965-6649 Memorial UnionActivities Board deadline: thursday, april 5, 12 noon § Ü llllllllllllllllllllllllllH llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllilllllllllllllH lllllllllllllllllIflIllÎP Tuesday, April 3, 1979 Stale Mess Page 15 G od suggests m oving A S U away from river By Slim Mulestink ASU will be relocated next fall to the corner of Hardy and Baseline, a spokesman for the Almighty said Monday. Caige D. Allinfun, ASU provost, said the Lord spoke to him during a meeting that Allinfun added Rev. C. Thru Yoo had just completed the benediction when a vision of the upcoming game against the Philistines in Tucson interrupted his thoughts. “I became weary," Allinfun said. “Suddenly, this voice came booming at me, telling me I must move the children of ASU further from the Salt River to a location near Guadalupe.” Allinfun said the voice, which bore a resemblance to Physical Breakdowns Director Hurb Gay, also spoke of restitution for Allinfun's repeated attem pts to locate a parking lot on the north side of Fun Devil Stadium. “The voice said materials for construction could be floated down the Salt to the site of an ancient Hohokam Indian canal, then maneuvered to a site closer to the Superstition Freeway," he said. Allinfun added previous negotiations with God and the Army Crop of Engineers to merely part the Salt had fallen through. Allinfun has been under in­ vestigation by the ASU budget staff after it was revealed two weeks ago he had purchased a complete set of Sears Craftsman wood-shop tools totalling more than $5,000. A lbert Goldlips, budget director, said, “We still aren’t sure where he got the' money or what he intends to build. “We’re looking into another report of more than 40,000 cubic feet of lumber pilfered from campus job sites.” m orning w ith th e Faculty Association. “I’d only been asleep a few moments when a blinding light appeared out of the east, from over the Physical Breakdowns plant," Allinfun said. Stale M ess Editor Cheap Barfly interviews two prospective reporters in the newsrom offices. [Stale Mess staph foto bye Goof KillbreathJ pregnancy testing & termination F a m ily P la n n in g I n s titu te W omen’s Health Center Confidential abortion Counseling & referral tem pe , 9100 N. 2nd Street 2525 S . Rural University M ed. Center QQ 7 _7 4 Qg pregnancy test $2.00 Mon-Sat 8:30-3:30 (OCEAN CAR WASH $050 ! 28 West University Ar wash Just West of Mill on University $3 00 T u e s d a y , W e d n e s d a y & T h u rs d a y O N LY TEXACO UNLEADED GAS AVAILABLE OFFER GOOD ONLY WITH THIS COUPON .O FFE R EXPIRES APRIL 12,1979 790 W. Broadway, Tempe FREE HAMBURGER Get a Free Single Hamburger with the Purchase of Any Hamburger at the Regular Price. Valid at All Valley Loca­ tions With This Coupon. Expires 4/30/79. ____________ ■ ■ " " P A ID A D V E R T IS E M E N T "" A sso cia te d Students of A riz o n a State University ASASU Reports: Student leaders renew effort to beat latest tuition MU 208J • 965-3161 • April 3, 1979 hike bill By M ark J. Scarp A S A S U Student Information O ffice r A renewed effort by legislators in support of an out-of-state student tuition hike was p asse d by the House Education Committee, 13-3, during spring break. H o u se B ill 2214, which is actually the capital outlay request for the three state universities, now has a rider attached to raise out-of-state tuition $500 per annum . The move is primarily sponsored by Rep. Pat Wright, R-Glendale, one of the original sponsors of the first bill, HB 2265. House Bill 2265 was defeated by the full House on March 15, 31-26. language in the current document with regard to duties and responsibilities of ASASU service agencies. The First Council passed the revisions unanimously before spring break. A sso cia te d Stud ents, through its Legislative T a sk F o rce headed by Director by next year. of Legislative Affairs Bruno Dispoto, is working to defeat this infringement on student rights, just as it had a hand in the defeat of HB 2265. Your support is en­ couraged, as the danger of higher tuition for nonresident students is just as real now as' it was a few weeks ago. Contact Dispoto at ASASU if you want to lend any help you can. R evision s in ASASU's A rticle s of A sso c ia tio n will go on the