¡MRíMMÍÉÍSMSMMI m m m m m & m m m m m m rn m * IW 7M 1ÍhGn*MMWII4W»WMiÍlliW a'iM'iNiiiilM»iMiv>iinUm © f r id a y Arizona State University Vol. 2, No. 1 April Fool's, 1977 depressed m Tempe, Arizona Snap course offered for ASU journalists BY BRUCE ITULE Professors in the mass communications department have discovered a three-day snap course in “ Basic Malicious Intent” that can be used by journalism students to guarantee jobs after graduation,' the State Depressed has learned. The department values the course enough to donate $25 worth of yellow paper and red ink to almost 400 journalism students who attended the seminar in the past year. Students who want to earn an hour of upper division ‘A’ credit also can enroll in a highly popular class, “Guilt by Association,” taught by tIREd, Inc., a group of libelous journalists who investigated the nuances of th e re p u ta tio n - k illin g business in Arizona. Mass communication departm ent officials deny organized crime connection! the class will insure jobs, of Soggy Foods, he said. Itule, infamous professor but (stress the class “teaches w hat ev ery dedicated in the journalism depart­ journalist should know and ment, said the class is develop,” seminar leader impossible to flunk because Bruce Itule told the State he writes all the stories. “I have an extensive Depressed. The one hour of ‘A ’ credit background . in the finer enabled form er State points of libel, misquotation Depressed reporter Flack and gutless journalism,” ' Gazelle to weasel a job out Itule said. “Having worked of the tIREd, Inc., group, for the State Depressed and currently investigating the the Phoenix Gazoo, I can tra n sm it y ears of e x ­ perience to these naive and w e ll-in te n tio n e d - j o u r ­ nalists.” Itule denied the seminar was used by students to obtain an hour of ‘A’ credit. He claimed the course merely taught students to be more aware of their abilities and to set goals for themselves, using scare tactics, thinly veiled threats and coercion. Com m ittee update on parking probe On Dec. 27, 1976, the Ad Hoc Parking Committee released a 26page report on parking problems a t ASU. The committee made recommendations .to solve those problems. Though th e committee diligently tried to shorten the voluminous original version into its present 26-page form, it did leave out several interesting points you should be aware of. After many painstaking hours of reading through volumes of the report, this still slightly abridged version may give the student body more insight into the report. Here are excerpts: GENERAL CONCLUSIONS A parking decal or a temporary permit does not guarantee the availability of a parking space, but ask what you can do for your campus. GENERAL POLICY RECOMMENDATIONS When the 33rd parking violation occurs, his vehicle may be im­ pounded or awarded to the fine arts department for sculpture. Students will be asked to use Mae cars and park in th e “blue lot.” Faculty will use the “red lot,” with correspondingly colored ears. Staff will use the “raw sienna” le ts . . , , RECOMMENDED ALTERNATIVE PARKING OPTIONS F. Any person may park at a parking meter upon payment of meter fee, which includes one ounce of blood and a $20 gold piece. H. Compact cars will be permitted to use the ASU pool near the men’s gym during its “empty period,” January and February. Cars in the pool at the end of this period are subject to undertow. RECOMMENDATION - PARKING METERS There will be 109 different m eter term s and rates. These will in­ clude: 9:40 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. meters, taking 200 pesos; 11:40 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. meters, taking four pounds sterling, and the 6:40 to 9:30 p.m. meter, taking 350 kopecks. Tentative meter, locations will be lots 11, 16 and 21, the pool, Australia, England and Taiwan. RECOMMENDED SANCTIONS FOR PARKING VIOLATIONS 19. Second impoundment f e e ....................... ................ $50 plus pinky. 43. Falsifying information about the time of day to University P olice....................... ........................................ $75 55. Driving under an assumed vehicle............................................$100 58. 63rd impoundment fee .. $6,250. plus first-born child or equivalent 96. Any lip service to University official in lot . : ..........Thumbscrews 219. A combination of five of any of the above ..................... ............... Dinner with Harry Braun. The menu will include bald eagle under glass, whale stew, and the latest „ in cocktails,‘The Nuclear Blast.’ In s id e State Depressed refutiates Webster's — p, 6 ;;; A State Depressed reporter has become the second Valley newsman In one year to suffer a violent death under mysterious circumstances. Flack Gazelle, 29, was found floating face down at 3:40 p.m. In the Cady Mall fountain by a senior recreation major who went into the water to retrieve her Frisbee. University police said there has been no confirmation of allegations made by the State Depressed that Gazelle was murdered. State Depressed Editor Stan Dinkel said Gazelle was on his way to a secret rendezvous with an informer when he was found drowned. “We recovered his notebook from the fountain and are attempting to decipher his Illegible scrawl to see if there are any clues to the identity of his killer,” Dinkel said. “Flack was a hell of a reporter, even though he was irresponsible and acted like a real asshole at times.” Gazelle’s corpse was taken to Dumpy Hospital where an autopsy was performed. Doctors said they found no marks on the body, and the only extensive organ damage was to the liver. This discovery suggests .Gazelle may have been given poison by the informer, Dinkel said. “That son of a bitch would drink, anything.. He didn’t care what it tasted like. A lot of,reporter^ are like that.” ' ,v ?§ÊM WBm Page 2 State Depressed April t, 1977 TODAY! In th e s n o o z e , b o ld ly - frorn the Amalgamated Mess ‘DALEY AIN’T HERE’ CHICAGO — Acting Mayor Michael Bilandic said Thurs­ day “it is absolutely ridi­ culous” to think he is being influenced by the governing style of the late Mayor Richard Daley who died last Decem­ ber. “Dat’s de most absoid ding I ever hoid,” said Bilan­ dic. “Sounds like somethin’ dem Repubikins’d say. You teeming minorities ain’t gonna wreck my citv. Shoot to kill. Shoot to kill.” Bilandic's re­ marks were made at the open­ ing session of the Cook County Democratic Precinct Conference. DUBERT LIKES JOB WASHINGTON — Sen. Dubert D. Dumphrey, DMinn., told newsmen today that he is “pleased as punch" with his job as deputy presi­ dent pro tempore of the Senate, a position,created for him in January. “It’s really challenging," the 66-year-old former vice president said. “Right now, I'm . sharpening pencils for both sides of the aisle, and Sen. Byrd told me that if I continuedoing well, I’ll even get to lead the Pledge of Allegiance.” and will have a definite part to play in reshaping the Repub­ lican organization, and as soon as we find out what party that is, he’s going to rejoin the team." U.S. AFRICA GET NOBELS STOCKHOLM — Americans and Africans shared top hon­ ors in the 1977 Nobel Prize awards, which were announ­ ced liere Thursday. Uganda’s president VeDe Amin Dada, as expected, garnered the Peace Prize, while Rhodesian prime minister Ian Smith took top honors for philosophy. For­ mer vice president Spiro Agnew won the Literature Prize, while former president Gerald Ford surprisingly reaped the award for medi­ cine, in recognition of his swine-flu innoculation pro­ gram. DEATH FOR ‘CLEAN! CROOKS PHOENIX — Arizona’s living legend, Sen. Barry Bronzewater, has called for the death penalty for persons r$ i The Institute for the Study of Human Knowledge and me A.S.U. Center for Humanities present An evening of 2 lectures by Peter Brent GURUS SUFISM TODAY Peter Brent has made several visits to India concentrating on the role of spirituality in gen­ eral and of the Guru in particu­ lar in the culture of India. He is the author of several books and is currently writing a book on the dissemination of con-, temporary religious practices. TIME: DATE: PLACE: FEE: I I I ft I 1 ■ 8.00 p .m .. Thursday, April 7 A.S.U., Murdock Lecture Hall, E. Orange St., Tempe $5.00 (A.S.U.1 Students $3.00) REGISTRATION FORM MAIL TO: Dr. Stuart Litvak 137 W. McDowell • Phone 257-8205 Phoenix, Az. 85003 Please make check payable to ISHK Name . I .... ,—. > I .. Address —-----------—---- -----P h o n e ____ Phone SUICIDE OUTLAW WANTED PHOENIX — Rep. Donna Farlson, R-Mesa, longtime opponent of emissions tests, gay rights and massage par­ lors, has introduced a bill which would outlaw suicide and make its practicioners subject to the death penalty. “Suicide is immoral,” Farlson said. this FRH - For a Dollar! SOME FOOLAROUND T H E N IG H T O F 9PM-4AM M EMORIAL IIHION 9PM-4AM Schedule of Events AFTERNOON: O c e a n s id e H a rle y -D a v id s o n ‘HONEST’ HARRY HONORED PHOENIX — A $75 a plate gala dinner to raise money for the "Give ’Em Hell Harry” Rosenswagger Defense Fund. The dinner, attended by more than 600 supporters, featured spaghetti, vino and garlic bread. The appetizer w£s wads of cotton to be stuffed in the male guests’ jaws. BRONZEWATER STILL ‘IN’ LOS ANGELES — Former California Gov. Ronald Bagle said in a speech to members of the Republican Big Ears Club that the conservative element of the GOP has not spurned Sen. Barry Bronzewater, R-Ariz., for his alleged involvement in Arizona organ­ ized crime. "No, I vehemently deny any shunning of Barry. The senator has, does have convicted of white-collar crime. In a copyrighted story in today's Arizona Cilbuper, Bronzewater charged, “Those vermin have been eating away at Arizona for too long. And politicians who plead ignor­ ance by saying they’ve never heard of Meyer Lansky should be thrown out of office.” TOWERS OFFER PRIZES PHOENIX — Americu^ Towing Company has an­ nounced it is sponsoring a John Adamson look-alike con­ test. The winner will receive a week’s profits from towing at Tempe Center. Second place is an all-expense paid Christ­ mas vacation in Buffalo, N.Y. ah 11:00 am -1:00 pm Bob Meighan Band, MU East Lawn 1:00fm SALES/SERVICE Dog Show, MU East Lawn. Demonstrations and •judging by the Desert Obedience Training School. B ikes From 90cc to 1200cc . NEW & USED - W E SERVICE A L L M A K E BIKES EVENING: 8:30 pm 10% O ff of A cce ssorie s with U n it Purchase, and Valid A .S.U . ID and T h is Ad 12815 N. C A V E CR E EK . PH O EN IX ^Grand opening ceremony - MU West Doors 971-3400 “Sunshine Lounge I I ATTENTION: BUSINESS PEOPLE TEACHERS STUDENTS | I . | THIS IS A SPECIAL SALE Parker “ Big Red" Pens, List $2.96 ea. F la ir Markers, List $7.08 dz. W ood Pe n cils “Sunset” , List 75c dz. W ood Pencils, Dixon No. 1388, L ist $1.75 dz. M-25 B ic Pens Med. Point, L ist $3.00 dz. F-29 B ic Pens, Fine Point, L ist $3.48 dz. Liquid Paper, White, L ist $1.00 sa. Carbon Ribbons, IBM ABC & D , L ist $13.80 dz. Carbon Ribbons, IBM Sel. 71, L ist $13.80 dz. Legal Pads, Letter Size, L ist $6.96 dz. Legal Pads, Legal Size, L ist $7.58 dz. F ile Folders, Latter 1-3 cut, List $7.50 bx. (100) F ile Folders, Legal 1-3 cut, List $9.75 bx. (lOOf Sheet Protectors (bx. of 50) L ist $7.65 bx. Band. Rendezvous 9:00 pm -4:00 am Movie Orgy - MU Movie House, Table