ballot in the ASASU General Election April W 42. The changes, if passed, will usher in a student senate, a suprem e court, alter eligibility requirem ents for candidates for ASASU office and clean up vague Approximately $150,000 for an ASU station, staffed and manned by student-professionals was approved by the First Council and forwarded to the academic vice, president and provost, Paige Mulhollan, for final okay and appeal to the Arizona Board of Regents. If the board approves, ASU could be on the way toward generating its own radio sig n a ls radio More than $600,000, triple any previous request, was okayed by the First Council as the annual ASASU budgetary request for 1979-80. The recent annexation of the campus radio station, the intramural department, the ASU cheer line, Point Magazine and the ASASU Travel Bureau are the reasons for the size of the request. If approved by the University, students will have control over the largest share of managing student affairs in ASU’s history. The recent problems wom en on cam pus have incurred with assa u lts, particularly during nighttime hours, have not been ignored by ASASU. President Lance R oss PAID A D V E R T IS E M E N T . has met with University officials in an attempt to rectify the problem through better lighting, im proved self-defense program s, and increased shuttle services from central campus during nighttime hours. to dormitories Recent documents requested by former ASASU President Mark Barnes from the Central Intelligence A gen cy containing information pursuant to alleged CIA activity on ca m p u s has not been delivered. An appeal to the CIA, based on the Freedom of Information A c t, is currently being filed. They have been notified by ASASU that court action may be in the offing if the documents are not released to the student government. ASASU E le c t io n s for president, executive vice president, campus affairs vice president and activities vice president, in primary elections A pril 4-5 and general elections April 11-12. Polling places will dot the cam pu s m alls. Fo ru m s for candidates to offer their views will be held Tuesday, April 3 at Sahuaro Hall from 7 to 8:30 p.m., and in Palo Verde Main Monday, April 9 from 8 to 9:30 p.m. You are encouraged to cast your ballot for the candidates of your choice. I Page 16 Stale Mesa Tuesday, April 3. 1979 Gratefully d ead Sid--contented limbo-rocker A. True, I had some close no musical training. Any The following is a posthumous scrapes because of the comment? A. Technically true, b u t' discussion with punk rocker white stuff. we made up for it with the Q. Let’s talk music. Do Sid Vicious who passed from this earth a few you believe people will special effects, if you know months ago. Sid is now remember the Sex Pistols what I mean, he he he . . . Q. How about the media blissfully doing time in or Sid Vicious in years to limbo but has continued to come or were they just a Sid? You seemed to be in flash in the pan, a shot in the papers with a new be the writer’s role model. disaster about every two the dark? weeks. Do you think they A. The Pistols were raw Q. So Sid how does it feel energy. We didn’t know treated you fairly? to be dead? A. “Well, ahhh I don’t what the hell we were doin’ A. Them leaches followed know. Rock and roll was onstage, just went up there me like a pack of bloody great to me but I think I’ve and banged away, but it hounds. When I killed me really found me niche . . . came out soundin’ like girlfriend, strangled her ya dead you know. Life is cool humminbirds in May, ya know, they just about fried but it just wasn’t for me, ya know. Johnny Rotten and me in the papers. When I know. I was always messin’ me could rock all night, but sliced me wrists with the up ya know, locking me it was just personality light bulb, same thing. No girlfriend in the closet and conflict that broke us up. respect, just no respect. Too much creative energy hackin’ at me wrists.” Q. Sounds bitter Sid. Do Q. Would you say then, bumping around. We’ll be you mean you didn’t get a that you could be classified in the same category as the fair shake in life? Beatles when everybody as a social outcast? A. Damned straight. Me A. Sure, no question, comes around to the sound. whole life crumbled before Q. People say you didn’t what do you think I’m doin’ it ever got going, maybe I here at this age. I was 22 even know how to play continued page 17 guitar and had absolutely when the plug got pulled, ye know. Q. Let’s get down to brass tacks Sid. Are you, or rather were you, into heroin? Call now A. I’ve continued me interest in exploring the mind you know, but I 24 hrs. wouldn’t call it physical •Professional addiction. It's strictly instruction recreational, just to pass the time and not be bored. •Certified equipment When I was with the Sex •Well maintained Pistols I needed something aircraft to get me through them •Exhibition jumps shows ya know with all the spittin’ and throwin’ up onstage and such. Part of RANCH the business, is it is like a ARIZONA laPARACHUTE rg a ti Cantar In tlw Southwaat businessman’s martini and Valium, only you inject it. Q. Come on Sid, you have to admit the stuff really messed you up, unless of course you were bent to begin with? HjnniiiiiiiiiiHtniiimiiuiHHiiiiimitiiiig Editor’s note: Punk rocker Sid Vicious is up to his armpits In rice. Here Vicious and a friend are co-writing their new albums’s first song “Riceburger in Paradise.” They went to China and communed with nature in authentic Chinese garb to prepare for the new disc. racket LEARN TO S K Y D IV E !! 2626 N . Scottsdale Rd. Vi block South of Thomas q a 1 1 C l 7 2 Now OPEN 10-6*7 Days a Week! Y o u r H e a d q u a r t e r s Fo r -- TENNIS RACQUETBALL BADMINTON if R a c q u e ts ★ C lo th in g ★ A c c e s s o r ie s ★ EXPERT STRINGING! Always Our - 10% m sC D U N T WITH ASU ID CARD ISOFT TOUCH ESCORT SERVICE Presents a Special Services Discount Sale! r VO TE I ' DOUG ! MOORE I I I 50% OFF ON ALL SERVICE A SA SU PRESIDENT I ^iniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitiiiiiiiiiiiiiiuuiniH Com fort A footb ed of cork mixture, lined with soft suede, shapes to your foot and provides support and comfort that benefits your entire body. Eight styles to choose from, as well as Noppy’s, the sandal that massages your feet. FOR THE AD REP IN YOUR AREA CALL 965-7572 Tuesday, April 3, 1979 Stale Mess Page 17 More about Sid's Suiciders bored BIRD'S 5 RECORD > EXCHANGE continued from peg* 16 should have gotten into religion (sigh). Q. Looks like you’ve put on weight. Is limbo treating you well? A. Sure is. I’m filling out a touch. Fact is I tipped the scales at over 100 pounds last week and I haven’t had too many gigs lately to burn it off. Q. What’s next Sid? Limbo doesn’t exactly have the greatest opportunities for newly dead punk rockers. A. Good question. Probably just hang out with the other rockers. Hendrix, Keith Moon and the boys. They’re good souls, ha ha, you get it, good souls, ya know — dead . . . No W in t e r s t o r e c a ll p a s t fa t a n d fu n The ASU Film Society will present a Shelley Winters film festival at Neeb Hall Saturday. Ms. W inters will personally appear at the festival at noon in the MU, Neeb Hall and Hayden Library. The two-time Academy award winning actress will offer personal reminiscences of her career and answer the fashion question of the decade; “How to Wear Black and Still Look Fat.” Ms. Winters also will present a slide presentation on the making of “The Poseidon A dventure” including candid shots of Gene Hackman and Ernest B o rg n in e b o a rd in g Shelley when she was docked at Long Beach. seriou sly, w e ’ve got something going that could turn out o.k., it’s a three piece band called “Suicide” with Keith and myself. There’s quite a demand for rock and roll here in limbo and I’m learning how to play guitar to. I know two chords now, but it’s so hard to get me pinkie way down there. . . . 