Games Alumni Lounge, Son of Movie Orgy & Groove Tube Video tapes - Sidewalk Cafe, Bookstore Bargains Lower Level, Food Specials Fun House, Palm Readers - Cochise Room. * 9:00 pm -10:00 pm Tricycle Races - Arizona Room 9:00 pm - 9:30 pm Groucho Marx Look-alike contest - Pima Room. 8 I 9:30 pm - 3:00 am Crazy Bowling - MU Bowling Lanes 9:30 p m -1:00 am Zany Billiards - MU Recreation Center 9:30 pm-1:30am OUR PRICE $2.15 sa. OUR PRICE $4.7$ dz. OUR PRICE .4$ dz. JO E SHARINO - The one man band - live on stage, 4 ‘ hours, Maricopa Room OUR PRICE $1.44 dz. OUR PRfbE $2.09 dz. OUR PRICE $2.42 dz. OUR PRICE $Se sis. w „ 9:30 pm -10:00 pm You Bet Your Life quiz show - Pim a Rm. „ 10:00 pm -2:00 am OUR PRICE $8.40 dz. Las Vegas Casino - The Hub (Auction at 2:00 am) OUR PRICE $8.40 dz. _; 10:00 pm -12 Midnight _ 10:00 pm Food Eating Contests - Arizona Room OUR PRICE $5.13 dz. OUR PRICE $S.S3dz. Scavenger Hunt - Santa Cruz Room OUR PRICE $4.40 bx. 10:30pm-11:00 pm Roommate Game - Pima Room OUR PRICE $0.24 bx. 11:30-12 Midnight OUR PRICE $4.20 bx. The Gong Show - Rendezvous Lounge Sale subject to stock on hand • Cash Only [No Charges] • In-store Only • Sale Ends April 9th at 2:00 PM • You must have this ed with you. 12:30 am-1:00 am you Bet Your Life Quiz Show - Rendezvous Lounge 1:30 am -2:00 am W ESTER N {A Rock 9:00 pm -1:30 am f Com pare O u r Everyday Low Prices O n Common O ffice Products 8:30 pm -10:30 pm Machine” Roommate Game - Pima Room •c STATIONERS. INC. K XX 1:30 am -3:30 am Sunshine Machine” Rock Band - Arizona Room. n' fUUl • - 2:00 am - 2:30 am Roommate Game - Pima Room 835 W. 22nd St. Unit G | 1 Vz Blk. S. of Broadway on Hardy Tempe 968-8565 Central Manufacturing District ' ^imiiiil1IIIHfinilllllUIIIHIIHIIIIIIIIIIIHIinillllHlllltllHIIHIIHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII||||||||||||||||| Th0 Tn . .. 2:30 am - 3:00 am i he Tonight Show Lounge. w /Van B u ck - Rendezvous Sponsored by M.U. Entertainment.Committee ADVANCE TICKETS ON SALE AT ____ M.U. ACTIVITIES CENTER ■inMMniMim ■'ilwrf«wiiiiiiiíi>iMaiiwÉi>iiÉ>iiÉMH>fi»iiiiir«Tii»iMW iMi>M*iiiiiW íB(M iii>iiiiiuiintiniiTHiWiniiiniirurrrirrfmmr iMftWBbtMaiHMBiaMte April 1, 1977 State Depressed Page 3 Big D addy cru ises cam pus; Uganda to jo in President of Uganda for Life V.D. Amin Dada dropped in to see* some old friends at ÁSU Thursday. He spoke at a dedication and said he had a whole lot of fun in the three days he has been in the United States. “Oh, I loves dis place. I too would be an im­ perialist if I came from such a place,” Amin said. Amin came to Tempe from Hollywood, where he said he discussed a sequel to the documentary film about himself he produced three years ago. The working title for the project is “Big Daddy’s Roots," he said. “The people of Uganda send you all their best wishes,” Amin said, noting there are still 30 or 40 Ugandans left. “I would also love to be president of such a place as Tempe.” Amin was driven in a motorcade from Sky Harbor International Airport to the campus. As his limousine passed Tempe Center, he squealed with delight when he saw a white truck pull out of the parking lot with a Volkswagen van attached to the back. “Oh, Americans are so rich day bring a spare car wis dem so day can drive it when day tired of the other one. American Towing, such a funny name.” Four Reasons to Call Super Custom Upholstery •Q uality •Pride •Service •P rice Amin’s limousine drove through campus, past a crowd who was screaming at an evangelist, but struck a woman who was blowing a long horn and yelling, “No more nukes!” The woman was later treated and released by the naturalist on duty at the Golden Temple Restaurant. Amin spoke in Hayden Library at the dedication of the new $2 million Wingback Memorial Reading Room and Athletes’ Study Hall. He was joined at the dedication by football coach Frank Lush and athletic director Ferd Mauler, whom Amin called “two of my best friends.” He said the invitation to dedicate the reading room impressed him so much he would pay for the facility’s television, foosball tables and air hockey games out of his own pocket. The African leader's brown eyes sparkled when Mauler announced plans for construction of a hotel near Entebbe Airport, to be owned jointly by Amin, Lush and Mauler. “Dis will help Uganda’s athletic program very much to have the rest of the world know I have such friends like these gentlemen,” Amin said, adding Uganda will join the WAC in 1978. Home it Office Furniture All Motor V e h i c l e s B o a t s — Planet — FREE ESTIMATES— 20% DISCOUNT 967-8443 (Hayden & River Bottom ) 1803 E. 1st S t., Tempe WITH STUDENT I.D . 1/10 o f a second and your ear is pierced or double pierced. Com e by and we w ill hold your hand. Hundreds of Styles to Choose From Innocent sta ffe r injured Bomb blast rips news office; athletics' buddy-pal suspected An explosion in the State D epressed office T hursday seriously injured a woman employe. H.I. (Bubbles) Price, an ad­ vertising saleswoman, is listed in satisfactory condition at Desert Samaritan Hospital. She is a member of Phi Zappa Krappa S orority and the. re p u te d girlfriend of the football team’s offensive line. The blast apparently was caused by a time-fused Molotov cocktail planted under the desk of State Depressed investigative reporter Flack Gazelle, who had authored a story concerning athletes' grades. Gazelle was not in the office at the time of the explosion, bilt Price was not as fortunate. Athletic department officials had been highly critical of Gazelle’s story, saying it cost several football players a chance to win Rhodes scholarships: University Police reportedly are trying to locate a load land promoter — who is a business partner of athletic department officials — for questioning. The S in g le diam ond stud s from $30.00 --------------- nnt(i »fes*«,, Xf'S'ÿ Page 4 State Depressed April 1, 1977 O p in io n No offense, folks. State PressStaff B it e O f f oo no i All too often we allow ourselves to dwell on the less than immaculate matters that concern us in our bonny existence here on earth. Like my favorite 20th century philosopher Lou Grubb, perhaps it’s time we sit back and reflect on the beauty, wonder and goodness that all life is. The trifling issuer that consume our precious few mortal hours are transitory. Murder may come, rape may go. Pestilence, depravity, corruption, mayhem — all shall pass. So why worry. Lay back, sniff # flower, taste a fresh strawberry and put on your favorite Carpenters album. Courage, honor, truth and kindness. All tjiese things are good but will they put gas in your Granada? The maladies of modern days are our own doing. We think too much, we know too much, we try too hard. Let us adapt a new slogan, my friends. Atrophy, apathy, apostasy and nescience shall bestow eternal bliss. ,0Ç . W i n v . 131 .07 17 . ‘It :»4 + IÍS ID,- '•» Ja • 'l2t 7 .117 K4 < 4S II-J* 1« 20 ns / 5® '?4 iÜ . 4!‘ ■• *•14/ 113 jp * . l7»i .7ÍJ ■1 6 . ' m 9 ■• n i .,- X L ¡7 •7 S t I t ,1 43 's 40 /rr 4 1 .4 1 ’4 , 4,t . .4# •?8 37 « iff* 14 26 1 iu> 13 . • *27 • 28 f fl 4* 'is W : f j *il p 31 i 30 *10 >97 8 Letters Editor: I resent your despicable attitude towards our group and our activities which you never announce in advance then you always say bad and untrue things about us afterwards. Typical State Depressed incompetence if you ask me. Irving Lanning President of the Joe McCarthy Fan Chib Editor: Where is love? Where am I? Jean Paul Sartre, College of Art [Hey! That rhymes] Editor: You must get a lot of letters to the editor complaining about one thing or the other like wromen’s lib the gays nuclear power plants minorities the CIA and all that kind of stuff but one thing that's always bothered me is the way some people stick their fingers in between their toes and clean out all the gunk after they take their shoes and socks off. . Barbra Streisand Editor: Dear Sirs, If you get a letter from my girlfriend, please ignore it. Hainfresser, movie producer and I've got my fingers into an kinds of things, Jon teeters Editor: A little song . . . a little dance . . . a tactical nuclear device down your pants? Does that rhyme in English? Leonid Breshnev H e llo from g litte r c ity Ili Greetings from Glitter City former fellow homophilesl I sorely m i« many of you since departing your fair campus to pursue the legal beagle career last January. As head of the campus gay group "Blithe Spirit! I made many friends, and yes — a few enemies, during my stay in the Phoenix area. And I suppose it's safe now to reveal that some of my most bitter critics in thé ASU administration and the legislature were some of my "coziest“ friends outside the public circle. Alas, here in Hollywood it's a different story. Being gay in Phoenix was sort of a mental S&M trip. I used to be titillated by the homophobe stares I would get while sashaying across the campus. Those dangerous, penetrating glances are hard to find in this callous giitterworld. As I trip down Hollywood Blvd., there are ever so many flashy fellows in hot pants and loud tacky blouses that leave a modest person like myself lost in the spaces. Y'ou must know how I crave attention. I was miserable for weeks. But I’ve found a cure. I'm going straight. Yes. gasp if you must. Fve begun to seek the female form. No more men's room cruiser am I. Watch out Warren Beatty! Singles bars here I come! I think there's a market for a "reformed gay activist." My agent is talking to Phil Donahue and the Carson show can't be far off. Again my name shall grace the news pages and TV screens. Perhaps I shall write a book of my seamy past and arrow-straight future. Call it "Homo on the Range Seeks Straight Pastures." *in»iti— n i j Grey Carwash wrwïsp frank. ft D O IT Y O U R g E L F r C o n su m e n a n i d e The customer comes first Frenchie’s Le Kwikie M assage and Billiard Parlour was rated tops in both quality of service and price in a recent survey conducted by Consumer Services. The price for a sim ple' th irty m inute massage was $10, and the service provided was most satisfying. Prices from all massage parlors are as follows: Frenchie’s, $10; Frankie’s Kushy Soft Sportsmen’s Retreat, $12; Col. Slanders' Kentucky Fried Fingers, $13; Lotta Love’s, $14; finally, Slippery Shwada’s Presidential Parlour would not disclose a price to Consumer Services. We were referred to an ad­ m inistrative henchman codenam ed “ L ittle Georgie.” C onsum er S e rv ic e s conducts massage parlor price and quality com parison surveys whenever the staff has nothing to do on Saturday night. Prices for a thirty minute massage are surveyed. Quality of service is rated by two standards: dexterity of the masseuse, and amount of satisfaction guaranteed. One aspect of massage parlors th a t Consumer Services^ has discovered is that the average consumer may be reluctant to ask for what is termed in the business as “additional services.” Massage parlor etiquette does not demand such formal behavior, since they are providing a service for the consumer,' As one’ m asseuse said, ‘ “ Good relations w ith our customers are a must in this business. Why, in my e s ta b lis h m e n ts , th e customer always comes first.” Frankie’s Kushy Soft Sportsmen’s Retreat, while rated second in price, offers an innovation worthy of m ention. Em ployes are equipped with