1C 111 E. University Comer of University & Myrtle In Tower Center i \ WE BUY, SELL AND TRADE FINE QUALITY USED RECORDS; AND CASSETTES TEM PE CEN TER JE W E L E R S OPEN MONDAY - SATURDAY 10- 9 FOR A LL Y O U R JEW ELRY NEEDS Diamonds, Watches 14k Chains, Pendants Sorority-Fraternity Jewelry Watch & Jewelry Repairing R0CKJAZZF0LKBLUESCLASSICALSH0WS 966-4158 966-7587 RITCHIES 50 FLAVORS ICE CREAM ■M l 1 "FIBfffip Pepsi Double Dip Sundaes . . Just —Steve A llnightlong K tT C H I Ç 'S 1 76« with purchase of any Sandwich at regular price. Limit 4 with coupon. Good thru Kitchies 4-10-79 . Reg. $1.09 with coupon only. Good for up to 4 Sundaes. Good thru 4-10-79. Kitchies 5th and Mill 915 E. Broadway Downtown Tempe Near Lucky - Tempe KITI 966-8950 966-7023 .S C f lA V C W V ICC C R E A M i ASU’s Student Health Center reported an epidemic among students who visited a local tap named “ Freddies Down the Road.” Cultures taken from the infected students, magnified here, showed a pesky virus which made students terminally drunk. ____________ 1unî)Tìbie PIZZA RESTAURANTS X a H M H M m a a a a a ASU 900-4404 ■fSaaMan SlMMiagO ■C*r. Tsaaa 947-4394 Caapsa aspiras Apr. 13, 1979^ COUPON i Invitation to apply for STATE PRESS EDITORSHIP The. ASU Student Publications Advisory Board is now soliciting applications for the State Press editorship for the Fall Semester 1979. A p p lica n ts fo r the p ositio n o f editor: m ust have a cu m u lative grade index o f 2.20 o r better; m ust have either two sem esters’ service on the staff o f the S ta te P re ss o r respo n sible editorial experience with a co m m ercial, co lle g e , or university new spaper; and m ust have been a full-tim e student at A S U for at least the two co n secu tiv e sem esters prior to app lying . C a n d id a te s m ust also: su bm it at least two letters o f recom m enda­ tion from university facu lty m em bers and/or p ro fessio na l journalists; list on the app lication form the titles o f all journalism co u rse s com pleted and the grades earned in th o se cou rses; su b m it at least two exam ples o f a new s story, feature story, or editorial written for the S ta te P re ss o r another new spaper; and d e scrib e on the app lication form the fu nc­ tio n s and re sp o n sib ilitie s o f previous p o s i­ tio n s held on the sta ff o f the State P re ss or other new spapers. C a n d id ates m ust p ick up at the S ta ts P re ss o ffice, Room A-111, Stauffer H a ll, app lication fo rm s. T h e co m pleted fo rm s m ust be typewritten. A p p lic a n ts for th a p ositio n of editor m ust be available fo r one o r m ore interviews by the Board between 3:00 and 6:00 p .m . on the day sp ecified for sele ctin g the editor. T h e Board will interview candidates for Fall S em ester ed ito r (1979) on Friday, A pril 1 3 ,1 9 79 . Call 967-7563 or come to the Hillel office at 213 E. University Dr. Interested in Kosher for Passover Meals? Lunch & Dinner will be available at Hillel during Pesach. Reserve now - prices are very reasonable. T h e dead line fo r receipt o f ap p lica tion s will be Frida y, A pril 6 at 4 p.m . A p p lica n ts need not be journalism m ajors; ca n d id a tes from all d is c ip lin e s are invited. Edward H . Peplow , Jr. M anager, Student P u b licatio n s A-111 Stauffer Hall _________ ____________________________ P ho n e 7572 Tuesday, April 3, 1979 Stale Mess Page 23 Resident whores sponsor ASU team Í7Ü state press . . . have an audience of 160,000 people a week. Unrere— » By Sans Sams “You might say we lost the just rubbed us the right way. Our muscles were aching from bottle, but won the whore,” rugby practice that afternoon, S ervices H elp Wanted laughed ASU Rugby coach and we received the best Automobiles PROFESSIONAL WORD processing ser Barry F arter. KEYPUNCH OPERATOR, 1710 or 129 massages to work out all our 1973 CHEVY van. 8 cylinder, regular gas, vice (typing) — Manuscripts, Theses experience, minimum 10,000 keystrokes. “Actually, you might say carpet, paneling, king size bed, captain's tensions and frustrations.” Proposals, Resumes, Letters (Repetitive One opening 3:30 p.m. - midnight, two anything you want in this article air conditioned, CB. Good mileage. Cover, Personal). Right-hand justified mar­ “But before you go saying that chairs, openings midnight - 7 a.m.. Mesa area. 266-3364, if no answer 967-5124 after 3:00 _ you usually do,” he said. gins or conventional. Storage and re­ Call for interview. LeBus Data Centers. the squad is prostituting itself, p.m. 414 visions. Letters - 30c each (in quantity); F arter is a long-lost third 277-3395. 4/3 let me tell you the terms of the Manuscripts, etc. - $30 - $40 per hour. Al brother to Jim m y and Billy 1972 TOYOTA Corona deluxe. Rebuilt sponsors,” Farter gasped. WAITRESS, WAITERS, bus, persons, dish­ work done on our IBM OS6 Word Proces­ engine, great mileage, needs body work. Farter. He hails from Rightbewashers, hostesses, cooks. Good oppor­ sing Equipment. Editing and proofing “We say nice things about $800. Bill, 967-6086. 