helmets, leather boots, whips and garden hoses. When asked about this practice, friendly Frankie stated, “We want to keep our customers in line, and I think violence is the most rewarding way to do it.” A ddresses for the business establishments on this survey are unavailable. Locations of m assage parlors are su b ject to change at the whim of the vice squad and th e Salt River. , : | C onsum er S e rv ic e s welcomes questions and comments from interested students. We also need to assemble a new staff, due to an embarrassing incident at Frenchie’s. *mtwmtwtm*&m April 1..1977 State Depressed Page 5 Appeals hatchet man denied library card, must pay fine Scarey Scobie, th e ASU parking administrator, has been denied library, privileges until he pays $1,431 in back ASU parking fines. Scobie cried when he found out and vowed he would appeal the fines again. He said he has tried twice to appeal them to himself. But each time, he forgot his appeals were in the stack and he automatically checked “appeal refused” as he did all the others. “I can’t help it. It’s a habit,” he said. Scobie admitted th at he might have to go to work to pay the fine. However, the ASU Residency Today's ads true, despite themselves While none of th e stories in today’s edition have any factual content whatsoever (rumor has it they were all written for Hearst contests) we have found i t ' necessary to announce that all advertisements appearing herein are factual and all offers made in them are genuine. Thank you. "IS O " Color TVs Choose From Zenith Sylvania Magnavox RCA $99 To $199 Can Oeliver-Service-Guarantee BARGAIN CITY TV 242-6000 Committee, of which Scobie is He said the case concerned a chairman, has found that Scobie girl whose car was hit by a cannot seek employment in the semitruck in the Palo Verde United States because he is an Main dormitory parking lot. illegal alien from Nogales, After ambulance attendants took Sonora. ^ her remains away, an ASU Scobie acknowledged he rode policeman discovered he could no across the border 10 years ago longer see the parking sticker on after jumping aboard a Rosarita the back window of her car. He truck full of taco shells. “They issued a ticket which was ap­ were delicious,” he said. pealed by the deceased girl’s Scobie said he heard he can parents. find a job at Arrowhead Ranch, a Scobie said this case “had some local citrus farm. He said he also will continue merit.” trying to accept his own appeals. He said he was “very anxious” He admitted that only once has to get his library privileges back. he been able to break his habit of “I want to check out ‘Once is Not automatically rejecting pleas. Enough,” ’he said. FALL COURSES IN RELIGIOUS STUDIES For more Information: D. Gammage 204 Ext. 7145 INTRODUCTORY COURSES (Credit, 3 hours) REL 121 Religions of the World MWF 9:40 - 10:30 (Martin) REL122 Ways of Being Religious TTh 9:15 -10:30 (Wentz) REL 294 Introduction to Religion MWF 10:40 -11:30 (REL Faculty) Turn two years of general academ ic work into a joboriented program. SOME OTHER “REL” COURSES (Credit, 3 hours) 311 Western Religious Traditions TTh 12:15-1:30 31# ' Formation of Christian Tradition TTh 12:15-1:30 316 Types of Early Judaism TTh 1:40-2:55 430 Native American Mystical Traditions TTh 3:15-4:30 494a Zen MWF 12:40-1:30 5200 N. 27th A V E N U E (Between Bethany & Camelback) Open Daily 9am 'til Spm REL Courses may be applied to General Studies Requirements in Humanities and Fine Arts Now Interviewing HUB TONIGHT 9 PM - 12 AM All You Can lot Spaghetti $1.19 12 AM - 3 AM Pancake Special 2 eggs *1.19 2 sausages 2 pancakes medium beverage 9 PM - 2 AM Pizza 35* per slice 9 P M - 3 AM RED EYE Frogurt Sundae 49* Sponsored by the M.U. Entertainment Committee * * > * * * > * * * * * * * * * SOPHOMORES for Army officer job opportunities. Starting salary above $10,000. Call or come in for a personal, no obligation interview to see how Army ROTC will fit into your aca­ demic program. 965-3318 Rm. 240, Old Main Bldg. ■ * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * A rm y R O T C Tw o-Year P ro g ra m . T h in k g reen . Page 6 State Depressed April 1, 1977 E t id o r re tu tia te s s ta p h 's E n g lic h c ra m m e r State Depressed editor Stan desk staph. Dinkel Thursday refutiated : "W e know how* to use charges th a t ' th e State reverence material as good as Depressed staff does not know anyone,” he explained. how to use the English language. Dinkel said however he would “I highly represent the fact accept suckjestions from that students are calling us students on how to approve the stupid,” he said. “We uses as paper. good a English as anybody else. State Depressed copy desk We write like we talk.” Dinkel also committed on an employe Dog Scraps voiced earlier report that there was no discustipation at the students’ such word as refudiate. Dinkel claims. He said each employe of said it is in the new Kleindog the copy desk is highly in­ Dictionary written by the copy telligible. “We spend a lot of time working on pronunciating and spelling. We are crapsmen of the language,” he said. “These people who make these critications don’t no anything.” Dinkel and Scraps credited the journalism department staff with their profundance in writing. Journalism professor Max of Swaziland euthanized the fact that students go through excretiating training before they are allowed to join the staff. “We give them a lot of screaning before they get out of th e department. We want them to live down our standards,” he said. “They taught us all we know,” Dinkel said. Ancient records found by excavation crew A new find at the recently discovered Hohokam Indian burial site stumped ASU anthropology professors., Approximately 20 feet below the original find, excavators have discovered student records dating back to 1400 A.D. “The find is invaluable, but we do have one problem — the Chuckles Amendi ment,” said “Dirt” Mortenfind, professor of an­ thropology at ASU, one of the site’s excavators. “We’ve got the knowledge of. the ages on those records, but unless we get authorization from th e students involved, we can’t even sneak a peek,” Mortenfind said. The Chuckles Amend­ ment states records are privileged information and cannot be disclosed without the student’s permission. “We’re trying to tracé certain families back more than 1,200 years, but we’ve hit a lot of dead ends. It’s hard to trace these things. The tribe has been extinct for more than a thousand years,” Mortenfind added. Tonight from 5-9 pm enjoy the iazz styling of the Joel Robin Trio with vocalist Suzanne Lee. Devil-size spirits and free hors d oeuvres add to the fun. w h ile ’em hot! J o in th e D e v il to n ig h t fo r ja zz at 5 an d d is c o at 9. Never a Cover Charge Ruraf at Apache, Tempe . (Across from ASU) NOTICE OF APPRECIATION Dalta Sigma Pi, Ihe professional business fraternity at ASU, wishes to thank the following businesses for helping make our CASINO NIGHT a success. Their prize donations enabled Delta Sigma PI to raise money for donation to charity. Again, thank you. Members of Delta Sigma PI, Gamma Omega Chapter Arizona State Unhrereity T O N Y 'S ITALIAN FOOD , 606 S. M ill Ave., Tempe UNION P LA ZA H O TEL CASIN O , Number One Main St., Las Vegas, Nv. > PIZZA HUT, 1420 N. Scottsdale Rd., Tempe B R O O KSID E W IN ERY, 1131 W. Broadway, Tempe C IR C U S CIRCU S H O TEL CASIN O , 2880 Las Vegas Blvd., Las Vegas, Nv. S U P E R C H IC K E N , 6863 E. McDow ell, Tempe M IN D ER -BIN D ERS, 715 S. Hayden Rd., Tempe V A L L E Y ART T H EAT ER , 509 M ill Ave., Tempe JE D N O LA N 'S MUSIC H ALL, 7343 Scottsdale M all, Scottsdale B U S H W A C K E R 'S B A R , M ill & Southern, Tempe SU N DEVIL LO U N G E , Apache and Rural, Tempe C O C O ’S F A M O U S H A M B U R G E R S , 1717 S . Rural Rd., Tempe B U R G E R KING, Apache Blvd., Tempe S U N S E T SP O R T C E N T ER , 921 E. Southern, Tempe PIC 'N S A V E , Tempe Center, Tempe G U A Q A L A H A R R Y ’S, 4949 E. Lincoln Dr., Phoenix ETIEN E, 5033 E. Lincoln Dr., Phoenix G O LD E N T E M P L E R E ST A U R A N T , 415 S. M ill, Tempe H AIR, 7120 E. Indian School Rd., Scottsdale J A Y 'S G O L F S H O P , 3118 S. M ill, Tempe P A P A G O BO W L, 2012 N. Scottsdale Rd., Scottsdale T H A T M E X IC A N FO O D P L A C E , 3138 S. M ill, Tempe LA C A S A LINDA, 107 E. Broadway, Tempe T H E W A R E H O U S E , 301 S. 29th St., Phoenix B R O A D W A Y C A R W A S H , 1016 E. Broadway, Tempe C R IM P E R S L T D ,/1 1 E. University Dr., Tempe E M P IR E D ISCO U N T LIQ U O RS, 3939 E. Indian School Rd., Phoenix M C D O N A LD ’S , 24th St. & Osborn, Phoenix G E N T L E M A N 'S T O U CH M A S S A G E , 699 N. Scottsdale Rd., Tempe C A R A V A N INN, 3333 E. Van Buren, Phoenix Single layer »$4.99 Double layer *$5.99 SALE GOING ON NOW! O ne b lo ck north o f University on Forest, Tem pe Hours: Thursday 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. M onday thru Friday 10 a m to 6 p m iiiiirwknM»wi' h o im h m m h i H H | April 1, 1977 State Depressed Page 7 Nichodalenthrowup isolated R ats expire from chem ical found b y eager scien tists The list of substances harmful when eaten by rats is rapidly increasing due to the discovery of' a new chemical, ASU research scientists announced today. Major items to be banned from the market by the F ederal D rug A dmin­ istratio n include green vegetables, fru its con­ taining natural sugars and three brands of toilet bowl cleaner, said Dr. Richard N. .Release, head of ASU’s research team. Test rats on a constant diet of the above substances have been found to* walk on their hind legs and recite haiku poetry in seven foreign tongues before dying in agony, Release said. The ehemical nicho­ dalenthrow up has been found to exist in. many substances to be banned front the market by the FDA, Release said. include spastic paralysis, nymphomania, hang nails and cancer, he said. . “Although nichodalen­ throwup has been detected in small amounts only in most of the substances to be banned by the FDA, we feel that banning them is the only safe way to be sure,” Release said. throwup is far from com­ plete, Release said. His team is currently testing 200 brands of canned fruit and frozen pizzas, among other things. “We are readying another list of substances to send to the FDA,” R’elease said. “Right now, test rats seem to show an aversion to certain bread molds, chewing gum, turkey ham, excessive am ounts of Colorado River water and different types of motor oil. The final results should be ready next week 2-month study The two-month-old study conducted by Release and a team of 36 investigative reporters and editors and student interns from the nursing college releases a weekly report of its findings ‘Never be sure’ to th e FDA for con­ “You can never be sure,” sideration. A total of 382 Release said.' “We just want items have been banned to be safe.” from the market since February. ■ Dr. John Cock, - super­ “The FDA must take visor of the research team, responsibility for the health commended Release on his and happiness of th e extensively docum ented American people,” said a study that is sending shockspokesman for the FDA. waves through American “The only way we can msure society. Dysfunction found this is to ban harmful , “And just think,” Cock Nichodalenthrowup, in­ products.” said.. “Just