4/5 t w ee n p l a i n s a n d Americustunities for advancement. Excellent com­ 247-9674. 5/2 them and they aid us in three pany benefits, pleasant working condi­ 1973 MG Midget, make an offer, 966-5697 georgia, Wales. ways — we get transported to or see at 507 W. 9th Street. YOUR INCOME taxes prepared by a tions, experience desired. Apply in person 4/6 professional. Bill Arnold, 967-9266. 4/17 away games in Cadillacs, Rolls’ only, weekdays 2 p.m., 4 p.m. Cisco's Since it receives only threeRestaurant. 2700 S. M ill Ave., Tempe. or Mercedes, upholstered in EDITORIAL SERVICES and typing. Connie, day old Fritos and the bub­ Equal opportunity employer. 4/3 966-7654, call in afternoon. 4/13 rabbit fur to pamper our bruised blegum from old baseball cards bodies — we get our lodgings f or Rent/lease WORK YOUR own hours cleaning occupied PROFESSIONAL RESUME SERVICE in from the ASU athletic depart­ and meals free — and third, FEMALE NON-SMOKER, furnished room homes In Scottsdale. Starting salary $3.25 Tempe. Career and Summer jobs. Em­ ment, the rugby club needs a 4/24 ployment counseling, composition, typ­ though this is completely off the in house, all utilities included. $135 month. per hour. 257-0727. sponsor. ing and printing. 424 W. Broadway, #15. Call after 4:30.966-8288. 4/4 record—” PHONE SALES: Evenings, close to cam­ 894-1261. 4/3 “We thought we might get pus, hourly rate, bonus, nice office, good Farter hung up when told this STUDIO APARTMENT available to female. sponsored by a major brewery. reporter doesn’t believe in off 2 blocks south of campus. Won't last. work. 968-4853. 4/11 Aggie: days 987-7841, evenings 966-7389. But e v id e n tly , it's more the record. Travel OVERSEAS JO BS — Summer/year round. 4/5 profitable for th e breweries to JUNE 4 - 2 6 , Scandinavian Summer Europe, South America, Australia, Asia, While typing this, a shapely «¡imply sell their products to us redhead, clad only in a skimpy Seminar, 3 graduate/undergraduate cre­ etc. A ll fields, $500 - $1200 monthly. dits, Elsinore, Denmark, $1,159, board/ Expenses.,pa id. Sightseeing. Free info — on a 20-keg discount than to halter and shorts a millimeter Por Sale room/travel/tuition. Dr. R. Axford, 965Write: UC, Box 52-AD, Corona Del Mar, sponsor us.” away from being a g-string 3643. 4/13 Calif. 92625. ___________ 5/2 SHOES, Sandals, Purses available “Our team, after much contact appeared at this reporter's door. LADIES in the most popular brands. Baretrap, JOBS! Men and Women. Off­ LOW COST travel to Israel. Center for with possible sponsors, came up Uhh — Ahhh — Heart of Gold Sbicca, Frye boots, Bass, Famolare, SUMMER shore oil field. Extremely high wages. Send Student Travel. 9 a.m. - 6 p.m. N.Y. time. Dexter, Clogs, Deckers and many more. dry.” — donations? Ooooh — Yeahhll stamped, self-addressed envelope for more Toll Free 800-223-7676. 4/17 Backdoor Shop, 707 S. Forest, 966-1772. “Then, on Saturday night, we Information. O.E.S., P.O. Box 886, Oak Hell with work, I'm gonna 4/27 were approached — uh — play rugby. Grove, La. 71263. 4/3 solicited — uh that is to say a THE MEXICAN Shirt Man is back with new Typing styles of embroidered shirts, blouses, group called H eart of Gold put TYPING THESES, dissertations, term LOVE BOATS WANT YOU I dresses, also wool and acrylic sweaters. forth the proposition — unh — papers, etc. Professional secretary, ac­ Bring ad for 10% discount. Phoenix Exciting careers and sum­ curate, spelling corrected, reasonable th ey ta lk e d to us about Greyhound Park, Saturdays and Sundays, mer jobs, travel the world. rates. 949-9207. 5/4 East side, space 400. j 5/8 becoming our sponsor.” For details rush $1.00 “A fter being escorted — er TYPING, IBM Selectric. Dissertations, Cruiseships International, “SKI EQUIPMENT." New Rossignol Strato theses, term papers. Eight years exper­ Gars Available walked, to th e nearest bar. we 102 skis, size 203, boots size 10, bindings, Box 530188, Miami Shores, ience. Jean, 277-3602. 5/4 Many Points U.S.A. had an interesting parlor — er, poles. 892-9178. __________________ 4/5 Fla. 33153. <