three months Far from complete gested in large amounts, ago we were ready to fire can cause many functional The list of substances Release for incompetence. and dysfunctional body containing nichodalen­ But just look at him now.” disorders, Release said. Some of these disorders CALL NOW! [602] 277-4877 FOR INFORMATION ON AN EXCITING NEW CAREER OPPORTUNITY IN LAW AS A Lu sh is O K a fter su rg e ry ASU Head Football Coach Frank Lush is in satisfac­ tory condition today after doctors removed a 250pound malignancy from his right foot. D octors at Dumpy Community Hospital said Lush is resting comfortably despite sudden outbursts of obscenities and yelling, “All in all, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.” Doctors are not certain what type of malignancy was removed, but believe it may be a case of the rare Hawaiian Rocky disease. The malignancy resemble<$a loafing football player, they said. O N AU . FA N CY IC E C R E A M CA K ESA N D P IE S j th e berries" 2052 E. SOUTHERN»TEMPE (SHALIMAR VILLAGE) A T T E N T IO N STUD EN TS Is your life worth $9.00? ASSISTANT' 3201 North 16th Street Phoenix, Arizona 85016 to PRE-SEASON PRICES: Deckers, the fun' shoes, are made of soft neoprene foam with layers of splashy color. The unique toe grip plus textured top and bottom soles enable you to be surefgpted when wading, cllmbingcrdoing anything aclive. The1 toe strqpa are nylon parachute straps wbleb^ won't break or come loose. Mfg. Sug. Retail $6.99 Double Stripe Mfg. Sug. Retail $8.88 Triple Stripe Mfg. Sug. Retail $10.88 ' 'WU* L snye.SRnwtadtffeVT. ilf’ '¡yrf > M F*. fe wc „ ♦6.44 QO § , 0 0 Quick Action in an emergency can spell the difference between life or death! If you’re in shock or unconscious, Med-A-Card can speak for you. It provides medical personnel with critical information they need to begin immediate treatment when every second counts. Don’t take a chance with your life! Think of.it. What other $9.00 investment can you make to save your life in an emergency? You can’t afford to take a chance with your life or that of a loved one now that there’s Med-A-Card. Med-A-Card gives the facts to those helping you which can save precious time. No one should be without it. There are many benefits in having a Med-A-Card. One important benefit could be the saving of your life. Nine dollars seems little in comparison. ♦9.44 No one should be without a Med-A-Card Family mambarshlps now available for $12.00. Protect every member of your immediate family for Juat $12.001 HARD W O O D O A K V DIRECTOR'S CHAIRS S T U D E N T D ISCO U N T ♦l00Off C h a irs com e in vat dyed, heavy duty canvas duck, in m any decora­ tor colors. Reg. $22.95. Your Josten's Representative in Store ) Mon. - Tues. - Wed. April 4 - 5 - 6 10 AM to 4:30 PM TO CELEBRATE WERE GIVING WARMUP Single Stripe A SPECIAL Ring Day op If not, don’t read further! "LAW YER'S . . . TH E JCfiSL Paralegal t g Institute M ere Our Price ♦19.77 MED-A-CARD, Inc., P.O. Box 4296 Scottsdale, AZ 85258 Please rush my Med-A-Card Name Address 2 for $39.00 _ C ity _____ at the ACT NOW! MAIL TODAY OR CALL [602] 948-9119 COLLECT .S t Z ip . Telephone UNIVERSITY BOOKSTORE 5% Discount .F a m ily Mem bership Individual Card PHOENIX NORTH PH O EN IX W EST 728 E. G le n d a le Ave. 35th Ave. & B e th a n y H om e 944-8633 973-0198 Charge to M asterCharge # .E x p ire s . Charge to BankAm ericard # .E x p ire s . Check Enclosed fo r _____ ASU Page 8 State Depressed April 1, 1977 >, ^^ i :« ^ a v v m '> v ir '^ y v r i» v y í//v w .w " W A K 1w/¿iÉ«>»'. Äf*vy»vw*v*v*vrfyrf'i-v yi¥*f#'4Vi i-ipiri i, i9 ff o iäic ucfjicööeu ra g e ► ♦♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ceooooosco KRAPTVÍ Highlights 4:30 p.m, Star Trek — The celestial chumps' are tragically transported to the good old U.S. of A. in the 1960s. Spock is arrested for evading the drafts Capt. Kirk obeys his sense of duty, goes to. Vietnam, and massacres scores of villagers; Uhura goes underground with the Black Panther Party; Scotty is' deported for being an illegal alien and Chekov starves to death in a Siberian prison camp. The series is canceled. 6 p.m. — The Sick of Crock News — Stale and trivial “news” presented by Bill “Not Even” Close, “Mary “Go Further” W e s t, a meteorologist from Ringling Bros, and a smorgasbord of ethijife re p o rte rs. T onight’s en tire ' show is devoted to a documentary revealing “Ants in Arizona Live in Little Tiny Holes in the Ground.” r 7 p.m. — The Waltons —yohn Boy has to give up his career as a novelist when stricken with tertiary syphilis. Grandpa is sent to Sing Sing for molesting the younger children and the family’s barnyard animals. In the final “Nighty-night” scene the camera focuses in on the eyeholes cut into the family’s sheets for Ku Klux Klan meetings. 8 p.m. — The Annual Emmy Awards — The “Emmy Awards Show” receives an Emmy Award for the best “Emmy Awards Show.” Mary Tyelr Moore gets an award for breaking wind. The new ‘Tm Mad As Hell And I’m Not Going To Take It Anymore” award is given posthumously to Freddie Prinze. Cheapist's Rolls towed far away The owner of Tempe Center, Milton Cheapist, had his 1977 Silver Shadow Rolls Royce towed T hursday from the center’s parking lot after hte broke his own infamous parking edict' and crossed the no-man’sland of Mill Avenue to buy some gold fish for his pet piranha. Cheapist’s friend, Ray “Hookem-up” Dudley, claimed credit for the hijacking of the $30,000 car. Dudley owns and operates Amerikan Confiscation Service and has been in the towing business aloñg with his 1901póühd Germán shepherd, “S.S.,” for 20 years. Dudley credited a fantastic surveillance system "which in­ cludes Rip-Off H, a spy satellite launched by VeDe Amin Dada and two blind spotters who choose cars to be towed in an orderly hit-or-miss fashion. “I make the owner of the car pay based on what I think he can pay. We like to use Gestapo tactics to get our money,” Dudley said in a phone interview from his barbed-wire fortress in Tempe. Dudley admitted his profits were more than $230 million in 1976 even though his taxes amounted to only $3.65. Dudley said he used shrewd business tactics to make his money. An Internal Revenue Service spokesman in San Francisco said Dudley threatened to tow every car in the West if his taxes were raised above his 1948 level when he made $28.86 as an informant for his father’s towing business. Jg ^ DONT IGNORE ME! U SE ME! *2.00 OIF ANY LARGE PIZZA *1.00 OFF ANY IVIED. PIZZA UNIVERSITY PIZZA HUT 955 E. Univ. 968-3989 piçgp * t lU t • Film • Gallery Programs • Hostesses • Ideas & Issues • Entertainment • Recreation • Activities Board Information and applications are available in the M.U. Activities Center. DEADLINE IS APRIL 8 N O T IC E THE STATE PRESS is accepting applications for all editorial staff positions for the Fall 1977 semester. Interested students should read the job descriptions posted at Student Employment in Matthews Center, pick up a student referral form there, and come to the STATE PRESS office, Stauffer Hall A-111 to fill Out an application. Thedeadline for applications for editor i s 9:00a.m., April 11. The following staff positions are open for application until 3:00 p.m., April 15: Managing Editor City Editor Assistant City Editor [2] News Editor , Sports Editor Assistant Sports Editor Photo Editor Photographsr [2] Reporter [6] Arts & Entertainment Reporter Copy Chief •Rim Person [4] Editorial Artist Circulation Co-Manager [2] These are part-time, salaried positions. A journalism major is not required, but newspaper experience, Is helpful. FOR FURTHER INFORMATION, CALL 7572 — — ¡» M B » o o L ey s g 1216 E. Apache in Tempe ^ PRESENTS BOB MEIGHAN MONDAY, APRIL 4 $3.00 Cover for the Whole Night JEAN - LUC PONTY 12:01 a.m. — High Flight — The popular “I have slipped the surly bonds” poem is read over, footage of a KLM jumbo jet smashing into a sardine-packed Pan American 747. y TUESDAY, APRIL 12 ______ Tickets $5.00 — Available Now IAN MATTHEWS SUNDAY, APRIL 17 Tickets $5.00 NEW ASASU FOR YOU ALL SHOWS AT 7:30 & 10:30 PM Jo - Ruprecht DOOLEY'S SPECIALS - Sunday -- Jazz Nite in Our Lounge, NO COVER Wednesday - Muggers Nite & Turtle Races, V% Price prinks 10c & 15c Beer »Thursday - 60's Nite All Drinks and Beer 60c for Executive Vice President CARPET SPECIALS CARPET HOUSE an M U . Com m ittee EXPIRES APRIL 8, 1977 10:30 p.m. — The Tonight Show — Ex-marine Ed McMahon strangles Johnny Carson after asking how cold it was to which comedian Carson replied, “Shut your f###ing c###face you gtitittttitn s###head!” Karen'Ann Quinlan is wheeled in with the help of a 50-foot extension cord as guest host and the ratings go up. 9x12 Used Rugs ¿ -« c n All Sizes In Stock * / A pply for chairperson of Just Because I'm a Coupon. 10 p.m. — Primitive Video — , A new show from PBS.’ The Uppa U Snnoudt tribe from Mongolia is given the op­ p o rtu n ity to m ake an autobiographical documentary. They consume large quantities of video equipment and rape the female BBC advisers. A Invest your assets In the M.U. M l mm i H» f i l l1 A riz o n a 's Fin est E n te rta in m e n t Facility OCWMSOM'ik g f FOR INFORMATION CALL: 968-2447 1 Tickets Available at Dooley's & Odyssey 1516 E. Van Buren ____ Phoenix oÿfl á W § H |ïïi 0 ¡ p » íf ---- rntárntÉOH .'tiNitíVkxmXtHUKiwa Page 10 State Depressed April 1,1977 Garbage piiimimiimimiimmiiiHimiiNiNmiHiiiiiiiiHiiiiiiiiiiiiniiiiiiiiiiNiiiinimiiHiiiiimiiiiiiffi Announcements Dates Clubs YESTERDAY Alpha Beta Lambda Selta meet at 4 p.m. in the Cocaine Room to discuss plan its trip to Oz. All members are welcomed. TODAY will Sexilon Epsilon Messilon will MU. elect officers at 2 p.m. in the and FU Contraceptive Room. ex­ Organization for the Continuence of Apathy will not meet Campus Organization for Fail­ in order to continue their ing Students will meet' with disbelief that ASU exists. Ferd Mauler at 2 a.m. in his Las Vegas apartment to learn Professors United for Tenure how to become an A student. will meet in Morris Stasky’s Cleveland apartment to look Feminist United for Action up the definition of freedom. will hold a rally in front of President Swada at 9 p.m. in NU Cashier Clerks will meet Dooley’s Lounge in order to with the Accounting Depart­ ment at 1 p.m. in the men’s get some action. bathroom to learn how to Women in Communications check I.D. stamps. will meet with the men in communications at 3 a.m. in ASASU will meet with Warren ’ Sumpners at 10 a.m. to deter­ an effort to communicate. mine when Suifipners will sell Siga Siga Siga presents the his house to pay- ASA their famed film, “Gay Greeks,” at concert profits. 1:30 a.m. in the SSS House living room. All are invited but Chi High Chi will erect a only those wearing tight pants memorial on Cady Mall at 5 will be admitted. p.m. The fraternity is donating Places Meetings the giant ceramic joint to all ASU students who believe in wasting time. TOMORROW Free Spirit has challenged the Feminist United for Action to an arm wrestjing contest at 3 a.m. Free Spirit said the event should put an end to the rumor that members of the organization have limp wrists. National Gym nastics f • Championships Department of Chemistry has planned a mock seminar on “Does Acid Really Burn,” at 6 p.m. in the chemistry depart­ ment’s storeroom. Center for Higher Education invites all the higher educated people in the Valley area to a panel discussion on “How High is Your Education,” at 9 a.m. in the MU Mushroom Room. STATE PRESS is published by Arizona State University Tuesday through Friday during the academic year, except holidays and examination periods. Entered as second class matter at Tempe, AZ 85281. Arizona State University j March 31-April 2«1977 The Teachings MAUNDAY THURSDAY • 7:00 • (Danforth Chapel) with Holy Communion GOOD FRIDAY • 7:00 • (Danforth Chapel) GAMMA DELTA LUTHERAN For more information call 967-2660 Jose Cuervo. (asexcerpted from Chapter 27of The Book.) ^O LNN A<7* k*$TAUkANT n o w . Yes, Chapter 27, wherein it says that Jose Cuervo is not only the original, since 1795, supreme, premium, ultimate w hite tequila. But, goes on to say that Jose Cuervo, as the ultimate, is also the ultimate mixer. '■' •; .. A s a true test, simply pick one from C olum n A and one from C olum n B. M open F fA T U k lN ^ AN> » T O S E cuE E vo^w nm lO S E C U m V O ’WHlTE W c O E E V O m im 4 \o S E CUER.VO’WHTTE X to s E O J E f e v o y m m tOSE CUEÄ.VO W HITE to s E C v m v o x n ttT E p S E C U E W O W tr lOSECUEB-VO^WHlT }lO SE C U E E .V O W H r Il . ORANGUJUIC* « X K T A IL L 0 U N « , APIUCOT FEATURING Gyros Sandwiches .................. $1.75 Shishkebob ............................... $3.75 Sandwich ............................... $1.75 M ousaka.................................... $2.75 Pastichio ............................... .I $2.75 •HAPPY HOUR 4-6 PM« • Well Drinks - 60c • Specializing in Ouzo • YOUR • Peter Reveliotis HOSTS • Mike Manos Hours 11 a.m. -1 a.nvs Daily 968-5662 I12J SOUTH RURAL kOANTWE ARIZONA i COLUMN - t. BEEF b R 0 ^ . T O M * ? 0 ,iU lC r* T O N IC z,.r v a w o T i ' ' 1® , 8 . c 9. 10 f i ,6 iWwwDuwmpi»i>auimw

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INTERESTED 1253V IN SOMETHING A Classic Speaker YOU DONT SEE? ALL THREE LOCATIONS .6 & HAVE SLASHB) PRICES ON ALL STOCK. EVEN SALE ITEMS MAY BE PUT IN LAYAWAY FOR UP TO 10 MOS. FINANCING AVAILABLE NEW LOCATION WAREHOUSE LOCATION 3529 W. Northern 4015-0 N. 16th St. & Indian School Rd. in Fry's Shopping Center 0 35th Ave. By Alpha Beta TEMPELOCATION 911 S. Mill & University in the Tempe Center 937-1335 2644717 968-0245 DYNAMITE PRICES! PLEASE NO PHONE QUOTES LETS WHEL & DEAL April 1,1977 State Depressed Page 15 Officials told 'hands o ff ASASU' An Arizona Bored of Regents r u lin g passed today prohibits University ad­ m in istrato rs from interfering in Associated Student’s allocation of student fees. R egent Dw ight P attycake said ASASU officers have shown a good deal of prudence and responsibility in dispersal of student funds since the Arizona legislature’s passage of the student fees bill. “Students deserve to make their own judgments without University officials tampering with their plans,” Pattycake said. ASASU projects. Included are: —The recent construction of ASASU’s official campus bar, “Flesh Devil.” Administrators say their primary ob­ jection is to services rendered by the facility. Student officials argue for the bar’s merit by citing the number of bartender, cocktail waitress, and dancer jobs for students, along with other money-making opportunities inherent in such a business. —April purchase of the Erotica motel in Phoenix. Dave Rotten, ASASU president, has not yet announced plans for the Erotica, but says he intends to wait for the state legislature to grant students legal immunity for all fund­ Administrators say their primary objections are to the most recent raising activities. . —A joint contracting of Acne Con­ struction Co. with Ferd Mauler, ASU athletic director, and head football coach Frank Lush to build an affiliation to “Flesh Devil” on th e co rn er of University and Rural, off the ASU campus. Plans for the facility have not been finalized, but a hotel-gambling casino-massage parlor-adult book storeathletic training complex is undey consideration. Dr. George Shamm, vice president for student affairs, said .he objects to ASASU’s projects because college students should not be exposed to vices such as sex and liquor while pursuing Tightened security needed for ASU athlete's protection Security will be tightened at all ASU athletic events next year to protect the athletes, the manager of ticket sales said Thursday. Terry Wxzcfjutlewitch said *th e new s«<*uritv measures are necessary because of the animosity shown towards athletes this year. “During both the football and bask etb all seasons there were frequent shouts of, ‘Kill the bums.’ Dr. Mauler and I just want to make sure this doesn’t actually happen. “We are trying to keep the athletes and students separate,” he said. ‘That way, no one will ever be able to mistake an athlete for a student and vice versa. Wxzcfjutlewitch said the new safety measures will make the gates at the Activity Center and Sun Devil Stadium look much like security in an airport. “We will have metal detectors for each fan that enters a gate. In addition there will be armed guards at the gates and scattered randomly throughout the crowd. “We are cu rren tly negotiating with both the KGB and the John Harvey Adamson Detective Agency to find the lowest bidder to provide the guards,” he said. Wxzcfjutlewitch said the students wishing* to buy tickets must also qualify for a new fingerprinted ID card before attending events. athletic “No longer will simply being a student qualify you to buy tickets to athletic ev en ts. We will check library records. Those who have returned books late and had to pay fines will not get an ID. We can no longer have people with criminal records attending these athletic events,” he said. Wxzcfjutlewitch said the athletic department would also check a stu d e n t’s records for traffic tickets, re p o rt Cards (for u n ­ satisfactory citizenship) and to see if he has ever been sent to the principal. Any one of th e se would disqualify a student from getting an ID, he explained. vigorous courses of study. Pattycake defended ASASU’s actions. “I am pleased to see students at ASU complementing their study programs with healthy activities,” Pattycake said, “and will support ASASU to the extent of my ability in their quest to ease the terrible burden placed on students by reducing graduation credit requirements to 20.” Pattycake and his self-proclaimed best friend, Tempter Parley, millionaire owner of a Phoenix car demolition service company, are frequent visitors at the “Flesh Devil.” “I think it is in the primary interest of all students for me to come down to their level and communicate,” Pattycake said. R e g e n ts get p la ste re d , re c e iv e jail se n te n ce s The first day of ASU’s oncampus liquor sales ended in disaster as seven members of the Arizona Board of Regents got plastered and started fighting over which school was cheaper, Heber High or Arizona State. Campus Security had to break up the disturbance with tear gas and night sticks, and took the regents off to the cooler. Police Chief Forge Hays said, “We will have to increase precautions now that liquor is on campus because , th e older generation doesn’t know the difference between Fun Devil Stadium and the true campus atmosphere.” Hays said the regents would be sentenced to five day sin prison and must listen to the preaching of the Rev. George Jed Smock. Smock raised minor wrath while he spoke on the evils of womanhood and homo­ sexuality in March at ASU. Angles want reform Members of "the Bum Angle others, prominent members of Foundation, a benevolent charity the group, including former organization which raises Republican chairman Harvey millions of dollars for the ASU Rosenberger and Judge Walter athletic dep artm en t, have Cretin. unanim ously . adopted a Another story, dealing with resolution calling for prison Bum Angel A. J . Promoto, who reform. plans to build the world’s largest A Bum Angle spokesman dog track next to the athletic denied the action was taken in, complex, was canceled upon response to a series of advice from lawyers. newspaper stories dealing with The resolution praised athletic organized crime in Arizona. The fund-raising as a “tremendous reports have focused on, among form of public service work. ” Department of Political Science KSGR Presents SPECIAL TOPICS, Fall 1977 We invite you to consider the following special topics courses in preparing your Fell schedule. • N o w , re liv e th o se th rillin g d a y s of y esteryea r w ith o u r e x c lu s iv e threeh o u r n o s ta lg ia trip • G r e a t m o m e n ts in m usic, sp o rts, dram a, m ystery, new s, a d s an d b lo o p e rs • H o w the L o n e R a n g e r first s a d d le d up • A m o s m ee ts A ndy • W h e n E lv is w a s just an o th e r s in g e r • T u h e to 1440 on y ou r A M d ia l e very S u n d a y from 10 S SO 0 LUID D g Go O lL d D R RA A D IO A M to 1 P M KSGR 1 4 4 0 AM LED Z E P P E L IN rescheduled Wednesday, July 20 8 p.m. University Activity Center Approximately 4,000 tickets go on sale MONDAY, APRIL 4, at Gammage Box Office and Diamond s Select-A-Seat outlets. $ 0 6 0 « $ g 5 0 « $ 7 5 0 These are returned tickets from the cancelled concert, some for choice seats. LIMIT: 6 TICKETS PER PERSON I S ■ POS 494 Comparative Legal Systems Professor Hink, m 2:40-5:30 A comparative analysis of the legal concepts and institu­ tions of American and European countries. POS 494 Political Economy Professor Wolf, T 1:40-4:30 A study of the political economy of corporate capitalism and the welfare state together with an examination of radical alternatives. POS 494 Water Policies Professor Rice, T Th 7:40-8:55 An examination of water resource policy with a special emphasis oh the Central Arizona Project. POS 494 Theories of Federalism Professor Mason, T Th 10:40-11:55 . An examination of alternative theories of federalism with examples from the United States and other federal systems. -* ./ POS 494 Dissent and Detente Professor Nechemias, TTh 9:40-2:55 An exploration of the nature of dissent in the Soviet Union and its impact on Soviet-American relations. POS 494 Theory of Public Policy Professor Keat i ng, MWF 8:40-9:30 An examination of political theory drawn from economic principles. POS 443 Analytical Political Theory Professor Reader, T Th 9:15 - 10:30 V An examination of the impact of technology on Western political institutions through the works of contemporary theorists. POS 444 Normative Political Theory Professor Reader T Th 10:40-11:55 An examination of action-philosophy with particular attention to current political theories and ideological movements. Page 16 State Depressed April 1,1977 Snorts & Derangement Cutie makes Drooley's bash After a trying day at the office (I broke two fingernails), your cutie pie reporter donned her infamous copper jumpsuit to attend the Jerkasis concert at Drooley’s Tuesday night. As I alighted from my custom built Jaguar XJ12 (a gift), I was so knocked out by the exciting atmosphere outside Drooley’s, I nearly toppled from my 12 inch fluorescent blue Roman sandals. Clouds of Jerkasis fans swarmed about the entrance like yellow M o o n lig h te r e d ito r h o o fs fo r 'n e w act' Meager wages and a desire to improve his image of the State Depressed has prompted its editor to put together what he terms “a new act.” Stan Dinkle sings and dances in a two-hour medley of songs he says “gives the audience a taste of what it’s like to be a jour­ nalist. jackets, frenzied with an­ them last. Lead singer Solar Moon (Sun Myung’s son) no ticipation. My appearance caused a near longer appears in an aluminum riot, and I had to resort to foil pinafore. Solar’s costume is a smashing signing flesh autographs with my ensemble — a pink carnation remaining fingernails. Once inside, I was shown to codpiece, bile green fishnet my seat and served a Rosay tights, a frogskin halter (the special (vermouth and root beer). newest in chic) and knee-high Ask for it next time you’re there. black gym shoes. His makeup is I missed the opening band, more tastefully applied (he got called Led Balloon or something rid of that horrid chartreuse (they were boring) because I had lipstick) and his hair is no longer to re-layer my mascara in the worn in a chignon (he shaved it powder room (those savages off in deference to his father). Lead guitarist Bryan (Bucky) outside smeared it). I told the lead singer that he looked like a Beaver has acquired a set of dandelion (terminal frizzies) and braces. He shocked the audience his last name turned out to be by playing his guitar with his Plant. Pretty funny, huh? I teeth. Also shocked himself. returned to my seat, makeup Whatta show stopper. No, fans, the ambulance wasn't part of the intact, in time to see Jerkasis. They have completely act, but wasn’t it great theatre? —Rosay Mateus revamped their act since I saw PASSOVER SEDER Sunday 7:00 p.m. We can place you with a family for Seder either night of Pesach. To arrange for this service call 967-7563. $1.50 • 967-6664 • 967-6664 jcfink [Mar. 31 ih ,ANIXERCISf INPOORTASI! DM NE AND EDY WITH THE P tiK FLAMINGOS GANG in §JOHN WATERS LfenvUc.1 x IApr. 3 W GH □1 d HM D A A p r. 5 ' IS 007 S ta rts . Sunday É BACK! [T liu s n PRESENTED BY ASASU CULTURAL AFFAIRS BOARD B i4 VALLEY ART \film in l.m aW iTtnm lliT W k j V \ ir n n f V v U l Aw ay: MEMORIA L UNIOti MOVIE HOUSE FULL COURSÉ TRADITIONAL MEAL AND HAGGADAH READING Sponsored by Hillel V a lle y A r t I M O NITHURS. ÏLLINI JKÊSÊBKSBBBBBBÊBBtBÊÊÊm Seder at Ross Hall 215 E. University Dr. "09 S. Mill Avo. - Now I Showing A Tuaa. m Reservations by April 1 and necessary to pay in advance 967-7563 $5 students $8 faculty and staff AT i 09 S. Mill Ave. -S t a r t s “ APRIL 3 5:30 V a lle y A r t I M O NITHURS. It's G E O R G E SE G A L an d GOLDIE HAW N conning th e ir w ay th ro u g h th e old w e st in a b risk a n d baw dy com edy. “These are songs I think people can really get into,” Dinkle said excitedly during a recent interview in his studio. His show includes such great classics as “Take a Letter Marcia,” “Paper Lion,” “TwentyOne Bottles of Beer on the Wall,” and “Slingin’ Ink at 3 a.m.” Dink’s finale is a spectacular rendition of Leon Russell’s “Tightwire,” which he does while balancing on a cable. Dinkle is accompanied by a one-man band who al£o doubles as a spot for his finale. “I put a lot of work in this show because I wanted people to get the true picture, to know the real me,” Dinkle said. “Besides, I’m not getting paid what I deserve.” The talented editor can be seen on the corner of University and College at 8 p.m. nightly. Tickets are two bits. l the DUCHESS A N D mm wm m gm 1W®gm! A NEW PH O N E NUM BER FO R BOOKING Call 967-6770 or 947-6040 Thank you Russell Ken Steve Jackson THE DIRTW ATER Saturday, 7 and 9:30 pm • Sunday, 2 and 7 pm $1 Adm ission with ASU I D., $1.50 without April 1,1977 State Depressed Page 17 N o w playing Q ) 1*77 WARNER BROS INC The Semi Sisters [I to r] Annabelle, Jezebelle, Lulubelle and Frank, are currently appearing at Uncertain Persuasions, Mon thru Fri. Their show features truck driving songs, soft core rock, and various kitchen utensils. The group is available for consultation at a Tupperware party following the show. Electric guitar affair sparks Toad's oust Rotor'Renfrew, lead singer for the Cosmic Toads, shows his disappointment after being oust* ed from the band. He was dismissed after admitting to an affair with his electric guitar. His replacement is a 7-foot transves­ tite, Pork, formerly of Trichin­ osis. A RT C AR NEY^ LILY TOM LIN «“T H E LATE SHOW ” Alsosumng B IL L MACY.«. E U G E N E RO CH E "'“‘“g R O B E R T A L T M A N USSg RO B E R T BEN TO N NO PASSES, DISCOUNTS OR ASU INTRAMURAL TICKETS, PLEASE. A WARNER COMM UN 1C AT IONS COMPANY A STARTS TODAY! Exclusive! osco® « rp e so o o o e o e o o o e o o o o o e o o 9 0 lie N ATURAL DYESTUFFS • M ORDANTS • YARN S F L E E C E • SPIN N IN G & W E A V IN G E Q U IPM EN T FEATHERS • BEADS BASKETRY D YLO N D YES • BATIK S U P P L IE S * • A N D M U CH M O R E * mÊOÊm ÏHSSMXK »osoeooo oseeoooeoeooeeeoeeeeooc 1 I One Week Only M E E T T H E M A G IC IA N S . No introductions needed here: you know who they are. R eturn to Forever. Brilliant musicians with their collective consciousness firmly fixed on greatness.The leaders of this exceptional crew ju st trium phed in down beat's R eaders’ Poll Awards as Best Pianist and Best Bassist. (That’s the same bassist whom Rolling Stone recently honored as Jazzman of the Year.) Hear R eturn to Forever at w ork—on a brand-new album. It’s called “Musicmagic’,’ and it’s magic, all right. It could be R eturn to Forever’s biggest album ev er—and you don’t have to be clairvoyant to know that. , “Musicmagic!’ R eturn to Forever’s newest sorcery on Columbia Records and Tapes. Produced oy Chick Corea. Corproduced by Stanley Clarke. w a rre n B e a tty ■ Columbia marcasreg t i 977cbsinc |3 A p p ea rin g at G rady dam m ag e A u ditorium A p ril 6th Available at O d ysse y R eco rd s *'*■5i3iftöi3Ä.à.'aVVx pmmmmvmiiImbkhhh WtÊÊÈKÊÊBÊUÊ Page 18 State Depressed April 1,1977 _______ Captions... That might have been flSflSU CULTURAL AFFAIRS BO ARD N€€8 HALL FILMS FRIDRV t "Kemper whor urn, m JO H N W AYNE LAUREN BACALL “THE SH O O TIST” ■ $ 1.00 uu/ñSU ID $ 1.50 uu/o 1 SATURDAY LJ 9 PM ;.HE$AD| Go direcflyT King of nvfci Gardens! 11 PM SUNDA;a*- £§fp Aprii 1,197? State Depressed Page 19 Kaehina Battle Stop S prout’s m isdirected passes will primarily go in the general vicinity of receiver John “All The P r e s i d e n t ’s M en” Washington. J e f f e r s o n Adams Lincoln Nixon C art# . “John what’s-his-name “Last year our boys fouhd became a problem last out just what it takes to lose year,” stammered Lush consistently and w e’re while pinching Mr. Green hopeful the momentum will Jeans. “He got to too many carry over to this season,” passes that never shoulda Lush explained at the Capt. been caught, making T.I. Kangaroo Lounge while look almost competent. , polishing off a pitcher of “If he tries that crap Shirley Temples and then again, we’ll start enrolling licking it dry. him in a few classes and get “After messin’ around all his arse outta here!” Lush mumbled that the during camp, we were offensive backfield could be pretty down before the start a trouble spot with the of last season, what with graduation!?) of running every mental midget and his mother-in-law sticking us in the Top Ten,” Lush slurred between gulps. “But after our impressive opening loss to . . . right, UCLA, I knew all that screwin’ around had paid off and my only concern was g ettin g th e atten tio n (belch!) of the national media.” Lush said he was “pleased as spiked punch” with last year’s no. 1,433 ranking (1,431 by U PIj; but promises he and his squad won’t be resting on their laurels. ê wm Ruth and Jim Benthin Call 966-0362 O PE N 8 A .M . -1 A .M . DAILY 'INCLU D ING H O LID A Y S 1885 E. Apache Blvd. backs “Not Even Fairly Fast” Freddy Fillums and Mark “GPA” Shovett. Fillums left ASU to take a post at Nevada-Las Vegas as academic advisor. Lush, however, feels the loss of Shovett will hurt most. “Whenever we needed a fumble to kill a drive, ol’ GPA was right there,” he said. Lush then apologized, saying he was incapable of commenting further. He then grabbed Grandfather Clock by the pendulum, dragged him to the door whispering, “Ever play ball, big boy?” turned to th e bar and blurted, “Losing isn’t everything, it’s the only thing!” Wêêê K ê V Drive-In Liquor b Groceries Collector Bottles Loss momentum to carry, hopes a starry-eyed Lush Buoyed by last year’s Bottom Ten finish, head football coach and local skin merchant Frank “Call Me Sugar" Lush is looking forward to this year’s, grid season w ith e ag e r an­ ticipation. Si «MB’ m : If Wm Terape, Arizona 85281 M/. Applications for M.U. Committee and Union Board Chairpersons are available at the M.U. Activities Center m DEADLINE IS APRIL 8 For information call 965-3406 - The c h a le n g e . Your ehallongo is to discover w ords of four Isttors In this pentagon. D iscover them by following the straight lines to and from the letters, form ing w ords as you go. You may not use tw o of the sam e letters In any one word. If you can make 3 0 w o rd s or m ore, y o u ’ve m et the challenge. “We were able to surprise teams with our ineptness early last year because no, one, not even us, knew how totally disgusting we really were,” bragged Lush, face down at the bar. “This year we’ll have to make ad­ justments — hey, who’s buyin’ the next pitcher?!” “Like me and my staff became concerned late last year with the success of our defensive backfield,” Lush croaked, “so last night we looked at films at the Erotica and decided this season we’d go without one. I figure once those Pinko Eastern jock sniffers get a whiff of the scores other teams pile up on us, well finally get the discredit we deserve — hey, wanna buy a picture of the offensive line makin’ it with a tackling dummy? Two bucks." Lush’s team returns a slew of street urchins and bungling misfits from last year’s squad. Most notable will be the presence of Dino “The Interceptor” Sprout, who led the Devils to many an aborted drive last year. “T.I. hasn’t done the job for us for three years and there’s no reason to believe he won’t be able not to do it ag ain ,” ,rem arked Lush while fumblingvfor change. When there’s a challenge, quality makes the difference. W We hope you have som e fun with the challenge. T h e re’s another challenge w e’d like to offer you, too. The Pabst challenge: We w elcom e the ch ance to prove the quality of our beer. We challenge you to taste and com pare Pabst Blue Ribbon to any other prem ium beer. Y o u ’ll like Pabst better. Blue Ribbon quality m eans the best tasting beer you can get. S in ce 1844 it alw ays has. PABST Since 1844.The quality has always come through. C 1 97 7 P A B S T B R E W I N G C O M P A N Y M ilw auk ee W is P e o n a H e ig h ts ill N e w a rk N J L o s A n g e le s C alif Pabst G e o rgia MS; iiii|^«i|iSMIjWS|îi«.~n»iiiicwniryiTrtrii,w.'r’ii«r'iVTriTnTT~i~Trf I Page 20 State Depressed April 1, Ì977 It 1 Bulk bags basketball bonus-baby ASU has landed the most only way we could get the guy. highly so u g h t-after prep He’s not your ordinary player. basketball player in the nation, We have to have a good year in either basketball or football and Alfred Bing of Brooklyn, N. Y. The clincher came in the wee Frank Lush has already screwed hours last night, the State up the recruiting for the football D epressed learned, when team.” Freshman forward Johnny. basketball coach Led Bulk agreed Bing could have the living Hash agreed with Bulk. “It’s accommodations he desired if he going to be a great thing for me, man. Shoot, I didn’t show him all would play for ASU. Bing's choice was Grady around the campus when he was down here for nothin'. I better be Gammage Auditorium. ASU’s Athletic Director Ferd able to use the place when I want Mauler said, "Hey, that’s the to bring a chick home,” Hash W' 'ffa m said. On the opposite side is senior running back Freddie Jilliams. “This irritates the livin’ hell out of me. Everyone knows I am the greatest athlete to play here. Shoot, I brought more money to this school than the whole basketball team will ever bring in. I don’t see them wearin’ any Fiesta Bowl watches.” Perhaps the most outstanding athlete at ASU right now is Olympian Berman Dazier. “Hey, it doesn’t upset me. What he Coach issues fuzz ultimatum Two ASU track members who were the most effected by this sudden edict were high jumper Mike Older and distance runner Myle Karney, each the proud possessor of flowing locks and Would a bare-faced Bill Walton beards to match. jump higher? Would the bearded^ “There’s no way that Tm lady be just another pretty face if gonna shave my face,” said she sacrificed her whiskers to the KaTney. ‘T ve had a beard since 1 all-conquering, double-edged was eight y ea rs old. And razor? besides, if I shaved it off, the Fun These and other questions of Devil Ticket Office wouldn’t equal magnitude are being validate my athletic ID.-They'd circulated today around Fun say the picture on the back Angel Stadium after ASU track wasn’t me.” Older was a bit more openc?oach “Curly” Caspitto issued an minded to the proposition. “Hell, ultimatum for all Fun Devil I don’t care. Let Coach Caspitto runners — shave your whiskers. shave my beard off himself if he “If God had meant men to have wants. But if he: does, he better whiskers, he'd have made us all make Farley Furl shave off that porcupines,” Caspitto said. ‘Tve damn go-tee of his. He looks like arranged a special package deal a dictator with it, anyway.” Caspitto, whose idol is Mule with the ‘Gobd News’ diisposable razor company to supply our Brenner, believes th at facial hair team with a good, clean shave is an outward manifestation of every morning. I will not stand individualism which somehow diminishes the all-for-one, onefor any more facial fuzz.” Would the Smith Brothers have turned out a better' cough drop if they’d shaven their beards off before entering the laboratory? There’s . no natural Protection Vegas, but they’re goin’ on probation pretty soon and do you know why? Just because Jerry Barkanian gave me a Corvette and $20,000 cash. My brother, Bernard, got a lot more than that just for goin’ to Tennessee.” Bing guaranteed ASU a national title. “I promised Bulk ^ and Jewman and all the guys on the team that if we don’t win the NCAA, I’ll share my room, as long as it’s a foxy chick,” he said. N O W O P EN ! D R Y G U L C H SA L O O N for-all spirit so’peeessary for the copping of the gonfalon. Assured Caspitto, “The fur, if you' pardon the expression, is about to fly.” 815 N. Scottsdale Rd. in the Riverbottom Old Milwaukee W ell Drinks 19c a glass 69c THIS WEEK’S SPECIALS V2 lb. Chopped Sirloin with Fries 99c B irth defects are fo rever. U n le ss you help. We Will Be Serving Daily . Lunches for *1.95 , March o f Dimes OPEN EVERY DAY 967-9025 THIS SPACE CONTRIBUTED BY THE PUBLISHER Add a new international dimension to your college career with a SIGN UP FOR SEMESTER AT SEA G EO LO G y OF A6LG R IZJ00/J01 ONA The S.S. Universe sails Sept. 7,1977, on a circleAfrica voyage. Join us. FREE COLOR VIEWBOOK Write or phone INSTITUTE FOR SHIPBOARD EDUCATION, Taj Mahal Bldg., P.O. Box 2488, Laguna Hills CA 92653. (714)581-6770 Attn: UG Division better do is go to the Olympic games in 1980. If he doesn’t go, he’s not an American. He’d be called a New Yorker or some derogatory name like that,” Dazier said. Bing said he doesn’t give a damn what anyone else thinks about his room. “I gave ’em two options, man. Either that Grady Gammage place or the seventh floor of.Manzanita. I could have gone to the University of Las Academically affiliated with the University o f Colorado 1 The S.S. Universe is registered in Liberia A RESTAURANT & GARDEN UNDERGROUND ? CREDIT LAB SC IE N C E COURSE-NO PREREQUISITES « TAKE EITHER' DAySECTI0H%TK.1W ll 30 NIGItTS'ECTIOlWu, th*Salt Cellar 550 N. HAYDEN RD. SCOTTSDALE 947-1963 ALL Y O U CAN EAT COM PLETE DINNER BONESBBQ BEEF RIBS ■«aft •-'jpi :fc WITH COLE SLAW, BAKED POTATO, SOUR DOUGH LOAF AND BUTTER : « I m m m $ 0 8 8 . DINNER SERVED 5:30-12 FRIDAY & SATURDAY 5:30-11:00 WEEKDAYS ENTERTAINMENT THURSDAY, FRIDAY AND SATURDAY T O P IC S 1. Minerals and Rocks oF Arizona 2. Fossils o f Arizona 3. Geology ofthe Actional Parks CA LL FO R RESERVA TIO N S Volcanoes of Arizona AND FIELD TRIP TO THE GRAND CANiJON wm m . rriTiTTTnr*A yiT$B!D iiinwn ijfljwiiij April 1,1977 State Depressed Page 21 Now com es M üler tim e ©1976 Th« Miller Brewing Co.. Milwaukee. Wit. i Pagò 22 State Depressed April 1,1977 'Play-DolY State P ress thorn bowl ★ ? ★ Announcem ents collapses ^a^eklp; CHANGING HANDS A SU ’s Fun Devil BOOKSTORE Stadium, which underwent —QUALITY PAPERBACKS-^ BOUND FOR GLORY - Woody Guthrie a costly facelifting recon­ SHIATSU - Finger-pressure Therapy struction in the off season, CHILDBIRTH AT HOME FOOTHOLDS - Philip Slater collapsed in a heap of rubble WE ALMOST LOST DETROITThursday as a result of Try a direct approach True story of a core meltdown at faulty ' workmanship, of­ the Fermi Breeder Reactor. 965-7572 COLORING BOOKS - Op Art, ficials said. Classified Advertising Indian Designs, Wild Flowers, Wizard of Oz, Shakespearian, Middle In an effort to save time Ages & others. and cut expenditures, the MUSIC BOOKS - Bluegrass, Guitar co n tracto rs apparently ★ Services__________ & Banjo, Appalachian Dulcimer, Folk and Rock Guitar, Baroque Recorder, substituted “Play-Doh” for Judy Collins, Leadbelly, Woody EDITING and spelling correcting for reports concrete in the stadium’s and papers. Five years newspaper and Guthrie, John Cage and Pete Seegar. BOOKS ABOUT CASTENADA underlying pillars which magazine editing experience. 967-9390. 1. Seeing Caetenada: Reactions to 4/8 eventually melted in the hot the “Don Juan” writings by Joyce Carol Oates, Carl Oglesby, Sam Arizona sun, authorities WORLD WIDE Cycling Association has Keen, Time, Joseph Chilton Pearce. provided a "Central Registering System" said. 2. Castaneda's Journey: Arguing Don for bicycles from all over the world. Juan£ existance, pro & con, De Mill ASU athletic director, Permanently engraved registration r\um' pits the two views against each other bers applied to 4 places on the bike helps Ferd Mauler, was visibly deter and then “weasels between them to theft and aids in identification. For arrive at the real world." upset about the situation. more Information, call your local WWCA Director, Gene Pbwers, 2535 W. Glendale “This is an outrage. Heads Ave., Tem po 966-0203 Phoenix. 242-4765. 4/1 will roll,” he announced. 9 East F ifth Street 4/1 But after considering the I DO housework. Reasonable rates, own 4{g predicament for a moment, transportation. 968-3083. Mauler approached it more TUNE-UPS. Call Ed between 6-10 p.m. for ir Persona! appointment. Licensed mechanic, THIS SUMMER, I will be traveling and rationally. “I know for a fact weekend low rates. 968-2050. 4/12 camping throughout the Western U.S. I am that the contractors rebuilt, looking for a lady for companionship then and now. 1am 29, a musician, and 1live In a the stadium in a hurry to motorhome. For information, call Drift at DRINNEN’S meet the deadline for the 967-7963. 4/8 MOBILE UNIT Hank Floyd Blight a r­ GURDJIEFF OUSPENSKY Center now Toyota Mechanic chitecture competition. But accepting students. 991-4867. 4/29 Specializing in tune-ups, electrical, and air conditioning. what I didn’t realize was ABBOTT LABORATORIES buy plasma. Call for estimate and appointment that the contractors were Regular, twice-weekly, donors earn $65.00 969-2616 4 /i monthly. Complete physicians physical/ operating under an laboratory tests. 132 S. 2nd St., 258-1777. assumed byline.” 4/29 Frank Lush, Fun Devil ★ Announcem ents_____ football coach, thought the SUMMERTIME AND the living is easy at ir In stru ctio n stadium’s collapse was to the University of Arizona Guadalajara PARACHUTE 12 MILES from Phoenix! Summer School. Write: 1530 E. 6th, $5.00 off with student ID or this ad. the school’s benefit. “It was Tucson. 85719. 4/29 27&4010. 4/29 a thorn bowl anyway,”' he L e b e n s v e r s l c h e r u n g s g e s e l l s c said. “I never did like the haftsagent??? It’s easy to learn — Take PRIVATE OR GROUP chemistry tutoring by an expert. Call Joe, 246-0255. 4/5 lights . . . or the grass . . . or German! 4/1 VAT DOES “ mox nix” mean? Take German, the sidelines . . . or the MEMBER OWNED flying club. C-150’s, $9. 4/1 scoreboard . . . or the C-172, $15. Grumman Traveler, $16.50. vee'11 teach you I 180, $17.50. Bonanza, $24. All ^cheerleaders . . . or the Cherokee prices include gas. Membership $215. ★ W anted players. . . ” Dues $15 a month. 24 hour scheduling service. Academy Flyers. 254-1820. 4/i HAYAY SHALOM. Recorded message. Please phone 249-9234 0r942-6479. 4/29 77 ASU GRADUATES: [Classified Start Here ★ Lost/Found As a service to the1 ASU campus community, WESTERN SAVINGS sponsors this Friday Free Lost & Found Column. ________LOST_______ What is the best avenue of expression for your acquired skills? Free Introductory analysis, Astrological Counseling Clinic 201 East Southern 968-1645 Suite 203A 4/13 INVESTIN YOURSELF “ L in c o ln w a s n o t g re at b e ­ c a u s e h e w a s b o rn in a lo g c a b in , b u t b e c a u s e he g o t o u t o f it . ” Help yourself "out" before your job interviews. Read SHARE A FORTUNE, one of the most important and least expensive Investments you can make in your future. Send-$3.00 to: BROOKHILLS 3730W. BELMONT PHOENIX, AZ. 4/1 _________ 85021 THE DUSTY CHAPS BOOK BAG lost from ASU Bookstore, 3/28/77. Reward. Call Ed, 839-9010. No questions. 4/5 are back by POPULAR DEMAND LOST: ASU wallet with campus athletic and driver's identification cards. Call 966-2190. W ill get reward. 4/1 ONE NIGHT ONLY LOST: Gray and black tiger cat. Neutered male, in Sin City. Please call 966-6118 If you’ve seen him. 4/1 SUNDAY, APRIL 3 Courtesy of: ' 9 p.m.-1a.m. $1.00 Admission W ESTER N S A V IN G S MAYNARD’S PUB 138 West Camelback 266-0968 4/1 RESEARCH ASSISTANTS wanted. Need RA’s for 2-6 weeks to assist In psychology experiment. Must be available 11:15 a.m. 12:15 p.m. Monday thru Friday. Project involves use of modeling procedure with mentally retarded children. $2.00/session plus free lunch. Call Dr. Gory, 967-1451, ext. 248, or 964-6419 after 5 p.m. and on weekends. 4/1 SOMEONE TO share three bedroom house with me and my daughter. Tempe. 966-5787 (after5:30p.m.) 4/2 APPLICATIONS FOR M.U. Committee and Union Board Chairpersons are available at the M.U. Activities Center. Deadline is April 8. For information call 965-3406. 4/8 k For R en t/Leese C lassifieds R etd Esta te FHA-VA FROM $150 down. PITI $150/mo. and up. Single level. 1-2-3 bedroom units from $16,000. Salesman In office daily 11-6 p.m. 12 sold — 16 left. Brokers welcome. Dove Realty, 275-4015. Eves, 248-7896. 4/5 ir P e ts ST. BERNARD puppies. AKC, O.F.A. rating. Dewclaws removed. Have puppy shots. 946-4838. 4/5 WANTED PUPPY. Small breed, fluffy, friendly, hopefully paper trained and cheap. Has to be cute. Call Cindy after 6 p.m. 966-9562. 4/1 ★ Lost/Found LOST: Small black poodle, 10 years old in poor health, needs daily medication. Lost .vicinity McAllister and Hayden Plaza, h Reward. 946-5794. 4/1 ir T ra vel 834-4716 SMALL CAR COMPANY TYPING — IBM correcting selectrlc, in­ visible corrections. Experienced. Thesis, dissertations, etc. Reasonable. Darshan Kaur. 254-7554. 4/29 TERM PAPERS and thesis, IBM Selectric. Kaye, 945-7739. 4/1, TYPING MANUSCRIPTS, term papers, etc. Professional secretary. Accurate, edited, spelling corrected. Reasonable rates. 9499207. 4/29 NEAR ASU. Research papers, thsses, dissertations. English degree. Editing. Work guaranteed. 7 years experience. . 967-6155. 4/29 TYPING: IBM correcting Selectric II; also automatic typing. Dissertations, theses, term papers. Rosemary Vance. 967-9143 or 966-8368. 4/29 EXPERIENCED TECHNICAL and statistical thesis and dissertation typist. Call Toni, 263-5535.. 4/29 TYPING In my home. Fast accurate work with reasonable rates. N.W. Phoenix area. Nancy Bolding, 246-0467. 4/29 i r M o to rcycles 1974 YAMAHA 350 Rd. Good miles with fairing and chrome luggage rack. $500. Jim, 965-3553. 4/7 1974 KAWASAKI 500, runs and looks great. Must sell. Call Bill at 965-4716. 4/1 .1973 CB175 Honda. Looks and runs great, $350. 1975 CB500 Honda. Perfect, $950. 4/13 967-5932,839-6981. 4/1 NEED ROOMMATE to live In large 2 bedroom townhouse in North Scottsdale. Prefer female. $80 plus V4 utilities Cali John. 946-3962. 4/1 ®® CHRYSLER, excellent condition, loaded with extras, $895. 72 Toyota mechanic's special. Best offer. 966-4309. ‘ 4/5 TWO ROOMMATES for 3 bedroom, 2 bath house near ASU. $95/month plus utilities. Phone 966-4246 after6 p.m. „ 4/6 71 VOLKSWAGEN, sun-roof, good tires, Navajo upholstery, excellent condition. Call Sarah before 5: 965-5011. After 5: 965-5430. 4/1 '69 CUTLASS, excellent condition, AM/FM cassette deck, new paint, air shocks, asking $900.965-3353. 4/5 i M H I li I M aea 4/1 834-6391 73 Jensen Healey $4995 73 Vette T top loaded $5495 $5195 72 Vette convertible 71 Vette T top $4495 72 Datsun 240Z $3595 70 Datsun 2402 $2995 74 MGB GT $3295 72 MGB Roadster _ $1995 '59 MGA coupe $1895 71 Triumph'TR 6 $2895 71 Triumph Spitfire $1795 ’68 Triumph GT 6 + $1595 ’58 Austin Healey 100-6 $2295 73 Audi 100 LS $2295 ’65 Mercedes 190 sedan $2295 74 Mercedes 280 C $8495 ’69 Flat 124 Spider $1995 5201 E. Van Buren 4/1 We Pay Cash For Your Sport* Cars i r T ypH IQ ★ Room m ate W anted M COUNTRY CLUB MOTORS 241 North Country Club, BUDGET FLIGHTS to foreign countries. Departure from major U.S. cities. Europe from $299 (r.t. from Chicago) ($479 from Tuoaon). Asia $499. Africa - special rates. Eurail passes, train schedules, etc. Spe­ cialists in foreign travel. Multilingual and multinational: Call ITS toll free, 1-800-5252830. 4/19 _ «■ 1972 YAMAHA 650: Windjammer Fairing, ASU ROOMMATES: three to four bedroom ‘ crash bars, rack, alarm, Bell Starr helmet. unfurnished house, two baths, air condi­ 9600 miles, good condition. Must sell. tioned, dishwasher, $270. Double carport. $950. Steve, 966-8979. 4/5 Valley Homes. Small fee. 966-7781. 4/1 1976 SUZUKI TS400. Brand new condition. ALL UTILITIES paid, clean, two bedroom Brand new condition. Top of Suzuki line. home with carpets. $140. Patio, no lease. Lots ol power for street and trail. Has low Valley Homes. Small fee. 968-7781. 4/1 870 mileage. Beautiful buy for $775. 967-9383. 4/8 NEAR CAMPUS, $140. Utilities paid, two bedroom furnished home. Carpets, shaded patio, kids. Valley Homes. Small fee. k Autom obiles 968-7781. 4M 1970 VW Squareback. Dependable trans­ LIVING ALONE; air conditioned, one portation, good tires, $750.965-7105. 4/> bedroom, furnished home, carpets, fenced ALFA BERLINA 1973. Air, stereo, 25,000 yard, $150/bills paid. Valley Homes, small miles, new tires, outstanding condition. fee. 968-7781. 4/1 Must sell. 946-0443. 4/6 FOUR BEDROOM, two bath house, border­ QUICK SALE, 1972 Chevy wagon, six ing ASU campus. Students and pets welcome. Available May 15. $320 Call passenger, air, AM/FM, $1350. 965-3570 or 986-7140. 4/8 836-8987, John. 4/5 '75 MGB air conditioning, roll bar, no catalyst, low mileage, best offer. 934-9476. ROOMMATE FOR tall semester. Share three bedroom apartment. 967-9755. Ask forTedor John. 4/6 W E DEAL EASY Open Sundays EUROPE, ISRAEL, AFRICA. Student char­ ter flights year round. ISCA, 1609 Westwood Blvd. *103, L.A., Calif. 90024. (213) 826-5669,8264)955. 4/29 GRADUATE EXPERTISE — Guaranteed! Dissertations, theses, research papers. (Business, Humanities, Psychology, etc.) Nearby, Debby, 967-2305. 4/15 BARGAIN BUYS! 65 MUSTANG COUPE 289-V8, auto matic, p steering, air, radio, console, buckets, poppy red, very nice, $??? 67 FORD CUSTOM 500, 4 door, V8, automatic, p steering, air, $795. 68 FORD GALAXY 500 COUPE, V8, automatic, p steering, $795. 69 CHEV IMPALA, 4 door, V8, auto­ matic, air, p steering. 69 BUICK RIVIERA, needs a little work, $595. 69 TOTOYTA, 4 door, 4 speed, air, $995 70 PLYMOUTH, 4 door, automatic, air, $395. 70 VW BUS, 4 speed, windows all around, $1695. 70 FORD XL CONVERTIBLE, automa­ tic, air, p steering, new top, $1695. 71 TOYOTA CORONA MARK II COUPE, 4 speed, air, $1695. 72 PINTO COUPE, 4 speed, radio, $1495. i r Fo r Sale STEREO/TAPE DECK combination with amplifier and 4 speakers. C&H 839-6972' after 5:30 p.m. 4/1 BAUSCH LOMB binocular microscope for sale. Excellent condition. Best offer. 243-4065 or 965-2025. 4/7 ZE iV t h solid state 19” black and white T .vJl year old. $75. Call Louise at 965-7468 between 8-5. 4/1 JENSEN car speakers. Four inch coaxials, $15 for the pair. 5Vi 20 oz.” $14/pair. 949-1464. 4/5 . V4 OFF SALE — men, women's sandals and shoes. Backdoor Shop. 707 South Forest. 966-1772. 4/29 APACHE AUTO Wrecking has the lowest prices on guaranteed good used auto parts. 892-9494. 4/29 GOOD WORKING automatic washer. $65. 955-1434.. 4/8 DUNLOP TENNIS st ring‘d994-3587. racket, L-4 3/8, gut 4/5 PIONEfR£3&737 receiver, 35 ¡watts/side Hl-Lo fltrtrf~many inputs, $199. Marantz 7G walnut speakers, 3-way frequency. Controls ,26” ‘ tail, $199. Bob, 967-9755. Leave message. 4/5 MOBILE HOME, 1972 Savoy 12 x 56, near ASU, fenced yard, all major appliances. $6,000 firm. 966-3502 between 6 and 9 p.m. 4/5 FURNITURE-ANTIQUES BUY-SELL-TRADE 5 Year’s Service to ASU people. Pleasant and fair deals on Quality Goods BUtLER’S FURNITURE 317 South Hayden Road 968-6800 4/29 ★ H elp W anted TO BUY or sell, Sarah Coventry Jewelry. Call 268-5323. (Three job openings, hiring now.) 4/29 ADVERTISING fashion models; male or female. World Promotions. 252-3554. 4/29 ADVERTISING SALES opportunity for well dressed outgoing person to make excellent money in spare time. 966-4309. 4/5 NEEDED IMMEDIATELY: a tutor for ECE 312. Muat be available evenings and weekends. 964-5542. 4/7 .ATTENTION: People with suspected hear­ ing loss to serve In the Psychology Department at ASU. 6 hours a weak, $3/hour. Call Tuesday or Thursday, 9-5, for appointment. 965-7287. 4/26 ■ R ife « April 1,1977 State Depressed Page 23 Academ ic standards hern 'tnn ¡¡¡g fr NTER Pac-8 drops Devils, 'Cats Officials of th e Pacific-8 Athletic Conference have an­ nounced that ASU and UA will not be accepted into the West Coast league. V . A t a news conference held today in Los Angeles, Dr. I. M. Lame of UCLA read a formal statement which was signed by the athletic directors of the Pac8. “We feel that the academic standards the athletes of ASU and UA are required to meet are too stringent, and because of those athletes’ academic prowess they would have an unfair mental advantage over our more typical athletes. “The number of athletes at ASU and UA who maintain 4.0 grade averages is phenomenal. To earn such a high GPA the stu d e n t-a th le te m ust be studying. We feel the time spent studyiiig will eventually be harmful to the athletic per­ formance of ASU-UA athletes, as has been proven by recent research studies conducted by our own department. prim arily for their mental capacities. Physical attributes are purely secondary. We want scholars at ASU. I can’t describe my disappointment (at not being accepted into the PAC). If I were the ‘dumb jock’ type I would punch them out, but since I believe in ¡ntellqctualism I am going to go read a book,” Lush said. The spokesman for the Pac-8 said the decision was final and would not be reviewed until June 3, 2005, but official observers say by then California will have fallen into the ocean anyway and the Rose Bowl would have to be moved to Yuma. Mark Shovett, fullback on the Fun Devil football squad, said he felt the decision wasn’t fair. “We deserve to play the best. Just because we go to class and study is not a good enough reason to keep us out of the Pac-8. “Besides we want the chance to see the campuses in their ' conference and hopefully sit in on a couple of classes. All the PAC schools have fabulous libraries and research facilities. It could be enriching to discuss a rt and philosophy with students from such a mentally fertile at­ mosphere. * f£ “I can’t say much for the athletes there. All they think about is playing ball and being cool. They don’t spend any time studying. They really are missing a lot by not taking ad­ vantage of their scholarships. I’ll bet some of them have 0.0 GPAs,” he said. “Isn’t that just disgusting?” Dr. Ferd Mauler, athletic director at ASU, said he would not appeal to the PAC officials. “If they don’t want us, we will stay right here. We would rather continue with our standards of academic' excellence than lower our standards just to be accepted by the sophomoric persons who run the PAC,” he said. 2nd Spring Session April 11- May 28 >=< T W O CONTINUOUS COURSES Saturdays, 10 a.m. -11 a.m. Beg. Kundalini Yoga Mon. - Sat., 7 a.m. orfip.m . Kundalini Yoga H SPECIAL COURSE SERIES 0Ü IL O The Art and Joy of Relaxation Monday, 7:30 - 9:00 p.m., April 11 - May 23 Twelve Great Meditations Wed., 7:30 p.m. -9:00 p.m., April 13- May 25 Yoga for Women Friday, 7:30 - 9:00 p.m., April 15 - May 27 Saturday, 1:00 p.m. - 2:30 p.m., April 16 - May 28 We welcome you to stop by or phone 1039 East Lemon, Tempe 968-9618, 967-5297 *, “The power to outthink an opponent on the playing field can only be relied on for so long. Sooner or, later the Fun Devils and Wildcats will suffer from ‘paralysis by analysis’ and will not be competitive with our teams,” he said. The action came after, the Pac8 officials had inspected the academic records of some ASUUA athletes. Although inspecting academic records is an invasion of privacy under a provision known as the Chuckles Amendment which everyone knows about but no one has actually read, officials of ASU and UA agreed to the in­ spection because they felt “it would enhance ASU and UA’s chances .of being eligible for the Rose Bowl by 1979.” ASU Head Football Coach F rank L ush paid he was disappointed and angered by the Pac-8 decision. “We have worked for years to get our young men-to appreciate academe. It has been one of our goals to dispel the image of the ‘dumb football jock.’ “We re c ru it our players "Com pare and you'll bet your bottom d ollar on us. 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